/int/ – No shittings during wörktime
„There is no place like home“

Currently at Radio Ernstiwan:

It is about Horror Punk, starting from The Misfits, then the two samples This is Horror Punk 1&2 which tried to give a good overview of what emerged after the reunion of The Misfits end of the 90ties (without Glen Danzig of course) and after this some random pieces of the genre. To be honest, some psychobilly and othere familiar genres are within this playlist. by Horror Punk & Psychobilly


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No. 23428 Systemkontra
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The old one is dead.
No. 23436
>I figured it could be an imaginary play on the soldiers gathering together for card games and finding out some story about her childhood background while drinking and playing cards
Ah, so you've also been referencing a card game? Well, you missed a great opportunity for a wordplay. You see there's a game of preferans:
which is THE card game for gambling in Russia. The common everyday name for preferans is "пуля" ("pulya"), which also translates as "bullet". So, it would seem like a pretty obvious nickname for a sniper girl, alluding both to ammunition and a card game.
No. 23451
I guess today was kind of nice. I managed to read some, I slept relatively well.
Totally forgot that we had a wedding to attend. That went okay. I don't remember the last time I set foot in a church for a ceremony.

Tomorrow I'll check out the book festival. I'll probably not buy anything, but who knows.
I just hope that the weather won't be scorching hot, and there won't be too many people, though it'll be a Sunday, so naturally there will be a lot of people.
No. 23455
Feeling like an complete idiot right now.
I sat back and though about the novel again and here we go: I was being completely delusional for months and somehow overread that one standard page isn't 1000 signs but 1800 signs. So there I was thinking I'd have half a novel done and only this night I realized that it's roughly just 70 pages. Sure, there is still some plot to tell but it's not that much anymore. I cannot bloat it up too much artificially, it would fuck everything up.
No, I will just write down everything I wanted to add in and finish. It all sounds ridiculous, but with novel-length I would have at least imagined a small chance to land at a publisher. Which is hard as a nobody without the right contacts anywhere but would be at least half-way imaginable if you put a lot of work in it.
Now all of this is no reason to abandon the ship, not at all. I should be thankful for at last being able to see things clearly. But nonetheless it pulls me down a bit. Maybe I even needed that, I didn't feel much despair lately.
Well, fuck it. I'm just going to continue working on it and check again at the end. It shouldn't matter anyways for a good piece of literature. Better a 100 well elaborated pages than a messy clusterfuck of a forced novel. At least
Ironically I feel a bit more motivated now that the goal seems more unreachable again.
No. 23457
Having another one of what i describe as hyper-manic episodes, basically brain spread up 500%
Can't concentrate, wish I was high, I think this if from, lack off food, not had caffeine for a few days, I think this is from lack of food, not sure the morning beers are helping or have kicked it off.
No. 23458
>morning beers
Oh christ mate you're totally fucked. My suggestion is knock it the fuck off with beer NOW, not later, exactly now. You are dying. And in fucking China you do this no less. You do not want to do this. Stop drinking and start eating. You may need to take solid week break from life to do this and would be helpful to rely on your wife, unless she's wrecked too. You feel like shit because your body is in the process of both starving and being set on fire nervous system due to kindling of the alcohol. You'll have extreme heightened stress and cortisol and adrenaline levels for a couple days but this should pass. Avoid booze, take a valium if you're desperate, sleep much if able, eat much.
No. 23459
My brain chemistry may be fucked due to abuse or miss reading of stimuli, but it is entirely normal I assure you.
heaving drinking since 18, binge drinking since 14, I have my experience and liver cirrhosis.

Been kinda good of a good boy and has been a while since my last bender, however hyper-manic episodes are one thing I have learned to live with, better than tinnitus which by typing has reminded me of.

Don't worry about me, I'll not die easily.
No. 23460
Thanks for your concern, but I had these manic episodes very rarely, but from childhood.
No. 23470
I was reading an article by Eleni Tsingou about the G-30 (Group of 30) as non-state actor (and transnational organization) that has authority and influence on regulative mechanisms in finance. These elite/people come from private and public areas and work on reports and proposals concerning finance. They have authority in this field since their knowledge is special and cutting edge in contrast to the state which uses these proposals and knowledge, ofc this also means they take influence on politics without much concern from the public.

Most interesting is how a private sector is able to gather extensive knowledge in a field as they can concentrate fully on it and have the financial capacities.
You know, I had to think of NRx imaginations of private cities; such private-public interrelations seem to make this idea not totally off.
No. 23474
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Well, I actually did it and visited the book faire. It was pretty good. I ended up spending all the money I brought with me.
The publishers all had these neat little stands. The smaller/more trend oriented ones had pretty good bargains, but the "snobbish" ones gave you a middle finger with a measly 20% discount. (Which is still good, especially if the books are new.)
Still, I managed to get my hands on some good/interesting books.
Strangely enough, I was on an "Asian binge" the whole time, so I ended up buying a lot of things pertaining to the far east East.
>Yu Hua - China in ten words
>The Chinese Constitution
>The Nippon-superstition: A history of Hungarian-Japanese diplomatic relations
>"Chiteiki", "The Hojoki" and "Chomei at Toyama"
>Akutagawa - The life of a stupid man
>Shen Fu - The old man of the moon
Other stuff:
>The Quest for the Holy Grail
>Essays and Critiques of Frigyes Karinthy

The Hojoki book is especially interesting, since it has the original texts included with the translations. (One in Chinese, one in Japanese, and one in English)
So I get to look at the pretty moonrunes, and I also get to see some orientalist poetry in action.

My trip was sort of cut short by a hailstorm, but it would have ended anyway, because I basically raped my own wallet.

All in all, it was pretty good. I didn't even knew there were this many books released. (Sadly, there were a lot of books I couldn't get because of my limited budget, but I didn't want to go all in with money. I think the constraint helped in making a good selection, and stopped me from impulse buying, which I'd hate.)

It was strange to see the tube and the buses almost completely empty. I guess most people fucked off to Balaton, since it's really hot outside. The mixture of the rain and the sun gave a really interesting vibe to the inner city.

I think short literary fiction and novellas are "in" right now. It's fashionable, and publishers don't have to take as much of a risk when publishing them.
It could even be published in a literary journal in multiple instalments. The possibilities are endless.
(Unless if you are writing sci-fi/fantasy, then you have to bloat it up and make it a trilogy with each volume being 800 pages, otherwise it won't sell.)
No. 23491
My heart was beating quite fast when I suddenly smelled that something burned. Turns out there was no smoldering or fire but a fly who burned at the light bulb. Nasty.
No. 23501
That conflicted feel when someone offers you a job of redesigning and reinstalling some ugly signs in a shopping centre, and you realize that the actual solution is to remove the signs completely, since they're redundant (pointing to boutiques that are literally next to the signs), conceptually ugly, and wouldn't help with navigation in any case, and have to resist the urge to cancel your own job because you need money.

I think a big reason nothing in third world countries works is exactly this mentality, where unnecessary work is done because somebody wants to make money. If I were a manager at that mall, I'd have saved the company money by literally doing nothing, but wouldn't have seen any of it. But if I spent company money on dumb shit, I'd take a fat cut.

So you see ridiculous stuff like children's playgrounds built in the middle of nowhere, "waste recycling" huts made out of cardboard that are just garbage bins with no actual recycling, abandoned water slides built on shallow pools, etc.
No. 23503
>where unnecessary work is done because somebody wants to make money.
I'm pretty sure that happens everywhere.
No. 23508
Sort of. It's a bit different on the wect. Most of our corruption tends to be based on broken windows. You make something into a problem, even if it wasn't really causing issues, propose fixes and while it does actually get done (by a friend), the entire thing was in essence a way for party A to get government money to party B. It's largely legal but barely. Kickbacks and embezzlement are less common, but are big deals when they get found out because the legal system is strong enough to enforce itself most of the time.

Third world corruption gives fewer fucks. They don't follow through on the project but just take the funding, halfarse the job to pay lip service to the boss and pocket the leftovers. It works there because people expect it and are largely used to it. They know where the money went (into the oligarch's pocket) and know it's just how the system works, the laws are enforced sporadically even if they exist. There was a great example in Kyrgyzstan recently I believe where hundreds of millions of dollars allocated to a hydroelectric plant simply vanished into a politician's pocket in a pretty overt manner.
No. 23516
been non stop drunk for 48 hours, force my self to eat.
Talked to my brother who has a retarded kid, I can't imagine being in his shoes.
Someone who used to look up to me like a puppy, is his own man with his own problems, what do I have lol just good stories I suppose.
Don't want to kill myself which is an improvement, however suicide is more about not caring than killing your self.
No. 23524
I heard Hungarian in live today.
Maybe I should find some qt Hungarian?
No. 23525
What happened?
No. 23526
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I volunteered at a paleontological dig site again today. Mostly just found tiny shark teeth (it's a cretaceous era marine deposit in New Jersey). However I also found a few neat fossilized brachiopods, corals and sponges, which I got to keep.

Pic isn't related--just a bird I like.
No. 23527
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Today I found out my desired Master degree has a NC numerus clausus, some kind of restriction mechanism depending in the number of applicants from last year and their grades of 1.0 which means all applicants who got in had a 1.0, wtf, in the years of 2013-2016 it was 1.3-1.5. My current average is around 1.5 and I can get a bit lower perhaps, but 1.2, 1.3 or 1.4 are the only in reach, depending on how good the last papers will turn out and in how far I can improve on a test I did not learned before a few years back and that got me an 3.0. Tho I read somewhere that the minor has a different weight in the final note of a bachelor, bullshit perhaps.

It's quite a bumber, the lady at the telephone told me people who got their ticket will not always take the chance so I should apply without hesitation. Yet I have no real alternative and there are not many equal alternatives in Germany, one has cool seminars but it's a small town, the other is in a big town but the seminars look more or less all boring, there will be no motivation, a no-no.
No. 23528 Kontra
Hey Ernst!
In case of similar happens you can freely use endchan.xyz/kc for posting needs and wait out until issues are resolved. We have a blogspot thread for todays, but you can open a new one if you want.
I know there is an /ernst/ on 8ch but still options are always nice.

Where? Why?
No. 23531
After another fight with a random stranger today I decided I want to leave the city.
I do nothing to provoke these fights, I simply walk around the city and people start to hassle me. Fucking sandniggers pick a fight and then they all jump out from their cover to jump in. It's particularly bad in the summer.


I recently learned that the sand they used to built an island in the sea called the Maasvlakte (it's the port of Rotterdam) was dug out from the seabed. It contains lots of fossils you can pick up from the sandy shorelines. I'm planning to make a weekend trip and bring a bucket and a spade to go fossil hunting.
No. 23534
>I recently learned that the sand they used to built an island in the sea called the Maasvlakte (it's the port of Rotterdam) was dug out from the seabed. It contains lots of fossils you can pick up from the sandy shorelines. I'm planning to make a weekend trip and bring a bucket and a spade to go fossil hunting.

Sounds like a lot of fun. Right now I'm researching fossil hunting spots in Pennsylvania since I've heard you can find nice fern fossils at certain locations around the old mining towns.
No. 23536
What a day, I feel so exhausted that I'm shaking a bit. Work will really fuck me up good this week, the new working place is quite stressful, way not enough people for the crowds that are coming. Spent the rest of the day with the girl, then took a jog outside a show and sat down to write.
I had carrying around thoughts in my head of a sort of futuristic story for a quite a long time now and just when I was showering I suddenly saw the images I want to write down.
It might seem a bit like escapism as I have the novella going, but this thing will be nothing I want to finish fast. So far it's just really fun to write and really different from the novella as it is mainly focusing on future politics and history (that's some of the greatest fun I tell you), told in a light way along the main plot which is focusing on a single fate from the time I describe. As the narrator writes from an even further point in the future it's opening up many questions and perspectives to me.
Now it's time for sleep, good I have a very relaxing weekend in front of me with a short trip to the northern sea.
I will need it after this week.
No. 23537
Today was pretty good. I read the second part of that book on the history of Hungarian-Japanese relations. This one dealt with the diplomatic ambitions of the Arrow-cross party regime. It's basically what if a bunch of children got into power and started acting like as if they were dividing a sandpit to play war with sandballs and sandcastles.
Mental retardation and autism. At least the Nazis were "aesthetic" and had this great mythology. This is just Tesco value national socialism without the actually interesting content an all the retardation you could think of. (Meaningless compound words and idiotic map drawing.)

I'm almost done with translating that humoresque I started a few days ago. The subject is political, but I think we can all have a laugh at a satirical depiction of Clemenceau a hundred years after the Great War. Probably.
The language used is quite challenging, since it has these "frankensentences", meshing together grammatically incomplete sentences into one for comedic effect.
The only criteria I have for this is that you guys should see the humour in it. If you don't see the humour, then I've failed. Expect publication tomorrow in the Literature Thread.

After finishing this, I intend to complete the reworking of my novel translation. That should be done in a week or two. (Considering I could re-work a chapter during 1.5 hours at school with considerable breaks of me just aimlessly wandering through the bookshelves, reworking 4-5 a day should be no problem at home.)
I'm excited to have this close to completion. It'll be the crown jewel of my "career". (At least so far. Even saying that I have a "career" is an insult to God.)

I took out my old laptop, and it really helps with work. I can concentrate better when the hardware has lower specs and has a hard time with even youtube videos.

The next thing that I intend to do is revitalise my hanzi studies, which I dropped because of the exams, and kept postponing because of my continued debauchery in the freedom of my room.

Have a good night, /int/.
No. 23544
Today I have an interview at a new position I'd like to have. Day started terrible, I left the house in bright sun shine to arrive into heavy rain. Furthermore, I felt like 'you know this area' judt to find out that this new job would be walking distancd from my old appartment which I left just a few months ago but is now 40 km away from my new home. Pissed, soaking wet I arrived at the plaza, hit the restrooms and realize that I look like shit. Having a coffee and cigarette and Starbucks right now waiting for my interview which is supposed to start in twenty minutes. Maybe I am little less wet until then.

Wish me luck, Ernsts!
No. 23549
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Found out today that a surgeon and family friend who kinda mentored me was just diagnosed with glioblastoma. This news hit me pretty hard. It's hard not to think of him as being already dead.
No. 23555
So now going so called "gay pride month". As gay person I find this as "cringe fest month". What do you pride of? About your sexual orientation? This is more stupid than be pride that you are certain nation, or you pride that you born, that you EXIST. Some people just searching for something that they can be proud of. https://youtu.be/XOf6HXPPeQ4

And more than that, big corporations and other capitalism shark also of cource are "involved" in this "celebration", Kotaku, Xbox, other magazines and companies colored their logos in rainbow (in 6-color rainbow tbh, westernies don't have 7th color on thier rainbow!) - like "look! we are your best friends! we pretend to follow same fashion trends you follow too!". And this is really nothing more thn some very dumb fashion trend, that not in any way help any guy people in 3rd world shitholes where it is hated thing because religion/society based on prison culture/tribal traditions etc., it also makes people looks like clowns based on their orientation - stereotypes about you need be public whole, have some rainbow flag and be PROUD OF IT. And of cource such idiotic culture making born of "counter cultures" with all this new fashioned traditionalists ""alt right"" who triggered by all this idiocracy, but because they are degenerate idiots themselfs, instead of following path of reason, they because absoluetly the same thing, but on different side of opinion spectre - so instead of fashion followers, greedy corporations and goverments, they created their own "fashion" aiming hate on different races, gay, non-religion people etc.

And so for some years already we can see this cringefest in politics and society - two sides of "loud idiots" forcing their idiotic fashions. Sorry, probably be better to post this in some sort of politics thread, just feel bad about it and only dreaming about "when the hell this idiotism end" and more scary one - "what fashions will come next after it?"
No. 23558
How can you say that?! They fight for your rights, you ungrateful asshole!

But seriously, you are correct. They just engage in virtue signalling without doing anything to tackle existing problems. It's easier and safer to just walk on a street in a first-world city with some flags and signs to show that they care. Although, if I think about it, what an average pussy Westerner can do to help the situation with homophobia in less liberal countries? Nothing, really.
No. 23559
I see your point but I somehow disagree. I may missinterpret it as a cis-hetero kek but I never thought of pride-something as being proud of being gay for instance but more like calling for the same dignity as anyone else, being a proud human being, which just happens to be [insert unique snowflake feature here]. Dunno, I guess next week there was some pride march organized in Turkey too or at least they had the intention to. With AKP those had been banned not long ago (indeed gay/trans culture has always been an integral part of especially Istanbul society before) and they regularly get beaten up by the police for 'illegally' demonstrating.
I guess I support them morally but I won't participate. I believe women, gays, minorites or whoeverthefuck should suffer for their rights. Then it will become a lot more difficult to take them away from them again. Still a shame though.
No. 23560
Probably we could help by being less publicly retarded. Every time there is this corporatist cringe fest it gives assholes like Putin and Kadyrov more ammo. Like I get that people want a chance to party. Nothing wrong with that, or treating it like Purim or Halloween. But when it becomes an event with guys turning their ass to pez dispensers and walking around feeding children ass candy there is a problem. In all honesty I feel like a person like Milo Younopolis has done more for gay rights than most pride parades.
No. 23563
>Probably we could help by being less publicly retarded.
A sound idea. When a gay pride parade is a freakshow, you can't help but view gay people as freaks.

>I feel like a person like Milo Younopolis has done more for gay rights than most pride parades
That's a bit of an exaggeration, heh. Although I'm pretty sure that something like South Park actually helped to promote tolerance and acceptance (ugh, even those innocent words feel like they are tainted by bleeding heart pseudo-liberals) more than pride parades. Too bad that it can't really be proven, so those flag-waving asshats keep thinking that it's their achievement and they continue with their stupidity, believing that they make a change.
No. 23565
The concept of 'Pride' in that context isn't to go above and beyond, but rather in the sense that pride is the opposite of shame. The point then being that they will not be ashamed of their preferences, and don't see the need to keep them hidden away when nobody else has to (an implied shamefulness). The final product may be lacking in certain ways, but the terminology fits with what is trying to be evoked.
No. 23566
The terminology fits but the whole direction everything has gone in has been a complete turnoff, especially where trannies are concerned. I mention this because of generally geek internet type interests where I keep seeing it. Like this http://kickfailure.com/2013/04/17/the-sad-story-of-katalyka/ I immediately wondered if it was an actual woman behind that game, or a guy calling himself a woman and sure enough.

