/int/ – No shittings during wörktime
„There is no place like home“

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No. 48412 Systemkontra
1,4 MB, 1000 × 1008
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No. 48413 Kontra
>>48411
>but don't loose your chuunibyou seriousness. It's a necessary condition to succeed in anything that matters in life.

This, you need some bite.

Yesterday the day was good until I was told I look sad, which actually made me sad and the attempt of cheering me up made me even more sad, because I was not able to cheer up. Not even a full week here and I have a downer.
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No. 48418
3,5 MB, 4018 × 3242
Ive been deleting everything imageboard/meme related from my computer. I only have wallpapers or infographics and pictures of significance to me saved.
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No. 48425
Driving your sense of self worth from institutions is cringe.
It is as if you wanted the academic institution to validate your existence by "officially" granting you worthiness that must now be recognized by society.

Is like those guys who join Mensa and find out if just a bunch of dickheads
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No. 48433
>>48425
I knew a guy who was in Mensa once, he was a dickhead who told everyone about it constantly, his job was to staple cardboard boxes together for Dell.

I got a 1st class honours degree but it is completely worthless, I've been thinking about hiding all my qualifications on a CV and handing it out to see if I get more job offers if I appear completely uneducated. You don't have to be smart to have a degree, masters or PhD - you just have to do the work you're given.
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No. 48449
1,1 MB, 2042 × 1837
I'm at this point again where I want a stable based understanding in mathematics, physics, chemics, informatics etc.
There was this 800 or 100 page book in my old library that was about basics of engineering, I looked in libgen and there was an introduction to telecommunication and network engineering. I look up university lectures in physics (introduction) but I suspect they will have a super steep learning curve. Given that I read about technoscience is resembling science fiction, more concerned with possibility than being, becoming instead of identity, I suspect (all kinds of) engineering would be the best field to explore, but it's useless without knowledge in mathematics. The problem is that a) I have to understand the formalizations, like a language I can actually speak and not being clueless and b) that is also means constant repetition of certain formalizations and there relations in order to get "fluent", but when do I do my readings in philosophy etc? I study humanities but I really want to understand the science and technology, the materiality of things, the laws and equations that guide and are relevant for the development of technology I try to scrutinize and ponder about from a philosopical/cultural viewpoint.

I read Bernard Stiegler (he become, in his own words, a philosopher after eing imprisoned for bank robbery between 1978-1983), quite or very difficult. And only a minor thing that I took from him is the difference he makes of technics and technology, the latter is a fusion of technics with science.
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No. 48457
>>34466
>artificial
While I haven't tried that drink, it's probably don't. That's just how kyohō grapes taste for you. Once you've convinced yourself of this, "grape" flavo(u)r in foods and drinks will seem much less artificial. To a lesser extent, the same goes for "apple" flavo(u)red products.
But I have never found out if there's any natural thing "cream soda" is trying to mimick. Ghastly stuff.
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No. 48459
>>48457
Well might be that it is that special grape which makes the taste, but since I drank some Tango Apple and know how different apples taste, including green apples, I pretty much suspect(ed) it to be artificial aroma, like with the Tango Apple.
The Cream Soda thingy also goes for Uludag, doesn't resemble anything particular.
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No. 48463
>>48457
>replying to a thread from a year ago

>>48457
>That's just how kyohō grapes taste for you.
>>48459
>Well might be that it is that special grape which makes the taste
I looked up kyohou grapes on Wikipedia, and saw the following:
>The grape maintains some of the flavor qualities of the Concord, known to consumers from the flavor of most grape jellies and Concord grape juice.[4]
Concord grapes are in fact the basis for artificial grape flavoring. If you've never had them it's about as close to the real thing as artificial watermelon or banana.

TBH Concords are the only kind of grape worth eating on their own. Every other grape just tastes like generic sweet fruit, which is why white grape juice is often used as a base in flavored fruit cocktails. Kind of hard to find the fresh Concord grapes where I live, but at least you can find proper grape juice and preserves all over America.
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No. 48469
>>48459
>might be that it is that special grape which makes the taste
Just for the record, I don't mean to say that the drink's flavour is caused by any real grape juice or extract that the drink may or may not contain, just that its flavour, however artificial it may technically be, may approximate that of grape varieties uncommon on the Niemcach.
At least, that was my reaction when I ate East Asian grapes and apples for the first time, which for me somewhat redeemed earlier experiences with "grape" and "apple" flavoured stuff as being not as unrealistic as I had thought.

>>48463
>>replying to a thread from a year ago
But it worked out fine, no?
>Concord grapes are in fact the basis for artificial grape flavoring.
Nice to know. So I was wrong to associate the East Asian grapes with it.
>If you've never had them it's about as close to the real thing as artificial watermelon or banana.
"it" = the flavo(ur)ing?
"the real thing" = Concord grapes?
I had only known the "generic sweet fruit" you describe, so the East Asian fruit came closer to the flavouring than anything else I've ever tasted.
>known to consumers from the flavor of most grape jellies and Concord grape juice
I don't know if shops here even sell those products. I think it was something else that introduced me to this "grape" flavouring that conspicuously mismatched our grapes' neutrally sweet flavour.

>watermelon
I'm not familiar with watermelon flavouring. Is it used in drinks? Chewing gum? Ice cream?
Do shops sell woodruff flavoured products in your country? It's used in drinks and jellies here.
I hope I won't permanently lose my sense of smell from an infection, but it's not too high a price to pay for survival.
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No. 48470
>>48469
>So I was wrong to associate the East Asian grapes with it.
Well, those East Asian grapes are derived in part from Concords, and share some of the distinctive flavor profile.

>"it" = the flavo(ur)ing?
>"the real thing" = Concord grapes?
Yeah, sorry for not being clear.

>I don't know if shops here even sell those products. I think it was something else that introduced me to this "grape" flavouring that conspicuously mismatched our grapes' neutrally sweet flavour.
I'm sure you could find such products on Amazon if you're curious, or in any shop catering to American personnel if you live near a base. "Grape" (really, Concord grape) is one of the most popular types of jam and juice over here.

Concord grapes only became so important in the first place because Americans wanted to find an alternative to blackcurrants, which we banned to protect native species from a plant disease associated with them. Having tried a few blackcurrant flavored products, it's actually kind of similar. Might be what the grape flavoring reminded you of.

>>48469
>I'm not familiar with watermelon flavouring. Is it used in drinks? Chewing gum? Ice cream?
Drinks, gum, hard candy. Not ice cream, but I'm sure someone has done it. Probably my favorite flavoring for candy and gum, even if it doesn't taste too much like watermelon.

>>48469
>Do shops sell woodruff flavoured products in your country?
I had to google the word "woodruff", so no. Herbal flavorings aren't too popular on the United States in general.
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No. 48474
>>48470
>[blackcurrant flavor] Might be what the grape flavoring reminded you of.
That's possible, but I'm sure I've also had a couple of grape flavoured products (so I'm not curious about the jelly), perhaps even real Concord juice when overseas. And I think of blackcurrant flavouring as something slightly exotic – I'd guess it's more common in Britain or France – that I didn't know until my teens, unlike redcurrant fruit as used in Rote Grütze and homemade jam.
>"Grape" (really, Concord grape) is one of the most popular types of jam and juice over here.
Grape juice, probably of other varieties, is common here as well, I guess third place after the ubiquitous apple and orange when I was young. But I've never seen grape jam except in Turkish grocery shops which always have it, theirs is very smooth (unlike most German jams) and viscous and tastes boring but is nice spread on sliced bread together with sesame paste.
>Probably my favorite flavoring for candy and gum
You would probably like the watermelon ice lolly sold here by a Dutch brand called "Nice". Surprisingly, it's made without flavouring. I'd say it does taste exactly like watermelon. It's expensive, though.

Y'all, I'm sorry for hijacking your thread instead of starting a separate food flavourings thread. This thread should be about my or your day. My week is starting badly so far, it's the middle of the night yet neighbours feel entitled to play loud music for hours. I wonder why their immediate neighbours don't intervene. … Ah, the noise has stopped, I hope it's over. Have a good night or day.
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No. 48492
>>48411
>chuunibyou seriousness
I kind of hate how this is probably one of the best ways to describe my relationship to the world.

>a bourgeois right of passage
It kind of is, because people still have this reflex that degree = the big cash from the days of the communist dictatorship when only the exceptionally gifted and the exceptionally connected got into a university.
Of course a lot of lazy cunts also use it to avoid joining the workforce. (Because it's ""free"" if you have the score necessary for a faculty)
If I were to be honest, in part I'm here too because my mother insisted ever since I was a little boy.
She wanted to go to uni, but here results sucked because she had to work to help support the family.
Since I entered first grade, she periodically warned and told me to study, so I can get ahead in life.
I guess I had this prepare for standards and expectations that don't even exist thing drilled into me since my childhood.

To my credit, I rectified my motivations later down the line, but ultimately, it was how my life was planned. I just got to pick a degree.
(But then again, when we had lunch with my mother, just the two of us, and I asked her "what was the plan", she just said that she only wanted me to get the two language certificates, because languages are important, and after that "it's up to you".)

I don't know if "narrativising" my life is a good coping mechanism or not. It's probably where the chuuniness comes from, because I think I'm the hero/protagonist of this something that I perceive as progressing. Couple this with the cognitive dissonance of feeling unworthy for no reason and life becomes really fun. It's probably what causes these swings where one day I'm the king of the world, a demigod, and in the other I don't want to get out of bed.
Thinking about this just makes me want to cry again.
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No. 48515
311 kB, 466 × 502
Hello Ernstchan, my old friend

Had some rough times since I decided to move out since I couldn't (and didn't want to tbh) move in with my parents again as they have a guest who is occupying my room and will stay there for a while. Luckily though, my mom has a friend who moved away and left the keys with her, so I'm staying in a pretty big house all by myself for now. It's a bit triste due to many of the rooms being almost empty with just some leftover stuff lying around, but the rooms I'm using are comfy enough and the gas stove is great for cooking. There's also a nice big garden, even if it's also a bit abandoned. Saddens me a bit that I'll probably never own such a property :P
Went on a minor drinking bout, nothing too extreme, but I had to discipline myself to stop after I realized I've been drinking varying amounts every day for a week or so. Feeling alright now, though my sleeping schedule is busted & I'm having some anxiety attacks from time to time. Picked up smoking again, too, tbh that's been a pretty good decision so far. I'm sure many people picked it up again during lockdown.
Sent out my translation of Crystal World by Pelevin to a couple of people and got some positive feedback. Though most told me they didn't really get the historical context, so I'm trying to do some research and write a bit of an analysis to go with it, there's already a couple of Russian texts I could borrow from.

What have you guys been up to?
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No. 48518
I was watching an African cooking channel and was surprised to see a dish that is defintely not asian made with soy sauce and oyster sauce and I wondered what impact the chinese relationship and projects on the different regions of the african continent might have.
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No. 48526
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Had Greek and Chinese class today.
Actually managed to get the Chinese test-question right this time, which makes me happy.
Knew the Characters well and made some translations during class.

>>48515
>Picked up smoking again, too, tbh that's been a pretty good decision so far. I'm sure many people picked it up again during lockdown.
Yeah. Also alcohol. I'd have probably picked up an alcohol habit by now because of the pandemic if I weren't such a genetic dead-end that my stomach can't handle it.

>What have you guys been up to?
Wrote a short text about a Chinese bowl for art class.
Also had to make a "visual transcription" and I let my inner artist loose :D
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No. 48532
1,0 MB, 480 × 368, 0:03
I was cracking eggs into a bowl this morning and dropped one. I immediately skipped back, intending to avoid the certain gelatinous splash when it hit the floor. There was no splash. There was also no egg.

A brief mystery ensued as I searched around the baseboards and garbage, trying to figure out how something could simply vanish midair. Believe it or not, the egg had fallen directly into the folded cuff of my denim jeans.

It also remained unbroken.
t.Magicman

>>48526
>Also had to make a "visual transcription" and I let my inner artist loose :D
My translation reveals Many Chinese Character. Meta :D.
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No. 48536
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Feeling powerless about the route your life is going to barrel through until you die makes one do strange things. It's hard for people to know themselves. For the longest time, I thought my self hatred came from lack of social contact and celibacy, something which apparently wasn't the root cause of this.

That's a nice pic, OP.
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No. 48537
We're heading towards christmas with huge steps, but I don't feel it, at all. I will take all my vacation days I have left to stay at home the last three weeks in December, after that I'll be out of work and write my PhD thesis. Usually around this time I feel it a little bit. But now they also want to ban new year's eve. I enjoy making noise and I have a broom and shovel ready to clean up my shit when I'm done. Why can't I do that?
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No. 48538
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135 kB, 1280 × 867
>>48536
>That's a nice pic, OP.

Thanks, it's a platform in the North Sea, my favorite sea. I once contemplated working on an oil rig, right on the open sea, a steel construction, drilling to get earths pitch black nectar, fuelling the systems, keeping the machine going. A fascinating non-place, I could feel at home I think, especially when it would not be about exhausting manual labor. Same thinking for why I would buy a vacation trip on a container ship instead of flying to the Bahamas, if I had the money.

The light house Roter Sand, located in the German North Sea, the first offshore light house ever I think, built in 1886/7 or so, would also be a great place to stay. Lonley on the open sea, a perfect match. I get goosebumps just thinking about it.

>For the longest time, I thought my self hatred came from lack of social contact and celibacy, something which apparently wasn't the root cause of this.

Were do you think it comes from? Another supoosed failure? I mean not having social contacts and no sex is considered a failure more or less, especially on imageboards but also in broader society. If it not that, what then?
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No. 48539
>>48532
>that fucking thing is how they spell 漢
Simplified characters are barbarism.
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No. 48540 Kontra
>>48539
WTF, apparently my VPN thinks Seattle is in Italy.
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No. 48542
>>48492
>I don't know if "narrativising" my life is a good coping mechanism or not. It's probably where the chuuniness comes from, because I think I'm the hero/protagonist of this something that I perceive as progressing.
There's a fine line between being motivated to do great things by a grand vision of your destiny, and being a loony wandering the streets begging for wine money. Self-awareness is probably the biggest part of that.
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No. 48545
81 kB, 1280 × 720
The first known coworker is now pozzed. I mention this now because it actually just dawned on me within that last minute that just because I haven't actually seen this person since ages, doesn't mean that they didn't actually get the chance to poz others on staff around me. Which would be one thing except for the fact that I've basically already thought I'd lost all faith in people but am continually finding out I lost this little shred of respect for decency or sense I had no clue I even still had, and that includes the overall impression that the bulk of personnel have neither any real clue about precautions, nor the curiosity to find out, nor frankly do I suspect more than a mere majority don't think it's just a meme virus. This has included people I previously thought could be counted on but thankfully that ship has sailed long ago leading to a fundamental rift in trust not just with the company but with people who work there, which has really breached any concern to stay employed at this point. It should be noted that the amusingly shitty thing about all this is as I lie here I am now realizing the depths to which my own efforts at being fastidious have likely fucked me because I may well wind up being one of the only people left on staff within the next three weeks who's not been called in from elsewhere within the company, since my odds of getting pozzed are not just much lower for the virus itself, but probably also for any false alarm cold or flu also.
Really I've just about had it. Everyone is acting like big crowds isn't a problem. Mass transit apparently isn't a problem. It's not just all the millions of people who took flights, or the kinds of retards I'll hear ranting about how "no governor can make us not have a huge gathering of friends and family!" but just the sheer volume of people congregating in stores, shart marts, mini marts, other marts, any kind of public transit etc. I saw someone today I know works for transit and he said all day it's been packed nonstop on each route. This also really changes things because it means I've got about 0 days left to make my decision on when to leave without a backup plan in place as I'm fully estimating the already wildly spiralling out of control situation to hit a critical mass about two and four weeks from now when all these retards have passed it along to their families, friends, and whoever else they interacted with, followed by the return flights etc. spraying it everywhere when they return to work and school next week. I am absolutely certain this is going to be an absolute shitshow starting in early to mid December and I'm at the point now where I'm ready to just bail on the retard parade entirely.
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No. 48554 Kontra
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36 kB, 445 × 433
Created a new image (pic 1). Pic 2 is the template, a cover of a german punk band.
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No. 48560
>>48554
Now I wonder if Die Fantastischen Vier have stolen the album title Lauschgift from Boskops? Or maybe this wordplay is just too obvoius?
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No. 48561
Austrian town of Fucking will be called "Fugging" from 2021 on.

https://www.diepresse.com/5903546/aus-fucking-wird-fugging
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No. 48563 Kontra
54 kB, 1016 × 568
>>48561
(EBIN x :DDDD)²
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No. 48564
>>48561
The article name itself is funny for a non-German like me. It's almost "Ass fucking - weird fugging" and brings to mind sodomy laws.
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No. 48565
208 kB, 1200 × 660
>>48538
>If it not that, what then?
I'm not sure, I'll be sure to blog it here once I figure this one out.

>I once contemplated working on an oil rig, right on the open sea, a steel construction, drilling to get earths pitch black nectar, fuelling the systems, keeping the machine going.
Why didn't you go through with it? I figure one could have a decent career in such a field. Plus it seems like the sort of field ecosystem that's mildly interesting and distant from normality.
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No. 48566
>>48561
Now they'll be losing out on all the anglo tourist dosh and gain all that fingol tourist dosh :-DDDD
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No. 48568
>>48565
>Why didn't you go through with it?

Because the process is quite shady, there seem to be agencies that recruit manual workers (certain manual tasks for drilling operations, kitchen, cleaning) that want money for information beforehand. Otherwise I'm a skinny ass dude, I did drive for DHL so I'm not the wimpiest kid on the block but maybe being a skinny and thus lightweight guy, albeit having some muscles, is not the best foundation for helping with drilling, I'm not an educated cook either and cleaning sounds shit in the end.

---

The first week in this new town was calm, but since sunday I found out I probably live under a shared flat living room, right now I can hear several people talk and joge around and it disturbs my reading habit, I'm tired so the reading was rather pointless, but it still bothers me to more or less hear voices constantly and feet trample.
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No. 48579
563 kB, 736 × 981
Yesterday night I tried finishing a simple assignment, but I felt so anxious that I could only do it past due and only after drinking and taking a few tablets of valerian.
Didn't complete it, and I went to bed instead.
I woke up for class, had half a muffin for breakfast and immediately had the most violent sick I had in years. After that episode I decided to just go back to bed and skip class.

Needless to say, I severely overestimated my ability to produce a Chinese text while intoxicated (even if just slightly), and I had to correct a lot of shit, but it the blunt of the issues were relegated to the numerals.
Anyway, I fixed it up and sent it on past due, and also apologies for missing class.
I feel like a total fucking failure.

I really should open the window and let some fresh air in tomorrow.
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No. 48581
I can't believe no one said happy thanksgiving yet. Well I guess it sorta is a bullshit American holiday anyway but happy Thanksgiving ernsts.
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No. 48592
>>48579
>I severely overestimated my ability to produce a Chinese text while intoxicated
That line, spoken by anyone else, in any other context, would seem like a joke, but I'm certain you're dead serious :D.

>I feel like a total fucking failure.
Nah. Anxiety is rough, but you got the work done, right? That's what matters, you carried on-a bit late, but you carried on none the less.

