/int/ – No shittings during wörktime
„There is no place like home“

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No. 19269 Systemkontra
269 kB, 1280 × 1024
...be sure to wear some flowers in your hair.

and don't forget to post your daily hassles with life
>>
No. 19270
267 kB, 768 × 768
>>19269
>...be sure to wear some flowers in your hair.
Thanks Germany, but I'll pass
>>
No. 19271
There's a sign in the toilet warning people to not wash their feet in the sink.
Guess I'm in that kinda part of town, huh?
>>
No. 19272
I haven't had any work to do for hours, and everyone looks too busy for me to pester them for more work.
I'm sitting at a reception table looking like a tard. During my last internship, they have me enough work for weeks in advance. It's really uncomfortable just sitting in this unfamiliar place full of strangers and meditating on the discomfort of being here. Shit's giving me a derealization episode.
Reminds me of being back in school. This constant feeling of being in a public place you can't get away from. I miss school. I miss being involved in the lives of people, even a little bit, instead of being alienated and isolated.

Anyway, I'll go ask someone for more work.
>>
No. 19274
>>19272
I know that feel. Didn't bother me when I was younger and I spent an entire internship just browsing the web and reading books.

I haven't found myself in such a situation for a long time now. No idea how I would react.
>>
No. 19275
I wanted to work on my translation today, so I carried my laptop with me.
I’m sittin here, painfully editing, and I’m just not feeling it, guys. My mind is not feeling it.
It’s like I have no motivation or something. I’m a bit tired probably, and the sentences in this chapter are hard.
>>
No. 19276
>>19272
Did you get paid for >>19268 ?
>>
No. 19277
>>19275
Ah how I miss my ability to just do things when I was younger. This lack of motivation you describe dominates the life of most workers. It's probably getting more and more from now until you are 30.
>>
No. 19278
>>19270
I was out yesterday in the park and a friend told me it was 20° which I couldn't believe. The sun, however, does a good job in balancing my mood.

>>19276
Doubts. Nevertheless it reminds me of older school books or some other similar designs that deal with learning/teaching
>>
No. 19279
>>19276
Nah, I'm supposed to get paid at the end of the month, + bonuses for peddling shit.
That one was someone else's assignment, even. I explicitly asked for extra work so I could figure out how they do things here. There's a huge room with printing equipment, and some kind of shared network system where you dispose files into a folder and it gets passed on to the printing operators.
You're also supposed to take in clients, calculate material waste and charge them according to that.

>>>19273
Well, I guess not having to worry about anything and just doing what you're told is a nice change of pace. Also I'm literally at the heart of all the terrible design and signage all around the city. Biggest large format typography in the city. And that's the kinda shit they produce. If I figure out a way to make things aesthetic while finishing orders fast, I will literally be making this city better, more beautiful, and leaving my mark on the presentation of the whole city.
I feel like a huge responsibility and privilege was granted to me. I will be this city's unsung hero, I'm the fucking Batman.
>>
No. 19280
>>19277
I helped compiling a list for the library instead.
>>
No. 19281
28 kB, 600 × 397
Flowers are ded because it's too cold. And I have no hassles to post because I've been sick for two weeks now. All I did was sleep, take meds and play games. It's like being a neet again.
>>
No. 19282
>>19270
I promised that in saturday will be -13 lol
And spring will come only in end of April, I guess.
>>
No. 19283
>>19281
Sometimes illness brings some feels of coziness.
>>
No. 19284
2,2 MB, 640 × 640, 0:15
>>19283
True. I was supposed to go to wörk today but I said fuck it. The good times must continue for a little while longer. I wish this would last forever.
>>
No. 19285
>>19284
beschte Cat ever, must be a Bernd .
>>
No. 19287
>>19279
>Well, I guess not having to worry about anything and just doing what you're told is a nice change of pace. Also I'm literally at the heart of all the terrible design and signage all around the city. Biggest large format typography in the city. And that's the kinda shit they produce. If I figure out a way to make things aesthetic while finishing orders fast, I will literally be making this city better, more beautiful, and leaving my mark on the presentation of the whole city.
>I feel like a huge responsibility and privilege was granted to me

Sounds like you stumbled into something that is actually an interesting working place to make money
>>
No. 19292
470 kB, 800 × 1066
>>19287
Well, arguably less interesting than my previous job where I was hauling plastic cards all day and watching two burly men stick metal rods down a running printing press conveyor belt :-DDDDDDDDDD
But I'm pretty stoked, yeah. It's pretty much perfect: I am the most competent person in the room, it's something I enjoy doing, lots of downtime (so I can do personal stuff on the side), clean office, easy to get to, seemingly ok boss. And I got it while being ghosted by another company, simply by calling the most recent ad. Could fortune be smiling upon me? Could it be that I will finally graduate from gutter trash cockroach life, and become a functioning human? Could I be entering my redemption arc?

Also, funny shit. Brother just called me and pretty much asked me to quit my job so I can work for him (his investor) :-DDDDDD. I told him that I'd consider it if his investor actually paid me, and had an employment contract ready.

But what I really want to do is give him a much needed reality check. His investor (and mother-in-law's relative) is a snake. He won't ever get anything out of her, only waste time making her money. She's the worst kind of penny pinching, two faced, nouveau riche, land-lording, wannabe businesswoman bitch. Should I let him down gently or tell him he's being taken for a spin? Not sure how he'll take it.
>>
No. 19293
>>19292
Stay where you are if you feel happy. It looks like you found a purpose and can help the people there out. If it is fun on top, what more can you ask for at the moment.
>>
No. 19294
111 kB, 657 × 527
I wonder what aussie's up to.
>>
No. 19295
In the end, I failed to do any meaningful work on my translation. Reworked maybe half a paragraph.

I worked on a list for the library instead. "Books that the student body thinks the library should purchase." TL Note: Student Body means me, because nobody gives enough of a shit to write something on the list. Of course, I was asked to do it. Wrote maybe 2 pages worth of titles. I know, I fucking know that nothing will come out of this, so I also wrote a few meme books in, like Gravity's Rainbow, Infinite Jest and Lolita.

They had a bunch of free books at the school buffet, so I picked up a few. Six volumes from The Collected Works of Frigyes Karinthy. He was a Hungarian writer and humorist I like very much. He wrote parodies of classic and then (1920s-30s) contemporary literature. It's a testament to my mediocrity that one of my favourite Hungarian writers is a humorist.
It felt like hell to carry back home +6 books with my regular school equipment and laptop.
I also snagged a copy of Anna Édes by Dezső Kosztolányi. 4kanker's /lit/ seems to like Kosztolányi a lot for whatever reason, so I might as well give him a try. If his themes are so universal, it can't be bad.

At least I finally found out why I was angry today. I forgot to eat. Had a piece of French toast and a small doughnut. After eating I felt a lot better. Not before engaging in a debate with an underclassman regarding whether or not students should be rewarded or punished in schools. He said that praise and reward is better than punishment, while I said that the lack of any kind of consequence in our system is seriously intoxicating.
>"They'd become immune to your punishments over time anyway"
Psychologically they might, but they'll carry the burden of bad marks and bad school performance through their whole life when they are working as street sweepers.
The problem was that I think we wanted to cure different diseases. He wanted to encourage mediocre and above average students, while I wanted to whip lazy students into shape, so that they'd HAVE to avoid failing. Or make them fail so they don't drag the system down.
Interestingly enough, the official line is pretty liberal and says that reward is preferable. I've discussed this with multiple teachers before, and it's always "You can't do that because laws and students' rights." It's bullshit.

We are writing a test from the plot of Crime and Punishment tomorrow. It'll be piss easy I think. Mainly because I gave a shit and actually read it.
I wish I didn't. Dostoevsky is a poison. I don't know what kind of poison, or what it's causing, but I can feel it working. And like a good eastern European, I'm going to take another swig from this flask of poison.

>>19270
>Almost 0°C in Moscow
[Laughs in Bonapartist]
The weather has been really strange over the last 3 or so years.

>>19278
>Nevertheless it reminds me of older school books or some other similar designs that deal with learning/teaching
Lel. Me too.

>>19281
Get well soon.
>>
No. 19296
I wonder if any of you got the reference this thread opener makes.
Funny how I thought as small fella that Midtown Madness 2 is a genius game, the graphics are so odd compared to now, it's pretty lame tbh looking at it now but it was not easy to make the missions as elementary school student.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7I0vkKy504U

Does anybody of you older guys know the Global Deejays edit? :DDDD perfect music to drink beers as unclassy teen, the last traces of hippy culture is the intoxication mixed with plastic beats. Kinda like an evil, commercialized amoeba of that culture that music is:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8kjpPgmidUM

>>19292
Stay where you are.
>>
No. 19299
>>19292
originally read this as:
>Could it be that I will finally graduate from gutter trash to cockroach life, and become a functioning human?
>>
No. 19301
I just discovered this and I'm not sure how to feel about it...

https://polandball.fandom.com/wiki/UNball
>>
No. 19303 Kontra
624 kB, 938 × 4963
>>19301
I am not even klicking that link. It just sounds like some pointless webpage nobody needs. If you are concerned about people misusing an old kc meme, you are pretty late with that. Polanball was already bastardized by reddit long ago and there have been people posting whole archives of it on facebook back in 2012, possibly earlier. I don't care about all that.
Are you the same American who regularly tells us stuff about kohlchan we don't want to know?
>>
No. 19304
>>19303
Also I meant the wiki, because at least it sounds like it may actually educate a few retards at superficial level with geopolitics, but then again, it's what it is.
>are you
No.
>>
No. 19306
>>19303
polandball was bastardized by krautchan before it moved to reddit. all of that boring bullshit about "lets illustrate history and ww2 using polandball format without attempting to add any humor" was never funny, but that shit was krautchan's first instinct when they first got a hold of the then-new polandball meme. the originals weren't like that. polandball was shit for years before it moved.
>>
No. 19310
38 kB, 700 × 420
Decent day, made a pretty good vegetable curry with lentils. Read a book today that I'll probably review in the literature thread though I'm not yet sure what to think about it. I'm feeling a bit messed up as I've been diverging from my established daily routine lately but maybe it's time to change things up a bit.

>>19252
A Juul. Thanks for your advice but I think I'm getting used to the inhaling so I'll stick with it as it is for now. I really appreciate that it doesn't look like a detonation device or a robot penis.
>>
No. 19311
16 kB, 240 × 106
They're advertising ernstchan on kohl!
https://kohlchan.net/int/res/2389448.html
>>
No. 19312
OP is that Microsoft Midtown Madness series? Test Drive 4-6 was more fun
>>
No. 19313
>>19311
No they're not and go away you faggot nobody cares about that shithole
>>
No. 19316
Damn Ernst. Only roughly an hour ago or so I did finish the first call with my former hs crush. I was texting her on my way back home and it was already quite late when I called her. I'm really dazzled. I thought we would just have a short chat before bed-time but we talked for four hours (similiar sleeping rhythm). Including topics of traveling, history, politics, literature, movies, shared memories, experiences and episodes from our lives etc. At this point I would be a blind man if I wouldn't take the next step.
>>
No. 19317
Another day at the workplace. It's interesting how the concept of an "hour" becomes immediately contextualized when you start counting how much time you spend at work, how much time it takes to commute, do body maintenance, etc. In the end, I think I have 2 hours of free time a day, if that. Feels kinda infantile making these realizations just now, in my mid 20s. I wish I knew how to live earlier.
Also, my direct manager is a provincial girl and she keeps pestering me to change the font on a banner I'm working on because "it's not pretty and it's plain". Why do provincials hate display sans serifs so much.

>>19316
That's nice.
I have, like, five high school and middle school crushes.
One of them despises me, another one is so out of my league it isn't even worth thinking about her.
Another one, the one with curly hair, I actuall had a few "dates" a year or so ago, but we abruptly stopped communicating because both of our lives are too depressing. She lives in a terrible part of town, in a run down house, and I was a NEET living with a bed shitting alcoholic father. (also, I was hypomanic at the time, and I think she noticed)
The last one is my middle school crush. She's objectively 5/10 and probably also autistic, but she's the one I'd actually consider for marriage. I can only imagine life together with a quiet, plain, simple person, sitting at home and reading books or something. I need to start working on my social life after I get established here.
>>
No. 19323
>>19317
>she keeps pestering me to change the font on a banner I'm working on because "it's not pretty and it's plain".
Show her Comic Sans :DDDDDD
>>
No. 19325
>>19323
It's ok, she already decided on an italic serif. Could be worse, she could have chosen something like the barbie font, or bubblegum.

Also, got the old age comment "it looks kinda empty, should we add something more?". It's like they're worried that if a piece of design doesn't have as much shit dumped into it, they're getting ripped off because the designer "didn't do enough work".
Tbh, I'm enjoying working here. Also, people my age or older calling adressing me as a senior will never stop being funny to me. Dang testosterone.
>>
No. 19326
8 kB, 204 × 300
>>19325
>It's like they're worried that if a piece of design doesn't have as much shit dumped into it, they're getting ripped off because the designer "didn't do enough work".
I am the designer, I see it so.
>>
No. 19327
>>19317
>Another day at the workplace. It's interesting how the concept of an "hour" becomes immediately contextualized when you start counting how much time you spend at work, how much time it takes to commute, do body maintenance, etc. In the end, I think I have 2 hours of free time a day, if that. Feels kinda infantile making these realizations just now, in my mid 20s. I wish I knew how to live earlier.

I started this path of realization when I was 28 and I can live without regret. I'm sure you'll be able to deal with it. The first 3-5 months will be the toughest for your time management, after that you will have found your rhythms and 2 hours of free time become 4-5 hours.
Be careful with relationships, they will always halve your free time (more when there are problems), which can easily lead to situations where both start to dread the relationship (or worse, only one of you does). Better forget those school crushes you have, if you care for my humble opinion.

Also, I'm in full preparation for my BSc thesis and it looks like I can keep my current part-time job for another two years, which is comforting.
>>
No. 19330
>>19306
>lets illustrate history and ww2 using polandball format
That didn't happen on kc. That was exactly the mindless non-humour the redditors made out of it. And even if some single person made a comic with a historical background back then and posted it on kc, it was not decided upon by a commitee of Bernds to put it in some polanball-hall of fame. The majority of polanballs by Falcofag were ridiculing Poland in a non-threatening way, and most others put out by Bernds were about /int/ and its posters.
>>
No. 19340
Second day at work, I have a lot of stuff to do suddenly. At least the colleagues are helpful, giving me tips and advice. Feeling real white collar sitting in an office with a bunch of girls while all the other men are toiling at the production line :-DDDDD. I never got the whole woman hating thing that's popular on imageboards. Most of the time, girls are nice to me. To be fair, I probably activate their motherly/sisterly instincts rather than their romantic instincts, but I'm gonna take it. Maybe the fact that I carry myself politely yet detached makes them treat me differently. I wonder what having an older sister is like. All those girls helping me around the workplace reminds me of being back in school, straight A's girls helping me with homework. Smelling their hair as they lean over my desk was really nice.
As I am rambling, I realize that I have a strange relationship with femininity. I like hanging with girls a lot more than with boys, and I rarely have romantic interest in them. I just like their company, you know. They help me out with the social stuff, I help them out with the technical / physical stuff. It's all good.

>>19327
I don't understand why most peoples' relationships turn out so poorly, yet they keep seeking them out. I'd imagine being with a person you actually like would be a relaxing and easy going experience. But what do I know.
Anyway, I have this weird idealized attachment to my past crushes, it feels like if I were to get together with them, I would get back something I lost when I went full schizo and started experiencing reality differently.

I have a lot of fucking work ahead of me, shit. I should get on it.
>>
No. 19342
>>19340
you know, I used to worry that I'd never be happy with a woman because no woman seems to have the same kind of maniacal fascination with the mystical and the transcendental that I do. how could I ever spend a life with someone who doesn't even understand dialectics?

but then a girl smiles at you, and you're like "lmao fuck dialectics".

Also, I just made the realization that it is actually not painful for me to socialize anymore. I used to feel miserable in social situations, but now I'm ok. I wonder what changed.
>>
No. 19344 Kontra
did you guys know that i only brought my bus card to work and haven't eaten since morning.
like, 14 hours without food easily. I think I'm delirious.
>>
No. 19347 Kontra
>>19344
wait, no, it's because i haven't slept tonight.
how'd i forget that one
or maybe it's both
>>
No. 19349
>>19342
>but then a girl smiles at you, and you're like "lmao fuck dialectics".

that is the answer to gf there do exist females that are interested in such things but they are rather rare but I encountered some at uni
>>
No. 19350
Sometimes I really despise this country with its stupid human rights shit. There is some drunk ass bleeding hobo in the train so an ambulance was called. Now he doesn't want to leave the train so the whole train has to wait (it's getting close to 30 minutes now) until police comes to take him out. I imagine in other countries the train personnel would just kick this guy out and let him lie on the cold ground. I'd really prefer such a solution in cases like this.
>>
No. 19351
It's finally the weekend. I have a lot to do, but I'm going to relax for a bit.
I want to read Notes from the Underground during the weekend. I'll finish the Shestov book tonight I suppose. I have maybe 50 pages to go. Should have been done with it ages ago.

I studied hanzis today. Made some progress, but not much.

