/int/ – No shittings during wörktime
„There is no place like home“

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No. 12567 Systemkontra
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Today will be a good day
No. 12570
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I got drunk for the first time in months on Friday night and as a result I haven't accomplished nearly as much as I would have liked to today. I should have been studying and working on papers but mostly I just moped around. Drinking makes me feel great in the moment but I usually just end up saying dumb shit that crosses my mind and being useless for an day's afterwards. It sucks because I am really starved for social interaction but if I choose to hang out with my old friends I know it's going to throw a wrench in my studying.

Ah well. At least I had koler und pidser for dinner
No. 12573
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That feel when foreverial cycle of depressive anhedonia and maniacal indulgence in escapism.

I will die a worthless, useless piece of shit who traded his life for some cheap dopamine hits, and I'm absolutely ok with it (at the moment) because fuck my brain

t. chugging monster and smoking indoors while father is being a drunken cunt, falling onto the glass doors of a cupboard and staining the carpet in blood while yelling profanities at nobody in particular

Life is good.
No. 12580
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That feel when you will never escape your at-home problems by rollin' down the hood with the Ernst Gang getting drunk/high and harassing NTs.
No. 12603
I befriended some 4chan browsing tranny in path of exile.

too bad I'm getting bored with the game again and will probably quit again soon.

Although he claims that he feels like a girl, it doesn't feel like talking to a girl talking to him. More like some gay 4chan anime nerd.

I still posit that it is impossibly to feel like anything but yourself. "Feeling like another gender" is nonsense. It's not even possible to feel like another person of the same gender, let alone another gender.
No. 12616
On my Sunday I had to get up early and help my parents with moving so I'm operating on little sleep. This was only the beginning of my troubles however as I soon became stuck in work/home awkwardness.

The core of this is being I'm trying to prevent world's colliding as my cousin works in a similar career and found out I'm joining. From my mother of course who seems to lack a theory of mind to know that I jealously guard my independence. So I now have to diplomatically tell him to fuck off as he's a certified momma's boy who can and will rat on me for smoking and serve as a social anchor.

It's a bit childish reading it back but do understand he has been the gud boi I've always been compared to. The one who got into Oxford and left with a first degree, the one who lived abroad for a year and had his parents stay at his pad in Spain, he's even dating some toff noble daughter. I fucking hate him.

>It's not even possible to feel like another person of the same gender, let alone another gender.

How progressive :DDDD
No. 12617
>It's not even possible to feel like another person of the same gender, let alone another gender.
But what about schizos with multiple personalities?
pls sorry
No. 12620
Multiple personality is a pop culture myth. It's just schizo cyclothimic moods where brain chemicals shift and alter a person's behavior.

And funnily enough, when I'm depressed, I can not imagine what it is like to be hypomanic, and vise versa.
No. 12622
Multiple personality is a pop culture myth.
I watched "split" movie it was cool
t.other ernst
No. 12627
I feel like I need a break from my life to grasp its absurdity and recover from its humiliations and impositions. I wish I could numb my mind right now and just lie in my bed instead of lieing in my made soberly and feeling like I'm going to explode any second. I remember now that what I'm feeling right now has nbeen happening a lot like a month or two ago but tonight it seems like it's coming back, the inexplicable state of mind - dizzy, nervous and aggressive.
No. 12635
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I'm an autistic NEET, how do you think my day is going? I just hang out inside my apartment for the most part. Well, I am grateful for having food I guess.
No. 12639
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The other day I found out by overhearing a conversation that a girl in my organic lecture has cystic fibrosis. This surprised me but in hindsight it makes sense because she is rather pale and thin.

I'm not sure why this knowledge impresses me. Perhaps it is because learning of her suffering makes me appreciate the relatively minor nature and intensity of my own problems.
No. 12640
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Worked on my novel a bit and started a short story for a contest.
The latter put me in a quite ecstatic state of mind for a while as I think that my idea is pretty nice and I can write about the topic very well but then I checked last years' winners and mostly they were already established novelists so that was kind of depressing. In my head though I still have 1% chance of maybe getting the honorary price (much less prize money, but at least getting mentioned), especially as the criteria of participation are really tight and I accidentally fit them. There usually are below 200 participants, which wouldn't even be a lot for a local shit contest where you just get your name dropped among others in the local newspaper. Also it's just 10 pages anyways so it won't be any bad and gives me a reason to stray away from my usual routine.

The novel however is the first time I try something like this and well, mostly I think it's terrible but then again there are short moments where I think that it's something rather unique at least while publishers are overflooded with generic stuff.

You know, I'm always wandering forth and back between megalomania and knee deep depression. I have told myself that it's just mental illness before but then I get some positive reactions to what and how I write and there we go again. Also the kicks I get from it are better than any drug.
No. 12648
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I was sick for a week and it felt like a vacation. Now I'm better and have to go back to arbeit macht frei tier work.

It's some kind of a zoomer fad among anime dorks, video game pros especially speed runners and MOBA players and IT pros to become trannies. I noticed that these three groups are the most affected.
No. 12650
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I've been feeling short of breath lately, it's rather uncomfortable

Wonder if it's because of anxiety, drugs or some actual fucking illness that's going to take me out of my misery
No. 12652
Probably just anxiety. You can feel better with some self-care and love, going for walks, and breathing exercises. Although it's of course best if you have friends as well to help calm down the nervous system.
No. 12655
Had a jolly fine day today.
Lots of good marks, tons of conversations.

I'll be going to the theatre tonight with my father. Going to watch an adaptation of Berlin, Alexanderplatz.
No. 12656
Look at the Beipackzettel of any meds you take. Not just for shortness of breath but also anything to do with the heart (which can cause shortness of breath due to low blood flow through your lungs).

If it's anxiety, try some stress reduction programm; the best one I know is the Full Body Scan technique from Jon Kabat-Zinn, which is available as audio book under the name "Guided Mindfulness Meditation". The guided session is about 40 minutes, but if you do it on your own it's about 30 minutes. Just lie on the floor, listen to the guided excercise and do what your are told - helped me out even in full on panic attacks.
No. 12661
Go see your physician: The Post

You are right though.
No. 12676
Thanks for your advice
I feel OK now, just took it easy today, read a book and kept breathing deeply
I've thought a bit about it and I suppose it might just be a combination of bad sleep and unusually high amount of sugar in my diet lately, so I'll work on improving that
>Berlin, Alexanderplatz
Noice, tell more about it
I've only seen the TV series adaptation by Fassbinder, that was really good
No. 12684
Work was sort of comfy and time went by quickly as I had to work in a different place than usual where there was not so much going on. Bad thing only is that I've only had a couple of hours of work, probably didn't earn more than 40 euros tonight and the distance between the work place and my own is a bit too far for doing just a few hours so I'll probably just do it the next few days and then tell the company that I will not go there anymore. The co-workers were surprisingly alright though, two middle-aged women, one of them was deaf (there were also other kinds of disabled people working there) and the other one had a son roughly my age as well and was very friendly and calm all the time and we even had a nice and short chat.
Now that the work is done I once again feel nothing more than dread and emptiness. Still looking forward to get home. These days I can't do much else than sooth my mind with the hope that things will get better one day.
Also is it maybe really just the time of the year? Can't remember that I've felt this depressed any time during summer.
No. 12687
My right arm is in a sling until my broken clavicle heals, but I was still able to draw and write a little today. The trick is to use a small notepad held with my left hand, then i move or turn the paper as needed while I sketch or write with my right hand. Doing quality work is still a long way off (but who am I kidding-that was probably true even before I crashed). Anyway, I just like jotting down little things throughout the day, and it's good that I can at least get back to that.
No. 12688
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It was the strangest and most emotionally charged week in all recent years, there were a lot of sad moments but for some reason I only feel peace inside.

My mother and stepfather took me to a cafe while they were drunk (they're drunk 99% of the time) and for some reason stepfather with whom I don't interact tried to create with me a meaningful bond, he even bought me a pizza, a luxury food which is bought only on holidays. He is a good guy and I like him, people on 4chan most probably would call him "beta". He's a typical post-Soviet 50yo low-skill worker living in Ukraine, that should tell you a lot about his intellectual abilities, wealth, habits and worldview.
The next morning I woke up shocked, because I dreamed of how I wept about the poor state of my stepfather and other similar people, I was sorry that because of the difficult material conditions many people aren't capable to develop fully, our consciousness IS determined by our material conditions and environment, so it's the fault of society if a genetically healthy person becomes stupid, poor, lazy or criminal. I think very badly about my people and despise uneducated persons, but I still love them and deeply regret the lost opportunities, it’s not the person’s fault if he wasn’t lucky enough to get material conditions that would make him second Einsten or Jeff Bezos.
I was shocked because I had never so strongly and sincerely cried in my life or in a dream since my grandmother died about 10 years ago, the last time I cried in a dream was also more than 10 years ago, that dream I remember even today: I rolled down a hill and found myself in a forest without my mother.
A few days later I had a similar dream, I cried again but this time I thought about future Ukrainian elections, about how Poroshenko will try to deceive the electorate to stay in power, how meaningless will be election considering that the two biggest presidential candidates, Poroshenko and Tymoshenko, are terribly corrupt and will not bring the change. I felt sorry for people who, because of their low awareness, vote for their butchers.

Then the only person, a girl I liked, with whom I spoke regularly outside of imageboards, for no apparent reason said that we should stop communicating and sarcastically wished me not to get depressed. This person didn't know that I hardly ever leave the house and this is the only person with whom I speak, and the fact that I have depression for several years. I'm surprised that everything turned out this way, I acted like a normie and I don't see any major mistakes on my part.
All this gave me a relief from worries, I want to try to get back on my path of self-improvement, start to draw again...
No. 12689
>he even bought me a pizza, a luxury food

I didn't realize living conditions in Ukraine were truly so rough. Anyway, thank you for the soulful post Ernst. I wish you nothing but the best of luck in your journey.
No. 12707
I haven't slept for 3 days, I'm trippin balls

I feel good
No. 12720
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Today was really tiring. I helped out at the library.
The IT people came around so I don't have to fuck around with computers any more. I've been actively campaigning for this for two months. Always mentioned the issue to the vice principals, and I also wrote a letter, detailing what needed to be done. I'd consider this a win.
Best of all, I got in no trouble. I thought I'd be marked as a dissident or something for doing this, but in the end, everything is fine. The librarian thanked me for my active participation in the solution.

Spent two hours taking extra lessons from maths with my private maths teacher.
I have high hopes regarding my mathematics grade this year.

Honestly, I feel so tired, I'm seriously contemplating skipping classes tomorrow. But it's be important to be there, so I'm torn.

I also got my first sort of official translation commission. I have to translate one of my father's articles into English. In exchange he'll give be 30 Euros when I'm going to Wien on Saturday with my classmates.
I'm hoping to spend it on some Mozart Kugeln (For Christmas gifts) and maybe a book. Something German. Though I'm not sure if I'll have the chance to go to a bookshop.
We'll also visit the Museum of Natural Sciences.

I feel a lot more energetic nowdays, even with only sleeping six hours yesterday. I study more, and I'm also more talkative.

Well, it was a three hour long play, with vivid imagery and a hectic plot.
It started off a bit brutal for my taste, with two sex scenes that were almost overly visual, a night-club scene and then almost sex again, but it got more and more tame as the piece went on.
It was really clever with the scenery.
Sometimes little letters would appear above the stage on the dark celling if they wanted to express something, like a date, or point out how stupid what the character said just was, to make it funny.
Franz states, "Well, how many unemployed can be in Berlin?" and then it would appear in a depressing manner that "667000" unemployed people live in Berlin.

The theatre also has a special stage, where the middle can be spun like a carousel, giving more mobility to the set pieces.

Anyway, I liked it. I felt really drawn in at times. Like I was there.
The last scene was especially interesting. Franz and one of his female friends are standing over the grave of his girlfriend, and after they talk, the woman walks away into the light, and Franz into the dark, with a line of text appearing that "After this, Franz got a job as a janitor in a factory. After this point, nothing worth mentioning happened in his life."
No. 12743
Catching up for several days:
I got part of my hair dyed. The flat mate was like "please please please can I do it?" and I said "Okay, but I want purple". Now I have a purple tip on my braid.
Can recommend, it kind of looks cool and it resulted in sex.

Other than that, i bought a server at hetzners Server auction. It was cheap because it's hardware that does not fit in their normal roster, so they can't sell it in any of the standard price pools.
Apparently a former customer has ordered a special configuration and re-assembling it costs more than simply re-selling it as half-priced special deal.
I woner if they overlooked something though, because I have 1gbit up and down with unlimited bandwidth for less than 30 euros (plus 2x3TiB, i7 with 8 cores and 16GiB of RAM). I will probably make use of the unlimited bandwidth by setting up a repository mirror for a bunch of Linux distros.
Might host a few game servers on there too, Ernstchan could use its own UT2k4 and quake3 server, right?
So far I've only set it up as external compile station and ssh-proxy/tunnel/relay so I can dial back home from outside without using dyndns.
No. 12770
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That feel when the last few months being so scant on work (and failing to get any responses to new job applications) has left me with way too much free time and the isolation and lack of mental simulation is causing me to unhinge a bit. Don't know how to feel about it, but I am increasingly aware of what motivates the brick to rap when drunk.

Also, I accidentally revealed a fraction of my power level and caused offence recently. Apparently, NTs don't appreciate the concept of being rational agents and thus motivated by self-interest. They fail to comprehend that self-interest does not imply vice or ill intent. First time I've triggered the neurotypical social meme field in a while.
No. 12779
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So I've just been sitting here in front of the computer screen, doing nothing but eating semechki for an hours
No. 12780
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Going back to work feels awful. That's about it.
No. 12782
is your floor also littered with peels?

Not happening much anyway in my life. I'm close to finishing my paper before I can add and rework details. Reading Ernst Jünger and Elfriede Jelinek. Thinking about starting an introduction book to either Thomas Aquin, Siegfried Kracauer or Modern Art Theory.
No. 12784
After vacation or unemployment?
>is your floor also littered with peels?
Yeeees, it's awful, even if I collect most of the outer peels, there's this inner peel stuff that gets everywhere, on the table, mousepad, etc.
Probably why I don't buy them more often
No. 12785
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This morning was foggy again and this time I took my camera with me on my early morning walk.

