/int/ – No shittings during wörktime
„There is no place like home“

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No. 21175 Systemkontra
113 kB, 683 × 1024
Last on is on autokontra
Blogpost away!
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No. 21177
That's quite a rare ball here
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No. 21178
>>21175
Ther somewhere on 3rd or 5th page one that I created once ha ha
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No. 21179
So, I finally arrived and settled down. Today was a nightmare. The flight stressed me the fuck out. Just what I needed, more things to worry about.
I didn’t feel like an autonomous person at all.
Another tragedy was that our hotel was at rhe other end of town, and my mother planned out literally nothing in advance, so I had to make a new route plan on the fly, with a self conscious woman always doing something else, and I just couldn’t take it. So I let out a few angry tears on the train. Fuck traveling. I never asked for this. I know, I’m ungrateful but I can’t help it. Or at least couldn’t.
I don’t want to leave the Budapest agglomeration and and Budapest ever again.
Though I started feeling better after that “incident” on the train. It was liberating. It’s either this, or I just have a shoutout with her.

I hope tomorrow is better. Already have the route plan laid out, so it should be less stressful.

Already wrote 3 pages worth of material into my diary.
Spent most of the flight studying hanzis. I think I’m above 200 now. Which is good. I should start studying the HSK 1 wordlist soon.
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No. 21180
1,3 MB, 4160 × 3120
1,4 MB, 4160 × 3120
Ook, buonasera signore!

South of Italy is-a something-a

Cheap-a pizza taste-a very good-a
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No. 21183
Napoleon looks like he needs a nap or a snack.
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No. 21186
>>21179
Rome looks different at night compared to the day.
Just head towards the Coliseum and the Pantheon.
No sure if they used oven or microwaves when they heated up my food in Italy.
Plazas = fountains and are pretty cool so you can head to the different ones, for something to do, the Tieze fountain is full of plebs but don't be put off.
You can also check off the old churches which can be fun, lot's of old building, gargoyles, fountains pebbled streets and all that shit.
Didn't pay for the underground tour of the Colosseum and on second thoughts that was a mistake.
Saying that Florence was amazing if you get bored of Rome.
Buy Vatican Museum ticket online and save 4 hours queueing, that is separate from the Vatican itself which is a must see.
There is some old Baths near the old Circus, which are relics, but the Baths are good.

A simple 'fuck off' will deter any beggars, I don't know why people complain about this.
Subway/Metro is pretty good.

You are also suppose to find authentic gelato, it usually has a line and the colours don't look like skittles, my thoughts were this is nice, but can be skipped.

Food and wine was good, but I am no expert.
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No. 21196
>>21186
Wanna add, you find good food where there is only spoken italian or at least mostly. 10€ for a slice and some coke is tourist trap shit.
I visited some guy who lived there many years. Centocelle in the east of Rome, had one of the best Pizzas in my life there. Just find something outside the center where actual italians live and eat.We went to Palestrina buy bus one day. It's a an hour drive and prepare for a type of people you hate, given what you told us about the buses in your country. But it's a smaller cozy town and gives you the impression of rural italy a bit. Also the gelato near the town square was excellent.
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No. 21197 Kontra
>>21196
Oh and find a small bakery where you can buy pastries, Italians can do it very well.
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No. 21199
I think it's more relationship question and something too sesetive for today thread, but recently I relised that in real life at least I shifting from bisexual preferences to full gay. Since I kind of have bf now. I don't have anything against woman but I can't imagine really honest relationship with girl - where you and best frieds absoluetly who share interests and has no secrets and 100% understand each other. So I stoped view females as potential romantic interest at all.
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No. 21200
458 kB, 1476 × 499
>>21199
Do you remember this? >>6132
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No. 21201
>>21196
Yep, just walk off from the tourist traps get some ethnic food or family resteraunts.
I made excellent pork and pasta, which does not due it justice at a family eaterie which was closed but still served us, I even rejected their beer and the owner told the wife to get me a can of beer from the 7-11, idk, was fabisimo.
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No. 21204
>>21200
I was bisexual more early, than I discovered any feteshism pictures in internet. Funny that all "furry" pics I have in mine "top tier" folder is mostly female and still like female body. What I don't like is real life woman behaivor - I not interested in relationship with woman because I can't be open and honest with you, so you may keep you out-of-ass theorem for your kohl friends.
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No. 21206
>>21204
>with you
With wimen of cource, fix.

Relationships - is not something that entierly based on any sexual fetish like you want to present. It often happen with people who search for girl just because they want sex or they don't want to be alone, all this "nogf". In this cases girlfriend often wanted as a pet dog, not object of real relationship.
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No. 21213
>>21206
>they want sex or they don't want to be alone
>not real relationship
Then what is the real relationship, if it's not sex and not trying to avoid loneliness?
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No. 21214
186 kB, 1280 × 1024
>>21204
The flaw in his theorem was causality then because clearly there is a correlation
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No. 21216
>>21214
Oh, 4chan screenshots, how cool!!1! Maybe LE JEWS behind this? Pize kek!

How childish.

>>21213
It's when you have person, to which you absoluetly open, absoluetly honest. When it's add to your life, not making you to change it. If you "oh I love this person so I should change my preferences to pretend I like what this person like so I can get this person as my gf/bf" - this is way of thinking that never give you real patner. When you talk about everything, can not hide what you really want and think, when you feel good to spend time with this person - and not only because you don't want just be alone, but because it's really as people call it "2nd half". If it's truley this - best friendship combined with actual sexual attraction - this what may be called true relationships. This kind of couples broke much more rare, than ones that just pretend to be honest.
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No. 21217 Kontra
>>21216
You are exaggregating it hard, m8, there are no jews, frogs or whatsoever
I don't think it even existed at contemporary levels at the time of screenshot.
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No. 21219
>>21217
Same kind of imbecility, don't even going respond to it because don't want this kind of arguing in Today thread.
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No. 21221
>>21214
I think that rather than a correlation, furry porn serves more like a provider of a positive feedback loop. People usually have a certain level of predispotion for gayness, some have lower, some have higher. Those with higher predispositions tend to be curious about gay stuff, so they seek some gay porn just out of interest. That porn raises their predisposition level, which, in turn, prompts them to seek some more, and so on, and so on. So they slowly turn from bi-curious into kinda gay, then into totally gay, then into tremendous faggots, all courtesy of the avalanche-like increasing of their gay level due to frequent indulging in masturbation to gay porn. But technically it doesn't really matter if it's furry porn or some nigras with big dicks, as long as it's gay. So, it turns out that gay propaganda does work, despite that SJWs deny it vehemently, but it just doesn't work the way evil homophobic government of Russia thinks it does.
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No. 21224
33 kB, 470 × 467
60 kB, 515 × 290
>>21217
I don't even know what board it came from. It was just the first furry pic I saw. I also now know that one Russian is probably the same person who got offended when I once called him pidoran, and his reaction struck me as that of one who had to suffer as gay on the Russia. But I stand by my point. Gay men are more into paraphelias including being a furfag. I don't know why this is but rarely have I encountered it in a straight woman beyond the ones wearing cat ears because they think it makes them look cute for some reason. I personally hate it and had one woman trying purring in my ear, a behavior which I will loudly and autistically deride until women start singing in Hebrew or singing the Ukrainian national anthem in my ear instead because that's the appropriate thing to do in bed.
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No. 21225
Today was a bit better so far. The colosseum is breath taking. Truly a marvel.
Bought food at a bakery, so breakfast was good too, though the confusion of getting into the colosseum almost broke me for a second.
We are going to have lunch and visit the Circus Maximus next.
Also went into a church. The decorations are amazingly rich.
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No. 21227
>>21178
>Ther somewhere on 3rd or 5th page one that I created once
We'll have to remember that, and bump it up for the next one. I would hate for a thread to go to waste.

>>21186
>Didn't pay for the underground tour of the Colosseum and on second thoughts that was a mistake.
I did the same. I just thought "I can see the outside and that's fine". If it was free, I would have gone, but in the end I'm sure I just spent the few dollars on something stupid anyway.
>authentic gelato
Probably on gelato. They sell that stuff everywhere.

>>21199
> I can't imagine really honest relationship with girl - where you and best frieds absoluetly who share interests and has no secrets and 100% understand each other. So I stoped view females as potential romantic interest at all.
That's seems like a very intellectual way to approach relationships, but it makes more sense when I see what you wrote in >>21216. I sincerely hope you find soemthing like that.
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No. 21228
>>21224
>Gay men are more into paraphelias including being a furfag
It's opposite - people who cares less about restrictions in sexual fetishes tent to openly get into what they like, without thinking about this as something bad.
>being a furfag
"furfags" full of people who even hate gay people.
>I don't know why this is but rarely have I encountered it in a straight woman beyond the ones wearing cat ears because they think it makes them look cute for some reason
Hell lot of deviantart tier "furry" artists is actually women. I bet you not encounter much "furfags" in rea life anyway.
>I personally hate it and had one woman trying purring in my ear,
She is probably anime fan or something. Feline ears and cute behaivor is part of what many of some specific anime lovers like.
>is probably the same person who got offended
Disscution was started mostly about psyhological attraction and open relationship between people of different and same genders. Ended by another set of 4chan pics and "u gay cuz furry shid". I think nobody want this kind of disscution again, that already destroyed more than half of anthro animal thread by shitposting.
Topic closed.
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No. 21229
>>21227
It may sound overassburger and selfish, but I fear that if not follow rule of search for person who match this ssetings, this may cause deep troubles in rest of life. "Love" what called by love by many - fery fast dissapear after month of together life. Then only things remain - is just life and friendship. If persons has no open friendship, it often end as divorce. I kind of have person I already established relationship for years, but I curious, is there of possibility of such relationships between people of different sexes? Somebody had relationship with woman, where they feel absoluetly open like with their absoluetly best friends?
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No. 21230
>>21227
> I can't imagine really honest relationship with girl - where you and best frieds absoluetly who share interests and has no secrets and 100% understand each other. So I stoped view females as potential romantic interest at all.
I don't think it's that intelleftualized but is how I approach every relationship. I can put up with a lot of shit but only if it's within confines of trust and honesty. I expect giving and receiving unquestioningly total trust and loyalty and have zero tolerance for dishonesty. But yes it is quite nice. You move as one unit possibly against the world if necessary.
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No. 21237
299 kB, 1992 × 1311
166 kB, 880 × 870
What is Ernst's favourite cake?

Every week at work someone brings cake in and we take some time out to discuss things. The past few months it's just been store bought but people have started bringing actual cake in and I'm not one to be outdone. The default answer is Victoria sponge but I want fancy.

>>21199
Are you sure your perspective isn't distorted because you've met a nice boy just in time for the cherry blossom festival?

The way I see it, relationships are built on complementary differences rather than a mutual understanding. There are those moments you get with anyone where you connect and those are marvellous but in a relationship the infatuation slips and you have to have grown into one-another for it to work.

Happy for you by the way - now tell us everything about him. What are his intentions for our Ernst? What is he like? Does he have a big dick and lots of money?
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No. 21238
103 kB, 740 × 402
>>21237
Make lamingtons.
t. lamington appreciator
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No. 21240
The thing I’ve noticed the most about this city, is that its design is arbitrary.
At least I didn’t cry from anger today.

The food is nice.
Circus Maximus was a bit of a letdown. I expected a bigger ruin. It’s just a park in a hole.

The public transport is a fucking disaster, that much I can tell. It’s unintuitive, nobody knows anything and the vehicle fleet is terribly loud.
The metro is okay, though the announcer’s voice is incomprehensible (in any language), and they show commercials on the fancy screens instead of the stops. (The stops are shown on a smaller, led dot screen)

If I get called “sir” by another man from the Indian subcontinent, or if another nigger asks me where I’m from, I’m going to do something I’ll regret.
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No. 21242
>>21237
Italian Lemon cake or syrian lemon cake. A choco cake out of butter and melt choco.

Want to prepare a Boston Cream Pie one day.

>The public transport is a fucking disaster
Yeah, buses or trams coming late was not unusual when I was there. The metro is in time.
You get talked at because you are a tourist in a tourist area, one of the most frequented even. Just get away from the ruins and classic sights and discover the less known stuff, if possible.
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No. 21244
>>21237
Impress the ladies with Red Velvet Cake
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No. 21246
>>21230
Well, ending relationships by absolute jealousy not best way too. It not something that should be forced, it something that you and your partner consider as something natural.

>>21237
>Are you sure your perspective isn't distorted because you've met a nice boy just in time for the cherry blossom festival?
No, I consider this person as mine best friend and know him for really really long time. Well not in absolute rea life- he is far away, but we talk with each other, see each other, share everything for many many years.
>Happy for you by the way - now tell us everything about him. What are his intentions for our Ernst? What is he like? Does he have a big dick and lots of money?
He is absolute assburger as I'am. He is averege person and he also poor as much as I'am. I don't want tell too much about him, because, well, privacy.
>The way I see it, relationships are built on complementary differences rather than a mutual understanding.
Well, of cource it's better when one know something that other don't and you can share knowlege. But should be common interest, common themes and things. For me relationship - is new level of self-education in many ways.
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No. 21247
>>21237
>What is Ernst's favourite cake?
"snickers"
one of local bakeries in mall do big cakes which actually is really big snickers + some other cake elements.
I also like cakes with less cream and more biscuit and jam.
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No. 21248
>>21242
Well, once we got away from the ruins and the line, it turned really quiet. That was nice.
It just stresses me out quite a bit that people come up to us who are barely fluent in English and try to suck our wallets dry. And of course they cunningly pressure you, while also appealing to your emotions and sympathy (that they are innocent and want the best for you).
It really makes you question your basic principles in life.
My mother tells me it's nothing to worry about, and I'm just too isolated in my everyday life to be able to handle this, and "you have a problem", which might be true.

Tomorrow should be better, because we actually have a reservation for the Vatican, which I'm truly grateful for, since it's the only thing that was planned ahead.
So no pressure, just taking the bus and the metro, and then just walking into the city. Should be cool.
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No. 21250
What is this thread about?
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No. 21251
>>21250
General talks, about your day, about what happening. Basicly some kind of chat.
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No. 21254
142 kB, 1280 × 720, 0:02
>>21242
>Want to prepare a Boston Cream Pie one day.
You won't be disappointed; they're complicated, but worth the work. I've never actually done the work myself, but on several ocassions I've been in and near the kitchen while one was being prepared. I never stray far because there is always excess pastry cream to be had.

>>21237
I would say Boston Cream Pie is my favorite, but it can get a bit messy and might not be suited for office consumption.

>>21240
>the announcer’s voice is incomprehensible (in any language)
That sounds like every public transport I've ever been on. Picture related.
>>21248
>we actually have a reservation for the Vatican, which I'm truly grateful for, since it's the only thing that was planned ahead.
I was wondering if you were going to make it to the Papel Audience. When I was there, that was the only thing we had written in stone. Enjoy the Vatican.
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No. 21257
What a day, pretty nice somehow. Didn't do much more than working but the work was alright. Actually two co-workers from my old workplace (you might remember, I fucked off because the boss didn't want to let me go earlier) started to work there as well. One of them is from Iraq and the other one is from South-Sudan, during the break we were smoking cigarettes and drinking coffee from paper cups, sitting on the sidewalk ground of our workplace's truck entrance like back at the old workplace. All the other workers are from Southern-Africa so we're pretty much ethnical outcasts. Earlier this morning I was taken by surprise. I've written her that I'd have the desire for her to call me (this happened when I was sleep-deprived on sunday), to which she answered that she thought desire would be a strong word. Yesterday night I've asked why she'd think it would be too strong, to which she answered that as we're texting the desire can't be that big. This was the surprise actually, seeing the beginning of the message I was preparing to get friendzoned. However I then told her that she won't read a single text of mine until she fills my need, gave a hint that I'd be free around 11PM. :DD Now she told me that she's out partying, I read the message and ignored.
Now I'll try to be productive this night. I finished the novella on sunday, I might start to send it away now. The first readers are friends of mine who already got the document. I feel uneasy about a bunch of other people though because... there actually is no rational reason why then that it takes a lot of overcoming to offer such a piece of work to people. Especially when they know you in person, the closer they are to me the more overcoming it costs. Might be because it's my first longer work and I couldn't do else than to include some autobiographical themes, which makes me feel uncomfortable. Guess it's a form of katharsis I have to power through.
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No. 21260
>>21257
>I couldn't do else than to include some autobiographical themes

Isn't this the typical question whenever people read a book? How much of this is autobigraphical?
Also heard that people the author knows hate him/her for characters that clearly have a RL modelthere is this Joachim Lottman novel where the narrator tells the reader that he and his wife cannot go on vacation here and there anymore because his last novel crashed friendships due to obvious RL references to these friends that made their way into the book as figures or are the concretion of the then fictional abstraction.
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No. 21262
Anyone else felt rather let down at the sistine chapel, I enjoyed the enormous statue, mummie and the head busts, although i kinda reached my limit for sculptors on this trip.
The whole painted by many hands, dark ceiling at the end and what felt like an airport shuttle bus.
Specifically talking about the ceilings, well everyone has different tastes.
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No. 21263
3,3 MB, 4032 × 3024
>>21262
I’ll tell you in 30-40 minutes if it’s disappointing or not.
Wanted to find a wifi to rareball the shit out of the board, but none are free.
Nice statues though. The one depicting Augustus is really inspiring.
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No. 21264
My clients from the typography, to whom I wisely gave my own number instead of the private number, are now calling me asking me for designs.
Just with two clients and like an hour of work, I just made more money than I'd make in a day at any job.

This must be a sign. Time to become a freelance designer on the kazakhstan.
I'll post an ad and a price list, targeting simple folk who need simple designs (banners for holiday events, advertisements, etc.). With me luck lads.
And I'll have a flexible schedule, which means I'll be able to help out my brother as well.
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No. 21265
Shittings at wörk atm.

Dropped two phenotropil pills in the morning, now I'm trying to brainstorm my lab method.

It goes something like this: if you connect to a cell (brain cell in my case) with an electrode, you can control it electrically through a feedback amplifier. I.e. you can set cells membrane potential to a certain value by injecting current through an electrode, and varying it at frequency up to 200kHz. The shape of the current can be any - usually people use rectangular pulses like "change membrane potential by 10 mV for 100msec and then back" or something. But you can also impose your voltage change in a shape of sine wave, and you can make it high frequency too - the range is frm as slow as you want to over 20kHz.

Because reasons the recorded current response will have a component of capacitance in it, reflected in phase shift of the sinewave. This parameter reflects the amount of cell membrane the cell has within the domain that you currently electically controling. But it will also have other factors like ion channel dynamics, space clamping, electrode and amplifier circuitry, thermal noise and external interference. There's probably a tome worth of articles dedicated to various jewish tricks that aim to maximize the capacitance readout, but none of them provide a clear realiabls solution. Its also kind of a mothballed technology that maybe a dozen or two people use in europe at the moment.

tl;dr I don't know how to make it work and theres nobody who can help me. It also might be a bad idea by itself.
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No. 21270
>>21264
>I'll post an ad and a price list, targeting simple folk who need simple designs (banners for holiday events, advertisements, etc.)

As long as there is a market big enough this seems a promising adventure!