I decided to get rid of a few books. I just dropped them off at the school buffet into the box for free books. Most of them got into my possession by sheer accident and I hated that they take up space.
Got rid of three this way. Still have a few that I want to get rid of, but I'll try getting some money out of those, since most of those are new but have duplicates in my collection.
>>
No. 19353
453 kB, 1000 × 1000
>>19350
That'd be really eastern European.
We banned "being homeless" basically last year. Now it's forbidden to "be in a public space as a lifestyle"(Roughly translated), so if you are homeless and you sleep on the streets because that's your "lifestyle", then they'll throw you in jail for a month or something like that.
>>
No. 19355
321 kB, 1024 × 730
54 kB, 852 × 480
>>19353
They will have to feed you in jail. Maybe that won't be so bad for homeless persons on cold streets
>>
No. 19356
>>19355
It's not about giving them food or anything. The goal of the government was to make the homeless get the fuck out of the city centre and the metro stations.
Most fled to the outskirts of the city or the Buda mountains, afaik.
>>
No. 19357
>>19350
>Sometimes I really despise this country with its stupid human rights shit
But you can move to country without stupid human rights shit.
You don't even need to speak Russian, we have local Germans.
>>
No. 19358
>>19357
Let me translate this phrase for you
>Sometimes I really despise this country with its stupid human rights shit
Doesn't mean
>I want to be oppressed and MY rights taken away
but rather means
>I wish I could dictatorially fuck over others for my own convenience
It's a perfectly natural, if a bit egoistic feeling to have in my opinion.
>>
No. 19360
>>19358
complete lack of empathy and enjoying seeing others suffer is as 'natural' as any other mental disorder. the cause of this is a malfunctioning front lube. people with that condition aren't asperger autists, they're sociopaths.
>>
No. 19361
>>19360
Oh, I forgot to mention that it's not a constant feeling but one that appears periodically.
>>
No. 19363
Being arbitrary from time to time is perfectly human is what I'm saying
>>
No. 19364
>>19358
>I wish I could dictatorially fuck over others for my own convenience
When no one has rights, you can fuck over others absolutely legally :DDDDD
>>
No. 19365
200 kB, 547 × 402
>>
No. 19366
>>19365
Well, actually I often consider Russia of 90s as an example of ancap society.
>>
No. 19367
>>19363
this >>19350 kind of outburst
is certainly not normal 'arbitrary' behaviour. you shouldn't experience this 'periodically'. and it's not assburger either, because asperger patients might lack empathy as well, however they lack narcissism. the sociopath suffers of lack of all of the afore mentioned, however unlike asperger patients, sociopaths have to deal with extremely inflated narcissism. 99% of the time sociopaths don't perceive this as a condition though, but rather as a feature, which is true for people who suffer of more severe disorders, such as paranoid disorders, too. asperger patients on the other hand are aware of their condition. i actually suffer of assburger's.
>>
No. 19368
>>19367
Are you saying that the other German Ernst and I have sociopathic tendencies?
>>
No. 19370
>>19368
i'm not a psychiatrist. to me your posts itt don't seem to suggest a pathological condition though. however, if this >>19350 guy wasn't just trying to be edgy there i'm fairly certain that he does have sociopathic tendencies indeed.
>>
No. 19371
>>19370
However he could GTFO of the train. It's not that cold that he could freeze to death.
>>
No. 19372
>>19370
Just imagine. You are travelling somewhere by train. Probably commuting.
A homeless person, the lowest possible member of our society gets on the train (probably without a ticket) and then has a health emergency. Not only does he smears the train in his blood (Not to mention his unwashed, smelly clothes, which he would wear, blood or no blood), he also doesn't want to accept help to save his life. Not only he doesn't want to accept this help generously made possible by the society he leeches off, he is also halting the train, half an hour, 1/48th of a day wasted because this man doesn't want to be treated. 30 minutes of working men's and women's life wasted because of literal human trash!
I understand that he is angry and wishes that they could have broken this stalemate sooner somehow, be it through understanding, or more barbarically (Which is of course more instinctive to a lot of people.)
It's not psychopathy, I bet hundreds of people had the same thought just like him on the train. (If they knew the context of the events like him, that is.)
>>
No. 19373
>>19370
>>19360
>lack of empathy
We were a whole train of passengers, all waiting to get home after whatever we were coming back from. It should be quite understandable that people get angry when there is some drunken hobo who fucks everything up. The thing is that the ambulance had already arrived but the guy didn't want to leave the train. They should have just taken him out of the train and not wait another half an hour for the police to do it. The whole train had to suffer because of one single drunk retard. I am an empathetic person but my empathy is not on the side of the disturber. My empathy is on the side of the people having to wait even longer, missing the trains etc., not on the side of the asshole who fucked everything up. It would have been more efficient to just take him out against his will, he probably wouldn't even remember it the next day anyways.
>>
No. 19374
>>19371
there is no temperature data in his post which you could have used as base for that statement. 'cold' is unspecific. 'cold' doesn't
t define a precise range of temperatures, which you could relate to a range of temperatures that might cause death by freezing to humans.
however, it is irrelevant anyway, since the subject of my post was not the situation itself, but the observer.
>>
No. 19375
>>19373
> I am an empathetic person
i highly doubt it. your previous post started with an
>stupid human rights shit
unneccessary, but sort of revealing, comment. then you went on
>There is some drunk ass bleeding hobo in the train so an ambulance was called.
>just kick this guy out and let him lie on the cold ground
no empathy. plus desire to see the bleeding hobo suffer more.

>>19372
> I bet hundreds of people had the same thought just like him on the train.
i don't think so.
>>
No. 19376
>>19374
>there is no temperature data in his post which you could have used as base for that statement
Yet there is time data and it's not cold in Germany.
>>
No. 19377 Kontra
>>19376
OK, I am unnecessirally aggressive now. Sorry.
>>
No. 19378
>>19375
Very much this
>>
No. 19380
>>19372
>literal human trash
Maybe it's the other way around. Maybe the train was full of literal human trash and only the hobo was the only valuable person there. Since noone gets his own cloud on the other side by being busy while he lived, or earned X amount of money, or was a "productive member of society", judging a worth of a person is kinda arbitrary. Maybe we could find a quality in that hobo which would elevate him above others if we knew his life, his story.
I do agree tho, many people can be impatient and angry without being a sociopath. Empathy can be veiled even if the person not particularly self-centered. However many people it's don't.

>>19373
Feeling with others who you think shares your feelings isn't really empathetic. The real test is in being empathetic toward someone who is in an entirely different situation. You also overstate the "suffering" of the other passengers. It's a minor inconvenience at most, this thing people should just shrug off. It's like being an impatient asshole while standing in a slowly moving queueueueue and getting angry to the person who just do his/her job behind the counter/desk/whatever.

>>19375
You are right mostly.

What would Jesus do?
>>
No. 19385
>>19380
Your optimism is commendable, but I sincererly doubt that ~95% of hobos are at all special.
Maybe he can consume more cheap alcohol before passing out than the rest of the people on the train, but why’d he be in any way more exceptions than the functional humans. Forget about the social value. Those people can keep up a shelter and have an infinitely more comfortable life through symbiosis with the system. They managed to adapt to their circumstances. Th hobo didn’t, therefore he changed the circumstances instead, changing a game of chess to checkers.
It’s interesting but stoll, most hoboes aren’t special or valuable.
>>
No. 19392
Wew lad, I came home and immediately passed out after making an incoherent shitpost.
Didn't even do any of my "homework". Oh well, today's gonna be busy again.
>>
No. 19393
Both her and me are in the hometown now, so I asked her out to accompany me on a walk through the forest. Let's hope this will work out, because meeting each other here is the easiest way to do it. Otherwise one of ous would have to travel 3 hours, which I guess would rob the situation of it's spontanous character.
>>
No. 19395
God, fuck her.
She made me do two variants of the banner, and in the end decided to change the font to a sans serif again.
The result is barely different from what I originally handed to her.
>>
No. 19396
>>19395
Sounds like powerplay. She might just be intimidated by your skill and this is the only way she knows how to keep the dominance hierarchy upright. Try to be calm about it. Patience builds the bridge.
>>
No. 19398
https://youtu.be/oPmNEgRLACY
Found this video. Quite rude name for video. Want to say also that it's anglo language that very hard to understand by hearing, since all people talk like they have hot potato in mouth and don't care about it. Languages like kazah with clear sounds much easer to understand when person speaks even fast, at least for me.
>>
No. 19399
>>19396
I prefer to think the best of people, so I don't think she has malicious intent.
I just think she's a bit of a dunce.
>>
No. 19401
I went out into the garden and dug a hole. Then I refilled that hole for whatever reason. Life is great.
>>
No. 19404
>>19385
>optimism
It is actually the other way around. Or nihilism. Or simply just the doubt in the values of today's society.
It just supposing the hobo the only decent people on a train full of people like him >>19350 who would harm and otherwise suffering fellow human bean because of a minor inconvenience.
With this I'm not saying everyone on the train would do that, it's just an explanation why my thoughts cannot be called optimistic.
>>
No. 19407
>>19404
You are optimistic enough to think that a hobo can be of any value to anyone.
>>
No. 19410
>>19407
You seem to be an awful person.
>>
No. 19412 Kontra
53 kB, 566 × 528
>>19407
human resource tier

I wish I could delve into a history of Value and in how much the capitalist Werttheorie value theory has an influence on morals and culture.

A hobo does not have an incommensurable value of its own but is seen in the light of exchange value by the Hungarian. Hence he can use "optimistic" as the hobo is some kind of investment or a risky asset one is speculating with.
>>
No. 19413 Kontra
>>19412
>he can use optimistic

Sorry should have been: you use the word optimistic
>>
No. 19414
>>19410
I’ve waited for fucking years for these words. Somebody finally got the guts to say the truth.
It’s really liberating, you know.
Though it’s not like I have the power to manifest any malicious intents into reality. See? I’m so awful I lack the power to be genuinely awful.
>>
No. 19415
2 kB, 382 × 254
Thinking about humans as reasourses will lead to even more hobo, dumb, "NPC", uneducated etc. people. If you building your mind that makind is just "amount of bilogocal cells" - you support movments that making this reality. Totalitaric goverment like Stalin's pseudo-communist empire, Hitler's third reich - made from humans just battery cells to running "state" machine, and running this machnine based on their sick views and personal power.
Only when human-centric views will be priority, only when all human beings will be viewed as persons that may become as mach valuable part of society as everyone, then we can move on next stages of social development.

Ideologies where some people become "trash" or when some perople become useless or when they count just as "working cells" - in slavery, feudlaism, capitalism, imperilism, fashism... this ideologies can outcome in short profit, but they leed to degradation of society. 70+ years of totalitaric-authoritaric pseudo-socialist regime leed to total degradation of nation in Russia and some other post-USSR states, making people poor, uneducated, politically dumb slaves that now ruled by 4th world tier banana diktatorships.

Thoughts like "hobo is human trash" - not even a dead man, this dangerous thoughts that leed to society regression
>>
No. 19416 Kontra
>>19415
>a dead man
dead end fix
>>
No. 19417
Today was an interesting day at work.
Big Boss is coming from china, so we cleaned up the whole workshop, me and the printing press boys. Doing manual labor while bantering with a bunch of dudes is one of the finest things in life.

The manager's personal banner was finished and approved, and she seemed to be grateful. Maybe I was too harsh on her, she's just indecisive and was given conflicting info by the clients. It's not that she's annoying me on purpose, but that she's a damsel in distress and I'm supposed to help her. I'll take that.

Had an absolutely hilarious conversation with a client over whatsapp.
He sends me the dimensions, 1.8x0.8m, and another one 3.2*0.8. He doesn't know what "horizontal" and "vertical" means, but he's pretty sure the second one is supposed to be "wide, but short", so he told me he'd clarify the dimensions of his order today, and we'd finish by afternoon. I called him today, and he didn't pick up. Assuming he's a flake, I focused on other work. Then he calls me 30 minutes before closing time, and asks if his banner is ready. I tell him no, and he asks if it'll be ready tomorrow. I say no, because we don't work tomorrow. And he says, get this, "you said it'd be ready, you didn't tell me you don't work on sundays".

So he agrees to pick it up Monday morning. I send him a mockup of the 1.8x0.8m banner, and he tells me "this isn't how the banner is supposed to go". At this point I know where this is going. "It's supposed to be tall and wide". I tell him that width always comes first in measurements, and furthermore, the second measurement he sent with width first. He tells me, get this, "you could have guessed it was tall, the text is also tall. and the second one I already said should be wide, so that doesn't count".

And all of this between closing hours and 22:00. At this point I'm considering just fixing his banner out of pity, since he's clearly mentally disabled.
>>
No. 19418
Also, I can't believe my luck. This workplace is amazing. The workshop is cleaner than some hotels. There's shitloads of expensive large format printing equipment, there's a gym on the second floor, a playstation, a tv, a cafeteria, a shower, etc. Everyone is super helpful, there's a relaxed atmosphere. It's a pretty big company by kazakhstan standards. Compared to this, my brother's investor's building is a mud hut.

I'd be retarded to leave here, I'm gonna hold on to this tooth and nail.
>>
No. 19419
>>19415
Klinggon empire is better than starwars Kirk and his friends . Klingons are Spacebernds
>>
No. 19420
>>19417
Congrats for keeping your cool with such pain in the ass client.

I had a lazy Saturday, managed to get outside to run some errands, which is not a given.
>>
No. 19421
343 kB, 556 × 556
>>19419
>Klinggon empire is better than starwars Kirk and his friends . Klingons are Spacebernds
>>
No. 19422
>>19420
Thanks.
For some reason, I'm only enthusiastic at work, once I get home, I turn into a slob again.
>>
No. 19423
Because my head was hurting, I went out into the garden and started digging. (I thought it'd help wit my blood circulation)
This evolved into clearing a small plot of land and planting some peas.

Read a bunch of pages from random books. Nothing really kept my interest. By the time I opened my copy of Demons I was a bit tired, so I put it away after 20 or so pages. It's good though.
Notes from the underground just seems like an incredibly more concentrated version of the poison that is Crime and Punishment so far.
I also read about a quarter of The noise of time, Julian Barne's short biographical novel about Shostakovich. I don't find it to be a very engaging read. It'd be outright confusing without reading an actual Shostakovich biography beforehand.
>>
No. 19424
>>19422
This is not unusual, I often have sames, tho my job quite different from what you do atm. But even when going to uni I can change in behavior quite a bit and at home I turn into something different again. Bet many people have sames.
>>
No. 19425
28 kB, 758 × 769
Last week I made the best burgers I've ever eaten in my life. The experience was almost indescribable and I spent the rest of the evening with a smile on my face. Only problem is I can't now seem to recreate the experience. I don't know what I did that was so different, it's like the universe came together for one perfect moment.

>>19418
I'm glad everything seems have slowly started working out for Ernsts this past 6 months or so. I've noticed that we've lost a few posters but I like to think they've just become so busy living their lives that they don't have time for us.

Maybe Ernstchan will soon become a chan of boring adults talking about little household projects with a big get-together when the Hungarian marries his high-school sweetheart.
>>
No. 19426
988 kB, 850 × 529
>>19424
>Bet many people have sames.

I think it might be the chief cause of that situation where you walk into a room and forget what you came in for. There's definitely something to be said about tidiness.
>>
No. 19428
107 kB, 644 × 830
>"I got like 12 new books last month"
>"That should be enough for a while, I won't be spending any money now"
>Spends money on books 8 hours later
So lads, I just got a bi-lingual edition of Wagner's Tristan und Isolde. How is your night going?

>>19425
EC will live to see me finish university, publish my first translation and have me marry :^)
I might just be imagining she is into me though. My only clues are that she talks to me in a quieter, more high pitched tone, and can't seem to stop looking away and making motions with her legs when we talk. I'm bad at this game.
>>
No. 19429
>>19428
>My only clues are that she talks to me in a quieter, more high pitched tone, and can't seem to stop looking away and making motions with her legs when we talk. I'm bad at this game.
Eyes widening when she notices your presence and touching of hair during conversations are pretty reliable signs.
>>
No. 19434
>>19429
searching for eye contact/ looking at you when together in a space, too.

The "am I imagine things or is it real interest or even more already?" is normal tho I think. Nobody can be sure 100%, your guts will most likely tell you whats up, even as Ernst, he is just prone to not react upon this affection/realization because he stills has enormous doubts like Decartes. Too much mind interfering with the guts screaming for the right things to do.
>>
No. 19435
>>19428
I had to buy some suits today because my old ones have mysteriously gotten smaller on me. Now I sit at home angry with myself for spending so much money on items that are uncomfortable, impractical and I'll only be wearing for work and maybe the odd date if I want to look a wanker.

I hate suit-culture. It's not just that they aren't designed for comfort but I feel uncomfortable wearing one with how people treat you differently and...well, I'm a scruffy animal by nature so I feel like an imposter.

>I'm bad at this game

It's a mugs game. Neither of you seem the sort to be doing overly-playful flirting and unless she immediately lights up when you talk to her I'd be hesitant about reading too much into any nervousness around you. At any rate, this is all moot. You like her so casually ask if she wants to do something sometime. If you don't have anything in mind then just mention you're going into town to pick up a book and ask if she'd like to come along. Obviously you will spend about a minute picking a book you ordered and then go to lunch somewhere without too many people. Find some moment to say that you like her because she always brightens up your day. She'll blush and say something nice. You smile. Awkward second of silence. Kiss. Simple.

This is a script but you can see that you don't have to put yourself too far out there to make something work. If she rejects your advances then she can fuck off and die you'll know for sure and nobody would take offence to someone being romantically attracted to them.
>>
No. 19438
>>19435
Isn't a suit just a jacket and trousers, therefore just buy one charcoal, dark blue and bllack jacket, oversized for comfort, buy trosers off the peg and get them altered.
Fitted suits are a meme.
Would pay difference for a fitted shirt.
>>
No. 19445
>>19435
I actually like suits. Depending on how they're fitted they can be kinda comfy too, but you're more likely to look like a slob. Still just some loose fitting pants and a suit jacket is great. >treating you differently
I know but this the "real world" brainwashed constant propaganda herd mentality culture, and dressing like that has prevented tickets and being arrested. Meanwhile if you wear jeans and a sweatshirt well...
>>
No. 19456
I've been too lazy today. I have three little presentations to make, yet I've only done half two.
This time the challenge is time constraint. They aren't always happy that I basically teach a chapter from the textbook alone. I could teach this class. My ego is so big, that yes, I could teach these people if I had the time to prepare each time. Being a teacher can't be that hard.
I even remember how my history teacher joked that I'm more reliable than some of his colleagues when it comes to being present and teaching.
Yes, it's my ego. I've been told multiple times that I'd make a good teacher because I can speak eloquently and care for the subjects I talk about.
I'd become a teacher, but fuck, a tram driver or a cashier makes more than one.
>Just imagine Ernst, you'd make such a fine English and History teacher
>Yes mom, and I'd live with you 'till I'm in my fucking 40s. Sounds great!