All of these things are doing nothing but giving Putinists and random poltard types more ammo. Of particular concern is turning children into drag queens. No one in their right mind is going to be okay with that kind of crap. I also find it interesting how being "left" got steadily redefined into being some absurdist shitshow about identity politics rather than what leftism truly is about which is class and concern for equal rights, ironically turning aspects of alt tardism into being more leftist than these nuleftists themselves. Meanwhile big corporations can pretend to be "allies" while random people are too busy fighting each other.

I get that part of the concern is lack of exposure, but it would be like Jews trying to find acceptance and public exposure by setting up booths offering people month free interest loans. It does nothing but amplifies the worst stereotypes and cements a lot of prejudices imo. The worst part being of course that it turns people into a mockery of themselves thougf of as some caricature of themselves existing only as sex preference and fetish, rather than an otherwise normal dude or some guy who simply wants a relationship or whatever. Like https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ea7bj5MsyAU although I wish more attention was paid to things like the Pink Pistols (burger tier pro-gun rights gay group). I don't think acting like retards publicly helps anybody. I think it's more helpful with things like the irony that Chuck Pahlaniuk is gay. As in, the writer of one of the most hyper hetero seeming films/books in decades, Fight Club, is a gay guy. Running around in public in assless chaps with a dildo strapped to your head isn't helpful.
No. 23578
>I recently learned that the sand they used to built an island in the sea called the Maasvlakte (it's the port of Rotterdam) was dug out from the seabed. It contains lots of fossils you can pick up from the sandy shorelines. I'm planning to make a weekend trip and bring a bucket and a spade to go fossil hunting.

Interesting, today most sand for artificial islands and buildings comes from ships that suck the sand from the ground of the sea anyway or not?. I've been there but because I like non-places very much and it is indeed the perfect non-place, an industrial desert cross with highways and rail tracks. But there were also people at the beach. De poort van europa? At least the snack bar had that kind of print on it at the outside, it's near the passage where ships enter the seaport.
No. 23579
Today I got yelled at and hit with a stick by an angry boomer that I have to live with. Such is life on Americancer.
No. 23580
>yelled at and hit with a stick by an angry boomer
But why?
No. 23581
He wanted me to cut grass because I was playing computer games (this annoya him for some reason) and I told him it was too hot to do anything but he didn’t care

That’s when he turned into a savage retard and started beating me

And no, this isn’t my dad but a friend of my dad’s who is allowed to stay on my dad’s property
No. 23585
I remember such things only from my childhood when old people got annoyed because of "wild "children behaviour and threatened the children with a stick., yelling some shit at them.


You should have knocked him out.
No. 23586
Yesterday some boomers told me about their rock and mineral club. Might check it out tbh
No. 23587
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I just got up from a 16 hour sleep following a 72 hour period of being awake. I can feel the powers of my autism humming away. Such sleep cycles may be unhealty, but they sure are conducive to thinkenings.
No. 23588 Kontra
And by just I mean a couple of hours ago. Time loses meaning when you are in a blacked out room with no physical measure of passing time :-DDD
No. 23589

I always enjoyed such episodes of excessive sleeping because I felt I could come more into contact with my core personality than by anny other means. Also my best attempts at lucide dreaming.
No. 23590
What the Croat says.
Or call him names at the very least. (After you packed his shit and threw it on the front lawn.)
No. 23591
To me it's more just a big blackout to go alongside the smaller blackouts/microsleeps that happen throughout the waking hours. I used to semi-regularly have close to lucid dreams using sleep deprivation tactics though. Was ebun.
No. 23593
Well, I didn1t finish translating that short story. I didn't do anything, besides reading 50 or so pages of that book I started, and eating cold French-toast.

I'm wasting way to much time by listening to the same symphony over and over again.
No. 23625
Who got vanned
No. 23628
>I believe women, gays, minorites or whoeverthefuck should suffer for their rights.
Funny, you remind me Robert A. Heinlein and his Starship Troopers book, where he belived that citizenship and it's rights - like voting should be achived only thought hard military service. Movie starship Troopers by Paul Verhoeven which is actually one big ironic criticism of this book tried to say, that with this concept in reality humans will not become PROUD SUPER WARRIORS IN SPACE SUITS - but actully "cannon fodder" that die in great numbers and which lives costed less than life of bug in the swarm.

Well, I was taught that Pride is not a Virtue look what happened with town od old Magincia!. Of cource I understand that it requre force and propoganda to change human minds on this topic, but I think "Pride" concpet is same shit tier as "hate", just on other side of opinion spectrum. Both opinions are incorrect, because they tring to make some usual stuff - like sexual orientation in something SPESIAL AND MYSTERY - one screaming about 2000 years old religious mumba-jumbo, others speak about some sort of "Pride".
Imagine if it was disscution about I don't know... liking Oranges. One side screaming about hate on anyone who breaks old taboo on eating oranges, other side is PROUD of fact that they are eating oranges. And different politican factions and corporations using orange eaters and orange hates as thier instrument. Putin invides Georgia because they growing oranges! New EU parlamnet allowing to eating oranges in public! US elections have two sidex - one want to accept oranges as part of culture, other ban oranges and make friends with Putin! Razor now making new GAYMER mouse in orages colors only for 677.99$ only for Orange pride month! Don't forget to buy! - aren't this sound hilarious? And basicly this how I see the situation - complex idiotism based on unability of people to look at simple things objectively. Nobody see eating oranges, or in our case, sexual oriantation - just as personal preference with which people you like to spend personal time and have sex, nothing more. There no mystery, no pride, no some unity - being gay or being hetero don't make you some sort of memeber of spesial club, or making you have some sort of flag.
Who choosed rainbow flag anyway? It's lame, I don't voted for it!
No. 23630
You're misunderstanding it again. In English, pride is often used in lieu of the longer phrase 'excessive pride' by moralists, but in itself describes a pretty mundane phenomenon which is essentially the opposite of shame. Like say you're happy that you did well at something. Even if you aren't out there spotlighting yourself, you may still feel a sense of pride at that success, and not hide the event away for fear of people finding out (shame).

What you think about the execution of their movement is irrelevant to the phrasing used which is perfectly accurate to the point trying to be made and is in fact more accurate to the strictest meaning of the word than your interpretation. You got problems with their execution, take it up with them but the usage of pride is rock steady to the definition. Looking at it 'objectively' as you put it, you're wrong.
t. English knower pro
No. 23631 Kontra
That's not to say that you have to have earned something to be proud of it by the way before you latch onto me not saying it directly. One can be proud of their origins or some other inherited facet of themselves without going overboard too. I don't gloat about my home region, but if someone asks, I don't hide it out of shame. I do feel pride towards my home soil (Nambucca-Macleay Valleys rep.). Conversely there are certain branches of my family that I don't talk to or about because I'm ashamed to share genetic material with them.
No. 23633
Worst thing about going outside is seeing all the qts on the street.
I can't help but get emotionally attached to random passerbys
No. 23634
Yeah, all them schoolgirls wearing miniskirts and daisy dukes. And I naively thought that I am only attracted to 2D.
No. 23635
Is it a particular problem on the Brickistan at the moment? Like there are more young women out and about with all the Oyan Qazaqstan shit happening? Or is this a more general statement? I know you've expressed the opinion that your country's womenfolk are easy on the eye before, but my curiosity remains piqued :-DDD
No. 23637
It's just that there's so many attractive young people around on the streets these days. Must have something to do with the post USSR population boom.
Combine that with me being a sexual aesthete (hornyturk :-DDDD), and walking outside becomes a very distracting experience. There's Kazakh qts, Slavic qts, naiman qts, Kipchak qts, etc. etc.
Every cashier, server, consultant, etc. is a young girl. Where the hell did they all come from, and where did all the old grumpy babushkas disappear to?
I mean, even if I somehow managed to get a gf, I'd feel disappointed more than anything, because I hundreds of potential gfs of all kinds for 1 concrete gf. Seems like an unfair trade.
No. 23638
That's pretty hot, but you know what's even hotter? Girls in white, almost see through sundresses.

Absolutely scandalous.
No. 23639
Truly suffering on the Alatau foothills. I guess you're in luck that you're in Brickistan in some ways, half the year is cold enough that the womenfolk have to cover up. That's my weakness tbh. Forget sundresses. High necks, long sleeves and longer skirts/trousers is where it's at. Not for the usual reasons given on imageboards mind you, as you may be aware since I'm remembering this conversation at least twice before now, but rather that I just find it more appealing as a stylistic decision. That said, in my younger days, I did have a fascination with female skinhead aesthetics. Skinhead in the original sense though rather than the neo-nazi one.

Who the fug is around Almaty that is Kipchak but not Kazakh? If it were just Kyrgyz, you'd say that. Are you implying that there are Qaraqalpaqs showing up too? I can't imagine the northern Kipchaks show up much down in your part of the country.
No. 23640
I was elaborating on the specific ethniticies of kazakhs.
"I am attracted to kazakh girls" isn't very specific, since there's so many phenotypes around. There's the stout mongolic types, light haired petite types, oriental looking ones, persoids, and so on.
No. 23641
I see. I understand now. Makes sense.
No. 23643
well we both live on puberty hormones, why shy around? I wish I had a eurasianist slavic qt as gf.. but also as president.

we would be better of with it.
No. 23650
10 kB, 236 × 236
It's quite horrible, getting horny türk as well. The worst is that I could actually speak to one of them as she seeks eye contact alot I suppose. I don't want to small talk, imaging it makes me nervous, even tho I have a reason to at least ask her a question of minor importancewe wrote a paper in the same class and perhaps she got hers back and I can ask her what to expect from the lecturer, after that I would have to bullshit my way thu to comfortable conversation territory. She might be a good partner in that getting thru to that territory. If a woman is not capable or I bore her, I immediately give up. But fuck she is hot and intelligent, I know she is interested in the stuff she reads from what I hear her contributing to class discussion.

Did not much besides reading and writing about pop culture. Two hours reading, four hours writing.
If I had a woman now, all my aims about writing and making career would vanish in seconds. Being together with a woman crushes them all.actually I could just relax more on these aims since a woman can be a better cure often enough

Oh, I started watching Stop A Douchebag which is quite entertaining.
No. 23653
The most difficult thing in acquiring a GF is wanting a GF.
And I am lazy and tired.
No. 23674
I finally got my hands on my end of the year grade card. The only new information I got from it is that I was given the extra rating "Laudable" for my grades in Literature, Hungarian Language and History.
During the ceremony they handed out a bunch of prizes. I got nothing this year. (Not like I got anything last year or the year before from the administration. Though I did win the Translation Contest last year. I didn't win this time.)
I guess it's sort of like winning the USSR State Prize. It's "prestigious" in a sense, but you really have to go out of your way to pander to the authorities. (I did most of my interactions with the teachers on a personal basis, rather than through events, like most winners did. Basically, if you were a member of the Student Council, you instantly won a prize, same goes for reciting a poem during ceremonies.)
Basically who gives a fuck. And looking at the prizes, it wasn't anything useful.

I finally got my hands on a photocopy of my essay on imageboard culture. For technical reasons, only two of the 11 pages were recorded as "exam text", the rest is in "limbo".

Because I had some money on me, I went to McDonald's, and then I bought some tea. The remaining coins I spent on a book I reserved for myself at one of the street vendors' stands, before running off to buy tea, since I wasn't sure if I'll have enough money to get both, and I'd much rather have the tea than the book. (And I could actually haggle for the book for a bit, maybe like 50 or 100 forints' worth.)
Thankfully there was enough cash on me.
I met with my history teacher by the stand. He was looking through the books too. (I was sort of expecting him, because I bumped into one of my classmates, who said he was riding the tram, and got off at the same station as him. This meant that he had his little excursion through the city, where he checks what the street sellers have for sale, and I was able to logically construct his possible road in my head.)
So, I picked up a copy of Remarque's All Quiet on the Western Front, but this time it's a German edition. It's a really old copy from 1929, but there doesn't seem to be much of a problem with it, besides how the binding is a bit tilted. It's slightly ugly and unpleasing to look at, but it's completely functional and isn't falling apart. There was a dead fly between two of the pages.
(Though I'd have been much happier had I found a copy of Storm of Steel. That's a way better WW1 novel.)
There was also a copy of Konrad Adenauer's Erinnerungen, but I didn't grab it, because I hadn't the money or the interest in it to truly slog through a harder text in a language like German. It's interesting, but I don't truly care.

The summer break is officially on.
No. 23683
766 kB, 2000 × 2000
I had to visit a courthouse today. I had to show strangers my papers. It made me uncomfortable. I also spotted most of the visible cameras in the waiting area within the first 15 or so seconds (there were three in a small room) and I felt observed. I did not like it. Being observed, that is. I was ambivalent to my ability to identify the sources. Good that I could, but not surprising considering the context of the location. I do not want to return anytime soon.

I also think that it has caused an anxiety spike. While I was worked up there, I remain in something of a state several hours later. Elevated heart rate. Abnormal temperature. Mild headache, throbbing front right section. Also anxiety reminiscent of that immediately prior to encountering its cause, this is strange because it is felt over something not of immediate concern; my return to work on Monday.

I did not enjoy today.
No. 23685
About a week ago brother sent me some money and said that it's payment for the work he's about to make me do.
He's getting craftier, now I have to work for him. I haven't drawn in days. I wonder why doing even a moderate amount of work makes me so tired, and why I sleep so much.

Dunno, maybe this time his business endeavor takes off and we'll all be rich. He already makes enough money for a very comfortable living by servicing and setting up internet cafes going on business trips once a week.. If I were him, I'd just spend some quality time with family, enjoy hobbies, etc. But that's just me, though. He's got ambitions.

Me, I'm just lost. Hopefully, if I keep drawing, I will some day find the hidden mystical meaning behind reality, or at least start enjoy it. For now, I can afford a pack of cigs and a strong cup of freshly brewed coffee every day, which is not bad, all things considered.
No. 23686
I'm not really looking for a meaning in life. Nor enjoyment. Personally I look for understanding. Much of my surroundings are difficult to understand, but those around me seem at least marginally satisfied. I do not believe that they are inferior in mental capacity. In many cases quite the opposite. Rather I think that they see things that I do not, or maybe do not see things that I do. Were I to understand their world, perhaps I could extract marginal satisfaction also.

I cannot apprise you of any successful methods. Though I can advise caution when people say to go out and experience things. It makes me uncomfortable. I don't like it. I advise caution though. I do not say it will not work but am just making use of my own frame of reference in making a statement that I think may be of some use in your own process of dealing with the perceived world.
No. 23687
I built a piece of furniture today, felt really nice and accomplishing. Also sat in the sun and walked through the woods and ate a bison burger.

Still I feel like I would rather switch myself to standby. The LSD microdosing really is a miracle cure, but at the end of day 3 the old drag starts to show through.

I wonder whether I could make money by being a tripsitter.

A friend of mine recently got hold of dozens of vintage dresses that were given away in a house dissolution (?) and plans to sell them on instagram or something after removing the obviously outdated fashion details. That's a nice idea, but I'd never have the power to pull through with something like that.

However, more money would be noice.
No. 23688
I went to my first BJJ class, intense.
Hopefully this is a good work out getting to old to be getting punched in the face.
No. 23689
I think my problem is that fundamentally, I'm a social person.
It's just that circumstances have made me isolated. I get a lot more done when there's somebody around me to bounce ideas around. Even if they don't technically contribute any new knowledge, just having a frame of reference helps to not get lost in an OCD spiral of fractal thought patterns.

When I'm alone, I lose touch with reality and become confused as to what I'm supposed to be doing.
Then again, company also often irritates and distracts me, maybe it's an issue of finding the right kind of company.
No. 23690
I think I may have come off negatively. I am not good at communicating. Rather than strictly speaking not trying new things, I mean rather that one should attempt to steer the course one plots. Even if that course is irregular. For example, my course is split in a few directions but it is my course and I try not to deviate from it. Deviation makes me uncomfortable. I am a creature of routine. Even plans make it difficult to deviate from routine. I take comfort in knowledge of likely outcomes, especially based on prior experience and unchanged variables.

Not trying new things doesn't necessarily mean not trying anything new. Just that one should focus on what is known to be somewhat conducive to one's ability to at least function. Doing other things that do not add to that goal for reasons of novelty has not been a winning strategy in my case at least.

I think that right company is hard to come by. Those who understand tend to be in similar situations, while those we encounter do not understand. It is mutual though. I do not understand them. This is not my point. My point is that atypical people are rare and are often difficult to 'get'. I apparently have this issue according to third party sources. My train of thought follows pathways that are difficult to trace for those not intimately familiar with how I think. This usually ends up in one of two ways. The first is to be treated as an imbecile. In my experience it is the most common. Discomfort will not break me. It will make me uncomfortable. I am not eggshells, and in treating me as such it makes me uncomfortable, the state which they are attempting to avoid inflicting in the first place. I don't like it.

The second is frustration. Specifically mine. My train of thought is clear, connections obvious. When there seems to be no progress in following a (perceived at least) simple train of thought, or a lack of what I take as givens or assumed knowledge I get frustrated with my inability to channel thought. It builds up and explodes. This one is on me though. My emotional development is suboptimal. It has been said that I divert a lot, but since social and emotional development being impeded is one of the more defining aspects of the spectrum, I feel justified in placing at least partial blame on it.
No. 23695
8 kB, 271 × 186
Today I realized that I'm very angry with myself because I'm basically retarded with math and quantitative skills. How do I effectively learn this and learn it well? American schools really didn't teach me it all that well. Can Ernst steer me in the right direction with this? I really hate being like this.
No. 23697
Question: Where did gay Kuwait Ernst go? And Latvian?
He was an interesting guy. Others found.xyz easily i.e. schizo brick artist, Hong Kong brit with some type facial skin problem, highschool /lit/erati Hungarian, ecological/biological burger that likes agalloch, autist Aussie, NRx deutscher Ernst (I think he is also the same person that likes TJK), leftwing burger (might be the same guy who likes agalloch), gay furry Russian, Brazilian who likes Philosophy, etc.
At the same time, many shitposters and troublemakers left ala schizo Nebraska and Texas (for the most part).
There used to be at least 2 Canadians posting regularly, and now there's only one (me but I'm visiting relatives over the summer).
I don't post much in the today thread because I don't think my life is interesting enough (whether good or bad) to warrant posting.
No. 23713
Latvia I dont know what happened to but ye posted here before. I asked Syria aka Kuwait and he said this place is too autistic, which is a shame because he was a good poster. I think he's still on k*hl but I haven't even checked it in over a year so idk what they get up to, except that it's a sadder, dumber, creepier version of KC, like the Hell bernd is sent to when he fails the test of Limbo. Considering we seem to have quite a few more people posting here at random I'm assuming cabbage got even worse. There's multiple possible bunkers, I think endchan and some other one, plus a good number probably went to the 4kannker.

