/int/ – No shittings during wörktime
„There is no place like home“

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No. 18204 Systemkontra
78 kB, 326 × 518
Today Thread
(Today Thread)
Your friendly thread for posting diary entries.
>>
No. 18206
Today I saw two obese people. I thought I was in America.
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No. 18207
>>18206
I only ever saw planet-sized people when I visited the inner parts of Budapest. (Or when I see middle aged gypsy women.)(But neither is a common occurrence, really)
>>
No. 18209
>>18206
Is it really that rare in Hungary? I thought obesity is meanwhile pretty global. Maybe apart from east asia. Since everywhere people adapted to the same american way of life. What is so different about your country? You also have a reputation of having some of the most beautiful and sexy womenz.
>>
No. 18210
>>18209
There are plenty of overweight people running around, with a bit of a belly or a slight chub, but it's not every day yo see US tier colossuses who alone fill an elevator.
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No. 18212
94 kB, 480 × 587
>>18210
This. Hell lot of people have moderate overweight. Basicly most of people or a little bit overweight or skinny, perfect-body guys is more rare. But I very rarely see ultra-fat people.
Funny story: when I was kid, pre-school, I had friend who was like me a little bit overweight. Well since I moved in different district when was kid, we stop see each other andwell after years compleatly forgot. And then I seen him - he not recognized me, but I have and duude this guy become fat as fuck. I sometimes sad that I has no perfect body and need to drop like 10 kilos to fit iternal standarts, but well, what I seen immideatly rised my self-esteem. Yes, Iam horrible person
>>
No. 18218
>>18209
Many people has enough overweight to be a health risk (one problem our society should deal with) there's no question about it, but real obscenely fat ones are rare.
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No. 18221
>>18218
>(one problem our society should deal with)
We are never going to deal with that, because we are too stubborn to reform the Hungarian kitchen.
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No. 18223
Today has been awful. I'm still running a fever and my nose is aching from how much I blew it over the past few days. I also started coughing for whatever reason. I don't remember the last time I was this sick. This is the worst kind of sickness. Neither life threatening, neither small enough to just walk it off.
At least I don't have weird fever dreams about Russians and stomach surgeries.

Though I managed to install the new laptop battery. (One of them anyway.) It works wonderfully. I'll be able to get more work done with this. (I won't have to look for a power outlet this way to use that old trashtop I carry with myself, however prole tier that is.)

They apparently delivered the copy of the Odyssey I ordered to the pick-up point, but I'm not going to pick it up tomorrow. (Or this week for that matter.)
Honestly, if I were to go into the city right now, I'd be laying in bed for another week, or at least that's how I feel. Picking up the other two packages was a dumb enough idea.

I'm fucking behind schedule. I wanted to recover by today and visit classes. (Or at least to be able to concentrate on reading a book without needing to get up and blow my nose.)
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No. 18231
Ate a huge packet of M&Ms in one day. You know, the one with the phrase "for you and your friends" written on it. Heh. The fact that I am still not fat in spite of how much chocolate I consume every day baffles me. maybe one morning I will wake up and realise that I have become a landwhale overnight
Such is life when you have no willpower and can't stop eating tasty things especially now during the break between the terms. But damn, not waking up at an ungodly hour every morning because of university lectures sure feels nice.
Though I really should get back to spending my time at least somewhat productively since I have already spent over a week of the break playing videogames and reading.
Or maybe I shouldn't. We'll see about that.
>>
No. 18236
>>18231
Choclate alone doesn't really make you fat iirc, it's the sugar mixed to those products that will make you fat.
Like you I could eat sweets and drink sugary stuff without ever getting an ounce of fat. But getting closer to 30 I have noticed that meat and white bread will indeed make my belly visibly grow and now I have to do sportive things to keep my shape, or - as I do currently - not eat as much as my brain wants me to eat.
It was a bit shocking when I first discovered this.
>>
No. 18238
>>18221
Nothing wrong with Hungarian cuisine. Every part of it turns out to be healthy. What's in töltöttkáposzta? Hús, rizs, meg káposzta, what's unhealthy in it? The fat? Turns out even pig lard is healthier than shitty palm oil or fukkin margarine.
The problem is in those product we consume on the side, the sugary drinks and the nass we consume in front of the tv - all right some of it can be considered traditional confectionery. Also noone exercises!
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No. 18239
>>18238
>káposzta
Don't you say it's cabbage
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No. 18245
>>18239
It’s not cabbage then.
>>
No. 18246
>>18238
It's rich in calories.
>Also no one exercises!
That's another big reason why Hungarians are fat. We aren't an agricultural nation of peasants who have a hard time affording ingredients for elaborate dishes. And we don't toil on the soil 24/7 either.
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No. 18247
62 kB, 750 × 536
>>18236
Fucking sames, I'm still thin but I grow a belly from all the sweets and unhealthy fat, salty processed food I consum(ed). I want to change, not only because I don't want a belly but also because the shitty food makes me feel shit more or less, I'm quite sure.

I guess most of us know the meme "why won't my depression go away" and it's true. Shit food, no sleep and no movement/sports will make you feel shit, more so when you are alone and not having a partner and/or sex to counter it a bit at least.
So I try to switch my mood, because doing nothing that results in nothing will only fire up the regret flame burning inside me. ... And I won't have a belly, I never had a belly and now I'm getting vain with bigger steps to 30. And the worst is I don't even feel like 30 or crossing mid 20s already and yet this behavior of mine is a foreboding :DDDD
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No. 18248
My train just stopped at a place called Ernsthausen.
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No. 18249
87 kB, 543 × 594
>Mode of popular ratings of TOP-20 highest rated Russian banks is 1.9 out of 5 points
I rate this rating 9.1 out of 5 points
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No. 18250
>>18247
I just managed to get out of all those and many more self-destructive behaviours.

I'd help you if we'd live close. The not-so-secret that you "just have to start doing it" is overshadowed by something I never hear people say: It's really fucking hard to get out of lows like that on your own and someone dedicated to helping you is worth so much more than an self-help trick.
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No. 18252
>>18250
I will start to eat proper food but keep my small portion of sweets a day. So far I dismissed soft drinks already, after buying them for some months again. A bit of training every other day as well.
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No. 18259
41 kB, 400 × 132
>>18248
>a place called Ernsthausen
They had a nice logo on their webpage, so I made this.
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No. 18261
113 kB, 1000 × 667
Today I was at the library reading on a sofa and got bullied by some pubescent girls who demonstratively sat down next to me despite all the other sofas being vacant and started giggling, taking pics and squealing about snapchat. I tried to keep cool and read on because I had headphones on anyways but they were sitting close enough to spread their noxious artificial pheromones so after all I had to get up and leave for another spot.
Mistakes have really been made when they rebuilt this municipal library; they rebranded it as sort of a multimedia library with good WiFi and built it directly next to the high school. The idea was probably to encourage kids going there to read and learn but it turned out that many kids just go there to hang out on the sofas with their smartphones at best and gossiping and making a racket at worst. Also they already had to put up a lot of really big signs forbidding eating and drinking inside. It's a shame because it is a rather nice building.
Anyways, afterwards I dropped by my grandparents and they prepared a pretty epic meal for me which was very delicious.

It was a pretty decent day, all things considered.
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No. 18264
1,0 MB, 512 × 288, 0:08
>>18261
>and making a racket at worst

I had to read that with webm related accent.
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No. 18266
>>18261
It's the usual fate for a public library these days. They've become a place readers/people that need books, homeless and teenagers/young adults who want to hang out and need wifi/internet connection.

I suppose you don't live near a university library, given that you chose a public one?
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No. 18267
280 kB, 384 × 216, 0:09
>>18261
>and got bullied by some pubescent girls
Pubescent, uh-h-m, girls, yeah, uh, they are, duh, are pubescent. 16/16, would be a pubescent girl again.
Hormones are bursting, it's not an easy task to interact with a pubescent person. They are mentally instable, today they are this, tomorrow they are that. The further you get from pubescent person, the easier you get with them.
>>18266
People say it's a lot cooler than the usual libraly. I mean, people here envy how cool libraries in Germany are, and how they "suck" here.
On the other hand, I've never been to library since university.
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No. 18270
273 kB, 1417 × 1417
I'm on my way to recovery now. I still had fever, but it was lower, and I no longer have to blow my nose every 5 seconds. I can actually breathe.
I should be fine by tomorrow I think. Though I've been saying this for the past 3-4 days now.

So I might even be able to get some things done tomorrow. I'll try reading.

I got an email from an antiquary that they have one of the books I wanted for sale, but fuck me, they are selling it for the price of a new book. They do this all the fucking time whenever something I want is brought in. (They had three copies of Wittgenstein's Philosophische Untersuchungen, all going for between 15 to 30 Euros.)(Which is frankly, more than what I'm willing to pay.)
>>
No. 18272
>>18239
As you wish.

>>18264
Oh, that's the asspie dating video. A short section of it.

>>18246
>It's rich in calories.
No need to overeat then. But we also rarely know temperance, everyone stuff themselves up to their throat liek they weren't sure when they'll eat next.

>>18270
Use this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DqIGeAbVfGw
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No. 18279
276 kB, 684 × 1000
I haven't left my room while other humans are in the house in about 72 hours. I also get spooked by the sounds of other people in the neighbourhood existing, and not just the sound of footsteps in my own home. Main problem today is that I've run out of supplies and will have to venture out to the supermarket and I'm not feeling up to facing others. At this point, I half expect people to start saying 'No mask? No mask!' if I come into contact with them.
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No. 18288
I think I ate too much and all my organs feel like they're failing or want to fail. I am at the cusp of horrendous pain, and yet I want to eat more. I know there's a super size breakfast burrito in the freezer. It feels like the "I am full" switch inexplicably stopped functioning for no apparent reason. That is all.
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No. 18289
50 kB, 554 × 581
>>18148

Perspective is a funny thing. Now that I've written my exam I feel relaxed even towards the noise from neighbour-man at ungodly hours. I can sit here, writing code for fun and I can blend out the noise almost entirely.
Feeling pretty good in general today.
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No. 18297
>>18279
Sounds somehow delightfully eerie yet haunting. Flirting with craziness a bit. Usually I don't buy so many supplies that I can live on it more than 72h, usually only 48h. Not long ago I posted here how the non existent social contact is dragging down my mood, yet I like being a hermit bookworm. And what you describe is exactly what fascinates me about being that person who stays inside for an unusual period of time. When the things outside the room/flat get spooky and unreal, when you lose grip to the supposed real world with it's tasks and ever flowing processes, when the neighboring sounds become something different than what they usually are.
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No. 18307
263 kB, 313 × 503
>>18297
Generally I have basic stocks that I can stretch a long way. Shit like fire cakes for example which are just flour and water cooked on a pan and sit in you like a brick. Not the most nutritious thing in the world, but it fills you up and keeps the hunger pains away while consuming very little of your rations.

If you really want to flirt with craziness and have the world morph into something alien, try blacking out your windows and staying awake for 100 hours. Unironically one of my most recommended experiences. In the eventual psychosis, you lose track of the passage of time due to no light cycle and begin to lose entire days to the void when you look down and see that suddenly it's two days later or something. It's also pretty mindblowing when you eventually leave the house only to find that spiders have found your front door a quiet enough corner to web across.

My penchant for the occasional bout of self-induced psychosis and paranoia probably explains why I really like the King in Yellow. One of, if not my favourite books.
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No. 18308
>>18307
>It's also pretty mindblowing when you eventually leave the house only to find that spiders have found your front door a quiet enough corner to web across.

And I'm out. Thank you, sir, but no, thank you.
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No. 18313
>>18307
No online deliveries in Oz.

I wish I could just freeze everything, fuck buying fresh everyday.
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No. 18316
58 kB, 900 × 506
>>18313
>I wish I could just freeze everything
That's what the winter exists in Russia for.
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No. 18317
I woke up drenched in sweat yet again, but finally, finally I felt clean. A sharp mind and a clean nose after 5 days of "suffering". The time was 8'o clock. I lounged in bed for another hour, checking my emails and flicking through some imageboards.
Then I poured some of the cheap tea we have, and drank it with some biscuits for breakfast.
After that I sat down to finally read Houellebecq's Whatever, since I was finally able to concentrate on reading. The nicest thing about this all, was that I had no tasks laid out for me, since I was absent from three weeks' worth of classes. This basically meant that I had three, completely free days at my hands to spend leisurely, however I wanted. I though I'll be able to finish maybe two books, or at least one and a half.
That is, until 20 pages into the first book I got a phonecall. For whatever reason I despise phonecalls, and whenever I get one, a string of obscenities escape my mouth, the kind that is even overly profane for a Hungarian curse.
So I curse, and pick up the phone. It's the voice of an older woman. She says she is looking for Ernstovich Ernst, and that happens to be me.
So I finally ask who is it.
>It's Frau XY of [Highschool]
So we finally recognise each other. The vice principal/Literature teacher gave me a call because she hasn't seen me in class for two weeks now and was "worried" and "missed me". She inquired about the state of my well being, and if I was going to visit classes at all this term. Told her I was sick ("Well, you sound sick, I can hear that!"), and that we missed each other last week on the single day I went in.
She wished me all the best and just before putting down the phone, she told me that
>Oh, you should read Crime and Punishment by Wednesday, Ernst
Well, well, work never lets you rest, does it. I though I could escape doing anything for three days, and yet, here we are, talking on the phone about tasks.
On one hand, she called me, which is a nice gesture, on the other, she just gave me a task that I'll have to plan around, something that I wanted to avoid.
Though at least it's a Russian novel. If she told me "Well, read Dickens' David Copperfield by Wednesday", I would have just said "Dickens is shit" and hung up the phone.
After this little chitchat was over, I sat in my armchair, "meditating" about what should I do about this. I decided to make coffee, and then I dove head first into the adventures of Raskolnikov.
This was swiftly interrupted by my a phonecall from my mother, who asked me if I have any spare cash I could lend her 'till the end of the day, a request to which I obliged after looking at the tiny wooden statue depicting a stereotypical jew, which I got as a gift from my sister, a memento of our visit to Vienna's Christkindlmarkt.
After handing her the money (at about I think 10'o clock), I settled down to read, and with regular interruptions I read about a hundred pages till around 4'o clock, which I'd say is an abysmal performance, considering all the cheap tea and that bad coffee I drank to enhance my performance.
The book itself started out as mildly boring at first, but around maybe chapter 4 it got somewhat interesting, and by the end of the first part I had to put it down, for it left me shaking a bit.
After reading part one and then some more, I decided to have some "fun" and read more of that Houellebecq book. Indeed it was fun, but by the time I got over 20 pages, I wasn't alone in the house, and it's very hard to concentrate when you aren't the sole living being in the near vicinity.

It wasn't an excellent day on a less snobbish note. Better than most, but that call threw one hell of a wrench into my plans.
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No. 18319
I think I'm starting to realize there is literally no fucking reason to boot up the fucking computer at all.
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No. 18323
24 kB, 600 × 338
>>18319
Why boot computer if you never turn it off?
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No. 18324
>>18323
It ruins the battery.
Which reminds me. I should install the second laptop battery I have.
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No. 18327
I am going through the Express Tutorial on Mozilla's Developer page and I'm finding it quite interesting.

Today I had a lunch at a sub-par street restaurant and the guy seemingly didn't cook the meat properly. Now I'm feeling like food intoxication is setting in again, I can already feel the paraesthesia at the back of my head and I'm burping and it has that really awful rotten taste.

I can't buy antibiotics OTC because government has put too many regulations in it - I don't really blame them, we have superbacterias outbreaks once in 2y. But stillß, only one single damn day after I rescind my healthcare plan this kind of stuff happens to me.

Does Bernd know any kind of alternative treatment to food intoxication? Like perhaps using a culture of different bacteria to fight the ones that are making me feel like scheiße. I really don't want to go to the public hospital, spend 10 hours and don't even get to see the doctor.
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No. 18329
>>18327
Sorry for reddit spacing, didn't even notice it.
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No. 18333
>>18329
>reddit spacing
It's called a paragraph. The only people on the internet too fucking stupid not to know what a paragraph is are poltards and youtube comment bydlo.

>>18323
Somehow I expect that's a great way to cause problems eventually.
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No. 18335
>>18333
Well there may be no blank space between paragraphs but why not, it make it easer to read walls of text on imageboards.
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No. 18337
>>18333
Well, I think I could sum up the last three paragraphs in one since they regard the same subject (food intoxication). But it is already done so I shouldn't bother.
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No. 18338
>>18307
>If you really want to flirt with craziness and have the world morph into something alien, try blacking out your windows and staying awake for 100 hours. Unironically one of my most recommended experiences. In the eventual psychosis, you lose track of the passage of time due to no light cycle and begin to lose entire days to the void when you look down and see that suddenly it's two days later or something

I did whole weekends from Friday to Monday on drugs (and under people a lot). Resulted in a full blown drug psychosis. I'm still fascinated by it, its effects, but I don't need that kind of feeling anymore. It's different to staying indoors the whole time tho. Just a little bit of detachment from real life.
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No. 18340 Kontra
>>18338
>Just a little bit of detachment from real life.

Is what I would call flirting and which I sometimes do.
>>
No. 18342
>>18266
>I suppose you don't live near a university library, given that you chose a public one?
Nope, but I'm planning now to move to a bigger city where I'd have that option asap.

>>18317
>Crime and Punishment
IMO it's actually so captivating that you'd end up reading it in a few days even without other incentives.
And again I'm amazed you read Dostoyevsky in school, completely unthinkable on the Germany.

>>18327
There's not much you can do about food poisoning afaik. If you develop further symptoms they should subside within 1-2 days, no antibiotics or hospital necessary (though it might be rather unpleasant). Your body should be able to take care of it, just drink a lot of water, if you feel like vomiting go ahead and vomit.
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No. 18343
Next week I'm supposed to be doing Karaoke after work. Now I enjoy karaoke, used to do it every week at one point, but the thought of doing it with people I work with in one of those enclosed rooms sounds like a royally shit time. Fair enough, the people I work with are tolerable for 40 hours but they're not people I'd enjoy socially and I don't really fit in with their normie-bullshit either. I don't want to be trapped in a room and made to sing along to Bon Jovi with people I know professionally is what I'm saying.

Also my shower suddenly decided it wasn't going to switch on and I don't know if anyone is coming to fix it until Monday. It's funny because I was just thinking the other-day that hot showers are one of those few things that make civilization worth it. Now I'm pretty much hanging on by my electric kettle but I'm sure I could find a pot and a fire somewhere if the power goes.

>>18317
That'll teach you to answer the phone to strange numbers.

t.had someone try to call my work phone as I was leaving the office
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No. 18344
>>18343
300 ml of vodka, problems weren't
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No. 18345
>>18343
>Going to karaoke with your co-workers
That’s the other regional power island nation’s meme.
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No. 18347
108 kB, 749 × 749
>>18344
I was going to say something, then wanted to say something else, but all I can really surmise is just "island slavs." Like I would remark about him not wanting to be an alcoholic, but well he shouldn't be an alcoholic or engage in native behaviors.
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No. 18351
>>18343
Doing Karaoke on a regular basis but calling other people out for Normie shit is quite amusing.
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No. 18353
169 kB, 300 × 459
>>18345
Their curry is also a knockoff of Anglo-style curry that was introduced by the British.

Oh, what could have been.
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No. 18358
>>18289
Saturday, 9 o'clock and the neighbour is grinding away at the wall(s).
I am now experimenting with different noise patterns to block out the drilling sounds. The hammering can succesfully be blocked out by slow-ish drum rhythms like 4/4 at 60-80bpm.