Anyway, my three themes are:
>The life of Philip II of France
>The Projects of Stephen Széchenyi during the Hungarian Reform Era
>The meaning of names in Crime and Punishment

I feel a general lack of motivation, honestly. I blame Dostoevsky for ruining my inner peace.
You guys ever had this feeling of disharmony inside you after watching/reading something really, really good. And I don't mean just good, I mean something that shocks you to the core and you have to look for something new to grab onto.
It might be cringe, but I feel the same way after I watched NGE 3 years ago. Now that fucked me up. Who would have thought that it'll be a novel I read for HS that fucks my shit up again?
I think I'm going to read more Nietzsche. That cured me last time. Read the first half of Zarathustra, get a bit sick and lay in bed, and I should be back on my feet.
I remember well how I was gifted a really rugged paperback of Zarathustra by one of my teachers. Yeah, giving a 16 year old kid Nietzsche is probably a recipe for disaster.
But it was so fucking good. I'm glad I read Nietzsche, even if most people I've talked to about his philosophy called it outright "evil" or "mean". Fucking women, I tell you.

Anyway, I read two funny short stories. I might try translating them into English. One is taking the piss out of Clemenceau for continuing the war (It was written during WW1), and the other is about peaches discussing philosophy while hanging on a tree.
These seem like nice little pet projects to blow off steam.

I also got my first sort of "real" commission. The vice principal asked me to translate a poem into English and/or German to greet the poet that's visiting our school. I should get to work on that too, but I'm a fucking mess, honestly.

>>19435
>>19429
>>19434
We'll see. I'll get the courage to ask her out one day, I'm sure, but that's a lot of preparation.
Last time I asked a girl out I was denied. That was bad.
I think they were girlfriends too, or at least used to be friends.
Honestly, I just don't know what a girl would see in me that'd lead to her falling for me without much action on my part. Seems absurd.
>>
No. 19459
1,3 MB, 1944 × 2592
1,2 MB, 2592 × 1944
I like to brag about my little collection.
Today in my room I acidentally stumbled upon aircfraft clock from the dashboard of I-16 ( https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polikarpov_I-16 ), I forgot that I have this. This one was made in 1940 and it's written on the back panel that its weight is 180 grams. The most funny thing is that the clock starts to work for a short time if you shake it a little. This type has radioactive dust inside so it's better to be careful if you don't want to overdose on polonium. A slightly different type of clock was installed in Soviet tanks during WW2.
>>
No. 19465
That retard client is at it again.
I went out of my way to fix his shit on sunday just to see what happens, and he only replied in 22:00 and asked for corrections again. We're not allowed to send a print order until the client 100% agrees to the design and pays the pre-order. He wants to pick it up tomorrow morning, and I'm still not technically allowed to accept his order.
It's amazing the lengths people will go to to sabotage themselves.

One of the details is the background for the banner should be various sayings in kazakh and turkish. I'm really tempted to put a kara boga copypasta or something ridiculous like that in there, since I know for sure the retard won't check or understand any of it. It's funny imagining what'd happen when the banner unfolds at whatever event he's hosting.
>>
No. 19470
>>19465
Holy kek.
After relaying this information to him, he says "and you tell me this at 22:30? Why didn't you tell me earlier?".

Nigger, I sent you the mockup early in the morning on Sunday. You only messaged me back at 22:00. You had all the time in the world to make it in time. Now it's almost midnight and I'm still trying to help you, and you're being pissy about it. How can you be so retarded?
>>
No. 19476
554 kB, 620 × 1031
>>19459
>aircfraft clock from the dashboard of I-16
Nice. Is the bottom stem to wind the clock, or was it battery powered?

>>19465
>I'm really tempted to put a kara boga copypasta or something ridiculous like that in there
It's not unusual for an artist to exhibit a bit of cheeky subversion. Pic related. Look on the bright side, you're almost done gritting your teeth over this banner, and then the client will be happy and you'll never have to deal with him again.
>>
No. 19477
>>19470
Clients who need graphics design are usually needy bitches and idiots who leave everything until last minute.
>”I need it done by yesterday”
As the Hungarian saying goes.
t.Family member works in a similar industry
>>
No. 19481
>>19477
I'm kind of grateful, though, because this was invaluable practice for me.
What I got out of this is that one must always assume that a client is a braindead moron, and you should spell everything out for them so that they don't sabotage themselves. Because if they do turn out to be braindead morons, at least you have all bases covered.

>>19476
In the end, I decided to not add any text as background. Using text as background is an affront to design, especially behind OTHER text that is actually supposed to be read. I just can't make myself do it. Hopefully, he doesn't bitch out to the management for not following his instructions to a T.
>>
No. 19486
>>19476
It's to wind the clock, but mine is broken. The aircraft variant used electric heater to work in extreme cold, you can see the 24 voltage inscription.
>>
No. 19487
So she pretty much agreed to accompanying me on a walk through the forest but still the date is not fixed yet, while telling that it definitely sounds good she also said that she'd have some appointments this week so it's not quite sure yet and she'll tell me whether she If it works out it might be a great day.
I can't say that I'm not nervous about her canceling the plan though. In fact I am heavily nervous.
>>
No. 19493
How hard or easy is it to get banned from dvach?
>>
No. 19495
98 kB, 418 × 434
I've been putting money aside to buy a new laptop for awhile now. At this point I can get something with more than I'd ever need but I've been holding back because I know my dear mother would like the one I have now.*

The problem is my current one will BSOD once a month and I can hardly give my mother a bum laptop. It's been maddening trying to fix it though as everytime it does I will try something else and have no idea if it's worked until it BSOD again. Maybe the hard drive is just on the way out because I bought this one as a cheap refurbished job when I broke my old laptop at a crucial moment in writing my thesis. I could take it to a repair place but "it sometimes shits the bed and I dunno why" doesn't exactly provide any information they'd need.

Maybe I could buy her another one but then it seems like such a waste to throw this one out.

*She's a generic mother in that sense, her ipad is now "slow" but she doesn't feel comfortable enough with computers to buy one herself.

>>19438
You underestimate my cheapness. I bought some off-the-peg ones that fit fine but still it's a good chunk of money for work clothes.

Never thought about getting a fitted shirt though. Sounds like an idea.

>>19445
>Depending on how they're fitted they can be kinda comfy too, but you're more likely to look like a slob.

Sadly I often end up mistaken for a bouncer in these situations. I think the meme here otherwise is still for tight-fitting suits which is awful when you've got broad shoulders - like trying to find jeans in one of those trendy stores but you can't get the bloody things passed your thighs and there's nowhere for your cock to go even when you do.

I suffer on the Europe. I wish we'd go back to the 90s with it's fashion for ridiculously oversized suits that billow in the wind.

>>19481
>In the end, I decided to not add any text as background. Using text as background is an affront to design, especially behind OTHER text that is actually supposed to be read. I just can't make myself do it. Hopefully, he doesn't bitch out to the management for not following his instructions to a T.

Don't be an idiot, he's a problem customer and this isn't a fight worth losing your job over. Do both and then show him the alternative design if you must but don't violate the explicit service contract.

>>19487
>So she pretty much agreed to accompanying me on a walk through the forest

Are you a serial killer?
>>
No. 19497
560 kB, 501 × 599
>>19495
>Are you a serial killer?
Wow, rude. You anglos don't understand the deep love us germans feel for the forest.
>>
No. 19503
424 kB, 480 × 360, 0:12
>>19497
Oh but I actually sneakily do because I'm 1/4 German so I actually do completely understand how to hurt the German most cruelly as possible
>>
No. 19504
87 kB, 630 × 420
5,2 MB, 5:17
96 kB, 852 × 480
220 kB, 900 × 506
>>19495
also wait what the actual fuck
>>So she pretty much agreed to accompanying me on a walk through the forest
>Are you a serial killer?
Dude that's one of the most romantic and natural things ever, to bring a girl for a stroll through the forest. And possibly also make out under waterfalls or in rivers and have sex at night in the woods. How could you possibly not understand this britlad? I've "walked the forest" we'll say with, one, two...hmm how many...five or six I think? And only three were exes.

How could you possibly not get this? What do brits do? Should I meme it up with britishmatingrituals14.jpg? Going to a walk through the forest with a girl is most natural thing ever. Oh wait, seven. IIRC seven girls/women, plus multiple male friends to smoke a bowl and drink or something.
>>
No. 19514
Made the fucker wait 45 minutes for his order after arrival, hopefully he never comes to me again :-DDDDDDD
>>
No. 19522
You know what phrase makes me mad?
Offering suitable for you ads
No-no-no, no fucking ad is fucking suitable for me.
>>
No. 19524
108 kB, 320 × 500
I want to watch an Anime, but I can't find anything >>19522 suitable in the season chart.
Pls recommend something nice ...
My brain isn't capable anymore of watching all anime until you hit something good.
Or is it that I know any tropes? Nothing's really amazing anymore.
I recently watched Steins;Gate 0, that was brilliant again. Or Tonegawa's Kaiji adaptation.
>>
No. 19525
They weren't kidding when they said this job requires stress resistance.
I'm already developing bruxism.
Or maybe it's the 6 cups of coffee I drank.
>>
No. 19526
>>19524
At this point I always suspect weebs are pedophiles
>>
No. 19527 Kontra
>>19526
Stop cracking on about pedophiles, you sound like a nutter. Nobody here posts questionable pictures.
>>
No. 19530
59 kB, 352 × 500
2,8 MB, 400 × 220, 0:38
604 kB, 2000 × 1125
>>19524
Have you seen all of the essential anime movies, every work by Satoshi Kon, Yuasa Masaaki and Katsuhiro Otomo? People always cling to new seasonal TV trash and it doesn't seem like they pay enough attention to older anime movies (aside of Akira, Miyazaki and GiTS) which don't consume much time and have actually good animation and stories. You should give Memories a shot if you haven't seen it yet.
>>
No. 19531
I wonder what it is with these strolls in the forest or in general. It's an idea I would also always suggest doing for a date. Strolling around is great. If some female agrees on a stroll it's always a good sign.
>>
No. 19532
>>19531
As I said, she pretty much agreed. Today will bring her definite answer whether she'll stay another day in our hometown or not. If she won't we'll only see each other in 3 weeks on a common festivity where we won't have any alone time. I think I'll have to read to kill the time until then. Waiting like this is quite the torture but every lover is a soldier and so on.
>>
No. 19534
This place has some work organization problems.
It sucks that I have to be both a designer and a receptionist.

Wasting a lot of time talking to people about info they could have simply filled in on a blank of some kind and dealing with clients' bullshit. I wish there was more task specialization. Someone at the reception, someone who interfaces with the workshop, and someone who purely does design. Having to do everything at once hurts productivity, because you are constantly distracted.

I feel kinda stressed, but in a pleasant way. Kind of like a focused anger.
>>
No. 19535
>>19534
Also, while home on the bus, I just had a weird thought that it'd be nice if I could have violent sex with someone right now.

I have this mix of stress, energy and horniness, that neither workout, masturbation, or an argument would satisfy all at once.
>>
No. 19536
>>19535
Can recommend violent sex, it's the full package of bliss, being in the zone and connecting with your body (like in the connection you have after a solid 2 hours of karate training).
>>
No. 19537
>>19530
There are also worthwhile Animes from Mamoru Oshii besdides GitS. Most notably 'Jin Roh' and 'The Sky Crawlers'.
>>
No. 19538
79 kB, 600 × 762
>>19535
>I have this mix of stress, energy and horniness, that neither workout, masturbation, or an argument would satisfy all at once.
My feelings are awfully similar.
>>
No. 19539
>>19524
Just watch Legend of the Galactic Heroes.
It's 110 episodes and really fucking good.
The "War and Peace" of the Anime world as they say.
>>
No. 19542
>>19536
>>19538
Thanks for sharing the sentiment.

Is it weird that there are three girls my age at the office, and I'm only attracted to the two older women? They both emanate a kind of maturity that makes me admire them. Especially the workshop manager lady. She has light brown hair (major turn on for me), looks like my middle school crush, and feels like the kind of wife that keeps the house clean and orderly simply because you're too scared to piss her off. She doesn't mince words and speaks loudly and with confidence.
She's from my tribe, too. My tribe has a stereotype of being loud mouthed, bold, domineering and always getting their way. That's why every other tribe hates us.

I might have mommy issues.
>>
No. 19543
>>19542
How strong is tribalism in Kazakhstan?
>>
No. 19545
>>19543
It's pretty much like geographic cultural differences in western countries.
NORF vs SOUF, LA vs NY, Muscovite vs Pidorburger, etc.
Except that it has an ethnic component to it as well. You have to remember that kazakh is not an ethnicity, but a nationality. The kazakh khanate was a conglomerate of autonomous tribes, which were pretty much their own medieval ethnic states.
>>
No. 19549
I held my presentation today. It went pretty well.
Could have gone better but it was still deemed good.

Notes from the Underground is really scary. It's like it's written about me or something. This might be cringe, but I really do feel like I'm a malicious bastard who lacks the willpower to be even truly malicious, and whenever I try to take "revenge", it causes me bigger discomfort than it does my perceived enemy, who isn't at all bothered by it.
I hate this.

A nice thing that happened today was that I bumped into my history teacher on the way home. We checked out a few bookseller carts together while talking about random literary subjects. I found a clothbound pocket edition of The Tragedy of Man and a nice edition of the Mahabharata. Shame on me, but I spent money again.

Picked up the Wagner libretto. Today was the first day I ever set foot in a university. I thought it'll be a separate building, but no, I actually had to walk right in to the Faculty of Natural Sciences to pick it up. Turns out it wasn't even a proper bookshop, they are just selling handbooks from a desk at one of the hallways.
This is probably what a believer feels when visiting a church.
It's not the faculty I want to attend, but it's the university I want to go to.

I want to re-work a chapter from my translation. I tried motivating myself by leaving a note on my desk saying
>"WHEN YOU GET HOME YOU ARE REWORKING A CHAPTER"
>"If not then you are gay"
I guess I'm gay now :^)
Or I might still work on it a bit. Too late for a tea though.

Still have some notes to make for my small presentation tomorrow. Let's hope that goes fine as well.

Honestly, what I need is a hug probably. Or some really easy novel to read. I'll probably try giving the Tatami Galaxy novel another try. That's a sweet love story, and even though it's not an official (Good God, how many questions such a simple word raises), the prose is pretty good. Yeah, prose is important.
>>
No. 19551
>>19549
>This might be cringe, but I really do feel like I'm a malicious bastard who lacks the willpower to be even truly malicious, and whenever I try to take "revenge", it causes me bigger discomfort than it does my perceived enemy, who isn't at all bothered by it.
Reminds me a lot of my schizo inspired prose. That I lost in a hard drive wipe.

"Omnihatred is the enlightened path of the disillusioned" and all that. These days I'm so busy that I don't have time to be schizo. Or stories about how I go out at night looking for stray dogs, and when they start barking at me, do a 180, squat down, and start growling while baring my teeth to intimidate them.

Or an essay about how the assumption that God is omnimalevolent rather than omnibenevolent is 100% compatible with Abrahamic theology. Or that some people are born evil by nature like orcs in LoTR, and as such are divinely mandated to do evil, as is their natural role in human society, just like disease or famine. Man, there was a lot of stuff in there that could be used for some edgy lore bits in some dark fantasy RPG. I miss that text file.
>>
No. 19552
I used to imagine that I have some special purpose in the narrative of reality, as a martyr of evil. A kind of reverse Jesus that was created to carry the suffering of inflicting misery upon the world, and that forces that be were guiding me away from a normal, happy life and towards becoming a mentally ill serial killer. A burden I must bear to physically manifest the polar opposite of Good, or else the metaphysical structure of reality collapse due to loss of context.

A sort of kafkaesque feel of being inescapably tortured by reality itself, dialectically dictating my existence to be that of a parasite. It felt like rebelling against reality itself. Felt good man.
>>
No. 19555
>>19524
Kino's Journey (both series are good but start in chronological order for reasons) and Mushishi are my personal favourites. I like the meditative frame of mind such series put you in. Tatami Galaxy that Hungary mentioned in the last thread was also pretty good.

t.pleb

>>19531
For early dates women in bongland are told to only meet in places with people around because all men are animals etc.

>>19542
I'd think less of you if you didn't work like that - seniority and authority are sexy af.

>>19549
Every reader supposedly gets that from reading Notes. There's a relatable bitterness I guess. I think I've already given the opinion though that I eventually found it tedious as he exercises little self-awareness on this fact or feeling of a resultant desire to do better. He's ultimately a very two-dimensional character.

Flowers for Algernon was a much more relatable narration for me because I find I flutter between periods of extreme lucidity.
>>
No. 19558
>>19542
It's probably the fact that you want a maternal figure who can serve as a stable point in your life.