Well lucky for you math I don't think actually takes an innate skill level like poetry, music, painting etc and can probably be taught, but idk because I suck at math and largely dodged anything math related. Basically it's pretty much like just learning logic puzzles and a new language depending on what you're after. If you're even barely capable of a new language math shouldn't be that hard to learn, unless you're talking about the really abstract stuff.

Basically learning math is just like learning coding, since computer programming is quite literally just applied math. If you can figure out how to understand and write code in C++ and Java or whatever basic bitch programming even HTML you can be taught math.
No. 23714
If I just want to chill, I post on cabbage. If I want to discuss something, I can post either here or there (depending on who's posting). Both communities are fine in their own way. Certainly better than other imageboards.

The fact Kohl has a great filesize limit makes it ideal for posting FLACs. Sadly, the latest update renders that site unable to post mp3s from Windows.
No. 23715
You can try something like this course maybe: https://www.coursera.org/learn/mathematical-thinking
Though depending on what exactly you're actually having trouble with it might make more sense to learn it in a more applied way, i.e. if it's about finances rather learn about economics directly.
Statistics might be another big topic that's quite practical to learn about I guess.
No. 23724
People have innate abilities for everything. Just because Mozart was taught music by his musical father doesn’t mean he didn’t already have a biological predisposition for music. Usually your innate abilities are inherited from your parents. And just like Jews, who are really good with money and quantitative reasoning, so were their forefathers who were born and bred to be merchants.

I was supposed to be a well rounded Renaissance man because my genes permitted me to be one (doctor and pre-school teacher genes) but for some reason I’m just a fucking, unironically, mentally challenged autist who isn’t productive in the slightest.

How did this happen? Nobody knows, and I’m still trying to find an answer to that one.
No. 23725
89 kB, 744 × 577
No. 23726
So I assume you’re telling me that the pre-school teacher parent was really, really dumb and averaged out my intellect into retard status, despite the higher end doctor parent?
No. 23727
61 kB, 660 × 454
No, not at all. I suggest reading the article.

>If −1 < rxy < 1, then we say that the data points exhibit regression toward the mean. In other words, if linear regression is the appropriate model for a set of data points whose sample correlation coefficient is not perfect, then there is regression toward the mean. The predicted (or fitted) standardized value of y is closer to its mean than the standardized value of x is to its mean.
No. 23728
>You're misunderstanding it again. In English, pride is often used in lieu of the longer phrase 'excessive pride' by moralists, but in itself describes a pretty mundane phenomenon which is essentially the opposite of shame.

Pride is not the opposite of shame but it's source.

In my experience at least.
No. 23730
I came to the agreement that german-speaking internet is low IQ. But I still wonder why. Is it due to acccessibility?

Take this example.
No. 23731
Well, it might be knowledge the common man and woman should know. But seriously, better a question than another fucking dumb opinion which is spouted out with pig-eye stupidity that is so full of itself that you want to ram a nail in their balloon head. The internet is the best proof of why grassroots democracy is not a good idea.
No. 23732
Khan Academy, all YouTube videos.
No. 23734
Dunno what does the Nazispeak site told about that, but AFAIK "why is the sky blue?" is not that easy of a question. IIRC, it has something to do with the fluctuations of the density of the air. If I'm not mistaken, the works of Marian Smoluchowski and Leonid Mandelstam explained it pretty good.
No. 23736
19 kB, 400 × 454
The intention was to show how well structured and elaborated the international response was in contrast to the german one.
The question remains a very good question. (Also go and find out how bird feathers are coloured)
No. 23742
Well, that's not really a fair comparison. There are much, much more people who can answer a question in English than in German due to the English language factually being an international language. I don't think that in other Internet segments the quality of the answer would be much higher than in the German one. I predict that in the Russian internets the answer would be something like "патамушта свет так приламляеться))))".
No. 23743
One has to draw us a picture of the spanish internet.
Perhaps I am wrong and the english internet is just the highest IQ one?

But one fact I have left. The quality of comparable Wikipedia articles on the germany is way lower then the original article in english.
Both come from a rather small community (i. e. lizard people) doing nothing else than writing such articles all the time.
No. 23744
>Perhaps I am wrong and the english internet is just the highest IQ one?
Like I said, the probability of getting a decent answer in English is higher because nowadays pretty much everyone speaks English. Don't be so quick to judge national segments.

>The quality of comparable Wikipedia articles on the germany is way lower then the original article in english
Sames in Russian, most of the time, because of the already mentioned reasons. Russian Wikipedia is also bloated with utterly useless articles on totally uninteresting shit, like a village Nizhnie Zalupki with a population of 347. And the Belarusian Wikipedia is so worthless that there's no point to even talk about it.
No. 23745
I am not quick here. I know it quite well, since I am a German using both internets. Even imageboards give a frightening good example of my statement.

But it would be nice to find representative comparison.
No. 23748
Since the US alone has about 4x the habitants of Germany you are more likely to get a better answer. The English example was from some University lecturer if I'm not mistaken. Perhaps in the US lecturers enjoy going on the internet more often or into amateur communities, whereas German academics prefer to keep a low profile. I wouldn't join Gute Fragen either, and I'm not even a lecturer.
English speaking imageboards are filled with posters from all over the world, whereas in Germany you have KC and Ernst, dunno what pr0gram really is but a cross of reddit and an KC concering posters I mean.
Less people = lower chance to get a qualitative answer from the pool. But tbh besides some specialists the English speaking web is full of retards just like the German one.
No. 23749
The propability to read shitposts should also be way higher then, right?

But it's true. As far as I can tell Germlings on researchgate for example are underrepresented. Lots of Anglos, Indians and people from the middle east.
With anglos you see sometimes the author of a standard book replying to a question in depth.
No. 23751
>The propability to read shitposts should also be way higher then, right?

I thought you got me now, I'm not a good logician tbh.

But the problem lies elsewhere and you already mentioned it, the problem is the composition of the pool before you can say anything about probabilities of that kind.

>With anglos you see sometimes the author of a standard book replying to a question in depth.

I know that you can also search for authors on facebook in 'leftist' theory and they will talk to you and answer questions. Maybe not in textbook depth but like when you are at a lecture and ask a question afterwards. At least I know somebody who talked to such people on facebook and they were kind and answered questions.
No. 23762 Kontra
90% of people on the internet are retarded, period.
National internetspaces are especially bad, since they collect the utterly dumb brainlet proles who failed to learn the basics of the lingua Franca in the 21st century. (An incredible achievement under the age of 40, I must say, especially if you are a wecterner.)
English speaking netizens (never thought I'd use this word unironically) can be retards too, but the language barrier acts as a filter, making their expressions marginally better.
No. 23769
2,1 MB, 1908 × 960
2,3 MB, 1914 × 956
So I finally got a CD copy of Black Sun Society by Spear of Longinus issued by Darker Than Black and am sorely disappointed. Despite the CD claiming the music has been remastered, there is a visible shelf that cuts off at 16hz which suggests this was mastered from a bad transcode. It's entirely possible the band did this in good faith and the person responsible for remastering the disc handed them a lossy "remaster", but still, doesn't take away from the possibility of the disc being a lossy master.

Oh well. At least I have the vinyl EPs originally issued by Vinland Winds Records. I'll get to ripping them eventually.

The news isn't all bad, though. The spectrogram from Kataxu's Hunger of Elements shows the CD was mastered with pure, lossless audio.
No. 23788
I've spent the past two days eating home-made scones, and I feel horrible.
Got 15 Euros for my "name day", which caught me off guard. I wasn't expecting anything. Gonna buy a Chinese novel with this money.
Sadly I don't recognise the name of the translator, so I don't know if it's translated from the Chinese, a quite irksome predicament.
I wanted to write to the publisher, but they don't seem to have an appropriate contact for bullshit questions asked by troublesome assburgers, so I'm going to go to a library, just to check the first two pages of a book.

Finished my first translation of the summer. It's up in the literature thread.

I helped fixing an L-shaped pipe which lead to a barrel collecting rainwater. I'm amazed at my ingenuity :^), especially how people constantly say I'm detached from reality.
No. 23795
113 kB, 369 × 740
I've come to hate the word franchise. I hate several words, mostly for assburger reasons but this is one of the few with ideological roots.
Periodically I've heard this term applied to what would be referred to as a series. For example, Alien is a franchise, a brand name. Within this, there is the Alien movie series, toy lines, comics, games,and probably more stuff. Yet some refer to the movies, arguably the linchpin of the whole thing, as a franchise.
This is understandable in some cases since big media properties (i.e. Marvel, DC, Star Wars, etc) have a lot of eggs in many baskets with comics, books, shows, amusement parks, toys, films, candy, whatever. But the totality of the word implies that everything within a brand is important; it implies shit like assembly line plastic has the same importance as artistry (yes I'm implying artistry can exist in Hollywood, there are creatives who genuinely work hard but only contribute a small part to a larger machine). While I understand the importance of the word on a corporate level, it gets bizarre when fans use the term to refer to their favorite series. You get wannabe purists and the hardcore complaining about how things lack "soul" or pander to the mainstream yet their own language endorses selling out. It's like they want to say "God, this series that was helmed by creativity is selling out, how could this happened?" but their language turns it into "God, this multimedia corporate entity is selling out, how could this happen."

Then people refer to some of the more niche stuff as franchises. And that's when I actually start to get mad. Series that exist only in one medium such as games yet end up called franchises. Seriously, it's fucking annoying hearing shit like "this franchise returns!" or "the franchise went on hiatus" since it implies that everything has to be seen as a corporate entity first and foremost. There's nothing wrong with wanting to make money, but the word just paints in an extreme light.

Yeah, I understand corporate-types wants to have the Next Big Thing™ and people want everything to go well for their favorite whatever, but the word's usage just implies that this naked commercialism is endorsed by people that supposedly hate it.
No. 23798
Damn. You're right. This single post has convinced me to stop using the word franchise and just say series.
No. 23799
2,0 MB, 1914 × 959
2,3 MB, 1910 × 957
And again, another CD has the problem of lossy mastering. This one comes from Australian Thrash legends Mortal Sin and the "reissue" of their album Face of Despair by MegArt Records.

As you can plainly see, the audio has a visible shelf when run through SPEK. This leads me to believe that MegArt Records released an unauthorized edition, but perhaps the band just consented to a sloppy issue of their sophomore album. Who knows?

Other issues of that album appear to be properly mastered as they do not feature this same problem. After finding another source for the same album, I discovered the audio peaks well above 20kHz when run through SPEK.

And so, my quest for proper album issues continues. Heed this warning when buying albums that purportedly feature "enhanced" or "remastered" content.
No. 23800
Are you clinically autistic? You seem awfully preoccupied with this.

t. not judging
No. 23803
6 kB, 196 × 223
This is a board for serious discussions and those who partake of them.
t. Not him
No. 23806
2,4 MB, 1910 × 964
Well, I took it upon myself to digitize the EPs from my Vinland Winds Records original issue. Even with the static hum, it sounds so much better.

Just look at that audio. Sweet, sweet audio!
No. 23807

Are you an old WCD member? I haven't seen spek analysis since that site went down (never bothered to get into the forum on RED) and just realized that part of me missed the enthusiastic discussions there.
No. 23808
2,4 MB, 1904 × 958
No, but I am learning the ropes of optimal digitization. I still need to get the proper equipment to get the most out of my vinyl, but for now, I'm happy with what I got. As you can see, it's so much better than the apparent "remaster" from Darker Than Black.

Apparently, I had goofed and failed to realize the EP skipped, so a quick run through Spin Clean was needed before redigitization.
No. 23810
You might be interested in this article and it's follow-up: https://john-millikin.com/%F0%9F%A4%94/why-i-ripped-the-same-cd-300-times
No. 23825
Another lesson I learned today:
Making backwards progress is part of making progress. When working on something, it is normal to often completely scrap everything, and start over, because in the process of creating a failed project, you learn a better way to do said project.

Now I need to apply this understanding to my hobbies, not just menial work.
No. 23826
Why do slavs carry the flowers upside down?
No. 23827
80 kB, 704 × 396
about an hour ago while driving at about 70 km/h i ran over/killed a wild duck mom. she and her about 5 duck children (walking behind her in a row) had already miracously survived getting killed by the car approaching me on the other side of the road. i noticed her while she came out from under that car entering my side of the road, but it was far too late to get on the brakes and make a full stop. i heard a rumble on the front and a look in the rearview mirror confirmed that i had hit her, because she was lying there on the middle of the street. i'm not sure how many of the little ones i killed too.
i did nothing wrong and i couldn't do anything to avoid it, but i still feel terrible and bad, for the surviving ducklets in particular.
i think ducks should avoid me at all costs, i must have bad karma with them or something. earlier this year a pair of wild ducks was breeding eggs inside a big bush of high flowers in my garden and i was very happy about that, obviously. it took like 10 days or so until a stone marten, weasel or possibly racoon eventually discovered and pillaged the nest.
No. 23828
Drive back and see if any duckies can be saved - they might be hiding in bushes nearby. Just imagine how lost and distressed they must be that mummy isn't getting up ;_;
No. 23829
Why didn't you pull over, go back, grab the ducklings and bring them to wildlife center?
No. 23838
592 kB, 640 × 480
I didn't go to the library after all, for two reasons. I want to fucking throw up after eating scones (and Italian flatbread) non-stop for three days, and because I wasn't sure if they'd let me in at all without paying for a library membership.
But it doesn't really matter, since the problem solved itself through honest "work".
As I was reading the next chapter of China in Ten Words, I read the author make a mention of the novel of his I was interested in. For whatever reason, in an unusual manner, the editor decided to include a footnote, mentioning not only which publisher published the book in Hungarian and who did the translation, but also mentioning from which tongue the Hungarian edition was made from.
So I scroll down with my eyes, and see
>Translated from the ENGLISH by [Notim Portant], Published by [Prestigious press I thought I could trust], 2005
On one hand, I'm happy, since I got the information I wanted. On the other, I'm mad, because the text is useless, and all hope is lost.
Fuck life, fuck translators and fuck my autism. I almost lost composure and shouted.
On the bright side, I saved myself a lot of money. (Which I'll inevitably spend on some meme shit. Or just an English version of the novel.)
Yada-yada, Ernst an assburger, picrel.

I'm thinking up a study plan for the summer, to prepare for the literature matura next year. Gonna write to the teacher about it, since she offered assistance. (Though I'll finish reading my current book before.)

Preach it! I find nothing more disgusting than the American culture industry, strangling the world like a disgusting octopus, and sucking out honesty out like a vampire in the name of more and more profit.
Television, (especially comedies targeted at older women) is proof that we are experiencing a cultural sunset where our system of production has absorbed every possible form of expression, and will continue to do so.
Milquetoast middle class mollycoddling masquerading as something harmless. The cultural insensitivity of the American industry (especially the exporting of political issues and statements) is the most repulsive thing in the world.
Those who consume franchises mindlessly, deserve no better, they are the type of people who set themselves up as mindless consumers, in an endless stream of stimuli and lies, where the only thing that matters is an identity camp based on consuming.
No. 23840
Light headache because of beers. Waiting at the bus stop at the centre of the city, at night this city is Sodom and Gomorrha.
The heat is driving me crazy I believe, I can't really follow my own thoughts anymore. So the beers are a little relieve.
Part of it for sure is her driving me crazy, I should just cut contact but it's hard. Really hard.
I need to get out, need to get somewhere.
Especially get into bed, work awaits me in 10 hours. Life is brutal these days, hard to imagine it's going to get better some day.
Also I see that there is no other way for me than taking up the studies again. At least I'd have some kind of perspective.
I'm hungry.
No. 23843
I hate searching for fucking jobs I hate it I hate it I hate it I fucking hate it
No. 23844
I don't even have a fucking job, what the fuck am I supposed to do, lie about it?
No. 23845
Fucking never had a job, now it's biting me in the ass, fucking fuck
No. 23846
Are you two people? Or the same doctor's sonbasket?

>never had a job
I can't make fun or say I envy you in any way. I have auseless degree and just finding the shittiest work for bydlo has been a complete pain in my ass and I also have a huge work history. Not all of it good, but still. I honestly think at this point that Dept. of Labor is flatly lying. I don't think the economy is doing well as they say. I think the only people saying this are rich elites who are benefiting.

My best advice to you is don't panic and just find any kind of job training, unpaid internship, or under the table work you can get. Hell work at Walmart if you have to. A lot of places don't care about training you at least at bottom of the barrel work. Start at bottom, work up. Even if it means sweeping floors and stocking shelves. Just bullshit your way through the process which you're going to have to if you're older than like 22 and have no work experience. Iirc you said you weren't in education either, so, bullshit away.
No. 23849
I am the autistic sonbasket who’s father is a doctor yes that’s me again
No. 23850
Weren’t you the normal sonbasket whoae father was a doctor as well?
No. 23852
Nope that's someone else.
No. 23853
Yeah boomers have been telling me it’s so easy to get a job just because FOX News said so. As I said before, if it were that fucking easy I would’ve already had a job by now. Fuck this economy and fuck the media lies, I can’t stand this bullshit I just wish I was in a better position in life. But most ironically it was the boomers, my parents, and their domestic policies, which have ruined me.

