/int/ – No shittings during wörktime
„There is no place like home“

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No. 11400 Systemkontra
465 kB, 500 × 748
Old one when kontra.

For days now I'm waiting to get sick but I just stay with a sore throat and some coughings.
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No. 11404
I hate having these dreams.

THESE types of dreams. Where I am taken back to my school years, and then suddenly wake up to realize that it's been 6 years since I finished high school, and I'm not quite sure what I was doing all this time, because I haven't accumulated any memories worthwhile enough to have dreams about.

It feels like school was the last time I really "lived", as much as it sucked. And it feels weird knowing that the building where I spent years of my childhood is right there two blocks away, but I can never go back there, and the people I used to know there are no longer the same people.
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No. 11407
>>11360
>I'm pretty sure you've already done so
Well, I do have a copy of LotR sitting at my shelf, but I never actually read it for whatever reason, but I do know most of the story.
(And I did notice the similarities with the ring in Wagner's work and the ring in LotR)
In Wagner's epic, the ring lends the wearer ultimate power, a control over the world, even beyond that of Odin's powers. Tolkien's ring makes you stronger afaik, and depends on who gets a hold of it. (Hobbits turned invisible and more cunning if I remember) This invisibility thing plays a role in the High German version of the epic where Siegfried helps Gunther defeat Brunnhilde in a duel using a magic cloak. The cloak turns Siegfried invisible, and he takes Brunnhildes blows in place of Gunther. In Wagner's operas, the role of the robe is played by a magic helmet made by Alberich, a dwarf who also made the ring. The helmet in this case just let's the wearer turn into whatever he wants. This is how Fafnir becomes a dragon after he gets a hold of both the Ring and the Helmet from Wotan. After

Besides the Ring aspect, I can't really compare the two. I can't find a parallel in characters.
The conclusion would be that both Wagner and Tolkien used the same mythology as a groundwork, with Tolkien's being a looser interpretation than Wagner's. (Though if you compare Wagner's with either the Völsunga Saga or the Nibelungenlied, you'll find that he changed plenty of stuff during the last act.)(And that Tolkien worked with all of Germanic, English and other European mythologies.)
But this is where the genius of Tolkien shines. While people have been copying his work for 60-70 years now, they never tried to copy his foundation. Just the aesthetic of elves and orcs.

I'm a third of the way into Beowulf. Read a thousand lines so far. I don't want to make a critique of it yet. I'll be finished with reading it by Monday.
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No. 11408
>>11407
Meant for >>11399 , but I botched the quotation.
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No. 11409
>>11404
I'm not sure if all these people from high school living the life you dream of. Or if they collected worthwhile memories.

I too left high school 6 years ago, whats worth remembering? My drug fueled weekends, definitely crazy...so crazy I now have to live with psychotic modes kicking in when different factors come together that are not unusual to come together in the first place. What else? I miss my gf.

Maybe many more but I lived a lot in abstract thoughts and other things that are mostly tied to the mind but evoked by my empirical/phenomenological environment.

I know people emigrated into the USA or went for other cities and countries but in the end that does not ensue an exciting life let alone a good one.

But yeah, I'm a melancholic bitch too for many things that have been and things that will be gone.
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No. 11410
I feel kinda shitty and thought about becoming spiritual and converting to Catholicism.
So, I went to the mass on saturday morning in local Catholic church and saw black (!) altar server (!!) from Morocco (!!!). He was from a group of students who study at a local medical university and live near a church, I also saw a couple of black and brown girls who carried water to the church. The more I walk around the city, the more often I notice foreign students, globalization is becoming noticeable even in pisspoor Ukraine. I'm still wondering if that black Moroccan was a real Catholic.
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No. 11411
>>11407
>I do have a copy of LotR sitting at my shelf, but I never actually read it for whatever reason
Read it. You won't like it when you're 30.
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No. 11413
So I actually sat down to watch the Ring, and realized it isn't for me. I can't bear vocals in music.
The libretto is enough for me. Even superior.
Maybe I'm just of much of a bydlo
>>
No. 11414
>>11411
I will when I can find the time for it. It's one of those long novels, and I have tons of those I want to read.
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No. 11416
442 kB, 1500 × 1500
I was out cycling before sunrise and,through repeated coincidences, kept arriving at intersections at the exact same time as someone else. And this despite the fact that the roads were empty and I only saw about a dozen people/cars the whole time I was out. I wound up drawing this map.
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No. 11417
>>11413
The original was pretty spooky, I am not sure how it dated but I love Jap/Korean Horrors.
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No. 11419
>>11417
Well, because I'm a lazy piece of shit, I didn't write it out completely.
It's this ring,
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Der_Ring_des_Nibelungen
not the VHS horror.
But it really is a mistake on my part, because I'm a lazy ass.
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No. 11421
68 kB, 565 × 360
Cut down a tree today a real small one with 30cm diameter and barely 6 meters high :3
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No. 11428
62 kB, 410 × 550
>>11416
Truman show is preventing your escape. It is further distracting you from the truth by presenting physical rather than metaphysical escape as your point of focus so when you think "why am I feeling trapped here" it never occurs to you to think outside your present physical context.
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No. 11432
Spent the day hiking in the woods with some acquaintances from my mycology class looking for macrofungi to document, identify and preserve.

Listened to early Death in June during the ride to the forest and back, which was comfy. I love driving on long country roads lined by fields, orchards or pines. Now I'm going to read some papers and maybe watch The Deer Hunter.
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No. 11433
2,0 MB, 500 × 360, 0:03
>>11428
>It is further distracting you from the truth by presenting physical rather than metaphysical escape as your point of focus
I now have some very serious thinking to do. Pic related.
>>11421
>Cut down a tree
I've never cut down a live tree, just dead ones. And the biggest one, about 25 feet or so, I more pulled than cut. It was really dead.
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No. 11446
>>11433
Actually I had to cut it down because it died this year during the summer. There is some conifers killing virus or whatever on the loose over here.

>pulled

I attached a 20m wire cable to the tree top and had my niece pulling it in the right direction where I wanted the tree to fall.
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No. 11448
I thought I could have a cup of coffee at 7pm and still get to sleep at a reasonable time because it wasn't that late. It is now half 2 in the morning.

>>11404
Everyone dreams about school. Even my mother, who left school when dinosaurs still roamed the Earth, once told me of a dream she had involving being lost at school. The real worry is why the hell everyone dreams about such a place and why it is always so anxiety riddled.

My school dreams involve an exam I had no idea about for a degree I got 4 years ago. If anyone knows what it is on please let me know so I can pass.
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No. 11453
>>11448
Because it was an early and critical time for your personality formation.

Sadly, this seems to affect most of the population. I would be fully in favor of tearing apart compulsory schooling for a third of the population.
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No. 11460
>>11407
I envy you so much for being able to read LotR for the first time.
Much of your assumption is incorrect even, which makes it so much better. Just a tiny thing to point out (though it's actually a big thing because it's what most people get wrong today): Lord of the Rings is not metaphorical and not allegorical and there are no exact rules regarding the ring like "it makes hobbits invisible and cunning".
This is the one thing that the films (in their extended edition) from Jackson nailed perfectly.
Yes, the ring makes Frodo invisible, but not to everyone.
Yes, the ring made Sauron powerful, but it also causes his demise.
Yes, the ring would make Galadriel a god and loved by everyone, but it would also make her feared by everyone.
There is a sense to it, but the genius here is that it's not obvious and leaves much room for speculation and even research.

Really, those books deserve to be read and not told.
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No. 11461
>>11460
Also, the way it's written, the langue used and the pacing of dialogues will be right down your alley, I'm certain.

The best version of the book (that I am aware of) is the edition by Harpe Collins Publishing from 2007 based on the 50th anniversary edition with a foreword by Douglas A. Anderson.
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No. 11485
>>11448
I think leaving school is a traumatic experience for most humans regardless of their rationalizations.

Schools are an artificial social institution that simulates a small tribe. Imagine growing up in a man's natural environment: a small tribe where you know everyone, and see the same people every day. And then, in a single day, to lose that social environment, and be pushed into a world of complete strangers, a city of millions where you rarely see a familiar face.

I think losing one's tribe is affects people regardless of what they think about school.

My regrets mostly have to do with the fact that I failed to be happy, when I could've been. There was nothing preventing me from being happy in school, or in uni, or anywhere else, other than myself.
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No. 11486
>>11485
For me, I was somewhat happy to leave the school.
It wasn't bad, but for some reason I don't think I miss it.
>>
No. 11487 Kontra
>>11486
Sames.

The only downside is you finally have to wrap your head around issues like where and how to get money to make a living in this bloody world. ofc this counts for rather wealthy people and not someone how has to skip school to support his/her families subsistence
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No. 11492
254 kB, 1200 × 1527
You will never be a central asian savage in middle ages trolling gullible whitoid ethnographers into believing that cotton comes from lambs that grow on a plant.

>>11486
I hated going to school and uni at the time, but these days it feels like a better option than being a 100% socially isolated neet.
Of course, the fallacy is that when I imagine myself going back to society, I imagine a different version of myself who actually enjoys society. I am a recluse because I am incapable of enjoying socialization in the first place.
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No. 11496
I've visited my grandmother in the hospital.
One of the more eerie scenes of my life. Walking into a building, into a big hall. You turn right, a large open door. My mother say "Well, they left the morgue's door open again." I brushed it off by saying "Not like anyone who isn't supposed to going to leave that place."
So then I looked around a bit, old people everywhere. Every single room has a bunch of old people sitting in it, or laying on beds. Grandma is fine.
Hospitals are surreal places. I don't like them.

Read a bit of Beowulf, will read more today.

Also checked the exam types in German. Decided to pick one. Hopefully I can get a Sprachzertifikat.

I also checked out an online German antiquary today. Found a bunch of cheap books, but I don't have the money for them.
Feels bad man.
German online sellers are the pickiest mothetfuckers alive btw.
>You can pay with paypal if you buy for x euros or more
>Versandskostfrei nach Deutschland
>EU Versandskost 15 Euros
>bis 500g 3 Euro versandskost
>Item is 501g so it's 10 Euros instead
And all I can do is cry. Figuratively speaking. German stuff is weirdly hard to get a hold of. Or maybe I'm just dumb.
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No. 11497
Thinking I may have to do a masters for a year so I can build a more competitive application for med school. I have a 4.0 GPA and am studying for MCAT now but I haven't done much volunteer work (EMS scares me because I hate driving) and the lab I'm working in for research doesn't seem to be going anywhere.

It wouldn't be that bad since my sister took a year off between undergrad and med school to get work experience but I would still kind of feel like a fuckup even with a generous stipend.
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No. 11500
>>11496
>Item is 501g so it's 10 Euros instead

Well, it is the Post that makes these rules and they are the picky ones.

You should look on skyscanner for the cheapest flight from Budapest to a bigger german city and then go shopping there.
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No. 11501
Going to drive over to my grandfather's today and look for my mom's old stamp collection because I wish to begin collecting stamps from all the nations of the world. In particular I want to order some old stamps from the Armenian SSR and Belarus.

Also I am going to be ordering a copy of the National Audubon Society's Field Guide to Mushrooms
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No. 11502
>>11500
I'm a student. If I had any money to fly to Berlin or Wien, I wouldn't be saying woe is me.
Though going by train would be possible. Just at first glance it's a 3 hour long trip to Wien and another three back, costing 26 Euros if I were to pick the cheapest options.
Maybe I'll do a little excursion like that during the summer.

Of course if I had 26 Euros, I wouldn't be complaining. Yeah, 26 Euros is nothing for someone who works, I know, my problems are menial, but they are still mine.
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No. 11520
7 kB, 516 × 111
So End is down again and on this occasion I made a comment in the WC thread as I used to just to find out it got systemkontrad.
So the site gives picrel error for a while now, started today sometimes I dunno around noon (UTC+2). I checked with several "is it down?" sites but some says it isn't. Also nothing on their Twitter, maybe Odili don't work on Sundays or something.

But to not just to write about another site:
In the past few days I'm trying to help a friend in a trouble which threatens with an extremely negative consequence. Emotionally I feel just as involved as him but I don't bear the weight of blame and directly it won't effect me (except with the aforementioned emotional impact). I also feel powerless and angry alternately, tho I help quite a lot, probably more than anyone else. But I'm not an expert in the thing and feel just as clueless sometimes as him. What also troubling that his family doesn't seem to grasp the seriousness of the situation.
I could just shrug and turn away but I can't. Not just the thing itself grabs me by the heart but also this friend helps a lot to me whenever I need it, this is mutual, this is why we are friends.
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No. 11533
27 kB, 447 × 321
>>11501
>Belarus.

You can't avoid it
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No. 11542
>>11520
You're doing the right thing. It's not just a meme that good friends are worth more than gold. You save their ass and they save yours, that's how it's supposed to be. Also situations like yours have the potential to strengthen your relationship, it's the hardships of life where we can acknowledge the people we truly care for and love.
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No. 11576
>>11542
True.
Friendships have to be cultivated and they need effort to keep them alive but they worth it on the long run and not just in the material sense. Interesting how new friendships are harder to make as time goes on and the man gets older and how outside factors slackens the existing ones. Less time for "adventures" that build trust and cultivate the idea of mutual help, also circumstances can force apart friends in the spacial sense (e.g. moving to other parts of the country or to abroad in search of jobs) and it's hard to remain friend from that distance because the reinforcing opportunities dwindle. I have such friends and we still help to each other but almost only with advices.
I also noticed how social media makes people lazy in their relationships with others. They don't need to show interests in the others just feed the bits of their own life into the tubes and expect others to be curious about them. No visits, no how-are-you calls, nothing. A friend of mine in particular who drifted away for the reason described above complains about this as being the subject of such neglect - while he does the same as others.

Meanwhile End is up again. Finally.
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No. 11592
9 kB, 200 × 184
I managed to put to good use my rudimentary knowledge of Russian today.
I had to enter a construction site and ask where a person was, and the person inside was some Eastern European who didn't know how to speak Portuguese. I managed to ask him where the person I was looking for was, understand his answer and thank him.

This was the only real use I've had for all this trouble of learning about a complicated language, but it really gave me the energy to want to sink more time into it.
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No. 11594
25 kB, 300 × 300
>>11592
Reminds me, some weeks ago I talked to a live native english speaker IRL for the first time in my life.

I was on one of my drunken city strolls near the park, and saw a europeoid looking family that was clearly too civilized looking to be russian.

Also, their little daughter was speaking english.

