/int/ – No shittings during wörktime
„There is no place like home“

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No. 44858 Systemkontra
384 kB, 1600 × 1067
Old one is on Systemkontra
No. 44860
I love how gloriously brutally cyberpunk Russia can be without even trying.

Well today I woke up feeling off and still feeling sluggish and shitty at work despite getting more rest than usual (probably a total of 6 hours maybe even more). I hate the way when I get home I want to do absolutely nothing at all though, to the extent that I don't even feel like games. It's a problem.

Meanwhile I can't do dick about my unemployment claim until Monday, which for us this is the last week of UI gibes. I've been working on trying to finally build a computer and at least get the parts sorted out although I'm nowhere near close to finished solely with the progress being deciding on a GPU and being very close to which CPU which will be either a Ryzen 3600, 3600Xt or whatever, or a more likely 3700X for some futureproofing because why not but due to the fact that something is still fucked with my UI claim and the subsequent discovery of us not even being guaranteed an extra 1200NEETbux which on top of that is going to take way longer to arrive than I thought...well you see where this is going.

It's now looking plausible I may actually have to indefinitely postpone that build because of all this which is partly because I absolutely do not want to have less than a one month rent buffer at this point. I know that one Brit called me retarded for it (or maybe it was Aussie under a brit IP idk) however each step of the way I become more steadfastly convinced that this was the right and smart decision because it means that I should never have to worry about being evicted or paying rent with less than a month lead time to straighten shit out. Like presently I'm paid off for August. I actually paid that rent back in mid July, and provided I got a huge chunk of cash all at once it's likely I'd actually try paying off not just two months of rent into the future but also trying to write checks for credit towards the next month's internet and utility bills. Well, maybe I shouldn't give a fuck about internet I'd probably be better off with my connection getting cut. My last bills I overpaid by a few cents just as a test to check if my coming bill is going to have that automatically subtracted, which if so would indicate I can just write them checks for double then pay off into the future.

The purpose for this is my own ease of mind and total future security which if you ever had to rough it you'd understand my mindset. If I could get all my UI benies like in total counting all missed weeks it could actually give me the leverage against the future deep into the winter. What that effectively means is if my cash and hours suddenly starts drying up I have a massive extension on planning and being able to react to such dire circumstances while also effectively freeing up the totality of my income stream towards whatever I want whether it's savings or discretionary spending or whatever. That means I don't have to spend my money on much of anything for that month and saving up for next month rent suddenly becomes optional. It tl;dr enables me to practically live a lifestyle and ease of mind like I'm living rent free even if I am not, and it should be noted

I've been trying to have little financial tricks too. Like one which I'd recommend is if any of you spend money on stupid shit, tax yourself for it. Can't remember mentioning this but I'll tax myself anywhere from 10-50% or 100% on stupid shit like the lotto and not have access to it til the end of the month. You can adjust your own cash in frequency to 1 week, 1 year whatever but this effectively cuts down on my spending for things like video games because suddenly that $40 purchase is $50, and if you smoke like I do or you drink or do other drugs or any kind of pointless spending (idk 40K or anime figurines, sweets, whatever you decide to tax yourself on) your actual cost goes up which forces you to spend less and think you have less money on hand thus being forced to budget more. I then cash this in at the end of the month after deducting those sintax lines and add it back in as one large + budget line each month which basically insulates me from as severe cash fluctuations and cushions that blow of bills and rent etc. If you tax eating out, going to bars whatever you'll get amazed how much it adds up.

Clearly I am still not feeling financially secure though and this is the last week of UI gibes for us. My regular state UI which is practically nothing coupled with massively reduced hours is barely making parity for rent alone. So it's making me nervous. I still have a massive amount of back claims I've spent literally months trying to get processed and iirc two weeks are missing although the money is not in my bank account so regardless of it being confirmed or not I ain't counting that money until it's in my hands. Due to the fact it's the last weekend most of us can get that extra $500+ it's actually closer to that. Yes we actually get income taxed on our unemployment gibes. Between state and federal income taxes on UI my take home is substantially lower than $600 which you absolutely want to have taken out so you don't get hit with a massive tax bill for paying fed/state income taxes by April I'm increasingly nervous about getting it and not getting too greedy and trying to get it fixed for the extra week or two I'm missing, only to have my claim not get paid out until August at which point I'd be getting fucking nothing in pursuit of that extra thousand dollars.

I'm not even sure what to do but clearly stewing about it because again it's the weekend and there's nothing I can do until Monday. If I can somehow manage to get it pushed through and then try and get it fixed including a few details they somehow got wrong then I've only got the next several business days to get that fixed and paid out before all pandemicbux payments stop July 31st.
I'm not bitching mind you just increasingly nervous and frantic feeling about the national and my future situation and I guess just textwalling so I can carefully think through and plan out each sequence of next steps to take within a very short time frame while dealing with an overworked and underfunded and understaffed bureaucracy working on obsolete systemsfuck it feels Imperium of Man here sometimes
No. 44861 Kontra
Sorry tl;dr I'm not sleeping well and spent my entire time after work looking at why I should get which parts and which Ryzen CPU or which mobo etc. while fretting about the economic situation personally and for the country and while trying to figure out how and hoping I can push paying rent off until deep into the winter and not even having to think about paying again until at least October
No. 44862
42 kB, 645 × 436
Have a shot at a job. It's just being a cafe cook, and the hours aren't huge but it's money in my pocket. I have my doubts that it'll work out because my email put it in my junk folder, so it took 2 days to notice, but stranger things have happened, and it's the closest I've had to a break this whole damn year. Also applied for a big apprentice intake at a plant manufacturer next year, and also got one in for linesman training at a power company in the same ballpark timeframe. It'd be pretty great to land one of those but I don't have high hopes.

Weren't me.
No. 44863 Kontra
33 kB, 360 × 540
Ayy, we back.
No. 44867
I wish you luck with the linesman job.

Meanwhile, I'm in that strange phase that you have for a few days after an exhausting exam. I'm still in a mode where I am used to learning for 10 hours a day but I don't have a clear goal to learn for. This is the time where I start new projects and get very far very quickly before eventually trailing off and adding yet another "discontinued" thing to my list.
No. 44868
>This is the time where I start new projects and get very far very quickly before eventually trailing off and adding yet another "discontinued" thing to my list.
Hits close to home tbh. Also, the talk of lingering exam stuff reminds me of how I occasionally still wake up in sweats from a nightmare of exams and assignments. Haven't done them for years but it's like some PTSD-type shit mang.
No. 44873
Yesterday I had a little nostalgia-trip as I remembered owning a few volumes of Pocket-Garfield.
Unlike in "normal" countries, here Garfield is published in a monthly magazine format dedicated solely to Garfield and in a bi-monthly booklet form. The former is called the Garfield Magazine, the latter Pocket Garfield.
Judging by the publication date, the earliest volume I own was from 2005.
Didn't knew Davis sold the copyright to Viacom.

I'm feeling very tired, and that's despite drinking a litre of tea. Got a bigger teapot. The old one was very bothersome to clean, because my hand was too big to properly scrub it on the inside.

I've wrote some diary entries and also finally developed that flash-fiction concept I had in my mind for a while.
I still can't write lengthy stories, and all my short stories keep turning into weird free-verse prose-poems. I guess I'm okay with it now.

Then I opened up my copy of the Argonautica to read it. Then I closed it on page two, because right after the invocation comes the Catalogue of Heroes.
Catalogues are arguably the most boring parts of old epic poems. The Nibelungenlied has them too, but at least there it's short, and the introduced characters actually play a role in the story.
In the Iliad it just goes on and on and it's so boring I skipped it last year when I tried reading the Iliad. The Odyssey thankfully has no such part, and it's all the better for it.

The printer is out of ink, so I can't make photocopies of the necessary documents. Though it's not like I have them all. Some will only become accessible once the university sends me my registration code to their digital administration system.
Not like I'm in a hurry. Matriculation will take place in late August.

I managed to write all the letters I wanted, made all the necessary calls and so on to tell people the good news. Most of them were to old teachers or internet-friends.
Didn't really bother with my relatives. The only ones I told directly were my godparents.
The rest of the family I let my mother tell, because I don't care much for the rest of the family.
No. 44874
So I checked out a room today. I wasn't aware of it but apparently the part of the city it was in is a miniature Neukölln. Only one of the roommates was there and showed me around, it was quite dirty, but what absolutely killed me was that the bathroom sink was basically in the kitchen, the shower was in some sort of nook next to the sink, not even separated by a door(?) from the kitchen, reminiscent of a castle latrine or sth, and then the toilet was tiny and dark and separated by a plywood wall(?) from the shower. Really weird stuff, well at least the room itself was quite large and very bright with a decent view. Still a mystery to me who in their right mind would pay 300€ for it...
I was about to write more applications, but it turns out a friend's roommate is moving out in September, so if everything works out I'll just pay Mother her rent for August and go with that.

I was just joking about "squatting" at home by not paying Mother the rent money, but good to know if my circumstances become more dire :D

Belated congrats dude!
No. 44875
Yeah I think I'm going to go with the 3700x. I don't give a shit about the free games bundled on newegg because all of them are shid so that isn't a factor but considering the fact that I deliberately gimped my new GPU because I see it as the easiest upgrade part in the future I wanted to put that extra money saved into the CPU which I know is ass backwardness for building a gaming rig but I wanted to future proof it that way and getting the extra 2 cores does seem like a really good idea for a 5 year plan of not having to even think about my CPU but plausibly upgrading GPU in that time frame. It's all the more tempting because literally the money I saved going AMD is going towards a way better CPU than old PoS obsolete Intel and moreover it does seem like getting that extra 2 cores goes a long way towards futureproof against new games in 5 years that utilize more cores while also managing to have a much better setup in case I ever want to do hard video editing and streaming by the end of that 5 year plan which is exceedingly likely. All in all I am more satisfied with my mental decision making in this regard and can probably begin moving onto the case and motherboard. So that is my plan for the day.

In other news I am still exhausted and weird feeling. I don't know why. I woke up at 3am after falling asleep way earlier than normal at midnight and ended up using a few chems including my old hydroxyzine prescription which I barely ever use. Each time this happens I can see why I drank so much back in the day. I had this weird restlessness and extreme muscle tightness in my shoulders last night tossing and turning that began to remind me of why I tried tianeptine for anxiety ages ago and found out it was highly addictive and stopped that. I hadn't thought about it in years but it felt similar and I found no relief until I took that shitty Rx antihistamine and finally fell back asleep only to sleep in exceedingly late. Whatever. I have the day off so I got in as much big beautiful sleep as I possibly could because I don't have to go to work tomorrow either knock on wood which gives me a solid amount of time to refresh myself.

Really idk why I'm having worse and worse sleeping troubles but last night was bizarre. I woke up feeling low key awful and couldn't sleep. It felt like a back massage was needed most. Every muscle tense. Maybe it's just an underriding anxiety and paranoia about other things manifesting as psychosomatic. Idk. But my shoulders still feel tense.

I think I'll just try and take care of a couple chores today and see if I can get a few more parts decided on by tonight. I have no clue about choosing motherboards. I have some very specific things I want about the case which I'm having trouble finding like a microSD card reader for front bus of the case while still having at minimum one other bay for optical drive, preferably two, much like Old Faithful my Dell XPS 8500. I've loved that machine. I also want to not have any weird top mesh which is infuriating me on cases because I use that as a shelf and I don't want dust and weird shit falling in internals and I'm not in the mood to build a shelf to perch over what I regard as a defect in the case but most cases I see have that stupid mesh on top, and very few have tempered glass that opens as a door. I'm not going to have the stupid thing sideways idc about seeing some distracting spinny shit while I game I just want a side opening door that makes it easy for me to dick around inside it without pulling the whole setup out. I think if I can get the case and mobo figured out mostly by tomorrow I can start finishing plans and put it all together.

I'm still not sure why I feel so tense. It's like my subconscious knows something awful is about to happen that my conscious mind is not yet ready to perceive. It almost feels like my worries about UI and money is just a distraction, a more tangible and easier object to put my worry into than some existential dread. Like I secretly know something bad is happening but am not allowed to know it if that makes any sense.

So anyway I'm hoping to hop on newegg and grab that part today which is spending money that I technically don't actually have because I havent paid my September rent yet and I'm drawing on it under the expectation that I can at least get my last $550 weekly UI gibes filed today and cashed out tomorrow, which would just be enough to cover these two purchases. Something feels vaguely wrong.
No. 44876
Is it a very big town? But even then I guess you can find better flats/rooms for that price regardless of the city.

I will have to move to a different city the first time in my life and I actually have an online appointment for seeing potential future flatmates (three female, one male, not sure if this is good, but I don't want to live with penis owners only, don't ask me why). Kill me, I think this shit is akward as hell but these people seemed easy going in comparison to pale personalities placing ads or eco freaks that play boardgames every sunday as a kind of wg institution / bonding function. I hit the return button flat out.
No. 44877 Kontra
forgot to say: it is online ofc.
No. 44878
Tanking 50mg of seroquel and 3 cans of beer. This is ridiculous.
I just want to sleep. 50mg used to knock me the fuck out. What happened?
No. 44879
Tolerance happened. I used to be like you. You have to stop taking it for awhile because it's also subtly killing your personality and making you fat. It took me ages to realize this. I think at my worst I got up to maybe 200, 300mg for sleep. Mixing with alcohol is a super bad idea btw. I've heard horror stories about neurological damage from that. You have to find something else to switch to or only use one at s time. The best part is if you're unemployed it really does give you the opportunity to only try and sleep normally and spend a couple months trying to let everything reset on its own. Just be patient because it kinda takes awhile and you're going to be exhausted for a couple weeks as you keep not being able to sleep but if you dont have a job and haven't got any pressing appointments you can just stay up until like 7:00am and sleep til 4:00pm and let your own body and brain begin to adjust.

Minus this latest oddly severe bout of seasonal insomnia I've actually generally managed to fall asleep without chemical aid and get up around 7:30am if not earlier and go to bed or fall asleep no later than 2:00am, and usually earlier. While I've lost that now it was fucking glorious that extended period of time I could get up and sleep like a normal human bean. You just have to be patient as your body rhythm adjusts to not getting bombarded by super potent chemicals. I'd also strongly suggest that you in particular don't drink.
No. 44880
That's the thing, I only started taking it again two days ago with the explicit goal of fixing my sleep pattern so I can go job hunting.
And in the long term, avoid situations where I show up to work as a barely functional zombie because I couldn't sleep all night.

I'll do it the old fashioned way then. Pull an all nighter and go to bed the next evening.
No. 44881
>I'll do it the old fashioned way then. Pull an all nighter and go to bed the next evening.

I had to laught reading it, the old fashioned way indeed.
Also makes me think of the point were one becomes wake again and then stays up until late in the night again :DDD
No. 44888
>There's no way of fixing this is there

Well, you could get a similar monitor that's broken for another reason and switch the panel, but i guess with monitor prices these days buying a new one would be the way to go.
No. 44891
I don't suppose it's still under warranty?
No. 44892
Mild success.
Got up at 9:30 this time. Two hours earlier than yesterday.

Still a few hours away from my goal of 7:00. 100mg seems to do the job. Which is a shame because shit's expensive and I was hoping to get by on quarter pills. Oh well.
No. 44897
My whole body is screaming at me that I should be asleep right now. Fixing my biorhythm's gonna be a bitch. It's a struggle to stay awake even if I slept for 9 hours.

Shit man, sorry this happened to you.
I know this feel, too. At the end of the first year of art school, I was gifted some money to buy a box easel, since this whole time I couldn't afford it and used a janky tripod setup to paint. Well, on my way to the art supply store, the money was pickpocketed. I only noticed at the checkout, holding my shiny new easel, a dark stained wood finish, real classy. I had to put it back when I realized I have no money.
Went home empty handed, laid down on the bed, and stared at the ceiling for a few hours. Didn't even feel upset, just accepted the fact that reality took a big fat shit on my head.
No. 44899
155 kB, 1920 × 1080
Got my registration code for the university's digital administration system.
There's something really heartwarming about how the e-mail starts with "Congratulations to your acceptance and welcome to ELTE".
In a sense, I studies 3 years just for this very line. It makes me feel giddy and puts a grin on my face, exactly like when I imagined it sometimes before drifting off to sleep.

Yesterday night I did some archival work and edited another old today thread down to a text file. Not every post, just my posts and the replies.
My journals have holes in them my posts fill. I still have like 15 other to go through, but I just keep wondering how long will it be once I'm done with the process. Currently every thread is like 20-30 pages of text.
I plan on printing them out and binding them together.

The sky is beautiful ocean blue today. I've been wishing for a sky like this for a while now.
The walnut trees gently swinging in the wind as cars pass by just enhances the experience. It's summer.
No. 44902
Going to Budapest for a week. Don’t have a clue of what to do other than going to see some sights and museums but maybe that’s enough. Probably should’ve booked a shorter stay. Visiting Hungary for the first time is nice though.
No. 44904
2,0 MB, 4032 × 3024
Most of the cool stuff is in the city-centre.

Heroes' Square (Hősök Tere) is a must. It's a large square with a huge collection of statues called the Millennium Memorial. On the side you have two beautiful neoclassicist museum buildings. One is the Museum of Fine Arts (Szépművészeti Múzeum) and the other is the Kunsthalle/Art Hall (Műcsarnok).
The National Museum is also a good place. I think entry is free during the weekends, but don't quote me on that. It has a pretty park around it with some statues.

Then you have the Buda Castle, which by itself is already very pretty, but it also houses the National Gallery and the National Széchényi Library.
The building itself is worth a visit in my opinion.

Almost right across the Danube you have the Parliament building. Build in a neo-Gothic style, it's often called the prettiest in Europe.
Now, I have no idea how to get inside, I think you have to book a ticket in advance or not.
I think you have to. But it's worth it. The inside is also very pretty and richly decorated.
You also get to see the Holy Crown of Saint Stephen I., which is considered one of the most important items in Hungarian history.

There's also stuff like the Fisherman's Bastion (Halászbástya) and the Matthias Church (Mátyástemplom).

Don't know what else could you really visit here. Maybe the Museum of Military History.
No idea if the Széchenyi-bath is open for example. Or any of the bathhouses.

If you want to buy "I <3 Hungary" tourist trinkets for 2000 euros, then Váci Street is the place to be.

Be sure to bring a mask, because it's mandatory to wear on public transport. You can get to pretty much any of the famous places with transport relative ease. (The Airport is linked to the city centre via a shuttle-bus service of the local transport company, so you don't have to pay 5000 euros for a taxi.)
No. 44906
I've been watching this channel https://www.youtube.com/c/VideoLeakPolice/videos since yesterday evening, at least 10-15 videos.

It is somehow interesting, also a bleak chapter of US society tbh. I can only sense now why GTA series is so well suited to be placed in the US.
The roads they often chase along, the suburbs and bigger streets with one story commercial and service buildings on both sides of the road, the cop cars and all the guns. So many pulled guns infront of cops, what drives people to this? A hispanic male sitting in the car and the comments are right I think, the large sip from the getorade, reminds me of myself being nervous af and taking a sip. The family in the car and he knows he will get arrested already, why still pull a gun? Surely rationality did not win, but it's so sad to see all the violence and murder by stupidity enabled together with gun politics.
Or the suicide by cop thing, I guess US cops are not shallow to pull the trigger. Have seen a video where the officer tasers but gets beaten still, and I wonder, what will you do when somebody pulls a gun. Somehow I'm not so surprised anymore about the fatalities, guns are not unusual with suspects and I guess police gets trained on that basis. I don't want to see this directly connected with incidents like Floyd, which seems to be another issue that nonetheless plays into the climate of US society.
No. 44907
Thank you for the ideas and information! Due to the current situation I think some of the baths, smaller museums and even the airport shuttle bus are not available but that’s ok. I think for most cases I can check online if the place is open or not. And of course you can always appreciate the beautiful architecture from the outside anyways.

One thing I have to ask if you know where I should go for ebin Hungarian cuisine? That is if you’ve heard of a good place or even have eaten good food in Budapest yourself. Doesn’t have to be fancy. No worries if you don’t know. I think I’ll be happy with just trying out some random places and of course getting stuff from the store. I’m just a simple man.
No. 44908 Kontra
I mean I'm just not quite as upset right now because bizarrely for me I both have the extra money that I can afford it on top of having a couple shitty backup monitors (900p and 766p) but it's still a $160+ hit that I absolutely did not need to take right now and on top of that idk even if the one I ordered through some weird microsoft site is getting shipped and not going to piss me off by being bright white instead of black or something. I will tell you that what it did do is convince me I have to have some kind of a system for having lead weights or something strapped onto the bottom of it and make absolutely sure that next time it is fully shielded from any tipping accidents. I was surprised how little force it took to absolutely destroy the monitor I'd been so proudly talking about. You know what kontra I might have to delete this post too.

Oh ho ho of course fucking not I just got the thing and never paid extra which even the extended warranty coverage I'm not sure "moving my mattress and having it fall over flat on its face on my keyboard" is going to be covered under much of any warranty. You know what I'm just going to stop talking about that now. I feel like I'm jinxing myself every time I open up my stupid mouth about money related things. I should just shut the fuck up and be grateful and manage better.
No. 44909
I think the shuttle-bus is actually in service just like every other bus in the city. I remember seeing it coming home from Greece.
Also be sure to check if you're even able to come in without much hassle. Though checking it, entry from Finland is hassle-free, you don't have to go into quarantine or provide a negative PCR test.

>Good food
No idea. I don't go to restaurants. But in the inner city you'll find tons of restaurants that serve Hungarian cuisine. Just remember: Goulash is a soup, not a stew. If it's a stew, you're eating pörökölt töpörödött törpördögök :-D.
No. 44914
Success. Woke up at 6 AM, went to bed at about 21:30.
Now I need to keep it up for long enogh to reset my internal clock.
No. 44915
Noice. I haven't had to be up that early for a long while. My last job opened doors at 11AM so I could sleep in until 9 or so comfortably. Worst I ever had was when I was an afternoon kitchen hand and morning housekeeper at a hotel around the corner from the kitchen. On Fridays my rostering wouldn't clash but would make for a bad time. I'd be up at 6AM, start at 8AM and then work until 12:30, run to the kitchen to be on time (started at 12:30, but had permission for 15 minutes transit time) and then work until a bit after midnight. Then I'd be home by 1:30 and sleep for the next 4.5 hours because of body clock issues :-DDD

Moral of the story, working multiple jobs is not great. It'll keep you off the street but if you can land a worse paying job that's at least just a single fucken job, then it's the superior option.
No. 44916
Yeah, I probably don't necessarily have to wake up that early for most potential jobs, as a lot of them start at 9:00, but I have a plan to maximize my lucid brain time.
Usually a few hours after waking up I'm still groggy and slow, so it's better to use that time on low cognitive effort stuff like exercise, hygiene, maybe some housekeeping, etc., and then be completely lucid for the stuff I need to be productive at. That's the plan, anyway.
Evening, same deal. Since my pills kick in after about 1.5 hours, I'll take them a few hours before bedtime, and do something menial while they kick in.
Hopefully, it'll work out.

Regarding jobs, this time I'm definitely looking for somewhere with a short commute and passing on everything else. Last time I had a 1.5 hour to 2 hour (if unlucky) commute through the busiest streets in the city and it was a pain in the ass. Also, the boss made us stay late with no overtime pay, which sucked. I ended up getting kicked out and only given half my pay (which barely covered the travel/food expenses) after I fucked up a client's order due to not being informed by anyone that we couldn't actually fulfill it, despite asking. But I think I told that story already.

But it was a good learning experience. The lesson I learned was that I should do the absolute bare minimum and not stick my head out. I'm a type of person who learns by taking on a task that's way over my head, failing miserably, and reaping the experiences, but I guess that shit doesn't fly when you're doing it on someone else's dime lol.
No. 44918
And so begins the humiliating process of applying for jobs as a mid 20s uni dropout with no experience :-DDDD.
My resume is 50% fiction. Wish they'd just ask me to come over for an interview.

I had one shot at a good job back when I was an unstable schizo retard, and I fucked it up. I could've been a boss by now.
No. 44921
52 kB, 475 × 356
To whom it may concern,

[INSERT NAME HERE] Is a fully sick cunt, and I highly recommend them as an employee.

t. le prestigious first world employerman

Call me an employer to my face and I'll punch you.
No. 44923
Actually that reminds me of an idea I had.
With how nepotistic and connection based employment here is, and with my tendency to make more international / english speaking friends than local friends, I could start hanging out on various KZ expat communities / forums, become a regular, and then subtly probe them for possible jobs the companies they work for could offer me. With a hearty recommendation from the expat in question :-DDDD.