I thought life was going to grt better after highschool but it just got worse. I should’ve done more there to improve my social status..
No. 23855
Well it is also just an extremely toxic, poisonous life that comes from living in America. Seriously our society itself is amazingly toxic. You will understand this much better when you have a job and realize all the pathetic back biting, shit talking, position jockeying bullshit and gossip that goes on with even the lowliest of bydlo jobs among people who never grew out of high school or idk wtf is wrong with most people. Adding into that while I don't actually care about muh s jay dubayoos quite frankly those policies made work such an even more toxic retarded place that I've had guy coworkers literally refuse to be in a work vehicle or room alone with a woman, ever. You'll learn to lose some naivety and start being more paranoid or at least cautious. Life is a mine field here full of petty people where discussing the latest trash TV or movies for bydlo or sports are just about the only safe topics to discuss without getting yourself fired. it's a shallow, greedy, narcissistic society that runs on exploiting people. In spite of this even the worst shit job is way better than having no money and no job at all.

And yeah I do know what you mean. I've discussed this with other people in the 20s-30s range some of whom are unemployed and most of whom wind up in shit jobs. I've met people in their 50s who are proud of the fact they clawed their way to some utterly shitty middle management position at Home Depot or some crap like that. Boomers just live in another reality. It's made worse by the fact they all went to HS when we had unions and good pay and easy jobs fresh out of HS without having to do anything and could afford a house even with their shitty bydlo job. They have no fucking clue what it's like for people who they kicked out the ladder under them. Even Obama who wasnt even a true boomer comes up with this plan to basically make all the fucking poor people with no prospects carry the burden of paying for healthcare of their fat boomer asses and came up with this right after the 2008 recession hit which is like how the fuck are you expecting me to pay for that? And then they add a fucking fine on top of that if you don't buy insurance. I'm still pissed about that.

Then you have this fat senile boomer now lying to people about how everything is great and it really truly isn't. At least at this point the Democrats have kept pushing for liveable $15 minimum wage and access to healthcare, which I could lose now because I think I'm going to end up hitting the cutoff for Medicaid soon. I'm actually going to be pretty fucked if that happens because my student loans are already going to kick back in and there's no way in hell I'm going to be able to make rent, loans, and health insurance on top of other bills which normally I'd ignore this but I actually need it right now.
No. 23859
Have any of you guys ever watched Jeopardy, when they have the tournaments with the little kids? They're like 10-12 or some shit. Well, you know how all the non-age-specific questions (so not stuff like children's books/television) are so easy it's laughable? You know how there's not even a point in watching it because it's just boring? The entire world is like that for me. I've never been officially IQ tested since I was a little kid, but that doesn't matter. I taught myself how to read when I was 18 months old, taught myself how to solve a Rubik's Cube when I was 5 or 6, and surpassed a college reading level by third grade. "Gifted" was thrown around a lot by my teachers. My mother once tested at IQ 160, and I am far above her. In my senior year, I took on my entire Genetics class in a Jeopardy-style tournament (9 buzzers against 1) and demolished them. I could continue to blather on about the myriad of ways I've proven myself to be of remarkably high intelligence, but there isn't any point. The point is that the world just bores me. I routinely find myself encountering people who have problems, and it just amazes me how these ordinary people can be so unbelievably stupid. These people in my family, at my job, or wherever. I really feel like I'm working with small children here. What do you MEAN you can't solve this minor engineering/craftsmanship/organization problem? I could have solved this when I was in kindergarten! How can you drive a car and pay your taxes and prepare food and other such tasks while being so ridiculously stupid?! Shouldn't your mind have collapsed in on itself because there is nothing in there? I just don't get it. The universe isn't filled with wonder or mystery or magic or any of that shit. It's all just boring. If I even give a half-ass attempt at something, I excel at it, and it's gotten to the point of total apathy. I hear of men who spend their entire lives trying to crack the secret of pleasuring women; well, I'm gay (more of a functional asexual these days, though) and one day in high school I got bored and figured that all out with a lesbian who had fallen in love with me. Everything is like that for me. That old adage about 10,000 hours to master something? Probably would only take me 100, though I've always gotten bored after reaching a position of reasonable skill after less than half that, so I quit and move onto something else. The entire world is so boring that I'm tired of it. The problems of the world are really quite simple, even matters like hunger, disease, war, poverty, etc. Solving them is so simple a child could do it, modified of course by the fact that all of it is prevented merely by human stupidity. I've long since moved on to solving problems in fictional universes because there are more variables. I'm the kind of guy you might see writing long-winded proofs that pick apart mindfuck plots and find the reasoning that nobody else can. Nonetheless, I am even starting to tire of that. I won't even pretend to claim that I've accomplished anything of note. Oh sure, I got bored one year and wrote a full-length novel that I consider technically better than anything ever written… but then people don't read books because they're well-written; they read them because they're filled with their teenage fantasies about sparkling sex vampires and magic schools and other such insipid nonsense. Well-written books aren't popular and they don't make the writer money; they're what your teacher makes you read in high school. Beyond that, however? I just don't care. I care about as much at excelling in this boring, boring world as you would care about a fat, steaming dog turd on the sidewalk. It's there, it's ugly, it fucking stinks, but it's not very interesting. You do your best to avoid it because it's not your problem. It's just a pile of shit that isn't worth your time. I am tired of living among babies who can barely figure out how to wipe their own ass. I am tired of being surrounded by fools. I am tired of being treated like a fool by people who assume my own intelligence is as pitifully limited as their own. I am tired of being able to see how the entire universe works, how every problem can be solved, and yet comprehending how deeply my own apathy toward it all is. I am tired of not mattering in a universe that does not matter. The only thing that remains is wondering how much longer I can stand this exhausting boredom before I just pack up and leave.
No. 23860
And yet you are here and with an inability inability to properly format paragraphs.
No. 23861
And yet you are here lurking EC while being too new to recognize a copypasta
No. 23864
No. 23865
44 kB, 400 × 550
Well fug. We're moving again in the near future and I've been roped into share housing with my sister and her boyfriend again. I've looked at studio and flat prices and tbh they're kind of up there for the amount of space you get but I still wouldn't need to work full time, maybe only 3-4 times per week depending on what days I pull (very doable with the new manager who is generous with work shifts). I did the maths and to get a small studio in the CBD or very close to it (it's where most of the single-person ones are) I just need to work approximately 20-22 hours per week to pay for rent and groceries while putting away approximately $50-100 into savings. Assuming that I average say $50 per week in other expenses such as internet, transport and bills (not that much but I just used power bill averages since I can't remember my last one), then take away the cost of transport by living in walking distance from work, as well as internet that is provided by the complex, and I'm down to about $25-30 p/w in expenses leaving me with about $70-75 net profit p/w.

It's tempting but also way easier to just not make waves and deal with the probable arguments that would ensue were I to go against the plan that's been decided for me. Splendid isolation is overrated anyway, right? ;___;
No. 23866 Kontra
Sorry, at minimum $20-25, but the lower end of the $50-100 range is for when unexpected things happen like a slightly shorter work week or something. The maths was done on trying to achieve close to ~$150 net profit after rent so it's likely going to be close to the 100 mark most weeks after groceries and internet and so on hence the assumed final profit in the 70s.
No. 23867
I know how you must feel. I hit a bird years ago, and remember it clearly to this day.

>I wasn't sure if they'd let me in at all without paying for a library membership.
I think they would let you in, but you would probably need a membership if the book you wanted wasn't out on the shelves. That's how it was for me when I used to wander through the public library in NYC. Even if I didn't want to check a book out(it was a research library, so you couldn't do that) I had to have a card to request anything that was stored in the archives.

>make all the fucking poor people with no prospects carry the burden of paying for healthcare of their fat boomer asses
That was a big reason I didn't like Obamacare; it was a transfer of wealth, from the poorest age group to the richest. I understand the economic argument for, and against, socialized medicine, but this Frankenstein hybrid is the worst of both worlds. It helps some people, but a lot of others are expected to pay for a product we can't even use-or rather, you can't use until you pay the 5-10k deductible. That was what I learned firsthand, when I needed surgery last year. I didn't have insurance, but even if I did, it wouldn't have helped. The cost of surgery was only a couple thousand more than the annual deductible, but by not carrying insurance I saved the 300/month in premiums(that's what the marketplace wanted; my state didn't expand Medicaid). Even factoring in an extrordinary medical event, it was still cheaper to not have insurance. Imagine making a product that bad, and then fining someone for not buying it.
No. 23894
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232 kB, 960 × 960
So they eventually rejected me. Had another interview today which went great and actually pays better than the other job I applied for befote.
I'll start there on Monday.

Everything went better than expected

Have some cats eating ice cream, Ernsts.
No. 23895
>I think they would let you in
I know that you can just waltz into a US library, since Americans constantly complain that libraries are just glorified homeless shelters over there.
But I have no idea how things work here.
No. 23896
16 kB, 236 × 354
>Americans constantly complain that libraries are just glorified homeless shelters over there.
>booming Hollywood voice: In the year 2019AD, hordes of homeless populate abandoned libraries as powerful scooter elite fight one another for the dwindling resources in America...but one man stands in their way...
Guys its not that bad and I had no idea this was even a complaint my fat retarded brethren made, but then again, the fact there's some truth to it is equally sad. Yes, they're mostly used by homeless people including people out on parole with nowhere to go because nobody reads but students
No. 23897
Being totally serious, and you need to move out, you'll probably struggle without more surplus than that. Putting away a little for haircuts, clothing, birthdays, Christmas adds up on top of the additional cost of being a single occupant. You will also want to do two savings budgets - one for circumstances and another for general savings you don't touch (you want 3 months savings here asap) along with a little extra in each category for overspend. And then once you get a nice stable nest-egg you start talking to girls and all your money magically disappears!

I mean you could probably do it but things will be tight. Put a budget together and show us if you want.
No. 23899
It depends on the area. A lot of the userbase consists of bored old people, parents picking up stuff for their toddlers, teenagers who want free internet, and a minority of adult readers and nerds.
Though it's not uncommon to get homeless and junkies. The latter likes to shoot up in the bathrooms. It's a bit of an exaggeration to say they're shelters; there's a reason they have the cops on speed dial.
No. 23911
411 kB, 720 × 398
That sounds like a lot of work. Tbh, I can put up with a lot to just maintain a certain level of continuity of lifestyle. Looked at one of the houses today, it's not bad and I'd pay less than half of what I'd have to pay to live by myself. It's not as though I have no privacy. I can shut the door and be left alone, but it's just when I have the place to myself I enjoy having no other humans around.
No. 23912
Honestly, after the New York Public Library and the Library of Congress the image of an "American library" that comes to my mind is two homeless folks dressed in grey rugs, jerking off in front of CRT monitors in a room with irritatingly weak blue lighting, while volumes of mass market paperbacks of romance novels with cracked spines stare at them from the distance.
(Sort of similarly, the average Russian library in my mind is a concrete block in the middle of nowhere with volumes of leather-bound works of Lenin, and the last time their stock got a new item was in 1989. It has one employee and two gopniks who drink in front of the building, but always jovially greet the librarian who has been working there since the late 70s, and is about to retire. It's just another "offensive" stereotype.)
It's not that good libraries don't exist in the US, it's just that they probably compromise a miniscule part of the whole, probably because they lack both funding and interest.
Not to mention how libraries are currently undergoing a "revolution" as they are trying to search for a place in the digital era.
No. 23913
46 kB, 493 × 493
Today I had a complete health check. ECG, hearing and seeing, blood and piss. I am healthy as a pig (Turkish idiom, probably does not work in English).
Made me think how amazing that actually is, yet I take it for granted for most of the time. So today, I feel grateful for actually having a good life.
No. 23926
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I saw myself on camera today and I looked like a fat sack of shit. S-Surely it was just the camera but with my confidence now shattered I need to go buy some proper office casual for the summer - this heat is starting to get very expensive for me as I've already had to buy more summer casual clothes. A girl I have an innocent workplace crush on was also in the same meeting. You' know those people you've barely said a word to but can't stop looking at them.

Other than that learning Italian is going well, it is a surprisingly lazy language and I like that. For the obvious example, you very rarely have to say "we" or "they" because they change endings on verbs - infuriating at first but now I'm glad I didn't learn a meme language like French where they don't do it enough to make it possible.

>That sounds like a lot of work.

Watching your money grew while you catalogue expenses is actually pretty comforting. You will be surprised at how good it feels after doing this and it is essential for financial stability anyway.

I know your feels on living alone well but it does have its drawbacks in terms of space and rent that I'm now annoyed by. The space is a big one because while I can chill on my bed I really don't have a good place to relax such as a good couch and its impossible to keep tidy. Plus I still have to deal with hearing my neighbour hock up phlegm every night and resist the urge to burn the building down as a result.
No. 23927
Ordered a bunch of books in preparation for the matura today. I got recommended actually good textbooks instead of the state mandated dogshit. It's unbelievable how fucking shit those are.
The teacher recommended I read primary text during the summer, so I also copped the works of authors who are very important according to the exam document. (Basically stuff I should already have copped long ago, but never really cared about for whatever reason.)

Otherwise I didn't get much done besides placing the order for the books and discussing the expenses with my mother. (Oh, yes, I also wasted a lot of time playing Terraria)

Tomorrow should be more productive. I'm going to make some tea, and start working on the translation. I've been neglecting it. The weather has been horrible the past two days. Makes me want to not eat at all.
No. 23937
That's two pieces of good news in a row. Was this health check related to your new job?

Today I was finally frustrated enough with my closet's disorganization to actually do something about it. After sorting, discarding, and a few hours of putting small boxes into bigger boxes, I ended up with a decent amount of new floor space. JordanPeterson.exe.
No. 23940
269 kB, 1192 × 793
529 kB, 691 × 1039
672 kB, 1417 × 943
I started doing my early-morning-walks again. Except this time I was running. Put on my old training clothes, left the house at 5:30 and went towards the trees. Had a beautiful sunrise while running.

But oh boy am I out of shape. First time I did any training in about 2 years and it shows. When I came back home I felt sick to the stomach, vision was blurry, ground was shaking below my feet and for the past hour I keep smelling blood as if I had nose bleed.
However, after some fruit and cereal and brewing some sencha I feel more alive than for a long time, there is a sort of euphoria and a motivation for the day to come.
No. 23942
It was indeed job-related. Generally, it seems to be nothing unordinary for a new employer to ask for health reports of new employees. I find that a little odd to be honest, especially if they are asking for things which are in no way related to your job (for instance I applied for a regular desk job, they asked for ECG).
Yup, still after emigrating to Turkey almost exactly 2 years ago, I don't quite get how things work over here. But I am learning, my fellow Turk-Ernsts, and I am trying my best to understand your country and people.
No. 23946
17 kB, 220 × 220
Imagine being a male in bee society, Ernst. That would suck.
No. 23949
Meh, it wouldn't be so bad because you wouldn't have self-awareness. You fuck, you die, and you wouldn't even know what happened.
No. 23951
44 kB, 657 × 527
Water went in my ear while showering and it won't come out. I can hear fine but I can feel it sitting in the bottom of my ear canal. Feels annoying man.
No. 23952
Tilt your head to the side and jump on one leg.
It always works for me.
No. 23953
Are you trying to ruse me?

I tried but no dice. Might try again in the morning if it hasn't run out overnight. I can't jump too vigorously this late at night/early in morning. It'd cause issues with housemates. I don't like having to deal with such issues.
No. 23954
Shake your heda to the clogged ear's side when jumping, like headbanging with a side of your heda. Jumping on one leg isn't necessary, you just have to accelerate the water so it falls down out of your ear. If it doesn't work, go to an ear doggtor, it might be an earwax blockage.
No. 23955
Headbanging is bad for your brain.
Jumping, on another hand, keeps your head relatively static, and the added mass of your entire body accelerates the water droplet faster, giving it more inertia to escape.
No. 23956
Do a few summersaults on your bed. The problem is that the ear-canal is wound like a snails shell and to get it out it has to accelerate not just to one side, but flow in a curve.

Never happened to me in the shower though, only in the swimming pool when jumping head first from the springboard.
No. 23962
Blog update. Feeling cleared up this morning. Slept on other side of bed so that sleep heading was such that the watery ear was down.
No. 23964
Today, one of my neighbors died. I didn't know him personally but in case you don't know, the local mosques are chanting a call for the funural prayer to invite the neighborhood to join the deceased one on his last journey. It sounds a lot different than the usual call for prayer which you might know from James Bond From Russia With Love scenes.

Actually, I found that incredibly beautiful (also the person chanting did it nicely) and it made me remember that in religion or spirituality in general, there is some undeniabke beauty. Even if one does not share the same views of the belief, the dedication to something bigger has its very own particular charme. I also remember that I used to think like that before too, but eventually forgot about that due to the highly politicised nature of religion in the country I have moved to two years ago.
I am again once more reassured that religion should have no place in politics, public institutions whatsoever at all. It takes away all the beauty of it and furthermore creates institutions of power based on nothing but good faith. If, say, I was no muslim, can I ever be represented by a judge wearing a hijab? It's not only her own liberty and decision of clothing, its a political statement too or at least it has become one. If [place generic muslim girl's name here] chooses to wear a hijab, fine. But once she enters the court room practicing her profession, she is not that girl. She becomes the state. And my state represents the people, not a relgion which at the end might just be a mere fairytale to controll the masses.
Today, more than usual, I want my laicist Turkey back.
No. 23965
That was insightful, thank you. Was the call to the funeral prayer in turkic or arabic?
No. 23966
It is in Arabic. There was a time during the single-party system period of the early Turkish Republic (1932-1950) in which call to prayers were forbidden in Arabic but were supposed to be read in Turkish. Since Arabic has the same value to Muslims as lets say Hebrew has to the Jews (or maybe Latin to Roman Catholics?) that has never been accepted by the vast majority of the muslim community in Turkey and was considered blasphemy.
No. 23967
Problem is how much money and power corrupt religion into what it is not, or shouldn't be. The whole character of Jesus/Issa seemed to basically be of a Jewish reformer absolutely disgusted with the way Judaism had turned from something like what you described into politicking and having money changers inside the synagogue. We have something particularly repulsive here called "prosperity theology" and the evangelical megachurches which needs to get whipped out of the temple again.