I tried to make as few photos as possible and force myself to put more effort into each. When I was going through them just now I kept almost 90% of them and ~75% are good enough to justify filtering them manually. Here is a selection.
No. 12786
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No. 12787
Today was an exceptionally fine day.
We had a hour long break before the extra literature class, and I was the only guy in a room with a bunch of girls. We talked, and we laughed. I'm proud of myself, that I actually spent that time talking and joking. I felt like a true dandy.
I think one of my classmates might like me. I'm not sure. She asked if I'd accompany her to the bus stop.

I bought a copy of Stendhal's Red and Black. The street vendors have risen their prices. Now it's 400HUF(1.24EUR) instead of 300HUF (0.93).

Tomorrow I'll be staying home. I have a bureaucratic matter at hand, and then I'll be translating that article I have to.
No. 12788
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The end.
I didn't walk very far into the fields this time because I was actually working when I realized how foggy it was outside and took a break to have this moment of serenity. But that meant I couldn't just walk around for hours, so I enjoyed about half an hour of it before I went back.
No. 12789
>We had a hour long break before the extra literature class, and I was the only guy in a room with a bunch of girls. We talked, and we laughed. I'm proud of myself, that I actually spent that time talking and joking. I felt like a true dandy.
>I think one of my classmates might like me. I'm not sure. She asked if I'd accompany her to the bus stop.

Heh, that sounds like the beginning of a japanese VN.
I'm glad you had a nice day.
No. 12790
Oh btw, the reason I like to walk between those 20 story concrete buildings on foggy or particularly cold and gray winter days is the atmosphere, which reminds me in a way of City 17 in HL2, especially when there are ravens or flocks of pidgeons taking off in the distance and surrounding these buildings. It is a very special kind of cozy for me and I try to capute this aspect in the photos when I get the opportunity.
No. 12791 Kontra

No. 12793
just go outside to eat them :DDD

Those are the days man. Good for you.
No. 12795
In the last ~4 days I've been feeling rather alive. Like a proper teenager.
I feel much more outgoing, and at the same time I can still focus on my studies too.

I might have also solved my "Hungarian national epic" itch. I came across a work called "The Run of Zalán", which is apparently a "Heroic poem in ten songs" and tells the tale of a battle during the Hungarian conquest of the Carpathian Basin. And it's by a prominent poet of the Enlightenment era too, so I have my hopes up.
Though after asking, we have no true "Folk-epic", which makes me a bit sad.

I'll be crowning this week with a visit to Vienna. I'll have my first pay-check for my first proper translation in my pocket, so it'll be great.
No. 12796
Sounds good. Do tell if that Run of Zalán is any good. Or rather, what qualities it has and what it's lacking compared to the Niebelungenlied.

Also, is there no folk epic about Vlad the impaler defeating the Ottomans? Seems kind of obligatory to have for Hungary, no?
No. 12803
Vlad the Impaler is a Romanian figure. He was the prince of Wallachia.
Our king, Mathias Corvinus actually put him in prison.

Honestly, as far as I can tell, Hungarian folk culture is relegated to songs, Märchen and ballads. (There are a lot of tales about the aforementioned Mathias Corvinus, and he is nicknamed "The Just" in Hungarian folklore, and there are even somewhat older tales that take elements from our presumed ancient beliefs and mythology)
Every epic we have is "Artificial", as in, it was written by someone we know.
The one that is close to being a folk epic is János Arany's "Toldi" from 1846, which uses a folk myth as its base, and the language of the peasantry.

Guess what I'm looking for, is something of a courtly epic. The reason I like Nibelungenlied is the mixing of Christian chivalry with pagan brutality and passion.
For me, Siegfried is THE hero. A honest, demi-god warrior with a heart of gold (Even if other versions don't depict him as such).
Or there is the friendship of Hagen and Volker. Fighting until their very last breath.
It's this depiction of honesty, friendship and love that I absolutely adore in this epic, and I feel that others sort of lack this in some sense.

This is what I found lacking in Beowulf too. No great friendship, Beowulf is killing monsters who are definitively evil, while in the Nibelungenlied, everyone is sort of right and has a sense of morality. You could say Hagen was right for killing Siegfried, or that Kriemhild was right for taking revenge. Nobody has the "moral upper hand", I can identify a bit with everyone's cause.
No. 12809
I just found out about the composer Borodin and decided to try some of his music because his bio on wiki was ebin. I wish I could say something smart and substantive to describe the symphony I listened to but sadly I don't think I have the domain specific language/knowledge necessary to do so when it comes to music. I can say I liked it, however.
No. 12810
Just finished a lazy introduction for my essay. Now it's a whole essay and I will go over it tomorrow again before sending it to some peers 'proof'reading it besides some orthographic mistakes or grammar I need to know if my argument is understandable and maybe not as thin as I think it is, I'm already a few pages above what is expected and I could write much more detailed and profound, meh before I will send it to my lecturer.
No. 12811
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I want answer so many posts on EC but I so lazy and so tired of doiung anything
No. 12816
Sometimes I need a drink to remember how miserable I actually am.
Then I need another few to make me forget about it.
Cheers mates.
No. 12817
No. 12818
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I was sick for a week. Now that I'm back to work I feel like it's a good deal to be disabled and living on disability bucks.

At least you're not dead tired to read or even comprehend what's written on the screen and just want to sleep. That's how I feel for most of the time and it's not okay. My life's not okay.
No. 12822
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Today I embarrassed myself by greet my Korean friend whom I had not seen in a while, only to discover that I had misread the face and it was in fact a totally different Asian guy.

Such cases. I wonder sometimes if I might be partially face blind.
No. 12823
Today was pretty meh.
I translated that article I had to for my father. It wasn't that hard in retrospect. I'm currently checking it for errors. This took up most of my day.

The house got a new internet service today, and it's absolute ass, because the router they gave us is too weak to reach my room. I'm basically browsing the internet at a 90s pace. I'm mad, because I was promised that it'll be "super fast", and now my internet is shittier than ever. I can't watch videos at 480p for example.

I ordered some books from Germany. Just German versions of some works I've already read.
No. 12827
Your review really makes me want to start reading it but I really should finish something from the stack of books I'm halfway through first

I know it may sound stupid, but you seem depressed. Just a few weeks back I felt a very similar way, but then it went away somehow. So I hope it will happen for you too. I don't mean to rub salt in your wounds, but try changing things up a bit and have some courage
No. 12832
My mom is a lot into reading, classical literature as well as schlock. We sometimes talk about classical russian literature, especially about how most of them were obviously mentally ill and their works reflect their insanity, it's something we can discuss that parallels my own mental problems. She has also read the entire steven king library (librography), neil gaiman, terry pratchett, etc. I also like these authors. But we can't really sit down, read books together, talk about stuff, socialize because mom's at work most of the time and stressed out, and I'm often too depressed to socialize. Also we have no money to go anywhere.

Dad's a violent drunk retard, but he is pretty KC tier and likes talking about KC tier topics, also he was the one who bought me all those encyclopedia books and documentary VHS tapes, turning me into an autist. I'm quite grateful for that. But he's often too drunk to have a conversation with, have no mony to go anywhere.

This situation makes me sad. I wish we were a normal family, so we could watch movies together, talk about them, read books and do idle activities, go somewhere, etc. And I wish mom and dad could talk to each other for more than 5 minutes without starting a scene.

I wonder how that feels, just sitting down with your family and having fun. I'm estranged even from my older brother, who left home early to escape the toxic and abusive atmosphere. He largely avoids our family, we never do anything together.

I sometimes want to sit down with dad and watch one of those dumb schlocky action movies that he likes. But of course, not with the real him. With the dad he could have been.

I sometimes want to take my mom somewhere. Go to a library, buy a book, sit down at a cafe. Maybe even play video games with her, as she has expressed interest.

You know what, in the rare times that I imagine having a gf, I imagine doing things with her that I used to do with mom as a kid, or things I want to do with her now. My mom is my best friend after all, she knows and understands me the best. I have never met a girl I respected as much as my mom, or would want to spend time with rather than my mom. I don't know why I'm writing this, just one of these moods I guess.
No. 12834
You need to extricate yourself from him and not follow in his footsteps. Being an alcoholic is the same as being a heroin junkie. The best thing is to be your own person and not think you can fix people.
No. 12836
Other Hungarian here.
I didn't read Niebelungenlied and the Run of Zalán only partially back then. What from the first Blick anyone can tell is that the Nlied. is more of a folksy poem due to it's structure (while I wouldn't call it a folk-epic how my esteemed colleague might describe it, it's a "normal" epic, me thinks) and the RoZ was created on the template of Iliad or Aeneid due it's hexameter rhythm.

It really made me think I should as well. Also the RoZ. Nowadays I read Iliad, as I read that too only partially.
No. 12838
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>I sometimes want to take my mom somewhere. Go to a library, buy a book, sit down at a cafe. Maybe even play video games with her, as she has expressed interest.

Do it. She won't be around forever. Speaking from experience with that one. Hell, something simple that'll be proper nice for your mum and you would be for you to pinch your pennies for a bit and take her out for a coffee or a pot of tea or some shit like that after she gets home. It's a small enough time investment that it won't affect other shit she might have to do but it gives her some downtime and you get to spend time together. Sounds kind of gomo as I re-read it but maybe it'll give you an idea of your own to work with.

As for video games, depending on what kind of game she expressed interest in, there might be the possibility to do PBEM which is multiplayer where the turns are made when it's convenient for the player whose turn it is. Could help with the clashing timetables thing. There are also paper RPGs designed for one player if you want something more involved, but that's also a bit more workload for both people and it requires aligned timetables.
No. 12848
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Drugged in my bed now, very cozy.
Today was a really relaxed day at work as none if the kitchen personnel was around and only 4 of us sub-contract workers had to work. Also it was the first time that I met students, which was nice too as I could talk to them better than to the usual co-workers. Tomorrow we'll work together again, so I'm looking forward a bit even though I'm afraid that my boss will be a bit mad about me because the I cleaned the kitchen quite half-assed, which is a bit stupid because he actually is a very friendly in a rough way and told us to go and eat something from the buffet without counting it as a break. Then again it's just been my second time in that kitchen so I think I'll be able to find an excuse for it (especially as that evening no-one was around who has really worked there for a longer time). Well, we'll see. However that's one interesting thing about being a subcontract-worker: you get to know lots and lots of people and the great majority of them is alright and supportive as all of us always are at the bottom of the hierarchy anyways. Sadly with the most of them you don't get to stick together for much longer as the working place and workers change very often. Also so far I haven't really got to know anyone a bit closer for those reason, just some talking every then and now. Maybe I should befriend some co-workers (if it were actually possible due to their constant change - I guess it's good for the company go keep the workers atomized so they don't start to question something).
Some of my "refugee" co-workers have invited me over to smoke some weed but as I rather dislike cannabis I have always declined so far.
By the way there are around one million sub-contract workers in Germany at the moment. I think the whole thing is quite disgusting tbh as you get paid less than other workers for doing exactly the same but then again especially for unqualified workers and immigrants there isn't an easier way to get a job. I guess in the end out-sourcing is just the most profitable way, so the numbers of subcontract-workers constantly grow every year. Do you have sames in your country?
No. 12851
44 kB, 550 × 458
Actually felt surprisingly good today
I don't remember when was the last time I didn't feel at least slightly awkward walking past people on the street or talking to the cashier at the supermarket
I know this kind of positive feeling only from taking MDMA

My secret is that I didn't start browsing any social media until the evening, as I set up my computer yesterday so I could start working immediately. I even managed to write a whole page for my thesis which is probably more than last month combined

I also listened to some classical music and went for a walk, and greeted all the people, even though I only nodded to them

In short - I felt as if I've just purchased the Montegrappa Sylvester Stallone Chaos Limited Edition Fountain Pen -Xtra Fine
No. 12855
420 kB, 1200 × 1920
185 kB, 1200 × 767
>Do you have sames in your country?
The type of Temporary Staffing work you're describing is common in the US, but is a lot more widespread in Germany(2% of our workforce compared to 12%[pic 1]).I always liked going to Staffing agencies because they were easy interviews for me to get through.
>I felt as if I've just purchased the Montegrappa Sylvester Stallone Chaos Limited Edition Fountain Pen -Xtra Fine
I aspire to such feelings, but to achieve them without purchasing such a pen has always seemed impossible.
No. 12861
>it's good for the company go keep the workers atomized

It's in general a good idea for power instances to atomize the 'mass'. I know this feel a bit as I've worked low end jobs myself. Usually you have friendly people that help each other at work but it ends there. These acts of support and communitization don't continue into every day life really. It just temporary collectives.

If you are interested in such things and why it happens I could advice you Oliver Nachtwey: Die Abstiegsgesellschaft. It deals with the social change from the 1960s to the present including the flexibilization of work and what that means for the Leiharbeiter and his life. It's basically an analysis about the change from keynesian-fordist economy to neoliberalism aka postfordism. That change brought an uncertainty to the lower and middle classes,it's both real as existential uncertainty and also just perceived decline realer Abstieg der unteren Schichten, also eine Existenz führen, die in Dt. tatsächlich bedeutet, kämpfen zu müssen um ein halbwegs normales Leben und daneben gibt es dann noch den nur als drohend wahrgenommenen Abstieg, vor allem der Mittelschichten, die Angst davor haben, nach unten abzusteigen, obwohl es ihnen eigentlich ganz gut geht. Leiharbeiter in ihrer Präsenz am Arbeitsplatz führen den Festangestellten vor, was sein könnte, also ist man doch froh um seine Festanstellung und nimmt vieles hin, um sie zu behalten z.B.

>as I set up my computer yesterday so I could start working immediately

If you fail, try Cold Turkey Blocker. Pain in the ass but it works and keeps you off the internet sites you dare to visit.
No. 12872
Spent whole day fixing brother's headphone because I have no soldering iron.

Hope I'll be able to afford some electronics dyi stuff soon, always wanted to learn that stuff.
No. 12875
First day I had to light up the stove. Only 1° this night. Winter has officialy arrived.
No. 12877
I have no energy, I didn't even go outside today.
No. 12879
When I've worked in really low end jobs dominated by foreigners, there were no real friendly people at all. I kind of envy you for that. It was a pretty horrible experience to have the small teams you're assigned to deliberately say nothing in English unless they're yelling at you for screwing up on your first few days, and then going behind your back, lying to the boss to try and get you fired. I didn't meet a cool foreigner until I got into average shitjobs where my existence wasn't threatening their ability to get their third cousin a job or some shit.

