/int/ – No shittings during wörktime
„There is no place like home“

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No. 15863 Systemkontra
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Old one contra'd at the turning of the years.

NYE stories, thoughts or daily struggles, please.

I really have non to tell. Not even a hangover.
No. 15865
Last night was unexpectedly good.

First I went to a shop for some eliquid, ended up helping the shop rebuilding their tanks. I felt so important.

Then I directly went to a gathering at a friend's house. I was dreading it because it was a large gathering and will finish up really late...but I unexpectedly had a lot of fun and laughed so much, something that has been missing in my life lately. We started somewhere around 11:45 and finished at 05:00, and now I am regretting it as I have just woke up and having a mild headache.

Also, this Nintendo switch must have some sort of magic and wizardry in it.
No. 15868
>have some sort of magic and wizardry in it.
Waht do you mean by this?
No. 15869
The device is much smaller than the Wii, the controllers as well, and the gyroscope is far, far more advanced. There was this sword fighting game, basically each controller becomes a sword and players can duel each other. The "swords" can block each other even.
No. 15870
Today I am deep-cleaning the whole flat because last night a mouse popped his head out from under the fridge to wish me a happy new year. Such cases when live in an old house in London, you can't mouse-proof a place but instead simply ensure that nothing is around and in a few weeks they hopefully leave.

The most annoying part is I can't walk barefoot now and as I live in a studio flat every noise at night will now alert me because it will be near my bed. It makes it very hard to chill in this environment.

Try to live slower and enjoy life. I've been creating a lot of unnecessary stress and anxiety for myself lately by rushing around trying to do everything at superhuman speed. I noticed yesterday that I'd started clenching my jaw pretty hard and involuntarily even though I had finished work and was on a supposedly leisurely stroll home that actually turned into me travelling faster and faster through the crowds for no reason.

I like this. I've found setting goals to be very therapeutic over the past couple years and would recommend going even longer so long as you're flexible and general. Shorter works too and I now do a daily tasks on my computer's sticky notes that I tick off before I go to bed for the satisfaction.

Also I will be pursuing a gf this month or two. I'll race you, first to get a gf wins but if it's a psycho who stabs you then you're disqualified.
No. 15873
Do Egyptians finish off the year with fire works as well? What about alcohol fueled parties/gatherings?

I was at a house party before I left with a friend to see the fire works at 12pm from above the city at the highest hill facing the city. There were many people who had the same idea for the same place. On our way back to the public transport we encountered lots of drunk youth behaving loud and shitty, smashing bottles at some square even. Maybe I shouldn't complain. I cannot remember smashing bottles with 18+ but behaving loud and shit indeed.
No. 15875
Edited the essay the bit and then sent it to the teacher, accompanied by a small letter of my good wished for the new year, and how I liked the subject at hand.

Spent the morning in my armchair, shuffling through different books.
Couldn't really read any of them because there was a family drama in the kitchen and my conscience couldn't handle it.
Later I compiled a list of stuff I want to read, which has 17 or so books on it.
Some are quite short though. I'll probably read more, simply because of my literature classes. (We are going to read at least one Dickens and one Zola novel apparently.)

I edited my handwritten notes a bit. This entails "censoring" one of my cringeworthy texts on translation, which I painted over with black ink completely.

I'm basically done with all the homework. Tomorrow I'll look through my notes for my presentation and read the supplementary material for the upcoming test.
No. 15877
92 kB, 460 × 398
On new year I drank like a fish and smoked a bong untill my lungs felt fucked then passed out. Woke up just now and I feel awfull, but that's okay because I always feel awfull. I'm going to watch movies now.
No. 15878
Was at a house party, it was uneventful but fun. Danced a bit, popped some champagne, possibly antagonized everyone by effortlessly winning at Cards Against Humanity. I wouldn't have minded going a bit more bonkers if there would've been some chemical pick-me-ups available but most people went to bed at 3am already anyway so I did too. Was happy to leave early this morning with a slight hangover though most people stayed for breakfast.

For this year I first of all need to finish my thesis, which I'll pick up working on tomorrow. It felt really good to take a break from it for the holidays.
Once I'm done with that I want to take a bit of a break and start working out more regularly again. Also I want to read all the books from the list I made and hopefully procure some writing myself, I'd already be happy if I just turn out one article or short story.
Then I wouldn't mind finding some internship or work arrangement for a few months and apply for a Master's starting in the winter semester (though I'm not yet sure which field of study, I don't want to keep doing the same stuff I did in my Bachelor's). In any case I want to move to a bigger city.
Not too anxious about the getting GF thing at the moment, though I can see myself picking that up more seriously when I move to a bigger city.

That's about it, I wish every Ernst good luck with his resolutions and a Happy New Year!

Haha, well I have to admit I was somewhat disinhibited outside too. There was one scene when some other group passed my group and people just started bellowing at each other incomprehensibly for no particular reason, I imagine it was not unlike cavemen did it some tens of thousands years ago, though with less violent intents (we're civilized after all).
No. 15879
294 kB, 628 × 378
Lately, we've been having fireworks near the Pyramids on new year's eve, I do not know what did we do this year...probably nothing as I never heard about anything (but then I havent really looked at our news outlets yet and it is six o'clock already)

>we encountered lots of drunk youth behaving loud and shitty, smashing bottles at some square even.
Interestingly, I have a friend in Frankfurt who told me the same thing - "drunk people acting loud and fighting" - he was at Berlinerstrasse with his wife to experience Silversternacht.

Also, we have our fair share of drunk driving and reckless behaviour. I saw two accidents on my way to my friend's house, also people being loud (and probably smoking hashish) near my house.

Today has been relatively quiet and I want that to go on forever. I am exhausted from yesterday but I have to go out and get burgers from a place almost 10km away from me (and REALLY contemplating the validity of my choice), also buy cake for my family.
No. 15882
Oh, forgot to add -- Yesterday I had a chat with one employee at Givaudan. I spoke to him about how to get into perfumery and what's the process, I found out that it is an extremely hard process (meaning that there are 600 perfumers around the world and it is a fat cat club that access is, well, almost impossible). I have to go to their school of perfumery, at which they receive 1600 applications but only admit FOUR into their school, but he told me that if I can identify notes I got 60% of the requirement (which I can do to a certain extent, but I still need a lot more training because my nose only identifies somewhere around 5-6 notes per fragrance)...

I remember looking up the costs of a school (was it the Grasse insitute or Molinard? I forgot) and found out that it would cost me something like 9000 Euros, which is an insane amount of money for me...let alone the costs of Givaudan school...I got quite frustrated...
No. 15884
But you don't have private fire works like in Europe?

>Also, we have our fair share of drunk driving and reckless behaviour. I saw two accidents on my way to my friend's house, also people being loud (and probably smoking hashish) near my house.

Is this meant to be on a day to day basis or just for NYE? I think drunk driving drastically changed here within some decades after WW2. It happens, but I think it happened way more often than some decades ago.

I had this guy from India next to me at a cross walk during some university related event and he stopped and I said he can safely cross it since people need tot stop and he just answered me that these people might be drunk. I told him that people rarely are drunk behind the wheel especially at daytime and I asked him if it is a problem in India. Well I don't really got an answer and I think he didn't like me anyway. Maybe I remark was of wectern ignorance.
No. 15885
Is this meant to be on a day to day basis or just for NYE?
Such behavious exists on a day to day basis, but I havent heard any accidents of such recently. However, they do tend to increase on new year's - and not just alcohol, but you might find stoned driving incidents as well...it was kind of trendy amongst the youth of my generation with the same lame slogans I see on some cars like "dont drink and drive, smoke and fly" or "I dont drive quickly I fly slowly" and similar utterly stupid slogans.

>I think drunk driving drastically changed here within some decades after WW2. It happens, but I think it happened way more often than some decades ago.
One reason comes to mind regarding that is simply there are more people after WWII than after WWII, and how alcohol has become - if not already is - a staple of western societies (along with some middle eastern crowds as well), especially to deal with the stresses of life.

>Well I don't really got an answer and I think he didn't like me anyway. Maybe I remark was of wectern ignorance.
I do not know much about India on that matter but you both have points, with yours being that Germans know how to deal with their alcohol and while it is generally frowned upon socially to drink during the daytime you might rarely hear about daytime drunk driving accidents, and with his point regarding...well...he might have seen some shit in his country...but then Germany isnt really India now. Also I do believe that he was a but rude.
No. 15886
>One reason comes to mind regarding that is simply there are more people after WWII than after WWII, and how alcohol has become - if not already is - a staple of western societies (along with some middle eastern crowds as well), especially to deal with the stresses of life.

I made a mistake, wanted to say that drunk driving decreased over the last decades. Alcohol is frowned upon more so than decades ago. In my small family circle it is rather unusual to drink bigger amounts of alcohol nowadays. Yet my parents told me that in the 1960s it was the norm with family gatherings to have beers and hard alcohol and who declined alcohol was stepping outside a pattern.
No. 15887
That is very strange. Usually it's the other way around in the west - people gathering and consuming alcohol as a social activity, but ofcourse not drinking your brains out if not with friends after work as well.
No. 15888
Alcohol is socially accepted all over the west as bystander of social activity, yes. But it's not as common as it used to be I could imagine, maybe some Ernst can provide statistics.
Just think of the trend of living healthy, isn't that also a thing in Egypt, at least for the western leaning folks?
No. 15889
The general norm is alcohol being frowned upon here because of how societal reasons rooted to religion, but for western leaning/more liberal people it can range from just a social drink to wind off to I MUST DRINK TO PROVE MY POWER LEVEL BRING ME THE FIFTH BOTTLE OF 100% VODKA REDBULL WHISKEY BEER JAEGERMEISTER BRANDY. It is getting very common nowadays.
I myself am not a stranger to alcohol, but it is a least-preferred choice against something like tea or cola. I do socially drink, but something like one or two glasses of lemonade gin or whiskey cola...maximum three bottles of 4.5% beer.
No. 15894
Well what you must understand which I think you probably do is Westerners often take it much too far to the point of it actually becoming a widespread societal blight, which is the very exact same reason (I think?) as why MENA cultures have that religious prohibition background to begin with. I mean take Russia for instance. Russia probably actually could be a genuinely decent country instead of a frozen shithole if they simply drank less. That would also go a long way in improving not just poverty and death rates but also things like AIDS etc.

America has a super huge problem with this hence why we had this idiotic fight a century ago at the Constitutional level over banning alcohol, which we then unbanned because it mostly created new problems instead of fixing the old ones since boozing is so ingrained in Western culture. But the other thing being that because this is also at a genetic level certain ethnic groups and I think Europeans broadly tend to have more issues with alcoholism. Here of course we have the most idiotic fucking bydlo third world EXXXTRA BIGASS EXTREME corporate culture where everyone gets hammered and society gets ruined then they turn to Jesus in their 50s when their liver starts failing and they have criminal records.
Actually I just realized something. If Jesus was also called a prophet what does the Quran say about him and wine? Which, btw, is probably another cultural reason, but frankly being a drunkard is also called a major sin but I've noticed American religious types like to conveniently ignore things like that and adultery and just focus instead on the gays, probably because it's the only thing they themselves are not guilty of.
No. 15895
I can't figure out what my political beliefs are. Hopefully someday I can just look at the results of a polygenic score and start believing in whatever ideology it tells me I'm most likely to espouse.
No. 15896 Kontra
Termination is for the weak.

Teenagers and young adults get hammered on average. Many consume less alcohol once they get a bit older. Some just get quite hammered every then and now while getting older and others become alcoholics or abstinent more or less.

But my cousin e.g does not really - or not at all - drink, maybe that changed now, but just like me, he does not drink alcohol at family gatherings. Sometimes I take a shot when offered at a restaurant because of a big bill or something, but that is only because of the occasion. Also nobody in my family would offer hard liquor at gatherings. My father told me that was very different decades ago. I've seen photos with quite a few beer bottles or a bottle of liquor on the table. A picture I've never encountered so far with my family.
No. 15899
Why would you even want to eat from the trash can? Tribalism? Because you think it will make you like all the rest by eating garbage too?

I pretty much reject nearly every ideology. It's why I believe in forming my own partly from certain recognizable scraps, in holding my own personal secret doctrines, and in playing other idiots off against each other's ideologies. In truth I hate nearly every doctrine I've come across thus far. In fact I think two of the only ones I don't outright despise are some forms of Buddhism and early Christianity.

Like do you even not realize that you don't actually have to believe what other people believe? I encountered this strangeness in one person in particular but she was hardcore Christian so it made some sense to me why the whole concept of "agree to disagree" was seemingly nonexistent. You are not ever going to find something where you believe in and think exactly the same things as everyone else, and if you do you're probably an idiot and a brainwashed cult member.
No. 15901
>Well what you must understand which I think you probably do is Westerners often take it much too far to the point of it (... etc)
I do understand such, I have to explain first why the Quranic prohibition -- Alcohol was legal when Islam was still being established back in Hijaz, but then people started slurring and mixing the words of the book which produced blasphemy-tier sentences, then God sent to the prophet prohibiting Alcohol (along with gambling and pork)...later on, we - as middle easterners - knew that alcoholism was something to be worried about in whatever countries, which is one of the reasons why it is frowned upon socially: it makes a man not able to perform his duties towards his family and probably descend to cheating and adultery yadda yadda yadda and ultimately become a rotten apple in the "pure moral god-fearing society" -- ofcourse, this is the theory, in which reality is not reflected whatsoever because this ultra-moral, ultra-religious society is polluted by so many hypocrites it is not funny - kind of like how some christians are in the US, we have the same shit in our arab societies sadly.

>America has a super huge problem with this
Egypt has another problem: drug usage, mainly cannabis derivatives with high THC ratios in them. While CBD has some really positive effects (especially on myself for anxiety[tried hasish twice]), THC can really mess up the mind and its abuse can lead one to become a non functional individual, and most of us (including myself) have addictive personalities and has to deal with life's stresses somehow, people here tend to escape to hasish and, well, marijuana with higher THC levels (it's a shit plant called bango), and I've seen this other plant's effects on people who abused it - they become zombies with the IQ of a plastic chair.

Now lately, cocaine as well became trendy in the higher classes of youth (basically who can afford it) with all of its cliche stories (I SNIFFED CAWKE FROM A BITCH'B BEWBS HURHUR) and I am worried because this is actually more dangerous than hashish.

>If Jesus was also called a prophet what does the Quran say about him and wine?
We fully acknowledge Jesus as a prophet of a divine religion sent by the same God, but as far as I remember the Quran does not mention Jesus and wine anywhere...only how Jesus is sent to his people and how he is not the son of God and he did not die, he was lifted to the heavens in order for him to come back in the end of days and kill the anti-christ.

>Teenagers and young adults get hammered on average. Many consume less alcohol once they get a bit older. Some just get quite hammered every then and now while getting older and others become alcoholics or abstinent more or less.
and this is what some people do. others just do continue to get hammered every night for some reason (alcoholism?)

>But my cousin e.g does not really - or not at all - drink,(...etc)
That is very strange, Ernst. And coming from a German as well - a country well known for beer - it strikes me as baffling and I do not have any explanation to this.
No. 15902
339 kB, 1000 × 625
I'm hitting early stages of dementia thanks to my bipolarity and substances abuse in the past. I'm 35 and my gf often complains because I tell her the same stuff four times per day. I forget lots of things and I'm unable to learn new stuff. Shit really sucks, 3 fucking 5 years old and I'm already losing my mind. I give it 5/6 years before I'm completely demented. Seriously thinking about suicide atm, I don't wan't to end up in a nuthouse for the next 40 years.
No. 15904
>>which is one of the reasons why [alcohol] is frowned upon socially: it makes a man not able to perform his duties towards his family and probably descend to cheating and adultery yadda yadda yadda
See now this is a group of people who gets it, probably at least in part because it is not yet a society fully atomized by the forces international Capitalism.

>Quran does not mention Jesus and wine anywhere
I always find it more interesting which details are conveniently omitted or added by different people. As I'm sure you know wine itself is a pretty central sacred symbol in Christianity due to that "this wine is my blood and this bread is my body" sermon. There was also the tale that Jesus supposedly transformed water into wine, so it is pretty well known he drank wine.

>German not drinking
Every country seems to have such people, although I think that at least here people who are totally abstinent are looked upon as suspicious, as if you are hiding something. In vino veritas and all that. But there are many people who simply don't drink too. I think it's just that both 100% abstinent and the worst alcoholics sort of become invisible, whereas social drinkers are the most visible. Similarly I know we have a huge heroin problem but I don't see it really. The only time I noticed is we have more wrappers for discarded heroin medication like Suboxone mixed in with other usual trash on the sidewalk.
No. 15905
>That is very strange, Ernst. And coming from a German as well - a country well known for beer - it strikes me as baffling and I do not have any explanation to this.