I approached the father and had a nice pleasant chat with him. He turned out to not be a tourist, but an expat english teacher. He complimented my accent saying it's very western with a hint of american. Then we parted our ways.

He looked like he enjoyed speaking to a native in comprehensive english for once.

I wonder if I should infiltrate the local expat community. Maybe get myself an expat gf :-DDDDD.
>>
No. 11596
>>11594
>and saw a europeoid looking family that was clearly too civilized looking to be russian.
Wow, sdob Russophobia :--DDD

I'm always happy when a native English speaker thinks English is my first language.
t. able to hide my native accent
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No. 11599
323 kB, 500 × 631
>>11594
>I was on one of my drunken city strolls near the park, and saw a europeoid looking family that was clearly too civilized looking to be russian.

:DDDD
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No. 11606
14 kB, 238 × 256
>>11594
>I was on one of my drunken city strolls near the park, and saw a europeoid looking family that was clearly too civilized looking to be russian.
This funny guy
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No. 11611
Almost done with reading Beowulf. Honestly, I didn't really feel touched reading it. It was rather dry so far. Noticed some parallels with Tolkien's Hobbit in it. (A book which I DID read in 6th or 7th grade and turned in a book report on)
I just don't feel the magic. It's written like a chronicle or a yearbook even. It's primitive. (Though I'm not sure if it's fair to judge a +1000 years old text for being "primitive")
700 or so lines remain. It'll take a day longer to finish, but oh well. Still better than my usual reading rate during school breaks.

Managed to catch a cold yet again. I feel absolutely horrible. No idea what went wrong this time.

Decided to work a bit. Digitalized a chapter of my novel translation. Only two more chapters to go.
I threw away maybe half of it again as I typed. Less of an effort to translate than to copy, and what I scribbled down onto that yellow piece of paper is absolute rubbish sometimes.
I also drank too much tea during this, I felt dizzy. Pu'er is really strong. Like taking a bullet to the stomach strong. Though the taste is good. The gaiwan was a good investment, just how I mention it whenever I drink tea. It's porcelain, it looks nice, and makes good tea.

Visited my grandmother in the hospital yet again. Her condition apparently got worse when I asked my mother, so I decided to accompany her just in case if something bad were to happen I wouldn't feel bad that I rejected this opportunity to visit. Incredibly egoistic on my part.

Decided to watch some anime. I'm not feeling the magic here either. The dialogue felt really weak, even by anime standards. Rushed.
I still find the language itself pretty, but the way it's used is abhorrent sometimes.
But the colours are pretty. I like colourful things. It lifts up my spirit.

I also decided to ask my father for a bit of money on the grounds of "Furthering my foreign language knowledge". I really want those German books, but I just don't have the money. And I don't have an odd job I could do. You might say "Why not just get a regular job." I'm not ready for one yet. I work when I need the cash. I can afford to do that for now. Let the "suffering" begin when it must, don't cry for it to be early.
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No. 11619
For real though, you can immediately tell if someone's an expat / tourist by how they dress, body language, how groomed they are, etc. Regardless of whether they look asian or europeoid.

Although, that applies to europeans I guess. Americans, you can tell by how poorly they dress. Saw a group of americans once who looked like they jumped straight out of one of those photos of walmart degenerates, wearing cheap clothes 3 sizes too big.

Although, maybe it's a boomer thing, since they were all 50+ years old.
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No. 11621
77 kB, 380 × 349
>>11619
what were boomers doing in Central Asia? visiting sovok era history museums?
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No. 11622
>>11621
Just "traveling", I guess.

Isn't that what retired boomers do with their money? Just go to retarded tourist traps and imagine themselves "traveling"?
>>
No. 11623 Kontra
>>11621
>shitty 4kank meme
Are you guys physically or mentally incapable of not being annoying retards?

>>11619
>. Saw a group of americans once who looked like they jumped straight out of one of those photos of walmart degenerates, wearing cheap clothes 3 sizes too big.
It's pretty much everybody. The funny thing was when hipsters started trying to pass off their dressing like shit as being "ironic". Which like most other things was people being too fucking poor for anything else with idiots promptly paying $200 for the cheap shit you pay $2 for at Goodwill.

Although, by far the weirdest goddam thing I ever saw in this country was that Juicy couture or whatever. Now, I can understand a lot of really stupid fucking things. Tripp pants that, like the name says, trips you. Blinky red light sneakers. The kind of dumb shit made fashionable for drug dealers which invariably makes them easier for police to catch. Jailhouse "fashion" of riding your pants too low because they don't give you a belt in prison and shit isn't the right size, so now that's the "gangsta thug dress ya hear" or some silly shit. But I still think the strangest one was seeing children wandering around malls with things like "PINK" "FROSTED" or "JUICY" plastered on their asses while walking with their moms. I have never understood this. One would think, rationally, how fucked up that is. Perhaps they are pimping their children to pedophiles. In truth it is probably something several levels of wavelength below my conscious awareness of just why the fuck that even happened. Even now as I try to think, is it, some sort of vicarious, advertising of single moms,...no, I still don't get it.

And believe me, I have seen some shit. I can't remember if I ever uploaded a shopping at Walmart IWO, but by God are those memes real. It is pretty much rednecks, people in scooters, drug addicts/dealers, prostitutes, retards, an eclectic mix of Americana right down to fat ameribears strolling around with American flag boxers/shorts. It is at times difficult to discern if they are underwear or not. Or if it'd make a difference.

I have noticed however that even the simplest shit like wearing a button down shirt or just trying to dress "smart" by US standards gives you a leg up. It depends on the area but yeah Americans even as adults do shit like wear sweatpants and band tshirts as normal wear.
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No. 11626
23th October National Holiday!
Politicians give speeches making up imaginary connections between the happenings of '56 and our daily politics. Everyone tries to appropriate the heritage of the Revolution and War of Independence accentuating the role of his little group back then. Truth - probably - is that it was a wide popular movement opposed only by a handful of hardcore stalinist on the tip of the power structure who were aided by the units of the secret police (which members were only helping them because they would have been lynched by the masses anyway) and partially by the occupying Red Army.

Meanwhile End is getting ddos'd.
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No. 11627
>>11594

>I was on one of my drunken city strolls near the park, and saw a europeoid looking family that was clearly too civilized looking to be russian.
Delet this immediately
>>
No. 11628 Kontra
>>11626
.org and onions are working fine btw. Only .xyz and .net is unavailable.
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No. 11635
That feel when having mild audio-visual hallucinations from a ridiculously high temperature. Especially my core temperature. Feels weird man, sick but also not sick. Just feel bads.
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No. 11636
>>11626
I'd say a lot of people have no idea what or why we are celebrating.
At least in my experience. The younger generations know, but the older ones still think it's because of the Great October Socialist Revolution of 1917.
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No. 11638
>>11636
I don't have that impression in general. There should be something to it tho, I knew people who thought Horn was the PM even when Gyurcsány was.
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No. 11668
Well the butthurt from me saying I don't want to go to Malaysia was nuclear. I don't get why it's reasonable to plan a holiday with all the checkboxes they know will make me miserable and have me pay a couple of grand in total for the privilege but it's so unreasonable to instead just not want to go. Apparently though, I might as well have just butchered the cat in front of them.
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No. 11691
>>11668
Stick to your guns.
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No. 11696
224 kB, 1000 × 621
Nightshift is awaiting me today, torture of body and soul. But mostly torture of soul, doing the same shit for a whole night. At least it's only 8 hours today, so it cannot be too bad.
I think the feeling of having to go throughout the day knowing that you'll spend the night in a blue collar is the worst part of it. I guess I'll read something to strengthen my morales.
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No. 11697
>>11696
Feel known. For me it's bad mostly because I don't do many of them anymore so my body clock which has me up near dawn wants me in bed halfway through a normal evening shift.
t. worked double shift earlier in the week
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No. 11700
>>11696
The problem with menial labour is that it tires you out mentally too. When I worked on renovating on a shop, I was glad to be alive and home, hardly thinking about books and writing by the end.
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No. 11705
>>11697
>>11700
Luckily I don't work a lot, just barely enough to pay my rent, food, books and vices. I think I would go crazy if I worked in seven days a week in this shithole. Also there has been a fire in the city so the busses aren't driving their normal routines so I'll be a bit late (you're supposed to be there 30 mins earlier and in the best case I'll arive at the beginning of my shift). The next 8 hours will be spend with arab and african refugees, I hope that at least the other german co-worker will be there. I've only been there once so far because I couldn't work the last weeks, so I'm not really used to everything yet. But at least it will feel good when I'll finish my shift.
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No. 11707
>>11705
>Working with arabs and türke
Are you at least above them in position? Can you give them orders and such?
>>
No. 11708
>>11707
doubt that somehow

Not all of them are bad but I can imagine they don't have any interests in common with him, not that would be the case for many germans too...
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No. 11712
>>11700
You should see it as fitness training not only for free but a paid one.
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No. 11716
89 kB, 960 × 716
While I was walking to the local shop I saw a cat run out into the main road and get hit by a car. I told myself the twitching must be spasm and there was nothing I could do so I went on. Maybe if it was still alive another car would crush it's skull and end it. Walking back though the body was gone and obviously I realised I've been a massive dickhead. At the very least I could've given it some peace in death and even taken the body to a vet to have it's chip scanned. I later on didn't see a body in the bushes so maybe someone with a soul took him and he didn't just crawl out of the road to die cold and alone.

That's my night down the toilet anyway. RIP kot.
>>
No. 11717
>>11707
No, we're all just temporary workers and me and some african (who told me that he was born in france and came to germany because of his german GF) are the newest workers so we're pretty much at the bottom of the command chain but mostly because we're not routined yet. They're decent people actually, especially the africans are quite easy going and talktative. The arabs are alright too but a bit more reclusive. The only guy who is not a temporary worker (besides the chef) is a christian persian, who always looks pretty depressed. Today he told the african and me that life in Germany would be terrible and that it's better in Iran, but he left because religious issues. He also asked the african why all black people spend so much money for expensive clothes. Generally the working atmosphere is alright, I've worked wih eastern europeans and germans before who were less friendly. Also I often have the impression (even though that might be a clichee) that organization isn't going well always but that might be an issue of different languages as well.
Today there was barely anything to do so I only did half only half of my shift. Most of the time me and the african had to clean.
Well, let's hope there's more to do on the weekend.
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No. 11720
45 kB, 1236 × 888
I expected organic chemistry to be hard because many people say so but it's actually really fun, like a puzzle almost. I got a perfect score on my exam even though the average was in the 50s. Feels good man
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No. 11722
>>11720
Organic isn't hard on a basic level, just exceedingly tedious. That's what mum said anyway and she did it in university so I guess she's a fine enough source.
>>
No. 11724
My birthday is tomorrow and with every year passing by it makes me more depressive. I feel like I'm standing in front of a court, getting a sentence. The crime I committed is failure. And I am guilty. Every year the sentence rises and I am a little more guilty.
I need someone to save me from my inner demons.
>>
No. 11725
>>11724
The only one who can save you from your demons is yourself.

Other people can only support you on the path.

I'm thinking of switching permanently to linux.
>>
No. 11736
>>11724
What do you have planned for your birthday? My last one was spent aimlessly wandering.
>>11725
>I'm thinking of switching permanently to linux.

Do it.
>>
No. 11737
>>11724
Feel is known. Since a few years, my birthday just puts me in a bad mood every time and I just hope it passes. It is indeed a reminder that I did not really accomplish much in a year again and that living time just reduces itself more and more.

Then again nobody is forced to go the usual route when getting older, you can still change things as long as you are unbound.
>>
No. 11741
I had too much energy drinks and am having a derealization episode.

It was quite surreal being aware of the exact moment derealization set in, I felt like parts of my brain were shutting down in real time.
>>
No. 11744
Decided to skip school today. I'm not ready for a maths test. With this I get an extra two weeks to prepare. Not "ethical" or "fair" from the perspective of other students that I can choose the time and place of my "battles" , but who cares, I'm allowed this freedom.
This year I'm aiming for an actually good grade in mathematics. Last year I barely scraped by, and it was an incredible victory that I was graded as "Mediocre". Already spoke with my private maths teacher so I'll be taking extra classes to catch up.

I've decided to get rid of the last shelf of my video games. Gonna bag them up and put them under my bed.
Instead I've decided to allocate an entire shelf to national epics and such.
Basically I'm running out of space completely.
General chaos in the room. Books, notes, paper laying everywhere and I can't seem to contain it. Not that it's dirty or trashy, but it's a bit cluttered with paper and other random stuff like that. Mostly papers and books.

Visited the tailor and gave her one of my trouser to shorten the sleeves a bit. It was too long.
Had a nice rainy walk.

I'm off to watching a play now. Let's hope nothing bad happens.
>>
No. 11745
Or maybe it's because I haven't been taking meds for some time now.

I don't know how else to describe this feeling but to say that it feels as if I have lost my soul.

I feel less alive than I usually do. The more disturbing thing is that, physically and mentally, I'm rather ok. Unlike heavy depression, I can write, do stuff, talk, etc. It just feels... strange.

A constant background sensation of something being wrong. The mind trying to access functions that have shut down. Experiencing things, but not understanding them, only experiencing them, and not understanding that you are not understanding.

It's constant and incessant and impossible to ignore. Like having a cigarette craving that you can't satisfy even with a cigarette.

Suicide material right here.
>>
No. 11746
>>11745
This is happening because you went off your meds abruptly without a taper. Taper doesn't guarantee smooth transition but increases the odds
>>
No. 11747
108 kB, 532 × 720
THis is absolutely sublime.

Imagine a kind of suffering that is neither physical, nor mental, nor emotional. Well, you can't. You can only experience it.

Even when I am depressed, I feel a certain emotional excitement. Despair, sadness, melancholy. Feelings. Right now, I am absolutely fine emotionally. Mentally, I am functioning. Physically as well (no slowdown or lethargy associated with depression). But there is some other part of me that is acutely uncomfortable, beyond the body, beyond the mind, beyond the emotional. My mind is, right now, excited and in good mood, as I have now experienced first hand credence to my theory that there is a "self" beyond the body and mind. Because if both my body and mind are fine, what is it that is suffering? It must be something that is neither mind nor body, but is, still, "me". My "soul", so to speak.

My mind is excited right now, it is glad to be experiencing this, it is glad to be writing this down, for it is an experience beyond what it (or other minds, if they exist), have felt. It can relish in knowing that it has the rare privilege of conveying something that can only be conveyed WHILE being experienced. I wouldn't be able to write this at any other time than now. Yet, another part of me is suffering. I feel shattered. My body, mind, and "self" are all existing independently. Body and mind rejoicing, the "mind's eye" suffering. It is so strange, being several different entities at the same time, but being, at the same time, all three. All three separate, all three "me", at once.