---

Hyped for days on end, reading all the time or be in uni. My understandings are deepening, neuro connections are growing, or however natural scientists and neurologists think this process is working on a material level. It really makes me hyped to see I make progress. Still so far away from being anywhere near satisfaction.
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No. 21271
>>21265
Why are you trying to measure the capacitance of the cell membrane of a neuron? What's the objective?
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No. 21272
>>21265
When you apply a step in what range is its relaxation response timewise?

t. liker of graphs
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No. 21278
I'm starting to sense a pattern here
>New day starts
>We have breakfast
>Go into the city
>Know what we want to see
>Don't know how to get there
>Get there somehow
>Can't find proper entrance
>Get assaulted by a bunch of smelly, dumb pakis who only want to take away our money
>I have a moment of mental breakdown where I want everyone including myself dead
>My mothet tells me I have problems and she'll never go on a holiday with me ever again
>Find the entrance
>Have a good time
>Go home after seeing all the stuff we wanted to see

The indians really get on my nerves. And I mean really.
1.They are ugly
2.Their accent is ugly
3.Their English is broken beyond recognition
4.They want to swindle you
5.They are totally out of place here
6.Their voice is annoying
>"Why is it so annoying, Ernst?" t.mother
>"To put it into perspective, it's like as if you had to visit a Turkish market in Germany where the turks leave out every second word and only use Nominativ."
Hello sir I am sitting in front of yourself I got diploma on technical university of upper bangladesh high of school

Also, is there a Gypsy-beggar clone-factory somewhere in the area? You can see the exact same gypsy woman sitting on each corner, with the cane, headscarf, and the hunched back. Crazy.

The Vatican's riches are unbelievable. It's incredible how many valuable paintings and sculptures the Holy See has amassed over the span of its existence.
The School of Athens was especially inspiring to see in real life. I'd consider that the best part of the day. An incredible work of art.
In the same room, there was a fresco depicting a gathering of famous poets, like Homer, Dante, Sapho and Vergilius. That one was great too.
The problem with the Sistine Chapel is that everything is a bit too far away, yet not overly monumental, though it's still breath taking, especially Michelangelo's Last Judgement
The Contemporary Art Collection is pretty meh, imho, the only reason anybody looks at it, is because it's directly in front of the Sistine Chapel's entrance.

The statues were great to see too. Already mentioned how inspiring it was to look Augustus, the father of Imperial Rome, right in the eye.
There was also a statue of my favourite classical godess, Minerva.
All in all, I'm glad I got to see one of the throbbing hearts of Western Culture.

Tomorrow is our last "proper" day here. Gonna see the Parthenon and the Spanish steps probably. At least, that's the plan. I'm looking forward to seeing the Parthenon. If I remember my old art classes, that one is relatively well preserved. And I hope there won't be any pakis/pajeets there.
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No. 21285
Father's two days sober and having hallucinations, being psychotic, etc. Not sure what I can do about it. Literally every emergency service in this shithole country tries to pass the buck to some other emergency service.

The only solution I can think of is to take him to the same mental hospital as I went to. Problem is, hospitalization there is strictly consensual, and he doesn't consent.

>>21270
Yeah, I hope it works out well.

Clients are pretty cheap when it comes to design work, but if I work quick and dirty (not like they can tell the difference), it should be decent pocket money. Just shit em out in 30 minutes each, whatever.

Also, just found a client who wants to pay $130 for simple interior design/visualisation. Hopefully, I'll figure it out by the deadline :-DDDD.
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No. 21286
>>21285
I feel for you dad, can you get him some weak beer.

What software are you using for designs.

You need to do 100% up front payments before you get jewed again, this may fuck you with taxes, so you may at the very least need a website based in an outside country.

Looks positive so far.
>>
No. 21289
8 kB, 322 × 268
Holy fuck, a client calls me at 3 am demanding I send him the files that I sent him hours ago, because the retard can't figure out why he can't open a native corel draw file in his browser. Cheapo cunt tried to underpay me, too. Into the blacklist he goes. Glad to see that clients being complete braindead morons is a constant all over the world.

>>21286
Inkscape, photoshop and corel draw. I hate corel draw, but it's the industry standard on the kazakhstan. Currently downloading adobe illustrator, since that's what all the cool kids use.
Also, nobody pays taxes on freelance stuff on the kazakhstan, lol.
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No. 21300
41 kB, 450 × 625
>>21289
Adobe is great for pixels, corel is best for vectors.
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No. 21301
>>21289
I believe that people will drop sometimes Word, MS Excel, Corel Draw and other dumb shit and will exit to the pure, normal DOS
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No. 21302
I made pesto and it was bienissimo
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No. 21304
>>21302
What's your recipe?
>>
No. 21305
Nowadays my reality is highly instable. Everything I work on might as well fade away, become nothing. So I'm always oscillating between the euphoria and optimism I feel when I think about my possibilites and trembling fear and anxiety whenever I think of what will become of me if I don't grasp them. At the end of the day it's probably a necessary part of my life by now, I always need to have a gun to my head at the moment.

I called the ad agency yesterday, got a mail saying that they'd be still in the process of application and will come back to me when they decided. Sounds like a friendly fuck-off, so I decided to write a direct answer concerning the question why I'd want to do an internship first, mentioning the other internship at the newspaper (told them that while I don't see any future im print-journalism I still want to take the EXP I could collect there) and that if it wasn't for that I'd also "accept" them directly employing me. :DD Also that it would be their decision to recruit a talented newcomer.
Not sure if I will get anything else out of it but I didn't want to end the conversation on this tiresome notification of theirs. Also not sure if what I've written sounds like I'm a confident person or some coked-up maniac.
>>
No. 21306
>>21305
Addendum: at the phone the ad agency skank already told me that she wouldn't know if an internship would make sense (it was a job application), so that's why I elaborated that point.
Also I've written that I would want to start working after the newspaper internship. If they don't take me there I'll contact another agency, luckily there are quite a couple of them in my city. What am I talking about, I need to do it anyways but if they really don't like to take people for internships it doesn't make much sense to apply before July. Might already scout them out though.
>>
No. 21309
>>21304
Picked 14 leaves of basil
2 Tbsp. pine nuts
2 Tbsp. olive oil
2 cloves garlic
Dash of Parmesan (overdid it and it got a little clumpy to spread, but that was ok)
Dash of Salt
>>
No. 21311
The last day was pretty good. Mainly because we didn't spend half of it waiting in a queue.
Saw the Pantheon, the Trevi Fountain and the Spanish Steps. The bonuses were seeing the a bunch of churches and Piazza del Popolo on the way to the metro.
The Trevi fountain was a bit of a letdown, honestly. It's a big fountain with loads of people around it.
Spanish steps. I don't get it. It's just a staircase with a (really simple) church on top. I don't get what's all the fuss about.
Yeah, I felt pretty good the whole day. The Pantheon was amazing. It's grandiose, rich, yet also ancient. (I expected some roman ruin, but it's really nice inside.)
Currently drinking an limonchello. I think it's impacting my typing quite a bit. But I'm doing it pretty fast, so I might have reached the ballmer-peak. (Though I don't think I'd be able to hold my pen properly to write the last diary entry of the journey. Or maybe not the last. Don't know.)

Honestly, I felt really overhelmed by the third day. Even though we slept plenty, taking on a city this big is really tiring.

I'm glad that I saw The School of Athens, The Parnassus and the Pantheon. I think the sight of these monumental works of art and human achievement will influence me for years to come.
Also bought a bilingual English-Italian edition of Petrarch's Lyric Poetry. It was one euro at a street stand, run by an indian looking man. Man, these people don't give a fuck, the books were literally just piled on top of each other like a pile of hay. No Ordnung or anything. Fuck, if I knew italian, I probably would have had a field day with that guy.

Tomorrow we'll only have time to get to the airport basically. But we'll squeeze in some time for some pastries and a coffee I hope.
>>
No. 21320
>>21311
>Also bought a bilingual English-Italian edition of Petrarch's Lyric Poetry
Even on vacation you're still raiding booksellers and finding gems. It actually sounds like a perfect souvenir.
I'm not surprised you're exhausted, considering everything mentioned in your last few posts. I hope you'll get a few days to relax when you get home. Btw, did you manage to take a lot of pictures?
>>
No. 21333
Wasted a night figuring out sketchup, since it's one of those interior design software tools.

What a piece of shit. Literally the corel draw of CAD. Actually, scratch that, corel draw is at least fully functional for 2D vector art, despite being a resource hog wit shit interface.

Sketchup is just plain shit. It's a shame, too because the vray plugin for sketchup is actually excellent. It's a lot more intuitive than vray for 3ds max. I might unorinically use sketchup as a pure rendering tool in the future.

Meanwhile, I need to find something that fills the niche for the kazakh 3d visualisation market. 3DS max for interior design feels like building a house with matchsticks. Too low level. I spend more time moving individual vertices around than thinking about architecture. Sketchup feels like playing with Duplos. I need some damn Legos.
>>
No. 21334
>>21333
I remember when we had to do sketchup in IT class at high school. Yeah, it's pretty bad, and I imagine it was worse back then. That said, the levels of autism in the community downloads or whatever it's called are astronomical.
>>
No. 21335
>>21320
Took around 560 pictures. Of course a few are duplicates because I use my camera like it’s a machine gun, but I’d rather be sure I tale multiple pictures and have one correct than to save time and only have one blurry picture because my hands are a bit shaky.
Though at times I felt like I was imitating a Chinese tourist.
Currently packing my stuff. Thankfully I didn’t buy too many knick-knacks, just a smaller book on the history of the Pantheon and the Petrarch poetry collection.
Will have two days to rest, then it’s back to the grind.
>>
No. 21337
>>21333
I have come to love Blender and there are quite a few people using it for architectural-/interrior design. Some pointers:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WTbJpRKPRa8
https://www.blender3darchitect.com/courses/
https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=blender+architecture
>>
No. 21341
>>21334
Every community workshop is like that.
From little big planet to steam. There's sometimes decent stuff in there, but mostly filled with complete unusable garbage that you have to sift through.
Ah, the joys of downloading shitty weapon mods from the GMod community workshop.

>>21337
Yeah, I've also come to the conclusion that a conventional CAD / 3D modeling program with addons for architecture is the way to go. The quick workflow of an architecture focused program is great up until you want to do something more detailed than floor plans and furniture. Then you have to jump back to a 3D modeling program, make a model, export it, etc.

Although, the quality of those architectural addons, and the availability of features remains to be seen. Always wanted to learn Blender anyway.
>>
No. 21345
I am so sick of looking 4-5 years younger than I am. This is a curse worse than AIDS. Yesterday I was at a doctor's office and you what he said after I walked in? "I'll let it slide this time around but you should have come with your parents" Or a few days prior to that when high school kids thought I was their age or younger. I walked past a group and heard one say "He looks like one of those nerds who always does his homework on time and obeys his parents"
Why the fuck did the universe do this to me? I would give anything to look my age and to be taken seriously.
>>
No. 21346
177 kB, 500 × 631
So one of the beta-readers I've sent my novella to is a retired former literary critic, whose blog I use to read every now and then to stumble upon some gems I wouldn't find otherwise. The first thing he mentioned was how he couldn't promise reading my novella at all or even reading it in a fast time but still commented on the beginning. He wrote me that it would be the wrong way to mimic novella writers of the old times (I had once mentioned that I tend to use archaisms). Interestingly enough in the same mail he went on about how many bad stuff he had read during his work and that he'd mostly only see value and timelessness in older literature. I then proceeded to write down a little apologia in favor of my style, telling him exactly why I would use archaisms and why I wouldn't care too much about what is generally seen as contemporary language. I think I managed to hit a good tone while still retaining a youthful verve, I'm quite excited about what his answer to it might be. Also it feels like massive autism to harass random literary critics with your own works which no-one cares about.

Other than that I can tell about some personal drama. Lately I had mentioned how I told her I'd feel a desire for her. She said she wouldn't use the word desire in an inconsiderate way, I then answered that I did not use the word desire in an inconsiderate way and that it didn't go easy at all. She didn't say anything about it. I got a bit angry and asked her why she'd ignore what I'm saying. She said that she didn't know what to add and that she'd believe me. I'm not even trying to make sense out of all of this anymore. On top of this she posted a pretty dark, medieval-inspired poem by von Hofmannsthal last night which is centered around a failed love, which is too hard to hold for both the knight and the maiden, mostly because of the knight being unsure of himself. Well, fug. :D If everything goes right, we'll talk tonight. I can't wait.
>>
No. 21347
108 kB, 570 × 378
>>21345
Same for me. I'm in my late 20s but people think I'm around 20 or so. Not to bad when it comes to younger woman I think. Grow a beard if you can, should make you look older.

---

I'm tired, I had to watch after my niece this morning. She already talks a lot and it's quite cute. Around midday I was already in my chair while she still had the energy to play.

The last days have been medium. Maybe even bad without me really noticing it. I read quite some stuff but nothing really difficult and nothing for uni besides a short two page writing task.
>>
No. 21350
Today I reached the point where I was accepting dream state happenings as reality while acknowledging to myself that they didn't happen. It's a pretty ebin state of zen when you start to give so few fucks about the distinction between the interior and exterior of the self-observer's data intakes that they start to blend together. It's also ebin to get the restfulness of a nap while still having a nice time doing other things. Rate.
>>
No. 21351
100 kB, 415 × 422
Wew lads, I'm finally home.
Just realized that I've left my charger in the hotel room.
Not like it matters now.

Reviewed 560 cards while on the plane.

Gonna categorise the books I've got, and the watch some anime, possibly.
>>
No. 21364
>>21350
I also had some ebin dreams after staying awake for two days. Three dreams, in fact.

In the first one, someone was showing me their gun, and I suddenly grabbed it and shot myself in the head. Everything went black, and I could feel blood streaming down my nostrils. And I thought to myself "So this is how it feels to die". Then after a while I thought "wait, isn't this supposed to be instant? Why am I not dead yet?", and then I realized it was all a dream. Later I had one of those acute death awareness episodes, where I was able to conceptualize the realness of my own inevitable death.

Second one was about bleach, I think, except that Ichigo's bankai turned him into a yeti. He went to soul society, beat urahara, but then the bigfoot from the legendary bigfoot photo appeared and split him in half. For some reason, in my mind a yeti and a bigfoot were conflated, so he was actually a yeti too.

A third one was a video game esque futuristic post apocalyptic setting similar to I have no mouth and I must scream, I was wandering around like in Myst, reading rants some megalomaniac overlord about the altering of human consciousness and the destruction of the metaphysical soul.

Feels schizo again, man.
>>
No. 21366
>>21364
I wish I had interesting dreams. Mine fall broadly into two categories. Idyllic and realistic panic. The former is healing but fundamentally pretty uninteresting. The latter is basically just having a panic attack I can't run away from. Feels bad man.
>>
No. 21369
Going thru the unis catalogue and some specific communist/socialist/leftist publishers especially the 60s and 70s and all the bulky titles make me baffled. In between there are many books of the proletarian RL and how to resist. Quite interesting how much has been written about it back then, the whole culture. I'm talking about german publishers only here.

I was interested in general introductions about communism and capitalism from that era, but most books are dealing with specific topics or absolute niche theory.
>>
No. 21374
Oh boy, I feel like I have nothing to live for again.

Had some money on my paypal I intended to spend on books, but decided to buy the expansion pack for Postal 2 instead. Felt refreshing to spend money on something other than books and food.
Played it for a couple of hours. Yeah. I turned on the Chinese subtitles, just so that I can see "living" text alongside the English voice acting, and it's surprisingly interesting to see. Though it might just be a placebo for learning.
The game is good though. A bit irritating how often it crashes sometimes, but still good. Should've started on an easier difficulty level, but I don't want to restart the game halfway through.

I really wish I had a bag of crisps and a soft drink. I'm going to ask for a bit of cash and probably go to the store.

Truth to be told, I wanted to jump right back into work, but I failed horribly.
I have to translate a short text for the school's Übersetzungswettbewerb. Last year I was the winner, and I intend to win this year too. But for that, I need to actually complete assignment this weekend.

Haven't read a single page in 6 days. Horrible. Next week I'll finish reading Kalkwerk, then I'm onto reading Hamsun's Hunger.
>It's the kind of novel a teen like you would like
my teacher said it, and judging by the first few pages, it seems like one of those I suffer novels, like the ones of Kafka and Dazai (though I'd loosely put Camus's The Stranger in this category too, even though the protagonist doesn't explicitly suffer for the same reasons as Yozo or Josef K.)
So yes, I think it's up my alley.
The Rome-jorney only added to my backlog. Mainly speaking Dante's Divine Comedy, Goethe's Italienische Reise, and Graves' I, Claudius.

>>21345
Grow a stubble or a beard if you can. It makes you look considerably older. Or at least I noticed it does.

>>21369
I don't think what you are looking for exists the way you want it to exist.
Marxism is simply too gigantic to have a "good intro book". You have to skim through multiple books about the major philosophers' and authors' lives to get a perspective.
Or read primary sources. (Though I sure as hell wouldn't spend time reading 1200 pages of Victorian economic theory.)
Maybe try finding one that recaps Marx and Engels' works, and then go onto other "strains" of Marxism that developed over time, essentially fragmenting your search for a monograph.
>>
No. 21408
>>21374
I want to answer this but my longer reply cannot be sent...
>>
No. 21409
>>21408
How about posting it on Pastebin and then linking it in a post?
>>
No. 21417
>>21409
I can shorten it perhaps.

The german-italian connex is some kind of tradition, from Goethe to Mussolini, but seriously many Germans had their Italienreise.

Concerning Marxism, I wanted a specific leftist/marxist perspective from the 1960s or 1970s, since it's the boom years due to the student revolts.
But many of these books are also very dry and often very long, they have quite some amount of shorter books but with less interesting topics.
In the end I just borrowed a short history from 2010 that avoids the stereotypical introduction style. That said, an introduction can never cover a topic to teh fullest or even close, it's always a rather heavy cut down selection.
I will return to one of the student revolts Marx boom books tho.
>>
No. 21431
1,1 MB, 1379 × 2031
I'm sick of all the drinking I get roped into at work. When I tell people about this they get jealous but drinking every damn week with people you can't relate to and women you can't mess around with quickly gets tedious. The way I see it this is bound to cause problems eventually as we're crossing boundaries and deep-down I'm a bit of a twat who might turn kc-tier in conversation.

Last night people kept buying me drinks at some German beer-hall, I barely made it home and now have the worry that I might have offended someone. Next week I have the same issue because someone is having a leaving party and then we've got a team 'away day' which promises to be extremely heavy.

Kein-Ernst trigger warning:
GF has been busy all week so I haven't been able to see her, will probably also struggle with Easter falling next-week. If you remember she's a doctor so I knew what I was getting into and can't be mad about this. Of course, it's also true what they say about absences and hearts which is flipping the dynamic and my cool exterior. This is normally the point where I get hurt badly after constructing a fantasy girl in my head. Nothing to do but try to keep my head on my shoulders I guess and move things forward the next time I see her without being too embarrassing.

>>21246
>For me relationship - is new level of self-education in many ways.

Reminds me of Plato's Symposium. To a degree I can see your point but do you really want to always have someone around when you're doing your thing? Sounds quite suffocating.

>>21238
I mentioned different cake ideas and this seems to have won. Do you have any special tricks/recipes? I was going to try mixing in strawberry milkshake powder to see what happens.
>>
No. 21432
>>21431
Have relationships - don't meant permanetly chained to other person
>>
No. 21451
>>21417
>The german-italian connex is some kind of tradition
The Walk to Canossa immediately popped into my mind as you mentioned this, funnily enough.
>>
No. 21454
>>21451
Kasimir Edschmid, quite unknown, did a whole series on Italy:

Italien. Lorbeer. Leid und Ruhm. 1935.
Italien. Gärten. Männer und Geschicke. 1937.
Italien. Inseln. Römer und Cäsaren. 1939.
Italien. Hirten. Helden und Jahrtausende. 1941.
Italienische Gesänge. Darmstadt 1947.
>>
No. 21457
This was quite a good week.
For the first time, I came to enjoy all the advantages of transnational logistics after acquiring a book from a place as far as one can get off my location. 4 days of delivery. Amazon does wonders. I was so delighted I came up with an idea on a new business model. Essence is:
Create a custom exchange service site where people across the whole country would meet each other to arrange their delivery. Instead of using pochta.ru, they would negotiate with themselves on the stuff. For instance, a babushka wants to visit her relatives in a far city. She could earn a bit of cash by agreeing to transfer an item from point A to the city. Everything is done within the site. Security is guaranteed by payment from the postman's side. After the delivery, money is returned back with addition from the customer.
Monetization would mainly be a sold map of clicks and special ads offer to push output of a buyer up in the search query after it gets heavily around.
I know myself - I would never be able to organize something like that. So I am posting it (although it's a shit idea) in case ernst is interested, especially russian who is certainly aware of how our pochta works.

twf no gf:
Also, I purchased a small flat as a participant of equity construction. Everything went clean and fine. But. There was a female helper from the contractor's part of the deal who happened to be a jurisconsult as well. She is in her 30s, a perfect type for me.
After having a bit of chat with her, I realized she smiled way more than an average "always-in-good-mood" girl and it hit the vibe. I felt we were starting to mutually like each other. She offered to drive me home on her more than middle-class car. I would've gone for her, but I realised that it needed to be dates and I am quite poor now, and I live with my own mother and it just won't work with a girl like her. There's no magic like that. Only for girls in shitty holywood movies like Pretty Woman. I came home after I thanked her with a bit of saved money just for the sake of appreciating her rather than tipping for her work. It had been a long time since I dreamed in the night of a girl.
Sorry for what I've just written. I am in dire need to tell it.
>>
No. 21463
>>21431
I made a test batch of Lamingtons today. My observations:

  • Dark chocolate doesn't work - 2 sickly 4 me.
  • Strawberry milkshake powder just made it taste strange. I don't know what I was thinking with that.
  • I grossly overestimated how difficult this would be although there appears some art in getting the chocolate ratio right.