It's family gathering thing. My parents drink wine more than beer, but not so much of it either. I myself have had many liters of hard liquor has teen, later more beer and other drugs. Alcohols role in society has definitely changed. Not long ago I read an academic article on german academic postwar history and its blind spots which are yet to fill and alcohol as topic was one of them. Given the stories and photos of my grandparents/father, there definitely is a noteworthy historic difference. We have the discussion about the Kneipensterben. Many bars closed.
No. 15908
10 kB, 500 × 500
I think the Gods hate me. On the 31st I was struck with a vesuvius-tier diarrhea eruption so I spent the first few hours of 2019 shitting my intestines out, going back to the computer thiking that it was over only to be forced to run back to the loo 10 minutes later.
No. 15910
I spent New Years Eve listening to my dying pets wheezing. The first died that night. I stayed up until I think 5am with the other one near my head. She made these weird purring wheezing squeaking sounds to the end, like a desperate but friendly crying out for comfort. I woke up and she was also dead. I've had those two guys since like 2014, and through some pretty dark times. All day today I kept making an automatic thing for the cage. You forget how automatic all your reactions become. I now have no emotional ties to anything left. So I really don't give a damn that you shit your pants.
No. 15912
>So I really don't give a damn that you shit your pants.

That's not cool man. Just because your pets died doesn't mean you have a license to be callous to our Russian friend who shit his pants.
No. 15913
It was because of this specific line
>I think the Gods hate me
I also had a pretty spectacularly shitty Christmas and Christmas Eve too. I just hate discussing personal things with strangers. Shitting your pants is not a higher power hating you. It is like spilled milk. He did not even shit his pants in public, like say a large shopping center.
No. 15914
You dind't have to be a dick about it. It's not like I wrote the post with you in mind or anything. The thread is for voicing one's daily struggles and diarrhea is definitely one of mine as of the past two days.
No. 15918

Heh. I can enumerate all the alcohol I drank last year:

  • a glass of Gewürztraminer (Alsace)
  • half a glass of something that was not Champagner by name but was the same stuff
  • a glass of Eiswein

All on the 26th of december. I got to tell you that Eiswein is fucking amazing. Though apparently super rare and the tiny bottle cost more than the host was willing to tell us. (I looked it up, it was ~80 euros for 0.375 litres) If you combine the fact that Eiswein can only be reaped if by chance the grapes freeze within a very short time after the regular harvest-times, the vintner must be bold enough to hope for a sharp drop in temperature and not reap the grapes for a normal harvest and it is forbidden in germany to do artificial frosting... then 80 Euros actually seems fair.
No. 15920 Kontra
Smoke Cyanide, degenerate.
No. 15922
38 kB, 422 × 600
He lives in Latvia. He also has very real problems. Maybe you should huff petrol with some abos and bogans then huh?

I'm just saying to have some perspective. It has never been easy for me to humor people whose problems are utterly trivial. Nor do I wish to talk about myself for that matter, you simply irritated me with that phrasing, as if it were a great hardship or tragedy of Job and not a passing inconvenience.

Oh funny, I just heard it out loud eiswein. Ice wine. Yeah it's supposed to be super rare and thus extremely expensive but quite good.
No. 15923
I don't care where he lives and I will do no such thing.
No. 15925
293 kB, 640 × 360, 0:05
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No. 15927
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No. 15930
108 kB, 1148 × 746
>Maybe you should huff petrol with some abos and bogans then huh?
Tbh, that sounds pretty awesome. Getting high on fumes and having mad cunt outback spirit journeys would be ebin.
t. other aussie
No. 15936
>See now this is a group of people who gets it, probably at least in part because it is not yet a society fully atomized by the forces international Capitalism.
Not international capitalism, but more like hedonism and social status (and some other factors that I am yet to discover as I get older and try to understand the behaviour of people). The concept in theory is good, but in reality its bad because you are still portraying people who drink responsibly and casually as "rotten drunkards" while there are utterly religious and "socially moral" people who are even more rotten towards their responsibility.

>I always find it more interesting which details are conveniently omitted or added by different people. As I'm sure you know wine itself is a pretty central sacred symbol in Christianity due to that "this wine is my blood and this bread is my body" sermon. There was also the tale that Jesus supposedly transformed water into wine, so it is pretty well known he drank wine.
Of course I know all of that, but the Quran had a different direction as it wasnt really that focused on Chrisitanity as much as Judaism, and if it truly did focus on ALL abrahamic religions (including the religions of Abraham, Joseph and Solomon) the book will be at least 1500 pages long.

And those studies still havent found a "replacement" to alcohol as an activity? So what now, drugs? sports? more work? Do you have an opinion on this?

last year I had something in the lines of
- 15 bottles of beer
- 20 hard liquor glasses (may it be whiskey coke or gin lemonade)

I havent tried eiswein, but I sure hated regular wine, and I do not know how do people drink it - it smells like something I would put in my car to operate and tastes like pickled spoiled grapes
No. 15937
I just learned about VIVA dying a while ago. This gave me a bit of the sads. While I did not receive it (well, I kind of did receive VIVA PL as of VERY late [post 2010]) but I did learn about electronic music by watching parts of clips from the same channel streaming on realplayer back in 2000-2001.

Rest in peace. They were amazing and broadcast excellent music.
No. 15942
>And those studies still havent found a "replacement" to alcohol as an activity? So what now, drugs? sports? more work? Do you have an opinion on this?

Sports, healthy life style, generally more awareness, just like with smoking e.g.

Ye, heard it on the radio just before NYE, last days of broadcasting. But VIVA was a teen channel in the end. Also I have to admit they earn a diamond for broadcasting this electro classic:
No. 15944
>VIVA was a teen channel in the end
Like MTV? ugh. better dead with a great legacy than alive and broadcasting shit.

it was Wakaliwood tier and it was on the germany. also I LOVE IT.
No. 15945
56 kB, 583 × 435
Like once or twice a year I smoke the bong, and those are the times I feel really down. And barely drink alco. It's a safe bet you're more of a degenerate than me, so kys you sour cunt.
No. 15946
>Like MTV?

Pretty much. I haven't watched VIVA since 2007 tho. But back then it had many shitty German shows and also imports I think. Maybe I mistake that with MTV somehow but it definitely had those german teen shows. VIVA+ was the way to go with Get the Clip, where you could vote the next song by SMS or telephone call. It all died with Comedy Central coming in January 2007. After that I watched another year of that perhaps, was beginning to smoke weed in summer of that year and it was the end of my relationship with TV forever.
No. 15960
Well, winter break is officially over. Tomorrow I'll hold a 10 minute long presentation, and after tomorrow I'll write a "big chapter closing" literature test.

I got a letter of thanks from the teacher I sent the essay to. I appreciate the effort, I wonder if the others got one too.

Re-read some materials for the test today. I'll learn some more tomorrow. Honestly, I'm a bit confused about this. We dissected every chapter in the book, and then now now we'll only have to cough up a relatively short retelling of the complete story on the test, and the author's life, which is less than half a page, and we didn't even talk about it. Not like it matters, most of my classmates didn't even finish the book, and I was the only one who actually took notes of the last chapters.

I might be suffering another one of these short, half a day long "existential crisises", which I'm not sure is normal at this age. There must be some sort of solution for this, but I haven't found one yet, and the "panic" feeling is killing me. I should probably lay of blogging and internet chatrooms. Maybe I'm a bit paranoid. Though just because I might be paranoid that doesn't mean people aren't out to get me.

This year I've decided that I'm going to power through a German book with a dictionary, and I'll note down every unknown word into a notebook.

I hope tomorrow isn't going to be terrible.
No. 15961
>now we'll only have to cough up a relatively short retelling of the complete story on the test, and the author's life

To get everyone thru maybe

>I might be suffering another one of these short, half a day long "existential crisises", which I'm not sure is normal at this age.

It's normal and don't panic. It won't go away, you will just handle it differently with the years to come, more chilled in some areas and so on.
No. 15962
Well, it's only panic that I feel, so it's really hard to not panic.
No. 15963
If it's an actual panic attack, there are few simple things you can try:

First: Breathe through your belly, not the ribcage and breathe out slower than you breathe in.
Second: Sit down, close your eyes and concentrate on how your finger cups feel for 15 minutes. Concentrate on the tingling that will eventually come.

t. haver of panic attacks
No. 15964 Kontra
*finger tips
No. 15965
63 kB, 672 × 514
Breathing helps, indeed.
Not sure if I have actual panic attacks but I sometimes have a a state of rushing thoughts that circulate and create panic. I thought Hungary meant it in a less serious way.

Had to think of this track about panic

>alles temporär
No. 15966
Honestly, I have no idea what it is. It's like being on adrenaline for no apparent reason and realizing that everything I've done so far has been a mistake and people interact with me out of pity.
No. 15967
Many people has that but that doesn't make it more bearable.
Maybe you should make self observations. When you have it try to step back and observe your thoughts what they revolving around. Check your conscience too. Is there something you keep postpone or there are people you have confrontations (might not be externalized but only in yourself), etc.
Don't procrastinate, many people feel the remorse of it.
There might be more to it, these are just quick tips, and not just for you, might be other Ernst will find this useful.
No. 15968
I suffered too much coffee and too little sleep today which coupled with skim-reading a really boring report led to one of those depersonalisation episodes where it feels like your watching life or sleep-walking it. You' know when you just can't focus in and it feels like your watching yourself detached from the world. I find I'm usually sharp during those moments but yeah, can't exactly focus at the same time.

It's hard to describe this or search the internet for a proper term that isn't an outright disorder. You get what I mean, right and I'm not bananas at all.

At a glance and without wanting to sound like a patronising old man, it seems like the usual tail-end of teenager hormonal bullshit. Especially with the feelings of low self-esteem. You're a young man, pick up a hobby with a lads social group - when I was your age I joined the army and that helps but my brother got really into cars. Something like that where you can get a sense of achievement and have a tribe.
No. 15969
> it seems like the usual tail-end of teenager hormonal bullshit. Especially with the feelings of low self-esteem.

it starts with late teenage age and continues tbh. But yeah, one will deal with it differently over the years, that is my experience so far. I can have a low self-esteem just like when I was a teenager, but thank dog it's temporary and I built enough confidence over the years to pull thru daily struggles most of the time.
On the other hand it's not surprising that an imageboard dweller has mental problems, even tho the degree varies from dweller to dweller.

>You get what I mean, right and I'm not bananas at all.

It's alright. Just some effects of insomnia. but let me tell you the sharpness of insomnia is an illusion.

t. insomnia pro
No. 15975
14 kB, 238 × 192
Alternatively just go for the maximum of real world social isolation for the better part of a decade and just lose your marbles.
t. did that and came out mostly fine

Also for Hungary, I've considered going to a Men's Shed in the past. Are they a thing outside of Australia? They're kind of like community workshops, and I don't mean self-help stuff, but as in a big shed where members can go to hang out and do woodworking, welding, teaching etc. They're apparently good for mental health.
No. 15976
I wish I didn't have the capacity to feel lonely.

It seems kind of cruel to be able to experience loneliness when you are not physically (neurologically) capable of experiencing companionship. Maybe if I get a job and start spending money on dumb shit it'll go away.

I want to hole myself up in a 1 room apartment with blinds drawn and transcend into the astral dimension. Phenomenal reality is too much for me to confront.
No. 15977 Kontra
You would be wrong, it's you that should kiss your sister. Degenerate.
No. 15978 Kontra
Quit being a cunt to Latvia or we will sell you to Chinese peasants
No. 15980
> Men's Shed

Damn, that name cracks me up. Never heard of it before and I don't think it's common outside of Straya, but sounds like a neat idea. Though not particularly appealing to a younger audience I imagine.
No. 15982
They're a pretty big mix despite being aimed heavily at retirees. When I said teaching, a big part of it is the older guys who have skills helping out the younger guys who might not. It's also got to do with shed culture in Australia. It mightn't convert fully, but it's a bit like a man cave with more practical uses. It's also attractive for a lot of blokes to have a men's space that isn't the urinal.
No. 15986
12 kB, 480 × 360
Man I really wish I lived in a free country where a man could just go anywhere and build a shed and live in it unmolested by anyone. I have come to the conclusion that those who feared the close of Westward expansion would be the death of America were right. When our territory was closed we all became trapped here, and I do not even have the right to go inna woods and build my shed and live there.
No. 15987 Kontra
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Messaged two cute guys on a dating website, but after talking for a bit, they both stopped responding to me. I guess I am just too staid and boring for most people.

If I don't have a partner by this time next year I am going to hang myself. I have waited too long for things to improve, and they haven't.
No. 15990
Why do you have to equate your life worth with having a partner? There's plenty of better reasons both to live, and to kill yourself.
Anyway, try going to a library or some hobby community (drawing class), etc. to meet other (boring) people, dating websites are cringe. There's basically two types of men who use dating sites, fuckboys and weirdos. Normal people (the few that are left) hang out in real space.
No. 15992

I'm just lonesome, and can't be an Alberich no matter how much I have tried. Perhaps now that I have become older, part of the fear of vulnerability has dissipated, and now I am ready to try and make a life with another human who will actually care whether or not I am alive. To be weak is miserable; yet with a fellow sufferer, things would be much more tolerable to me.

You assertion about the proper place to find a companion is quite correct. Perhaps I will show better in person than the meat-market atmosphere of the internet. It is more difficult because I live in a somewhat isolated arrangement, but far from impossible. I guess it would be a good idea to find an acitivity group that would appeal to "sensitives" such as myself.
No. 15993
You will get buttfucked if you try and live in it here too. Australia has very few freedoms. A shed is just a place to store your shit and have a workbench and such on your property. It's not a cabin that you live in.
No. 15994
To be honest I don't envy those living in the USA, the hotspot of modern mass hysteria.

You're never quite sure if the person you're talking to is some kind of weirdo, or a sex pervert, or a conspiracy theorist, some fringe political activist, an anime fan, a cult member, etc. Maybe it's just my perception of america through the internet, I dunno.

At least here in a third world country, I can live among relatively normal like a skincrawler, pretending not to be a damaged degenerate who's seen to more weird fetish porn trying to scroll past the front page of an imageboard than some actual sex perverts do in their lifetime.

I think IRL hobby communities are a good place to find people who are interesting, but also not weirdos (like what happens in online hobby communities).
No. 15997

I am a social pariah so I can't say much about changes in local public discourse, but on internet dating sites I can tell you for certain sure that it is more common to encounter unusual political pronouncements than a few years ago. I guess it might be expected for the demographic I was interacting with, but I would say that probably about 20-30% of the profiles I visited contained screeds about anti-capitalism, gender-warfare, colonialism, Universal Basic Income, Autism & Friends, and a bunch of other bitter shit that seemed out of place on a website dedicated to the premise of finding a lover.

It must just be acceptable to run up the colors if you want to find another tribal, but I found it a little embarrassing. I go there to live out the life of a decadent pasha, and not to read the minutes of the Putney Debate.
No. 15998
In the meantime the other side of the coin came to my mind - or rather another side, that particular coin has way too many sides - those who don't know rest, those who feel guilt if they give a little slack to the rein. Those type should check why they are trying to overcompensate and why they can't just enjoy a little calm or careless freetime. They also should learn to appreciate these.

>Men's Shed [...] where members can go to hang out and do woodworking, welding, teaching etc
No such thing. On the Hungary we cure emotional, existential problems by hiding them, isolating ourselves from community, alcoholism, and suicide. Not necessarily in that order.
No. 15999
>On the Hungary we cure emotional, existential problems by hiding them, isolating ourselves from community, alcoholism, and suicide.
Same here. That's why they came about. Essentially to give men an outlet to discuss shit without feeling like a massive faggot. There's a difference between talking about shit over a project where it's just talk and talking about your feelings and gay shit like that.
t. Australian masculinity knower
No. 16001
>it starts with late teenage age and continues tbh.

Dunno, I generally draw a distinction between teenage mood swings and the later kind of existential crisis you get in your early 20s once the hormones stop raging and you're confronted with finding meaning in life. Also, read Love's Executioner

>It's also got to do with shed culture in Australia

Mother Britain is proud. I wonder if Canada has a culture of shed too?

Sadly such societies are dead here and much of the countries wood-working culture is extinct as a result. Still, the shed economy is where the majority of Britain's innovation occurs.

Sounds more like you're on OkCupid long after it was ruined by the genuinely unhinged rather than just a bit nerdy. I'd point you in the right direction but 'The Inner Circle' seems to be getting popular here again but that's just because London is full of insufferable wankers.
No. 16002
498 kB, 513 × 449
No idea if Canadians do it. I would think they would in some form though. They're part of the inner circle of the global Anglo conspiracy after all. I'd find it very strange if Germans didn't have some form of shed thing considering the whole work fixation meme that they have going on. I mean, sheds are basically a way of relaxing with wörk.
No. 16017
Apparently, I was psychotic during last week.

I only realize now that I'm on the depressive comedown (as usual). I did some... weird shit that seemed like a good idea at the time.