>>48581
My Thanksgiving was complicated by ongoing family drama. The holiday usually goes better, though, and next year I expect it will return to proper form.
Happy Thanksgiving, ernst.
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No. 48593
364 kB, 1600 × 1200
Thanksgiving was nice. My mom made a delicious pumpkin pie following a new recipe. I'll share it in the food thread soon in case anyone is interested.

AFAIK this is one of those American foods that's hard to find overseas, but it's also one of our best, and the ingredients shouldn't be too hard to find. I encourage Ernst to try making it for themselves.

>>48581
It feels kind of weird saying this outside of the context of a family gathering, but happy Thanksgiving Ernst.
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No. 48606
I am drinking but don't have enough to get drunk.
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No. 48611
Obsessively listening to Prokofiev's Scythian Suite.
Reading notes on Chinese history.
Gonna be frank, Neolithic Chinese history bores me to fucking tears. Once you get to the periods which have written records or histories written about them it becomes interesting because then it gets a bit of personality, but before that, it's just crunching numbers and hypothesises that were made through archaeology.

>>48581
I think Thanksgiving is the least stupid of your traditions. It's a holiday that focuses on family relations and home cooking. That's great.

It's just that nobody besides you celebrates anything right now. We just had Allerheiligen, and the family gatherings aren't happening until Christmas.
Being thankful is a part of Christmas here, and I guess thankfulness is a bit more of a solemn thing than Halloween, so you can't use it as a reason to get drunk.

Even our black Friday is mediocre. You get 20-30 off most stuff at max, if any. (Sometimes they change the prices to astronomical levels and then sell you the item for its normal value as a ""huge discount"".)

>>48592
I got it done, but I'm not proud of it.
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No. 48612
Thanksgiving went fine. Ate too much as expected. I guess we lucked out with most of our family living in the same city so gathering wasn't an issue.
>>48611
It's definitely less commercialized than Christmas. Yeah there's a bunch of thanksgiving products but it's still more personal in a way.
Still, Black Friday just keeps looming over it.
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No. 48620
Seeing that I'm not a turkey guy, I celebrated Thanksgiving with my mother like Jews do on Christmas: at the Chinese joint :DDDDDDD

On another note, life has a strange way of going full circle. I am now living in my grandfather's house where my "cousin" OD'ed in the basement.
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No. 48621 Kontra
30 kB, 450 × 450
>neighbors blasting some guitar music, people singing
>suddenly shattering of glass sound in the stairwell
>1min later music stops
>guys shouting and accusing each other, probably drunk

I suspect the (main) door to be shattered, maybe tomorrow there is evidence to be seen of what happened. It won't be a big deal I guess. Made me chuckle on how fast a mood can turn. Now I can read up on Aristotle without music in the background but loud chattering :DDD

inb4 why don't you call the bolice for corona regulations
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No. 48624
>>48621
I fucking hate alcohol at this point. It's by far one of the worst, shittiest drugs by every metric and I sincerely don't even know which of the three could be argued as worse, alcohol, heroin, or crystal meth. It's almsot tempting to say it's a shame Prohibition hadn't worked out. Say what you will about the rest of it but at least Islam got two things right: alcohol and usury.
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No. 48629 Kontra
>>48624
They weren't super drunk but it sounded a bit like alcohol was consumed. Anyway, we'll see if it was their door or the main one tomorrow of it was something completely different made of glass I'm not aware of right now. Will make an update I guess. I'm not even mad or anything, it just made me laugh how things can turn so quickly for whatever reasons. These guys weren't amused at all btw.
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No. 48633
I went to a meeting of a far-right militia (not being a member myself but having been invited because they were doing an exercise with radios and one of their members is a friend of mine who knows I am a radio hobbyist) and one of the members inexplicably brought along his 9-year-old daughter. Last night I went to that man's house for Thanksgiving dinner, both my and his original plans having been cancelled due to fears of disease. I discovered that he had met his current wife 2.5 years ago at an elementary school game night, he the single father of a 6-year-old girl and she the single mother of a 6-year-old boy. I thought it was a cute story. I also thought the children were cute. The girl had long hair but other than that was completely unfeminine in dress and mannerisms. She at one point said "when I was little" which I found funny because she was still quite small. The boy was taller than the girl but cuter and had nice-looking blonde hair that went down just past his ears. I wondered what would happen to these children if their father died in a senseless gun battle.
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No. 48639
>>48633
>I wondered what would happen to these children if their father died in a senseless gun battle.

They way you talk about them they would have to be afraid that you're going to get them and lock them in your cellar.
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No. 48641
6 kB, 225 × 225
Im trying to learn Linux but i feel like a complete dumb cunt at it. Fucking hell.
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No. 48642
>>48641
just install manjaro xfce, then start poking at it until it breaks, then reinstall and try again, keep doing it and it'll work out.
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No. 48643 Kontra
>>48633
That was a very american story
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No. 48649 Kontra
>>48641
There used to be this book "Linux from scratch" that basically explained every single package you need to build a basic linux.

>>48643
Agree. In a fucked up way, it's kinda cute and adorable. Also, what >>48639 said.
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No. 48650 Kontra
>>48649
Yes. LFS is sooo easy. The perfect way to learn Linux. Nowadays it isn't just downloading, installing and booting. Then start using it like it would work much differently then any other OS today.
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No. 48651
>>48642
Why Manjaro then? What you describe can be done with Arch directly and you have one layer of abstraction less.

>>48641
If I weren't so busy with uni right now I'd sit down with you in discord a few times to give you a kick start.

On a related note, I'm beginning to catch up with the backlog of uni exercises of the past 3 weeks and it's feeling like a lot of momentum is developing for me there. It even feels like I've got more time and don't have to "hurry" all the time.

Also making good progress on my pet project game engine during the last 2 months.
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No. 48655
922 kB, 1600 × 2263
>>48621
Update to yesterday night: They smashed their apartment door

I've been humming, uni is much reading, difficult reading as I start in a new field basically but my theory knowledge helps as orientation, I start getting concepts more and more, a good thing at least. Need to read some stuff for a historical work I need to write, dip my toe into a topic.
Also want to listen and take notes for two online talks and read an interview.
The last days the outlook was bleak concerning uni, now I have new hopes for getting along. Met some people from my masters and it was nice.

Discovered Lao Gan Ma / chili crisp oil online and bought some today, will buy again! Good stuff and seem to go with everything, cheap rice dishes incoming it seems.
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No. 48668
161 kB, 1000 × 1000
>>48633
>I wondered what would happen to these children if their father died in a senseless gun battle
Godparents are the traditional back-up plan, right?
An aunt and uncle were my godparents, but growing up I never really knew them. I wonder if they would have stepped up if duty called.
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No. 48679
99 kB, 800 × 800
>>48651
>Why Manjaro then? What you describe can be done with Arch directly and you have one layer of abstraction less.
It's my personal approach to learning. The barrier to entry should be as low as possible, but once you're in, you should get the "whole playground". It lets you do the hard stuff, and then try again immediately when you fail.

I don't think putting people in a kiddy pool is a good way to teach, because it limits the rate at which you can learn, and the freedom to take on harder challenges if you want to. But if the complex thing is as complex to get into as it is to learn, it limits your iteration rate, which, in my opinion, is even worse.

You have to maximize the rate at which you try difficult things. If either side of this equation is compromised (low rate of iteration, or artificial limits on the level of challenge), the learning speed is not optimal.
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No. 48694
9 kB, 288 × 175
Mom is making me get a haircut again'st.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dnOVKtBxSv0

Well, I'm not a rockstar and am still financially dependent on her, so I guess I'm going to have to comply. But once I get stable income, she'll see. I'll grow a mullet or something. Mullets are cool.

_
Ever since I've got a 200mbitps connection, I've started leaving qbittorrent on in the background, so I can seed more. Because it doesn't matter to me, I have more than enough throughput. That just shows that kindness is a function of material well being. Being dictates consciousness, as someone once said.

_
I read once that when Popper was formulating his Falsification Principle, he also noted that a realm of inquiry not being falsifiable does not necessarily make it useless, or not a good heuristic for certain domains. I am finding that to be true recently. As I have constructed a "mythology" of how my mind works, that is completely unscientific, yet is a good enough system for me to manage my time and life more effectively than if I didn't have it.

One of the main things I've learned is that "motivation" is a limited resource. And considering that "motivation" is literally the thing that gives you ability to consciously direct your own behavior, "forcing yourself" to do something, or in general terms, "self-discipline" is not really a thing. You can't force something that is the part of your mind responsible for forcing actions in the first place.
So rather than the highly virtue-charged term "discipline", I find it more helpful to think in terms of habits. For what makes a habit is the fact that performing it does not require a conscious effort. Thus, it does not deplete the "motivation resource". This applies to both good or bad habits. Indeed it is the characteristic of bad habits that one performs them unconsciously, "automatically", and it takes conscious effort to NOT do them. This can be leveraged for good habits as well. If one finds their daily amount of motivation lacking, one can leverage executive processes in the mind that don't require motivation. One of them being habits. Do an activity consistently for enough time, and the activity becomes "encoded" in the mind in such a way that it is no longer necessary to expend conscious effort into performing it.
It is also important to note that while something is yet not a habit, it still requires motivation to perform. So it is necessary to not bite off more than one can chew. Develop one habit at a time. You will not have enough motivation to kickstart 5 habits at once. Even if you do, that will deplete your motivation, leaving other responsibilities unattended to. It is best to know one's limitations.

I feel like a retard having to consciously manage my own behavior, something that normal people find natural, but them's the breaks. I don't know if it's only my brain that works that way, but I've become doubtful of agency as a concept. It does not feel like I am in control of my actions, most of the time. Rather it feels like I am steering a ship or a wild animal. The human animal. I can influence my behavior, but I do not control it.
>>
No. 48696
Today I go to church
>>48694
God I wish I was a teenager again
>>
No. 48697
>>48696
Me too.
t. 26

Actually I'm joking. I do not wish to be a teenager again. My teenage years were the worst of my life. Father was fired from his job and started gambling, mother was histrionic 24/7. I was even more mentally ill than I am right now. I'm glad it's over.
>>
No. 48698
>>48697
Me 27

Other question:
Why are you so uppity if you still live with parents?
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No. 48699
102 kB, 900 × 900
>>48698
Answer: I do not believe that social hierarchy and other spooks determine one's worth as a person.
I'd have an unjustifiably huge ego even if I was a hobo eating stray dog roast and drinking snow for sustenance.

I do actually have rational reasons for living with my parents instead of needlessly giving money to a stranger for something I already have (a roof), but they wouldn't make sense to someone who comes from a society where the disintegration of the family unit is somehow seen as a virtue.
t. passive aggression pro
>>
No. 48700
79 kB, 736 × 1308
>>48694
>Mom is making me get a haircut again'st.
>I read once that when Popper was formulating his Falsification Principle
That shows in my opinion how unnatural it is for human offspring to stay at home into their twenties due to long education cycles and economic dependence. I was in a similar situation back then, and it wasn't good for any of us, neither my mom nor me. When I finally made my own money and moved out, our relationship got a lot better. Of course there were options to force my way out, like getting a job while studying, but that would have drawn effort away from studying and thus would have lowered my chances to get my degree, and I really didn't want that. Also that would have been just another class separator: While the rich kids usually just got support from their parents for a small flat, my part-time working single mom could never have supported me financially in any substantial way.
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No. 48701
>>48700
I have a pretty decent relationship with my mom.
Sure, It's annoying to have to cut my hair when I don't want to, but her property, her rules. It's no different than uniforms at the workplace or school. Gotta fit the shape of your environment.
One should move out when it makes financial sense to do so, not because of society-wide peer pressure.
You made a perfectly sensible financial decision, yet you somehow feel bad about it, all because of some weirdo social expectations.

I don't like arguments from nature, but since you used the word "unnatural", I just have to indulge. Didn't humans live in large, closely knit familial groups for most of their existence? Moving out (modern equivalent to living with another tribe), then, would be the unnatural thing to do.
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No. 48702
1,2 MB, 4000 × 2862
>>48701
>Didn't humans live in large, closely knit familial groups for most of their existence?
Yes, but still you were taught to be independent at a much earlier age, like being able to hunt for your own food or whatever those stone age guys did to survive. So while you were still around your family and tribe members, you had a much different role: You could provide for your own, and even for others. This changes a lot in my opinion. Also: It wasn't necessarily an argument to nature, but an argument to the current social norms, and while norms are (like you said) always kinda arbitrary, they still exist and have real effects. Of course you can go full Ubermensch and defy all expectations, but maybe that is asking too much of a young man who still isn't used of leading his own household. It's like trying to take step 10 before step 1.
>It's no different than uniforms at the workplace or school. Gotta fit the shape of your environment.
I agree, but I also think that at this age, there should also be the option of changing the environment if the rules become annoying. That's a principle I applied several times afterwards, last but not least when I left Kohl - their board, their rules, and they have every right to tell everyone who doesn't like them that they can fuck off - and so I did. Best result for both parties achieved.
>You made a perfectly sensible financial decision, yet you somehow feel bad about it
I also think it was a sensible decision, but it had its downsides. The forced closeness and the continuous economic dependency on my mom limited my possibilities how to shape my own life, especially in regard to my peers which were having their own flats, their own cars and lived with their girlfriends by that time. There were also some subtle effects like not being able to afford a car leads to being dependent on your pals for driving, which leads to less decision freedom, which leads to reduced chances of getting girls. It's kinda bad when you live in the countryside, aged maybe 24, could get a date with a girl, but you aren't able to pick her up with your car, or you can't be where she will be because no one of your pals will go there in b4 borrow mom's car: My mom also couldn't afford one. Sounds stupid, but I found that to be quite a real problem. Also the closeness of living with my mom and having not much privacy created tension between us, which instantly vaporated when I left home. At least for me, staying this long (until just before my 27th birthday) was like a constant drip of poison on our relationship.
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No. 48703
59 kB, 281 × 206
>>48702
What you say is technically true, but I disagree with the ethos of the premise.
Sure, you have to deal with a set of problems when living with your parents, but you start dealing with another set of problems when you move out. I see no reason to assign a kind of virtue or morality to either of those conditions. It's like contemplating whether to wear shorts or chinos on your way to the grocery store. It's just not that important.

I also can't help that the example you give for a supposedly important drawback is reproductive success. Call me an autist, but that seems a bit... base. Like sure, relationships are important, but they're not so important as to be the driving cause behind your life decisions. They're just yet another variable, that can be weighed without assigning undue significance to it.

I know it sounds like a massive cope, but I don't feel all that deprived from not having a romantic relationship. I feel pretty safe in the knowledge that I can just get one in the future, when the time is right. Right now, the time is not right, and there's no reason to feel bad about it. It all just feels like a massive spook to me.

The drawbacks of not meeting social expectations only apply if you care about social expectations. The easy way to get rid of this problem is to stop caring, rather than putting yourself in a financially unstable situation in order to avoid shame.
>>
No. 48705
>>48703
It indeed sounds like a cope, reminds me of myself in my early twnties when I told people I don't want a gf, but ofc that was massive bullshit. But tbh it's hard to say when rationalize themselves and when it's "genuine", don't want to insinuate but say that it reminds me of my younger self.

Regarding reproduction that having your own flat and car is mandatory is dependent on others expectations and is not universal, perhaps country side and milieu play a big roll. A turk friend of mind lives at home with his mum, is 27 afaik, it's normal for them and he has gf and also as he told me it was never a problem to invite a girl over. I speak for the city life btw. He had a car by his parents/mom but I don't think that added to the sucess rate.
I thought the same, living with my parents until 23, luckily my parents back then could afford giving me money (why not Bafög btw? >>48702
) but a having your own place does not get you gf, if somebody loves or wants to fuck, they might gloss over some circumstances. But truly, a sort of leading your own life projection (not living with, but being dependent on parents basically) is very common expectation with Germans.

t. other German
>>
No. 48706
>>48705
I won't claim I don't want to be in a relationship some day, but it's a different kind of "want". It's a "one day I'd like to have a house in the suburbs, a labrador and a cheap SUV" kind of want, not "it gnaws at my soul every waking hour of the day that I don't have it" type of want. And the best thing is, since it's entirely in your mind, you can simply choose which type of want it is. I'll take the former.

I did actually care deeply about these things some years back, but I think I used "gf" as a substitute for having actual life goals. Like, if I got this one thing, I'd escape the anxiety of leading an aimless life. Now that I figured out what I actually want, everything feels like it fell into place, and I do not need "surrogate meaning" in my life. I have real meaning now. At that point bioproblems become secondary.

I also find the idea of wanting a nebulous, abstract "gf", without having an actual person in mind, to be irrational. "I want to be with this particular girl" is a reasonable statement in my eyes. "I want a gf, in general", is not, because how can you want to be with someone whom you don't even know, or who doesn't even exist? If the statement were to be honest, it'd be phrased as "I want the social status and comfort of mind associated with having a gf". Which is a problem, because you're framing the idea of a relationship as something that has the sole purpose of satisfying your own wants or needs, while leaving out the fact that this arrangement also involves another human being.
Such statements only make sense when they're about inanimate objects, not humans. "I need a phone" is a reasonable statement, because it doesn't matter which particular phone you get, what you're after is the utility that the phone provides. "I want to have a handshake", or "I want to go on a date", on the other hand, are incomplete statements. The natural question is "with whom?". Or do you just want to go on a date, like, in general? That's weird, it implies that you want to go on a date just for the experience on a date, and not because you want to get to know a particular person better. Same applies to "wanting a gf".