Do you guys have charity shops over in Brickistan? Like places that people donate their old stuff that's still good but they don't want anymore? They sometimes have textbooks on all sorts of things and in some of the bigger ones, you'll probably find multimeters and soldering irons too, all of it for relative peanuts.
No. 12880
Thanks for a new wallpaper
No. 12881
I thought my gf was dead and it turned out she was "only" at an hospital, she's spending the week end at my place right now and she wants to live with me. I wanted to kill myself last week and now I see the light again. I know I'm a cuntslave et cetera but it still made these last days brighter to know I wasn't alone.
No. 12885
when did you get gf ?
No. 12888
867 kB, 750 × 1125
Go outside, it will give you energy ffs
No. 12893
I don't know how I missed these, but they're really good. Seeing  colorful leaves on the ground like that makes me miss the proper Autumns I used get up north.
t. Sufferer of perpetual Summer
>I didn't even go outside today
Sames. Not malaise related, just injured. Hope you feel better. >>12888 is right, but I know it can be a Catch 22 situation.
No. 12894 Kontra
Autumns I used to get up north.
Someday I'll get better at proofreading.
No. 12895
Anyone employ any strategies to deal with depression.
Such as shouting have a great day or something silly.
Your own mind is your prison, but would be interested if anyone does this, might give it a try, go into a power stance and shout something silly when I wake up.
No. 12897
The best guard against depression is to stay mentally and physically active tbh

You know the usual stuff, go outside, steady work, socialize, that sort of thing. Mainly it comes from negative thinking and dwelling on things when people say "I'm depressed". Sleeping and eating right. It isn't magical.
No. 12899
Welp, I completely lost control to blind rage for the first time in probably a year and broke my brand new phone. I knew I shouldn't have bought that thing, it was no use to me, but mom insisted because she has a weird idea of me being a "proper person" by owning new phones and wearing nice clothes. I say, mental well being comes before accessories and nice clothes in becoming a normal person. That's why I dislike superficiality: a lie always exposes itself in the end.

I lost control of my actions and threw my phone accross the room at my little brother when, at being told that I'm not going to fix his computer today as I'm tired (he's been nagging me about it the whole week and couldn't get a hint), he became enraged and hit me with his nerf rifle. I was ready to strangle him in that moment.

So much for meditation.
No. 12900
I spent yesterday in Vienna. It was a school trip, but an enjoyable one.
I was the interpreter for the group, even though we had multiple students studying German for +10 years.
Anyway, we've looked at the architecture a bit, and I also bought some stuff at the Weinachtmarkt to give to my family for Christmas.

The Viennese Museum of Natural Sciences was really good. The collection is incredibly rich, and covers a wide range of topics.
I finally had the chance to see the Venus of Willendorf, which is constantly hyped in textbooks here.

Yeah, it was great fun. Took some pictures too. I can't upload them because my internet is still ass. (Wifi signal still barely reaches my room)
I'll upload a few pictures once it's fixed. (So in about three weeks, you should be getting some pictures :^) )

For some reason nobody is at home, and I'm seriously contemplating going to a fast food restaurant for lunch.
Still have a book to read for tomorrow, and a test to study for. I'm also contemplating skipping Monday.
Probably nothing will come from either of these ideas.
I'll be starving at home, and then I'll be going in Monday.
My new idea is to just simply move the desk closer to the wall and see if the signal is stronger there or something. But I doubt.
No. 12901
And apparently he broke mom's phone yesterday and hid it. Ebin.

I wish that mentally challenged sperg retard was never born, this family has enough crazy people in it already.
No. 12902
Talking about myself btw x-D
No. 12903
Well, try and try again. It's all you can ever do.

I should have some photos from my last visit to that museum, which was about 7 years ago. Can't remember much from the visit except the entrance hall, which was quite impressive. The problem with short vacations is always that you try to see way too many things and then don't remember any of them clearly. Did you buy any books in Vienna, as you planned to?

btw. it's "Wei__h__nacht__s__markt", from "Weihe" (benediction iirc) and it's a "Markt zur Weihnacht", hence the 's'.
No. 12904
Cheers I have self medicated with alcohol for 20+ years.
Sleep is the greatest prize, I can only achieve this with spirits.
No. 12905
Sometimes I wish I had the courage to kms.

I can only see good coming out of that action. My existence is a selfish burden not only on those around me, but on myself. I've long been obsessed with the idea that I'm a terrible person. Terrible in a qualitative sense, as in low quality, flawed, fundamentally broken. I can't think of the best way to reconcile the mistake of my existence than to destroy myself.

I'm sure if there was a god, he'd have smote me in disgust a long time ago.

Close family members would probably feel bad about it, but objectively speaking, they'd be better off. I wouldn't be the first person in our extended family to have killed himself. Everyone's reaction to the previous one was pretty much "eh, saw that coming". I hope for a similar response.
No. 12907
No. Didn't really have time for that. I just looked around and photographed.
I'm not even sad about it, because I aready scratched that itch when I ordered those German books online.

>btw. it's "Wei__h__nacht__s__markt", from "Weihe" (benediction iirc) and it's a "Markt zur Weihnacht", hence the 's'.
Well, I wrote it that way, and then I unleashed firefox's spellchecker on it, turning it into that.
Guess it's a sign that man shouldn't always trust technology.
No. 12917
I managed to solve my internet problem.
I dragged a 20 metre long cable trough the house and connected the PC with the Router
And now I'm praying for a new router.
Not perfect by any means, but still better than getting only a few bytes per second.
No. 12918
Looks like today I released all of this week's pent up psychosis in one intense episode.

It feels like I just woke up from a dream, acting without consciousness all day.
No. 12922
There's this thing called dynamic meditation, there's 4 stages or something of how you move your body, then one stage of absolute madness, it really gets you out of your head, but I haven't tried regularly so can't comment further.
No. 12941
Hellow is this chan death?
No. 12947
Not very. Hello.
No. 12949
I can feel this weird light tingling I cant even tell if its uncomfortable or not throughout my joints. It is very familiar but I cant for the life of me remember what it's for other than probably bad times. I think it might be getting sick? Or a withdrawal? Or Lyme? I have no idea but I've also been getting weird right muscles, cravings and feeling like I'm about to have panic attacks. I'm also starting to get really tired a lot.

I have no hope for the future, and only believe in darkness, but that is a different matter.
No. 12953
99 kB, 480 × 611
I want to read Either/Or but I have so much coursework for Uni I need to complete to round out this semester.
No. 12973
Sounds like a prolonged lack of sleep and increased stress on your immune system. Have you tried just doing nothing for at least one day and sleeping longer?
No. 12985
Yeah I actually just slept long and hard after completely ruining my sleep schedule. I cant imagine anything that would be causing that kind of actual stress but I skipped a night of sleep this week and man did that fuck me up worse than usual. My hands and whole body still feels abnormally cold prone.
No. 12987
703 kB, 1753 × 1236
I stand by my past actions in bowing to the power of this man's autism.
No. 12988
93 kB, 496 × 562
His art is the most authentic ghetto shit ever. It's glorious. I'm loving it.
No. 12989
There is a saying that every illness is stress. We use the word in a very specific sense day to day, but it's a hollow word-shell.
Think of the stress that causes a bridge to collapse or a fuse to burn. Stress is if any kind of system is dialed up and worked in overdrive, which eventually results in breakage.
How many ml of blood can be pumped through a certain vein before it's overstressed? How much is actually being pumped?
How much serotonin can your nervous system endure? How much of anything can anything compensate?
And then think about how the failure of any system can cascade to failures in other systems.

It's entirely possible to be stressed out even though you have absolutely nothing to do or aren't doing anything. Which is why people often don't recognise whatever is happening as a result of stress.
The simplest and most basic form of stress reduction is sleep. If you are able to sleep, do it as a first step. Only if that doesn't work (aka your body is not capable to fix fundamental imbalances right now) look for other solutions. At least that is my recommendation based on experience and some knowledge.
Oh and remember that finding the cause of a problem is much easier if you are well rested because with that comes the ability to concentrate and focus. Hence again: Sleep.
No. 12991
170 kB, 960 × 677
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You ain't seen nothing if you think those are are ghetto. They're just the tip of that iceberg.
No. 12992 Kontra
63 kB, 600 × 400
25 kB, 495 × 500
Feeling pretty awful, and the day barely even started
Got some flowers for my mother - she said that I'm retarded
I wanted to kill myself but today's my mother's birthday
So I'll have to wait and bleed at least until the thursday
No. 12993
I've seen them all but they still get me every time.
No. 12994
41 kB, 188 × 192
Right, I misinterpreted your post as sounding a bit more immediate, like you were seeing them for the first time and loving it rather than having seen his shit and thinking it's funny.

My favourite is the one with Vegeta on a balcony overlooking the beach in Algeirs or some shit. It's actually pretty cool,
pic related
but I can't find it anywhere.
No. 12999
615 kB, 1739 × 1231
Is this it?
No. 13000
19 kB, 495 × 362
I have just taken a shit and my arse is shore.
It was impossible to clean it properly, I mean what the fuck. I ripped some hairs out and after the whole bowl was filled with paper there've been still yellow traces to be found on the paper.

Should I go for a fucking shower or what? Germany is a country of savage untermenschen who can't into Bidets!!!!
No. 13001
Take shower and shave ass hair. Henceforth, wipe ass with baby wipes and shower thereupon.

t. Shiteing prö
No. 13003
We would both be shiteing pros if we just had a fucking bidet installed in our bathrooms like human beings have!! Who was the cunt who has been like all "Yeah let's use fucking paper only in 2018 and get hemorrhoids y'all!!!!11"
No. 13008
Bidets are French and probably muslamic as well. Burger and hemorrhoids ok not halal and continental. Braise absorbant wipes
No. 13012
Yes. Ebin. Thanks fren.
No. 13028
So, I forgot to set my alarm, and everyone in the family forgot about my existence, so I'm sitting at home, skipping classes again.
Spent the morning with re-reading the relevant chapters in the literature text-book.
No. 13044
1,8 MB, 3264 × 1836
I again found this photo in my long forgotten folder. This picture is attached to door of toilet in my apartament. Every time I go do poo-poo I watch on this picture for quite long time. Way back, in 2014, or in 2016 I don't remember I did thread on KrautChan about what that place is
Nobody answered me concretic, only some guesses that this is south england. Will Ernst answer me what this place is?
No. 13045
Upon writing this crap yesterday I took an Etizolam and managed to get through the family gathering without any further stress
Later I read Book Ten of The Brothers Karamazov, the one about Kolya and the dying Ilyusha. It was quite a tearjerker

Today was a good day, I had a great restful sleep because of the benzo, managed to do a bit of writing for my thesis and didn't experience any rebound anxiety yet

Right now I'm having a tea with milk and sugar for the first time in my life, it's unexpectedly good
Last few times I tried black tea without anything it tasted way too bitter and made me nauseous, but maybe I let it brew for too long
No. 13050
212 kB, 900 × 674
I think the concrete pillars in the foreground are the key to identifying this, but I don't know enough about architecture to identify what that structure was. The pillars themselves look relativly modern, but the village nearby looks older.Taking the farmland and coast into account I would guess this is the somewhere in the Netherlands.
t.uninformed opinion giver
No. 13052
could as well be Normandie or Bretagne
No. 13061
This is Portland Isle in Dorset, photo taken somewhere around Langton Herring, overlooking the fleet.
t. google maps pro
No. 13062
107 kB, 1280 × 720
255 kB, 1920 × 607
No. 13064
I've been lurking on kohl the other days. One more sign, and a really big one, that I'm in phase of depression. I got banned today at least for making fun of Bernd. Over the course of the last months I had much to do and kept myself so busy it was easy to ignore the depression kicking in. But the last weeks have been quite shitty. Thank dog university and work give me a structure, even tho the latter want to make me puke. The repetition of it makes me mad and somehow reminds me of a better life I could lead by doing other things instead of working. But I need money... and I should really find out how to find a job that is fun and interesting aka media/culture/the cross of academia and pop culture and so on. Also I want to live in different cities and yet I'm scared to end up as lonely Ernst. I was with other people on the weekend and it was good. Yet I never know what to say until a conversation emerges in most cases. Other people are still way more outgoing and talkative in certain sense. Maybe my humor and field of interest is just different. The more I read, the more I get away from everyday life and conversation of normal people with normal jobs and interests.

Reading a bit more of what interest me now that I nearly have finished my paper and classes were canceled today, for tomorrow I have already read far enough into Jünger.
No. 13065
Oh thank you! I thonked about this place for so long, and now I know where it is! Absoluetly awesome, thanks for help, Ernstchan! Now I know what place I should visit, this place become part of mine life - all my deepest thinks, troughts and dreams was borned when I looked at this picture
No. 13071
>[...]The more I read, the more I get away from everyday life and conversation of normal people with normal jobs and interests. 
I think that this is more of a personal attitude than of a general thing. Sure, for a real friendship certain common interests are necessary to keep it alive and have something to talk about but I still believe that the main drive behind social actions is interest, if you're interested in a person or in talking with a person you'll always find something, well, at least if you've got enough empathy.
At the moment as a subcontract-worker I'm in a situation where what you describe is happening in a bizarrely extrem form: I mostly read 19th century or early 20th century literature but work among people who don't read anything at all. Still every now and then I manage to have a conversation (the longest so far were with some of the refugees as they usually are more easy-going and talkative than the german workers) and often it's even fun. But on other days I just choose to act like a literal robot and only say yes or no or ask work-related stuff which is fine too. In uni I then again I literally never talked to anyone, even when I was active in group-works or contributed a lot to what was talked about in the lectures I usually headed straight out of the room after its end, I was always the first and fasted one to leave class. I guess the sheer amount of people changing in every course was just too much for me. If university had been like working together with the same set of 30 people I would have get used to them and it would have been alright I guess.