In case anyone else is in this situation I'll document my findings in drilling-cancellation noise research here.
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No. 18361
>>18324
Li-ion batteries are ruined whether or not they are connected, they naturally deteriorate over time. Deterioration is worse if charge level is at 0% or 100%, ideally they are kept at 50% if they are not needed. For my laptop I set the charging scheme to never charge beyond 80% and only start charging once it drops below 40%. That way the extreme ends of the spectrum, that cause most deterioration, are never reached and - most importantly - taking the laptop from home to uni and vice versa will not trigger a charge cycle.

t. living with a friendly engineer help-helper
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No. 18364
>>
No. 18366
53 kB, 512 × 382
>>18358
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sGx7tVcP_Tg

Play it at high volume and leave your flat to buy groceries or something.
I'd really know if your neighbors would be irritated by that noise, maybe you find one that is cleaner of other ambience sound than mine, there are even revenge 10h drilling noise videos as see now
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No. 18367
>>18366
I can't see how that would improve the situation. It would likely mean more things I have to deal with in the future. For what? Smug satisfaction?

A drill for a drill leavse the whole world drilling, as the saying goes.
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No. 18368
>>18367
Btw, I've found that green noise works best to drown out the frequency of the drilling. And green noise isn't as bad to listen to as pink noise.

Really wish I had noise cancelling ear muffs, though.
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No. 18370
>>18367
It wasn't meant that serious. It was just a bit funny in my head. Playing construction noise is only worse in the long run, and I'm not talking about the relationship to your neighbor.
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No. 18384
If you were wandering what happened in the last days: I told my non-gf that it would be better to have some distance between us but that I'd still be there if she would need me one day to which she answered that she'd need me all the time. So, yeah we're still texting and sexting but no phonecalls anymore and she's much colder to me after all this but still needs me sexually (that's also how we met on the internet, she just wanted a dom but I instantly was fascinated by her. You see, essentially our little affair was rotten from the start, even though it felt so overwhelmingly good for the last month). On the other hand she really doesn't want to see me irl and doesn't want to really talk to me so it's quite a depressing situation but I got already used to it and slowly start to be able to deal with my feelings. The upside is that day for day I'm regaining my independence and overcome my addiction to her (one might think that keeping in touch sexually would be rather harmful to my recovery, but so far I find the effectt to be rather positive as I guess it would be even more crushing to find an alternative). My life is normalizing and while I still miss the time we spent talking to each other I know it's better that way. Also my highschool crush and me started writing each other and I feel very comfortable doing that. Still being heartbroken I'm by now just looking to become friends with her and see what time will bring. At least with her I know that there is more connecting us than the desires of flesh and she hows genuine interest in me and what I'm doing in my life, which feels very good too. As long as it's going to be positive and fulfilling I'm up for it. Also we're not exactly chatting but raher writing small letters online which I never really do outside of ec, the conversation is surprisingly good.
>>
No. 18385
Today was pretty shit. I had no iron pills for a good week or two now, and today I felt pretty bad. I slept for 12 hours, drank a coffee, and I still almost fell asleep. I felt generally bad all around in a really weird way.
Almost finished with part two of Crime and Punishment. I need to read the last chapter. I'm gonna do that.

>>18342
>completely unthinkable on the Germany.
Y tho?
Too Christian or "not contemporary enough"? (Maybe it's just too long.)
What do you read instead? Contemporary "young adult" books?
>>
No. 18386
>>18384
Oh wait a minute this was a relationship based purely on the internet, and someone you met off of fetlife no less? I am completely shocked and surprised that any sort of issue or neuroticism would develop.
>>
No. 18389
>>18386
Sort of, sort of. Not exactly fetlife and the details don't matter. You have to know I was at the lowest known point in my life at that time and I never ever had any more or less intimate relationship with a woman, besides some bad sex without any feelings. And at the beginning I was just out there to get my kicks and she wasn't much more than an object to me. She was and is a virgin though and she lives quite isolated herself. I should have known that it was a really bad choice to get involved in such a situation but I didn't have any hope left inside me at that time. I was only getting drunk, high and binging on food all the time. Even though I'm quite fucked now, I overall still feel better than any time back then. When I realized that whatever we had was falling apart I cried for about 9 hours. It was really painful, but I felt like a human being for the first time since my childhood or so. Knowing now that I won't commit such a mistake again. Thats why I decided to get to know my former highschool crush better: someone real, someone I know I like and someone I know in person. And someone who isn't hopelessly insane.
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No. 18392
1,1 MB, 3120 × 4160
>>18384
I see the fake Bavaria ball disease is spreading
Well, I'm glad that it seems to get better for you
>>18385
I "minored" German classes during my last years of hs but the most challenging thing we fucking read was The Messenger by Markus Zusak, which is the epitome of a crappy adolescent novel.

I'm really mad right now and I think I'll have to vent ITT later. sorry in advance

t. drunkfrogs from a horrible bar in Frankfurt
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No. 18393
Does tracer fluid cause itching?
>>
No. 18395 Kontra
750 kB, 4160 × 3120
384 kB, 3120 × 4160
511 kB, 4160 × 3120
1,0 MB, 4160 × 3120
Ok, the story goes like this:
I went out today for once, as I was feeling miserable at home and got invited to some art student party.
Fast forward, I was standing outside, smoking, and some shmuck comes up to me and asks if I have a ""joint"". I mean asking for cigarettes - very understandable, asking for weed - still ok in my book, but literally asking for a pre-rolled joint - wtf?
So I decide to joke around a bit and pretend to check all my coat pockets thoroughly until I tell him that I unfortunately don't happen to just have a joint at hand. So I turn around again, thinking that was the end of it, but that retarded art school shmuck just gives me some half-assed kick from behind.
I was already considerably drunk at this point, so it took me a while to realize what just happened, but in hindsight I can't quite believe he did something so underhanded. Anyhow, some girl already chimed in pre-emptively (they are surprisingly good at sensing this sort of tension) so I let it go. I really should've just given him a good slap at this point and that likely would've been the end of it.
Well, after an minutes I realized what sort of serious offense just occurred but he was already gone so I waited outside for another 15 minutes, somehow expecting him to show up again. No luck, and my sensibility started resurfacing so I decided it'd be best to leave the premises since I wasn't sure I'd be able to control myself if I'd see that fucker again inside the venue.

Well, that's about it, afterwards I wandered around Frankfurt (see pics) until I ended up waiting for my train in a lousy bar. I'm frankly a rather mellow person but this sort of perfidious actions just really grind my gears.
>>
No. 18397
>>18395
>So I decide to joke around a bit and pretend to check all my coat pockets thoroughly until I tell him that I unfortunately don't happen to just have a joint at hand. So I turn around again, thinking that was the end of it, but that retarded art school shmuck just gives me some half-assed kick from behind.

This is like something out of Dumb and dumber
>>
No. 18400
24 kB, 580 × 435
104 kB, 1240 × 1653
122 kB, 1240 × 1653
>>18395
>these photos
And you call that the winter?
>>
No. 18401
>>18400
Lazy people. We always clean our car from snow.
>>
No. 18406
>>18395
>Art schooler behaving like stupid kid

Pretty surprised he looses his cool like this. Normally art school people are "cool as fuck" but your example shows they often are not really. I think a good slap would have been ok, as long as he would not fight back furiously. I mean why kick somebody halfassed because he makes a joke at a party? Not cool.
>>
No. 18410
76 kB, 850 × 566
>>18395
>Anyhow, some girl already chimed in pre-emptively
don't listen to girls. you should have dragged the fucker outside. at least you should have grabbed him and yelled at him.
>>
No. 18411
321 kB, 680 × 400
275 kB, 680 × 383
Got around to catching up on some RPG news today. Read the Green Ronin updates to see what they've got planned for Modern Age since I actually have come to like the system and am thinking of porting one of my personal GURPS splats over to it for fun. I dunno if it's intentional, but they're planning on bringing out a setting splat that is basically GURPS: Infinite Worlds but far more tame. I mean, sure worldhopping plays into the strength of being a bounded universal system, but it just feels kind of cheap. I'll have to see though. Infinite Worlds sounds retarded when you first open the books but gets progressively more ebin the more you read.

There's also a Gumshoe System game at the printer now based on The King in Yellow and I do love me some King in Yellow. I'm thinking of picking it up since it's pretty good value and love for the OG that inspired Lovecraft is always welcome in this time where Lovecraftian is basically a meme term. Luckily they're focusing on the 1895 Paris setting with the guidebook, since while some of the other books have interesting ideas, the Paris one is the most faithful to the mix of Art-Nouveau and weird horror that defines the King in Yellow.

SJG also recently reprinted GURPS: Cliffhangers which is for running 1920s-1930s pulp, and while I have the original in pdf, I'm considering getting the new one. Dunno if it's been converted to 4e though. Wouldn't mind it since 4e is a lot less work than older editions and using the update document to get the 'vanilla' rules is kind of a pain.

2019 is looking like a good year tbh.
>>
No. 18412
237 kB, 1334 × 274
Last few months I feel so normal it's weird.
Kinda miss those psychotic states, feels like I lost a part of my identity. I haven't even written a good schizo ramble in a while. Reading through my old diary entries and I can't really say I relate any more. All those sleepless nights pondering metaphysics, experiencing that kafkaesque dread of being trapped in a reality that seemingly only exists to torment me. Felt real romantic, man.
It's for the better, but I'm bummed out about not being able to channel all of that angst into anything worthwhile while I had it.
>>
No. 18414
34 kB, 890 × 985
>>18412
I was wondering where you'd been. Just try and remember that during that time, you were often in a state of unhappiness also. It's not as though you've left an idyllic state of insanity for crushing reality. You've left one type of crushing for another, with the advantage that the stable one doesn't get your hopes up by making you occasionally feel genuinely amazing.

Also, I think it was around this time two years ago that EC/int/ became a thing. Looking back, it's crazy the amount of ideas we've bounced off each other and the amount of random crap we've talked about. Wouldn't trade it for the world though. Lord knows that despite being as messed up as I am, having a fren who I at least perceive as having my back even from far away has done wonders for my mental health. So thanks for that mate, hope you find something tolerable in your 'normalcy' and not just treat it as what is the 'correct' option. I'm not saying it ain't, but you know what makes you happy better than I. If you want to vent about shit, I'm still all ears though. It don't bother me if it's less existential and more real life garbo.

I think that pic related was around April or something, but it's the oldest EC/int/ image I have. I'm about to go to sleep now, but maybe tomorrow I'll have a nostalgia post written up for all you Q1&2 2017 /int/ posters.
>>
No. 18415
2,8 MB, 1280 × 720, 0:22
3,0 MB, 1280 × 720, 0:24
>>
No. 18426
>>18412
>try to bargain with, lie to, or manipulate etc God at the pearly gates
Honestly it's just hilarious you would even think that.

Why would you not simply admit to your mistakes and apologize?
>>
No. 18429
>>18392
Actually it's more like drowning in quicksand: the more I try to fight against the detoriation of things between me and her the worse everything gets. It doesn't make it much better that she's unable to express her emotions at all, so there is literally no possibility to figure out what's going on in her mind at the moment. I need to cut contact for real now or at least stop texting her. This time I won't announce it to her but just try to not answer her anymore, so that there is no chance of her holding me back. (You've got to know that she cannot break contact with anyone who ever meant something to her [so for instance both one of her ex-bfs as well as her ex-gf keep on texting her even though she doesn't want to have them in her life anymore but she's too weak to resist], having that in mind it will really be for the best to get away silently)

Other than that I've spend the weekend drugged, obviously not a very good choice but I'm mentally stable enough again to do so.
Something that I need to work on more is not her, I need to live her behind, but the loneliness I'm facing now. Compared to some Ernsts here I might be a person with lots of social contacts, but most of those live in other towns and the few friends I have here don't have too much time, so I usually just meet people I can really talk to about once a week if I'm not in my hometown.
I know I don't need to go out everyday but those isolated days are killing me, especially after this episode of my life where I had a girl talk me into sleep every goddamn night. So, actually it's more about meeting a girl. But how can something essentially that easy be so hard? The thing is that the social circles I'm in do barely have any personal fluctuations, it's mostly the same people and women I meet there are either way older than me or gfs of friends. Internet/Tinder? No thanks (I have never actually used tinder, because as I elaborated in another post I was quite fat and insecure for a long time, but maybe right now I could qualify for matches, having lost a lot of weight and gained quite a bit of self-consciousness and charme. But then again it is completely repulsive to me. Say what you want, at least in the part of the internet where I got to know her, everything is just virtual and anonymous and not the irl meatmarket cesspool tinder is.). Also keep in mind that I neither visit university nor school and at my job there are only men. The more I think about all of this the more the thought arises inside me to finally get a copy of Weininger's Sex and Character, just for the shit of it.
>>
No. 18434
>>18429
>Weininger's Sex and Character, just for the shit of it.

Please don't. I've read parts of it and it's dusted or incel tier, I'm not sure. And I don't see how it's relateable to you or your situation. You seem like someone looking for love and can admit that somehow, these guys around 1900 are different. I wouldn't try tinder either, this forced shit would pressure cook me and spill spaghettis in seconds. I'm not even sure if I could have sex with a woman I don't love. Probably when horny enough but thinking about it makes me just sad and wanting my gf back.

I've thought a lot about my ex gf today. We wanted to meet after having met some weeks ago, I wrote her, but she never answered. Dunno if I should write her a message and asking if something is wrong or why she does not answer. If it's depression or if I misbehaved when we last met she mentioned the evening was too much already, when she left, or if she thinks it's better to never see again.

Woke up late, day was shit.
How are you? Capitalist society mood!
>>
No. 18435
23 kB, 600 × 850
qt quiet Indian grill sits next to me in ochem lecture. I thought about striking up a convo but was unsure how to do so. Should I ask her the industrial production of the Ottoman Empire?
>>
No. 18436
>>18434
I can't say too much about Weininger but I'm not looking for some hook-up guide or anything. I just want to see what extreme misogyny looks like. Every great intellectual of his time has read Weininger and he was widely celebrated while not everybody agreed to his theories. It's just an interesting work to me. I'm not big on philosophy so I may have over-simplified views of the things but to me love and hate are two sides of the same medal and women and men can only love each other because they're so radically different, and maybe at heart every man is a misogynist and every woman a misandrist. I also plan to read The Second Sex though, I want to check out both radical sides to find some kind of median between them. A core of hidden truth between the poles.

It quite obviously won't help with my situation, nothing is going to help and it's fixed beyond repair. Now that you're mentioning your possible unability to have sex with a woman you don't love I get quite similiar reactions. Maybe I've lucky in my bad luck of never touching her, maybe it's not that bad then. But nonetheless I know every inch of her body, if there is something existing as purely digital sex, we had it. In fact I didn't care for any other girls, while she always also cared for a bunch of other guys calling them her "mates/kumpel" (I swear if I ever once again hear a woman use the word mate I'll run away as fast as I can). Guess I just need to stop romantizing this massive bullshit.
>>
No. 18443
Cleaning day but not the usual, because I will also put dusty curtains in the washing machine and reach every hidden spot in this small flat. I love cleaning so much and it makes me feel so calm at least for a couple of hours before everything becomes dirty and infected again.
>>
No. 18447
>>18436
Sure, love and hate are connected. I know any mentally damaged person so basically most drug users, artsy people or woman like yours will know this feel. My own experience as well. I don't know how the 'normies' hold it. Probably the same.

So love and hate are connected, you don't need to read down right myso stuff from hundred years ago to get such an insight. It's more suited to incels which are not to be asked when wanting advice about love and relationship. These writings were made from insecurities that also exist today in the masculine world, yet time has changed a bit. Instead of wasting time with (crude) conservative romanticism I would just invest energy in handling your love life today the right way and to your satisfaction. the extreme opposite of this would be grappa behavior and we know that is helps shit and just perpetuates the situation, I guess he still lurks kohl
>>
No. 18451
111 kB, 657 × 527
Wew lads. I just accidentally overwrote my personal diary txt file without a chance for recovery.

So many schizo ramblings, gone forever. I don't even remember most of the stuff in there any more. We die a little every day, and today, a part of me departed forever. Goodbye, past self.
>>
No. 18452
>>18451
But you have file recovery tools until it's not too late.
>>
No. 18453
>>18452
Nah, the clusters were already overwritten. It's ogre.
Oh well, that's what I get for "organizing" my hard drive. At least my EC folder is still intact, and I bet 90% of the stuff written in the diary was complete incoherent psychosis inspired garbage.

I vaguely remember something about acknowledging the existence of a tree as a living being instead of a background prop by hugging it, musings on buddhism, and quasi-humorous copypasta.
Something about how every complex living organism is topologically a tube, because ingesting nutrients and expelling waste in a single direction is more aerodynamic than ingesting and expelling from the same orifice.

Megalomaniacal fantasies about undoing reality for its lack of divine purpose.

Oh well, at least I think I have internalized some of the good ideas I had, and can recall them. Mostly ideas for paintings and drawings. I should probably get on actually making them before I lose them as well.
>>
No. 18455
>>18451
Damn. That sucks. Is that the broken hard drive you had? If it wasn't, didn't that have a version of it saved? Might be a little more out of date, but maybe not entirely lost. That or my memory is foggy. Who knows?
>>
No. 18456
>>18453
>Something about how every complex living organism is topologically a tube, because ingesting nutrients and expelling waste in a single direction is more aerodynamic than ingesting and expelling from the same orifice.

wow this is offensive to my pet flatworm, who is in fact very sophisticated :DDD
>>
No. 18458
>>18455
Nah, that was the new one, the old one is still in the old hard drive.

Although I'm a bit bummed out, I feel strangely liberated as well. Maybe it's time to let go, you know. Instead of clinging to the mystical experience of pychosis, to start a foray into, well, reality. I haven't been there in a while, it should be an interesting experience.

Life gets a lot easier when you aren't obsessed with the mystical and the sublime. Making art, or working on anything, really, is so much more straightforward when you're only concerned with pragmatism, rather than "purpose". Recently I made a banner design for my mom's school fair. I didn't bother with imbuing it with any transcended compositional purpose, and just made something well crafted, tidy and suitably kitsch for the intended audience. The clients loved it, and I got paid. Was it always this easy? Perhaps it's better to be pragmatic and sometimes make something sublime on accident, rather than be preoccupied with the sublime to such an extent that you never make anything in the first place.
>>
No. 18460
516 kB, 1073 × 1378
It's pretty much just whining at this point, but I still feel sick. Or at least extremely tired for whatever reason. Still, I managed to rework around 1.5 chapters of my translation.
At one point, I looked at a paragraph's start, then at the original text, and I had to laugh out loud at my own unbelievable stupidity.
I think I can reproduce it in English as to "why". The paragraph in the original started with
>Left to himself [...]
Pretty standard, innit? So three years ago, I decided to render it into Hungarian as
>Magától balra [...]
Which is quite literally about someone being on the left in space compared to himself. Should have seemed evident at the time too. The good thing is that I can laugh at myself.

I only had a few classes today. My History teacher proclaimed
>Oh well, you aren't dead!
with a smile on his face. Indeed, I'm not dead. He later showed me a small book released by the Academy of Sciences around 10-12 years ago which talks about the methods of translation and reception of Classical Chinese poetry in Hungary. It seemed interesting.

Also met the vice-principal who phoned me about schoolwork.
We talked about Crime and Punishment for a bit.
I was told that there are serious problems with my moral integrity if I can proclaim
>And what if Raskolnikov axed that old woman? He did it, and?
Still have a few parts to go, and I'm only halfway through part 4. My head hurts too much.
It's like there is a rusty knife trying to cut into my brain
I hold the view that if I wasn't under a time constraint, I'd be fellating Dostoevsky's genius while jerking myself off, but I just really can't when I have to do everything because of a schedule.
I also told her I find Razumihin's character the most sympathetic out of the cast, to which she simply replied,
>Excellent!

Managed to pick up my copy of the odyssey. The spine came off just as I sat down to write this. I'll have to get some paper-glue to fix it a bit. It just hinges there. This is what I get for looking for the cheapest copy available. (Otherwise it's in a good condition, it's just the leather tore on that side. Though what, I paid 2.30 euros for it. "It's a great fixer upper" as a used car salesman would say.)
Also got the Akhmatova poem collection. That's really plain, since it has no dust jacket.