I don't want a gf because I do not yet know any person whom I'd like to be my gf. It's super simple. I can not want something that I do not know of.
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No. 48710
306 kB, 1260 × 708
>>48702
Neoliberal society aka Western Capitalism is truly worst of both worlds in that regard. Atomized society, people throw elderly in homes to die of Covid and kick the kids out, but it's the most infantilized society possible
https://wesjones.com/gatto1.htm
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ogz7gqaSaOc
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No. 48711
25 kB, 600 × 476
>>48703
I've had to move back to my parents more than once and it was an awful hell both times, the second worst than the former. The problem is that wages haven't grown in 50 years. All of the prosperity that we have now is quite literally in spite of Capitalism, not because of it. We have achieved massively increased production and wealth generation and yet we're actually worse off as young people who are effectively making far less than our parents did while the billionaires suck up all the wealth and they should hang.
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No. 48713
44 kB, 660 × 502
>>48703
>but you start dealing with another set of problems when you move out.
Yes, that is true, but being confronted with different kind of problems and so learning to deal with different situations is a thing that makes you grow as a human. Like talking to different kinds of people, trying out various hobbies, trying to think yourself into obscure opinions, or in your case maybe exploring different styles of art, even if you weren't interested in them in first place: Most of the times you at least take something away from it, even if you come to the conclusion that ultimately it isn't a thing for you.
>I see no reason to assign a kind of virtue or morality to either of those conditions.
It isn't. It's a purely subjective feeling, but still I think it applies to most young people. If it doesn't apply to you (and only you can know that): Good.
>I also can't help that the example you give for a supposedly important drawback is reproductive success
I took that example as the easiest one, and because people can relate to. But it's not limited to this. It also affects social contacts, since you won't be able to keep up contact with people outside your limited reach, unless your pals also go there. Also with a car I suddenly was able to join sports clubs in neighboring towns. Many such cases.
>but they're not so important as to be the driving cause behind your life decisions
I do not agree on that. At some point in life, committing to a relationship and maybe to starting a family are defining moments in life. That decision cannot be evaded by saying that you don't (currently) want GF or a family, because that is the very same decision with the same scale impact, only with a different kind of impact. In all cases, you have to be equipped to handle the consequences.
>but I don't feel all that deprived from not having a romantic relationship
I can see why, and I agree to some kind. I also enjoy the advantages of single life, but if I was able to freely choose, I most likely would choose different. There were girls I really wanted to have, but in a cruel twist of fate, they thought otherwise. Still, I won't just take any girl just because she was available. Better no GF than having GF just for the sake of it.
>and there's no reason to feel bad about it
I think one of the keys to happiness in life is to notice that the above sentence can be applied to almost everything. Disclaimer: That is different to not caring. Caring about something can be done without suffering when things don't turn out the intended way, and in most of the cases it's not worth to suffer. Just always strive to make the best out of the situation that is presented, and don't grieve about things that cannot be changed anyways.
>I feel pretty safe in the knowledge that I can just get one in the future
Maybe it is. But beware: Time flies.
>The easy way to get rid of this problem is to stop caring, rather than putting yourself in a financially unstable situation in order to avoid shame.
Yeah, it surely isn't worth putting yourself in a pinch, but still I think that "stopping caring" isn't the solution here. Maybe we actually mean the same thing, but to be clear on my behalf: The situation should be acknowledged, without feeling pressured into desperate moves. As long as you know where you are and why you are there, the resulting problems are easier to deal with. In my case I told myself that I put myself in that situation voluntarily and that I am investing a few years of my life for a chance to have an easier life afterwards, and that knowledge surely helped me swallow my pride a few times in that period. Pic related.
>>
No. 48718
Hello, reoccuring visitor here

Still very slow, unimaginative and disorganised in thinking

By Ford, this IS unproductive and will NEVER do me any good

What shall I do, Ernst?

t. autist epsilon
>>
No. 48720
Goddamn son the GPU market has got to be absolute SHIT right now and I'm not just talking about scalping new high end cards (which I've seen absurd bullshit like $3000 RTX 3090's who tf even pays that??!) and within like the last week started getting a lot of asks about a card I was selling. It's not even the greatest card, it's just cheap and there I guess which is getting me people from other states asking about it. Is everyone on the planet trying to build a new PC or upgrade their systems now? Because it's starting to feel like people resorted to scouring whole regions to look for a deal on a card and even the one I'm selling and the one I'm presently using are apparently all sold out on newegg (tho I can at least attest they're good affordable ones).

It's really interesting seeing how much this pandemic has impacted certain things. Some people must be making cash over fist, while others went bankrupt. One of the big rules of any historic pandemic: every risk is an opporunity for you if you can survive it. Vast sums of wealth trade hands in every pandemic, and fortunes for some change wildly.
>>
No. 48722
I wonder how long until everyone, even the people who believe in covid and observe the regulations will say I don't give a fuck, let's go back to work, I can't take this any more, because I'm pretty fucking close to it by now.

I want to go back to uni. This isn't how things were meant to be, and I fucking hate this.
>>
No. 48723
>>48722
Keinbernd raus
>>
No. 48724
>>48694
>And considering that "motivation" is literally the thing that gives you ability to consciously direct your own behavior, "forcing yourself" to do something, or in general terms, "self-discipline" is not really a thing.

I have come to the same conclusion a while back.

>Do an activity consistently for enough time, and the activity becomes "encoded" in the mind in such a way that it is no longer necessary to expend conscious effort into performing it.

True, but with limits. Activities that require abstract thinking or creative problem solving (eg. write code) seems to never become fully intuitive as tasks such as dish washing does. Quick, solve 23*17 in your head. Mind the shift in cognitive operation mode. Some tasks are so taxing for the brain that to solve them it has to enter a space that cannot be navigated by habit alone.

>I don't know if it's only my brain that works that way, but I've become doubtful of agency as a concept. It does not feel like I am in control of my actions, most of the time.

It's not just your brain, it's what research suggests is the truth. You are in a minority to acknowledge it, though.
>>
No. 48725 Kontra
>>48722
I think people right now are waiting for the vaccine, but if that, for some reason, proves to be a dud, there will be unrest.
>>
No. 48727
>>48722
Prepare for zoom uni because it's cheaper than paying for physical space :DDDD

people I spoke to hate uni via Zoom, it has become a hated app all over the world
>>
No. 48728 Kontra
>>48727
What people have you talked to? The only people I know who hate it are professors who insist on people being present and who probably seem to slowly realize how obsolete the old ways of teaching are (for non-lab classes).
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No. 48729
7 kB, 800 × 600
>>48722
>I don't give a fuck, let's go back to work
NOOOO I want to be in Home Office forever!!! Saves so much time, and I don't need to commute with a gazillion people pressed in a tight space, and I don't need to sit in an office with 50 people who try to talk to me for no reason. It's like paradise.

t. social retarded IT sheep
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No. 48730
109 kB, 685 × 474
>>48729
bro can you kohlpill me on becoming an IT pro?

t. only knows osi model
>>
No. 48731 Kontra
>>48728
Students, but I mean those who are interested in exchange and not the ones who just want to get through with the curriculum and don't care about social life. The zoom tiles get tiring, with every week these tiny pictures become more arkward.
Ofc there are other people who don't want go and leave their house, such students exist as well. Home office people can stay where they are if they want to. Students as well, you can eqip a room with mic and camera, it's shit but if people like it and don't have a problem with technical difficulties they can have it.
>>
No. 48732 Kontra
And zoom/home office is here to stay I guess, uni will hopefully get back to presence, but in the working world there is a certain extent of irreversability, even for unis I expect some lectures to be online or whatever from now on. But for seminars where things are discussed, Zoom is shitshitshit. I believe that there is a difference in how a seminar evolves depending on its spatial dimension. How people take part in it, what their engagement will be like etc.
>>
No. 48733
>>48732
But what do you gain from sitting in the lecture hall hearing a lecture you could also watch as a video on your own time? And it's not like those retards wouldn't meet outside of uni on their own terms anyways. Or are you still having live lectures?
>>
No. 48736
>>48733
Yes, a lecture is something different, but even during my BA I rarely had lectures, but mostly seminars and these are shit via zoom.
People won't meet that often, if they are thrown into it, Zoom makes socializing more difficult, ofc the corona situation is more of a problem, but Zoom does not help much.
>>
No. 48737
325 kB, 1905 × 565
278 kB, 1906 × 587
>>48730
Don't know what kohlpill means, but I did nothing special. Went to university after school, studied computer science, landed a job and that was that. Didn't do very much besides that. Started out as a Java dev but now I mostly do operating, because things evolved this way by chance. Most IT-related stuff that I did in private I actually did after getting my job. I for one think that the whole narrative of having to put tons of extra work in just to stay up to date and to impress potential employers is a little exaggerated. Not that it isn't true at all, but it's not like there is no option to learn new stuff on the job.

>>48732
>but in the working world there is a certain extent of irreversability,
There are some huge advantages for companies: They don't need to provide workplaces (which are expensive), consultant rates are lower (because no travel expenses), people don't call in sick that often, and they tend to be available longer. It also eases the traffic situation in big cities, and may also help with high rents in the long run. Of course there are some major downsides, like difficult teambuilding and missing out on what people around you in the office are saying, which often is useful information. And lots of people DO slack off a lot - or so I heard :DD Things work well now, because most teams have formed before the 'rona and know each other personally. But I already can see that new team members who I only know from MS Teams meetings don't really exist in my head, and I care less about what they say. I guess that will gradually become more and more of a problem in the future. Still, I think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
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No. 48750
1,8 MB, 1838 × 2776
>>48713
>Maybe we actually mean the same thing
That depends.
There's two facets to this issue.
One is "I feel bad because I don't have X". The key thing being "I feel bad". I do not think this is a particularly important problem. I've noticed that most of the time when I have petty negative responses (as opposed to actually significant responses like grief) to things, the reasons behind those emotions are not related to the circumstances that triggered them. As in, if I feel bad about "not having gf", the real reason I feel bad is not the lack of gf, but some other insecurity that I'm projecting upon the idea of having gf. And those can be dealt with at their root, rather than alleviating the symptoms.

Another situation is, if I am actually rationally considering a romantic relationship, with not much emotional charge involved. Then it's dishonest to say that I "don't care", but it's more like, it's just another variable in the process of managing my life. It does not have extra significance compared to all the other concerns.

>At some point in life, committing to a relationship and maybe to starting a family are defining moments in life
Call me autistic again, but I see this sort of "mundane" stuff, as giving my dues to the "human animal" that occupies the same body as me. The human animal wants certain things, like comfort, companionship, respect, etc., that I rationally do not care for, but have to abide by, in order for the human animal to not rebel against me. All else being equal, I think I'd prioritize my rationally formulated goals and desires, against my biological and psychological needs. If it comes down to choosing between accomplishing my life goals, and soothing the human animal, I'll choose the former.
But I do not think it's a decision I'll have to make, because both can be fulfilled simultaneously, given enough luck and effort.

>But beware: Time flies.
Indeed it does. That's why I'm willing to sacrifice certain things (like family), for the sake of things I find personally important. If I'm one day 45 and without a family, because I was too occupied with pursuing my rationally formulated goals, well, that's a tradeoff I will accept.

>>48724
>True, but with limits. Activities that require abstract thinking or creative problem solving (eg. write code) seems to never become fully intuitive as tasks such as dish washing does. Quick, solve 23*17 in your head. Mind the shift in cognitive operation mode. Some tasks are so taxing for the brain that to solve them it has to enter a space that cannot be navigated by habit alone.
There's an upside to creative problems, though, in that they are, in themselves, motivating. Interesting problems are easy to muster up the motivation for. It's the day to day drudgery, that's 90% of work, that stops us from accomplishing things. And those, I feel, can be automated. Even your example of a (relatively) difficult multiplication, can be simply memorized and reused later. And those memorized, automated chunks of work can then be used to do creative work that is motivating on its own merits. So, in that aspect, I'm optimistic.

also, rate OC.
>>
No. 48754
>>48750
9/10 on your ripoff-buddha.

>Even your example of a (relatively) difficult multiplication, can be simply memorized and reused later.

The reason we don't memorize beyond 12*12 in school is combinatorial explosion. There is a threshold to what's feasable to memorize (or store in a LUT in your brain).
Play any of the Zacktronic games like ShenzenIO for a pure example of where motivation and concentration and focus become one thing and are tested to their limit.
As someone with ADHD these games are extremely fascinating because they allow me to tap into my reserves (to an extent) without the use of meds. But I also know about the limits of my brain when it comes to motivation and concentration very intimately and I know that even though there is a creative problem to be solved, I can't conjure up motivation by will and I simply won't start up the game most of the time.
>>
No. 48755
>>48754
>The reason we don't memorize beyond 12*12 in school is combinatorial explosion
That's true, but one does not have to explore the whole possibility space. Only parts of it that are relevant to one's goals.
I think this is what my art instructor meant when he said that I have to "pick a world to live in". I think what he meant was that I should pick a subset of reality to inhabit, and disregard the rest, or else I won't really accomplish much.
It's sad, but I find that it's true.
>>
No. 48756
369 kB, 763 × 576
Bought a new external hd to transfer movies over onto from my old 2009 one. I feel it was long overdue.
>>
No. 48757 Kontra
>>48755
>"pick a world to live in"

It sometimes feels like you picked the beginning of western philosophy with it's binarity of rationality and passions :DDD
>>
No. 48759
>>48757
That in particular is more that I am emotionally stunted and have a blunted emotional response, so it's simply a world I live in, rather than picking it.
I feel detached from my emotions most of the time, it doesn't feel like I'm "feeling" things, it feels more like feelings are happening and I'm observing it.
>>
No. 48767
>>48759
>it feels more like feelings are happening and I'm observing it

You have my envy.
>>
No. 48768
>>48767
It's still not pleasant. The experience is the same, it's just that the experience is not "internalized" or "owned".
It's like, if you were to feel someone else getting kicked in the balls. The fact that the balls aren't yours doesn't make it much better.
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No. 48823
55 kB, 588 × 363
>>48759
>>48768

I guess you are hyperreflexive (which also does not exclude the fact that you feel, but feelings are usual diffuse anyway and this hard to pinpoint), I know that feel well instead of intuitively doing something I reflect on what is going on, always ready to analyze something, while other just want to be hugged or expect that in a given situation, but I learned to manage better in that regard, observing oneself and what all that implicates but I think to a certain extent you underestimated the self observation of your fellow human beans, they don't speak about it or sometimes don't have the vocabulary to mediate what is going in with their indvidual consciousness.
>>
No. 48825
Hello. Is this board comfy? I'm sick of CP.
>>
No. 48831
12 kB, 640 × 480
>>48825
Yes.
t.Knower
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No. 48835
55 kB, 524 × 524
My God i cannot stand the fucking way everything is today. I hate the internet, i hate how big its become, especially YouTube and the like with all the e-celeb crap. I hate video games and "gaming" now, hate seeing those stupid soy fucking mouths gaping open and the little shits of kids all streaming and making videos.

I can't stand the music and the meme internet "culture". The generations below me seem as alien and distant as the ones above me.
>>
No. 48837
Because of my prescription, I had to go out again today, and ended up spending way more at shart-n-mart than I ever figured I would today and that was with putting lots of shit back. Oh well. The cheap af fruitcake wasn't there and I wasn't leaving without another one but ten fuckin bux. Whatever. I'm now cold, wet, and trying to figure out why the fuck my package isn't here yet except that USPS somehow routed my shit to another state (it used to come from a 2 hour drive away idk wtf happened), then routed it to the entire other side of the state (I don't live in a tiny one so this is like going from one end of Germany to the other), then routed it back to my neighboring city it departed days ago to go out there, then finally come to my city from the distribution hub that's right next to me before getting sent out for delivery today aaaand...nothing's there. They don't deliver at night but expected deliver is "by X time tonight." I know it's holidays coming up but I can't imagine it already being this much of a clusterfuck it's not even December yet and it worked fine throughout the pandemic until right before the election when certain mysterious force tried to sabotage it because it's the one nice non-privatized thing we have left other than NASA.
>>
No. 48842
Mum decided to bake scones and apple pie.
Some ingredients were missing, so for the first time in weeks I went out shopping.
I suspected that maybe we had everything at home for baking, she just wanted me to relax a bit and leave the house, because at this point I re-enact the Downfall collapse scene at least via gesticulation every few hours.
When I asked her about it, she said that that wasn't the case.
It was sort of refreshing to see people walk around. You know, just seeing things exist in their natural state.

Translated a short Aesopian fable as homework. It wasn't as hard as I expected. I'm actually kinda proud.

Got back the Chinese homework I handed in yesterday. It had more mistakes in it than I'd have liked for it to have.
I feel devastated.

>>48728
>>48727
So far I haven't met a single person who says they prefer digital education to the traditional method, be they professors or students.
It's demoralising. When we were asked if we want to use Teams or Zoom, we just replied with We want to use the classroom.

You don't have the sacred space of the lecture hall or the ritual of a class starting and going on uninterrupted for 2-3 hours, and of course there are the numerous technical issues because nobody owns TV quality microphones and cameras, let alone the hardware or the internet connection to support it.
It's shit. It's impersonal, clunky, awkward and ineffective. Fuck it.

It might be cheaper but it decreases the effectiveness of teaching and learning so fucking much.
>>
No. 48864
>>48825
Left Kohlchan for the same reasons
>>
No. 48865
>>48864
I have to say from what I've seen so far on here I'm pretty surprised. There is actual discussion going on here without constant autistic CP spamming. Sadly it's very, very slow.
>>
No. 48866
all I want for christmas is lithium prescription
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No. 48868
163 kB, 720 × 747
>>48865
>>48864
Always good to see people who share the same experiences and come to the same conlusions. And with each new arrival, the slowness problem decreases more and more.
>>
No. 48869
>>48825
Sames.
Fugging nonces.
>>
No. 48872
Today I had to go to the dermatologist to get my blood taken to determine whether my blood levels changed. I have kind of severe acne, so I take a medicament with isotretinoin against it. This is a pain in the ass. The appointment was at 9:00 am which is way too early for me. After that I went to the pharmacy to get the medicine and then returned back home. I was still very tired, so I didn't do much besides eating as I had to be fasting before the blood test.
>>
No. 48873
>>48865
Yes, it will be hard to accelerate the board. But there's constant Kohlchan migration due to CP.
>>
No. 48874
>>48873
Yeah, but as another poster said quality goes over quantity.
>>
No. 48875
Hello Ernst, former Bernd. CP is getting out of hand on kohlchan and mods don't do shit. 50% of Bernds don't seem to care, so I'll just come over here now. Kohlchan will be a pedo exclusive board in one or two months, or so it seems. Daily new pedo banners and increase in pedo posting.
>>
No. 48876
>>48874
why would we be here otherwise?
>>
No. 48879
>>48875
Do you think CP and pedophilia are the only problems of KC or do you see there any other problems?
>>
No. 48881
>>48842
>It's shit. It's impersonal, clunky, awkward and ineffective. Fuck it.

Amen.

---

Bought A Kinder Santa Claus. Only this time of the year I'm able to buy the Kinder egg chocolate for a reasonable price I think, also with the Santa I don't have any plastic trash to through away.
>>
No. 48883
>>48842
>When we were asked if we want to use Teams or Zoom, we just replied with We want to use the classroom.
For me personally it's also very unpleasant to have all of the other students stare at my face when I speak or at least being able to see them do that. Of course in a normal class people would look at the speaker too, but they wouldn't have the face directly in front of them and I couldn't see their faces. It's really awkward.
>>
No. 48886 Kontra
>>48883
>t's really awkward.

You speak into a void basically. I sometimes look at my screen when talking, but never at the camera, I think.
>>
No. 48888
>>48879
Not really, the quality has always been shit, but there were also some entertaining threads. 90% is garbage, but 10% at least provide some laughs. The number seems amall but there are tons of threada so that's fine.

I find it entertaining to argue with schizos or convinced incels though, that may not be something for everyone.

If there wasn't cp on kc or pedo discussion threads it would be a fun board for shitposting.
>>
No. 48889
Also, KC is locked in my country for being illegal
>>
No. 48895
>>48889
Since when?
>>
No. 48896
>>48895
early 2020
>>
No. 48897
>college student(in)s

God you guys are lucky. Just wait until you work and your soul dies
>>
No. 48898
>>48897
>God you guys are lucky. Just wait until you work and your soul dies
Will drop out soon and start an apprenticeship. I can imagine that working isn't fun for the most part, but I rather work and get money for it than study which is also not fun and don't get money for it.
>>
No. 48899
>>48896
Well, that's a good thing. I wonder why it isn't banned in Germany already. But it seems the German government doesn't ban websites very often. Other pedo sites like cutie garden don't get banned either.
>>
No. 48900
98 kB, 841 × 730
>>48897
I actually prefer working. Being at college was a time of dependence and uncertainity. I have less free time, true, but my job is fine, I get paid for it and I am independent, which I value a lot. Also no more written tests and constant fear of failing them and getting booted. Nothing in worklife ever compared to that pressure.

