Today I meditated again, but didn't reach the same heights of awareness as yesterday. I was struggling to expand my awareness to encompass both the visual, aural, sensory and mental fields. I suspect it's because I went to EC first thing in the morning as I usually do (except for yesterday). Bad mistake, engaging with your addiction (internet/PC) first thing in the day seems to program your brain to behave a certain way for the rest of the way, and it's difficult to get out of that condition.
When I browse the internet, or playing video games, I become immersed, in a bad sense. I become wholly consumed by the activity, reality outside of the screen slips from my awareness. It feels a lot like a dopamine seeking addictive behavior, where you hyperfocus on some task, and all parts of your brain shut down except for the reptilian brain that seeks stimulation. It's a very similar feeling to being in the "zone". I don't still know how I feel about being in the "zone". On one hand, it's the condition you must be in to create art (performers, musicians, artists, athletes, all describe being in the zone). But on another hand, if you get in the zone doing something useless, like playing video games, it's very difficult to disengage from that state of immersion.
But even though today's session was lackluster, I think I have made some progress in understanding how I must develop my awareness further. So far the best method of staying aware for me is being aware of my physical body, as well as paying attention to the sight of my own body at the periphery of my vision, whatever else I might actually be looking at. It helps me view my own body from a third person perspective, and detach from feeling like I my body is myself, and losing awareness. But I still struggle with thoughts. Thinking immediately takes me out of awareness, I can not think and be aware of my own thoughts, thoughts consume me completely. Guess it's the consequence of a lifetime of schizo obsessive thinking and intrusive mind wandering. So I try to simply not think. I must now learn to think, and think fruitfully, while at the same time not becoming the thought, being aware of the thought. As of right now I can't do much intellectual activity without getting lost. My method for achieving this so far is practicing easy thoughts (counting, reciting a poem), while being aware of the voice in my head. Hopefully, I will eventually learn to think BIG THONKS and do work without getting lost.>>12792>>12775
Thanks for the kind words dudes.
>Yes. But sitting is where you have the best chance to learn what you can then apply during the rest of the day. That's why you will still sit and breathe even though you have reached states of meditation in your regular daily life.
Yeah, I agree, I probably wouldn't be able to just enter the state of awareness out of the blue, without the proper conditions. But it seems that a lot of people get the misconception that the ritual of sitting cross legged and breathing has some magical property of its own that makes it a meditation.
It is a similar misconception that reading, hearing or thinking about enlightenment is equivalent to experiencing enlightenment. People generally seem to give a lot of importance to thoughts and actions, rather than pure experience. That thinking about something equals knowing something, or that performing certain physical actions is the meditation.
"The word for Zen isn't the Zen", as I've read once.