>>21457
There's plenty of dates you can do for little money - poor people have sex all the time.
>>
No. 21464
940 kB, 2592 × 1944
When I was walking I found one interesting thing hanging on a tree in one heavily populated area. Translation from Russian:
Working experience 46 years
Pensions and subsidies are not enough to pay for utilities
I will not vote (there's a Ukrainian presidential election going on right now)
Glory to Ukraine!

The last phrase was written in Ukrainian and it's quite a common nationalistic slogan that became popular even among Russian-speaking Ukrainians after 2014. "Glory to Ukraine" is often followed by "glory to heroes" and "death to the enemies", but my personal favorite one is "Ukraine above all". I think this picture is very meaningful, because with great probability its author was an apolitical pro-Russian resident of the Eastern regions of Ukraine, but the war greatly changed the mentality of the population and even the older people who are much more pro-Russian than the youth have begun to adapt this style of thinking.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Glory_to_Ukraine

This, of course, is also a sad picture showing that in countries like Ukraine the middle class never existed and all the pensioners live in extreme poverty.
>>
No. 21473
I wonder how is it to live in Mew Zealand.
I guess it's even worse than Australia in some aspects, but maybe the climate overweights that.
>>
No. 21480
56 kB, 583 × 435
Feeling down.
Like I've read all of the Internet and there is nothing left anymore.
>>
No. 21481
I was just randomly thinking something and right when I thought "HeGod" a flash of lightning cracked. Scared the shit out of me. That is all
>>
No. 21482
>>21481
The scariest lightning strike in my life was when I was just minding my own business and having a cigarette at the smoking place, and lightning hit the lighting mast twenty meters from me. It was really fucking loud, I went deaf for several seconds.
>>
No. 21483
113 kB, 870 × 490
>>21473
A bit expensive in some ways but it's not bad.
t. lived there
>>
No. 21486
844 kB, 1061 × 609
>>21483
Also, if you know what you're looking for you can spot where my high school LGS is in that photo. That store was ebin. I got a good 75% of a Modern Infect deck (well over $100NZ in value) for free from one of the local guys because he wanted to help out our newer guy (me at the time) and it was also a really fun FNM tournament that had absolutely none of the bullshit that comes with entry costs and prizes. It made for a really chilled out Friday night with a bunch of neckbeards young and old playing cards in the back of the store, and it was pleasant. Some of us might not have been the best socialites but there was zero judgment in that store and everybody was cool to each other. It was also where I got my earliest tips on being a non-terrible GM. Good times. They shut down though and our dingy den of neckbeards that sold synthetic dope on the side is now a wholesome knitting shop. How fuggen depressing. Video Game only people will never understand the atmosphere of a close-knit grognard den.
>>
No. 21487
375 kB, 423 × 551
It's incredibly surreal to go back to my mundane everydays after more a week or so.
Though I spent most of the day jovially whistling tunes by Mahler and Shostakovich as I walked around the hallways.

Finished translating the text for the contest at record speed. It was maybe around 50 minutes to do. Gonna look through it tonight and then hand it in. Being on time is really important. My first German teacher is the head of the committee, and she is retiring, so I want to be courteous by handing it in just on time directly to her.
(Of course if I'm truly stumped, I might as for a German Ernst's help, if possible. Only a sentence fragment is needed, and only if I can't figure it out.)

Most people didn't seem to particularly mind my absence all that much. Only two teachers asked.
>Well, well, you are still alive or what?
>I don't quite know myself how, but I am.

The buffet had some free books, so I picked up four volumes of The history of Hungarian literature. It's not a complete set sadly, it has two volumes missing. It was called Spinach by the university students back then, because it had a green dust jacket.
While I was running up to my locker with the books, I made a wrong step, and almost sprained my ankle. My right leg hurts quite a bit to use.
I really should stop taking 3 steps at a time while running.

>>21486
>our dingy den of neckbeards that sold synthetic dope on the side is now a wholesome knitting shop
sic transit gloria mundi
>>
No. 21488
>>21473
And spend 14 years in prison for accidentaly sharing "wrong" video
>>
No. 21489
828 kB, 4160 × 3120
So I'm back on the Joremony, finally time to relax a bit.
It was quite nice in Italy but also stressful. Maybe I'll write down some impressions/tips into the travel thread.

Other than that, I'll be writing applications for some internships during the next few months. Still not sure if I want to do a Master's but if so I'll have to apply for that until June or so as well. Maybe I should write down one of those pro/con lists for once.
I've also been considering trying to work freelance, as I've received some offer from a client out of the blue on a website I registered some time ago. But I'm afraid that I'm not quite up to it as I don't really have that much experience.

>>21346
What's the blog if one may ask? It sounds quite interesting. I've also did some research on literary blogs in German recently but didn't find too much of value.
Btw, if you're in search for another beta-reader, here's my mail address: brent[at]cock[dot]lu
>>
No. 21491
>>21489
http://www.eckhard-ullrich.de/buecher-buecher?limitstart=0
Here you go.

Well, I've also sent the novella to an acquaintance of mine who has published some literary works himself and he wrote a criticism I will work with. One of the biggest points is that the novella is way too short and will need more space, so I now decided to turn it into a novel. There are lots of characters who are barely elaborated, some minor plot-holes (not in the sense of missing plot, but sometimes K got lazy and just told what happened instead of showing it. So I can easily fill the whole thing up by replacing those passages) and the protagonist was still said to be kind of bleak. So there's lot to work on and a full-length novel would have better chances to be published than a 70p novella.
Initially I was sort of afraid to turn it into something longer as I had already abandoned one novel but I learned a lot since then and the topic I chose is easier for me.
In the current state I don't want to send it away anymore because the criticism also had a lot of language-related points in it I need to work on. I screencapped your mail though, so you'll either get a better version once it's done or a small selection of parts from it as a sort of teaser. (Finishing the whole thing might take me years but at least now I'm motivated and know that it's at least not a completely useless project)
>>
No. 21495
34 kB, 600 × 597
I just realized that I don't know shit about architecture.

My art teacher used to say that his kazakh students can't draw circles for shit, while his russian students can. He explained it as a difference between oriental vs wectern heda.
Culture of no masonry.
>>
No. 21512
347 kB, 1600 × 1055
120 kB, 910 × 480
>>21495
I think it's more middle heda. Oriental heda can into masonry. That said though, when middle heda does into stone buildings, it seems that he still thinks of the walls as cosy carpets :-DDD
>>
No. 21521
>>21495
>May God extend Japheth’s territory; may Japheth live in the tents of Shem, and may Canaan be the slave of Japheth.”
Genesis 9:27
>>
No. 21522
>>21521
Black Israelite tier and it was on the EC

If you're going to use that source and logic I'd remind you that we don't actually have any good description of Ham, Japeth, Shem racially in fact the funny thing is one part of the Black Hebrew Israelites is they're not necessarily wrong. Esau was said to be red and hairy, and iirc the Edomites are associated with Ham. Also poltard type of racism isnt remotely compatible with Christianity in fact they openly hate Christianity. Just recently yet another of them was caught being a church burner. Have no part in such people.
>>
No. 21525
>>21522
>Black Hebrew Israelites is they're not necessarily wrong.
They mostly are.
>Esau was said to be red and hairy, and iirc the Edomites are associated with Ham.
Edom/Esau was the brother of Jacob, twin sons of Isaac, grandsons of Abraham, descendants of Shem.

Hamites are the Africans
>>
No. 21532
2,3 MB, 3430 × 2680
Today is basically already over.

Handed in my translation today. Hopefully I did well, and I'll win again. Unsurprisingly I was the first one to hand it in, so I'm sure it'll leave a good impression. Handing in something first means that your work is the standard when judging the upcoming entries. It's really useful.
Though I'm not sure if winning would enhance my self esteem. Losing would be devastating though. At least if I won, the status quo would be kept.

Still studying the hanzis. At around 210 now.

Felt incredible contempt towards the literature teacher in class today for some reason. I have no idea why. Maybe it's just that I was completely uninterested in the topic of French symbolist poetry.
I just can't seem to give a shit about it.

Managed to carry this badboi home. The History of Hungarian Literature, or as it's nicknamed, The Spinach.
It has the last two volumes missing (That deal with the literature of the dualist era and then post-war literature and the "new socialist literature". Though the 6th volume was afaik rewritten as the regime got milder and milder and was turned into a 3(?) volume set titled The history of Hungarian literature 1914-1975)
Quite sad that it's not a complete set, but the missing volumes loose cost like what? Six euros tops, while a complete set goes for around 36 euros online.

Gonna finish playing the Postal 2 expansion today, and then hopefully go to bed early.
I have to mow the lawn tomorrow, and I want to do it early in the morning.
(Maybe I should get a can of energy drink too, to enhance memeiness. Insane how even mowing the lawn became a memetic statement.)
>>
No. 21540
79 kB, 462 × 468
605 kB, 1195 × 1600
>>21525
You don't even understand that Middle Easterners claim descent from Ishmael dude. Shem, Japheth, and Ham are the three sons of Noah according to the Bible, making Isaac and Ishmael closer siblings (which would make sense for Middle Eastern tribes). You seem to be identifying Middle Easterners with Ham, when they are all descended from Shem. And you should also be aware that the crime for which Ham was "smitten in the skin" was looking on at his father's nakedness while he was drunk. This is generally accepted as a sign of perversion IIRC. You're right though Esau would've come from the same line of Shem.

Regardless I hope you understand how completely pants on head fucking retarded it is to try and justify your racism by relying on an ancient religious text of sand people.
>>
No. 21542
Oh sweet leisure time. Writing goes so good and beautifully effortless when I don't have to care about mundane struggles of my everyday life. Ideas pop up like flowers in spring and the stories write them on their own. (Part of it might also be thanks to the decision to turn the novella into a novel, I feel like having much more freedom now. Also building in backstories about some of the characters is great fun. At first I was sort of afraid to write about a teenage girl but now I'm getting into it, even though I feel like the prose style is a bit different. Might be excusable though when the topic and tone is changing so drastically, I don't know. Anyways something that is slightly weird is that I can't get ris of the impression how much every character seems to reflect myself in some way. It couldn't be identified by someone who is not me probably, but still it weirds me out a bit. Seeing those parts of me interact with each other.) As it's the rather rare occasion of a family holiday I only write at night right now because I need some isolation to do so. I should try writing at daytime or in late evening tomorrow outside, maybe it could work out as well. Even when I only stick to the routine of writing two hours a night I'd still be more productive than in the last months at the end of the holidays. Feels good and bad at the same time. Best thing is I just do manuscripts and leave transcribing it onto my computer for when I'm back home. Usually I always force myself to transcribe after ever piece of prose I write, only so I wouldn't end up with a shit ton of manuscripts and a new possibility to procrastinate.
Other than that it's just comfy and careless. Almost careless, out of boredom and desperation I hit up the schizo girl again that caused my mental downfall at the beginning of the year. Dangerous, yes, but I already did it two weeks ago to congratualte her tto her birthday (it ended in another desaster but I forgot quickly about it again).
At first it was fun because she played along and was in a good mood and so was I, later on then she got stoned and lost her mind again because of the guy she is chasing even though he doesn't want to have anything to do with her. Even though nothing connects us, I stick to her cause at least she won't ignore me like the hs crush does lately. :DD
I feel like I'm failing miserably at being a human being. In the radio I've heard a passage from some mediocre-sounding german novel about a guy who gets lost in delusions grandeur after visiting a self-improvement seminary. The (female) author wrote about his face that it wouldn't scream "I cannot be alone!" when he approached the protagonist again at a bar. Well, that hit close to home I guess. I just shouldn't care about all of this anymore but the impulse to search female company is just too strong. Terribly needy weirdo blah blah, yes I know. Or maybe I should still seek female company but try not to fall in love (maybe is this some kind of hidden rule in human procreation? Making falling a love a necessity that you can't evict anymore instead of something to actively pursue? Might this be a good idea? I feel like I'm already emotionally detached enough to do so anyways.
>>
No. 21544
Being invited to a three hour drive to a distant relative's Jewish boyfriend's family's Passover.

This can only go well.
>>
No. 21545
Another day well spent I guess.
Today there was a Student's Day at school. Different classes organised different activities for the students. (Quiz games, escape rooms, cafés)
"Just like in my Chinese cartoons", you could say. I decided to skip it. I always do.

Cleaned up the balcony a bit, and then sat there, reading for a few hours. I was interrupted by the bydlo neighbours' DIY project of "sawing random shit with a buzzsaw in the middle of the day on a workday".
"So much for the harmony of the day" as the Stranger would say.
Almost done with Kalkwerk. Phenomenal novel. I'm surprise I haven't heard of Thomas Bernhard before. It's a joy to read.

Went out to eat a lángos on the invitation of my mother. I thought something terrible happened, and she wanted to make the event more palatable by having me eat some good food. Turns out nothing bad happened.
Checked out the Hungarian edition of Argonautica while I was near the bookshop. (Strictly before eating.)
Had no idea how I should address the bookshop clerk. (As in, should I use the polite speech form, or the more direct speech form. She was maybe 10 years older than me tops.)
This reminds me how yesterday while at the library, a student mistook me for a teacher, and greeted me in an overly formal manner. This is the second time I was mistaken for somebody who works at school. (And yet people tell me I look like someone who's attending 9th grade.)
Anyway, the Argonautica looks really good. It had that usual Greek rhythm, and the book itself is really pretty too. It's hella expensive for my wallet, but next month I'll have an odd job, so I'll be able to buy it for ~4 hours' worth of work.

Also read quite a bit from those texbooks I got a few days ago. It was really infuriating.
>"The era of Matthias Corvinus saw the rise of heroic poetry in Hungary, with multiple works dealing with heroic deeds against the turks"
>"Lol m8 only two lines of the whole tradition survives btw lmao XD"
>"Another great example of latin epic poetry of the era was the Pannonian-epic, which dealt with the conquest of the Carpathian basin, and it was presumably using then still common folk-myth elements in a Christianized manner"
>"JK JK only 3 verses survived lmao ebin :DD"
>"Another great example of baroque epic poetry is the Rákóczi-epic"
>"Sadly we lost the only manuscript in the 1920s shortly after we fund it"
(Though at least the last one resurfaced in whole, and it can be read, but especially the destruction of the Pannonian-epic makes my heart bleed.)
I got so angry, I slammed the thing shut. It was like I was being trolled.
>>
No. 21546
14 kB, 300 × 330
I want to beat the shit out from one person.
Really I feel worried, it starts to go somewhat maniacal.
>>
No. 21547
>>21546
If I ever get rich, can I hire you to beat the shit out of people for me?
>>
No. 21549
>>21546
Do you know this person IRL?
>>
No. 21551
799 kB, 1200 × 675
I have no idea what the fuck I'm doing, tbh.

Ended up redoing the project several times due to various issues and it still looks like shit.
But I think I figured out the workflow at least. Doing the floor plan is ok in sketchup at least, but props have to be done in 3ds max. Door and window frames are a bitch to accurately place either way.
>>
No. 21552
>>21551
Looks good, though depending on how much natural light there is, making the entire thing red could make it feel cramped. That's most any bold colour though, my colourblind uncle painted a room at my Gran's an orange that was more intense than he thought it was and it now feels about half as big. Plus if it's a very intense colour it can be overwhelming to be around and distracting.
t. arse-talking professional
>>
No. 21553
I wish this place was more active but honestly one of the worst decisions I ever made in my life was visiting imageboards.
>>
No. 21560
833 kB, 1366 × 768
I'm thinking about getting a generic programmable keypad but I don't know much about them. Are they essentially macro keys or do they function like however many extra buttons? It's my way of avoiding updating my flight stick in the current environment where everything is twice as expensive as it was two years ago. I recently got back into A-10C and a normal keyboard gets in the way when I only really need ~16 keys and a stick. The alternative is getting an actual HOTAS which would make sense because I'm actually into flight sims but even the crappy ones that were less than $50 are now over $100, and anything with enough hats to be useful for A-10C starts at over $200. While a keypad is less than ideal, one can be had for the $50 mark and that works for me.
>>
No. 21562
>>21552
Yeah, I'm a sucker for bright colors, I think colors are underrated.

Color is the only thing in visual art that comes close to music in terms of direct emotional effect. I remember a few years ago I painted my room this toxic purple color, then when the house was renovated, it was painted over, but a huge 2m by 2m patch was left for a while. You could FEEL its presence in the room. It was always in the corner of your eye. And if you turned away, you could feel it was still there, behind you. It was pretty daunting and ominous tbh, I bet that's exactly what it feels like to stand next to one of those enormous abstract art works.

Looking at art on a tiny monitor really diminishes the effect of artwork. Physicality has a lot of importance. I guess I'd compare it to sub-bass in music. It's not technically part of the composition, but you can feel it very physically and intimately.

Anyway, what I wanted to say is that no matter how you embellish a room, you can't avoid the fact that architecturally, it's a basement of a third world commieblock. A lot of these architectural tutorials on the internet have the luxury of designing everything completely from scratch. It's a lot easier (and a lot more fun) to come up with cool aesthetics when you have total freedom. When you have to deal with existing plans, outlets, tubing, ventilation, design quirks, etc., you get a lot less creative freedom. I feel like a hack fraud trying to cobble something together that is appropriate enough to get paid for.
>>
No. 21566
One of the important distinctions between art and product must be the power dynamics in the relationship between the observer and the object.
With products, the user is the master of the relationship. The object exists for the user's convenience, and is easily dismissed at will. It does not control the user, the user controls the product.

With art, it is the piece that exerts power on the viewer. Art exists for its own sake, it does not have expectations of utility or function. The viewer must give himself up to the art, and approach it on its own terms. The effects of art are inescapable, it gets under your skin, it changes you, you can't help but be under its influence. It's involuntary.

Being an artist means becoming a slave to the art, and going wherever the demands of the piece take you, with no compromises. If the composition asks for certain changes or elements, an artist obeys such demands, whereas a designer tames the object to fit its utility. There is no such thing as wanton creativity in art, the artist is merely the instrument of the will of the art, and must follow the the demands that the aesthetic he is trying to convey places upon him.
>>
No. 21567
The ability to create art is truly a gift of Divine Creation. In a world where man has built and changed the environment to serve himself, art stands as the one thing that forces man to shed his hubris and approach something at face value: simply being in the presence of the object, and appreciating it for itself, not for its utility in the context of human need. A Thing In Itself. Art is like nature in that regard: something that is simply there, for its own sake.