>>48899
Let's hope it won't. I can't even imagine what a Kohl ban would do to this place.
>>
No. 48901
>>48900
>Let's hope it won't. I can't even imagine what a Kohl ban would do to this place.
I don't think it would do much to this place. Both boards are fundamentally different by now. They will just create a new one or go their containment boards elsewhere.
>>
No. 48902
63 kB, 1066 × 558
>>48900
It could be because I'm a manager which is incredibly stressful (not only managing the team but constant meetings, many of which are full of people much smarter than me). In my mind, nothing in school was ever as stressful and challenging as this. But then again, I studied economics as opposed to some stem stuff so maybe that plays a bit of a factor

I also wouldn't worry too much if Casey were going kill since mods here are good.

Apropos to nothing, I will kinda agree with ze German earlier in the sense that kc was fun even if the vast majority of it was shit. While I do enjoy a shitpost (or twenty) it's not worth letting the quality of Ernst go in the shitter for a few laughs. Other chans can provide that. It's a shame what happened to kc and there is no chance I'd visit considering what folks on here have said about it especially recently.

Welcome to the new Bernd migrants. Don't shit up the place
>>
No. 48904 Kontra
>>48897
Some students work and study. At least I have no crippling manual job for 40h a week or more and 40 years of it ahead. But I got a taste of it and that is why I study, luckily, as you say.
I think we can all agree in that work has to be reorganized and that capitalism and its wage slavism is shit.
>>
No. 48919
>>48898
>>48902
I guess it really depends on what kind of job you have. My work is just barely mentally stimulating enough to not daydream and hate it for that level of tedium but I am a whore nonetheless, as the system makes us all whores it's just onlyfans and pornographic "actresses" are more upfront and honest about it. I sell my body and other parts of me and that is why it never interested me to go into creative work for pay, because then I would be whoring something that actually matters as I consider art a sacred space. At the same time even a managerial position is just more of the same.

I personally had a grand ol time in this pandemic so far for the most part, minus the added actual stressors like nomaskers, worry about family etc. because it meant that I could work on shit that was actually fulfilling to do for once. I'd imagine working on bridge construction like my grandfather did would be similarly fulfilling because at least you actually got to see your work and be proud of it and actually contribute to the betterment of your nation and community, as opposed to just prostituting yourself out to some oligarch for peanuts.

Regarding school I often find myself astonished at how I could possibly have had nervous breakdowns there and been so stressed out constantly, but I suppose it was shit that actually mattered to me so that's why; the outcome was actually relevant to me at the personal level. Plus I never did exams and only did massive term papers by and large so there's that. I'm way behind schedule at this point but I think that I may have to settle on something finally to go to grad school for it, as I also finally learned apparently what everyone else knew which is that not only money matters, but it is the singular goal in life of an American to work as little as possible for as much money as possible. Anyone who thinks otherwise is a gullible rube here, and I have known many, who apparently seem to think honest effort and hard work gets rewarded. There is no such thing as loyalty. We're all mercenaries here. The young ones in their early 20s haven't discovered that fact yet. The company can and will cast you to the wolves at the drop of a hat and you should be prepared to knife them in the back at any given opportunity the moment it becomes profitable to do so. Working the pandemic has dissuaded me from my native loyalty and communitarian spirit to the tribe. Never stay behind for another. Ever.

In terms of school it was the one truly bright spot in my life and I feel terrible for any kid who just sits there and plays videogames in his dorm room, or who does not maximize their social and extracurricular experience because a lot of things in college as a 20 year old you'll likely never get the chance to truly experience again, and a big part of that is being a part of a real community. Unless you're particularly lucky or clever you'll simply move on, stay in touch with some college friends, and join some non-static group of mercenaries in a fluid social gathering where people are constantly coming and going and moving and you'll never really get to know another, and if you do, you likely fell into a fatal trap unless again you are clever or lucky. It is interesting to think about how severely punished fraternization is in the workplace, where office romance is verboten, where everyone must have the plastic smile and office parties to simulate loyalty or community just enough to placate worker bydlo to remain on the plantation.
>>
No. 48920 Kontra
>>48919
>but I am a whore nonetheless, as the system makes us all whores it's just onlyfans and pornographic "actresses" are more upfront and honest about it. I sell my body and other parts of me and that is why it never interested me to go into creative work for pay, because then I would be whoring something that actually matters as I consider art a sacred space.

holy mother of CRINGE
>>
No. 48926
>>48920
Do you come here only to post "faggot" and "cringe"? Do you think anyone cares?

Get over how people talk and actually try to engage, and maybe you'll find some human warmth or whatever it is you're looking for.
>>
No. 48932
>>48920
Explain to me how most jobs are different from prostitution other than the sexual part then
>>
No. 48945 Kontra
>>48932
The fact that you ask this question shows how much of a retard you are. No wonder you can only find a blue collar job.
>>
No. 48954
>>48945
Explain to me how a white collar job is different then. God you are so fucking retarded and low IQ it amazes me.
>>
No. 48955 Kontra
>>48945
stop kohling around.

We all sell ourselves, our labour force, we have nothing else. Prostitues sell their body, technically in a manual job, your body constitues the work force quite literally.
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No. 48976
Japanese study is progressing well. I found a couple of useful old books on Amazon. One is a guide to all of the ~2k general use kanji, and provides their actual etymology instead of giving a special snowflake mnemonic (which sadly appears to be the default for this kind of book these days). The other is a small but dense reader, meant to take you all the way up to practical literacy.

Both books are from the 1970s or earlier, and I had to go that far back to find what I was looking for. I can't exactly lament the tempora and mores, as integrated digital learning programs have helped me a lot, but the quality of language learning books has definitely declined over the years.

I plan on taking the JLPT in July, aiming for at least N3 (intermediate; good enough to get by in day-to-day life). I want N2 by the end of next year.

Feels good to make progress in something. You should try it if you aren't already, Ernst.
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No. 48979
388 kB, 827 × 1200
1,0 MB, 467 × 1150
333 kB, 1518 × 920
45 kB, 450 × 450
I have to announce that beyond the first two posts in the Technology General thread, none of the bricks have been me. Sure, I loved basking in the brief period of feeling truly anonymous on this website for once, but I have to say this to avoid any misunderstanding.
Unlike the arch brick, I am not actually that committed. Due to being a design work scrub, I can't ditch W10 so easily (not until I write a .plt exporter for inkscape for one), and I hold the "pragmatic" philosophy that any DE that can launch a terminal and a browser is basically good enough to go, and the rest is largely irrelevant. (KDE still sucks tho)

>>48823
I suspect the reason for my introspection is that, when your emotions and moods change arbitrarily due to mental illness, it's hard to value them, or consider them as signifiers for anything deeper than what they feel that they are: arbitrary stimuli and experiences that come on go for no particular reason. When I'm depressed, you can't convince me that any experience, piece of art, or "content" embodies "happiness", "joy", "warmth" or whatever, because I can't feel it. And when I'm maniacal, even the most insignificant, stupidest shit can bring me mirth beyond what I've felt in my entire life. Such situations really undermine the "authority" or authenticity of emotional experiences as having any relation to "truth" at all.
It's one of the reasons my approach to life is hyperrational to the point of being absurd. Yeah, I've felt "love", "hope", "happiness", "awe", etc. before. While literally staring at a wall, because my brain was malfunctioning at the moment. So it's really difficult to me to assign any significance or meaning to those experiences. So I rely on the only thing that's been consistently "unbiased" throughout all this time: reason. tips fedora. Sounds cringe, but that's my experience. You tell me about how emotional experiences mean fucking anything after taking a dose of anti-psychotics and your ability to feel being chemically circumvented.
Sure it sounds very nihilistic, but I've found ways to attain "meaning" through a nihilistic worldview. There are ways to rationalize sentimental views purely through rational means. And that's what I do. Because even though I personally don't feel shit, I know that other people do, and I will try my hardest to make them feel good and happy and validated, because the world doesn't fucking revolve around me. Being denied the full depth of emotional experience just makes me value it more in other people.
Most of the tine, I rationally force my self to act in a way I have reasoned is virtuous, rather than acting upon my unconscious sense of empathy, which doesn't exist. Sad? Yes. But also virtuous. So fuck you, only God can judge me. And God is dead.

_
Beyond every other requirement that wage jobs advertise on their ads, I am convinced that the main, unspoken metric for being employed is erosion of dignity. Every single place I've applied to, despite having wildly different technical requirements and qualifications; without fail, had one thing in common: the need to humiliate oneself before the employer, and oneself.. It seems like it's not even a conscious requirement on part of the employer to set such a metric, but rather so much of an ingrained thing, that it manifests itself without explicit intention.
Honestly I'd rather suck dicks at a gloryhole for life, because at least it allows me to retain one form of dignity: honesty. As in, I wouldn't have to smile while taking dick up my ass. Unfortunately, the sex industry is too stagnant to have a place for my fat hairy ass. So I'm going to have to keep looking. Such cases.

this post was brought to you by BEERKHAN 10% lager, winner of International Beer Challenge 2019 (run from some guy's apartment in Jubilee House, 56-58 Church Walk, Burgess Hill, West Susse).
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No. 48981
>>48976
That's great to here. I'm studying Japanese too, although I'm not as far progressed as you are. How are the two books called?
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No. 48988
Well, today I have another appointment with a different kind of doctor. It's tiring. I don't see the point of pain that doesn't lead to death. But this is the majority of pain. I respect illnesses like cancer which will probably end the person's life. Yes, you could argue, if you just let any pain be, it will lead eventually to death. This would be a highly unpleasant experience though. Pain must function as a sort of messenger: as a messenger of decay and death. Maybe we still see it nowadays in this light, although I think the majority of people doesn't take it seriously. The major obstacle is of course artificially created medicine, it is a sin against nature really. Money initiated the decay of humankind and will accelerate it whenever it can, so is the case with medicine. Natural medicine we know from ancient times is a different case though. This kind was a mere extension of the self defense mechanisms of the human body. The human was still unified with nature. Some techniques are still preserved, but the fundamental truth that the human was a natural being is lost. We can't retrieve that. Ever. The downfall of nature and thus the downfall of humankind is inevitable and I'm looking forward to it. Every downfall will inevitably result in an uprising. May it be hundreds or thousand years later, but there will be new species, new civilizations living here and although I won't experience any of that, I'm happy.
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No. 48990
>>48988
I didn't follow all your posts, so I don't know what kind of pain you are talking about. But condemning medicine in general as bad, because it's not natural, is just one side of the debate about what is natural and what is not. The debate is big, but I don't see a possible way how medicine created by humans can be outside of nature. It is as natural as an anthill, just the way of creating it was, as far as we know, more complex.

What kind of medicine are you talking about? I only have experience with antidepressants of all sorts, and for what I know, doctors don't know how they work or if they work, so you could just eat a placebo instead. That's how they usually worked for me, they worked in the first few weeks, then everything was back to normal, only that I had to live with the side effects of the pills. But that's just my experience with some few pills I've taken.
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No. 48991
>>48990
The exact kind of pain and medicine isn't relevant as I only think of medicine in the two aforementioned categories. But let's look at an example: your antidepressants are pills that contain a mix of chemicals. Those chemicals in this exact combination would never occur in nature. It's a concoction of the human mind inspired by profit/money. The Ancient people had maybe specific kinds of grass or other herbs that were produced by nature itself and could be found in their location, so they used them. So yes, some medicine that humans created or mixed was indeed natural as long as those substances occured that way in nature. But as I mentioned mixing some sorts of chemicals that never emerged like that in nature are artificial, foreign to the human mind and body, only made acceptable with force to generate profit.
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No. 48997
>>48991
>The exact kind of pain and medicine isn't relevant as I only think of medicine in the two aforementioned categories. But let's look at an example: your antidepressants are pills that contain a mix of chemicals. Those chemicals in this exact combination would never occur in nature.

The problem is the following: when and how does a natural product become an unnatural product? When it is manufactured in a laboratory? Does a laboratory hold the power to remove particles from nature and put them into a totally different category that is somehow outside of nature? Everything that is happening, is happening in nature, the whole process of getting to the manufacturing was natural, so how exactly does it stop being natural? If you are convinced of your position, there is no way we get to an agreement, but I think the argument, that it comes from nature and it can't just leave nature is stronger than that of something leaving the realm of nature when it is mixed together in a laboratory, because for the latter, there is no proof (you can create those two categories, but they are in this form meaningless outside of the human mind).

>It's a concoction of the human mind inspired by profit/money. The Ancient people had maybe specific kinds of grass or other herbs that were produced by nature itself and could be found in their location, so they used them. So yes, some medicine that humans created or mixed was indeed natural as long as those substances occured that way in nature. But as I mentioned mixing some sorts of chemicals that never emerged like that in nature are artificial, foreign to the human mind and body, only made acceptable with force to generate profit.

Would people buy a medicine that has no use? There is medicine that is useless, but it is rarely created just for profit, but because tests showed that it could be useful. Same is true for homeopathics, they are useless, they might work for some, because they are a placebo. But originally they weren't produced for profit, but because someone believed in their usefulness.
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No. 48998
>>48997
I think your position is very interesting, so I ask you: do you even believe there is anything artificial in our world as opposed to the natural? I get the feeling your argument has to neglect that dualism.

If your argument about the original creation of medicine would be true, then I ask you why you have to pay for it and why the prices can be increased and decreased just by will of the producers? If the real reason to release those medicines would be that they were tested and showed a good effect, then I wonder why they are still subject of the market and still there to make profit. As I already said opposed to you I believe medicine is created because of profit, not because those companies want a healthy people. Because if we would be and live healthy, they wouldn't make any money. As you already mentioned homeopathy: isn't it the perfect example for my point? It's useless, still sold expensively. It was thus created to make profit, not to help people.
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No. 49001 Kontra
101 kB, 275 × 313
>>48988
I will inject your 1920s (spengleresque) revival of cultural pessimism with a dose of Bernard Stiegler: Technics and technology make the human what it is. Without technics, there is not culture, without technics the human could not tap into what it is, precisely its openess seems to be a human condition (Nietzsche: das nicht festgestellte Tier). Read up on Stieglers interpretation of Epimetheus and Prometheus and Heideggers natural phantasy of Eigentlichkeit crumbles under the Already-there of technics :)
The human is by original alienated as Helmut Plessner would say. Community can borer kitsch and that is why I have to rant this naive hippy dream that rightwinger and hippies both share and why they are not so far away from each other. Even some leftist movements have a strong emphasis on community as best or natural state of the human.
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No. 49002 Kontra
>>48998
Dualisms or binarities are common for western metaphysical thinking since the ancient greeks, it's a mode of thinking, not the only kind of thinking. Further more you confuse technics with capitalism, a mistake that 1920s cultural pessimists already made. Capitalism uses technics to its liking. Technics is not capitalism, and medicince is not capitalism. Medicine got commodified which implicates a historic process.
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No. 49005
>>49002
>a mistake that 1920s cultural pessimists already made
Philosophy does not work like that. There are no mistakes in philosophy, it's not like maths. Your interpretation is clearly different, but that doesn't make other interpretations false. And yes technics means capitalism. Please inform me of a period in human history where one didn't meean the other.
>>
No. 49011
>>49005
That equation is what I think is false, it seems more like a correlate to me and that's a confusion on your side and on that of 1920s cultural pessimists, they turn blind on capitalism to damn technology. To your question: Any period that precedes capitalism, obviously. Technics (including the technics of writing, an abstraction and therefore alienation one might say because mediation comes into play) belong to the human, ancient egypt wasn't capitailistic, yet they had technics.
Also you did not adress my argument about medicine and commodification as the main problem, not the scientification of medicince is responsible for profit interestes but that is has become a market for all kinds of health related commodities.
>>
No. 49014 Kontra
>>49005
Just a funfact: Western philosophy was mostly interested in devalueating technics, because initiality set itself in opposition to it. There we have the binary thinking again, that is at its core btw.
>>
No. 49015
>>49011
>Any period that precedes capitalism, obviously. Technics (including the technics of writing, an abstraction and therefore alienation one might say because mediation comes into play) belong to the human, ancient egypt wasn't capitailistic, yet they had technics.
Just because we call those periods not capitalist, that doesn't mean they are. You can see every form of a trading society as capitalist as means of trade necessarily lead to the accumulation of capital. This leads to injustice as some people have much and the majority have nothing. Technology is the key as whoever controls technology also controls society and the masses. To your point on Writing: writing is a technique not a technology. I only argue against "technic" and technology, not the human form of technique.

>Also you did not adress my argument about medicine and commodification as the main problem, not the scientification of medicince is responsible for profit interestes but that is has become a market for all kinds of health related commodities.
You describe the state of being and deny my theory of the origin of that, but you don't propose a possible origin of status quo yourself. Yes, medicine is a commodity on the market. And as I said above I don't think that's right or good. The "scientification of medicine" is a byproduct of the Industrial revolution and thus a mere byproduct of Capitalist history. Scientification means mass production. Medicine is mass produced to make money.
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No. 49016
110 kB, 944 × 763
had a nice chat with mum. she was none the wiser that I was hammered. good.
it's easier to pretend to be a normal person when drnk
It is sad to me that I do not truly "love" anyone, in the emotional/conventional sense. I just try to express the common characteristics of "love" towards the people I think I "should" love, and I hope that's good enough
God have mercy on my soul

I think about ending it all on a bi-weekly basis because I can't shake off the feeling that I'm a fake person, that has no right to exist. I am an abomination. I mean for fucks sake I am not even capable of emotional bonding with my own relatives. Or my pets. I do not deserve to live. and yet the ancient, reptilian part of my brain insists that I must. And I obey. And I will. I will eat, shit, breathe, and tug on my dick every other day. Disgusting existence.
Maybe all existence is disgusting, who knows. Like, imagine being a "self aware" mind trapped inside a physical object. can you imagine a worse torture than that? What's really categorically different from a human, and, say, a common household object like a chair being aware of its own existence? It can't do anything about being a chair, lacking the ability to reach out beyond its physical state of being a chair, yet it must contemplate being a chair for the length of its existence. Funny. And what's categorically different, in ultimate terms, between the lifespans of a mayfly and a human? None. Imagine if mayflies had the intelligence of a human, and the juxtaposition of such intellect with a lifespan of less than a day? Cruel, isn't it. Well, the human lifespan isn't significantly longer, in universal terms. Still cruel.

And the most funny thing of it all, I think, the total laugh-riot of existence, is that this whole mechanism of a self-aware mind is merely a side effect for our dicks, testicles and vaginas needing a mechanism by which to traverse 3D space and find each other so they can stick stick themselves into each other. LOL! Like, you literally exist because putting a soul into a dick-vagina finding GPS system is slightly more efficient than not doing so. Epic.
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No. 49017 Kontra
>>49014
Get a dictionary, you fucking idiot. Your kraut-english is so recognizable it hurts. I have told you that multiple times, but you are to fucking retarded to listen. Your posts muh-capitalism-this muh-capitalism-that are cringeworthy. Grow the fuck up, you are not fifteen anymore. And learn English or go to /b/. Fucking retard.