During my drunken strolls through the city last year, I used to approach foreign looking people in the park and start chatting with them. They'd compliment me on how tolerable my accent is, and seemed to be glad to be talking to someone who knows their native tongue. Overall pleasant fellows. They should stop stealing our jerbs and get out, though :-DDD
No. 44925
>Is it a very big town?
One of the largest in the Rhein-Main-Gebiet, but not really that big tbh

How'd that online appointment go? I feel like there's a lot of stuff you can't see through the camera.
No. 44926
If it is not Frankfurt it is about the size of the city I live in now I guess. Anyway for that money you can get a better room then.

The appointment will be soon. I'm a bit nervous, it's kinda weird to do such things.
No. 44927
First thing I read on the internet today is best post

I am so loathe to even mention it anymore after the destruction of a rather nice monitor or jinxing myself but afaik things are mostly fixed so I'm trying to figure out a case and narrowed down to two mobos
No. 44928
Ernst, you are probably a haver of ailments, so riddle me what could be wrong with me:

>Can drink liters of milk, no issue
>Can eat kilos of cheese, no issue
>Can eat pizza, no issue
>Can eat salami, no issue
Which means I am neither lactose intolerant nor histamin intolerant. BUT

>Eat selfmade pizza, butt explodes
>Eat anything with molten cheese, butt explodes
>It's not even always the same cheese

I mean, I can definitely say the issue arises in connection with cheese that is at least warm. As mentioned above, cold cheese is no problem and browned/baked cheese is also no problem, but something must be in molten cheese that really turns my guts and I have no idea why. I assume it's due to some product formed during heat breakdown of cheese that get inactivated/broken down further above a certain temperature or after a certain time, but I wasn't able to find anything on it. I thought I might have some kind of galactose intolerance, but everything I found is congenital that should have had severe effects much earlier in life.
No. 44929
56 kB, 900 × 900
>"Son, I need your help tomorrow down in the workshop, be up by 8."
>Wake up
>"Your father said he'll call you after lunch"
>Go to bed and sleep until lunch
>Don't start anything because he might call me any moment
>Call never happens
>Entire day wasted
No. 44930
>next day
>get call
>where were you son I needed you at 11am
It's gonna happen
No. 44931
31 kB, 880 × 480
Nah. We'll just do it tomorrow.
In essence, he wasted two of my days instead of just one.
No. 44932
69 kB, 602 × 406
Long time no post Ernsts. So much has happened I haven't had the time nor energy to post on ibs. Can't say my life improved much but here I am back again on Ernst.

In 3 weeks I will be moving back to the big city for my unfinished degree, and in a way one life chapter with part-time jobs and taking care of parents closes. I need to properly reflect on these 2 years, but it will be in my private journal not on EC. With living back at home and not having to pay for rent, I could save most of my paycheck coming in. But in the end I used my hoard to bail out my parents from a shitty living situation and consumer debt, though seeing my parents safe and debt-free is priceless. They are now ready to enjoy the retirement they deserve. I will still visit them every weekend until there is a corona vaccine and they can go get the groceries themselves.
No. 44933
Trying to build PCs sure is making me feel clueless and incompetent. I have never done this before and don't know what I'm doing while being well aware of the fact that all major manufacturers directly prey on exactly that to sell you either cheap hot garbage or far more than you could ever possibly need, use, or want at still remarkably inflated prices. It is an odd feeling being knowingly a Mark for a grifters and feeling like you're incapable of doing anything about that.

At least I've narrowed it down to one of two mobos either the x570 Tuf or the x570 Tiachi by Asus and ASRock. Which on the one hand there's plausibly a couple of other design features on the Taichi but not by much and quite probably not enough to justify that additional $110 price tag a good deal of which is seemingly aesthetics alone (either is pretty aesthetic in my book though the more expensive with its gimmicky gear appeals visually) but I guess what I'm ultimately stuck on is my native fresh-from-the-shtetl cheapness meeting my laziness and incompetence head on with the acknowledgment that, yes, yes I would much rather pay the extra $110 for a couple stupid buttons like clear CMOS and BIOS flashback and a digital error code readout display on the mainboard, which I do likewise acknowledge could plausibly end up saving me something like $60+ for some kind of excruciating hassle and headaches on some later day for issues I could never have conceived of like repairs, shipping fees, new adapter or replacement God knows what. And I mean, do I really gibe a shit that the Tiachi has C USB front bus and the other does not? Do I really give any shits that one could have better liquid cooling options in the future, as if suddenly I'm going to overcome both incompetence and laziness to have some Abibas stickered vodka fueled cooling rig? Will I ever run a 3 card multi GPU setup on PCIe 4?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IYTJfLyo_vE not terribly likely.

But all that being stated I am still kind of torn for some reason about whether to just go for it and get the shiniest motherboard I can possibly find and still afford I've got no damn idea why anyone could possibly spend $1,400 on a mobo which yes I've actually seen, or even why you would consider spending $600, $700, $850 like the true higher end ones

So that is what I spent my whole day today and yesterday doing just about. I did not ever anticipate spending this extraordinarily much time on just trying to figure out components to get which I guess makes sense for a buying a new car tier purchase for me but still. I just had to learn so much shit over the past several days it's incredible to me and I mean, the only real reason why I am even doing it is simply because I don't actually anticipate ever being in a capacity to build a computer again until the late 2020s which means I'm basically buying against the future right now to be in a capacity to just slot new things in as I need and can afford them, if at all. So if prices do drop and I can buy old used shit on craigslist in 5 years like maybe running a dual card rig or replacing something else I can actually do it hence the same reason I am trying to figure out what the hell kind of PSU to get which st this point I just want to be preferably 8 SATA connectors gold rated that won't ever fail and with a high enough wattage that I can run some fancy bullshit in the future without having to replace that. Again, I am actively spending against my own future here to where I am basically considering a wildly overpowered 850w PSU that frankly I should stick to 750w because even that will likely be way too much for years.

But of course my monitor's destruction yesterday or whenever has cemented that added value concept of "but do I really need to drop all my meager wealth into a single asset that can be lost in a house fire or electrical surge."

I've also been confused why newegg even lists some hot garbage coming in from China that's got I kid you not $165 shipping and handling fees on a $150 PSU that's still going to take two to three weeks to get there. Like what the absolute fuck? Who, why. Why are they even charging this? I won't buy cheap Chinese garbage and certainly not something I positively need to be built not to fail like a PSU so why in God's holy name are these people trying to charge more than the entire cost the item itself on S&H fees. Maybe it is some kind of a scam. Has to be. Is this some kind of weird money laundering scheme? I cannot think of any other sensible reason for it but then again there's a hell of a lot of things I've seen people in many countries doing these last few weeks and months that's never made any sense to me at all.

Anyway I'm hoping to at least get my power supply and motherboard figured out today but I'm in no rush because neither mobo is on sale and my GPU hasn't even shipped yet so I'm curious about that. That basically just leaves me with getting the case after I figure out PSU today which so far as I can tell getting a beastly overpowered one is itself a bad thing rather than PSU rated closer to the load I'd be having now.
No. 44939
seen a cockroach
No. 44940
Well way I see it you have two options you can leave out some tea and sweets to placate it or you can make frightening autistic French noises at it
No. 44941
I've only ever seen them on american TV shows.
No. 44942
487 kB, 1200 × 1534
Weird hiccup. Woke up 1 hour earlier than I was supposed to. Strange thing is, I slept precisely 7 hours to the minute. I'm used to sleeping for 12 hours at a time, and just naturally waking up (and feeling rested) only after 7 just seems weird to me.

Here, there no longer exist classical brown, big cockroaches.
They evolved somehow into smaller, but completely black ones. And they're much less numerous.

Our cat likes to hunt and eat them. It's pretty disgusting to hear it crunching on a cockroach in the middle of the night tbh.
No. 44943
I hadn't seen a cockroach since mid-90s when my parents finally got rid of them after a year or two of attempts, but then the pests somehow returned a couple of years back as small black ones. I had to call the exterminators twice and close off the ventilation hole before they stopped coming, because apparently my neighbours are disgusting. Thankfully the cockroaches have been gone since then.
No. 44944
You know, if I was smart
oh fuck. I was going to say, if I was smart I'd actually not be spending any of my money at all and instead trying to get a passport and visa to some other country but I just realized just about no other country is even going to allow me port of entry right now. I have an ongoing bad feeling about this coming winter and being stupid enough to try and survive through it here.
No. 44945
Ours seem to be coming from the vents, too. They mostly appear in toilet and kitchen, where the vents are.

But I haven't seen one in a while, so our cat must be doing a good job.
No. 44946
264 kB, 920 × 2318
I know I'm being paranoid since there are no other signs, and I've been known to have benders of going into paranoid mania, but I have the suspicion that I'm having my identity stolen. More likely is that I got skimmed at the shops by some insect who isn't man enough to take your money with a knife, but both of my bank cards have been set off this week.

On the plus side, I did land a spot at a factory orientation on Monday morning. Feels good to be back in the saddle man.
No. 44947
25 kB, 656 × 375
111 kB, 703 × 492
Good news. The bank situation was just them being cautious after I reset information on an account I'd forgotten the login details for. Downside, no job on Monday because they found out I have a degree, and thus can't get government kickbacks.

Not even mad tbh. I blame the system that requires the amount of qualification that Australia does to work on a fucking assembly line. Rest of the world: never go full outsourcing like we did. You'll thank me later :-DDD
No. 44948
Nothing on my end either :-DD.
Gotta keep looking.

Also, if fixing my schedule really does fix my ADHD retard brain to the point where I can sit down and focus, I think I'm going to go through one of those online certification courses, or just build a portfolio of some kind. Having a paper is really important here for some reason, any kind of paper is better than no paper.
No. 44949
20 kB, 500 × 298
No. 44950
584 kB, 1440 × 2205
>7th in manufacturing self sufficiency
No. 44951
319 kB, 750 × 500
Today after getting out of bed i went to the toilet where my socks got all wet.
There was a huge puddle on the floor and water dripping down from the valve next to the to the cistern.
I turned off the water, layed towels all over the floor and put a ventilator in the toilet because even the walls got wet.

I turned the water on again and tried to fix the lose valve with a wrench but somehow fucked the whole pipe and water squirtet in all directions.

Now i had to call the landlort. I hate the guy and i had to explain to him what happened and how i fucked it up even more. He automatically asumed that all was fine until i made a hole in the pipe for no reason.
Now i have to wait an hour for him to return with a new pipe.

I hate this day.
No. 44952 Kontra
Germany here btw.
Forgot i have a VPN on .
No. 44953
181 kB, 640 × 480
Does that imply you wear socks to bed? Really mate?
No. 44954
No, but i put them on when i get out of bed together with pants and a shirt.
I sleep completely naked.
No. 44955
Fair enough. I mean, my sleeping habits are hardly leaving me in a position to judge.
t. doesn't have sheets
t. absolute barbarian
No. 44957
332 kB, 600 × 832
Woke up feeling lousy, then went for a run listening to cringy music. Felt better. Got home and shaved for the first time in months. My jawline is not as strong as I remember it. My baseline anxiety level had been running higher than usual for a couple of weeks, but peaked yesterday. At this moment it seems back to normal, in fact I don't feel on edge at all. That's strange, but also kinda nice.

Good luck in university. I'm happy to see your hoard went to a good cause.

Where I lived growing up, if one apartment had cockroaches, everybody had them. So you just learn to live in peace. Well, not total peace. If their numbers began to swell we would set off bug bombs-the kind that fill the room with poison fog. Those were only for population control through, and never led to a full extermination. It would have been more effective if we had coordinated with the neighbors and all set of bombs at the same time, but we never did.
No. 44958 Kontra
164 kB, 1280 × 819
I dreamt I was dating a German med student who was insisting we move to Berlin once she finished her degree. Usually such romantic dreams crush me, but in this case the girl was middling attractive and rude towards me which made being dragged back into a life of solitude not be a harsh experience. Luckily for myselt, even my dreams are mediocre fantasies.
No. 44959
I'm very tired. I spent the entire day painting planks for my father.
My right palm hurts.
Tomorrow I'll do the same.
I can't imagine Sisyphus happy.

I have all the papers necessary to enrol, finally. Though I'm incredibly anxious about actually going there in case I screwed up something. We're on the verge of greatness here.

Yesterday night I read 20 pages from Diary of a Country Priest. It's a very heavy book. Not hard, just "heavy". Mainly the topics it deals with.
It's like reading theology. Don't know what I expected, honestly.
There's some nice foreshadowing in the first few chapters. It's a well written book, it's just that I don't think reading about a depressed rural priest with cancer is what I need right now.

So I rummaged around a bit and settled on reading Oblomov. There's something magical about Russian books, especially ones from the 1800s. It's like I can smell the setting. Those rooms, those carpets, the trinkets on the shelves and those paintings on the wall.
Soviet literature is different. My connection with Soviet stuff is a lot more "material".

My sister is visiting friends, and mum and dad went to a party, so I'll be alone tonight.
My plan is to open that 2dl bottle of Szekler blueberry-liquor I have.

Caught the news on telly and they were talking about the pandemic, and that's not unusual, but they talked about Belarus.
What brought a smile to my face was a quote from Lukashenko about how he survived covid on foot.
It's thick-headed macho bullshit, but it made me feel better for some reason.
No. 44962
42 kB, 400 × 300
Got to stage 2 of an apprentice intake for a big plant manufacturer. Got to do a video interview. I don't have high hopes but it's a good feeling.
No. 44964
182 kB, 1280 × 720
While I continue my process of trying to figure out how to lash this all together eventually into something stable--which btw has gotten to the point where I am seriously considering just building my own damn PC case out of wood and a tasteful stain because there's nothing I truly want under $300 and fat chance in hell I'd spend it on a case--but it really has caused me to reflect upon the life of my Dell XPS 8500, or as I like to call her, Old Faithful.

I fucking loved that machine, in fact I still do. It's almost like an old wife you've gotten to take for granted for so long you forget the void its absence would leave you.

That single machine was there for the release of XCOM EU. My dear old friend spent the time with me since most of the major happenings of the past decade. Ol' Faithful saw the death of countless sites and imageboards with me, it even witnessed when KC was truly good all the way to the day Bernd finally died for good and the brutal murder of the First Ernst. It went with me through terrors of the rise and fall of ISIS and the great murican kulturkampf that ruined everything, and it has been with me this whole time throughout this entire once a century pandemic. How could I possibly turn my back on a friend?

I cannot simply relegate it to some low tier like backup computer in a place where it could be destroyed along with the newer things. I must put it into a cozy retirement, on a farm somewhere with a relative, to live out its august years in peace. And yet throughout all this it even survived countless broken registry items, malware, completely senseless lingering bloatware and obsolete drivers, and in all that time she never failed on me, not even one single component, not even when my screen started turning purple with jagged lines and geometric patterns because the Radeon 7500HD had gotten so caked in dust and filth from now dead pets and tens of thousands of long dead cigarettes that the aluminum fins were blocked and the fan stopped moving and even that started working normally again when it got cleaned.

Goddamn I loved that machine.
No. 44970
Made a second resume. One for computer repair monkey, another for a photoshop monkey. Also a portfolio.
Sent out to a couple places. Man, targeting my resume and portfolio to each individual place is a lot of work, but I'm hoping that it will be the little extra that gets me hired.

Apparently, there's plenty of demand for photoshop monkeys, so I'm hopeful. I haven't exhausted the pool of ads yet. One annoying thing is that the website I'm using insists that employers need to see my social media profile. I don't have one and don't plan on getting one. They'll just have to deal.
No. 44972
Kissing arse with a masturbatory cover letter works way better than you would think something so blatantly insincere would too, if you're looking for something to give yourself a wee edge.
No. 44974
After nights of drinking it's hard for me to not drown in self-hatred. Luckily I don't do drinking as often anymore as back in the days, so it's rarely as bad as today.
It's like turning into whole another person, "Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde"-like, in the worst way.
Then again I guess guilt is a normal feeling for a drunk so I guess I'm not monster just for acting like on last night.
I wish you the best, Ernsts.
No. 44976 Kontra
I know this pattern from my alcoholic friend. It gets really schizophrenic sometimes and it's hard to bear as outsider. Alcohol one of the worst drugs tbh. If I could pour all alcohol down a giant drain, I would do it in a blink of an eye. It turns people into a picture of misery.
No. 44977
Been a long day.

Almost immediately after writing my previous post, I got a message from one of the places I sent my resume/portfolio to. They asked if I could make it before 18:00. I figured I had an hour so plenty of time, even if it's very far, and agreed.

Right then my brother showed up with a trunk full of hard drives asking if I could clone an OS to all of them, or at least troublehoot his method of cloning, why it was fucking up. I said I could spare 30 minutes, and then I'd be out on a cab. The place is 30 minutes ride by car. He offered to give me a ride as a thanks. I know I shouldn't ever accept a favor from him, because he inherited our father's chaotic nature, but gave him the benefit of the doubt (again).
Well, I figured out the cloning think, took a quick whore bath, and we were out. And would you know it, his car ran out of gas a few km away from the place, we had to push his car off the road, I went the rest of the way on a cab while he went to get some gas.

Thankfully, I warned them that I could be late, and they didn't mind. I was greeted at the gates of something that looked like a two story resort house by a girl. Entering the main hall of the house, I was introduced to the rest of their team. All girls, all kazakh. Some pretty. They explained that their company is renting out this house as an office space. They're some kind of web startup focused on providing serives to the teacher demographic. Hosting online olympiads, tests, exams, etc. The girl, who is apparently a manager of some sort, said they really liked my portfolio, bla bla.

The gist is that they're a young startup and are still hiring their staff. The pay isn't very good, but they promise "bonuses". Considering how far away it is, it's a no for me. I can't rent a room with that kind of pay, and a 1.5h commute on third world public transport is something I won't repeat. They did offer a 2 week remote paid internship, which I'm going to take. By the end of it, if they want to hire me, I'll name my price, if they disagree, fine. Probably not gonna work out.

Kind of a shame, I really liked the place, and being a sole guy working at a resort house near the mountains, surrounded by girls is something out of a degenerate harem anime fantasy, but I gotta be pragmatic and suppress my hornyturk impulses. The pay for the remote internship will be a nice treat while I keep looking.

Meanwhile, I have a box full of HDDs to install Windows on, in return for the favor of giving me a ride that made me 20 minutes late for the interview.
No. 44978
I've finally finished painting all the planks.
Old copying-scribes wrote God, deliver us from writing, but I say God, deliver me from physical work.
When I was younger, mum always said You need to study so you can put bread on the table in a less tiresome way.
She took the opportunity to cheekily evoke those past conversations during one of my breaks.
>See, this is why you have to study
>Ah, fuck off

Yesterday night I drank that small bottle of blueberry-liquor. It wasn't awful, but I think it was probably a lot closer to being flavoured ethanol than I'd like it to.

Being drunk is weird. When I'm drunk it's the total opposite. I become care-free, forget my woes and lose all verbal restraint.
I'm the worst kind of drunk, because I apparently talk. A lot.

Are motivational letters really necessary? I remember having to write one as homework in 12th grade, but it felt like the most insincere godawfull bullshit ever.
Let's not beat around the bush m8, I'm here to exchange my labour for currency, I don't give a shit about your company.
No. 44979
>worst kind of drunk
Worst kind of drunks are those that get violent. Introspective schizos, chatterboxes and weaklings who just fall under the table (like myself) are harmless. Violent drunks are universally disliked and avoided, and for good reason.
No. 44982
84 kB, 1200 × 640
You forgot the weak, schizo chatterboxes that are power tripping because they drunk but lose their balance when standing up.

> I become care-free, forget my woes and lose all verbal restraint.

It's the normal drinkining behavior. Even alcoholics have that but they will switch any second into other modes when they are runied enough by the alcohol.

I like these stories, also worlds seem to mix here.

Also I did not get the room, they took quite long for their decision so I guess I might have had a fair chance to get it. Now, the problem is only a few rooms come up every day and most of them seem not to my liking, I don't have that much time anymore. I don't want to only move in the beginning of fucking October. At least I have the ability to get to know people by reading group it seems, I really have to check again if their are groups that suit my interests, maybe that way I could live alone. Somebody told me that he knows a girl moving out end of September and the rent is about the price of a room, consider I have to pay for internet as well, it is priced at the very end of what I can spent.
No. 44985
Man, during these long night hours watching a loading bar slowly crawl forwards, you really start to contemplate your own mortality.
This must be what night shift security guards go through every day
No. 44993
>Let's not beat around the bush m8, I'm here to exchange my labour for currency, I don't give a shit about your company.
Unfortunately, those corporate types actually derive most of the meaning in their lives from their shitty jobs. In California, even a lot of the executives buy into that shit, instead of just being decent honest sociopaths.

>Being drunk is weird. When I'm drunk it's the total opposite.
I get really chill and start waxing transcendental. I can see why Sufis were so enthusiastic about wine.
Considering the profound differences it can reveal, a man's drunk state can be a very useful tool of psychoanalysis.
No. 44994
Rowdy drunk whose accent gets even broader when drunk master race here.

As I said, you'd be surprised how insincere you can sound and still have the drones drink your Kool aid.
No. 44995
wuz moving heavy rocks, destroyed road curb accidentally when one of the rocks went out of control
No. 44996
What are you moving rocks for? You building a retaining wall or some shit?
No. 44997
My last paycheck will be the biggest yet. There was a lot more hours available this month because all the others with families held their vacations. Also I readily took more work as I knew there will be no more monies after October. Anxiously awaiting the steep drop in available disposable income, working and studying at the same time does not an option for me.
No. 44999
No. 45000
Noice. Gardens aren't what immediately springs to mind when I think of the Russia, but then again it is Dacha season, isn't it? I assume that's what's going on here and that cosy gardens aren't suddenly cropping up around cold also dark gommieblocks.
No. 45004
314 kB, 1200 × 800
181 kB, 800 × 800
601 kB, 1024 × 785
91 kB, 604 × 453
Gardens are common around gommieblocks but they appear in a deeply deranged images
No. 45005
Oh yes, culture of moving plastic trash during muddy summer into green zones to make it "beutifull"
No. 45010
God damn why are new laptops so expensive. I could assemble a beefy desktop machine out of used parts for the price of a new second rate brand facebook machine laptop.

I know thinkpads are kind of a meme among hackermen, but I kinda need some rudimentary graphics processing capabilities if I'm going to go the photoshop monkey career route. Never know when you suddenly need to render a 3D scene in this line of work.

Of course, there's always an option to go full tech nomad and rent GPU """cloud""" processing power when you need it. I know there's companies that already offer that kind of thing, but I had an ebin idea of subscribing to that GeForce game streaming thing, but use it exclusively to run Blender :-DDDD. Wonder if it would be cheaper or at least viable.
No. 45014
I'm very tired. We've assembled the planks half of the planks for the client. She was woman in her mid forties. Apparently she lives from holding group meditation sessions. The garden was full of Buddhas and Tibetan-style flags with sutras painted on them. She was scantly clad.
I think she fully embraced this sort of hippy-mentality.

Anyway. My right arm is killing me. And so is my back.

>man's drunk state can be a very useful tool of psychoanalysis.
Exactly. Though I don't like the person I become after the second shot. Depending on the impulse I either go on a rant about something completely irrelevant about books or art (People holding X view about literature are IDIOTS. IDIOTS I TELL YOU!), or I start talking about politics, and from contemporary stuff, it quickly devolves into X should be put into labour camps and I'll make Stalin look like a social-democrat.
It's worrying and exciting at the same time to dissect the person you become when you lose even some of the restraints society puts on you.

A lot of commieblocks in the Warsaw-pact had a garden attached to them which were divided into small plots. The aim was to offer a recreational activity to the dwellers of the concrete hives.
Though I don't know how often these are utilized today. I'd wager most have been turned into parks or left destitute.

I'm already dreading having to write one of those motivational letters to accompany my CV when I'm going to look for a job.
The dishonesty of the act makes it disgusting and repulsive.
No. 45019
176 kB, 1024 × 671
Another movie director down. Alan Parker left this plane of existence.
No. 45022
What in the...fuck? Why in God's name would you decide to try and get a job where you're doing 3D rendering of all things and think you're going to be doing it on a fucking laptop of all things? Like, dude, even today with modern PCs with all modern hardware and paying excruciatingly out the ass for not just any laptop but a specifically good one for exactly that purpose is still going to be massively inferior to a desktop.

Just get a desktop and a lot of cores. You don't even need to get a lot of fancy new shit and besides the point you can store all that on the many drives inside the tower. Sorry it just completely boggles the kind that you'd mix "work" "3D rendering" and "laptop" into the same thought. Even if you somehow did get a great laptop from a mysterious patron and it was the best laptop in the world it would still give you shit performance compared to what desktop can do and part of that is because you cant overclock it because it's going to heat up like a motherfucker and you're only going to have like 4tb on it tops. You need a good processor with good ventilation and a good GPU to do a lot of fancy rendering. I mean, you can still do it, it's just that you don't bring the wrong tools to the job and a laptop is the wrong tool.