At least it was fruitful in that my personal journal was updated with a couple new pages of copypasta.
No. 16019
One of these days I'm going to recruit you into my cult during a manic episode
No. 16022
Almost re-worked an entire chapter in my translation today. It's horrible, I had to re-write every other sentence.
On the other hand it's great because it means all my practice and effort to get better at translating was not in vain. So that's good.

Held the ten minute long presentation today. It went well, my classmates liked it. They always say they are happy to listen to my presentations, but that probably stems from their dislike of the teacher's methods rather than how good I am at speaking. Or at least I think so.

Almost fell asleep on the bus. While on the way home, I petted a cat. It felt nice. Though it was windy, and the 5 or so minutes I spent petting the cat left me quite cold when I decided to move on.

I've decided that I might start writing an actual diary.

Sorry to say this, but it sounds "hella gay".
There is nothing even remotely similar to that in this country.
This culture doesn't allow you to "treat" yourself when it comes to your mind, be it medical or some other method.
If you go to a psychologist, then you are considered a lunatic who's mind is sick and should be avoided.
If you meditate, then they'll say you are a traitor to Christian values/Hungarian culture, and you went crazy because of the crazy eastern shit you practice.
You have the options of: Suppressing the feeling, Take up drinking, Take up meditation or going to a psychiatrist and accept that people outside of Budapest will consider you a lunatic, kill yourself.
They aren't mutually exclusive. It's a great country. No wectern bullshit, only real men survive :^)
No. 16028
Question: why do your countrymen not simply go on a letter bombing or mass shooting spree like normal people?
No. 16029
Are you offering me a job?
"Visiting Preacher" sounds like a good job description.
No. 16032
>Like normal people
That might be normal in the US, but here you have neither explosives nor guns to do that.
We substitute it by backstabbing on another for fun and out of petty revenge.
If I had to say two characteristics that are very much central to being Hungarian, then one is pettiness and the one is revanchism. A lot of people take pleasure in making the others' life miserable, it's essentially their way of showing a middle finger to the world.
Of course I exaggerate a bit and there are actual normal people living here too, but this strata of society does exist, and they are high in numbers.
No. 16033
I wouldn't know about older people, but now that I think about it there are boy scouts and other similar youth groups in Germany.
I joined a really great one in my early teens, we actually also had a base of operations with a workshop room among other things.
It was mostly used to build wooden weapons and hit each other on the head with them until someone got hurt. So at some point we started making these foam covered LARPing swords to minimize casualties. Later that was replaced by gun fighting with airsoft pistols though I didn't enjoy that as much.
But we also did lots of other awesome stuff like road trips, hiking, camping, kayaking etc.

There was actually some pretty brutal bullying going on at times as many of the kids there were sort of "problem children" so it wasn't a particularly safe space. But I feel like at least for me that also was a valuable lesson.
No. 16034
Airsoft was the coolest shit with czech guns way too powerful for our age.
Still got a little red spot in the corner of my eye :DDD
No. 16044
>Sorry to say this, but it sounds "hella gay".

There's nothing gay about a group of men banging away in a shed all summer and taking excessive tea breaks. Don't be Anglophobic.

Nah, it's more like a cottage industry or something like that. Older people do it and generally have little hobby projects that can range into making mugs, programming etc.

You could even say it is more of a state of mind or a method of production I think. Games like Theme Hospital have a shed feel about them because it was made by a group of lads who mostly met up in the pub to plan things out and each did their own little thing.
No. 16046
25 kB, 579 × 536
“Tea breaks”
More like a few pints with the lads down at the pub, while catching up with Norf FC’s recent track record on the telly over the counter.

I’m not angolphobic, but for whatever reason I seem to have a slight dislike of some segments of your culture.
No. 16047
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No. 16049
39 kB, 400 × 598
>exaggerate a bit
>a bit
No. 16052
I made a woman on a dating site google 'rhizome' today, just to spite her

Please, do better than me
No. 16053
You actually did good lad, I'm proud of you
No. 16054
Holidays are over and it's time to make some calls to job ads, but I'm taken with anxiety.
God, this is dumb, literally too afraid to make a phone call, what the fuck is wrong with me.
No. 16055
Ok, they're not picking up, anxiety averted, maybe they didn't get the memo that today's a work day.

Should I wait til monday or something?
No. 16056
Also, there's a job right next to my house (like, literally 50 meters away), as an english teacher. I am reasonably sure I can bullshit my way through it.

Unfortunately, the job involves teaching little kids, and I hate that.
But then I would save on commute / rent.
But also then I would have no excuse to move out and live on my own.

Oh well fuck it, beggars can't be choosers.
No. 16057
If it were rational, it wouldn't be a mental disorder.
t. gets heatenings from using the supermarket self checkout

Depends on how much the school cares, but you might have to get a certificate to work with children. Also depending on employer, you might have to do it yourself. When I got mine when working at a museum, I was lucky enough that they took care of it though but I know it's not always the case. To my knowledge, they basically just check your police record to make sure you aren't a kid fucker and aren't going to beat them to death or anything. Might be different in Brickistan though.
No. 16058
20 kB, 710 × 702
Yeah, anxiety has fucked me over plenty of times.
It happened just recently, too. After I sent my written test to the translation agency, I didn't call back immediately afterwards, assuming they'd just call me back once they reviewed it. It was pretty much a rationalized excuse to not call them. Lo and behold, I wasn't called back for weeks now, and today I found out that the dummy secretary lost my application file, and they assumed I flaked.


Also, since it's not a government organization, I doubt they give much of a shit about certification, they say an IELTS/TOEFL certificate would be welcome, but not strictly necessary. Mostly they want an oral interview in 3 languages, and a full body photo. The last part gives me the most heatenings, I need to get a haircut and wear decent clothes for once.

I doubt they'd let a fat mongol zizek lookalike anywhere near children :-DDD
No. 16059
Man that sounds a lot like how I lost my research/exhibit opportunity last year. I kept calling my contact accidentally at bad times and it just made phone anxiety worse and eventually I just gave up on what was really not an opportunity that gets given to people of my qualification level (basic Bachelor degree, not even honours).

>full body photo
Fug. Maybe they're just ensuring you own presentable clothes and don't look like a gang member covered in tats or something :-D
No. 16060
I am still incredibly depressed. It is amazing how you take a thing for granted without even realizing, and once it's gone you notice every five minutes.

This was, without a doubt, the worst, most darkest and shittiest of winter holidays I've ever experienced in my life. And I am quite away of how much absolutely fucking worse it is going to be within several months. The one other thing I know is that it is incredibly unhealthy to be around my toxic parents, and I need to get as far the fuck away from them as possible and just never speak to either of them again.
No. 16062
So there's a Bosnian on vierkank /int/ who claims he was erroneously prescribed antipsychotics as a teenager, and that this made him retarded

sort of interesting
No. 16064
Transitioning from depressive to manic then back again still fucks me up a bit. You'd think you get used to it after years, but somehow you never do.

I sometimes forget to take my meds because I stop feeling the effect they have on me, then the next day I turn into a vegetable. Weird shit.

Also, can relate to wanting to get away from my family. In my case, just my father.
He's been having drunken escapades for the past month now, and I didn't even bother to blogpost about it because it happens so often, it's gotten mundane.
Now we have a broken couch, and he's broken all the apartment keys trying to get in while shitfaced. Unfortunately, he's not being violent at all, giving me no valid excuse to beat the shit out of him :-DDDD

I probably would have been able to power through uni if I had either depression or anxiety, but having both, it was inevitable that I'd drop out. Not like it'd have done me any good if I graduated, though.
No. 16065
56 kB, 1127 × 685
I was lucky in that doing a double major in two branches of History meant I was doing a lot more writing than socialising. When I did get assigned group projects, I didn't contact them and submitted my own work instead. Never got any hassle for it luckily. That solved the whole fear and disdain of/for real life human interaction pretty neatly, and the pressure of expectations and the power of raw autism meant that feeling bad all the time as I did had little effect on my work output. I just had to ration workload lightly over a longer period of time so that I could afford to take a day off when having a really bad day and not fall too far behind par. I also made kind of frens with one professor due to shared interests and he's the one who I let down by fucking up the job offer he landed for me, and probably also by not pursuing postgraduate studies when he offered to be my supervisor. Tbh, that felt worse than the rest of my degree combined. I'm used to letting myself down, but someone who isn't obliged to do so seeing huge promise in you and you letting them down is a bad feel man.

I think I would feel the same as in an Art course too which I assume is a much less solitary endeavour than History is.
No. 16066 Kontra
Edit to last bit
>I think I would feel the same as you in an Art course
No. 16067
4,0 MB, 3912 × 4300
1,1 MB, 1000 × 1320
Oh, yes, my art teacher saw a lot of potential in me, downright calling me a genius and stuff. And he was pretty much the only person IRL whose compliments I'd take seriously, and not just view it as being nice, or being a pleb who's impressed with my shit paintings.

And then I disappeared for a year and dropped out.

You can see the obvious influence I copped from his work.
No. 16068
It's probably me being a pleb and not the defining characteristic, but I've always really liked the way you and him use brushstrokes. They break up the outline or some shit I guess. Plus I've always been kind of a sucker for showing images through lighting rather than strict photorealism and I think you do it well with your colour blocky-thing. I dunno what professional non-plebs would call it :-DDD
t. pleb who is also not in the field of Art History
No. 16069
I think my art teacher called it "monumental impressionism" or something, but I'm not an art history buff.

My approach is that I try to utilize the full medium of both tone and color to convey the form. Sure, 90% of our vision is based on tonal contrast (a black and white picture is as readable as a color one), but there is an entire dimension of color available in visual arts that is often neglected.

The angular, blocky style is supposed to convey the form in a clear, readable manner. Basically brevity is the soul of wit applied to form. Clearly displaying every plane and angle of an object, and not a detail more. No wrinkles, individual hair strands, veins, etc, just the form.

And then immersing the form into a space of color. An exaggerated portrayal of atmospheric perspective. Like mountains in the distance recede into a blue gradient, or how sunlight bathes objects from warm yellow, into cold blues in the shadows.

When looking at a normal object in nature, such effects are extremely subtle, so if you were to convey them realistically/literally, the image would look flat. And it would waste the bandwidth of color and space that we have available, basically only using 1% of all colors, because a small object occupies only a tiny part of our possible visual field.

But if you use all of the available depth in a painting, then the far point of the figure will look like it's hundreds of kilometers away, blurring into the atmosphere, and the nearest side of the figure looks like it's right up to your face, creating a sense of monumental largeness, like the figure is the size of a mountain.
No. 16070
53 kB, 1000 × 800
That's breddy neat. I see it quite differently now. Certainly more pro-like but even more certainly not as a t. pro. More like some kind of educated pleb :-DDD

Still though, I do like to hear about things from people who are interested and educated on a subject. Most anything is interesting when described with vim. I've even enjoyed listening to a coworker talking about a specific line of sneakers he collected for similar reasons. Not that art isn't more interesting than shoes, but more making a point of the inane being interesting when the presenter is sufficiently into it. Man, I dunno how even to reword this post and it still reads like hot garbage. Hopefully the message comes across okay. If it don't, know that there is no ill intent :-DDDDD
No. 16071 Kontra
6 kB, 199 × 229
that feel when you had to beat up the neighbourhood drunkard in the middle of writing this post because he wouldn't leave the apartment and started hurling obscenities

I love my life.
No. 16072
I mean, it's unfortunate that he gets angry/punchy drunk and not just lazy and tired drunk, but it's still impressive that he can put enough away to get absolutely cunted and still manage to go outside, presumably walk it off a bit and then stumble back up stairs and home. Credit where credit's due :-DDD
No. 16073
23 kB, 400 × 400
I think he harasses people on the street for change and buys bottles of ethanol at the apothecary. 200 grams of ethanol is what, like half a dollar?

Man, I bet in a tribal society I'd have all the rights to throw him into a river or something. Modernity and human rights were a mistake.

Yeah, any subject is interesting when properly dissected. Reality is an infinitely deep fractal of detail, man. You can write a novel about a rock, if you know enough about rocks and reality. Because a rock is a microcosm of reality itself. smokes weed
No. 16074 Kontra
Also, clarification, the drunkard wasn't my father, just another drunkard. He developed a habit of inviting other drunkards into the apartment while we're not home.
No. 16075
When you put it that way it makes more sense. This is why creative sorts are useful. They see things.

The mental image got weirder but significantly more ebin. I am now imagining you coming home to some random yobbo on your broken couch and you proceeding to beat him until he leaves, with only a look of resignation to this bizarre occurrence. I know I shouldn't find it funny because it's not fiction and my fren is actually having to deal with that crap, but I'm only human sorry.
No. 16077
It is piss eaay do it.
No. 16078
piss easy
No. 16079 Kontra
Maybe you're right. I was initially just out to be spiteful but then she managed to keep up the banter and it ended up being a fun chat.
Might have saved my night, as before that I got gaslighted and unmatched by some psycho whom I thought all day of what to write, and was feeling terrible.
No. 16081
3,1 MB, 2790 × 1835
Are you the Ernst interested in Deleuze, Land and rabbit whole thoughts, living a life that resembles a rabbit hole itself sometimes?

If so, have you heard about the Applied Ballardianism?



The book itself as novel seems to deal with such a lifestyle, if what I said seems to be right you might be interested in it. I think this kind of philosophy attracts certain personalities more than others and Simon Sellars seems to be one have them who lifes too much on his own head and developed unhealthy obsessions.
No. 16082
Went in, took the test, wrote 4 pages worth of text by hand in 50 minutes, had the remaining classes and then went home.
It wasn't hard at all. Or at least I hope I didn't misjudge it.

Edited my translation some more. It's getting better, but there are still a lot of errors in it.

On my way home I came across a copy of Dostoesky's The Gambler and Camus' Exile and Kingdom. The Camus book, I saw completely new in a bookshop last week, and it would have costed me 5 times as much, and it wouldn't even be a hard-cover. I like Camus' works. Or at least I liked The Stranger the two times I've read it.
Dostoevsky... Dosto's works are just simply hard to come by for whatever dumb reason. And they also cost a lot, at least compared to other used books. Tolstoy's books are extremely easy to get, and there are tons of editions. One would think that at least Russian literature would be readily available after nearly 50 years of Russian occupation. Guess not. No idea why. And this edition also has a few other novellas included with The Gambler[i], like [i]Notes from the Underground. The book itself could fit in my coat pocket, even though it's a thousand pages long. Clothbound, smooth pages, it's incredibly good to have it. Though I already owned a copy of Notes, but I'll just gift it away or sell it to a used bookstore or something.

Achieved my first win against the computer in go on a 9*9 map. The computer gave up.

I'm going to prepare for a physics test during the weekend.
No. 16083 Kontra
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>before that I got gaslighted and unmatched by some psycho whom I thought all day of what to write, and was feeling terrible.
I hate online dating. Even if I get a match, which isn't often, she clearly isn't very involved in the conversation.

I have to try IRL, but the meetups I can find around me aren't so interesting. Such cases.
No. 16085
Today I'm watching 35C3-talks. I'm still on vacation.

The talks are great this year. Do other countrys also have such IT conventions or big clubs like the CCC?
No. 16087
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Just went out to take out the trash, and the stairwell is covered in thick drops of blood.

I must have fucked him up pretty bad. Well, it's not like he wasn't eating concrete all on his own while drunk, he'll walk it off.

I wish I enjoyed violence this much back in school, instead of being an avoidant pacifist. I'd be the alpha bully terrorizer. Unfortunately, it took a heavy decline in mental health to awaken my violent tendencies. You win some, you lose some.
No. 16092
269 kB, 970 × 595
Sounds like a Bateman is borned upon Kazahstan
No. 16094
To be honest it's just my way of coping with guilt by doubling down.

On another hand, abused our hospitality by overstaying his welcome and insulting my mother (according to the laws of the land, I could have his head for this). On another other hand, I always lose control and end up doing more damage than necessary.
Anger issues, I guess. I switch between pacifist avoidant mode to violent sadism in the blink of an eye.

Why am I surrounded by mentally deficient savages? I just want to be left alone.
No. 16095
>Well, it's not like he wasn't eating concrete all on his own while drunk, he'll walk it off.
I heard many times about Kazakhs' stamina.
No. 16096
He had it coming if he insulted your mom. What a cunt.
No. 16097
Not to mention underages get away with tons violence.
No. 16100
Wait so he came into your house and insulted your mom? Well granted he was drunk, but a proper beating still wasn't uncalled for.
No. 16103
My father was defending him, so I guess he thought he was covering behind the "man of the house".

He thought wrong, because I'm in charge here.
No. 16105
That's me alright. Though recently my life has been rather wholesome for once, but as they say good things don't last.
>Applied Ballardianism
It's on my reading list. I've been meaning to actually read some more Ballard before I pick it up.
I'll check out the podcast and/or article though, thanks!

Can't say I particularly enjoy it either, but it's become a bit of a habit just to swipe a bit every day.
I don't really expect much of it usually. Maybe some time I'll test the pro membership options if I decide to take it more seriously.