(User was banned for this post)

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No. 49019
10 kB, 225 × 225
>>49015
>You can see every form of a trading society as capitalist as means of trade necessarily lead to the accumulation of capital. This leads to injustice as some people have much and the majority have nothing

Trade capitalism is capital accumulation by price difference. Capitalism aims for surplus value by commoditity production (production solely for a market) in orer to gather more capital to reinvest and grow to make even more profit.
Injustice is inscribed in capitalism, yes. But it is not the only form of injustice I wanna add.

>Technology is the key as whoever controls technology also controls society and the masses

How does that line of argument looks like in detail? Technology is instrumental, yeah, but I don't see why it logically has to end in mass control? Capiatlism is interested in control as it seeks structural stability, thus tools can help.

>writing is a technique not a technology. I only argue against "technic" and technology, not the human form of technique.

Why is it a human technique? Writing needs tools (and equipment) and is thus a technic. A definition of technology as a scientification of technics is a good way to distuingish the two.
And writing is a prothesis of the mind, makes a third memory possible (another memory is (1) DNA and (2) the lived experience by an individual). Prometheus is the one who gave humans a prothesis, gave them the fire, stolen from Zeus. Here you have your originary myth from the days when people lived according to nature as you say. Writing make exteriority possible, makes distance possible, alienation where the self can become somebody else, an other, just look at your writing from many years ago, it's somebody else.

A human technique is a way of walking, sleeping, swimming, running etc. as described by Marcel Mauss in Techniques of the Body https://monoskop.org/images/c/c4/Mauss_Marcel_1935_1973_Techniques_of_the_Body.pdf

>my theory of the origin of that

That is what exactly? That we lived in harmony with nature?

>but you don't propose a possible origin of status quo yourself.

I did, technics has been there from the very beginning. The human animal is marked by the technical default, it has to project itself, has to make itself and tools/technics accompony this way. The human animal is always in the making, it is still and probably always undetermined and that is what is the initial condition: A process. There is no essence just billions if singular individuations, (albeit interests can try to influence the individuation, capitalist interestes is ofc the major example here)

>The "scientification of medicine" is a byproduct of the Industrial revolution and thus a mere byproduct of Capitalist history.

scientification started before the industrial revolution, even the scientification of medicine. Which brings me to another statement made:

>Scientification means mass production

No, it means systematization of knowledge and methods to gather knowledge. If that happens for instrumental use is secondary.

But instrumentality is nothing specific capitalistic, but capitalism forces the implementation and use of instruments and tool in the interest of capitalism

>Medicine is mass produced to make money.

Which means medicine is a commodity, unsuprsingly in a society that is ruled by capitalism.

You make a mistake I've done myself and that is hard to bypass: Equating things with capitalism, when there seems to be no outside anymore. Medicine musn't be a commodity, it just is a commodity because with live under capitalism. Medicine could be decommodified, but it won't likely happen under capitalism. Therefore capitalism is the problem and not technology. Technology is driven by capitalist incentives ofc, and that heavily. But this is something different than equating technology with capitalism.
>>
No. 49020 Kontra
4,6 MB, 720 × 540, 0:02
>>49017
Point out the problem or shut up, grandpa. You are behaving like teen shitter.
>>
No. 49021 Kontra
>>49017
>(User was banned for this post)

Thanks for holding up a certain communication etiqette on EC.
My oftentimes sloppy writing, especially with long posts, should not hinder grasping the content significantly.
>>
No. 49022 Kontra
>>49019
>>49020
Just wanted to add the persion who argued with you the past posts (so me) is not this: >>49017.
I don't like your style of arguing to be honest. You sound like you think of yourself and your theories as superior to me and treat me like an inferior child. I'd really suggest to stop writing like that. Nobody likes it.
>>
No. 49023
>>48998
>I think your position is very interesting, so I ask you: do you even believe there is anything artificial in our world as opposed to the natural? I get the feeling your argument has to neglect that dualism.

I think the distinction between natural and artificial is just a mental construct, there is nothing artificial that is not natural, because everything comes from nature, humans are natural, humans can't make things that are not natural. We can distinguish natural products from artificial products, but that's just semantics and doesn't reflect anything in the real world.

>If your argument about the original creation of medicine would be true, then I ask you why you have to pay for it and why the prices can be increased and decreased just by will of the producers? If the real reason to release those medicines would be that they were tested and showed a good effect, then I wonder why they are still subject of the market and still there to make profit. As I already said opposed to you I believe medicine is created because of profit, not because those companies want a healthy people. Because if we would be and live healthy, they wouldn't make any money. As you already mentioned homeopathy: isn't it the perfect example for my point? It's useless, still sold expensively. It was thus created to make profit, not to help people.

You said the motive for manufacturing medicine is for profit, but what I said was, that it can't be the motive for creating the medicine, because without any application or usefulness, no one would buy the product. Of course companies do what companies do and try to increase their profits from manufacturing them, but saying the medicine they produce is useless and only there for profit can't be true, because if it was, they wouldn't make any profits, because everyone would know their pills don't work. It sounds to me like you believe there is a big conspiracy and pharma companies create products that are utterly useless, but advertise them as medicine. Correct me if I'm wrong.

In regard to Homeopathy: The people who created it, seriously believed in them. They were herbalists and mystics, thinking they are alchemists. There's people who looked through it and try to rip people off and those who seriously believe in it.
>>
No. 49024 Kontra
>>49022
I know, no worries.

>>49001
As can be seen here, the topic is quite important to me. I dealt with that topic on and off for some time know which gives me a certain position to speak from and that reflects in the posting, yes. Yet there is no need to feel like a lectured child, it's just pointing out the problems that come with this position and I want to point out what it is precisely and that means rigor which is and ofc can be unpleasant in a way. It means making clear that there is a problem with equating technology with capitalism, while indeed philosophy is not like maths. You can voice a believe but that means exposing it to critique of others, same goes for my writings and believes. I think heated discussions with rigor are ok. This one >>49019 is dissecting a post and while I put some rhetoric weight into it, I'm very much open to debate nonetheless, I try to give arguments for what I think is true. I like discussions and take it serious, even online, as long as the other side is engaged in serious debate as well.
There are many topics where I'm wrong, and where I have to see my argumments are weak or not even existent, that can mean acknowledging it, retreat and learn, come back with more sophisticated views or probably not.
I'm fairly convinced of some of my believes, but they usually come under critique by reading or other persons I talk to and thus develop over time. I don't want to crush but challenge, but maybe the style is indeed too intimidating.
>>
No. 49033
1,9 MB, 724 × 720, 0:23
>mfw second year student says that the Chinese faculty is the most hardcore in the entire department when it comes to weeding out people through the exams
Good to see they're trying to boost morale.

Next week is the last where I have classes, after that it's time for the exams.
I'm kinda worried, this is a right of passage, a true baptism by fire.
And in a sense, this isn't it yet, because it'll be all digital.

I was in a generally good mood until I opened facebook to look up an email address and accidentally I saw a post of a former classmate.
This third-rate, guitarist prettyboy schmuck wrote a fucking book and got it published.
It's essentially the same predicament I had in elementary school and I was devastated even then, but this time, I didn't let my preconceptions haunt me for close to a decade.
It was self-published. Of course it was.
But for some fucking reason this time this fact wasn't liberating at all.
I'm angry, angry with jealousy. Actually fucking smashed my hand against the desk.
If I had a wife I'd have beaten her by now.

Then again, a third rate cretin writes a third rate book and pays third rate money to a third rate publisher to get it out. The back of the book reads like your typical "hip" "contemporary" book about "alienation" and "being young", a disgusting string of words that make me roll my eyes and sigh, because it's nothing more than what people thing goes for "proper deep literature today".

Maybe it feels like an attack because it reminds me of my own failures when it comes to romance and the arts.
I don't like it one bit.
A part of me wants to forget it, another part wants to be petty. That petty part of me wants to buy the book and scrutinize every single page, line, word, phoneme that went into this unknowingly conduced personal attack on my illusions.

I can't thing of a single way to atone myself other than through getting published through merit rather than money. A single haiku in an obscure journal would wield more power than a 1000 page book that was self-published.
>>
No. 49043 Kontra
>>49033
You're very immature and need to grow up
>>
No. 49046
>>49033
What did you learn from that? Never visit Facebook again.
>>
No. 49049
>>49043
He's like 20 years old dude. Do you really have nothing to contribute but one liner shitposts directed at ernsts? Honestly it's not a bad bone to pick either, but it also shows the problem that cretinism triumphs over indolence.
>>
No. 49053
Hating people who have tattoos is a great honor for me and it makes me walk with my head high. Yes i hate tattoos!
>>
No. 49056
>>49043
NEVER!
>>
No. 49059 Kontra
>>49043
I hate you, mom!

people like you usually have not sorted out much but think very highly of themselves, I hope you haven't crossed the 30 yet

>>49033
There are lots of people writing and I found out by accident I don't plan to write a novel or anything being worth called literature, nor did I ever aspired to do so much that I did research that there is a market for literatre that is not very demanding on the reader. You shouldn't feel too bad because you haven't published anything while some people got something out themselves but don't have a name or anything. A girl from my school had published a novel back when we went to school together, I don't know if that was her only novel and if it ever sold good. I don't remember her name right now so I cannot google it.
Hey, I remember my dreams of having a vinyl pressed with my tracks, it could have worked but I was just too lazy. I did release a track on cassette and on an online label. Do I think about it and feel much pride and archivement when stumbling across this fact in my mind? Not much. I have had an audience and my tracks still get clicked on soundcloud, but for me it's a personal memory of a time that has been and ofc a bit of pride that people like to listen to music made by myself. But honestly, I'm one of so many that I'm pretty much a nobody even though some have thousands of clicks. It's nothing basically, but a nice thing.

Endurance is key, luck never fails to show itself in these situations, but endurance really is necessary beforehand.
>>
No. 49092
>>49016
>you literally exist because putting a soul into a dick-vagina finding GPS system is slightly more efficient than not doing so
Funny how self-awareness is beneficial for reproduction-but only up to a point. Too much of that and you either become painfully self-conscious, or you're left paralyzed by indecision, analyzing potential outcomes rather than acting. Sure, fear plays a role in the latter as well, but the primary culprit is awareness. Of course self-awareness can also lead a person to transcend the ridiculous indignity of the whole physical affair, but that's a rare path occupied by old monks whose mind is better occupied with... oh, I don't know...God, or kung-fu strategems.

Maybe we only need self-awareness to survive the environment, and mating would go smoother without it. The liberal use of alcohol in courting rituals would seem to support this theory.
>>
No. 49103
>>49092
I would still posit that our very genetic code of four base pairs is some type of a YHWH cipher and theorize that our very raison d'etre is simply as an existentially aware fragment to be a signal propagating channel and wavelength carrier for that message, whatever that message happens to be. I have increasingly grown with the conviction that there is indeed some kind of a long running plan, one whose patience and complexity far outstrips my own intellect so far I cannot even become fully aware of it, and that our simple guided evolution was towards at least one complex of outcomes including but not limited to protecting this garden and leaving with earth life to spread elsewhere. Had the very Earth itself or Sol a consciousness I doubt I would be aware of it either however, either of which could similarly formate that function of patiently waiting over tens of millions or even hundreds of millions of years to produce us even as merely a means to an end, and even if You Are Not Special comes into play in likemanner as one could form a perspective that we are not any more special than Israelites whose purpose in that story was to birth Messiah from them and that once that happened their role as a nation of priests propagating The Message was done because now the oceans of humanity could propagate it, with earth life being of similar purpose.
>>
No. 49122
I have a question.
Would it be possible to meditate while drunk? Has anyone tried? Because this would be a good test for the robustness of the buddhist/zen/dao model of the human mind. If the observer-mind framework can't withstand a little bit of intoxication, is it really useful as a metaphysical concept?
If not, then it's back to nihilism: it's all electrical impulses all the way down.

>>49092
Well, you can rationally decide that self awareness is a "good thing", and purposefully assist in its perpetuation by breeding as much as possible, lol.
Maybe this stage of development of life is not a bug, but a feature. As in, an "intended" way for living things to break out of the fitness function and pursue something more universal. Art is a good example of this. Wasting a bunch of resources on something with no further utility. Nothing with a healthy sense of self interest would do that.
And it's also why I hate arguments that attempt to reduce human behavior to some "rational" optimized process, or as a consequence of some inscrutable causality process. I think we should reserve the right to arbitrarily do whatever. Such is our Divine Right(tm).
>>
No. 49131
34 kB, 466 × 466
God i miss the 90s so much. Courtney Love did nothing wrong!
>>
No. 49132
321 kB, 1920 × 1080
652 kB, 2048 × 2048
>>49131
I miss the 90s for the kind of different reasons, but yea.
Not that I want to go back tho:---DDDD
>>
No. 49133
>>49131
>>49132
What did you think of the 2000s? Do you miss them too?
>>
No. 49134
>>49133
Well, yea, I think. After some time, from every decade in history, we remember only overall style bits, most major events, best media pieces, and ourselves younger. So we will remember every decade as something unique, especially after some time.
>>
No. 49135
>>49133
I'm just waiting for some 2000s clothing styles coming back, hopefully that's not a goodbye to high waisted jeans with women, I really like that and hope the postmodern eclecticism we have will prevail in clothing for some more years. It would be interesting to know what the clothing will be in 2074. Just remember the difference from 1920s to 1990s clothing.
>>
No. 49142
1,2 MB, 3335 × 1403
1,5 MB, 1353 × 993
>>49133
I enjoyed that decade overall, from 9/11 to the Tech/IoT shift and Financial crisis, it was tumultuous to say the lease. The following decade of the 2010s was much worse for me. It was nothing but trial and tribulation for my personal life, the entire shitshow that was the 2010s just slipped by in a depressive blur.
>>
No. 49147
88 kB, 699 × 944
>>49103
>Had the very Earth itself or Sol a consciousness I doubt I would be aware of it either however, either of which could similarly formate that function of patiently waiting over tens of millions or even hundreds of millions of years to produce us even as merely a means to an end

Reminded me of an old poem I wrote on this subject-that is, the idea that the earth itself possessed consciousness first, and gave rise to humans so that we could act as its voice. I dug it up. Not perfect, and it's free verse because my attempts at using meter only end in frustration and despair.

Initially my word choice had the planet either scolding the stars, or simply boasting, but fill works better. So, years later I finally find the right word :D. No poem is ever finished, right? A note: phyla and genera are both plural forms of the biological classifications phylum and genus. I think I was feeling pretentious at the time and wanted to include obscure words. As further evidence for this, see my use of prosimians. I also used the word plastic to mean flexible, something that can be molded.

Yeah, I was definitely feeling pretentious.
>>
No. 49148
>>49133
No the 2000s sucked in that sense. Only thing that didn't was internet, and it wasn't all that good either. My personal life was pretty cool by the end of it though and sucked in the 90s so my sense of nostalgias is different. I just kept hoping the 20s would be our new 90s and it's looking like we might be right on track for that.
>>
No. 49150
>>49142
quite burgercentric :DDD

I started smoking weed in 2007, the Iphone came out and web 2.0 was still a buzzword in school. In 2010 I turned 18 and by now I've lived my first decade in full consciousness. But it's hard to sum it up, personally ofc there are some hallmarks but politically and regarding scoiety and culture it becomes harder, ofc smartphones and its spread are one of the most visible changes in daily habits. Maybe I can think of more in the following days. Yet ofc change does not align with decades really.
>>
No. 49162
different American speaking:

>>48701
>Didn't humans live in large, closely knit familial groups for most of their existence? Moving out (modern equivalent to living with another tribe), then, would be the unnatural thing to do.
It varies by culture and time, but if anything the human default is to get married young and then establish yourself as the center (and master) of your own family unit, even if it's in the context of a close-knit village or extended family network.

It isn't normal to be subject to your parents' whims well into your 20's. It's not like there's cultures where this wasn't the norm (at least in some families), but it grates against human instinct. Most of us want to be independent, not in the sense of absolving all ties, but in the sense of being able to make basic decisions for ourselves.

>>48699
>but they wouldn't make sense to someone who comes from a society where the disintegration of the family unit is somehow seen as a virtue.
And you're way too quick to assume the worst, and dismiss people you disagree with. You seem dissatisfied with your alienation from the world, yet contribute to it willfully for nothing more than the quick rush of a smug retort.

Aside from that: Perhaps you have a deeper framework that I just don't understand, but you seem inconsistent in your cultural relativism.
>>
No. 49163
>>49122
>Would it be possible to meditate while drunk? Has anyone tried? Because this would be a good test for the robustness of the buddhist/zen/dao model of the human mind.
Depends on the individual and how drunk you get, but Sufis were all in on that shit.
>>
No. 49173
>>49150
Australia is a molehill, and i don't have the creativity right now to alter that Napoleon quote
>>
No. 49188 Kontra
I know too little of what interests me. I need concrete knowledge and abstract knowledge and I must find a way to bring it all together in a fruitful way, which means coming to a gain in knowledge, to find out something about the world.
>>
No. 49193
>>49188
>find out something about the world
People say that a journey can make you learn more things than anything else. I don't know if it's bullshit or not but I'm really fond of Kerouak for the stories of his journeys. The idea that it's through other interesting and crazy people that you can most learn from yourself and understand the world.
But you may be talking about academic knowledge in that case my answer is irrelevent.
>>
No. 49195
>>49193
>talking about academic knowledge

I do, I'm a fucking academic through and through, I perceive the world through books.
Well, it sounds a bit pathetic, I still live, consciously, not only my visual sense works. What you mean might be called wisdom. But I'm really looking to understand the world, in the hope of working on changing it. These days, it sounds hopelessly naive but the zeitgeist, given it actually exist as a totality, is not to be trusted. On the otherhand, what I want sounds like a thing of the past, that is why it is laid out as naive. Going back to the past by looking at the future.
Whatever, I'm hollowed out more or less for today. I will smoke a cig now, I need it.
>>
No. 49198
336 kB, 500 × 382
Studied some Greek today.
We were only given two short translation exercises. One was three lines about Leonidas, the other a poem by Anacreon.
Out of sheer curiosity after I completed my prose translation on the Anacreon poem I took out my anthology of Greek poetry and the Hungarian verse translation there lines up completely with my prose translation when it comes to meaning.
I'm satisfied.
I consider my achievement a superhuman feat.
  • Otto the >Great

Really, it just feels fucking good that it's all sort of coming together.

Started booking the exam appointments. By the looks of it I'll have 4-7 days between each exam, though they still haven't set a possible date for a few subjects.
The plan is that once the exam period starts, I'll hand over my phone and power cable to my mother so that I won't have access to anything digital.

I'll by reading my print notes and the digital notes on my e-reader.
>>
No. 49200
487 kB, 1200 × 846
>>49195
I have lived. It was largely overrated. Including the heroin and the sex and romance. I prefer books and hermit things.
>>
No. 49202
75 kB, 533 × 763
>>49200
I did not try heroin. Also not interested. I've met some crazy people and have been "crazy" myself, a coining experience tbh. Traveling indeed gives other kind of knowledge via experience, but traveling will hardly teach you about the ability of humans to abstract and how abstractions are made operable for all kinds of things that float back the world we live in and our conditions by the technologies we construct and use, to just give one example were abstractions play a major role. Heck even writing, marvelous that it works and to go down the rabbit hole: what does the ability of writing alone imply? So many things. The abstract and the concrete, what relation are they in? Why do we think in binarities? What other modes of thinking would be possible, can be thought?

