/int/ – No shittings during wörktime
„There is no place like home“

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No. 24675 Systemkontra
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Post your stories.
No. 24677 Kontra
Now that I think about it, Foucault's Pendulum does provide some information on gnostic beliefs, so I guess it counts. I'm still not sure what the three other books that I mentioned are supposed to give knowledge about.
No. 24678
What's the story behind this photo?
No. 24682
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Transportable mass produced temorate houses, mostly for different north stations - like oil fields, science bases etc. I guess pic with articlt from Техника Молодёжи issue I have, around year of 1980
No. 24683
The model looks quite comfy, the reality in pic 4 reminds me of the typical GDR image in western Germany perhaps, so rather depressing. But I guess it's a picture taken many years after the tube first being used.
No. 24687
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Got paid today. I don't think I ever had this much money on me. Pic related is me on every level, including physical.
I'm going to work for two more days, and then I'm going on that wretched holiday.

I helped my father today. We were moving some building materials. Turns out he is working on adding another room to the house. He's ding an absurd amount of work around the house lately. Honestly, it feels like our connection is improving.

Watched some German TV on accident with my mother today. I'm still trying to digest what transpired on the screen. People were dressed in strange clothes, picked balls from baskets, and they were asked questions about the year 1985. Was für ein Jahr was the title, and while I understood some of the things they said, I think the whole concept of the show was beyond my ability to grasp.

It was in the context of how some people nowdays fail to establish a proper parent-child relation, and opt to act as "friends" instead of parents.
They were cringing at 40yo boomers going to parties with their teenage kids.
No. 24690
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>that feel when finally having a job that I'm making solid money at but I'm spending it like fucking crazy and I don't even know at this point how I managed to go through it all like piss
>that feel when starting to do scratch offs even though I know that it's stupid and wrong
I am however actually coming to see how people become or can start acting like gambling addicts, which I haven't even spent a ton of money on but started buying the pricier tickets just because I now know that those $1 ones really are completely useless and even worse than spending money on more expensive ones. I actually bought a strip of 5 and not a single one of them was even a $1 winner so there goes some money down the drain. I think I've only managed to spend like $50 over the past week and I got something like $25 of it back, which is still a huge loss because that's like one solid video game.

I am actually managing my money with a budget too, sorta, and keeping track of almost every cent coming in and going out and yet I've still spent fucking huge amounts of money all goddamn month.

I do however now know that my Steam card plan was probably kind of a mistake, because it's just literally the exact same thing as my petty gambling with the exception I really do win shiny prizes every single time. See the thing us steam cards are all scratch offs and I have blown multiple hundreds of dollars over the course of the month on enough games to last me well past Christmas even without a job, however I am now actually employed which has been making my spending kind of stupid. I went solely with the steam cards rather than debit just because I know how having a free debit on Steam is the freaking devil which lets me profligately without keeping track of the money. This actively forces me to make a trip to the store just to buy any game I want rather than stupidly acting on impulse, which I just did with Disciples II and immediately asked for a refund. Now I simply cannot do that shit without having to make the conscious effort to get dressed, put on my shoes, withdraw the cash from an ATM, walk all the way there to get the card and go back in order to buy any single gameand plus no slav carder is going to steal my money that way.

The problem with this is now it's becoming entwined with my newly forming gambling habit to do so which is also getting too mixed up in my vidya habit-addiction. I seriously just have a pile of steam cards at this point in my budgeting and receipts folder, along with lottery cards. I think I've also started a new habit of taxing myself every time I purchase something stupid like lottery tickets and just tuck that money aside as cash savings.

But guys I am so, so, so happy to have finally fixed my video card issuesI think, knock on wood I haven't yet actually tested all my games mind you, but oh my God ernst, you have no idea what this feels like and means to me just to upgrade myself from an old 1gb HD7500 to a brand spanking new 4gb RX 500 which means I am now no longer limited by my specs. I now can actually get whatever the hell game I want to regardless of how intensive its prerequisites and am also no longer limited by any budgetary constraints. I can seriously just purchase a game like Agony or The Council or WH40K Gothic Armada 2 whenever the hell I want to and I can actually play it.

I now can actually play my Witcher 3 game that I bought fuckin years ago which I also found some guy selling old hard drives on craigslist so I am no longer limited by storage capacity either. I no longer have to delete all my files and figure out which games to install when I want a new game. I am going to get that one 500gb drive and use it as my third data backup and backup all my importantish files and hide that thing with someone for in case the house burns down or whatever. I can also seriously just buy another fucking 1tb drive like it's nothing and just install the thing I mean fuckin hell Ernst I could seriously do exactly that at this exact moment if I wanted to. I can buy an SSD and try to use that to make all my game loads and startup times quicker if I wanted to. And I can go out and buy as much hot sauce as I damn well please.

Life is good. My life is actually good for me for once and quite honestly not drinking and not spending so much in cigarettes and wasting all my money on booze has instantly made my life much less expensive and much more manageable, and getting to buy Prey or Gothic Armada II is much, much more rewarding and gratifying than pissing it away on a bottle of poison that'll be destructive and make me sick for two days instead.

So sombasket ernsts there is hope. Just try and find a job where you can feel at least a shred of dignity and don't have any standards other than that. It certainly took me awhile and definitely felt hopeless at times but you've got no idea how wonderful it is to go from truly abject poverty and fucked up heda to now having that kind of freedom and independence that money entails even if I just sacrificed a lot of other things like time for it that franky I was wasting anyway.

I just can't get over that. I got my shiny new 4gb GPU working and I got for only $110. This is real. It feels like it's just a dream but go this is actually real. I am me and that happened and this is what I am actually doing. I just need to go out of my way making absolutely sure I don't fuck it all up, which now terrifies me.

You know what Ernst? I think I am actually going to get a dog. I don't know when but I want one and I think I need one even if it is such a grave new permanent responsibility. I mean hell, people my age my own classmates, are seeing their own multiple kids off to school and I haven't got shit to show for it. I am going to get a dog at some point in the next year if all continues going well.
No. 24692
I’ve had a throbbing headache since noon and the atmosphere outside is reaching Venusian conditions of temperature and humidity. Despite multiple Advil/Tylenol pills and several hot baths the headache persists. I found a cicada and a Cooper’s hawk tail feather while walking my dog.
No. 24694
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I finished making this quiver out of nothing but rolled up cardboard, scotch tape and an old belt. It doesn't sit across my chest as well as I'd like so I made a little plastic hook and stuck it on so it can sit tucked into my belt, pants or pocket for hip-firing arrows. It was surprising easy to make and robust.
No. 24696
Hip quivers are so much better than back quivers anyway. Back-quivers are hollywood myths, really, they are impractical and were rarely used.
No. 24698
8,0 MB, 640 × 360, 5:51
Yeah, I learned that the hard way by actually making a back quiver and then my shoulder is all cramped and fucked up for 24 hours after using the bow. On top of that reaching back for the arrow isn't a quick process, I'd often have to grab the strap and pull the quiver forward a bit before grabbing the arrow.