Are you talking about IRL dedicated singles meetups or some other sort?

Any talks you'd recommend?
No. 16107
>recently my life has been rather wholesome for once

Glad to hear. The rabbit whole is not made for a permanent stay.

>I've been meaning to actually read some more Ballard

I only read a few shorts and listened to the audiobooks of his latest works. When it's really "written in the style of the great man" it won't be necessary to read Ballard beforehand and one could do it the reverse way around as well I could imagine.
He often is enigmatic in the shorts I've read. There was one which had this evilness to it. Like all the time you sense terror, horror - an abyss that is companion to the situation told in the stories. Really great. Nothing to put your finger on.
No. 16108
I hope this doesn't end up in more drama for you and your mom. Why was your father covering for him? Was he also drunk again? How's your mom doing?
No. 16109
I sometimes can't tell if my mum is a sociopath.
No. 16121
Oh, yeah, this is a regular occurrence ever since I was I was old enough to beat up my dad.
Before that, it was the other way around :-DDDD.

My mom's fine. Well, at least as far as this incident goes. It's par of the course, really. We're both dead inside.
No. 16125
And in the moments where you do can tell?
No. 16144
The insomnia is back, fuck my brain.
Also I haven't done anything productive in days because I have a restless half sleep and then feel like a bag of shit all day.

How the fuck am I going to hold down a job if my brain decides to shit itself every week or so?
No. 16145
Your mental state will be more stable once you settle down and get eased into the routine of work.
It's really therapeutic to have something that gives your life a "structure".
No. 16155
Did nothing besides reading and cleaning today.
Well, I actually wrote a letter of new year's greetings to the old librarian I know.

Read a bunch of really short Chinese short stories, Nietzche's foreword to the second volume of Human, all too human, and a yuan-drama.
I'd say it was a productive day.

I might study some hanzi and physics too if I manage to get my act together and sit down properly.
I'd be nice to do well on the upcoming test.

It feels nice to be "back in the saddle". I have something to do again.
No. 16160
I got my new phone yesterday after however many years with an S2. It is has been...frustrating trying to get rid of or find alternatives to all the google shit that wants to harvest my data (had to download an app just to remove the assistant search bar and save contacts to my phone). I'm trying to resist outright rooting the thing as I'll probably brick it doing so but I may well have to just so I have something that works.

Very annoying. It ties into a general nuisance of things that work not being left alone when it comes to technology. By all means update security but as far as "new and convenient" features go I wish they'd not or at least give an opt-out.

>Did nothing besides reading and cleaning today.

Take solace in that you did more than me.
No. 16164
49 kB, 658 × 608
>Very annoying. It ties into a general nuisance of things that work not being left alone when it comes to technology. By all means update security but as far as "new and convenient" features go I wish they'd not or at least give an opt-out.

I like how it shows that technology is some kind of dictatorial instrument but without shedding blood and physical pain. You just get cut off from the endless stream of communication the mainstream is embedded today, becoming a prisoner while being free in a juridical sense. EC and imageboards are part of this stream but they run on parallel tracks with the same mechanisms. Remember how people lament about EC being too slow and favor kohl instead. Communication junkies just like some teen that multiposts on instagram, facebook and twitter.
No. 16168
16 kB, 250 × 293
Speaking of which I am starting to feel like we should have a 24 hour ban for frogposting. It is like a harbinger of evil and shit. In the last years of KC if you checked the catalog it was literally entirely frog posts for every single OP. I am noticing it starting to be spammed here by cabbage refugees.

I know exactly how you feel. Next time I'm just going to get a flip phone. Actually I want a fucking landline and an answering machine. With more money, I'd probably get several flip phones like in Breaking Bad. One for contacts, one as my business phone, one for people I would actually want to talk to in personal life. I am now getting a million spam calls so I just dont even bother answering my phone anymore. Anything outside the area code is automatically suspect except they found a way to hijack other people's cell numbers.

Ted Kaczynski was right.
No. 16171
2,7 MB, 1920 × 1080
Technology is both a curse and a blessing. You might think it made your life worse, but imagine if your family was the main influence on your taste and interests, how horrible that would be!
I'd be watching less than mediocre comedies on the telly!
And if not that, I'd have a hard time looking up obscure stuff.
The information is a blessing, the addiction is a curse, but now that pandora's box is open, there isn't much we can do, besides exercising some restraint.
No. 16172
Speaking of frogs, is apu the latest stage of evolution and is it known outside kohl/kc and yilauta?
I have to admit nearly all apus stand for the clumsiness that most imageboard dwellers are and it kind of fits.

Regarding your picture I wouln't underestimate the meaning of online life. It's quite exciting what is happening right know. Is this really just alienation? For a few months now I'm in a rebellion against a state of nature or authenticity, a state where man is identical with himself (and nature). I think we all alienate while growing up. But not sure if that is really alienation or childhood is just a projection.
No. 16173 Kontra
Oh, I mistook the picture with another thread, but you seem to be the same person.
No. 16175
16,7 MB, 640 × 360, 4:13
You just deal with it. I showed up many times without sleeping. Yeah it sucks sometimes but you learn to live with it or you get medication.

On unrelated note, you once said you saw white people and knew they were not Russians because they didn't sound or act uncivilized. Well let me ask you, is this not the height of being civilized?
No. 16180 Kontra
I did coke today and it was a bad decision. Coming down from uppers, it's all grinding teeth, fidgeting and a hint of heart racing. You can't get to sleep and it ruins your daily routine.
But I just had to try it out of curiosity.
No. 16187
How much did you do, how long did the effect last after a line?

Sounds like bad coke, all your come down effects resemble a bad amphetamine hangover not coke, which is rather non-hangover, at least in my experience. I haven't done it often tho.
No. 16188
Take Cyanide, degenerate.

You also.

(User was banned for this post)

No. 16189
I agree but it sounds more like my experiences with bath-salts. Bad Coke would be more a post where he gets angry that he paid all this money to be perked up a little for 10 minutes.

Go be a faggot somewhere else.
No. 16190 Kontra
I see quality of posting on EC increased over last couple of weeks
No. 16193
9 kB, 119 × 115
Stop this kohlposting. You don't call out the people here who tend to abuse alcohol neither. Given that I don't do drugs really anymore your post becomes mindless.

I'm a bit unsettled by some threads that got opened but language wise it's ok. A bit of confrontation is alright as long as it is not just name calling or some personal sentiments like >>16188
No. 16194
579 kB, 1920 × 1080

Ahh. Of course, anything that you don't like is the Kohlchan buggy man, even anti-drug posting when Kohlchan itself is full of drug users.
No. 16195
EC is for discussions, not virtue signaling.

Your posts are worthless, more like an attempt at a downvote than a post. Nobody cares about your stance on any particular topic unless you present an argument.

Kill yourself.
No. 16196
102 kB, 480 × 608
The fuck is wrong with you? Why are you such a salty cunt?
No. 16197
Of course, there is a great wealth of riveting discussion coming from those posts and many other pointless blog posts.

I was wondering why this board was so pretentious and lacking any kind of real substance. I guess the high number of drug users would explain it.

There is nothing of value here, I'm leaving.
No. 16198 Kontra
141 kB, 1200 × 801
>I'm leaving


so kohl is full of druggies, so what? it's about posting style and manners not drug consumption, your point of view is flat as a pizza
No. 16200
You spent the last week writing mindless shitposts so that when we finally told you to fuck off, you could have an excuse to act indignant.

Reevaluate your existence.
No. 16206
Another empty day.
Jotted down the necessary materials for the physics test, and did nothing of value besides that.

Did a few sit-ups and lifted some really light weights.

I'm gonna turn off the computer now and study 'till ~9 or so.
No. 16210
Today i migrated to this board because kc will soon be taken down by german authorities due to the hack that happened.

Hello Ernst, once again i am one of you.
No. 16212
Just one line, really not much. Must've lasted for about an hour. I'm sure it wasn't the greatest stuff, but it had a distinct anaesthetic effect and made me feel much more euphoric than amphetamines so I'm very sure there was cocaine in there.
But in hindsight it was rather external influences, not the comedown, that brought me so down. My former best friend from high school is completely burned out from life, and for a while already. While we didn't have as much contact recently it still bothers me that there is no way I can help him. I ended up taking a benzo to avoid rumination and fell asleep nicely.

Today was decent, helped my grandma to bake some pies.

I don't mind avoiding the topic of drugs in the future if it's offensive to others, there are enough other topics to talk about. Though posts like >>16188 are just pure toxicity.
No. 16213
Today I have a little muscle strain in my right calf since yesterday did a nice hike in the snow. Climbed some hills, bathed in my sweat, burnt quite a few calories. It was breddy gud.

You might wanna visit us on Endchan/kc too. We have quite a few serious discussions.
No. 16215
Elaborate. I'm all in for a rumors and theories.

One line isn't much. But an hour is quite the time which is really noticeable numbness is not really a good way to spot it, since you can mix lidocaine into it. I have problems getting into sleep when I have been in a group of people for the evening. Usually a group of three or more is enough to keep me thinking instead of sleeping. Depending on what happened. You might have similar issues. The cocaine could also have mixed some coffein as well.
No. 16216
>Today i migrated to this board because kc will soon be taken down by german authorities due to the hack that happened.

Is it true that Wagenknecht's nudes were leaked and can you share if so? My theory is that this is connected to the bombing of the AFD and is something more close-knit than an imageboard.

>You might wanna visit us on Endchan/kc too. We have quite a few serious discussions.

There's a paedophilia thread on the front page :/
No. 16218
>it's become a bit of a habit just to swipe a bit every day.
For me too. Did you ever get an IRL date out of it? I think my problem is not being attractive enough and not having good photos.

>My theory is that this is connected to the bombing of the AFD and is something more close-knit than an imageboard.
No. 16221
Suddenly it struck my mind to write a text about Yves aka spacesurfer, how his appearance on the internet developed, how he got on television and what has become of him now and how he is a character to project fears on that quite an amount of people have, being lonely and being a joke.

How did I met Yves the first time? what was my impression? what happened over the years and why is he an embodiment of said fears?
Not a bad starter to write a text but I will probably not do it. It needs a bit of brainstorming but it would be a text that deals with something which keeps me busy everytime I see a picture of him. And I know from Bernds, that I'm not the only one who feels like that.
No. 16222
I got a date once last year, but I already had a hunch when looking at the girl's profile that she'd match me and then she even texted me first. After some texting we established some uncommon commonalities so I mustered up the courage to ask her out. It was actually my first date ever, but against all odds it went extremely smooth and we had a great time. At least until we went to her place and the situation deteriorated quickly. But that's another whole story. Incidentally that girl appeared in my dreams this night.

Photos are of course the most important thing. The handy thing about it is that you can directly verify how well your photos work when you compare the quality and quantity of your matches over time. What kind of photos do you use currently?

With attractiveness I think there is too much obsession about physical attractiveness. Of course it's somewhat important, but particularly for men there are many means to increase attractiveness, at least to certain types of women.

Never heard of the guy, so I'd read it if you get around to writing something. Doesn't have to be comprehensive or anything.
No. 16223
>I think my problem is not being attractive enough and not having good photos.

Women are animals, just get a picture with a parrot on your shoulder or something.

Although what do I know; I did a foray onto OKCupid at the weekend and now I'm just trying to fuck a fat ginger lass with awful tats. I'm thinking of checking out Bumble so I don't have to waste time sending all these first messages.


There was a bomb that went off outside AFD Saxony last week which is another escalation of an already tense situation following the regions low-level race riot and what-not. My money is on a group of kids setting out to hack the AFD for intimidation purposes (remember the BNP hack we had a few years back) but ending up with access to much more.

Source: My Arse
No. 16224
>What kind of photos do you use currently?
An autism selfie, one picture taken by another person. I need to get someone to photograph me with a dog or something, but it feels so false.

>Incidentally that girl appeared in my dreams this night.
High-power cocaine shamanism.

>But that's another whole story.
What went wrong?
No. 16227
>but it feels so false
The fuck do you think dating is? The only way to have honest sex is rape.
No. 16231
Maybe if you're a genuine autist or a sociopath. Although come to think of it, I have had women attempt this under false pretenses. But generally speaking I have no tolerance at all for falsehood in interpersonal relationships. So, you're full of shit Texas.
No. 16238
>There's a paedophilia thread on the front page :/
That's a serious discussion thread and not and underage picture dump. Originally one video was posted from a 'tube channel, all the other images were graphs and diagrams. The other is ongoing discussion what we want on our board and what not. Try not to slander us baselessly, thank you.
No. 16241
Waiting for the bus I have just encountered three gypsy women scavenging the trash-cans, probably for empty bottles. One of them was an older woman with wrinkles and a headscarfs. I couldn't quite tell the age of the two girls following her, they could have been 10 but as well 30. They had youthful yet matured, maybe premature faces. I suspect that they were promiscuitive from an early age so their physiognomies adjusted to their sexual behaviour. However they were quite jolly doing their daily work, it's hilarious and almost frightening how they weren't showing a single sign of shame during their activity (remembers me of myself sitting in the bus once and reading, while a gypsy, who sat next to me with his wife was loudly blasting some folk music from his mobile speakers - I think the woman showed some empathy for me and was a bit angry at him but he didn't really listen to her. Gypsies play music from their mobile phones very loudly, as well as some africans. I theorize that they can't imagine that anyone wouldn't like some music on the bus). German trash-cans seemed to be a real feast for them, every green or black can a treasure chest full of sweet cash-bringing empty bottles and maybe even a couple of used clothes for them to wear? Usually I always recognize someone talking romanian but their voices were so strangely distorted that I couldn't really identify the language. One of the girls seemed to lack a few teeth which made her speech even more incomprehensible. It's really bizarre to witness a people so strangely out of place in a big city. I could have imagined them well at the gates of a medieval town begging for bread, with their nude children covered in mud dancing around their gadulka-playing parents. But in the middle of a city, besides civilized and highly urbanized humans the gypsies almost seemed like an archaic form of life, somehow having survived the course of ages. Lately I generally feel like there are more gypsies living in germany than before. They even settled down in my small hometown, where a slight rise of criminality can directly be backtraced to them. Because usually there are no crimes in that town, even the refugees didn't make any troubles.
No. 16258
>Never heard of the guy, so I'd read it if you get around to writing something. Doesn't have to be comprehensive or anything.

How was your KC lurking over the last 8 years or so? I don't even remember when I first encountered his videos before he took it all down because people/bernd mocked him. The Hypnotic melody maker who was always suspected of taking speed...Yves Strehle. He appeared in TV, some RTL casting show, and now he is bald and turnning towards 40 I guess.

That is one of his early videos



Especially the selftimer pictures from far away are painful. I mean making selfies is nothing unusual but this is.

And since he tries to keep up the positive vibe, is it desperate? is it nothing for him? Is he emotionally crippled inside or is it kinda ok?
No. 16261
I can't remember the last time I saw an actual bydlo-gypsy.
>the gypsies almost seemed like an archaic form of life, somehow having survived the course of ages.
They literally are relics of an older era that somehow (probably for the worse of mankind) managed to avoid extermination.
This might sound like a kohltier opinion but I've honestly yet to see a reason why this literal genetic trash should be kept around.
No. 16263
And now that I've advocated for the genocide of a minority group, it's time to blog a bit.

Got my hand on the essay. The mark is 4 (out of 5). "Your worst work to date."
7 'o clock at the schoolgate and I'm already in despair over things.
Worst work to date, which means, "The structure is good, the argument is good", but "You still write like you are copying a textbook." "Your writing style is tiresome." and "Uninteresting."
"Dishonest, it's just not you."
I told her that it's how I write and I'm not "acting" and "forcing" this style. I think she doesn't believe me. Apparently one of my really grave sins is writing overly long sentences. (Yes, after checking the essay itself with the teacher's guidance, it turns out I actually made a 6 lines long, single sentence paragraph.)
I also told her "Reading my own writing makes me want to die!", to which the reply was, "Now that's an actually well constructed sentence with a proper expression!", which might sound like encouraging me to kill myself, but I think it was more about how that was "natural".
Tomorrow she'll crucify me for my utterly mediocre test, and then we are finally done until next monday when we are writing the next one.
It's just so demoralising.

I actually asked more people who've read my writings and my dear and respected history teacher said that indeed my writing is "stiff" and I should loosen up a little while writing essays.

Yesterday I got a reply from the old librarian. She wished me well. This letter made me feel panicked too for some reason. After the third time I've read it, I felt relatively normal.

Looking at the bright side of things, I finally managed to write a physics test which I didn't cock up. I managed to solve all the practical problems, and I think got most of the theory right. Honestly, I almost went home before the test, I could almost feel myself feigning some sort of illness. The stress was killing me.
And a girl talked to me out of her own volition, asking me about my weekend. I managed to cock that one up, but it was nice to see her smile. (It was like something out of a Camus novel, holy shit I'm pathetic) She's a nice girl, though almost a bit taller than me, but we sort of talk a lot. Well, of you consider 5-6 sentences every 2-3 days a lot. You could say, things are getting pretty serious :^)
The class asked us to give a Christmas present to one of the teachers together. I found that one strange.