If you're concerned about portability get some kind of microATX or I forget whatever it's called those super compact ones which will just barely be more a pain to lug around and likely gibe you double performance at half the cost.
No. 45028
281 kB, 1280 × 720
See, you're having a 3rd world culture shock right now. Or a disconnect between what comes to mind when thinking about such "lofty" professions as "graphics designer" and "3D artist", and what it actually entails on the kazakhstan. I did, too, until I started doing real work and adapted to the realities.

Here's the dealio.
When you get a job here, they'll either let you bring your laptop, or hand you a bad office machine. If you ask for a more powerful machine, you are faced with the task of explaining to a soviet boomer how a computer works, and how that relates to using photoshop. Might as well not bother. And of course, nobody's going to let you bring and plop down your desktop + monitor in their office space willy nilly. So you need your own laptop that you can at least sparingly use for graphics purposes.

Another thing is that by "render a 3D scene" I don't mean photorealistic 4K promotional renders of some sleek product, or high detail architectural renders, or anything like that. People here both have low standards for quality, and unreasonable standards for how quickly you can work. You can hand them an upscaled 720p render with bad lighting and they'll take that, but will be mad if you take some time to make it better (which they can't tell anyway). And most of the time, what they want is something petty like "uh, can you make a 3D maquette of the logo you made and superimpose it on this shitty, grainy phone photo of the entrance to my building? I want to see what it would look like". Or something similar about a blueprint of a piece of furniture that's nothing but 4 MDF sheets nailed together. When I first started getting such requests I thought they were either fucking with me or wanted to get their "money's worth". But no, apparently there's people with such poor imaginations that they can't picture in their minds what a logo would look like extruded in a Z axis. Pic related. (btw, the picture contains enough information to dox me, but I don't give a shit lol).

So yeah, I want to get a laptop not so I can do quality work, but so I can get as much bullshit off my back as possible and deliver something that will make the client fuck off. The main concern with 3D stuff isn't even the rendering part, really, it's the performance of the 3D viewport in a program, which uses a simple real time rasterizer, but since it's your main way of interacting with the program, when it starts lagging, it gets really annoying.
No. 45031
>you are faced with the task of explaining to a soviet boomer how a computer works
I started laughing enough reading that I'm grateful my flat has thick walls.

>when it starts lagging, it gets really annoying.
That was actually my ultimate point with the PoS laptop. Time is money right? Well if your machine takes hours to render basic stuff how much of your time and money are you really wasting? I'm obviously not saying to waste your money on expensive stuff for something pricey without having a well established financial or reputational or whatever base. Although I now see your point.

Why couldn't you just sneak some better desktop build into an exact replica of their own office machine case and smuggle that in though? It seems like a third world mentality solution to me on how to actually get things done when your society is ran by retardsbelieve me I have moments like this routinely where I have to do a cost benefit analysis of going against the grain while accepting they are likely not gaslighting me and I am plausibly incompetent on my own as well.

I suppose it would actually be the "sneaking in" part though and dealing with a very quick, talking-to-parents sort of manner of speaking and answering questions to achieve the shortest and most efficient route to the end of the conversation as possible when they begin to inquire as to why you "brought the office computer to maintenance to fix it"you could also simply open the case and unplug some connector if you can stealth that too though I don't want to get you in trouble either. I recognize you could have an open floorplan and not a private room or some kind of cubicle wall though or enough time to do anything out of view. Maybe it's stubbornness but I feel like that's the kind of situation where you kinda have to bypass the stupidity of those around you.

Alternatively if working on such a device truly does not make life hell and you're basically only designing logos then go for it I guess. Can you set up private gofundme pages? I could donate a little bit of money towards your project and we could see if any ernsts are capable of lowkey distributive financing to help an ernst out. Some guy made a thread about IBs and secret societies like a year ago and it's been brought up intermittently the past decade but I mean really now, this is exactly how the Freemasons functioned or any of dozens of other mutual aid societies.
No. 45032
This is suspiciously in English and I think they are trying to rip me off but this isn't so bad
I'm trying to figure out how to navigate your currency conversion and where people buy laptops in Kazakhstan and what the going rate is especially if you can find a used one. That's just a bit over $400.
No. 45034
151 kB, 1280 × 720
>That was actually my ultimate point with the PoS laptop. Time is money right? Well if your machine takes hours to render basic stuff how much of your time and money are you really wasting? I'm obviously not saying to waste your money on expensive stuff for something pricey without having a well established financial or reputational or whatever base. Although I now see your point.

Sure, but the thing is, if I can let my overheating POS laptop make jet engine noises rendering a 720p scene for 10 minutes and go get coffee, that's fine by me, because I'm not actually using the thing. But the 3D viewport of a 3D editing program is basically running video game graphics in real time in a tiny window, and you're actually interacting with it to do work, so if that dips below 30 FPS it's basically the same thing as trying to play a laggy game, but you're actually trying to do work here lol. So in my mind a laptop needs to just be powerful enough to run a modern-ish video game at 1/4th of the native resolution.
That's my idea anyway, maybe I could rethink my assumptions.

>Why couldn't you just sneak some better desktop build into an exact replica of their own office machine case and smuggle that in though?
I've literally done that, but not for work, but at art school. And right then I learned why I shouldn't do that. You never know when you're going to get fired without notice and told not to bother coming in the morning, losing all of your stuff inside that computer. Then good luck convincing that their office PCs internals are all yours when they haven't even seen the inside of a computer case in their lives.
In the case of art school, I upgraded the computer in the studio so I could do some digital painting after classes. But then I got expelled and lost access to the building. Fortunately, they were all old components from my previous build.

That's probably just an autotranslated vesion of an international marketplace.
And you could do currency conversions, but that doesn't tell the whole picture. That's $425 for you, but for me, that's two month's salary at an entry level position. This is what I was complaining about in my initial post in the first place, lol. ~$400 for a bare minimum new laptop, which is twice what you get paid a month on an entry level job.
Generally, stuff like food, rent, etc., scale proportionally with income in third world countries, but technology either costs the same or has +30% markup compared to US. Which is a bummer when you rely on technology to do work.

Anyway, I'm tired of complaining, don't want to come off as a whiny bitch. The main reason I'm looking for a job isn't even the money, but rather a practical method of making myself less of a retard. Self-imposed de-infantilization through real world work experience, if you will. So I'm thankful for the offer, but I don't as much want fish as I want to teach myself how to catch it.
No. 45037
I mean I do recognize your ultimate mindset on this I just find it unacceptable that an ernst out there should have to put up with such bullshit and not even have access to a decent computer, although I do guess on the flipside that particularly because you still unwisely choose to get drunk sometimes it's also invariably scaling up the potential catastrophe of such a loss rather than just having garbage you don't really get upset about pouring beer into or stepping on the screen because you were drunk I have done both of these across the years and it killed one which I needed for college by trying the VRM with beer and the other was my shitposting and light gaming HP which I had to buy a new screen off ebay.

That's pretty much what I was asking about with those prices because somehow I was suspicious about being asked for what's less of an economic hit to me than I assumed it was to you but I guess I didn't understand currency conversion either. I just knew a crappy $100 laptop was 40K tenge and that a nice new winter sweater was like 8999T

Hence part of the reason why I was asking about just depositing money into an account for you somehow because I knew it was likely that a not serious amount of money for me could be translated into real buying power for you, although frankly if we had like $100 and then distributed another $20 across multiple ernsts that it would likely enable you to buy a decent machine especially if someone here is lowkey some kind of posh cunt who decides to donate you another few hundred bucks/pounds/BTC whatever. I just do not know how to move money across international borders anonymously other than afaik GoFundMe might function like that although idk how to set it up.
No. 45041
We went to work for a few hours. I had to repaint a table the client asked for. Then as we were leaving she asked us to repaint a bench.
Honestly, the only reason I'm doing this is because it's for my father AND the fact that he'll pay me for it.
It's tiresome, it's 30 degrees outside. It's a shit job.

Went to pick up the book I ordered last week. Also went to the pharmacy to pick up a box of anti-acid and browsed the literary journals for a bit.
The selection is amazing, really. Though I have no brand loyalty, I just buy one if an article interests me. I usually go for the articles. I don't particularly care for the contemporary literature scene.
The thing that caught my interest this time was a special issue of a journal dedicated to African-literature.
I remember reading about post-colonial literature in a book, but it was a woefully out of date volume from the late 60s.
Should be interesting.
No. 45043
>out of date volume from the late 60s.

Musn't be bad because of that though. Usually it becomes hard to contextualize written word from decades or centuries ago.
Anyway, sounds like a cool topic. Reminded me of wanting to read a novel written by an arab speaking person about a former secret police member in some arabic speaking country who became a madman wandering the streets of city, singing an such, and people are afraid of him because they know he was a member of the secret police.
No. 45048
956 kB, 1536 × 2048
The good thing about instant ramen is that you never have to look at the expiration date. You find one laying in a drawer and you can have it.
Still have no idea how people can eat this using a spoon. Saw a girl once in HS eating it with a spoon and I asked her. She didn't think much of it.
There was also another girl who used to eat them using two pens as chopsticks. Ah, uncaring youth!

I'm home alone again.
Exchanged poems online with one of my friends, then we laughed at a government-funded website trying to promote wine to the Hungarian youth.
Ah, uncaring youth!

I'm always careful around books written before the 70s.
The Kádár-regime was pretty lax when it came to writing books, but you never know when the immortal science of Marxism-Leninism might hit you on the nose as you're reading secondary literature on a topic.
(Though I have plenty of secondary literature from the socialist era and most are fine, even by today's standards.)

The reason I picked this up is because it's such an obscure topic. We just don't talk about it that much. You hear about Afro-American writers reasonably often thanks to the woke crowd (for which I have nothing but scorn for), but I'd say the struggles of an African are completely different to that of an Afro-American.
Africa has to go through the arduous and long process of nation-building, and I'm not talking about just the creation of functional states, but about national identities too. The distillation-process of a national identity through literature is an interesting process that most European nations went through in the early to late 1800s .
I'm expecting blood and sweat as they try to manage this Herculean task.
No. 45049
I got that exact model and build for $350 on Amazon a few weeks ago.

If you're interested in getting this kind of computer, Kazakh, I'd be happy to run some benchmarks and give you the results. I don't think you'll find anything cheaper but still functional.
No. 45051
>Africa has to go through the arduous and long process of nation-building, and I'm not talking about just the creation of functional states, but about national identities too. The distillation-process of a national identity through literature is an interesting process that most European nations went through in the early to late 1800s .
I'm expecting blood and sweat as they try to manage this Herculean task.

Besides this implies a certian understanding and role of the nation (and not the nation state as rather functional thing) that is debatable it also implies a historiographic theory of modern development in which Africa is like a child that has to grow and go through the same steps as Europe, needless to say this is pretty simple picture of what is going on, a universal law of history basically, so far empirical validation is weak and theoretically it has been under fire for decades, not without reason I guess... African nationalism and Pan-Africanism was strong in the 60s already. Guess many have been disillusioned after a good ten years and nobody said that writers aims for building national identity, though I guess you will find that ofc for that period I'm sure. How valid is postcolonial theory when a hungarian youth (yes yes) has a plan in mind of what has to be done in Africa?

>The reason I picked this up is because it's such an obscure topic. We just don't talk about it that much

Right, and as well educated person, one should have knowledge about many things. And I would read it in order to find out what the struggles are and not what you think they have to be. A functional society might be one thing, a nation is something different. Best would be: read and tell!
No. 45052
People sometimes say I'm stuck in 1899.
No. 45053
I know that you read a lot of 19th century stuff and are interested in the period of the empire. It's just that I want to point it out. A critical distance might not be bad. I mean I'm surely left but I have some doubts about identity politcs or other other tropes and arguments that usually are daily business of leftism(and as we all know THE left does not really exist, all the intern quarrels speak for themselve). In the end it boils down to arguments and that entails making explicit the implict premisses, world views and discursive formations repeated, sometimes modfied, patterns of statements made regarding a topic, phenomenon etc. basically;;; concept as part of the linguistic turn in academia, put forward by the acknlowedgement that language plays a major role in our world that, literally, inform us.

My advice still holds: best is to read stuff about that literature or read it yourself. In the last months I became especially fond of the idea to actually read some things you usually don't read or wouldn't read. But if you really want to talk and argue about things you need to know what you are talking about, you need to be able to see what the other person is doing etc., you are clever enough to go that way and form some stable thoughts on the way I guess.
No. 45063
I wish I was baptized. I need to get baptized.
No. 45064
I'd say I want to know how but clearly this is something I need to do on my own time in researching how to set him up a gofundme page rather than asking others how it's done. I bet reddit knows and has a guide on these things.
No. 45068
100 kB, 640 × 636
Part of me hopes the pandemic doesn't end. Wearing a mask at work for most of the week is the most liberating thing. I might just keep at it after it's all over.
No. 45082
None euclidean space hurts my head.
Nice demo though.
No. 45086
You probably can dude I know how you feel. Like I get to walk right into a bank wearing a fucking gas mask and cap these days and nobody cares in fact I'll get kicked out if I didnt do it. I get to be anonymous every day of the week when I go out which at this point is solely for going to work and the very rare occasion where I'll pick up a lotto ticket on my way to the shartmart for food supplies.

Honestly and I kind of hate to say this but truly the NEETs have inherited this plagued earth, particularly if you were one of those early ones who saw the shitstorm coming back in January and February and thus took active measures before the rest did. And on top of that the fucking government--and not just any gov but the Republican led one--has been freely spending trillions of printed out gibes to us poor Americans just to keep their ridiculous ponzi scheme from collapsing in on itself. So I am basically functionally being paid to get to be a NEET shutin for most of the week while all of these keines keep losing their shit about not getting to have packed parties listening to terrible music and trying to find some vulgar hookup. Hahaha this pandemic is killing hookup culture too! And honestly if you're super opposed to open borders it has accomplished what no right wing politician was ever able to and totally shut down all borders everywhere.

I get it. People are dying, and given I must work a few days of the week still until our business gets it's shit sorted and hires me back to full time, I might die too. I've already gotten what I think might have been rona tbh. It sucks and I'm unspeakably angry about all these fucking Karens whinging about their haircuts while the last not useless generation dies suffocating and alone and not even given the dignity of having a real funeral. I am so fucking mad about that and all these dumb antimask cocksuckers. It's a terrible time of suffering and each of us has had to make sacrifices one way or the other.

But other than that, yes I agree with you. If you're just functional enough not to appear on the spectrum and prefer being locked in your room all day with some hobby it's fucking great. A client the other day I commented on his DnD shirt and he said he's pretty much spent the whole pandemic DMing sessions with people online (much as various regulars on this board have). I get to not look weird by avoiding the fuck out of people. I get to be anonymous all day. I can stand apart like Finnish people. It is fucking amazing what this little plague has accomplished to date and that's just off the top of my head.

The major downside for me personally is that I cannot visit my father and I do not know when I can. He's managed to stay away from people and has a helper so that's good but he's in a high risk group and I often deal directly with retards so I can't chance getting him sick and killing him. I'm wishing I could see him for the holidays but given the direction this country is going fat chance of that happening.
No. 45087
Do you actually wear a gas mask? If it's the sort of gas mask that comes to mind it really does nothing at preventing you from infecting other people. Must like construction masks with respirators which should be fucking banned but somehow are accepted.
No. 45090
Yes I do in fact actually own two of these
which is almost exactly like the model that I have. The respirator just looks vaguely different is all.
>hich should be fucking banned but somehow are accepted.
What why? Look dude you didn't live in my country throughout all of this. I did. People here are fucking idiots which I'd rather not personally have to deal with these fucking morons infecting me.

There's little point, I have learned, in trying to instruct my fellow countrymen on how not to be fucking stupid HOWEVER this gas mask is extremely effective as a public service announcement. As I walk around these fucking idiots insisting we don't need masks, it's a hoax by dur librul media, blah blah imma go shopping at the mart, they see me. I also had worn a full rain suit and at some points swimming goggles throughout this pandemic in America. In my personal experience when people see me wearing this shit it tends to alarm them and key them in on certain facts they otherwise would not have accepted had they been told by da experts. However they do actually modify their behavior more by watching how others respond around them than anything else and I think that seeing me and a few other people in this county wearing those has probably convinced a lot of people to stay home, to wear masks, to keep their distance, to consider "gee I just have a torn up shirt on my face and this guy has a biohazard setup going on maybe I shouldn't try to go to bars right now.

As for the output yeah. I know. It's not protecting others from me which is why I especially tried to keep my distance from others, but at some point more recently I began setting it up so the output is getting blown through tissue paper/cotton/coffee filter. Besides which I deal with a lot of fucking people. If I get infected and this was earlier I'd be infecting dozens and dozens of others, which is also why I kept trying to keep everything sanitized. The gloves for example were for them as much as me.

Oh and as for the second I could not convince a single of my family members to take it so I held onto it as an asset earlier on in case I ran to economic troubles but at this point I keep trying to remind myself to call the number a local hospital gave me for who to call to donate it. I kind of regret not donating my second to a local hospital earlier rather than hanging onto it either for fam or in case mine broke or as an asset like gold flipping it for $60 in case I ran out of money completely.
No. 45091
Just had a game streaming session with me, aussie and iwan. took turns showing off some games. was great fun.

Should do it more often, just showing off games we've been playing, talking about them and explaining the mechanics.
No. 45092
Where and how? I do not understand things like twitch, tiktok, discord or whatever else. Nor have I an account on twitter for the matter. I'm out of the loop.
No. 45093
Yeah, I wish I'd get the explanation.
No. 45094
on the ernstiwan discord. it basically lets you stream your screen or program like in a conference call. Twitch is terrible, and none of us are trying to build an audience, but rather show off some games, so a private conference call is the better option.

Back when I made discord account, it let you use a throwaway email and didn't require a phone or anything, so it's not as intrusive as other stuff. You join a channel by clicking on an invite link. There's one in the radio thread if you ctrl f for discord.
No. 45095
Yeah, I do miss being a NEET. Everyone at work knows who I am but it feels like I'm becoming less human. Which is pretty good really since it just means people instinctively look away from you, like you're a machine (when I was 6 I wanted to be a computer). And I get to work at a relaxed pace. It's nice to not put any effort into facial expressions.
Depending on the channel, some of them ask for phone info or other shit. It's convenient enough though.
No. 45097
408 kB, 1600 × 1166
Yeah it was great, worked like a charm without much setup, despite me not having a clue how discord works. But it basically works like Microsoft Teams or any other collaboration software. While I was a little afraid at first that it will be just another communication tool added to the already large pool (EC threads on both boards, chat, Skype and the radio itself) I now think it's really useful for anybody who wants stream any kind of visual content. Also it should be helpful for cellphone users who want to participate, should be easier to use than for example calling in to Skype. Should basically work like opening a website, though I'm not 100% sure about that.

>Depending on the channel, some of them ask for phone info
No worries, we only ask for nudes :DD

>I do not understand things like twitch, tiktok, discord or whatever else
Me neither, now I'm admin of the Radio Ernstiwan channel despite being clueless. It was a good opportunity for me to catch up with modern stuff.
No. 45098
It was fun. I was going to stream some CMO but my mic gave up the ghost so we watched some Tetris, some FTL and some card-driven game vaguely reminiscent of Slay the Spire in concept. Good fun all around.
No. 45103
I've long been frustrated worth not being able to call my female cat "fucker", as I usually call things that act annoying, so I came up with a female form of "fucker" - "fuckress". I've already used it once so it's a real word. Please enjoy.
No. 45104
If you want to be more fancy, old fashioned, or official, you can use "fuckeresse".
No. 45105 Kontra
"The Fuckeresses" - good name for an all female punk band.
No. 45106
Just call her a fucken slag.
t. knower

Also Fuckette, rate.
No. 45107
Fucktrix. Fuckorita.
No. 45108
Fuckatresse? Fancy name for a prostitute. Like stewardess.

Russian would be fuckochka.
I've been repeating the word "fuckochka" and laughing my ass for for the last minute.

Fuckette sounds vaguely pedophilic
No. 45109
158 kB, 1143 × 1600
Fuckhazi. Fuckanthrope. Fuckoshenko. Fuckadelica. Fucksimillian. Fuckenspiel.
Fuckster. Fuckopotamus. The fuckdemic. Fuckscallion. Fucktionality. Fuckistan
Fucknold Fuckzenegger. Fuckushima and Fucksaki. Fuckurama. Fuckelodion. Fuckzpah.
Fuckstoz. Fucktember. Fuckoin. Fuckazoid. Fuckonomicon.
I sell fucks and fuck accessories.
Fucko Bell. Jizza Hut. McBonealds. Bone Depot. Dick-fil-A.
God fucketh, God fucketh away.
And lo! a pale horse; and his name that sat on him was "Fuck!".
No. 45110 Kontra
In the name of the father, the son, and the holy fuck.
No. 45111
Today, I utterly failed to do anything meaningful or productive. I will do some Japanese flashcards by the end of the day, and maybe do some editing, but the day is already gone.

I will make banal updates like this every day, as a way of keeping myself on track.

I did find this neat little site recently, which might be of interest to Hungary:
It's a free online course for learning Classical Chinese, created by a Stanford professor.
I haven't gotten very far into it, but I like it so far. It gives you short texts in Classical Chinese, alongside a glossary with the meaning of each character. I much prefer this kind of format to typical textbooks.
No. 45113
Homo fuckiens. A fucksom lady. Fuckstra terrestrial life. Fucksembourg. Fuckraine. Fuckhura Mazda. Fuckem suckem robots. Fucktuple. Fucktet. Fuckle. Count Fuckula. Fuckstaposition.
Edsger W. Fuckstra. Fucklaus Wirth. Pennis Ritchie. Knob Pike. Penis Torvalds. Doubly fucked list. Smegmentation fault (core dumped). phalloc().

ok, I'm done now
No. 45114
223 kB, 1185 × 640
I smell a poetry reading brewing for the radio birthday party!
No. 45115
Well shid, that escalated quickly :-D
No. 45116
Oh, oh, can I try too?

Unfuckable Fuckness of Fucking.
Of Fucks and Fuckers.
Fuck and Fuckingment.
One Hundred Fucks of Fuckitude.
To Fuck a Fuckingbird.
Fuckadise Fucked.
The Fuckant of Fuckice.
Fuckine Fuckedy.
Fuckantua and Fuckagruel.
Fuckiver's Fuckings.
The Fucker and Fuckarita.
Fuckeganns Fuck.
Fuckering Fucks.
And Fucked Fucks the Fuck.
Twenty Thousand Fucks Under the Fucks.
Fucked Fuck of Dr Fuckyll and Mr Fuck.
Fuckenstein; or, The Fucking Fucketheus.
The Ballsackious Cunt Dick Faggote of Twatmuncha.

Turning everything into obscenities is surprisingly enjoyable.
No. 45117
>Of Fucks and Fuckers
No. 45118
Oh, don't be fuckening my fucking fuck!
Thou fucked my fuckishment of fuckerable fuckness,
And as I fuck around in fuckered outfuckness,
I still befuck the fucks when we have fucked the fuck.

Lo! Through the fuckiny of fuckaricious fuck
There fucks a fuckaroon in fuckable refuckness,
Upfuck'd yet unrefuck'd in its befuckness,
The fuckinghood is its fuckallous fuck.

Alas, the fuckatry is a fuckacious fuck,
And can be fuckericiously unfuck'd to fuck.
With thee I fuck what fuckable was not,
Without thee fuckatry in fucklessness fuckides.
Again, in a befucking fuckalot
I fuck to those with fucker's fuckerides.

OK, that's enough for now, it's becoming really stupid.
No. 45119
165 kB, 1280 × 720
After talking to my sister last night I am now even more depressed than normal. It has permanently cemented my view that I should never, ever reveal anything that makes me happy or that I enjoy to anybody and that I should fiercely guard it with hate and weapons and paranoia. I think I am most sad and depressed about this because she has not escaped the Americanization despite the fact she is allegedly highly intelligent, but still kept diverting conversation into this weird feminazi subtext for no reason. I'd been warned about this by other family members but never discussed things at length with her in years, and so didn't get to experience full blast her absolutely sexist butthurt SJWism. I need to point out after saying this though that it's no excuse for either side of idpol as I thoroughly fucking hate both probably the trumptard cult at this point even more with both sides entirely responsible for getting 150,000 of us killed. So at the very least I don't have to suffer the retarded redneck rant about masks being Communism within the core family but Jesus Christ. I never understood where this poison comes from and no I do not consider it a conspiracy of the Jews it's almost like a Chinese psyop but it is one of many things ruining my country.

I have to leave. I never should have bought all those fish tanks. It's another thing that pleases me whose enjoyment I must hide from all others but more importantly I am not mobile because of it and I need to be.

I have to leave this place. I am cut off from all peoples but I must thoroughly cut myself off from Americans in particular and become a wandering Jew. I must flee this Sodom and Gomorrha before it is too late for me as well. It is not just that America is a dysfunctional shithole. It is toxic, it is wicked, it is the Great Satan. Not to besmirch all people here--there are more than ten good people left in it Lord--but the entire culture and society is so poisonous, so thoroughly venomous to all sense of decency, courtesy, empathy, virtues, honesty, and just any sense of honor or truth that it can only swallow whole and spit out the chewed up remains of a person or peoples like some evil death machine that converts biomass into raw human stupidity and evil.