By the way currently I'm looking and applying for apprenticeships and now it's clear to me that I will move to another city. Most probably it will either be a medium sized city in eastern germany where I would like the insanely low rents (in comparison to the big cities in western germany) and the political situation or to a small but studentic town in western germany, where the apprenticeship would be better and I'd already have some friends of mine living there.
The feeling that things are going to change is really soothing, guess I'm going to become one of those vagabonds who can't stay at one place too long. Also I'm looking forward to a somewhat better living standard. Won't have much more than now but at least I won't have too much troubles and probably will be able to have my own flat (not shared anymore).

Other than that I feel rather depressed as well but the weather isn't making it much better. Sadly I live in a part of germany where the rarely is any snow to be seen so the only thing I like about winter is missing. Well, maybe the christmas fairs will create a cozy atmosphere.
Now talking of christmas fairs, I remember another day in uni where after everything was done the class decided to visit a christmas fair. I went along and talked to the people while we were in the tram. But shortly after we arrived at our destiny our group was parted by a crowd for a second, which I used to escape the whole situation and fuck off back home. I felt like the living incarnation of Spede that evening.
No. 13075
721 kB, 1895 × 1920
I feel like I don't have the proper technical vocabulary and background in music theory to discuss classical. This makes me wonder, do I even truly enjoy it, or am I just fooling myself into believing I enjoy classical because it's something to do? Maybe if I listen to enough music I will develop the ability to explain why I like some pieces and not others. I wouldn't count on it though.
No. 13093
It's not like I don't can have a conversation with people who don't read much. But I sense that I would like to talk about topics which I'm not able to talk about with these people. Since I read much, I don't make other experience to talk about. Well a bit but not much.

>becoming a vagabond

I wonder if that might happen to me at some point, too. Once you moved away and it is ok, it might be the perfect way to get free of social pressures once in a while.

> I felt like the living incarnation of Spede that evening.

:DDD can relate, but I stayed with my course people until they went off to a bar.

I imagine a shared flat to be better when you are new in a town, because you will have contacts at least. If you have friends, you can live alone rather easily.
No. 13100
Have you considered checking out some relevant resources on music theory or whatever? Listening to music and talking about it are two different skills and while they are certainly connected you're right that it's unlikely to develop the latter by practicing the former

In any case don't beat yourself up about "truly enjoying it", that's up to you to decide really

If music theory seems too hard or sth., just read some biographies of composers or other history stuff about the pieces you listen to, I'm sure the context will already help you appreciate it more. Also trust your intuition with what you like and don't like. Maybe once you develop your taste further you will end up liking something you didn't like or disliking something you used to like, but that's what learning is like
No. 13101
I feel amazing, I love being alive.
This might be mania or psychosis, I love it.
No. 13103
Today was a really good day.
Finally got my hands on my essay that was deemed "good".
"I really liked some of your points. The content and style is the evidence that you both understand and appreciate art." Says the blurb atop the printed text, written in cursive.

I'm still learning mandarin. Around 80 characters in. Got my hands on a Chinese paper and looked at it for a bit. Understood nothing, besides some basic characters.

I'll only have two classes tomorrow, and I'll have one and a half hour between them. So I'll be bringing along a laptop and digitalizing my translation.

Still reading that Shostakovich biography. The first few pages about the Great Purge era made me go "wtf man?". Stalin was one cruel fuck.

For whatever reason, I feel tired. I'll be going to bed soon.
No. 13106
167 kB, 900 × 586
Thank you for the advice Ernst. Perhaps I will look for a biography of Shostakovich as from what I've read on EC it seems like he had an interesting life. Borodin's life was also pretty impressive IMO, judging from wikipedia. I also intend to visit the orchestra in the major city nearest to where I live once the fall semester ends, because they have reduced rate tickets for college students apparently.
No. 13108
The frustrating thing about mania is that you spend your high on doing dumb pointless feel good shit, and after the rebound, you're back where you started from, or even worse.
No. 13109
>thing about mania is that you spend your high on doing dumb pointless feel good shit

Too general. Some people use it in other ways that have little to do with simple drive satisfaction. Mania can give you power to do something that is not simple pleasure like masturbating.
No. 13110
So how can one use it efficiently? Have you ever dealt with it in a good way?

I think mine is over by tomorrow, I feel more anxious and violent now.
No. 13117
Perhaps so, but short hypomanic episodes aren't prolonged enough to use it for something like an important project. At best it can be used to crunch something out before a deadline, but the thing is, one should have the work ethic and foresight to not have to crunch in the first place, and not to rely on a fickle mental state as a crutch.

Either you will do something dumb, or the rebound will fuck you up, or it will end before you can do anything of worth.
No. 13125

Work ethic and time period play a role in the productive outcome, yes. A few days won't be enough. There do bipolar exist that have a few months of mania before breaking down into the abyss again.
No. 13136
This day is finally over.

I actually worked on my translation again. A file got corrupted last time, so I re-translated half of chapter 39 again.
I'm basically re-translating everything instead of digitalizing. I just check my notes when I get stuck.

I realized that somehow I still have around 17 dollars worth of money saved in an envelope. No idea how or why.

Gonna study for a bit and then go to bed. I feel tired.
No. 13146
64 kB, 485 × 330
>Black Friday
>TV is full of recommendations how to return goods after Black Friday
God bless I am poor
No. 13147
22 kB, 620 × 400
...how do you know this much about "Black Friday" and American TV commercials?
No. 13150
What makes you think that commercials were American?
No. 13152
67 kB, 352 × 264
These weren't commercials, this came from morning TV show.
No. 13154
So today is black friday?

I hope I don't get so much overnight parcels tomorrow. Thursday will be a pain in the ass, but I don't work then :DDD

t. part time delivery boy
No. 13156
I found this morning that mine electric kettle is deda, so I will try get new one today, I think.
No. 13157
58 kB, 474 × 594
Wait what the fuck you are foreigners. Why the hell would you even be subjected to black Friday to begin with? It's the day after Thanksgiving sale. It is also a dark day of the holocaust of millions of these birds like some terrible Aztec ritual. Most people, I think, expect true horror to be a faraway thing and are too blissfully ignorant to realize the full magnitude of horror in this world and are temporarily shielded by their own complete lack of awareness.
No. 13160
Thanks to world imperialism, they spread this act of Mammon worshipping sale in our lands.
No. 13161
Don't know what the fuck is Thanksgiving, probable some another chatolic celebration that nobody cares here for last 100 yers, but internet shops and big stores did sales in November black friday very actively... last 3 maybe more years.
No. 13166
Internet shops resell stuff from one country to another, with discounts. To compete real shops provide discounts too. I probably cried in the previous thread that chinese bachelor day is now a big thing in here too.
No. 13167 Kontra
>chinese bachelor day
So that's how it's called.
No. 13173
61 kB, 214 × 300
Yeah black friday is a market thing here in Europe, sell off gadgets nobody needs to people who think they made a good deal which they did not need in the first place anyway
No. 13175
44 kB, 657 × 527
That feel when spent most of the day in a fitful sleep punctuated by periods of waking psychotic catatonia. Feels unproductive man.
No. 13176
Chinese bachelors day.
Also know as Singles day.
More fun is called single dog and lonely cat day.
No. 13178
It is a very new adoption and has already been replaced by Cyber Monday.
At least Europe does not sacrifice a holiday to sell cheap crap.
No. 13179
This Black Friday Sale stuff really took off in the last few years, before nobody cared about it
Now every store does it to stay competitive

What can I complain, I bought a few things too(a Kindle, some clothes and some Chinese 32 GB USB stick for 9 fucking cents that I'll probably give away for Secret Santa)

But now my head is hurting from looking at all the mega hot super cheap killer deals
No. 13180
I look for a cheap and small camera for half the day, something like a GoPro (or rather a cheap copy of it) but can't find anything.
I really want to be a part of this and buy something but i can't find anything i really want or need, not even as christmas gifts for others.
No. 13181
Did you check mydealz already? It's a hellsite, really have to stay focused on your goal when using it

Otherwise there might be some more deals on Cyber Monday™ or you could wait and maybe get it even cheaper on ebay afterwards
No. 13182
The problem isn't really finding cheap cameras, the problem is that the videos they make look like this https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rpV05oUgCPE

I know that i can't expect too much in the price range 20€ - 40€ but when a 8 year old middle class smartphone has better video quality it's problematic.
No. 13183
>buying Chinese garbage
They will do things like sell you a christmas light in a plastic case and try to sell it off as a "laser pointer" (that literally happened to me)

The Chinese are the worst cheats in the world. Not even the most stereotypical Jew is anywhere near the level of Chinese. You never ever get what they claim to be selling you.
No. 13184
Lol, majorty of things you buy made in china, are you from 1980s?
No. 13186
I always got what i ordered from China.
My sister ordered something and now she gets random stuff from them every now and then without ordering anything. She got a string, a hairband, a dress and some other stuff and as far as i know they do that to fake their numbers and make it look like people order more than they actually do.
Kinda funny.
No. 13187
No Ebay and Amazon in 10s. This in particular has convinced me never ever give Alibaba my money. If they pull this shit through American companies on Westerners I can only

wait is that why they fuck us?
No. 13188
Chinese products sold by Chinese companies on the Chinese market and Chinese products made for Western Companies and the Western Market are different things.
No. 13191
79 kB, 640 × 560
what kind of camera would be best if I am interested in taking pictures of pirds, bugs, fungi, and amphibians that I find while I walk around in the woods? I don't know anything about cameras but I see people in this thread discussing them so perhaps a camera pro can help
No. 13192
Probably get a second hand DSLR and spend the rest of the budget on some good lens. Maybe one zoom lens for spontaneous shooting, and one 50mm lens for scenery / portraits / studio setting. Seems to be the most reasonable option.

Lens > body when it comes to price for image quality.
No. 13197
You know what, looks like things ARE getting better.

Sure, I still have my manic and depressive periods, during which I'm not productive, but at least they are not so strong that I become literally insane.

Maybe with time, those cycles will weaken enough for me to be as productive and functional as I would like to be. It just seems that it would take quite a long time. Years.
No. 13199
Wrote a test today.
We were allowed to use our notes.
Which was great because I left my notebook at home.
And I had no notes anyway.
And I studied a completely different chapter than what was in the test.
Great success!

Read half of a 60 page long essay on Socialist Realism, and so far it feels like I'm reading nonsense.
Got interested in it after the Shostakovich biography mentioned Socialist Realism multiple times, and after asking, my history teacher pointed me to this book.

Because it's black Friday, I ordered a book.
A four volume edition of And Quiet Flows the Don by Mikhail Sholokhov. Looked interesting judging by the blurb on the inside of the dust jacket.
And for 3 Euros it's really not that much.
I'm going to buy it with the 5 forint coins I've saved up.
Apparently it's similar to War and Peace somewhat, and it's not overly communist, so I have my hopes up.

Digitalized some more of my translation. I'm determined to be done with digitalizing by the end of the weekend. I shall put myself to work and be done with it.
I also did some research regarding the work's original Japanese title after coming across a strange translation in a literary lexicon yesterday.
No. 13203
What's the biography called? Is it available in English?
No. 13206
I'm happy for you. I hope you can achieve what you're looking for. Lord knows you've been through enough shit to deserve it.
No. 13213
28 kB, 500 × 386
As I was trying to fall asleep yesterday I remembered some Bernd on KC who had a weird countryball(Puerto Rico or sth?)
He was an expat and had some pretty crazy stories about criminal stuff I think
Does anybody remember more?
No. 13214
I just now realized that Ukrainian surname "Tarhan" translates as "cockroach". It's interesting in how many cultures there is a surname in honor of cockroaches.
No. 13217
11,4 MB, 372 pages
Of course it's available in English, because there is quite literally jack fucking shit written about Shostakovich in Hungarian. I've found a 50 year old Soviet biography, one book by Solomon Volkov on Shosty's relationship with Stalin, and there is also Testimony, his alleged memoires, but that's basically unavailable, because they ask 40 bucks for a second hand paperback of the Hungarian edition. So basically, as I said, nothing that's easy to get, relevant or comprehensive.
Here is a PDF if you are interested.
No. 13230
41 kB, 418 × 550
It is disturbing how many people are sadistic in their social interaction, for no other purpose than to feel temporarily alleviated of their own shortcomings and frustrations.

I had just the experience of witnessing a group of three people I know performing this ritual to eachother. Just constant snide remarks, with no humorous or playful intent. Very disturbing.
No. 13236
Read the other half of that study on socialist realism.
Yep, it's bullshit. Just as I suspected.

Spent most of the day lazing around. It's like I'm coming down from a high.
Slept for 10 hours.
Played Postal 2. I like it now that I'm "older" and more "aware".

Tomorrow I'll be studying literature and physics. And some Mandarin.
Physics would be the most important out of these. I'll be writing a test on Monday.

My father wanted to take me to a tea-festival of some sorts, but I'll have to cancel it to focus on my studies.
I feel bad because of it. I talked to my mother about this issue.
The room was completely dark, with only a small ray of light coming from the direction of the kitchen.
She is laying in bed, and I'm sitting in the armchair, looking at the wall, talking. Talking about how I feel I'm being pressured, how I'm a lazy cunt, and how I'm going to make my father feel bad for cancelling this programme, and how in turn it makes me feel bad.
No expressions, only voices, and that quite Russian waltz I have on coming from the other end of the house.
Honestly, I'm at fault completely for all of this.
It'll all be worth it, once I'm admitted to a university and I get a nice white-collar profession, that my mother always said I should aspire to get.
The feeling of shame is killing me.

Time to sleep 9 hours and then get to work.
No. 13237
211 kB, 639 × 963
>She is laying in bed, and I'm sitting in the armchair, looking at the wall, talking. Talking about how I feel I'm being pressured, how I'm a lazy cunt, and how I'm going to make my father feel bad for cancelling this programme, and how in turn it makes me feel bad.

Very soulful.
No. 13243
411 kB, 720 × 398
I moved a bunch of furniture around my room this morning. It feels a lot larger now tbh.
t. feeling much more productive than the other day
No. 13246
4 kB, 235 × 150
I am making good progress in Japanese. The language is very different from English and Russian but I feel like I am slowly but surely getting better at it. Though I probably should not say such things since every time I have to pass a test, I get a subpar mark because of some very foolish mistakes I could have avoided had I paid more attention to the things I was writing.
No. 13347
Today was mediocre.