And I've though I got off scot free and won't have to deal with this teenage-angst meme. Horrible.

To combat this feeling of despair, I've decided to pick a new book to read and shelf the Madách monograph for a little while. Haven't picked anything yet, but I'll either pick something by Nietzsche or the Kudrunlied. I need something "life-affirming"
No. 16264
The amount of tests makes be baffled thinking that I had to write 2 exams in every year or so and just a small test here and there if at all.

>The structure is good, the argument is good", but "You still write like you are copying a textbook."

Sorry I don't get that but the argument and structure is the most important. Getting checked on grammar and orthography is less and school thing, ok. But why the heck is style important for the final judgement when you can understand what was said?

I can imagine what your texts sounds like, I know old text of mine were quite stiff as well. It tries to mimic a textbook/ high brow language but fails horribly.

In German
>Das Auftauchen der Wochenschauen in Kinos der Nachkriegsjahre erfreute sich großer Beliebtheit

Substantivierungen, ugly Genitivkonstruktionen

>In den Nachkriegsjahren erfreute sich die Wochenschau bei den Kinobesuchern einer großen Beliebtheit

Sounds way better.

>And a girl talked to me out of her own volition, asking me about my weekend. I managed to cock that one up, but it was nice to see her smile. (It was like something out of a Camus novel, holy shit I'm pathetic) She's a nice girl, though almost a bit taller than me, but we sort of talk a lot. Well, of you consider 5-6 sentences every 2-3 days a lot. You could say, things are getting pretty serious :^)

Better than nothing. No need to drag yourself down because it's not an hour long talk or so. A small chat that contains smiles can brighten a day and its ok like that.
No. 16265 Kontra
I would say bei den Kinobesuchern is still a bit stiff, better: erfreute sich bei Kinobesuchern großer Beliebtheit. A sentence that could be from a big newspapers feuilleton then.
No. 16266
>Lately I generally feel like there are more gypsies living in germany than before.

Same here. The population has easily quadrupled since 2014 when the transitional cap was lifted on Bulgarian and Romanian migration and it is noticeable because our native gypsies are rural and white. First it started in London with financial crimes but they've spread to other cities now so even places like Sheffield have a large gypsy community begging for money and more and more come wherever they get established.

Curiously we don't see their children though. I guess because our police will still take them away. We should trick America into taking them all.
No. 16267
>Apparently one of my really grave sins is writing overly long sentences. (Yes, after checking the essay itself with the teacher's guidance, it turns out I actually made a 6 lines long, single sentence paragraph.)

I used to write like this as well so I feel your pain. Breaking the habit is a very annoying and time-consuming process but it is worthwhile once you get into the flow of 20~ word sentences. Then you'll find yourself getting mad at others for using run-on sentences spreading the disease.

Your teachers are right to get on your case. Top marks is an improvement grade that's only possible otherwise if they cannot find a single flaw. That's life.
No. 16268
Was guilty myself as well. I have a book from a journalist.
For a newspaper style, you write about 6 words in every sentence. Ofc you can prolong a sentence with subordinate sentences, each of them around 6 words. A sentnce here and there that takes more is fine but you usually keep it short but at the same time it the nail on spot without bullshitting it up with unnecessary info. The moment you know how to write much you need to learn to cut it down and select.
No. 16269
They are right indeed, it just feels hard to take these “punches”.
It’s like I’ve been thrown off a mountain where I complacently sat by the Gods, and now I have to climb up again to prove my worth.
I’m grateful in some form, because it’s a thousandfold improvement over what was going on last year.

Exactly. Long sentences with strange structures which are hard to read. Just like a textbook.
No. 16270
>Just like a textbook.

Adorno is quite horrible to read with sentences that can go six lines as well.
But usually a textbook is just hard to read because of it's level of abstraction not because of weird structure. The level of abstraction these texts take are not achieved by weird substantiation and other sentences construction. There are specific ways to get the tone and it gets complicated by itself automatically without taking effort in making it sound high brow.
Being overly complicated does not equal academic textbooks even so there is a correlation which has different reasons.

Just ask your teachers if they can specify what is wrong perhaps in comparison to a well written academic text of their choice.
No. 16271
What do you guys think about Chomsky's view that lots of structuralist or poststructuralist philosophers are only difficult to read due to obscurantist posturing rather than genuine complexity of thought?
No. 16272
We already agreed that we’ll have a consultation tomorrow regarding this during one of my empty classes.
I won’t let myself get away with this so easy. This is a battle that has to be won.
No. 16274
Does anybody have a free Windows 10 key I could have? I had to switch to a new HD on my computer but I never wrote down my old key because I thought it was my SSD that would last longer than my HDD.
No. 16275
Don't feel attacked.
I had shitty grades in school and did not care but now in university I fly quite high but i know it's nothing in comparison to people I look up to or that write books I like to read so I'm always in for making things different than before in order to discover new ways of doing things and improve. And I would also get hurt a bit when somebody would criticize my writing still and my argument tho the latter can also spark the fire to defend, rethink and deepen an argument I made myself
No. 16276
It's a self-evident position taken by anyone with a brain and independence of thought.
No. 16279
I meant “battle” as in how I consider this an uphill battle of self improvement that’ll being me great rewards in the future.
No. 16283 Kontra
30 kB, 509 × 377
>I had shitty grades in school and did not care but now in university I fly quite high

I had the same experience. Keep up the good work and you'll fly higher and higher.
No. 16285
You should definitely get 1-2 more pictures taken by other people. Maybe one doing something interesting or whatever you want to signal. Doesn't have to be with a dog, which pretty much signals that you're a normal, caring person or something along those lines. As tired as it sounds, if you're looking for something more serious and not just to get laid, I think it's better to try to be somewhat authentic with how you present yourself. If you want to be a "dog person" then you shall become a "dog person" first lest you present thouself as a "dog person".
And you should probably have at least one picture where your face is more or less clearly visible, if the selfie is decent quality that could suffice for the time being.

>What went wrong?
Hard to pinpoint it. I was extremely nervous and felt that she expected me to make the first move so we could get it on, but I went into full stupor mode. Then there were some seemingly minor things that killed my libido, e.g. the leftover curry she heated up was rather unpalatable and the flavor stuck to my mouth, also I felt that she hadn't shaved her legs recently.
Due to her forwardness we still ended up in bed, making out half-heartedly, but then she did the last minute "I'm not that kind of girl routine". At that point I was way too exhausted mentally to put any effort into it so I just resigned and lay there motionless for 30 minutes staring at the ceiling and wishing I was dead. Then she finally politely offered me to leave, even kissed me goodbye and asked whether we'd see each other again. I couldn't tell whether she was serious, so I just blurted out "Only God can tell" and stormed out of there.

Spent my time on /int/ exclusively and never seen him on there. Painful stuff to look at (esp. his topless FB pictures) but I definitely see how there's potential for some psychologizing.
No. 16287
>Then there were some seemingly minor things that killed my libido, e.g. the leftover curry she heated up was rather unpalatable and the flavor stuck to my mouth

It made me grin uncontrolled

>but I definitely see how there's potential for some psychologizing

Yeah but it's not so much about him than what he projects, what he is to others. I would argue he speaks to our inner fears, I'm not alone with this I'm sure. Quite banal in the end but why not make a rather obscure text out of it.
No. 16293
Why would you want that? Just pirate Windows 7. This is what I plan to do when I am forced to upgrade my PC which is now on windows 8 (I refuse to even bother with 8.1). Since there are no software bundles or even a free Adobe, Microsoft word, or antivirus I actually have zero incentive to keep that piece of trash and every incentive not to use it.
No. 16337
Had one of those days. Woke up with a creeping dread, and am ending it tonight with what feels like tenpenny nails made of feelsbadman being driven into the top of my skull. Weird since I've had one thing that would logically make me feel bad today and it happened after the depressive headaches came on.

For someone who is always virtue signalling against judging people on the basis of employment or lack thereof, my sister sure does love to passive-aggressively judge me for struggling to find steady work.
No. 16349
Why not just use Linux then?
No. 16355
Tuesdays are always overly long.

It snowed today, so the scenery is pretty nice. It elevated my mood quite a bit.

I recapped the 110 hanzi I knew. I partially forgot 10 of them in the past ~2 weeks. I'd say the retention rate was pretty good.

Got my hands on my corrected literature test. It's a good mark, and I wrote one of the best tests. (Only two people got the best possible mark, when I asked, "Whose was better?", I was asked the question "Does it really matter?").
Strangely enough I got some extra points for extra-curricular questions, while I fucked up some which were part of the test.
I didn't feel any satisfaction when I got my hands on the test, which is sad. This could be improved on. Didn't consult with the literature teacher today. She had not time.

I read the first part of Kudrun today. It's a great epic so far. Not as good as the Nibelungenlied, but it's still pretty great.
>"This is the reason why your style is so stiff, go and read some good, Hungarian literature instead"
said my history teacher.

Went and took extra maths classes like I usually do. For the first time I managed to follow what's happening and I felt empowered.

Just got an email about the midterm exams I'll have. I though they'd let me off scot-free for this one last time, but I guess not. I have 15 or days to prepare for 6 exams which will encompass all the materials we've learnt during this semester. I feel so fucked. I really should think about this as a "boot camp" for how university exams will go.

Honestly, I want to skip classes today, but I also want to visit them. Especially the extra literature classes. Classes are nice. I just wish I could attend without existing.
No. 16372
390 kB, 596 × 603
Dear diary, new year isn't as bad as I thought it would be. I can actually see some sort of light in the tunnel and was given opportunities to raise my income to what is minimum wage in real euro countries. I also decided that if I fail this then it's time to go, I banked enough money to buy my way into any foreign uni. All that hard work and suffering will pay off in the end, one way or the other. And that makes me feel sort of good as there's some kind of justice in this world. At least for some people, secondaries and background character tier people get to suffer eternally tho. I've seen enough sad things like men working their whole lyfe for 400 or less euros a month and stuck in that state forever. I must be doing something right if managed to dodge the dead end career bullet that pretty much everyone in this country caught right in the heda.
No. 16376
Despite all the things you say, I still think somewhat romantically about Latvia and want to see it one day.
No. 16385
Oh it's a good place to visit, just not a good place to make a living. You don't have to think about income and taxes when you're out havong fun in nature parks, at the beach or just drinking in Riga old town.
No. 16394
Man, browsing through job ads makes me depressed.

I don't think there's many available jobs here at all. Shrinking economy and all. Like 80% of the ads are straight up bullshit. Most people probably get jobs through their relatives.

Unfortunately, I'm a fringe dwelling untouchable cockroach man. My kind should be pushing carts at the bazaar.
No. 16395
Did some preselection test for applying to an apprenticeship in civil service. The tasks related to language (even though some of them required a very practical mindset so I had to simulate having one) and images were extremely easy for me but the mathematical tasks were a massive pain in the ass. I haven't really calculated any percentages or interests since 7 years or so. (Math always was my worst subject, just lack any kind of understanding for numbers).
Maybe it's still enough to pass the test but seems like I'll have to re-learn it anyways for other such tests.
No. 16398
Today was pretty good.

Turns out the exam is just a formality (For this one last time), because I've attended. The only thing I need to do is to produce a handwritten proof of my knowledge. Which I've already done from 5 of the 6 subjects. The last one is ethics, so this weekend I'll write an essay on Chinese philosophy.

I'm almost done with the batch of Hanzi I'm studying currently.

The extra two literature classes I had today felt really refreshing. At the start of the year, ~15 people signed up for this extra course to prepare better for the matura exam. Today, just before the midterms, there are only 3-4 people attending usually. I was the only one who did any in-depth analysis of the book the teacher said we should read during the holidays. So in essence it was the two of us having a 90 minute long conversation about poem structures. I was elevated, it was like being on a different plane of existence.

I met with that girl again in front of the library. We talked for a good 10-15 minutes. We would have walked to the bus stop together if it had not been for me not having my coat on me. She invited me to sit with her.

Continued reading Kudrun. It's getting better. It seems more like three smaller epics that have been linked together, rather than one overarching great story. Part one (Titled Hagen) has nothing to do with Part two (Titled Hilde) besides the character of Hagen. It's just pure exposition, albeit a fun one. Interesting to see the many cliches of Germanic epics.

Also had a big lunch for a change. I feel satisfied with my accomplishments for today.
No. 16400
Not happy with what I managed today for my thesis. Overslept since I forgot to charge my phone, then only read a dozen or so papers which were mostly crap.

Now I'm feeling too sedated to do any writing after eating pasta so I just resigned myself to at least do some manual work of cleaning up my movie library with FileBot, MKVToolNix and MKV Optimizer
No. 16401
Are you the Ernst who was applying for a librarian/archivist or sth similar apprenticeship (I forgot the exact term)?
Exactly what kind of math (and other) tasks did you have to complete? I'm curious if you could share some examples or a bit more details about it in general.
No. 16404
12 kB, 500 × 450
This week has been spent endlessly bouncing between a work conference and keeping on-top of my actual job. As you might imagine, I'm poorly equipped for this amount of socialisation or really any at all. My normal human façade starts slipping by the end of the day after a few hours and it's tiring trying to hold it together interacting with people I can't relate to.

I'm exhausted. I enjoy close relationships within a small circle but this stuff is a nightmare and I start losing my spaghetti all over the place. Today when I got back into the office I managed to offend someone I barely know by getting neurotic and checking on something she'd long sorted. You' know when it's the end of the day and some wanker comes over implying you’re incompetent – that was me. I'd best try and apologise tomorrow.

Now the conference is over I was hoping I could barricade myself somewhere hidden away but I stupidly signed myself up for a networking event. That will be my lunch break tomorrow, making formal chit-chat with complete strangers. I hope I don't just end up standing in a corner on my own.

Welcome to the job-hunt. Does Kazakhstan have a civil service? We've getting enough here to start our own international conspiracy.
No. 16408
70 kB, 959 × 694
Right, so yesterday I performed my semi-annual evaluation, and I received a good grade (eq. to 4/5). Being outsourced for almost 8 years now, I asked my manager about my contract and the possibility for job security via better contract, he said that I need to work harder because the functional management (outside my country) still does not see my case...then I consulted two of my closest colleagues, they told me that this is bullshit and this can be done via local management...
Now I am feeling confused. As much I do feel that I deserve job security, I feel that if I started working in another place, I wont be as efficient as I still need to work on myself...plus my anxiety is making me less of a functional person (and when I dont have anxiety, I make mistakes lelel), also there is this new post that relies heavily on customer communication and selling oneself, which I severely lack...but I am seriously thinking of applying to that job because I have a lot of good connections that can help me and it has better conditions but I feel that I am not up to that because of the two aforementioned reasons and I still need more technical knowledge for myself to be able to sell credible designs.

Today, I woke up with a very coarse and deep voice because of seasonal allergies - that Barry White-ish tone. I was absolutely ready to produce funky sex music and whisper sweet nothings to womens all over the world. Went to the doctor and took a three day sick leave. Very nice.

and to top it all, weather today is absolutely perfect for my liking - 5C evenings = blankets and coziness :3
No. 16410
Yes, that's me.
Well it was actually easy stuff but I just didn't do it for years anymore, just telling you that to justify my failure.
Well for once there were the language tasks, stuff like:
bird : sky, ______ : sea - what word relates in the same way to sea as brid does to sky? Possible options: [] Snake [] Snail [] Dolphin.
Or stuff like: Which word doesn't fit the category? Jägermeister - Vodka - binge-drinking - Rum. (binge-drinking doesn't fit because it isn't a liquor)
Also detecting typos in a huge list of words. I think I did pretty well at those tasks.
Also a huge list of similiar signs, I had to detect and mark all versions of a selected one among them.
The math-related questions were shit like "His way to work took Mr. Smith 5 hours and 45 minutes, he drove 90 kilometres per hour. On his way back he was driving at a speed of 75 kilometres per hour - how long did his way home take?" or "The tank is filled with 30l of fuel, after 3/4 were burned, 8/9 of the leftover fuel leaks out of the tank. How much fuel is left by now?" or "Max had 3000 Euro on his bank account, after the interests (Zinsen? I really have no clue about financial stuff) he had 3333 Euro on his bank account. What was his interest rate?". Progressively the questions got harder, but generally they were high-school tier mathematics. I was okay at it back then but barely ever used anything again so it all rot away. Still I only left a third of the math question unanswered and I was told that the questions are designed to not be do-able in the given time so I'm not that pessimistic.
Then there were lists where I had to mark numbers between e.g. 3,48 and 6,66, which was pretty easy.
What I really fucked up was the series of numbers. Like 3 6 2 7 10 6 _ (correct answer: 5).
I felt like a dog being forced to do funny tricks for his masters after completing the test.
No. 16412
Sat on balls, now I'm drinking beer. 5/10.
No. 16413
On the one hand, the very promising job opportunity I apparently had is now decidedly not going to work out.