But it does feel rather lonely. People can communicate about, bond, understand each others' bodies, each others' minds, each others' emotions. But what about the part of our selves that is so integral, that is so fundamental, that it can't be communicated, because it is not based on information/knowledge/feeling, but PURE experience? One would express empathy and pity over my emotional, or psychological, or physical suffering, that would soothe it, that would bond us. If only, if only my mind, my body, or whichever part that experiences emotion WAS suffering. But they're not, so such kind expressions ring hollow. For it is my "awareness" that is suffering, and such can not be communicated or empathized with, it can only be experienced, in the moment.

Tomorrow, when this state will be gone, I will only have memories of it, and won't even be able to empathize with myself. Because memories are just information. I will know of having been in this state, but will have no knowledge or understanding OF this state, for only to experience it is to understand it. And memory is not experience.

It feels so completely inescapable. And it doesn't help that I KNOW that tomorrow, I won't be experiencing this. Because tomorrow, it will be a different me not experiencing it. Right now, for the current me, it is inescapable. Only memories travel through time, experience and being is momentary.

But I bet future me will be quite pleased to have written it down, and to have read this. Something so unique as to only be experienced, never remembered, written down during the moment. And although the experience can not be conveyed, the flawed DESCRIPTION of such a special experience is valuable in itself.
>>
No. 11749
>>11747
Have you ever felt limited by your own language?

This post is maybe 1% of what I wanted to convey.

And the same applies to all forms of communication, including art. Any given art piece conveys maybe 10% of what the artist was experiencing when making it.

25% if it is a masterpiece by a skilled genius.
>>
No. 11751
11 kB, 771 × 656
I am not even psychotic right now.

In fact, this is the opposite of psychosis. Psychosis is when the mind's eye shuts down, and the emergent "self" is consumed by emotion. Emotion becomes the sole identity, free from the Judging Eye of deconstruction, free from doubt. That's why during psychosis, every thought seems to resonate deeply, every idea seems transcended and true: mind's eye, is asleep, and can not dispel such delusions with its doubting gaze.

This is opposite. My mind's eye is open so wide, that it hurts from the blinding light. I am looking at my mind, at my thoughts, at my emotions, at my body. And they are beyond my self, but not beyond my gaze. I am not them, but they are me.

Would you believe if I said that I reached temporary enlightenment by excessive consumption of energy drinks? It sounds like a meme, but it's true.

But I feel the awareness slipping from me once more. I am already transitioning towards a shut-eye state.

The window of being is short indeed.
>>
No. 11753
>>11751
>I am not even psychotic right now.
It's a mania isn't it? How many ES can's have you drunk.

t.obtains some playboy energy drink cans.
>>
No. 11756
371 kB, 1000 × 1333
>>11753
>How many ES can's have you drunk.
Uh...

In my defense, this doesn't feel at all like usual caffeine overdose, or mania, or psychosis, or sleep deprivation. It must be some kind of weird combination of psychotropic withdrawal + everything else.

It's quite interesting to me that I am abusively addicted to ANY substance that alters the mind, however trifle it might be, like caffeine and nicotine or sleep withdrawal. I will consume them til I am sick. I suspect it is because the normal state of "awareness" is so painful to me, that I'd rather be nearly puking, anxious with shakes, unconscious, really anything, than be acutely "aware".

It's why my sleep tactic is staying up until I pass out. The experience of laying in bed, conscious, aware, and not asleep, is torturous. I don't want to experience it ever.

So I spend most of my time distracting myself from being aware and conscious. Through video games, shitposting, music, intoxication, anything. The experience of suffering from simply being aware is too painful to confront.

It's why meditation has never worked for me.
>>
No. 11757
>>11756
> I suspect it is because the normal state of "awareness" is so painful to me
I also distract myself heavily, with vidya and drinking. I also sometimes stay up until I am struggling to keep my eyes open. That many sugary energy drinks will probably RIP your heart, you should take sugarfree or caffiene pills.
>>
No. 11759
121 kB, 1000 × 798
>>11756
Some time ago there was discussion about LSD—to which you said that you didn't want to take the risk ordering it from the Ukraine.

As an alternative, you could consume Hawaiian Baby Woodrose Seeds as they contain LSA which is a precursor to LSD and offers similar effects.

In most countries in the world the seeds are legal to buy and possess, but illegal to consume and extract LSA from.
Recently in 2009, Russia banned the sale of these seeds:
http://www.pravdareport.com/hotspots/crimes/14-04-2009/107400-Light_drugs-0/
I do not know the exact legality of them in Kazakhstan, so you should check that yourself (there aren't many sources of Kazakhstan drug laws online in English).

There are two methods usually used: cold water extraction polar/non-polar extraction. Cold water extraction is easy to perform but does not guarantee that nausea will be reduced. Polar/non-polar extraction however, is significantly more difficult but greatly reduces the amount of nausea as you are just taking the pure LSA crystals and not the seeds which contain cyanide.

If you attempt cold water extraction I recommend that you use distilled water (or boil the water first) as the chlorine found in tap water destroys alkaloids.
Some sources for these extraction methods:
https://wiki.tripsit.me/wiki/LSA
https://psychonautwiki.org/wiki/Simple_LSA_extraction

Additionally, if you buy these seeds make you sure that you get legitimate Hawaiian seeds as they tend to be more potent.
>>
No. 11760
>>11756
Man I am so glad that's not me anymore. Seriously you should try not drinking for awhile. I just had a nightmare lastnight of having a drink at Christmas and deciding it tasted horrible and didn't make me feel good, then felt bad for having tasted alcohol. I have no impulse to drink today.

>>11757
It's not the sugar that's going to fuck his heart bro. The caffeine pills are a really bad idea.
t. been there
>>
No. 11762
>>11759
I've actually been thinking of just growing shrooms in the basement. LSD/LSA seems to be a lot more difficult to procure, and all of our mail from europe goes through russia anyway, and I heard they open most packages and seize stuff that is illegal in russia, regardless of where it's going.

Actually, the best option for my elusive and desired mental enlightenment would be to move to europe (even ukraine), even if I don't want to. Even if it's something as banal as ADHD treatment (which isn't available here), or psychedelics, it's probably better than rotting in this post soviet mongoloid shithole.

But I am so disillusioned with the world that I don't hold any fantasies of "starting a new life" in a foreign country. Regardless of where I am, my shit baggage will be with me.

The problem is, I need to be productive to get enough money for drugs / immigration, and I need drugs / immigration to be productive. Vicious circle.

But I'll figure it out somehow.
>>
No. 11764
>>11762
Do you have to order them from Europe though?
Can't you order them in a way that avoids going through Russia?
>>
No. 11766
>>11760
Regarding dreams.

Today I had a dream where I was offered a job by some stranger.

I agreed, and he led me tohis workplace, except that going to his workplace involved going through a lot of uncomfortable hoops, namely squeezing through really narrow holes in concrete walls an such. (I guess it's some kind of manifestation of my complex about being fat).

It continued like this until we squeezed through several narrow holes, until we reached one so tight that it was completely obvious that I wouldn't fit. I told my new "employer" that, and after short consideration, he just opened the gate leading to the workplace, and we walked through.

Upon ending up at the workplace, I discovered that the place was poorly organized, and there was no work for me to do.

This is probably symbolic of my current job situation :-DDDD.

It was quite a break from my usual melancholic dreams of being back in school, or exploring unknown fantastical environments, the wakings from which only intestify the disillusionment with mundane real life.
>>
No. 11768
>>11759
Are you offering advice on something you actually did or something you just read about?
>is significantly more difficult but greatly reduces the amount of nausea as you are just taking the pure LSA crystals and not the seeds which contain cyanide.
You forgot the most important thing. A lot of commercial seed contains pesticide. You want to find some kind of pesticide free seeds. I don't recall the thing about cyanide but I've personally done this. The first time basically nothing happened, so when I found some old seeds I'd ordered from a different source and had forgotten about I just ground them up and drank them down with water, remembering the nearly nonexistent effects of the first time. I tripped balls, although it was much different from LSD. Honestly it felt way more like taking mushrooms. I was also drunk though so that probably impacted it but it wasn't a spiritual experience so much as, kind of like Ambien. YMMV.
>>
No. 11804
I suffer being unable to run multiple errands in a day because I get spooped by the outside world, so I end up needing to make three trips over as many days to do three small errands because linking them together is stressful and overwhelming. Why is it so noisy and crowded? Is it that hard to not talk at the top of their lungs and meander and/or loiter in the middle of foot traffic thoroughfares?

Hatred for the Neurotypical is obedience to God tbh.
>>
No. 11805
I suffer not being able to draw anime hair properly.

Also feeling sick and weird without meds.
>>
No. 11806
>>11805
Did you run out, or just stop taking them?

Also, anime drawing in general is all about withholding detail and letting the mind's eye of the viewer do 90% of the lifting. Unless it's mecha, then you better go full autism on the robot porn or the fanbase will just call you a hack. Good robot design will sell an otherwise terrible mecha show.
t. knower
>>
No. 11807
29 kB, 407 × 302
>>11806
Yes, that's one of the reasons I like manga a lot. It aligns with my philosophy that a piece should depict as much as it needs to convey the scene, and not a line more.

Of course, unless it's a fine art museum piece or something, then you go full ham.

But for some reason, anime hair seems to be the exception. Shit's ridiculous yo.
>>
No. 11808
I'm seriously contemplating taking a megadose of anti-psychotics and knocking myself out for a couple days.

I feel like shit and don't want to be awake right now.
>>
No. 11809
33 kB, 640 × 480
389 kB, 1280 × 1000
>>11807
Depends on artist and context. If it's a promotional piece it'll be better drawn and the BDs are expensive in part because they have retouched scenes so that it looks better than the TV aired version. Maybe try something more along the lines of 70s and 80s style anime. I can definitely see a few similarities between your sketches in the other thread and Takahashi's mecha shows, especially VOTOMS, which I think you'd actually enjoy for its weirdness It's also my favourite chinese cartoon of all time, dem mechanical designs tho.
>>
No. 11811
>>11807
I adore PC-98 drawings.
>>
No. 11823
406 kB, 1849 × 1759
275 kB, 1487 × 1420
I have tons of old coins and medals and for the last few hours i'm checking the value of those things and that's tons of work.
I hate it.

While we're at it, does anyone have a idea what pic related could be?
>>
No. 11824 Kontra
919 kB, 2520 × 2280
815 kB, 2408 × 2332
Sorry, wrong pictures
>>
No. 11826
469 kB, 1500 × 1125
>>11824
A souvenir from a Catholic jubilee?
>>
No. 11827 Kontra
>>11826
Definitely something catholic.
There are various dates writen on it between 1810 and 1878, also some roman numerals and some stuff in latin.
So i assume it's something like a commemorative for Pope Leo XIII.
That seems to be a lot of information yet i can't find anything.
>>
No. 11828
610 kB, 3376 × 3376
That feel when the default photoshop cutout filter is a better artist than you are :-DDDDDDD
>>
No. 11831
4,3 MB, 5195 × 6017
look mom I'm drawing anime holy shit, i'm so good at amine

tyime to make a poatreon and get them big weeb bucks

you heard that mom? we won't be poor any miore, we'll pay off all thew denbt s with anime bucsk
>>
No. 11832
370 kB, 1000 × 1000
and here's something for the resident furfag

LPOL
>>
No. 11833
2,4 MB, 3264 × 1836
1,6 MB, 3264 × 1836
>>11832
Wtf is... this?
And why you made... it... porn?

Tbh today started real winter. Finnaly snow blizzards covering everything in white drifts. Waited for it too long. Goodby sun and dirt, see ya in may.
>>
No. 11834
>>11833
pls I don't want.

This summer was so long. It will be very bad for my social life when it gets colder again.

At least I won't drink that much anymore (als ob)
>>
No. 11835
5,6 MB, 640 × 480, 4:44
Say goodbye to summer, because the winters come...
>>
No. 11839
38 kB, 657 × 527
>>11722
I'm not sure if tedious is the right word. It's actually really satisfying, like solving a Sudoku in the morning. idk maybe I'm just mentally ill :DDD
>>
No. 11844
83 kB, 400 × 400
>>11834
I finally don't feel bad for staying indoors reading nearly all the time :DDDD
>>
No. 11845
>>11835
Xaxaxaxa goodbye blinding sun, goodbye heat, goodbye humidity xaxaxaxa WINTER STRONG now goodbye to your song and hello to mine
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nlqGBn0MHlk
>>
No. 11846
11 kB, 613 × 587
I want to beat the shit out of a girl from economical department.
>Hey guys, let's start a dinner earlier, there are big queues in shops.
>No, lol, you can just come later to the lecture
>>
No. 11850
>>11846
Don't go to dinners. Dinners are for pussies. When I was studying at uni, I survived on one bag of chips and one small box of processed cheese "Yantar" daily.
>>
No. 11851
>>11850
What's wrong with having lunch with people who you can talk with and it's actually pleasant or ok?

Maybe that is not given to him, but than again I also eat alone often since my close friends don't study and I rarely make social contacts in uni, there has been an small improvement at least.
>>
No. 11852
2,6 MB, 3795 × 3024
Today is the first day of the fall break.

After 3 days of struggle, I finally managed to clean out my room. Threw away a bunch of stuff, and also packed up the old laptop I use in the summer for work. The room is in "winter mode" now.
No more papers and books all over the place.

Another neat thing is, that I've managed to clean up a shelf, so I can group my epics together now like pic related.
The bookstore is still "delivering" my package. Damn that place. Whenever I order something from there, it takes a fuckload of time, but they are the only ones who have it apparently. (Nobody I've asked about this site seems to have this problem with them)

Got tons of work to do during the break. I have to write an essay on a poem of my choice. Decided on Virgil's Praises of Italy after shuffling through a few books for something interesting.

Another thing I have to do is gathering materials for a presentation. My history teacher came up to me during the last class and asked me if I wanted to do a presentation, and I said yes. An easy good mark, and I love talking.
My conscience doesn't just let me copy Wikipedia, so I'll be reading a bit of primary sources and a short section of a bigger history book on the subject. Hopefully it'll be good enough.

And looking through the notes, I also have 6 verses of a poem to learn.

Added another 15 cards to my hanzi flashcard pack. Didn't look through them well enough yesterday, but I already know a fair few of them.