During extra history classes, which I have with another teacher, we talked about ancient China. It was a shitshow. Assumptions based on assumptions. I was way too assburger for this.

I spent the whole day in one tired haze. I don't know why I feel so tired and powerless.
>>
No. 18461
>>18460
>Hungarian in Greek script
do want
>>
No. 18466
I wish I didn't get nauseous at the thought of alcohol, because I'd really like to get drunk and listen to folk punk right now.
>>
No. 18491
My Little Academia saga continues: Got a mail from my supervisors asking me to send them a final version of my thesis, as I mentioned that I was unable to completely finish it before handing it in. I haven't even looked at it in the past two weeks, but maybe this will give me some needed distance to see it more objectively.
Not sure how to take this, whether they've read it and decided it was so illegible that they are giving me another chance to redeem myself or whether they didn't even look at it but just offer me to send them a final version out of benevolence/laziness. Anyhow, I guess this is an opportunity. So it's time again for Cold Turkey Blocker & cigarettes.
>>
No. 18494
>>18466
I wish I could help with that one. Unfortunately, I can't and I in fact have half a crate sitting in my fridge. I have the opposite problem I guess. Such summer cases where cold, refreshing beer is one of the best ways to not feel disgusting in the heat and humidity.
>>
No. 18509
52 kB, 761 × 626
gibe
>>
No. 18510
>>18509
There is potential for an EC tyre meme in this picture but I can't quite put my finger on it.
>>
No. 18519
102 kB, 825 × 414
I will be working at night and sleeping during the day for like half a month and it feels like being a vampire who never sees the sun. Plus side is being able to talk to one of my work mates who also works late and used to live in Brighton beach. His stories are awesome because not only are they true but they sound like they came straight from Brat gangster movie or gta 4. The man literally lived years there without knowing English, used lines from gangster movies at cops when they stopped him, just straight up walked from the airport around stores asking if they needed a hand to get starter pack money, and got away with starting a business straight up aimed at scamming money with shady schemes in the end. It's surreal how far you can go by being a brazen cunt who just does things.
>>
No. 18526
366 kB, 426 × 632
Yesterday I felt really tired the whole day. I almost fell asleep during one of the breaks. When I got home, I ate a big lunch, then went and took extra maths lessons. Then I got home at around six, had a big dinner, and then I went to bed at seven and slept until six 'o clock in the morning.
That revitalised me completely.

I finally managed to read part 4 of Crime and Punishment, and it's more enjoyable now that I'm actually awake.
Dostoevsky really gets in your head if you are feeling weak. It's not that he is enjoyable to read, but he sorta creeps into the little cracks of your mind only to jump back at you later.
For example when I was buying a pretzel the other day, an old woman loudly proclaimed that she also "needed" it after I put it in a plastic bag, and I kept having second guesses the whole day about whether or not I've wronged her in some form or another.
I wonder how many times I've mumbled the names Dostoevsky and Raskolnikov to myself as I walked around during the past week or so.
Now, anyway, I asked my history teacher about Dostoevsky and he gave me a bunch of book titles, so I'm going to read up on the works of Dostoevsky once I'm done with Crime and Punishment. He also said I have to read Notes from the Underground, which I'll do.
We also talked about Houellebecq, and he expressed his dislike for his writings.

On the way home I checked what the used bookseller had for sale. One thing caught my eye, which was Prokofiev: Autobiography: Childhood and Student Years
At first it seemed interesting and I almost bought it, but then I thought about it logically for a minute:
>Am I really going to read a thousand pages about a composer I don't even like just because he is tangentially related to Shostakovich?
>Do I really want to spend a euro on this?
So I left it there. Honestly, the picture they used made me feel disgusted. Prokofiev was an ugly man, no matter how you look at him. While Shostakovich has a few unlucky images taken of him, on most he looks between average and handsome. Prokofiev looks disgusting on most of them. At least I feel repulsed for whatever reason. (I can't find the picture, but it was him in a hat, grinning, which is an important feature, since his teeth were shoving.)
So in the end I decided to keep the money, because I don't want to dwindle my savings too much, and I'm going to spend roughly five euros on a book about Dostoevsky, and if I can "reduce" the amount I take from my savings even by one euro, it's worth it. Not to mention I'm running out of shelf space, and I don't want to create unnecessary clutter by buying tomes that are 1k pages long and I'm not going to read anyway.

I wanted to go to the library today. It was open between two a clock and three a clock roughly today. (15:05 is closing time) This is because there is no proper librarian so a teacher with the necessary qualifications opens the library for an hour or so, so that the administration can say, "well, we have it open every day".
I got there at 15:06 and it was already closed. I wanted to check if they have a copy of Pushkin's Boris Godunov, which I'm interested in, because it's a closet drama.
They probably don't have a stand-alone copy, but I'm hoping it's in one of the Selected Works of Aleksandr Pushkin volumes. I really wish I would have looked through them more closely when I had the chance, I only know it has his diaries, Onegin and Ruslan and Ludmila. They also have another edition of Crime and Punishment that I want, because that has an essay included with it, which I intend to photocopy.

Another nice thing that happened was that I decided to take part in the school's translation contest in German. Übersetzungswettbewerb, it says on the certificate I got last year for winning in the Prose category. Indeed, such a fool like me managed to win the contest last year. I'm shooting for victory this year again.
The text is shorter this time. Last year it was an excerpt from a Jugendroman.
>>
No. 18528
45 kB, 1280 × 720
>>18519
>The man literally lived years there without knowing English, used lines from gangster movies at cops when they stopped him,
This just made my day

Also in terms of refuge in audacity yeah, it works, but you'll still usually get caught
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stanley_Clifford_Weyman
>>
No. 18529
26 kB, 550 × 373
>>18204
lese tagsüber nur noch Rilke .

finde eine "BILD" in der U-Bahn ;lese einige Zeilen ; die brutalstmögliche Dummheit brüllt mich an : " der böse Wolf hat mein Lämmchen gerissen " leider lauert der böse Wolf hinter der Bezahlschranke , er bleibt unsichtbar , so wie die weißen CIS-Karomhemndblogger im Netz .

frech grinst der böse Wolf ; fletscht die Zähne . Böser Wolf .

"Böser Wolf" denke ich und schon konstituiert sich ein böser Leserbrief .

"man sollte den bösen Wolf fangen und kaputtmachen , der ist so böse der böse Wolf" .

----------------------------------------------------------------------

bimmeldie-bimm-bamm ; das Telefon bimmelt ; Chantal telefoniert ; Chantal ist sehr laut ; sie spricht über ihren dumme Lehrerin und die noch dümmere Melanie aus der 10b .

"das poste isch nachher auf Insta" sagt Chantal .

weiter im Text , Rilke wartet geduldig bis ich mich wieder konzentrieren kann .

im Hintergrund plärrt der neue Mensch , er plärrt und plärrt .
>>
No. 18538 Kontra
>>18529
I remember your writing from the thread on /b/
You should start writing a blog in this style. It might become a big hit like "Was ist das für 1 life" or "Haben wir noch pepps", infa 100%
>>
No. 18544
I recently listened to David Mitchell recount his romance with Victoria Coren and it gave me a feel. He manages to be so profound about his whole experience without it once feeling trite:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sQn3eOu8DF8

His low-point especially hit me. I've landed on my feet career-wise, had many adventures, got money in the bank and can be charming (in an awkward spectrum-ey way) so why does someone I last spoke to 5 years ago still sometimes come to mind. Don't get me wrong, I'm certainly not going back into that - they can go fall down a well. I just miss something that should give my life completeness. Not just a partner but a best friend.

Maybe this is just normal and most people end up with family but still thinking about how things could've played out differently.
Fuggin valentines day. I can't even enjoy the desperate masses because my cold is lingering REEEEEE.
>>
No. 18545
>>18526
>He also said I have to read Notes from the Underground, which I'll do.

Wouldn't recommend it. I get that in many ways Dostoevsky is making bigger points about the state of man but it's literally pages and pages of "woe is me!" I found it very tedious.
>>
No. 18559 Kontra
>>18538
He sounds like 80s pop literature, not sure what's currently going in style but I know and author that probably used the phrase brutalstmögliche Dummheit brüllt mich an.

Anyway, he is shitting up threads.
>>
No. 18563
47 kB, 500 × 542
Dear diary, I got sick from walking through the cold dark streets at night and skip work. It's bad because work was really easy and I'm losing money.

>>18528
His stories kind of made me want to just jump on a plane to somewhere and just do shit. It's like a grand adventure that everyone should experience at least once in their lives. But then again situation in Brighton beach might have changed and they have no work nowadays. The guy was living there like ten years ago.
>>
No. 18566
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TpToeqcHmB4
This sounds so Russian, and yet I don't know Korean.
>>
No. 18567
>>18566
Just pronounce consonants "deep clear way" and you basicly will have something similar to ear. However what sounds really "it's russian but I can't understand shit" is Serbian
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W6iXTrpvGvU

Some words and even phrases are almost identical not even to ukrainian or polish, but to russian, while others is something compleatly different
Very wierd feel, like it's really russian but I have brain damage and can't understand spoken words.
>>
No. 18569
I’m starting to realize there is no reason to turn the computer on, and when I get tired of reading and I have no chores, there is nothing left to do but to go to bed snd sleep well.
>>
No. 18608
Today was pretty much pointless. Most of my classes were cancelled, and only one was held.
So I spent 45 minutes at the library and 45 minutes studying physics and then going home.
Almost done with reading Crime and Punishment. It feels like it's destroying me mentally. It's great and ought to be re-read at some point. It's interesting to see how an author can have such a profound impact through his writing.

Picked up a bunch of stuff at the library. Mainly relating to Russian literature.
Got a short Shezov book titled Dostoevsky and Nietzsche, which was on the recommended reading list I got, didn't find the one I was looking for.
I also photocopied ~30-40 pages worth of essays from an annotated edition of Crime and Punishment. (This one was also recommended reading). I'm the only one in the school who photocopies anything. I'm surprise they don't just tell me to fuck off when I go to the secretaries' office to ask for help to do this. (Mainly as a precaution, if the copier dies, then it's not my fault, they were the ones operating it.)
>Why don't you just borrow it from the library?
I told them I don't want to carry a second copy with me, and I prefer reading a nicer hardback edition over this stiff paperback which makes me disgusted. But alas, that has the essays, so here we are, in the copying room.
Another thing I was on the lookout for was a copy of Boris Godunov, which I failed to find in a stand-alone volume. After some searching I found it included in a 1k pages anthology titled Selected Poetic Works of Aleksandr Pushkin. At least it's on bible paper so it's not like I'm carrying War and Peace with myself. I also tried finding the letters of Pushkin to check how *What a Pushkin, what a son of a bitch!" reads like in Hungarian, but I had no luck with that one and I'm not going to buy the volume even it it's only like ~2 Euros. I need a single page. I'll probably just ask if one of the teachers has it and if I can take a look at it.
And with a sort of malicious intent, I borrowed the only annotated edition of The Death of Ivan Ilich, just as to see if our literature teacher is following the laid out questions and exercises down to a T, or if she has any thinking of her own. (Or if she'll ask where another copy could be found as a "form of distress") I'm just trying to rationalise this but this never really came over my mind the moment I took it down from the shelf. It's at best autism, at worst, a form of sociopathy, I'd say.
>>
No. 18609
351 kB, 213 × 222, 0:00
Who would know one of my favorite songs is in Hungarian!
Sure, Hungarian is a magical language.
>>
No. 18611
Henlo
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No. 18612
69 kB, 800 × 800
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675 kB, 1545 × 1030
643 kB, 1545 × 1030
So I woke up late, felt quite shit. Nevertheless I took a shower and took the public transport to university in order to pick up a book I suggested for their library stock which means I want to read it but don't have the money to buy it myself. On the way is the antiquarian, where I bought an early J.G Ballard novel The Drought from the mid 60s.

Since the sun was shinning brightly spring is coming? I enjoyed the photo book from university outside in the sun. It's about the interior of a house, typical for the postwar BRD West Germany, federal german republic from the 1960s and what adds the following decades, many of you Germans here will get reminded of their grandparents houses. It also has some essays from which some are good, they are mostly from German Journalists born in the 1970s. I ordered it because I want to taste the 1970s some more, since I want to write my bachelor thesis on it. So far the plan is to explore how much the BRD was petty bourgeois, against the narrative of the successful BRD stories and 1968, I sense that many things weren't so liberal in the 1970s, the year 1968 might be a tunring point and has infested younger people, but don't forget it was more a niche than the norm. Want to write somewhere between everyday life culture and mentality studies. So far I'm missing a subject where I can explicate it, or I don't know how to go on in order to explicate it. My guts just tell me that I'm right to make such a hypothesis and I can proof it somehow. Don't want to deny the economic success or 1968 and the student revolts and their cultural revolution I just don't see the 1970s as the the decade, that made that change complete.

Notice all the chemical cleaners in the basement shelf, all old people basements have these, I wonder who still has an arsenal of such cleaners and is younger than 60yo. The feel for environmental things was for freaks and teens perhaps, but not for middle aged men and woman back then, perhaps today not all people are environmentalists but people are at least aware and I think chemical cleaners aren't to widely used than 40-50yo ago.
>>
No. 18613 Kontra
1,1 MB, 1545 × 1030
>>
No. 18616
False alarm lads, I ran out of medication and my schizo mania returned.

Although, not in the same quality, and the works produced weren't as worthwhile as the ones lost. Shame I can't be functional and inspired at the same time, yet.

It's also quite interesting how one can slip from one framework of reality to another, and experience completely different worlds, without retaining the perspective and understanding of the previous state. The world feels quite lonely and alienating during schizo psychosis, as everyone's fundamental experiences with reality are different from my own. It also feels lonely.
>>
No. 18619
I have experienced a metamorphosis into a conceptually different being. The transition is lossy.
And although the memories of my past state remain, I can not evoke any experience other than what I am, in this moment.
>>
No. 18623
>>18613
I would enjoy more pictures, Ernst :3
>>
No. 18624
>>18623
I took them from the photographers online presence:

http://www.christianwerner.org/projects/stillleben-brd
>>
No. 18625
So a saga is coming to its end at least. Yesterday she and I had a quite bad fight, probably for the last time in our lives now. I was both drunk and angry as fuck (anecdote about the state of mind I was in: I was on my way to gathering with friends, carried vodka bottle with me and was taking shots out of it in public tansport while listening to Rebel Son. I was shouting confused shit into the night and I took a piss in the middle of the city at the tram station, staring at the people walking past me on the other side of the road. I was wasted before arriving at the gathering, later that night I cut up my hand while I tried to cut chillis drunkenly) I told her that she's mentally ill and as much of a ruined person as her mother for both are not able to have emotionally steady relationships (which in her language more or less equalled to me calling her a slut and while I wouldn't word it that way, she got to the core of it). I pretty much negated her, communicated that she is wrong in every aspect of her whole being. The actual trigger for the whole situation was her "falling in love" with some random guy she barely knew since 3 days, which I could not stomach. Keep in mind that this was just the top of the massive shitpile our affair has turned into, after building up shit for weeks now. She didn't answer my last message, she is officially gone now and I feel release. Sure it didn't end nice at all but it ended at least.

What's left is mostly misery and pain but also a feeling that I'm slowly regaining my ratio and self-confidence. Also I start to realize a lot of things, a lot of things that actually stood between us like a wall but I couldn't see because I didn't want to. Thinking about it, I had to force myself to even accept her and now it's all coming back upon me. I didn't really appreciate what she appreciated, we basically had no other common interest and fun pastime than the physical aspect. We didn't have much to talk about, no common ground. I always wanted her to be someone she didn't want to be. Mostly I just fell in love with her out of despair and loneliness and not out of actual affection for her. There is a reason why I've found myself so drawn to an emotionally extremely instable person without any feeling of selfworth. In my heart I knew it before everything fell apart, there was nothing connecting us. She must have had the crushing feeling to not meet my needs. Still the road to recovery is a rocky one, just today I wanted to buy a pack of dumplings. The dumplings had the name of her state on it, I felt a stinging feeling in my sides. A thread about body-modifications on EC /b/, there we go again. The cigarette burns on my arm, the self-mutilation I did to myself while being drunk last year, there we go again. Thinking of a random moment in the last six months, there we go again. Everything is reminding me of her, those wounds will take some time to heal.

It's only now I have this realization as the contact with my former highschool crush is beginning to flourish. I can be myself around her, talk like I normally do (my affair, well we had a great intellectual difference), tell her about my interests (which she actually knows and adores) and passions and I do appreciate hers. She is able to take care of herself, she is a positive and valuable person. I think we're both surprised and excited about getting along so well after only having very superficial contact for years.
Is it really questionable to cure heartache with sparking a new contact? I wanted to get in touch with her for years now (and I think at some point I even, after we had lots and lots of liquor at a party, proposed to her) as I liked the way she developed since school. Really my interest was sparked that night when I posted about her on here for the first time, when I still had my hopes up with the affair. She looked stunning and I read some of my works to her outside the building. Sure some part of it is dealing with the fresh loss I experienced but there feels nothing wrong about it, as she just also lost a good friend of hers who found a gf (a common friend btw, we all kept in touch after school).
I feel like I'm repeating myself lately but the change is coming only slowly and I didn't want to accept it for quite a time but I'm ready to make terms with it by now. Also I'm listening to one of the Yoshimura albums I shared in the music thread so I somewhat feel at peace with myself. Also I cleaned the kitchen today, it didn't look so clean since a long time. And I just forgot that I had a pot of tea waiting for me.
Good night to whoever has suffered through this wall of text about the emotional state of its author.
>>
No. 18627
Handed in my reworked manuscript today after a week of anxiety and alcoholism. Promptly proceeded to get wasted.
Other than that I've been playing Pathologic Classic HD the last few days and this game is really something else, it's messing with my mind.

>>18608
>Shezov book titled Dostoevsky and Nietzsche
Would like to hear more about this one after you read it, I've been eyeing it because of the racy title. Btw I think the proper transliteration is Shestov

>>18612
I'm not quite sure, but maybe this is relevant, it's an (admittedly somewhat biased iirc) documentary about "Kleinbürger" from the end of the 60s: https://www.dailymotion.com/video/x3nufa2

>>18625
Good night to you too, Ernst. Seems like you are moving on well, even if it isn't easy
>>
No. 18633
>>18609
That made me curious which song is it.
>>
No. 18634
>>18627
>it's an (admittedly somewhat biased iirc) documentary about "Kleinbürger" from the end of the 60s

I will watch it, when I returned from work later in the evening, looks promising. Just to get perspectives on these decades. Yesterday night I searched some books and there are some about the Kleinbürger and his/her mentality. Mostly 19th century but these books feature theoretical and methodological chapters and abstract categories one could probably work with.

The good thing today is I'm already awake. It was perhaps 6.30am when I woke up from a dream quite clear headed. In the dream I was in some Italian restaurant, I made pizza myself in the back like I used to here in my home oven. Then There is an empty spot and I suddenly find myself seated with other people on a table. I ordered a meal and it turned out as some strange pasta meal: The pasta which was hard and twisted abnormally was served on a separate plate just like the fatty cheesy? tomato sauce that was not "flat" but bulky.
Desperately tried to get the pasta with my fork but it never worked and I couldn't get the pasta mixed with the sauce. The Italian owner commented on my failings. Wonder when I had a nice dream the last time. Ever since my psychosis the dreams I can remember consist of me getting hunted, haunted or failing something. Oh well, my psych at least always never makes me remember my dreams, must be a protective mechanism.
>>
No. 18645
>>18633
Ketszazhusz felett.
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No. 18646
78 kB, 175 × 287
>>18645
I spit my cocoa onto the screen a little.
>>
No. 18651
Today was pretty good. I woke up early, and immediately started reading. got through the remaining ~60 pages or Crime and Punishment. It's an amazing novel. I loved how it got tenser and tenser. Of course, since I'm a gen Z kid, I had some trouble concentrating on it, and I took a considerably longer time to read it than what older people told me it took them. ("It's so great, I've finished it under my bedsheets with a torch in two days!") I just can't manage that. Anyway, I think I'm the only one in the class who actually took his time and read it.
I also read 60 pages of Houellebecq's Whatever. That book has me laughing at times. It embodies the zeitgeist rather well, I'd say. I should finish it tomorrow.