I saw a news story on a guy who survived the Wuhan virus. He owned a car dealership, and so clearly was not doing bad for money. When he got out of the hospital lucky to live he told reporters "I realized I need to grab everything I can." That's it. That is America. Fuck this place and fuck its people. Whatever you or I once thought of the beautiful land of liberty and prosperity is just a phantom, a memory--if it had even existed at all. If anything makes me happy I must shut up about it and tell no one, not anything in control of reality, especially not to any American. They must never know.
No. 45120
Wish I knew poetry. Fuck.
No. 45123
I'm finally done with painting all the fucking planks. Seriously, whichever serf came up with "work makes you nobler" was a colossal coping retard.
Now the only thing left to do is for my father to partially assemble the damn thing and then we can transport it to the site and be done with it after we properly assemble it there.
I'd really prefer if he'd assemble it today, because he's wasting entire days with this bullshit for me. Getting paid would also be nice.

The weird thing about physical labour is that while your hand is occupied, your mind isn't, so as you mechanically complete the tasks, your mind wanders freely from one subject to another through association.
It kind of feels like as if my brain was hyper-active and couldn't turn off.

Yesterday I stayed up until midnight to book an appointment for the enrolment procedure. (Basically I just have to go there and sign a contract with the university)
Other departments had pre-made alphabetical lists for students, but the Humanities department decided that everyone should book one individually during this week.
So I stayed up until the system was open, booked a date for the first day at 9 o' clock and then went to bed.)

The thing that astonishes me the most is simply how enormous universities are. The sub-department I'm going to has like ~400 people, but it still has a library with 40k volumes. That's 10k more we had at high school.
Digitally too. The whole infrastructure is sprawling. I think I've visited like 6-7 domains so far as I was looking for information.
It's fun. I'm having fun with it. It's all new and exciting.
(Except for the 10-20 pages long documents that they publish and you have to know to go through the administrative procedures.) (Also Da Rules is a 300 pages long legal text.)

It feels like as if I were a simple barbarian encountering civilized lands for the first time.

I'm currently being a creep and looking through the facebook-pages of my classmates to see where they'll go to study. I'll have on classmate attending the same department and a good 4-5 the same university.
I guess I just want to stroke my over-inflated ego just a bit more.

If I remember correctly Stanford also has a similar site for ancient Greek texts.
Thanks for the link btw. Didn't know about this.
(Though I know that most classical stuff is available at https://ctext.org/)
It'll probably come in handy during uni.
No. 45124
222 kB, 1264 × 1600
112 kB, 350 × 525
806 kB, 1000 × 977
do not give up

best wishes and prayers
No. 45125
If you have a college degree, go teach English in Asia.

If you don't have a degree, you can still probably do that in Latin America. Or at least find some NGO in LatAm or Africa that helps tutor kids or build houses or something. You can get out any time you want, you just have to be willing to drop everything.
No. 45127
What 400 people? Students or lecturer? Or both? Dunno about the convenience but usually people study at different time lenght. My master will have about 100 or 130 new people, given that you study 2 years minimum there are about 450-600 people at least enrolled for a single master programm with different foci currently.
40k made me chuckle, given that my universities library contains more than 2 million books, I guess the literature department with all languages (That is English, Spanish and German and Russian, other languages are not programs) has about 200k-300k. It has its own wing. Russian was discontinued quite a while ago, before I enrolled here and is the smallest with let's say 4x75m of shelves or so.

Anyway best of luck, you don't need to read many documents I think, you only need to know what seminars and lectures or what not to choose or can be chosen for credit scoring and in order to come to an end some day. Most necessary details will be told to you and if you have a question that is bothering to lecturers about exames etc. I would ask student or official personnel, dunno really but I just assume all universities have multiple outlets where clueless people get answers to their questions. That is the good thing about university, there is always a place where somebody can answer your questions :DDD.
Also I guess you will have those freshman days, check them out, it's an introduction to university, albeit it can be cringy sometimes, it's done with reasons in mind.
No. 45128
I have ultimately decided against going. They insist on bringing a personal laptop, which I don't have. And I wanted to accept only because they suggested a remote internship, so I could at least have time to assess them as an employer, and maybe move to my brother's, and also obtain a laptop by some means. But I don't want to jump the gun and commit to commuting 1.5h a day because I'm desperate and the very second place I sent my resume to said "yes".

Sorry young mansion ladies, this man's got priorities.
No. 45129
Should have asked if you can live in the mansion, and if they can give you an advance to purchase a laptop/buy you a laptop outright.

If they're that desperate they might just accept any terms you ask for.
No. 45130
I don't think they're desperate, i'm just joking around.
They did like my portfolio, but considering the rather low pay for something that's supposed to be a hip startup, I don't think they'll go for financial concessions.
The pay they're offering would be low-ish even if I lived right next to them.
No. 45131
The downside to free markets: compatibility issues. I really want to get the same case fans as that shitty Walmart game PC had but don't know which they are but it's seemingly irrelevant as there's all kinds of compatibility issues with what is literally just 50 cent blinky lights at extraordinary markups. Like, $120+ for just 3 Corsair fans, which is literally just a case fan with LED lights inside it. Oh, and software. The fans themselves should only cost $5 each, $10 if pushing it, and apparently they all have -proprietary- plugs. It's making me think if I really want to get such a stupid pointless waste of money to just go with what's absolute cheapest and hope it's not the usual poorly made Chinese stuff rebrand that'll start a housefire. Well at least this is the one final thing to make my new system complete and then await the last packages followed by having no clue what I am doing and just hoping I don't start a fire or brick anything when setting up.

Speaking of shipping, I am more and more infuriated about the assault on our postal system. It's the one last nice thing we have in this country. It's like our Red Army Orchestra. The postal service actually works. Meanwhile both FedEx and UPS cost way more and take way longer to get here and neither one of them is as reliable as the USPS. Because I still somewhat have work or have errands I'm not always here and they missed me so now they dropped my f'ing package off at some other point. Like what the hell is the point when I have now go all the way out to some sketchy cold drop point. At least it's close enough I can still get there, as opposed to having to do some real traveling, although they dropped it off at some completely unrelated business which makes me question why my package was even left there and what kind of hassles I can expect, and which I'm going to have to do tomorrow or the day after because apparently it's some kind of redelivery where they don't even bother trying to redeliver to where you live if you don't answer the door but instead try to deliver it to someplace else if you miss the first time. It's just such a completely dysfunctional and broken system.

I told you point blank that I'll give you a hundred dollars to help pay for your laptop if I can figure out how to get it to you but I've never tried sending money to Kazakhstan or used gofundme so I'd rather someone who knows tell me what to do.
No. 45136
21 kB, 276 × 842
400 students. But it's probably closer to like 500. Still less than a HS.
(50 people per the three grades for Japanese, Korean and Chinese and then 15-30 for the remaining languages like Turkish, Arabic, Hebrew Hindi and Tibetan)
I'm not good at maths. It's small, that's what matter.
The 40k is just the Far Eastern Institute's Library. The other departments and institutes have their own libraries. (No Idea how big those are.)
The entire collection of the Philosophische Fakultät is probably much in the millions too. Or IDK. Apparently the university collaborates closely with the Budapest central library. It's practically and extension of the university.

There's a lot of departments. I go to the oldest one established in the 1600s. If I remember correctly Babits also attended the Faculty of Humanities at this school.

Thankfully I already found the necessary courses list after I asked a friend who's an university student.
It looks pretty rad but I have no idea when to register for the courses.

>Also I guess you will have those freshman days
I'm planning to attend the freshman days. I thought they were organising a camp, but that's off the table. (And has been off for a few years now apparently.)
(Freshmen here are referred to as Storks)

Sorry if the post is a bit disjointed, I had a small cup of rakija and I'm in an overly good mood.
No. 45143

Does the library have a wikipedia page? It will have the numbers I think.

>It looks pretty rad but I have no idea when to register for the courses.

Probably during those stork days they will show you. Dunno for my masters there is an event in the beginning of october where this is explained. Is there a program for these stork days?
Also do you know if you have to tick all those courses or need to choose only some?
No. 45149
I'm finally done with the job.
We also agreed on the money with my father. Didn't take much negotiation, since we both initially said the same sum.
Ordered pizza for lunch today. It was pretty good.
I'm kinda tired.

Based on what the website says, the library of the Department of Humanities has 1,2 million documents. If you add the libraries of the other departments, it's 1,6 million, which makes it the 8th largest library in the country and the 3rd in the capital.
In the capital it's the third after the National Széchenyi Library at circa ~8 million documents, though this is data from 2006 and the Szabó Ervin Capital City Library at 3.1 million.

Well, I'll go to the freshman days. No point in not attending really.
No. 45150
In any case you will find books a plenty. But it's always nice to know that ones library has most of the books one is looking for. And yeah go to these days. It's a mistake to not do it I think when you know nobody there. I'm thinking about skipping the zoom socializing game that is planned for my start... tells you how weird it is but yeah that is how it is, should probably just give it a shot, now I'm getting nervous thinking about it. Tbh the zoom casting I had for a room was quite chill so maybe these thrown-in convos are ok in the end
No. 45162
Today I did nothing productive either. If I don't get things done in the morning, there's little hope of accomplishing anything later.

One goal that I did nothing to build towards is going back to school to get a second bachelor's degree, this time in plant or agricultural science (my current social science degree has been mostly useless after I abandoned the idea of academia). I find the subject interesting - I almost double-majored in plant science the first time around - and getting a proper degree in it should provide many job opportunities both domestic and abroad. It would also help prepare for my long-term dream of having a small farm.

Unfortunately, as an American this degree would likely cost me >$70k, even if I only take 2 years to complete the degree, and even if I do it all online through a public university. I could easily learn everything associated with the degree through self-study and free lectures available online, but without the magical $70k piece of paper awarded by a university, all of that knowledge would be worthless. This disgusts me at a profound level.

At this point, it seems like it would make more sense for me to brush up on my Spanish, and apply to universities in Spain or Latin America. Apparently, it's actually possible to attend university for <$2k tuition a year in a developed country. For 1/35(!) the cost of attending some state college situated in bumfuck nowhere Oregon, I could attend a renowned medieval university situated in a cozy historical town in Spain. There must be something wrong here, right?
No. 45164
At least here in Germany we have tons of english language BAs for foreigners, including niche stuff. Obviously a little bit more expensive than what you pay as a native but still nothing in comparison to american fees.
No. 45166
797 kB, 2272 × 1444
Budapest was beautiful and goulash was delicious.
No. 45170
1,5 MB, 236 × 250, 0:04
>Wake up after noon
>Go on a supply-run to pick up my book, buy bread and a pair of masks
>Go to the store
>Buy everything I need
>See that they have cheese-bows for sale
>Haven't had any in a while and it's one of my favourite treats
>Fill a paper bag
>Put it on the scale
>2,5 Euros

This is bullshit of the highest order and I won't stand by it.
It's just fucking salted French-pastry (Blätterteig) twisted to look like a bow with cheese on the two ends, not some fucking haute cuisine with sprinkled gold. I'm not fucking paying 860 forints for less than half a kilogramme. Lunacy.
To put it into perspective, I could've bought three bottles of beer with that money. Three bottles of good, Czech beer.

Tonight I'll try going to bed earlier, though even with a screwed sleep-schedule, I'm still recovering steadily from the fatigue of work.
My right hand still hurts though.

Glad you enjoyed your stay.

Honestly, I don't understand how can a degree even at a bumfuck no-name university can cost so much in the US.
70k is an ungodly amount of money.
Thank God I don't have to pay for my degree. Even that 6k would be unattainable.

Thankfully books are always aplenty here.
Even with the large libraries around, I still plan on expanding my personal collection though.
Having a personal library is an important thing.

Do the fucking zoom meeting :D
No. 45171
If I were to speculate, the reason your sister gravitates towards such thinking is because you probably come from a middle class Democrat household in a solidly Republican state. Chances are you family is well educated and brings in 6 figures a year, so they interact almost exclusively with others in that same income bracket. Odds are, your family has more money than most of the working class bydlo who vote Republican, so your sister is likely the kind of person who condescends by using such phrases like "voting against your interests" without any irony. She probably has few, if any, friends of the opposite political persuasion, so she inoculates herself in an environment of likeminded individuals. The SJW mindset is already hyperamplified in virtually every discussion space where Democrats, social liberals, progressives and soft leftists congregate in great numbers with moderation on their side, so odds are she's receiving information passed through her filter bubble.

None of this would be remotely surprising. All it speaks to is the hyperpoliticization of our time and a massive realignment unseen since the 1930s. Each passing decade, it'll only get more tense.

My father was a staunch Republican in one of the most solidly Democrat regions in America, so I'm not unfamiliar with such circumstances. Imagine the reverse for me.

Of course, this is mere speculation. I only know what you've revealed here and in other posts, so I'm drawing inferences based on those that may be entirely inaccurate.
No. 45183
171 kB, 1280 × 883
My hair has grown quite a bit, and I've managed to lose even more weight. I've been confused for a women more than a few times, and with the amount of times I've been mistaken for some other ethnicity I think I may become a figure of complete ambiguity in the future.
This has had no effect on my own sense of identity, but it's pretty advantageous to have an extra layer of natural obfuscation. Like I've become less of a person and more of a mirror.
No. 45185 Kontra
You're way off on most of it and didn't really address the original issue. It just confused me because she seemed normal before college and her college didn't even seem that brainwashy. I think it's because she ended up taking a bunch of gender studies classes.
No. 45187
>Honestly, I don't understand how can a degree even at a bumfuck no-name university can cost so much in the US.
>70k is an ungodly amount of money.
  1. Universities expand their bureaucratic costs by hiring too many useless morons.
  2. Gubment subsidizes this expansion with unlimited student loans.
  3. Students take on these student loans because they're brainwashed to think that college is worth it.
America loves to make every problem worse with exactly the wrong amount of government intervention, proving both libertarians and socialists right at the same time.

However, the system will probably collapse soon. People know now that a college degree is no guarantee of employment, and online-only colleges cannot fulfill their role as petty bourgeois right-of-passage. Even retarded American zoomers don't want to pay $30k a year to live with their parents and read textbooks on their computer.
No. 45188 Kontra
>It just confused me because she seemed normal before college and her college didn't even seem that brainwashy.
All college is brainwashy nowadays. Woke bullshit is as pervasive at normal American universities as Mormonism is at BYU. As BYU produces good Mormons, so normal universities produce good woke believers*. It's functionally a new religion, and it will infect every institution in this country that doesn't strongly believe in another religion.

These are the strange rites and festivals of atonement that follow the death of God.
No. 45190
>1, 2 and 3
This. If the University increases tuition, then the government simply loans students more money. Under this sytem there isn't much incentive for schools to control costs. And for the students, well, what's another 10k in debt added to the pile? You can pay it back over the next 20+ years with all that money you'll be making!!
t.Fell into that trap
No. 45193
Today was a successful day.
I had a jug of fine earl gray and then wrote a four pages long essay into my diary before reading 30 pages from a Chinese short story collection and writing an ode to the sky.

I've decided to send in one of my short stories to a magazine. But I'll send it in as a poem, because everyone says it's a poem and not a short story.
If multiple people tell you it's good, then it must be good.
No harm in trying, really. I'm feeling a lot more confident since I've shared some of my works with a friend who said I quote "this is fucking good, dude".

My only issue is that I'm kind of hungry. I've skipped lunch. The caffeine elevated me, but now it makes me feel like I'm about to throw up. Cooking with nausea isn't really all that appealing.
Something will eventually happen. Don't know what exactly, but something. Probably I'll have a glass of sugary milk to help pull myself together, and then I'll make something to eat.
No. 45202
>gender studies
It's probably that. Some people I know of, myself included, finished college without any of those strains of obnoxiousness. Then again I was also pretty asocial so maybe I just didn't open up.
No. 45204
Humans are by their nature social and thus, conformist. We unconsciously absorb the ideas and values we are consistently exposed to. And I'm not even trying to be condescending or anything, I am no exception: took me some time to wash off a lot of the typical imageboard retardation out of my brain.
I think it might be by coincidence that some people end up avoiding being products of their environment. Autistics, schizoids, loners, etc., who never developed the necessity and skill to mimic their environment
No. 45205
I don't doubt that, though I would say certain environments are too encroached so as to not have an effect. Like a few years in college may not compare to staying in one household.
Though I wonder how much of that could also be conscious rejection or selective processing. Like my younger mind was actively resisting all change, though that may just be another manifestation of my brain problems.
I do remember the people in my department being surprisingly relaxed, at least in comparison to other people. So maybe my mental overreaction was unjustified.
No. 45206
>people end up avoiding being products of their environment
I wonder though if those people's condition isn't the product of that environment. Most mind diseases are genetical or at least develop under specific circumstances due to the genetic disposition, but lesser quirks like introversion or social ineptitude may have been entirely the result of being overwhelmed by the society. Sorta like a defence mechanism.
No. 45210
It's not always a matter of capability but rather preference though. I spent the bulk of my 20s slutting around and being keine more or less until I finally realized how much I vastly preferred to be a hermit puttering around on my own things and not being bothered by anyone. I'm sure a lot of people over the years would even go so far as to call me an extrovert. I put a great deal of effort into learning those things and putting a premium on adaptability as probably reflected in other things I do, and yet at the end of it became more a thing of "I will master this game so that I can tell them it's retarded" type of thing. I mean true you can try and claim certain parts of childhood environment are being ignored but even as a kid I thought the other children were stupid and a waste of my time. And you know what? I was right about them. I was much smarter as an 8 year old than a 25 year old. I later adhered to my own nature and have generally been much less stressed out.
No. 45211
My female coworker and me part 4 or so

after she told me she has feelings for me, we just went on, getting more closer at times during work again then. With her clothing getting airier now it kinda became worse for me. How I wanted to just take her and kiss her etc. Anyway, I moving soon. Today we talked about how we both are bummed out and sad and find no motivation and it evolved into a conversation about how we want each other (she thanked for the masks we have to wear, because without them the mouths would have been free for kissing) but she also loves her bf and don't want to hurt him. Apparently she told him about me and her feelings and she said that he is not angry but feels pity for her. Tbh quite close knit relationship in my eyes. Guess this talk we had cooled it all down a bit, maybe, last time did not help, she expected that though. But this time we got even more explicit and did not talk around it so much. I wasn't really expecting stuff, yet ofc I want(ed) it to happen still. But I think they are too close for this. Good for them, a bit of a bummer for me, another woman I dodged or better say I have to dodge. I mean in the beginning I thought nothing about her. Now I'm lonley that's all and I think she knows this. Imageboard dwellers thinking women cannot be rational won't believe reality kicking in. The ego inflation by knowing all this gets killed by not having somebody within seconds btw. Still, better than not being yearned after
No. 45213
2,4 MB, 500 × 295, 0:05
I had a customer today who was talking about the change shortage we are having, and yes, that is still going on. So somehow we got onto the subject and I had mentioned that I found it odd how despite the fact many other countries locked down way harder and for longer than we did that I haven't even heard about any other countries having change shortages.

The guy said to me "well yeah but everyone else in the world is having way bigger problems than we are right now."

Honestly that stuck with me and I've just been repeating that comment over and over in my mind ever since he said it. Somehow that remark has completely cemented the idea to me that this is literally what it was like living in the last stages of the Soviet empire. All of those bydlo and apparatchiki really genuinely believed in the immortal Soviet empire. All those Sovoks really truly believed in their hearts that someday Russian Communism would inevitably prevail, that the rest of the world was jealous of the building of their utopia, that it was terrible in the rest of the world, and many truly and sincerely believed in the ideals of Communism.

I just kept thinking about all of those Soviets who never could've even imagined the Soviet flag being lowered for one last time. I've come to realize this must be, just has to be, exactly what it was like for those few scattered Russian intellectuals and dissidents, and how it might have been like for them surrounded by all of those bydlo and apparatchiki and Great Patriotic War vets.

It's actually an idea and a feel that I don't even think words can accurately describe to you, but ever since those words came out of that guy's mouth I have been thinking of it. He truly and sincerely believed that we are the best in the world still, that the world envies us right now, and that the rest of the planet is way more fucked up than America is both economically, logistically, with infrastructure, and with basic plague management. We were literally in the middle of discussing how the entire retail level economic system is currently being fucked up because we literally don't have enough change to give people for processing cash transactions and now some retailers are simply rounding off money to conduct transactions and he said that. It is a curiously dismal and bewildering feeling if I am honest with you. None of these people have any clue what is coming, have access to accurate information or would even believe what's real for the matter, nor have they any interest in it any longer.
No. 45214
Well that sucks but at least it sort of solved itself for them.
>(she thanked for the masks we have to wear, because without them the mouths would have been free for kissing)
Chuckled a bit.
No. 45217
132 kB, 527 × 480
Today, I've crossed the Rubicon. Just came back from the post office where I sent two of my poems to a journal.
The post is surprisingly cheap. Costs like 30 cents to send a letter. (Even if you send it as priority mail.)
I've received positive feedback from the people I've showed it, so I'm feeling confident that success await.

I now have every necessary document printed for the enrolment procedure.
Also had an ID-picture taken. I have like 4 IDs, and I look different on every single one of them.
On my general ID, I'm like 15, on my student ID, I look normal, on my passport I have long hair and look like some sort of Russian scientist coming to a country to make bomb for stupid americans and now on this one I have a beard and a moustache.

Today was a really Mediterranean day. I woke up late, had a nice Naples-style pizza for lunch, had a ristretto after lazing in bed, and now I'm drinking a glass of red wine. Truly a blessed day.
No. 45218
The USSR's problem was the exact opposite of blind faith. Those apparatchiki were only communist in name, not principle.
Enough people didn't believe in the USSR's methods that they let it fall apart.
I'd consider that a lot less dangerous than the average American citizens blind patriotic faith and militaristic attitude.
Especially if the US is really headed for a collapse/reduction in status. Having a colossal ego doesn't help coming to terms with your own inadequacy and problems.
The party is almost over, but we don't know who will be killed while the US is black-out drunk. The hangover will be awful.
No. 45221
>solved itself

There seems to be a solution but we are not really happy with it I guess. Kinda weird, a few days ago we agreed to meet on sunday for a walk, now she comes back to it and says she does not want appear weak and instable and blow it off. I'm not sure. Ofc I want to see her somehow and I guess she wants it too, but how stupid fucking ass is this, we are yearning each other and yet she tries to keep it rational, well me too. I did not made a move, a certain line a of respect is with me. That would have went overboard as soon as she would do something, kinda assy but I'm fucking lonely tbh and I will act like a junky if there is the chance. Dunno, I will have to sleep and see what tomorrow feels like. I have to listen to this and laugh https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cav3E2UD-HM, kinda weird how I deal by laughing every shit of and give it the absurd twist to not get drained too much, I mean 4-5 months ago it wasn't that strong, absolutely not, but due to corona we suddenly had to work together nearly everyday, she shifted shifts just to work with me
No. 45224
Oh Jesus Christ the fidelity on these headphones. I can't believe how the other half of my other half lives. Oh it is pretty heavy in base though. So I just got these https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yyT8WEvQcBo yeah man the bass really is pretty heavy. I might need an equalizer or something it is way too base heavy. Still very good quality $30 ones instead of the like $20 plastic crap headphones I had from Walmart the last year.

So in other news today I have finally did it. I've drawn down my bank account to virtually nil at this point however virtually all my expenses other than food and tobacco are paid for at least for the next couple of months. It's confirmed that I can overpay the electric and internet companies and thus have a positive credit balance against the next month, which is astoundingly cheap for some bizarre reason I can't quite figure out as I'm running AC all the time (less than $70/month).

My rent is paid. My internet is paid. My electric is paid. I don't have to have that month to month crap hanging over my head for the entire rest of the summer. It's a good day and this is a good feel. It should help tamp down my ongoing unease and baseline anxiety by a lot knowing everything is paid for. I don't actually have to bother with inernet, rent, or utilities until at least the end of September now. Rent itself I won't even have to bother about until Halloween.

To be fair, a good chunk of the problem is because a lot of Americans stopped believing in America too and part of that is because our society's culture and system is fundamentally broken and corrupt at this point. That is part of why you have so many actual Nazis and Communists in addition to the typical tendie munching alt-tard on 4krebs and purple haired 22 gendered SJWs. If you look at our actual political issues right now it's quite clear that the number of people who actually believe in America and our ideals are, at best, a silent majority. I just saw Colin Powell crying on the news today. These are people who really believe, and I think everybody is feeling either disillusioned or like you said has their head stuck up their ass which is a mystery to fit with the ego.