>>19555
I'll still read it, it's just that it keeps hitting me when I'm really fucking down.
The problem is that I currently lack a question but I still need an answer, if that's understandable.
>>
No. 19561
>>19527
>Stop cracking on about pedophiles, you sound like a nutter.
I've not been "cracking on" about just that >>19524 looks questionable and the fact you either don't notice or do but pretend not to of it being questionable makes you kind of suspect as well.
>>
No. 19564
>>19561
In all seriousness, how can that be questionable? It has tits. Also, it is simply a naked girl. If you have a probem with that, it is you who has the problem, it is even you who is the problem. A naked person is never a problem to nobody but people like you.
>>
No. 19571
79 kB, 1920 × 1080
>>19564
Because other than tits everything about her looks prepubescent, as does a considerable and disturbing amount of anime. Naturally I also judge "lolicon" horrifically disturbing, as with any sexualizing of children like that, and believe the people who actively enjoy it and seek it out have serious mental problems.
>>
No. 19572
A night of suffering, got all trapped up in miserable thoughts again. No answer so far though. Maybe "I'm somewhat free next week, I got a couple of appointments to keep. But yeah such a walk sounds definitely like a good idea, I'll report back to you Ernst!" was just a nice way to say no? Did I once again misinterpret signals or am I just paranoid about getting rejected? I feel like a dunce.
>>
No. 19573
49 kB, 216 × 373
Pic related.
>>19564
People have an inevitable association of sexualized anime girls with pedophilia, which is kind of understandable seeing as how often JCs and JKs get sexualized. But it's a bit too cynical to associate 2D with 3D. The idea of the 2D/3D split is that the former's appeal was that it wasn't like reality.
Then again I know about Faris and I wouldn't exactly call her pedobait. Maybe I'm not phazed anymore, maybe it's apathy.
>>
No. 19575 Kontra
211 kB, 935 × 1024
>>19571
>if you take away the developed secondary sexual characteristics then it becomes a loli!
Fucking Puritans I swear
>>
No. 19581
>>19575
Please see
>>19575
The amount of anime pornography on the matter cannot be dismissed. There is furthermore a massive awareness of this on imageboards as a lot of fuckheads try to post loli anime or whatever it is, shota the other one, along with some even more fucked in the heda trends like diaperfurs. I have seen enough dickheads spam their sick shit to know otherwise. Were I not an imageboarder I might actually think you have a point, but you don't, because I've been on them since 2007 and am well aware of the massive amount of sexualizing of children in anime and among weebs. In that particular instance you can absolutely tell that it was meant to evoke a prepubescent child, and just kind of stuck tits on there as an afterthought. She in no way is evocative of an actual woman, and like I said, you have to already be pretty fucked in heda or in denial not to see that.
>>
No. 19583
>>19581
Why do you even have a problem with pedophiles? They are generally nice and friendly people, in my experience.
>>
No. 19584
16 kB, 350 × 350
I've been on imageboards for so long that this seemingly innocious object now evokes the same response in me as a fetish accessor or a sex toy :-DDDDDDD
>>
No. 19587
>>19584
Those are some very nice handles to grab onto. I see you are experienced with satchel sexuality.
>>
No. 19588
>>19584
Is that that mene japanese schoolbag that costs hundreds of dollars and could withstand a nuclear blast because nipponese craftsmen folded real genuine leather a thousand times?
>>
No. 19596
Okay I was definitely getting too paranoid about being rejected, she definitely agreed. BUT for the evening which was too late for me as I have to drive home then, so we have to find another date. Fortuna truly is not spoiling me. I told her I'm gonna call her again this week though.
>>
No. 19597
234 kB, 1280 × 768
Another satisfying day at work.
I had no orders during the day, and there was a large shipment of wide format banner rolls (40 kg each) that they had to carry from the basement to the ground floor, so I volunteered to help the boys. A nice substitute for a workout. I got exhausted pretty quickly (I have shit endurance), but gained the respect of the workshop boys for getting down and dirty despite being a white collar office boy (and fat). A calculated move.

Also, my facade of a polite and detached gentleman has crumbled. I'm back to my former self: a meticulous, neurotic, perpetually annoyed curmudgeon who runs on coffee, cigarettes, and addiction to the feeling of anger. I simply like being pissed off while working, because it means I'm being challenged.

Also, I want to use some spare materials to print a card for my mom, congratulating her with March 8th (international women's day). I already settled on the design (a discarded banner mockup). I have no money for a real gift, but I still want to give her something nice and appropriately quaint. Ignore the logo on the upper right, that's from the client I made the design for initially.
>>
No. 19599
>>19583
Please be bait.
Channers will jerk off to everything, getting more deprived and extreme in time.

Paedophiles want to abuse children.

There is a difference.
>>
No. 19600
733 kB, 1280 × 720, 0:04
>>19583
>Why do you even have a problem with pedophiles?
Yeah see I called it. When I said, I am suspicious of such and such people, you pretty much confirmed exactly why.

As for pedophiles I actually have interacted with them online, and like with most people found out the truth was much more awful than I'd even been told. It isn't just that they are sick fucks. They are disgusting self centered annoying fucking jackasses. Try debating some of them. No sense of personal responsibility whatsoever, and worse, have the gall to go out and say how much they love children and wouldn't want to hurt them yet you keep digging and find they'd discard the kid like objects.

Pedos remain the one deeper psychological mystery to me but I think I have sufficiently delved into them a tiny bit. Unlike most other people pedophiles are completely invisible to me, maybe because their motives are far too alien. I can spot a psychopath or a bisexual or a person with this or that mental problem or personality aspect quite clearly and read them well, but pedos still are pretty much invisible but holy fuck try talking to them. They are super manipulative pathetic selfish jackasses who should be beaten with lead filled hoses.
>>
No. 19601
I felt a lot better today.
Spent some time studying hanzis again, and I also held a small presentation on Crime and Punishment. That went rather well, except for one moment.
>So, Ernst, can you tell what were some other names applied to Petersburg?
So I talked about how it was founded as St. Petersburg and then renamed Petrograd in 1917 and after that to Leningrad. Then one of the dumb faggots shouted that it was also called Stalingrad at one point and I almost lost it for one second. I hammered down with my fist onto the desk before me and shouted That's Volgograd you... of course I didn't finish it, but I was pretty close to calling him something overly vulgar in front of the whole class.
In conclusion my presentation was of no benefit to 90% of the class because nobody gave enough of a fuck to read the book, so for most of them this was just 15 minutes of incomprehensible names and Russian events.
>Dimitri Prokofitch Razumihin, write it down please
>Who, what?
I felt cheeky so I just said Do you want a completely useless tip to remember this? To which the answer came Yes. And I replied It's easy to remember, just recall the two major composers of the Soviet Union. One was Dimitri Dimitrievich Shostakovich, and the other Sergei Sergeievich Prokofiev. Don't look at me like that, I said it's pretty useless.

I continued reading Notes from the Underground. It's a lot bearable now. Since I have a cheap copy on hand, I've been underlining things I find important with a pencil. Though I look like the biggest fucking pseud on earth with a pencil in one hand and a small book in the other, sitting on a tram that's running between classicist buildings.
>That Mitteleuropa Feel

Finally I didn't feel tired by the time I got home. I even felt energetic during my extra maths classes.

I was given a copy of Thomas Bernhard's Kalkwerk today.
>If you found Dostoevsky depressing, wait until you read this!
Based on the back of the cover, it does indeed look depressing as fuck, so I'll read it. I think I got way too many books to read now. But I'll read them all.
>>
No. 19602
>>19601
>and then renamed Petrograd in 1917
Thanks, I loled.
>>
No. 19603
>>19602
Fuck, I mistyped.
I feel fucking ashamed again.
>>
No. 19604
>>19601
>Then one of the dumb faggots shouted that it was also called Stalingrad at one point and I almost lost it for one second
Tbh aren't oscow or one of big cities they wanted to rename it in "Stalinstan" or something close to it lol?
>>
No. 19607
An old friend got in touch earlier today about going for a drink on Saturday and her plans to move to London which naturally involve us getting a place together. I'd first suggested we get a flat before I moved so this is all my fault I guess - she flaked back then because she's never left her hometown so I just got my own place.

The thing is that although we used to be like family as kids, she was the outgoing party animal and I was her (cooler) introverted brother, we grew apart after I moved to university. Now I've built a nice boring life for myself where I've long since grown up into a lovely man. I mean, she's still a ball of positive vibes and tremendous fun but that's exhausting at my age and I know she's going to want to hit the town hard at the weekend. She's also going to bring up an ex that left me after a few drinks and ask why I just cut her out of my life completely so suddenly (because she was an utter cunt with a martyr complex). I was with that girl for over 10 years so there's a planet-wide emotional scar I'd rather not be prodded. She brings it up everytime I see her though because in her mind we were still this perfect couple.

Anyway, the sensible thing is obviously to let her down but then part of me still worries about my little sister. She really needs someone to look after her and I do owe her as she's probably the reason I didn't kill myself when I went through my quarter-life crisis. I suffer from my past.

In more hilarious news; you' know how I went suit shopping at the weekend? When I was walking home from work today a bird shit all over me. It seems the wheel of fortuna has well and truly turned.

>>19596
What's the worst that could happen? If she drops the whole idea then there's other girls out there. From what I remember it seems to me that you've recovered from your last relationship with her help or are at least on the road to improvement. You've still got a win from what I'm reading.
>>
No. 19609
Like with any sexual fetish or deviancy, addiction, etc., pedophiles attempt to rationalize justify and downplay the moral implications of their vices.
And although it works for milder sexual deviations, the fact that pedophilia is so inherently disgusting and damaging, suggests that they really SHOULD do some moral self searching about it, like with any dangerous impulse (not just sexual). But they rarely do.
Some let it fester unaddressed, others rationalize it, some just don't care. But even those who delude themselves into thinking they can have a "loving" relationship with a child, when pressed about the question of what they would do when the child grows up, admit that they would abandon the child. Some try to rationalize even that, as "giving the child a safe introduction into sexual experience", kek. The conclusion is that, as any fetish, the object of attraction is merely an object. They "love" the child body, not the child itself. It's quite dehumanizing. Any mental issue that makes you dehumanize others must be dealt with and reconciled, not simply ignored, and especially not justified.

I think in general reducing people to their bodies is the most sinful thing to do, before any other moral issue. It quite literally denies people their humanity and connection to the holy spirit. I think the source of everything morally degenerative and unaesthetic is worldliness. The reason justification and indulgence in sex fetishism of any kind is that, wordliness, reducing people to meat.
>>
No. 19610
>>19609
and that's why I don't like anime tiddies as well.
the existentian angst of understanding the duality of spirit and body is painful enough as it is, I don't need to be reminded of it constantly by being shown bodil stimulus with no human substance behind it.

it makes me feel less human, to get horny looking at something that is literally a bunch of artificual sexual imagery. Like I'm a deterministic stimulus-response organis, an amoeba or something.
>>
No. 19615
>>19610
>it makes me feel less human, to get horny looking at something that is literally a bunch of artificual sexual imagery. Like I'm a deterministic stimulus-response organis, an amoeba or something.

But there is also refuge in that feeling of being an automaton.
>>
No. 19617
>>19610
Technically speaking, you are an amoeba, just a very self-important one. XD

Also, the set of qualities that you deem "human" is picked arbitrarily. Sexual urges, eating, pooping and breathing are, just like conscience, also a part of a human being, no matter how disgusting you find them (and I think your issues with sexuality in particular are kinda funny; IMO, breathing is much more "worldly", for example: you feel sexual arousal maybe once or twice a day, while you cannot stop breathing for more than two minutes, and you have to keep going only to support this mortal shell; fuck breathing, man). Instead of acknowledging those qualities and keeping them in check (like not raping children or defecating in the public street), you deny them and you distance from them. That is nothing but an intellectual cowardice.
>>
No. 19618
>>19609
There actually differend kinds of "pedophilia". Sometimes it actual "children" who are ready to such relationships and provoke them because in every person biologial naturity happens in slightly different time and when some people become sexually active only in 17, others may in 14.
Hovever of cource it not justifying actions of people who want have sexual relationships with humans, who not yet achived biological maturity - because this damagibg and body and mind of immature person and this is as bad, as killing or beating children.
>>
No. 19620
>>19609
>The reason justification and indulgence in sex fetishism of any kind is that, wordliness, reducing people to meat.
How is somebody supposed to change his sexual orientation or fetish, even address it? I don't think that's possible. What would moral searching help? It might not be much of a problem if you are turned on by big tits or huge asses even feet, but if you are a paedophile it is indeed. Afaik there is no therapy. They can take pills to surpress their urges, and that's it. Not too long ago homosexuals were pretty much in the same situation.
>>
No. 19621
>>19618
I also should add that law prohibits it to certain age, even if at this age person physically and mentally more than ready for relationships, it often count as "too dumb" to actually make real decidions, in other words, you can easely trick teenager to do what you want same as you can trick a child, so even if this person agreed to have sex with you, it is not valid agreement of adult person. Of cource even this is personal thing and some humans actualy more than responsible for their action even in age of 13, however, majority isn't and this why law protect this group of people this way. This not a perfect solution for this situation, but best at current time and help protect children and teenagers.
I'd say that sadly even majority of adult people are dumb and not very responsive, so if follow this logic we should add law that you must earn for example parental rights same as car driving license - this this not rights that should be by default, but this is another topic.
>>
No. 19622
>>19620
A sexual fetish doesn't have a biological basis. You can untrain it just like how it became trained.

>>19618
Children don't "provoke it" and this is the kind of warped justification pedos give for molesting children.
>>
No. 19624
>>19622
>Children don't "provoke it" and this is the kind of warped justification pedos give for molesting children.
I guess he's talking about physically developed teenagers, but who are still children legally.
>>
No. 19625
>>19624
This. About this 15-16yo girls who look like 25yo woman.
>>
No. 19631
>>19607
bird shit is always good luck.

How old is this girl with the platonic friendship.
Moving in together, bad idea.
Having a room mate, shitty situation.

If situation was different, She had a nice job, a flat, a bf, savings.
She would not even bother to contact you.

Turning 30, single no husband or kids.
You are the best option today.
Maybe she thinks in London she can meet someone, fall back on you, use you as an emotion tampon, not pay rent until she gets back on her feet.

If she has a better option with a romantic interest, she will put you back in the draw.

However drink can lead to sexings, but I think you don't want this.
>>
No. 19639
Honestly, I feel content now.
I held two fucking presentations this week, didn't skip the extra maths classes, I managed to solve some logarithmic equations on my own and I also translated a short story.

Though I had a moment of distress today. We were sent an e-mail because of a school event (a poet is visiting), and they want to surprise the poet with translations of her works into English and German. Of course I decided to undertake a poem, and in the e-mail they listed three languages in brackets, it stood "(English, German, Chinese)", which was quite distressing. So I immediately went to the vice principal's office to talk to her.
>"I came here for three things, first this."
And I plopped down my copy of Notes from the underground onto her desk and said, "It's pretty good now."
>"Second is about the date of the field trip"
>"And third of all, you just wrote Chinese into that e-mail"
>"Yes, I know you are learning it, so I thought you might give that one a try."
>"Don't ever mention that one ever again publicly to the other students. I forgot to tell you that."
She found it strange that I'm not open about this. I just don't want to face any ridicule for it. That's understandable I think.

Today I also gave another warning to the administration about the librarian's lazy practices and how it'll lead to disaster by the end of the year.
This might not be a "nice" thing to do, but it's the right thing to do. Let's prevent shitstorms if we can. (They'll do nothing)

The old ladies seethed on the bus as I was sitting and underlining in the book with a pencil. Look, I exist and I take up space, and I have the right to do so! Lovely!
I feel so incredibly smug now.

No progress on the girl thing. Though we will be going to the theatre with the class and we got tickets next to each other. (Sadly it's pointless because on her other side will sit her jovial girlfriend. Though I talk with her too sometimes.)
>>
No. 19646
>>19607
I was just being a bit mentally unstable that night, also had to do with me checking the social media accounts of the ex. Also it's barely graspable how much of a different woman she is from her. Kind, devotional, intelligent, self-conscious and she really starts warming up in a pretty cute way. Not to mention that I have to smile whenever I listen to her voice and it's sometimes like a mirror-image of mine is talking to me in another language which is still understandable to me. It kind of put me off that we couldn't make the date work but there are still enough opportunities. In fact at least at the end of the month we'll definitely see each other, earlier would be better but it's not do-able so easy.
>>
No. 19653
There's one girl at the workplace my age who I think is into me.
Today we agreed that since we're both new, we should work together, since the office environment seems to be quite cuttthroat.
>>
No. 19657
I just wasted 10m square of material because I sent the image in RGB instead of CYMK :-DDDDDDD.

Thankfully, the boys at the back swept it under the rug.
>>
No. 19660
I reworked a chapter in my translation today.
So my idea of working on something else as a relaxation worked. (Please check the short story I posted in the literature thread if you haven't yet, I want to hear your opinion.)

I think I had a panic attack of sorts at school.
They said that there are Japanese people in the building and that scared me. I spent a good half of the last class going in and out of the classroom (It was a self-study session and there was only one teacher who was only there so that we aren't unaccompanied. He didn't mind it that much that I was walking.)
I went home after that, because I couldn't think straight and my heart was beating too fast.

Found a nice edition of Pushkin's poems on the way home, along with a book on the history of the House of Habsburg. Spent less than two euros. The gypsy girl who is selling the books recognised me and remarked
>You always find something!
My mother gave me a large banknote, and she didn't ask for the change. It basically covers my food costs for the upcoming week.

While I was sitting on the bus, a group of primary school kids boarded. All of them girls. All of them were very plain or ugly. But their laughter cheered me up.

I have to help one of my mothers coworkers with something, and I'm going to be paid for that, which is really fucking good, because I need the money. (Who doesn't?)

The girl had a new haircut today. I complimented her.
>>
No. 19661
Pretty shite days recently, I'm looking for a temporary job though I can't find anything really suitable but I don't want to lower my standards yet as it's not too urgent.
Also my supervisors finally wrote me back that I'll have to hold a poster presentation for my thesis in two weeks and then thank god it'll be over.