Art is the closest we can get to experiencing a platonic solid: an object that is a physical manifestation of an idea / thought / aesthetic. When we create art, we quite literally create more of reality, in a metaphysical sense.
>>
No. 21568
>>21566
How do aesthetics through utility fit into that?
t. utility appreciator
>>
No. 21569
34 kB, 400 × 314
215 kB, 1219 × 681
>>21568
I guess it's a similar idea: form follows function and all that.
The hard constraints of an object having to be functional within very small physical margins forces the engineer to make certain decisions. In a way, the utilitarian demands of the object are enforcing design decisions on the engineer. The rules of physics themselves have a hand in the design process. You might even substitute "rules of physics" with "God".

That's why I think a hotdog car is ugly forever, while a steam train is timeless despite being technically obsolete. The former's aesthetic betrays its function, while the latter's aesthetic is a consequence of its function.
I would say it's a material form of aesthetics (engineering, design), while art is an ideal form of aesthetic.

Both art aesthetic and engineering aesthetic are similar in that they are "beautiful" (or meaningful) because they reflect Truth about the universe. Engineering reflects physical truth, while art reflects metaphysical truth.
>>
No. 21570
442 kB, 991 × 663
>>21569
I see. That makes sense. Locos are super aesthetic though, you're definitely correct there. Up there with gaseous electronics and the zeppelin.I think I've fallen for the modernist spook. Send help.
>>
No. 21572
>>21545
>This is the second time I was mistaken for somebody who works at school.
I would take that as a compliment. It means you look like you know what you're doing.

>>21567
>The ability to create art is truly a gift of Divine Creation
I appreciate your uncompromising perspective on art. I wish we had a new word or classification for what you're describing; some way to avoid saying one thing is art, but another thing is real art. Even the term fine art doesn't seem like enough, as within that narrower field you're still left trying to describe not only differences of degree, but true differences of kind.
>>
No. 21576
Today was fine I guess. I don't know if it's the fact that I go to bed earlier, or the extra vitamin D, but I feel really good. (Been feeling really good since Tuesday, actually, ever since I drank that energy drink, but I doubt that has anything to do with it.)
Since I was alone, I was able to just kick back and relax on the balcony.
After I finished the book, I made some tomato soup, and then I played vidya.
A pretty fine day if you ask me.

I feel pretty hyped for next month. I'll be working for a few days, so I'll have some cash on me again. Gonna do data entry for the same company again.
It's basically free money.

>>21572
I but I don't feel like I know what I'm doing.

>>21560
Do you have a better use for the money right now?
If you do, by all means use it for that.
But if you don't, I don't see why you'd buy a half assed solution if you are into the whole "fligth sim" thing. Get something that makes it enjoyable, not a substitute. That's throwing money out the window.
>>
No. 21578
>>21569
Steam train is ugly, but the hot dog car is nice and hot-doggy forever. The steam train represents nothing, it has no meaning. The hot dog car will forever stand for tasty hot dogs, picknicks in the park and major league transmission on a transistor.

You can keep your yucky steam train to yourself. Your views are a result of sovokh education.
>>
No. 21579
867 kB, 2592 × 3888
>>21578
if God wanted to make machine that runs on steam and travels long distance, it would look like steam train. steam train is eternal aesthetic

if dog wanted to make a car, it wouldn't look like hotdog

if dog wanted to make hotdog, it wouldn't look like car

check mate relativists
>>
No. 21580
118 kB, 640 × 577
Going to start working in my molecular genetics professor's lab next semester. He's a really nice, down-to-earth guy, which is a bit suprising since he's also very accomplished for a young chromatin biology / epigenetics researcher.
>>
No. 21581
209 kB, 896 × 1580
>>21576
I'm just kind of stingy. I'll want to get a compact keypad eventually anyway to bind the CDU keys to. That would make things like JTAC interaction not a fuggen nightmarish clickfest (they give you pinpoint coords that you can slave SOI to and then put a mav or bomb on it, and lets me do a lot more interesting things with the EGI that are niche but undeniably useful in battlespace management. It's interesting how different the systems integration works from the F-16C despite being on the surface level pretty similar.

In short, it basically lets me cheap out on peripherals until I can get a decent one on sale later in the year maybe.
>>
No. 21588
I started doing my early-morning walks again and it was very nice.
Didn't go into the forest this time, just a quick stroll between the gardens and houses, looking over the river and the trees on the other side.
Doing that really helps start the day in a calm and based manner.
>>
No. 21590
16 kB, 453 × 564
Had a dream where I was on a date with my middle school crush.
We went to the park, ate some ice cream etc. Then some not fat, financially well off guy stole her away from me. God damn it. Being a poorfag is really getting under my skin it seems, hue hue :-DDDD.

I love dreaming, though. This feeling of really being inside the dream, that the things in the dream are really happening to you, is very nice. Being emotionally affected by something. It's the kind of immersive, tangible feeling of Really Being There that I can not experience awake due to schizo derealization.
>>
No. 21593
>>21590
My middle school crush looked like yours in the pic. I guess I was lucky that I had other types of nightmares.
>>
No. 21636
Spent the day mostly reading, then later on wrote down a few lines for the report I'm working on. Found a magazine that perfectly fits my needs and lets no-names send in articles, the exposé they want should be structured around questions they set up, I already know how I'm going to answer them. Still I should get myself a copy of the magazine soon before applying with my work to check out what they expect from their authors.
Then again, I should write a first version of it first (so far it's only notes and nice sentences bc I'm still a lazy bum and don't get paid fot it most importantly) to make it the most out of my vision. Can still change it later.

Other than that, the closer the return of my everyday life after holidays is coming near me the less productive I feel because of worries about mundane shit. Next week I'll get back to work and I'll have to get up at 6AM. Also soberness is going great, went through some evenings where I usually I would have gotten drunk with people sober and it was ok. I want to reflect and write more and in a lengthy way about it in the addiction thread once I reach my first sober month of the last six years.
>>
No. 21639
1,3 MB, 2268 × 1559
I went hiking for the first time in years. Just a short trail at a nearby state park, but the view was worth it.
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No. 21646
156 kB, 704 × 1076
98 kB, 524 × 497
87 kB, 489 × 474
Made memes
>>
No. 21650
>>21639
The US has many stunning landscapes, I would be more interested in seeing the US than doing a SEA trip like so many young euros.

>>21636
A magazine just for reports or all kind of stuff?
Why do you have a polandball now and not the bavarian error ball?
>>
No. 21654
>>21650
It's a magazine for reports only.
Also I'm in Poland now over the holidays.
>>
No. 21657
Went shopping today. There are a lot of people at the store, because it'll be closed for 2 ((3(?)) days and WE ARE ALL GOING TO DIE IF WE DON'T HAVE 3 LOAVES OF BREAD AT HOME WITH 3 RODS OF SALAMI.
It was incredibly tiresome, and I basically collapsed into my armchair by the time I got home.
Read 3 scenes from Wagner's Tristan und Isolde and some parts from the Book of Revelations and the Gospel of Matthew. Basically just to feel a bit more connected to the spirit of the holidays. It's a beautiful story.
Couldn't concentrate much longer, so I turned on the PC for a couple of hours. Might play something later, but I'm going to turn it off early and go back to reading if I can.
Might study for the upcoming tests instead. Or I might add a few new hanzi cards, though I'm not happy with the results yet.

It's really dropping my productivity now that there are people around the house, rummaging, watching TV and taking up space.
>>
No. 21658
>>21657
Don't know how is the weather in Budapest but you could sit outside and let the wind breeze around you while the sun heats the environment. I know concentration is crucial in reading at some point but you can get sucked into a book even with a few noise here and there. Ofc I wouldn't sit in a crowded place but I'm sure the suburban area of Budapest has quiet(er) spots. A change of scenery while reading can be refreshing. I don't mean the garden necessarily but a place that is in walking distance, so 10-25min.
>>
No. 21664
kohl is gay as fuck.
>>
No. 21672
In the end, I read half of Tristan und Isolde and then mowed the lawn.
And as it also turns out, the peas that I've planted have actually hatched and grown out. It's a pretty cool feeling.

>>21658
I don't know if I'd feel comfortable with that. It's not really the fact that people are noisy around here, it's just that it feels like they are disturbing my "scholarly" solitude a bit.
>>
No. 21675
feels like I missed out on the community switching to discord, I used to be active on youtube watching shit, name escapes me.

I also have short patience for incompetence and like to troll, hard to curb a 10 year habit.

I also seen the red pill as not believing the government rather than goose stepping and using nazi symbols as porn.
>>
No. 21677
>>21672
>it's just that it feels like they are disturbing my "scholarly" solitude a bit.

Yes, some books need that solitude. But every once in a while I take a book and sit on a bench or something outside where not many people will pass by.

I vaguely remember reading somewhere that Walter Benjamin said that you need to read the surrealist writings in a noisy street cafe. Perhaps other books can be read well in different places that are not the own chamber, too.
>>
No. 21678
I just seen some sick CP on kohl, there was the same shit on 8chan, which I know was a honey pot.

Do I stick to 4channel, I never recall it being this bad.

Not a fan of gore, but I can tolerate any disgusting shit.

Not this, maybe I am too old, I can't do this any more.

I want to never visit an image board again.

For a fact I have seen 100% worse, penetration it has scarred mt mind.

I just think the people using image board 10-15 years ago, I know I wasn't the first, are not the same people polluting this space.

I just wish everyone would die, call me me beta, i don't care, had so much learning and good convos.

I'm a depressed alcoholic who fucked up his life and if I lost my job I would be on the bread line.

2010/11 I loved chans and a few MMO's.

I just hate everyone, the CP made me sick, the bants are far and few between, I never got pol.

Most countries I could get arrested, but my complaint is, it is not the same userbase.

Show me gore, dead bodies a severed head, what I seen was child abuse and I have seen 100x worse.

I've felt worse, but have never been so pissed at a community, but I realise there is no longer any community.
>>
No. 21680
>>21678
Well, why do you visit those imageboards? I mostly only browse ec and 4chan /lit/ if I feel the need for something fast, so I'm mostly browsing as chaste as a monk in general.

>>21677
Do you know where you got this from? Did you maybe get this from the "Illuminationen" book? It has most of his published stuff in it, your mere mention makes me wanna get it even though I already own lots of the works that are collected in the book.

>>21672
As I love listening to it, I should probably read it as well. Sounds a bit plebeian but I mostly just listen to the music and the voices without understanding the text. It could surely be more intense if I'd read it I think. I like listening to his Wesedonck-songs interpreted by Kirsten Flagstad, knowing the lyrics makes it so extremely intense. I can barely describe the bliss I sometimes felt when listening to "Im Treibhaus".
>>
No. 21688
It's been a terrible few days tbh. I feel like a pathetic loser. Which I am.
>>
No. 21689
>>21680
Not like it's a long text or anything. A measly 85 or so pages in drama format, so it's extra short.
Should take maybe two to three hours to read if you take your time.
You have nothing to lose, but everything to gain by reading it.
>>
No. 21691
>>21688
Hell, you're trying and though it's overstated it does count for something even if you fall short. Better than being a worthless waste of flesh like myself who just takes the path of least resistance and doesn't stick his neck out for fear of losing it.
>>
No. 21700
>>21689

Shut up gypsy.
>>
No. 21701
>>21680
>Do you know where you got this from? Did you maybe get this from the "Illuminationen" book?

It's on the back of some 1960s surrealist reader I got some years ago but never read. It's boxed up atm so I cannot tell you the source, if it is even mentioned there. But Benjamin wrote an essay on surrealism and I could imagine it's in there. I only ever read the Flaneur, the theses on history and the Kunstwerk-Aufsatz and some other bits and pieces.
>>
No. 21702
>>21691
Well, at least you pay for your own meals. I think that already makes you a more respectable person :-DDD.
"Even if you have to wash a donkey's ass, make a living"
t. Abay :-DDDD

I'm only now developing the skill to do my own homework. 8 years of fucking about jumping from hobby to hobby and nothing to show for it, because I am too infantile to sit down and work, instead of just messing around. I also broke my newly arrived tablet pen again because I'm a clumsy retard and decided to adjust the spring tension knob during two days of no sleep, went full retard and snapped the hair-thin wire again.
That really shat up my day, because it reminded me of the fact that I'm a fraud. Someone who supposedly cares about art, but can't get his shit enough together to make a single finished work, just meandering doodles that never take form.
>>
No. 21705
>>21702
Kind words, but your praise is misplaced. I work a mediocre job making mediocre food for a mediocre employer. Been thinking that I should get in contact with a chef I know and apprentice and graduate into not making crap that has no value in pride. I won't though because I get decision paralysis and end up doing nothing. Sounds mildly familiar to your art situation now that I think on it. I guess good food is basically a transient form of art.

So while Abai is my boy and all, I do not think that I'm what he had in mind :-DDDDD
>>
No. 21714
i've asked some time in the past, and i guess someone had answered, but i forgot to see it. What was the text board that was pinned at the top of the first page several months ago?
>>
No. 21718
>>21714
the text board that was pinned at the top of the first page several months ago?
I'm not sure if this is what you mean, because it's still in the top tab:
https://buchstubn.com/aa/
Was there another one?
>>
No. 21720
I finished reading Tristan und Isolde today. Weeded out the area around the peas I planted a month ago. They are growing nicely.

Currently listening to a symphonic version of Tristan und Isolde. Good stuff, but for some reason I don't feel like it ever goes into "overdrive" like Mahler or Shostakovich does. It keeps blueballing me in a sense.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j0Iylte4xeQ

Got 15 Euros and a scratch ticket for Easter. The scratch ticket didn't win me a single dime, in contrast, it brought another 12 euros for my sister. I honestly would have been happier to just have the price of the ticket instead of this stupid gamble, but over the years it turned into a family tradition for some reason.
Not like I can complain, since my sister offered me to partition her winnings, but I declined. Lusting after a measly 6 euros out of jealousy is just simply dishonourable and deplorable. I have no need for that money, I'll earn more through the sweat of my brow next month.
I'll probably try buying the Argonautica with this money. The remainder I'll spend on some cheap Earl Grey, so I can bring tea to school again. Nothing better than smugly sipping some tea while giving a presentation or typing away on your laptop while looking at random papers.
Makes me feel important and above the world.
Look at this man, for he is important, with that pencil stuck between his teeth, the thermos cap of tea in his hand, a book open in front of him, while typing on an old laptop. You can't disturb someone like that.

Planning to read a short story by Wang Meng before going to bed. I had a collection of his writings for a while, and it seemed interesting from the little I managed to read on the way home when I got it.
I don't think I'll actually read it though, I just plan to read it.

Two more days at home. Tomorrow we'll take a "family trip". I dread the idea. These are always so fucking awkward when we try to give the image of a "perfect family" to the world. It's a farce that benefits no one.
>>
No. 21743
17 kB, 576 × 597
Oh God, it’s actually a “le family bonding trip” and we’ll drive 50 minutes to see a lake and get a scoop of ice cream. Literally wasting money on nothing. Fucking nothing.
Fucking hell, people, I don’t have time for this bullshit.
Just close the door and throw away the key for fuck’s sake, and don’t use your phone standing in the middle of the dining hall while I’m having breakfast, it’s unsettling.
I should have said no yesterday and bore with the the consequences of getting called an ungrateful crazy fuckwad.
My heart is pounding like it’s a do or die situation again.
>>
No. 21744
>>21743
>le family bonding trip
I don't quite understand, is it some special kind of trip or so?
I'd eagerly have a trip with my family. Maybe you are just 18 years old. Don't worry, it's going to end later.
>>
No. 21749
>>21718
looks like that one. thanks
>>
No. 21757
>>21744
Not really special. We just visit a far away landmark (to waste as much of our precious time as possible to increase the presumed value of the trip for ourselves) that means nothing to either of us, and talk awkwardly while we get there. Then we have dinner at a local "restaurant" and then go home.
I just don't have any chemistry when all of my family is around, especially my father. He has terrible "jokes" (not even dad jokes, just shitty boomer jokes and movie/TV quotes.) and an irritating personality to top it off and we just don't really get along.
Not to mention it just ends up as a phone tapping contest since both my mother and my father are hopelessly addicted to Facebook and whatnot on their phones, so they just keep tapping their phones, discussing which of their "friends" shared what, and I don't particularly give a shit about epic "jokes" posted on facebook. (Or what "funny discussions" they had with people I don't know.)

None of these family bonding trips are interesting or worthwhile and it benefits no one besides my parents' consciences that "we acted as a family for 4 hours". I don't want to assist in perpetuating a lie like this.
Sadly they can't do it without me, so I have to go with this bullshit every time the feel the need to "bond", even though I think normal families spend enough time together naturally that they don't need "bonding" like this.
And at 19 I'd say it's far too late for my father to try any of this. I grew up largely without him because of his "business trips", and we weren't moulded to get along as a result.

And of course I can't say no to a farce like this because "common decency" dictates that I should love the opportunity to spend time with muh family, and you are a dick if you don't want to spend time with them.
No. We spent 16 fucking years in a small as fuck apartment, we were more than close enough for more than enough time, I want to be away from you so I don't have to deal with you, fuck.
My entire day is fucking ruined and I hate it.

/teenage angst
>>
No. 21758
>>21757
>We spent 16 fucking years in a small as fuck apartment, we were more than close enough for more than enough time, I want to be away from you so I don't have to deal with you

Yes, a normal reaction as young adult and it's sames for me but add around 10 years. Tho family every once in a while is good. Might change even more when I have children myself one day, if that ever happens.

But don't underestimate your parents attitude, they want to spent time with you and your sister, simple, that's the Sinn behind it all and it's not like that is not important somehow, maybe they have a hard time as well but they try.
>>
No. 21762
Well, I'm not "angry" any more. Three slices of Focaccia, some salami, some cheese and a cup of vodka as a digestif made me feel better.
Gonna watch the remainder of the Zizek-Peterson debate now. It's fucking abysmal and ebin.

Though I have my work cut out for me for tomorrow now.
>>
No. 21768
I've got the flu.
Had to work til 4 AM feeling like total crap, with a result that amounted to jack shit.

Guess that's what you get when you're figuring out the software and workflow along the way. At least it's encouraging me to get back into 3D modeling. 3D modeling is fun. Interior design sucks.
>>
No. 21771
>>21768
What software are you learning?
>>
No. 21789
849 kB, 1920 × 1080
Can't seem to be able to deal with the stress. I desperately try to take my attention off the future. The fact that I played arkanoid on my phone the whole morning means something has gone terribly wrong inside.

Exercised a bit.

Gonna play vidya for a bit, then try studying rhetoric again, after which I'll go to my extra maths classes.
>>
No. 21793
>>21771
Mostly figuring out how to get decent results out of vray.
Considering that my PC is not very good, waiting for render times to see the result, then scrap it and try again is quite time consuming.

I'm planning on transitioning to blender once this client is dealth with. Although, if I were to get a job on the kazakhstan, vray, 3ds max and autocad (all pirated) are de facto standards here, and everyone expects you to work with that.
>>
No. 21803
I'm seriously considering not going in tomorrow. (Not having bought a bus pass is a good enough reason, because I don't God damn plan on getting up even earlier to buy one, but oh well, I'll probably do so.)

Must be the weather, though I'm not fond of the possibility that the weather might influence me this drastically. That's for old people and women.

Still haven't studied jack for my test about rhetoric. I managed to read a whooping 10 sentences before getting up and starting to browse my bookshelf. I ended up reading aloud from random epics like the Odyssey, Mahabharata and the Nibelungenlied.
It's around 4 small pages' worth of material, but fuck, I just can't get myself to deal with it. It's horrible.

And I also have an upcoming test on French symbolist poetry. The gayest fucking shit on Earth. It's bullshit, and I don't even have the materials for it. (So of course I'm going to have to ask around, but fuck, I'm just not interested in this.)
>>
No. 21804
>>21803
>French symbolist poetry.