On the other hand, reading this thread I wonder if I ever want to work in an office with normal people.
No. 16414
>The tank is filled with 30l of fuel, after 3/4 were burned, 8/9 of the leftover fuel leaks out of the tank. How much fuel is left by now?
>Max had 3000 Euro on his bank account, after the interests (Zinsen? I really have no clue about financial stuff) he had 3333 Euro on his bank account

If they're like that, it's just mental maths. It's pretty standard in aptitude tests, I did a lot of that crap a few years back when I was doing the ADFA entrance exam*. That one isn't too bad all things considered, the first one is actually kind of fun with the easy maths hidden in plain sight. Second one's trick is too obvious though. Assuming that they just give you a basic per annum interest payment, then it's just converting fractions into percentages. Made easier when they give you the obvious hook of 3 so you can say that 333/3000 = 111/1000 and go from there.

Good luck either way, I'm sure you went fine. If you mostly got down the pattern recognition then the mental maths you would have shat in because the only way to make it tricky and still mental maths is to use gimmicks to hide the easy stuff so you stumble on the harder way first.

*Passed the written exam by a wide margin apparently but failed the interview so had to settle for a crappy history degree with no guaranteed job at the end ;__;
No. 16416
>bird : sky, ______ : sea - what word relates in the same way to sea as brid does to sky? Possible options: [] Sake [] Snail [] Dolphin.
>Or stuff like: Which word doesn't fit the category? Jägermeister - Vodka - binge-drinking - Rum.
Rate misread
No. 16421
Wew lad, the translation agency has agreed to add me to their outsourced staff. Said I should come to the office tomorrow.

I should probably ask if they have a permanent job as well while I'm there. Hopefully it works out. Working from home is ok, but I doubt I'll make much picking up scraps off the worktable. Well, it's the first step.
No. 16423
I would imagine that translator works are typically jobs which often get outsourced because of varying orders the agency receives. It's easier for them to keep it flexible. Many of those jobs that need mind over hands are projected orientated and thus outsourced and time contracted.
No. 16425
Thanks a lot for the examples.
So what are the next steps for you if you pass the test? (Good Luck by the way!)
I've never seriously considered going into civil service before but it doesn't sound so bad now. I guess I'll try reading more about it on Wiki, if you have some good resources or info to share, that'd be greatly appreciated.
No. 16442
Today was quite empty. I was late for maths class. They didn't talk about anything overly complex, so it doesn't really matter.
Teacher said that I'll get a mark 4 at the end of the midterm. (My average is 3.89 but it'll be rounded up to a 4, which is the second best possible mark.)

I reworked a chapter of my translation today. Glaring errors in more than half of the sentences. Abysmal, really. I made good progress though. Roughly one fifth of the chapters have been reworked.
I want to be done with this before the end of the year.

Looked through some shelves in the library. Turns out we have two copies of von Grimmelshausen's Simplicius Simplicissimus. I found it while looking for a copy of Oblomov. Which we only have on rugged copy of from the 50s strangely enough. You'd expect Russian stuff to be dime a dozen.

After I did all the proper classes I've asked for permission and went home a hour early, since there was nothing to be discussed during homeroom.
No. 16455
I told my father that I applied for jobs in Antarctica and he screamed at me that it doesn't exist and I need to stop drinking the Globalist Hillary Kool-Aid and wake the hell up.
No. 16456
50 kB, 720 × 644
Good shit mate. Congrats.
No. 16457
The wind is howling in the darkness, the eerie coils of a horror movie soundtrack rising up from my windows. I don't even know why because I swear all windows are closed. Outside the gusts are merely like a wasteland's deadened moonscape but for some reason my window always sounds like this https://youtu.be/7qfMvboSNAk?t=970 yup that's pretty much at, but at a sadder, lower pitched baritone. Which is an accurate reflection of both my life, my attitude, and mentality "going forward" as they like to say. But there is no forward. There is only inevitable decay.
No. 16461
I had a day off. Didn't do much.
Basically I wrote the synopsis for a few of Kudrun's chapters. (Adventures V-VIII, so basically part two)
It's very likely that I'll never have any use for this, but strangely enough, I feel compelled to do it.

Otherwise I just played Darkest Hour and drank lots of tea.

The dog was sleeping besides me the whole day. The orchestral music didn't seem to bother it all that much.

I wanted to watch the soviet adaptation of Hamlet, but I guess I'll leave that for tomorrow. I don't feel like watching it right now.

My mother just announced to me that we'll be visiting Rome in the spring together. Just the two of us.
I think it's another attempt to annoy my father who travels a lot alone. I feel panicked again.
No. 16463
I watched the scene with the ghost the one Ernst posted and from a cinematographic point it seemed quite good. One thing I noticed was when the Ghost of Hamlet's father leaves he says, in the script, Adieu Adieu Adieu. Which I think is generally considered to be a pun, as the sun is rising and Adieu, goodbye, sounds like a dew. Oh, that bard.
Sometimes I wonder how much is lost with Shakepsare. Even being a native English speaker it can be a challenge to work through things, and that's just really the vocabulary. Not to mention the fact that a lot of his stories are based on myths or histories that were probably well known at least among his patrons at the time but now are pretty peripheral from a historical standpoint.
I think, Dostoevsky said something like, I wanted to read Shakespeare so bad. Then I read the translations to Russian and was confused and disappointed so I learned english, and read and re-read them and then was bitter and disappointed.
With Shakespeare I don't know if there's anything really you know, life changing or inspirational, or even insightful in his works, or if he's just that much of a cheeky linguist and mad cunt that the Anglos couldn't help but worship him.
No. 16464
I actually consider his cult "anglo propaganda" a bit. That's why I want to it see for myself.
But if I'm going to go through with reading Hamlet, I'm going to devote a week to it. Reading the original, a translation and multiple essays I got my hands on.
I'd go and see it in a theatre if I could.
No. 16496
Today was pretty average.
Spent most of it reading. I read parts of Kudrun and I also kept randomly flipping through Shostakovich's Testimony, reading 30 pages maybe. It seems to be a pretty interesting book. Some stories I'd say are even funny.

My mother knocked on my door in the morning as I was reading and ordered me to head over to my grandmother's house and cut up a few logs of wood. I did so. It was pretty rad. The wood was really thick and stiff, so you needed two axes to cut it. One had to be "in" the wood, and then you had to hit it continuously with another, smaller axe. Essentially you looked like a smith wile cutting wood. To commemorate this feeling, when I got home, I re-read the first act of Wagner's Siegfried.
When I was done with cutting up the wood my grandmother invited me in and gave me some peach juice and a one thousand forints banknote. I shouldn't have accepted the money but I didn't turn it away. I realized this only later. In my opinion this was a wholesome little adventure.

Continued my Darkes Hour USSR campaign and I just realized how bad I am at this game because I can't fucking beat France and the UK as the USSR with the help of a DDR that has 90% of Germany and a nearly complete Eastern Block.

I'm currently making "minipizzas". Basically just pepperoni and cheese atop small squares of Blätterteig.
No. 16498
Non-Anglos were shilling for Shakespeare long before the Anglo propaganda machine came into full force, so I think it's genuine admiration.
I think every honest American will say that reading Shakespeare is a bore. I'd say read it in your own language, and watch a faithful movie reproduction in English - these were never literary plays meant to be read in a parlor, so if you want the true original experience, you have to see it performed.
No. 16504 Kontra
I hate my parents so fucking much. The funniest thing is I also gave up drinking awhile back and I haven't been happier. I've only been far angrier and more miserable it's just in a more calm, cool, cold sort of anger and hatred I can control now.
No. 16516
23 kB, 640 × 480
It's so exhausting to spend time with people who can't tolerate silence. Do you know the type I'm referring to? I mean the people who constantly probe others around them for recognition, approval, or just a perfunctory reassurance that they are not alone, like an affirmative grunt in response to their inane story or question.
No. 16536
18 kB, 283 × 283
Big boards are exhausting. They pump up your info pressure, and when you leave the place, you feel exhausted and empty, with nothing inside - because big boards have nothing on the inside. Don't trick yourselves into, it's like a drug.
No. 16537
9 kB, 365 × 441
It's hypermodulation in an extremely circular manner. You jump from one topic to another in seconds - just like everyone else there does in front of his screen - and rarely concentrated on any of the topics. The topics then just repeat themselves with a few exceptions here and there. The rest are only variants of certain imageboard motifs.

Eating McInfos all day.
No. 16538
I might do a night walk with pics.
Do nigger camera angles matter.
No. 16540
23 kB, 320 × 213
I got enough hours in the coming week to pay my bills and put away a little savings. What a turnaround after all this time. Dunno what swung it, but I'm glad it did. The wörk gods are being generous of late it seems. New jobs, promotions and positive net income abound in the past week for Ernsts. That said, I don't buy this 'generosity'. No such thing as a free meal after all. It just comes down to when the bill is sent and how I am to deal with the inevitable consequences of having a positive outcome.
t. contingency plotter

I would think that bad camera angles are better than no camera angles if you're wanting to share some photos.
t. gets heatenings when taking photos
No. 16562
663 kB, 1215 × 1004
I had a chat with my boss on Friday afternoon about preparing everything for the new overarching team that I'll be 2IC for. Everyone else will be new so I've got to prepare a briefing and show my new boss how to do his bloody job. What old boss suggested is that I get in touch with someone in a technical area I know nothing about to bring him (and myself) up-to speed - sounds grand, I love delegating work :^)

Everything seemed fine and I thought I knew who she meant. Only, no, when I talk to her the woman had no idea what I was talking about as she handles nothing like that. Whoops! Guess she meant someone else so I emailed old boss asking for contact details. But then I get a passive-aggressive email late Friday night giving the same woman's contact details and explaining how to find her on the office intranet like I'm a moron.

I'm thinking as she sent that email at 2350 she was just tired. Maybe she even had a brain failure in the meeting. Not the first time she fed me nonsense lately and I can't get too mad at her for it as she's overworked with a toddler at home. Still, I've got enough on my plate without being made to look a twat. I'll be shot of her soon but it goes to highlight this nightmare of ever greater work I've fallen into. In a few months I'll probably be in my bosses job when I always saw this place as more of a stepping stone to other areas - I still couldn't even tell you exactly what my job is for that matter.

I think Ernst has instead entered into a whole new cycle on the wheel of fortuna. Not in an upward spin but a whole new game is being played with ever greater responsibilities that comes with proper adulthood. I'd love to go back to neeting for a week at my parents house but I just can't any more.

Fuck your job though, I'd still keep on job hunting if they treat you like that. What I imagine transpired is everything falling apart since you were away and them realising they need you but good job getting them to show it.
No. 16565
Did practically nothing today. Read some parts of Confucius' Analects. My hands still hurt from chopping wood. (It's more like muscle fatigue, but only in my palms)
It's really bothersome to hold a pen like this.

Watched a bit of anime. Didn't even bother with Darkest Hour.

I also checked out a book titled "How to write an essay", in which some example sentences were set in the example section, and they looked somewhat like my sentences. The author mercilessly said that these are the bad, overindulgent, overwritten sentences that are to be avoided. I felt destroyed.

It felt nice to have a "lazy day". I'm always stressed out and I don't like relaxing but when I manage to get into it, it feels nice.
No. 16569
Why not ask that chick to read over some of your writing and see what she thinks? It could be a little homework club and you can help each-other with assignments at the library/home/etc.

Also you will have to tell me what anime you've been watching as I need the escapism atm. I think I've mentioned before how I like philosophical travel anime (Kino etc.) but whatever's working for you.
No. 16570

You could also read some essays from magazines or big newspapers. Don't you have something like FAZ, Zeit, Süddeutsche in Hungary? Those national-wide newspapers read by middle and upper class, or has Orban control over the media?
No. 16582
Everything went better than expected.
Despite having a bout of insomnia yesterday and waking up at 15:40, and going to the translation agency unshowered, with greasy hair, long fingernails and two weeks' worth of stubble, I got the gig. I almost didn't want to go because I assumed I'd be too late. Yet again I prove to myself that assumptions about the future are of the devil. Better to just go.

A bit more than a dollar per page isn't much, but at the very least I'll be able to buy my own damn cigarettes. Also, no need to commute, today's bus ride was nauseating.

While there, I asked them if they have any positions for verbal translators, and the secretary said she'd recommend me to her boss. Maybe something will come out of that.
For now I'll keep looking for more outsourced jobs. There's even an ad looking for an illustrator, I should check that out.

I'm glad for you dude. Then again, your employers still tried to fuck you over, so I'd keep looking for better opportunities. Is it really difficult for someone with your kitchen experience to get a job at a nicer place?
No. 16584
I feel tired as hell, not going in tomorrow.
The weight of these upcoming exams is killing me. Mainly because everyone is uncertain as to how it'll be held and what'll happen. It'c killing me and there is no cure for it.

They reshuffled my classes randomly, I can't go home early on Fridays any more. At least I still have the mornings off.
I have two empty classes in a succession on Monday now. More time to study hanzi I guess.

I don't know, that's the problem. I'm completely clueless when it comes to cultural outlets. Probably the result of coming from a working-class household.

Sayonara Zetsubou Sensei. It's pretty nice. Fast paced, well animated I'd say, and the cast is charming, despite it being just a comedy.
I'm almost done with all the seasons (three of them exist).
Sorta reminds me how I once wanted to be a teacher, though I'm 90% sure I'd be a horrible one.

>Why not ask that chick to read over some of your writing and see what she thinks?
Well, that's just not gonna happen simply because I'm too nervous and I don't want to make anyone do any unnecessary work.
No. 16586
>I don't know, that's the problem. I'm completely clueless when it comes to cultural outlets


If you can believe an interview with a hungarian journalist lead by a german newspaper einer sogenannten Tageszeitung, die überregional, also deutschlandweit, zu kaufen möglich ist. Ich suche das Gegenstück in Ungarn für dich this is the only newspaper not bought by oligarchs. Since I don't speak your language you have to find out if they have a cultural space. But if they have, I'm sure they will also publish an essay here and there. Even reading normal articles and commentaries will help with a smoother language. Newspapers are the way to go for the educated and non-stiff style.

I could find out some modern arts hubs in Hungary or so, but I'm not sure if you want to read that. It's not necessarily smooth language, but usually academical but not sounding like some pre-1900 philologist.
No. 16587 Kontra
You could also ask your teachers or old librarian. Or what about that girl? Is she interested in newspaper worthy stuff? Maybe she knows something good to read, be it newspaper or journal, online or offline. Something with essays in hungarian language.
No. 16588
I really should stop overthinking every social interaction I have.
Apparently, nothing is as OCD and formulaic as I imagine it to be. You just have to wing it, and it sometimes works out. I'm literally the only one being anal and "proper" about this shit. Well, I guess this is the one upside of living on the kazakhstan rather than wect: I haven't had to talk to a HR robot yet.

And remember, as an Ernst, you are the most autistic person in any room.
No. 16589
Thank you for being so helpful. I feel like I don't deserve it.
No. 16590
Népszava, Isten szava!
Not a bad advice to read articles, supposedly journalists learnt how to write in all kinds of genre. Another idea: he might can find an author with a style he feels close to him and kinda imitate that style.
Pls try not to pick one from the staff of Index, the quality there feels weaker and weaker every year, in general it would be best to leave alone that news outlet if it comes to drafting a text and style.
Frankly the selection in newspaper is very poor. Maybe you should try the archive section of the news sites we have, or check the library and ask for real papers there. Maybe a literature journal or in the field you need to write the essay.
No. 16591
65 kB, 640 × 640
I used to hate sauerkraut but lately I've tried it again and found the stuff really improves my mood along with generally how I feel. Even seems to have sorted out my caffeine crash.

>Well, that's just not gonna happen simply because I'm too nervous and I don't want to make anyone do any unnecessary work.

You absolutely need someone to read over your work and you can help her with stuff in return which also levels up knowledge the most imo. This is how it's supposed to work in academia but everyone is too autistic so they just continue writing dribble.

It's not a big deal to lead into it next time you get talking if you're too spooked. And you're absolutely guaranteed to have her pounce on you at some point so there's that.

I'll give the anime a go.
No. 16592
Two weeks left to finish my thesis, today was not ideal but I made some progress. There's still some work on the content cut out for me but I'll try finishing it this week so next week I'll mainly just have to format and print it properly. Getting a bit anxious but I guess I'll just have a few drinks. Will have to do some detoxing when I'm done with this.

>Despite having a bout of insomnia yesterday and waking up at 15:40, and going to the translation agency unshowered, with greasy hair, long fingernails and two weeks' worth of stubble, I got the gig.

Nice, congrats! Good luck with the job.