Though I think I'm going to have a "doing nothing day" today. Maybe type in a few pages after 6 'o clock. Yeah, probably that.
>>
No. 11853
453 kB, 1024 × 683
>>11852
Shoulda done The Man from Snowy River ya daft cunt.
t. fully sick straya pro
https://www.poetrylibrary.edu.au/poets/paterson-a-b-banjo/the-man-from-snowy-river-0001004

Also Slim Dusty's song version is ebun https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rW7rgnNqgjE
>>
No. 11855
Why would anyone need mayonnaise when there's sour cream?
>>
No. 11856
>>11855
Why you need sour cream when there is boiled condensed milk/Dulce de leche?
Because they have different purpose and taste. Mayonnaise if just one of the most low eefort sause you place in burger or meat when you has no other one that can fit. Sour cream is delicious even by itself and more something that you add to traditional dessert. Sometimes I buy really tasty quality sour cream and just eat it like that or with shugar or with tvorog
>>
No. 11859
958 kB, 1000 × 1000
>>11857
Thanks, I appreciate that.
Here is a picture of the x- Ray. I'll spoiler it because it freaks me out to see it. Also its strange to see that my two posts in the picture thread are only 14 hours apart. Life comes at you fast.
Oh, full Context is in >>11854 since this post seems to come out of nowhere.
>>
No. 11860
>>11852
>My conscience doesn't just let me copy Wikipedia, so I'll be reading a bit of primary sources and a short section of a bigger history book on the subject. Hopefully it'll be good enough.

In uni, I just get a few books from the library on the topic and read only the chapters/summary at the end that are relevant to my topic, so maybe 30-60p over all, which is together with making a power point and memorizing most stuff so I don't have to look on my notes, only in case I get lost about 8h or even less, depending on how difficult the texts are, so split to 4 days, its 2h/day or less and I always leave behind the boring presentations which get recited mechanically and have nothing specific about them and are stuffed with online sources and content nobody cares about or is irrelevant nobody needs to know when exactly a writer was born, the year is enough, there might be some special exceptions when it's relevant because of other circumstances

So you are doing it more than right, in uni you would get specific books about the topic instead of history/sociology/literature generals I mean compendiums

Needles to say most students don't do this. But I like to speak free and give a presentation that is not so lame that you want to sleep.

If you work with power point, look for quotes that sum up a thing well primary sources and secondary literature alike and use it as example to explain this thing with your own spoken words, quite professional to do so I think. It's more interesting than a big list of things you will say just more advanced anway, try to use as minimal text as possible in power point, only quotes should be longer, if they have to.
>>
No. 11861
>>11860
Well, I know all of this. They've taught us how to make a proper power-point in 5th or 6th grade.
I've been living off that knowledge for years. The usual complaint is that my .ppts are too minimalistic, because I use plain white backgrounds.

I honestly think power-point presentations are only good for keeping the retards somewhat engaged with the "shiny" pictures. As long as it's not irritatingly bad, it hardly matters how it looks. What matters is what the lecture giver says.

>In uni they assign you books
I was assigned one too. But the material in it is roughly ~15 pages long. Guess they don't expect me to fill in more than 10-15 minutes of time.
Last time I gave a presentation in History class, I filled in 45 minutes, and the bell rang as I was finishing.
>>
No. 11862
>>11861
>my .ppts are too minimalistic, because I use plain white backgrounds.

I don't know which version you use but there exist neat templates that make it look a bit more elegant, most are crap or business themed tho.

>I honestly think power-point presentations are only good for keeping the retards somewhat engaged with the "shiny" pictures

It is used as orientation and Gedankenstütze, when I see a pp and somebody is talking I can see the core statements and don't have to remember them all while the lecturer talks.
Don't underestimate the power of pictures to underline your points or used visualization of certain statements you make, the human is also an aesthetic being, you should know that :1
E.g. I used a smug picture of Frantz Fanon when I gave a presentation on one of his texts, because Fanon gave me the impression of being smug and I found it funny to use a picture that underlines his arrogance and he knew that this arrogance was necessary btw. in certain aspects, while talking about his biography.

>it hardly matters how it looks. What matters is what the lecture giver says.

Form and content, Form und Inhalt ... Aristotle or Hegel would rotate in their graves when they would have read that as a German proverb would put it I say this in a jokingly manner. So no, I think both is important. Ofc in an ordinary seminar without any pp what a lecturer says is important but once a screen comes into play you have to make it pleasant to the eye in my point of view, even to retards.

You sometimes get assigned texts, not always. Yet ranging from 25-60p you can give a 10-15min talk, just really condense a text to its main points: method not really necessary and nobody would expect that in school anyway, context/relevance when it's a primary source source[/spoiler] but ofc the holy grails: thesis and argument, mere facts are only important when they are relevant for the latter. Need to talk about a famous poem? Don't give a detailed 10min bio of the author, but make it 1-2min and concentrate on the poem in all it's possible aspects. An anecdote or humorous passage within a source or secondary lit. can ease the mood perhaps not in school tho :DDD, most pupils won't get it or even interested as far as my experience is

It's not carved in stone and needs to be adjusted to every text so there is an amount of Spielraum I don't know which english word would fit best here.

You need to learn to make it short and present the heart and lung of a text/thing. When you can talk 45min, brilliant! Maybe you will need that skill later in life, keeping it short every time is not wanted either, e.g. in university you maybe will need to guide a 90min class.
>>
No. 11863
>>11862
I'm not careless with my powerpoints, I just don't think they should be the main attraction of a presentation.
Though I might be expecting too much from my audience.

I make sure to use interesting pictures, and I also make sure that they tie into what I'm saying. It's crucial that the ppt and the oral presentation are interconnected organically.

In elementary school, they told me, that with the kind of presentations I hold, I'll have no problem in Highschool, and now that I'm actually there, they say I'll have no problems at university.
It feels wonderful to actually know what I'm doing.
>>
No. 11865
>>11863
>Though I might be expecting too much from my audience.

They might also expect something from you, but then again you cannot lower into the lowest just to appeal to anybody.

I don't think you don't care but you can adjust things but not to cater the lowest common denominator as stated above. A certain template might frame better than just white background, all that goes into how people will perceive content and presentation. I just wanted to point that out.
>>
No. 11866
>>11859
Shit man, soon you will pray for death.
t. knower of broken collarbone stories
>>
No. 11871
>>11866
>soon you will pray for death.
For some reason that made me smile. I'm either embracing gallows humor, or I have a concussion. Since it's not death praying time yet, I'm just trying to take it hour by hour until I see the orthopedic guy on Monday. At least then I'll know what the recovery plan is.
>>
No. 11878
49 kB, 648 × 821
I'm considering abandoning my terminator drawing because it turned out kinda shite, and basically I failed to properly convey into a picture the image I had in my head when making it.
Maybe I'll start from scratch, I dunno.

At the very least, I learned a lot by doing it. Mostly that I suck and need to try harder. A valuable lesson I have learned is that even if you're bad at something, and it basically doesn't bring you any joy to get better at it, it's still about equally as boring and depressing to be doing it as it to not be doing it. Every decision ends in regret, but not taking any decision ends in all the same regrets +1 more regret (of not having done it). I'm retarded.

Pic related.
>>
No. 11880
>>11878
>pic related
Console gaymer problems :P
>>
No. 11883
I fried the DVI connection on my old-ass monitor somehow, and now I have to use VGA, which is blurry as fuck.
Also, my graphics card only has one VGA out, so no dual screen for me.

I suffer ;_;
>>
No. 11898
2,4 MB, 3264 × 1836
I'am in depression because I fail at everything and have no future
>>
No. 11904
15,9 MB, 640 × 360, 9:51
>>11898
bery reladabel :------DDD
>>
No. 11908
Linux didn't recognize my drawing tablet and also video card, so I just installed windows 10 on the SSD instead :-DDDDDDDDDD.

I hope microsoft doesn't look at my "anatomy reference" folder :_DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
>>
No. 11909
>>11908
>so I just installed windows 10 on the SSD instead :-DDDDDDDDDD
It sucks xDDDDDDDDD
>>
No. 11910
They finally took in my passport application. Little victories. Maybe next year I can spend new years in Almaty getting hammered with my mate Kirpish. Has Potential to be ebin, or for death. Such cases.
>>
No. 11914
84 kB, 507 × 464
Yesterday night I woke up because apparently my one board mounted to the wall brake halfway from the wall and a box crashed on the floor.

Now I wake up in the morning and go have a look. 5mins later it comes off from the wall completely and takes the board beneath it right away with it. I just cleaned the mess and ordered it in my room. Fucking great. My flat looks like I just moved in most of the time.
>>
No. 11919
>>11909
After you spend 5 hours removing bloat shit and tablet functionality, it's ok. Even faster than my stripped down W7 system, consumes less ram, and drivers for drawing tablet work better.

It just werks.
t. sold soul to the convenience jew

>>11910
Yeah, I already have a plan in mind. A pub crawl through the center of the city, looking for english speaking tourists to call seppo cunts and poms.
>>
No. 11921
315 kB, 500 × 500
>>11919
>A pub crawl through the center of the city, looking for english speaking tourists to call seppo cunts and poms.
Ebin. We can also outplay the bolis complaining about said harassment with a local favourite silver bullet excuse.

Also, it'd be ebin if we could somehow export Australian English as the de facto English dialect of another country. I would really love to see a Brick diplomat approve of something as 'hectic' or 'fully sick', that'd make my lifetime.
>>
No. 11922
>>11921
Since they wouldn't be speaking a local language, unlike us, we could just tell the bolis that it's us, in fact, being harassed. Good luck to them seppos trying to prove otherwise to someone who doesn't speak english :-DDDDD.
>>
No. 11923
56 kB, 727 × 691
>>11922
So it'd be something like
>Біз мұндамыз, досты күтіміз...

:-DDD
>>
No. 11931
Damn, they turned off both the electricity and the water in the whole town, probably because of some sort of emergency. Wouldn't be as bad if it was summer, but at this time of the year it sucks pretty hard, because it looks like the heating is off too, and it gets cold and dark early. I suffer without reserve power sources.
>>
No. 11932
>>11931
Tbh, that sounds like something a modern city should have. Also, interestingly it'd be the opposite here. We'd suffer without electricity in the summer because winters are usually warm but livable while summers are mid 30s to low 40s in temp with 80%+ humidity.
t. subtropics pro
>>
No. 11933 Kontra
>>11932
Reserve power that is. Especially with gommie urban planning autism you'd think that it'd have some kind of reserve.
>>
No. 11935
>>11932
>>11933
The city officials promised that they will turn the reserve power on ASAP, but it has been more than two hours, and nothing has changed. I suspect that there is no "reserve power" in existence at all.

And I would be okay with even a day-long blackout, it's the water outage which pisses me off the most: can't wash hands, can't make food or tea, can't go to the toilet (sure, if it's yellow, I'll let it mellow, but what if I have to go brown?). Hell, I can't even buy water, because all the stores are closed due to the blackout. Guess it's time to go to the countryside, there is power and a well at my dacha.

And the last insult is that it's the first day of my vacation. And I naïvely thought that I would be gaming with abandon the whole day...
>>
No. 11937 Kontra
>>11935
UPD: they turned the water back on and commieblocks on the other side of the street already have electricity, so I guess I won't have to go to the dacha. It actually became kinda cozy now, I even found a couple of candles.
>>
No. 11944
Did nothing too serious today.
Looked through the flashcards a few times.
I also read a bit from the Frithiofs-saga.

Also made white tea. I've re-brewed it too many times, so it has no flavour now. I'll switch it up with oolong now.
>>
No. 11951
79 kB, 650 × 459
>>11931
>>11932
>losing power, water, and heating in the slavlands
>right when is becoming winter
That is nod xdddd
That is not something even a third world city should have. It's cold af here right now and I don't live in Belarus. But then again, we have no ritual to give us +10 against spells like diving into ice water.
>>
No. 11956
>>11951
It wasn't very cold today (0°C), but there was a big snowstorm, which probably caused the happenings in the first place. It still baffles me, though, that an entire city with a population of a hundred thousands could be left without electricity and water for several hours. It actually got me thinking that people who live in the countryside have much higher chances of survival in the case of major happenings than city dwellers, since they usually have a stove with a supply of firewood and a water source nearby.

>diving into ice water
Never did that myself, but I knew people who did that regularly (annually, at least: on the day of Baptism of Jesus), and, to be honest, I'm a bit sceptical about it. It doesn't make you more resilient to the cold, it just makes you not to notice it, which can be a good thing sometimes, but just as often can be dangerous.
>>
No. 11958
I saw the doctor about my broken collarbone, and I'm going to need surgery. I kind of figured that it would. It will be outpatient surgery to put a plate over the break, and only takes the surgeon about a halfhour. They compared it to a carpenter nailing a board in place. At least now I know what's next. And the wait isn't too long. It's scheduled for next Tuesday.
>>
No. 11962
>>11958
That story of yours reminds me of Chicago Med TV series :3
I hope you wont get a 10k$ bill for that halfhour surgeon work.
>>
No. 11965
>>11962
>I hope you wont get a 10k$ bill for that halfhour surgeon work
I don't know what this is going to cost me yet. The surgery center will do the surgery first, and then work out a payment plan. Tbh if I can get my arm back I'm willing to sign up for some old fashioned indentured servitude.
>>
No. 11967
>>11956
How do you have internet without power? If all power drops in a region then there won't be any working routers and no data can be transmitted between hops, no matter if we are talking wifi, mobile or cable.
I guess there actually is an emergency backup power, but it's for critical infrastructure and not citizens.
>>
No. 11968
>>11965
Wait, I'm out of the loop here, please excuse my ignorance etc, but wasn't there some development towards state financed health care under Obama so that an emergency surgery won't drive you into ruin? Did that not happen in the end?
>>
No. 11969
>>11968
>wasn't there some development towards state financed health care under Obama
There are now government backed health insurance marketplaces for the poor(me) to get insurance for little or no money. I could have signed up, but never did. Obviously I've been kicking myself over that. I was just too heathy for too Long. I ffigured I'd never need a doctor or something. With no insureance I'm honestly lucky to be getting the surgery at all. It's not like a heart attack where they can't turn you away. This is considered elective surgery, meaning I won't die without it, so the hospital doesn't have to do it.
>>
No. 11970
>>11969
>health is not a fundamental right on the america
Wew lad.

What's the point of drawing the line at "life threatening", if a poor person whose broken leg heals crooked is ruined for life any way?