I've been watching the anime Ghost Hound which deals with out-of-body experiences and "soul traveling", as in sort of lucid dreaming but as a ghost in the real world. So it was only a matter of time until I had a pretty intense dream today:
I was walking through an enhanced version of my town, it was summer and there were lots of trees and plants around. I came around a small bakery shop where I bought ice cream which cost 3.75€ or so which would be too expensive IRL, but it didn't faze me. I arrived at a private school where some student in a uniform showed me around. All the students seemed to take copious amount of alcohol and drugs but they were all functioning normally. When we arrived at the top of the building I had to help them clean the kitchen and take the trash out.
When I arrived at the dumps, there was a girl and a French guy who complimented me on my Huawei phone (I actually have a Xiaomi). We started to talk in French and I had to subdue my laughter when pronouncing "l'Huawei" in French. These guys ended up bringing me into a huge sort of neoclassical building which was a huge commune for artists. It was owned by the parents of a writer I follow on twitter.
First thing I see there is a short built guy from my psychology classes posing for a photoshoot in a ballerina tutu. I get tangled up with some weird artist people, I don't remember much from this period, I think I meet a friend whom I wouldn't expect to at this place but it's all hazy. At some point I want to leave but I get stopped by a tanned bleach blonde girl who tells me that her sister wants to see me. So I follow her into the room she leads me into, as I go inside she closes the door from the outside. So inside, lying on a bed in a gown in dimmed light, is her twin sister, also tanned and bleach blonde. And somehow I know that this girl is a prostitute but she is also holy. We don't talk about much but somehow we establish a very intimate connection. And she is very soft and radiates light and warmth and she lets me embrace her. But I know I can't kiss her, maybe she tells me so, she is a prostitute after all.
I'm not sure what happened next, I think I was able to leave but I woke up quite soon after that.


>>19657
>I sent the image in RGB instead of CYMK :-DDDDDDD.
Classic, happened to me as well.

>>19660
>(Please check the short story I posted in the literature thread if you haven't yet, I want to hear your opinion.)
Will do, I was planning to already.

>They said that there are Japanese people in the building and that scared me.
Why are you scared of Japanese of all people? :DDD
>>
No. 19662
>>19661
I'm scared of people who come from cultures I'm interested in. I want to save myself from embarrassing situations where I say something stupid and offend them. It's because while I know some things, I'm still just a clueless dullard when it comes to China and Japan, so I avoid them and I keep my interest secret if I can.
>>
No. 19663
57 kB, 525 × 351
I bought a hot dog, but the bread didn't have enough sausage in it to fulfill its promise of being a hot dog. It was technically a hot dog, in that it was bread with sausage in it, but it did not embody the IDEA of what a hot-dog is supposed to be, as an experience of eating it. It was a hot dog in body, but not in spirit. Just like everything else in our current reality. Physical bodies, images, promises of Things, with no Spirit of the Thing behind them. A collage world of visual symbols with nothing behind them.

There is no categorical difference between a plastic hot dog toy, a printed picture of a hotdog, and a physical, bread and sausage "hotdog" that doesn't succeed in (or even strive for) being a hot dog, in the REAL sense of being a hotdog: in the sense of the experience of eating it.

And this is why I hate worldliness. I can only imagine a world where everything does mean what it says, and everything really IS what it looks like. I imagine heaven to be like that. Where not are there ONLY real hot dogs, but fake hot dogs don't exist at all. Every hot dog is a perfect physical instance of the Ideal Form of hotdogs.

Compared to that, our reality is hell: a landscape of objects that never are what they appear to be. Distorted images of Ideas, shadows dancing on a cave wall. Never the real thing.

>>19617
"Humanity" has a very rigid definition. It is "whatever there is in a human that is not worldly". In other words, the holy spirit. Any bodily experience, breath or sexual arousal, when meditated upon, can evoke existential despair. The only difference is that unlike the former, the latter more strongly encroaches on the realm of the mind. An even more important distinction is that bodily functions that involve other human beings must be dealt with moral consideration (sex, violence, etc.), unlike those that only affect your own body (excretion, breath).
>>
No. 19664
400 kB, 602 × 644
>>19661
>I know that this girl is a prostitute but she is also holy.
Just like in my Russian novels :DDDD
>>
No. 19666
>>19663
I experience the breakfast scene from falling down every single day, but not due to capitalism, but because of this fake fucking physical reality.
Fuck the demiurge, divine totality now, DO WHAT THOU WILT, gnosis and nirvana, not entropy and samsara, ok.
>>
No. 19672
>>19662
I'm sure if anything they'll be positively surprised that you know more than others and at worst they just won't care.

>>19664
Ebin!
I've interpreted a few things but missed that connection.
>>
No. 19676
350 kB, 1525 × 921
Spent this morning on the beach by the river located in the center thinking about depressive things in my life, got kinda angry and saw a couple of middle aged men and a woman with them walking a dog nearby. At the entrance to the beach there is clearly a sign indicating it's prohibited to walk your dogs and a fine is imposed for it. I saw a dog run along the shore and how that disgusting animal shat on the sand of the public beach, the dog's owners didn't give a fuck and didn't even inted to clean the shit.
I became even angrier and tried as politely as I could tell them that it was forbidden to walk their dog there. For this action, I was sent to hui by the fat, bald, short man! I didn't blunder and began to insult and shout back, the man instead approached me threating to hit me but I didn't back down and continued to call him a faggot to his face. The two minute long dispute ended with his 40-50 yo moustached friend telling him to stop. I peacefully left while saying that they are swines and shit in the same place where they walk.

It served as just another proof that Slavs are subhumans and don't respect even basic laws. How can our countries build successful economy if they are inhabited by people who kill, steal and destroy everything they can? I would understand if they were teenagers, but they behaved like vandals and at the same time were no longer young. What guarantees that these people will not steal from the state if they have the opportunity to do this with impunity?

Btw, I should get my father's brass knuckles for self defence when I walk alone, because I don't think that I would have won if I had to fight two fat men. I'm not even sure that I could take him 1vs1 without any weapon.
>>
No. 19678
Oh dog, a hemorrhoid tore apart. It's going to be removed next week but until then I'll have to suffer like a pig (and afterwards I'll only have to suffer even more).
I'm only hoping that I'll do somewhat well at the end of the month. Fuck. I even ordered some opioids for tonight so I would at least feel no worries but they didn't come. I was angry as fuck with the mail company. Tomorrow they'll come but I'll want to call my sweetheart so I can't get high.
Fuck everything.
>>
No. 19684
72 kB, 1280 × 720
Skipped two of two lectures of a certain subject this week because I forgot that I even had them in my schedule. To make matters worse, other students have already received their individual assignments and it seems like I am the only one who has not. Explaining myself to the professor is going to be a painful experience and the fact that I didn't show up due to a retarded reason is going to make the whole process even more uncomfortable.
>>
No. 19685
I've been trying to stop using imageboards. It's a worse addiction than alcohol even.
>>
No. 19688
>>19676
Such people exist in Germany as well. Bydloism is universal and wide spread. Building a successful economy depends on other factors.
>>
No. 19690
yesterday on the bus I saw happy, young, beautiful people celebrating a national holiday and going out late.
it made me sad that I am incapable psychologically to partake in such joys

i resent going home from work, an hour long bus ride is too much time to think
>>
No. 19698
Today is International Women's Day. I bought some flowers for my sister and my mother.
They smell nice.

Made some hanzi cards during my only empty class. It's easier now that I have a pen with erasable ink (I found it laying on the ground, pretty handy stuff). I'm getting close to 200 characters now. That's close to HSK-1 level I think.
It's jack fucking shit, but not bad in 8 or so months, especially how at times I neglected the thing for weeks.

Over the past week or so I had a few little day-dreams. Mostly about giving lectures and that I'm a teacher. Others were about what kind of upbringing I'd give to my future son.

I made around 15 Euros yesterday with that oddjob.

I'll be going to the theatre tonight. This is good because I won't be alone on a Friday night. Which is irrelevant, but at least I can say that much, and it makes me feel better.
>>
No. 19699
I slept most of the day away.
Which just means more work tomorrow.
>>
No. 19700
>>19698
>Today is International Women's Day.
You have this shit too? I thought all countries abadoned it exept ex-USSR ones
>>
No. 19702
>>19700
I wouldn't have any problems with it if I didn't have to spend money on the damn thing.
>>
No. 19703
>>19698
>>19700
>>19702
I never knew you were supposed to give women anything at this day though. Mum's have the Mother's Day and for sweethearts there is Valentines. Needless to say that it is rather stupid to have a certain date on which people feel obliged to something instead of letting them give gifts or do nice nice when they feel like it.
When is the international men's day? When do I get to go out on the street and protest for my right to piss anywhere I feel like?
>>
No. 19704
>>19703
Just some flowers or chocolate. Nothing really big or expensive.
>>
No. 19705
89 kB, 544 × 480
74 kB, 400 × 561
105 kB, 680 × 415
>>19703
International workers woman day or something like this is day that celebrates on 8 Marth. It was one of the most big celebrations in soviet block countries.
After fell of SU, 23 February - former day of soviet army and fleer and this become two celebrations. First - MALE day, second - FEMALE day. Context long times ago lost, but it still big events and you need to gonratulate people, give them gifts etc.
>>
No. 19706
>>19705
>>19704
Where does this need for a certain date to give anything come from though? It highly irritates me. It doesn't seem natural and even more irritating if it is so popular all over cultures and countries.
>>
No. 19707
>>19706
Just be like me and don't ever mention and acknowledge any holidays and birthdays.

I mentioned to my coworkers a couple of days ago that I hate holidays because there's a lot of orders for ugly gift card designs and such on those days. I completely forgot that march 8 was in a couple days :-DDDD
>>
No. 19708
84 kB, 1978 × 1004
>>19706
>Where does this need for a certain date to give anything come from though?
23 february is day of soviet army and fleet. All should congratulate formver or present "defenders of fatherland". And because conscription, almost every male served, serve or will serve in army or fleet. So also give some gifts for "out future defenders" - kids, and for former - not only veterans, just guys who was in army. Slowly it became more "Holyday of all Men". Since fall of SU and since there no more Soviet Army and Fleet, it become "day of defenders of fatherland" but basicly "day of Male".

8 Marth was day of woman rights, closely connected to socialistic movments, worker womans and all this crap but even more fast become just "female" day and remain as such. You can see on map where selebrates this day and it's basicly former or present socialistic countries.

Valentine's day and Mother's day while still present, have much much less impact and considered as very minor compare to this dates.
>>
No. 19709
16 year old girl has become a singer for Eurovision.
I feel old.
>>
No. 19711
>>19709
She has eyebrows twinking?
>>
No. 19712
46 kB, 640 × 640
>>19711
The one who has eyebrows twinking is already 20 years old.
>>
No. 19716
This week I did some cover for a Ministerial Private Office. Mostly this is work that involves managing the Ministers diary, answering emails - general bullshit but you generally need to do some time there to advance your career.

Anyway I accidentally opened an email with "Hey" to Minister and got a bollocking for it. Then 5 minutes later someone at Number 10 did exactly the same thing. The sudden impotence was most amusing.

>>19690
>i resent going home from work, an hour long bus ride is too much time to think

Get yourself a nice book. I used to love my bus rides for all the reading I got done. Also girls will start considering you their brainy bus-bf. You can repeat the experience by reading Origins of Political Order or Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance.

>>19703
>When is the international men's day?

19th November. I suppose November is (was?) Man-month what with Movember.

International Women's Day was supposed to be on the 7th but they took too long getting ready.
>>
No. 19719
>>19716
>International Women's Day was supposed to be on the 7th but they took too long getting ready.
In pre-Soviet Russia March 8 occured exactly on February 23. The 23th of February is Red Army day.
In Soviet Russia, International Women Day celebrates you.
>>
No. 19721
142 kB, 846 × 476
238 kB, 846 × 476
>>19269
Your op pic reminds me of quality fan-model for GTA3 that remade Stallion in actual mustang-style look, but same time in style of the game
>>
No. 19722
So, I'm just back from the theatre where I watched an adaptation of Crime and Punishment
It was so bad that I'd classify it as both a crime and a punishment.

Though I did have the chance to discuss what we saw with that girl, so it wasn't completely in vain.
I saw it as an adaptation (Because I've read the book), while for her it was just a simple play, because she had not read it yet, or at least, not completely.)
She stated that this was one of the most boring plays she had ever seen. I'd just consider it an offensively dishonest adaptation.
Tell me, if making Razumikhin say "I'm not smart!" is not dishonest, then what is?
If I were a hopeless romantic, I would have left at that moment.
I'm going to write a scorching critique of this. I'm going to.

I was almost late, because I've never been to that part of the city, and I didn't know which metro exit I should use.
>>
No. 19725
>>19722
I'm not sure that taking a young girl on a date in a theater is a good idea. Not everyone is as autistic and boring as we are.
>>
No. 19726
>>19725
I'm not that bonkers. It was a quasi-official class trip with 10 or so people (Teacher said that hey I have x number of tickets, any of you want some?). We just happened to sit next to each other.

If it were a proper date I'd be fucking clueless what to do. We'd go to McDonald's or something like that. (Fuck if I know)
No idea honestly.
>>
No. 19730
>>19725
Depends on the girl honestly. Most girls of his age won't be interested in arts now, but he'll have to wait 3 or 4 years and he'll find girls with common interest.

t. having this experience right now (I had it before as well but never with a girl my age, only 25+)
>>
No. 19735
>>19722
This sounds like my experience with theatre in general. If something actually is good then there's no chance you'll ever get a ticket. It's like classicism only you also need to have proper upper-echelon connections in the art world.

At least you now have a shared suffering to bond over. Maybe you could text her about how awful it was and sort out meeting up together now that it's the weekend. I don't believe for a second you were randomly assigned a seat next to her. Fucking Don Juan over here practising his camouflage.
>>
No. 19742
i just thought of an ebin joek

"why your pants wet, nigga?"
"I got splashed by the hoes"
>>
No. 19744
That feel when running out of paper at a public toilet and have to raid the toilet paper bin for somewhat clean ones.

Life teaches you some hard lessons sometimes.
>>
No. 19745
>>19744
I'd rather go home with soiled underwear than do that (or use paper towels but those are becoming rarer). Hope you didn't catch something nasty.
>>
No. 19746
>>19745
I would have preferred to wash my ass with the water from the water tank, but it was one of those squat toilets.
I can't go home in soiled underwear, I have work today. This schizoid disconnection from own body (not noticing when you are sleepy, hungry, want to poop, pee, etc) has put me in many poop related predicaments. I'm an expert by now.
Remember, if you shit your pants, walk slowly to the bathroom, undress, and chuck your underwear into the bin. Clean up, and return to work / class with clean pants and no underwear. That way, you can continue the day as if nothing happened at all, and you won't make a big deal / lose a day because of some silly soiled underwear.
t. doner of such
>>
No. 19747
MGS, Hitman and Thief ain't got shit (lol) on the thrill of walking towards the bathroom carefully as to not spill the shart from your asscheeks, and a coworker starts talking to you.
It's like walking on a minefield undercover through a nazi base, and you can't pronounce "reifen ingen".
>>
No. 19749
We're on "you" basis now, and she casually asked me what I did yesterday, and where I go to eat lunch. What does it mean? Is she into me?
She's the kind of girl my grandma would approve of, so I guess it's not a bad option for a date. Although, workplace relationships are kinda eh.
>>
No. 19750
>>19749
Oh boy. You better time this right so she doesn't meet your family on a day where you have to throw out some drunkard friend of your dad. Work place relationships have this habit of turning into a real problem when they are over because suddenly all your collegues seem to know various details from your private life that might be used against your or as justification why things had to end.

Either don't, or be careful and prepared. Or maybe people are different in brick-country and you won't have that issue.
>>
No. 19752
>>19750
Tbh I'm planning on getting the fuck out of my house as soon as I'm able to, and renting a flat somewhere.
Then convincing mom to divorce and buy a small house in the countryside like she always wanted. Then I can forget the whole thing like a bad dream.

That's still months, if not years away. I'm just speculating on how I might dip my toes into normie life. It shall be the next step of my lifelong metamorphosis.
Also, I'm not a fan of her face (she looks like my grandma when she was young, and although she was pretty, she's my grandma), but her body's pretty rocking, and I've heard sentiments from the workshop boys that they'd really like to fuck her the most out of all the girls here, but she has admitted that she dislikes pretty much everyone here (except me, apparently).
So she must be "high class" by provincial standards. Not a high bar, considering most people here came from the countryside doing manual labor or dumb office work, and I'm the only legitimate "city boy".
>>
No. 19753
>>19730
There exist those girls that have their first semester in uni and are already interest in arts and books and stuff because they have been so in school. You just have to find out which of them loves to chit-chat in an artsy way.since I'm an amateur you could count me in as well And take them to the museum.

Now that I think of it, my date at the museum was rather strange but most of these date conversations get cringy at some point just to brake the ice more somehow.
>>
No. 19758
>>19407
How about looking it from a different angle? If you want to measure it measure by the amount of vices (for example the deadly sins, pretty sure a hobo is over Anger and lacks Pride - and the five minor ones are also builds on Pride) and the lack of them. Or some virtues can be l'art pour l'art.
>>
No. 19760
>>19735
My experience is that you can't get a ticket for something that's good if you want it to see after the premiere.
The piece we saw has been running for 2 years now.

The "problem" is that for premieres and showings after that, the donors and the benefactors get the tickets. (Which is okay in my book, they pay for the upkeep of the theatre, so they should get the first dab at buying them.)

You can definitely can see good pieces, but you have to wait 6 months or a year until the hardcore-art-core group saw it (Though it might be that I'm just not vigilant enough to get tickets).
(Or, just have connections with a reseller.)(Or go with your school if it's relevant to the curriculum.)

I enjoy going to the theatre for some reason. It's more enjoyable than going to the cinema. Maybe it's not overly commercialised and that's why. (Though I don't use buffets at theatres during the breaks regularly, but it was never overly expensive. ~5 Euros for a cake and some freshly made tea (of decent quality) is okay in my book.)