Hopefully with this hip hook I can carry the quiver on my back to keep it out of the way then just stick it on my belt for when I want to let a few arrows off
No. 24701
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Yeah, quiver belongs onto the belt. Or saddle. As Tengri inteded.
No. 24707
My Italian package came today. Just a humble lot of four CDs.

Having previously sung the praises of Janus before, I was delighted to finally receive the Cosmorecord Edition of "Al Maestrale". Still looking for the bootleg from Lo Scudo Edizioni. Believe it or not, the bootleg sounds better than the official Cosmorecord issue because the bootleg was mastered directly from the original issue at the correct speed. For some reason, the mastering on the official CD issue sounded much flatter even when FLAC'ed. If I feel like breaking the bank, I might afford the original LP from 1978 one of these days. Sellers on Discogs are demanding as high as 500€-700€ for a bonafide copy. I have no idea how the reissues will sound, so I'm hesitant to spend money even on RTP's official reissue, although I should trust the mastering to be in good hands. I'll be mighty unhappy if it sounds like a vinyl version of the Cosmorecord Edition.


I was equally excited to get my hands on a copy of Carré.Ladich.Marchal's "Science & Violence". That was a joint venture between Olivier Carré (RIP), Mario Ladich and Jack Marchal. The music is similar to "The Piper at the Gates of Dawn"-era Pink Floyd. The CD sounds wonderful FLAC'ed. Only trouble is the images in the insert are somewhat out of focus due to the low resolution. The original LPs are much more affordable, but still, pretty expensive.

Zetapiemme is Italian Folk music with Fascist themes. This type of music was popular at MSI gatherings in the '70s and the various Hobbit Camps hosted by such musicians. The compilation purchased takes most of the first three cassette releases and compiles them together.

Before buying "Alto Zero", I had no idea who Fabrizio Marzi is, but he was affiliated with the MSI and dedicated a song to Janus's fallen guitarist Stefano Recchioni who was killed by police in a political demonstration. The music is a mix of Folk and Prog Rock.
No. 24711
Me and the boys on the 1st picture
No. 24717
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I'm reading a translation of John Careys The Intellectuals and the Masses: Pride and Prejudice because the first part of the book seem to provide a first way into sculpturing my paper. The first chapter was basically a quotation of British intellectuals and their hate of the masses. Modern art is understood by Carey as a construction of intellectuals that feared the masses that could get education in school and the ability to read and thus abstract art provided the necessary tool for further distinction of a 'cultural elite'. At the end there was also a paragraph about the trope of canned food in highbrow literature as food for the masses, stripped of any natural attributes it was soulless and mechanic food for soulless masses. The next chapter will be about the mass(es) as a construction and metaphor.
No. 24726
I disagree on abstraction being somehow elitist. I think it's exactly the opposite. Modernist art movements and modernist ideologies (such as socialism of various flavors, fascism, etc) were tightly associated with each other exactly because of the emancipatory quality of such art.
Whereas art before was confined to aristocracy or theological institutions, modernist art was free of cultural or ideological contexts of the past, universal to human experience (at least theoretically).

You do not need to have any cultural, historical, or theological background to experience abstract art for what it is - essentially shapes on a canvas.

Although, I think the reason it is perceived as elitist or alien to the average person is because the average person, steeped in premodern thinking, can only experience things from the lens of their own cultural context, which modern art makes a deliberate effort to be outside of.

Just like how atheist interpretation of the world makes no sense to a religious person, abstract art makes no sense to someone who interprets the world through the symbols of their own culture/ideology.
No. 24727
Tho I agree you can enjoy modern art without 'understanding it' you left something out of the picture.

>modernist ideologies (such as socialism of various flavors, fascism, etc) were tightly associated with each other exactly because of the emancipatory quality of such art.

The futurists might have left their stamp on these ideologies, they present one side of these modern ideologies. Take them as a ferment that later gets denied. Because they play a part in accelerated modernism which was happening before and while these ideologies gained actual political traction in the shape of regimes. Yet the style of art that was actually approved by these regimes once having the power over a population was realism. We can call it kitsch art as well. Clement Greenberg gave the thesis of the divide between this kitsch art for the masses and modernism. These regimes were modern in many of their practices, scientific and organizational e.g. and the futurists are representatives of such accelerating technology on which these regimes were built and possible. But the culture and ideals of Gemeinschaft /community ...in opposition to society was orientated to the glory of a past that never existed in that way

You could place Greenberg with those intellectuals that despise the masses in that regard. The identification with the object of art best possible in realism because its figurative is what was also seen as problem by Adorno. Fascism as totalitarian identification like in those realist pictures, that is supposed to dwell on the experience of the masses in their everyday life. For Adorno, modern art propels the opposite, it shows that a totality is not possible, that the truth is not graspable or reachable.
I think what you might want to head to is that modern art can be enjoyed nonetheless in that it can be intensive, it has an effect that does not need to be tackled intellectually but is only felt. And this is very true, since my understanding of art is rather small tbh. yet I like to enjoy that art.

Now that I think of it, you should scrutinize the futurist and their actual relation to the 'masses' as hinted in the other post it's a metaphor to grapple with a massive change in social structures during that time, the physical crowd as origin is formed into a transcendent concept of the masses
No. 24728 Kontra
I just notice that the orientation to the past might not fit socialist regimes, my historic knowledge has an empty spot there.
No. 24729 Kontra
But then again I could imagine that the rural life was glorified there as well.
No. 24731
Firstly, you overestimate the importance of having a particular background in order to experience art. You may argue that there exists exactly one proper interpretation of an artwork, and in this case a certain background is necessary, but you don't have to be some sort of learned scholar or a member of a specific culture or a religious denomination to simply enjoy art for its beauty, even if that art was directly influenced by said culture or religion.