Also, the way you described your day reminded me of the first two lines of this rap song (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8DtGUEwsb4s):
>Woke up two hours late, but at least I woke up
>Pulled up two hours late, at least I showed up
No. 16593
Oh, I'm glad to help like this.
somehow mentions, asking for advice or getting advice and the reverse is what I learned in academia. You can ask and get answers and they often are helpful. Better than drifting along in the dark. You can always evaluate the help. But better a new option to look over then have nothing at hand for another day. Tho I would also advice to learn not to pressure yourself too much. You can take a day off or more as long as fire is not burning your ass already.

I asked a lecturer how he tackles reading texts, what does he note down, how does he approach difficulties and so on. You learn something, can test it and do it like this, find a variant or disregard it completely.

The archive is a good idea. I know that even in the 1980s there were german magazines that made top notch reports and essays which have a sound that is still written today.

Also a quick research of databases via my uni search engine led to this:

Maybe it's interesting.
No. 16594
Fuck yeah dude, that's pretty awesome. The pay ain't great, but between the possibility of the verbal translator pay rise and the fact you can now say you have experience as a trilingual translator, things are on the up even if this job doesn't end up working out further down the line. Durries are just the beginning.

For me, I'm still getting fucked over, it's just that I don't bleed money with the current hours. Ideally I'd like about 20 hours per week since that pays my expenses and lets me put some savings aside, but I'm not being given that yet.

Finding work is hard because I'm neither a chef, or experienced in anything fancier than pub food, so even the experience I have doesn't go as far as I'd like it to. Working on fitness lately though. Hoping that by midyear when we plan to move out, I can just put my stuff in storage and join the ADF. I've matured a lot since I last tried though, and I dunno what branch I want to join exactly. They all have things that interest me on a personal level. Will probably want to talk to an advisor at the recruiting office or something. It's steady work with decent pay and benefits if I can get in though.
No. 16595
1,2 MB, 1920 × 2560
Also, that fluffy moth feel.
No. 16599
After handing in three different version of my paper to the professor I got called into his office where he told me that I keep getting the design wrong and its supposed to look different. At this point I don't even know what I've done wrong and after consulting with him I still have no clue. The deadline is approaching quickly and I spent the evening of the previous day reading about the fighting in the Caucasus during the First World War.
As you can probably tell, I have my priorities figured out.
No. 16604
Oh god, the insumnia is back.

I'm lying in my bed unable to fall asleep, literally hallucinating, seeing shadows in my peripheral vision, something crawling on my skin, etc.

Fuck this shit, I knew I had it too good these past few weeks, with good quality sound sleep and ease of mind.
No. 16606
Sounds brutal. Wish I could offer some pro advice but I tend to have the opposite problem most of the time. I just start getting drowsy in the late afternoon and have to consciously act to stay awake.
No. 16615
I oscillate between those two.

Also, just had a nightmare where there was a home invasion by someone dressed as a cop, shot him, and then got caught for being a cop killer, and roasted alive as punishment.
When I woke up, it turns out it's +C temperature outside despite january, the heating's on full power, and I'm under a heavy woolen blanket, sweating my ass off.

Ebin :-dDDD.
No. 16616
21 kB, 657 × 527
Ebin dream. Mine are usually nonsensical and don't follow any particular plot. More just random ideas and emotions that play one after the other and are loosely connected at best. Kind of wish that I could have focused REM dreams. REM sleep is ebin, but I only have fine control over my dreaming in a shallow nap state where I remain semi-aware.

It's warm here too. 23 degrees at midnight. Not the worst I've experienced which was a toasty 36 at 1AM but it's certainly still warm enough to be unpleasant. It's the main reason I'm still awake tbh.
No. 16617
I was just trying to follow the debate about Brexit, but it bored me to death. I wonder how it all will go down if they finally decide to remain. Do Brits do riots? The only thing in this direction I ever witnessed were the lootings a few years ago. But those were more by criminal youths than angry average citizens.
No. 16622
I think you can learn to create coherent dreams simply by trying to interpret what you remember of it as a story. If you start writing down what happened in your dreams, there will necessarily be junctions that don't really make sense and you have to make up something plausible to fill the plot gap.
Actually maybe painting or some other medium is more appropriate to capture dreams more closely, but writing down dreams is what I personally do from time to time.
No. 16625
>When I woke up, it turns out it's +C temperature outside despite january, the heating's on full power, and I'm under a heavy woolen blanket, sweating my ass off.

You ever wonder if people in hot countries have more nightmares?

There were a few dickheads in yellow vests causing trouble last week blocking traffic and what-not. I doubt in any option we'd see a repeat of the London riots though, if you're bored to death of it now try and imagine how the British public feel after 3 years.

As an aside the police are out in force at the moment. They're not taking any chances.
No. 16626
>You ever wonder if people in hot countries have more nightmares?
Yes they do, while awake in fact.
Humans weren't designed to live in hot climates, we're not reptiles. Can't imagine living in the southern hemisphere, must be torture.

I think britain has the best climate: cold but not freezing, no blinding sunlight, comfy rain, etc. Truly a climate for the white man.

>dreaming in a shallow nap state where I remain semi-aware.
Wew, fuck those states man. I hate it when I'm sleeping but some part of my brain is wide awake, doing its own thing. Like the thinking voice rambling about some bullshit while the rest of the brain is trying to sleep.
No. 16628 Kontra
>if you're bored to death of it now try and imagine how the British public feel after 3 years.
>3 years [already]

Pretty much emblematic for our times.
No. 16630
Another nightshift ahead. A coworker just told me that it's a shitload of work tonight. Well fug, here we go again. I didn't work for a month or so as I've done a lot of hours in the first half of decembre and didn't need to work anymore to pay rent etc. During the weeks I never forgot about this shitty place, guess it'll motivate me to write more applications tomorrow. Also when I changed clothes and got back into the blue collar, for a moment I thought about moving back to my parents house until getting the apprenticeship - but fuck it, there's nothing worse than losing my independency so I'll just go on like this. Shift's about to begin, so see you Ernsts.
No. 16637
I cannot imagine living in a hellscape such as Kuwait. In fact, it is hard even for me to imagine doing violence or war there as I'd be too fucking tired all the time to even bother with war. As for the isles well, it is kind of just perpetually damp, chilly, and reminds me in general of infectious diseases.

That being stated yeah it's pretty idyllic so far as I can tell. Well, actually somewhere around the south of France or Italy would be ideal for a human or at least euro, a nice constant warm fertile area without feeling like a constant disease riddled disaster zone.

The main problem with Ireland and Britain is the sun. Those of us with any more than trace Anglo and especially Irish DNA fry in the sun like vampires. I'm not even sure if sunlight exists there. As a result your skin will peel off in sheets when exposed to places that dont have wards against evil things like sunlight. To me I think perfect weather would be perpetual summer nights--and only the nights. Where the air is warm without being too hot, and without too much humidity but without actually being dry, and where it is constant starlight.

Does such a land even exist? Where should I go to find it? The Pacific? I am willing to get blown away by hurricanes/tsunamis/global warming/volcanoes just to live that way for several years.
No. 16638 Kontra
167 kB, 1200 × 884
Oh and speaking of which, has anybody else noticed that in the last several years sun exposure has felt increasingly painful, like being pricked by needles? It's not just me I've heard others say this as well. Is it just my imagination or is somehow the sun actually getting harsher? It feels to me like something out of Dark Sun, where instead of warmth now it just hurts and feels like pain to stand in sunlight.
No. 16640
64 kB, 481 × 406
I don't really mind it sometimes. When I just want oblivion it's annoying, but occasionally it feels somewhat transcendental where my brain is able to do some things far better because there are fewer background programs running due to sleeping body.
No. 16646 Kontra
I cannot say that for myself. I always like sitting in the sun unless I get too hot. But no feeling of needles or anything. Sounds like that could be some condition. Maybe you developed an allergic reaction or alike.
No. 16647
It's only been in the last few years and I doubt somewhat the allergy thing although I have peeled my skin off in matts like a snake shedding its skin. I didn't even know you could do that and how I am probably way more predisposed to getting skin cancer. But again check ball. I think if anyone in the northern hemisphere would notice, it would be us. Or idk. I just recall this strange feeling unlike my youth where at least the sun was warm to the touch before burning after awhile, but now within like 15 minutes it's like needles in the summer.
No. 16666
That is what I feel about the sun here in Sweden.
When it is summer, - and the sun lasts for a week only to go back to constant rain - I feel that the sun is really harsh and burn but it is still cold outside like 18 degrees, still cold enough for sweather.

When I've been abroad, it is mostly the humidity and the high temperature that killed me. Exposure to the sun in the southern lands was not the same feeling at all. For me, there was no difference between exposing myself to sunlight or standing in the shadow.

I think it has something to do with the angle of the sun beam it's hitting me. In Sweden the sun will always be close to the horizon hitting you from a weird angle while the sun down south will be close to zenith most of the day.
No. 16668
388 kB, 892 × 599
16 kB, 220 × 464
Wouldn't that actually make the sun less harsh? Wouldn't more solar rays be deflected out into space etc? Or would a higher altitude have something to do with streams of high energy particles being more concentrated especially with the magnetic north pole shifting?
No. 16669
40 kB, 367 × 444
I went for a night walk and had to turn off my phone because I was harassed with over 30 phone calls for daring to leave the house without consulting my sister. She even went as far as to drag my younger sister who lives in another city into calling me. Tbh, I sometimes feel that I'm a possession to these people rather than a sovereign entity. Is it that strange to just want to be able to leave the house at night for a literal hour without others acting like you've been missing for a week? I think it's a pretty reasonable expectation myself.
No. 16670
It's obvious that one has a right not to be bothered for walking outside of the house. If this is the entire story, then clearly they are acting very odd and possibly abusive.
They're behaving as if you walked out of a wedding or a funeral.
No. 16671
I have walked out of my grandma's 80th birthday, and nobody made a scene about it, because all my relatives already know I'm a weirdo who gets paranoid anxiety at huge gatherings.

I think it's just a matter of his sister being a cunt, tbh.
No. 16672
292 kB, 2191 × 1032
I feel like abuse implies some kind of malice. I get the feeling that I'm more thought of as along the lines of a downie who'll get himself run over by a car or some shit rather than any real intent to dominate. It's also rather strange that I can walk past coppers at midnight, be passed by paddywagons and shit without anybody batting an eye at the random dude walking around in the dead of night on a Wednesday but it's treated like a a national emergency on the home front. It's not even flattering, just kind of demeaning. I mostly went to clear my head after what can barely be called an argument, and more just firm disagreement since voices weren't even raised.

Kind of. Not going to lie, getting to hang up on them 30+ times never got old. Being out on my own terms and refusing to give an inch on those terms is really liberating every time I do it. Defying the conventions imposed upon you and almost feeling their panic as their chains crumble is priceless but I never do it as much as I should. I can see where you get your kicks from doing socially unacceptable things now. Their fear in the face of noncompliance smells like victory.
No. 16674
5,4 MB, 640 × 360, 2:23
>Not going to lie, getting to hang up on them 30+ times never got old.
Had me a giggle
No. 16681
24 kB, 316 × 303
I hate this shit so much. So next week is when I'll have my midterm exams, and they just said I need to write an actual test. I've been asking for a month what will happen and they only said it in the last fucking minute. Bullshit.
Already got most of the subjects I'll have to cover so it's just a question of how much I study, so I'll probably do a caffeine induced cram Friday-Saturday-Sunday. Then I can also study after the tests for the test that comes next day. Yay.

I handed in my essay on Chinese philosophy today. The teacher said it looks good at first glance. I wrote this by hand, and I hope the physical constraints had a positive effect on my style. It's also 5 pages long. (I re-read it and it sounded fresh and light in my opinion. I tried using really short sentences.)
I've worked on it all day yesterday. Re-read the Dao de jing (In English and Hungarian, so twice), the Lun Yu and I also read what von Glasenapp wrote on "Chinese universalism". Then I wrote the essay, sitting next to a tiny table on the ground, with my legs crossed for 3 hours, occasionally getting up to drink really badly made, overly sweet tea, or consulting any one of the texts I've had on my hand.
I felt thrilled. It was like as if I was a general, leading a winning battle.

From the first paragraph, you may gather that I've spent today in a haze of running up and down the hallways of the building, occasionally talking to someone, my hand on my head, whispering random profanities like "oh fuck" and "weareallgonnadie".
Despite this, I managed to utilize my 45 minutes long break and studied some hanzi.
>Stop sweating it Ernst, everything will be fine
>Have you came to know me as an anxious man?
I exclaimed jokingly. In reality I'm mortified. Especially because I wanted to prevent a situation like this where I have to study last minute.

On a more positive note, I met one of my cousins on the bus today, and we talked for a little. She's half-British, so I always assumed she spoke perfect English, which over the last years came to haunt as a sort of inadequacy about my own proficiency of the language. After a bit of talking she said that she did the high-level matura exam this year. She achieved this after doing the base level-exam last year as "practice". And while she said that she earned a percentage that was above 80% (Which is the official categorisation for "really fucking good"), she said that she still visited the English-classes of the school.
So I can forget about my perceived inadequacy, because not only I did the exam without doing the base level one first, I did it a year earlier than her and without visiting any of the English-classes in high school.
Of course I didn't tell her any of this, because it'd be really petty on my part, but this felt really fucking liberating to know.

Tomorrow I'll go home earlier if I can get my hands on the paper that I'll need, and then I'll be studying when I come home.
Feels like I'm taking emergency measures when it's already too late. Though it's probably just the right time.

Didn't read any of Kudrun today. I just wasn't in the mood for it. It's depressing. I hope I'll be finished with it by the end of the month.
No. 16684
TBH you seem to be at the point in the language where saying that you're not good at it sounds more like bragging than humility to some people.

And if you still have a marked Hungarian accent, that will just help you get laid if you ever go to a native English-speaking country.
No. 16685
I sincerely doubt that Eastern-Euro accents appeal to women at all, and I can't play the "exotic" guy because nobody heard about this country.
No. 16687
You will be perceived as exotic, even more so when you can pull Mr. Charming

Women with accent make a sex appeal on its own already, in many cases for me. A different country implies that you might be different from what is routine and it's always a welcoming change in the mating sphere.
No. 16689
Good for you for asserting your independence. No more commitments in South East Asia for this Aussie.
No. 16690
Sorry, maybe over the course of the time you have mentioned the reason. But why don't you move out?
What you're posting here sounds nightmarish to me.
You know better what's good for you than your sister does. You don't profit from such a relationship. You need to break free as long as there's still hope for you.
No. 16692
Hopefully. I'm still largely spineless in the face of familial pressure though. That's what growing up going with the path of least resistance does.

Can't really afford it. That's why I'm looking for better work right now. So that I can afford to rent a one-man flat for myself. Problem with that is that such a flat costs not that much less than a two-man flat so I need a job upgrade if I'm going to afford it, and that's easier said than done.
No. 16696
I see, aren't there cheaper areas than the one you're living at?
I can only afford living in this particular city with a job giving me around 550EUR per month because of living in a shared flat with two others, which is really putting me off at the moment.
If everything goes right and I'll get an apprenticeship in a city in eastern Germany (at the beginning I was only considering the big cities in the east, now I'm even looking for the rather small and boring towns) I could get myself a whole flat for not much more than I'm paying here for a single room. So that's why I'm asking about the area.
No. 16698
There are but most cities in Australia are expensive as hell and those that aren't have a pretty slow economy. Better than the absolutely trashed rural economy but still not exactly job offer central. If I had a decent job that was steady pay I could afford to rent my own place but that's easier said than done.
No. 16708
49 kB, 613 × 533
What branch are you in, that you get paid so little? Or how seldomly do you work? From other posts I understand you are a blue collar worker doing nightshift. To me that sounds ridiculously underpaid. Don't you need qualifications for that and get some form of bonus for working nights? Back when I worked three times a week after school putting beverage crates into parking cars I made more than 500 a month, but that was still Deutsche Mark and I guess it is somewhat comparable.
No. 16717
I'm a contract worker and get paid 10EUR per hour. If I do nightshifts there is a small bonus. So usually I'm not doing more than around 50 hours a month. Thing is only I don't always get to work at the one place where I do long nightshifts, so sometimes I'm at a kitchen where I can only do 4 hours.
The branch is dish-washing but for big events, sort of industrial dish-washing. It's a very physical work.
No. 16719
I have discovered that apparently I don't actually need drugs to sleep at all, it's just the rest of the world is the problem. I need to figure out a way to become completely self employed and set my own hours. I think I am actually functioning on a roughly 25-26 hour sleep cycle. I get up and get to bed pretty regularly without the need of any chemicals at all although it does seem to shift forward slightly each day.
No. 16729
204 kB, 1476 × 1121
Had a bit of a meltdown yesterday after I started the day sleep deprived and then various stressful things piled up.

Took it easy today, and managed to do a proper workout today after 3 months or so of slouching off. Feels really good, didn't even deteriorate as much as I expected considering that I didn't go easy on drinking and smoking lately.
Also deleted my online dating profiles & apps, from my recent experiences I'm convinced now it's not worth the stress at all and a waste of time.
No. 16739 Kontra
I watched some fail videos on Youtube because I needed something mindless to watch.