I talked to the history/literature teacher regarding that study he recommended me about socialist realism.
>"With all due respect, sir, but this is nonsense! 60 pages, and the author said nothing!"
So in the end, I was right that I was reading nonsense.
What a thrill.

I wrote that physics test. Got a three. "Mediocre". At least it's not just a passing grade.

My e-reader's charge was depleted on the way home. Spent around 5 minutes looking at the somewhat Russian looking scenery.
It started raining and it's quite cold now, with lots of mud.

I have a chapter to read from the assigned book, and then I'll have to make notes for it. I need the notes, because we might be allowed to use them during the test we are writing tomorrow.

Slept for two hours in the afternoon. I felt too tired to go on otherwise.
No. 13375
549 kB, 886 × 655
>given nonsense to read
>identified it as nonsense
I think you passed his test.
No. 13396
352 kB, 458 × 480, 0:01
It's apparently Christmas time despite it not yet being the same month as the holiday. It's probably my least favourite time of year tbh. Everybody is too damn in your face all the time because society's memes about 'muh family that I speak to once a year' prevail so greatly around this time. Plus the whole gift exchange thing is tedious at best and outright tense at best since I dislike receiving gifts as it breeds unnecessary obligation and also dislike giving them because I often lack the understanding of people to give good gifts. Somehow though, despite the noise, lights and other assorted bullcrap, it's still socially unacceptable to genuinely dislike christmas and want to spend it alone and like any other day.

Maybe I should fast track my Kazakh studies and apply for a job over there. A majority Islamic country must surely have the Christmas thing toned down, plus it's far enough away from relatives that I can avoid them and they won't want to come to me, and I probably won't know anybody well enough for to be bothered on local social holidays like Nauryz.
No. 13398
I'm having a similar settis through pure coincidence.
It happens to be my birthday today, so for several days in a row now, relatives keep coming out of the woodworks for dinner.

It's even more unfortunate because just in a month or so, it's going to be new years' celebrations, so no peace for me til mid january.

And yeah, we don't have christmas here, but new years' celebrations are a similarly big thing.
No. 13401
29 kB, 236 × 193
I'm constantly getting fucked by deadlines. Why can't I manage time better? It gives me constant worry
No. 13402
322 kB, 800 × 759
>It's apparently Christmas time despite it not yet being the same month as the holiday.
Nowdays people celebrating a month before, which kills all awesomness of holyday. It become some sort of muslim Ramadan.
> A majority Islamic country must surely have the Christmas thing toned down
All post-ussr countries celebrating New Year absoluetly same way as you celebrate christmas
No. 13408
I slept for 5 hours. I feel like dying.
I had five classes, plus two hours of extra maths after school.

I wanted to add more cards to my hanzi pool, but I felt too tired. Only cut up the paper.
I'll do that tomorrow. Close to a hundred characters now.
I also remembered that the school library has a two volume set of bilingual works. (Excerpts from philosophical and literary works, sprinkled with some poetry)
Took a look at that. I'd say I'm farm from understanding anything from it. But it's nice to know it's there.

I'm going to go to bed early today. I'll have a long day tomorrow.
No. 13410
48 kB, 768 × 960
They make me worry as well, it's subtle worry but haunting worry.

I went to a colloquium today, astonishing lecture with a discussion afterwards that gave a peek inside the academic organization. Also it deepened my interest in Bruno Latour, I have to read few of his works at some point, I'm sure now.
No. 13414
281 kB, 492 × 560
Well congrats on surviving another year :-DDD Mine weren't too long ago neither, just a couple of weeks back. Though I didn't remember it was my birthday until my sister brought it up :-D. I know what you mean about the family with that event. Thankfully most of mine just give a quick phone call rather than make some ridiculous event out of it.

Also >>13402
It's a shame that New Years is the same retardation. Maybe I'm just not a festive kind of person but it just seems like a pointless waste of time and resources to do so much of what's done with regards to decorating and celebrating when you could cut the fuss and just do the one somewhat enjoyable thing (food).
No. 13415
>wombats poo in cubes
You've got some really weird shit going on down there mate
No. 13416
They're only mildly cuboid, it's not as extreme as it sounds.
No. 13420
156 kB, 640 × 480
This is not normal. This is what I would think would be contrived to write in a science fiction novel about how the elder gods pooped.
No. 13423
Elder gods' poop is non-Euclidean, Cyclopean and unfathomable.
No. 13428
52 kB, 480 × 436
Fuggen summer is starting to show up. It only gets worse from here. Feels bad man.
No. 13430
1,0 MB, 2592 × 1944
1,7 MB, 2592 × 1944
1,6 MB, 2592 × 1944
1,2 MB, 2592 × 1944
Just wanted to show one of the two parks in the city that don't look like wretched pile of the post-Soviet mistery. The park is quite small and was build somewhere in 2005-2007 on the money of the rich, influental and corrupt owner of the city factory producing aircraft enginges. About 30 ducks of two species and ten turtles live here.

In the middle of the park on the hill stands a huge monument to Svyatoslav, pedestal is often covered in shit because people walk their dogs there despite posters at the entrance prohibiting it. At least government workers regularly clean the pedestal every couple days.

About 30 ducks of two species and a dozen large and small turtles live in an artificial lake. There are also rats between the lake's rocks ofc and the fact they live there not a first year makes me think that the officials just don't give a fuck.
The ducks calmly walk in the park, swim and dive into the lake, they don't run away from people until you get closer than a couple of meters.
A huge flock of seagulls began to visit the park after the onset of cold weather.
No. 13431
Seems breddy noice. I like how the statue has a 'this is my choppy stick' pose :-D
No. 13432
1,5 MB, 2592 × 1944
789 kB, 2592 × 1944
791 kB, 1944 × 2592
On the way to the park I noticed a funny graffiti. In the center of graffiti is written in Russian "Crimea", "FSB" and supposedly "2014"
No. 13433
>wretched pile of the post-Soviet misery
No. 13444
Excellent pictures. Every city needs a place like this to give people a break from all the concrete.
No. 13449
Today I dreamt I was banned on ernstchan after telling a Russian Ernst that you could disable the AI in Victoria 2.

I don't know what my subconscious meant by this.
No. 13450
I think you can disable it if you either fuck with the AI files, or tag-switch over, which sometimes breaks the AI.
No. 13455
28 kB, 326 × 318
I feel dull. My info diet since the death of KC has shrunk, and now a couple of sites, which I can count with my fingers, make my daily F5 habit.
please help
No. 13456
1,0 MB, 1775 × 2853
1,7 MB, 3685 × 1915
Another day where I walk like an undead.

I forgot to set my alarm, so I missed a few of my classes. Slept 10 hours. Still feel tired. I haven't made up for it with the extra two I've slept.

I've met the retired librarian I know today by complete accident. She came back to the school library to do research. We chatted for a bit. She also brought a pile of books. She let me browse through them, and gave me a copy of Milan Kundera's The unbearable lightness of being.

My assburger books arrived from Germany, finally. The Wagner book is maybe a bit rugged, but it's still in a relatively good condition, thanks to the rebinding and the restoration they did on it. (Judging by the new cover, it was probably done by a library)
This Kudrun translation doesn't rhyme either.
It's like the Germans don't like fun or something.

Tomorrow I'll have a biology test on the subject of animal behaviour. I have yet to study for it.

I talked with the music teacher yesterday, and she exclaimed to me happily, "Guess who is going to be the subject of today's lesson? Shostakovich!"
I asked, "How come?", to which the answer was, "It's part of the textbook."
They apparently listened to the third movement of the 11th Symphony. "Why that?" "The textbook has some score for that!"
So today I checked the "State mandated textbook."
It has a whooping 1 page on Shostakovich, half of which is an excerpt from the symphony, that isn't even mentioned in the text itself. For whatever dumb reason they mention the 7th symphony as his big work, yet they put in score from the 11th. I don't want to know why. The reason is probably too contrived, and the illogicalness wouldn't let me sleep.
Maybe it's okay, since it's an "irrelevant" topic.

I also had a pizza today.
No. 13460
233 kB, 640 × 472
Shostakovich and biology? What are you studying?

Also I've ended up relistening to the Revolutions podcast, Episode 7, the revolutions of 1848.
The Hungarian episode is really nice, so I'll leave it here.

Starts at 2 minutes:
No. 13462
>Shostakovich and biology? What are you studying?
I'm a High schooler.
No. 13463
It's the near future. The Victoria 2 AI went rogue and is now enslaving all of humanity to slave away in 19th century factory working conditions. All of humanity? No, a single Russian Ernst is determined to lay an end to this madness. He develops a machine that allows him to enter the dream consciousness of a single person, luckily he manages to contact you. However the Ernstchan mods were accomplices of the AI. The game was rigged from the start. They manage to ban you, however Russian Ernst can travel back to the future to disable the AI, and thanks to you we again have to endure our boring lives of leisure.

Actually it's probably something or other about castration anxiety. Odds are 50-50 I'd say

That reminds me of my dream this night.

I was back in my old flat share, in the small room I used to live in. It was about 8sqm in size, with a bunk bed and a large door-sized window leading to the balcony.
A roommate of mine brought some black-haired girl to live with us. So I started cleaning up my room, and for some reason decided to take apart the mechanism for raising and lowering the window blinds. But apparently I made a mistake while putting it back together since whenever I either tried to pull the line or let it loose the blinds would randomly go down or up, but never completely. So I kept fuddling with the blinds and couldn't leave my room while the girl kept looking at me and silently smiling all the time from outside my room.
In the end I woke up without fixing the blinds and talking to the girl.
No. 13475
Today I will "learn" 100 new words of French (I will know most of them already, merci Guillaume), and review 300. I'll also clear through a bunch of the French Duolingo course. By the end of December I'll be done with my Anki deck of 5000 words, and in two weeks I will be done with the Duolingo course. After that, I'll move on to intensive reading and language practice. I'm trying to get to C1 in French within a few months.

I will also return to studying Korean and Chinese today, though at a slower rate. Just 10 words a day, with the goal of being conversant in a year.

I will also write 1-2k new words in a short story about a Dacian slave in Roman Gaul. It's going to be part of a series of short stories about major changing points in human history. I already completed one about the spread of farming, and another about the spread of Indo-Europeans is half complete, but it's on a HD in a broken computer, so I can't work on it now.

I am trying to do this every day. It feels very good to make gradual but concrete progress after so many years of wasting my life.

Move to Melbourne, mate.

I know this is from a long while ago, but good luck with your self-improvement. You can make good money with drawing, besides the self-fulfillment of making art.
No. 13504
Heil Odin, for you have given me the strenght to wake up earlier. Your blessings are many.
No. 13508
No. 13534
88 kB, 972 × 972
Today I had a dream. In that dream I was in 2011, when life was good and when I had high hopes. Really vivid dream (thanks melatonin).
And now I feel so many regrets.
No. 13537
I dreamt about french autist girl. ;_;
No. 13539
10 kB, 291 × 173
hello varg :3
No. 13560
9 kB, 186 × 356
That feel when I refilled the ice cube tray and spilled it on the floor when bringing it back to the fridge.

I just wanted to top up my cold water.
No. 13564
Good post, I laughed.
No. 13566
God dag :DDDDDDD
No. 13573
I've decided to start workposting here again since it seems more active than it used to be. Hello again ernsts.
No. 13574
Ernstchan feels dumber recently.
No. 13575
32 kB, 304 × 288
I had a 1.5h talk about my paper today. It was Sehr gut, so either 1.0,1.3 or 1.7 I think, he did not say and I did not want to ask the specific note. He hopes that I continue my way thru academia. We talked about my preference for interdisciplinarity and he gave me the advice to do cultural studies MA in Berlin as they are somehow known for doing pioneer works and cultural studies acts on the borders between philosophy, history, sociology and art/literature/aesthetics. I looked at the courses and they sound splendid this semester, I mean like every single seminar and lecture has at least an interesting title. One lecturer wrote a book that introduced me to the heavy thought books of philosophy and sociology ...Theorie in general.

So I never wanted to move to Berlin because everybody does, maybe the hype is gone, Berlin is not Berlin anymore. But if Vienna does not have a similar MA program I will probably move to Berlin in the next years. No other bigger cities exist, Hamburg is to expensive and I want to really get an MA from an institute that takes risk and explores new ways. Cutting edge so to say.
No more trappings in doing an MA that is prone to rather classic history things.

Well lets see what will go on until I have my BA, but at least I know there is more than being trapped in a classic history MA.
No. 13577
Congrats Bernd. What was your paper about?
No. 13593
Yearning for the past and the shut down of the future as room of possibilities.

The argument roughly goes like this: Yearning for the past is more noticeable than in other decades, it goes beyond the usual fashion, why is that so?
The past seems to have an aura (walter benjmain) and aura that contains a promise the present and future are not able to satisfy. that promise is stability. Why do we crave stability? Because neoliberal reforms increased the socio-economic instablity of people/families in the west. time restricted work contracts, higher competition and so on, the future becomes a threat instead of a possibility to be better of. People look for the good old days of 1950s/1960s Fordism. But you will never get that again, it's an historic anomaly I did not mention this one

Basically my paper tries to find and answer for the increased retrospection these days. I highlight the aspect that such diagnoses are always driven by perception and one hast to be careful with such zeitgeist diagnoses. My paper does not want to give totalitarian answer, nor does it claim to do so. Because by doing so it would simultaneously shut down the future too, which is not what I want. There are alternatives going on next to the heavy retrospection but they are marginal in public discourse these days.
No. 13595
I recently finished renovating an office for my self, now I have a cosy place to work from.
Feels happy man.
No. 13603
Interesting thesis, but:
A. The death of alternative ideologies is a big part of it. Marxism and Fascism and any other philosophy of grand sweeping change are dead and discredited in their revolutionary forms, and youth who might have the desire to look forward have no movement to latch onto. The only vital ideological alternative to the neoliberal consensus is Islam, but that is foreign, culturally non-neutral, and idealizing the past as well (although in Europe, a true Islamic state would be entirely innovative by current cultural standards).

B. It sounds like you are appropriately skeptical, but without data to back you up, skepticism just means saying, "well it could be, but we can't really now". You're trying to analyze the real world, so this is theoretically the domain of science. There's lots of interesting work going on that tries to objectify anthropology, and even if you don't do that kind of work you should look into it.