My prediction is that it's going to go down violent and messy though, with more likely than not the very people killing America right now quickly switching to some scapegoat and trying to find some kind of Soros conspiracy behind the very choices they themselves made that accelerated us into a brick wall.
No. 45234
How's it like living in Brazil right now? And why is Bolso acting so retarded or like a Nurgle worshiper?
No. 45235
Sorry, had to delete post because it would be easy for any coworkers to identify me.

Well, on your question, it is pretty shitty because population are not obeying quarantine rules and we're bordering 2% of the population being infected.

As for Bolsonaro, I do not know since I do not follow his life except for watching the general news on TV. He seems like a nice guy even though I couldn't give less of a fuck about politics.
No. 45266
Most of what I hear sounds like gibberish. Don't know if I'm becoming hard of hearing or if apathy has started to rewire my brain. I'm mostly just nodding and saying the most generic statements possible to get by without incident.
>hey ernst
>what's up
>o300$2kf $00--!3 (sounds sad)
>oh wow, really
>ve200$50 -2as0392
>damn, unexpected
>ofjgpe!o,, (sounds happier)
>ha, yeah
Maybe subtitles need to be real. This is why I disliked the theater experience.
No. 45273

>ex texts a long message after a short chat that evolved out of my mind going paranoid and asking her something as I trust her mostly out of nearly all people I know
>she ofc is with somebody else now and better
>coworker and I will 99% restrain our urges and I will move

Fuck this shitty life. Testing patience again, it seems.
No. 45276
36 kB, 750 × 698
I want to ask Ernst for advice during the most difficult weeks and months of my life in 38 years of living, but I wonder if I will just recieve shitty autistic advice not worth following.

I've learned in the last few years to never try to predict the outcome of events, because nothing ever, ever happens like you think it will
No. 45277
99% chance of shitty imageboard advice. What do you expect, asking for advice on an imageboard. EC shitposts less but we've got the same DNA.
No. 45278
Yeah but I figure Ernst would give me some objectivity, you know when you're involved in something so deeply, for so long that you've lost all sense of objectivity? It's like that.

Honestly at this stage I've been living this trauma for so long I think I have stockhold syndrome or something like it, where I doubt myself constantly, like I've done something wrong even though deep down I know I it was I who was wronged every step of the way
No. 45282
Noice, Internet is barely working.
That's presidental election for you.
No. 45283
You sound like you're asking for marriage advice.

I would'nt totally discount ernst though. We've got a fairly wide range of life experience here it's just that the board is so small that youre sadly probably only ever going to get one or two people who share your interests or concerns and thus won't be able to skew the personal biases towards a larger average.

>never try to predict the outcome of events, because nothing ever, ever happens like you think it will
Im pretty sure this is the most retarded or borderline autistic thing I ever frequently do. I think that it's much more comforting to imagine that you can roughly visualize something and different outcomes, as opposed to staring into the truth which is usually a complete void. Althouhh otoh I've also noticed that the closest I can ever come to accurately perceiving and visualizing the future is when there's no chance of stopping it for me. The cassandra thing is extremely annoying. When it comes to my personal life I often can't see shit but when it comes to the broader world events can sometimes accurately guess where things are going (which ot course is useless because I have no ability to change it, pandemic included).
No. 45285
Nothing will change will it? I would really like to see King Alexander toppled but I don't see it happening.
No. 45289
I don't think he's going to be toppled, but some shit is indeed happening.
No. 45293
3,3 MB, 640 × 360, 0:57
Yesterday was a fine day. The friends of my sister came over. There's only a three year tops gap between us, so we got along nicely.
Then they left and came back in the evening and left again.

They're here again, and bought me a gift of two cheeseburgers. Which is good, because I didn't have to bother with breakfast. (There isn't much at home, besides some tea and two leftover slices from a mini-gugelhupf. Though I immediately ate those after waking up.)
Asked them, "What do I owe you?", and the answer was "Nothing".
Woke up in the afternoon, so it was more of a lunch, really.

It's really hot today. It was also really hot yesterday. Makes sleeping really hard.
I had all sorts of weird dreams.
One was me being in Greece with my family and we went to a mass in a Catholic-style church and the pope was there, but not only the pope but Gorbachev too. He was sitting in the centre of the first, U-shaped row.
The mass ended in 30 seconds (I was confused why it ended so soon, even looked at all the people leaving and was surprised, especially. When I didn't see Gorbachev I knew the whole deal was over), and on my way out two guys told me not to run, so I called them wankers and told them to fuck off. Then I told my mother it's better to insult people you'll never meet again than to get in fights with those you meet at a daily basis.

Dreams are very tiresome, especially if you remember them after waking up.
No. 45294
You've really got nothing to lose by posting your problems here. Even if you get shit advice, maybe typing out your thoughts will help organize them, or give them more coherency.
Then again, speaking just for myself here, I'm nowhere near 38 so any advice I have will probably be limited.
No. 45298
1,4 MB, 244 × 244, 0:04
Did Gorbachev really save Russia from civil war?

Also I'd just like to point out that that video is literally what these plague stimulus packages are making me feel like and I question if that's the real reason the GOP dosen't want them in conjunction with the fact it's making poor people ask if we can keep affording to give that kind of money to corporations on a routine basis then how come we aren't getting paid more. But Trump just signed some executive order because of more congressional/Senate gridlock which is hilariously making him feel like the most Soviet president we ever had.

That video mang, I'm feelin it. Now we just need a better Mars program.
No. 45302
My parents nominated me as the executor on their will because I'm probably the only son who can be trusted with money despite being the youngest. I can already see it causing drama when 20-30 years down the line we I will likely be paying out of pocket anyway for their care facility.

Don't be sensible, lads. You just end up with more responsibility.

>I want to ask Ernst for advice during the most difficult weeks and months of my life in 38 years of living, but I wonder if I will just recieve shitty autistic advice not worth following.

Imageboards are shit for advice but I find them good for writing my thoughts out. Like how the God-squad sell prayer as a therapy in talking to yourself.

Recently I wrote out a long post on how my boss is in over his head but after reading it back I realised it's an ideal chance for my own growth. One where if I fuck up it's not my neck on the chopping board :DDD
No. 45307
It must be fascinating to watch the inner workings of the American government as an alien.

That reminds me, it's basically confirmed now that aircraft which violate our current (public) understanding of physics exist, and nobody fucking cares. At a bare minimum, this confirms either intelligent alien life, or a parallel system of science run by at least one Earth organization (probably the US government, or related to it at least).

20 years ago this would be front-page news. Hell, 15 years ago the entire nation was sitting on the edge of its seat to see whether or not one woman in a coma would be taken off life support. But today, literal confirmation of aliens/alien-tier technology is forgotten after a day so that we can keep focusing on Donald fucking Trump.
No. 45312
Honestly I highly doubt that about the aircraft. DARPA has always been working on some wild shit that would get you called a tin hat for mentioning, like trying to figure out ways to beam different radiation wavelengths directly into your skull as either comms or weapons which is now finally declassified. The problem is the good internet got crapflooded so it's harder to find that kind of stuff now among the piles of garbage. Like said above, the object in question is most likely drone prototypes of some kind and I really question the degree to which USAF actively relies on people dumb enough to be demanding alium disclosure rather than blowing the lid off their new weapons programs, though I'd imagine any not retarded government would likewise take UFO sightings seriously for that exact reason.

But then again I also believe in crazy ideas like Blue Beam albeit in a much different format and protocols than the commonly circulated disinfo on the web because that's already a known psyop path they've been exploring since the 60s and 70s. What I find interesting though is the degree to which the CIA has become not-centralized and how much they farmed everything out to parallel agencies and branches to the extent it's all this really weird gray area of decentralized black ops across USN USAF Army etc. and private-public partnerships, which thankfully in some instances like Snowden proved just how fucking pants on head retarded that was and led to numerous data breaches.

There is at this time essentially a very fuzzy distinction if one can even be said to exist between the corporate power structure and the intelligence side of the military industrial complex. This is one reason I'm so adamantly opposed to corps like Google aka AlphabetI genuinely believe a super lame spook thought that up like eh get it eh eh?" or FB and all the other numerous datafarms although frankly afaik they started baking backdoors directly into the firmware like over a decade ago so to have true privacy and data security you'd essentially need to not ever be hooked up to the internet while running a really bizarre homebrew system.
No. 45313 Kontra
oh yeah and I kinda just mentally glossed over that last bit for the exact reason you mentioned, but apparently the EO was total fucking bullshit that didn't do anything for anybody and on top of that is pretty much asking DoL to totally revamp their systems yet again to process it, and the moratorium is not in fact ended they just added some stipulation that HHS can declare emergency to stop it if, you know, they felt like it. Which they won't because it runs contrary to the Chemical Ali "nothing to see here everything is wonderful" messaging. In effect even if the EO was never challenged none of us would be seeing neetbux from it for like another two months since states would be required to set up the new more complicated payment system on their own while pitching in $100 and if the already broke states don't pitch in the money then you get nothing. tl;dr the EO was a bunch of hot air as usual

And you're right my dude. It's amazing. These mcmansion living retards are acting like incompetent children. I don't think we may even have a single competent not fucktarded person left in Washington on either side. It's real let-them-eat-cake and fiddling while Rome burns scenario. I suspect Americans without that perspective that comes from being older countries will be in for an incredibly rude shock when reality meets arrogant ignorance, followed by the general reaction that our decline is the literal end of the world rather than us becoming like a fat late 19th century Spain.
No. 45319
>That reminds me, it's basically confirmed now that aircraft which violate our current (public) understanding of physics exist, and nobody fucking cares. At a bare minimum, this confirms either intelligent alien life, or a parallel system of science run by at least one Earth organization (probably the US government, or related to it at least).
No. 45320 Kontra
I guess he is talking about the UFO recordings published by the Pentagon.


Kontra due to sensationalist content.
No. 45331
using Google slides (google docs equivalent of powerpoint) to do graphics design layout because its genuinely helpful to just send a shared google docs link to the client and say "well, here's a text box where you can write your bullshit that you still haven't decided on a week later. when you're done, click "download, save as png", get off my back, and don't fucking all me past work hours asking to adjust some text". But in a way nicer tone, of course.

I know
but it makes my life easier and I don't have to make sure whoever I'm working with has the same bloated 15gb software suite I'm using so he can edit the files. I'll take webapps over enterprise bloatware anyday.
No. 45354
Haven't talked to Mother in a couple of weeks, in the end she didn't even come for the rent money. I've been basically living shut off from my family, only "visiting" them to do my laundry. It's weird how things can sometimes change so suddenly. Anyways I went to my friend's apartment on the weekend and got to know the other roomate, we got along so it looks like I'll be moving there at the end of the month.
Already excited about planning to do all the stuff you can only do in the city just to stay inside all the time anyways.
No. 45356 Kontra
What are you planning to do? I just hope the roomie life is suited for me and I can get along with the people I'll share a flat with, otherwise I just hope for gf/affairs/love and successful studies so I can maybe write a proper book one day. At both I can fail, I'm already living in the city albeit not one of the biggest this country has.

kontra because I don't want to draw attention
No. 45365
It'll be fine. I flatted with a heroin addict once and while it wasn't pleasant, I mean, I've had worse experiences. Most of the time you aren't sitting in each others laps anyway so it's a non-issue. My problems were 99% that the guy never cleaned the kitchen and had been living there for a while before I moved in, so it was completely unusable for filthiness. The actual getting along bit was easy.
No. 45366
Oh these bougie gofundme faggots don't even support countries outside a few well developed rich first world countries plus America
Which means I still don't know how to send USD or create a central money cache for translating it into ₸ kazakhbux. More options will need to be explored. I think the key thing here is not just putting money there but letting him withdraw it.

Wait none of our countries are blockading Kazakhstan because of butthurt at their government right? I'm 99% sure mine isn't because we've been courting them, or they are courting us, or whichever way to put how our elites and theirs were growing closer through trade deals.
No. 45368
Didn't Brick already say he wasn't interested in that? Respect the man's wishes dude.
No. 45370 Kontra
When did he say that?
>ctrl+f laptop
Oh that's what he meant by fish.

Anyway stumbling across things like this

and something about all those similar pics on a computer hardware store while listening to this
is a really surreal sort of dystopian feeling. Honestly on some fundamental level I'm just thankful to be back home in my own timeline, even if it is shit
No. 45383
Funny thing is that afaik those aren't even more effective than a cloth over your face. It's all a fashion statement. Just like cloth masks with le cute vampire fangs and other gay shit. ah, vanity.

We could've had an ebin apocalyptic future where everybody walks around in a gas mask, instead we get this crap.
No. 45386 Kontra
I've an alcoholic friend and have taken a bunch of different drugs over the years myself, such people would scare me less as roomies than the average student striving to became a teacher. I have this image of pale liberal people in my mind that don't sniff into deviant territory, this deviant territory can be either way abstract or lifeworldly. I fear being looked at by people who I have to get along with. You know in the end I'm not making bad impressions at first usually, I've learned to behave properly with "normal" people.
No. 45391
A colleague is working from Bucharest at the moment where she's spending time with her family. Unfortunately, I keep confusing it with Budapest creating intense butthurt. She's started to see the funny side at least as I repeatedly say to myself "Bucharest" before a call only to fumble when the words leave my mouth :DDD

In other news it is very hot. I need to move up some mountain before global warming kills me.

Worst comes to it you will end up spending all your time in your room. Problems weren't.

I'm not sure I could go back to living with people. It's lonely but I can shit with the door open like a king surveying his realm.
No. 45392
621 kB, 1177 × 1505
>It's lonely but I can shit with the door open like a king surveying his realm.

I lived alone and with gf, can't imagine living together with a bunch of people is better, it's like a family without the family institution. And I really like having a flat as personal space and not just a room.

In other news coworker and I sat in the park and we cuddled a bit after talking for a while, tried to kiss her but she said she can't do that to her bf, well I then kissed her neck in order to destablize her a bit jokingly, I mean she enjoyed it, felt her bodily sensation. I can't really control it, dunno it's bitter but rationally I can understand the situation both of us are in, but damn, I want her
No. 45393
269 kB, 234 × 249
I went to a pedicurist today. It's kind of a tradition at this point, because all the walking I do during summer in flip-flops makes my feet harden like as if I were some sort of monk walking on hot stones all day.
It's better now, though. Feels like I'm walking on clouds, and I got myself a better flip-flop.

The weather is very weird. There are multiple 15 minute storms a day. This is great, because short rains are ideal for cooling down the air creating imitation-vietcong habitat with a 90% humidity.

I'm anxiously waiting for a reply from the journal I sent my poems to. My friend said that I might've picked an overly ambitious goal by choosing such a prestigious paper. Though he also said, "all the more glory" if I get published.
So let's hope for glory.

We visited grandma. She's in a bad shape. Don't know if she'll live to see Christmas, but then again, the doctors said she won't be seeing last year's Christmas, so whatever.

Two days ago I used my debit-card to by digital heroin. As in, I bought Stardew Valley and I've been playing it and immensely enjoying it, despite the guilt it gives me for playing it too much.

I have one day more day off, then I'm going to work on Thursday and Friday. Which is great in a way, because I don't have to go to a family trip. Work really does put things into perspective.
I'm also working for three days next week. Gonna be tiresome.

>Unfortunately, I keep confusing it with Budapest creating intense butthurt
Hahaha... YES!
No. 45403
Tbh, I get that. It was Evin though that even though the guy was a massive druggie. Like one time came home to him sitting on his bed staring into the hallway asking if I'd seen his friend who'd 'gotten really small and disappeared'. Turns out he was on two forms of heroin and pills at the same time.

Funny thing though was that he always paid me back my change when I lent it to him for the laundry with zero expectation of seeing it again, and if he nicked anything of mine from common areas, he'd actually give it back if I asked for it instead of acting like he didn't have it. Massive grub when it comes to cleaning up after himself, the entire place smelt slightly like rotten food, and the kitchen bench had 5 or 6 mils of grime caked on top of it but in terms of dope fiends to be living with, it could have been much worse.
No. 45406
It may seem a bit out of context, but as my girl and me seem to develop a touristic likening for old austro-hungarian glory and wanna visit the szechenyi bath, we'd like to see Budapest one day.
Would you like to be our local guide then? We could surely pay you and have some literary assburger talk, though I could understand if it would be too awkward for you.
No. 45408
Today I had a really weird feeling like Lot needing to leave the city or country if Lot was himself filled with iniquity.

I had a woman wearing a "Keep America Great" face mask ask to play a couple of numbers one of which was 666 dollar straight. For those who don't know it's a lottery thing. This kinda surprised me because I assumed there was this huge Evangelical support but here she is betting on Satan. It's hard to explain. I've had people play 666 before but this time felt weirder. After her yet another person played several numbers and one of them was again betting on 666. Like what are these people even doing? Are they trying to sell their souls for lottery money? It used to be that people would get weirded out and superstitious about the number. I had one girl say oh no in the last year and another guy quickly throw in another item so his total wasn't $6.66 anymore. I've seen the number played on purpose but today was the first time I've had two people play 66y on the same day.

Within like an hour of those two I had a guy come in wearing a tshirt with the seven deadly sins on it arrayed in the same formation as the Oabbalistic tree of life. I couldn't tell if this was some kind of a band tshirt or a video game maybe, but when he turned and left I saw nothing on the back. It was just an occult themed tshirt with the seven deadly sins as stylized animals in a clearly occult themed tshirt.

It was just really spooky to me. Maybe Euros would'nt care much but you have to understand the superstition and culture of here. It felt like a sign, or they were doing it on purpose.

Is my country actually Satanic? When everyone keeps calling us things like "the great satan" did they actually have a point? It was a weird feel that stuck with me. That also was the only person with KAG/MAGA stuff on I saw that day because everybody has basically stopped wearing their MAGA stuff at this point so it's not statistical chance. The only person who did was banking on the devil. I'm tired and maybe not explaining the context well enough but it was just so bizarre and noteworthy to me today.

I have had to conclude that this is a sign from God to not follow after these people into their destruction and the pit of hellfire this country's been heading. They have not repented, but boasted even more openly of wickedness, and now seemingly even the faithful are corrupted or gone silent. It made me genuinely feel like I am amidst Sodom and I have to leave this place. The absolutely open embrace of the demonic in all aspects of life including video gaming and people putting pentagrams on their graphics cards and all the people with Satanic tattoos I frequently see does not sit well with me. I have a broken pen. I should carve an inked cross into myself as a last reminder of this place.
No. 45409
Isn't the Devil's number actually 616? Not that I care if it is or not, but seeing that you're into this, I wanted to know what your response is:
No. 45411 Kontra
>What are you planning to do?
Just going to museums, cinemas, specialty stores, parks, stuff like that, nothing crazy
I especially want to try going to cafés regularly for reading/working
Going on dates would be cool too, but not a priority though I've reinstalled t*nder

>I just hope the roomie life is suited for me and I can get along with the people I'll share a flat with
I'm sure it'll work out fine, most people living in WGs are at least somewhat relaxed/open-minded in my experience, as others said at worst you can just hide in your room and look for another place since you're already there
No. 45412
>nothing crazy

Sounds good tho. I mean the cafe is a bit funny, I had to go the the inner city today and strolled along the cafes, you see quite some people there alone, but not necessarily reading. Anyway, think it is cool to do that somehow. It is seen as pretentious sometimes I guess, but I wish doing that sometimes, having a good coffee and read or just look around. There was a workplace and during breaks I sometimes went to a turk food joint that also had seats and was a bit restaurant like to have a lunch alone.

I still need to get a room, some dates are set.
No. 45413
Does Ernst know where to get electronic waste? I mean pcd boards and cable from inside of computers, those more tiny cable to connect a fan or some stuff to connect to the mainboard? Etc.

Buying old second hand stuff for cheap yeah, but maybe you can get it for free :DDD ave to look up the gift section of classifieds
No. 45415
Well read the wiki page. Personally I think and have always thought that it's really suspicious revisionism. It's often the same sort of stuff that also has tried to claim that Revelation was solely meant to be in the immediate term and that 666/616 was code for Neron/Nero who persecuted the crap out of the early Christians, and typically with the thinly veiled objective of trying to discredit both Revelations and Christianity.

Regardless it does not mean that even if it were wrong a certain element wouldn't be using it to that effect anyway, nor does that mean some of these same people aren't hysterically using shit wrong because they are illiterates. Monster drinks is a perfect case example where their "unleash the beast" line of drinks probably was using that not just as claw tears but to actually represent vav vav vav because, once again, they are illiterates who don't understand that Hebrew would make VVV=18 in the Arabic inspired numerals system we use (odd given that Arabic itself is like Hebrew and Greek iirc) for the same reason that VI VI VI in Roman does not actually equal 666 but rather XVI or 18.

Actually the reason why this whole idea is completely retarded and often bandied about but not the most Scripturally literate is because of the fact that Book of Revelations itself frequently uses fractions of thirds and two thirds which is--you guessed it--33.3 and 66.6 (repeating of course). There's numerous parts of that book which involve things like a third of this being burnt up and a third of the waters poisoned and etc etc. It's also a rather specious argument considering it's based on this one fragment and that it is in Greek as opposed to Hebrew or Aramaic and from centuries after. In fact the KJV states it as "six hundred three score and six." I think it is useful that it is stated this way so that people can get the actual numeric value but of course English speakers snd people using our numbers always get hung up on the repeating digits.
No. 45420
43 kB, 517 × 578
>Isn't the Devil's number actually 616?
As Irenaeus(writing ~ 200 AD) knew of the 616 textual variant, but rejected it, it's likely Papyrus 115 was simply copied from one of the erroneous manuscripts which he mentioned in Against Heresies. I know this raises the question: How do we know which was the original number written by John? Since the bulk of historical manuscripts-including the most authoritative which were known to Irenaeus-contain 666, then that settles the matter to my satisfaction.
t.Another Christian
No. 45421
You know what something just occurred to me: what is RAC? I always kind of thought of him as irreligious but then again I knew a Pakistani man who was educated in some Catholic school system in Pakistan and who seemed much more sympathetic to Christianity than Islam in a sense.
No. 45424
>what is RAC?

Are you referring to me as an object or are you sincerely asking what is Rock Against Communism? I've already elaborated on the latter, so I'm taking it you want to know about me personally. I think I've elaborated quite a bit about who I am, where I'm from and my background much more than I should on anonymous imageboards. And pardon me, but reducing my personhood to "what" rather than "who" is mildly insulting.

Not being coy, but I don't know what's more to add. To answer your question with regards to my religious background, I grew up with plenty of interfaith dialogue. My mother is Roman Catholic (although identifies as a non-denominational Christian) and my father was a Muslim throughout his entire life. He would routinely make sport mocking Christians, especially Catholics, but respected for Protestants, Puritans and Calvinists for being honest, committed to their principles and industrious. My mother wanted me to be raised in a certain faith because she felt it grounded people with a basic set of moral principles to carry with throughout their lives, so she presented my father with an ultimatum. If he didn't raise me as a Muslim, she'd have me baptized and made Catholic. My father tried hard, although being a Muslim in a region where the population is scattered far and wide made the task difficult. Having to learn Arabic when neither of my folks spoke it compounded the problem; had to learn the Quran via transliteration. The final nail in the coffin for me was having no connection with anybody at the mosque. When the teachers found out my mother was Christian, they'd badger me to have her convert. Kids at the playground during recess also were less than welcoming, although not necessarily hostile. In the end, I have no love lost for Islam, but I will defend Muslims when they're attacked by others who are acting in, pardon the expression, bad faith. Likewise, I will defend Christians, especially my mother, from any Muslim who comes at them disrespectfully or in bad faith.

Ultimately, I chose to declare myself agnostic. In my experience, human beings are uncomfortable with the unknown and especially with death, so they turn to myth to explain what they cannot grasp. I'm not an atheist because most skeptic communities are packed to the brim with smug, self-congratulatory morons with delusions of enlightenment, painfully unaware that they're atheists because they're born into a secular culture rather than reaching a profound understanding of the universe. Despite that, I still like Penn Jillette and James Randi.
No. 45434
It's pretty easy to see scrolling by that the question was what religion you are
No. 45443 Kontra
34 kB, 405 × 405
Had my second online meeting for a room, felt the convo was pretty much dry as fuck, don't expect to get it, the relief when it was over was greatly, it just feels akward to get thrown into it like this. I mean I guess it is different to meet these people in person. but then again I'm tired as fuck rn. It just feels weird to stare at my phone to people on a wonky video call with mediocre connection and tell them something about myself, I have my studies and everything else comes with time, but tbh they seemed to like to drink a beer and go out, which I'm not interested in but other activities like cooking.
No. 45451
420 kB, 900 × 1164
>Monke eats funny tasting fermented fruit a million years ago
>This somehow resulted in you using excel for 8 hours a day
At least it pays well. Though I doubt the monke had to worry about mone.

I'm very tired. I'm going to buy a bottle of sake tomorrow on the way home.
Le salaryman faec.