Baudelaire is good, aestheticism in general. You liked Der Tor und der Tod which is from that style. Romanticism is the core for that kind of poetry.
>>
No. 21805
>>21793
Blender 2.8 has a realtime renderer that makes offline render times almost a thing of the past.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nxrwx7nmS5A
>>
No. 21806
>>21789
>Bydgoszcz in Germany is not Bromberg
That should be better fixed.
>>
No. 21813
Honestly, I want to go home. There are hundreds of people here, yet I feel more alone than in my room.
Almost done with studying for the rhetoric test.
Managed to get out of applying my rhetorical knowledge in that three minute speech, since everyone knows I can actually talk and go one for ten times that long. It’s pointless.

>>21804
But that one was a narrative. Not to mention you guys presumably speak French in the west. I have to read translations. (Even if I knew French, I’d still have to slog through it in Hungarian.)
Got the papers to study for the test, so maybe if I get to know about it more deeply then I can appreciate it more. That’s always an option.
>>
No. 21816
>>21813
I have to read the translations as well, maybe you are right and the hungarian ones aren't the best.
>>
No. 21817
1,8 MB, 3453 × 1949
41 kB, 473 × 360
So today might not have been all that terrible. The test was easy, and the extra literature classes were really comfy and lax.
I even got to ramble about medieval epic poetry to the teacher during the break. She had that "I'll let you have your crusade in your dream world about this subject because it seems amusing that you talk with such ferocity about it" on her face.

On the way home I picked up a few books. Instead of that timid gypsy girl, there is now a fat, ugly gypsy running the stand. And incredibly irritating and egoistic fella'.
This is how I imagine anti-semitism in the 19th century was like. "I hate you, but I'm going to do a deal with you out of "necessity" and then curse you behind your back". Lovely. In this very moment, I feel truly European.
He had good books for sale, but of course for the "good" ones he was charging extra. Anyway, they were in good condition, and I don't know where else I could have found a copy of Oblomov for this cheap (or one at all), so I picked it up alongside with Stendhal's The Red and the Black, which we talked about during literature class and seemed interesting. The idiot was at the usual price, and I think this one is also "rare" to come by, so I picked it up, though the bastard was hiding it at the back of a shelf. Probably because he had an "expensive" copy for sale too, and would have wanted to get rid that one first.

Also started Hamsun's Hunger. Lovely. Simply lovely, though I smirked once or twice as the main character described his situation.
>I'm hungry
>I'm poor
>I pawned everything
>And I have to sneak past the landlady
Can't wait 'till I can sit down an read a large portion of it in one sitting.

>>21816
It could very well be that this kind of reflection on the world isn't my cup of tea. I like reflecting and introspection. Discussed this one today, and I seem to have came to the conclusion that it might be the fact that it feels a bit "directionless". Romanticism is "feeling" centred too, but with romanticism I can pick up the "sword" and be against something else, I can struggle, I can burn, I can dance, I can cry of joy and sadness. I don't feel the spark with these poems, and it's noticeable that their goal wasn't to light me on fire.
Could be that I'm just a brute at heart who needs concrete things.

I should be studying these for tomorrow, but I can't get myself to sit down again.
>>
No. 21818
43 kB, 1096 × 682
I was planning to pick up the slack a bit with applications and whatnot but now my parents are gone on vacation so I'll just have to indulge for a few days and slack around. Off to a good start playing vidya today the whole day. Hooray!

>>21817
Nice book haul! I saw quite a few street peddlers selling interesting vintage books in Italy as well, too bad they were all in Italian and I didn't feel like gambling on my future self's propensity to learn it any time soon.

>Can't wait 'till I can sit down an read a large portion of it in one sitting.
Make sure you're starved for the authentic Hunger experience!
>>
No. 21821
>>21818
I'm in Hungary, so I feel prepared enough.
I skipped out a bunch of meals in the past days actually. Wanted to throw up this morning, I actually felt so sick when I woke up.

Nothing wrong with slacking around a bit. If you strain yourself constantly, you'll crash sooner or later, might as well prevent it.
>>
No. 21825
Watching western shows on niconico as an amusing pastime. I don't understand shit, but it's pretty amusing to see the screen get filled with wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww whenever something funny happens. All those infantile ads for gacha and f2p mmo games bordering on ecchi are an eyesore, though. I am always puzzled by the fact that illustrated erotica is such a mainstream thing in japan, even appearing as ads on their equivalent of youtube. Then again, it's probably a japanese analogue to western ads featuring hot bikini babes with texts like "HORNY COUGARS IN YOUR AREA". Ads always target the lowest of human instincts.

I don't know why anime disturbs me so much, it's principally opposed to everything I hold as virtuous. It's like anti-art, man. Commercialized, mass produced visual content, 20 minute long advertisements for merchandize pretending to be entertainment. I don't like it.

>>21805
Dang, blender already adopting PBR as a standard feature already.
FOSS software is getting ahead in content creation, which is pretty good to see.
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No. 21831
4,3 MB, 2627 × 1876
>>21825
The Japanese mindset is quite odd. For commercial entertainment, creators are often very self-aware of their nature as faceless corporations and don't give a fuck. I mean look at Pachinko which is hundred billion dollar domestic industry that doesn't even try and hide the fact that it exists by legal loophole. I don't understand Japanese autism even close to enough to grasp why it works as a system of PR, though I can certainly respect them for at least being honest about it.
>>
No. 21835
19 kB, 1283 × 392
>>21831
I think japan is fascinating because it's an advanced culture that is both old, and is also modernized, while being so insular that it retains its oddness to the modern age.
And by advanced, I mean that it's a culture with its own zeitgeist and historical context for all the alien and foreign things about it. For primitive, insular unga bunga tribes' taboos and traditions, there's always a simple biological explanation, mostly having to do with disease prevention, population control, etc. Like, someone in a middle asian shithole getting offended over pork is idiotic at face value, but considering that pigs are a disease vector nasty human compatible parasites, having them around wasn't the best idea in a hot climate in the bronze age.
But some cultural quirks of japan are just puzzling. There's no easy pseudo-scientific explanation to ease the mind. Like the fact that they apparently don't even have a concept of swearwords, largely. Like, there's maybe a dozen legitimate swearwords at most, and the way you offend someone is by challenging the social hierarchy between you and the target, by use of improper tone/honorifics/form. That's so japanese.
They don't even have sex / sex organ related insults. You can tell an english speaking person to fuck off, you can tell a russian "съебись", a kazakh "сігіл", and they will be properly offended. There's even similar insults in chinese. But nope, not japanese equivalent. You can't tell someone to fuck himself, unless you're in a porn movie and mean it literally. Weird. They do seem to have an interesting relationship with sex in that regard.

also, no online translator can properly translate kazakh swearwords to english, I checked
The most perplexing was Yandex translator, which gave the following output (pic) :-D
>>
No. 21836
1,7 MB, 1292 × 862
Another werid phenomenon, using anime characters and vocaloid to narrate videos instead of just talking, leaving it as text, or at least hiring a voice actress to do it for you.

Like, does a generic video game walkthrough really need the extra erotic appeal of a big tiddy anime girl talking to you? The only thing that it makes me think about is "this guy who is too much of a loser to reveal his own voice wants me to be sexually attracted to his dishonored video".

The western equivalent would be, imagine clicking on a Warcraft 3 easter egg video and there's a cutout of pamela anderson talking in a creepy robot voice. Fascinating.
>>
No. 21837
>>21825
Yes, it's hyper-commercialized, but I don't feel the effects of it, since I live in the Occident and not the Orient, and while indeed, there are piles upon piles of figure, pillows, booklets and other merchandise, I'm liberated from the parasitic effects of Japanese Kulturkapital by simple distance, since none is available to me. (Even information on the merchandise is unavailable, so I don't even know it exists.)
(But then again, I don't watch every seasonal anime that gets put out, I "rarely" watch one or two.)
Therefore it feels more authentic than western shows, because those have their merchandise and commercial base close to me, and can try to exert its influences on me. Western shows I see being talked about, I see them when I go to the living room and the TV is on, it's white noise. Ordinary and common, oppressive and nagging.
Watching something from the East is an event. You have to go out of your way for that, seek out people who watch it, and discuss it with them.

On the actual content side, the thing that I think I found myself liking about some animes is the fact that they depict such a sense of camaraderie, friendship, society and order that in a sense, I'd like to be the part of, but if I were to ever get to chance to experience it in a genuine, Real way, I'd be the first one to rebel against it, if that makes any sense.
Unreachable idealism that isn't even truly desired, yet for some reason it is!

And of course there is also the fact that some actually can be good, but talking about "anime" is like talking about "tv shows", of course 99% of everything is shit, and neither Wectern TV nor anime is an exception.
Can't fathom why anyone watches a 100th variation on the HS Girl Slice of Life theme, but they must have their reasons.

You probably see the "truth" about it, simply because you are closer to it. I don't see it, and while I know it's out there, I also refuse to see it.
I create my own little censored reality, where anime sort of just exists and just comes from Japan.
>>
No. 21838
>>21831
Traditional eastern mentality combined with absolute capitalism give very wierd results.
>>
No. 21839
>>21838
https://youtu.be/J8LxORztUWY
also this is kind of more about south korea, but video overall talks about how western style capitalism turned in such traditional societies with previously very different culture.
>>
No. 21840
I should seriously seek some treatment for this stressed feeling, because it prevents me from getting anything done.
Maybe magnesium pills or something along the line.
It stems from having to do my duties, but I don't know why I want to flee those.

I read the materials for the test twice today. Spent the rest playing that Arkanoid clone.
Gonna re-read them once more, read the poems themselves again, and then learn the one I have to.
I don't want to skip classes tomorrow too.
>>
No. 21841
>>21836
>does a generic video game walkthrough really need the extra erotic appeal of a big tiddy anime girl talking to you?
It's all about target audience, I guess. If you want to get more views/likes for your video from otakus who are all about escapism, your best bet is to use some 2D cutie. Those guys wouldn't want to see or hear some fat fuck with silly voice and skin problems, possibly because he reminds them of themselves too much, and by extension of the real world. And of course, a video without narration whatsoever would be too boring.

But in my opinion, these kind of videos aren't as weird as some Western ones. Like reaction videos. Who the hell watches some dipshit reacting to some trending crap with over the top facial expressions? I will never understand that. Or unboxing videos. Yaaay, you indulged your consumerism yet again, and you just have to show off to other dumbasses like yourself, what a great content creator you are. So, in my opinion, weirdness is not specific to Japs, it's just that we got used to our own weirdness and stopped noticing it.
>>
No. 21842
After 3 days of binge watching nico, when I close my eyes, I see white squiggles scrolling to the left. Tetris effect is some weird shit, man.
>>21837
Yes, not actually being immersed in the consumerist culture helps, but I'm more concerned about the way the market influences art, rather than the market itself.
Art being in a market is acceptable. After all, a lot of genuine art was made as commission, or as products to be sold. As long as art is simply art that is being sold in a market, it is all good. But when this barrier between art and the market is breached, and the art itself becomes a piece of marketing FOR ITSELF, is when you get a problem. Such an incestuous relationship leads to stagnation.
Whenever I try to watch a regular, "non-artistic" anime, I get this feeling that someone is trying to manipulate me. Because it's pandering to me. It's deliberately trying to tug at my heartstrings, make me go "awww", make me sad, using simple story telling techniques with no substance behind them. Trying to get inside my brain, analyze and dissect it as some kind of system that can be reprogrammed. Treating me as an object, dare I say. Equating me to my meat and instinctive responses, emphasizing my worldliness, denying my humanity. Sounds overly dramatic, but that's what it is, marketing is just another word for manipulation, and manipulation is a form of disrespect. Not only are they trying to manipulate you, but they are also insulting you by assuming that you are dumb enough to fall for it.

Even this welcoming setting of optimism, friendship, sentimentality, etc., is in a way, insulting in how infantilizing it is. It reminds me of USSR era propaganda, actually. It was deceptive in how optimistic it was, because the propaganda was either treating the audience like idiots, or trying to make them into idiots.

The way I treat art (or rather, the way I let myself be treated by it), is the same way I treat people: I'd rather respect someone than like them. If someone is going out of their way to accommodate you, being overly nice, etc., it's because they want something from you, that's all. I'd rather be told a brutal, disturbing, unappealing truth than a sweetened lie. I respect art, and respectful art treats its audience with respect.

All of that applies to western media as well, but I simply ignore western media, while anime actively irritates me for some reason. Either it's because westerners are more skillful manipulators (not as blatant and in your face), or because they exploit different human instincts. I feel like western consumerist culture is more about greed (money, bitches, mansions, bling, etc), while eastern media employs emotional manipulation (trying to get you to develop an emotional attachment to the characters). Maybe it's because I have never really cared about wealth or social status, but I genuinely am lonely and emotionally unfulfilled, so emotional manipulation just hits closer to home. I know that if I fall into that rabbit hole, I ain't getting out, because it was specifically designed to trap people like me.
>>
No. 21843
317 kB, 1024 × 683
>>21841
Ah, you're right.
Reaction videos are some disgusting shit. It's like I really care what some dumbass thinks about this or that. Like I'm too much of a fucking drone to be satisfied with my own opinion about something, I have to compare it to what others think. And clickbait. I don't know what's a bigger insult, that such people treat you like an idiot, or that it actually fucking works.

There's actually an even more annoying spin on the "reaction" phenomenon that is exclusive to third world countries. I call it "white / first world person reacts to something from your third world country". Third worlders love that fucking shit, they are dying to hear what some whitey thinks about them and their culture. What a pathetic form of self-disrespect. "The superhuman white ubermensch has acknowledged our existence, I feel so validated". Maybe they don't know better, but me, being able to engage with westerners on their own level (through fluency of english), I know for a fact that some average westerner is about as much of a dumbass as anybody else.

I hate seeing people from my country interact with western tourists, they practically grovel at their feet.
>>
No. 21844
>>21843
That goes for any country that isn’t writing using a mainstream language of Western Civilisation. (English, French, Spanish, German, Russian, maybe Italian)
It’s not a racial thing, it’s about your cultural weight. We have it too.
>Foreigners react to long word in a language they don’t speak
>Foreigners try [ethnic food] for the first time
Abysmal.
>>
No. 21845
>>21843
I just think it's fun watching people react to novel new experiences tbh. Your error is probably in looking at buzzfeed videos. They are, without seemingly any deviation, steaming piles of complete shit 100% of the time. Boring, unfunny, cringey, and often at the same time somehow massively unoriginal and fucking stupid probably because buzzfeed itself is owned by some corporate whoredom or other that only wants to play it safe and be as least offensive as possible. Otherwise it's like an /int/ in video format for me. I like being exposed to new things and seeing how others react to it, including things I normally take for granted like say the noble Western shitter as opposed to the exotic Japanese cybershitters of the future.

You're watching the wrong videos. Actually it'd probably be more fun watching like, Vietnamese reacting to some obscure Brazilian shit or somesuch. I actually found out you have plenty of delicious well known fruits that are unheard of here too, brbr.
>>
No. 21852
Another thought that is occupying my mind right now is the extent to which language defines our conscious reality. You can't conceptualize an idea without having a linguistic (or visual / audio) framework for it. Having a poor vocabulary or only knowing one language is like being colorblind. Your mind is limited by what it doesn't experience / know. And learning a new language is like being able to see new colors. Not only do know more things, but you can also analyze the things you knew from a new framework. Not being immersed in something, but observing it from the outside. It literally expands your reality, man.

>>21845
It's just that in the majority of reaction videos, the people reacting rarely have anything interesting or insightful to say about the subject.
You don't learn anything about the subject, just the people reacting. I think it's simply the consequence of the fact that people who have insight don't react, they educate.
>>
No. 21853
This might foreshadow a terrible future (can’t believe I’m like my father in all respects, ill-tempered and such, but I can’t be completely abstinent like him, the man never drinks, never! Never saw him ever ask for a cup of any alcohol, nothing, yet his father was apparently an alcoholic who found joy and company down the road at the local bar, to escape the neurotic nagging of my grandmother, what a chronicle! But despite this, the man never drinks, not a drop of beer or wine, but I’m here, I just drank a cup to deal with my “feelings”, it’s like I committed a grave sin!), but with a bit of alcohol in my blood, I can actually concentrate and read the God-damned textbook.
>>
No. 21856
I don’t think I’ll visit classes today. I’m a total mess. I should have gone to bed hours ago!
It feels like I’m hopelessly cocking up my life by doing this.
I have no one to blame but myself.
>>
No. 21858
>>21852
I think that is one of the things I like most about studying Kazakh. You Bricks think in interesting ways. It's also probably the hardest thing in learning the language tbh, the fact that it functions on different assumptions to English. I really like the conceptual differences in how perception of an object determines its existence. Instead of something that exists belonging to me like in English, you guys instead say that the thing that belongs to you exists, supposing instead that if it didn't belong to you, then it was functionally a different object.

Example for non-knowers

>English: I have a book.
>Kazakh: Meniń kitabym bar. Meaning 'my book exists'.
>>
No. 21859
>>21858
Another way of saying it is "mende kitap bar".
Which means in me (in my location/possession) there is a book.

Basically, "my book exists" implies that you have a property of having a book. The book's existence is determined by your ownership of it. It's like saying "I have a leg". The leg doesn't have a property of belonging to you, because it can't belong to anyone else. You have the property of having a leg.

"in my posession, there is a book" has the opposite structure. The book has the property of being in your ownership. If you say "mende ayaq bar", it actually implies that you have someone's leg in your possession, rather than you having a leg :-DDDDD

Those two sentences are interchangeable 99% of times, but this is an interesting case where they aren't, because of the syntactical structure of the sentence explicitly defining whether something of yours exists, or if something is in your possession. In english, the meaning of "I have a leg" is determined by context rather than syntax.

I thought that was interesting.
>>
No. 21860
>>21859
I get the feeling that typical mambet humour is 4d wordplay instead of good ol' honest bantz :-DDD
>>
No. 21862
>>21860
I wouldn't say wordplay, but very short, rhythmic sentences that pack a lot of meaning, which works great for poetry and proverbs. Kazakh literature used to be 99% oral singing, poetry, and of course, dombra rap battles :-DDDD. Culture of too small heda to figure out writing.

Eloquent kazakh speakers will often speak completely in proverbs as if they're reciting poetry.
>>
No. 21863
82 kB, 663 × 467
>>21862
Indaresting.
>dombra rap battles
I love how this is barely even exaggerating the thing you're talking about :-DDD. What's that style called again, the freestyle rap aqyn poetry battles had a specific name that I can't recall right now. Also on the topic of Dombra, I find it ebin how one of the most celebrated Kazakh composers, Qurmangazy, is essentially just dropping sick dombra riffs :-DDD

>Eloquent kazakh speakers will often speak completely in proverbs as if they're reciting poetry.
Sounds ebin tbh.
>>
No. 21864
45 kB, 544 × 365
Dear diary, today I beat up my mother, this is not the first time when I beat her and certainly not the last. I'm not ashamed of my actions and by the end of this post you're going to agree with me.

Yesterday, my mother had to go to my biological 59 year old father, who is a thief, murderer, womanizer and who spent 10 years in a Soviet prison, to ask for some money because the family is broke as fuck. My biological father has spent more money during my life on booze and whores for himself than on helping the family, we lived separately for nearly 10 years. I have a stepfather for whom the whore has been married for 5 years, he's an average friendly beta from lower class but quite a nice guy in general, unlike my aggressive and uneducated criminal father.

Mother had to come to the father's apartments and leave within an hour, but instead she stayed there until the evening despite regular calls from me and grandmother, despite our requests to go home and think about her husband, she got drunk and then stayed overnight in home with the scumbag which I have to call "father". She and the grandmother told the stepfather that she went and stayed overnight with me and the """father""", so that he wouldn't be mad about them sleeping together.