I've read an introduction in a compendium to diagrammatology, now I will either write about diagrams (in a broad sense it means 2d objects /plane/surface etc. ) or systemic thinking in history. I don't have a research object yet, let alone a question. With diagrams it would be about the knowledge that they produce and how that was used quite surely. I will need to read quite abit for both to have a ground to go from. But other uni reads take already a lot of time.
>>
No. 49209
502 kB, 1984 × 1116
272 kB, 2000 × 1500
It has been snowing here around where i live
I love the snow so much, i wish this phenomenon happened more often. Everything just feels more quiet and enticing at the same time.
>>
No. 49212
I am registering as a disabled due to my autism and developmental delay

ama Ernst
>>
No. 49213
>>49209
Snow and ice are so beautiful. I saw some early morning frost last week, but the rising sun made quick work of it ;_;.

>>49212
What kind of benefits do we provide/can you recieve?
>>
No. 49214
>>49213
Idk, the SSI doc will be the judge of that but this latest doc, a shrink+neurologist, I went to said it's highly likely I would receive the NEETbux and long-term NEETbux even

Alas, I am saved from the ravages of wageslavery, normoids, and society itself if this goes through
>>
No. 49217
>>49209
The fucks wrong with the world when Portugal has more snow than Germany? The second picture reminds me of the area around Bordeira where my aunt has a small house. Not the woods though, you're probably closer to the north, I guess.
>>
No. 49232
>>49209
If that's where I think it is, it's where my Grandmother came from. Beautiful place but mentally I associate that area with 1940s suffering stories.
>>
No. 49238
172 kB, 1080 × 1350
Wake in the middle of the night and use the time to analyze my life: "Everything is fugged."
Eventually fall back asleep, get up in the morning: "What was I worried about? Everything is fine."

There's no panic quite like a midnight panic which masquerarades as sober thought. Makes me think there is something to the idea of demons, waiting patiently at the fringes of our vision, always on the edge of our conscious awareness and ready to whisper their horrors. Or maybe I was just tired :D.

>>49214
>Alas I am saved from the ravages of wageslavery, normoids, and society itself if this goes through
Fingers crossed for you, Ernst.
>>
No. 49239
1,9 MB, 2473 × 3106
>>49238
It's the Alp on your chest at night. probably just tired
>>
No. 49241
>>49217
I don't think the second pic is similiar to the area where your grandmother has her house. Too granitic.
Yes, i live in the northernmost area of the country

>>49232
Yes, it's in Gerês and also Serra da Cabreira. Life was really tough here in the 40's... still is but the nature is just the absolute best. I love mountains and snow too much. Would never be able to live in the plains or a big city.

Ironically, despite the illusory isolation this area is filled with hard drugs consumption. I've seen people in cars in the mounts sharing crack pipes.
>>
No. 49247
524 kB, 1200 × 799
>>49238
Back when I was a kid, I was sleeping on top of a two stages bed with my little brother under. There were two wooden bars that kept me from falling off the bed. And, when the night came and my brother fell asleep, I looked through the space between my mattress and the first bars and saw my room filled with strange still demons. I think this was due to the darkness and the narrow space of vision given by the small interstice that made all of the objects in the room unrecognizable and my mind humanized them in a twisted way. After looking through this interstice I would be scared and look in the second one between the two wooden bars. Here, if the monster were still there, they would seem less twisted and more fairy. I could even tell some of them were just toys of mine on the floor. And finally, I would sit and look over the two wooden bars and see my room as it really was, with nothing supernatural. I was sometimes relieved but also sometimes deceived by reality.

I don't believe in demons, but there's definitely something special happening in our mind during pre-sleep. Or when we wake up in the middle of the night.

My bed looked something like pic related but with a bigger room with more furniture.

Btw I dreamed I slept with a high school friend in an Italian village tonight after having a ridiculing argument with my father in a movie theater.
>>
No. 49264
I drank up 3 litres of beer.
Now I feel like I don't want to drink alcohol anymore. It gave me no feelings at all.
>>
No. 49266
Trying to open a debit card. Their backend is not working, so I'm sitting here for close to an hour.
The only reason I went to this bank was because another one also had a technical failure. If this fails, I'll try the other one again.
It's a battle of incompetence for who gets to fuck me in the ass. There can only be one
>>
No. 49268
Would anyone be interested in a dream thread ?
>>
No. 49269
>>49268
Been having some weird dreams lately. Do it
>>
No. 49270
Another day another day off. I am tempted to simply shut my phone off and leave it off. At least, finally at last I am partly laid off. This makes all the last month worth it. I am terrified to have jinxed my great fortune merely uttering the words. Knocking on wood. May I never be called in. I even can dedicate an entire day to job hunting while feeling refreshed not lazily and sleepily looking at things for an hour or two while being totally exhausted from the job. At last, Lord, I'm on partial layoff at last.

Meanwhile my PC has been acting weird and it's frustrating. I can't tell what fucked it if it was an AMD driver update I foolishly installed having had perfectly working drivers before, all the weird shit I needed to do to get a certain game working, or a Windows update (that may've subsequently broken my drivers). Regardless I now cannot put my PC to sleep or hibernate and when I try to the fans spin like crazy with all RGB LEDs on but the USB drive LEDs shut off, monitor display shuts off, keyboard unresponsive and no capslock light, but it just sits there with fans whirring. I tried a restart lastnight and then tried a shutdown and both gave me a "sorry we ran into a problem and the system needs to restart" screen which is beyond merely not putting it to sleep so I had to force shutdown with the power button and unplug the whole damn thing before I went to sleep. I am half dreading what I may find by turning it on. It also weirdly enough kicked a game out of the steam library despite being still installed until I tried installing it in the same dirsctory where it simply detected already installed files and added it back.

I am unsure of what's going on now but is seriously cramping my overall drive to be indolent this day. I could strip out the recent AMD drivers and try and figure out which previous version I was using that never gave me any problems and see if that fixes it but this is a really weird issue I've never seen before. It's almost acting like it has some kind of imminent hardware failure, like an issue with my DIMMs or something. I've never seen a PC that stays half on when trying to use sleep mode and then has a bluescreen crash when trying to shutdown, restart, or hibernate. Here's to luck I'll see if it works now.
>>
No. 49290
>>49268

I was just contemplating an magazinze and newspaper rack for EC where things can be posted that are not "news"

I read this just now
>Even more out-of-the-box approaches have been trialled. Data centres have been sealed in containers and dropped onto the ocean floor, partly to address the cooling issue. In 2015 Microsoft experimented by dropping a data centre (containing 864 servers and 27.6 petabytes of disk) in a steel cylinder and filled with dry nitrogen, into the North Sea. The data centre was retrieved after two years, and the experiment tentatively announced a success. The cold watery depths kept the unit cool, and it had only an eighth of the failure rate typical of data centres on dry land.

And it amazes me that people come up wih this stuff, wonder if it healthy for the environment. The article meantions of course cold climate regions like scandinavia as favorable spots for data centers

t. https://www.newstatesman.com/spotlight/energy/2020/11/big-techs-carbon-problem
>>
No. 49294
Today I had another Japanese lesson with my private teacher. I think I made some progress and slowly I recognize the different grammatical patterns that structure the language. We also finished the first script. Her lessons are structured in scripts that all have different topics, so the first obstacle is overcome.

Especially today's evening I was quite nervous and jumpy as I have an important (job/apprenticeship) interview on Wednesday. It would be my greatest joy if I could get post and I think it could change my life, but even if I don't get it, I have many more chances as I applied also for other apprenticeships. I'm quite unhappy with the thing I'm doing now (studying at uni), so I think it could be a good opportunity for me.
>>
No. 49295
>>49290
It's maybe not directly related to your post, but today I wondered about a website on the scale of YouTube. There are tons of content uploaded everyday onto their servers and I assume there is much less content deleted everyday than uploaded. How does this work? Nobody has infinite servers and data centers. Won't there ever be a limit to Google and YouTube?
>>
No. 49301 Kontra
>>49295
More data on less space might be solution, so to speak(?). Maybe someday a petabyte can be had on a usb size level, but I'm not a special engineer to judge this vision.
>>
No. 49316
>>49295
They buy several months in advance and have multiple exabytes of unused storage at any given point. Afaik they are rather secretive about their growth rate, but you can assume that their data centers grow by several petabytes per hour. The logistics are mind boggling, really.
>>
No. 49317
>>49316
any literature or article on that logistics that you can recommend? I prefer journalistic texts as they can be "digested" easier.
>>
No. 49318
411 kB, 612 × 612
I was running behind a very slow cyclist this morning. Couldn't help but think of Little Mac.
>>
No. 49319
75 kB, 650 × 845
>>49318
I once walked by a woman who was jogging very slowly. I think it was a little embarrassing for both of us.
>Couldn't help but think of Little Mac.
I laughed!
>>
No. 49344
I'm banned on /b/ because of somebody else on the range. Well, I hope /int/ test will be negative.
>>
No. 49347
>>49344
The /b/-ban has been lifted, welcome to EC.
>>
No. 49355 Kontra
>>49347
I'm a poster since the beginning, I just thought somebody posted shit in my range, or does EC even have range bans?
>>
No. 49357
>>49355
>or does EC even have range bans?
Bans are usually declared for /24-subnets (x.x.x.0-255), but smaller and larger ranges are supported. I thought you were a new poster because the ban in question was declared in March 2019, but when I think about it there are several reasons why a regular poster would post from a new IP range.
>>
No. 49359
62 kB, 615 × 667
>>49357
>there are several reasons why a regular poster would post from a new IP range.

Indeed there are!
Anyway, thanks for lifting that ban.
>>
No. 49368 Kontra
I had a pretty bad day. I got into an argument with many people. I’m usually pretty concilient but not today today it would seem.
>>
No. 49369
This IBS-C is pushing me toward suicide

Should I kms?
>>
No. 49370
21 kB, 606 × 734
I may have the kung flu bros.

I have lost most of my sense of smell and taste but not all of it. I also have the shids DDDDD:
>>
No. 49371
>>49369
You shouldn't be driven into ending your life over this. Defeated by your own bowels.
>>
No. 49372
>>49371
You would want to kill yourself too if you had this, this isn't pleasant at all.
>>
No. 49373
84 kB, 630 × 794
83 kB, 640 × 640
>>49370
Even worse news, you waited until after blag briday sales DD-:
https://www.wired.com/story/best-cyber-monday-face-mask-covid-19-deals-2020/
[late stage gapitalism indensifies]

I just watched a bunch of inside ICU videos and wonder what happened to Annie Onashi.

>>49372
I'm not sure if you're the same guy as that guy but just make peace with your shits. The sole thing I've not accepted yet as lot in life has to do with endless ambition that's always defeated by inertia. Just watch what you eat more I guess.

And if you caught the coof I've still never actually figured out if I had it but if that's what it was expect to be severely fatigued as all shid for about a week, followed by rapidly declining sense of having 02 in your blood and splitting headaches with horrible chills and heat flashes. Honestly the main reason I still think I had it even though the test was negative (which I didn't have a fever either btw) wasn't because I was getting winded just getting up to get a drink or take a shit, it wasn't because I felt like I couldn't breathe, but because it felt not even as much like my lungs were clogged as my blood couldn't breathe and that is also why I've been skeptical at this point about it being anything else like smoking cigars, just because of that blood feeling. It's one of the oddest feelings I've ever experienced in my life. Like you could tell air was getting in your lungs but you become consciously and gnostically aware of having blood cells and your blood cells being technically living breathing things, and you can just feel oxygen not being inside them. Just sitting up felt like I'd ran to catch a late train. Never lost smell and taste though.

My suggestion may be way late (it never occurred to me to even need to verbalize it) but you can get price gouged real n95's and chinese knockoff KN95s all over the internet right now. I already just ordered some more KN95s because I got tired of reusing the ones I had all summer and real medical grade N95's which I plan to rely on for work or anything. It will take a long ass time to ship though but you should still pick a few up because this is going to be a loooong ass January and February probably along with December.
>>
No. 49376
Because the workplace I'm at deals with super corporate clients, we're going to be using ancient versions of windows server, dotnet ecosystem, and the interface for every machine is a webpage running on some no doubt outdated browser, and "programming" is done through block diagrams.
Ebin. Exactly the kind of boomer tier swamp industry I've ever dreamed of working at, tbh. You do pretty easy work and still get paid decently, and the career ladder consists of getting indian tech support tier "certifications" that basically ensure you know how to navigate their proprietary tools' GUIs.

Plenty of time left to do your own thing, so much beureaucracy that there's days when no work can be done.
Let's just hope that I actually reach the level of competence of an indian tech support guy, and keep this job. My track record so far makes this a idea a bit of an uncertainty
>>
No. 49380
495 kB, 1200 × 1200
>>49376
>so much beureaucracy that there's days when no work can be done.
This was the dream all along. I'm happy for you.
>>
No. 49383
>>49376
What about art ambitions?
>>
No. 49386
26 kB, 290 × 371
>>49359
I had to wait 8 months for my rangeban to expire. I could find anywhere on the EC website to protest to the mods.
I tried /meta/ but I was banned from that too.
>>
No. 49387
145 kB, 957 × 800
>>49386
>I had to wait 8 months for my rangeban to expire.
>I tried /meta/ but I was banned from that too.
I sense a pattern here.
>>
No. 49389 Kontra
Because I felt like it, I just made a pack of Yum Yum noodles.
I don't own chopsticks, though. What is the best method of eating that shit without spilling everything everywhere?
>>
No. 49390
46 kB, 320 × 255
>>49368
>I’m usually pretty concilient but not today today it would seem.
I had a couple days like that this past week, too. It sucked, but I seem to be back to my usual even keel. Hope you are as well.

>>49376
Congrats on the job.

>>49386
>I had to wait 8 months for my rangeban to expire
That had to be a result of the yli spam-they would post onto /meta/ as well as /int/. Sorry you got caught up in the collateral damage. If it happens again, try the email address which is listed on the FAQ. Don't know how frequently that is checked, but the admin was using it to vet potential mods recently.
>>
No. 49392
>>49389
Never had those, but in my experience noodles-and basically all pasta- gets everywhere no matter what I do.
>>
No. 49394
>>49389
I always used a fork for this. Just don't lift it way up in the air.
>>
No. 49396
236 kB, 624 × 612
Tomorrow is the last day of the lecture period.
Then on Tuesday I'll have my first exam, which will be written component of the Modern Chinese exam.

I'm very tired. I don't even have the strength to blogpost.
>>
No. 49397 Kontra
69 kB, 600 × 500
>airmail from SEA arrives on German airport
>gets on a flight to Paris, airmal gets moved around several times within the Paris location
>airmail departs again from Paris a few hours later
>airmail arrives at the same German airport but gets into clearance now

Was that an accident or are logistics that way?
Also I hope it makes the way to the local distribution over night so I can get it tomorrow since saturday might be a day of no delivery. But on the otherhand I think it is an express mail, it took only 24h to arrive in Germany flights from Asia are "against the clock", these also get delivered on saturday.
>>
No. 49398
2,0 MB, 1000 × 800
>>49383
My ambitions with art have always been to explore certain things about the visual medium that I find interesting, and those things aren't necessarily monetizable.
I only wanted a "career" in art because I thought it was the only skill I had that was monetizable at all, and the real dream was getting an easy job where I get lots of free time to do art on my own terms. Guess dreams come true, huh.

It actually caused me a lot of anxiety to think about ways to turn myself into a "professional artist" when all I wanted to do was make pretty colors and shapes on a canvas.

This might sound awfully arrogant from someone who is not even that good, but I've always seen the "art industry" as pointless.
There's concept art, where you work as a disposable monkey drawing orcs and space marines all day, nobody outside the studio will see your work, and your work is just an intermediate step between the art director and the 3D modeler.
Commissioned artwork on social media is even worse, in my opinion. At least concept art is honest routine labor. Being a social media clout chaser adds an element of whoring yourself out for trends in the best case, and drawing degenerate porn in the worst case.
Then there's the bohemian "high art" culture, which is basically a bunch of clueless rich people wasting money, and aspiring artists trying to appeal to their nouveau riche tastes so they can get a sugar daddy to sponsor them.

My art ambitions would be fulfilled if I were to just paint stuff, and sell it to someone who enjoys looking at it, and hangs it on their wall.
Alternatively, I will just autistically explore things about art I find interesting, stockpiling paintings in my cellar until I die. And if the people who have to clean up my body find them, and deem them to be worth preserving, then good. Or they can just throw it in the garbage, I'll be dead so I won't care.
>>
No. 49399
You know you're very ill when you go out to buy a loose cigarette and some instant ramen, light the cigarette, discover you don't actually enjoy smoking any more, and then, for some reason, drop the lit cigarette into the plastic back with the ramen.
Then come home, put the bag with the burning cigarette into the closet, and forget about it. Then you go to fetch the ramen, and discover a faint smell of tobacco. But in fact, the smell is overwhelming and filled the whole room, your nose was just stuffed. Fortunately, nothing burned down, other than the plastic bag.
But all of my clothes now smell like hugging an old chain smoker.

And then you pass out sweating and see weird dreams.
ebic.
>>
No. 49402 Kontra
>>49398
Pic related traumatized and fascinated me as a kid.
To think a work this big could be put to trash if no luck. In a way it makes me think of sonichu but before the internet.
>>
No. 49412
>>49402
I've always been a but of a solipsist in the sense that I believe that you are given your slice of reality, that is uniquely your own, and it's up to you to find meaning and fulfillment in that subset of reality. And it doesn't really matter if your actions are acknowledged by the "world at large". You are given an opportunity to discover things about reality in this infinitesimal chunk of time you are allotted, and you better use it. The rest doesn't really matter.
The reason I've come to this view is that if you start thinking about "acknowledgment" by society, the world, or whatever, as meaningful, it quickly leads you to towards depression and nihilism. A lot of things famous people are famous for, they did not deserve. A lot of inventions were a cumulative works of dozens, but only one got credit. A lot of "great people" are products of circumstance
Awards, laurels, fame, success, clout, wealth, recognition, respect, etc., etc. If you are a "buff" in any area of human thought, like films, music, art, even videogames, whatever, you discover that most of those are attributed to people or groups that don't really deserve them. Either because ideas that are deemed "revolutionary" are simply popularizations or even bastardizations of ideas that existed before (most video games, albums or movies that are deemed "revolutionary" are those that managed to take an original idea from an obscure source and tailor it to mass audiences), or matters of circumstance ("tech visionary" is born to a wealthy family with connections), plain nepotism, or any other factor that discredits the idea of meritocracy.
So if you assign any meaning at all to the idea of public approval, you are bound to become bitter.
My solution is quite egotistical, but it works: reframe reality from the perspective of your own existence. The rest of reality simply exists "as is", it is a given, like in a math problem. What matters is your personal journey within the conditions you were presented with. I get to decide what is meaningful and what is not. I am the master of my own reality.