Secondly, your assumption that abstract should be somehow easier to understand for an average human than concrete is incorrect. Humans feel more at ease when they are presented with objects that they can encounter in everyday life, than some sort of gross generalizations of the attributes or forms of these objects. Let's take mathematics, for example. Every child starts learning maths with natural numbers, because they are the easiest to explain (one apple, two apples, three apples...). Then fractions and negative numbers are introduced, representing a part and an insufficiency respectively. Then they learn irrational numbers, which you already cannot express with a common fraction. And finally they make acquaintance with complex numbers, which are as abstract as they get, and also the hardest to understand compared to the mentioned earlier. Likewise, abstract, more "formal" art requires more effort to process, because there are no reference points to do it. Humans don't experience shapes and colors directly, they experience objects that have certain shapes and colors, and thus "pure" abstractions seem unnatural because of the lack of the object associated with it. What will be viewed more favourably by your regular everydude: Kuindzhi's landscapes or Kandinsky's "studies"? Remember how butthurt people who are far from art about Malevich's Black Square? How often do you find squares in nature anyway?
No. 24733
Today was pretty good.
I managed to re-work three chapters. A colossal progress. Hoping to do more like it tomorrow.
Consumed large quantities of green tea while doing so.

Next week will be thrown into the lake of fire, but after next week, it should be finished in no time.
No. 24740
>Remember how butthurt people who are far from art about Malevich's Black Square? How often do you find squares in nature anyway?
Adding to this. You don't have to look hard to see how "abstract art" is, rather unfairly, considered a joke by a good chunk of the populace. Can't think of any recent examples (I don't watch much TV anymore) but the "art snob with indecipherable taste" is well-trodden trope in western media. The fetishism that a lot of popular media industries (mostly games and movies) towards making things "realistic" plus their continued success indicates a wide-spread preference.

You can see this in movements that try to cater towards populism and have an active interest in spreading ideas in an easily digestible manner. It needs to both simple in theme but also understandable in an every day context (a detailed man is more relatable than circles or vibrating ripples). Nazi art and socialist realism deliberately disavowed the abstract for the sake of clarity of message and relatability towards even the most illiterate peasant. On the less politically extreme end you have some unintentional biases due to history.

In terms of education, even with art programs being limited, a lot of people are exposed to the idea of art through portraiture and landscape. This means ancient periods end up represented through photographs of their artifacts, relevant art from their period or through an old classical painting. This primes "realistic" styles to be seen as historically weightful and important. In fact, a lot of ideas that institutions like (supposedly) to champion (i.e. republicanism, democracy, human rights, empiricism, progress, etc, etc) are often visually paired with classical/renaissance art. Once the modern age sets in, photography comes to the fore and modern art finds itself scarce of something to represent besides just "art". Realistic art is primed by the system to be important, abstractions aren't primed to be anything, or maybe they just haven't had enough time.

Of course that's not to say everyone just hates abstract art. There's a market for it and there is demand from people who aren't necessarily educated to "get it". Though I would argue most of those people either think the abstraction by itself looks aesthetically pleasing (which is fair) or they hear that it's "fine art" and need something that makes them look more cultured.
No. 24741
I want to live and wörk in Austria but I hear it’s too expensive
No. 24746
Do children in Belarus really learn about complex numbers?
We never touched that topic in school.

Only at uni I gained insight into the wider spectrum of numbers, composite numbers and how they are connected.
No. 24748
Naturally, I wasn't referring to children but to uni/college students. Although we might have been given some basic insight on complex numbers at my high school since our class had physics and mathematics specialization, but it was long ago so I can't say for sure.
No. 24758
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I want to visit austria. It's old cities, theatres and operas, musems. From what I know, this is wonderfull place for somene who loves classic art and music.
No. 24769
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Now that I think about it, I think the paradox of "universal" art is that ideological emancipation requires additional effort, while being submerged in ideology is the default state.
That's why, ironically, art that tries to be universal in its use of symbols ends up alienating even more people, except for those who have already adopted such philosophical outlook.
When people complain that abstract or modern art has no "meaning", they are talking about "meaning" as in symbols, memes and narratives of their given ideology.

So I guess what I would conclude is, modern and post modern art are not elitist in conception, but they are definitely alienating.

Regarding the transition of socialist and fascist regimes to social realist art, I think it's pretty much a reflection of what they ended up being: traditional, authoritarian ideologies, akin to those of the premodern times.

Also, I find the term "social realism" really funny because of how accurately it describes its own nature: it is a distorted view of reality as seen through the prism of ideology.
(for context, I think on the wect the term "social realism" applies to something else, while on the post sovok, it's a term for soviet totalitarian art)

Regarding this point:
> You may argue that there exists exactly one proper interpretation of an artwork, and in this case a certain background is necessary, but you don't have to be some sort of learned scholar or a member of a specific culture or a religious denomination to simply enjoy art for its beauty, even if that art was directly influenced by said culture or religion.
Indeed, but the thing is, classical art is not just about beauty. It is different from abstract art precisely because it tries to deliver some kind of meaning. If you do not have the theological or historical context for, say, "creation of adam", you are not going to appreciate it for what it's trying to convey, only for the technical beauty.

From this, we can extrapolate the perfect form of art for the average bydlo, who neither has enough education to understand classical art in its context, nor the required worldview to appreciate abstract art without bias. Something that both has no meaning, and is also technically impressive and "beautiful". That would be kitsch. That feel when came up with rigorous definition of kitsch :-DDDDD. Which is indeed what the majority of people consume these deys, in the form of hollywood, AAA video games, etc.
No. 24770
Any of the German Ernsts active on /b/?
No. 24771
>we can extrapolate the perfect form of art for the average bydlo, who neither has enough education to understand classical art in its context, nor the required worldview to appreciate abstract art without bias. Something that both has no meaning, and is also technically impressive and "beautiful". That would be kitsch. That feel when came up with rigorous definition of kitsch :-DDDDD. Which is indeed what the majority of people consume these deys, in the form of hollywood, AAA video games, etc.