Of course, here in post sovoque we have a right to health in theory, but often not in practice. But as long as your ailment isn't something expensive (like cancer), you should be ok, though.
>>
No. 11973
>>11970
Tbh, the problem is a regulated market with deregulated servicing which means that there is no incentive or ability to cut costs and this is then passed to the end user. Historically a lot of people could afford the local physician who learned in apprenticeship rather than expensive college because he existed in a system with open competition which forced him to remain competitive. The restrictions on competent but not tertiary educated medical practitioners means that only a certain (expensive) subset of the entire possible market is readily accessible. This doesn't mean that you will necessarily need to go to bootleg medicine men/shamans, but that breaking a leg could mean a visit to the dude who learned how to set bones in the army (and can do it safely and effectively) and it costs you a whole lot less than going to the full-blown emergency doctor, who is now also incentivised to compete with other such practices with his own bone-setting service to carry on the example.
t. freedom pro
>>
No. 11974
>>11970
We (post USSR) have shitty medecine because we are piss poor countries. For 1st world country standarts American healthcare is something really terrible
>>
No. 11980
77 kB, 300 × 286
I pulled my back
>>
No. 11985
>>11980
How'd you manage that? Are you just accident prone like I am?
>>
No. 11986
>>11985
I was stretching my bo(d)y, then heard something snap in my upper back.

I'm not really well connected to my own body, I often hurt myself without noticing.

Like that one time I came from work and discovered a huge wound on my calf, with blood all over my leg, and couldn't remember when exactly I got hurt.
>>
No. 11987
>>11986
Maybe put something warm on it. That might ease off the pain some.
t. put a heat pack on his ankle when he fell down stairs at work
>>
No. 11990
https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=18337249

>There are one or two up-and-coming imageboards that actually have amicable content and decent users, though.

Was that one of you guys referring to EC?
>>
No. 12005
I read a Japanese short story in German. It was fine.
Also read a bit of the Frithiofs-saga. I don't find it very engaging. The verse is too inconsistent.

Took some private math classes. Spent two hours there. Made me feel extremely tired, but now I feel prepared to take the test at school.
Private math classes are more efficient than the ones at school.

I plan on doing actual work tomorrow. I've been lazing around for a good 2-3 days now. I need to get the presentation and the essays done.
>>
No. 12006
40 kB, 512 × 384
Why is it that the consideration of the material mundanity of any object that might seem sublime, beautiful, or profound, completely destroys such perception, and makes the object look disgusting instead?

The human body is beautiful when you imagine it, and disgusting when you consider it. Girls poop.
Ancient teachings of various religions that might have given you a sense of spiritual awakening seem idiotic when you consider that they were written by bronze age savages who were probably tripping on accidentally ingested psychedelic substances.

Morals, virtues and values you uphold in your life seem unimportant when you consider that in a hundred years' time, your deeds will be forgotten ten times over, and everyone who was affected is long dead.

Identities, ideology, race, etc. are just memes of recent history. My national identity didn't exist 500 years ago, my ethnic identity is probably 1500 years old at most, and the defining culture and lifestyle of my people is just a product of the geographical environment, a geographical environment that was previously occupied by a different people, who held a similar lifestyle simply because it was practical in that environment.

Genetic information becomes noise after 36 generations, none of "you" is actually transmitted through procreation, only individual genes, which are in no way exclusive to you or your kind.

Why is materialism so depressing and why does it make the world such a boring place.
>>
No. 12010
>>12006
It seems to me like you're simply getting lost in scale after a detour into Žižek sexual fascination. Of course you might feel insignificant but you're part of a greater whole and what we do is certainly important in that. So if you try your bestest it still matters and doubly so if the example encourages others to do the same. It's like how the federation works in Star Trek.

Of course if that doesn't help then just remember that life has a value you can give it. Basic existentialism.
>>
No. 12011
>>12010
I probably didn't convey it properly, but what I wanted to discuss was not existentialism (I have that put in a box with schizo platonic monism and a sprinkling of camus), but the phenomenon of the material being caustic to the ideal itself.

Metaphysical analysis of material and ideal is just too mainstream, I'm curious about the underlying structure that governs their relationship in the first place.
>>
No. 12017
>>12006
> were written by bronze age savages
That is literally exactly how I see people around me on a day to day basis. It is particularly noticeable in a field like medicine or politics though just how primitive you all are. Mankind has not changed at all over the millenia for the most part. The same dumb savage in Sumeria is the same dumb savage today. Very, very few people ever seem to recognize this including so called rational thinkers and scientists, particularly those who put such import on the new priest caste. They assembled small bits of facts and conjecture they pull together and then declare it as not simply some divine revelation but as some sort of law on How Things Are. At least with such a vastly inflated population there are bound to be more thinkers just out of sheer weight, which in itself as not a good thing overall because then you have the same useless mass of bydlo fucking everything up as they always have but with more powerful tools to do so.
>Why is materialism so depressing and why does it make the world such a boring place.
Depends on perspective, but also often promulgated by boring depressing people, though "depressing" itself is just a personal subjective bias. The person intent on being depressed will finds things to mope about regardless of context. I think it speaks more to the ego that so many people are so concerned about their petty memories being somehow enduring. These are often the same kinds of people who don't care about obliterating the world for their children at worst level.

They never see the corpse for the food. Aye, all things come and go, but some focus more on the going than the coming. Stagnation is death. A silent, horrible, eternal kind of a death where no new life springs from it. Life itself is merely a cycle and a process. It ensures a tomorrow for something else in its place.

For example which would you bemoan more, losing the Grand Canyon or losing a river? Does it pain you more to destroy Asia, Antarctica etc. or to destroy Pangea?
>>
No. 12022
>>12005
What kind of math curriculum do you have in Bulgaria regarding final exams? I guess you are close to your Abitur (whatever it may be called).
Do you have to understand any abstract concepts like groups/fields/rings/spaces, do you learn about axioms of set theory and the connections between the various fields in math (eg. that functions from calculus are equivalent to matrices from linear algebra etc)?
I remember not learning anything like that in school, instead we just learned to calculate without having the slightest clue why the stuff works or even what it can be used for.
>>
No. 12026
>>12022
>In Bulgaria
Take a look at the countryball again please
>>
No. 12027 Kontra
>>12026
Heh, thanks brain. I meant Hungary, I thought of Hungary and my fingers wrote Bulgaria in perfect concert with my eyes reading Hungary. Coding for the past 4 hours with occasional visits to EC during compilation time results in dumb mode posts. Entschuldigung ._.
>>
No. 12029
>>12022
Well, they expect you to know the basics of Geometry, Quadratic Equations (And if necessary, to transform Cubic Equations into Quadratic form), Trigonometry and I think they also teach some basic level statistics and Probability theory. At least this is what comes to mind right now.

The High school exit exams are done similarly to neighbouring countries' exams. Here it's called "Érettségi Vizsga" or "(Proof of) Maturation Exam).
You can pick whether you want to take a basic exam, or want to shoot higher and take a harder one.(Afaik this is called Oberstufe in German)
Harder ones are necessary if you want to go to University, because all institutions require the students to have at least one or two harder exams. (Usually from subjects relevant to the faculty).

According to people the Matura exams aren't that hard at all. I still have two years in HS (This and the next), but I already have two for example. (You can take the exam early from some subject, and I did so.)
It's really basic shit if you know what you are doing. Though I only took Language based exams. (German and English)

I'm just really bad at maths, so I have to study that harder.
>>
No. 12064
Today I finally got through my invasive security vetting without issue. The only logical conclusion is either EC has an MI5 stamp of wholesome discussion or imageboard anonymity is more than a meme.

I'd use this chance to stock up on fertiliser and detonator parts but wage slavery awaits.
>>
No. 12065
>>12064
State surveillance is so fucked up man. There is no real reason to be that invasive for what probably isn't a high-level job handling the skeletons in the state's closet. Isn't it constitutional work? Seems slightly ironic to do tyrant things like that in a position designed around a document limiting governmental power over citizenry.
>>
No. 12071
>>12065
The way it's been explained to me is the contact with cabinet ministers and inherent political tension of devolution call for it. Bullshit basically, if I wanted to kill someone there are easier ways to go about it and Scot/Welsh paramilitaries aren't exactly a thing. Just the usual overreaction about terrorism.

Then they wonder why the civil service is full of white rich kids when even the most basic clearance requires signature verification from a professional. Who, of course, isn't family and has know you in a personal capacity for 2 years. Even I had to fudge things on that one with the common-law wife of my uncle who works in a banks customer service call-centre.
>>
No. 12079
Another Halloween sober. I am ambivalent about this.
>>
No. 12082
Today was foggy again, the first time since a few weeks ago. Back then I really wanted to walk into the woods and make some photographs in the fog, but that very morning I had a maths exam (second try, so it was important I do not fail) and could not enoy the cold and quiet atmosphere that was creeping through the fields and trees.
But not so today, today I could take all the time I wanted. It was cold but in a way super cozy how I walked through the empty streets towards the trees, surrounded by increasing fog, huddled in five layers of clothing and getting lost in the moment.

I've decided that today will be a good day. On the stove the pan is already heating up my dish from last night, I'll enjoy my warm breakfast looking out the window.
>>
No. 12083
>>12082
I had some kind of German breakfast the other day. It was botato with onion and egg and bacon. I rated it 5/5 and I had it on the Australia. I imagine it's even better when it's cold and foggy.
>>
No. 12084
10 kB, 500 × 500
I have always been interested in Scottish history and culture and today I discovered that a local book store has "The history of Scotalnd from the picts to the Bruce". Although I have already bought multiple books this month, I will probably bite the bulelt and get this one as well and just eat less sweets.
>>
No. 12088
>>12083
I've never heard of anyone in Germany eating potatoes, eggs and bacon for breakfast. The clichee is that eggs and bacon is a british thing.
>>
No. 12090
Aren't German breakfasts supposed to be cold?
With different kinds of Aufschnitt and breadrolls?
Man, I liked breakfasts a lot when I was in Germany/Austria.
>>
No. 12091
>>12090
Yeah, you usually have bread, Brötchen or some other pastry and Aufschnitt und Aufstrich.
But scrambled eggs are a thing for breakfast. It's not common but a thing maybe for sundays.
>>
No. 12093
>>
No. 12096
>>12093
That's it. The first picture though, it wasn't omelettey, more like a hot, breakfasty botato salad.
>>
No. 12097
>>12093
As the name implies it's a "farmer breakfast", so it's likely more common in the countryside, Bavaria or Baden or sth

The typical bourgeois German breakfast is what >>12091 described
>>
No. 12099
I'm not from the countryside so I cannot verify that thought. So I don't see a necessary correlation. This "breakfast" could be very well a meal I would prepare for dinner tbh. I often did potatoes with eggs and some vegetables now that I think of it. The wiki says it's a common Resteessen so not limited to the morning hours. Generally I'd say Germans don't eat fatty dishes in the morning, except some eggs perhaps.
>>
No. 12100
Meh day, had to visit a client on a day in which I would otherwise not work.
Life's excitement is grinding down to a halt, but I'm keeping course. Hopefully whatever next transformation will follow up will put me in a better place.
>>
No. 12101
Lots of wörk to do over the weekend and tonight. Hopefully I can go fishing with my friends soon. Also I want to try out the Peterson Field Guide to Birds of Eastern and Central North America I just bought.

On an unrelated note, I think I am going to start tutoring organic chemistry for some extra cash soon. It comes naturally to me and I am pretty decent at explaining things.
>>
No. 12103
29 kB, 720 × 511
Ernsts, it is over

What is over you may ask?

I will tell you: - this stretch of being in a state of passivity and procrastination

How do I know you may concur?

It is very simple, my dear Ernst, as for it can simply not go on like this, no ''future'' lies this way

From now on - power surges from inside, from outside, the universe doesn't give a fuck about thermodynamics

There is no need for repentance - rejoice and keep moving
>>
No. 12104
>>12103
Inspirational :-DDDD
>>
No. 12105
294 kB, 396 × 354
>>12103
Don't cry - work.

Goetz put it on the back of his first novel in 1983 or so and it's pretty much a normie meme of today. Not sure if he quoted a song text as he often does

Also I do the same for now as I really just have to do the shit I do. The crying takes place unnoticed from my consciousness.
>>
No. 12106
87 kB, 456 × 456
>>12103
>There is no need for repentance - rejoice and keep moving
Damn dude.
>>
No. 12107
511 kB, 330 × 260, 0:01
541 kB, 1920 × 1080
>>12064
So the boss goes "can you ideally start on the 12th with the 19th as a backup date" like it's not a thing at all. Meanwhile I haven't even sorted out where to live yet because of waiting on security and I assumed admin fuckery would take weeks. FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK

Also if you were given the choice of a laptop which would you choose:
>Mac 13", Mac 11" or a windows model which is usually a Dell.

I don't know why I'm getting inches, I'm not picking out a boyfriend. Dell is the best choice right, I'm not working as a DJ and never really used a Mac.

>>12088
>I've never heard of anyone in Germany eating potatoes, eggs and bacon for breakfast. The clichee is that eggs and bacon is a british thing.

To be German is to suffer hangovers.

>>12103
>From now on - power surges from inside, from outside, the universe doesn't give a fuck about thermodynamics

So you be saying if nobody does anything then the energy of the universe will burn out and we will never have to rush around again? I would be interesting in your 'gas the busybodies' program.
>>
No. 12108
>>12107
>Also if you were given the choice of a laptop which would you choose:
Depends on how featureful Dell laptop is. If it's as useless as Mac, why not Apple?
>>
No. 12109
Done with one essay. Still have to do another, and I'm not done with the presentation either.
Though the other essay doesn't have to be a "proper" essay, just a list of thoughts on a select poem.
I might do that tonight, and the presentation tomorrow.
I'm running out of time.

Everyone left the house for parties, I'm completely alone. So I'm drinking tea and making a pizza.
Gonna read some poems. I have to pick something to write about because my original pick is too simple at a second glance.

Played some Victoria II. It's still a KC tier but fun game.
>>
No. 12111
>>12108
Mostly just laziness about crossing OS. The Dell is obviously going to have shoddy build quality but there is the off chance it would still have XP which would be max cosy.

>>12109
Sounds perfectly doable. From experience presentations work well with as little prep as you dare so long as you have the facts YMMV.