Perhaps look at changes in cultural values between cultures and across time, to hone in on those values which change before/after neoliberalization? Or look at culturally similar nations, one of which is further down the path of neoliberalization. Narrowing down what changes in people's beliefs as a result could help identify some of the root causes of modern hypernostalgia. The World Values Survey goes back to the 80s I believe, and it might at least capture late communist > post communist changes in values.
No. 13604 Kontra
No. 13618
>The death of alternative ideologies is a big part of it.

I know, I mentioned Fukuyamahs End of History. Neoliberalism is basically the hegemony of liberal market capitalism. Political Islam is a totalizing ideology just like fascim, it's nothing innovating.

>object numbers

Data is not objective but is always interpreted. I know STEM are seen as the only factual science because of their predictability. It's hardwired to the mathematical system which only knows right or wrong. But I have my doubts that you can apply it to abstract concepts to measure.

You can ask the reports, you still have to explain why social changes happens like that and you always have to ask yourself how these numbers have been come into being, how they have been interpreted under certain circumstances. You see I don't believe in a real reality, since everything is filtered by the human itself. I don't deny the success STEM has with its methods but humanities has different methods. Positivism in humanities has been known for not working well. There are different modes of recognition and the mathematical method is one.

Instead of asking the people I observe cultural phenomena and ask: why does it happen? You can ask people, but does it tell you everything? Perhaps cultural phenomena and artefacts can tell you similar things in a different way. It's just a tendency, an explanation. It's not the holy truth and one and only valid answer, like 1 + 1 = 2.

Indeed you can use statistics to back you up, but I think in this case you can also read the tendency by looking at whats going on in "life" by that I mean discourse, praxis and materiality of society; maybe described as cultural amalgam. Ofc I was only able to give an insight to Germany and the west in a broader sense, but the US and GB have been the first to witness the dawn of neoliberalism, the books I consulted provided statistics. Isn't it plausible that the threat of losing your time-contracted job in capitalist society makes one worry? Do you need numbers for that or can you get the "numbers" on another way?
No. 13620 Kontra
No. 13638
I've reached the point of recovery where I'm still wearing a sling on my arm, but with only intermittent pain there are brief moments where I try to move it before realizing "Oh yeah, that's still there". When that happens I'm left wondering "How is it possible to forget there's something immobilizing my arm?" Because it shouldn't be just pain that reminds me not to move, but also the past month of post-injury activitiy, as well as the constant physical presence of the sling itself. Maybe my consciousness exists across several paralell realities and I occasionaly slip out of this one, and into another, where my collarbone was never broken and this has been a normal November.
Probably not, though.
Also, if you ever find yourself in need of post-surgery shoulder-snap shirts, I recommend buying a seam-ripper and a snap-press and just making your own. It beats paying $40-$50 for shirts that will only be worn for a month or so hopefully.
No. 13639
The problem with using only your independent reasoning is that you can't falsify your hypotheses. There aren't multiple models of knowing reality - yes, each of us is a brain that has to piece things together to create an imperfect understanding of the world, but that line of thinking is useless unless you want to become a Hindu ascetic.

There exists some reality between us, or at least, the appearance of one, and if for practical purposes we can't treat it as objective, there's no use in any kind of scholasticism, because under those conditions nothing is knowable.

There should be no division between STEM and the humanities, unless we narrow the humanities down to subjects that can only be subjective, such as analysis of art and literature. History, anthropology, the study of culture in pursuit of patterns - this is all science. Even the researcher who cares nothing about theory, and spends all their time in old tomes cataloguing the pre-industrial output of Denmark-Norway on the eve of the 30 Years' War, is a scientist. He is the equivalent of the biologist who spends his time collecting and categorizing specimens in the wild, or the astronomer who manages a huge telescope. People can only dismissively talk of social vs. "real" science because the theoretical side of the social sciences has been slow to turn to data-based empiricism.

I absolutely agree with your thesis, but that doesn't make it true. Right now there is some moron at the Cato Institute writing up an alternative thesis, that states that people are looking to the past because governments have unnecessarily slowed down the progress of capitalism. All of the other morons at the Cato Institute think his thesis is brilliant, and they think that we are both morons for not seeing the obvious truth.

The only way to prove one side right is to have testable hypotheses. For that you need data. It might seem limiting to narrow down the avenues of inquiry to areas where data is available (and sadly in the social sciences this can be limited, compared to "hard" science), but it is regrettably necessary. Data isn't necessary because it's the only way to discover the truth. It's necessary because it's the only way to prove the truth beyond reasonable doubt, to know that you aren't fooling yourself based on your own preconceived notions and the effects of intellectual echo chambers.

There is a place for theorizing without data, but every strong theory needs some anchor in empiricism.
No. 13641
Academic empiricism doesn't just mean muh science. We have tried that in history and it was awful and rightfully discarded. Qualitative Empiricism is about assessing information within various contexts such as its original space and in the academic sphere. It isn't about having le hard numbers, and it has no effect on the rigorousess of the research. Do you expect a maths guy to use a bunsen burner? Then why expect a subject of the humanities to use tools not designed for it?
No. 13643
Not him but certain outcomes should be quantifiable. The idea that everything is, like, just your opinion man is more a taint of post modernism and some of the problems inherent in Critical Theory, i.e. how they are misapplied into being a school of sophistry. The main problem in the humanities though is that some things are just ultimately untestable and cannot be replicated. But the biggest problem with economics is that it's a social science that attempts to masquerade as an actual hard science, which it absolutely isn't.
No. 13645
Some are, but history is much larger than just those small areas. To use the example from above where the guy going through archives is exactly like a scientist working with fundamentally mathematical data is wrong. If the person going through those old books is simply taking that as data then he is a poor historian. Those records are likely inaccurate either intentionally or unintentionally, and may be incomplete too. Most of the data that a historian works with requires interpretation that goes beyond the scope of quantitative analysis. Then there is data selection and filtering which needs to be accounted for too. What data is someone using or not using, relevant to both analysing sources and when reading modern historical works. This does not make it a lesser field, it simply means that the processes involved are different because the the questions asked of the data and the nature of the data itself are completely different. The empirical method is still used, but 'hard' empirical systems have been tried and discarded because they don't really work for our field very well.

This is a fairly recent book that's easy to read and runs through some of the major schools of history. It's good for understanding how a subject like history is not really like a STEM subject since theoretical differences in historiography are not just different hypotheses aiming for a common abstract 'truth' but completely different methodologies that can even cross lines and be borderline different subjects.
No. 13659
Well said. I'm not so sophisticated right know in history of science and science sociology to push my arguments tbh.

Digital Humanities are coming tho. Back to quantification because they get pressured by the "hard" science and come in trouble of justification.

Pure Social Constructivism is faulty I'd say, yes. There must be some object reality, but how can the human know it if everything is filtered by him? There must be some way in acknowledging social constructivism by language and yet accept that there is more. A convergence of hard science and humanities.

The problem with the falsification of my thesis and the Cato Institute is that both can be right by interpreting data in a certain way or falsify it. Data is not objective. What data do you have and collect, how do you do it and so on.
It goes by plausibility and maybe hermeneutics? I'm not sure of this, since I only have a vague idea about the hermeneutic method.
No. 13661 Kontra
The last sentence refers to the method of humanities.
No. 13662
Read Heidegger if you haven't already. He is largely the axis on which modern discussion of hermeneutics in the humanities rotates whether for or against. There is also Gadamer who diverges from Heidegger's conclusions on how context is created and how that needs to be accounted for.

It's not a perfect system though. Those pesky postmodernists make the valid point that you're always going to have a bad time interpreting subjective language with subjective language. I don't necessarily agree with everything they put out since it conflicts with my own methods, but it is an interesting counterpoint and shows why having a broad array of theoretical foundations is healthy to the humanitites. It lets them self-correct instead of getting stuck in one way of thinking about things.
No. 13672
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somebody give me a fat beat

If you wanna know what's
going on
I've got maniacal psychosis
Comin on
Haven't took a bath in way too long
Feeling saturnine so I write this song

Smelling like shit looking way unclean
Never been good with my hygiene
That's coz I'm deficient in norepinephrine
People in the hood be asking "where you been?"
No. 13683
I spent the last two days at home, sleeping and reading.
Read two Chinese short stories.
Besides that, I did basically nothing of value.

Currently making more Chinese flash cards.

I also made tomato soup today.
No. 13688
486 kB, 720 × 720
I ain't got a beat, but how about a mixtape cover? :-DDD
No. 13690
You know you can use Anki for language flashcards. There's a lot of really good Chinese decks available on their website.

Writing down your own cards is a one-time mnemonic boost, but Anki comes with massive advantages in ease and speed.

90% sure we had this same argument a while back on old Ernstchan, and discovered that we don't disagree about a lot.
Perhaps I was too adamant about numbers in particular, but I think for the kind of thing our German friend is doing, quantified data will be a great help. He is ultimately trying to explain a real social phenomenon. He at the very least should form a testable hypothesis, and look for information that could confirm or disprove it. Otherwise it's not science, it's imageboard-tier theorizing.

>The problem with the falsification of my thesis and the Cato Institute is that both can be right by interpreting data in a certain way or falsify it. Data is not objective.

You can both pretend that you're right, but actors operating in good knowledge and good faith, in a properly rigorous discipline, can spot BS if the data doesn't support it.

Social science will never have it as easy as physics in regards to data, but this is an ideal that should be strived for. If you throw up your arms and say "all data is subjective, who even knows", then you're embracing obscurantism, and you might as well give up on scholarship as a serious endeavor.

I just think you're veering dangerously close to wishy-washy postmodernism, and that's the kind of thing that takes good minds and ruins any possibility of worthwhile output.
No. 13691
I don't like using a computer or my phone for things like this.
Having physical cards keeps me more focused, while a digital playground lets me wander off.
I go through a textbook, copy it, and then I use the cards. Why would anki be any faster or any different?
No. 13693
Tbh, it seems that you can't differentiate between the idea of theory in STEM and theory in the humanities. It's not even close to postmodernist theory, and nobody is going 'you can't make any points'. The argument being made is that the conclusions that people will come to are based on their methodology, and in the humanities there are many, and that human data is imperfect which needs to be accounted for. Also, backing up claims is most certainly used like I said. The empirical method of backing up your claims with sources both primary and secondary is used, but quantifying everything isn't done because it's not really that useful to understanding a lot of things.

Neither is quantitative analysis the only way to understand a social phenomenon. In the humanities, quantitative and qualitative research exist cooperatively. If quant people figure out that 4 in 5 people take free ice cream when offered, the qual people do research that aims to answer why. After all, can everything you say, think or do be broken down into numbers? Not really. It's not just theorising and putting out opinions. The method used in qualitative analysis is less about proving or disproving a hypothesis and more about going through your data and seeing what it says, your findings being built with them upon the foundations of other pieces of academic scholarship. What's imageboard-tier theorising is discarding a large and very useful tool in a relevant field because it's not what you use in a totally different field of study on completely different kinds of data to answer completely different kinds of questions.
No. 13697
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Something odd happened to me.
After going out with friends, we ended up at a rural warehouse type thing owned by one of us. After staying inside for a while, drinking and talking, I go outside to urinate This is in a rural area surrounded by farmhouses and fields, outside its essentially a country road leading to a main road going perpendicular to said country road.
As I take a piss, I hear a car coming by the main road, and as it's passing the country road I'm in, the car slows down. It's a minivan similar to the one in the second pic. I couldn't really see it because it was dark, and it slows down as it is passing me. The minivan slows to a near halt, and while I assume the driver was distracted, the car's front right tire falls into the roadside ditch.
I stand there in confusion looking at this vehicle, a near full minute of silence and the van isnt moving after hearing the tire fall into the ditch and cars body scraping against the concrete.

After this, the minivan turns back onto the road and drives away.

I am very confused as to what happened.
No. 13716
I can only agree to this, I've made some of the points in my non-sufficient English before.

I could use statistics that show people have more socio-economic worries. It does not explain why. So I look for answers. I can not give a big fat 600p book synthesis of said phenomenon and even then it won't take in account all possible explanations. History does not work like in a simple causation mechanism and neither does the present and yet it seems like america is looking for this physics tier answer which does not apply to complex social systems. At some point it's more about plausibility and there do exist thesis that this is also true for hard science, mainly philosophical constructivism like Heinz von Foerster I've posted this several times on EC:


You can say that history and certain strands of social science deal with questions that can have no definite answer.
No. 13719
I just heard some Russians speaking to their kid and I could understand what they were saying. My urge to study Russian was been reinvigorated.
No. 13720
>I could understand what they were saying
The closest I've come to that is being able to pick out some verbs when I walk by people speaking Hindi.
t.language noob
t.Indian neighbor haver
No. 13721
>russians in portugal
They most probably oligrhs or mid-level goverment members family. Kill this traitors in a name of east slavs
No. 13732
Diphenhydramine is a bitch. Instead of letting you fall asleep faster, it just lets you sleep like a log. So none of the alarms I set up succeeded to wake me up from my deep slumber and as I woke up I realized that my shift already had started one hour ago. It wasn't too bad but it's the second time it happened this month so I'm sort of worried that the company will give me shit for it. Then again my contract is about to end this month anyways so fuck them. Work itself was pretty cozy but boring, I only had to stand around in a hospital cafeteria and put food on the plates for its visitors, patients and workers. At the beginning I was in a quite bad mood but after a while I got into it again, especially as the people mostly were friendly. It's just been the second time I worked there and it's quite interesting how many different people you see, the people in a hospital (including doctors, workers, patients and visitors) may be very well seen as a representation of society in a whole. Also sometimes customers are really friendly or smile to you which is pretty uplifting, it's not the same as just walking through the city alone. Probably I'm gonna get a bit drunk after work tomorrow and then I'll also use my free days to get back my money from a damaged delivery. Two books missed, the two ones I was looking forward to the most and I bet that those greedy bastards from the page I'm usually buying used books at won't even give me back my money but just a discount code of 15% or something.
No. 13733
>Kill this traitors in a name of east slavs

You -- a idiot. Russian achieve success, mind of peasant immediately think it all stolen?? Maybe real traitor is you!
On a serious note, they were probably Russian speakers from Ukraine or Moldova. Most likely construction work related immigraniada.
No. 13752
>So I never wanted to move to Berlin because everybody does, maybe the hype is gone, Berlin is not Berlin anymore. But if Vienna does not have a similar MA program I will probably move to Berlin in the next years. No other bigger cities exist, Hamburg is to expensive and I want to really get an MA from an institute that takes risk and explores new ways. Cutting edge so to say.