Visited my ill grandmother with my mother. Helped moving some firewood. I don't know how should I feel about the "impending doom" that's approaching her. I don't know if it's even my task at all. Really weird.

>>18627
You'll get a (sort of) detailed account by next week if all goes well. I wanted to start reading it today but I had other things to do. Skimming a few pages it does seem promising and seems to be "lighter" to read than most "philosophical works."
The dust jacket has a few blurbs by famous authors like Camus or Mann.
>>
No. 18652
9,8 MB, 490 × 306, 0:05
>>18645
>kétszázhúsz felett
Essential boomercore :D
>>
No. 18654
>>18645
I just listened to it. It sounds almost exactly like Abba, mabe a little better. But it was made in 98! Also very weird video.
>>
No. 18655
>>18654
Because the communist were trying to fight off western cultural influences, there was usually a ~10 year delay with things like music, TV shows and fashion.
Your 70s is our 80s. Your 80s is our 90s.
>>
No. 18656
>>18655
Same shit, Russian 90s was american 80s and ealry 90s, but in anti-utopia
>>
No. 18697
>>18656
I not so sure it's apt. Russian 90s were I think something else. Although perhaps Russian 00s was American 90s? Well, let me tell you that 2000s ended in economic disaster and the 2010s were absolute dog shit.

>>18633
Hungarian is a weird sounding language but some Hungarian songs are truly magical
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YPLHkhZ3Tq0
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SNLsmh_otYs
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No. 18699
177 kB, 800 × 539
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>>18697
>I not so sure it's apt. Russian 90s were I think something else.
I mean this...
>>
No. 18701
>>18654
It's a Neoton Família song and was written in 1981.
>>
No. 18705
>>18612
>Notice all the chemical cleaners in the basement shelf, all old people basements have these, I wonder who still has an arsenal of such cleaners and is younger than 60yo. The feel for environmental things was for freaks and teens perhaps, but not for middle aged men and woman back then, perhaps today not all people are environmentalists but people are at least aware and I think chemical cleaners aren't to widely used than 40-50yo ago.

This is always a bit of a culture shock for me when looking at the past. I think the mentality was that it didn't matter if you littered because nature would always take care of it, people would wash their cars by rivers and just let all the waste water flow in.

Maybe that says something about the times we live in. No longer is there an environment distinct and impervious but something embedded and vulnerable. It reminds me of how Africa is seen as a continent of the starving because of charity appeals, maybe sad polar bears has had the same impact on our perception.

>>18656
And now in the 2010s Russia is involved in a Middle Eastern mess and economic hardship. But who will be Russia's Trump?
>>
No. 18715
>>18705
Yeltsin was Russia's Trump tbh
>>
No. 18722 Kontra
>>18715
No, he really, really was not. Go back to history class and reflect on how wrong you were.
>>
No. 18726
>>18722
How not? Corrupt buffoon who portrayed himself as some sort of anti-establishment figure while overseeing wealth concentrated into small number hands of oligarchs for instance, whose position in power was long rumored a ploy by arch rival Russia USA. One big difference is Trump has been isolating us from world whereas Yeltsin threw open Russia's doors to the world.
>>
No. 18727
9 kB, 221 × 312
>>18715
wut
>>
No. 18738
Mom bought me meds again, feeling better already after only two days.

The last week I spent in a barely conscious mind-haze, and had awful sleep. Thank d-g for medication, wish I was diagnosed sooner. Time to do something productive at last.
>>
No. 18748
I don't know why people think it's necessary to show their parties and events on facebook and shit. Do I look like I care about boomer-jokes and your shitty workplace stories with cringy shit?

I spent considerable amount of time looking at the axe that's in the yard outside the house. It's a nice little Werkzeug. Now that I've inspected it, I'm not so surprised that Raskolnikov could hide this under his coat. Yeah.
I also looked at a brand new one at the supermarket.
Crime and Punishment is a great novel.

For a good two-three days now, I've felt a lot more aggressive and on the lookout for conflict. I don't know why. It's probably that I sleep way too much.

I took some notes on Houellebecq's Whatever after reading the remaining 70 or so pages, and that's my ""intellectual"" track record for the day. I'm going to do some homework before going to bed.
>>
No. 18751
I made a thesis for my Louis XIV paper. It's still a bit vague but will work, will think about the structure of the argument/paper. Instead of reading shit for my papers I woke up late and spent most time of the day chatting with me mum, since I visited her. Now I will probably think abot the structure and read something, later go on with the Ballard novel. Not sure what to think of Ballard, he has it's moments but it's not catching me really so far. His novels/shorts aren't operating in the "obvious and visible" territory. Tho The Drought obviously plays with the littering/environment motive.
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No. 18763
422 kB, 1544 × 2120
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53 kB, 639 × 800
19 kB, 385 × 481
>>18748
Be careful not to cut yourself with the axe :o)

>>18751
>Ballard
Incidentally I finished The Atrocity Exhibition today. I was also unsure about it and forcing myself to read it one chapter at a time for a while, but after I was about halfway through it really clicked for me and I read the rest in one sitting.
It's written in a very experimental style with the chapters consisting of loosely grouped half-page long fragments with only semblance of plot, so you're probably best off approaching it like a surreal prose poem. There are some discernible themes throughout which initially seem disjointed and appalling but really come together to paint a meaningful picture of the psychosocial media landscape of the 60s, particularly with the help of Ballard's own annotations at the end of each chapter.
If you don't buy into his worldview, at least there's lots of extremely dense stylish sentences and tons of cultural references to go on tangents.
>>
No. 18768
Question: why call it Lada and not Zhiguli? Because one of these days I hope to save enough money to get one, and if rich to have an armored Zhiguli with bullet proof glass. How bydlo is this idea? Do they even sell such armored cars?
>>
No. 18769
>>18768
>why call it Lada and not Zhiguli?
According to popular belief, it was renamed so it wouldn't be mistaken for gigolo.
>I hope to save enough money to get one
They are dirt cheap, aren't they?
>Do they even sell such armored cars?
Why they would be selling armored cars in the first place?
>>
No. 18772
>>18763
>Ballard

I don't even know what it is. I like the weirdness very much but maybe The Drought don't does it that much, I'm half thru. One of his shorts that is part of the Billenium book, a German compilation from Suhrkamp It's funny that Suhrkamp had a scifi series back in the day, The Drought, Die Dürre is part of it as well also dealt with a beach and in The Drought it comes up again with a same feeling tho in the short story the uncomfortable feel was much bigger and overall it was more dense, what does the beach mean is my initial question as somebody who studied a few semester of literature :)
In The Drought there is this eccentric character, madness behind the surface, which is what I like about Ballard, now that I think of it, the novel is all right, but I think he has even better stuff to offer. Maybe I still need to get used to his Werk. There are some reflections on time and many other things that aren't obvious directly while reading. Also the Form instead of just the content is also to my scholarly interest but I don't have a clue or enough training to answer these question right away in a satisfying manner.
Perhaps I should read him in English, but the German Suhrkamp versions at the antiquarian are less than 5€ each 4.5€ for the last novel and 3.5€ for his shorts.
>>
No. 18779
I spent the weekend really nicely and positively with different friends, which really helped with the heartache. Also got around to write a bit and get back into sports. Also I arranged a meeting with an acquintance of mine, who is a yoga-teacher. I got to know her through common friends and I've always liked her but we never really got in touch beyond meeting at the common friends' place. It will be ebin, we will probably have a walk outside together and assburger around about literature and spiritualism, I'm really looking forward to it as she's a very positive person with a great aura. Also I wanted to get into yoga for quite a time now so I expect to get a little introduction from her.
So after all it rather seems like my affair has rather been holding me back and I'm much more open for new things now than I've ever been before. Still I'm missing her and checking her whatsapp profile daily (it is getting less though).
I already see that this year will definitely be interesting, lots and lots of stuff is about to happen. It makes me feel nervous but also optimistic.
>>
No. 18780
>>18769
I doubt a 1970s car in nice condition would be cheap, not even a Soviet one. In fact, especially not a Soviet one in good condition.

>why in first place?
Because why not bulletproof your car?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7g-noEfE5Dk
>>
No. 18792
25 kB, 331 × 331
Had a dream about EC, where I started shitposting really hard, and everybody here started hating me.

What does it mean?
>>
No. 18794
203 kB, 1030 × 638
319 kB, 1024 × 768
>>18768
factory itself during soviet times has no such name, it just "VAZ" - Volzkyi Automobilny Zavod.
On it's symbol it had Lad'ya ship, so export variants of cars for foreighns was called as "Lada", but classic series of cars inside USSR was named jiguli

So
jiguli VAZ 2015 in USSR
Lada Riva in England

Hovever other serieses of cars was not named Jiguli - for example VAZ-2108 is Sputnik

>Because one of these days I hope to save enough money to get one, and if rich to have an armored Zhiguli with bullet proof glass. How bydlo is this idea? Do they even sell such armored cars?
Absoluetly shitty idea - small car for general population with questionable reputation. You still can find and buy Goverment Chaikas, or at least buy some Volga cars. I doubt KGB volgas with super-engines avalible, but other cars there is real chance to buy one.
>>
No. 18795
>>
No. 18796
Dear diarrheay (did I spell it right?)
Today I ate a lot of fish snacks
I'm dying
>>
No. 18797
>>18796
>fish snacks
Wut? You mean крабовые палочки or шпроты в малсе?
>>
No. 18800
>>18797
Dried fish snacks, ones you get usually for beer.
>>
No. 18803
>>18795
Holy shit that's cheap. How does one get a car here from Russia? What retarded regulations are there and what features of a Russia car would you have to deal with US inspectors saying it is legal to drive?
>>
No. 18808
3,0 MB, 3935 × 2947
48 kB, 231 × 226
Still trying to figure out why I feel more aggressive. Now experimenting with more caffeine. I almost completely neglected tea or coffee during the past week or two, save for the regular, low cost, ultra diluted bagged stuff with sugar and lemon. My mind definitely feels clearer, though I just shouted hysterically just a few minutes ago, so caffeine withdrawal isn't the cause probably.

Managed to rework 2.5 chapters of my translation today. I got really tired while doing so. It's getting "better", but there are still some really strange mistakes that I made.
While looking through the files I saw a subtitle file for the anime The Night is Short, Walk on Girl, which I translated half of. I haven't touched it in more than six months and now my conscience feels really bad. (It's a good anime though. I'd recommend it. A simple movie with damn good animation in the vein of Tatami Galaxy. (Which is also really good.))
Strange how I have so many finished shorter projects and some unfinished ones.

Got some new books again. One was a gift from my teacher to help with my endeavours into the world of Dostoevsky, and the other is a really shitty "Student library"[1] edition of Tristan and Isolde, or at least, some medieval French fragments. I'm just a sucker for medieval stuff, really. I don't know why. It's probably some strange form of romanticism.
Title of the Hungarian book is The poet of antinomies: Dostoevsky and the crisis of the individual
This was the one I was looking for at the library.
I also mentioned how I copied down the Essays about Dostoevsky from the end of that other edition, and he asked, "all of them?"
>No, not all of them, the "Dostoevsky and Hungary" one seemed completely unnecessary and just I felt it to be another one of those jerkoffs about our own country's relevancy like how the news broadcasts love mentioning that XY famous people have 1/24th Hungarian ancestry. Who cares?
>Indeed.
Do other countries do this bullshit? I wouldn't be surprised if Poland did it for example, but I just can't imagine Germany or Finland doing this pseudo-nationalist dick measuring. (Though Germany has no reason to do so, because they are a "Major Culture", so that was a bad comparison.)

I have to make a presentation on a Hungarian pop band for Friday and I want to fucking strangle the music teacher for roping me into this fucking bullshit.
Basically, I want to strangle a lot of people. Like that old neighbour lady who said, "Maybe the young man could lend some help and use the wheelbarrow to move the wood". Yes, "The young man will do XY". All lazy and entitled pensioners say this. "The young man will give up his seat, I'm sure", "The young man will help you lift your cart onto the bus", "The young man will let you cut in front of him at the line to the cashier's, I'm sure."
Yes, the young man will be so nice, Yes, me, the fiatalember!
Everybody lies when they try to define the current governmental system in Hungary. Dictatorship, Democracy, Oligarchy, Autocracy? All lies! Hungary is a Gerontocracy!

Though when she asked me to make a second presentation about a music band of my choice, I just simply told her "No" and refused to write anything on the paper. "Why?" "Even if I were inclined to do it, I just don't know any contemporary musicians. So, "No!"."

The librarian put out a notebook for the students to write book titles into, that they think the library should buy. I was the first one to write into it. I basically wrote about what should be replaced, and then I added the Hungarian editions of Gravity's Rainbow and Infinite Jest to the list for good measure, because I felt cheeky. I was basically laughing by the time I put down the pen. The problem is, that most of the stuff the library doesn't have, I already bought for myself through second-hand sellers for pennies.

There is some blonde bitch at the Kelenföld Train, Bus and Metro station, begging for money to buy a train ticket, usually once a week. She asked me again, and I just creamed Neyy at her as I walked by. Street musicians I respect. They can all play an instrument, a skill acquired through rigorous practice and effort. Plain beggars are the scum of the earth. Same goes for people who only sing while begging. There is also a really irritating gypsy who sings about Jesus and God at the bus station at Kelenföld. He's also the scum of the earth.

Maybe it's just that my coat is too warm for the new, spring weather, but on the way home, everything felt oppressive, cluttered and too real. There were an unusually large number of people walking around the streets.

I still have some studying to do for tomorrow. Mainly history (regarding the first industrial revolution's consequences and events.) and literature. (I'm just going to read a 3 paged summary of Crime and Punishment's plot to be sure I know everything for tomorrow's test.)

I'm never going to write this much again because it's pointless.

[1]I don't know if other countries have these really cheap, almost throw away editions for a few bucks, but here, most really cheap books that are to be read in a school environment are published under a "Student library" label. So for example, this one is published under the label"Talentum Student Library", but are a couple of these labels, all publishing really low quality editions for 2-3 Euros. Reclam editions at least feel nice to hold. (Though those are a bit more expensive.)
>>
No. 18809
50 kB, 604 × 378
>>18803
>what features of a Russia car would you have to deal with US inspectors saying it is legal to drive?
It doesn't have a turret
It's not on caterpillar track
Amount of cyka blyats to drive them is environmentally safe
>>
No. 18812
>>18808
>I have to make a presentation on a Hungarian pop band for Friday and I want to fucking strangle the music teacher for roping me into this fucking bullshit.

What kind of music, what are the videos like, what is the overall sound ? You can pull a Mark Fisher if it's a band that has a retro sound, you know like it's from the 80s or something, sounds like it is recorded on tape cassette etc. If that's the case you write how they just recycle sounds because they don't have any vision and are longing for a long gone past. I can upload the pdf with the chapter that will give you all the arguments.

I took a stroll to the bank today choosing an extra sunny route away from the bigger streets. Lifted my mood and I helped on old lady in the supermarket that asked herself where 'they' put the pudding.
Your agressivness can stem from anything including hormones :^) I'm sorry
>>
No. 18813
>>18812
No videos, it's a band from the 60s. It's just supposed to be a boring retelling of the history if the group and then a listening to a few songs.
To tell the truth, I'm itching to just make a ppt slide with the name of the band on it, only for the following ones to be about the life and music of Dimitri Shostakovich, as a big middle finger and revenge for something that isn't even righteous. Though she is the kind of woman that's badmouth you to no end to her colleagues and her other students.
>>
No. 18814
>>18813
>retelling of the history of the band

What about social or political context? will that part of it? Sounds like it's a students revolt story to me. But tbh I don't know how these years played out in Hungary or if after '56 everything was kill.
>>
No. 18815
>>18814
After '56, there was a few years worth of "repression" where they'd drive up to your house in a black car and take you in the middle of the night KGB style, and after that came Goulash communism where they tried to make the poor sods forget about the Rákosi era, '56, and the repressing of dissent.

You are overestimating how much I need to talk about this. It's a 20 minute HS presentation in an irrelevant subject.
I'll probably throw something together 1-2 days in advance, and it'll fly.
Nothing really matters, honestly. And it's not like I have any time, because I miscalculated and I thought I still have a weekend.

In a case where it matters what I do (or if I really like the subject matter), I'd do an "in-depth research" (implying any "research" I've ever done was in-depth) with citations, but I really doesn't give a fuck, because I won't be getting marked from this subject anyway, and I don't particularly care about pop music, let alone Hungarian pop music. I'm only doing it because she attacked me like a bandit, dragged me with herself to her office and told me to pick one, and I was too startled to say no.
>>
No. 18817
God, I'm autistic.
>>
No. 18821
>>18815
>You are overestimating how much I need to talk about this. It's a 20 minute HS presentation in an irrelevant subject.

You are right, I'm still triggered by people in uni doing typical HS tier presentations with some internet sources I incorporated that maxim of not using them very well and oftentimes, the internet is shittier than a short chapter in book that provides all the info in a better way 9/10 cases. I have to listen to it in the end and ask myself when it will be over. Same old story. But in the end if they don't care, what should I say? Doing things half assed became more normal to me since I have to to do more classes in order to finally get my bachelor before I hit fucking 30.
>>
No. 18824
>>18808
I had a few laughs re gerontocracy and your hatred for beggars, sounds like Dostoyevsky is rubbing off for sure

>I don't know if other countries have these really cheap, almost throw away editions for a few bucks
Reclam paperbacks are the cheapest option here afaik, often people even give them away for free if it's something common

>I have to make a presentation on a Hungarian pop band for Friday and I want to fucking strangle the music teacher for roping me into this fucking bullshit.
Heh, I remember having to do something similar, the music class was basically kindergarten tier and wouldn't be graded. But I could choose the artist myself, so I played this track by Venetian Snares as intro: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YjQJeMF7HM8
After half an minutes I was told to sit down again and wasn't bothered again
>>
No. 18828
First day of work after quite a long time now. Since the dispute I had with my boss the company send me to another workplace. It's much more relaxed but also more boring. I spent the day pushing around metal carts, I think my muscles will burn like shit tomorrow. For the most time I was completely alone with my thoughts, without any real possibility of distraction besides talking to the hash-smoking french african co-worker I know from the old workplace during the breaks. For the rest of the time I was completely miserable and only thinking lf the loss I've experienced. I guess there are ups and downs on the road of recovery, today definitely was a down. One of the reasons is that during work I've always texted her in the free minutes, now I just keot checking my empty phone. Also I was occasionally just becoming apathic and zoning out, it was terrible. Never have 8 hours felt so long but then again I was out of practice and the first day at a new workplace is always hard.
Time to let this piece of shit of a day rest and fall asleep, because I'm really quite tired.
>>
No. 18830
>>18828
I will point out the positive things of this day to not let this diary entry be negative only caused by the heartache-lenses I'm looking at everything. One thing was that people wetre really friendly today. There was the older lady at the counter of my workplace (it's a very big complex with lots of different departments) who showed me the way to my workplace. She was one of the first people I came across in the building so I asked her where to go. At first she was a bit confused but then suddenly she was really joyful and exclaimed things like "Oh but you are really, really friendly!" and persisted on leading me all the way down to my workplace. Later on when I ran across her again she was all happy again and asked me if I remembered her from the morning. I sometimes really ask myself how I'm able to make such a good impression on someone when I'm really completely miserable and depressed all day. What I've somewhat starting to learn is reflecting people's emotions for no other sake than just doing it. It has much to do with lines from a Wilco song called "How to fight loneliness". It goes like "how to fight loneliness?
Smile all the time, laugh at every joke...". But am I really lonely? In comparison to last month I am but actually I have a couple of friends and additionally I have EC. Maybe proves nothing but that you can be a really social person but still feel lonely. Also the new workplace has a dedicated break room for its employees, where you get all the free coffee and food so I had a really nice thai curry today. Working there more often I could cut down my expanses on food heavily.
Also it gives me peace to repeat the words "It's all over now" in my head. It also fights the process of relapse, I'm a person prone to addictions, as it makes me remember that I suffered a lot and was stressed out even during the best times with her. Also writing everything down here at the end of the day helps a lot too. Good night fellow Ernsts.
>>
No. 18837
It is still exceedingly cold and dark but I wonder how people in all year round weather deal with it, like California, Texas, or Florida. Or Kuwait or Egypt for that matter. Not having seasons seems like a strange thing.
>>
No. 18839
>>18837
>Not having seasons
It just only seems to you so.
>>
No. 18840
>>18839
Pretty sure equatorial weather is nothing at all like say difference between Russian summer and Russian winter. California in particular doesn't really have different weather I don't think. Texas and Florida just have hurricanes and tornadoes at least but otherwise it's like one season all year.

