Hello, I will post here some jokes I collected over the years way back on KC /int/.
Feel free to add your own.
There are way more than fit in one post, but I won't necessarily be able to post regularly.
Jerusalem's highest rabbi is on an official trip in England. On one
morning, he wakes up really early. It is Jom Kippur. He steps on the
balcony and sees the hotel's golf course.
He thinks "It's so early, nobody will see me". He grabs his golf gear
and steps on the green.
Up in heaven, St. Peter says to god "Do you see what the highest rabbi
of Jerusalem is doing? On Jom Kippur? Do you not want to punish him for
it?"
God nods. The rabbi drives off and hits hole in one, a perfectly rare
occurrence.
St. Peter: "I don't understand - you wanted to punish him!"
God: "I have. Who can he tell?"
To Cheka runs worried person
>My parrot has disappeared
>Well than you need to contact local Police
>Excuse me i know who to contact, i just wanted to officially report that i dont share opinion with parrot
>Soivet union scientists reasoning how life will be in year 2000 SSR.
>One suddenly talks up! every family will have reactive jetplane
>Why would every family need jet plane? rest surprised
>Now just imagine, you living in Jurmala, but suddenly you get to know that in Volgograd shops there has appeared sousage in stores
Little Fritz comes home after school. "Dad, we got our essays about the Greatest Accomplishments of the DDR back! Mine was the best, I got a 4!"
>(German rating system is from 1 to 6, with 1 being best and 6 being worst).
Fritz's father is surprised. "A 4? That was the best essay? What about the others?"
Fritz: "I don't know, they're not back from the interrogation yet"
-When the first Soviet election took place?
-When God put Eve in front of the Adam and said "choose your wife"
After Catalonia getting a lot of Spanish immigration in the sixties, in the eighties (with democracy and autonomy for catalonia), the catalan govt made a campaign in order to increase good vibes and brotherhood, among other things, which had the slogan "we are six million", which was Catalonia's population at the time.
Joke: our president Pujol visited China, and going down the plane, he told to the welcoming delegation:
"we are six million!"
And the Chinese delegate answered back:
"oh! And in which hotel do you stay?"
An old man wants to park his bike right next to the entrance of the Hungarian Parliament building.
Some policemen rush to him:
- What are you even thinking, old man, you can't park your bike here, the Soviet delegation is arriving immediately!
- Oh, no problem, officers! I locked it good.
Brezhnev has a meeting with Sophia Loren. He says to her "I am willing to grant you any wish."
"Please, allow anyone who wishes to leave the Soviet Union."
"Sophia, you sly little minx, you just want to be alone with me."
Soviet prison cell with 3 inmates, they are speaking about why they got incarerated:
-I got to work 5 minutes late and they jailed me for sabotage
-I got to work 5 minutes early and they jailed me for espionage
-I got to work in time and they jailed me for having Western wristwatch
Soviet prison cell with 3 inmates, they are speaking about why they got incarerated:
- I criticized comrade Buharin!
- I supported comrade Buharin!
- I am in fact comrade Buharin himself.
Is it true that recently man in Moscow found 1 million dollars?
Yes, though it was not recently, but 10 years ago, not man, but woman, not in Moscow, but in Rostov, not one million dollars, but 100 rubles and not found, but lost
Nu worum hot G-tt erschofn de goyim?
nu jemond mos zoln de listepreis
Why are synagogues round?
So nobody can hide in the corner during collection.
What helps against chewing gum in the hair?
Cancer.
Why did Jesus never tip?
He was the King of Jews.
Hello, I will post here some jokes I collected over the years way back on KC /int/.
Feel free to add your own.
There are way more than fit in one post, but I won't necessarily be able to post regularly.
Jerusalem's highest rabbi is on an official trip in England. On one
morning, he wakes up really early. It is Jom Kippur. He steps on the
balcony and sees the hotel's golf course.
He thinks "It's so early, nobody will see me". He grabs his golf gear
and steps on the green.
Up in heaven, St. Peter says to god "Do you see what the highest rabbi
of Jerusalem is doing? On Jom Kippur? Do you not want to punish him for
it?"
God nods. The rabbi drives off and hits hole in one, a perfectly rare
occurrence.
St. Peter: "I don't understand - you wanted to punish him!"
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