>Maybe you could text her about how awful it was
We discussed it for a good 30 minutes after the play was over. What's nice is that she actually was interested in my opinion.
>"I'm really interested what you'll think about it, Ernst"
>>
No. 19762
I just wrote a 2.5 page rant on yesterday's play and sent it to the teacher. It felt really liberating to write so freely and without any constraint.
>>
No. 19771
Brother is being a bitch over me preferring my current workplace to his wishy washy promises.
"Wah, nobody helps me, wah I'm all alone, wah, all my relatives are degenerates".
Yeah, well, that's also true for me, and you ain't gotta try and turn me back into a NEET after I finally get something going for myself.
>>
No. 19777
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For the past years, my life has been a huge dumpster fire, I have a lot of nasty stories, but I have never felt as suicidal as today. A girl I had an e-relationship with broke up with me without saying a thing, she simply started ignoring my messages and banned me. I understand what you think, how can this guy make a fuss about e-relationship, but there are 3 things that make it a pretty big deal and make her precious for me:
  1. I have very high standarts and despise & hate 99% of people. I don't have any friends, don't want to make them and many people disgust me because of their behavior, thus it's very hard to find a girl that wouldn't be just attractive to me, but suitable too. She was this kind of girl. It's embarrassing to tell how hard it was to find someobdy like her.
    2. My greatest fear is being cucked. I'm paranoid, don't trust anybody and believe that there's always a tiny possibitily for any outcome, it doesn't to me matter how ridicolous the probability is. Remember Russell's teapot? I'm afraid she just found someone better and didn't want to tell me.
  2. She liked my appearance, she liked my character, voice, she confessed her love and often made the first moves, which is hard to expect from a girl if you don't look like Brad Pitt.
  3. The only way to escape poverty and shitty life in Ukraine is working as an artist or programmer. I wanted to be a CG artist and I have somewhat decent skills. Before her, I didn't have any motivation and contemplated suicide because I couldn't see the point in becoming an artist or getting wealthy, I didn't enjoy my life. The girl made me work more actively for my future career. Now I don't see the point of doing anything.
The last time we spoke, she said that she was not ready for any relationship, not only with me but with anyone, and that she never looked for boyfriend. At that time, she said she loves me and would message me one day if she were ready.
A few months later, I wanted to find out how she was doing and as a result, my messages were ignored, and I was banned. I think this qualifies as "fuck off" or "I found someone better".

I don't know what to do next. I have no motivation and I don't want to search for girls, because I believe the more often you change your partners and say the words of love, the cheaper they become. You can't claim that you truly love somebody if you can easily replace him and feel the same for somebody else. Probably I will continue to hide in the apartment for the next few years and end my life when the money runs out.
>>
No. 19778
I will only get a pay rise suitable for moving out in like 3 months.
Oh well, I need to find other ways to earn extra money. After I figure out how this company operates, I'm hoping I'll get more free time to do freelance work on the side.

Also, I'm starting to think that the source of existential dread and mystical thinking is idleness. I just don't have the time or energy to philosophize about the fate of the Universe any more. I can not help but be nice to people because avoiding social friction is simply the best way to get people off your back and save mental energy on work.
>>
No. 19780
>>19777
There's a good chance that she's just acting on impulse and will come to regret her decision later. Give it a week and then try to contact her through whatever means possible.
>>
No. 19784
>>19780
She had months to decide if she needed me, plus I don't want to humiliate myself in her eyes. Women don't like men who depend on them.
I'm sure she will regret it later, but this is not because I'm such a wonderful man. Everyone in old age rethink their life choices and regret their past decisions, even if a different option could bring more pain. How many relationships break up, how many unhappy marriages we have in the world? 46% of married couples in the US end up with divorce, those people certainly thought more than once of how good everything could be if they never tried to build anything with their former spouce. I'm sure that nearly all men and women think about what could happen if only they pursued a relationship with another person. There is such a huge disproportion between happiness, bitterness and pain in the world.
>>
No. 19786
777 kB, 686 × 4893
Doing dating as a grown-up gets awfully depressing and I'd avoid if you can. I took a girl out last night to what inevitably felt like a job interview rather than just having a bit of a laugh like in the uni years. Maybe it is my dislike of stilted formalities at work but part of the problem is also that it feels like everyone decent has settled down now and I'm just stuck seeing people I don't really like who don't really like me either.

Anyway to dish; blonde with big tits and a fat arse :DDDDD And American so it's ez-pz if ask about thanksgiving and that - I'm sure any Americans reading this won't take offence when I say you're a boisterous and talkative lot. But I'm not going to dance around the issue, she's got the same name as my mother and is very motherly herself which doesn't make it any better. It feels shallow but I don't like this at all and doubly so if we're just going to be a mix of screwing and her babying me. I feel very uncomfortable about this.

I was meant to see my old lassm8 this weekend but she apparently double-booked herself while drunk. I find this a bit hard to believe as she originally messaged me at 1130 on a Tuesday. My thinking is I'm going to get plans like this thrown out whenever she's having a bad day at work.

>>19777
>I don't have any friends, don't want to make them and many people disgust me because of their behavior

How tedious. Make the effort to get to know people and you will find out some of them are okay, you just sound like a generic internet snob who wonders why he is so alone. It may be the case that you need to find a certain crowd but you had a fucking e-gf and spend enough time on the internet to use words like "cucked" so get off your high-horse and put the effort in.

Anyway like with all breakups you can use this chance to work on yourself. It wasn't her who put your life back on track - it was you. You're the one who stuck at it and put the effort in. She was just a girl using you for attention and now that sponge is gone you can focus totally on yourself - put that rage and sadness into your career and your life.
>>
No. 19787
Woke up at 9 'o clock, had breakfast.
I'm running the household for a week because my mother and father are travelling. So yesterday was "wasted" on their departure. Today was "wasted" because I had to go to the chemists for some random herbal "medicine" thing that was really urgent for whatever fucking reason.
>Go and get it, your sister feels bad, lmao we don't know why but we need this it's urgent
So I had to trek through the town because the chemist's I went to was closed. Infuriated, I wanted to fucking murder every single retard I saw on the fucking bus. Same goes for the cunts standing in line, eyeing me. An ugly sack of lard was looking at me like as if I were a lunatic or something. I looked at her until she stopped looking at me.
So much for the harmony of the day I guess. Usually a day is ruined if I start grinding my teeth in anger.
Everything for the family I guess.

Played some Doom. It's a good game.

I might still be able to get some "work" done if I manage do make myself a few cups of strong tea.
I still want to add some post-it notes to my new copy of C&P, and I might continue reading The noise of time. Though I actually have a test coming up again. Biochemistry is the gayest fucking thing ever.
>Oh, in grade 11 you won't have chemistry, only biology!
>By God, we are free!
>Okay, next chapter in biology is biochemistry
Every single lesson feels like an eternity with incredibly boring things even if it's simplified compared to the already simplified Chemistry classes.
This thing is unteachable at a HS level. Maths at least I understand now, but you either need to be dedicated or a genius for this, and I'm neither.

>>19778
>I'm starting to think that the source of existential dread and mystical thinking is idleness. I just don't have the time or energy to philosophize about the fate of the Universe any more.
That's a timeless truth. Voltaire wrote the same thing in Candide, and I've seen the motif in Dostoevsky's works too.
>>
No. 19788
>>19787
>Played some Doom. It's a good game.
Which wad? On which engine?
>>
No. 19789
>>19788
https://www.doomworld.com/vb/wads-mods/85749-a-short-city-themed-map/
This one. It's a pretty hard map, but it's well made.
Used GZDoom.
>>
No. 19790
>>19787
>and I've seen the motif in Dostoevsky's works too.
https://youtu.be/WG1v6u7q3Sk?t=1m56s
This quote has always stuck with me.
It's like he was warning other schizoids about the danger of falling into your own fantasy world, because he knew that feel as well.
>>
No. 19791
>>19789
Cool! Last time I checked out new wads when played Ashes 2063. I wonder, if any good new TC was released since then.

I waiting new version of official campain for brutal doom.
>>
No. 19792
>>19787
>free house

Why not invite your gf over for dinner or something. Even if she brings her mate you can still show yourself doing manly things like cooking and have a good time. Could even get a bbq going if the weather is as sunny in Hungary as it is here.

A teenager shouldn't waste such golden moments when your parents aren't around. Your sister shouldn't be too much a bother and she might even enjoy talking to older girls.
>>
No. 19795
I wanna bake a chocolate pie. The recipe is super simple with less than 5 ingredients but will have a heavenly taste. But shops are closed on Sunday.

The weather is ugly, rain and wind all day lumped in a grey omnipotence but I went to the uni library, brought back some books and got new ones and I left the house

>>19792
A good idea. Cooking men will appeal heavily attractive to a certain type of women, 100%. And since she is interested in literature she will also value self cooked lunch or dinner.
Don't be afraid to talk simple things like what you like to eat and what you hate etc.
You could also cook something together, which is even better it's not about a good meal but about doing something together and laugh when you both fail or so
>>
No. 19801
2,4 MB, 500 × 281, 0:02
>>19786
Oh bother, I just found out she's a doctor but when not looking down her top she really does look like my mother and she's older than me. Any sage wisdom?
>>
No. 19802
>>19792
>>19795
I probably should have planned ahead, but it doesn't really matter because I don't think we are at that level yet.
Fuck, I'm panicking again.
>>
No. 19803
>>19802
>I don't think we are at that level yet.

Ask her if she wants to come over to hang around and cook something, your parents are on holiday. You just thought maybe the both of you can hang out some time. I wouldn't do it if I only talked to her a few times...well, actually I would if we had a great time every time we had a chat
I mean there is no pressure that something really happens you will have to find out but that is why you need to hang around first. She accepting the invitation is not a safe bet but it's cool nonetheless, no?

I know it sounds crazy but try to relax and don't try to over impress her or whatever, being casual but special is alright

This also means that the brit and me shouldn't pressure you into something, we just wanna give some hints of what worked for us, I think. Regretting doing nothing when you felt you should have done something is shit tho, but it will happen anyway in life at some points, and not just with such a topic.
>>
No. 19804
125 kB, 500 × 388
>>19802
Don't be gay, there is a very strong chance she will touch your dick if you just send a simple message. You can invite her over as a friend. Just say something like "Hey I got a free house and was thinking of cooking/drinks. Do you want to come and hang out?" Throw her friends name in as well if you want so you can always play it off that you enjoyed the theatre together, get alone with the girl you like in the kitchen and things will happen.

I accidentally slept with my mother last night and asked internet strangers to talk me into doing it again. There's no excuse to pass up such an opportunity.
>>
No. 19805
56 kB, 1080 × 1044
>Get e-mail
>Sent to the whole class
>It says that the critique of the play should be maximum 1 page long
>btw here is some homework
>btw we are writing a test on Tuesday
Nigger, I already sent you the critique yesterday, it's too fucking late now to set new standards. Why can't people plan ahead?
Things like this should be set in stone the moment a task is given out.

Can't believe I wasted an entire weekend.
>>
No. 19807
>>19803
Oh right, yes, no pressure. Still we know what we're talking about here and from what I've seen she likes you. You'll laugh off any nerves you have tomorrow. Trust in Ernst.
>>
No. 19812
9,5 MB, 480 × 360, 1:42
191 kB, 7 pages
I read this article again. There's something special about it.

https://www.ft.com/content/926a66b0-8b49-11e8-bf9e-8771d5404543
>>
No. 19816
>>19812
It is altogether indicative of something else though. People tend to choose right wing extremist demagogues in periods of economic uncertainty. Greece is an exceptionally good example of this, and was quite probably--and ironically, given it is the symbolic birthplace of Western democracy--the beginning of this rise of dictators and strong men across the world including Duterte. The odd thing is the way there was a sort of incubation period where for most of the world it didnt happen until after a lot of problems were fixed or at least stabilized from the 2008 global recession. In times of plenty people don't care. In times of uncertainty and fear they're willing to embrace the worst possible solution to their problems.

That being stated this may well be a flash in the pan. Nigel Farage is already thoroughly discredited. Boris as noted in the article is gone. The entire Leave movement has shown itself to be a complete shitshow and impending disaster this March. LePen failed and nobody remembers any of the other complete dipshits like whoever that bleach blond quarter Jewish guy in Netherlands was called. The right leaning Finnish government had just collapsed and the Hungarians just end up looking like a retarded throwback to Stalinism more than anything.

The only real exceptions I can think of are Bolsonaro and Trump, and Trump every day has more of his corruption and overall criminality exposed particularly with a lot more legal exposure lately to the point where it's looking likely that his son is going to be indicted. I think what amazes me the most is his incompetent gullibility and naivete though, since it seems Kim Jong Un basically just needed to flatter him so he could go home feeling good about himself and declaring North Korea disarmed even as they're launching a fresh round of missile tests. Any statesman in the last 50 years would've known better about the DPRK strategy and I think that overall Trump is just going to go down as another Boris Johnson.

The real test is going to be with ongoing PRC encroachment and indirect warfare and us needing to get tougher on China with a sense of realism towards Russia, and how this all works out with the looming economic downturn. If the economy actually crashes then we're going to wind up with right wing extremists taking power all over the globe and probably left wing extremists too.
>>
No. 19852
Dang, they deleted the shitpost thread.

I was about to drop some heavy schizobombs in there. The patternic experience field of human condition being the function of intellect as well as other factors, inherited and learned.
>>
No. 19853
>>19852
You can drop them here
>>
No. 19854
>>19852
https://www.urbanomic.com/book/intelligence-and-spirit/

I want to read it one day, but since you like Plato so much, this book might be especially interesting for you. I guess there will be a copy available online.
>>
No. 19855
44 kB, 500 × 375
I love nicotine but hate smoking. Especially coughing I don't like much (Dieser Ernst=Unterschicht). I think I'm getting too old for this shit in my mid 20s.

Pic related seems to be the answer. It works pretty stealth and is not as annoying, time consuming and cringy as vaping.

Rate my lung.

I am slightly concerned about my gums, but funny enough I never was when I was a heavy smoker, so what gives.
>>
No. 19856
>>19855
>Pic related seems to be the answer

So mouth cancer instead of lung cancer is the answer?

Just try to limit it or go some days without, if it's possible. I rarely smoke anymore, only when with other smokers or similar social occasions. At home I can go 1-2 weeks without a cig. Sometimes it's necessary to smoke one tho.
>>
No. 19857
>>19856
I checked 2 papers, Swedens tobacco health statistics and 2 review papers both after 2014. Sorry but my autism makes me laugh about your mouth cancer assumption. Even the fucking EU can not state on the can "Chewing tobacco is deadly". They have to say "Harms your health and is addictive"(Banters aside it's a quite interesting topic health wise. Check it out on Scholar or maybe NCBI).

I will be exposed to Nitrosamines though just like when I would smoke, but pretty sure I am exposed to that by my everyday food allready.

Regarding your other comment: I do not want to lower my nicotine(!) consumption. Neither do I have the motivation nor am I interested.
>>
No. 19858
The wind broke the gate of the front yard. I noticed that when I got home. After fixing it I immediately rushed to the entrance to see if anybody has been to the house itself. Thankfully we weren't robbed or anything.
After that I plopped down by bag and it got to me that the fucking dog was nowhere to be found. So I rushed outside into the fucking rain and started running in a random direction to try finding the dog. I whistled twice, and as I was running I noticed a little black furball, completely wet on the side of the road coming towards me. I had no idea if it was our dog or not, I was going to fucking grab it and bring it home. I got closer to it and indeed it was ours, so I picked it up and rand back home with it in the rain. You don't know how incredibly glad I was that I found the little bastard.

Otherwise my day was simply boring as usual. Found a used copy of another Dostoevsky book, this time a really nice edition. Decided to get it, because while I have a basic allotment of money for the week, it's still plenty, so I won't be starving or anything.

I should be studying, but I just can't seem to stop lazing around. I feel sort of sick. Fever-ish. Two tests tomorrow and I haven't done anything yet.

Almost done with Notes from the Underground, only ~20 pages to go. I'm going to read some non-fiction on Dostoevsky next. It's a really interesting subject.
>>
No. 19862
>>19858
Seems like one of those days which is shit but in retrospect actually nice.
>>
No. 19863
I'm having one of these episodes where I feel like a completely worthless idiot. Not very surprising as I've been somewhat lazy recently. It's frustrating because actually I have been reading, watching online courses and doing some programming but I don't feel like I'm being productive or doing anything meaningful at all. I guess I should finally send some job applications.
I'm also anxious about my upcoming poster presentation, I'm feeling too noided right now to start working on it though. Maybe I should go for a walk, haven't been outside since Friday because of storm Eberhard (couldn't believe they called it such a silly sounding name when I heard it on the news today)

>>19855
Have you checked out pod vapes, e.g. Juul? They are pretty minimalist in design and also rather stealthy. I'm quite happy with mine so far, haven't smoked a cigarette since though I feel like I'm actually consuming more nicotine now.
Maybe nicotine gum is also worth a try.

>>19858
>I should be studying, but I just can't seem to stop lazing around. I feel sort of sick. Fever-ish.
Same here, haha.
Glad you found your dog.
>>
No. 19866
>>19863
I am not a fan of Juul. I could argue but will agree that it's just a matter of taste.

Nictotine gums taste like shit and are a pharma rip-off. Really can't support such lobbyists. They're just salty that people came up with great smokeless ideas.
>>
No. 19867
>>19862
Yes. A very nice day actually.
Tomorrow is going to be a pain in the ass though.

>>19863
>Same here, haha.
I just sort of hope I wake up sick tomorrow or something like that. Though it won't happen. It never happens.
>>
No. 19868
Finished two writing tasks for a grade relevant project. These were the last two, I can correct and proof read them tomorrow, add foot notes and then I will resume writing my big paper.
It's rather nice that I can analyze a poem in a satisfying way so I hope now that I'm years out of school. But then again Hofmannsthal is a gem at times, especially the early one.

>>19863
>I have been reading, watching online courses and doing some programming but I don't feel like I'm being productive or doing anything meaningful at all.