I always wondered what the deal is with Muslims carrying a fallen brother through the streets in a public display of grief. It feels oddly both political but also primal and pure in the way Palis seem to do it.
No. 23971
>I always wondered what the deal is with Muslims carrying a fallen brother through the streets
Yeah I've seen that in Palestine too, I found that also kind of odd. Also pictures of the fallen ones on every wall. I do see the political 'value' of it though, in terms of a constant reminder to the public of their struggle for independence (in their narrative).
In Turkey I have never seen that but fallen soldiers would be displayed on television and the president would pay them respect for their service during the burrial ceremony.
Then again, in the Palestinian case, they do interpret their war as some sort of a holy war so basically every brother being killed by their oppressors turns into a fallen soldier I guess. Dunno, I found that incredibly depressing during my stay and it was one of many reasons why I have no intention of paying Israel or Palestine a visit again anytime soon
No. 23973
First time for me posting in these today threads.
I'm in psychiatric treatment since 4 years and got various different diagnosis. (Including schizophrenia, depression, OCD, etc.) My psychiatrist now thinks I have
and all the previous diagnosis were just symptoms of Neurasthenia.

Anyone here heard of this and has some tips?
No. 23974
8,8 MB, 320 × 240, 4:04
>Americans were said to be particularly prone to neurasthenia, which resulted in the nickname "Americanitis"
No. 23976

I heard of it from around 1900, when people in the city had it...

>Neurasthenia has largely been abandoned as a medical diagnosis

Well, not an expert, but diagnosis aren't very precise anyway I think.
No. 23977
31 kB, 204 × 243
>Alas poor Yorick, I knew him well...
I should have expected it, honestly, but it caught me way off-guard.
No. 23985
As it turns out, I'm going to work two days, starting on Tuesday. Pretty hyped, though I have no idea what my task will be. They just said I won't be doing data entry (yet). I guess they'll just make me sort through the documents or something.
But hey, it's two day's worth of money, which means I can actually order a couple of English books.

I still haven't started working on anything, and I hate myself for it. Yesterday I drank two servings of tea, but I didn't work on the translation. And I haven't started reading any books either.
Fuck vide ogames
No. 23988
>Anyone here heard of this and has some tips?
Since the treatment of neurasthenia usually emphasized stress reduction, any strategy for managing anxiety should be beneficial. Not a cure, of course, but maybe a piece of the puzzle. Meditation, music, physical activity. Find something that helps you be mindful of your body and "in the moment" instead of thinking about distant things. I wish you the best, Ernst, and hope this new diagnosis allows your doctor to find a treatment that helps you.

Great news. Congratulations.
I know you had mentioned doing similar work before, but I didn't know whether that job was still on.
No. 23990
I did data entry at this place three times already. This will be the fourth occasion. Everything was arranged, I was totally stoked, and then they pushed back the work until August, so I'm happy that they called me and asked me to do whatever the fuck they want me to do.
No. 23995
I am feeling pretty good today because I drew some stuff and actually liked the results :-DDDD.

Too bad I should've been doing the stuff brother told me to do instead, he's going to be pretty bummed out :-DDDD.
No. 24000
>Meditation, music, physical activity. Find something that helps you be mindful of your body and "in the moment" instead of thinking about distant things. I wish you the best, Ernst, and hope this new diagnosis allows your doctor to find a treatment that helps you.

What this Ernst said. It's much more difficult that it sounds at first, don't get discouraged practicing mindfulness if you don't notice results within the first few months; it's something that comes slowly.
No. 24016
Due to reasons I can't quite recall I had a week full of drinking. Probably part of it was that I was among people almost all of the time.
Today's the first sober day since wednesday or so and I feel like shit.
Tomorrow's the first day of my internship, I'm not as well prepared as I wanted to be but I'm optimistic that it'll be good nonetheless and I already have a couple of ideas about what I could write.
No. 24017
Keep us (me) updated. The workshop I went to was ok. Bascically as a free journalist, I just need to have a portfolio and then just have to call papers/magazines etc. if they are interested in my ideas for an article. A Portfolio will show them if they want yout writings or not. An internship is always good tho.
But if you just want to write freelance it's the way to go and call them with a portfolio. The workshop people said those people in newspapers and magazines are always looking for fresh texts, needless to say they have to be of certain quality and interest.
No. 24018
I havent slept and have a 14 hour day ahead of me. Unsettled mind feels bad man.
t. life failer
No. 24038
272 kB, 900 × 600
Today has been a cool day, in the morning I felt it easy to wake up due to sunny weather, then at work managed to fulfil a quick creatory task for an hour, then finally completed another old task and proudly presented it, then made a thing for tomorrow tobe already ready tomorrow and overjump a dick whom they, I heard, were planning to give it to do instead of me. And after all I went to KFC and ate 6 strips with cheese sous and 0,4l Pepsi. And now I'm posting my second post on this board ever, because I remembered about kc, felt nostalgia, googled how deeds with German imageboards nowadays, found it, came here, entered this tread and am finishing this post. Such ist Leben in Russland.
No. 24039
Today and all this last two weeks has been good. I pray such things stay that way and nothing terrible happens. I think I have work off tomorrow and Wednesday too but work soon. Speaking of which, what is the origin of no shootings during worktime?
No. 24056
I'm so fucking hyped for work. It's literally perfect. Free coffee and an air conditioned office room. It's almost better than being at home. (And I can also pick up my packages on the way home, so it's win-win-win-win.)

Anyway, I wasted the whole day playing Terraria. I don't think I had this much fun with a vide ogame in quite a while.
Feels like a true summer. Playing games, drinking cold tea, and eating the scones my mother baked yesterday for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Lovely.
(I set the game language to German to polish my vocabulary a bit. Seems like an effective way to strengthen the basics. Probably is just placebo to lessen my guilt for "not doing anything".
No. 24067
So apparently my kid brother "came out" as gay. I had to calm down my mom somewhat, though I'm not sure how to feel about this myself. I'm not particularly close with him so I don't really know him that well, but the story seems to be that he's friends with two older girls who're all about that LGBT stuff and took him to some pride parade so I feel like they're probably grooming him into that. He's 14 and I know I was heavily influenced by my friends at that age and did a lot of stupid shit that was all over by age 16 or so.
He's not exactly the pillar of masculinity but I have a hard time believing he's actually gay, whatever that even means.

I'm just stressing out because I'm not sure how to deal with it. I'd let it blow over but I'm concerned for my parents (well, mostly my mom since she's freaking out) so I feel like I need to do something. Also now I feel like I really need to take care of having children after all so the family legacy lives on, just in case he really is gay, since we're the only two sons.

Do you guys have any thoughts/advice?
No. 24070
Let him be himself
But within reason. Like you wouldnt actually let a child start doing cocaine and meth. With this, I'd say just talk to him and keep an eye on it. He could also just be bi or simply not strictly straight, but yeah I fucking hate that culture.
No. 24073
If he's not actually gay, he will be cured of this delusion after his first attempt at gay sex. As the ancient Slavic saying goes, "If you do it only once, you're still not a faggot" XDDDD. All that "coming out" and "identifying as something" is an empty sound until he puts his "identity" to a real test. If he does like it though, then he really is gay, and there's nothing much you can (or should) do about it.

>family legacy
Ah, that bullshit again. If you're not some sort of royalty or nobility, obsessing with it is meaningless. Your descendants in 200-300 years will be genetically no closer to you than to some random dude from your town (unless, of course, you are a part of some sort of super inbred clan keeping their bloodline), and the family's property will be inherited by someone anyway, so don't worry about it.
No. 24076
Simply relax.
If he is not gay, he will find out eventually and so will you.
If he is gay, there is nothing you or your mom can change about that.

Getting worked up over the sexual preference of someone else is pointless.

>Also now I feel like I really need to take care of having children after all so the family legacy lives on, just in case he really is gay, since we're the only two sons.

Oh you bavarians, always slow to catch up with the plot, are you? :3
No. 24092 Kontra
Maybe he is also just bi, as the belarussian said, his identity will need real tests. I doubt he is talked into it tho, the possibility of coming out or becoming a woman when you are a man biologically are just much better than 50-100years ago. Like all that trap hype and shit on imageboards, people will not just get all into it because they were exposed to it, they have must have an affinity beforehand. Yet, I sometimes think some weird imageborder becomes a woman because of memes circulating the boards.

Your mother has to get over it and wait. It does not happen to one everyday, so I understand. When I found out a friend of mine is bi I was a bit surprised but so what? It's current year. Also now you have a real reason to get gf. My brother already made two kids and knocked up my ex gf twice but she was to thin to grow a baby in her belly. I could have been a father by now, kinda of weird. But the pressure is still there, even more so as such a gf does not turn up everyday.
No. 24093 Kontra
Sorry, I knocked up my gf and not my brother. Both that spelling error and the bavarians story shed a perfect light on German sexuality XDDD
No. 24096
>but she was to thin to grow a baby in her belly.
That's degenerate, man. Does she do drugs or is she anorexic or what?
No. 24098
The first day of work is over. It went remarkably well. It's the same shit, only now instead of punching in numbers and chemicals into Excel, I punch them into an online database, which is a pain in the ass to navigate and mange, because I can't put in some data in advance, unlike with excel.
They bumped up my pay, and now I'm making 3.70 Euros an hour. Gonna be working for approximately two more days, judging by the stacks of paper I have, but hey, that's just more money.

Finally got my hands on my package. Sadly one of the editions I got was a cut down version, so I have to get another one, because this was it's unusable. (Not gonna post an image, because they are mostly poetry anthologies or textbooks, so they are completely irrelevant to foreigners, maybe with the exception of Kosztolányi's novels.)
On the way home I found five Tolstoy volumes in German, one euro a piece, so I copped them, alongside with an edition of A Hero of Our Time, which has illustrations by Lermontov himself. Basically I wasted maybe a quarter of my first paycheque. I remember liking it when read it, and it deserves a re-read I think.

Strange to see how people are happier when it's summer. Three women looked at me and smiled today.

>14yo kid comes out as gay
Nah. I doubt that he has any concept of the broader implications of what this means.
It's probably just that he hanged out with the older girls and picked up on it a cool thing that the bigger kids do. (It could also be that he is trying to impress them or something, but that seems pretty counter intuitive.)
I'd say it's most probably just a phase he'll grow out of once the influence of those friends vanes.
No. 24102
She has special sicknessand part of the condition is that eating almost always results on throwing up more or less, some doctor gave her only few months to live once before we were together, but she still lives. A person in the US with the same condition diagnosed lives for years now. Don't ask me what it is exactly. We never talked very much about it since she hated being labeled/perceived as the sick and weak one.
She was anorexic somehow but with the discovering of her sickness it was all explained to her. I was a bit skeptical if her thinness was not also conditioned socially. She was around 40kilos most of the time we were together at a hight of approx 1.6m. I would never have had a problem if it would have been more and told her so, yet I cannot deny I like thin girls.
No. 24103
This stupid bitch is bringing me down to the lowest point again.
I had already been there today to delete every way of contacting her ever again but her whatsapp status was still there, even if I block her she still appears in my blocked contacts.
There is no way of her ever bettering herself. Plain and simply put she is just a whore. A cheap fucking whore I devoted a whole year of my lifetime to. A fucking whore I've not even been together with but still she took up more time than other people's gf would. Jesus. I was trembling at work today, I wasn't able to concentrate anymore and got out earlier. Spent my time drinking beers since then.
It's just terrible, I feel like being trapped in a deep, deep abyss.
She's not worth any of my suffering, not a little bit. And still I keep doing it. My willpower right now is too low to stop. Even more so due to the drinking. Especially as she's been extra sweet to me lately to drive me off the fact that some "friend" who loves her wants to visit her soon.
I told her to stop it, to make him nog come but she doesn't care. It tears me apart. I am just a miserable man to stick to such a pest. But thete is no-one else. No girl anywhere that isn't either mentally ill or has a boyfriend. Mostly just not a girl anywhere that I could talk to. I am too addicted to female attention.
No. 24104 Kontra
>Nah. I doubt that he has any concept of the broader implications of what this means.

Do you want to say 14yo are asexual? They probably don't really understand their feelings but they will know on which sex their affection are aimed.
Does the internet and LGTB movement really produces homosexuality as a fashion? Perhaps I'm to far away from a teenagers contemporary world then.
No. 24105 Kontra
Shit man, I have my ex still in my contacts and even tho I often think of her, I still don't make a move on her again. I doubt there would be any sex and even if we would just cuddle or something I would feel like a beaten dog the next day it's over again or so. Just cut it and look for new woman. But fuck yeah, it aint so easy. I'm at 99% of failing again with one showing clearly interest. I would just need to talk to her, but small talking out of the blue is not my strength. If we had a start topic that's not forced, an accident that makes us talk to each other would be fine. The 'I want to know you' small talk feels so akward and I favor doing nothing over that. I'm more into thinking about the talk then, than listening to her.
No. 24106 Kontra
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tbh who am I fooling here, making coward excuses.
No. 24107
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Check out my aunt's kitten.
My other cat's (which is now grown up) is being an asshole to her. Social games and competition are inescapable, even among pet animals.

Better off alone.
No. 24109
1,6 MB, 1920 × 2560
Nice kotlet. I recently saw a koshka that looked like a Babushka.
No. 24115
Teenagers have this attitude that their selves have been more or less figured out and that further change is impossible for them. They're also very likely to follow many trends and could easily discard them. And their hormones are all over the place, so some relationships might seem disproportionately important to them only for them to later regret them.
That said, if he really has had no interest in girls and says he wants dick, dude will naturally grow up to want dick. Unless something like this is happening:

It really depends on the subculture and these subcultures have varying degrees of strength on what kind of school they attend.
Among politically-minded left-leaning teens being gay can be a sort of status symbol since their platforms often want a "different" individual as a mouthpiece to legitimatize whatever they want t osay. Or they want to show off the "diversity" of their group and collect people like accessories. Also, unlike being part of an ethnic minority or being crippled, it's very easy to just say you're gay and get some cred. So it would be hard to tell at a glance who's a regular gay and who just wants tumblr-cred.
Then there's the more hormonally-driven cliques that just think gays are "OMG SO HAWT JUST LIKE MUH ANIMU BOYS" and mostly see them as meat. They overlap a bit with the political group, but sometimes they catch some heat from them because some of them hate the idea of fetishization.
Outside of this, it varies where you live. Some teenagers won't care. In some shitholes you're just more fodder to beat up.
No. 24117
Did you realise that in your post you go from blaming her exclusively to admitting it is mostly your problem?
Maybe, if you are more mindful of this, it will be easier to get over your relationship.
No. 24120
>I'm not sure how to deal with it
Why deal with it at all? Tbh, I never got the concept of that whole "coming out" thing. As if it was a confession to make. I never came out as heterosexual either. Nobody gives a fuck if I like pussy and so I don't if someone likes dick. If my son would ever tell me dad I'm gay I'd probably just ask "so what?"
No. 24127
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The realization of my own incompetence washes over me.
I should have been studying anatomy instead of.. whatever the fuck I was doing all this time.

I don't have the mental energy to both draw and work, my progress in drawing is already slow because I have to take a long break after every hour from brain fog. I don't want to give a finger to my brother, since he's banking a lot on this new business venture of his, but if I feel like if I stop drawing again, I might as well just kms.

I need to study anatomy, I still have no ability to capture likeness in a portrait, my visual library for technology, architecture, etc. are extremely lacking. I feel most comfortable arranging abstract shapes into pleasing compositions, but nobody gives a shit about abstract shapes, they want cars and guns and castles and dragons and shit. They want stories, I need to learn how to tell stories. I have literal gigabytes of references, notes, pictures, etc. that I have collected over the years to be used in my art, laying untouched.

That's years of future self education, that could have been done already if I could've gotten my shit together earlier. I finally have the drive to NEET and draw 24/7 to catch up with my lack of progress, at exactly the moment in my life when I can't afford to NEET and draw 27/7 any more. Not to mention all of the other hobbies and interests I've been neglecting.

I'm not even going to consider "social life" at this point, knowing how much work there is to be done in pursuit of self improvement, wasting time on crap like that would be downright frivolous. The only thing I care about is gitting gud.
No. 24130
108 kB, 570 × 378
My birthday is ahead. Makes me depressed for few years now every time it happens. Another year comes around. Not much is changing anyway. It's not like nothing ever happens, but the things I think are really important to make little progress besides reading. I wish I could just get older without a yearly reference point.
No. 24131
54 kB, 604 × 453
How old are you gonna be? Imma be a wizard in a month, but I feel indifferent. Birthdays became simply an excuse to get drunk for me lately. Oh well, getting drunk once in a while isn't really a bad thing in and of itself.
No. 24132
27. I'm also not totally lonely but quite, tho not my biggest problem but it depresses me that I cannot get my ass up to do the things I want, while the years go by. I'm not caught up in nihilism or whatever, I want to do something still. The energy is wasted tho., it feels.
No. 24137
Work has been pretty good to me. I actually accomplish something now.
Tomorrow is gonna be my last day probably, since I only have one more stack of invoices to enter into the system. (Well, until August anyway. God, I'll be making so much fucking dosh in August it's unbelievable. I mean fuck, I might as well invest in a handheld or something. Probably I'll just keep the money. That's the usual state of affairs. I just pile it up.)
Amazing stuff. I mean, money isn't everything, but it's sure as hell nice to have.

Since I'll have Friday to myself, I'm going to finally repurpose that PC, because even Terraria lags now on anything other than the second lowest resolution. I'm going to use an empty HDD I have and install a GNU/Linux on it. (That way if anybody wants it back, I can just plug it out and it'll function as a windows PC again.)
Shameful how the performance of the laptop has degraded over the years.

Got my second package. It's the literature textbooks. Looked through them. It's pretty weird and unusual, but these have actual information in the for some strange reason. And actually relevant instructions. And notes for those who are preparing to the higher level matura.
I mean, fuck, it's an actual textbook that's useful. I don't remember the last time I learned something from a fucking textbook. 90% of HS textbooks is completely useless waste paper.

I was glad to see that I still can understand German well enough. I was able to read parts of Der Tod des Iwan Iljitsch with relative ease. I'm so fucking proud of myself, it's unbelievable.

I'm going to work on my translation on the weekend finally. And I'm going to start reading again. I'll probably start with the first literature textbook, and that guide to rhetoric.
No. 24147
81 kB, 1079 × 1068
Thanks for all the responses, I really appreciate it. I guess overall I agree with you guys and I've talked to my mom another time as well and told her not to do anything rash. She's now trying to get him to read & watch some classic books & movies about teenage angst etc since he's on summer break now. Not sure how that's gonna work out, but we'll see.

>yeah I fucking hate that culture.
That might be the main thing I'm concerned with tbh, that he develops this sort of victim mentality/resentment that seems to be prominent in LGBT circles.