Now get back to work.
>>
No. 12112
>>12111
>The Dell is obviously going to have shoddy build quality
Dunno, I have a Dell and build quality is good.
t. Dell sales manager
Ask how many dongles you should bring with Dell and how any dongles you should bring with Apple.
I'd say, for the price Apple computers are sold, you can choose not only Dell.
>>
No. 12114
>>12107
I'd chose the Mac because it's still a Unix if you dig deep enough and that means I could actually make use of the thing. The last time I sat infront of a Windows system I was entirely lost how to do even the simplest task without laborious manual labor (eg. I needed to extract a few hundred archives, some zip, others rar or 7z and Windows doesn't seem to provide a (reasonable) way to automatically run a task for a bunch of files in some folder hierary that require different treatment based on file name pattern...)

Then again, I'd just purge the default OS and put some BSD on there if someone gave me a Windows laptop or Macbook.
>>
No. 12116
>>12111
>Now get back to work.
I actually played some more Victoria II.
It's infuriating but I can't stop.

Though I'll write that page long collection of data now. It'll be a piece of cake.
>>
No. 12117
24 kB, 319 × 303
Well, I woke up around 10am and finished a short ETA Hoffman novel. Commented on German breakfast ITT and then read a 40p chapter from Foucaults yesterday I already did another of same size and wrote two summaries for both of them and uploaded them to the drop box of said class as 2 of 5 summaries that need to be written. Than I prepared a north african/arabic like meal but had to realize the beef I wanted to use had a bad smell to it so I threw it away and just took the egg plant and zucchini together with beans and and north african/ arabic spice.
Then I finally started writing my paper that needs to be finished at the end of November, I only used 3 of my 85+ Citavi note elements and yet I already have 5 pages describing Vapour Wave and Lofi House and politics that take a look back like nationalism and leftists who want to return to keynesianism. Tomorrow comes the first serious chapter about the Aura term by Walter Benjamin. That I will use as one explanation of societies turn to the past.

It's way to late to get up early tomorrow and I have to work in the afternoon, I hope to get some shit done for my paper or uni. Feels like getting in a frenzy when getting shit done, fine!
>>
No. 12122
>>12120
You have mental problems, go back to kohl and stay there. (I'm not standing up for his post)
>>
No. 12123
>>12117
>German breakfast

Coffee, Cigarettes and hateposts?
>>
No. 12127
24 kB, 493 × 655
How to hide the fact that chicken you buy is not fresh?
Add herbs and spices.
Customers call your chicken too salty and spicy?
Call it a secret recipe and establish transnational restaurant corporation.
>>
No. 12128
>>12127
If you're referring to KFC it depends entirely on the store because to my knowledge the spices come separate to the chicken, and they all go through the same distributors. You can even actually buy KFC spices as a non-KFC store, it's on wholesaler ordering lists.
t. has seen it done
>>
No. 12129
>>12123
:DDD

I don't smoke much anymore, but I will have a coffee now since I did not sleep much, I was in bed thinking about my paper and some other things.
Perhaps I should just shower and go to the supermarket, afterwards I'm fresh and can sit down to write my paper instead of malicious hateposts I visit kohl for 45min of mindless babble when I come home from uni/work and need to eat and have nothing to watch, over the years it has become quite boring anyway, I think in a real depressive situation or absolute hangover I could imagine spending a whole a day there tho
>>
No. 12131
3,4 MB, 2063 × 2577
I don't want to work. Indolence stalks me at every step.
>>
No. 12138
245 kB, 1900 × 835
Tonight I dreamt I was fighting in Stalingrad, picking off wehrmacht soldiers with a PPSH.
I fear my Russophillia is reaching its terminal phase.
>>
No. 12139
105 kB, 600 × 600
>>12138
Well, at least you have dreams that kinda make sense. Whenever I have dreams, it's always some stupid shit that I cannot figure out at all.
>>
No. 12141
>>12139
My dreams used to be far more abstract and have several inconsistencies, which I used to realize I was dreaming and lucid dream. I don't know if that was part of it or just a correlation with me being older but dreams began to be far less abstract and far more consistent.
>>
No. 12143
159 kB, 900 × 675
>>12129
>>12139
My dreams have sence often but sometimes this sence is nuts.

For example ofe of things that repeated a couple of times inside mine dreams when I going UP in stairs in typical commieblock like pic related (not that shitty, more clean overall but still) and there one or a coupl of stairs missing or broken. And I need jump to go on next floor - sometimes there other elements missing and instead of floor placed wooden crates or planking like this is some sort of Half-Life
>>
No. 12150
52 kB, 491 × 555
>>12128
It's not like you can't cook first and add spices later.
>>
No. 12151
>>12143
>dreaming of climbing an endless and increasingly unrepaired khrushyovka
This speaks of a greater Russian narrative. Very profound.
>>
No. 12153
>>12141
I'm not exactly young either (I'm 29), but my dreams are still as weird as when I was 14. The only good thing is that lately my nightmares turned into dreams which were supposed to be nightmares, but for some reason failed to become ones.

>>12143
>one or a coupl of stairs missing or broken
Haha, happens all the time in my dreams, too. Stairs are still a better choice than elevators in my dreams, though. Whenever I get into an elevator in my dream, it's pretty much a certain death.
>>
No. 12154
79 kB, 630 × 360
>>12151
In my dreams it is clean, just damaged (post apocalypse maybe?) for some reason and local type of breznevka.
>>
No. 12155
46 kB, 600 × 496
471 kB, 720 × 1280
>>12153
This is general plot often appearing in many dreams. Other general variant which often appearing in dreams is like on 2nd picture but never had this type in mine dreams.
>>
No. 12163
I noticed that I've been feeling kinda good today, then my mom took one look at me and said "you're maniacal, ain't you". Then I realized that nigga I might be.

It's interesting how easy it is for her to read me like this, she said she can tell by posture alone. While internally, the transition is invisible to me.

I guess the observer truly can no observe itself.
>>
No. 12186
1,3 MB, 1920 × 2560
That last beer feel.
>>
No. 12187
>>12186
>375 ml
I never understood the point of that. Why don't they make it 0.5 l, or 0.33 l, or even 0.25 l? No, we gotta show them that we're not like those other beer companies, because reasons.
>>
No. 12188
1,2 MB, 1600 × 2000
>>12187
It's a pretty standard size here for your regular beer. The bigger, cheaper brands like to keep bottles at 1-1.5 standards and it's also a half-longneck. I do occasionally go for longnecks, but alcohol is kind of expensive here (read very expensive) and they're enjoyable but kind of overpriced for what you get.
>>
No. 12189
>>12187
Standard size here too. Anglo things.
>>
No. 12190
78 kB, 640 × 360
>>12163
Your mum honestly sounds kind of cool. Pretty neat to have that kind of connection, even if it is mildly annoying for you.

>I guess the observer truly can no observe itself.
I've been thinking (drunkenly) about this and have concluded that the observer is parasitic in nature. Assuming that the observer originates in the human 'soul', the ability for human-like forms of thinking and so on, then the human body does not require a 'soul' to function since it is fundamentally similar to those of non 'ensouled' beasts. This means that the observer is in fact hijacking the human chassis for its own purposes, especially gaining something to project its identity upon and then use it in competition with other parasitic entities which as we have discussed is a futile endeavour, while giving nothing in return or in some cases actively causing damage to the host meat (personality disorder, mental illness and suicide). It's a no benefit, no harm, parasite at best and malevolently parasitic at worst, acting only in consumption of the host for its own needs and desires.
>>
No. 12191
>>12187
0.33333.... repeating decimal = 1/3
0.(3)*3=0.(9)
0.99999.... repeating decimal = 3/3
0.(9)=1

Answer: use duodecimal system instead
>>
No. 12192
>>12191
Isn't that compounding of decimals essentially the reason that limits exist.
t. vaguely remembering bits of high school calculus
>>
No. 12193
>>12192
I'am humanitarian (or how it called correctly on english?) so I don't know much shit, but
12/2=6. 12/3=4. 12/4=3. 12/6=2. - more creal dividers than 10 have, so this is more easy to use in everyday life, I think.
>>
No. 12194
>>12187
>I never understood the point of that
Half of 0.75 l.
>>
No. 12205
322 kB, 775 × 872
>>12190
Nah, the observer self doesn't have any agency or will, any action or event happening to the body is the effect of the biological mechanics of the body itself, including thoughts, emotions, sensations, etc.

The observer self simply observes those phenomena happening, and not even to itself: it simply observes them happening to the body.

In fact, the self is trapped in a nightmarish torture cage of flesh and bones, crawling bloodied towards inevitable oblivion. Forced to experience an existence of inescapable pain, and in a cruel ironic twist, terrified of death that would free it from the torment.

also, the soul resides in another dimension and communicates with the body through the pineal gland, which is an antenaae, infa 100%
t. descartes
>>
No. 12216
>>12205
OK. Sold.
>>
No. 12219
428 kB, 1000 × 563
I'm finally done with the preparations for the presentation.
Made 3 pages worth of notes and 15 powerpoint slides. A lot of maps and illustrations to make it colourful.
I'm glad that I didn't leave it for the last day. Would have felt rushed. I'll reread and recite it tomorrow.

Tomorrow is the last day of the autumn break. We'll have a family trip to wherever. To hell with it, but I have to do it. My mother tied my hands, and wants me to spend more time with my father.
So I'll do it.

I wanted to read the Frithiofs-saga during the break, but I didn't manage to do it. Read random Chinese and Japanese short stories in English, Hungarian and German.

I also failed to add more cards to my hanzi pool and I've been neglecting my mandarin studies for two days now.

The most probable reason is that I'm "resting". And I have a considerably long resting time before I run out of things to waste my time on and I start working on my passion projects. I don't know if it's normal or not.

I also played a lot of Victoria II. Still ~20 years to go in game. My first game where I'd say I did very well.
>>
No. 12222
It's a Saturday and the wind is howling, it's time to get extra comfy
>>
No. 12227
>>12222
I wish it would rain and the wind would haul here. It's just cold outside.

Prepared donuts today and I'm quite satisfied with the resultschocolate glazed with shredded hazelnuts and some coated in cinnamon sugar mix, they taste like what you can get at a good bakery. And they taste better than any store bought shit. I let the dough rise for about 7-8h I think and just like with pizza it's what makes a tasty and chewy dough. Yum!
>>
No. 12229
1,2 MB, 3264 × 2448
I was stuck in line in local supermarket because big group of chienese tourists that tried to buy giant piles of random stuff and very slowely get things like how money they should pay.
It also strange weather with from +1 to -5 with constantly snowing and melting and it very very slippy to walk around, I don't want to accidentaly fall and broke my heda.
I tried Kölle Cola vanilla and it was nice, thanks germany, better than Vanilla cola. Vanilla CocaCola is probably worst vanilla cola I drank.
>>
No. 12230
8 kB, 645 × 773
I helped my parents start moving house today which meant climbing into the attic and digging through nearly 30 years worth of heavy boxes and dust. On Monday I'm viewing a charming little place for myself in the city that I should move into by the end of the week.

Soon I will not only lose the house I grew up in but any physical connection to my hometown as well. That hit me just now. This place has always been home for me. I will especially miss the hiking trail a few minutes from the house that was always there even when everything else around changed. There’s a steep hill nearby I used to climb with my friends growing up that I went back up last summer. I badly twisted my ankle on the descent like an old fool which made me laugh.

The only way I can describe the feeling is how you might slag off your hometown but the moment an outsider does it you get defensive. That feeling like it's a part of yourself. It really has been a year of losing things with the death of KC. I guess this what getting old feels like.

>>12219
Good luck and remember they're notes on precise data not a script.
>>
No. 12234
>>12230
>you might slag off your hometown but the moment an outsider does it you get defensive
Relateable.
t. lived in the New Zealand equivalent of Wales, down to the sheep shagging menes
>>
No. 12245
>>12229
>Kölle Cola Vanilla

This is new to me, why do they sell it in russia but I never heard of it? Want to try.

>>12230
How old are you?

t. considering leaving his hometown for a million+ city to study master or a second BA leaving a handful friends and being afraid of making new ones anywhere else
>>
No. 12248
Went out drinking with the mates last night and was drunkenly hitting on lots of girls, fug :D
Seems like after drinking not as often anymore it's way harder to control myself. Back when I got wasted once or twice a week it was easy, while being drunk I only lost a little bit of control but nowadays it's getting really fucked.
Well, it was nice but now some girl texted me but I really feel to lazy to flirt or anything. If I remember well she wad very fucking needy yesterday but also quite drunk. Guess I'll answer her.
>>
No. 12250
16 kB, 500 × 500
>>12245
>This is new to me, why do they sell it in russia but I never heard of it? Want to try.
Dunno but it is everywhere. They have kind of metal aluminium bottles, but in form of class bottle, very unusual. I guess it because company step in russian market with Kölle-Russland, but all of them still germany produced.

From german drinks we also have germany-produced Afri-Cola. I like this "accidental" DAK symbol on bottle.
>>
No. 12251
>>12245
28 but I spent all my uni days on the otherside of the country. You shouldn't worry, Frens are easy to make at university and if it all goes wrong you can always knock on your housemates door for a pint. I did that in first year and the guy still want me to come hang out 5 years later.

Fuck big cities though. Go study at Pforzheim, the people are nice and the atmosphere cosy.
>>
No. 12252
>>12251
I will be 28 when I finished my bachelor and will move to another town. I really want to get away from this city after nearly 30 years, yet I'm afraid I don't find any new people and simultanously loose contact to my old friends. I'm not a typical recluse without friends, I'm alone most of the time tho. I rarely initiate contact, I only found a few peps I sometimes hangout with at uni two years after my start, but then again: Since I study at my hometown which is a bit bigger than Pforzheim I think I already have friends here, live alone and did not care about contacts in uni.

>Pforzheim

Never, I have had the Pforzheim feeling my whole life and it feels incestuous at times.
>>
No. 12257
>>12252
Oh it'll be alright, as a neurotic who struggles to understand friendship even I managed it. Everyone will be in the same boat as you and if you get a shared place you attain fast friends by proximity.

Will be honest that you will start losing touch with your mates back home though. It's just what happens when you stop seeing people and grow apart.
>>
No. 12260
>>12257
>and if you get a shared place you attain fast friends by proximity.

I would only do that, everything else is prone to to end up in depressive loneliness.

>Will be honest that you will start losing touch with your mates back home though. It's just what happens when you stop seeing people and grow apart.

That is my fear, it has happened before and continues to happen, but it's a different thing when you move away.
>>
No. 12262
726 kB, 540 × 540, 0:02
>>12260
>That is my fear, it has happened before and continues to happen, but it's a different thing when you move away.

Such is life.
>>
No. 12264
>>12262
I will probably regret not moving later in life. I mean I want to go to a bigger city because the possibility of meeting like minded people is far greater than here. Also more cultural life and better options to find a job that involves working with texts/writing and ofc you can make the necessary contacts for that far easier in a big city than here in midsized-ville, where everything for hip people is centered around 3 bars and 2-4 club spaces.