Let me say it this way were water exists in different states of matter.

Also found something that amused me but off topic
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PP2f0q9T4ow
>>
No. 18841
17 kB, 596 × 744
Brother's helping to open an internet cafe for someone, and asked me to come over to figure out the interior design.

Sitting in a diner after the meeting, I couldn't help but look at all the people around us and feel a certain wistfulness at being surrounded by so many people, all with their own lives and stories, none of whom I will ever know, whose lives I will never be involved in. It feels like we're all missing out on the whole world, confined to our own little lives and stories.

Back when I was at the bank getting a credit card, I saw a man with a very colorful facial structure. He was tall and swarthy with a shaved head, with a strong, square jaw, defined brows, a round skull, and every muscle on his face was clearly defined, almost bulging out. He had a real sense of character to him, a kind of worldly stoicism, you could imagine him as the kind of man who spent his whole life laboring the fields in some far away village. The sort of character they make romanticized folkish paintings about. I wanted to capture his likeness, paint him, or at least take a photograph. But I didn't. It feels as if I missed out on an entire person.

It's surreal that I see hundreds of people on the streets every day, but have known barely a dozen in my life. Makes me wish I lived in a small village, oblivious of the outside, in my own little world that makes complete sense.
>>
No. 18843
>>18841
>It's surreal that I see hundreds of people on the streets every day, but have known barely a dozen in my life

A classic trope of modernity, the city dwellers life with all its implications. I'm not sure if a hermetic community would be the best for somebody like you, it more conformistic than the city with its neurotypicals that don't wonder too much about weird behavior.
>>
No. 18846
875 kB, 800 × 600
>>18841
I like this picture! You have good sence of style. It for some reason reminded me this brutalism meet art-deco statures
Spend more time and patiens on your drawings and you will have awesome results!
>>
No. 18847
>>18837
>I wonder how people in all year round weather deal with it
I don't know if you can draw any broad conclusions fom my experience, but every winter it feels like I'm getting away with something, but also missing out on something at the same time. Like surviving the snow is a test the rest of the country has to take, and Florida just forges a doctor's note and skips it. Sure, it's nice-and definitely easier- but by not going through the harsh weather I'm left with this sense that I've somehow cheated.
>>
No. 18848
Today was pretty good. Nothing really interesting happened.

Wrote a history test. I ran out of time and couldn't properly end my essay. I wrote four pages. There was no literature test.

On the way home I tried reading on the bus, but two old ladies were having a loud discussion how 30 years ago even shit tasted better somehow, so I failed miserably. I also met with one of my ex-classmates. He's a sad looking kinda guy. I know he visits chans. We shook hands, he mentioned how he now studies at a Catholic school now, to which I replied with a cheeky "Amen".
Strangely enough, he said that he wanted to talk to me about something, but postponed it to another time, because he had to get off.
I wonder what he wants to talk about. Sure, we talked some before he transferred to another school this year, but I never thought anybody would take some time out of their life to remember me at all. Or at least, not positively.

I boarded my second bus, and I tried reading again, but there was a guy there who listened to music on his headphones, and it was so loud, that you could hear it metres away.
It was a titanic dilemma. Think about it. I berate pensioners every single day to myself, how they can't mind their own business and how they want to control others and such. Now, if I were to tap the guys shoulder and say, "Please turn down that music!", I'd become the very thing I hate.
So, in the end, I decided to control myself and say nothing. Thought that might have been too much of a beta move, some might say.
Anyway, I still managed to read through 15 pages of the Shestov book. It's good.

Currently trying to work on my shitty presentation. The Hungarian wikipedia page coupled with the music selection of the English one seems more than enough to produce something presentable. Thought there is actual literature on the topic, I don't really want to buy the book, or read it for that matter et al.
I'm gonna finish reading that Shestov book by the end of the week, and then I'm going to read more Dostoevsky.

I'm going to stop writing now before I write up another shameful wall of text again.
>>
No. 18849
>>18841
>Internet Cafe
>1994+25

Is your brother stupid or is he just looking for a cash driven bussiness to launder money?
>>
No. 18850
>>18849
>Kazakhstan
I wouldn't be so definite about Internet Cafes
>>
No. 18854
>>18849
Look at his country brick, perhaps it's still different over there.

>>18848
> I don't really want to buy the book, or read it for that matter
>buying it

God forbid! Waste of money. If it's ready in the library a quick glance might be better than wikipedia but then again it's HS.
>>
No. 18855
>>18854
I think it's too new for the library to have it, but I'll check tomorrow if I can. Though the literature we have on music is also trash. Mostly stuff from the 50s, 60s. I inspected the shelves closely when I was searching for a monograph on either Tchaikovsky or Shostakovich with no luck.
>>
No. 18862
196 kB, 1000 × 487
>>18849
Internet cafes are a flourishing business here, and in asia in general. We use a lot of chinese software to manage our cafes, and china has like giant 500 PC internet cafes.
I don't know why, maybe it's asiatic heda, but people just like going to internet cafes to game, maybe they don't like getting yelled at by their gf's or like the LAN experience.

But my brother is stupid, yes. But he's doing well for himself, unlike me. Pragmatic

>>18843
I dunno, I'm only eccentric on internally, externally I try to attract as little attention to myself as possible (well, when sober anyway :-DDDD). Besides, I believe that living in a community inevitably restrains and disciplines a person, while the consequence free and nihilistic life in a human hive encourages deviation. After all, when none of the people you meet every day will have any part in your life, you might as well be alone. And if you're totally alone, you might as well get buck naked and run around screaming, because why not. Man, like any creature, is shaped by his environment. But when there is no environment at all it results in random mutations of the psyche. My most colorful psychotic delusions manifested when I was totally isolated, with no outside input, free to imagine for myself a reality in place of one I was cut off from.

I heard once that the christian God is a metaphor for the community. By embodying the "spirit" of your community, one transcends death, living on as long as the community does. Being a part of the historical narrative of your people. A society with no community is, then, a godless one, where man ceases to exist as a "spirit" upon death, leaving nothing behind. God is dead indeed.
Unless you are the kind of person who has an Ego and a Will to live as a God himself, in a story entirely about yourself. I think I am turning out to not be such a man.

>>18846
Thanks. My teacher was really into monumental art, being a soviet equivalent of "graphics designer" in ussr, and taught in russian academic art. His style rubbed off on me a lot. Still waiting for disposable income to get that pen.
>>
No. 18864
>>18862
>But when there is no environment at all it results in random mutations of the psyche. My most colorful psychotic delusions manifested when I was totally isolated, with no outside input

There can never be no environment. Shut in your apartment is just a massive withdrawal from stimulus.
Now, I just have to think of Ulrike Meinhof, the German Red Army Fraction terrorist, and her writings about the white and silent prison cell

First a general sum up
>An agonizing time in prison begins for Ulrike Meinhof. She suddenly breaks off contact with her children. The relationship with the other group members deteriorates. She is still isolated in solitary confinement. In 1975 she said before the Stammheim court: "There are exactly two possibilities in isolation: Either you silence a prisoner, which means he dies of it, or you make him talk". In the night from 7 to 8 May 1976, she puts an end to her life in her cell in Stammheim.

And from a letter about the solitary confinement (isolated cell)
>the feeling that one's head explodes (the feeling that the skullcap >should actually rip apart, flake off) - the feeling that one's head explodes.
>the feeling that your spinal cord is being pushed into your brain,
>the feeling, the brain shrank together gradually, like baked fruit e.g.
>the feeling that one is standing uninterruptedly, imperceptibly, under >current, one is remote-controlled -
>the feeling that your associations would be hacked away -
>the feeling of plucking your soul out of your body as if you can't hold the water -
>the feeling that the cell is moving. One wakes up, opens one's eyes: the cell moves; in the afternoon, when the sun shines in, it suddenly stops. >You can't put off the feeling of driving. You can't tell whether you're trembling with fever or cold -
you can't figure out why you tremble -
you freeze.
>To speak at normal volume, exertion, like for speaking loudly, almost roaring -
>the feeling of silence -
>you can no longer identify the meaning of words, you can only guess -
the use of hiss sounds - s, ß, tz, z, sch - is absolutely unbearable -
>Guard, visit, yard seems to be made of celluloid -
>Headache -
>flashes
>sentence structure, grammar, syntax - no longer controllable. When writing: two lines - at the end of the second line it is not possible to keep the beginning of the first -
>The feeling of burning out inwardly -
>the feeling that if you said what was going on, if you let it out, it would be like boiling water hissing into each other's faces, such as boiling tank water scalding the water for life, disfiguring it -
>Raging aggression for which there's no valve. That's the worst. Clear awareness that one has no chance of survival; total failure to convey that; visits leave nothing behind. Half an hour later one can only reconstruct mechanically whether the visit was today or last week.
>Bathing once a week on the other hand means: thawing a moment, recovering - lasts for a few hours too -
>The feeling that time and space are interwoven -
>the feeling of being in a distorting mirror room -
stagger -
>Afterwards, terrible euphoria to hear something about the acoustic day-night difference.
>The feeling that now time is running out, the brain is expanding again, the spinal cord is sagging again - for weeks.
>The feeling that one's skin has been removed.

Translated with www.DeepL.com/Translator
>>
No. 18865
>>18862
>I heard once that the christian God is a metaphor for the community. By embodying the "spirit" of your community, one transcends death, living on as long as the community does. Being a part of the historical narrative of your people. A society with no community is, then, a godless one, where man ceases to exist as a "spirit" upon death, leaving nothing behind. God is dead indeed.
>Unless you are the kind of person who has an Ego and a Will to live as a God himself, in a story entirely about yourself. I think I am turning out to not be such a man.

There are different forms of community, you don't need a christian or religious background to evoke a spirit, transcendence is not dependent on religiosity art can transcend, and many other "concepts" but it means to give them religious attributes perhaps. Tho I'm not sure if you you don't mix up things here anyway. I mean that god is a methapor for the community. The community is under the will of God might be true. At least I know that is how a king back then was legitimated: he represented god and his will on earth and he represented the christian communitas but that does not mean that the communitas is god or god a metaphor for the communitas.
>>
No. 18866
>>18864
Being acutely aware of your own biology seems like the most horrific torture imaginable. The feeling of... worldliness manifest as experience. The constant painful feeling of being meat. The conscious awareness of your own worldliness is existentially dreadful in itself, but to experience it physically must be on another level entirely. Makes me uncomfortable just thinking about it. It's like the ultimate spiritual death, where one's experience as a mind is overwhelmed with one's experience as a body.

Also, the breaking down of the concept of time is something I am somewhat familiar with. Humans don't have internal clocks, we experience time as a series of events. If there are no events, there is effectively no time. I've also learned that having something to look forward to or plant to in the future, having some kind of imagined future event at all, is important for mental health. Because when you don't know, care for or can't imagine an event in your future, that leaves only one inevitable event to expect: death. And since there is no time between now and the next event, it might as well be tomorrow. I remember being obsessed with conceptualizing my own death, it was all I could think about.

>>18865
I conflate christian theology a lot with neoplatonism / pythagoreanism. God being the Divine Totality of ideal forms. The immutable axiom of reality. Or at least of our communal/social reality. The grand narrative, if you will. So one way to transcend mortality and worldliness is to become part of that narrative. Failing to do so means oblivion. Post modernity rejects the idea of a grand narrative, and I find that kind of nihilistic.

I guess the Nietzsche approach would be become as a God oneself, telling a story to the world, rather than being a character in a story.
>>
No. 18867 Kontra
>>18866
Also, I guess that's why cancer is so psychologically disturbing as a concept. The mindless algorithm of bodily functions destroying itself, and with it, the helpless mind trapped within it.
>>
No. 18869
>>18866
>Humans don't have internal clocks, we experience time as a series of event
This isn't true though. I'm not just talking about circadian rhythm but in general all manner of human bodily functions are on a set timescale. Like I personally have a sleep phase disorder. I am often acutely aware of the time internally, to the point where I have routinely guessed the actual clock time to within minutes, it's just that my internal clock is slightly askew from the earth's planetary rotation. This means my own internal clock constantly overrides what should be my natural clock which is what most of the rest of the world runs on. It is a strange thing to "feel" that it should be 3pm but it is dark out, because I am more in tune with what my inner clock is telling me than external environment. I would imagine if I were synced to a sleep cycle the way most people are I could daily figure out the exact time to within the minute even if I was in an underground bunker.
>>
No. 18870
>>18869
That's weird, for me time is a completely ethereal concept.
I have no idea what time it is right now without explicitly looking at the clock, what day it is, what day of the week, sometimes I get months confused. Sometimes I wake up unsure if it's morning or evening.

I also fall into this fallacious thinking that the next day can be delayed as long as you are awake. Like, the day transitions only when you sleep and wake up.
>>
No. 18882
>>18869
> I could daily figure out the exact time to within the minute even if I was in an underground bunker.
I bet that you wouldn't. People do not have inner clocks like that. You could test your supposed ability by staying in a place without a natural light source and any means to measure time. Then just send a signal out after certain cycles of time have passed. Let's say every six hours. You would be off soon if not immediately.
>>
No. 18897
I got my hair cut and I've been listening to this beautiful french girl the whole day

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xP2n7oTI0HI

It really gets good after a few seconds when the riddim sets in together with her saying Aqua bon ? I don't speak french. Yesterday I listened to a song of her that obviously was a love song, I thought it was about accepting the end of a relationship but it turned out to be about an unlucky lesbian love and how it's not accepted anyway but she wants to really be with the other girl nonetheless.
>>
No. 18899 Kontra
19 kB, 576 × 387
>>18897
I just looked it up: á quoi bon - What's the point. Even better!
>>
No. 18905
366 kB, 426 × 632
Every day I walk past that bookstand and every fucking day I still see that Prokofiev biography. I hate it for whatever reason. It's like it's taunting me.

Today I made a grave mistake. During class, we started studying rhetoric, and as an exercise we were given two poems and a hypothetical situation, where we were to pick one to fill the last free slot in an anthology. We did this in groups of 3-4. I was in a group with two girls, one that hates me, and one that I sometimes talk with and share homework and information with. So we read the poems, talk about them, discuss the merits and then we pick one. The one we picked was the one that sounded more traditional and old. (It was also a task to identify which is contemporary and which is from a hundred years ago.)
Both were impressionist poems. I argued that the one titled "An Impressionist Dream" was the newer one, simply because it had a more minimalist language, and it's title expressed a meta-approach to impressionism, one that's only possible once the given style has been surpassed. The girl I'm closer to was intrigued by my comments, the one that hates me didn't particularly care because of a headache.
As conclusion, we voted, who likes which, and I voted for the perceivably older poem. The girl I like stated she likes both, to which I replied that I'm not fond of the modern one, simply because the older poem has a fuller and richer language.
In the end, we picked the older one as a group.
I stood up, made an oration in defence of our choice, and then sat down.
A delegate from the other groups did the same. This basically took up all of the class time.
Just before the bell rang, the teacher revealed, which poem was which, and who are the authors.
One, which I correctly perceived older, was by the Hungarian poet Árpád Tóth. The other, which I expressed my dislike for , was by the very same girl who I looked in the eye when I said I don't like it.
It took a moment to dawn on me, but since then, it has been periodically hitting me in the stomach. I'm a butcher, and this was an unjust slaughter. Or was it. I don't know that, and the only thing I'm sure of is that I almost fainted when I've realised what I've done.

I'm going to postpone working on my presentation. I'm going to go to bed early. I'll have plenty of time tomorrow, because we have shortened lessons because of some exams.
>>
No. 18907
>>18882
Eh probably eventually, but my point is having a solid internal clock. My problem is it's just totally desynchronized from the outside world. I mean I have stared out the window into pitch black before thinking it felt like 3pm, and looked into bright sunny day thinking it felt like deep night. So the problem is keeping myself coupled to the day/night cycle to begin with. I knew someone who also could do this but didn't have a messed up sleep schedule so it never went off. Your own biological rhythms are like a perfect piece of clockwork.

>>18870
I can easily lose track of days and years, but it's more like knowing my sleep schedule. My main problem is this
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Delayed_sleep_phase_disorder
In order to maintain the same usual work with lunch breaks and uni classes type of routine I have to drug myself massively in order to keep to a schedule. I got heavily into booze mainly because of this and keeping myself from drifting. College was a pain in the ass and I eventually stopped taking early morning classes altogether because the lack of consistency made it worse. Your problem seems to lie elsewhere in the general schizophrenic/depersonalizing/schizoid tendencies. I am pretty sure most normal people are completely aware of their own internal clocks.
>>
No. 18909
>>18905
It depends on the tone of your critic. Did you rip it apart or just said I don't like it because this and that but rather neutral.

Ripping something apart is daily business in literary/theatre etc critics but that's not such an intimate situation. It makes a different if one don't like it because of personal reasons and states this or because it's technically not just well made.

But I would probably feel the same, could come across as mean and arrogant and I wouldn't have liked it when somebody said
>your tracks are shit
did produce music...I would rationalize that him/her does not have an idea and I'm aware being an amateur, et voila
>>
No. 18911
>>18909
Well, I just mechanically stated the properties of the poem. I didn't tear it a new hole or anything. If I were to hate it, I would have done, so, but I didn't hate it, I just didn't like it.

It still feels wrong though, but you could say that was just my opinion. In the end, I was neither overly cruel, nor overly personal in the matter, both of which I'm quite prone to actually when judging anything. (And others have noted too that I'm too ruthless with my opinions sometimes.)

Probably all is well, because she still smiled at me, when me met at the bus stop.
>>
No. 18915
>>18911
>Probably all is well, because she still smiled at me, when me met at the bus stop.