>All that "coming out" and "identifying as something" is an empty sound until he puts his "identity" to a real test. If he does like it though, then he really is gay, and there's nothing much you can (or should) do about it.
Yeah, I agree with this.
>family legacy
I was half-joking but I do think it'd be nice to have kids, not really talking about anything longer-term than that.

>Simply relax.
>Getting worked up over the sexual preference of someone else is pointless.
I mean that's what I'd probably tell someone as well but it feels different after all when it's someone close to you.

> I doubt he is talked into it tho
My mom made me read some texts from a chat he had with that girl who's "bi" (so I would translate since they were in English for whatever reason). And she was the one sending him pics of some older guy and telling him how he would've liked him, but my brother's responses weren't too enthusiastic. But ofc I don't have the full picture and I really don't want to dig around further.
>Like all that trap hype and shit on imageboards, people will not just get all into it because they were exposed to it, they have must have an affinity beforehand. Yet, I sometimes think some weird imageborder becomes a woman because of memes circulating the boards.
I'm convinced the imageboard to trap pipeline is very real just considering the amount of exposure you get to that stuff. But I guess that's a whole other can of worms.

>Do you want to say 14yo are asexual? They probably don't really understand their feelings but they will know on which sex their affection are aimed.
I'm sure 14yo are horny as hell, but probably lack a good concept of what sex/sexuality is about.
>Does the internet and LGTB movement really produces homosexuality as a fashion?
I think there's definitely fashion involved, basically agree with >>24115

>Then there's the more hormonally-driven cliques that just think gays are "OMG SO HAWT JUST LIKE MUH ANIMU BOYS" and mostly see them as meat.
I feel like that might actually be the case. He and this girl are also into K-Pop iirc

>Tbh, I never got the concept of that whole "coming out" thing.
Well I don't think he really made a big deal out of it. I think he just got in an argument with my mom about going to this pride parade thing and that's when he mentioned it. Though again I'm not sure how it exactly went down.
>If my son would ever tell me dad I'm gay I'd probably just ask "so what?"
If he'd be like 18 or at least 16 that might be reasonable but when he's 14 and he's seemingly getting paired off with some older guy I understand my parents feeling uneasy.
No. 24153
Turning 28 soon. I kind of started thinking about aging recently. First wrinkles won't disappear anymore, grey hair becomes an undeniable part of me as well. Also, I quit my career path two years ago and started from scratch because I felt this is the last chance to actually be able to, being young and free of responsibility for anything or anyone but me. No I am working hard in order to catch up with the years I've lost, I am working out hard to keep in shape. Also, I startedto develop this feeling like, I wanna be a dad, recently. Cant help it, I dont even want to have children so much as I just want to be a parent.
Birthdays became a constant reminder of that it only goes forward, never back, never even takes a breath.
No. 24154
Have you ever gotten anything out of talking to a therapist?

I tried it twice, first with a woman and then a man therapist. It didn’t really work for me. I was too nervous to share certain facets of my psyche and I also found it difficult to retrieve relevant info about my life circumstances and specific problems while I was sitting in the therapist’s office.
No. 24156
One of them directed me to a psychologist who more or less answered what's wrong with me.
Sometimes I feel like it sort of helps, if only because I have almost no friends to talk to and I like having someone who's uninvolved with the rest of my life.
No. 24157
Why does your mom have chat logs of private conversations between your brother and a friend of his?
No. 24159
Completely and utterly worthless. Only use is finding out more about human weaknesses while making yourself vulnerable and wasting your time overall while creating a bigger paper trail on yourself.
No. 24166
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Dug through the deep recesses of my hard drive backup files while organizing my art reference folder.

Can't believe we used to live like this. This is some crack den shit :-DDDD What a blast from the past :-DDDDDD
No. 24169
25 kB, 640 × 615
Hey don't feel bad brick. We used to live like that too, and in America. That seriously looks just like my childhood home. You're missing the dog food bags stapled to the ceiling to stop water coming in through the holes in the roof because the ceiling tiles already long since rotted and feel away though. Yes, my childhood home was actually just that bydlo. We even had a hole in the floor in front of the fireplace that went straight beneath the house and water flooded right through part of the back like it was nothing and there's holes through both sides of the house over there too.

So just don't get too sad about that fact. Imagine living like that and then being around people who had nice TVs and big American homes, or at least some of the did. It very much felt like pic related. See, this is probably one of the different reasons I can casually identify with Slavs and such. maybe at some point I can even give you guys a couple pics of most shameful shit stalagmites in house tier disprays
No. 24171
502 kB, 788 × 793
Tbh I don't feel bad, looking back on those years, it's really funny to me. It was such a surreal shit show all around that it's bordering on hilarious. Mark twain could have written a comedic novel about our family. There's a fine line between comedy and tragedy, as they say. And the only difference between violence and slapstick is how many times you get hurt.

Also, funny you should say, I've always been in love with the aesthetic of American dystopia. Maybe it comes with being schizoid, but the overwhelming sense of detachment and distance from reality that the american zeitgeist evokes is close to my heart. Where the only thing that feels real is the acute sensation of fakeness of everything.

Here's something that my american schizo penpal wrote while we were discussing this exact topic, it kinda stuck with me:

>I wonder what new term will be made to describe the new underclass poz America, such as the community I'm living in
>Poor and hopeless, but also deranged and nihilistic
>Branded all over with worldly stigmata, like tattoos, ear gauges, eczema and obesity
>Can sludge living be poetic, or is degeneracy only unaesthetic. Is stepping on a rusty nail a symbolic experience or is it something that must be discarded and forgotten about
>Does nastiness have potential value
>I can't stop thinking about how rotten society is.
>It's only when I'm at work. Normies, the mimicry sheeple types, they've never had to bear such a disastrous social milieu, you have to wonder how much longer it can continue
>I think it's that everyone who bears the brunt of it is totally powerless to do anything about it
>Aristocrats and Kings at least knew about the dire straits and the famines. Our elite actually has no account whatsoever of the problems facing the people they rule.
>It's not even callousness on their part, it's that the working class has become untouchable. We're headed for Indian slums tier social decay
>It's like how those rich New Delhi skyscraper Indians literally never ever think about the shantytown slums living in shit and piss Indians. Total head in the sand otherness
Dude, imagine a game like Deus Ex, but instead of conspiracy theory sci-fi, it's suburban grunge americana.
No. 24172
>That last picture
That's a really nice image. Just think of all the conflicting elements.
A strong, Kazakh man with wide shoulders is sitting on a chair, totally collapsed, it's like the housing is suffocating the subconsciously nomadic, clan centred man.
*Tagbaszakadt kazah legény,
Nem érzi magát a helyén*
*A hefty looking kazah lad
Can't seem to find his stead*

I think I'm going to shed a tear now. Thanks for posting that image.
No. 24176
620 kB, 1536 × 2048
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Sometimes a moment is so REAL, that you can't help but immortalize it in a photo. Even if all you have is an ancient barely working phone.

pic 2 is from when we had no electricity. Pic 3 is during renovations.
No. 24177
364 kB, 1200 × 950
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Also, pic 3 reminded me of how in some paintings depicting battles and general chaos, there's a lifeless body at the bottom of the composition, that creates a striking transition between the ground plane and the main action, and acts as a visual stop against the movement happening in the rest of the painting.

It gave me a pretty obscure kek.
No. 24178
226 kB, 1920 × 1080
I managed to finally re-purpose this "old" PC. I had an old, empty hard drive under my bed, and I stuck an ubuntu distro on it. Now just let's hope it doesn't crash and burn.
It's entirely possible that the HDD has gone bust, since it's pretty old, even though it was never used for anything. A worrying sign was how the installation immediately corrupted itself after the first restart, and it had to be fixed.
I only have 80GBs on the machine, so I'm going to copy my music files, my reaction images, install Steam and then install Terraria to see how it runs. Hopefully it runs better than on my laptop. (With a lighter system and a cleaner installation, it should do better, absolutely, even though the hardware is probably weaker.
My computer equipment is in horrible fucking shape, and I just keep jury rigging jury rigged equipment.
(Worst case scenario is that I'll have to open the unconnected "mystery drive" that was found unplugged inside the computer)
No. 24180
2,7 MB, 865 × 1152
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Dude I don't know what the actual fuck you think you're thinking about here, but I don't think that's quite it at all. You seem to be thinking about, like American Dream with Kevin "see my ricsi" Spacey in it or some suburban thing, or some type of dystopian cyberpunk. All of which exist mind you, but they are often three completely separate things. Well, with the exception that suburbs decay can often swing to either looking like outer city decay or rural decay depending.
No. 24181
2,7 MB, 1152 × 1151
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>reminded me of how in some paintings depicting battles and general chaos
>and general chaos
That is a normal looking room sir; it's just that the bed doesn't look made. Moreover not only the walls are clean but that desk is so clean it looks sparkling new and isn't falling apart and doesn't even look damaged. Now THIS is pure chaos.
No. 24182
I guess one benefit if living in third world is that we can't afford to have that much trash to litter our home with
No. 24187
Fuck computers and fuck technology. The drive is completely busted. The sytem basically disintegrated after the third restart after I installed updates.
I just had a cup of vodka, and I'm munching on this random bag of Russian snacks my father brought home from his travels.
Tomorrow I'll fix the fucking thing by making the windows part have a factory reset. I'm so fucking mad.
No. 24189
Just wanted to stop by and say that I haven't forgotten, only the internship costs me a lot of daily time and energy and regard the latest happenings with the girl I was drinking most of the rest of the time.
Just got back from a little reading I participated in. Tomorrow I plan my forst sober day since a while so I'll find some time for reflection and telling about my experiences at work. It's just so much happening that I'm completely restless these days.
No. 24190
Wait, are you saying your hard drive failed or your OS is pretty much erased/fucked beyond recognition? If it's your HD, my sincere condolensces. I have things backed up on I think multiple drives and spots just to avoid that kind of thing happening.
No. 24197
Have you heard of a country named "India"? There is also "Pakistan". We (the Germony) are giving them our trash, basically for free. They do all kinds of cool stuff with it, like decorate their houses, build neat playgrounds for their children from it etc.
Maybe KZ wants some of our trash too? Happy to oblige!
No. 24198 Kontra
No. 24199
Taking someone else's trash is just cheating, man. What do you take me for?

One day I hope to afford all of my own trash, get it on credit if need be, like a proper white man.
No. 24200
Well, it must be the HDD, because it keeps making odd sounds, and now even the reinstall fails. Not like I lost all too much. It was a an old drive I got for free years ago, and it was just a fresh linux install that got corrupted. (It got corrupted after every restart it needed (for updates and shit), and eventually it started freezing midway loading.)

So now I'll just factory reset the windows drive, (Which I wanted to avoid because fuck using Windows 8, not to mention the hardware isn't technically "mine", so I want to mess as little with it as possible when it comes to data), and then I'll just use that for playing games.
I'm just disappointed. I had this plan, I tried executing it, and it fucking failed.

Though looking at prices, I could get a new HDD for relatively cheap and install that. (And now I can actually afford it lmao.) Yeah, I think I'll just do that. (And just to make sure, I'll make a new install disk too.)
No. 24202
>get it on credit
You don't want that. Trust me. It's part of why bad things can happen.
No. 24221
Turns out I need an install disk to do a factory reset. Top lel tier. Though there wasn't much installed on the PC anyway. I just simply uninstalled everything manually, and installed my junk instead.
Everything runs fucking smooth on it. Even with the effects turned up, so I'm going to test how Postal 2 runs, because that ran like ass too when I installed it last time, even with the settings turned to the lowest.
I guess the laptop was just that crap after 5-6 years of use. It's sad. Surprising that it lasted this long. Aren't electronics supposed to have a built in "Will fail in two to three years" mechanism?
(And I just fucking realized that I might be able to watch Three Kingdoms, because the HD version of the series I've downloaded lagged too, fucking neat.)

I finally read something for the first time in weeks. Started The Siege of Sziget, our (supposedly) national epic. So far it seems to have that problem what every other old Hungarian long form poem from the era has: The fucking AAAA suffix rhymes. Though it isn't nearly as irritating here like with that older poem about Toldi. We'll see.

I'm going to start working and reading seriously tomorrow. Today was a good enough warm-up.
Cleaned up a lot of trash in the room too, but it's still pretty disorderly. I have more books than what I can properly store now, so that's an issue I should solve as soon as possible. Maybe I'll even buy my first piece of furniture like a true adult.
Life feels so good right now, it's unbelievable.
No. 24229
USS Ronny Raygun has deployed approximately 6000 burgers in my city, and I work in hospitality. Feels bad man.
No. 24236
Doesn't that mean you are going to get tons of tips?
No. 24239

Sometimes it doesn't really matter if the overall cuntishness of the clientele outweighs tipping. Plus these are soldiers and sailors we are talking about here. They don't get paid well, or at least not enough to he spending money like crazy, and I wouldn't expect that type of person to tip well and not be a stingy asshole or for some of them to simply not tip at all. Military guys unwinding who are like 18-25 years old and drunk as hell are one of the last fucking things I would want to deal with. If it was regular burger tourists then yeah it could be cool.
No. 24242
Tips aren't really a thing here.
No. 24243
I thought you paid the boys well. Or is that only when they are on tour to the ME or a combat zone?
(Strange to see especially how I've seen people brag how many benefits their branch of the armed forces gave them, like free college and stuff.)
No. 24244
Free college and medical are the main ones. Yes, they do receive certain benefits that are nice because the military itself is literally just one great big Socialist gibes program. They brag because they're usually a bunch of poor people and dumb bydlo where an upper lower class pay grade actually seems like a nice thing particularly if you're an 18 year old, but generally speaking no, you don't get paid shit in the military until you've been promoted a bunch of times or some kind of specialist.
No. 24318
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I drove quite a few hours and hundreds of kilometers/miles on the Autobahn today. Now that I'm home I will enjoy fast food from a industrialized food company and watch German dashcam clips like I often do, when I have a small meal, since the video length is perfect for that. I feel like the guy in the "German playing work simulator at home after work" meme
Also ask me everything about my trip on the Autobahn, if one of you foreigners wants to know anything is there still a myth or urban legend about the Bahn in your country?
No. 24320
I hope your drive was enjoyable. Since it's the Autobahn, I have to ask the obvious question: Did you go through one of the areas with no speed limit? If so, do people actually go faster there, or is it pretty much the same? I'm a cautious driver, and even without a posted limit I probably wouldn't go over 70(mph). Unless a really good song was playing.
Speaking of songs, music is an important part of driving, so what did you play on the radio?
Finally, since you were driving for hours, did you keep cookies/snacks on the passenger seat? I always did.
No. 24324
I managed to rework a single chapter yesterday. Gonna rework one today. (Or probably not. Then I'll rew
Spent almost all of the day playing Terraria and Postal 2. This computer is pretty good. It runs everything I want to run. Smooth as a baby's bottom. I mean fuck, I might be able to properly play a total war game again. (Then I'll get bored with it in 15 seconds because it's not a Paradox autism simulator, but God, I could do it!) (I think I've hit that boomer level where I'm happy with playing the 2-3 games I really like, the ones being Darkest Hour, Terraria and Doom.)
The only problem with it is that the windows is un-activated, and it has this watermark while I'm browsing the web.
If it gets really irritating, then I'll just bite my lips and buy a fucking key. Or maybe a copy of windows 7. I know it's not going to be supported for long, but fuck the robber-rabble of Richmond, I'm not going to use an operating system with no start menu.

One of my sister's friends hit me up with a free copy of Starbound today, and invited me to play multiplayer with them. 2-3 years of age shouldn't make that much difference at this point. I just need to get a microphone.

I've also decided on what English to "import" using bookdepository with my incredibly high and totally legal eastern European wage.

Next question: How do I get rid of an HDD that doesn't work? Throwing it in the trash just feels wrong. (As in, it might be considered hazardous waste, like batteries for example.)

Anyway, I'm feeling good. Life feels good for some reason. Probably that fact that I'm actually doing something.
No. 24333
3,2 MB, 2304 × 4096
Ebin cat :-DDDDD
No. 24334
"X3" face. Like ":3", but more blissful.
No. 24340
People do go faster there me included, many will raise their tempo to 130-140km/h, some will stay at their speed. Then again in areas which are limited there are people who drive way faster. But I mostly stick to the signs since they are there for a reason in 99% of the cases.
I played many different sets from my phone including house, techno, electro and dnb with rave sounds sometimes all mixed in one set, crafted well from dutch westcoast DJs, some rather unknown US people or some with eastern European names, some from GB afaik.

https://soundcloud.com/botanikdreams/botanikdreams25 would be a rather relaxing example of the sounds going on.

I had some sweets and Fischbrötchen the latter because I left the north of Germany to head south.
No. 24352
Managed to rework another chapter today. A big achievement.
Almost halfway done with it, and judging by how it take roughly maybe an hour or so to wrap up a chapter, if I can get into a rhythm, I should be done in a week. In August I want to focus on studying for the Abitur/Matura.
The only "hard part" should be adding illustrations to the text. As in, a go table at the end of each chapter, depicting the state of the game between the players. It exists, because it's a famous game, I just have no idea where to look for such a collection of data. Though it's not important yet.

I've been flipping through the books the teacher recommended, and I have this childlike wonder in my heart, where I'm amazed at all the new information I'll learn. I genuinely feel excited to read the greco-roman names of rhetorical tools and methods. I don't remember the last time I felt so excited to just simply look at something. (Comparable to looking at those gigantic history books I had as a kid. I read most of them to death when I was 10-13, and had so much fun with them, even though I didn't understand anything on a grander scale. I remember hating the parts that talked about China, simply because I couldn't remember the names, and it made everything confusing. And 9 years later, here I am, hoping to study Chinese at a university.)

I'll have some work tomorrow. God knows how many more invoices I need to enter, but I'm free all week.

We celebrated my father's birthday today. It was pretty awkward. I drank a glass of champagne. It tasted fine, but man, it kick a lot harder than vodka for some reason. It was fucking hell for 30 minutes, being lost in the music I had on and the general warmth of the room. Don't drink, kids.
Grandma looks pretty sick. She's on her last leg, visibly. I try to show compassion in these last minutes.