I tend to hate this city but I have a heart for it as well, but I need to get away, can't stand the crowd as I have a psychosis that is connected to it. It won't change greatly in a city like Berlin where such people also go to techno clubs but at least it's many more and not your usual 100-300 person circle and I would have many more other events that rather rarely occur here in my town in these specific forms.

Maybe I should embrace the alleged nomad life of the millennials, perhaps I even like it once it works out ok or well.
>>
No. 12265
I managed to survive the day.
My head was aching throughout today. Took a painkiller for it. Eased my "suffering" for ~40 minutes, then it all came back.
I might have violated myself too hard yesterday. Or one too many times.

The family trip went well. Though it does feel like wasted time. Can't believe I wasted a whole day on this only out of social decency.

Re-read my presentation material. Seems fine. I'll have an empty class before the presentation, so I'll re-read my sources before the "show".

Been continuously re-listening to all of Shotakovich's symphonies. (Except for Babi-Yar and the one after that, I don't really like vocals)
While I'm uneducated musically, I try to find something in each one that keeps me occupied. Trying to discern the leitmotiv's connections with which instruments are being used.

Did everything I needed to do during the break. Except for learning that 6 verses. I don't know how fucked I am in that regard. Oh well. I'll study it before going to bed.

Started packing my bag. I'll be taking tons of shit with myself. 5 extra books. One to study hanzi from, three are sources, and one is an e-reader, I want to check some stuff.
>>
No. 12267
Just spent the night loading contraband on a train, hiding from station administration between the tracks.

Apparently, brother found a way to cheap out on shipping our goods :-DDDDD.

Trains are freaking epic. Watching a train move by is awe inspiring, so much power.

Now I understand trainspotters and train autists.
>>
No. 12282
43 kB, 571 × 800
Currently watching an ebin old TV program about pirdwatching featuring the eminent naturalist and pirdwatcher Roger Peterson

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZWLi5Gnafp8

Lately I have not seen many pirds while scanning the field behind my house with my spotting scope. Previously I have seen Yellow-shafted Northern Flickers and American Robins there. However I did recently hear the call of what I believe was an owl while walking my dog at night.
>>
No. 12284
>>12267
My uncle drives trains. He used to do this massive ~2000km round trip with a 75 long cargo from the port to the mines and back. Was breddy ebin.
>>
No. 12285
>>12284
Actually I lowballed, he did the Leigh Creek route which looking it up was 161 carriages but was maybe less than 2000km. It was a while ago that he did it and was talking about it. Regardless, train big. Train stronk.
>>
No. 12286
Thank God for the 4th of November being a holiday, otherwise I wouldn't be able to learn all the hieroglyphs and the grammar rules that I have to know by tomorrow. Also I've got two hundred more pages of a book to go through and I better do that within the next 3-4 days.
Oh, and I've decided to start every day by solving five puzzles. You know, the ones that are usually printed in magazines and are supposed to test your logic. Feel like Sherlock Holmes whenever I actually crack one.
>>
No. 12306
I held my little presentation. I managed to use up all of the allotted time again. Spoke for 40 minutes straight. The teacher only had to say a few sentences after I've finished talking.
So that was good.

I got my hands on my essay. A 4 out of 5. I'm devastated.
Not because of the "bad" grade. My despair stems from the elaborated critique the teacher gave me after class.
"You write in a very dry way, sort of like a literary historian"
"You copy their terms and sentences, you don't have your own voice"
"Oh, that, I circled that because you were repeating yourself. Essentially trying to do what a used car salesman does. Writing sentences like those is like as if an archaeologist found two pieces of a mosaic, and instead of digging up the rest, he just paints the rest himself by hand. No good"
Though she did mention that I most of my writing was good, but not original in style. And "It's a great foundation to build on."
She saw through my folly. She's the second one this year who told me that "You could sell even (the) Nothing if you wanted to"
I don't know how to take this. In one sense, that means I can talk, in another, I'm a poseur who's worthless once Oz's curtain has been pulled back.
I really don't know.
Maybe it means I have to dig deeper into whatever I'm writing on instead of fogging it up with unnecessary drivel and filler and it's not an attack on my personal writing style and person itself.
Yeah, probably that.

Went into the city centre. Bought another packet of that smokey black tea that I drink every day. It's good to have it. Checked two street vendors on the way. They had no interesting books for sale, or what I found interesting, I already had.
A presumably homeless woman was playing the trumpet besides one of the carts.
I recognized two tunes. One was a jazzy rendition of "Die Arbeiter von Wien", and the other was "Fly me to the Moon", which I'm fond of, since NGE had a relatively big influence on me when I've watched it ~two years ago.

I slept too little, so I'm a bit sensitive, almost like a teenage girl. When I'm tired, I feel depressed.
>>
No. 12307
>>12306
>in another, I'm a poseur who's worthless once Oz's curtain has been pulled back.
Worry not, some teachers like to feel of their students as inferiors.
>>
No. 12308
>>12306
>I don't know how to take this. In one sense, that means I can talk, in another, I'm a poseur who's worthless once Oz's curtain has been pulled back.

It means you should become a lawyer.
>>
No. 12315
>>12306
>"You write in a very dry way, sort of like a literary historian"

Some writings are dry some are more vivid, I hope she did not subtracted points for this.

>"You copy their terms and sentences, you don't have your own voice"

What she probably means is: use your own words. It's not an unknown "problem" that students stay close to the formulations they read in secondary literature and use for their own writings. You can use elaborate language but you shouldn't stay close to the text you took your information from, ofc quoting is an exception and somehow necessary.

>you were repeating yourself

You can sum up a whole paragraph at the end with one sentence or introduce a paragraph with a sentences that sums it up, that kind of repetition as actually helpful. You can also repeat yourself if it use useful to draw connections to other arguments you make. I know I often like to repeat my arguments to make sure people get it, to be 100% sure. But you shouldn't variate your argument three times when one time is enough.

>Writing sentences like those is like as if an archaeologist found two pieces of a mosaic, and instead of digging up the rest, he just paints the rest himself by hand. No good"

I don't get this one.

>instead of fogging it up with unnecessary drivel and filler

Oh, don't try to fill up your writings with stuff that just sounds elaborate, especially if you have little idea of what you talking about or is out of context, information that adds nothing of value etc., a person that knows this field or that is familiar with such texts will spot the bullshitting immediately.

It's not a attack on you as a person. It just means you can do things better.

>When I'm tired, I feel depressed.

Same for me. You will react more sensible then just as you already acknowledged.

---

I had a class on aesthetics today and I bite my arse knowing little about philosophy. There is still so much to learn, grasp and connect.
It's frustrating to see people handle famous philosophers without problems while oneself just gets a few puzzle pieces from the texts without being able to connect them thoroughly. Today was Heidegger and his essay on the Kunstwerk. I know these people deal with such texts for 30+years while I really just got into this kind of texts only two years ago. Still, it's stunning to see how people can form opinions and arguments on ways which are closed for oneself atm...for now.

Also I began to read Huysmans novel A reburs, Against Nature in English. Excellent Bernst-tier novel so far. An eccentric dandy building his highly artifical world in some manor near Paris where he gets lost in books and thoughts and enjoying his little world. But I'm at the point where it cracks him up and he bought flowers to distract himself from this. Perhaps he will end up like this turtle he bought and ornamented.
>>
No. 12317
>>12315
I only get this as a comment when I do little preparation in advance. Honestly, now re-thinking what she said, she also mentioned a lot of good things, like how I had valuable commentary on the poem in the mid section of the essay, and how "YOU don't have to resort to these petty tactics, you know better". Just by implying that I know better by myself already means that it was my work that was lazy, and it's not that I'm stupid or underdeveloped in my writing.

Honestly, I feel better now. A lot better about it. Next time I'll know better and then everything will turn out fine.
>>
No. 12339
48 kB, 492 × 449
Just a blogpost
There will be a huge sale on 11.11 in china(bachelor day), so shops here are ordered to make a sale on this day too. Just to contain some money inside of the country. I assume another day without credit cards is coming.
Glory to lenin, tomorrow we have an official holiday and day off.
>>
No. 12340
40 kB, 900 × 623
Life just keeps telling me that people aren't worth the effort as though I don't already know it. My sister is back at the usual family routine of trying to browbeat me into being their proxy because obviously I'm just wrong for operating differently to them.

For example, I've been sick a few days with a cough, and I bought some syrup for it. Not good enough, apparently I (a grown man who pays his equal share of the bills) am not allowed to see if it works because she says so. When I disagree, she pulls it out of her arse that I got her sick, conveniently having no impact until now, and quoting symptoms that I haven't had.

It's not even the first time someone in my family has tried to live my life as well as theirs. Why are they all such a bunch of parasites?
>>
No. 12341 Kontra
>>12340
Isn't that just being bossy and not being parasitic? I would not conclude from your sister on the whole of humanity but yeah, people are multidimensional anyway and you can't have an other, that is perfectly well or identical with you, they wouldn't be called the other then.
>>
No. 12342
it seems ec has become a hotspot for schizos of all kinds
>>
No. 12343
>>12342
Imageboards have always been a place for non-neurotypicals.
>>
No. 12347
>>12342
If you think about it this is a novel feature of the internet. Flocks of Schizoid personality disorder operating in a strange mutually supportive yet attachment free culture with relative harmony. It'll be interesting to see how oldfag imageboards will look in a decade.
>>
No. 12359
>>12340
Just save up 5000AUS, then go, just just leave.
Go somewhere which is not a fucking overpriced desert.
>>
No. 12360
Another over with.
If we are to count things, I lost two battles. Won a few.
My maths teacher heavily reprimanded me for being absent when the class was writing the chapter closing test. She said if this happens ever again, I'll have to take an exam at the end of the year instead, and if I fail that, I have to repeat the year.
So it's essentially another cryptic rule added to my HS game of tactics.
The test is tomorrow.

Miscalculated the date of a test. I decided to ditch the class and went to the library in shame. Later I went to the teacher and I excused myself. She was understanding and said I didn't do anything wrong.

I got graded on another essay. This time the teacher said, it was "a pleasure to read it", and that it was "entertaining". I don't know what to believe. Still, it felt good to hear that I managed to write something that made someone laugh.

Added a bunch of cards to the hanzi pool. My mandarin studies are going well, I think. Not excellent, but surpasses anything I've ever done before.

Read a bit of a Shostakovich biography. It's interesting that he's almost a contemporary figure, yet we know basically nothing of his intentions for sure.
>>
No. 12361
>>12342
Depends. If you mean the modern meme usage of schizo as a stand-in for 'mentally ill', then maybe, but I think the number of actual schizos isn't particularly high.

>>12359
Where would I go? Most visas that let you work require you to already have a job offer, and those are hard to get, especially from overseas. It's not quite so easy as you make it sound.
>>
No. 12363
75 kB, 705 × 600
Today I brought away some documents to the temporary work company that owns my productive force at the moment. It was way too late for it to have open and the post box was behind a glass door. Luckily some kind of janitor was sitting behind it, so I knocked against the window and he opened up for me to deliver the letter.
Before this I had to wait for the bus and two drunkards were there two. One of them was a turk whose wife left him, so he decided to get wasted with his best friend, who had two scars on his chin and walked using crutches, because he drunkenly jumped from a balcony some time ago.
While drinking vodka the guy with the crutches explained to me that he was born in this part of town and that he's form italian origin. He multiple times wanted to shake my hand (he also asked me to drink with him but I told him that I only drink once a week nowadays) and told me that I'd look like Ragnar Lodbrok from the TV-show Vikings and that he'd kill me if he would see me on tv one day. Then he spilled some vodka on the ground and the turk took out a little knife and asked him if he should kill him for spilling the vodka. I was slightly worried for a second but then joined in laughing.
Later on the bus the awkwardness was too strong for me so I sat a bit away from them. When they left the bus the italian started stumbling and couldn't walk properly so the turk screamed at him that he'd be a drunken cripple and should move his ass outside, the other people in the bus gave them outraged and disgusted looks, but I had to smile.

Other than that I've been texting with the girl (I can't quite explain the weird relationship we have, but we're in constant contact since about 5 months now), we got unusually sexual today.
The other girl who wanted my number on that night out turned out to be sort of boring but enjoyable. Knowing that she's from my hometown makes it more interesting but also more dangerous, because, well you know what those small towns are like.
>>
No. 12387
249 kB, 1200 × 720
Accidentally came across pic related today and spent nearly 20 minutes staring at it and checking out all of the details. This is probably my faourite piece of art in the world.
>>
No. 12392
>>12363
Do you have the tendency to get talked to by drunkards? I remember the last three times I was encounter by drunkards who started talking to me.

One guy from Russia who was a German-Russian and beaten in school by other kids for his German name, he was working at a construction site.
A Portuguese who was working in Germany on and off for decades,he was asking for weed while being drunk. His sister married a gypsy.
Not long ago a friend and I encountered two poles who wanted to get drunk, the nazi pole already being drunk. We managed to separate before getting into a bar with a drunk pole shouting sieg heil in the empty streets. Both were here for construction issues right next to where my friend and I had a few beers.
>>
No. 12393
61 kB, 700 × 467
>>12387
>guy on the left bottom
autistic screeching
Stop making abibas knockoffs of our look, Russia :-DDD
>>
No. 12396
95 kB, 320 × 320, 0:00
Today is my birthday but with the rain and no real plans I'm just listening to comfy folk and country music. In the back of my mind it feels I should be doing something but fuck it I'm having fun being me. Who knows how many more of these I'll get where I can just be a shut-in. I guess this post is how I mark it, if anyone has movie or music recommendations for today let me know.

Also it's nice that so many countries are having big parades and public holidays today. Just a shame they keep putting up pictures of some bald bloke to make me nervous.
>>
No. 12397
6 kB, 223 × 226
1,6 MB, 3329 × 2487
Had another fine day.
The maths test went spectacular, I amazed even myself while writing it.

Anyway, the more important and less boring thing is that I finally managed to pick up my assburger books.
I'm rather happy.

November the 7th. Well, I've listened to Shostakovich's October Revolution themed works today.
>>
No. 12406
64 kB, 645 × 380
My doge died today, I had some great pictures of him, but 404 for now. This stock photograph of a near equal dog will have to do.

He fell in the pool drowned sometime past 4pm, about 10 minutes after my father left home. I ended up seeing the video captured by the security camera of him struggling to get out.