Scooters and Humans will never be friends is my lasting impression. I'm all in for a scooter fail phenomenology.
No. 16740
2,4 MB, 1920 × 1080
Three days until the exams. Tomorrow I'll go in early to pick up a paper I'll need for the tests, then go to the city centre to pick up a book.
I'll also have breakfast/lunch depending how I'll have time.
Then I'll go home, sleep, make some tea and then study for the fucking exams.
Sounds simple enough.
I already prepared the materials into a pile next to my small table.

Today I consulted some more with the teachers regarding my exam. Mainly with my Ethics teacher. Told her that if there are any cock-ups and I'll actually have to write something, then she should notify me immediately. She decided to take the roundabout way and my essay on Chinese philosophy will serve as an exam paper officially.
Just thinking about next week makes me shake.

Today I also read 3 adventures from the Kudrun. Only a 100 pages left.

I'm waay overthinking what'll happen next week, but I can't help myself, stressing is in my nature for some reason.
There isn't even that much to be learnt, and your midterm results don't matter for university admittance.
No. 16750
>stressing about HS exams

I've known that feel once, now when I look back at it I realize how big of a nerd I was back then. I know that my younger self would hate me for telling you the following this; try to chill.

Tryharding is never good, if you already stress yourself and work hard to get admitted to an education you want then keep in mind, all that hard work will also be necessary at the university and it will be even tougher once you're there.

You seem way smarter than me but try to just know your limits, if you can't handle the stress required to enter the education you want, then you wont handle the stress at uni any better either.

Learn the stuff you like and halfass the other subjects you dislike. Focus on having knowledge stick with you instead of grinding through material and forgetting it all. When you sit at your finals/SAT everything should come down on that paper naturally and with joy, it should not be you stressing your way through that shit and then puke on the way home (figuratively speaking).

Kind regards,
IQ 89
No. 16752
I've started watching a lot more VICE videos. Honestly out of all things I made as great mistakes in my life, I profoundly regret wasting time on imageboards with complete idiots, failures, and uncultured swine more than anything, more than all the damage from alcoholism even. I mean fuck, at least back then I was still getting laid and doing stuff even if my life was basically going nowhere. I feel like certain retards robbed me of a great many years of precious time. I had the whole internet and closed myself into smaller and smaller places full of shitheads.

Well, at least I never got into or really was even exposed to this damn "challenge" shit and random camwhoring on youtube. I maintain that it was shit when it started happening many years ago and is still shit. I have only vaguely lessened my stance on lets play videos, which are mostly still shit utterly clogging youtube as badly as shovelware and anime crap clogs steam. Or twitter. I have never had an account there and hopefully never will.

I hope instead if I'm going to waste time online see discussions of foreign film and literature, documentaries, more scientific papers and such. I tried reddit but holy hell it's crap. It's nowhere near as bad as 4chan and the various strands of cancer from there, but it's still pretty bad.

There's still lots of great content I just feel like it's harder to look for it. Search engines also seem particularly clogged and all of it made worse by prioritizing more recent events, so you look one thing up and suddenly it is buried behind walls of advertising, music videos, or some nonsense. I often find myself looking for old articles and news stories from 10 years ago and can no longer find them without knowing the specific link, and more often than not it's 404'd. I think overall the internet age was a mistake. Knowledge and content should not be democratified or what's the word. The great masses of idiots and advertisers only bury everything and it has resulted in knowledge being turned into fads and trends where most of it isn't even saved.

I sincerely doubt in even 50 years most of this stuff will be accessible and it is horrifying that books are literally being burned and thrown away as everyone switches to digital. Moving away from printed media was the worst mistake of the 20th-21st century.
No. 16753
>Wouldn't that actually make the sun less harsh? Wouldn't more solar rays be deflected out into space etc?

That is what I think aswell but experience tells me something different. I can't really describe it, but let's say you have a cold sunny day in bavaria, sun exposure in bavaria during 18 degrees is more pleasant than sun exposre here on a cold day in may.

>Or would a higher altitude have something to do with streams of high energy particles being more concentrated especially with the magnetic north pole shifting?

I am not good at physics at all, especially when it comes to EM-fields.
It could just be me reacting differently to the sun or that you are more exposed to UV-rays here perhaps something to do with the atmosphere.
No. 16757
Did you get treated yet or are you still in denial that you're not fully normal?
No. 16772
It's time for annual bronchitis.
Fuck my tonsils.
No. 16774
Hey, me too, staying hydrated with no alcohol helps, had this shit maybe 4 weeks idk
No. 16779
158 kB, 666 × 607
My mind has been still and quiet today. It bothers me. I'm not used to having such clarity in my heda and it frankly kind of scares me. How to reintroduce discordant fragmentation into my mental ecosystem? Stable trains of thought aren't really my forte. I prefer my usual autistic tangent following.
No. 16781
Oh, and also I had another ebin nightmare.
Was walking through the bazaar and saw a public mass beheading happening. Nobody seemed to be bothered by it except for me. Then some swarthy guy approached me and asked if I wanted to take part in the beheadings to prove my loyalty to the faith.

It was one of those dreams that implant fake memories into the mind, as after waking up, I had to take a moment to figure out whether public mass beheadings are a thing that happens in this country.

Prolonged sleep deprivation works for me every time.
No. 16782
I have a problem with my Adblocker in Firefox. I had switched to AdBlocker Ultimate a few months ago, after the one I had used before didn't work properly anymore, now I have sames with the new one. Until two days ago it perfectly saved me from annoying ads and was not detected by sites. Now it is and also some ads got around it. I already tried to update it with no changes. What is Ernst using?
No. 16784
Why would bronchitis be related to that?
No. 16786
Noscript, ghostery, and adblock plus
No. 16788
uBlock Origin is the most popular one with the tech-savvy but not hackerman tier crowd afaik, never had any issues with it.
No. 16789
I have uMatrix which is one step up, saves me from every ad but I also have to enable scripts and such on every new page, you can save settings for every page, and decide which elements to allow and which don't.

But uBlock should be enough to kill annoying ads
No. 16791
Ghostery and NoScript I use as well. Also Facebook container, even though I don't use Facebook and I am not sure if it even is beneficial for me, but I simply do want to put as much between me and that shit as possible. I used Adpblock plus, but that was what stopped working for me before I switched to Ultimate.

I will try ublock now. If it doesn't work well enough I try uMatrix. There are not more than maybe ten websites I frequently visit, so setting it all up would not be much work.
No. 16794
>If it doesn't work well enough I try uMatrix.

I'm not an expert but uMatrix also fullfills the tasks NoScript and Ghostery don't know it but I expect an anti-track/against data collection app do. You have grid matrix that has different categories like cookoes, script media and a "depth" that shows all websites layers that occur while browsing the pages e.g. googleads, google analyitics etc.

It can be a hassle to deactivate certain elements if you need them. I have to switch from waterfox to firefox when I pay with paypal, because I cannot find out which elements to unblock :S

It's funny, once you switch to a normal computer everything is full of ads while I browse without any at all. It really makes browsing a different experience.
No. 16802
I had a lot of things to do today.
Went in early in the morning to pick up some papers and consult some more. Then I went home. On the way I ate breakfast at the local American embassy. Couldn't pick up my book because the pick-up point only opened at 11.
When I got home I emptied my bag and went to the doctor for a prescription.
Then I went to the chemist's, where I was told they don't have that. So I went to another chemist's, where they said they don't have this, but they have a non-generic version. The generic would've costed me 30 eurocents. or so. The non-generic one 3 Euros. I said "I'll think it over" and left. Called my mother afterwards and she said I should've bought it. I'm pretty sure being so niggardly will cause my death one day. (I think I was just slapped in the face by reality.)
So I went to the store after and bought some rights and then I went back to the chemist's and grudgingly bought the damn thing afterwards because my stomach was killing me and I don't want to have an ulcer again. Better safe than sorry, honestly, especially how I'm under constant pressure.

I'm not so scared of the exams. Tomorrow I'll practice maths and study literature and history. It'll be nice and easy.

Honestly, I feel pretty relaxed now. I'll probably write another entry into my IRL diary and then go to bed. Everything will be fine and dandy.
No. 16833
Today I attempted to socialize online.
Despite everything seemingly going well, I got the same feeling I couldn't shake off that I get when socializing IRL: that I am merely pretending to be human by going through the motions. I always derealization when socializing. This strange feeling of knowing that me and the people I'm talking to are in different realities. That I am not having the same fundamental experience in this interaction that they are.

Now I have a bunch of friend requests from people I never intend to talk to again.
No. 16837
111 kB, 940 × 627
Well, being good at having people not dislike you when you do have to pretend to be social is a pretty quality problem to have. Think of it as a skill.
No. 16838
>Now I have a bunch of friend requests from people I never intend to talk to again.

It's mostly the same for the other people. For those who sent the request as well. I have gotten friend requests from people and we never exchanged words after. Social media has a different concept of friendship or being social in general.
But maybe sometimes people will speak to you because of reasons.
No. 16849
8 kB, 246 × 161
No sleep is seeming pretty viable. I suffer on the Australian summer.
No. 16856
Today was pretty good. I studied literature and maths. I knew everything already, so a semester of studying wasn't in vain.

Read 15 or so pages from Shostakovich's Testimony. It's a very nice book. You can flip it open anywhere and you get colourful anecdotes about soviet officials, cultural life and Stalin's deeds.
Also read a bit of Kubizek's book on Hitler. That book makes me feel weird. Reading about a teenager Hitler being totally into Germanic epics, literature and music while on a shoestring budget is sort of relatable, but it being relatable is scary.

After studying I had a few slices of bread with liver paste. For whatever reason I made a mug of coffee too.
I felt so illuminated that I translated 33 four line verses of a medieval heroic song (Which you can see in the literature thread) in 2 hours.
I generally feel good now.

Gonna read some Lovecraft before bed I think. Maybe study some Grammar.
No. 16864
100 kB, 800 × 800
>I translated 33 four line verses of a medieval heroic song (Which you can see in the literature thread) in 2 hours.
Impressive work, and adding the footnotes was a nice touch. Thanks for sharing.
No. 16865
My real life mug says 'shit happens then you die' on it. Rate.
No. 16871
250 kB, 1024 × 817
I've decided to kill some time working on a GURPS Lite-based RPG system for the Kazakh-Dzungar Wars. The short version of that setting is 'This Dzungar is squatting on your pastures and basically a s*rt. Are you a bad enough nomad to drive him back into East Turkestan?'. Chose GURPS because 1. it's really easy to modify since it's the reason it exists and 2. skill defaulting and advantage/disadvantage/quirk choices fit the setting where a nomadic warrior can use a lot of his existing skills in non-combat scenarios (defaulting) and the 'perk' choices can really make them unique and simulate some of how Kazakh politics worked with slightly tweaked allies and contacts.

Dunno how realistic to make it though and that's something you need to work out early when using GURPS in any form because it's easy to make the game very lethal if you go in half-arsed in your attempts to make it a bit more heroic.
No. 16878
11 kB, 173 × 116
Rated. The current champion of my coffee mug battle royal is an old ceramic Tim Horton's. It worked its way to the front of the cupboard about a year or so ago. Considering my history of chipping or outright breaking mugs, this one has had an impressive run.
No. 16892
46 kB, 600 × 600
3,0 MB, 348 × 215, 0:08
At work one of my spies in the higher echelons is coming to the end of her contract and keeping the job is looking less and less likely. She's only a private secretary and the problem is she never applied to be made permanent or even gone similar jobs when the right time came because she thought she was secure. Now she was told her performance is being reviewed and she only may (with emphasis) keep her position. That's a no in both our books and she's personally asked me for help because she doesn't know what she is going to do.

It's awful on multiple fronts. Not only do I consider her a friend and, being from a working class background one of the few people I can relate to, but I'm doing interviews now with people who might well be taking her job. I've got to ignore the conflict of interest when doing that but there's a tremendous fog over what I'm doing. Sure, I'm trying to sort her out by getting her into meetings so she can build contacts and experience but there's only so much I can personally do. It's a shame I didn't hear about this earlier because I could've gotten her into my team with a promotion and a permanent contract but we're too far gone.

This is why I've always disliked positions of power. Results where everyone wins are few and far between and when someone loses it's hard not to feel personal responsibility.

Rated & Subscribed. As a compulsive juggler I feel your pain over broken mugs - the expense of buying a new mug is realistically nothing but you can never replace YOUR mug. It's like losing a friend.

My current mug is the classic union flag from Sainsbury's. Originally I was just in dire need of a mug having moved house and this was the only ergonomic one in store but since then I've come to love the "oh" moments people have when they see it. Maybe next time I will get an England mug to make people truly angry.
No. 16901
42 kB, 920 × 613
Well, today was great again.
Studied literature and history. I feel prepared for tomorrow's exams.
I already knew 99% of the literature material and I just needed to brush up on my history knowledge.

I'll have 1 hour to compose an essay on a topic of my choice (I'll have two options given to me).
Either about the consequences of the Battle of Mohács in 1526 (The country breaks up into three entities and the era of defensive wars against the Ottomans begins, Hungary falls under Habsburg influence permanently.) or about the post-Ottoman "Renovation era" when the country was repopulated and somewhat modernized by the Habsburgs to keep the "Monarchy of the Danube" together. Status of minorities in the era and the goals of the reforms. Since I've already written an essay on the former (which turned out pretty well, and even my style was praised), I'll pick the latter, because that one is easier and has less dates in it.
This seems rational enough to me.

Reworked a few lines in the poem I translated tomorrow, and I also added a few notes to accompany it. I'm really itching to give it to a literature teacher for a critique.
Yeah, the metre is shit in places, but that can be reworked. I'm confident that I can turn this into something relatively good. Maybe even show it to a literary outlet. Or post it on a future blog I'll make one day. I'm thinking about making a blog.

I feel so fucking confident.
I also had coffee again. This stuff is wonderful. Even without sugar. People look at me weirdly when I say I don't drink my coffee with sugar (whenever I actually decided to drink a coffee), I don't know why. Is it that strange to drink coffee with just a bit of milk, or what?

I use a giant half litre sized mug that says "I <3 Tea". It's nice because I don't have to get up every 5 minutes to get a new cup of tea.
No. 16910
>I don't know why. Is it that strange to drink coffee with just a bit of milk, or what?
I can assure you that this is precisely the appropriate way for well-adjusted, grown-up people to drink their coffee. Don't let anybody tell you otherwise.

In regards of the poem, another idea that just crossed my mind is that when editing it, you can try to read it out loud to see how it sounds and then adjust the metre/rhymes accordingly. Anyways, good luck with it!
No. 16913
I don't know if I'll refine it further though. It'll be nigh impossible during the next week.
But it'd be sad to leave it just as it is.
Yes, I think I'll rework it. Not in the original metre, but so that it sounds good.
No. 16916
39 kB, 500 × 500

These cheap jumbo mugs crack all the time. I wish I had one made from stainless steel.
No. 16918
>I wish I had one made from stainless steel.

I dunno, the smooth feel of good mug on your lip really enhances the experience for me. I figure a steel mug will be like drinking coke from a plastic bottle instead of glass as American Jesus intended.

There is a middle ground of course. Fine china isn't going to last 5 minutes but a nice thick mug may cost a bit more but you'll get much more use out of it.
No. 16922
>As a compulsive juggler
I like your euphemism and plan on adopting it.
>Is it that strange to drink coffee with just a bit of milk, or what?
Not at all, everyone finds their own coffee niche. I'm on the opposite end of the spectrum and generally add a lot of milk and sugar. If anyone was wondering what candy bars melt best in hot espresso, the answer is Peppermint Patties.
>These cheap jumbo mugs crack all the time
Their only hope for a long life is to be summoned far from the kitchen to serve as a pencil cup.
No. 16939
36 kB, 300 × 383
This week is butthurt week in Australia. The week where everybody goes at each others' throats because of Australia Day instead of just taking the day off and doing their own thing with it and keeping it their own thing instead of trying to make it a universally bad/good thing. Most annoyingly, I have to go to work on Australia Day so I'm going to have to wade through protests to even get inside since I work on the main protest route in this city. It's a nightmare how everybody acts like not really caring for getting rid of a public holiday makes you someone who'd support Jim Crow Laws or some shit.

People need to cool their fucken jets man. Not just on this too, in general. The general intensity surrounding everything is really quite unnecessary and equally unpleasant.
No. 16953
As an outsider this has always struck me as an especially weird facet of Oz culture. Even Americans avoid making such a big show. It's practically German how you go about it but it's blended with a recognisable middle class neurosis and disdain for the poor.

Not enough proper Marmite I suspect.
No. 17095
Just had a meeting with my social worker and it lasted a hour plus. Mad heatenings when she asked if I had friends or a gf. Atleast shes a gamer tho. All in all day is normal. Autismbuxx soon tho which will be nice.