Here beginneth absolute edge
My father tried introducing the two dogs we have today. It didn't go well. The old poodle isn't really fond of the young dog, even though she is half the size of the new one. She keeps picking fights with the other dog, and if it were to retaliate, she'd probably get out of the thing worse than the young dog.
I like the poodle. It accompanied through my teenage years, and I like its behaviour, how it looks, and its attitude. Everyone asked my father not to buy another fucking dog to for his property when he moved away, but no, he had to, even though he spends 70% of the year away from home. An now he moved back, and the dog had to be "introduced" to the household.
I made it pretty clear, that if the poodle dies because of the new dog, my father wouldn't have a dog for too long, and that's not an empty promise. Yes, the consequences would never be the same, but fuck you, everyone told you NOT to buy a new dog, because you can't take care of it, but you did it anyway.
Honestly, why wish for enemies when you can have a family?
/ow the edge
No. 24356
Tomorrow is gonna stress the shit out of me. I hope to God I can deal with it since it's early morning, full day of dealing with people, just eh. On the plus side, I should be making plenty of money right now. On the downside, it's starting to stress me the fuck out and I don't even have as much time this week to start really digging into the mountain of vidya I just bought due to said job.
No. 24358
738 kB, 1411 × 1411
>in areas which are limited there are people who drive way faster
That reminds me of a joke I heard about a Canadian highway-the QEW. That joke goes something like "If you want to drive the speed limit on the QEW, you should have a ramp on the back of your car".(for other speeding cars to literally jump over you).

>example of the sounds going on.
Very relaxing. My driving music usually sounds something like this:

Stunner-dan le sac vs Scroobius Pip

The google images look delicious.

What is the temperment of the new dog? As long as he's been properly socialized, the two will just take some time establishing a pack order, and then should get on fine. But until that new order is established, supervise them closely, but not nervously. Dogs can sense our tension. Also, make sure you know how to break up a dog fight, in case you need to.

A wasp has made a small mud nest on my window. It's really cool; I can see the inside and there is a small green worm-thing curled up in there.
I don't know if that is the wasp larvae, or food for of the larvae. On the one hand, I'm going to enjoy watching this wasp develop, but on the other hand I feel bad for whatever food is trapped in there with it. That's nightmare fuel.
Anyway, here's a picture. With the bright sky as a backlight, I have to put the camera right up to the window, and you can see the lens reflection.
No. 24359
It's a caterpillar. And yes, it is still alive. Many wasp species particular mud dauber ones have some prey item they paralyze and lay their egg on. That thing's gonna get slowly eaten alive by a growing wasp larva. It's only some or maybe even one species that does this to tarantulas.
No. 24365
So today the newspaper ordered me to visit an elementary school where they're looking for a stem cell donor for a boy who's suffering from leukemia. It's in one of the once roughest parts of the city which, especially in the 90s, was known for excessive youth violence, drugs and being a multicultural melting pot. These days it's just known for being a lower-class place not as bad as it once was.
When I arrived there I instantly spotted an as comfy as old-fashioned and stale looking café. It looked like straight out of the seventies and I felt the impulse to get myself a capuccino in there.
And it was even better inside: mostly elder ladies, kitschy old dolls and the inventory all wooden. And behind the bar, where you could find all kind of cakes, I saw the diamond of this café.
A teenage girl with brown skin (neither her speech nor her physiognomy could make me tell of which ethnicity she was, maybe of mixed descendant) with a sweet smile, black hair, a nose piercing and a fake but really tight snakeskin-leather top. She looked kind of pissed off but gave her best to be kind.
As she asked me if I wanted the capuccino with milk or without I only realized that she'd just use some powder from the supermarket.
I'm not a coffee elitist at all but usually in cafés they use to have coffe machines so I was sort of dazzled. I tipped her a 30 cents and she didn't know how to open the cashier so she asked the old owner in a quite bad-mannered way.

Really writing for a newspaper is awesome, you get to know many random places and people, side-facts, stories and informations you usually wouldn't bother about and it seems like you learn something new everyday.
Writing the articles is not easy for someone who hasn't done it before but you get into it quite fast.
I hope to land a job as a free-lancer from any newspaper around here once I finish the internship.
Doesn't throw off a lot of money as you usually just get a handful of articles a month but I don't want to miss out on this anymore.
No. 24366
Sounds good. Not sure if I would be suited to visit all those places, kinda shut in too much right now. Just now tho...(?)

I read about horror and philosophy, and I glimpsed into William Burroughs poetology today, read two essays from him about writing. Really cool. I think about writing theory fiction, how it could be done, if one could write stories without human characters and so on. The cut up method could be helpful in writing weird theory: complexity, international connections like finance and all kind of logistics and flows, information and algorithms, capitalism and pop culture phenomenons. How to write a theoretical text that is at least partly fiction and resembles the intensity of taking chemical uppers. That becomes a machine in deleuzo-guattarian terms. Is it possible to write a theory about something that does not exist (yet), a theory about a future phenomenon. I have to find a way to find words for the links between what is called subject and societies abstraction and how the former is penetrated by the latter, or how both merge into whatever. Bruno Latour could be helpful with is 'ant' method but then again the abstraction has potential of being uncanny and thus intensive.

I'm rather thrilled about the idea to write prose that is not about human subjects, perhaps it has already been done, on the other hand and in my mind it feels like a necessary literature for the 21st century, at least for now.
No. 24368
Today I found out that my sister's boyfriend has a motorcycle license. I'm running out of excuses to not get mine, and take the first step on the long road to my cafe racer dream. Send help.
No. 24369 Kontra
The point being that I need a supervisor for 3 months until I get a restricted bike license that is actually useful, read: can (technically illegally) rig a Bonneville parallel-twin into a BSA frame for the old world feels. This opens up easy access to a supervisor. It puts me dangerously close to actually doing something interesting. That's bad juju mate.
No. 24370
>I think about writing theory fiction, how it could be done, if one could write stories without human characters and so on. The cut up method could be helpful in writing weird theory
Have you read about GPT-2? Just let the machines do that :^)
AI-written texts are pretty much the culmination of the cut-up method. It also shows how nonsensical it is without the personality cult of an artist behind it.
Or to put it in Landian terms: Garbage time is running out.
Though as of yet I'm sure there still are some cute ways to make it work somehow.
No. 24371
65 kB, 600 × 450
>That thing's gonna get slowly eaten alive by a growing wasp larva.
That is absolutely horrifying. RIP, caterpillar friend.
No. 24372
Yeah. I thought about that. An AI won't have the same input tho. You could fed it with such ofc. I'm not sure if AI cut up and human cut-up are the same. Anyway, a non-human character is just one idea. Technological sublime or theory that is speculative is something that can concern the a human. I'm talking a about a political-technological fiction, drawing new ecologies. Not sure how to do it, since it does not necessarily need to feature the typical novel structure. It's more a speculation, an aesthetic adventure on the back of abstractions.
As you see I'm not very far in but it interests me and I'm convinced it can be an own genre that has a certain appeal and I want to develop my own fiction, my own text that hopefully becomes a machine that sets free intensities. Usually I'd say they deal with the sublime of complexity. Therefore all the abstractions that deal with each other and make it a pain to read for Joe Average who does not care.
So we have a complex condition that is written out with aesthetic pleasure, a fictional theory that deals with such a complex condition, imagined or not, probably always both.
No. 24374
Turns out I have enough work to last me over the whole week. Or the next two days at least for sure.
I almost had a fit of laughter today while working. Over at the next set of tables sits an older woman, who speaks with a rather monotone, deep voice. That would be all right, if a bit unusual, but the things she says are just hilarious.
In this monotone tone she discussed how the chocolate her colleague brought with herself today is "no good any more", and it used to be good, back when the logo was different.
At this point, I was smirking, but then it took a sudden turn for the worse when after this, she immediately started discussing the intricacies of the bonbons sold at Aldi, dissecting every little intricacy in a dead serious tone, and I had to keep it together. I was in a generally good mood the whole day.

Every single accountant is either on holiday, or left the office early, so I went unpaid today.
No. 24395
Feeling like shit.

Strong desire to get intoxicated, but I know it'll just make me nauseous and ruin an already miserable evening, and also carry over into the morning. So I suffer in sobriety.
No. 24397
Maybe just go to bed and read a book?
No. 24399
I'm also not feeling great. It's made worse by the fact that I have to go run some tedious errands today too. I really hate this city. Everything is clumped together in various spots and while that means that once you're there you can do most of what you need to do in the one place, it also means you got to go out of your way to go do crap since nothing is particularly convenient.
No. 24400
24 kB, 468 × 311
>but I know it'll just make me nauseous and ruin an already miserable evening

This thoughts and feels are the ones that keep me away from the substances.

Today I did not much, a bit of working in my new part time job, some reading. Also finished the essay for an art history class I took out of interest.
No. 24402
EC today thread - feeling like shit.

Sames, even though I did something against it. Cleaned my room, brought away the empty bottles, bought a shaver and shaved myself and now I started to read.
I'll start Büchner's Woyzeck now. The lower class characters and their suffering depresses me before I even started the book and only read some of the commentary (I have a version with lots of side-facts and additional text).
There was one essay about "Sprache der Schübe und Zuckungen" which roughly translates to "Language of phases and spasms" and involuntarily reminded me of Goethe's "Die Geschwister"/"The Siblings" where there was written in the commentary that the heavy use of non-verbal communication in the scene directions meant to say that sone of the characters feelings are so complex and painful that they fail to put them in words. This sentence comes to my mind every other day because the feeling must be so incredibly painful to feel something and want to tell someone about it but not be able to.
Reminds me of the schizo girl I cut contact with again, EC today thread - feeling like shit.

Sames, even though I did something against it. Cleaned my room, brought away the empty bottles, bought a shaver and shaved myself and now I started to read.
I'll start Büchner's Woyzeck now. The lower class characters and their suffering depresses me before I even started the book and only read some of the commentary (I have a version with lots of side-facts and additional text).
There was one essay about "Sprache der Schübe und Zuckungen" which roughly translates to "Language of phases and spasms" and involuntarily reminded me of Goethe's "Die Geschwister" was never really able to express her feelings and thoughts and could only find refuge in medication, drugs and constant dopamine release. There goes the dull stinging in my heart for leaving her behind so roughly. Not that she didn't deserve it for what she did but I could have been more rational anyways. Let out on someone else, pain and anger also hurts yourself.

Other than that there's a creeping hopelessness inside me, telling me that I don't even need to try going anywhere in my life without a degree.
Even though the internship often is very great. Today for example I was visiting a firehouse where a school project took place. I filled in the role of a journalist pretty neatly, it felt great to have those people talk so importantly to you and the pupils look at you like you got somewhere in your life. But inside my head there is a voice telling me: "This is not real, only a few weeks and you'll be back washing the dishes".
I fear this day and try my best to maybe at least get a recommendation from my chef to continue my work in some smaller sister paper as a freelance journalist.
No. 24403
> to maybe at least get a recommendation from my chef to continue my work in some smaller sister paper as a freelance journalist.

You just need to write good texts, have some examples and call the paper/magazine that could need your texts in order to inform their consumers in a lighter way than some academic paper. If the workshop guy was right, this shouldn't be a problem as long as you have the right idea and not knock at the door of Süddeutsche or FAZ to write the Leitartikel for sunday immediately.
So call the desired organization and have some samples ready for them, which means: start a blog where you can publish the samples and link them once you talked to those people, or attach them as pdf in a mail that follows your call. Yet the guy also said that the typical full time journalist visited a journalist school. But this is not typical for a freelancer.

What do you think a degree could get you? What do you desire? And is it too late to study?
No. 24445
190 kB, 632 × 800
Borrowed myself a book on Italian fascism, just an overview and nothing special.
Bought a theory fiction book, bought new shoes. Just a few minutes ago I found this picture by Max Ernst.
No. 24452
4,7 MB, 3077 × 4035
500 kB, 1920 × 1080
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Nice picture, might just make it my new wallpaper on my phone.

Poasting some more random art I guess, I don't have much to say.
I've been procrastinating hard to the point I'm actually starting to get sick of it lately. Gotta power up this Cold Turkey program to block some websites again, heh.
No. 24455
Today I managed to concentrate for long enough and read a few pages.
Yesterday I picked up a pocket edition of The Song of Hiawatha by Longfellow. At first I was a bit cautious because it's a poem by an American, but when I've seen that it's an epic poem and the author himself said that it's The Edda of the Americas, I was basically fucking sold on the idea.
I've read the first 3 chapters, and it has a charming rhythm, inspired by that of the Kalevala, and it's a joy to read, even in translation.
God, I might have to stop shittalking American literature whenever I get the chance.
Whitman had a contemporary who wrote actually good poetry. I'm definitely going to re-read it once I get the chance. (If it keeps the promises anyway.)
I also picked up a German book yesterday Von Grillparzer zu Kafka by Ernst Fischer. It had Kafka in the title, and Sech Essays on the cover, so I'm really interested. (And it was a Suhrkamp Taschenbuch, so it's bound to be something actually good.)

Because I'm a horrible stakhanovite I decided to work harder and managed to enter 50 more invoices into the system than yesterday. Truth is, I want to be done with it. It was only two days when they called me, and it turned into three fucking weeks somehow.
Office ladies are really weird, but there is some nice banter going on at times.

I'm sad that I won't be able to work on my translation on the weekend, because we are going to visit relatives. Well, at least they are dear relatives, so it'll be good.

I just blew a bunch of my money on English books. I decided to grab The Landmark Julius Caesar, because I liked reading his accounts of his wars, but I know I missed much, because I only read a pocket edition of On the Civil War, which had no notes.

>bought a shaver and shaved myself
That's a good idea if you want to revitalise yourself. Shaving makes you youthful and more alive, even if for just a couple of days.
Good job.
No. 24467
9 kB, 230 × 219
• want to play a recently released board game about managing an aviary but I don't have friends (actually I do but they're only interested in smoking weed)

• regret failing to draw anything since I graduated high school a few years ago (I used to draw with pen & ink frequently)

• no gf. contemplate texting cute dominican girl from ochem but won't

• try making pixel art in paint.net but it looks like shit

• can't motivate self to learn the programming language I told myself I would this summer
No. 24469

>(actually I do but they're only interested in smoking weed)
Make it an evening. You have a bowl and play the game. Everybody wins.
No. 24479
rated lack of ambition/10
> (actually I do but they're only interested in smoking weed)
While I know this feel and how insufferable planning things with others is, it's not like you can't get them to incorporate smoking weed or drinking beer or whatever it is they do with the board game. I used to do exactly that with people while playing Magic cards (although admittedly, it turned into how_to_ruin_a_hobby.png towards the end when we had something like 20 people trying to play)

Hell you could make it a mini game for them, like whatever the semi frequent goal in the game is "every time you capture a nest take a hit" sort of thing. Of course, you would also have to suffer pot heads.

>(I used to draw with pen & ink frequently)
This too is easily fixed. Just do it now.

>• no gf. contemplate texting cute dominican girl from ochem but won't
>but won't
Change from, it's won't, to, it's do

>• try making pixel art in paint.net but it looks like shit
Well I could say it takes practice but everything I do online except typing looks abominable.

>can't motivate self to learn the programming language I told myself I would this summer
Instead of approaching it as one entire massive problem, do it in steps, just like you would in moving to a new place or cleaning your room. Set aside small tasks for yourself or little objectives for the day, then reward yourself for each little accomplishment as you build your knowledge base. Alternatively, smoke meth.
No. 24482
I had a team of guys with thick Slavic accents come into work today, all wearing some energy company t-shirts (why there's seemingly Russian immigrants doing energy shit in America I have no idea) some of whom obviously weren't completely fluent in English and it took everything in my power this afternoon not to blurt out poshel nahui or something similar. Rate.
No. 24488
47 kB, 820 × 461
A trivia that would be suited for the history thread but anyway:

I glanced into a book called Hitler's personal security today by accident. Checked the table of contents and moved to a chapter I cannot remember the name. But the first paragraph pointed out that Hitler visited Cafès regularly, even during war times. Apparently old ladies tipped the waiters of his favorite cafe in order to know when Hitler would be there to drink tea and they could watch him doing just that. Hitler disapproved the old ladies it is said and wanted younger ones.
No. 24499
59 kB, 846 × 1024
It is currently 12 degrees c. I suffer on the subtropics.
t. iceberg
No. 24501
What the hell that's 53°F and that's plenty warm. That's a balmy spring day. It's almost tshirt weather. Also why are you using those kraut units not Imperial goodness that is Fahrenheit?
No. 24503
Nah, it's breddy cold tbh. Dead of winter here. I'm sleeping in a jumper because my blanket isn't thick enough.

We also drive on the proper side because we're not barbarians.

t. Metric-using, LHT-using mustard race
No. 24505 Kontra
28 kB, 657 × 527
Also, I still feel kind of sick, but I'm also going to go ahead with work tomorrow because I want to watch the world burn. Rate.
No. 24510
17°C here, which is pretty unusual for July. It's been raining for the last two weeks, today is sunny, and tomorrow will probably be too, but then the rains start again. Considering that June was mostly 30-35°C hell, the weather is really fucked up.

>not kraut
Lawl. Don't tell me that you pronounce "Fahrenheit" as "fair-and-heat", you dumb pindos.
No. 24512 Kontra
174 kB, 1280 × 720
>The "Converting 136 Gobbledygooks into 1 Thingamabob, 47 of which constitutes a whatthefuck" system
No. 24516
It's a well known fact that kaylograms are a communist plot

No. 24520
3,4 MB, 3000 × 3000
Work is starting to turn into quite the chore. There is now three of us working on it (my bosses do it on and off, I do it full time), but the data we have to enter just keeps piling up. Basically for every invoice recorded, 1.5 is sent in by the end of the day. They decided to hire another student to help out, and they deemed the situation to be "out of control". Quite the contrast with the "come in for two days to help".
There was a "funny scene" where the director said
>Don't be afraid to send away the new worker if she can't do her job properly. We don't have time for such nonsense. We'd send away Ernst too, if he were to not work, but so far there has been no problems [smiles in my direction]

I'm going to buy a bottle of sake once I'm free. Always wanted to try it out, but I either found no sake, or had no money. (Not that I didn't have the money, I'm just not gonna "waste" money, even if I want something.)
Don't know if I have any more wishes. Pretty nice.

Tomorrow we are going to visit relatives. The weather is bad, and the event we are attending seems boring. It's a waste of time, even if these are relatives I actually like. What a strange thing to say. "Relatives I actually care about".