I was the one who pulled his body out of the pool and placed him in a garbage bag, as my father and sister were crying. Tomorrow morning, I'll take his corpse to the kennel.

Surprised at how it didn't particularly strike me as sad, and I accepted it pretty well. Such is life.
>>
No. 12408
>>12406
RIP doge. But you behaved calmly like a man which it sounds like your family needed.
>>
No. 12415
>>12396
Well, happy birthday. May you feel better in the next year.
>>
No. 12416
>>12396
7th November is 101st date of October Revolution
11th November is 100th date of end of World War 1

So it more or less tragic dates tight with bloody events rather than holydays.
There also was Day of People’s Unity or National Unity Day in 4th NOvember but nobody cares about this at all.
>>
No. 12417
>>12416
Also yes, Happy birthday

>>12406
Sad things, this is one of reasons I don't want Pet - I know it be very sad for me when they will die. And it be very sad for them if I die
>>
No. 12421
>>12393
The people on the left are Poles, actually. The painting depicts the so-called "miracle on the Vistula", the Polish victory during the battle of Warsaw.
>>
No. 12422
>>12387
Sounds kind of stupid, but this looks for me something warhammer 40k-tier.
>>
No. 12423
>>12416
>11th November is 100th date of end of World War 1

Remembrance Sunday is usually a bastard, yes. When I was in the army the parade/memorial fell on my birthday weekend and, naturally, every officer with a moronic task to-do then knew my name.

Don't knock any women up in February, lads.
>>
No. 12431
71 kB, 800 × 600
I finished another chapter of my paper, I'm not even sure if I say what I want to say, but in my mind it seems logical so far.

>>12423
Alles Gute, lieber Tom.
>>
No. 12437
Still trying to learn more about classical music. Been listening to a bunch of performances of Shostakovich Symphony #5 by different orchestras to see if I can pick up on the nuances.
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No. 12442
Seems like my life is becoming an endless series of essays. One today, one tomorrow. I'm going to study a bit for that one.

Maths went well. I ran out of time, but was finished with 90% of it. I surprised even myself.

On my way home I bought a small book containing Hungarian Folk-Ballads. It being an anthology of FOLK ballads was the main selling point for me. I wanted to see some "organic" Hungarian culture after being blown away by the Germanic epics I've read.
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No. 12445
I'm recovering from the surgery. The paperwork called the procedure an open reduction interior fixation right clavicle fracture. It wasn't too bad except for the hour after the nerve block wore off and before the Norco kicked in. That was like 8am yesterday. Comparing the post break pain to the post surgery pain, the surgery pain was worse, which surprised me. All that's left to do now is wait for the bone to grow back together while the titanium plate holds everything in place.
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No. 12455
Sort of craving getting drugged again lately, even though I know that it's highly idiotic as all it will do would be that I'd feel alright and warm inside for the couple of days when I'm high (I usually do 3-4 day binges when I got some until everything is gone, which happens once a month but I just realized that I didn't have such a binge last month) but then feel terribly miserable, dumb and instable after the binge and only recover after a few sober days. So maybe I should cut the habit completely, as bizarre as it sounds when I think for how long I've did it this way. Drinking once a week is already doing enough damage to my mind anyways.

Just thought about this because I was reading through old today threads and got reminded of how terrible I actually felt even during a binge in june. Also in this thread I was posting about an e-girl I got obsessed with and had to giggle as now all of this happened close to 5 months ago and we are still writing, just a few months ago we took it from some chatting app to exchanging numbers, next thing was that we heard each other's voices for the first time. All of this was pretty weird at times as everything just started as mutual online masturbation, then at first slowly evolved into a non-sexual relationship and now it's pretty much both. I feel like I am beyond any earthly salvation, thinking about what I started the post with, she has become my daily drug. In the post in june she didn't really want to meetup but lately she is texting me to come over to here every other day which at the beginning disturbed me a bit because I didn't think that she would want it. Sadly she lives on the other end of the country and we'd have to find a weekend when both of us are free, which didn't happen yet.
Well, sometimes I feel like I'm in garden eden but sometimes I feel like I'm down in the depths of hell. Sort of procrastinating calling each other, because, well this would be a wole different thing and it already took us a long time to build up enough trust to send voice messages, so there's that.
Everything's alright though, I just feel like venting a bit because I don't really talk about this to anyone. You know, I feel somewhat like an idiot to get close to someone from the internet I haven't seen yet but it's too late now anyways.

>>12392
Well, I actually think that it's more a tendency of drunkards to talk to random people than a tendency of myslef being talked to by random drunkards.
But then again, who knows, maybe I have some kind of shady aura surrounding myself, even though lately I feel like people are giving me good looks after I lost lots of weight. But maybe even this is some kind of self-induced feedback (like the effect of an sub-conscious aura), maybe the human face in the end tells almost everything as a person. This might explain as well why in Islam and ancient christianity looking at a woman's face was frowned upon by both men and women. I think it was Tertullian who wrote that rape is less of a damage to the soul of a woman than looking at her face. While this is obviously a pretty fucked statement, it might tell something about the relevance of the human face.
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No. 12456 Kontra
>>12455
>I haven't seen yet
Forgot to add the word personally. We've seen images of each other a myriad of times, just in case someone thinks I'm getting catfished.
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No. 12483
57 kB, 600 × 360
Speaking about breakfasts, I remember a restaurant which served breakfasts 24/7. Their menu was divided into 12 or so sections, and when there was 9-11 o'clock in Moscow, they served Moscow breakfast, when there was 9-11 o'clock in New York, they served New York breakfast and so on appropriately. It costed 8 dollars, but if you wanted a breakfast from another timezone, you could pay 2 dollars extra.
I guess it was closed in a year.
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No. 12485
>>12455
Just cut the habit if it makes you feel miserable, took me along time to stop. Now, ofc I miss it somehow. Every then and now I think about snorting some stuff, or smoking weed again. But I don't because in the end it won't help me, usually makes me feel just worse. Being sober does not make it a so much better, but at least it's not worse, you know.

>aura
Ha, Walter Benjamin wrote about the aura after smoking weed, later he also used the term for other things like art. my gf, which is not really my gf anymore, told me I had a dark aura all the times she saw me, before we first talked to each other.
I think it's just that your gestures, voice, eyes, facial expression and posture will tell a lot about how you feel and maybe even what kind of person you are.

Perhaps we look young? Drunkards don't talk to people who look busy or stable/ older and normie I imagine. I'm 26 but people think I'm in my early 20s or even less.
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No. 12492
Digitalized two pages in school today.
I had enough space in my bag, so I brought my crappy laptop with me and worked on that.

Bought two more paper folders to keep handouts in.
I don't know why I didn't use these before. They are 30HUF a pop and I can actually sort my shit logically.
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No. 12504
76 kB, 723 × 657
>>12483
Holy shit, do want. Why don't we have that here?
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No. 12505
>>12504
Culture of burger
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No. 12507
111 kB, 512 × 512
>>12504
Aren't the US land of free, land of enterpreneurs?
Open the restaurant, just do it!
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No. 12508
>>12507
It is also the land of "I'm broke nigga where you think imma pay this phone bill from"
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No. 12509
>>12483
We have awesome local fast food city chain that deliver so tasty and awesome chicken products. But they hired prices recently and I managed to replicate some of their products and made them hand made.
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No. 12514
44 kB, 454 × 500
That nap feel.

Man was made to nap tbh. Feels way too ebin after having one for any other explanation.
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No. 12515
took some neuroleptics
woke up as depressed as when I went to bed.

probably take some more. maybe sleep for a couple of days

dunno.
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No. 12516
>>12515
Probably felt bad because it wasn't pure naptime fueled by the Australian springtime sun but rather just a chemical naptime.
t. naptime expert

I obviously can't stop you if you really want to, with the obvious 'would I anyway if you really wanted to?' question, but I also can't entirely condone drugging yourself into a 48 hour coma. There's got to be long term damage in doing that on even the semi-regular.

Also, how is your kotlet?
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No. 12520
288 kB, 1000 × 1333
265 kB, 1000 × 1333
>>12516
Here's a fresh photo, took it just for you.

It's less shy (doesn't run away at first sight), but still doesn't want to be cuddled. Piece of shit.
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No. 12521
>>12520
The young ones never want to be cuddled in my experience. Also, female felines are less cuddly than male ones.

t. had cat for 17 years
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No. 12523
5 years and still the same bullshit mental problems.
I even tried to become an alcoholic and it didn't work, apparently getting piss drunk gets boring and old just like everything else. Waiting patiently for rebound hypomania.

>>12521
Probably their motherly instincts overriding their kitten instincts, so they don't adopt a parental figure in the form of an owner

t. bullshit eggspert
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No. 12524
>>12520
>that pure unapologetic superiority in pic 2
Ebin. My kot makes the same look sometimes. Thanks for photos. What's it's name anyway? The ginger one I posted a while back that I live with is called Dusty :-D

>>12523
It's your disease man. Lotta people have one and it's not really something that's ever fixed. You can alleviate the worst of it with a lot of dedication and time but like meth addicts, you're always going to be a recovering individual. Same with my burgers, I can manage it better with time and effort but it's stuck in my brain and not going anywhere so I have to learn how to work with it since it's not going away anytime soon. Maybe the cure mindset isn't the right one to be helpful, it sets extraordinarily high goals that may not even be achievable as depressing as that sounds. It's not to say you can't be functional, but you'll never be neurotypical either.
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No. 12529
13 kB, 249 × 250
Ok, the rebound is here, time to indulge in hedonistic escapism while ignoring all the problems that seemed pressing just hours ago.

>>12524
I feel comfortable in being a weirdo, my only wish is to be functional. It's the functional part I have problems with.

I wish I was like some of those autists who can sit in their dark rooms writing code or drawing 24/7. I don't have nogf feels, or keinbernd feels, I have heavy no work ethic feels.
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No. 12530
>>12520
>>12521
Had a stronk baby kot and as soon as he was big enough but still tiny I used to have play fights with him. When he was grown up it was no problem for him to be carried around or to be cuddled like hell. I mean it wasn't when I did it, but to anyone else he developed quite a killer instinct :DDDDDD

Rate my MMA-kot.
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No. 12531
>>12530
Also he scared off a doggo once
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No. 12536
>>12530
Interestingly enough, I'm schizoid even with pets.

I'm like, "here's your food and water, bro. Hm, you don't want to cuddle? Well, ok, I'll go back to my room".

I like to pass it off as respect, same way for animals as for humans: if you don't want to be bothered, I assume that you have a good reason for that, so no further opinions from me will follow, and I certainly won't try to force interaction where none was requested.

It's the kind of respect I wish people gave to me.
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No. 12537
432 kB, 1271 × 850
>>12514
Feel is known. Such a nice luxury after a week of hassle to have some time to recombobulate without anything setting the schedule.
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No. 12540
>>12530
My sister has two Siamese and they love to be picked up-but you have to hold them differently. The male has to be held away from the body. Picture your elbow braced on your hipbone leaving your forearm outstretched like a tree branch. He will roll around lying on my arm like that with no concern about falling or being dropped. The female is more insecure and has to be held close, right up against the body-more like you would hold a baby.
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No. 12543
>>12536
Yeah this makes sense, since your kot is a little grown allready. But when you get them as tiny babys you surely can educate them a little without negative effects.
Like in my case it's cool that I can do anything with him but it's also good that strangers can't (and he doesn't attack them or anything, but he's just more cautious. Good thing.)
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No. 12544
>>12537
Move to Montenegro, follow Montenegrin commandments, problems weren't :DDDDDDDD
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No. 12547
Today I fucked my operating system (Xubuntu) beyond repair.
Now I can only log in as non-sudoer into "Guest session" :(
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No. 12548
>>12547
Actually it can be your HDD failing.
Have you tried to login under Ctrl+Alt+F1?
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No. 12550
>>12548
Don't think it's the hdd. I was trying to replace systemd-packages with sysv/upstart following instructions from a website. Then I rebooted like they said I should and the boot-process hanged at the xubuntu splash screen and I couldn't even startx anymore from tty..., giving me weird X-Server and systemd related errors

Then I managed to force a sudo session by "sudo xinit startxfce4-session", I reinstalled systemd
packages with synaptic, then rebooted and hoped it would work. Now it doesn't hang at splash screen and autostarts xfce4-session correctly, but doesn't let me login anymore into my own account...

At that point it's probably best to save my files after booting from a live-cd and then install a new OS.
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No. 12552
>>12550
>I was trying to replace systemd-packages with sysv/upstart
You'd better try Devuan, as it is designed to work without systemd.
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No. 12553
>>12552
After long years of sticking with Xubuntu I want to try MX-Linux, that has systemd packages installed but disabled by default. Then I'll try again to completely remove systemd packages manually. This time it better works.
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No. 12555
It's raining, so I just stayed inside. It's a bad day.
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No. 12558
>>12536
>I like to pass it off as respect, same way for animals as for humans: if you don't want to be bothered, I assume that you have a good reason for that, so no further opinions from me will follow, and I certainly won't try to force interaction where none was requested.

It's not called forced interaction but caring for someone. You can't and shouldn't care for everyone, but if you really care for someone you will sometimes have something as what you'd call forced interaction. Some people even want that to happen. Force and the will to power isn't a bad thing ok. Imagine, some people even want to be punished, they want their actions to be sanctioned and see that you care about what they do. It might be more hurtful and disrespectful of an other person's feelings to signal that you just don't give a shit and give up so easily which might be seen as simply not caring enough.
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No. 12563
108 kB, 495 × 495
>>12558
Well yes, there's a fine and often blurred line between respect and contempt. At least, my attitude is the same in both cases. Saves a lot of mental effort. Being needy of someone, and also pursuing someone out of a grudge, or even wanting people to need you, I view to be immature and feminine behaviors. It's how women act.

I don't see how somebody not caring about you is a problem at all. Their care or lack of it is their own problem/business. Imagine a stranger walks up to you on the street and says "I don't care about you". Great, the feeling is mutual, so there's no problem.

In general, I don't like to patronize/validate someone as if he was my property or something. Whether he wants to be validated/patronized, well, that's his own problem, innit. I don't see why I owe anyone attention, and furthermore, feeling entitled to other peoples' attention in the first place seems selfish to me.

In general, I trust others to be independent, proud individuals who don't need no authority or crutch or validation or whatever from other people. If they aren't such people, well, that's their problem again, huh.

(Probably why I don't have friends or gf, since I have no need of anybody, others having need of me seems like a burden)

t. edgy schizoid cunt
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No. 12565
>>12555
You live in south?