Obviously, she slept with her ex-criminal bf (he is not even a husband, they never married) and was going to use me as cover to avoid punishment. I didn't sleep for two days and waited for her arrival, when she came this morning she behaved as if nothing had happened and as if my anger was unjustified. She escaped from my apartments, I called her on the phone and said that I will tell everything to the husband, the slut didn’t even try to justify her behavior and stop me. Thereafter, I got dressed, found her walking around with a stepfather and gave her another chanse to tell him the story. She refused, so I had to tell everything what I know.
She ran away in half of my speech. The guy seemed pretty bummed about it all.
I think I should have felt immense pain in my chest, but after all the shit that happened in the previous month I think I was cured of depression that lasted 4 years, and now I feel only apathy or anger.
I tried to draw regularly. I failed. I tried to get friends. I failed. I tried to get help from the family. I failed. I tried to get a job, but I had a panic attack and failed to even attend job interview. I no longer feel seriously frustrated or dissappointed, right now my anger is stronger than my seriously weakened empathy for the betrayed man, now I feel like I’m an ordinary observer watching the burning ruins.
>>
No. 21865
>>21864
Btw, I forgot to tell one peculiar story that reinforced my anger caused by her betrayal. A month ago when I wanted to kill myself as strongly as never before, we walked along the bank of the Dnieper, I discussed my suicidal thoughts with her and human relatishionships, paranoia, betrayal and cheating. She said that she had entered into a verbal agreement with my stepfather: if one of the spouses finds another woman/man, he will not cheat behind the back of a partner, but will directly tell the husband/wife. She betrayed everything we talked about with me, the woman talking about cheating and excessive paranoia of males ended up cheating on her husband. This is a very precious experience and for me it is a sign that all my attempts to get rid my of paranoia, distrust of others and a sense of superiority failed, too.
>>
No. 21866
That's pretty fucked up man. I mean, it's one thing to betray her husband but to also betray her word to her son is another. Not really sure what I can say beyond feels bad man and hope it gets better for you in the near future. Initiating confrontation is not my strong point.
>>
No. 21869
>>21865
>>21864
Well, if there are no legal ramifications and you are stronger than everyone, I really see nor reason not to exert your dominance and create order.
>>
No. 21875
>>21864
I think you are fucked in the heda

Sincerely,
Ernstboi
>>
No. 21876
Well, today was total fucking ass. Woke up at around 9:40, feeling well. Though I only slept 8 hours. I left a letter on the dining table announcing that I won't be attending classes today, and I'm very sorry about it, P.S.: Please leave me some money for lunch. Or don't.
Ate two slices of french toast and drank some tea, essentially what the other members of the household left behind when they departed for their right and honourable duties they have to fulfil in society.
Then I checked my massages. Surprisingly I had two. One from my mother, stating Why worry, dear?, and the other from the de facto class president. (De facto, because we never gave enough of a shit to elect one, though I'm not even sure the position even exists officially, and the same goes for our representative to the Student council. Our class isn't represented, because we didn't send anybody.)
So I didn't open the message, but the glimpse I caught of the textbox told me as much that it's about the prom, or our equivalent of the prom. Whatever the fuck is that even. Bloody yanks. Anyway, it was asking if I'll participate at all, "even if the class decided to do a waltzer"
I don't want to do it. That's another responsibility, I have to be in public, I have to be a part of the community, and it takes up my time. I'd have said no, if not for the explicit threats from my mother that I have to take part in it. In the end, I didn't even open the message, and I sent back nothing.
This whole ordeal greatly affected my mood. So I spend most of the day vegetating, watching videos on youtube, playing arkanoid and listening to citypop. (I'd say it's the second gayest thing I enjoy, right after those randomly appearing Neu Deutsche Well cassettes that keep appearing in whatever car I accidentally get into for some reason.)
Though I feel really good now. So much so, that I managed to read the first part of Hunger in one sitting, and only stopped because the sun has set.

That's a funny story. There is a lamp above the door leading to the balcony, which is a simulacrum of a 19th century gas lamp, but it's installed upside down for some strange reason. So my father comes out to the balcony, and asks me about the light, and I say, "Well, it'd be better if if wasn't upside down", "but that's the whole point!" "what, that it's upside down, it was made to be used like this?" "No, it could only be installed this way." "then it's not its point, just because you installed it like this, it isn't working how it was intended to work."
Every single time, there is an excuse. Excuse after excuse why something "the way it is", and it has to be peeled layer by layer, like some sort of onion. I'm really sad that it took me 16 years to catch up with his methods.

Anyway, I feel good now. I'll probably clean up the room a bit. I have papers lying everywhere, books all over the place, plastic bottles all over the place, it's like a den, instead of a room.

In closure to this weird purple thing I just wrote, I'd like to give my early opinion on Hunger. It's quite good. It appeals to me, but I can't feel it transcend anything yet. Though I'm glad I actually decided to read it, because it's enjoyable.
>>
No. 21877
>>21864

Instead of beating your mum you should leave your shitty family behind.
>>
No. 21879
>>21864
>beat me mum
You're acting like your father.

>>21175
In other news I woke up in a panic because I thought I'd gotten drunk in Russia for some reason, and wasn't even speaking broken Russian in my dream so some American expat was there who got me shitfaced as my dream me excuse for why I couldn't speak or understand Russian in a dream.

It's going to become worrisome if I become fluent in Russian. I know I will spend longer and longer in those dreamzones oblivious that the land I am in is nothing like Russia. Why was I in a large apartment? I think I also got stranded there and somehow had to quickly find a job as a foreigner who couldn't speak Russian. I don't know if he ever found a way out of Russia. I think that self somehow got on the wrong flight and got stranded there with no way out without getting money first.
>>
No. 21916
Living without electricity for the last 3 weeks, leeching power from the stairwell lights at night.
Meanwhile, I've got the flu and having trouble finishing the client's order. Mom keeps asking me when I'll finish the job and get paid, which is stressing me out. I feel pathetic, infantile and incompetent.
>>
No. 21917
>>21916
Why you got no elictricity?
>>
No. 21918
>>21917
Bills not paid.

We haven't had hot water and heating for years, too. I think we're about $2k in debt to the communications companies. Then there's the loan on the apartment. It's been piling up ever since father went full degenerate.
We're stuck here because father owns the property, and me and mother don't make enough to move out.

It's an old story at this point, and we're already used to living like cockroaches. Humans will endure anything.
>>
No. 21919
>>21918
Shit mang. I've never had to live without power. Without hot water was already tough, and a few days without working heaters because the pipes in the cellar broke on a saturday evening were interesting (though somehow cozy). But no electricity is hard to imagine for me.
>>
No. 21923
Well, I felt quite good today. Excellent, I'd say.
I suddenly had the urge to go out into the garden and whack some weeds. So I did so. I had to wash my house shoe after it, because I did everything so suddenly, that I was still wearing them. Managed to clean up a lot of space in the far end of the garden.

Then, I helped my mother. She ordered a container to be filled with waste. We got rid of a lot of trash from the yard and from inside.

I also helped with the shopping. Mainly so that I could buy some cheese and salami for myself.
Had a lángos while we were there. Before that, I went to the bookstore to pick up a copy of the Argonautica. Didn't go well.
I picked out the copy still shrinkwrapped, and brought it to the counter, where the lady said that it'll be 14 euros.
>Why? The website says it's 11
>That's only if you order it online beforehand
So I left without buying anything. Seemed so fucking arbitrary. Bullshit.

Basically, I got nothing personal done, but I don't think today was wasted at all.
>>
No. 21943
I just got paid for half of the finished work.

It's enough to get electricity going, buy a new stylus pen and enough to last us a few weeks, by then I will hopefully get the rest, and also find new clients. I don't feel so useless today.
If only every client was as easy to work with as this one.
>>
No. 21944
>>21923
>So I left without buying anything. Seemed so fucking arbitrary.
Pfft. You could right at the counter order online. Maybe even exaggregatingly showing how you poke the smartphone and calling them a meter away.
>>
No. 21946
>>21944
Sadly it takes too much time for them to process an order for that to be a realistic option.
>>
No. 21948
Good suffering,
woke up at 2 am, drink 6 litres of beer.
woke up at 10pm, hopefully I'll just drink 3 litres of beer.

Had a bit of a nightmare binge with three bottles of scotch and tramadol, a few weeks ago.
>>
No. 21949
>>21948
How the fuck can you drink 6 litres of beer? I mean physically!
6 litres of anything is too much!
>>
No. 21950
>>21949
What's that? Eight longies? It's a decent effort but hardly unbelievable. Boy, you're in high school. You should be able to pack it away at your age, or at least be getting there due to underage practice.
>>
No. 21951
>>21949
That's only 12 cans, I've done 24 before. with a sleep inbetween, not recommended.

Done 8 litres in the last 12months, with no pacing.
I am not bragging.
8 cans or 4 litres gets me drunk, 6 litres get me sloppy drunk, thankfully I passed out in a drunken coma at 11am, I think I started at 3.30am.
If I don't pass out I could easily drink another 2 litres.
>>
No. 21954
So I got my first freelance gig, 100 bucks to help some guy plan his trip to San Francisco, i.e. flights, accommodation etc.
Sounds easy enough, but I'm still nervous.

Helped my grandma bake some Easter bread("paska") todayyesterday, it was quite a pain and I'm not sure how it turned out.it turned out okay. She should've listened to me though and added more raisins.
>>
No. 21955
1 kB, 163 × 146
Previously on Ernstchan: I met a girl, we banged like animals and I ended up falling into a relationship by just not fighting it. She's a doctor and that's a huge turn-on for me, she seems to have her shit together, and occasionally impresses me by having thoughts like recognising the separation of church and state in a modern interpretation as a convenient fiction for a relativist age. So it became an experiment, what if I just found a girl who was good for me rather than someone I felt a burning passion for?

This was a mistake and I can tell now that the red-flags are being uncovered that I can't ignore:
>Aren't pugs wonderful
>I'm going to get one of those semicolon tattoos on the back of my neck because of some bullshit netflix show and I've had issues with depression in the past. Whoops! Guess you're stuck with me now :^)
>How could you dislike Hillary Clinton?
>If we ever move in together then we need to put a room aside for when my parents visit. btw I'm never moving out of London.
Plus she's a voluptuous blonde and that's fun but my type is a brunette with a better figure. Shallow but this is into the 'do you want to spend the rest of your life with this woman' territory.

I need to pull the plug but she absolutely adores me so I need to be tactful. Plus I actually do give a shit about her. Yeah, pulling the plaster off in one is the best option but she's visiting her mother this week so I have time to think this through being that a text would be monstrous.

What excuse should I use for this? Am I just being a massive fanny and should instead be grateful that someone actually gives a shit about me?

>>21864
Your mother is flawed but you put her in that position. Stop being a piece of shit and get a job so you can actually look after her rather than being some moralising parasite throwing your weight around with an old woman.
>>
No. 21958
>>21955
I judge women by their cooking skills.
Have you noticed condoms disapperaing, at her(any) age they want to find that nice safe beta bucks, get some sprogs and never return to work, which is nice if she is not a total cunt and can cook.

Mention an ex-gf and quitting your job and back packing, then just ghost her by deleting all social media and getting a new phone number.

Did you ever find out her number(of cocks), dating women over 30 scares the hell out of me.
>>
No. 21959
>>21955
>Aren't pugs wonderful
>I'm going to get one of those semicolon tattoos on the back of my neck because of some bullshit netflix show and I've had issues with depression in the past. Whoops! Guess you're stuck with me now :^)
Wtf is your problem dude? Neither one of these are issues? And I only found out about that ; one because I saw it on someone and couldn't figure out what it means and realized it was some suicide and depression version of the AIDS ribbon.

>How could you dislike Hillary Clinton?
Compared to assclown liar sucker of Saudi Israeli cock, she was probably not as bad. Still terrible, just not as much of destructive national embarrassment. I'm amazingly pissed about the shit with NK and $2 million. For them to have simply asked this I would've wanted a ship of theirs sunk. Few things piss me off as much as our leaders kissing the asses of hostile, sneaky hostile, or destructive foreign leaders.
>If we ever move in together then we need to put a room aside for when my parents visit. btw I'm never moving out of London.
That's the bad sign. Move out of London. She will never leave and if you got her to she'd resent you forever.
>>
No. 21961
2,3 MB, 2332 × 3410
Finally got my hands on the fucking thing. It's quite short. Most of it is just notes, an essay and three maps. I wish it'd have excerpts from the 1877 translation. It'd be so cool to take a gander at that one.

Almost done with studying French Symbolist poetry. I share a lot more in common with these authors than I would have initially thought, but I'm still not a big fan.

Overall, I still wasted a day again. Haven't worked on my translation haven't read anything from the book I started, and I haven't studied my hanzis. (Though I did cut up some wood, and I also whacked some more weeds, this time with a machete. It felt pretty cool.)
My head hurts so fucking much, but at least I don't feel stressed out any more.
Don't know if tomorrow I'll be able to work on my translation. Though it's not a big issue, since Labour Day is coming up, so I'll have a whole day to myself, not to mention I'll have the next two too. I want to get to the halfway point of the translation.

Yeah, I'll not carry my laptop with me tomorrow. I'll spend those two empty classes studying. It should help me get through the test.

>>21951
>>21950
I drank maybe two bottles of beer in my life. 6 litres just seems like a lot of beer, so much that so that it'd have a serious effect on your productivity and health.
And beer also doesn't taste very good.
>>
No. 21963
>so much that so that it'd have a serious effect on your productivity and health.
I'm sure it does, though 4-6 liters of beer doesn't sound unreasonable to me, but then again I'm an alcoholic who could routinely kill a 3/4 liter bottle of liquor in a night and he functional next day.

Would not recommend.
>>
No. 21964
>>21963
Yep, used to kill litres of Newcy Brown and half a bottle of whiskey then drive to work 3 hours later.

Would not recommend.
>>
No. 21965
>>21964
4 litres
>>
No. 21966
>>21955
If you take the sex and hormones out of the equation, is this someone you would still want to spend time with? How about 10 years down the line?

I wouldn't initiate a lifelong relationship with a woman unless she would be capable of being my friend if she was a guy. However, I'm prone to looking at someone as a fundamentally alien entity if they can't keep up with me mentally, so this rule might apply less strictly to others.

A more generalized version of the rule might be to stick with someone you can't see ever becoming an unwanted presence in your life. If you don't require deep instinctive understanding in a relationship, and can accept your wife as an inferior being who fulfills the role of being your woman, simply being inoffensive might be enough. Certainly seems like the HK Ernst feels this way.
>>
No. 21967
>>21961
Most beer tastes like shit even to people who drink beer, although for degenerates with an acquired taste for alcohol, some beer actually tastes good.

I would not recommend specifically acquiring a taste for poison, but relaxing once a week with a moderate amount of good wine or beer feels nice. At that level, it's just combining a pleasant beverage with a mild depressant.
>>
No. 21968
>>21967
there is good beer, bad beer, then there is budweiser.
>>
No. 21969
267 kB, 1920 × 1080
>>21955
The most retarded reasons to drop a partner for.

To be honest with you, I despise you, almost every your post makes me puke, and it's not because of your criticism of me. I have long time ago started to pay attention to the fact that there is one moronic Brit on the board whose posts constantly make me angry.
>our mother is flawed but you put her in that position
The fact that I don't answer you and don't poke holes in your judgement doesn't mean that I welcome yours or someone else's advices. I guess you confused my desire to speak out with a plea for help. I went through hell in which 90% of the posters on imageboards have never been and I have more experience in dealing with horrible situations than some 30 year old priviliged normie middle class Westerner whose father never taught him in his youth what he did with poofters in the prison and who have never experienced slow deterioration of mental health during prolonged social isolation and the constant need to cope with the problems that abundantly supplies life in Ukraine and MY kind of family.
Take your own post and shove it up your wrinkly arsehole.
>>
No. 21971
>>21963
I would suggest trying to quit the alcohol friend. It can be extremely damaging. Drunkeness is a sin in the bible. Alcohol is similar to drugs so treating it as a problem that you must cleanse yourself of might be helpful. Most importantly however pray for forgiveness from the father and then beg him to assist you on your quest to quit alcohol.
>>
No. 21972
>>21969
I agree with you. Your mother and father sound like awful individuals. Let God handle them. Ask for repentance and love from the father. For if you have no father then God shall simply replace him. I mean I had no father and I was nearly as bad as you. I was masturbating to furry porn, watching incest porn and doing all types of degenerate stuff. I managed to get myself out of that situation and gradually became closer to God.
>>
No. 21973
>>21969
You'll never solve your problems if you take such a self-righteous attitude of victimization. Nobody cares how gloriously superior you are in your unique rage. If you post your problems here, people are going to talk about them, and they're not going to give a shit about your hurt feelings.
>>
No. 21974
>>21966
> If you don't require deep instinctive understanding in a relationship, and can accept your wife as an inferior being who fulfills the role of being your woman, simply being inoffensive might be enough.
What kind of retard actually thinks this way?
>>
No. 21975
>>21971
Quitting alcohol is only up to the person.
They may know that being drunk is degradative, but they shall stay in such condition as long as they want. I don't say that you don't need to support a person which tries to stop alcohol consumption, but getting the balls, pardon my French, is deeply individual thing. You can support a person which tries to go out, but you can't support a person which deliberately sinks.
>>
No. 21977
>>21972
I wanted to become a parishioner of the local Catholic church but I'm an agnostic, faith in God demands not only a leap of faith but also delivers a lot of inconvenience for strange reasons.

For example, when I attended one of the masses, besides the regular one hour long speech the priest and the believers held some kind of prayer for 30 minutes and stood on their knees enumerating their gratitude to Jesus, Mary, the apostles and the saints. Christian churches have many traditions, which of them could be approved during the life of Jesus Christ and which ones just became a tradition? I don't like the idea of wasting my time on things that Jesus didn't require from his followers.
>>21973
Trump has an incredible ego but I don't see him having any problems. A sense of superiority doesn't prevent people from overcoming difficulties and neither does one's faith in own uniqueness. Compared to me, you're a sheltered baby and I will not tolerate advices from the blind manchild who got dealt a better hand and never had to endure the trials I have to.
>>
No. 21978
>>21958
Heh, nah she's on the pill. She's a doctor and I just gave her the push to become a partner at that so I feel pretty secure she's not going to try and trap me. Not on my salary.

>Did you ever find out her number(of cocks), dating women over 30 scares the hell out of me.

She's had 3 boyfriends in her entire life and the simple things I do that impresses her tells me she hasn't been with many guys at all. Hot breath on her neck before you suckle and swirl your tongue or even texting a sexual fantasies while she's at work have been like opening up a new door to life for her.

I'm no Don Juan but I certainly feel like a dirty bastard with her. The whole 'carousel of cocks' thing is a meme imo, like with any age it depends on the girl.

>I judge women by their cooking skills.

Pretty sure she can't cook for shit. I'm starting to sound like a housewife here but my experience with women is I'd rather go in the kitchen and do it properly.

>>21959
Well, I'm not here to bitch about my gf I was listing off things that tell me I can't keep going forward with this. The pug thing for example shows a callous disregard for how messed up the breed is because people prioritise something looking cute over being able to breathe properly. She surely can't be ignorant of this but wants one anyway.

It's more like the symptoms of wider issues if you follow me.

>>21966
Yeah this is the problem. I think it goes further than just being a guy friend though, it's like meeting someone and just being around them makes you feel more alive. Of course the woman who last made me feel like that just treated me like shit like there must be some rule about this.

>>21969
Why don't you go and slap your mother around some more if it hurts so much? From what I can see your hell is your own construction and you're using 'mental issues' to excuse cowardice. If you don't like it then go post on a forum.

Also there's apparently two Britballs now:
>>21972
>>
No. 21979
>>21978
I'm already posting on an anonymous forum, kinda surprised to see that I know English better than a native speaker. Of course I'm using mental issues to excuse cowardice aka lack of will to fix the issues. I'm also using your lack of mental issues and link it to your upbringing in a normal country, normal family, normal school, etc to prove that my mentality was shaped by hostile environment to which I failed to adapt properly. You do not know what it is like to be brought up in my circumstances and yet your lack of intelligence and empathy make you believe that you """know""" what it feels like.
>>
No. 21981
>>21977
Trump is literally one of the most privileged people in the world. Being a raging narcissist is a weakness, and you need a ton of privilege to not have it ruin you. Trump is a pathetic manchild who would be much wealthier if not for a lifetime of stupid mistakes inspired by his blind egotism.