Cross out the Probably in that sentence. You can even talk and laugh about it later giving the situation another twist with a different perspective, you did not want to be mean and it's perhaps a good thing she tries to write such things anyway.
>>
No. 18916 Kontra
>>18915
I meant: You two can talk and laugh about it later
>>
No. 18917
965 kB, 1840 × 2432
Seems like depression is back. I did nothing else today than eating, sleeping and a short venture into the city to buy some stuff. After all of I've been through this month I only feel emptiness now. Then again I was only working the last two days after numbing my pain with drugs and alcohol for over a week and only now I'm havimg to deal with everything sober. I will have to start slowly by getting back into my reading tonight, which suffered due to my mental circumstances of the last weeks. The Golden Ass is stilly laying around unfinished and will provide me with some good escapism. I already read 10 pages yesterday but I was too tired for more yesterday. However this is just going to be the first step to get back into my usual routine. Next should be getting back to writing applications (I've still some important ones to write), then getting back into sports, than getting back into writing and then starting to prepare for my internship in summer. So I've got enough to do to keep me busy and forget about everything but those manic nights during the time our affair was falling apart fucked me up quite well. I even almost had another such nights on monday when I was getting lost in spirals of painful, angry and sad thoughts, but then I just jacked off and told myself that I don't need to put up with her shit anymore. I quickly fell asleep after.
>>
No. 18918
>>18905
>>18911
To be honest, I sometimes wish that blind tests were more of a thing in every sphere of culture. They won't eliminate biases altogether, but they can reduce them to a minimum, simultaneously decreasing the probability of underrating/overrating and preventing the creation of circlejerks. Like in your case, if you knew the author's identity, you wouldn't be able to give an honest opinion and opted for a cautious lie or, even worse, an outright flattery. And if that girl is incapable to distinct the objective from the subjective in your response to the poem, or simply takes criticism as a personal offense instead of an incentive to improve her skills, then she doesn't deserve any kind of nice treatment in the first place and you shouldn't feel bad about chewing her out.
>>
No. 18921
I keep getting these splitting headaches and weird bad smells
>>
No. 18922
Home again. Woke up, made some Müsli and ate in darkness, then brewed some bancha, had a few sips and started meditating. Feels like I'm slowly getting back to a point where I have a balanced day.
What's still missing is the early morning walks through the woods before breakfast.
Now it's almost 8 o'clock, which means I'll wake my flat mate now with some coffee before she gets shock-woken by neighbour man with his drill hands.
After that: Work work.
>>
No. 18924
2,4 MB, 2696 × 3373
3,1 MB, 2492 × 3862
Today was a day of successes.

I gathered a considerable amount of literary data today. New information, that isn't necessarily valuable, but I consider it interesting.

So, in the literature thread a Bavarian Ernst posted a letter by Pushkin to Vyazemsky. The line "What a Pushkin, what a son of a bitch!" got my attention, but no matter how much I've tried, I failed to turn it into a coherent Hungarian sentence over the days.
So I asked a teacher if he had a copy of Pushkin's selected letters to see if at all, it has a Hungarian translation. Took about ~2 minutes to find it in the anthology.
It's a fine letter. I photocopied it.
The Hungarian rendition is considerably less vulgar, but at least I can fully comprehend it now in both languages. (If I ever want to quote it, I can.)
I'm happy.

I got marked "Excellent" on my History test. It felt really good.
>Now go and tell your literature teacher you can actually write!

On my way home, I found an old edition of The (Persian) Book of Kings. It's a selection. It's value as a scholarly source is probably pretty low, considering it's only a selection (of +300 pages), but I can still get some aesthetic pleasure out of its archaic language. It was less than two euros, and I couldn't control myself. They had other books from this series, but none of the others seemed interesting. (They were by authors I didn't know or care about, or now irrelevant Hungarian authors.)
The strange thing is, that I was looking at a newer edition of the Book of Kings at the library today. Pure coincidence I guess.

Oh yes, another thing I wanted to write a few lines on since Monday is that the government just started its newest campaign. Just as the night turned into day, the streets were flooded with these posters.
It states the following:
>You (singular, polite form) too have the right to know what Brussels is preparing for!
>They are giving more money to organisations supporting migration
>They'd help migration with bank-cards loaded with money (This one feels a bit awkward to read in Hungarian too.)
>They want to introduce the mandatory settlement quota
>Made on behalf on the Government of Hungary
I was sort of missing Soros' face from the streets since the elections. Before the elections, stuff like this was literally everywhere, and after the government got re-elected, snap, it disappeared. It was strangely suspicious.
Anyway, it's just a background element to my daily life, and I wanted to share it, because foreigners might find it strange/funny.

And now, I should prepare my fucking presentation for tomorrow, because if I fail, the bitch will gut me.

>>18918
I see that point too, and I understand it. Now if I wasn't overthinking 90% of what I say and do, I'd leave it at that, because you are right. Absolutely right.
The panic on my part is completely unnecessary, because she didn't take it to heart. It's not personal.
>>
No. 18925
>>18921
Try caffeine and not pleasuring yourself.(At least for two-three days)(That is, if you do at all.)
Through experimenting, I've come to realise that the overabundance of sexual pleasure in a solitary manner is bad. Really bad.

>>18922
>I'll wake my flat mate now with some coffee before she gets shock-woken by neighbour man with his drill hands.
That's really sweet of your.
>>
No. 18933
74 kB, 680 × 1020
>>18924
>And now, I should prepare my fucking presentation for tomorrow, because if I fail, the bitch will gut me.
I haven't started yet and I'm filled with utter disgust and rage.
We bumped into each other today, and she asked if I'm ready to do it, and of course I had to comply.
>Yes, yes, it's underway, almost finished!
>And, what'l be the songs we listen to?
>I don't know that yet!
Fuck, I have to pick 2-3 songs too.
>>
No. 18936
33 kB, 568 × 427
You'd have $500 in Russia if you would have invested just 3000 roubles in 1998
So in 2019 you would have 30000 roubles
But for 3000 roubles you could buy ca. 150 liters of gas in 1998. Now 150 liters cost 60000 roubles.
I am not sure that dollar is that stable as they say.
>>
No. 18937
521 kB, 680 × 445
>>18936
maybe I'm just lazy

---

I had to look for my niece a few hours today. It's adorable but also was tiring watching her using my post-its for about an hour straight, I started by patching some of them on her pullover. A screen hypnotizes kids in an uncanny way, so we just watched one music video. She is fascinated by my mixing desk with all its knobs but I had to turn of the drum computer, I was surprised she did not like it lets better say disappointed when she said: no, no, shut off.
>>
No. 18938
57 kB, 352 × 381
Found this drawing while looking for pictures of kazakh folk tales.
Ebin :-DDDDDDDDDD
>>
No. 18939
>>18938
What manner of creature is that the Kazakh rides?
>>
No. 18941 Kontra
16 kB, 195 × 207
>>18939
An üzbek :DDDDDDDD
Ebin XD
>>
No. 18942
>>18939
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chort I suppose

I wonder if it's related to the story this movie is based on: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tvLUn2kVnQE
>>
No. 18948
Had a really interesting episode at around midnight. Recently I have been getting less sleep than I needed and this has gone on for over two weeks. As a result, I feel increasingly distant from the world, sometimes like an observer who just watches on as the body that was firmly under my control as recently as late january does whatever it feels like doing.

But the most bizzare event occured around eight hours ago. I was trying to get some sleep and accidentally entered a state where all I could see was a blank slate. Suddenly, the idea of a child playing Halo 3 crossed my mind. The moment that happened, a drum set appeared and underneath it, an incomplete staircase. You know, most staircases in Soviet-built apartment blocks have nine steps, but this one had only four or so.

After both objects appeared, I wondered if a set of drums suspended in mid-air over an incomplete staircase was what a child playing Halo 3 looked like. Perhaps I would have come to the conclusion that something was wrong, but my thinking was interupted by the "child" disappearing and a towering colosseum-like structure taking it's place. Except that it was a cross between a colosseum and the Leaning tower of Pisa. Just imagine what the Colosseum in Rome would look like if it was smaller in diameter and higher at the sime time.

Then, a force picked me up from the ground and transported to the top of this structure. Standing on the top of the tower, I looked down and realised that it was hollow inside. At that exact moment, shelves lined with books formed a circle around me and pages ripped out from some of them lay on the wooden floor. And with that, I woke up. Well, I wasn't really asleep throughout this chain of events, but I was in bed and my eyes were closed.

Having gone through strange dream-like sequences before, I knew I had limited time to write the details down before my mind becomes blank and I succumb to the desire to go to sleep. As you can probably guess, I managed to find a pen and a scrap of paper in time. There is a part of me that wants to stay up today and see if I can enter that state again but I have so important things to do so I'd rather not.

By the way, I have never played any of the Halo games so I have no clue why my brain picked that particular game
>>
No. 18954
>>18948
>Recently I have been getting less sleep than I needed and this has gone on for over two weeks. As a result, I feel increasingly distant from the world, sometimes like an observer who just watches on as the body that was firmly under my control as recently as late january does whatever it feels like doing.
I'm familiar with this feels. The other you wrote sounds somewhat like lucid dreaming except you didn't make conscious decisions just observed what your mind conjured up - did what it felt like doing. I don't think any problem with that but you should take care of yourself better and sleep more. Also I should take my advice too.
>>
No. 18962
>>18954
>The other you wrote sounds somewhat like lucid dreaming except you didn't make conscious decisions just observed what your mind conjured up
That's what happens with me too when I practice "lucid dreaming". I never feel in control.
>>
No. 18965
I managed to sleep ~3 hours, but I completed my presentation in the end. I woke up dead tired.
Went in 20 minutes early to set up all the tech and shit. I also filled a thermos with strong Chinese tea to keep me awake.
So I go in, drink some tea before the presentation, and to my surprise, we had likr 6-7 people in. Nobody really gave a fuck, honestly. I didn't either.
I nonchalantly talked about the band's history, political and cultural background for 35 minutes and that was that. I didn't feel any kind of worry. Even when the teacher asked me shit like
>And who was the Minister of Cultural Affairs at the time?
>Which were the three categories for cultural products?
I just said, I don't know. And then I shrugged.
Sometimes I had to stop because that students asked me to go slower, so that they can take notes. Then I just poured some more tea, and drank it like it's nobody's business. I even had time for snarly remarks jokes while talking.
When I was finished, they said it was the pest presentation so far, and it was excellent and well put together.
My mind was so fucking numb while talking, it was uncanny.
One of the German Ernst's ideas was my jackpot. I spent a considerable amount of time talking about the social context of the band's music.

Other than that, we started talking about Crime and Punishment in Literature class today, and I was the only one who gave a shit and read it.
>Erm, I'm at page 20
>I'm at part one teehee
For my stakhanovite work ethic of doing the standard amount of work, I was given a 5 five. Officially for "Being the first one to finish reading C&P out of the class". Let that be said, I will be the only one who reads it.
All we did during this session was that everyone picked half a page worth of text that they think is good, then we had to read it aloud, and make some comments on the text. Why this?
I picked Porfiry's confrontation with Raskolnikov in the second chapter of part six.
>“Who is the murderer?” he repeated, as though unable to believe his ears. “Why, you, Rodion Romanovitch! You are the murderer,” he added, almost in a whisper, in a voice of genuine conviction.
This had me shaking with excitement the first time I've read it. A great passage. It was an incredible pleasure to read it out aloud. The others picked random passages and had no idea about context.
>So Ernst, who was Pyotr Petrovich
>Why, he was the groom of Avdotya Romanovna Raskolnikova!
I felt like an autist.
I can get a second mark 5 if I write a book report.

In conclusion: Sleep more than three hours, and don't let a muesli bar be the only thing you eat the whole day, because you'll feel like shit and almost faint if you try to run to catch the bus.
>>
No. 18975
1,7 MB, 3264 × 1836
I tried this
I not readed description properly and thought it was soda. In reality it some kind of mineral water. Worst mineral water I ever tasted. I sad for arisona, but I dropped this anerican product in trash bin, sorry.
>>
No. 18976
>>18975
>grape soda

In the US it's associated as black people soda. Quite sad have a shitton of Cola and other standart drinks her ebut nothing like affordable grape soda. There is and SEA import shop here who sells a 0.33L can for .8€ which is still rather expensive in the end. Would turn in a grape soda over Sprite, Fanta and all that any time.

>One of the German Ernst's ideas was my jackpot. I spent a considerable amount of time talking about the social context of the band's music.

It really is a mandatory category at some point in almost every research. Good everything went better than expected, a feel that is not but that easily.
>>
No. 18977
>>18976
Raspberries are not grapes.
>>
No. 18979
547 kB, 728 × 1000
>>18939
>>18942
Probably drawn by a russian tbh, because kazakh folk creatures don't look like that.
It's obviously a saitan, but in islamic folklore, saitans are incorporeal, or shape shifters. So are djinns. They are islamic anyway.

Kazakh folk creatures include stuff like Albasty, a large creature completely covered in long hair (mom calls me albasty when I don't shave or take a shover for a long time)
Zheztyrnaq, a beautiful evil woman with long, sharp talons.
Oqzhylan (literally, arrow snake), a snake with an iron head that launches itself like an arrow.
And of course, Boqsaqal, a short mischevious old man with a long beard encrusted in dirt and shit. Here is a real life account of an encounter with a Boqsaqal (in russian):
"Ну кароче агатайым дед мой Нияз сидел как то раз на пороге и закидывал шал. Он шал сушил на веранде. Дед Нияз стал замечать что шал куда то пропадает. Один раз какой то котакбас спиздил пять бутылок шала, полторашек. Дед Нияз говорит я того котакбаса шешен сигийн и акен сигийн, ата-ана оте сигийн есьжи. Никак не мог поймать пидара того, который насвай ворует. Ну и сидим с дедом, а уже вечереть стало. Дед мне говорит: Нурикжан, балам, сходи на веранду, принеси мне колбу с насваем, а то у меня бiттi. Я пошел кароч. Захожу на веранду и слышу маааа котак, япрымай, кто то левый на веранде шарится и дедовыми колбами с насваем гремит. Думаю, что это за бес, чорт ебаный есьжи. Стал тянуться к выключателю, а тут голос блядь: тянись тянись все равно тебя съем! Так то мне страхово стало ну я джигит же бля есьже, страху не показал бля как батыр кабанбай настоящий есьжи. Деда зову шепотом: э, атам, мында кел, осы жерде какой то котакбас бар бля. Дед Нияз зашел на веранду и свет как включил внезапно а там гном стоит на ящике, маленький блядь сука и слюни пускает, дедовым насваем закинулся, смотрит на свою слюну и в рот ее затянуть не может и говорит ей: тянись тянись все равно тебя съем! Тут Нияз атам как крикнет этому пидару бородатому: эу, энендi сигиймн, сен не iстейсн там, котакбас? Есуассын ба? Тот карлик так и пропал. Потом атам сказал мне что такие карлики еще у аль фараби встречаются в описании и называются "боқ сақал". "
>>
No. 18980
57 kB, 354 × 500
>>18979
And here's an english translation, although it doesn't capture everything:

"So my uncle old man Niyaz was sitting once on the doorstep dipping nasvai. He'd dry nasvai on the veranda. And old man Niyaz started noticing that nasvai is disappearing somewhere. Once some qotaqbas stole five bottles of nasvai, one and a half liters each. So old man Niyaz says "that fucking qotaqbas, sheshen sgein, aken sigein, ata-ana especially sgein. Couldn't catch that pidor stealing nasvai. So we're sitting there with uncle, and it's getting dark. Uncle tells me: Nurikzhan, son, go to the veranda, bring me a bottle of nasvai, I'm running out. So I went to the veranda, and I hear oh fuck, yapirimai, someone strange is rummaging on the veranda and making a racket with uncle's bottles. I think, who's that demon, fucking chort ebanyi, you know. I started running towards the light switch, and hear a voice: "run, run I'll eat you anyway". I got a bit scared, but I'm a real dzhigit, you know, so I didn't show any fear, like true batyr Qabanbai, you know. So I whisper to my uncle: hey, old man, come here, here is some qotaqbas blyat. Old man Niyaz came to the veranda and switched the light suddenly, and there on a box is standing some gnome, tiny, suka, saliva running down his mouth, dipping uncle's nasvai, looking at his saliva, can't suck it back in, and says to it: "run, run I'll eat you anyway!". So old man Nyiaz yells at the bearded pidor: hey, enendi sgein, what are you doing there, qotaqbas? Esuass, are you? That midget then disappeared. After, uncle told me that such midgets are mentioned in Al Farabi's writings, and are called "Boq Saqal".

Glossary:
Nasvai - dipping tobacco from uzbekistan.
Qotaqbas - dickhead.
Sheshen sgein - fuck your mother
Aken sgein - fuck your father
Ata-ana sgein - fuck your parents.
Yapirimai - exclaimation of shock
Dzhigit - man.
Batyr - folk hero, equivalent of russian Bogatyr.
Ene - another word for "mother".
Esuas - moron, dolboyob.
>>
No. 18984
>>18980
That's almost like a folktale. Very nice read.
>>
No. 18985
>>18976
I don't think it really is. You're confusing grape soda with purple drank. Do note that purple drank is distinct from purple drink. Although both can be associated with black people, also note that drank is specifically a grape soda and opioid cough syrup beverage, whereas drink is basically high fructose corn syrup, water, and that deep purple food coloring and flavor. These are both distinct from straight grape soda and grape juice, both of which everyone including white people consume.

Specifically black people things are drank aka sizzurp, as well as Newports. I have no idea why black people smoke Newports, but pretty much nobody else does.
>>
No. 18986
>>18979
>in russian
That's quite of a stretch. Took me a while to figure it out.

>страху не показал бля как батыр кабанбай настоящий есьжи
Made me laugh more than it should. If I had any friends, I would probably call them Batyr Qabanbai as a sign of approval.
>>
No. 18987
>>18986
Kazakh-russian surzhik is a thing to behold.

>>18984
Thanks, maybe I should translate more kazakh specific tales and stories to english, could be a laugh.
>>
No. 18988
>>18987
Please post them if you do. Especially if you have actual Kazakh folktales. I'd love to translate a few into Hungarian to blow off some steam.
>>
No. 18991
>>18979
>>18980
Good stuff, I had some laughs. That glossary really helps.

>>18986
>That's quite of a stretch. Took me a while to figure it out.
>Made me laugh more than it should.
My thoughts exactly
>>
No. 18993
>>18977
>>18976
Well to remove confushions I expected "ежевичный лимонад" but got "солёная вода"
>>
No. 18998 Kontra
271 kB, 793 × 793
I still can't wrap my head around the fact that Dostoevsky's books are expensive to buy second hand.
4500 forints for a copy of Demons. For fuck's sake. What's wrong with this fucking country?
>>
No. 19001 Kontra
437 kB, 3120 × 4160
>>18998
Can't relate on the Germany. I've bullied my 50 cent Demons to serve my superior technology.
>>
No. 19004 Kontra
>>19001
I'm jelly. It's so sad that my German isn't good enough to read books like these.
>>
No. 19005
>>18998
Well on russhian there hell lot of old soviet ones even for free that you may get in laces where people just place books they don't need.
>>
No. 19006
>>18998
Wait you guys use forints huh didnt know that.
Also that's only like $16.
>>
No. 19015
>>18985
I remember on old KC I was called out being a n.. for liking grape soda.

>Newports

I think there does exist this picture of a Newport package with a 90s home camera filter, so maybe Hipsters as well?

>>18977
I should look closer
>>
No. 19016
>>19015
Yeah and those people are fucking retards, and probably the first wave of underage b& from vierkanal. You shouldn't have taken anything they said seriously.

>hipsters
I somehow doubt it. The only people I've ever seen smoking Newports otherwise are the wigger types, I mean the full on gold chain wearing track pants looking as ghetto as possible white people and usually just women dating black guys. It is a complete mystery. I think hipsters mostly smoke Native Spirit or roll their own. If they did smoke menthol it'd probably be Kools.
>>
No. 19019
10 kB, 500 × 500
Do you ever feel like a particular month is just bad for you? I know that sounds absurd but February feels that way for me. It's just been all work and not necessarily the fun or engaging kind - just lots of stress, things going wrong and cleaning up other peoples mess. Now this is all sound like fortuna at work but I also feel like at this point of year I have trouble focusing and operating on a high-level of abstraction (I'm not just typing words here, I have trouble thinking with the big picture in mind). I'm annoyed with myself for the mistakes I'm making as a result and it's causing hassle at work.

Also there's a girl I work with who has started crossing boundaries that I'd rather not. It started with me just assuming she was extremely kind and supportive and although we work on different teams we work close enough where that is really nice. Then she went into sycophant territory and now I'm actively getting sweet talked. I hope she is just trying to use me and making me blush is part of that because otherwise I want to avoid causing a shitstorm.