Gonna finish reading that short volume of Chinese short stories during the weekend, and then I'm going to play Stardew Valley some more. (And then I'm going to write posts about both of them. Oh joy.)

No news from the journal. I don't think I got in. It'd be at least nice to get a letter saying "sorry bucko, not this time".

If I have the time and chance, naturally.
Just tell me beforehand so that I can prepare a bit.
No. 45453 Kontra
>It'd be at least nice to get a letter saying "sorry bucko, not this time".

I don't want to bring it to you but if it got declined and it was a prestigous journal you can bet that many other send in their stuff and they don't wanna send out many decline letters I think. I read about a publisher of novels once that they get so many scripts, they get read though, not fully ofc but they either dive in deeper or just let it slip and won't come you back to you because they would doing this decline notes several hours a day and nobody in a publisher will want to spent time with that since deadlines and stuff in quite a tight business get priority over friendliness.
No. 45454 Kontra
I know, I know.
It's also entirely possible they haven't gotten to it in a mere 2-3 days. I'm thinking if I get nothing by the end of next week I'll write it off as a failure and be done with it.
No. 45460
2,7 MB, 640 × 360, 0:45
I don't even know rationally the full extent of why beyond a few minor annoyances but I've gotten progressively closer to wanting to quit my job or get myself fired and today it took everything in me not to angrily storm out. Even one of my coworkers totally unprompted bluntly asked me why I wasn't getting a job being a manager at some company related to a hobby she knows about or doing something else (kinda funny she said that right in front of the boss too tbh I'm still not sure why she said it beyond the fact for whatever pandemic related issues I'd find fault in she's got that very specific type of feminine piercing emotional intelligence that can see through people and appraise things in a way that borders on genius to me at times but then again I am profoundly low EQ). It is actually at the point where I feel exactly like I did back in March and nothing has changed and I already wanted to be looking towards different Masters programs now and whittling down which to try enrolling in next year.

Like, it is literally at the point where the sole reason why I haven't left my job is because of dem sweet UI gibes and the knowledge that if I walked off the job I'd be ineligible for unemployment. Had the Republicans actually managed to push through some kind of retarded bullshit that would have gutted unemployment benefits I'd not even be considering staying with the company. But instead there's always that carrot getting dangled in front of me that if I can just somehow force myself to put up with shit including the nonstop feeling for months now like everyone is just trying to make things as difficult and unsanitary as possible for me to do my job for both myself and others and the unending feeling of like why do I care why should I even care that people can get sick they don't even want to wear masks and I have people coming in blowing their disgusting snotty noses everywhere and touching things it's not even that a lot of them even want anyone to make them not sick why shouldn't I just let people get themselves sick and die. But then you deal with like one decent person and can remember to say "no, Lord, there are still but ten good men and women left in the city" and it helps you push through that day.

But even still, it's actually quite literally at this point solely about the fact I was right not to quit my job back in March and to try using at least some measure of self control to keep my job because while I knew back then it was jighly likely I'd be at least partially laid off sometime or other it came with a totally unanticipated reward which resulted in literally thousands and thousands of dollars I never could have actually hoped or foreseen to have, so, there is also that, and I've just got to keep telling myself every day "it's okay, self, if you hold on for just a little bit longer your hours are probably going to get cut sooner or later anyway, just keep holding on, it'll be just around the corner." Which is also actually true probably moreso because of the fact I am fully anticipating this national school reopening to be a complete epic shitshow of colossal proportions somewhere between a trainwreck, a dumpster fire, and a historically infamous national disaster. The only question in my mind at this point is if it's gonna be a smoldering rancid dumpster bbq, or whether the flames are going to be so high by winter it'll catch the whole building on fire too. Considering that I am located physically in the building atm and foreseeable future it doesn't do me a lotta good for the latter but I feel like I just have to keep holding on for like two to four more weeks by which point they'll probably start shutting schools down again and people will stop wanting to shop and Allah willing I won't have to come home so tired and mad as frequently as today.
No. 45474
What's happening in this video? Do you have marauding militias now or is this officially coming from the state?
No. 45476
Great, looking forward to it!
Concerning being published etc.: Just keep working on your translations, studies and most importantly on your self and things will come to you on their own. If you show the necessary willpower and push yourself in the rough direction you will succeed - I'm sure it will only be a matter of time.
Not to mention I believe that most literary publishments happen though connections and relationships. I know a german writer, who got published in one of the bigger literary publishing houses. Not only did she descend (and still carry the name of) a famous and historically relevant prussian general, but also she just had a friend who literally worked in the publishing house asking her to write something. Well, she wrote her novel and got a few articles in newspaper feuilletons but that's about it.
What I'm trying to say: You shouldn't care about being published, it's not the holy grail and there are other achievements that will be able to give you more right now.
Plus it's better to be published late than too early.
No. 45481
1,9 MB, 1985 × 2362
Postwar history is sprawling inside my mind making me confused because of all the entanglements and connections going on.
The thesis is making me bonkers, it's too much I read and I can't get it written out the way I want it, probably because the nexus is not as clear to me as it seems. I can see there is a nexus, there is no way it is not, but it's complicated and I get lost with all the twist and turns and sideways that play into the whole of it. There coherence is not really there, at least not how I want it to be. It's also question of selection and arrangement at this point not so much knowledge perhaps.
No. 45511
>What's happening in this video?
This was taken in Minneapolis, a major city in Minnesota. A cufew was in place, following protests and such, and police fired paint balls at people standing on their porch. It's important to note that citizens were permitted to stand outside on their own property. These cops were just on a power trip, abusing their authority, and generally treating our streets like a video game.
t.Different burger
No. 45515
17 kB, 480 × 360
Had another cast for a room, we talked an hour this time and they seemed very sympathetic to me. Relaxed and calm people, no parties, no organised roomie life besides Ordnung in the kitchen and bathroom, I can adapt to the last, the former is just perfect for me.
Hopefully this time I will get the room.
No. 45517
I think that phrasing is rather vastly downplaying the severity of what's going on. The level of tyranny cops have reached in this country is legitimately to the point that I would'nt mind at all the Egyptian Scenario where what few vets we have left would open fire on these retards until they backed down. Cops are often bullies so they usually only pick on soft targets while heavily armed and in greater numbers. Am I jaded and cynical about this? Yes. Because I unironically believe in freedom and muh tree of liberty.
No. 45519
Work is okay. I've been working during summers at this place for like 5 years now.
A strange consequence of this is that the boss of my boss who sits at the same group of desk I sit at when I'm there calls me Ernstichka instead of just Ernst.
Not that I'd consider it a bad thing necessarily.
Anyway. I've been "promoted", so I'll be tasked with wrangling 3-4 more student workers. That also means a slight pay-raise and some time spent pondering about class relations :^)
Though I don't think there will be much trouble. The work is fairly monotone, since we have to enter boxes worth of invoices into excel, and unless an entire box is fucked up somehow, then there shouldn't be any issues with entering them.

I've spent half of the day playing Hearts of Iron. The other half Stardew Valley. I also read like 5 pages.
I'm a fucking wreck. It's like as if my life was missing some form of genuine joy.
No. 45520 Kontra
I'm not worried. If I get published, I get published, if not, then wasted 1 Euro on postage and printing.
There's really nothing to lose here.
(Btw I know a lot comes down to connections, especially in a country like this.)
No. 45532
I have one day off in the middle of essentially a 9 day work week and I have to go shopping finally and I am fucking dreading it. I'm probably just going to take a dufflebag into Walmart rather than a handcart because I am now beginning my second week before I need to make sure that my stockpile is finished. I am anticipating more national chaos come labor day and I am already almost completely out of food having refused to bother with shartmart for a couple weeks now. I am dreading this. I really do not wish to go to Walmart today. But I have to get some food. And I need to stockpile food. And I need to get this done before the next several days worth of work where I'm just not going to feel like going out again. And my tobacco stockpile has also dwindled into nothing. And I desperstely need to make sure I can start the first of what will probably be three separate trips minimum to gather all my supplies before I start running the risk of people panic buying and other shenanigans. Such cases.
No. 45533
>I think that phrasing is rather vastly downplaying the severity of what's going on.
Yeah, I was trying to describe that scene as clearly as possible, without invoking my contempt for our 'warrior' cops, or for the police state they have built around us, where every interaction with an officer comes with an unspoken threat of violence.

>There's really nothing to lose here.
Exactly right. If it doesn't happen, then take another shot, and another after that. The people who get published are the ones who try-and keep trying. (ofc connections help, but that's true about everything, right?).
No. 45537
Hey do any of you guys know if posting video from your phones contains any exif or metadata which can be used to identify you and which device shot it? If so is there any kind of way to strip that data? I'd like to post some videos to either here or youtube but I don't want it to get used to invade my privacy.
No. 45541
It's safest to assume there is metadata buried in the file, and to remove it. If you can't see any metadata using your OS, then you can double check by uploading the file to one of those sites which display/remove those details. Just search "metadata online"(just an example:this site shows me way more than my computer does : https://exifmeta.com/, this one removed all of it https://www.verexif.com/en , which I verified by re-uploading to the first site).
Ofc those sites will then have your info, but what are they going to do with it? Nothing.
No. 45554
Good God I just laughed so hard after watching the intro to a news episode from last night. It literally was
>1600 students quarantined
>hotspots appearing at colleges all over the country
So I just got my first of three scheduled supply runs done today and by god it was a pain in the ass. Have you ever carried a backpack and a duffle bag filled with cheese, beans, coffee creamer, and pasta sauce around? Do you know what your body feels like after? Now I do. Thankfully it wasn't as brutally hot today for me to do it nor did it rain so thanks to God for that. I'm going to try to pick up a bunch more supplies to shore up my stockpile later and I've already got over two bottles of iso which I'm selfishly nabbing anywhere I can to reach a target of three or four surplus and in addition I've managed to pick up some surplus Chinese KN-95s at least in theory which are getting mailed to me. The way I figure it I am now approximately one week deep into my three week schedule at which point the others are going to realize this isn't going away again and that--shockingly--sending everyone back to school in the middle of a pandemic without additional resources or coordinated planning to handle it might've been a bad idea.

Actually come to think of it I see this one big Irish guy around and every time I see him now I can't help but wonder how many worried messages his friends and family send him every week about how safe he is being stuck in the States. I'm pretty sure he's now stuck in here at the circus with us for that full ride until the end.

In other news were I not so tired I'd already be working on it right now but to be perfectly honest with myself I'm pretty sure part of it is because I'm so nervous about either hooking up a power cord to a PC component improperly or finding out I have a dead component or just not doing something correctly. I have Noctua NT-H1 thermal paste that's advertised as this superior Austrian engineered cooling solution which I was planning to apply in place of whatever the factory paste is slapped on on fan cooler which itself is yet another point of my failure and all of it is making me so nervous. It's just this weird complete awareness of the fact this is something I have never done before and thus am completely aware of the fact I have so many unknown unknowns as Rumsfeld would say where I haven't even figured out to question if I would be doing it right. I do not even know for example if I could mix and match my case fans with a different brand of RGB in the future. I do not know what I am expected to do in my UEFI settings the first time I switch it on if indeed it even does POST.

I guess it's kind of sad to say it like this but building my first computer really does feel like trying to be a father or having a girlfriend for the first time and whatever preconceived notions you had slam directly into the awareness you have never actually been in this situation before and now you're fully committed to doing it. Well at least worst case scenario is an RMA or buying new hardware rather than fucking up a baby.

I also just got a video camera too so I'm going to try to screw around with video creation. I figured I write such long shitposts about vidya I might as well actually proofread and edit into a script to being an actual review somewhere of possibly more obscure games rather than simply bothering people on here with walls of text about shit nobody cares about except well maybe Russia once in awhile.
No. 45575
67 kB, 1280 × 720
Another zoom meeting for a room. It was ok, but the price is not very good, too high given the rental conditions (at least 12 months).
I just hope I get the room, I had a zoom meeting on the weekend for. The people were relaxed and we had some laughs.

Also my coworker and I don't really work together anymore and she came to her senses, I think it got too dangerous and burdening for her being between two guys and her bf was sad sack because of this shit already, lucky him, having such a strong loving gf. We shouldn't see each other anymore was the conclusion. Welp, wish ofc we got more intimate but ofc I don't want to fuck up a years long relationship either.
No. 45580
Work is going well enough. Turns out this week is only three days long, because of a national holiday.
I don't have to "manage" the other four student-workers all that much. I told all of them what to do, gave them examples and then answered the arising questions throughout the day.
Pretty good all in all.
Last year everyone but me was in university in the group, so I felt a bit like a "loser". But now it feels like we're on equal footing socially. (Most of them are studying business, economics and the like from what I heard)

Had an assburger tier discussion with colleagues whether or not the Poles are slavs.

On the way home I bought a small bottle of hand sanitizer, some masks and also picked up the bilingual copy of Wilhelm Tell I ordered. Read a really moving quote online, and it made ma want to read it.
The German romantics and classicists are a colossal blind-spot for me for some reason. I don't remember ever having to read either Goethe or Schiller in school. I remember Hoffman's Der goldene Topf as an assigned book, but at the time I found it so incredibly fucking boring that I didn't read it.

I've found a book on the history of Chinese book-making. I was surprised to find the delivery fee being close to like 6 euros, then I looked up the company and they ship it from the city of Pécs, Baranya-county's capital.
Sometimes I forget that people actually live outside Budapest and the agglomeration.
I guess bigger countries with multiple cities don't have this problem.

We shared a glass of wine with mum after she came home from work. It was very wholesome. A true family moment.
No. 45582
On Friday evening a wisdom tooth decided that now was the time for what was previously a mild infection (the kind I've had twice before without issue) to turn into agony. Unfortunately it is pretty much impossible to see a dentist at the moment and only today was I able to get a prescription for antibiotics. The past few days have been quite full of pain and no sleep. Also its pretty hard to get your wisdom teeth taken out at the best of times in the UK making me wish I could just go over the US and have this done with.

So I got hopped up on painkillers and achieved very little work but I did manage to spill a liquid food drink all over my bed. I'd not cleaned my other sheets at the weekend (because pain) so had to buy some new ones. This year has been hard for humanity.
No. 45586
You need to see a dentist immediately because this is a real emergency. I once had a cracked wisdom tooth and I simply drank heavily hoping to help sanitize what felt like a growing infection until a friend made me come to my senses and sent me to a doctor. The doc shined a rubbermaid flashlight in my mouth, proclaimed "I am not a dentist" and sent me on my way with a script for 15 Percocets. The irony is that once a found a (not terribly competent) dentist who didn't seem to know what he was doing all ge gave me was three Tylenol 3s with codeine for the pain that was now worse because it felt like he cracked my jaw with his haphazard incompetent yanking at my tooth fragments.

But the moral of the story here is that you can literally die. I knew of a friend of a friend who actually died in college because he got an infected wisdom tooth and waited too long to take care of it and grew septic and the infection spread to his head and into his brain. I repeat: you can die from an infected wisdom tooth. Get it fixed. Badger them about it being the emergency it truly is because the people you are dealing with may be bureacrats or receptionists who do not understand this can easily become a life threatening emergency and not just some guy needing his wisdom tooth pulled. Make sure they understand the problem is not that it is impacted but that it is infected if that is truly the case.
No. 45587
Pretty sure the IT guys can see whenever I fuck around at work by writing story drafts and browsing wikis, but I wonder how many of them actually care. Like as long as I'm not bypassing porn filters I could just waste away my whole work day. It's not like we have anything better to do.
No. 45588
IT are not superhumans. They want to waste the whole workday too and unless specifically instructed, they won’t observe your behaviour.
They kinda already have enough on their hands without that.
No. 45599
that feel when you catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror and have to momentarily confront your own "beingness"
contemplate the fact that you are, in fact, "you" whatever that means
feels fucking weird mang
I go for long periods of time where I'm in information consumption or immersive activity mode, and sort of forget the fact that I am a physical being in this world. and looking in the mirror sort of violently jolts me back awake .
i wish I was like a spectator in counter strike, but irl. beingness sucks.
No. 45600
Wow, that's some serious derealisation.
No. 45601
Are you kidding me? I had the very same thing today. I was looking in the mirror and suddenly had the feeling that I barely recognize the face. In fact, I did recognize it, but only as the face I never really look at because I assume I already know it.
What followed were some intense 30 minutes of being aware of many, many things right in the moment they were happening.

... or maybe it wasn't 30 minutes but only felt like it. Hard to tell, really.

But shit, man, what's the coincidence? Maybe the weekly roleplaying has put our periods in sync :-DDDDD
No. 45602 Kontra
>"you" whatever that means


Yeah, I hear you, I mean I like to look at the mirror and be fascinated by existing at all and this human bean I can sense via mirroring material should be "me". The What the fuck are you doing man, what the fuck is going on. Never got a good answer. I had a more longer chat today and yeah, was "I" talking? What and how would that be? Like identity is there but it's actually a hoax and something else below makes it up. Not that I feel constructed while talking or so, but what is actually happening? Also it kind of gives me shivers, kinda uncanny because you are actually foreign to yourself, like alien processes or something.
No. 45603
There were a few extra banknotes in the brief I got from my boss today. It's not much, basically I earn 50-60 cents more per hour than the other workers, but it still feels satisfying.
(I'll use the extra money to buy a new teacup, since my mother broke the old one this morning. It was a double-walled teacup. I liked it because I could hold it even after pouring boiling hot tea into it. Really, it's a 200IQ concept. )

I got the shittiest stack of invoices imaginable, so I've been slogging through this 500-600 pile for two days now. It's incredibly tiresome, and probably half of my day tomorrow will be spent processing the remaining ones.
At this point I've grown numb to the funny company and personal names I sometimes came across during the first year or two.

Though I found newfound joy in the cup-sized coffee mug they have at the company kitchen. They're mug shaped, but coffee cup sized.
Reminds me of the glasses my grandmother used to serve us tea in. As a kid they felt huge, but now they're barely bigger than two shot-glasses. It's like as if things get smaller as you grow older.
But in this case, the change was instantaneous and contained within a single space-time.

I used the Rhodesia solution in practice today when helping with the wording of a letter. I was very proud of myself I telly you what. I worded this complex sentence, full of foreign words to politely say "this is how the procedure works, if you don't like it, fuck off".
It went something like this: Because of the manual nature of the manufacturing procedure, it's impossible to make the printing of the logos on the surface of the products look uniform

I'm preparing my lunch for tomorrow. There's some leftover blini, so I'm taking a few with me as dessert.

Beigness is cool. Or maybe I just don't feel you.
I'm very vain and spend relatively a lot of time looking at myself in the mirror every morning and sometimes even in the evening.
Different angles, different expressions, it's all fun to look at yourself and imagine how you'd look like in a historical photo maybe.
Honestly, mirrors make me feel really good and confident.
No. 45604
If it is normal IT-guys you can pretty much do anything you want as long as you don't piss on them. Do not make IT-guys look bad. They already are aware of at least 10 major threats to the IT-infrastructure but can't fix them because higher ups wont give them money or spent them on useless porn filters. You have to watch out for they guys with inferiority complex though. Since they are the ones left when the competent guys quit.

t. knower of things
No. 45608
Reminds me that sometimes I notice the weight of my own body and have this weird disconnect and start actively noticing the existence and function of my body. Disturbing shit mang.
No. 45613
I am so close, so very very close now, but I swear this thing is a fucking fire hazard
which is of obviously inferior quality in certain areas to such an extent that I'm probably just going to spend a fuckton (to me anyway considering the product class) more money on case fans just because I don't want my house to burn down. The fact that my smoke alarm was inexplicably dangling when I came home the one day has done nothing for keeping me from building on having a complex. I am already becoming routinely five or more minutes late to work each day just because it takes me over ten minutes going back and forth making sure the stove is off and all the right things are unplugged.

I'm pretty sure at this point that I'm just gonna buy a new three pack of fans. I've seen little to allay my fears on this and am convinced now that this is the primary point of failure in my entire setup because I thought they were just okay quality on sale, not among cheapest Chinese made garbage with a molded SATA connector and the flimsiest wires. The control module even had its pins all bent out of shape when it arrived and apparently it came in from China despite the fact it was advertised as ships from US. Iirc anyway.

Having done more research it seems thst particular type of molded SATA can be a huge source of problems with the vast majority of PC fires seemingly from bad molded SATA connections that kept heating up, warping, and eventually arcing, albeit with cheap shitty Molex/SATA adapters being the primary culprit. Of the "this literally set my computer on fire" bad reviews I've seen over the last month all of them were either bad DVD drives or bad cheap case fans, in both cases the point of failure being at the SATA power connector.

Well at least I got it to POST a couple days ago. I've been too tired as shit to work on it too much each day although it's mainly that project I'm doing and also because if how apprehensive I am about some hardware failure particularly me doing stupid shit like plugging a connector in wrong. You know what I should dissassemble the PSU housing and recheck all my mainboard connections tonight before trying to switch it back on again for the one final test before trying to install Windows and ah shit I just realised I haven't even got all of my one day off to work because fucking errands. Shit. Whatever. At least I got it to POST.

I've been sleeping only a few hours a night lately for some reason snd my schedule lately has become dogshit.
No. 45614
At the moment I'm hesitant. Its the gum around it that's causing problems because all mine are partially impacted and the antibiotics+passage of time seems to be working. Still, if I get to the end of the week when my antibiotics run out then the dentist will have no more excuses to fob me off and he will have to run his business!

Due to covid if I turn up at a hospital A&E or try my dentist again I will be told to jog-in because nobody is dealing with mouths atm if they can help it.

My biggest fear/annoyance is the version history on online documents. I doubt anyone checks but my boss could easily see days where I couldn't be bothered or how I tend to catch-up at night where I can do 1-2 hours for 4 hours messing about during the morning (because I'm just not a morning person).

It's bullshit. Fuck the cloud, I always end up saving documents to my desktop and then copy pasting into a blank document when I need to share online.
No. 45615
That's what I figured. It's just that my workplace supposedly expects us to remain on task for the entirety of our hours. We even got a notice from middle management that suggested that we should log whatever non-work sites we use so that we can "explain" ourselves if someone catches us. That notice is almost two years old. An old man was on Youtube in the work station next to mine. I'm tempted to get back into cookie clicker.
I don't see them very often, though I try not to antagonize people at work. Or interact with anyone. Maybe I should say hi or something.
No. 45617
8 kB, 162 × 312
I got up with wet feet, because I forgot to apply my bivy last night. Not an issue as it'll dry out but I had a really mean setup with my hybrid tarp system using a fallen log behind me to secure the ropes.
After a quick few oranges at the supermarket, and a mediocre jazz apple, I walked a few km to the red cross. A very cute woman, roughly around my age, helped me out as I applied for a food benefit of unknown quantity and received $600 free today on a gift card. Fucking based, now I can double dip at the soup kitchen and get free food all at the expense of this tax free ngo.
The woman who interviewed me was adorable as. A slight horse maw, but what a rump I saw as she went upstairs to nab me a hot chocolate. My goodness what a behind. After her czech boss finished his little check up, she came back and we chatted a bit. I mentioned about going to India and her eyes illuminated and stopped jumping around the room, fixating their brown goodness on me. I couldn't help but get stuck in her gaze as that smile trapped me in her lull. Fugggg, my bepis rose in my pants, which thankfully wasn't visible to her or I actually would have been embarrassed unlike other encounters with women I've had. The last look she gave to me was bedroom eyes, and dogdamn, she even insisted on taking my number.
A higher up lady within the organization even demanded that I apply for accommodation, which will be free of charge.

Ernst, I ain't even spending a single penny in the nz and I've got it set with all of the public benefits and might have a gf soon.

Regards, homelesspro.
No. 45627
Yesterday I rode a horse for the first time in 6 years, it feels so good to not be fat, like there are more possibilities open to me now.
No. 45631
41 kB, 336 × 500
It's a pretty regular occurrence for me.

probably the most alienating part is realizing that this third person view is how others experience my "self", and how different and unfamiliar this experience is from the way I experience my Own "selfness". My internal experience of the self and the experience of my self from an external point of view are so different as to be incomparable. Yet this external "avatar" I carry around and is completely alien to me is somehow inherently part of who "I" am. I don't know how to explain the weird sensation other than to make an analogy that you've been living with a roommate for 20 years, sharing finances, living space, food, and friends, and all your friends and relatives know everything about you through talking to him regularly. But you have never actually met the guy, he's a complete stranger, yet an integral part of your life. And then one day you finally meet him face to face and get a strange sensation of how unfamiliar this person is, despite being a part of your life this whole time.
maybe that's what people who grew up in a foster home feel like when they finally meet their real parents, this mixture of both familiarity and alienness

And also realizing that the opposite is true as well. Every other person you interact with is merely a shell or a figure of said person, and the real person is unreachable.

fuck thinking about this man

I am ok with how I look externally. If I were vain, I'd be quite satisfied of owning such a body, like one might be satisfied at owning a nice car or a nice couch. It's the notion that this object is "me", despite not feeling like it at all that weirds me out. I do not see a reason to deeply associate myself with my body for the same reason I don't often think how the back of my head looks like. It's just got absolutely nothing to do with what I do and who I perceive myself as being.