I'm in a similar position thinking about moving to either Berlin or Vienna though I'm not sure if I will go for a master's as my experience with academia wasn't great so far and I can't wait to wrap up my bachelor's soon. Either way, would be cool if you'd give some updates if you find some interesting degree courses or institutes etc. in that direction.
No. 13777
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My internet was off today, so I drew a goat with my little brother's color pencil.

Disclaimer: I have only seen a goat once in my life IRL.
No. 13781
Noce quick drawing. I like style like this, reminds me of Tartakovsky.
No. 13789
40 kB, 612 × 816
That feely feel when EC turns black and then loses all styling.
No. 13793
Strange is the night where black stars rise,
And strange moons circle through the skies,
But stranger still is
Lost Carcosa.
No. 13831
Today was pretty awful.

Turns out that I have to take exams by law if I'm a private student. So I'll have 6 exams from a schoolyear's worth of materials and data.
6. That's more than the maturation exam at the end of HS.
The administration is searching for another law to counter this, but looks like this year I'll get beheaded.
This is so bad, it outweighs everything good that happened today.

Picked up my package. This is the last book I was waiting for. (I was waiting for 3 from Germany, one from Britain, and one from Hungary).
It's a quite nice set of Mihail Solohov's And quiet flows the Don. I paid 2.5 Euros for it. That was nice.
(The English book was an Eileen Chang short story collection)

I spent my free time at school on making notes for Literature class. Turns out I worked ahead quite a bit. The class is only at chapter 7, while I've already made the notes for chapter 8-9-10 (They belong together).
Honestly, this work is incredibly deep.
Asked another literature teacher to help me, and I got 5 pages worth of materials for the book, explaining the relevance of Hegel's triad thesis and Kant's influence.
This was nice too.

Finally not tired. Turns out it wasn't the lack of sleep, but iron deficiency. I feel energetic again.
This is good too.

I'll whether through the exams. Fuck it. I'll win in the end.
No. 13837
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Today I went there again. This time there are more interesting photos.
No. 13838
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No. 13839
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No. 13842
Fucked up my sleep schedule so I've been a bit too agitated to do anything much except reading the last few days, so on the positive I'm at least going to be able to finish my reading challenge this year of 52 books

Already quit coffee hoping it would let me fall asleep earlier but it didn't help
So I'm resorting to some heavier pharmaceutical artillery of 1mg Eitzolam now to try and get a good night's sleep and hopefully fix my schedule somewhat as I really need to finish my paper soon and it's near impossible when you only start working after noon

Nice, looks cozy with all the snow and ice
But often I feel there's something slightly desolate and fragile about such everyday pictures of Ukraine
No. 13845
Very nice and interesting.
No. 13848
I respect those ducks for staying through the winter instead of migrating. Great photos again.
No. 13849
579 kB, 2848 × 2232
I wanted to start an "ernstchan drawing club" in order to motivate myself and others to draw every day, and the principle of the thread was "setting up expectations is what leads to procrastination", so the only rule is that you post something you drew every day, regardless of quality or effort, as long as you draw every day, be it a doodle or some progress on an existing piece. Drawing too little is better than not drawing a all.

But I needed a funny opening image for such a thread, and I had a couple ideas that I started sketching out, but the expectation of a well made OP picture and realization that making such a picture would take actual effort, made me procrastinate and basically I didn't do anything today.

I failed to apply what I was going to preach :-DD

also, I doodled a character concept for a desert bandit for a post apocalyptic setting. he uses a pet eagle to scout his prey.
No. 13850 Kontra
you can tell I've never seen eagles IRL either.
No. 13855
40 kB, 900 × 623
I'd participate except I can't draw to save my fucking life. Especially not with just mouse and MS paint skills.
No. 13856
>desert tracker.jpg
Reminds me of Mordecai from Borderlands.
No. 13866
Well, it doesn't have to be digital.

Like any hobby, you gotta start from zero. A sheet of paper, a pencil, and a beginner's book on drawing.
No. 13868
1,7 MB, 3264 × 1836
Well aren't we just post all our original content in random pictures thread? I think it is already ended like kind of drawing thread. However I not against dedicated thread for drawing if it really be active. I usually don't post much of my stuff, but well there yesturday quick absoluetly random scetches I did while watchind yt videos because can't get sleep.
No. 13882
>ernstchan drawing club
>dedicated thread for drawing
A kind of Today Thread for drawing sounds like a good idea.
No. 13901
Had a terribly tiresome day.
Two hours of extra maths.

I didn't sleep enough, so by the time I got home at 6, I felt really drowsy.

Did a homework where I had to make a map of how different dialects call certain things. (Potato was the example word)
It was really bothersome. Had to look up 40 villages on the map, and then mark them on a map with a colour of a pictogram based on how they say "potato". The bothersome part was that I had the village names on my phone, google maps on my screen, and then the regular map on the table. So it felt disorganised and tiring.

I still have to read a short story for tomorrow's extra literature class, but at this point, I'll leave it for tomorrow. I have an empty class for it anyway.

Learnt half of the 18 hanzi cards I've made. I think I'm making relatively good progress with the language. At least it's the farthest I've ever ventured alone into anything that's this structured and serious.
No. 13906
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Had a day more productive than I thought it would be. I did two calls I was sort of procrastinating, cleaned my room and got called to work a small nightshift, which was pretty nice as there was just enough for me to do to see it more as paid work-out (most of my work places aren't really phsically exhausting, but that one definitely is and I missed it) and we had free food on top of that. There's nothing like coming home from physical labour at night (only downside is that sometimes after working at said place, where it's really loud, before falling asleep suddenly the noises and images from my workplace come back, almost like flashbacks). Also I ordered drugs the other day in some kind of impulsive moment and they'll probably come tomorrow but I have almost no time to take them as I have to continue transcribing a little novella I'm currently working on and will be working nightshifts again at the weekend. Also tomorrow the postman will come over and check my damaged delivery. Guess it will be a comfy day if they don't call me to work again (but even then, that would be alright too but I'd need to manage my time better which is quite hard).
No. 13907
I am become Ivan, lord of fake Russian shitposting from spending so much time hearing it
No. 13920
I've been watching all the 1996 Jonny Quest cartoons the entire week, and that is something I'd prefer to share with ernstchan. I remember that when I was a kid, the weekly broadcasts on Cartoon Network were the high point of the week for me, I would await with great anticipation that next episode, and then force my almost fanatic obsession upon everyone at school.
I went over to reexamine what made the show so YOBA and whether that yobaness has endured and aged and if I can learn something from that. Some episodes are actually purely awesome.


I have seen all the Venture Brothers episodes and I am considering also watching the older, sixties' Jonny Quest cartoons, too, if in part as a homage to my Cartoon Network childhood.
No. 13922
Fixed a neighbour's new laptop. In return, he gave me his old laptop which has problems with the motherboard.
It should be fixable for $80, not a bad price for a mid range netbook for mom.

Other than that, did nothing much, struggling with brain fog and sleep schedule, but at least I feel fine.

Want to get back into programming and learn C because of all the ecosystem, but I hate the design philosophy behind C, its syntax, etc. The languages I actually like have extremely niche communities and sometimes even unfinished implementations of the language standards.
No. 13925
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I have never ever tasted a Monster. I feel like going out right now and buying it because of memes. I did the same thing with doritos and they were awful compared to other brands of these chips I usually buy.
No. 13926
>these chips
It's called Nachos. Trought, I never tried doritos

>I have never ever tasted a Monster.
Why drink this shit? I mean energethics or how this coffein+alchogol crap called.
No. 13928
120 kB, 1080 × 1349
I am curious how the meme tastes for real. My usual drinks of choice are tea, hot chocolate, coffee and high class alco on occasions.
No. 13929
I'm not sure if I ever bought it, or maybe it was a Rockstar Energy or ehat they are called. Prepare for a burst in artificial flavorings. That's all I think.
No. 13930
Also they're actually called tortilla chips. Nachos are a different thing.
No. 13932
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>I am curious how the meme tastes for real.
Like shitty soda most probably. Since this "meme" food associated with "gaymers" and all kinda of groups like this. You want try how it to have pissbottles in your room?
>First created circa 1943 by Ignacio "Nacho" Anaya,[3][4][5] nachos are tortilla chips served with melted or shredded cheese,
Nah, it basicly same thing that at this time is synonim. This one is what I usually eat with this Santa Maria dip cheese sause.
No. 13933
They're actually intensely disgusting and by far the worst put of all the energy drinks. I've had several of them and the taste is hard to describe, but very artificial, and even the sugar tastes very artificial. I think most of them dont even have real sweeteners in them. I mostly only got things like Rockstar and Full Throttle but preferred the full Throttle. Also drank Nos and Red Bull but Red Bull is just too fucking expensive. I ended up buying a full ounce of pure caffeine for $2 instead. I still have some and take little scooper out of it once in awhile to spike my juice or seltzer or whatever I'm drinking especially if I'm too lazy for making coffee.

The one plus side to all this crap is that I've noticed Full Throttle actually gives you an uplifting buzz that the others dont. The rest are just godawful sugar water with caffeine at exorbitantly inflated prices.
No. 13934
100 kB, 493 × 729
>1996 Johnny Quest
I loved the Cartoon Network reboot, but tbh I never stopped to analyze what made it so good. When it came out I just saw something in the production that seemed to be a level above all the other cartoons I was used to. I also still have the comic book put out by Dark Horse that, if I remember correctly, came in a box of cereal(notice there is no cover price).
>the older, sixties' Jonny Quest cartoons
The world travel, music, and great art style combined to make that one of my all-time favorite cozy cartoons. I found them on YouTube a long time ago and had to save them. If you like these, in addition to Venture Brothers, I would reccomend The Adventures of Tintin, which were made in the early 90's.
No. 13936
There's a very big difference between trying out a drink once and collecting piss bottles.
No. 13940
i dojm;'t like anieme for phiolp0osophical reasons

t. phiolosp[her
No. 13942
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If you have to, try the Monster Zero Ultra for the authentic 30yr old boomer feel. I tried it once and it was OK, normal energy drinks are way too sweet for me.
Makes me remember there used to be a pretty neat uncolored one with less sugar and peach ice tea flavor, it was quite alright though I wouldn't drink it today.
Nowadays I mostly drink Mio Mio Mate like a bona fide university student.
No. 13946
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>try the Monster Zero Ultra for the authentic 30yr old boomer feel

What is this even supposed to mean? I really do not understand. Apart from schoolkids the only person I have ever seen drinking these things was Mr. Powalowski. And I always thought he was doing it as it joke. So why would you bring this stuff and thirty year olds together? And where does this boomer mean? If you mean baby boomer you are wrong by at least one generation. I know this is some kind of 4chan-meme, but what is the "logic" behind it?
No. 13951
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Honestly, I think it is just a clever marketing ploy by Monster Beverage Corporation.
I think it is somewhat similar to Wendy's "Smug Wendy" in that regard, but just much less overt.
While Wendy's marketing was obviously "post-ironic" marketing (incredibly insidious and retarded way to make people buy a product), the 30yr old boomer meme has just enough of an element of """""chan-culture""""" to make people think it was created by a genuine poster who is part of the greater community. I do not and cannot know for certain if this is indeed the case, but I have a strong feeling that it is true.

btw energy ultra sunrise is the best flavor of monster energy drink; it tastes the least like an energy drink circa red bull or monster energy original/taurine and the most like a carbonated fruit juice.
No. 13952
Examples of marketing can be seen here:
People who normally would have zero/lessened interest in trying a monster energy drink now suddenly want to try because of "memes". There are also instances of e-celebs who drink or have the "iconic" white can in the background, or speak about the product as a way to take part in "chan-culture". Essentially this is just people unknowingly shilling monster energy drinks for free.
This is why I think that this is a corporate meme and not organic.
No. 13953
8 kB, 339 × 198
I am not sure if I understand well.
You think this picture of a guy looking like Karl Pilkington's cartoon brother from Pripyat with a soda can next to him was literally done and popularized by a marketing company? I would call that a bit of a stretch to be fair. I think you overestimate the range and true impact of Meme Magic™ a little, which seems to be a pretty common thing nowadays. But maybe you're right and I am the one who's in the wrong.

I only ever drank these big energy cans twice in my life, Red Bulls I had a few but I mean those large cans that fuck your metabolism for half a day. Once was when I was really hungover at a cornershop in the early morning, it was already really hot outside so coffee wasn't an option and the shop didn't sell any other chilled sodas but these. I randomly picked watermelon and enjoyed it to my surprise. But when I bought it another day from a supermarket and had it being completely sober it actually tasted like a lab experiment gone awfully wrong. I'll never have these again.
No. 13955
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There might be a little truth in that. I always wanted to know what ES tasted like, after seeing all those Finnish kids being hooked on them.
If this is truly some viral marketing and there are people out there getting payed for such shit, I want a share. How can I apply?

Btw My other question still stands: What is "boomer" supposed to mean?
No. 13956
In russia was same meme about Jaguar drinks - but in kind of more negative way.

But this meme about boomer zoomer already on full power even on cancer russian imageboards, even trought russian 80-90s generations is absoluetly different shit from western ones and this meme can't even remotly have any sense.
No. 13957
I'd say the 30yo boomer thing is self referential.
A lot of 4channel's old users are over or nearing 30. They now have work, have families and even houses.
In essence, they are part of society. It's their requiem and goodbye to their youth. They are mocking themselves, because they became the very thing they derided in their teens and 20s. Working average adults who are tied down in everyday shit.

It's about nostalgia
It's about posing as cool (Hence the energy drink)
It's about turning the inferiority they once associated with oldness into a new superiority (Wealth, experience, independence)
It's about growing up
No. 13962 Kontra
Even with the explanation I barely get it. Also I still do not understand how it got the name. But well, it is 4chan and I do not even want to get in their heads anymore.
No. 13966
That was an accident. Someone was retarded enough to say this, and it stuck.
Originally it didn't even have the Monster can attached.
No. 13968
I like the buzz of energy drinks, but the sugar is too much and they're quite pricey. Basically cost as much as a pack of cigarettes. Unacceptable.