The "mainstream" narrative of history is merely a point of view. It is not the "true" reality. I choose my own.
Arx Fatalis > Morrowind.
Sega Genesis > SNES.
Neanderthal > Homo Sapiens.

t. hipster.
>>
No. 49414
>>49162
I have to admit, that I can get quite abrasive when I am annoyed at responses I deem to be beyond my "standards". I know it sounds absolutely cuntish, and I apologize.
But I do take it in stride when I am humbled by people who are more learned and knowledgeable than me.

The reason I was annoyed is because I felt like my general point was not being understood, or being dismissed.
My point being that, a lot of the negative or "bad" things we associate with certain circumstances or conditions, are illusory. Illusory in the sense that they are asserted upon us by transient things such as culture, ideology, peer pressure, expectations, etc.
I am a big fan of arguing from first principles. As gay as that sounds.

So, when I'm trying to make a point about the "general value" of staying with your parents well into your 20s, and in response, people talk about their personal experiences with lack of reproductive success (something russian imageboards used to derisively call "bioproblems", a word I quite like and wish to bring back to imageboard lexicon), which not everyone might value, or their strained relationship with family members such as mothers, which not only might not be shared by others, other cultures, etc., but might even be products of Ideology(tm) themselves, I get annoyed.

I am a big fan of the idea that individual humans can define their own values, meaning and goals, independent of the narratives and ideologies of environments and societies they live in or were born into. I find the alternatives to this idea to be depressing and humiliating. So I reject them.
And I wish others would also adopt this liberating stance of defining their own virtues and values. To have the big dick energy to look at the world around them, and say "nah lol". You know.
I know it looks cringe from an outside perspective, like I'm rejecting the bitter realities of my condition, and choosing to live in a fantasy world. But I reserve the right to deem myself the ultimate authority on my own private reality. Without that privilege, what do we have left?

I'm drunk, so sorry if this doesn't make sense.
>>
No. 49415
57 kB, 960 × 720
Had the last Greek class of the semester.
It went well.
We got our marks and a short evaluation.
I got a B and got told to learn the declinations a bit better.
I'm satisfied. I guess. I want to do better next semester, but it's good that I didn't come off as a lazy delusional prick.

Took the end of the semester Digital Humanities test. I don't give half a shit about this subject, so I just copied the text into a large word file and then ctrl+f'd every single answer I didn't know.

Funny story. Every single student and lecturer is assigned a code when they're entered into the administrative system called Neptun.
Because the servers are prone to crashing under heavy load, they partitioned us into 5 groups to take the digital exam.
Then they posted the lists online where they only had the ID's below each other sometimes interrupted by the start of a new group. It was a fucklong text basically.
I looked my ID up in the text, jotted down my group and other details and forgot about it.
A few days later I got an e-mail stating that a lot of students were unable to locate their ID's on the list.
A lot of students were also unable to use google to check if there's a key-combination that'd help them.
We're sorry we didn't think of making a tutorial video on this.
This was followed by a 5-step guide on how to ctrl+f :DDDDD

I was like, holy fucking shit, people can't be this retarded at a university.

I really fucking hope the next semester will start normally and end normally, because at this point I'm incredibly fucking tired of everything digital.

I've planned out everything. The remaining exams I'll take will have a one week long gap between them.
I'm going to hand over my phone and the PC's power cable to my mother every morning so that I can focus on passing the exams with a good grade.
>>
No. 49416
>>49399
That really reminds me of the video of that Asian kid who burned his whole flat down because he had plastic bags filled with lighter fluid soaked rags and he kept throwing matches into them (I misremembered a detail,he threw it in after starting a separate fire) fire starts right before 5min mark
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zMf1XhnxKsc

You at times remind me of one of God's fools
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Foolishness_for_Christ
Huh I guess they changed the directory title
>>
No. 49428 Kontra
344 kB, 765 × 902
I officially have a BA degree now. Just got my certificate in the mail. Since my thesis was good (but near very good as my examiners told me), it diminished the grade a bit, but I still have a very good as final grade. With a better thesis I could have belonged to the best 10% of all graduates so far, with my final mark I'm just belonging to the spectrum of the best 20% of all graduates so far, meh. In the last two months of the people that graduated only two or three have better grades, 7 have the same grade as me.
Anyway, a very good with minor deficits is still an archivement that tells me I'm not totally wrong with what I'm doing. But by now it does not mean much anyway anymore, the master is more difficult and basically the BA seems like a sunday drive with occasional turbulences by now, maybe because I had more time to accomplish it. I'm not totally behind with the new field but I'm not ahead either I think. But it depends on the papers I will have to write and how they will turn out, maybe it will work out fine.
>>
No. 49457 Kontra
34 kB, 600 × 400
I'm impressed by one of my lecturers and glad I study under her, did not know of her until I went into the seminar and it is perfect as she deals with fomalizations and human abstraction abilities in the context of media (which is not just the same as what can be called mass media). Extensive knowledge that is taught in a very accessible way, incredible split that many lecturers fail compared to her.
Now I want to read Leibniz and also my urge to devour books is more pressing than ever, yet I suffer from the bleak political disorientation that means there is no political praxis for me.
Today I spontaniously met somebody I had meetings regarding room sharing, we went to buy christmas gifts, as she had to, since I haven't have my things together as well I agreed, I found a nice gift for my nice. We had a Glühwein (no christmas markets are happening btw.) and talked a bit, a social event, it was nice to have that after I already started to get lost in university work again while simultaniously get lost in a foreign city somehow. Now that I don't live in my hometown anymore I realize that I'm not a super hermit but need social life, albeit not too heavily ofc.
>>
No. 49458
2,8 MB, 640 × 480, 0:22
>>49428
Congratulations. That's really awesome.
>>
No. 49459
23,5 MB, 2560 × 1440, 0:45
23,1 MB, 2560 × 1440, 0:40
I am still having a bunch of trouble and difficulty with figuring out this video editing and compression thing on Windows 10, which I never was really into or good at to begin with. I am only now becoming aware of the sheer depth and breadth of my lack of knowledge on the matter, and how and why I'll have 227mb 90 second videos which compress like absolute ass on free converter/compression websites.

I do not even have one shred of faintest clue just wtf video editing software I should even be using, or what to do about things like rendering, what encoding or bitrate means, and so on. On the plus side I've at least actually discovered some more of the scope of how awesome Adrenalin 2020 is and what kinds of things I can do with it, which includes overlaying audio from other sources like listening to music on a tabbed browser while gaming which luckily with muh 8 coars I can leave all kinds of shit running seemingly without problems or performance impacts such as keeping Adrenalin running a video recording while playing said music and a game. I could seriously do some multimonitor stuff with this I bet too. But I don't even have photoshop.

Should I just start pirating photoshop and a bunch of random video editing software to see what I like and can get use to, and simply learn by fiddling with it? What do?
>>
No. 49460
>>49428
Congrats I didn't realize you were that young. How many people are way under 30 here?
>>
No. 49461 Kontra
1016 kB, 1920 × 1280
>>49458
Thanks, I'm sure you will be there in no time as well, it is an accomplishment. The master is better as more people can name drop and thus seem to have more interest in certain subjects, discussions within a seminar depend heavily on lecturer moderation though is what I've seen so far.

>>49460
Thanks, I'm closer to 30 than to 25 though, I started studying with 23 after crashing my first study only a few months in after leaving school, a 3 year NEET period followed in my life, it took me a while to finish the BA, two more years than actually planned by the Bologna reform (3 years for BA).
>>
No. 49464
>>49459
First of all, activate windows. Then you can use OBS for recording and Handbrake for compression.
>>
No. 49467
Today, the Murkle announced she's going to dick small businesses so hard by shutting them all down on Wednesday. I wonder how much Bezos pays her.

At First it was
>Oh yeah you can open as long as you make everyobe wear a muzzle that would not prevent transmission of this imaganery virus if it existed
But I think that measure wasn't sufficient. Small businesses just didn't die fast enough.
Now, it's
>Ok we'll close everything for the next month so amazon can make more money.

Heil Merkel!
>>
No. 49468 Kontra
>>49467
This is not the news thread.
>>
No. 49469 Kontra
>>49468
You're such a sensitive sissy. Lockdown is something that was announced TODAY!
>>
No. 49470
Is Macron based ?
>>
No. 49471 Kontra
>>49468
>>49468
OK, Sorry
>>
No. 49476
108 kB, 1024 × 830
>>49459
>Should I just start pirating photoshop and a bunch of random video editing software to see what I like and can get use to

If you're thinking long-term, then yes. Better to sort out your tools now -what works, what doesn't- rather than beating your head against the wall.
>>
No. 49477 Kontra
>>49469
I would like to respond with german_male.webm but it's on an older hard drive.
>>
No. 49479
>>49470
based on what?
>>
No. 49483
>>49469
And he can go full retard in the news thread instead. I'm trying hard not to shitpost about Germans on your continent. The reaction to the virus has been so stupid I lost bits of faith I had in people I didn't even know I had left. I already had a low estimation of people but I never imagined they are that stupid.

>>49464
Why would I need to activate windows? I only didn't so far because the watermark is small enough on my display to not annoy me and a prepaid debit wouldnt work because all the key sites are international purchases and I'm not giving them my real info nor am I paying Microsoft over a hundred dollars.
>>
No. 49484
360 kB, 640 × 480
Pic related mood right now. My sleep schedule is busted, most days I wake up at 1pm and do a couple of chores and work related stuff, afterwards read for ~4-6 hours (couple of books I really wanna finish before the new year), then play Diablo 2 and drink beer until I fall asleep.
I should probably start going on walks again since I started gaining a bit of weight (despite smoking!), but it's kinda too cold.

>>49428
Congrats, hope the Master will work out for you even better!
>>
No. 49486
>>49484
What doth thou do for work? How old are you? Kinda impressed that you can lead that lifestyle
>>
No. 49488
720 kB, 1076 × 1337
Yesterday night I got handed back the one page long essay I wrote on that Qing-era bowl. It got 10/10 points.
This means that I'll get the maximum amount of extra points I can get when taking the Chinese Art History exam. Don't know it this means I'll get 10 extra points or 100% of a given pool of extra points.

The day after tomorrow I'm having my first proper exam in Chinese.
This is the written component, but this one will be oral too.
15 minutes. I'm fucking terrified.
>>
No. 49509
88 kB, 252 × 209
>>49484
>Congrats, hope the Master will work out for you even better!

Thanks.
Tbh I would subtract the beers and then we can swap lives :DDD. I don't have time to read much besides uni, I hopefully finish Plessners Grenzen der Gemeinschaft/ Limits of Community until Christmas. Also Diablo 2 was a childhood game of mine, never made it further than the desert though I think.

Bought coffee as gift for Christmas, since it was grounded freshly (the person does not have a grinder afaik) my whole room smells of coffee and I badly want to brew one now. I rarely drink coffee these days but damn it's such a nice smell and taste.
>>
No. 49512
450 kB, 480 × 360, 0:07
>>49509
Coffee is one of the finest things in life. My brother got me a couple of cans one Christmas-some Chase & Sanborn. That's not a high end brand or anything, but it has a nutty flavor he knew I liked. Best gift.
>>
No. 49513
>>49512
I asked and she presented me a choice of fruity, nutty or choco toned, never knew there is nutty toned coffee. Well I really want to try them, the 250g cost me 10€ though, which is perhaps not super pricey for coffee but definitely pricy compared to supermarket coffee. And I don't have 10€ to try some coffee that will probably be consumed more or less by the people I live with, since they drink more coffee than me, on a daily basis. Damn, it's to late to have a coffee now.
>>
No. 49515
>>49488
Is that picture related to an actual manga/anime or just some random mixture?
>>
No. 49517
43 kB, 640 × 539
>>49512
I think it's pretty funny it almost got banned but some Cardinal the Pope centuries ago had tried and declared it absolutely great and halal for Catholics. It's funny to think about. I've been thinking a lot less lately how the great masses crash over history and instead how lone figures with just a bit of influence can redirect the tides of history dramatically. Imagine if Catholicism banned it instead.
https://catholicgentleman.net/2014/04/blessed-beans-how-the-pope-baptized-coffee/
>The Pope was brought a steaming mug of java and he took a sip. He was immediately delighted, and according to legend, he declared, “This devil’s drink is delicious. We should cheat the devil by baptizing it.”
XD
>>
No. 49518
219 kB, 1065 × 902
ah, shit, my new job requires me to pretty much learn windows server 2016 and all related infrastructure so I can configure the crappy ticketing and queue management system we're going to be selling.

i'm so excited.

I wonder how long it'd take for me to try and develop something with similar functionality that runs on a sane stack? Could be an interesting project after I finish my programming courses.

I mean, it's just a server that distributes visitor tickets to front desk employees, and a fancy web interface on top. How hard can it be?
>>
No. 49521
>>49518
>how hard can it be
As hard as the people paying you make it to be
>>
No. 49522
>>49518
>To develop
There are enough ticketing systems in a sane stack. Just use a smacked down version of odoo. (Take tasks out of project management, leave issues in, insta-ticketing system)
Make a centos-8 based Docker-image, use apache or the commercial version of nginx for SSO via SPNEGO/GSSAPI. It can be done in weeks if you have no idea what you are doing. Days if you know what you are doing. Pay me €2500 and I'll do it.
>>
No. 49524
408 kB, 700 × 484
It was 25 minutes instead of 15, but I think I did well. Lost a few points but nothing major, I was able to tackle every question, knew the grammar and knew most of the characters.
The practice-handouts were a lot more hardcore than the exam. Or maybe I just prepared better.

I'm hoping for an A.
>>
No. 49525
>>49522
"Ticketing software" has slightly different meaning here. It's something more like a queue / service flow management system. You have a terminal that gives visiting clients tickets for services, and an announcement system / screen that directs them to the counters. The system itself is sold as part of a giant all encompassing system for big companies to manage their branches, headquarters, employees, clients, etc.

Also, I meant more for my own educational purposes. My actual job here is to configure and install someone else's software on someone else's premises, and sometimes be on call for issues. Nice and easy.

I don't think there's a market here for individual contractors implementing standalone solutions and fucking off. Everyone wants a fully integrated system + branded hardware, customer service, etc, and the clients are all banks, ISPs, hospitals, telecoms, etc.
>>
No. 49527 Kontra
>>49524
Literally nobody cares about your school shit. You aren't important. Grow up.
>>
No. 49528
169 kB, 1024 × 576
I saw a man and woman standing in a cow pasture at sunrise, which was odd.

They were wearing Santa hats. Odder, still.

A cloud of cannabis smoke hung over their heads. Ok, now it all makes sense :D.

>>49517
Cool, God bless Pope Clement VIII. May his mug at Jesus' table forever be full.
>>
No. 49529
>>49524
>Or maybe I just prepared better
Probably this.
My study method was to stress like hell before a test, imagining the worst and using that anxiety for fuel, and then be chill once I finally sat down to take it. This made for some miserable weeks, but otherwise worked well.
>>
No. 49531
>>49518
Kill your self now. You won't regret it. That is the absolute stupidest thing you can do now. Windows is riddled with security holes. Had it been for Azure, well don't kill your self. But hosted windows. FUCK THAT SHIT!

Also just tell them Infocom or whatever cool kids use these days.

> we're going to be selling
Oh never mind...

> How hard can it be?
See >>49521
>>
No. 49532 Kontra
>>49529
Well it is known to me as well, stress oftentimes makes a good fuel. But tbh one has to find a better way.

>>49527
Are you the German hiding behind a proxy? Ach, Christoph Choleriker.
>>
No. 49533
1,0 MB, 3024 × 4032
>>49531
I find it amusing when people express shock at the idea that people actually do use windows server for non-meme reasons.

I suspect most of the third world runs on it, as well as super corporate fields like banking and retail stores, government buildings, etc.
I also thought that linux runs the world, but apparently, the internet + hip western startups are a bubble of their own. There's an entire world out there of boomer-dominated industries, who don't trust anything with the word "free" on it, and want Official Support(tm) from a large corporation.

ATMs, digital signage, ineractive kiosks, etc., apparently a lot of it runs on desktop windows with a maximized browser connected to a windows server on LAN/WLAN. Scary shit mang.
>>
No. 49535
74 kB, 800 × 1008
I just went on an internet forum crawling journey to find some new music, and I was reminded of something I said earlier, in that the amount of "meaning" in the world is static in proportion to the amount of content produced, and so, producing more content makes each piece of content proportionally less meaningful.
The reason is that, in my search, I found a great many artists, albums, genres, etc., the number so numerous that I had no hope of absorbing even a meaningful fraction of it into my life. If I were 16 again, I'd be delighted at this absolute flood of content at my fingertips. So many things to explore and "make my own". But. I can no longer afford the time, the attention span, and frankly, the care to evaluate all of this content. I find it overwhelming, it's too much. So I listen to Dopesmoker by Sleep again.
A lot of these albums and bands I've discovered (from the samplings I've made) are actually great. Equal or greater to the titles I hold as "classics" in my mind. But I just can't absorb them all, there's not enough time or attention.
Now, there's other factors for "meaningfulness" than just time/attention. There's discussions with other people. Each person having a different multiplier to the "meaningfulness" of their relationship given how close of a relationship you have with them, of course. I often share music with my friends ("friends", hah, still weird to me that I value internet relationships as "friends" over IRL relationships, since I have nothing better), and I find their contributions "meaningful" for no other reason than sharing musical tastes enriches my experience of socializing with them, and for no objective or subjective reason like the quality of the music.

Now, what I'm getting at is that, it's probably not that the amount of "meaning" in the world is limited, but our ability to process "meaning" is. Each individual has a certain limit of how much "meaning" they can extract from the world, for various circumstances. But being a bit of a solipsist (read: self absorbed with no way of gaining other perspectives), those two quantities are identical to me. So, the amount of "meaning" in "the world" is == the amount of meaning I can extract from the world through my subjective experience. You might find it hypocritical that I constantly oscillate between monism (universality) and solipsism (subjectivity) depending on the subject matter. That's fair.
But there's this property that I can't quite put my finger on. The property is that I view monism and solipsism as isomorphic to each other. Whether that means that I (rather presumptuously) hold that my subjective view or reality corresponds to the ULTIMATE view or reality, or that, by necessity, there needs to be SOME invariant of reality that we all refer to through our subjective experiences, I don't know.
But, being an idealist, I do think that there's SOME universality to each our our perceptions of nature. The alternative is too depressing for me to think about. We all MUST have some commonality in our perception of reality, and there MUST be some commonality or "truth" at the core of reality, or else we lose the ability to make any kinds of statements in general.

But I digress. What was I talking about? I don't even remember lol. Did you know that any post I've made in the last year on EC that contained more than 200 words was probably made while I was drunk? Because writing is boring, lol, fuck writing.

Anyway, yeah. There's too much music out there. I can't hope to catch up. So I'll just continue to live in my local reality of "meaningful" artists and meanings. It's easier that way. In fact, we should all move to smaller social structures where the scales are small enough for us to perform actions we can consider "meaningful". Kinda gay that something supposedly "universal" like meaning is dependent on each of our personal mental capacities, but them's the breaks. Now excuse me while I listen to Dopesmoker again.
>>
No. 49538
889 kB, 3264 × 2448
>>49535
LMFAO dudeee just automate!