Makes me think of Bernds accusing Ernsts to be elitist, and how your lines resemble what John Carey was saying about intellectuals :DDD beaten dogs bark as we say in Germany and it goes both ways it seems.
Also I like the definition of kitsch. The sparkle or glance of an object is a signifier for art itself. Think of the shiny black gaming consoles in their noble black piano finish. What a bourgeois object to place in front of your big TV screen from BestBuy.
No. 24775
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You right about totalitaric art.
It is realistic because it have conretic goal - wist reality.
This art is super realistic because they want to represent reality - cheat people that what you see on picture is not "art" but you know, some kind of photo. That all people happy, glorious leader is really glorious etc.
This why often totalitaric art avoiding fantasy motives and tend from abstract go to real and pseudo-traditional look - every regime want citizen look at picture and look at it not as on art, but like on "mirror". This why also "plots" of such art is primitive and most often don't have any message.. exept written by big letters under picture like "how awesome is to live with our father of nations"
When looking at classic rennisance era art you often trying to look at places, poses, little details etc. - there maximum "deep" thing is most simple gestures which even iq55 (actual target audience and "good" citizen in totalitaric state) can understand - like hand which "give direction" showing clear path for herd for better and bright future and power of "glorious leader" to move whole nation in this direction.
No. 24789
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The weekend is almost over.
Currently reworking another chapter. I didn't manage to do 8 as I planned to, but even 4-5 is good progress. Any progress is good.
I'm trying to read it objectively. Would I like this if I were to be given this book randomly? So far it seems to pass the test. Sometimes there are lines which seem forced, but nowhere near as many as during the first 14 chapters, which I've done in one fell swoop during '16-17. I didn't have to rework whole sentences so far, which is a good sign. The only things I've changed were typos and minor cosmetic details to make the prose flow better and more natural.
The whole thing feels touching when I re-read it. A good sign. Don't know what I'll do once I'm done with this. Probably I'll translate some more Hungarian short stories into English, re-work my already existing translations, and then make a blog/website and publish them there. Maybe try translating some Chinese poetry/prose once I git good at the language.
I'll probably focus more on my studies. Should be good.

Gonna go to work again tomorrow. Then I plan on paying a visit to the Shop of Writers to pick up a few books. It's always an event to visit that place. A lot of good books, but it's not some Barnes and Noble tier shitfest with pop-lit. Never had the chance to visit the place when I had loads of money, so this is especially special.
The only things I want to pick up are Japanese Tales by Royall Tyler (They have one copy in English that can't be ordered online and you have to go there personally to pick it up, so anyone can dab on me and take it even tomorrow, but it seems the have been left there for months, since I first saw it during my last trip to the shop.) and a collection of erotic novellas from Imperial China. The latter purely out of curiosity, and because I know the translator puts out good works about China. (I also found a copy of a book he wrote titled A Dictionary of Chinese Symbols, which I also copped.
I'm basically burning through less than half my money if I calculated correctly. That includes books I'd like to "import" from abroad. A Textbook on modern Chinese literature, a copy of Against Nature, which my literature teacher keeps recommending to me, despite also stating smugly that "It's impossible to get a copy in Hungarian". My rebuttal was that "I'll just read it in English then". Take that.
Oh, and a copy of The Song of Hiawatha. A great poem. Couldn't finish reading it during the weekend.
(Most if it is covered by 3 days worth of wages, so it's not that big of a deal, especially how I decided against getting a handheld.)
Now the only thing I want to buy is a bottle of sake.

I "finished" playing Terraria today. That is, I beat the final boss. Multiple times actually. After the first two kills, you can craft the last armour set, and you become invincible, and it turns into a grind to farm the Moon Lord for the items you want. I think I killed it 8-9 times, and I failed to get the drops I wanted. Once I get that last weapon, I'll stop playing, since the playthrough is complete. (As in, I have the best items, armour and accessories, and nothing can stop me now, besides bullshit attacks that one hit kill you during the late game lunar events, though that only happened once. Looking at the wiki, one of the bastards can deflect hits from weapons, so when I hit it with a +500 damage critical hit, it bounced back on me, and instakilled my character lmao)
A truly great game, I'd recommend it.

I'm also thinking about writing a shorter epic poem, using the Scottish ballad form. I just need a subject I like. Just rewriting a chapter from the Nibelungenlied or another epic would be cringeworthy. (Though rewriting Siegfried's battle with the Saxons would be good practice.)
Maybe I can salvage something from that Japanese tale collection. Something Hungarian would be the most fitting probably. But I know jack shit about Hungarian mythology, and I'm incredibly cautious when it comes to reading materials on it, since it's just a few fragments filled out with "theories" about "what it might have been like".
Or I could try blending the genres. A "metropolitan epic" would be interesting.

Honestly, it feels like I'm getting somewhere in life again. Don't know where, but somewhere.
No. 24792
>a copy of Against Nature

A reburs? I read the German reclam translation. At times it was a bit tiring but then again it was great. His supposed travel to GB made me chuckle. His reforming of the house becomes trip-like, hallucinatory in its artificialness.
No. 24808
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that feel when having to upload manually edited php files to the web server through the file browser because the guy my brother paid lots of money to make the website is a fucking retard, and I need the website to be in somewhat functional condition asap.

Fucking ebin.
No. 24811
2,6 MB, 3589 × 3022
I managed to pick up everything I wanted. As expected, they had a copy of A rebours, and it was even cheaper than online.
Basically the things I got were
>Against nature
>Japanese tales
>The History of Hungary
>Selected Essays of Lev Shestov
>The Old-German World-view
And I got that Chinese novella collections. It's basically just old porn, looking at it more in depth. I left it in my bag and forgot to take it out, so it's not in the picture.
Should be interesting to see the "dark side" of a nation's literature.

Tomorrow is the last day of work, then the family goes on holiday. I might sound like a spoiled brat, but it feels like a waste of time. I could be doing things, instead, I'll be forced to "relax". My opinion will probably change for the better once we are actually there.

I was recommended this book multiple times. She thinks it's right up my alley.
The premise does sound interesting though. Gonna read this after Hiawatha.
No. 24813
>Pay loads of money for a website
>They can't even upload it
Did your Kazakh-biznisman brother get scammed?
No. 24814
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You mean these niggas on this picture...
No. 24815
He did deploy it, it's just that it's broken to shit.
And it takes him ages to fix anything, so I decided to just take a look at the source, not having the ssh password or anything.

holy fugg, the front end is a complete mess. every element has multiple css tags, which all share copy pasted css with each other, with flex properties out the ass, so if any element changes in size slightly, shit goes flying all over the page.

there's also some mysterious things happening in the backend as well.

I just wanted to be able to embed images into the product description field, now I have to deal with this shit.