Also, such cravings don't last long for me because I have no inhibition and end up consuming those things so excessively that after a while just thinking about them makes me want to puke.

That's how I quit alcohol, a month long binge on 8+ cans of beer, now just thinking about beer makes my stomach turn.
No. 13969
What will be your next drug of choice?
No. 13970
I found that carbonated water with some lemon or lime juice serves as a pretty ideal supplement for sodas for me. I got one of those things that let you carbonate tab water yourself at home. So instead of having to carry packs or crates with litres and kilos of fluids into my flat each week. All I need to buy is a net of lemons from time to time. For the buzz I just get coffee.
No. 13972
Being so out of touch with contemporary meme culture, I can't help but fathom you might at least partially embody the characteristics of the very "30 year old boomer" that you so vehemently reject to attempt comprehending
No. 13973
Hopefully not anything life ruining.
I've got a dragon chasing personality, probably ties in with the inherent discomfort of simply being conscious that comes from schizo. Any mind altering substance is preferable to the discomfort of sick heda.
I'm looking for that state of contentment with being. Or at the very least a distraction. Alcohol made me content for a while, but then the novelty wore off and the mental impairment just became annoying. Also, the window between "I need more" and "puking my guts out" disappeared somewhere, so every time I drank, I'd end up passing out before I could even enjoy it.

Yeah, carbonated mineral water hits some specific craving. Fortunately, it's quite cheap, and I find drinking mineral water a lot more pleasant than sugary drinks. I don't like sugar in general, it makes me feel ill.
No. 13974
I am sorry, but I fail to understand how I should be able to agree or disagree with you on this, since I still completely lack the understanding for what this meme is even supposed to be or wanting to be. Somebody who is out of his twenties? Yes, I fall into that category. But a lot of people do. If that is all what this meme is about, I do fully embody it, yes.
No. 13977
It highlights the huge disconnect in culture and identity between two generations that are in the same age group, yet grew up in completely different worlds.

So the older generation makes fun of themselves because despite being young, they have become completely out of touch with youth culture, since everything seems to be changing so fast.

Just consider that there are people in your age group who have not used the internet before social media, and who consider Fallout 3 to be an "old game".

History seems to be accelerating because I still catch myself realizing that mass effect 3 is not a recent game.
The AC/DC and classic games part riffs on the phenomenon that peoples' tastes ossify around the age of 30, and they stop discovering new stuff because trends and culture seem to start moving too fast. Personally I've lost track of how many Hitman games there are, and still consider Blood Money and Absolution "recent".

Although I'm not even remotely old, I still feel completely disconnected from kids just 5 years younger than me. They grew up playing release version minecraft since childhood, and I played the alpha as a teenager back when notch posted on 4chan. I'm basically a grandpa to them.
No. 13982
Who cares? Most of what comes out of there is garbage anyway. 4chan pretty much died ten years ago. Now KC is dead too, permanently. Nu4chan and the userbase has nothing at all to do with us or anything it used to be about. You might as well be talking about Myspace memes.
No. 13984
Good post, thank you
No. 13988
I decided yesterday that drinking monsters before going to bed was a bad idea, so I'll buy one today after wörk. The white one for true boomer feels. Thx energy drink pros for advice.
No. 13990
>History seems to be accelerating
It's not history accelerating, it's us decelerating.
No. 13991
200 kB, 1280 × 720
I have a job interview later and instead of preparing myself i'm sitting here, fixing old watches and watching old Terry Davis videos.

Next week i'm going to wonder why i can't find a job again.
No. 13992
I'd say there is something that is accelerating and as consequence of that it takes more effort to keep pace, resulting in a decceleration on our side.
The thing that is accelerating is the amount of progress made in total. What becomes more difficult is for a single mind, or a group of minds, to keep up with every development of a topic or a range of topics.
Thus, someone who was at the top of scientific development in 1700 was an expert in science itself. A hundred years later science had branched off into several specialised fields that a person had to chose between because the collective progress was too much across all fields.
Now we are at a point where every field has so many branches that you can be an expert in something so specific that only a handful of other scientists understand what you are doing and they are all in the same field.
But because progress in any field eventually requires knowledge of other fields to develop further - and we are less capable of keeping up with multiple fields - progress will accelerate overall but will become less accessible for everyone at the same time.

And then we end up as pets to our robot overlords, who will continue progress in our stead and we won't understand or care about any of it.
No. 13994
I want to add that it has been the same for people roundabout 100 years ago. Just imagine the car becoming an everyday thing, the train, telephone and so on. Migration at the level we experience is nothing totally new.

When Hitman Blood Money is recent, it could also mean history does not make any progress at all. Or the progress is marginal? Or not to be seen on the surface so much, as we think it should be, maybe we are just not able to read it like other people might be able?

And to solve this issue more clearly I say something has twisted our perception: maybe that's the usual thing to happen once you go over 25 or so. Or something else causes this perception in us. At the very least I postulate a mix between fact and perception that makes us feel this way.
No. 13995
>something has twisted our perception: maybe that's the usual thing to happen once you go over 25 or so.
I tend to have the same thought, but I also think that that "something" is called life.
When you are 12 years old, one day in your life means 1/4380 of your life experience. When you are 25 years old, one day is already 1/9125 of your life experince.
So, the more you live, the less the time you lived is meaningful for your life experience.
No. 14001
No, there more things happening now compare to 00s. In in averege calm and promesing 00s was feels like we passed most of the shit that we meet in history - that there will never be big wars again, that people are much smarter, more logical and balanced. And with 10s we see comeback of all dumb shit from previous ceturies - again instability, huge political changes, rise of authoritoric goveremnts, again questions about tolerancy, that was seems to be covered already, become something new, society started moving in all directions.
No. 14002
I think the thing to take note is that "time", as human perception, is just a sequence of events. Time doesn't exist unless you're observing sequences of events. That's why clocks were invented - an event every second.

So, subjectively, there is only a sense of time when something is happening. Whenever I have a long, productive day, it feels like morning was yesterday. When I am being a slob, 1 week feels like a day. Humans really have no sense of time, only a sense of events. So if you stop paying attention to events, it feels like no time has passed. But then you one day pay attention, and think "holy shit, how many new Hitman games are there", and time "rebounds" to the present, and it seems like a lot of time has passed in an instant.

Also, as we grow up, our pattern recognition skills get better and better, and we can abstract away a lot of things that would be memorable to us as children. I remember as a child, everything was vivid. I noticed everything, the trees around my house, the cracks of paint on the fences, the buildings around me. All of the people with their peculiar faces, each with their own body language and clothes. Just walking down the street was an adventure: so many new things!

Now as an adult, when I walk down the street, there are only two things occupying my mind: the path ahead, and possible obstacles. Trees are "green brown, whatever, don't walk into it", houses are "can't go there". Even people, to me, are now just obstacles like trees ("don't walk into it, whatever").
No. 14006
I observe time and its passing all the time. Yesterday I had to go to the hairdresser once again, because a look into the mirror told me that it was about time for that. For many days I have been thinking about cutting my fingernails again and I'll do that today.
Walking down the street I rarely observe much about the other pedestrians, unless any of them is in a hurry so much that it gets funny. Like you said, all of us are preoccupied mostly with just getting somewhere. But I like to sit down somewhere and watch the other people who are not on the run to someplace. It is almost always interesting. The way they talk amongst eachother, how they are treating the people around them, what they eat and how, the way they dress, how often they pick up their phones. Sometimes I make up a background story for them and imagine their day until they ended up sitting there next to me and what they are going to do after leaving my sight again. It never occurred to me as particularly childish.
No. 14036
So it looks like the good times are over for me in school.
I'll have a choice between becoming a regular student or doing 6, two part exams at the end of the year.
Honestly, it's a hard choice. Becoming a regular student would mean that I lose all my freedoms, and I have to attend PE, Art and Music classes too, so it'd take up more of my time, and I would also be unable to work on a lot of stuff.
I can't get a paper that'd make me exempt from at least the PE classes, because the GP won't write one out of principle.
And the exams would mean that everything would depend on those. If I fail or get a bad mark, it's all over.
Though there still might be a way out of this, because we haven't read through all of the laws that apply to this yet.

My day tomorrow is free. I intend to finish translating the book. I'm almost done with it.

Played some Postal 2 again. Decided to do a playtrough with the Enhanced mode and on a higher difficulty. It's fun and chaotic, because at this point I don't even care about the consequences.

I'm on the last chapter of the Shostakovich biography (1953-1975). 120 pages to go.
Stalin was one hell of a man.

Honestly, I feel a bit sedated and more calm. It's like nothing is happening.
Maybe because nothing is actually happening.
No. 14042
Hold on, why weren't you a regular student before?
No. 14044
I am getting increasingly frightened about my poor brain. I am experiencing reality as I think the majority of people do now, one of stupidity but less memory. I seriously can't remember jack shit except that I finally successfully set up an appointment with a therapist and a neurologist today. I think. I'm pretty sure that was today. I feel completely useless. I'm actually worried that I can't even hold a job or maintain a friendship anymore.
No. 14047
Do you suffer from depression or high stress/anxiety? It's a common cause for severely deteriorating memory coding and retrieval. Think of any situation in which you are experiencing anxiety: You won't be able to recount many details of the situtation later, only how you felt. In reverse, something you have learned by heart might be inaccessible to you in a situation of stress (typical example is having to talk infront of a crowd).

During a depression of any kind this becomes a constant factor, although not as strong as during intense anxiety situations.

The good news is that this can be reversed. The bad news is that it's not always straight forward to get out of a depression or reduce stress. I wish you all the best for your appointment.
No. 14048
That feel when personality erosion due to schizo.

Recently, by complete accident, I stumbled upon some music that I used to listen to when I was 16. Instantly I remembered the states of mind that I had at the time, listening to the songs, some memories flooded back, I recalled what it was like to BE back then.

It worried me a lot that I somehow managed to completely forget who I was during such a defining period of my life. These days I don't feel like anybody, there is no narrative or aesthetic to my life.

I don't even remember most of my life.
No. 14054
>I don't even remember most of my life.

You could see that as a chance to start anew.
No. 14056
I don't know how is it in Germany, but here, if you have a reason, you can ask the school to give you a "Private student" status, which exempts you from mandatory classroom attendance.
I have that for medical reasons, though since my health is good, I still attend, because in the past two years, if I did that, I didn't have to take an exam. Now even if I attend, I'll have to take the exams.
No. 14073
>I don't even remember most of my life.

I think that is true for many people, at least for me it's true too. But then again I often have memoire involontare. Memories just popping up in combination with something else like in your example.
No. 14074
He can't do that because he's got a business with his brother and still interacts with his father and mother daily. To start anew you need to not be around family I think.

Also I know that feel. My past iterations are all complete strangers now, and I hope the same for this one as well. It is like unlocking the secret to reincarnation in one lifetime.
No. 14076
The problem is that the few memories I do have are pretty strong, and they're full of regrets and anxiety.

There were people who actually liked me back in school and uni, man. I could've had a social life, I could've been someone. But all I did was alienate everyone I knew due to schizo paranoia and anxiety and shame. I've fucked everything up, man, everything. I'm fucked.

Business is a strong word. More like I help him out, offer advice (which he ignores), and he pays me in cigarette money. Not like I mind.
No. 14077
829 kB, 534 × 624
like, "hurf durf imma learn to draw, hurf durf I really like philosophy"

who give a fuck about any of this? I should have used the few things I actually can do (IQ89 computer technician) to earn the little freedom and independence my pitiful soul can afford
who the fuck did I think I was? a child of rich aristocrats? holy fucking shit retard, good job. I should have asked her out. i only now realized how sad she looked when she asked me for my social media ID and I proudly proclaimed that I don't have one and will never have one, and that I'm glad to finally get the fuck out of here and cut all ties. it was the last day of high school. fucking retarded fucker, kill yourself.

when she burst into tears on the bench on that day, it wasn't about her exam results. why did it take me so long to realize? I have failed to write the happy ending to the story of my life. I'm a failed draft. I should be thrown into the hearth fire.
No. 14080
Are you sure that becoming a divorced fat schizo slob paying child support instead of just a single fat schizo slob would be a happy ending?
No. 14081
Why would I divorce anyone.

I mean, my parents are still together, and they're as dysfunctional as it gets. Usually, you need a financial pretext for divorce, without that, it doesn't happen.

Nobody wants to lose their government subsidized flat in a settlement split.
No. 14083
She would divorce you. Women divorce men for lotsa petty reasons, and roaches in your heda aren't exactly the pettiest reason there is. I don't know about Kazakhstan, but in here the court usually takes woman's side, when it comes to divorce.
No. 14084 Kontra
And besides, if you won't get a divorce, having a dysfunctional family of your own isn't really a happy ending either, don't you think?
No. 14085
Like I've got anything to lose.
No. 14086
207 kB, 753 × 1024
Yur condition is most likely or even certainly not your fault. So you shouldn't blame yourself. That doesn't make anything better. Either try to get better or simply accept facts and count your losses. I chose the latter. It isn't satisfying, but at least will give you some calm.
No. 14087
Sometimes I think that I don't have any serious issues worth speaking about, and am just a bad person. "Bad", in the meaning of low quality.
No. 14088
Today I told my younger (she's 20)) sister she's a disgusting slut so it wasn't a good day and tomorow I know my family is going to storm my flat to tell me how much of a scumbag I am so that makes two bad days.
No. 14089
You are anything but alone with that feel.
No. 14090
275 kB, 486 × 453
Why did you say that to her? Also why would that immediately lead to your whole family acting up? Isn't that something you should work out between the two of you? I haven't had a healthy family life myself, so I am not sure how proper families work these things out, but that way doesn't sound right for me.
No. 14130
25 kB, 700 × 586
I was supposed to go to work yesterday and today but I don't feel like doing anything. I don't even feel like living, so I didn't show up there and just listened to moody music in bed.
No. 14163
341 kB, 1344 × 768
The problem is you live in Latvia. But then again why don't you just move? You have several other countries within walking distance and only one of them is shit so just keep walking in the direction of the setting sun. Oh wait I am thinking of Lithuania. Well, start walking towards Lithuania then do that.
No. 14189 Kontra