You, unlike Trump, are a poor Ukrainian man without any money or privilege. You literally cannot afford to be a raging narcissist. Everything you tell us about your life supports this conclusion.

>>21978
>it's like meeting someone and just being around them makes you feel more alive.
No, that is exactly not what you should look for. It's fine if it happens, but it isn't a sign of anything deep and meaningful. Millions of stupid doomed marriages start out with two people who feel more alive around each other, and take that to mean they're soulmates.

As it turns out, passion like this is usually driven by hormones and atavistic impulses which we have no control over, and which inevitably vanish with time. You yourself admit that the woman who made you feel that way was a total cunt, and incompatible with you.

We can rank women by tiers. Waifu-tier is a close friend that makes you feel alive. Acceptable-tier is a close friend that happens to be a woman. 50% divorce rate-tier is someone that merely makes you feel alive. Kill-yourself-desperate-tier is one that neither excites passion or exhibits friendship.
>>
No. 21982
>>21975
I know its up to the person that's why I said I suggested it rather than forcing them. Encouraging people to quit things such as alcohol should be a thing we as people made in the image of God should do for the benefit of the community.
>>
No. 21983
Another 6 litres.
>>
No. 21984
>>21981
I H8 niggers who use literally.
>>
No. 21985
30 kB, 344 × 291
>>21984
You literally sound like a moron tbh
>>
No. 21989
I tried getting drunk for the first time in like half a year. Literally never again.

It was ok at first, but then I got really, really nauseous and puked my guts out. Now I regret having wasted the money. It wasn't even that much alcohol.

Psychoactive substances have a really bad effect on me. I get completely fucked up. No drug assisted relief for me, only harsh sobriety.
>>
No. 21990 Kontra
>>21989
Maybe my meds have a reaction with alcohol, who knows
>>
No. 21991
>>21990
Given your family history, why even bother? Do you want to be drunken retard like your father also? Which meds btw? Because the answer is also probably yes.
>>
No. 21992 Kontra
I'm on 7 litres here with very negative thoughts.
>>
No. 21994
35 kB, 545 × 545
>>21992
>I'm on 7 litres here
>with very negative thoughts.
this is why I don't drink anymore.
>>
No. 21996
Paid for electricity, ordered a new pen (I swear I won't break it this time), gave rest to mom.
Time to start looking for a new client.

>>21991
Sometimes, I just want to enjoy things. I guess being perpetually bored, and doing things out of feelings of guilt and duty is something I'll have to accept about myself.

I take SSRI and anti-epileptics called lamotrigine. I cut out anti-psychotics because they are expensive and fuck with my head.
>>
No. 22000
>>21996
Hey, have you thought about clients outside of kz? If your work is good enough (which I know it is), then you might be able to find clients in richer countries that are looking to pay "low wages" based on their standards, which might be high wages for you in your situation.
>>
No. 22001
137 kB, 464 × 644
Was really nervous and couldn't sleep for a long time yesterday, then got woken up by my deadbeat m8 ringing on the door in the morning who proceeded to drink tea and play guitar in the background while I was creating the itinerary for my client. Ended up spending almost 6 hrs total on it but wrote down only 3.5 hrs since we agreed on 5hrs of work total and I'll still have to do some work on it. Well that's fine, considering it's my first time doing this sort of stuff and the distractions.

Feels good to be productive, here's hoping that the client is satisfied as well (frankly, I've already discovered One Weird Trick(tm) that'll likely save him more than the 100 bucks he's going to pay me so he better be). There's definitely quite a few things I need to streamline though if I decide to keep doing such stuff.

Gonna have an grape juice with vodka now and stir up some dinner.
>>
No. 22004
2,6 MB, 3827 × 2750
I felt like shit today. I have this small, but constant urge to vomit. Don't know why. And there is also a really weird, constant feel of emptiness at the top of my stomach.
Honestly, by 10 'o clock, I had no idea what time it was, or what classes I were supposed to attend. I was studying for a literature test in the library, then go to the classroom for a literature class, and there isn't anybody there. Turns out I didn't even have a literature class today. Same for biology. Fucking madness.
As a sidenote: I'm never buying an energy drink ever again. It was 50 cents, half a litre, and made me feel even worse. Even as I write this, I feel bad, though it seems to subside when I eat something.

Said yes to the prom dance. Sadly the girl I wanted to dance with already has a partner. I'm thinking of cancelling it. I'm not going to dance with the fat bitch.
Man, she had such a cute smile while saying no.
>I'd gladly dance with you, but sadly I've gotten a partner since
My mother really wants me to dance and attend the prom. It's really meaningless to me.

Had some funny dialogues with my classmates today. Most people were talking about the new Avengers movie, and the new GoT episode.
Strangely enough, even people who haven't seen the prequel movies want to see the Avengers film. Weird.
GoT? I didn't even give enough of a toss to know the spoilers. One episode in itself is but a fragment, so I'd extract no "value" or enjoyment from "learning" the information pertaining to the plot.
Feels good to be talking with people.

I went into the city centre to get some Earl Grey. I have tea, but I don't want to drink the expensive stuff every day. It's a waste, so I opt for this cheap tea.
On the way I rummaged through multiple book carts. Got some nice things. Picked up Lao She's Rickshaw Boy (of which the title was mysteriously changed to "Mistress Tiger and her husband"), Hyperion, another version of Tristan and Isolde and a copy of our "national drama" Bánk Bán, which I wanted to read for quite some time, and sadly I don't remember much of from class. It's archaically written, even for its time, but it's nothing too hard, though recently I've seen a parallel edition with "old"-Hungarian on the left and "new"-Hungarian on the right. Laughable. It's like saying Shakespeare is "old"-English.
>Hurr hurr Ernst nobody reads Shakesepeare in the original, not even Uni students I know
I want to slap my literature teacher for saying this. M8, it's early modern English. You get a bloody glossary and you are good to go. Like, m8 you read Harry potter in English and you are proud of yourself, don't kid me m8.
I also rummaged through the adoption box we have at school, and picked out a monograph on the history of the Hungarian language. Seems to be good, if a bit old, but nothing too worrying.
Bernhard's Alte Meister was a gift from my history teacher.
In the end, I just felt guilty for spending the money. Even more so after my mother told me that I won't get that data entry job. Though she later corrected herself, saying that I'll get it, just not next month. Working with money that doesn't exists is the worst feeling in the world.

On the way home, I turned in a scratch ticket I was gifted yesterday. Won three whole euros on it. What a fortune, innit?
Cashier asked for my ID, and when she accepted it, she was hesitant to give me the cash, offering me more tickets instead.
>How many (tickets) should I give you?
>Three (euros)
>Oh, you want the cash
However much I like Russian literature, I don't plan on developing a gambling addiction. Fuck gambling.

I have a week off after the first of May, so I'll have a lot of time to read and work on my translation. I want to finish reading Hunger, and then I want to read the Iliad, because I feel embarrassed for not having read that. They say it's the best epic ever written, so I'm eagerly awaiting whether or not it lives up to its name.
>>
No. 22005
>>22001
>got woken up by my deadbeat m8 ringing on the door in the morning who proceeded to drink tea and play guitar in the background while I was creating the itinerary for my client.
Living the literary lifestyle.
>>
No. 22007
>>22004
>I felt like shit today. I have this small, but constant urge to vomit. Don't know why. And there is also a really weird, constant feel of emptiness at the top of my stomach.
Just go to a doctor mate, it's free there, isn't it?

>M8, it's early modern English. You get a bloody glossary and you are good to go.
Reading Shakespeare is pointless in the first place. It's an incomplete work of art if it isn't being performed. Shakespeare didn't write his plays for parlor reading.

And if you're going to have to consult a glossary in order to recognize a lot of the sick 1600-vintage wordplay and references, are you really getting more out of the work than if you read it in translation? In a performance you can pick up a lot of the nuance from the actors, but reading a text and breaking up the flow to consult a glossary every 30 seconds... do you not see how inauthentic that experience is to what Shakespeare intended? It's like reading the script to a movie instead of watching it. or reading a Wagner libretto
>>
No. 22010
>>22007
What I'm saying is that it's not an impossible task, and only requires a little bit of work on your part. It's certainly not an inhuman or a needlessly complex task. And it's not like you have to look up every second word to do it. There are always opportunities to re-read something, and it should come more organically the second time.
Quite a lot of books have this "rite of passage", and I don't think it takes away from the value that the fruits are harder to reach.

There is indeed a living part of Shakespeare. I can't deny it. But there is also the fact that you can read more deeply into it in the safety of your room if you treat it as a closet-drama. But yes, the original purpose was for it to be staged. No denying.

For better or worse, it's a topic that requires much immersion on the part of the reader, and a lot of work. You can't "take it easy".

>Reading a Wagner libretto is an incomplete work of art.
Now, this wasn't your main point, but it's actually quite a bit tricky. How can you appreciate Wagner's total work of art if you don't know the plot? He called them Musical dramas for a reason.
Though I should shut the fuck up, because I didn't listen to any of the singing.
>>
No. 22012
>>22004
>>22004
I cannot remember my Matura party properly thats prom right?. I didn't attend with my parents but came later after the big eating ceremony and din't pay any entrance fee because the security thought I'm one of the people who went to the ceremony beforehand and thus payed the 30€ or 70€ it was. As non-pupil you were supposed to pay 3€ or 5€. My crush was there and I thiink she was waiting for me to make a move, but instead I was drunk on snorted speed and left at 11pm already. It's a bit sad but in the end it doesn't matter a thing, not today, not 5 years ago and not roughly 8 years or so when the night was over. The only sad thing was that I was too much of a coward to talk to my crush we never exchanged many words but I knew she was waiting for it all along given her glances in class etc but you know I was pretty fucked during those years and women were aliens to me more or less. At least that has changed to the better over the years.

You should have been early with your bird. told this sentence to myself often enough
>>
No. 22027
>>22004
It sucks that you didn't get your girl but at least she knows you have some feelings for her. I'm proud of you for that.

For what it is worth you should give 'the fat bitch' a chance and try to have fun. Ignore your crush but you essentially have the choice of her seeing you drop the prom to be emo at home (after you indicated you were going) or her seeing you dance the monkey all night with another woman. You might even end up having a really good time or at least be able to later say you made the best of a shitty situation. It breaks my heart to imagine a nice young girl standing alone all night because no boy will dance with her ;_;

If we're pretending this is Tatami Galaxy, I skipped the prom to go get stoned with my friends and a girl I liked. She ended up spending all night with one of my so-called friends in bed while another and his gf tried to comfort me without any of us directly acknowledging how heartbroken I was. We had our prom at 16 so of course I was a total spaz who had already been rejected but I followed my onitis missing entirely all the other girls who did like me and weren't people who should fall down a well.

>As a sidenote: I'm never buying an energy drink ever again. It was 50 cents, half a litre, and made me feel even worse. Even as I write this, I feel bad, though it seems to subside when I eat something.

Watch yourself start craving more now.
>>
No. 22033
Should be asleep as I'll be working tomorrow and barely even managed to write a couple paragraphs of my novel because of reasons. Actually the reason is that since longer time I got in touch again with the girl I lost my mind over at the beginning of the year. Again had a few fights and were pretty cold to each other but warmed up again and after I saved her mom from being scammed by some guy online who pretended to be a shoe-designer in love with her (it would be too long if I'd elaborate the story), it seem she opened up her leg- uhm I mean heart again. We're just having fun though, my heart is elsewhere and hers as well so there is no danger.

Also I wanted to drop a prom story as well. I can't remember too much of it as I was really drunk but I attendes it from the beginning and very formally. Even participated in the mother-son dance, which was nice. Also danced with a girl I liked as a kid, was nice too (that said, iirc we didn't really have any kind of prom dates, everyone just went by himself and danced with whomever. Then again I'm from the countryside where couple-dancing is nothing special or dedicatedely romantic). Other than that not much interesting happened, but it was ebin to get drunk with the teachers, pupils and parents altogether. Don't know if it's the same on the Hungary but I'd go for it to have fun mostly, good that your crush turned you down so at least you spared yourself the sad night.
>>
No. 22049
>>22000
I've thought about that, ever since I learned to use photoshop and 3ds max as a teenager.
The reason I never did it is because I am such a socially retarded shut in that I didn't even know what working entails as a concept. I never had to apply any of my skills practically, didn't know how to talk to clients, what kind of solutions to propose for practical design problems, etc.
"knowing the kitchen" is a phrase in russian that means knowing the practical nitty gritty of a given field, the caveats, the production process from beginning to end, etc. As opposed to purely theoretical education. Tbh I don't have that. So I want to gather up some experience of actually working with people here on the kazakhstan before doing "big boy" stuff in wectern freelance circles.
Maybe it's just my usual impostor syndrome speaking, but I want to be confident in my abilities before I give myself room for big fuckups.
>>
No. 22050 Kontra
Also, we have electricity and internet connection now.
Washing up my clothes, I have an interview tomorrow. yay.
>>
No. 22056
Just to punish myself I drank 15 beers, 7.5 litres.
Now I have to deal with a bank holiday while twiddling my thumbs.
>>
No. 22058
I felt rather alive today, despite only sleeping for six hours. Must be the tea or those magnesium pills. Reviewed some hanzis, and I recited the poem I had to for literature class.
Not much else has happened. I have to read two plays during my arbitrarily self imposed break. One is Ibsen's The wild duck, and the other is Chekhov's The seagull
Guess the theme of the next class will be birds :^)

Went and took some extra maths classes. Talked about space travel with the teacher afterwards. Apparently he saw the Challenger shuttle disaster on site.
>That was really bad

Tomorrow is Labour day. Call me an idiot, but I find the abdication of the Japanese emperor a bit more interesting than celebrating the achievements of the worker's rights movement.

>>22033
>your crush turned you down
It wasn't a really me getting turned down as a person, bu t rather that she can't dance with me, because we'll have a pre-arranged choreography and she was already allocated a partner. (We're basically putting on a show to please the administration and the parents.)
She even talked to me out of her own volition, so I'd say Am Westen nichts neues.
Though I'm not even sure if I'd consider her my "crush".
The main problem is probably I don't know what love feels like. There is a girl from elementary school I think I actually fell in love with, though it seemed hopeless. It's only my luck that I "fell" for the daughter of an Eastern Catholic priest. A cheerful, diligent, traditional girl. The kind who's probably way above my league.
>>
No. 22064
>>22058
>Call me an idiot, but I find the abdication of the Japanese emperor a bit more interesting than celebrating the achievements of the worker's rights movement.
Only thing interesting about some old nip retiring is that if you translate the new era name's characters into sheet music, you get the Final Fantasy theme.

Hirohito was a war criminal and we should have strung him up in '45. Only reason we didn't end the imperial family then and there was because McArthur thought the Japanese would go crazy without their hive queen, and immediately turn into rabid commies.

Can't fully blame him though, the imperial japs did act like an insane hive mind rather than a group of sane and rational human beings. two bombs not enough

>The main problem is probably I don't know what love feels like.
You'll know it when you feel it, although remember that "love" is actually just idiotic monkey hormones trying to override your higher reasoning ability. Without sincere friendship underlying the feeling it's a purely self-destructive emotion.
There's a reason why one of the central themes of every old warrior epic is to not think with your dick.
>>
No. 22071
>>22064
Incredible. Apart from your sentiment, which I won't address, your rhetoric and phrasing is truly american. No matter your country flag, your writing identifies you with astonishing accuracy.
It's not meant as an insult, my friend.
>>
No. 22076
50 kB, 930 × 713
>>22064
I unironically liked this post. It's a good post.
Lovely. Basically what >>22071 says.
>>
No. 22079
>>21977
>Catholic
Going to tell you the truth catholicism is christianity mixed in with paganism. It is diluted and not actually christianity. Seriously read the bible and pray to God directly. Why would God want you to consult a random priest to communicate with him instead of you directly communicating with him. Read the bible instead of going to church if you truly wish to become christian.
>>
No. 22085
Got a braindead data entry job I can do from home. I guess dreams do come true, huh.

It's only for 6 months though, which is ok by me. The dude is writing his own version of poker probability calculation software, so he bought a license for a proprietary program that does the same, and is pulling out the database out of it. He says it's cheaper to hire 6 people to just manually enter everything into an excel sheet than to waste time reverse engineering the proprietary database format. Fair enough.
>>
No. 22090
279 kB, 600 × 896
Been doing a bit of playtesting today with my latest game build. Simplified percentile is ebin. I was mostly working on the next on my list of possible combat resolution mechanics and I'm really liking the current one. It works as a simple form of active defending that fits easily and pretty seamlessly into the attacker's roll. When I refer to 'skill', it's deliberately vague. It's a placeholder on the statblock right now until I figure out more of the current build and see how light/heavy I want a sheet to be.

In combat, an attack and defence are calculated as percentile splits where both attacker and defender roll simultaneously. The split itself is based on a target number generated by n=100-(as-ds) where n=target number, as=attacker skill and ds=defender skill.

Example:

Assume that A has skill 65 and B has skill 40. The difference there is 25 which is taken away from 100 to create a split of 75:25. A and B both roll, attempting to get under their assigned value, 75 for A and 25 for B.

If A succeeds and B fails, then A lands a hit.
If A succeeds and B succeeds then the attack is defended.
If A fails and B succeeds then the attack is countered and the defender lands a hit instead.
If A fails and B fails then the attack fails but so does the attempt to defend, both A and B are left in a bad position that leaves the next round more dangerous as determined by a random table (TBD).

This is combined with a fairly high level of damage compared to health pool so that a duel might take a few rounds and have some close moments but will finish quickly once the tide turns. Furthermore, relative skill level becomes very important, and imo it's a more interesting concept than treating attack and defence as discrete when really they're two sides of one joint action. I also think it fits the theme I'm trying to represent better than a more traditional roll because when I read about figures like Alpamys Batyr or in a non-combat sense as well, Bogenbai Batyr, what sets them apart in their legends is the fact that they're ultrachads who lesser men can't touch.

Alpmays kicks the crap out of the wrestlers and wins all the competitions with the help of his top lad who also happened to be the only real competition, and Bogenbai comes out of nowhere to become one of the leaders of the Kazakh Militia? (I believe is the translation of the word) during the Kazakh-Dzungar wars by being an unrivaled leader of men rather than a man of great standing according to the embellished stories that are told of him. A difference in 'skill' also factors into the moral aspect, a good example being Tolegen whose superiority to Bekezhan is really portrayed as all in his moral character rather than being an ultrachad since Bekezhan is probably the superior warrior.

It might seem like a really tiny mechanic and quite simple, but trying to capture a certain essence of something in a small, simple and snappy mechanic takes a lot of work. Or it does for me anyway, ymmv.
>>
No. 22091 Kontra
>>22090
Oh, and let's do an opposite example. Same stats except B attacks A. The difference of (as-ds) is -25 which subtracts from 100 to become 125. That's not possible on a spread of 1-100 so we wrap around back to 1 and it continues up to 25, leaving the split as 25:75, a reverse of the other combat. I figured that would be the easiest way to explain it, but there is probably another like making it m=-(as-ds) where m=modifier which is applied to to 100 and the lower skill taking the lower chance of success. That just seemed more convoluted compared to just wrapping it around with simple arithmetic though. Not necessarily hard, just unnecessarily complex compared to the alternative.
>>
No. 22092
>>22079
Going to tell you the truth nicene christianity is christianity mixed with paganism. It is diluted and not actually christianity. Seriously read the bible, pray to God as one and obey the Mosaic law. Why would God want you to pray to a mortal man he annointed instead of to Him directly? Read the bible without Hellenizers like John and Paul if you truly wish to become christian.
>>
No. 22093
>>22071
>>22076
Why would I take insult at being part of the greatest culture in human history?
I'm 100% serious here. The Japs had it coming, and you should feel bad if you find some irrelevant figurehead monarch who is the heir to a hideous war criminal more interesting than a commemoration of the great victories of the common man since the beginning of the industrial revolution.
>>
No. 22094
>>22093
Well, it's not like any of us did anything special just because there is a new emperor in Asia.
It's just a nice little oddity that doesn't happen every day, and the Victorian orientalist that lives inside all of us is a bit excited that we can take a peek at something that happened at the other end of the old world.