I told him to just use wordpress :-DDDDDD.
No. 24816
Wish I knew how to fire a bow
No. 24817
Oh, Kazahstan, tell about this recent news your goverment forced to install citizens on every computer some decoders so they can see everything you visit and block absoluetly everything goverment want without chance to bypassing it or something?
No. 24818
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god I wish that were me
No. 24825
I'm going to make some cheap ass bows for my kids when they're a bit older, they watch me shooting my bow and think it's amazing.

I'm also making a spear and shield once I move house, probably a wooden Pavise, and I have the spear shaft and head ready to go.
It's hard as fuck on your shoulder, I wasn't able to draw mine for about 3 days after I got it because it uses muscles in the shoulder that aren't trained in most people.
What'd they do to you?
No. 24827
delete it and start over
No. 24829 Kontra
Nobody cares about your stupid crusade against your local Walmart. Even if they've done you some great injustice, why would you openly plan your gay ops here? What do you expect to gain from asking us?
No. 24830
You know what I'm going to paste it here
and here

I didn't even see your faggoty comment before deleting my comment and sticking it on pastebin but now I regret having done so. What's your problem? How about go fuck yourself you prick. And it's not "ops" you goddamn retard I'm trying to think of ways to be as much of a spiteful dick as possible without doing anything borderline illegal if my reasonable demand for the public good is not met.
No. 24831
The more he talks the less I think I'd want to do business in Kazakhstan lol

I seriously don't know why you tolerate this guy getting you to do shit for him especially if it's for free.

Wait you have kids? Shit I'm old. I didn't think you had so much tension in the bow. How many pounds is it? If it's got high enough pounds to do that then obviously it's a way older thing. I don't think most people realize that a bad draw can take off the skin right down your arm.
No. 24836
It's stupid, gay and shameful. This isn't a site for you to plan such IRL faggotry. How about you take some bleach and chase it with 50 caliber aspirin or come up with a better plan?

God, you're a tedious cunt.
No. 24837
I'm not "planning" anything you dumb shit. I asked if anyone had ideas to fuck with them and moved on because this is a today thread and I was bitching an aggravation. Why don't you just go back to hanging out with the pedophiles on cabbagechan?
No. 24838 Kontra
>everyone I don't like comes from Kohl
No. 24839
>I'm now at war with my local Walmart so how do I get back at them short of anything that could actually have me arrested?

Not him, but how isn't that an open solicitation to engage in potentially illegal activity for the purpose of indulging a personal grudge? Dude, look at yourself.
No. 24841 Kontra
Feeding birds so they shit on things isn't remotely illegal. Ffs I have to deal with annoying retarded Americans IRL on a daily basis I don't feel like it here while I'm relaxing or venting.

>yet I dont know how to post any other way apparently
Don't you have some boomer wojak to back up your point or something? Go shit someplace else.
No. 24843 Kontra
>annoying retarded Americans

You say without a hint of self-awareness. You're not half as smart as you think you are. All you have is an audience who'll humor your turgid rants about your latest bugaboo. But please, keep up the holier-than-thou attitude and the idea you're the smartest guy in the room. Clearly nobody will think you're obnoxious, self-important and insufferable. And yes, it's all those Kohl pedos' fault people disagree with you.

There are better forums to seek advice on how best to rectify your Walmart woes. This isn't one of them.
No. 24846
I get the vibe that Americans on ernstchan are deeply mentally ill and constantly mistake each other for different posters.
No. 24854
They're also the most zealous about policing the board and each other out of "americanism"

Which is ironically a very american thing.
No. 24860
I came here to vent about what's become a chronic annoyance of mine. You seem pretty fond of using that phrase
>without a hint of self-awareness
and spent this whole time whining about me venting, and actually then talk about someone not having self awareness.

I have a serious question are you actually autistic?

I don't accuse people on here of being one particular person or another. Every once in awhile there's a shitpost that I call a shitpost then move on to an interesting thread. Best I can figure is somebody had some argument with another American on KC and remained perpetually butthurt about it which might be the reason for the constant attempts at creating personal drama on here. It all just melts into the same mass of KC2017 shitposting to me which is incredibly stupid because there's a handful of us here to begin with. Now let's please stop shitting all over the today thread thanks.

That's not just us though. The only reason people aren't getting sent to хуи more often is because we've got like one Russian, one Ukrainian, and one Belarussian, and even then I saw a couple go to sosach posts from two of them.
No. 24878
2,1 MB, 3765 × 2040
>Packages arrive
This is why I keep slaving away. That thing right there on the left is the prettiest English book I've ever seen in my life.
I shouldn't have to explain the one in the middle.
The one in the far right is the Dictionary of Chinese Symbols I've talked about yesterday. It seems like an immensely useful book. It contains descriptions of Chinese literary and cultural symbols. The descriptions seem adequate, and they cross-reference each other. Half of the definitions are illustrated. The paper and the binding is abysmal though, but the information is incredibly valuable, since their system of symbolism is probably completely different to our western canon.

This along with the picture I've posted yesterday is probably the most dense summary of my interests when it comes to the world. It's almost a parody of itself.
My life feels flat again.

The main issue now is that I have no shelf-space at all. I can't put the books on top of other books any more. At least not in their own little section.

My mum asked
>And when are you going to actually read these?
To which I replied
>When you stop planning fucking programmes for every free minute I'm supposed to have
For fuck's sake. I have the money, but I don't have the fucking time. And whenever I'm not working, she comes along and plans a "programme for the family" to "be together". Fuck off m8. I want some fucking alone time.
Ironic how now that I have the money, I don't have the time to read. It used to be versa.

I met my maths teacher on the bus today. Asked me how is my translation going. I told him honestly about the setbacks, but I made sure to mention and enlarge the recent progress I've made.
Sunday the work shall commence, and by next Sunday I shall emerge victorious.
No. 24882
Alternatively you might wanna learn how to bow a fire instead.
No. 24883
I had a fight with a Arab migrant in the gym. But I am too tired right now to explain it further.
No. 24890
ebin. are you the half kenyan german guy
No. 24891
455 kB, 1296 × 972
>ebin. are you the half kenyan german guy

No, German is correct.
Kenyan not.
Sorry for disappointing you. :3
No. 24894
My sleep cycle has turned upside-down again. Staying awake for 24 hours and sleeping 14-16 hours. In bed during the day and staying up at the dead hours at night.
No. 24895 Kontra
68 kB, 445 × 546
I just one want one fucking free day already, but no, they are already knocking at my fucking door, urging me to get ready and pack my things. Why can’t people just fuck off? I just want to have my summer in peace. Never asked for this.