== get your shit curated by algorithms and no worries anymore, they are here to make decisions for you bro, welcome to the animal farm btw. and I don't mean Orwell but animals that are the ones decided upon, heard Derrida defined them as such or something

The question of the info flood and how to handle is actually quite interesting. But the term info is quite different to meaning.

Yes meaning is finite foremost because you are finite as conscious existence. Extracting meaning as to end at one point and Heidegger would say that all the worries about what to do next hinders you in seeing the radical freedom that is in that finite being but obscured by worries of the future which dictate ones ("man/they") life.

Can you elabrote on why universality and subjectivity close each other off exactly. I think I get what you want to say about perspectives and thus there is no universality but maybe it depends on the dimension/level we are talking about, if that makes any sense.
>>
No. 49540
>>49533
> I find it amusing when people express shock
It isn't shock. It is plain anger and disgust. I can say that if a Windows server gets hacked, and it will get hacked, no ifs and buts, reinstall everything and hope you have time to patch before it get hacked again. You can secure it, but oops update opened up a port in the firewall with out telling you.

The internet runs on Linux. There is very little serious things that runs anything else. Basically all major players have a stake in it. Banking is a world of its own. The new ones run Linux, but there is various different old and archaic Unixes used, and of course VMS.

But then you have to make a difference between office and not office. Office will always be Windows with AD and Sharepoint and all that must not be named.

Not office isn't Windows for the majority of cases. Mostly Linux.

MS does good things, Windows isn't one of them. Move to Azure, it isn't bad and you can fool your boss into thinking it is Windows.
>>
No. 49542
962 kB, 1080 × 1080
>>49486
Website stuff for my university, it's just 10hrs/week but I also get student bux. I'm in my mid20s.
I'm not sure how sustainable it is either...

>>49509
>I would subtract the beers
Hah, I keep it in the singular on weekdays. It just kinda happened since I got gifted a Beer-Adventskalender...

>Diablo 2 was a childhood game of mine, never made it further than the desert though I think.
Same here, but I rediscovered it in recent years (funnily enough almost each year around Novemeber) and actually managed finish it on Hell mode, then discovered online play possibilities, this time I actually ended up even trading some items online and that got me really hooked.
It's quite fun for some time but once you reach "late game" you're forced to mostly mindlessly farm the same content over and over until you can slowly upgrade your gear and then if the grinding goes on for too long I start to burn out and see it for the digital crack that it is.

>Bought coffee as gift for Christmas
Noice, I recently got myself a Bialetti Brikka, I quite enjoy the process but it's a bit tricky to get the coffee/espresso right. Though lately I've also switched more to tea tbh.
>>
No. 49552
I WANT TO FUCK! BUT I AM HANGOVERED AND FEEL LIKE SHIT
>>
No. 49561
>>49540
I think it's beyond my power to convince my boss to switch to a GNU/Linux stack. Mainly because we're merely configuring and installing some other big corporation's software on some other big corporation's hardware. I don't think I can quite convince said big software corporation to migrate its entire software base from an ancient version of Microsoft Dotnet to something compatible with GNU/Linux. Their "webapp" was built for a Windows system, and will probably remain so for the foreseeable future, especially since they can barely even maintain it.
I'm actually already seeing the (obvious) drawbacks of their boomer tier development style, in that their codebase is "rotting" faster than they can update it, and they're forced to use a lot of legacy shit. Updates aren't done simply by letting the package manager do its job. They supply patches that hard-overwrite the binaries of their web-app like some 90s video game.

BUT. As much as I'd like everyone to benefit from Free Software and the advantages of a good Unix environment, the very last group of people I'd lose sleep over not seeing the benefit of Freedom(tm) are the piece of shit industries like banks, ISPs and telecoms. Especially when they WANT to get knee deep in corporate garbo tech like Microsoft's ecosystem because of "guarantees" or whatever. Or because they're retarded.

Call it selfish, but I'm content in not rocking the boat, and giving those assholes what they want while I collect my paycheck. I'm a believer in choosing your battles, and making life harder for myself for a thankless job of introducing freedom to parties that seek to deprive me of that very freedom is a battle I'm willing to pass on.

BUT, as small as it is, I WILL be pushing for our clients to host their server on a managed host that pre-configures windows server for them, instead of hosting it on a physical machine on their local LAN like the paranoid fucktards they are. Because I know full well from my limited experience with Microsoft's ecosystem that it's impossible for an amateur to "correctly" configure a windows server. It has so much legacy bullshit and is so tightly coupled with the larger windows OS ecosystem that you will NOT configure a windows server correctly unless it's your narrow specialization to do so. And the less problems our clients encounter, the less support calls we'll have to process.

I do like to fantasize about being the radical who introduces Freedom(tm), the Free Software Movement, and the whole GNU ecosystem to my little corner of the third world, but I have to be a realist here. Nobody really gives a shit. The GNU/Linux/FSF world exists only in places that speak English natively, or are relevant enough to be proselytized to, or are first world enough in general to know what a Unix is. Here in the third world, MS has already taken its foothold. At least in certain sectors.
Another issue is that it seems like the larger GNU/Linux/ Open Source communities and the super corporate software industries have sort of unconsciously "agreed" upon their respective turfs, and neither tries to enter the other's domain. In that, there really is no Free Software that addresses the needs of such corporate entities, like banks and telecoms and the like. Maybe it's not hip enough for silicon valley or the internet dwelling hacker to tackle such things, I don't know. But if you google something like "queue management system for hospitals", you'll get a couple of half baked open source projects that do the bare minimum, or you'll get "fully integrated" solutions from large corporations. For clients that don't give a shit about price (aforementioned banks, telecoms, ISPs, govt branche), they'll surely pick the latter. So the hip "open source" world and the boomer corporate world just coexist without intruding on each other's clientele. Well, so be it, I guess. I just want a paycheck while I take courses to increase my qualification, so I can later find something better.
>>
No. 49563
1,7 MB, 962 × 720, 0:45
>>49561
>I'm content in not rocking the boat, and giving those assholes what they want while I collect my paycheck. I'm a believer in choosing your battles, and making life harder for myself for a thankless job of introducing freedom to parties that seek to deprive me of that very freedom is a battle I'm willing to pass on.
Couldn't agree more. The company gets what they paid for, and I see no obligation to put in extra effort, especially when this extra effort is likely to make life more complicated for yourself. I find this whole "seeking fulfillment through your job"-thing painfully uncreative. There is a line in a song of a german band named Deichkind, who are a bit of a meme, but I still liked the line: "Ambition is the loser's last resort", also in relation to work. Trying to overachieve on the job for me always felt like a desperate move to fill a void in life that shouldn't have been there in first place. I think one should be able to find that sort of fulfilment in projects you choose for yourself, and if you feel that you can't for some reason, then I'd recommend trying to fix that instead of replacing that desire with fighting battles of random abstract institutions. Of course there are situations where there are intersections between company goals and personal goals, and then of course it might make sense to pursue those even with extra effort.

I don't even understand what this is good for. Why support arbitrary goals from arbitrary companies? Why even try to climb a ladder when the reward is a tougher place on the ladder? Maybe it's the desire to be a "mover", and to have impact. Well, ok, but what exactly are you moving? Is it something you wanted to move, or is it something that was there by chance? The only thing that is left in my book here is raw accumulation of wealth, which is legit I guess, but still isn't really a thing for me, because everything above a comfortable outcome seems overkill. Also maybe some girls like guys who go for resources no matter what. But are those the kind of girls you want to spend your time with?

Of course there are exceptions, since there are people who realize their own dreams through their jobs, and whose extra efforts have made life better for everyone, but this obviously doesn't apply to the vast majority of workers. Also doing what I'm paid for is not the same as putting in no effort, because at least the company can rely on me that I'm actually doing what they pay me for, that I arrive at work in decent condition, and that I'm not calling in sick when I'm not. These things that sound like minimal standards already make you more reliable than lots of others.
>>
No. 49565
416 kB, 3173 × 3200
>>49542
>Brikka with Crema valve

Grande! Now I want to pour some espresso with crema in my little espresso cups. When I had one years ago it was without that valve and thus no crema.

I found a new dough work for pizza al taglio and will try some pizza
This guy makes some crazy toppings, dog bless Italy and its food culture
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LYrs5ucS6IU
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wVMhpmSk5hQ
>>
No. 49568
451 kB, 600 × 338, 0:08
>>49565
>When I had one years ago it was without that valve and thus no crema
I have a Bialetti brewer as well, but mine doesn't have the valve, either. Once again technology has advanced and left me behind :D.

I actually used to have two Bialetti pots, but left one of them unattended on the burner once. By the time I returned it had boiled away two cups of espresso, leaving a burned film on my stovetop. After that, every time I used the pot the coffee would have a weird metallic taste. Don't know why, but I had to toss it(R.I.P.).

>crazy toppings
Wow, you weren't kidding.
>>
No. 49573
>>49540
>It isn't shock. It is plain anger and disgust.
For me, it's the other way round. We have a certain customer. As far as I can tell, they use windows-servers everywhere. Embedded Unixoid Systems are of course present, but apparently, these don't count.

I once dared suggesting using Linux for a particular problem. And I got dressed down like never before or after.

I learned that RHEL
- is a cheap solution
- what you save in licensing fees, you spent ten times in maintenance
- since it's open source, everyone can look at the source code and find the loopholes, so it's insecure
- there is no proper support for it
- it's all written by unqualified students
- they want to use trusted, reliable technology, not some bullshit for makers and tinkerers
etc. meanwhile, they think CSV-files are an interface and they use CSV exports and imports for everything. They also think file-systems are versioning systems and asp.net is BESTEST OF ALL, no node.js/python/ruby/perl/anything here. Those guys drank the kool aid, and they drank lots of it.

I get less extreme forms of it a lot. When I tell people that we use multiple Linux-VMs in-house, they look at my like I am a particularly nasty piece of shit sitting in the middle of the sidewalk. Linux is seen as a system for students and nerds, not real software to get stuff done. The "professionals" use Microsoft for everything. And everything can be done in a spreadsheet.

Such is life when living in the gray zone between IT and OT. And now you know why SCADA-Systems are so spectacularly crappy and insecure.
>>
No. 49574
>>49573
The best part is, Red Hat isn't cheap and their licensing model would make even Microsoft blush.

I know the type you are talking about. They are the main reasons computing sucks. Not because of their opinion but because they have opinions based on 20 year old FUD and wouldn't even bother to update to opinions based on 10 year old FUD. I'm glad that I don't have to deal with them more then sending them a CSV file from time to time. When they ask to get data they have no clue about the problem domain and send an Excel to fill in that just don't fit what is actually there. "WHAT! Customers can have more then one phone number!?" "WHAT! They can have more then one active contract!? It can be terminated too!?".

They will never realize that there are good and bad software. Just because you pay for it doesn't make it good, it doesn't even mean it is supported even if the one who made it said so when you bought it.
>>
No. 49576
>>49574
>sending them a CSV
It's much worse. The place I posted about moves significant amounts of data by having process A write data from system X to a CSV file on disk, then they have process B parse the CSV file at a five minute interval and write it to system Y. On average, a new record comes in every few milliseconds.

>They are the main reasons computing sucks. Not because of their opinion but because they have opinions based on 20 year old FUD and wouldn't even bother to update to opinions based on 10 year old FUD.
The Indian project leader who educated me was in grade school 20 years back. At 25, she had already acquired the views of a 55 year old plumber.

>"WHAT! Customers can have more then one phone number!?" "WHAT! They can have more then one active contract!? It can be terminated too!?".

"The product master data does not have a field for the stock location or the amount stocked! That's wrong, we need this! How does the software not have this!" -- Apparently, stuff of one kind is in one place, never in two places.
>>
No. 49577
>>49576
Base your synchronization on time guesstimate. What could possible go wrong? I bet it is sort of mission critical too. And on Windows with NTFS, oh joy.

> 25 year old Indian project leader
Pleas not Cap Gemini. Pretty pleas.

Your carefully designed database will not matter when management needs nice numbers in their Excel documents.
>>
No. 49579
505 kB, 1167 × 1500
I was hoping for an audiobook of translations from contemporary chinese scifi authors like Xia Jia on Youtube but there only are academic conversations around them and chinese scifi in general REEE, guess I will listen to them while falling asleep then.
>>
No. 49593
353 kB, 1280 × 1920
I surprised a girl at her workplace and brought her flowers. She began crying. Not the response I was looking for and I was worried until she told me that nobody has ever bought her flowers before.

Friday morning at the office and I can feel the weekend coming over the horizon.
>>
No. 49599
130 kB, 907 × 1390
Yesterday I watched Doctor Sleep which was quite entertaining but no masterpiece.
However my version was partially dubbed in German while some of it made the impression to be due to cuts. Also it occured the the original audio was still audible but the dub way louder and synchronized. The version was actually 30 minutes longer. Was this some sort of pre-release for journalists?
>>
No. 49601
119 kB, 1050 × 1050
Ok, the piece of shit hp laptop finally found its use.
I gutted it for parts to fix my mom's work laptop.

It had a faulty wifi card, the thing just rebooted randomly while working. Also, took out the SSD and used it to replace her awfully slow 1tb laptop HDD.

feeling proud.
t. mom's tech help helper.

I remember when I was little, I promised to my mom that when I grow up, I'll be rich and powerful, and she'll live in a mansion, drive a pink lambo, and wear fur coats.

lol.
>>
No. 49611
In my effort to read more, I've been trying to find online stores that sell books in English, and sell them internationally. And I mean physical books. I've found that I absorb information from physical books more readily than from my computer monitor. I don't know why.

Well, my searches have not been very fruitful for now. I'm thinking of just downloading pdfs from libgen, printing them out, and binding them on my own with either glue or thread. It certainly is cheaper than $30 of shipping per book from western online stores.
>>
No. 49613
>>49577
>Pleas not Cap Gemini
No, not Cap Gemini.
>>
No. 49615
>>49611
How much do you have to pay when you tell your next local bookstore to order them?
>>
No. 49616
After work I bought a falafel on my way home (small food joints are still open currently for takeaway and delivery); I had really been looking forward to it because I didn't have one since a while and when I finally got home I discovered there was no sauce on it. What a bummer.
>>
No. 49617
>>49611
I bought a couple of books at ebay. Try to find sellers in europe so shipping cost will be not much
>>
No. 49642
>>
No. 49651
>>49642
I will never forget that guy who tried to tell a Latvian joke and punched his gf in the face
>>
No. 49652
Seems like my presence faded from EC like a shadow from a torn down building. Studying, having a gf and two jobs and being involved into three voluntary projects I seem to have turned into a power normie. But who knows, maybe it's just a phase that will end someday and I'll come back like a beaten dog that ran away from its master.
>>
No. 49653
>>49616
Today I went to the store to buy food for the weekend and I got a potato pastry instead of the spinach one I had asked for. Maybe I have been cursed?
>>
No. 49654
>>49652
Hey that is good to know, you will eventually come back when one of these things is no more, but I hope you can continue like that.
>>
No. 49658
106 kB, 500 × 396
>>49652
>Studying, having a gf and two jobs and being involved into three voluntary projects I seem to have turned into a power normie

Known settis, except I only have one job. I think a fulfilling life has put itself between me and my posts. My rambling shitpost oeuvre was at it's best during times of suffering.
I'll still come back here, shitting provides me with an appropriate time window.
>>
No. 49659 Kontra
>>49652
First gf? If so, see you in a year or so.
Else, good luck, I am on imageboards mainly out of habit anymore anyway since a few years.
>>
No. 49662
50 kB, 930 × 713
In the end, I didn't get that A, but ultimately a B isn't that bad either I guess.
The appraisal the lecturer gave was very generous, saying how it show that I have a confident knowledge and it shows that I know what I'm doing.
Hearing this was really reassuring, because before the first semester I had some doubts about myself, what if I don't have any talent for this?, but that's all gone now.
It's kinda like as if I'd went to a conservatory without ever singing or playing an instrument and only after making the commitment to study I find out that my voice is shaky and my arms are too clumsy to play the piano.
That would have been a true horror.

The thing that hurts the most is that tiny voice in the back of my head saying You were only one word away from that A. One word.
But it's ultimately pointless.
I made a good impression, and I think if I keep improving I still have a chance at achieving my dreams.

>>49611
It's probably because unlike computer reading, physical books have a ritual attached to them.
>>
No. 49665
154 kB, 1024 × 769
My brother got high on alcohol for the first time of his life. That is a huge step for him and at the same time my heart is torn apart. I know he’ll go further from me in one or two years or so but today I talked to him as an equal. Pic rel is when we were young and tried to blow on dandelion cause we thought it would fly.
>>
No. 49679
>>49615
Shid, can you do that?
I've actually never shopped much in "real" book stores, I usually go to a flea market and pick up whatever looks interesting.
I used to think it's pointless to pay for physical books when libgen exists, but lately I've been trying to distance myself from this time-sucking, ADHD enabling nightmare box.

>>49617
Ah, right. I forgot about ebay, since I associate it more with clothes and electronics. Will try it, thanks.
Although one thing I hate about online auctions is dealing with individual sellers. I'd love to have a worldwide shipping platform where I can just place an order and pick it up at the post office a month later, minimizing direct human interaction.

But I still like my idea of printing out and binding my own books. Paper guillotines aren't even that expensive. I guess I'll also need a table. hm...
>>
No. 49685 Kontra
>>49679
>I'd love to have a worldwide shipping platform

I would have recommended bookdepository since they have free shipping worldwide, but turns out not all countries are included, and not a country with (capital) K.
>>
No. 49708
After barely getting any gaming in I had resolved to dedicate today to vidya rather than bother with any food runs or chores but instead woke up with a splitting headache followed by vomitting yet again and yet again had my whole morning wasted trying to recover. I don't know why this keeps happening. I know that dehydration probably plays a role but it's irritating being a non-drinker and sometimes seemingly at random waking up like I'm dealing with a hangover, more because it wastes so much of my time just trying to recover to normal. Dehydration, headache, try to take ibuprofren, try to hydrate, end up puking and feeling like shit until more precious free time is flushed down the drain.

It is even more annoying because I destroy my free time with stupid pointless internet shit, and can't just leave my router unplugged because more and more games have some always online bullshit. I'd rather spend a year in a cabin with no internet to burn through my game library at this point.
>>
No. 49744
2,7 MB, 2500 × 850
Today's adventure.

When I dropped the cover in place I didn't properly line up the white paint with the white stripe on the road. Darn it...
>>
No. 49778
My mother is lying in her bed all day, watching TV, just like she did yesterday. Why is she doing it, I asked? Apparently, she drank too much vodka yesterday and her heart hurts now. I yelled at her for being a drunkard, and I yelled at my worthless weak stepfather for not keeping the woman in rein. She is a retarded child in the body of adult who would abuse drugs if she could. Some people are incapable of living without authority in their lives. This situation is depressing.
>>
No. 49784
>>49778
How old are you
>>
No. 49834
I feel a splitting headache coming on and I still need to cut shit up to make a place for the tree. That is all. Fuck it's alresdy getting dark out.