We "celebrate" May Day every year, so of course it's "less" interesting than something that happens every 30 or so years.
In the end, I don't think I gave too much of a toss about either of the events. I read the few relevant wikipedia pages for the one in Japan, and I whistled the warszawianka while going on about my day. Though I usually do the latter every day.
>>
No. 22096
Spent the first half of the day helping with the cleaning at my father's place.
Whole lot of clutter, though I can't blame the old man, he is rarely home anyway, and when he is home, he is out an about even then, so he only goes home to sleep.
Ever since we moved away from that place, I developed an intense hatred of all things unnecessary in a room. A room should have enough flat space in it, so that I can sit down with my legs crossed, and anyone could walk through the room without stepping over me.
Does the object have a function? -> Yes. ->Keep it
No. -> Does it provide added aesthetic pleasure? -> Yes. -> keep it
No. -> Throw it the fuck away, you don't need a kitsch thingamabob on your shelf.
That's why I hate non-consumable gifts. You give it to me, and now I'm obliged to take care of the thing, otherwise I'm an ungrateful bastard.
Take for example this little plastic trophy my sister gave me once. It's kitsch from the shittiest Chinese plastic imaginable with a cheap sticker over it stating best brother.
I have no use for it, and because of its low quality it provides no aesthetic pleasure either. But I can't throw it out. It's just sitting there in a box, taking up space.
Am I just crazy or is this not how things really are?
Let me breathe. Let me lay wherever I please on the flat surfaces I have. Don't gift me "cute" and "funny" things.
Maybe I just think about it too much.

Anyway, I found a bottle of Alpenräuterwurzel Bitter. It's from Tirol apparently. I got to keep it.
Also took home two of my old German textbooks. They contain the basic grammar, which I have some problems with. (Working on intuition when it comes to German is an incredibly rocky road. Though fuck, I have no idea about the grammar, and I still managed to write a 93% Abitur. I can speak it well (enough), they tell me, but my writing must be horrible.)

Played some DooM. Doom Center 2 is a great wad.

Tomorrow I'm going to have to attend to some administrative matters, then I'm going to read the second part of Hamsun's Hunger. I plan on working on my translation during the night.
A dimly lit room, with two small lamps giving me light, some good tea while I sit next to my little desk on the ground as I type away, listening to whatever music that happens to motivate me the best.
>>
No. 22098
>>22094
>and the Victorian orientalist that lives inside all of us
Must be a European feeling.

>>22096
>A dimly lit room, with two small lamps giving me light, some good tea while I sit next to my little desk on the ground as I type away, listening to whatever music that happens to motivate me the best.
Working on something while sitting next to an open window at night, with the rain pattering down outside and a single lamp to light the room, is truly an ascended feeling. The fucking rain gods need to send more to California. How many Mexicans do we have to sacrifice to Tlaloc before he listens?
>>
No. 22103
335 kB, 1000 × 667
More playtest results on the rule from yesterday. It's a dud. It works well during the early to middle stages of progression but once skill differences start get massive it falls apart.

So while A=65 and B=40 creates a fairly nice interaction, A=65 and B=20, a skilled warrior vs a novice, creates a situation where the probabilities are actually improved by being an inferior warrior when facing a superior one. It's actually very obvious now that I look at it and I dunno why it took me two days to discover it. I still like the feel of attacking and defending being a composite action though so I'm going to try and see if I can figure out some simple maths that works for it. Maybe add some kind of rule where you move the split 10 in favour of the superior combatant for every time that the weaker one's stat fits in it. Like instead of being 55:45 in that case, it'd be 85:15 because 20 goes into 65 three times. Feels zero progress man. I should just hack an existing system or give up tbh. This is a lot of work for what has generated little to no appreciable content at this point several months in.
>>
No. 22105
>>22093
>Greatest culture
Honestly disagree with you here america's culture is actually pretty self-destructive. Think of all the fast food restaurants.
>>
No. 22106
>>22105
I don't think anyone is in agreement with the american there :D
>>
No. 22107 Kontra
if only I spent as much time making art as I do thinking about art
>>
No. 22116
Today was fine I guess. Read a bit, helped with the shopping, and that's about it.

I slept about five hours.

I wanted to work on the translation, but I just ate a large meal, and now I feel completely unmotivated to do so. What a shame. I even prepared the book and the laptop to work on it. What a shame.
I guess I'll just do it tomorrow then. I have no one to blame, but myself.
>>
No. 22119
584 kB, 480 × 640
Not much sleep.
Reading bits and pieces from Gilles Deleuze, Georg Simmel and some other books. Don't understand much, cannot focus properly, perhaps because I'm kinda nervous. I want to finish something, but all books or chapters are too long for the tenseness that keeps me in a grip.
Need to take up the work for my paper again, haven't done much in the last 4 weeks. I have a bit less than 8 weeks before it needs to be finished, so far it's still a rather vague idea of what I'm going to do actually. Fucking deadlines and infinite amount of books I want to understand and work with.
>>
No. 22125
I think I am incredibly depressed and have been for some time
>>
No. 22126
>>22125
Depression is imagenary illness.
>>
No. 22127
>>22126
No like, something is terribly wrong with me but I'm so secretive I don't reveal it, and I wonder if sometimes I don't reveal it to myself. I could actually be an aspie and not know it. But I had a recent medical issue that affected me severely neurologically and while I feel relatively fine and normal cognitively I can tell that my behavior is incredibly abnormal and sick. I am not a functioning member of society at the moment and haven't been since a job related illness but murika so I was simply fired from the job with no help from anybody at all but my parents just to stay alive and not be homeless but at least I have Medicaid so I won't die on the street from it.
>>
No. 22135
The weather is so fucking shit today. Cloudy. Lóg az eső lába (The foot of the rain is hanging), as they'd say.
My head felt foggy. Couldn't concentrate after while, so I left the balcony.
I felt an incredible urge to go out into the garden for some reason.
I ended up trimming the hedge a bit. I didn't want to bring out the electric trimmer, so I used a machete. Using that thing is a fucking joy.

Now that I had lunch, I feel a bit better, so I think I'll try reading some more. The wind is blowing, so it's not so "static" outside.
>>
No. 22137
66 kB, 400 × 400
>>22127
I read "I" and "me" a lot in your reply. Really should make you think.
>>
No. 22144
Tell you the truth, I feel completely unmotivated to do anything.
I'm also hungry for whatever reason. Though I'm glad that I feel hunger instead of pain. There were times when I could kill for this feeling.

Watched a bit of a show on the telly. It was about a bourgeois family trying to build an "eco-home" in Britain. The bastards were constantly moaning how they had no money to finis the damn thing.
Then it turns out the cunts dropped +700k pounds into building the damn thing.
I wanted to vomit from the envy I felt. That's more money than I know what to do with.

I should be doing something useful, but I just simply can't. At least I looked through a few flash cards.
>>
No. 22157
I was and am working a lot currently to establish myself a little financial padding for July when I'll be doing the newspaper internship.

Also finally ended transcribing the notes for my novel I write down during my holidays to my pc. Seems like the best setting to write really is to have no worries in your head, otium as the romans called it. Got around 30 pages which is a lot for me as I tend to write quite slowly. The passages are quite important though as they lay the ground for the narrative of the protagonists sister which originally wasn't even planned when it was meant to be a novella only. Now I can get my hands on the report finally, I aim to send it in at the end of the month.

Today was the only completely work- and appointment-free day I had so I drove into the center of the city to look at some notebooks, I will get myself one next week. Sort of a materialistic pleasure but I'm really looking forward to this kind of upgrade. Also I went to the local funfair alone. It was a bit clouded and rainy, lots of loud music, groups of happy teenagers, families and kissing couples. I was just walking through the fair and staring at the people and the stands. Especially the stands where you could fish plastic ducklings caught my attention. Might be because of the sensual deprivation I felt seeing the same and doing the same everyday during work that all my senses were very clear and sharp. Obviously everything seemed very overwhelming then. The giggling groups of girls, the empty hedonism. It left me stimulated at least, even though I only spent about 10 minutes at the funfair.

Since my abstinence my mental state seems to have improved in general. Things that would easily lead to fits of anger and/or nervousity aren't there. Not carrying around the baggage of alcohol-induced gild makes everything more peaceful. I decided to only drink at special events now.
>>
No. 22164
>>22157
Try to keep it that way when you feel, that's it's better for you.

You funfair passage made me think of Martin Seels book that I wrote about in the literature thread. An aesthetic experience. You imagination (memory) is certainly that.

>Ästhetische Wahrnehmung ist Aufmerksamtkeit für das Geschehen ihrer Objekte.
>Das ästhetische Verhalten [...] will nicht eine Verfassung der Welt eruieren , es will sich ihrer Gegenwart aussetzen.

Eine Gegenwart kann dabei auch eine vergangene sein so wie du den Jahrmarkt erinnerst. Eine Beachtung der "Simultanität und Momentanität" von "phänomenalen Zuständen" eines Objekts/Ereignisses (der Jahrmarkt ist ein Komplex von Objekten und Ereignissen).

It's so damn fascinating and yet to pin down that experience is nearly impossible, but art does just that.
>>
No. 22173
It rained the whole day. I fucking hate it. The weather has been total ass the last couple of days.
Can't sit outside, can't go around in the garden, I can't do any sensible things.

Baked some focacchia. Of course I didn't make the dough, I was just handed it pre made by my mother. All I had to do was flattening it out and putting it in the oven. I guess it turned out pretty well in the end.
Home-made breads taste a lot better than store-bought ones. This one actually has some weight to it, I feel satisfied. Big chain bakeries are the cancer killing us.
Those, and "Albanian" bakeries. I want to round up and shoot into the Danube every single shitty Albanian bakery owner in this country.

I haven't done a single valuable thing today.

Listening to citypop albums (and music in general) takes up way too much of my time. Once I turned any music on, I'm unable to turn off the computer until the album/symphony is over.
No idea how many hours I've "wasted" because I was simply too "bewitched" to turn off the music that was currently playing.

Can't believe I was so hopelessly idiotic that I thought I'll be able to read Hunger, The Wild Duck and the Iliad during this short break. (And work on the translation on top of that.)
It was a wild overestimation.
People always say I always set the bar too high for myself. The truth is, I don't. This is the bare minimum I should be able to do. I should be able to read every waking moment, write every waking moment.
>>
No. 22174
>>22173
What's the problem with Albanian bakeries?
>>
No. 22176
>>22174
They are money laundering operations, and as such, don't place a high value on producing good pastries and breads.
Their breads are full of air, can't be properly sliced, and taste bland at best.
It's really like bread.
They use the same dough for everything, what changes is what they put on it. So they make pretzels, kolach, pizza and bread out of the same dough.
It's just utter shit, and apparently they got the market cornered here, with a roughly 45% market share. So it's really hard to find good bread.
>>
No. 22177
>>22176
>no good pastries

Too bad and then I am expecting migrants to bring their tastiest food to the streets. But it might be comparable with a mediocre/bad Döner joint, they are not per se money laundering ventures but some are.
>>
No. 22178
>>22174
Okay why are Albanians so freaking terrible? The one Albanian I knew moved out to the country in the middle of nowhere. He had a bunch of goats running around that he told a friend of mine once "they feel just like a real pussy." The guy had erected a house that looked like a house on the outside but he hadn't even bothered to properly install floors so he just burned trash and wood in the middle of his house on the floor and the fire company had to come repeatedly to tell him not to do that because it was a fire hazard that was going to burn down his house. Incredibly strange guy with oddly really sketchy vibes and rumor was he was somehow tied to some kind of organized crime.

Seriously just what the fuck is wrong with the Albanians?
>>
No. 22180
>>22177
They are not "ethnic" bakeries. They sell nothing "Albanian". It's the cheapest, most generic shit imaginable.
Literal trash.
>>
No. 22182
15 kB, 953 × 577
So my job has offered to pay for me to learn pretty much any language I want and I can learn/study on the clock as it's professional development. The only formality is putting together a business case to ensure I'm not outright learning a meme language like Elvish on taxpayer expense.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DcJVqj0Tjb4

The choice is maddening though. I mean, I can't pass the chance up but I also can't fuck up nor do I really have much serious boo-ism for a culture at the moment. I'm thinking Italian might be nice, I know limited Swedish but it's next to useless, Russian is dangerous as I might get roped into bydlo intelligence work, French and Spanish seem boring. What does Ernst think? I fear Italian is coming to mind just because I'm watching JoJo's Bizarre Adventure.

If you need any further motivation to start your applications for a career within the civil service: On Friday I met a Hawk named Ethan that they use to control the pigeon population and ate lots of cake.

In other news; I completely fucked up with dumping my gf. She was away all week and we ended up alternating between sexting and soppy texts all week - maybe the fact that I only feel like leaving her when going home after seeing her is more a symptom of commitment fears.
>>
No. 22184
Ernstchan post, stardate 72805.7. Today unproductive I spend my time mostly doing nothing, which was quite unproductive. What even more irritating, is that day I should meet with mother and go to granmother. I don't have problems with my grandmother, hovever I feel that tommorow will be unproductive as well.
>>
No. 22185
>>22184
Ernstchan post, supplemental. I drank too much juice and now feel like I have watermelon inside mine stomach.
>>
No. 22186
1020 kB, 500 × 300, 0:03
>>22184
>Today unproductive I spend my time mostly doing nothing, which was quite unproductive

Why worry? It's the weekend and an international workers day weekend at that. Let the capitalist pigs worry about productivity, comrade.
>>
No. 22187
16 kB, 375 × 210
>>22182
>as I might get roped into bydlo intelligence work
Why so? I am sure that Motherland is always capable to offer a job where you can apply your knowledge.
>>
No. 22188
>>22186
>gif

https://youtu.be/NudAPt7Jegc?t=12

sadly there seems to be no original W&G radio scene on youtube

My mother introduced me very early to Wallace and Gromit and I loved it as kid, which shouldn't be a surprise. Especially the sheep movie where Gromit mounts the porridge gun on his plane was an elevating scene every time I watched it.
>>
No. 22198
>>22185
I'm a big fan of carbonated water.
In fact I have started buying cans of it and keeping it in the fridge.
>>
No. 22199
>>22182
why not Welsh or Gaelic :^)

The enjoyable part of learning a language s actually using it, so you got the sand nigger languages like Arabic.

Polish would be useful, but feels inferior in all ways.

Mandarin is pretty easy to pick up.
>>
No. 22200
>>22027
I wouldn't have minded going to a school ball, but them Americanised the fuck out of it and turned it into a prom, with all the frivolities that entails.
Paying, back in 2003 £25 for a dinner with classmates and teachers and dancing in a disco sounded pathetic at 16.
No regrets skipping it, I drifted between different social groups and doubt I would have been one of those to go in a limo.
The realities of social niceties to people you feel nothing towards coupled with a sober party at 16!!!
Held no appeal.
It would have been different if dating was that big at my school, which it wasn't, there would be no adult supervision, unlikely.
I think the difference is High School in America, have some students finishing at 18, a proportion of they can afford to drive a car at 16.
There was a piss up at 16, when we had a ceremony to collect our GCSE results, was fun, in actual pubs, where I way have collapsed on my mothers stairs puking, no recollection lol.

Well I am having a beer now, why procrastinating before I have to go to a Chinese wedding ceremony, it's in a big church but there will be no big meal, which is a real shame and loses face with the family, I don't know if it is an actual wedding or a ceremony, but I guess the girl choose the White wedding over a big meal, which is stupid as fuck because if you pay £50 p/h the guests give you at least that back, usually more so it pays for it self.
No tramadol

What a wall of text.
>>
No. 22202
>>22200
I forget why are you even in China? Iirc it was your job but what are you ESL? I dont even remember which country you're from but I thought it was Britain.
>>
No. 22204
>>22202
expat brit, married a HK girl
>>
No. 22208
>>22204
Noice.
I thought you are some English teacher in HK though.
>>
No. 22210
>>22182
You should pick a language that expands your consciousness and recontextualizes reality in a new framework.

As in, a non indo-european language of some sort. The extent of your reality is the extent at which you can think about reality. The more ways to think, the bigger your reality.

mang
>>
No. 22212
>>22182
Any Romance or Germanic language for low-effort. If you have interest in one, it will give you by far the best chance of actually learning a language.

Japanese opens up a huge world of quality entertainment that can be enjoyed in the original language, and is especially useful because so few Japs speak English and so few foreigners speak Jap. The grammar is extremely regular and easy to pick up, but there's moonrunes, and a mess of rules and alternate readings related to them.

Korean has worse entertainment than Japanese, but even if you hate cliched dramas and k-pop, there's a lot of really good movies from Korea that anyone can appreciate. It has an easy logical alphabet instead of moonrunes, and the grammar is pretty regular, although worse than Japanese.

Chinese is actually a piss-easy spoken language (for utilitarian purposes you can ignore tones), but the moonrunes are a nightmare. Culturally, China doesn't produce much of value except some high-budget TV dramas, but there's lots of older literature that can appeal to autists. Business-wise it's really useful.

Persian is another surprisingly easy language to learn, and if Iran really does start integrating more with the European economy, it could be a useful language to know. But unless you really like poetry or arthouse cinema, it's not gonna provide you with much of personal interest.

Indonesian/Malay are kind of in the same camp as Persian, but even easier to learn. Seriously, it's Norwegian/Spanish level of difficulty. Not much consumable culture except shitty horror movies on Netflix, though.
>>
No. 22213
>>22208
that's for beer money
>>
No. 22219
I met this pretty girl today. Talked to her a bit she was friendly not married but had a boyfriend. Who knows may try my luck and get with her and make her my wife because she wanted to get married. Though it goes against my morals. Though I don't know if her boyfriend is coming over often.
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No. 22222
73 kB, 618 × 741
>>22219
Is this the religious Brit? What an absolute coincidence, all the Brits are fucked in the head and have no moral code. We should have Hiroshima'd your ass during the Cold War.
>>
No. 22225
>>22222
Here is my reasoning. I am thing the guy is one of the types of has sex with women on the sideline while going out with one women which is why I said I may try my luck. Especially if the girl is lost then if I could save her it would help find her way back to Jesus Christ.
>>
No. 22227
>>22225
>I am thing
I meant I am thinking that the guy.
>>
No. 22228
So far I've wasted this day too. Decided to change my default browser to Palemoon, since Firefox decided to randomly block all of my extensions, and I'm not going to use the internet without adblock.
Though it was a bit annoying to set everything up, since the dictionaries for the spellchecker are out of date, and I had to get a direct download link to the Firefox servers (because on their site only Firefox users can download add-ons), and then modify that to the different locations the dictionaries I wanted were in. (Not to mention I had to use older ones instead of the newest versions.)
But in the end, I got all the dictionaries I wanted. (Though I can't get rid of this English-US dictionary.)

It's still raining. I felt that feeling of anxiety again.

Yesterday my mother offered me some money if I were to seriously go out and clean up the garden for real. 1.5 Euros an hour is really good. She offered me the same "wage" I get while working my data entry job. Turned her down. I can't accept that. I'd feel guilty. (Though I still feel guilty.)

>>22182
I'd definitely go for something far-eastern (Chinese or Japanese). Or Russian.
Though I'm biased because I actually try learning Mandarin on my own.

>>22212
>there's lots of older literature that can appeal to autists
The problem with that is the fact that a lot of the classics have been written using Classical Chinese, so learning the grammar of that is also a factor.
(Though it's not like there aren't good books written in the vernacular language.)
>>
No. 22230
>>22228
>I'm learning mandarin on my own
I am actually learning japanese myself.