>>18985
>Newports

It's strange how this is a homo brand in Britain. Globalisation has weird results but you'd think gays with their international lifestyle would be different.
>>
No. 19020
>>19019
>gays with their international lifestyle
The hell is that even supposed to mean
>>
No. 19022
>>19020
Gay culture is very international with people, at least in Europe, moving around the cosmopolitan cities.
>>
No. 19024
>>19022
I think it's a pretty retarded assumption to make. I somehow doubt gay people travel that much more, and besides which only the lowest of the European bydlo don't travel around Europe, besides which traveling around the EU with your nice rail system doesn't mean anything for smoking here. Traveling Europe is easier than traveling around the US, since we're at least as big but don't have any rail network as reliable and basically the middle of it is empty.
>>
No. 19025
I had quite an interesting night to be honest. After getting wasted and watching a movie with mates yesterday I was all down and useless the whole day. In the evening I felt asleep for an hour and had intense dreams again about her. However I felt the strong impulse to do something so I started googling what kind of activities I could go after at a lonely friday night in my city. Obviously there is not much to do when you're alone so after a good hour of thinking I decided to take a good old-fashioned stroll through one of the greatest amusement streets here. I have observed the people and situations there, also gifted some hobo a little bottle of liquor I was carrying around with me. I do stuff like that occasionally, just going out without purpose and I realizes once again that I should do it more often. I also remembered a nice summer evening last year when I took a stroll through the rich parts of my neighbourhood I didn't know yet. I got wet eyes thinking of that summer evening, it was really beautiful actually, even though I didn't do much more than walking around. But the great houses of wealthy people, the lack of passengers, the calm atmosphere and the trees, the feelings I had at that summernight, I won't forget it that fast. Well, tonight's trip wasn't that beautiful but still interesting. The amusement street though is mostly visited by students, I actually think about visiting a bydlo amusement street next time to check what it is like (it's a street people usually look down upon and tell you to stay away from, which is already working like a magnet to me). Also I decided that I'm probably going to see a nice little town some one and a half hout away from the city, just to see something new. As I'm financially not able to travel a lot I should make sure to at least get around in my state a bit. One of the nice things about the planned trip is that the town itself is actually rather unknown and not relevant. There aren't many reasons to go there besides an old church. Still I'm looking forward to it, just because of the pure sensation of going on a trip. And to get me to live again after my downfall. I haven't come back to the daily routine I used to have. I need new perspectives on things. Seems like the weekend will be good.
>>
No. 19026
>>19024
>I think it's a pretty retarded assumption to make

Then you're either wilfully blind or this has thrown you into an autistic rage for some reason. Gay culture congregates towards cosmopolitan cities for rather obvious reasons and being an alternative culture the identity is inherently internationalised. Data on homosexual travel is one of the easiest things to find on google because it's a massive tourism industry:
>83% of U.S. lesbian and gay men have a current passport, compared to 34% of all adult US citizens.
>Gay men and lesbians travel more widely than their mainstream counterparts both domestically and internationally and those with higher incomes travel even more frequently, especially for leisure purposes.
https://www.homearoundtheworld.com/page/gay-travel-stats-2

>and besides which only the lowest of the European bydlo don't travel around Europe, besides which traveling around the EU with your nice rail system doesn't mean anything for smoking here. Traveling Europe is easier than traveling around the US, since we're at least as big but don't have any rail network as reliable and basically the middle of it is empty.

Yes, yes fuck America etc. But to get the point, Newports is an African-American thing in America but across the pond is a cigarette associated with homosexuality. This has nothing to do with choo-choos, North America still has its gay capitals so I guess people do move in America.
>>
No. 19027
>>19026
Point being you somehow assumed gays are internationalists ergo they should smoke Newports here. It's bordering on let me tell you about your country territory. I also wasn't saying fuck america I was clearly pointing out how travel is different in Europe because each country in Europe is about as big and powerful as each of our states, and slightly easier to get to because EU has a thing about having a massive rail network. This is part of why Americans don't travel.

>and being an alternative culture the identity is inherently internationalised.
>is inherently
It's because you keep making sweeping generalizations like that and asserting it is somehow both factual and self evident, which is a manner of thinking that made you surprised Newports are a black not a gay thing here (I again have no idea why it would be in either case). Of course as we all know, Brits are ponces in general.
>>
No. 19033 Kontra
53 kB, 426 × 700
>>19027
>Point being you somehow assumed gays are internationalists ergo they should smoke Newports here.

Are you illiterate? Perhaps it would do you well to read the conversation again.
>>
No. 19034
144 kB, 559 × 800
144 kB, 800 × 550
Today is day of Soviet army and Navy, but since they not existed from december 1991 and onwards, and this day become just "boy's day", I congratulate all boys there, espessialy ones that served or will serve is rusty remnats of post-soviet armies.
>>
No. 19037
I've decided to do nothing today. Too tired.
Read a couple of poems by Akhmatova and I looked through my hanzi cards again. I finally managed to re-learn everything that I forgot during the past month or so because of the exams and my sickness.

>>19005
>tfw socialism provides the people with free shit after 30 years it ended

>>19006
That's a lot of money if you are a cheapskate like me. It's also a lot of money if you live in a post-soviet country.
Though it's a none issue now, because I found a brand new copy for 10 bucks at one of the more niche book stores. (Well, the Store of Writers or, Írók Boltja isn't exactly "niche" in the sense that it's unknown, but that it doesn't have a bunch of dullards, who are looking for the newest pulp shit, visit it. Otherwise it's a pretty well known and prestigious bookstore. So of course I rarely visit it, because I don't have any business being there.)
>>
No. 19041
35 kB, 320 × 500
Fucking acid reflux's been disturbing my sleep for the past few days. Seems to be gone now, thank god.

Had some real bad dreams, where I was relentlessly chased by a shape shifting tormentor. I can't remember much of the dream, except that one of its shapes was that of a colorful striped snake with a human's head.

Right after that I had a dream where corpses rose from the dead, and no matter how much damage you inflicted on them, the bodyparts would stay alive and chase me. Everything from hands to guts crawling on the ground. I blame pic related.

Another dream where I was crawling up a seemingly infinitely tall commieblock with an endless pit below, and every time I'd crawl up on a balcony, the one below me would collapse, and I knew the one I'm on would collapse soon, so I'd have to keep crawling up a commieblock forever.
>>
No. 19042
35 kB, 427 × 353
>>19041
>I was crawling up a seemingly infinitely tall commieblock
>>
No. 19043
>>19041
Pic reltaed is one of mine favorite zombie movies, if not favorite one. I like it much more even than Romoero ones. All this brain memes, tar man and ending was truley awesome.
>>
No. 19044
784 kB, 1600 × 1367
>>19042
Tbh Khrushowkas are mostly 5-floor building or less.
14-15 floor things is Breznevkas, and infinity-level floors is pootine an china inventions

Hovever "Mega-Khrush" - infinity size commieblock that grow by itslef is part of "Самосбор" memes
>>
No. 19045
>>19044
>Khrushowkas
>Breznevkas
That's nice to know.
I just remembered that the housing program started under Khrushchev and I also knew there was a laughing picture of him. Seemed like an appropriate response.
>>
No. 19046
127 kB, 763 × 600
152 kB, 800 × 600
148 kB, 800 × 478
166 kB, 800 × 533
>>19045
Well, some ideas about housing was outlined even before Chrushow, but yes, it was during chrushow who started this improving housing programs.

Chrushowkas and Breznevkas easy to distinguish
Pic 1-3 different variations of chrushowkas. Some early ones sometimes was even more look like "stalinkas". Some of them was already panel, but some was builded from bricks. Most commonly - 5 floor buildings, but they had variaty from 2 to 6.

Breznevkas can be 5 floor (I actually live in one that close to this https://www.ioffepartners.ru/uploads/pblc/big/LDZn991450880085.jpg) but mostly known for it's more "70s design" and much more floors - up to 20 or something and ridiculous size. There in many cities very long up to kilometer long "china wall" breznevkas, and even bulildings like pic 4

This buildings and overall thing become significant part of culture and you can find about it many humor or even premises for plot of entier movies. For example this from start of most known Soviet "New Year" movie Ирония Судьбы или с лёгким паром
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EfTVjqlOz4M
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No. 19048
Have been working for 8h today as I was asked to do a small mail district yesterday.

It was easy since they took out the struggling stuff, I haven't done mail since a year or so, only parcels. Usually it would take less hours but I also helped out some other mail guy with his district. I'm thinking about doing this district from time to time. It was offered to me before, but I normally hate mail.

What should I prepare for dinner tonight is what bothers me now.
>>
No. 19081
Hopefully I'll get my phone fixed today, so I can continue looking for jobs.
I settled on looking primarily for design / typography jobs, as that's something I can do without thinking too much. Other tasks I don't have that much experience in, I have to actively think about when doing, and thinking is extremely painful.

Regarding programming, I'm still reading C tutorials, but it's disheartening that there's no jobs for that here. On another hand, Java is very popular in the banking sectors, and the pay is obscene by kazakhstan standards. Maybe I should learn that instead, dunno.
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No. 19082 Kontra
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lQlIhraqL7o

The deed is done, I paid 50€ for a hoe.
It was somewhat spontaneous as I just happened to have a bunch of cash on me though I've been deliberating it for a while. It was really not a big deal. Went into the brothel, selected some 5/10 girl. She took my money, told me to get undressed, all things considered it was rather clean and comfortable. Tried to piss but I was too nervous. Got on the bed and she put on a condom and started blowing me but I didn't feel shit so I had to laugh, I was also moderately nauseous due to being drunk. The girl got tired after a while, so she told me to just fuck her. Well, after a few thrusts doggy style I came and left in a hurry since I wanted to catch the next bus.
Didn't feel particularly satisfying in the short term, but I'm sure it was a good thing psychologically to have done it. Maybe I should've done it earlier but whatever.
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No. 19087
I wonder what's aussie's up to.
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No. 19088 Kontra
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No. 19094
2,2 MB, 3072 × 4096
Phone fixed, brother wants to start the computer supplier business again.
Time to get busy. This time, without alcoholism.
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No. 19100
215 kB, 314 × 318
I'm incredibly bored.
How is that possible in an age like this is beyond me.
I read a bunch of random shit, but I couldn't concentrate because my head feels full.
Videogames are boring. Nobody uploaded anything interesting to youtube, I have no actual friends to go out with nor any jap-cartoons to watch.
I just feel completely unmotivated and trapped in the moment. I'd sleep, but then again, it's too early for that.

Slept pretty well, though I was resting my head on my folded dressing gown because I left my pillow out in the garden, drying to make it feel fresher.
I worked in the garden to day. Cut out a few little saplings that my mother deemed unnecessary. Finally got the chance to use an axe. I think way too much about Crime and Punishment, honestly, but I figured I wouldn't have the strength to fuck up a pawnbroker with an axe, especially after going hungry for weeks.
Read some poetry, a few pages of Shestov's book and the first few pages of the English edition of Crime and Punishment.

Talked with my mother about the job offer I got. In may, I'll be doing a few days worth of data entry. Just like the way I did during summer. If I remember correctly, I got paid a pretty good wage.Not as good as the students working as waiters or cashiers near Balaton, but a decent one. I didn't feel ripped off. Though I felt like crying when I converted it into Euros. If memory serves well, I got like 3 euros an hour. And there was also free coffee. Good times, good times.

Another thing I'm thinking about is that I maybe should try getting a girlfriend. I had this stupid idea to translate the poem of the girl I talk to sometimes into English, but in hindsight it sounds pretty cringe and petty.

I've decided that I'm going to train my reading ability in German a bit more. It'll be a pain in the ass, but I'll start looking up words while reading short stories or novels in German, and I'll be jotting them down into a notebook.
It's especially important now that nobody cares about German classes any more. (Since officially I've finished my German studies last year). Though I've been rigorously taking notes during class to improve my vocabulary.

Tomorrow is gonna be a short day. Only two classes. They are holding some memorial event which I'm not going to attend. I might go to the city centre and eat a cheeseburger. And pick up one of my books if I can.
>>
No. 19103
>>19100
> I didn't feel ripped off. Though I felt like crying when I converted it into Euros. If memory serves well, I got like 3 euros an hour.

The Mindestlohn in German is at approx. 9€/h, it's a bit mad but I can only thank the union that a postman gets nearly 15€/h on a Saturday and nearly 13.5€/h on working days.
But there do exist enough tricks to rip off peoples payment here in the lower wages sector.

>Another thing I'm thinking about is that I maybe should try getting a girlfriend. I had this stupid idea to translate the poem of the girl I talk to sometimes into English, but in hindsight it sounds pretty cringe and petty.

Why do you want to translate it? If you like her, try to hang out with her and have fun and all the good feelings that come with mutual attraction, spending time together will be more of a reward for both of you than translating a poem. Better see if you click as persons and do first order communication before going the second order route that includes things like translating a poem for a person you like.
You idea might stem from all the old books you read ;) I produced a track that is heavily influenced by the feelings towards my now ex gf before we came together, only told her later when we were together, everything before that would have been cringy and perhaps creepy even.

Maybe you should get a gf sounds a bit weird, like getting a book. If you like her there really is nothing to consider except when she outright despises you or is obviously not interested. Everything else is to be found out and cannot be planned like some bigger investment. At least in my experience it hits me or not, and what is to persue when it does not hit you with quite some force? I know I often hesitate because I wonder if it can even work out behind the initial feelings fears of getting closer and serious, rationalizations follow but in the end I wouldn't say no, I just don't get off my ass when I should in 95%.
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No. 19104
>>19103
I told you it’s a petty and cringe idea. I don’t know how to bond meaningfully with people.
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No. 19105
708 kB, 639 × 479
73 kB, 800 × 1009
I'm not certain what I did that went so right but today I made the most amazing burgers of my life. Made from scratch with those crusty rolls to give it a proper texture to go with my thicc patties. And to top it off I made strawberry milkshake which blended perfectly. It feels like I just had a knee-shaking orgasm, Ernst.

Now I just need to work out what I did to create such a wonderful meal. My only guess is I found the perfect balance on temperature and time for the frying that blended with extra fat in the beef that ran into the absorbent buns as I bited into it. I'm really starting to get good at cooking at any rate, nothing else seems to compare to my own cooking any more.

>>19082
>Tried to piss but I was too nervous.

Doesn't that cost extra? :^)

>>19100
>Another thing I'm thinking about is that I maybe should try getting a girlfriend. I had this stupid idea to translate the poem of the girl I talk to sometimes into English, but in hindsight it sounds pretty cringe and petty.

Don't do this. I'm still cringing from the mixtape I made as a teen.

If it's the chick whose poem you read a few days back then she sounds interested in you. I was going to say that you could probably just ask if you could read some of her other work if she's passionate about it (to get some alone time together). Anything like that is safe really - "hey do you fancy going for a coffee after class?" Would also work but remember to translate into Hungarian and flirt/compliment with her when you're on your crypto-date so she knows what's up.

If she turns you down then you know and can focus on someone else before anything gets out of hand.
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No. 19106
>>19105
I’ll not do anything probably. It’s not a genuine need or want, it stems from my need to keep up societal appearances and to conform to norms.
Nothing will come of this.
Nothing ever comes. I periodically had these urges for circa 2 years now.

I’ll not translate the poem. I realized it was stupid 10 minutes after I thought the idea up.
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No. 19110
>>19106
> It’s not a genuine need or want, it stems from my need to keep up societal appearances and to conform to norms.

Sounds like a rationalization, at least what I also did. Conform the norms and get gf instead I'm joking here but you could say that conforming the norm means get some alone time with girl and gf her - if you like her that much - and not buying shitty bestseller novels and watching stupid YT or TV all day

If you have to think about a girl often over the course of the day you can freely admit to fancy her no need to tell us here but for yourself, there is no shame in liking a girl and wanting to cuddle, talk and sleep with her. I know I hate myself often enough so I think why should she be interested in me, but people tell me I can be quite charming, and I probably am, but I'm also quite autistic about many things, plus developed self hate. Thanks, modern society!
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No. 19111
>>19105
I get very sad from 2nd picture
I have nervious problems with this kind of crap. Not to metion dreams about "you forgot prepear for exams in school/university"
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No. 19113
18 kB, 326 × 269
>>19106
Oh come off it, lad. You get along with this girl and you're a young man with spring-time hormones raging. "Societal appearances" my arse, you wouldn't say no to playing with her tits or acting the part of her knight in shining armour.

If you really want you can always do a stone wall impression after the hour or so of your time it takes to make a move. At least then you won't become one of those bitter men on the internet in your late 20s who never tried.
>>
No. 19114
It's a drink a beer to feel normal episode.
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No. 19116
What a great day! As I announced last time I posted here I made a trip to a small town not far away from my city. Not only was it really great to drive past the beautiful landscape in a bus but I saw lots of new places and things and a lot of people I wouldn't see in everyday life. I visited an old gothic church in one part of the small town, which turned out to be a rather unknown but beautiful spot, with all the old monastery walls and buildings around it plus the landscape. Also by chance they offered a free tour through the church and the guide turned out to be a former, graduated teacher of religion and history who was allowed to do this job after finishing his work in school. He was really passionate about the church and knew lots of stuff and stories about it. He even recited a poem by Eichendorff in relation to one of the church windows showing the 16 golden towers of heaven and right afterwards quoted Adorno's wish about a possible paradise which was supposed to be not only listening but really experiencing music by Beethoven, Bach etc. Also he told us stories about Luther and Bernhard Clairvaux, fun side facts about how churches were used in case where protestants and catholics had to share one church and general history of church architecture and he even told us about his own idea of paradise, which is meeting god himself and can somewhat be comparable the feeling two people have when really loving each other. This kind of hit me hard, I was the only single person in the group, all the other visitors were quite old couples. Then I realized that the old people around me were as touched by that sentence and I was and I realized that I'm alright, even though I might have not experienced the feeling yet. Later on I took the next bus to the centre of the town and had some waffles with cream and a cappuccino, then I took the bus back home. I can only recommend to you making such little trips. You'll be gifted just for doing them, no matter what you see or experience. Especially small towns are desperate for tourists so it won't be too expansive either. (As I'm too poor for actual traveling I'm thinking about making this a new routine of mine)

Back home I got back into writing and finally moved a good part forward in finishing my novella. Then I went out for a night-time jog and finally I am in bed now. Also my former highschool crush agreed that we should call each other as we strangely have lots of stuff in common ans to tell each other and it's rather pointless to commincate in form 10 minute long voicemail monologues (it's a bit of fun but too autistic on the long run, we both had to write down notes to keep track of the multiple conversational points).
Tomorrow I'm planning to get back into writing applications and to get a haircut in the evening, also doing a bit of cleaning. Seems like I'm back on track, better than ever before my friends.
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No. 19117
165 kB, 991 × 800
I have to do my course paper, but I haven't yet started in fact and I just can't get my shit together.
I have bad mood because of that, feels so awful
>>
No. 19120
>>19117
At first I thought it's the same for me but it's the other way around.And I also sit on my papers but most of the time I stare out of the window or try to do something different because I don't know... things are just shit right now. I want to be alone, but I want to have some good conversation and I want gf, but then again being alone feels right as well, no hassle, no nothing, my mood is bad enough. At least a few hours a day are actually dedicated to the papers

Try to cut down the work by doing little tasks everyday. The hardest part is to start and then to put some real working hours in it over the course of weeks.
>>
No. 19123
Sleepless once again. I think I spent the last 90 minutes thinking about how to get a drug that will actually put me to sleep unlike the useless shit they sell you in pharmacies here. After doing some research I stumbled upon Zolpidem and it seems like a good choice for nights like this. I'm thinking about straighout going to a doctor and asking for it. The last time I went to a doctor because of my troubles with falling asleep I was suggested to eat healthier and do more sports, only because I was overweight back then, as well es recording my sleep sounds and sleep pattern. Fucking asshole, I only wanted something that will stop the thoughts and make me fall asleep in emergency cases. I've read about the ambien culture in america and the paradoxical effects sound kinda scary though, I don't want to do more stupid shit than I do soberly.
>>
No. 19132
>>19123
Try jogging, it is free and can make you have a long sleep.
Currently falling asleep between 9-10 pm, wake up at between 12am and 3am, go back to sleep between 6-7am, wake up 8.30am and start work at 10am
Alcohol or no alcohol this seems to be the pattern, if I drink and stay up until 1am, I wake back up at 4.30am, with on off on off sleep
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No. 19135
>>19132
I do jog, not too regularily but about 2-3 times a week currently, only yesterday I did it as well. I drink usually once per week but the last time I did was wednesday I think. I always had a rather bad sleeping rhythm but working nightshifts fucked it up completely. I only want a chemical bomb to knock me out when I have an appointment early in the morning. Until then I'll try Maca+L-Arginine and probably yoga as well but I'm not very optimistic. My inner clock just isn't working the way it's supposed to.
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No. 19136
>>19123
>to eat healthier and do more sports
Well, technically it is the most responsible advice. My impression is that doctors here aren't particularly trigger-happy to prescribe medicine when it's nothing really serious. You can get (legal) RC benzos or just straight up GABA capsules online though I wouldn't recommend it unless it's really necessary, as the more serious stuff is never without side effects and risk for addiction. I assume it might be particularly enticing for you because of the night shifts so take care.
As for softer stuff you could also try some Beruhigungstee or Johanniskraut pills, it's cheap and can at least have some placebo effect and also doesn't fuck up your brain chemistry too much. Maybe it's for the best to just power through it without any medication, just trying breathing exercises or reading or whatever. If not always then at least from time to time, so you don't get the idea that you definitely need some substance to fall asleep.
>>
No. 19139
>>19123
Don't even start with taking sleeping pills. All Benzos and alike fuck you really badly. I had to learn that myself the uncomfortable way. You get addicted very fast and the withdrawal symptomes are hellish. Don't even start. I can only say that again.
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No. 19140
>>19136
Which RC-Benzos are legal at the moment? Last time I checked I thought they would have banned every existing one. Do you know a trustable merchant?