I know that feel. Nothing ever really comes around it seems from such things, the progress one makes is painfully slow and nothing seem to ever help you in getting payed or find a job that gets you payed, that requires such skills.
Watched a documentary about Jeff Koons the other day and he said most people fail the situation in which they realize that all people around them have more skills. He named two situations: A kid wants to play football but when it comes to the club first time all the other kids can already play football. He had the same situation in art school. Well, most people will get demoralized in that situation but Koons didn't. So far the legend goes. Yet it's a nice tale that should keep you from worrying about the skills of other people. But still, I feel like I can never write essays and articles people want to read, I have nothing of relevance to say. Being "good" in a bachelor degree seminar writing task, what does it even say? Good old Kafka behavior: making yourself as small as possible.
>>
No. 19871
Life seems pointless these days. I was feeling euphoric about the re-connection with my high-school crush but now it seems like everything is cooling down again. Either her interest is lost or she is really too busy at the moment (I know for she is for sure, but answering texts shouldn't take so much time), either way it feels more like a waste of the spare energy I have at the moment. (Even though we talked very well on saturday again). Maybe I really didn't let my adoration for her shine trough enough, I don't know. It's not even the root of the depression at the moment. Yesterdays I had thoughts about feeling useless again, my aspirations only seemed like pointless illusions and I stray further away from them the older I get. Having wasted 4 years after school without moving on in life with some kind of diploma or something makes me feel like a fucking cripple.
I now use the depression to write, it works so weirdly effortless when I'm on the edge of everything like right now. Guess everything is going to be rather dark then but as I'm reaching the end of my novella that's alright.

Back to educational questions: I now think to start studying once again as I found a bachelor that would both be interesting and have a quite clear career path relating to something I'm good at. The college would be much smaller and less anonymous than mine, the classes probably as well. In uni I got lost, one of my biggest troubles was to connect to people, everything was just too much for me (as well as the experience of living alone for the first time). I imagine in a smaller, less fluctuating class integration would be easier. By the way I'm not talking about finding friends but only about a close-knit class where you have informal groups etc. Also the subject I studied was extremely unstructured, you had the freedom to do whatever you want whenever you want and you didn't even have to come to classes. You can imagine that for me, who came freshly out of school was fatal. Also matters of motivation and discipline. Motivational troubles aren't a problem of mine anymore, I get stuff done and even slowly start to structure may day well. But my anxiety about studying is massive. I imagine failing once again would be soul-crushing. But those apprenticeships I was applying to don't seem much better either. I'd be mostly standing around and taking in orders, catalogizing books or documents on the computer or take back borrowed books at the counter. My work-colleagues would mostly be middle-aged women and I'd earn just enough to have a bit money to go traveling once a year or so. The subject I'm interested in studying now would be translation (into a non-english language I already know without too much translators). I haven't spent nearly as much time on it as our hungarian Ernst but I have translated some prose as well and it was fun. Obviously I would translate economical and law-related stuff but I wouldn't mind that. It would be a work to really get involved in. A job I could imagine myself really flourishing while the librarian stuff wouldn't me much more stimulating than the blue collar shit I'm doing right now. Also I'd have to work a bit next to studying but I think that won't be a problem. Also I'd have to give up the social circle I have built myself here and move to the other end of the country, but then again that doesn't seem so important.
I will call the student counseling of the college tomorrow, talk about it and get my questions about the study answered, also about possibilities of maybe working as Werksstudent.
>>
No. 19872
>>19816
>>19816
You seem to read about European politics a lot and yet your post is ideological to the extreme. Societies will always need tradition, hierarchy and order (right-wing) as well as disruption, flattening of the hierarchy and experimentation (left-wing) at different times. To use some of your words: Stalinism is not an accident but a function of too many people choosing left wing extremist demagogues in periods of uncertainty, embracing the worst possible solution.

I don't see the incubation period as very odd because the taxpayers bailed out the financial institutions. The risk takers which caused the collapse got off with a slap on the wrist. And a lot of individuals inside these financial-political circles already pushed for more globalization and migration when average citizens were still coping with the ramifications of the crisis (at least that's how many unemployed or troubled people rationalized the situation). It caused an even bigger rift between average citizens and globalists.
>>
No. 19879
>>19868
>But still, I feel like I can never write essays and articles people want to read, I have nothing of relevance to say.
That's a predicament I share as well. I feel like I need to read more. But also write more. And then I also have to actually make money and have some social life. Where can one take the time and the energy for all this? Something has to give way I guess, it's just impossible to achieve all these things.
It doesn't help that I'm prone to doubt and making excuses. There are these traits and habits that you feel like make you you but maybe it'd better if you could change them. Then again I'm not even sure that's possible in some cases. Maybe it doesn't even make sense to think in this way and you have to focus on the process of doing something without thinking too much about it. But Doubt creeps up at every word.

>>19871
>Yesterdays I had thoughts about feeling useless again, my aspirations only seemed like pointless illusions and I stray further away from them the older I get.
Unfortunately I don't have anything cheerful to say except that I'm also having similar feelings lately. In my case the degree doesn't help at all either, all it's good for at this point is so I can get hired doing some soul-crushing corporate job. It might be different in your case but I definitely recommend to do lots of research whether it is really required for a job that you'd want to do and I'd also have a close look at the curriculum and whatever information you can get ahold of. At least that's what I'm trying to do now when considering whether/which Master's program I want to do. Lots of these programs sound cool and interesting but when you look closer it's a lot of boring hogwash, some stupidly basic modules.
I'm sorry I'm ranting a bit. I guess the older you get, the less you can afford to make bad choices. But then again it can be quite paralyzing if you think too much about it.

>I now use the depression to write, it works so weirdly effortless when I'm on the edge of everything like right now. Guess everything is going to be rather dark then but as I'm reaching the end of my novella that's alright.
Well, at least you have this going for you. Let me know if you want someone to beta-read it.
>>
No. 19881
57 kB, 326 × 326
Oh lord I have done it, I confessed. I couldn't bear it any longer to not act upon my feelings and the urge became irresistable, my body is still trembling from it. And yes maybe the time (4AM) isn't the best to do so but she has insomnia as well and we were texting before so it's not coming out of the blue. Shit, I swear I couldn't hold it back anymore now I fear tomorrow like judgement day :DDD no turning back at this point guys, voicemail is sent and can't be called back. It all started coming back up when I remembered that at some.point in our last call she said something along the lines of "I reaally like talking to you, Ernst" - because of my miserable self-esteem I interpreted it as way of her to cut the call and stop and reacted surprised and sort of baffled before she just kept on talking afterwards, this was only after I realized that I mistook a sign for affection as a good-bye which it clearly not turned out to be.
Why am I such a retard in romantic things. The words I used now were a bit cheesy but I know she likes when I talk/write that way. Jesus. Feels like I'm close to having a stroke or something.
>>
No. 19883
>>19881
Respect and good luck!
I'm sure it's a good thing you did it, even regardless of the outcome.
>>
No. 19891
>>19879
> I feel like I need to read more. But also write more. And then I also have to actually make money and have some social life. Where can one take the time and the energy for all this?

Yes, YES! All of this.
I think what would help me is to read less across all genres and topics and concentrate on a few topics instead, so one can be better at them and write about them, but then it's not what I have in mind. I should also write up at least some main arguments from every essay and book so I have them at hand and remember them better, built a base of knowledge, so I can write and have things in my head, just need to look them up to be sure.
Problem really is you cannot make money by training writing, fuck this shit, you really need some kind of internship and training. I have to write essays in uni which have the length of newspaper articles and comments etc. All of these aint super long, but are well made.
One strategy is to take a 1-2 or even more books/essays and apply it's arguments into some real world phenomenon. I've seen articles that take one book and do this.

What else is bad? I rarely have a clue of daily politics and I don't read a newspaper, which makes it a bit hard to follow reality, yes reality constructed from media but at least it's the base for most people in a way, so without that, you miss a source for ideas to write about something.
More than 12 months ago I saved a link for a book called Der Rezensionsautomat which is an introduction to write reviews for books etc. could make a good training to write such things first.
>>
No. 19894 Kontra
>>19891
>>19891

I just posted in the literature thread and it struck my mind shortly, when you want to write something, just do so by answering question that pop up in your mind concerning some topic pretty much academia but you don't need to be so strict. Raising questions needs to be learned tho, at least this is true for me. And when I'm in class, I guess I can safely say its true for my fellow students.
>>
No. 19898
5 kB, 265 × 190
>>19883
>Yes, it also took me quite a while to fall asleep :laughing emoji:. Ernst, what are you talking about? :surprised emoji: :laughing emoji:
Uhm, well fuck
>>
No. 19900 Kontra
382 kB, 602 × 807
>>19898
This is back against the wall somehow, dunno what you should do, explain yourself or does she only pretend not having understood what you sent her? Or did you spill so many spaghetti she really did not understand want you wanted to say?
>>
No. 19902
>>19900
I think so, I'm not quite sure honestly how she perceived what I said (maybe it was too cryptic indeed and not as clear as it sounded it my head). I now explained that it was meant as a declaration of affection and that I'm amazed that we have so much in common. Maybe she really just liked me a lot as a friend? But why all the flattering then, I don't know.
Btw I never have heard anything about her having a partner or even seeing her together with a man or something, while most of her friends are in relationships. Also it seems like she has a quite strong bond with her father. I don't want to psychologize anything but it may be harder to get close to her than I imagined it to be.
I hope I didn't scare her off.
>>
No. 19903
>>19891
>read less across all genres and topics and concentrate on a few topics instead
I also had similar thoughts though I feel like I still have too many blindspots in my Allgemeinbildung that I need to catch up on, at least for another year or so. Maybe it's also just an excuse and one should be able to find some topics where one has enough knowledge on.
For me it's the other way around, I don't write near enough since I also didn't study anything related to humanities, but I consider myself pretty plugged into the news machine, through Twitter mostly. Though it's often overwhelming as well if you try to follow all sorts of developments.

>>19894
>when you want to write something, just do so by answering question that pop up in your mind concerning some topic
Makes sense. I've also read some advice along those lines in a blogpost recently, maybe it's also helpful to you: https://guzey.com/personal/why-have-a-blog/

>>19898
Well, that's what's up then. Now you know at least.
>>
No. 19906
Today I was a worthless piece of human trash. When I woke up, I decided to skip classes. This took me about half an hour, as I walked up and down in my tiny room. After having breakfast, I decided to lay in bed, and fell asleep. Slept another 4 hours and woke up at around 10.
Then I sat down and spent the day reading random Pushkin poems, random pages from a book on the Habsburgs and finishing Notes from the Underground.
Maybe because of the tea, but I felt extremely panicked the whole day.
It's probably not the best thing that I surround myself with literary characters like Raskolnikov and the Underground Man. I should try reading or doing something more fulfilling and less oppressive.

The Christmas tree is still out in the garden. I cut it in half with an axe. Didn't feel liberating at all. What's worse is that the head of the axe came off.

I'm not going to go in tomorrow either. It'll be a March 15th celebration and I might be too much of a closet monarchist for that. Maybe it's just that I'm contrarian.

Next up is that I'm going to write a book report tonight.
Currently listening to overmanufactured 80s Japanese citypop to soothe myself a bit.
>>
No. 19907
>>19903
When you concentrate on a topic you will still have to meddle with the fringes and thus explore some other topics automatically. But then having a small core and going vast else is my plan. But I don't know what my core or even cores should be right now, just some ideas I'm trying to follow by reading certain topics more frequently.
Will check the link, thanks.

>>19906
>Chill all day when parents are away for holiday

Classic.jpg
>>
No. 19908 Kontra
To finish this little story, here is her last answer:
>I feel the same, I really like to talk to you but I don't think that's a new phenomenon, it's been like that back then already, you just happen to be someone I get along with well [laughs]. goes on telling about yoga classes

Well, at least it didn't get more awkward than that. I should be caring for other things at the moment and just derive some occasional pleasure from talking to her. Thanks for your attention friends, nothing of interest happened here.
>>
No. 19909
>>19903
Ok so I checked your link. It's good. You just need some problem, question or idea, all three of them can lead to each other.
What I often like to do then is grab a blank paper and brain storm a structure for an argument or just write down some thesis and other points that seem important for a specific text. You just have to work them by research/reading. Like a normal paper, basically.

The problem is that many things I want to write about seem to require a rather big research that I cannot perform while reading the usual amount. And reading is easier than writing, a comfort zone tier insight.
But reading will provide you with the knowledge from which problems, ideas and question arise. Just needs a balance and training that really starts with simple writings/arguments.

A good thing with concentrating on one topic to read will also get you a better knowledge of said topic. You can argue more profound. When reading bits and pieces here and there your knowledge is scattered and often times to shallow to be used in a profound or acceptable way, tho that might be an impression which is due to not liking your/myself.
>>
No. 19910
>>19907
It's not chilling if I feel like shit because my conscience isn't clear. It's an existential struggle.
>>
No. 19911
>>19910
Now imagine how I felt when I moved out and lived alone, many experience this. Discipline first would be better, but I learned over time. Doesn't work properly tho seven days a week.
>>
No. 19912 Kontra
>>19908
I don't know maybe you shouldn't invest to much thinking into it. A female can totally enjoy talking to you without being madly in love, I had to experience that myself. It's bitter but I kept on with my life and eventually found someone else, it just doesn't happen over night but it comes from one moment to the other tho
>>
No. 19913
>>19911
I'm disciplined allright. I would've skipped today even if they were home. It's just that I was too much of a coward to face failure.
>>
No. 19915
218 kB, 1200 × 1478
>>19912
Yes, I was just pretty excited because of how well we got along. I didn't get too invested luckily (I actually laughed when reading her first answer) so I don't feel bitter or anything and we can just keep in touch as friends without any bitterness on my side, especially as we know each other for so long.
I believe you but the only matter I feel is that I barely get to know any new women. There are neither any at work nor in the social circles I'm moving in. Guess I'll have to just go out more. Also since I started meditating before my recent medical condition, I planned to get into yoga as well. Maybe that would be a good way to get to know a girl, I know about some uni-courses that I could visit. Or maybe I should just not give a shit.

>>19879
>Let me know if you want someone to beta-read it.
I like to keep my real life out of EC but it would be really tempting to hear a perspective on my work by someone who doesn't know me personally and doesn't know what to expect. I'll definitely keep you in mind and think about it as soon as I finish everything and start sending the novella out to the first beta-readers.
>>
No. 19916
>>19915
>I barely get to know any new women.

Me neither, but new circumstances can change that, that happened to me as well, in what all this will result is an entirely different point tho. A good example is this girl I met during a workshop, seen her in a class before and after the workshop we sometimes talked via whatsapp or during a course we shared. But it's nothing special, just a nice little thing that can sweeten your day far off from any affection or sexual stuff.
I too would like to have more female acquaintances, a girlfriend again or at least someone I hang out and have sex with. But I try to keep the pressure of these things, waste of energy. every then and now it slips but it does not dim my days so heavily like it used to years ago.

>I know about some uni-courses that I could visit

Do it, but meeting females shouldn't be the only interest, try to see it as a side kick, everything else can easily lead to frustration that is unnecessary.
>>
No. 19926
Sorry lads, so tired and busy lately, I can't write any posts.

I'm now over the initial excitement of employment. It's the daily grind from now on. Don't care about the people at the workplace or anything else, just want to do my job in peace. We're understaffed, so it's a bit tough.
>>
No. 19928
491 kB, 521 × 350, 0:00
Doing something purely for the purposes of meeting women is never going to end well for EC-tiers. Overthinking a social situation leads to awkwardness towards the woman and an inability to appreciate anything else going on in the background. You'll go home feeling like you wasted your time, which is true because you failed to engage with a human being and you failed to do anything constructive.
Meeting women should be a side goal instead of your principal reason. i.e. go out to the city to learn about a landmark and maybe meet a cute girl, sign up for a course and maybe meet some lady classmates, etc. The principal reason should keep you focused on being constructive and give you something meaningful to engage in conversation over. Even if you fail at getting a woman, you'll have gained something else.
t. wasted a lot of time
>>
No. 19929
God damn it, finally I have some time to do a task I've had in the backburner, and it's today that I get yelled to do it.
Now they're going to think I'll finish it because I got yelled at, not because my time freed up.
>>
No. 19930
I must be terminally retarded because even when getting yelled at by the management to work faster, I can't bring my self to do a half assed job.
Even if the entire business is built on doing a half assed job to sell as much material as possible.

I'll sit there cleaning up nodes on a vector drawing for a 1x2m banner that nets us five bucks. I have to clean up the lines man, my OCD demands it.
>>
No. 19931
>>19930
I know the feeling. This is ten times worse for a programmer, I tell you.

>Boss: The bug is still there

>Me: I know, but look at this struct, it could be way simpler and if I just refactor all of this file we will have less problems later.

>Boss: Later? We make the program run and then ship it.
>>
No. 19932
Wait, what the fuck.
The boss gave me a task for today, and some middle manager bitch is making me do a design for a customer who hasn't even PAID YET furthermore, the client doesn't even know what she wants.

Yeah, you know what, fuck that.
>>
No. 19934
Ok, did the Big Bosses' request. He really liked the design and asked for MOAR.

All those small time managers can suck my dick, I'm on good terms with the man in charge now.
>>
No. 19935
>>19934
You did the right thing. As per subordination, the directives of superiors with higher positions override the directives of superiors with lower ones. You could also use it as a "fuck off" of sorts: if they want to load you with some work, just tell them that the boss already gave you a task, so if they want to assign you a different task, they should inform him beforehand.
>>
No. 19936
Today so far was pretty mediocre. Made some French toast and ate some medovik.
Then I spent the rest of the day watching Top Gear compilations and listening to city pop.

I sent in my "book report". I gave a warning that it might look incoherent at times because I wrote it in a fashion that makes it readable for me, since I made it as a future studying aid instead of some overly pretty essay that I'll forget about.

Currently trying to decide which book to read next. I have two short non-fiction pieces laid before me. And as it turns out I also have to read The Death of Ivan Ilich by next week. It's short so I'm not really worried.

I feel that sense of panic again, so it's not the tea. I just want to throw away everything and run away from my duties. Sadly that's not an option. And it's not like that'd help me in any way.