If tomorrow I woke up as a slav, an african, a woman, or an indian, I don't think I'd care very much. I traded one suit of flesh for another, why does it matter? I am not my flesh. This is why I don't really understand transgenders. Thinking that your physical body is literally what you are, and that changing it changes what you are as a being, is completely backwards to me.
No. 45653
1,6 MB, 3200 × 1947
I'm so fucking glad the weekend is here.
Had a small trip in my hometown as I picked up packages and went to the store. Strangely enough I haven't seen any Jehova's witnesses offering pamphlets before the store for a while now. I wonder what happened. I hope they all fucked off permanently. This country shouldn't tolerate new-wave Yankee sects like these. I'm still baffled by the fact that there are Scientologists here too. Maybe my true calling really is politics. My presidency would go like: Dhe endire gubmint gollapsed after an days (just lige ur mums anus :---D)

A surprising amount of people were carrying beer or some other type of alcohol in their shopping bags. The couple that came into the store after me was looking for gin.
I joined the crowd and bought a small bottle of Polish vodka.
Self-checkout was empty, but I still had to get permission from a cashier to buy the alcohol.
>Wait, are you 20 yet?
>That's the on other side of the pond.
Though she didn't even look at my ID when I took it out.

Today I tried out the "Post Point" service of the Hungarian Postal service. My expectation was that I'd go to the post office and pick up the package from a lockerbox using a code.
The reality is that you have to take a number and wait until the bureaucracy does it's job as you listen to the sound of typing and air-conditioners blowing.
It's especially fun after an 8 hour shift and a 40 minute long commute.

Picked up two books, that makes it three for this week. Got two books about the evolution of Chinese writing and bookmaking, one in English, published by the Beijing Foreign Language Press, and one relatively new book on the topic by Zsolt Tokai, probably the most prolific contemporary Hungarian sinologist.
The guy is kind of like an Academic rock star for me. He has a fuckload of published translations and secondary literature, usually on weirdly specific topics (Like the Encyclopedia of Chinese Symbols or The Weaponry of Ancient China, but he also translated Ming-era pornographic novels for example.), but his books are well researched, usually pointing to a wealth of English and Chinese sources. Usually his stuff is published by obscure presses I've never heard of, and are hard to get if they go out of print.
This is what I want to achieve. I don't necessarily venerate the guy, it just feels reassuring to know that my aspirations are realistic and achievable with hard work and dedication. Uchitsya, Uchitsya, Uchitsya

Tomorrow's a national holiday. Everything will be closed for the 1020th anniversary of St. Stephen I founding the Kingdom of Hungary.
Though because of the 'rona, there will be no fireworks.
I'm happy to just rot at home for a few days. God Bless.
No. 45654
=bottom of the barrel blogpost below=

The cashier at the local supermarket has continuously given off signs that she is interested in me. I am usually horrible at picking up even slightest of hints that a woman is possibly open to being approached.
In the last time I went there, while being second in line the costumer between us left to pick up something they'd forget. She was staring at me and I looked at her and raised my eyebrows, which caused to appear to have smiled and broken out in giggling I swear to God she's been eyefugging me since I got fit XDD. Like always she's very nice towards me and appears to be nervous when talking to me, this previous incident combined with other visits are signs I'll take as signs that I could be reasonably justified in attempting to talk to her.

Next time I'm there, I'll try to strike up a conversation and if my advances are unwanted, I'll never shop there again as a way atoning for my misreading of the situation. I'll blame the masks for my crippling self-doubt about the nature of our encounters. Stay tuned :DD
No. 45656
Oh god Jesus f'ing Christ I can't even finish reading the rest of all that it fits my experience with Marijuana to a T and is why to this day I fucking HATE the experience and memories of weed and even the smell of secondhand weed smoke can be triggering like that sometimes. I had such horrendous experiences on it also though, so, there is that. But goddamn son did you just perfectly describe what smoking pot feels like to me.

That's perhaps why I didn't like it so much actually. I've experimented with a couple of things in my youth, typically while flamingly drunk, and had concluded my wiring is all fucked up. Or rather, it's messed up from the perspective of the majority. I suppose normalism is really just a subjective bias of averages and coping. Regardless I am likely some kind of high functioning burger or something and so weed smoke is just that razor's edge between me and the full experience like you just described. Consequentially, things like amphetamines turn me into a total apathetic emotionless slob and a zombie, coke was boring, and painkillers hit me like coke allegedly hits NTs.

Amusingly enough I found acid an uninteresting experience and felt more grounded and "normal" on it in a sense of being comfortable in myself and my approach to reality, which was basically the total opposite of everything bernd warned me about. I could tolerate acid exceptionally well, but for whatever reason Marijuana makes me almost immediately enter full blown derealization, anxiety, and paranoia. Perhaps it is because it fully triggers that philosophical feeling of all things being subjective and rootless, of no "me" or self existing and all being but constellations of interrelated and ephemeral concepts, basically a lot of existentialist and postmodernist motifs, and a lot of what acid is supposed to make me realize And That Is Not OK. I suppose the problem is it makes my heart race a lot too so because I already have a massive amount of baseline anxiety the physical feeling must also be immediately triggering the physiological determination that You Don't Exist And Even If You Were You Are Literally Dying and full bore panic reaction.

I suppose some aspects of my patience or sense of Die Willen is some consequence also of having to summon every ounce of my non-existing self as an evocation and corporealization of a spirit to fashion inside myself to not run screaming into the woods in blind Rotschrek.
No. 45660
37 kB, 640 × 692
It's a pretty common human experience I think, possibly exacerbated through non-NTness and/or drug use.
There's even the so called mirror test that's supposed to determine an animal's degree of self awareness (by testing whether they recognize themself in a mirror).

No need to denigrate it, good luck talking to her!
No. 45661
The mirror test is debated since it was demonstrated that ants can recognize themselves and a huge chunk of psychologists are biased enough to want to believe that in that case the test must be wrong rather than their assumption about self-awareness
No. 45663
I've recently learned about this project and am amazed that something like this can exist for so long while being so unknown: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Barefoot_College
No. 45664
Hey sorry to pry but do you ever dissociate while eating? I often find myself doing that and being confused by the whole concept of chewing things in my mouth and swallowing them and splitting off my psyche from the act while observing the weirdness of its machinery. If you know what I'm talking about you'll understand. I've found this is highly useful in times of great stress or to pass the time while working. Hard to explain.
No. 45688
943 kB, 1341 × 809
Today it was extremely foggy and I absolutely love it. I live in an area that routinely has this sort of fog and I find it pretty calming.

There's a national myth that King Sebastian, riding his white horse on a foggy morning, will return to Portugal and save us on our hour of greatest need

This myth has its lore in how during the Battle of Alcácer Quibir (1578), the Portuguese army - one composed of nearly every relevant nobility figure was encircled and slaughtered by an outnumbering and far better prepared Moroccan army. Seeing that the flanks of his army were collapsing and the situation was doomed, King Sebastian rode alongside his companions into the Moroccan army's front lines and disappeared.

After this defeat, Portugal was thrown into a succession crisis as our assburger crusader cosplaying king was 19 years old and had refused to marry. Phillip the II of Spain ends up taking the Portuguese throne as the Portuguese people prayed for the return of their king to save them from Spanish usurpers. This myth ended up becoming a significant literary and esoteric trope in Portugal and apparently even in Brazil.
No. 45692
Hm, don't think so. I'm pretty absent minded when doing menial tasks, usually thinking about something or other, so not really noticing much else. I do get something like that while pooping, though. The whole process is uncomfortably "worldly" for me lol.

Speaking of food, I seem to actually have lasting effects from covid taste loss. Everything tastes slightly sweeter now. Alcohol especially tastes sugary, and I do not really feel the burning bitterness of alcohol any more. Weird.

Very similar experiences with weed for me. It was extremely unpleasant, but also kind of interesting to reach a level of dissociating where I felt like I was observing myself from third person. Wouldn't really want to do it recreationally though, it felt genuinely awful physically. Especially when I asked someone to give me something to drink because of dry mouth, he gave me a bottle of lemonade, and the lemonade tasted so overwhelmingly, disgustingly sweet that it felt like the sweetness took over my whole brain and my whole experience of reality for a few seconds was nauseating sweetness. Almost puked and didn't eat any sweets for months after that.
No. 45712
958 kB, 1500 × 2154
Yesterday we opened a bottle of wine, because it was August 20th, or State Foundation Day.
It was a bottle of dry, white wine from the Eger-area. It's probably the best wine I ever drank.
Just like in the poems, it was sweet and gentle, like nectar.

Woke up with a throbbing headache this morning, but despite that I went out and I was able to read after drinking a jug of green tea and taking a painkiller.
I finished reading a small volume of Tang-era prose and poetry by the writer-bureaucrat Liu Zongyuan. His descriptions of the southern wilderness have a lot of soul.
Then I read half of that new book about Chinese bookmaking I got.

I'm very happy. Deep down I was a bit scared that maybe my interest in China was just a phase that I'd grow out of, but reading about China, looking at the characters and the way that civilization evolved, the topic is just as interesting as it ever was.
My "faith" stood the test of time, and it gives me great joy.

Something feels right again. If my emotions were to be condensed into a painting, it'd be of a man in a gust of wind, with a sword, calling for a heroic charge, the crystal-blue sky being a backdrop.

Tomorrow I'm going to the local pool with family for a few hours. Apparently it's the last "very sunny" day of summer.
Wew, summer is almost over.
No. 45714
I had a really depressing realization lastnight and something else just reminded me of it today, that my only actual faith is probably in war. I don't even actually believe in my own religion, I've started questioning. I try to wall off the others partly because of how much more severely the many hypocrites undermine my weakened faith than anything else.

But really when you actually break it down, I think what I admire the most about Christianity is how severely and brutally it flies in the face of my own logic. It is essentially a thing to cut my arrogance down to size and tell me that I am wrong, but in my heart I don't think I actually believe in many of these values, and the ones I do believe in most strongly often feel like others do not. Thank God for Catholics at least.

It was a strange and terrible feeling to admit this to myself. When asked myself, "what do I believe in in one word? What is your religion in one word?"
and the only word I came up with was war.
War. There is nothing but ceaseless and unending struggle. Nothing but kampf. Nothing but power games, nothing but ruthlessness. There is no higher aim guiding any of it ultimately I sometimes realize, or maybe they're all just the flimsiest pretenses of self survival and reproduction and I'm still too much of a young and dumb idealist to get that and understand that these people all are playing the same game and I am not because I am dumb enough to believe their lies. When I look at Protestants it makes me feel like all that matters is money and power and "faith" and "cultural christianity" are not ideology or ideals, but the same flimsiest pretenses for my exact same religion only with slightly different memes and a couple modifications on social rules.

Maybe that was the truth all along. The truth of Ghenghis Khan and Alexander the Great. But you do need a guiding principle. I just wish that I were wrong, proven definitively wrong, that object morality is a thing, that altruism is always the right path, that whatever this pandemic has shown me is false, and that I simply need to flee this country before it destroys what's left of my soul.
Such a curious word. War. Itself somehow implying a greater meaning, like struggle implying character or ethic. There is none. Only survival and advancement by any means necessary and that Protestants are following those exact same rules only they're smart enough to follow the Israeli and iirc Scriptural adage "by deception will you make war."

When I think about planet colonization I realize that among the first thoughts I have immediately outside the scope of discovering new worlds and even new life, is figuring out how to ignite the atmospheres and if we can find a way to use planetoids in gravity slings or igniting nearby gas giants into new suns were it possible, the same as my immediate thought with anything on earth is "how can I use it to make war."
Maybe it would be best if all of our hopes and aspirations turned to dust along with us.
Maybe it would be best if we're all buried here.
No. 45718
You keep to the higher truth not because it's true, but because it's beautiful. When presented with the choice to live a life devoted to transcendental beauty or a life devoted to ugliness, what choice is there? The world is hell, and only going to get worse. That doesn't change our duty. The world was always a lost cause, but we aren't.
No. 45719 Kontra
A life devoted to truth, even if it is ugly and even if it means a life devoted to ugliness. I do not believe any lie is ever truly beautiful, but the worst sort of ugliness, like drinking milk just on the cusp of bad enough to swallow it before the full rancid taste hits you.

Anyway I may delete that sorry for routinely lashing out in such puerile manner, which admittedly just further goes to show the beauty and truth inherent to Christianity. It's like that new Indian ernst was asking about lust, which is largely a descent to ugliness rather than embrace of the truth and something beautiful (a deeply affectionate relationship).
No. 45721
I was trying to be poetically terse, but I only meant descriptive truth there. The world does not match the Christian ideal. It can't. But the purpose of the ideal isn't to describe how the world works, even in a nominally Christian country. The purpose of the ideal is to draw men closer to it, so that they can make this hell less of a hell. That's our sacred duty. A truly fallen world just means that duty is even more important, for the sake of others as well as yourself.

>I do not believe any lie is ever truly beautiful
When you get out into the murky territory of right and wrong, where nothing can be proven or disproven with any certainty, truth stops being about a description of reality-as-is, and becomes a matter of what should be. In this sense there are no lies, only competing subjective visions. The truth in this sense is a matter of beauty. When logic fails, do you commit to a vision of beauty or a vision of ugliness? Which do you want to guide your life?
No. 45769
>client calls and says his laptop is slow and laggy, can't even do basic work on it
>ok, bring it over
>it's an HP
Holy shit fuck this brand.
The biggest problem isn't even that their products are poorly built pieces of garbage, which they are. It's the audacity to sell underpowered 2 core machines with 4GB ram at any price at all and running windows on them. Doing shit like that is a scam in my book, the machine is barely usable even with stock OS and zero bloatware. It feels like something the chinese would do.

A chromebook would've been better than this crap.
No. 45772
Bought ans car. Picking it up on Tuesday. Feels good man.
No. 45773
Now you can carry around your whole library of games and stuff and maps n shit in the trunk :-DDD
No. 45778
178 kB, 400 × 300
Not my whole library. But maybe I can find a grog club to wargame with. Also just mobility and independence mang.

Pic related is the picture from the website listing.
No. 45779
24 kB, 600 × 391
It helps a lot with finding work too, since I can expand my search to areas that have bad public transport links, or to more shift work that is hard to spin with no personal transport.
No. 45785
Oh fugg I forgot to post about that because I was too tired yestersay.

I actually saw a guy come in wearing a tshirt that said "Freedom Ain't Free" yesterday. He wasn't super fat just an old boomer with more flags everywhere and I peak over and he was getting a Monster and a cheeseburger.

Thank fucking god for masks dude. You have no idea how fucking hard it was just to keep myself from opening laughing hard enough he could tell but I absolutely could not control my facial expression.

Mask wearing is great. I wish I could've gotten away with wearing masks in normal times.

I wish you guys couldve seen this. It's literally the funniest shit I've seen in months. Emblazoned big letters colored like the American flag on the guy's chest FREEDOM AIN'T FREE with a monster and cheeseburger in his hand.
No. 45786
Nice car, but the steering wheel is on the wrong side :D
Congrats, ernst.
No. 45788
92 kB, 828 × 946
The funniest part is that the guy didn't even know why his appearance may have struck you as odd. We're all living in parallel realities now, consuming our own bits and pieces of the broader culture, and appearing foreign to each other as we pass on the street.
No. 45790
Thanks. It's a 2006 Ford Focus sedan. I'd have preferred the hatch version because they're fucken sick but this one was in immaculate condition full stop, not even 'considering its age'. I'd be the second owner from the person who bought it brand new, and it's not a base model. It's a bit more expensive than something like a Corolla of the same time period but the Corollas are also run into the ground while this one has had regular servicing and shiet, while the Focus hatches are another grand on top of what I already paid (which was aready going a bit above budget for an exceptional find). The sedan also has more room in the back and boot and is like a smaller version of a Falcon almost instead of the hot hatch that the hatchback version is.

And yeah nah, wheel's on the proper side. Right-hand drive stronk.
No. 45791
You know, something that always struck me for some reason I couldn't explain was when some years back somebody posted a webm of US marine inspection of each other and a foreigner (probably a German or Asutralian iirc) was asking "why are Americans so memeworthy" in response to that video. Having seen that guy I can now guess as to why that stuck with me. A lot of people in this country are just so totally clueless they're living caricatures of themselves and some guy I see wearing 100% US flag clothes while driving a scooter is in such a state of obliviousness it would never even occur to him to question it. I think that our whole country has become one great big echo chamber and for whatever reason even with the internet none of these people have any clue what it looks like to others, nor frankly would they care. It reminds me of the level of cluelessness as that guy I was discussing the change shortage with and why I haven't heard about any other country having change shortages like we do with his response being "yeah but every other country has way bigger problems than we do."

I now understand why we keep getting picked on for our ignorance. It is a very real thing. The average American is every bit as dumb, arrogant, and ignorant as foreigners kept insisting only now I can't even say that's accurate because they still clearly expect at least some measure of sanity which is just not even present here and don't get to see how bad it really is. I'm not quite sure why it is that way here but it goes beyond antiintellectualism and into a borderline worship of ignorance. Even in church I had to confront that fact that these people act like it is somehow a heresy to embrace knowledge as something God gave us, or to embrace and appreciate our intellect as one of God's last and greatest gifts to us to make us like Himself. They have no such curiosity about the world and consequentially have no clue how ridiculous they look to others or how bad they make the rest of us look. The freedom ain't free guy was just a funny moment but it really does go beyond that into being symptomatic of all the problems we have with this country and one of them being they legitinately do not even understand that right now America is way more fucked up than any other non-third world country on the planet. They sincerely believe that we're doing great right now and every other country is a shithole where freedom ain't free and they're just jealous of how well we handled the pandemic compared to them.

Certainly not all of them, but most defintiely a majority of this country is oblivious to the extent that those spurdo comics are an accurate depiction of reality here. The result of that is if you are a not-retarded American who wants his country to manage better you are routinely either laughing or saddened, or more likely both, and just wish enough people could pull their heads out of their own asses to make the country actually free and great and not just look like some kind of a walking joke.
No. 45795
Tbh, that's half of the picture. What we see is that America has 0 and 100 with nothing in between. You've got flag-waving nutjobs and the extreme other end who try really hard to LARP as whatever country they're currently in to be a 'cool, self-aware american' in the way that adults try and be 'cool adults' not realising that it's cringe as fug. Normal, chill people who just happen to be from america are like the white whale mang. Real talk, the actual cure for america is the chill pill.
No. 45796
The pool was pretty good. Wasn't really packed, because most people travelled to lake Balaton for the four day long weekend.
Swam a bit, had a small ice cream and came home.

Today it rained in the morning, just as we expected, so it's nice that we took advantage of the last sunny day.
I think this is the first year in quite some time we didn't spend any time at Balaton during summer.
(We missed a lot of stuff we usually do during summer, like visiting my God-parents, who are pretty cool people and live in the countryside in a sleepy town inhabited by a sizeable German community.)

Tomorrow I'm going to work again. Working during summer is really perspective-shaping. Usually I'm pretty hesitant about spending money on consumable items, since, you consume them and then you will need to buy another one.
But with a semi-regular cash-inflow I feel a lot more free and independent.
I went and bought a vial of eucalyptus oil and a small tin of valerian tablets.
Discovering Australia was very much worth it for eucalyptus alone.

Dad is coming home today from a business trip. The good thing about his job is that he can bring home interesting things from abroad.
Like when he visited Ceylon and brought home tea.
This time I asked him to get me a bottle of Kräuterlikör as a souvenir from the Alps.

I re-discovered a small press that shut down its operations (because the company that operated it primarily deals in the sale of far-eastern knick-knacks) but still sells its remaining stock, unadjusted for inflation. I was kinda questioning whether or not I need a book about Ming-era furniture and Mongolian myths, but they're so cheap and obscure that I decided to get them.
(Also got a few volumes of Haiku and Chekhov's writings about Siberia, or something like that.)
Most of their books are like 3-4-5 euros brand new.

Tomorrow's work, on the 25th I'll go and complete the enrolment procedure. Hopefully everything goes well and I didn't fuck up.
I'm kinda anxious.
No. 45797
Oh so I just figured out today the best way one would do it for helping get poor kids a new PC.

This is a thought I kept having after getting reamed out by Australia for some bizarre reason for trying to help Kazakhstan source a new laptop because I missed some post where he said something about learning for himself, which really reminded me of Kreia. I mean it's sad but true that a game could contain really great life lessons and one which I knew but often have the impulse to ignore (being IRL more on the charitable end of error more often). The lesson I'm specifically mentioning is that point where you're in Nar Shadaa spaceport and some guy is getting mugged so you have the option of whether or not to save him or help rob him or watch, or where you have an option to give away free money or tell a beggar to get bent. Spoilerseither one is the bad option resulting in Kreia lecturing you to be more self critical and aware of your own actions and impact on the universe; if you pick giving him nothing he goes out and robs someone because you were so cold hearted and propagated that ruthless cold heartedness in others, leaving him to become strong for himself without compassion and likewise preying on the weak; if you give him charity for nothing he takes it for granted and it weakens him rather than him being strong for himself, and in effect you rob him of the most valuable thing he has which is self reliance and weakening him to being dependent on others so he ends up just getting mugged and robbed anyway

I really thought about that a lot after getting chewed out by iirc straya for trying to help brick and today, just now, I came up with the solution to the equation while still enabling myself to my own impulses:

So here is what I think I should do if I ever have that kind of money and it is to set up a PC building charity for poor rural and inner city kids and especially to set up competitions among them for best PC build. I don't know how you'd qualify to enter the charity but it came to me after watching this guy building PCs for his buddies and raffles. How to get these kids the chance to do it and enter the contest fairly idk but I think that, should I ever have access to such capital--or rather anybody else--what one could then do is recruit all these YT tech people like Linus and JayZ and GamersNexus or TechYesCity and have this guys stand there helping those kids learn how to build it and sort of being that dad-next-to-kid-with-training-wheel-bike to make sure that they don't break anything.

You could set it up then where a bunch of these kids could get a little bit of advice on which parts to pick out for their build and why they would want to pick them out. Idk the nitty gritty little tedious details could be worked out, like maybe they could mail in a punch card with what they expect or want out of their PC to get an idea what kind of parts to have available for them to select from.

But here comes the big Kreia tier caveat, which is thusly: you have to come up with say $300 of your own money. Or idk pick some type of arbitrary number and say things like, if you can work hard your whole summer coming up with $200 of your own money from running lemonade stands or delivering papers or washing dishes or mowing lawns or like whatever it is that you do, if you can try and come up with that small arbitrary number out of your own pocket, we are going to match you by an additional couple grand to put towards your system. We could even include as a feature that well, here is how you guys gotta budget your own money and we'll help teach you about budgeting so you can select those parts but can't go over that limit of like $2,200.

That way you can still do something decent for people while teaching them things like cost benefit analysis, self reliance, and having that basic kind of self respect that comes with actually earning something for yourself because we all know that if you just gave away a $2200 for zero effort that it could be taken for granted and would never hold the same special place in your heart like something you worked hard to get. That way you can teach a man to fish and when he has been shown how to bake his own bread you can help him multiply his loaves. And no charity is non-negotiable.
No. 45799
902 kB, 475 × 267, 0:02
63 kB, 500 × 666
36 kB, 474 × 346
44 kB, 495 × 375
>is the chill pill.
Look man I'm telling you right now that is not happening. We are definitely a land of over the top XXXTRA Large Bigass extremes and fanatacisms about damn near everything and you're just not gonna get temperance about anything from any of us. It's not happening.

I am a bit confused what you are talking about though because I've encountered very few of these allegedly self hating Americans I keep hearing a few foreigners bitching about. Even the most wildly critical American is still in his or her heart gonna be all MUH FREEDOMS just in different flavors.

Honestly what I strongly suspect at this point because it isn't the first time I heard you in particular bitching about it is that you got to hear a very particular kind of American in a very particular circumstance. The kind of person who even can afford to and makes the effort to leave the country for tourism is already going to be different than on average and I think that what's probably going on is you're getting to hear them venting things that would never be considered appropriate to say in America to another American about all the kinds of shit that they hate about America, but I guarantee you that if you scratch deep enough beneath the surface is a 1776 ameribear who thinks it's literally our God given divinely ordained mission to deliver freedom and prosperity to the peoples of the world.

Even our leftists are pretty much 100% like this it's just their particular brand of it is bringing FREEDOMS to the oppressed gay people of Russia and liberating the everloving bejeesus out of Moscow through color revolution. Like the next time you encounter whatever these mysterious Americans are really start grilling them about this and without positioning yourself like you're going to be super judgmental and just hear them talk. I promise you that after a good five minutes of them getting to vent and ranting about everything they hate about America that it's going to turn into yet another fanatical rant about freedom and prosperity and equality and democracy.