>Maybe it's for the best to just power through it without any medication, just trying breathing exercises or reading or whatever.
I'm in this state since years. As I wrote Baldrian, Hopfen and the likes don't work shit for me. It's not as troublesome if everyday life but whenever I have to go to bed early because of getting up in the morning hell on earth is breaking loose
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No. 19142
>>19140
There are a few, Clonazolam and Flualprazolam come to mind. The latter you'll likely be able to get from foche when they reopen in a week. I haven't personally purchased from them before but they seem rather trustworthy. Also I can't vouch for the chemicals themselves either, please do your own research.

I think >>19139 is maybe overstating it somewhat though I agree with the sentiment. You've got to know your own limits, but to give another perspective I managed to spread 50 1mg pellets of Etizolam over 2 years or so. So I was far from a daily user and luckily didn't have to experience real withdrawal, but I did get some nasty rebound anxiety and sleep paralysis a few times, and if you have the stuff at hand you definitely feel tempted to abuse it.
>>
No. 19143
>>19140
Afaik most if not alle but I would seriously advise against this, especially the longer acting ones (which is most of them). You seriously don't want to take something where the half life is like two to three days and you end up blacking out a solid week or two when you fuck up the dose.
>>
No. 19144
Today was pretty short. Had two history classes and that was it.
The rest of the classes were cancelled because they were holding a memorial event.
>Why are we holding a memorial service about '56 when it's not even October?
Turns out, that today is the Memorial Day of the Victims of the Communist Dictatorship. We have three of these, I was just told. One I knew about Memorial day of the Treaty of Trianon, but we also have one for the victims of the Holocaust.

So I quickly fucked off home. Read about 60 pages of Shestov's book, then I fell asleep for 2-3 hours.

I also wrote a short poem (Six three line verses, AXA rhyming scheme). I don't remember the last time I wrote a poem. Most of my writings are haikus. I liked Basho's writings, so I wrote a couple of haikus myself, because I found it to be a simple and powerful tool of expression of how I feel.

Tomorrow is going to be long. I plan on adding new flashcards to my deck.

>>19113
>>19110
I most probably fancy her, I don't even know myself.
It's probably because she is the only person that initiates conversations with me out of her own volition.
Today for example, we discussed our weekends and her upcoming exam.
>>
No. 19159
God damn it I'm gonna tell brother and his investor to hire me officially or fuck off.

Why do I have to swoop in and solve their problems, then be given chump change and told to scram until further notice? Nah, I'm gonna keep looking for a job, those two can't run a business for shit.
>>
No. 19162
Professor is still derailing his own lectures to pontificate on irrelevant political issues. A lecture that was supposed to be on the developmental biology of the human CNS got sidetracked into a sermon about abortion policy and LGBT issues.

The thing is, I don't even disagree with this guy's views per se. I just wish he would focus on doing his actual job.
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No. 19165
101 kB, 396 × 480
Woke up in the middle of the night after having a dream about a girl I used to know and somehow being in a relationship with her. I really thought I was beyond this point of desire. It seems my subconscious is not. First thing I did was trying to find her online, but to no success. I miss the days where everyone had open profiles and put their shit attached to clearnames in the web. Been trying to keep my mind occupied with other things to avoid the thought of being near to someone. Unscrewed a bottle of vodka. Gladly no appointments today. Lighting up a cigarette. Not sure about putting on some music. The wrong tune might send me over the edge. Fuck dreams
>>
No. 19166
>>19165
Calm. None of it is important.
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No. 19167
>>19166
I know. But what is then?
>>
No. 19168
>>19167
I think understanding that nothing is important may be the only important thing. Once understood, it too will become unimportant. What remains is calmness.
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No. 19169
>>19168
I wonder: have been quite calm over the last months, I'm still having enormous down times but I go thru them rather sturdy. Nothing happens but I keep calm even tho I'm afraid of things waiting to be tackled in the future but I have a bad day or milder panic attack when going to sleep. But then again I'm quite calm. Not sure if I'm dealing better with bad mood or if I'm boiling under the hood.

t. other german
>>
No. 19170
>>19169
It means btw. having a desire for drugs. But all I did was drinking a few beers every 2-3 weeks. All the drugs won't help you in the end. What's really pointless is drug consumption to forget things. It just does not work how it's supposed to do. It will just cause more problems than it can erase temporarily.
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No. 19171
Today I had to take an hatchet and euthanize an injured mouse even before breakfast. Why can't the stupid cats just fucking kill their prey instead playing around with it and then leave it lying around on the yard half alive, half dead...
>>
No. 19174
Called some job ads.
Interview tomorrow, also need to compile and send resume / portfolio to another one.

I wonder hat aussie's up to.
>>
No. 19175
Went to donate blood after lectures. Never thought it would happen, but I had an almost panic attack while the blood was draining out of me. This was mt 15th time donating, so it was kinda unexpected. Also I did the stupid thing and didn't tell the nurse out of shame.
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No. 19180
Had a really nice day today.
Helped my dad coat some wooden chairs with lacquer, read a bit afterwards. Then we went for a walk with the whole family which is a rare occurrence but the weather was incredibly nice, sun was shining and you could walk around in a t-shirt comfortably.
Improvised a pretty tasty spinach and chicken curry with rice, now I'm going to watch some lectures on economics.

I wonder why but the last few nights I haven't been sleeping too deeply and I dreamt some pretty elaborate storylines which while during the dream felt like I had some incredible breakthrough epiphany though of course I didn't remember what it was about when I woke up.
>>
No. 19188
>>19180
Hey, that's nice. Good to see some positive posts for a change.

>>19174
>I wonder hat aussie's up to.
Me too
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No. 19202
2,7 MB, 2841 × 3608
Today was pretty awful.
I had no access to proper paper, so I only made 6 flashcards. Not much progress at all. I tried looking for an art teacher, but I had no luck with that. Also ran out of ink for my fountain pen, so I had to make amends with using a ballpoint pen I found, which broke by the end of the last class.

We started discussing Raskolnikov's personality today. I couldn't take it. Talking about him makes me feel incredibly bad and frustrated. (Though I was incredibly annoyed the whole day, and had two rants about meaningless shit at the library, saying a bunch of mean and idiotic shit like "I despise this country out of love!" and how "If nobody really gives a fuck about studying and moving forward in life, then let's just bring back the monarchy and the serfdom. Let's do it!")
Then on my way out of the building I rudely told some underclassmen "Fuck you for eating in front of the fucking door!". Of course they just laughed it off, all 10 of them. "How dare you talk about the door like this, how dare you?"

Didn't meet with the girl today. She got sick. One of her girlfriends said so. I sent my best wishes through them.

So because I felt incredibly shaky and bad after talking about Crime and Punishment with the class for 45 minutes, I decided to go home a hour early, before I faint or do some stupid shit. I don't know why it makes me feel like this. It's awful.

On my way home, for like two weeks now, I checked if the book-seller still has that Prokofiev autobiography for sale. It has been two fucking weeks, and they still haven't sold it, and it has been tormenting me for way too long, so I spent that 90 or so cents on it. Yes, I'm a weak willed piece of shit, and I bought it.
Look at that disgusting smile! Just look at it! I talked about it last time, how I think Prokofiev was an incredibly ugly man.

Tomorrow is going to be pretty long. I have a lot of classes, and I also have to pick up two packages.
>>
No. 19206
120 kB, 850 × 850
Ordered books "Очерки Русской Смуты" by general Denikin today
Can't wait to read
>>
No. 19213
I had a great day spent with different friends today. Also when I was looking for the tram station in a rich part of the city, I asked a middle-aged woman how to get there. She told me where to go and she exactly showed me the way. Then when we were waiting for the tram we had a little talk and she told me that she was a teacher and asked me if I was the older brother of one of her pupils. She asked me what I was doing around that part of the town and I told her. The proud autist I am I proceeded to adress her with Sie (the polite, yet distanced form of you in german) while she kept saying Du to me. She apologized for it but I laughed it off and told her that I'm just used to get around rather formal (I can't quite translate it, in german I said "Ich bin meistens recht förmlich unterwegs." to which she gave me an interesting (or even interested?) look and said "Yeah, you do look like you're getting around rather formal". Then she just kept looking at me and finally the tram arrived, she told me that she would have to get tickets and I was starting to feel a bit unease and told her that it was nice to meet her. Wtf was that? Almost in the very next moment I started to regret not having continued talking to her, or at least having secured some kind of contact. Another of those weird encounters where for a very short time you cross paths with a person you'll probably never see again.
>>
No. 19216
Fuck it.
Spent all of yesterday fussing over my half-finished portfolio, and today just sent whatever I had. Hopefully, they'll hire me anyway. It's not like I'm applying for a job at artemyi lebedev's studio.

Still, taking a closer look at my stuff, I can't help but feel bad about how much of a dilettante I am. I can use graphics design software, but I'm not a "designer" in an academic or professional sense of the word.

Hopefully, what I CAN do is enough for a dingy typography in a third world country. I wish I had work ethic.
>>
No. 19218
My art teacher used to say that he can immediately tell when a certain artist is self-taught and hasn't gone through any formal education.

I get that now. Creating various elements of a composition is one thing, but bringing them all together into a finished, usable product requires a certain work ethic and knowledge of the "inside business". The knowledge of "how things are done around here".

If I ever get out of this rut, I'm gonna have to get some formal training at a respectable private educational institution.
>>
No. 19220
Damnit. I'm more and more interested in language history but I don't want to become a linguist, even as a hobby, because I just don't have the time or energy for yet another thing...
Stumbled upon The Great Vowel Shift [1] and sucked in the article like nothing. Now, what I should be doing is either preparations for my thesis (CS) or continuing renovation of my room (currently sleeping in the living room because the floor is only partially complete in my room).

[1] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Great_Vowel_Shift
>>
No. 19221
Holy fuck, I have an internship at a typography starting tomorrow.

The manager turned out to be a kazakh, so spoke to him in informal kazakh, and he seemed to warm up to me instantly. Learned this trick from my brother. Whenever he had a client with a kazakh name, he'd talk to them the way you talk to your uncle, and they'd become more approachable.

Le chauvinist face.
>>
No. 19223
>>19221
Congratulations, I hope this works out better than the translators job or the one at your brothers internet cafe (where you were mainly sitting around looking mean so the girl behind the desk wasn't too afraid of the customers).
>>
No. 19224
>>19223
Thanks. Yeah, I have decided to not work for my brother any more.

Familial relationships ruin everything. Working for him, I would oscillate between a sponger who's getting paid for nothing, or working for free "cuz family". It just wasn't stable, I guess the temptation of telling your employees to fuck off on an unpaid leave when there's no work, and come back when you need them is too strong. You can't pull that shit with a stranger.

Also, good thing it's in a field I actually enjoy. I've always been fascinated with the way physical mediums interact with the artistic idea they carry. Always wanted to work at a production line of cultural products.
>>
No. 19240
>>19224
You can work with payment up front.
He'll be pissed, but that would be the best solution, no arguing about money or when you are getting paid and for what.
It would also sound better thanI ain't working for you.
Just in future you pay me up front, or I don't work.

Work just seems like one piece of the jigsaw, with money, family, housing, transport, hobbies health and friends.
>>
No. 19244
2,1 MB, 4032 × 3024
2,6 MB, 4032 × 3024
1,9 MB, 4032 × 3024
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I spent 3 hours in the city, picking up packages and eating.
Have I ever said that I hate the city centre for some reason? Especially how crowded the trams are and how there are too many fat people. (Though I don't really mind hearing people speak Russian, Italian or German on the streets. Or even Chinese.)
Took a few images on the way. The square on the first two pictures is called "Oktogon", because it's shaped like a regular octagon. Quite simple.
The other picture is of a metro station on Line 4, which is the newest metro line in the city. (And it'll be the newest for another 30-40 years probably.)
Last image is all the fucking books I got today. Some accidentally.

I went to the "Shop of Writers" to pick up one. Honestly, visiting that place was amazing. It's holy, holy I tell you!
Spent half an hour looking at the shelves, I think I spent a fortune in my mind, but only bought one extra book, which was a new translation of Hamlet, because that was like two Euros. It's a place I'd consider part of our haute culture. It has a bunch of obscure books, foreign books, it's incredible.
When I paid for my copy of Hamlet I immediately left, plainly because if I didn't, I would have sold my clothes just to buy something else.

The list of the books I got is as follows:
>Literature of the Hungarian Middle Ages
>Writings of Ferenc Kazinczy I-II.(A Hungarian author who took part in the process known as the "Language Renewal")
Theses two I got for free by chance at school.
>Dostoevsky - Demons
>Sáfrány Attila - The spirit of Dostoevsky
>Shakespeare - Hamlet

I had so fucking many things in my bag and my coat pockets by the time I got home, that I was dying.

This is basically all that's worth telling about my little "expedition".

My extra literature classes were good. We talked about grammar today. I learned a lot. Not only about grammar, but about myself too.
One of my female classmates (Well, we aren't classmates per se, we just attend literature group together.) said that when the first time we ever met (which was at the library), she thought I was a good two or three grades below her. (So either a HS freshman or someone in grade 10.)
I found this strange, because I always thought I look strangely old for my age.

Anyway, I'm tired now, and I'm just rambling pointlessly. I think I'll lay off buying books for a while.

>>19224
This is a crucial development you just made.
Working for the family is fucking bad. Especially if your family is formed from proles who are looking to do "the business of their lives".
"Oh, you can do X? I need X for my business! Can you do it for me? Please! You know how to do it, it's a child's play to you!"
This is cancer. My father once made me translate one of his 9 page long travel articles into English for free because "It's simple and should be less than an afternoon to do."
Don't ever do anything for your family if it's about actual, professional work.
Good on you for waking up! Godspeed.

>>19206
Looks cool. I'm guessing it's a memoir. Those are always great.
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No. 19247
So the e-cigarette I ordered arrived today and it's pretty good so far though I haven't quite figured out the proper inhaling technique yet. Definitely feels a lot more healthy than cigarettes though I'll still keep those around for their social value I guess.

I think I've figured out some options for master's programmes now that don't seem too bad. For the meantime I'm still looking for a job that's not too shitty but now that the weather is actually getting nicer it doesn't feel too urgent. Though I definitely don't want to just laze around for too long.

Gonna watch some more economics lectures now.

>>19202
>I was incredibly annoyed the whole day, and had two rants about meaningless shit at the library, saying a bunch of mean and idiotic shit like "I despise this country out of love!" and how "If nobody really gives a fuck about studying and moving forward in life, then let's just bring back the monarchy and the serfdom. Let's do it!")
Then on my way out of the building I rudely told some underclassmen "Fuck you for eating in front of the fucking door!". Of course they just laughed it off, all 10 of them. "How dare you talk about the door like this, how dare you?"
>Look at that disgusting smile! Just look at it! I talked about it last time, how I think Prokofiev was an incredibly ugly man.
Made me laugh.
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No. 19249
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>>19244
>Looks cool. I'm guessing it's a memoir. Those are always great.
In some ways, but it also decent historic work, as I know. He based his work on archives, documents and other sources, making his personal memories as basis for work. As I heared, Denikin was actually good as wrighter and was interested in this theme, so I hope I get awesome combination of personal memories, documented facts and interviews with decent style.

>Have I ever said that I hate the city centre for some reason? Especially how crowded the trams are and how there are too many fat people.
Oh yes this combination of tine 17-19 centuaries streets with old buildings and hell lot of new modern shops, boutiques and other crap and around it - hell lot of cars and even more walking people who compleatly fill all territory with a lot of noise. Something familiar even in mine city, yeah, I don't feel such places confort and if it is hot weather I trying to avoid it as much as possible
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No. 19250
>>19249
>>19249
>Oh yes this combination of tine 17-19 centuaries streets with old buildings and hell lot of new modern shops, boutiques and other crap and around it - hell lot of cars and even more walking people who compleatly fill all territory with a lot of noise

You can be a Flaneur today despite the 19th century being over.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c6-weVtivNE
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No. 19252
>>19247
Which e-cigarette did you order? If you ordered lung-to-mouth model the inhaling is a bit of a pain in the ass, I would rather recommend using sub-ohm devices (my friends who only smoke when drinking have to cough terribly from it though). Generally it feels much healthier, yes. I used to smoke a pack a day and cough from morning til night, now I barely cough anymore, only after getting drunk and smoking a lot. Usually I only buy a pack a week for working and drinking, other than that the e-cigarette is my main way to satisfy my need for nicotine. Btw also you should mix your liquids on your own. It might seem complicated at first but it's easy as fuck actually and you save yourself a shit-ton of money.
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No. 19253
>>19221
>intership

But you're getting paid, right?
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No. 19254
>>19247
>Made me laugh.
Is it really funny?
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No. 19255
Adult hood is becoming your father and realising he didn't know shit either.
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No. 19256
>>19255
Well, at least he knew how to score. :D
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No. 19263
I'm at the workplace.
Oh my god, they use corel draw, this is going to be miserable, I hate that piece of shit software.

At least there's cute girls.
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No. 19265
>>19263
Well teach them about Krita, then.
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No. 19266
>>19265
I'm probabl going to just migrate my workflow here.
Already downloading FOSS software, since they can also read proprietary formates (somewhat). D-g bless stallman.

Inkscape is probabl the one case of FOSS graphics software being miles superior to the proprietary alternative. But that's mostly because corel is a huge piece of shit.
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No. 19268
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Check out my first masterpiece :-DDDDDDDDDD Made STRICTLY according to client's demands :-DDDDDDDDD

I got praised for this one.
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No. 19273
>>19268
You can’t save those that don’t want to be saved.
That’s especially true when you are designing something for others.
It doesn’t look that laughable though. It’s like a graphic you’d see on the cover of a late 90s early 2000s textbook.