Gonna do some work now I think. I have a few exercises to complete from one of the textbooks for tomorrow.
>>
No. 19943
Turns out I wasn’t going to work.
God, this is pathetic.
I might as well just confess it to the world that I desperately need some kind of positive encouragement and a hug, because everything seems to be against me.
>>
No. 19949
My brother has the following symptoms:
Dark blood in stool (coming from upper digestive system); several months
Periodic severe pain in abdomen; several months
Severe pain in foot to the point of making it hard to walk; about a week
Occasional trouble breathing; about a week

He steadfastly refuses to go to a doctor because of money (wouldn't be crippling, but he got in a pissing match with his union and it affected his health insurance), avoidance complex, and general lack of a will to live. I'd leave it up to him, but if he dies my parents will be completely destroyed.

Are these symptoms signs of anything in particular that is immediately life threatening? I think the only thing that will get him to go to a doctor is if he hears that he has the symptoms of something specific.
>>
No. 19952
>>19949
Bloody stool and digestive pain can be a myriad things from Stomach Ulcers, Crohn’s to straight up cancer. None of them are fun.
I’m no doctor but he should go to one because it can signal some serious shit that might be wrong.
>>
No. 19957
>>19949
>He steadfastly refuses to go to a doctor because of money, avoidance complex, and general lack of a will to live.
I'm sure you're already doing what you can to get him to the doctor, and for your parent's sake I hope you succeed. None of the symptoms necessarily indicate anything immediately life threatening, which is good, but it doesn't make your job any easier. If you're looking for an armchair diagnosis to prod him on, I would add to what >>19952 said and suspect it could be Crohn's. It affects the digestive tract, but can also cause foot and joint pain similar to arthritis.
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No. 19960
44 kB, 640 × 1138
Spent the night mostly writing and listening to music, also read an interesting article by Jack London on writing. Haven't read anything else by him but I've always found Call of the Wild pretty interesting and plan on getting it this year. An especially interesting thought in it the article was that a writer should be a writer first and foremost, which means that he shouldn't give too much shit about other writer's texts. Sure he should acknowledge and study them but he should rather work on thinking and working on his own philosophy and study. Brought me to the thought that I should read less novels and study a bit more, thinking about it I should get back into reading religious texts and maybe some philosophy. I've already got a lot of those on my non-existant list that I wanted to work through but with the piles of prose and occasional poetry in my room they have rather stepped into the background.
Other than that I've been feeling rather weak this week, the absence of work leaves behind a hole. Luckily my medical condition is closed to healed so I can go back to work next week.
But for the following days I only have a few objectives: transcribing what I've written down this week into my computer, calling my company, calling the female friend and getting high as fuck on the weekend with the help of my favourite psychoactive flower from south-east asia. So yeah it's gonna be great my friends.
>>
No. 19961
>>19949
Blood in stool, more than 3 days is very serious.
Just get treated if you have no money they can't make you pay.
The onset of excruciating pain and agonising death will be sudden.

You know disability money is the golden goose, better than an agonizing death and losing his foot, although it could just be gout.
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No. 19963
87 kB, 638 × 479
>>19952
This but
>>19949
Reading between the lines my guess is that he's an alcoholic. Particularly that thing about you seemingly being fed up or not caring, the pissing match his union etc.
>Are these symptoms signs of anything in particular that is immediately life threatening?
Yes very much so. It varies from "pretty life threatening" to "I'd be amazed if he was alive tomorrow"

I am honestly going to be incredibly surprised if you say he isn't a heavy drinker.

>Dark blood in stool (coming from upper digestive system); several months
How do you know it's upper GI? How dark is it? Like coffee grounds?

>Periodic severe pain in abdomen; several months
Stomach ulcer. Known complication of alcoholism.

>Severe pain in foot to the point of making it hard to walk; about a week
I dunno, could be developing gout (although real gout he'd be unable to walk) a known complication of alcoholism. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gout#Cause

If he has an upper GI bleed that can easily be fatal. It is an extreme medical emergency regardless of cause. Has he puked any blood?
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No. 19968
Going to therapists never really helped me during the few instances in my life in which I tried it. I could never properly articulate my problems in the moment when speaking with the therapist. Another issue was the difficulty of retrieving accurate information about past emotional states for discussion, which I think might actually be impossible.
>>
No. 19970
I feel like shit.
I just want to roll over and die. I'm not sure if I'm just being a little bitch, but 9:00 to 19:00 6/7 is really brutal for me. Considering I take an hour to commute.

Also, had another bout of insomnia and fell asleep only at like 2 AM.
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No. 19996
>>19968
It was nice to be able to talk to someone after being socially isolated for so long, but my therapist didn't really help me with my dysfunctional thought patterns.

I think the only way a therapist can help you is if they're vastly more intelligent than you, and can untangle the mess in your head like it's child's play.
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No. 19998
1,0 MB, 1995 × 2456
Got myself a new dictionary today to help with translating. This should help quite a bit in the future. The school library had a copy and I got quite a bit of use out of it, so it's nice to have.

I spent most of the day absent-mindedly staring and doing nothing, sitting in and on random chairs and benches throughout school. I'm in one hell of a rut.

Started reading a new book. Raskolnikov, the victim of humanist thought.
It's going to lay unfinished for a while. I'm sick of this poison called Dostoevsky.
I'm going to read Mishima instead. Decided on this because I mentioned him today to my literature teacher as we were discussing separating the artist from his politics. So yes, I'm going to read Mishima. Or the Tatami Galaxy novel, don't know yet. I just want a change of tone, because Petersburg feels oppressive, dark and muddy.

Tomorrow is March the 15th, a national holiday. I've decided to refrain from pleasure, to test if it's the reason for my bad mood.

That Russian cake is really good.

And for today's little story: "I saw a zombie".
I went to check out the stock of the street vendors, to see if there is anything good/rare for sale at a low price. At one of the carts I saw an old lady. She was wheezing heavily (though she was far from being obese,) and was reading out loud in a confused manner whatever text she came across.
>Keets!
She looked at a compilation of Keats' works.
And she did this for 4-5 books, with her hands shaking ever so slightly as she opened a new little pocketbook containing poetry.
>Soo pretty!
It might seem like she was just really enthusiastic, but she looked sick and out of this world. "One foot in the grave."
She wasn't completely in charge of what she was doing I suppose.
Her face looked rugged, but what was truly sickening is that she didn't seem that old, rather just overly old for his genes. A life elongated beyond any reason and usefulness by modern medicine in the name of the greater good.
On some level she must have been suffering.
>>
No. 19999
Just today the thought hit me to try getting an internship at an ad agency. I found an agency in my city that mainly does consulting in online marketing. I already wrote down an application and I think it got pretty swell, I think they will definitely be interested in me (I feel like I'm slowly getting good in correctly selling myself since I stopped studying and write applications all the time. I already got a newspaper internship in summer). The most interesting aspect about it is that the advertisement industry is very prone to hire career changers and talented newcomers, this might be an interesting opportunity and I can actually imagine that I could do well in such a job. Sure, it's rather greasy somehow but at least I could finally end my career as a dishwasher.
The only problem is payment, at the moment I de facto could not afford to go even a month without earning money. Would you guys think that it would be presumptuous to demand payment from the start on? Maybe they'd understand if I would tell them that I'm living from my own hands work only and that I simply couldn't really give my best at work if I had to work for money on the weekends too and that I don't need much more than to pay my rent.
I don't want to seem like a beggar but at that point it's simply the truth. Then again the pressure on myself to succeed would be higher I guess (which obviously doesn't have to be a bad thing).
>>
No. 20000
>>19999
>I already got a newspaper internship in summer

Great! Tell me everything about.

>demand payment
Give them a call and ask about the internship, what you will do and if there is a payment. I can imagine that there is hardly space for discussions when you are thought to do it for the gained experience alone. But I really have no clue about internships really.
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No. 20002 Kontra
82 kB, 220 × 294
16 kB, 800 × 800
Jaqynda. Múmkin sen eskesiń? Múmkin joq, biraq bári bir. Meniń Qazaqsham múmkin jaman. Keshirińiz.

t. aqaýly
>>
No. 20011
Congratulations EC with 20000 posts
>>
No. 20018
This week has been pretty dull for me. My job is on ice while the government is busy (the same thing happens whenever there is a general election, no ministers-no policy) so I've had to hunt for odds and ends to do. It's bloody exhausting stuff and the things I've worked on for weeks got ditched because my Minister is too occupied holding the country together for my assburger concerns.

The worst of it is on Saturday I also have to deal with Dr.Ladyfriend because she wants to meet up after she's finished drinking with a few of her friends nearby. Translating that into English; I'll be suffering a jury of her peers followed by having a drunk chick break everything in my flat. I just wanted to maybe get a bite to eat on Saturday not spend my weekend being her boyfriend. This is bullshit. I've yet to come to terms with her having the same name as my mother but she's already complicating my life and no doubt planning on leaving hairpins around. She's 33 so if this keeps up in a few months she'll no doubt expect us to be living together.

>RUN ERNST!

I would but my dick won't let me. I joke about ploughing my mum but she has a very womanly form and I'm not going to lie that it turns me on a little. Not actually screwing my mother but this feels proper filth.

>>19926
>Sorry lads, so tired and busy lately, I can't write any posts.

I know that feel. There's not been a good thread out of me in months and I often find that when I get into a discussion I just think "eh, who cares?"

>>19928
I disagree. While there is certainly merit in doing things just for the sake of it, putting yourself out of your comfort zone is a key part of growing up. If anything going to a course just on the off-chance you will meet women rather than learn is more shameful than being honest and will be transparent.
>>
No. 20019
>>20000
Well, I sent an application to the newspaper out of pure despair after the first few weeks as a dish-washer, I wouldn't have thought that I'd get it as it's a quite big one. First they sent me a mail that they would only be able to offer me an internship the second half of the year so I didn't answer anymore because I was thinking about leaving the town at exactly that time. Then they just e-mailed me again with a date when I could come over for a talk. Obviously I was pretty excited but it then turned out that they had already made their decision and I got accepted effortlessly to my big surprise. Seems like I hit a nerve with my application as they usually only let people studying journalism or visiting journalist schools do an internship. We had a quick but informative talk. In the end my future boss on time then said to me was that I'd be expected to bring in my own ideas and to get to know the local politics a bit better before I start the internship and that at the end I should publish an article.
I should slowly start reading the two guides about journalistic writing I got laying around here btw.
My plan is to succeed and get a trainee position, I already broke the rules of getting the internship so I should try doing the same on a bigger scale. Got quite a bit of work ahead me though (still need to read the handbooks and deepen my knowledge on local happenings in the next three months) and that one month will be really tough.

I was a quite high before so I was more euphoric about my application (it still looks pretty good overall, I can definitely work with it even though I feel like I need to cut out some passages) to the ad agencies then now as I took the time and checked a few more of those. Most people working there seem to be utter bobos and the pages already have a greasy feel to them. Still working as a texter doesn't seem to be such a bad idea, at least I could do something I'm good at. About the payment for internship, well I don't even know if the agency I checked first is even offering any internships soo I think I'm just going to send my applications away and wait for the results. If an agency bites the bait I can still think of a way to deal with the financial stuff. I trust my written words more than the spoken ones.

Really following so many tracks at the same time without having the certainty of getting anything out of it is exhausting and frightening, I have no other option that to trust my instincts and go for every chance to get out of this misery of mine.
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No. 20020
185 kB, 810 × 1024
>>20018
Please continue regaling us with tales of British mating behaviors.
>>
No. 20022 Kontra
>>20020
Sorry. I had to.
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No. 20024
>>20002
Hey, how you been.

Overall the sentence is understandable, although I don't get some of the words.
>Jaqynda
Means "soon". It literally means "close by", but is used in relation to time.

>Múmkin sen eskesiń?
>t. aqaýly
I don't know what eskesin or aqayly means :-DDD
Otherwise it's pretty understandable.
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No. 20025
53 kB, 1143 × 403
46 kB, 1146 × 401
>>20024
Not great tbh. Been experiencing a rapid degradation of my mental state. Brain often feels aflame/undergoing mild migraine. Sometimes it settles down and I can work on things but oftentimes it feels more like a reversion to back around the time we first started talking. In other words, bad juju.

>>20024
>Means "soon".
Yes. I meant it as the one word sentence, 'Soon.'. As I said, you may or may not remember what I mean it in reference to but such cases. I mentioned it once or twice and it's undergone unannounced changes since then. Pics were a hint, here are some more. I ended up working on the blue line, figuring out how I'm going to work with it in an interesting way.

>I don't know what eskesin or aqayly means :-DDD
First one is probably me being terrible at verb tenses still. Meant to be a present continuous of 'to remember' or whatever the tense called. Always been muy bad at those. Might have also mistyped and missed a letter. As I said, my brain has seen better days. My mental state hasn't been conducive to effective study for a long time. My progress plateaued hard early last year. Still trying but progress is hard to come by these days. Still planning a trip over someday, maybe immersion training will help if anxiety doesn't drive me to suicide in the attempt.

Second one is from a dictionary. Apparently just means defective. I feel it's a pretty apt adjective for how I feel these days. Dictionary English is different from spoken, especially Australian, English. I imagine it's not terribly different with Kazakh.

Don't think I'm 'back' though. Just dropping a line, making sure you know I ain't dead. Nice work with landing a decent-sounding job by the way.
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No. 20027
>>20025
That's cool, I'm suspecting you got a job in radioelectronics or something :-DDDDDDD.

Regarding "remember?", questions are always a sentence in kazakh (ending in ma? be? ba? etc), there are no one word questions.
So the correct form would be "esinde me?". Literally, "is it in your memory?".

Also, decent is relative. I'm not shoveling shit in the gutter, but I have to deal with customers at a polygraphy. It's kinda stressful because clients don't know what the fuck they want.
>>
No. 20028
>>20027
>radioelectronics
I wish. That'd be cool. No, nothing quite so interesting. It's just probability distributions of dice pools that I'm testing for my Kazakh-Dzungar Wars RPG, in other words useless crap. Currently figuring out how I like 3d4 rollover. Pros are that I like the d4 from an aesthetic standpoint and the sharp changes in probability between values fits what I want in principle. Downside is that it's not as granular as I'd like it to be, hence why 3d6 (nice bell curve, decent dropoff but I want to try something new. I've played a lot of 3d6 in my time. It's my fallback option though. Also on there is 2d10 which has a more forgiving curve that lets extreme results happen a little more often, but the effect of improved skills is less apparent. I'll probably end up testing all 3 but 3d4 is my current version.

>I'm not shoveling shit in the gutter, but I have to deal with customers at a polygraphy.
Well you're getting paid on time. Getting paid at all even. Not like that nonsense with your brother's 'investor'.
>>
No. 20040
>>20028
Have you considered mixing d4 and d10? 2d4+1d10 could be what you want.
Mind telling a little more about the game you are developing there?
>>
No. 20047
The tall, conventionally beautiful secretary girl who is my age, and is crushed on by every male in the company is flirting with me.

But I am actually attracted to the shortstack with an attitude middle manager lady who is 5 years older than me. Her confident and mean demeanor with her short stature awaken something perverse deep inside me. Especially when I'm leaning over her while she's reviewing my paperwork, angrily telling me off about my poor handwriting, I have this primordial urge to pick her up and do unspeakable things to her (lovingly).

My extended family would be so disappointed if I brought an older lady home. Buncha conservative bigots.
>>
No. 20048
>>20040
That combination seems interesting. I'd need to figure a way to make it intuitive since mismatching dice pools are typically a bit weird to wrap your head around without mechanical backup to break it down (see: FFG narrative system as a decent example) but I do like it. Though I don't know if I prefer it to just 3d6 unless I figure out something neat with the different dice.

The project started as a GURPS splatbook on the period (and I may still do it since GURPS would still run it excellently). The newer version is its own thing though. Essentially the core mechanic that I'm working on runs on the assumption that generally when you set out to do something you're either pretty sure you can do it, pretty sure you can't, or just dunno. This factors pretty well into a 3d4 distribution because you have a nice section where you go from ~75%->50%->~25%. Then I think about how you typically approach problems, you look for things you can either turn into helpful things for yourself or at least make them less of an issue (opening a tight jar can be tricky, but get a rag to help your grip and it can become pretty easy). So I decided that I'd work that into a narrative mechanic where negative modifiers are either reduced, neutralised or turned around by player interaction and/or use of items to make a target number that's more viable. The harder the initial obstacle, the craftier you need to get with planning it out and even then you might just make it into an iffy situation if it's a very dangerous task. It has similar uses in contested rolls where relative skills and attributes would act as modifiers in a kind of tug-of-war to determine attacks vs defending. Unfortunately, the same curve that makes those little modifiers impactful and interesting has the problem of limiting the way they can be used because of low granularity meaning there aren't as many in-between goldilocks zones to make TNs. As it stands, I'll probably end up stripping it down into something a bit less out there and go back to 3d6 where I initially began, but I want to explore my options first. See if I can't work something out. It's a fun little timewaster either way.

Oh, and it's a system with limited skill advancement because of how important skills are. Instead a skill increase is a significant event and the main way you progress is through increasing a Renown stat which acts similarly to a level but it doesn't affect power, but rather higher levels of it will open up more doors and/or better opportunities. That's a top-down design that I came up with based on the concept of 'Batyrism' during the time period, where some of the big name warlords were actually just very popular locals with a vast number of troops who followed them, not the Sultans/Khans rather than being just given command by the nobility.
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No. 20050
I am being rude to a customer and nobody can stop me.

I started intentionally trying to piss off that fucker because he kept pestering me during non-work hours and being rude. In retrospect, bad idea. He seems like a vindictive fucker.
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No. 20060
1,0 MB, 1280 × 720
>>20047
> I have this primordial urge to pick her up and do unspeakable things to her (lovingly).
I can't stop laughing because you had to add "(lovingly)" at the end there :DDD