Let me guess, the car window will be pulled down the whole duration ot the journey, just to deaf anyone, and there will be at least one awkward fight just after everyone got into the car. Lovely.

I’m so fucking angry and irritated I could kill someone.
No. 24896
How to develop people skills and customer service skills if I’m autistic with generalized anxiety?
No. 24897
Train it. Means lowering nervousness, tenseness and paralyzation. Find an appropriate volume for your voice, if you are always reminded of being not loud enough, speak louder without going extreme, that is autism tier and often comes from anger that you are accused of being too low in volume.
I don't know how serious your anxiety is, but I know I was able to overcome my anxiety to talk to people in most cases, tho I never really had customer contact in my jobs: the DHL job does not count really since you can be rude or non communicative to a certain extent without being a problem. Yet having a shit and receiving smiles was easy by then anyway. But I don't have problem to ask people in a shop or whatever, have a small chat with someone tho I rarely initiate it. It can be strange at times, but so what, this encounters happen a million times a day all over the world.

What helped me was getting a job and see it as training basically.
No. 24898
Stopped taking anti convulsants because too lazy to go to central apothecary.

I'm getting more easily angered and less pacified. Kinda like my old rageaholic self.
We were talking with the web programmer about his terribly broken website, and he kept trying to convince me that the features I reported as broken were actually working. After a while I lost my cool, called him an incompetent cunt and told him to do his own job and test everything he implements for bugs instead of having me do it for him.

So far he made more progress in 1 day than in the previous two weeks :-DDDDDD. Feels good man.
No. 24899
I'm thinking I might shave my heda this weekend. I've not had a shaved head for maybe half a decade now, and it'll require me to drop the beard for aesthetics probably (mostly to shut my sister up about it) which is a shame since I actually like it but the idea's been stuck in my head for a few months now, should probably just do it and get it over with. It's not as though I don't have clippers.

Set up a system. Use relatively consistent input-outputs to maneuver small talk into theatres that make it easier for you. That's personal in multiple ways depending on where you sit on the spectrum. I fixate for example, so I work to draw conversation into zones that align with my current fixation which I can find it easy to talk about. I do so by likening a topic to something close to it, or through tangent.

Also volume control. I tend to be on the loud side of talking, but control over your voice level is mostly just practice. I'm lucky to work as a low-end cook so shouting over kitchen noise is actually part of my job description. Big booming voice comes in handy.

t. aspie

Noice. Double noice for sorting that fulla out. Leting him know who the governor is, eh.
No. 24905
As Germany has right now a severe housing crisis, this tube-houses could be a solution. I just imagine that they really heat up during summer.
No. 24906
This fucking heat. 41°C in the shadow. Have to move north, migrate to Finnland or Iceland or some such as soon as I have my masters degree.
No. 24908

That guy wasn't whining. He was making fun of you. And you're very easy to rile up.
No. 24910
Yesterday evening I was heading to the groceries just before it closed and the heat was still unbearable (after sitting inside nearly all day). The brazilians on old KC and their anger on the heat are ringing in my ears.
No. 24911
Two days to spend in bumfuck nowhere. The inner city is “nice” I guess, I could imagine myself sitting in one of the cafés or living here and working as a teacher for example (though this might be overly idyllic), but this isn’t a tourist destination at all.
Tried the local thermal bath. It was really weak. The water wasn’t warm enough. It should make you sweat at least.

Anyway, I can survive two days here. I’m still “mad”, since we can’t do anything here basically and the water isn’t even good.
I’d rather be at Balaton.

Gonna try reading Hiawatha now. Shameful how I’m unable to finish it after singing its praises.
No. 24912
73 kB, 1280 × 720
Ah, the fine members of the proletariat listening to electric music, drinking, and quoting youtube videos and commercials under my window at 11 o’ clock. Lovely.
No. 24929
1,5 MB, 4160 × 3120
It's been raining for a month already, with maybe one-two day long sunny breaks. It was warm and the sky was clear the last two days, but then it started all over again. It's like we've got one of those tropical rainy seasons. Now I actually really like the rain, but it's a bit too much even for me.
No. 24933
Late evening in a Hungarian town. A group of gentlemen of proletarian occupation passes their time with drinking and chatting. Their handsome features which wouldn't look out of place on a statue of Alcibiades or Antinous betray their esteemed pedigree and vast intelligence. The warm zephyr carries hither snatches of their conversation:

"I find Stockhausen rather jarring at times, but mostly utterly lacking. - As far as I know, Dominik, you always preferred Philip Glass? - Ah, yes, I'm quite fond of his works..."

"Care for a little more Chartreuse, Fábián? - Oh, I wouldn't mind at all, if it's not too much of a bother..."

"I'd like you to refresh my memory on the matter: do you still work in advertisement? - Why, yes, but what brought this up so suddenly? - I just think that you are wasting your talent on such trifles, Rudolf. Your last installation was simply out of this world! - Believe me, I wouldn't deliberately spend my time on such trivialities if I could help it, but mounting billboards proved to be very lucrative, and, as you know, I'm currently raising funds for my magnum opus. By the by, I am almost finished with it, so prepare to be astonished. - Oh, something tells me that any kind of preparation will be useless. You never fail to impress, Rudolf..."

"Yes, I agree that Pewdiepie is an obvious product of the collapse of metanarratives. But, as far as cat videos are concerned, I wouldn't judge so tentatively..."

"With all due respect, Tomita is nothing but a skilled craftsman. - Those are fighting words, and I suggest you take them back!"

The argument heats up momentarily, but quickly abates after a fencing bout with tire irons, and the jovial company decides to conclude their soirée with a friendly game of mahjong. The nightfall is welcomed by the shouts "tsumo!" and "ron!" pervading the air.
No. 24937
42°C in the shadow outside. So far I've managed to keep the flat below 35°C but if the nights continue to be hot I'm going to lose the battle eventually.
No. 24938
I think I just shed a tear. Your writing is full of soul.
>tfw I’ll never write anything this good
No. 24939
Thank you, you're too kind.
No. 24940
39°C outside in the shadow
32°C in my flat.

I'm doing a great job, I think. :3
No. 24941
Went to a different beach today. It was better, but wasn’t anything special. Definitely not worth the 2 and a half hours long travel.
I think I got a sunburn too.