Continued reading Hiawatha. Still pretty good. Gonna continue reading it tomorrow, since it fits into my pocket. I might be able to take my laptop with me, which would allow me to work in the translation. That would be epic.

Also played some Terraria today. I'm almost done with my playthrough. I just need to clear out two events and two bosses, and naturally I need to refine my equipment to face these challenges. (Though I'd like to find a way to cheese the final boss, because I'm not really confident in my abilities. I remember I cheesed it last time, but I'm not sure of the method still works. The fact that I'm using only magic weapons only makes it harder.)

But it's winter down under, innit? 12°C seems about right.

It's really strange how Hitler was an "interesting" person if you look beyond the popular clout of him being "literally Hitler". Reading The Young Hitler I Knew (Adolf Hitler Mein Jugendfreund in the original German) made him a bit, dare I say sympathetic. A hopeless romantic with incredible talent in speech-craft (planning the speeches, and then actually giving them), who originally aspired to be a painter, a direction he was mediocre in.
There is just something about him that other dictators seem to lack. A good chunk of it is probably his ideology being a complete taboo today, and also the fact that he and his followers were actively engaged in trying to craft a new mythos out of their own lives, basically making the entirety of his political career and life into one big cultural Total Work of Art.
There are very few people in history who match Hitler in this regard. Alexander, Caesar and Napoleon.
(And yes, I'm probably ignoring a bunch of things to romanticise this romantic's romantic antics.)

Honestly, it would have been pretty cringeworthy most probably. Unless they were acting obnoxious, I see no reason to shit-talk foreigners in any language, let alone their own.
No. 24521
another depressive cycle

I have nothing to say about it. like any other experience, suffering gets stale after a while. the soul searching, the self pitying, the dramatization, all give way to mundanity. no longer does one seek meaning or reason in the suffering, but treats it as dull pain: something droning in the background, that we do our best to ignore.
No. 24522
70 kB, 698 × 525
To this day I only have a very vague approximation of how long a mile is. No one I know uses yards in an everyday context.
Imperial is retarded for practical use. It's only good for poetic turns of phrase.
No. 24523
37 kB, 220 × 204, 0:01


No. 24525
>I only have a very vague approximation of how long a mile is
Pff, that's easy. It's how much '56 Cadillac Eldorado can go per 1/9 of a gallon.

>It's only good for poetic turns of phrase.
The supposed appropriateness of imperial units for poetic purposes comes from the fact that English words in general have fewer syllables than words in other languages, so it's easier to fit one-syllable word "mile" into rhythmic patterns than something like "kilometer". Most other languages don't really have this problem. Here's an example from The House at Pooh Corner:
>But whatever his weight in pounds, shillings and ounces
>He always seems bigger because of his bounces
Each line consists of four amphibrachs.

When Boris Zakhoder translated the book into Russian, he had to adapt the measurement units too, because it's unlikely that an average Soviet pre-schooler would have any idea how much a "pound" or an "ounce" is, so it's turned into this:
>Не знаю я, сколько в нем метров, и литров, и килограмм,
>Но Тигры, когда они прыгают, огромными кажутся нам!
"Метров", "литров" and "килограмм" are "meters", "liters" and "kilograms" respectively, put in genitive case, and they fit the rhythm well, although the pattern has been changed from four amphibrachs to four amphibrachs and a choriamb.
No. 24527
277 kB, 2400 × 1683
Something I noticed as well. My extreme sufferings are nearly gone. It has become a mere background noise that can get stronger at times but keeps relatively flat most times since I just try to do other things instead of thinking about it and taking another bath.

>Und ich hab' kein Schmerzempfinden, weil das keinen Sinn macht
>And I don't experience pain because it does not make sense

In other news I didn't talk to the cute who gave me glances, years ago I would have wallowed in pity of another chance given away, these days it makes me a bit angry and sad, but I got used to being shy in almost all cases. What struck me particularly angry is that I could have just talk to her because it would have probably worked bro and with a bit of luck I would have had a woman next to me again. The worse thing is that I'm also rather confident about it working if we would have found a good conversation base. But there is this little opener step that kills me every time.

What happened to the government Brit and his medical missus?
No. 24533
32 kB, 168 × 300
Man, traveling by car fucking sucks. Maybe it’s just this particular car. I wanted to relax during the weekend, and instead I’m stuck with my family. Sometimes it feels like the only thing binding us together is the fact that we form a single economic unit, and even that’s questionable at times.
I’m just really fucking tired, and haven’t been able to get some proper sleep, and it seems like I won’t be getting any tomorrow either, since they planned my weekend for me. Fuck that. I work all week, I deserve some time alone.
Couldn’t read or study either, since the wind was blowing really loud through the car window.
No. 24537
“It wasn’t so bad”
-Me, after three cups of home made pálinka and eating some quark-cake

I also won a fidget-spinner at a shooting gallery.
No. 24538
My pounding headache is starting to go away and I'm trying to make peace with the fact I may be about to inadvertently brick my PC or at very minimum give myself literally weeks worth of having to download and install shit again and possibly lose my data, possibly only to find out win8.1 does nothing for me fixing all this. Well, at least updating my motherboard might help solve why every once in awhile I'll get a failed BCD error because something with the boot file seems perpetually fucked.
No. 24540
38 kB, 650 × 366
You could have talked to her BECAUSE it could have worked?

Bro there's no need to make sure that it will work or not Bro. What's the worst that can happen, Bro? Just do it, Bro!

No seriously, "the problem is you". When you invite a nice girl to a coffee and she refuses it doesn't have to be a big deal. Especially when it was really a nice person then she won't think bad of you. But it's a situation which is hard to master and to cope with, I agree. Even though nothing bad can happen in such situations.

t. bro science zen master
No. 24542
37 kB, 250 × 251
Started reading another Gaddis book, JR. It's definitely funnier than Recognitions.
No. 24545
The thing is just that I'm sure both of us were seeking eye contact and I'm also sure she was laughing about my 'jokes' I did in class. Might see her again in the library or in the only literature class I will have in autumn. It's just about how to open a conversation without pressuring me immediately into 'getting' her. Ach Ernst, she is beautiful and intelligent, I was smiling brightly when heard her say how disciplined she is with uni stuff. She is interested in what she reads, a very good sign. But then again, I'm not really in love, I want to know her and cuddle and sleep with her but it's an absolutely different feel to the unlucky love of my late teenage years.
No. 24548
Why not simply ask her out? Try to have some generic conversation on something related to your academic field and btw you've heard of some reading or exhibition or whatever you name it that you wanted to check out, if she's down she could join you, it'd be your pleasure.
Done, you have a date.
No. 24549 Kontra
Add: don't overthink it, time when asking a woman out for some leizure activities would necessarily imply anything more beyond friendship are over. If she's not really having something against you personally and you're not acting socially awkward, I promise she's going to say yes.
No. 24550
7 kB, 170 × 213
No. 24551
Tbh, I still have a lot of trouble with plain old social interaction, let alone anything that has a 'fail state' built in. I've been practicing though by going to the pub after wörk and have a pint. It's one that's both out of the city and not fashionable so it's just a bunch of older dudes also drinking alone or in small groups while watching the football on tv.

Rate socialising expertise.
No. 24552 Kontra
Also that 8 degrees feel. Currently cold under two blankets. Feels bad man.
No. 24556

I know, it worked like that last time. I even know how to chat her up but it's not a good question to carry on. Well maybe it is, actually it leads to follow questions that can lead to more general topics if it runs well. From my relatively small experience both are thankful for every bit that brings each other closer and closes the gap of just looking at each other without anything happening. Worst thing that can happen is pressuring myself, so everything must be like we don't have a date but we have one. I think that is where some Ernst/Bernds fail to see that women will go with you on a date but that does not mean it's a hit, because it's there to check each other out, tho an interest is somehow given at least.

If I see her during the summer break now and she is alone I will probably ask her the question and see if the conversation is fruitful and goes any further, case closed for now ;)
No. 24560
Yep, this depressive episode is pretty bad.
Almost like the old times, except without the fun parts, like screaming my lungs out in the park at 4 am or chasing stray dogs.

Just waiting to get tired enough to fall asleep.
No. 24561
Are nearby residents disturbed by the stranger screaming in a local park at 4am? Or is Kazakhstan so sparsely populated that nobody is really close enough to hear? Is this sort of thing a common occurance with homeless drunkards etc?
No. 24562
651 kB, 3000 × 2001
Damn son. It's been a few days. That's pretty long for a single episode. Has something in particular set it off?

I can't really offer advice for sleeping aids though unfortunately. I tend to try and just force the sleep to come. At worst I get some semi-aware, non-REM sleep which, while a torture technique, is still the bare minimum one needs to survive. Have a relaxing image, best I can do.
No. 24565
I've done it in a kind of forest with a resident area nearby twice or so, one time, probably the first time, I screamed several times in a period of 15min and the next day my voice was damaged. No police or anything that looked out for me.
No. 24566
Good to see that Ernstchan is alive and well, I have missed this place.
No. 24568
The visit went rather well. First time in my life I actually drank any alcohol that tasted good. Cranberry liquor. Good stuff.
Apparently they got it from Transylvania. A very fine drink. I wish I had some. (Though they said they'd get me a bottle, since I liked it so much.)

Tomorrow I'm going to the office again. Hopefully the new hire will help out with all the work. I don't want to do this next week too. I want to fucking work on my translation, not on typing invoices for a small corporation hired by a megacorporation to do their bidding.
No. 24570
The park is away from the residential area.

Even so, we sometimes have people screaming, or fighting, or going crazy on the streets. Nobody cares because we have culture of minding your own business.

I think it's actually been going for a week, or so, it just took me a while to realize what was happening (as usual).

Hence no progress on art.
No. 24575
>we have culture of minding your own business

That is a personality trait I'd wish to see in Turks sometimes.
No. 24576
It's funny you say that since Kazakh are a turkic people.
No. 24577
Ran out of normal food so I raided my cans. Maded some dero as fug bean soup. It was to my surprise not complete garbage.
No. 24635
I think the work is starting to wear me down. It's basically the fact that the clients are idiots who can't use a photo-copier or a fucking scanner, or they copy everything 4 times and I have to spend an hour untangling the mess they sent in by post. How can people be such fucking brainlets?
It's probably only two more days and it's over, I get paid, and I won't have to deal with this kind of mess until September. (Though I'll also be working in August, but I've already did that kind of data entry, and that's fast, unlike this one, which is a pain in the ass to perform.)
Hopefully it all goes well. Then I'll finally have ~5 or so days for myself again. Then I'll be forced to go on holiday to a bumfuck nowhere town for 5 days again. Originally the family wanted to go to Albania, but I said that I'm not willing to go to Albania, so they changed it. (FUCK ALBANIA)
If all goes according to plan, I'll be almost done with the reworking by the time we go on holiday. I'm also going to finish reading Hiawatha in a day, just so that I can start focusing on school relevant books.
I can see the heroic quality in this work. The kind I'm always on the lookout for when reading epics, and the reason why I'm so fond of the Nibelungenlied.

(Got an email which lists the most important books for the matura from the teacher who holds most of my classes, and it's wrecking my nerves.)

Playing Terraria in German seems to be paying off. It's expanding my vocabulary somewhat, and having to translate the name if items I don't know on the fly is very useful. I should look at the grammar again soon. That's my biggest weakness. (Though nobody seemed to mind, since I speak with such a dastardly confidence.)
I remember trying to play it in German before I knew the language. I spent a good few minutes smirking at the names of the items and then I switched back to English.
Strange how it used to be such a funny language, and now it doesn't even surprise me when I see a word like Anti-schwerkrafthaken in game. Or in real life for that matter.

I didn't post, because nothing interesting is happening. The biggest thing that happened today was that I threw up a bit for no good reason. The flavoured water I bough by accident might be the culprit. At least I hope. I don't want to be sick again.

Basically I'm exhausted, and I miss my freedom. I want to read, and I want to do creative work. This is probably the longest I've ever worked as a data entry clerk consecutively.
No. 24636
35 kB, 500 × 375
Sometimes I miss being a NEET. There was no going outside among the geriatric obese and landwhales barely older than me. Some of them stopped looking like people long ago. It's just hordes of living, asymmetrical tumors roaming the streets, some of them gibbering to their phones about getting MickeyD's for the kids and growling about how it's bullshit that a doctor told them to diet. For a while I thought my misanthropy was in control, conquered and that I could recognize human dignity. I was "over it".
Once, when I was a child, I went to a farm. I saw cattle, massive animals from my perspective. I was awed but their mass was intimidating and the air was pugnant. Nowadays I feel like I'm back at the farm. The cows are in charge and sometimes they scream. Sometimes their folds hang and threaten to tear free into more larva. Sometimes their brows are frozen into the permanent leer of a caveman but their jaws are slack. The air of excrement now comes with a cloud of body spray, smoke and drugs, free of charge.
No. 24637
The great irony is I have found I'm actually pretty happy and able to be outgoing so long as I have a job and money and a job where I can work with at least some pretense of dignity and respect. There isn't shame in being a worker, even a poor one. So I usually can deal with people and feel like I dropped a lot of my arrogance (but not all of it) since I stopped being an alcoholic and tried really hard to humble myself (sort of)
No. 24641
It's not really about the work. The work itself pays well and I have no particular reason to be ashamed of it, even if it gets horribly monotonous. It's just that seeing the public makes me feel something black and acidic.
Still, that's one way of looking at it. Maybe I have some leftover arrogance.
No. 24642
I searched publications on the north sea in the uni data pile and apparently in the 80s and 90s it was labeled in danger because of environmental pollution. Makes a great background for a novel/story, noir maybe. But I also thought about theory fiction again. The north sea as space in which millions of things happen, what is this space, what does it make special. What are the myths of the north sea, how can you combine it with philosophy and sociology. How to aestheticize theory? How to pair up pollution and logistics with a mythology and weird new metaphysics?
An embedded narrative were the nameless protagonist meets an old dude, who cooked amphetamines and pressed pills in a southern dutch province, who then tells a story that involves theories and empirical data of the world, both must be intertwined with nattarive elements and heavy aestheticization.
What about a new theory of modernity, of capitalism with a good twist, a new mythology, a new narrative of what this is we live in, a layed out by this drug cook.
The sea in literature? tropes etc.
All going thru my head and basically it means lots of research. i can only imagine to write such stuff with lots of research, a mix between academia and fiction. It all sounds novel and unexplored thus it has potential. But it will forever be a niche.
No. 24645
Peter Watts wrote Starfish to bring his knowledge as a marine biologist into a sci-fi setting. The book might be of interest for you, inspiration and example.
No. 24646
My pile of books is bursting. But the plot sounds really good. I want to read Octavia Butlers Xenogenesis Trilogy in the near future, too. A hidden (?) scifi gem.

I'm looking to learn from Landian texts and other theory fictions, only a handful really exist. Baudrillard could be an early attendant of it. I have a slim book here from M&S Verlag, titled Das radikale Denken it's a passage from Perfect Crime by Baudrillard afaik. Accomplished by an essay. On the back there is a quote that hits a part of what theory fiction should be:
>Wir haben den Vorsprung der Ideen vor der Welt verloren, diese Distanz, die bewirkt, dass eine Idee eine Idee bleibt. Das Denken muss außergewöhnlich sein, antizipierend und außerhalb - der Schatten, den zukünftige Ereignisse werfen.

I never read Baudrillards Ecstasy of Communication but it might be a good read and a theory fiction stylewise and by content.

Scifi is somehow related to theory fiction but I would say the latter is less concerned with classic plot structures. More a theory that does not hide its mythological core. That makes it explicit even and thus can abandon the strict academic conventions, it explodes the academic territory and makes connections to art (literature).
No. 24647
I've never really heard about theory fiction before, what you describe sounds like something I would really enjoy but I find it hard to grasp its extents.

Is something like Schätzings 'Der Schwarm' somewhat close with its background research and tons of expositions?

Or do works like The Time Machine by H.G.Wells match the criteria?
No. 24650
Never read them, so I cannot tell. Joshua Carswell wrote on theory fiction: https://orbistertiusnet.wordpress.com/?s=theory+fiction

#1 (Mark Fisher) and the one about The Stack is written theory fiction. Also the writings of the CCRU https://monoskop.org/Cybernetic_Culture_Research_Unitand texts by Nick Land are labeled theory fiction, they are the originators somehow one could argue.


and yes it makes 'sense', a reading of deleuze & guattari is useful to actually understand it tho, yet not everything, but the phrase politics upgrades paranoia e.g. is only understandable if you know what paranoia means by reading d&g

I'm not so much interested in that theory fiction, the aesthetics are special and I want a similar sublime feeling, but I want other topics, I don't wanna copy the theme.

Reza Negarestanis Cyclonopedia is also a theory fiction
No. 24655
Tomorrow is Friday, so I'll finally get paid. What a joy.
Got a new wallet. The zippier on my old one was broken. They gave me one for free at my workplace, since there was one laying by in the storage room. It was brand new, and wasn't in the inventory, and since they deal with items it bulk, a single one was useless. Stonks

Co-workers were unknowingly discussing the atomisation of the family unit before lunch. It was a strange sight to behold.

Don't know how next week will go. They said it all depends on how much progress we'll make tomorrow. But they'll probably need me next week too.

I made good progress reading Hiawatha today. I keep getting amazed by it. Truly a poem comparable to the Nibelungenlied.
Halfway through it. I'll be done with it by Saturday I think, though this ain't a horse race.

Hopefully I'll be able to do something interesting during the remainder of summer.
No. 24656
>Co-workers were unknowingly discussing the atomisation of the family unit before lunch. It was a strange sight to behold.
How so? Was this based on a discussion of economics or on social issues?
No. 24659
>Or do works like The Time Machine by H.G.Wells match the criteria?
I'd consider it theory fiction (as most sci-fi really is to some degree). But it's a pretty loose term anyway. Check out https://thewastedworld.wordpress.com/2018/11/03/a-theory-fiction-reading-list/ if you're interested.
No. 24670
Will check it out, thanks.
No. 24673
I wonder what kind of theory The Soft Machine professes. Or The Infernal Desire Machines of Dr. Hoffman. Or Gravity's Rainbow and Foucault's Pendulum.
No. 24676