Come to think of it it's also highly likely that 100% of them are eventually going to segue into some conspiracy theory or another and general American paranoia about something be it the Communists, NWO, British royals, Capitalists, Russian hackers, Illuminati Satanists, neonazis from Argentina, or whathaveyou, and no they're seriously not going to even realize that irony of the shit that comes out of their mouth immediately after saying how "my tribalist rivals believe in such stupid X paranoid conspiracy theory...now let me tell you how The Conspiracy actually works and who is doing it"

tl;dr I'm sorry my dude but that extreme temperament is a feature not a bug
No. 45806
>I am a bit confused what you are talking about though because I've encountered very few of these allegedly self hating Americans I keep hearing a few foreigners bitching about. Even the most wildly critical American is still in his or her heart gonna be all MUH FREEDOMS just in different flavors.
Self-hating = educated and hip blue-stater
Remember that every American cultural group self-segregates more than white South Africans.
No. 45807
Not even necessarily blue stater, a large enough college will likely have some cadres of the same mental breed. It's like communities within communities, all undergoing sieges within sieges.
I guess all of them like muhfreedom though most people across the world wouldn't call themselves "anti-freedom" anyway. At least not without a lot of euphemisms.
No. 45809
157 kB, 482 × 800, 0:00
It's kind of an expat thing in general tbh. Ours are fucking horrendous too, don't get me wrong. Ours tend to be obnoxious wannabe bogans (the actual bogans can't afford to go anywhere but Bali) without realising that the stereotype is not really a positive one. They sort of act like zoo animals for the foreign country they're in, putting on the 'Australian' act like it's a fuggen crocodile dundee movie or something.

Maybe it's that I live here and not Ameriga, but at home we tend to just have more normal people who just do their thing and don't give a fuck. Meanwhile, every time I see an Amerigan, they are as you put it 'xxxtra large bigass extremes'.
No. 45822
While these early morning shifts are pretty fucking brutal at least it's pretty cool that I have my whole afternoon today. In other news I've not talked about it much because I started feeling weird or maybe even annoying doing so, but hard knock on wood I've finally got everything up and running and just about every single part or thing I could possibly need atm with my sole remaining task really to transfer all my save game files from my old HDD onto my new one.

Btw I'm sorry Swede for bitching about Windows 10 nonstop. I've actually come to like it so far, although it could possibly also be because I'm coming directly from nearly a decade of the dumpster fire that was Windows 8/8.1, although I'm sure I'm still going to have something petty to rage about later or something that I cannot see.

I have also realized that I'm now so old and my stuff along with me that I hadn't even considered the logistical problems of running version 1.05 original Broodwars CD on it when that CD was burned before Windows ME or XP even existed, not to mention the fact I don't even know where my old serial keys for that, Rise of Nations, Age of Empires 1, Warcraft III etc even are anymore except it's some notebook left god knows where, which means trying to get any of those to run on Windows 10 and finding a keygen for them in year of our lord 2020 AD may be an interesting logistical problem.

I have also failed to get past the Avenger loading screen on XCOM2 for some reason and am sure there are many more annoyances to come. Well at least Fallout 2 doesn't require a serial to copy from disk, for all the good that may do me.

I have likewise failed to get my "new" FireWire PCIe card drivers to install other than bluescreening me and forcing a restart. Come to think of it I'm not even positive it'll end up being compatible. I am likewise forever paranoid that my apparently cheaper than I thought Z3 Montech fans will catch fire because the 12v SATA power plug is molded not crimped and every single instance of fires I've seen has somehow involved that, be it case fans, an old DVD drive, or god help you a cheap molex to SATA adapter, to such an extent that I just went out and bought some molex connected RGB and fan hubs so that at lesst I can free up more SATA power and use cables I actually trust that will have no other use than fan/argb power because unlike those cheap plugs I happen to trust my EVGA molex power connectors.

I'm still waiting on a couple extraneous things like PCIe USB 3.1 hub because my 5.25" mounted card reader--which does work btw--has a 19 pin plug I hadn't thought about leaving me with an annoying dead USB 3 plug in the front since the motherboard is otherwise populated by my PC case's front USB 3's.

There's something otherworldly about my immense satisfaction at having built this all by myself with nothing but innaccurate or wildly outdated personal knowledge and a bunch of tech guys videos. I truly feel like it's okay if I end up dying of coronavirus right now. I have found satisfaction in my own labors and made something beautiful for myself with my own hands that will be left behind unless there's a house fire. I actually can die of coronavirus and I think that would be okay now.

I am still awfully tempted to go out and buy some MasterFan 120mm Halos and a 5700XT Taichi though...
No. 45829
117 kB, 1200 × 1200
Work is finally over. The crunch on the last day was a fucking nightmare.
Excel is shit, and I hope Gates will be tossed into the Great Lake of Fire for pushing it in the 90s.
Tomorrow I'm going to go and enrol officially. I triplechecked everything and I have all the papers necessary.
Alles ist in Ordnung.

At least I finished reading that book on Chinese books. It was very enlightening.
Also got the new teacup.
No. 45830
Work is sucking a lot of energy out of me again lately. I listened to "Sixteen Tons" and it seems impossible to me that people are/were able to do this kind of labor under these horrific conditions whereas I am already lacking the energy to do anything except watching youtube videos after my work day.
No. 45834
The past week, I've gained not only the chance to extend my working visa, but also the opportunity to receive a foreign aid benefit to "stranded" travellers.
My scheme began back in May when my worry was a bank run, so I pulled out the remainder of my petty savings from my bank and stashed it into my bag. I travel by cash, to minimize my transaction history and paper trail as much as possible, in case I'm ever deported or just to improve my travel skills. A real no brainer when living in a country built around a cashless idea. So, my half panicked mistake turned out to be greatly beneficial when an ngo asked to see my banks history. 0.42 cents was providence under their blind eyes, allotting me a month of free rent, $600 dollarydoos worth of free food and I'm continuing to visit the soup kitchen on a regular basis to talk to the local bums who happen to all remember my name. Even the tranny with five o'clock shadow and a 3 second working memory happens to recall my name. Bizarre, mang. I dislike having others know me by my name, but hey, it is what it is, which is another reason I avoid staying in places, especially larger urbanized areas for longer than a few days or a week unless I've got plans to improve my life.

Since I stopped shitposting on the kc, because its a real pedo dump, I've been playing harmonica on the streets, and on Saturday night, I jammed out with an Italian who's clearly trying to fuck me. My current residence has a poor selection of women. An former meth using Australian woman, a Tahitian bydlo woman, a few other maori ladies who are very bydlo and one mysterious Frenchwoman whom I rarely see, but she's got that ass.

I praise D-g that there's a terminal in the basement lounge I've installed Soulseek and Blood:Fresh Supply, distracting me from learning new guitar chords. I was fortunate when I visited the upstairs lounge to see who and what lurked above, and receive a shitty 3/4 guitar with out of tune nylon strings, I've taken time to play blues on and annoy others around town. Another goal of mine is to busk some new strings and promptly return the instrument back to its pothead owner.

And lastly, I have contacted my bag's company, receiving a hasty reply guaranteeing I can fix my bag for free. Osprey is a great company, I recommend them. The aluminium frame in my 48L sack has begun warping and poking out of the bottom right hand corner, sometimes catching the cord of my headphones, irritating me to no end. I also broke one of the latches over a month ago, and the right shoulder strap has begun to fold inwards, causing me great annoyance whenever I'm on a longer than normal walk. 20 days to fix my bag sounds great and at no cost, I'm rather happy about it too. Today I've got to clear it out, and hope nobody steals my gear in my dorm.

And lastly, I nearly received a refund on the ticket I had purchased to return back to Canada. The company that issued it refused to refund me the full amount and wanted a $150 fee to select a new flight. My bank has been very helpful, and I'm glad I accidentally chose them, they've really pulled through in my time of money. This money is going towards an ipod classic and a travel guitar and maybe some weed seeds.

Life's great. I'm just lacking a woman. There was one at the NGO I asked out but she's married, which seems to happen every time I'm interested in a quality woman. FUfufufufuf
No. 45837
Sooo * that * was most certainly an interesting and unexpected experience and discovery. I have just discovered that my hardware apparently DOES support things like Windows 8.1, and how do I know this? Because I am missing almost all my save files and trying to back shit up what I thought could be the easiest manual way which was running off SATA instead of some cockamamie scheme involving USB or awaiting an RJ45 hookup or whatever more arcane method.

This scared the shit out of me of course because it unexpectedly goes into "getting your devices ready" which I thought signified problems but then my old desktop appears before me like a ghost or a mirage. I have no fucking clue why but apparently it decided to transfer that disk up to the top of the boot order and it attempted to basically boot my old PC complete with all my settings and everything just like I left it minus the internet connection. I decided not to screw around with that ghost for long because I feared any wrong move could result in disaster and suffering some strange shit like all my wifi or more important drivers suddenly disappearing or reinstalling things in some strange way.

The great irony is I immediately missed the cleanliness of Windows 10 and order of the new thing over all that clutter. I also discovered my non-steam mostly non-GOG game folder alone to be upwards of 70gb by the time I stopped it. Wtf do I even have in there besides Starsector, Prey (2006), and Cryostasis? I also realized it's too late to fuck about with a probably 90gb total transfer from aging HDD to another HDD.

Well it was interesting and unexpected at least. So now at least I know how to do that and can boot to different OS's without actually having to run any VMs off separate partitions. I guess I can just change the boot order although now I'm curiouser and curiouser if I can even install win7 or XP. I still have my old XP OS disc with me too. I guess I misunderstood what all that stuff meant about not having anything other than win10 and it immediately brought up a screen at desktop warning me the chip was not designed for this OS too which come to think of it I wonder how it made that message even appear. Was that in the firmware? Where did "you are not supposed to run this CPU with older than win10 your OS is not supported" even come from?

But anyway this will be an absurdly long and tedious project now because every other dev likes a different place for profiles and save files. It probably doesn't help having the Steam install directory being literally a copypaste of a copypaste from one desktop to another with literally over half a dozen separate drives containing different install directories.
No. 45839
Why are you homeless again? Are you even, sounds like it. It does not sound so bad coming from you, why in NZ and where to go?
No. 45844
105 kB, 700 × 700
I didn't think I would be in this position ever in my life:

I was supposed to quit last week and hold a 2 week vacation before moving back to my uni city. But, to the horror of my employer, apparently I'm the only one who can navigate our ancient and buggy stock/order system. My co-workers lose their shit with it while I am more understanding and let it "think". He has 3 options: finding another (autistically) patient Ernst-type, finally fucking update the system or, what my boss did, bribe me back with 500€ and a raise. The last likely being the cheapest solution.

Well money is money, and I was already forced into distance learning due to corona. Just hope I can handle the stress from both working and studies, experience has hinted otherwise...
No. 45847
tell your boss you have also uni to do an don't want long hours. his problem can be fixed, but it has a price indeed.
No. 45848
166 kB, 1080 × 490
Bought fresh vegetables. Maybe I'm able to cut down on frozen food and candy actually. I don't buy that much processed food anymore, but these two are (too) often in my shopping cart.
No. 45849
I'm not homeless at the moment. An ngo has given me free gibs, insisting i even take more than what I've asked for.
My lifestyle has tended to gravitate towards homelessness. It's far simpler in my eyes than mingling with regular working folk who'll look down upon my unorthodox schizoid tendencies, so I've discovered its easier to float from town to city to bush to orchard and avoid problems as they sprout.
My next goal is getting a new license and a van, maybe a gf to marry for a sponsorship visa and then work towards a student visa. Nz is the safest country i can live in at the moment. A global collapse is fast approaching, and this opportunist wants to stay away from Canada.
No. 45850
We already agreed I work only weekends.
No. 45855
171 kB, 430 × 389
Getting the paperwork done wasn't so bad. I was a little anxious about maybe missing a document, but everything was in order, even if my hands shook a bit as I handed over the papers to the old lady behind the plastic shield.
I think I almost threw up at one point on my way to the university.

Even got a free cloth-mask at the booth that was set up to help the enrollees organise.
I probably overvalue novelty-gifts like these.
There was a surprising number of cute girls waiting in line. (Really, shouldn't be surprising, because the Humanities department is something like 60-70% female.)

On the way home I bought three packets of tea. I used to drink this tea-mix Russian Blend, which had a really nice smoky flavour to it. Bought a packet of that too, alongside with a good Earl Grey and a packet of cheaper Pu-er.

I wish I didn't have a splitting headache.
No. 45857
>a surprising number of cute girls

Their percentage doubles or triples around such educational institutions in comparison to going into usual city wildlife. Pre Corona you could soent a day at university and see a cute and/or attractive woman every other minute, depending on how big the campus and buildings are.

>the Humanities department is something like 60-70% female.

Languages and literature especially, I had seminars where I was the only male coming in regulary. History, philosophy and social and political science are more evenly balanced, political science may be more males than females tbh.

Good, you might want some hours for learning on weekends, or do you do that during weekdays anway?

>its easier to float from town to city to bush to orchard and avoid problems as they sprout.

Will NGOs at different places provide or do you think that at one point it might become shit? I'm a bit worried by "avoiding problems as they sprout", since I don't know you personally, don't feel actually judged, but usual people saying this often times create the problems with others themselves ;DDD
No. 45859
Talked to a girl today, she had the most beautiful green eyes I've ever seen. Funny to think that I'll probably never meet her again.
No. 45860
Weekdays are for studying yes, weekend was supposed to be my freetime.
No. 45861
Why not?
No. 45862
Because there's no reason for me to go back to her place of work.
No. 45864 Kontra
158 kB, 930 × 697
I watched some corona related content of German youtubers, mostly talking about the big conspiracies, had to laugh as a natural health professional unfolded to me how all anglo presidents come from the same family and that there is an even more "evil force" behind it all. Making sense, collective explanations, narration and mythologies, connection making of paranoids, it all pops up in just one video. Or videos from right wingers, against the "dictatorship" etc. The comments under these videos and the video about Jens Spahn (minister for public health) getting yelled at in Wuppertal by an organised crowd made me think about violence and the pulp of masses again, the pedagogy of the masses and all these liberal enlightenment ideas, it is concerning yet aesthetically thrilling and interesting to watch how this themes rise up again right in the present moment.
No. 45869 Kontra
>all anglo presidents come from the same family
That's sort of true, but for more mundane reasons. Something about how a lot of US presidents are descendants from William the Conqueror, including Obama. Which isn't that strange considering how widespread royal blood is.
This is probably the equivalent out of making a conspiracy about how some Asian leaders are descendants of Genghis Khan.
I don't know about contemporary Germany but a good chunk of people here have an obsession with genealogy.
No. 45872
945 kB, 2304 × 1536
So ethical question which I have not yet resolved:
I found and trash picked a busted laptop in the dumpster while taking out the garbage the other day, and by the other day I mean probably a few weeks ago. This will be a relevant detail later. I naturally picked it as I am want to do because hey, possible free computer gear to cannibalize or pawn off somewhere.

Now I should not that this thing was so thoroughly busted it almost looked like someone directly punched the screen, so it was very clearly broken and discarded, and it did look somewhat old, so its purpose in the dumpster was clear. That being stated I am well aware of the fact lots of people don't know how to do simple shit like change out an LCD screen--I have done so before after stepping on my Compaq because I left it on the floor while drunkenly shitposting on KC and had to order a new screen for $70 off ebay which problem fixed--and that more likely than not it had some kind of working components.

All the RAM was pretty old and I mean this was clearly a laptop that despite being in otherwise good condition had seen its days and was advertised as installed with Windows 8 so I thought it likely to have important stuff on it. To be perfectly honest, the real gem in the trash pile was the fact I could potentially have a new working hard drive provided it was both not damaged itself by shock/other reasons and that I wasn't getting horrific malware, a plausibly real risk given the especially brutal and violent nature of the subject's death, seemingly a crime of passion.

So after finally get it to detect this week I saw first of all a girl's first name, probably a real one too, and the first sign of this not belonging to a competent PC person. I'm a real believer in privacy so I didn't want to pry but there were a few labelled photos so I figured there was a real chance I'd see what the owner looked like in case she was around my apartment complex. I checked again and the drive was surprisingly barren considering its probable age unless this was some cheap refurbished one, but I saw what looked like a tax return from 2015, and seemingly little else I could tell as something the owner might want. In fact there appeared to be virtually no albums to speak of, no music, no movies, no reams of important looking docs, no nothing I realized only now that not only she but probably everyone who's a mundane just streams literally everything through netflix or spotify and doesn't use keepvid or whatever similar way to download and archive against "this video is no longer available" or create webms or pirate everything so I'm realizing the extent to which this is probably not abnormal for an old and used PC, if people even use their PCs much at all, and that most people even their work if it needs a computer is probably online but I digress.

Interestingly enough her seemingly sole valuables on there were a bunch of .rofl League of Legends replays alongside a couple tax returns from just before the Trump administration and a small collection of photos that as I type this I'm realizing given the nature of everything else she's probably stored most of them on her phone or in email.

Ergo I am concluding the vast majority of what little data is LoL replays and files from some other MMO hack n slash game. There could be something else she might want I dunno.

My question is should I try getting her data back to her? I've thought about this all week and cannot reach a conclusion. It's already bordering on I should just wipe the drive and forget about it but I asked what would Jesus do and concluded return it. Then I asked what I would want and realized if I lost a drive I'd be happy to have my files back if I didn't make copies but my first most immediate thought was "I hope they format the drive before they do anything else with it" and then realized if I chucked it I'd probably hope a trash compactor destroyed it. But the thing is she is clearly the sort of person who has no clue what a hard drive enclosure is or that you can turn an old internal HDD into an external, though not that it matters because her drive was barely used something like 87gb out of a terabyte.

I'd thought about how best to approach this subject given that it was no longer immediate first of all, and second of all that I didn't want to make it look weird that I'm dumpster diving a broken laptop out of the trash can basically. I normally wouldn't give a shit but I also live here. Furthermore the fact I clicked on two or three pics defeats the purpose because then it would look like I'm browsing someone else's files which knowing what mundanes/bydlo are like would probably weird them out the most which normally I wouldn't mind a free lesson in data security, but again, I live here. So I also questioned whether I could buy a cheap thumb drive, offload all whatever looks relevant, and tape it to the dumpster most likely saying something like "if you threw out your computer and want your data I copied it for you before wiping the drive. You can have the drive back if you want it. Don't worry I didn't look at anything."

What's really complicating things for me isn't the ethics of it but rather the confluence of social graces with technical incompetence. Had I not to worry about one of those I'd already have gotten their data back to them with the offer of a lesson in how to convert your old drives into externals and how to back up your data the next time your computer breaks, which is arguably the best possible thing I could give them since I remember a tech guy at Best Buy giving me this invaluable lesson as a teenager after I spilled something in it and was ready to have them do whatever tech ritual behind closed doors to give me a copy of my data off the dead computer a d instead was told how I could just get a $20-30 hard drive enclosure and keep using the drive instead right after typing this I just realized he probably wasn't just doing it out of altruism but because he was saving their asses from having to do extra pointless shit for an hour or two. I cannot think of any direct approach that will not come off as awkward or weird. The taped USB drive to a dumpster would also be a bit weird and would cost me money on top of that but would be most efficient provided no one else takes it and she sees it soon enough.

Alternatively I could format the drive and be done with it. I am leaning to the latter option but would feel guilty. I'm also admittedly most curious to watch her gaming replays. not sure what that says about me that the only breach in trust or interest I'd have in a stranger's private data I'd have, when given the option, is just to watch their league of legends replays
No. 45876
Shouldn't you have her adress from the tax return? Just send an anonymous letter "found your old laptop, i looked for your adress in your files so i could send them to you before i get rid of all the data and re-use the harddrive for something else. Nothing will happen but don't throw away personal data like that in the future.

Regards, your new stalker."
No. 45877
90 kB, 1280 × 720
While I'm not that particularly assburger I'd rather lessen any social weirdness and know any route I take is going to be weird. Besides which like I already said previously the sole files I even opened was a couple of labelled photos which looked like a promising way to confirm what the previous owner looked like, which is relevant because I assumed she was probably dwelling in or right near my complex (not that it matters I realized later because directly approaching her would seem super weird plus it would create the future possibility of social interaction or knowing who and where I am which I'd like to avoid). I specifically refused to open her tax returns and have no plan on doing so. Actually come to think of it knowing my society it just dawned on me idk if that would be illegal. Grabbing something out of a dumpster is probably illegal but I live there so I don't care about that.

I think I'm overthinking this. I mean I guess you're right I alternatively could find some cheap flash memory and mail it though that would then be another added cost of probably several dollars. When you mention it I could snoop and see if there's current apt number in something and just hand deliver it but that's also plausibly creepy and weird and besides which it violates my data privacy code even more, which applies to every single thing basically except a person's gaming replies. It may or may not apply to save files for games but I likely couldn't resist that chance to boot up someone's save file anyway and I'll pray on Sunday about it.
No. 45881
>directly approaching her would seem super weird plus it would create the future possibility of social interaction or knowing who and where I am which I'd like to avoid
To remain anonymous, you could send a letter(if you see an address in the tax return) and include a throwaway email for her to reply. To make it less weird, just stress that you wanted to warn her about security, etc. If she answers, then go from there. If not, then you have met your moral obligation. The only downside is how she may react when she realizes a stranger has her address. That may inflict greater harm upon her psyche than the return of her data/a security lesson warrants.
So, yeah, definitely pray about it.
I've found numerous thumb drives, but luckily none had any identifiable information and so
I've never had to face this dilemma.
No. 45883
Can't find the energy to write on my thesis, can't find the energy to tip a text for the room castings for dorm rooms.
Wondering if I can find a room, I find many excuses to not write people when there the price is right nonetheless. I mean I don't want the balcony infront of my room and I don't want to deal with searching a room mate already in december myself and so on.

Wish I knew some cool people there so I could easily live alone. Well less money will break that dream anyway.
No. 45894
3,1 MB, 3021 × 3502
>Get message from old HS that I should send back a digital copy of my degree because there might be some problems with it
>Send it back
>"Everything is all right with your papers (so fare the only case where this is true)"
Pretty nice of them to "remedy" this issue after two fucking months during the fucking enrolment procedure, but whatever.
I'd have been pretty fucking mad if I failed to enrol because of an undiscovered bureaucratic error. (That slipped past like three layers of bureaucracy.)

I woke up at 8 o' clock and had a small breakfast and then just lounged around the house. My sister went to pick up her new textbooks, and after she left, I immediately set to make lunch, only to find it's still only 10 o' clock.
So I went and picked up my package. They misspelt my name on the package. I guess it happens when you have a long name with a slightly archaic spelling.

I think I now own every book of interest from this press. (Except for maybe their Mongolian-Hungarian dictionary, but I'm not particularly interested that much in the Mongolian language as of yet.)
Got a copy of the Bhagavad-gita, a collection of Chekhov stories, a small collection of Mongolian myths, two short poetry volumes by the Japanese poet Ryokan, a book on Ming-era furniture, and a small volume of travel sketches from two Hungarian poets who travelled to Shanghai in the 1930s. I've never heard of Zoltán Nyisztor, but Sándor Weöres is probably one of my favourite poets. He's one of the best 20th century poetry has to offer. He was also a prolific translator, and his translations of Chinese poetry and the Daodejing, both of which he made with the help of now legendary Hungarian Sinologists are still widely read today.
I had no idea he ever visited the far-east.
Apparently the two poets were on the same boat at the same time, both of them writing their own travelogue. (Weöres knew that Nyisztor was on the boat while Nyisztor didn't acknowledge Weöres's presence, because as a radically conservative Catholic he probably cared little for an up-and coming poet publishing in a liberal/reformist journal like Nyugat. At least this is what I gather from the afterword.)

Autumn is just around the corner. At least based on the constant, gentle wind that I feel and see whenever I go outside.
I'm going to miss reading in the garden.
No. 45897
686 kB, 2250 × 1741
1,3 MB, 1055 × 1485
Managed to write 5000 characters for the thesis, might finish reading a chapter and taking some notes to make a paragraph out of it that then can be compared to the source and how that is similar.If everything goes super well I might have a finished but not polished or streamlined thesis by 1st September and having about 10000 characters more than necessary, I nearly hit the required amount of characters today and I still need to write a small chapter and 3-4 pages of introduction and a summery. The general idea would be down on paper then if I get it done. I just hope it works that way, came home and have been doing nothing besides going to the grocery store, I feel queasy. Might have to do with seeing my coworker today, we were quite reserved. On the weekend she wrote me she fears I would delete her number once I get out of town. We both limited ourselfs, I told her I don't want to write anymore and she said don't touch me anymore. It's just that we majorly fucked up by getting so close and then she blows it all off, well understandable but still feels shit. I still fucking like her and always like talking to her but there now is this uneasy feel that I can't have her which makes me avoid her. I know that I can feel the same for other women that can be easily, if they make me feel that comfortable around her, but atm there is none but her. Fucking shit.