Also visited the local mall. Checked out the bookshop and found the German grammar book I was looking for that they couldn’t deliver me when I ordered it because they were out of stock.
I also looked at a copy of On the governance of China in person (mainly to see which edition they used for the translation)
It’s a blast from the past. You know these books like Complete works of Marx or Selected works of Lenin that were printed a lot of during communism, and all of them opened with a pretty picture of the author and had these propagandistic chapter titles. Now, this is exactly like that, you open the nice, sewn hardcover volume, and Xi Jinping gently smiles back at you, with his signature underneath him. The whole book radiates this sort of “soviet” aura which makes it look and feel off in the 21st century, but in an endearing way.

Tomorrow we are visiting a garden and a castle. That will be our last night here, thankfully we will be fucking back off home after that.
Usually during holidays, a paradigm shift happens and I start enjoying things by the second day. Sadly it didn’t happen this time.
I should’ve put my feet on the ground firmly and said no, but I was too much of a pussy.
No. 24942
644 kB, 4160 × 3120
651 kB, 4160 × 3120
>You know these books like Complete works of Marx or Selected works of Lenin
It's not exactly works, but I have something similar. And there was also another one set at my grandma's, by different authors, I think, but we used it as a toilet paper.
No. 24943
Exactly. It felt like I was looking at one of these propaganda books from the cold war era that were in everyone’s homes, it’s just that no one bothered to read them. It was basically just decoration, though looking at what the family seemed to have had on their bookshelves, we lacked even in that department.
Can you imagine a book like that getting a release today? Well, it’s just like that.
Don’t lnow why a freshly printed piece of communist propaganda made me feel so much. It’s weird.
No. 24946 Kontra
244 kB, 416 × 273
I’d just like to say that it feels like I’m in a fucking rut again. I’m behind schedule on everything I wanted to do this summer, and I’ll probably only accomplish one of them and it’s just fucking sad.
I worked and earned money, but nothing else. I didn’t even manage to ready anything besides that one book of essays earlier.
I feel like a useless, lazy piece of trash.
Other people accomplish much more alongside work, yet I fail to do anything.
No. 24947
The internship is coming close to its end, days of decision are near and I already sweat in the face of them. I talked to the co-chef-editor today about continuing my work after the end of the month as a freelancer, after one of my co-workers (god bless this lady, without her always coming up to me about it I probably would have been to afraid to even ask) talked to me about it. He told me I should wait until the chef-editor will be back today in exactly one week and give him a call then to ask, because only he can decide.
I'm on some thin line between euphoria and fear. The pure thought of leaving behind the dish-washing job for at least a couple of dates a month and do something relevant is so beautiful that I almost have to forbid myself even thinking about it.
I mean sure, even if I get turned down I can still apply at other places but staying at this paper would be a big leap forwards.
But now it's the time to not get caught up in overly ambivalent thinking, I should just continue with stuff as usual as stay realistic.
No. 24948
>Don’t lnow why a freshly printed piece of communist propaganda made me feel so much. It’s weird.
There are two forms of nostalgia.
The first is the ontological one; it is a nostalgia for Paradise, for a state that is deeply rooted in our transcendent memory, in the center of our being, and one for which we have lost.
The second type is of a more sentimental sort and is a distant echo of the first. We catch a glimpse, for example, of what may even be considered a trivial thing —hear a sound or sense a smell— and it awakens some memory of some past experience or time period and we feel, for one reason or another, attracted to it—it fills us with joy and even a sense of inner longing.
I believe that this second type of nostalgia is filled with confusion and present day projection. I say this because the memories it awakens are —more often than not— periods which are not particularly peaceful or joyful (or at least not more than the present day).
Perhaps that particular moment we remember (or that particular day) —which is merely a snapshot— was one of peace and joy, but here the confusion comes from the confusing of the transcendental source of this peace and joy with its temporal moment of manifestation.
Another possible reason is the certainty of the past.
We know how it all unfolds and we feel secure in the knowledge that, in one way or another, we've gotten through it and turned out okay, while the present moment is full of uncertainties and an unknowable future.

>Other people accomplish much more alongside work, yet I fail to do anything.
I know the feeling; I'm feeling it very strongly right now.
No. 24960
All those chink books and not one Tao Te King to help you.
No. 24963
129 kB, 1280 × 909
Just another day in this silly world
No. 24964
72 kB, 640 × 968
>We know how it all unfolds and we feel secure in the knowledge that, in one way or another, we've gotten through it and turned out okay, while the present moment is full of uncertainties and an unknowable future.

On the one hand the past seems ordered and therefore comprehensible in comparison to our fast and complex present. But to approach the quotation: The future could also seem safe and inevitable in the shape of a downfall and of catastrophe, the apocalypse is near.
The past in contrast can be shaped by us, we pick the pieces we like. Hitler was great, the hippies were great, remember fordist social security, paying for a house with an unlearned job etc. We shape the past to our liking because just like in the present, we don't ever get the full picture of history but fall prey to an illusion qua selection that causes nostalgic feelings. The future is doomed for sure, the past is a glory thanks to ones cherrypickings.
No. 24969
38 kB, 600 × 450
48 kB, 700 × 394
My old Renault Megane failed yet another NCT test (national car test for roadworthiness) like it does every single goddamn year. This time I have to get some rubber grease thingys on the steering column replaced along with a single, slightly frayed seat belt.

I have to drive the shit out of it before bringing it in for the test or else it will also fail the emissions test. Cars are a fucking money racket in this country REEEEeeeeeee
No. 24971
Oh fuck, withdrawal's kicking in, I feel fucking weird.

Like, my mind is empty right now, I can't think clearly, and my neck keeps twitching. Interestingly, I feel less lethargic as well, probably because I started sleeping better.

Saw some really weird fucking dreams, too.

I recently realized that I should be reading up on local laws and finance. Literally an essential life skill in the modern world. While working on setting up this pc store, I realized that despite my technical knowledge being essential to the working of the whole thing, my complete obliviousness to the paperwork, nomenclature, and bureaucracy required to actually operate a business, I have absolutely no control over the business itself. Which relegates me to the status of a paid worker rather than a "partner" or whatever. If I were to, say, open my own business, I'd have no idea how to operate it as an owner, only as a "manager".

Also, if you mess up your paperwork, the financial police is going to kick your shit in, which is how my uncles became permanently unemployable: they hired an accountant who didn't know what the fuck she was doing, and a year later they went to court, so now they have a permanent record. My brother has a similarly lax attitude towards paperwork, which worries me a lot. The fact that I don't know what's happening behind the scenes makes me anxious.
No. 24975
169 kB, 800 × 581
Today I discovered that there is a crime called theft by finding. Apparently if someone finds money on the ground, they are obligated to turn it in to the local police. And not just large amounts-even a single dollar found in the gutter must be surrendered so that it's rightful owner can be located. If, after a period of time, that owner fails to come forward then the finder can legally claim the dollar. I wonder how many people actually follow this law.
Additional information about my day: I found a $20 bill.
No. 24976
129 kB, 1280 × 909
Is there a way I can force a company to hire me? I must’ve applied to atleast 25 of them and none of them really care to hire. I do hate it when the news says the economy is booming yet I still can’t find a job. Getting really tired of society, Ernst.
No. 24977
I don't usually do this although didn't know about the law and would more think turning it in to a local store. The reason is partly because it feels morally right, and partly because once I went swimming with a wad of cash and had most of it returned when I was young, and partly because I once pocketed a $50 bill I found and was then almost immediately beset by a string of one of the worst episodes of bad luck and suffering and depression so took it as a sign not to. But then again I secretly hold myself to a higher standard too. Like porn. I'm not going to badger others about it but consider it one of my greatest consistent moral failings. This is because I think I am supposed to know better where others do not.

I honestly think this is a scam and don't trust anything coming out of the Trump administration at this point. When they say business is booming what they probably mean is our oligarchs are reporting record profits. Meanwhile I've talked to a lot of people and been in that position recently enough to know it's all a big fat lie. A lot of people are unemployed and having problems finding a job. The economy isn't actually doing that well no matter what the media or government tells you.

To answer your question, not legally no. Unless you are a "protected group" which I doubt and even then it would probably cost you more money just going to court about it on the dubious claim they don't want black people or gays or women or whatever. Alternatively you can try and blackmail a company into hiring which is all kinds of bad idea.
No. 24979
>When they say business is booming what they probably mean is our oligarchs are reporting record profits.
>Meanwhile I've talked to a lot of people and been in that position recently enough to know it's all a big fat lie.
>A lot of people are unemployed and having problems finding a job.
>The economy isn't actually doing that well no matter what the media or government tells you.

But how do you know this?
How can you know the actual state of the country when the government and media manipulates information (as they have always done), and the evidence you have is anecdotal at best?
The Obama administration had a similar problem; the economy was only recovering and doing well in certain parts of the country (large coastal cities), while other parts were left behind. I know that the economies of certain cities in the Midwest (Detroit, Pittsburgh, etc.) are recovering and doing quite well, but I do not know much this is due to Trump.
No. 24980 Kontra
where is the insulation
No. 24983
214 kB, 1280 × 720
Everyone was ruddy back then.

Actually based on shape, why wouldnt you have this as actual mobile homes? Couldn't you bore huge underground metro lines and after achieving full Communism just go to your house cylinder and ride cylinder to work? It looks like something that could follow tunnel boring machinery, and then just travel around metro lines.
No. 24984
My boomer dad thinks I’m not “trying” enough to find a wageslave job or that I’m not simply doing enough. I tried telling him that the American society is, in actuality, arrayed against me since it hates especially single white men who don’t have XP and are basically NEETs. These employers expect more of you if you’re a white male of any class. 5 straight years of relative nothingness, I tried applying for wagie jobs after highschool and these employers never gave a rat’s ass. Are you sure there’s no way I can force them to hire me or atleast legally troll them ao I can have my fun?
No. 24986
I don't think you're being accurate here and it would probably help you to drop all the bullshit and nonsense you would either pick up from dumb shit like /pol/ or /r9k/ or liberal arts college. In the real world nobody gives a shit about that or thinks such moronic things for the most part. You're either a good worker or you're not. The only other thing is if you're a pretty girl you have a massive edge on anybody so long as it isn't a position of actual responsibility, in which case the chips are probably stacked a bit more against you than being a guy. But oh man, that boomer shit pisses me off to no end. I think my parents at least somewhat get it because they're the literate and seem to be aware of the fact my generation has had plummeting car and house ownership, wages, everything is basically going to be worse for us than it was for them.
t. Just jumping in here from vidya
>5 straight years of relative nothingness, I tried applying for wagie jobs after highschool and these employers never gave a rat’s ass.
You're going to either need a ton of help from your retarded boomer dad or learn to be a bullshit artist my dude. Just make up something like about you getting paid under the table and try to make it believable like petting sitting or mowing grass. Don't tell them you're an irresponsible NEET with no training or prospects and get some relative to help teach you or make connections for you, because you're pretty much shit out of luck at this point. I hope you at least didn't have terrible grades in school. Try get some bydlo thing for Walmart or whatever, or get into community college. Your approach right now is clearly failing. Keep applying to jobs and then call like three days later to ask about it and don't get frustrated and give up after being told no repeatedly. Also, try and talk to humans if at all possible. I personally try and avoid those stupid website applications. It depends if you're good with people because if you basically did nothing for 5 solid years you're at a major disadvantage by using the internet to apply for things online, unless you're a total assburger to severe enough degree you somehow makes a worse first impression than a blank page for 5 years looks to a machine.

Our brick is a very good example of what to do in your case. Volunteer. Even if it's basically just slave labor, you haven't got any other options. In your case the problem may also be few places even would take you as an intern. Just try and be enthusiastic and optimistic seeming and capable of learning. A lot of employers actually do want a blank slate with some things because it's easier to train a guy how you want it to be done than having to untrain years of some other jackass teaching him the wrong or different way to do it over years. Like if I can train a guy to do things my way because he's never done it before, on the one hand itll be a pain in the ass to train him, but on the other he'll have no clue any other way to do it so he's not going to be constantly breaking my balls every damn day switching into his old way of doing it.

Just volunteer yourself. Talk to people. Think of this as you're going on an epic quest. You've just booted into your RPG and you're starting at a level 0 NEET. You must now be in search of a quest giver and that means talking to people and getting to know the other NPCs. On the plus side, no one is going to try and kill you for saying the wrong thing here. At worst, you might feel embarrassed for a little bit. Best case they offer you something to do. Work alongside others learning to paint, or set concrete, or take measurements and nail a board at a right angle, or how to do some mulch and plant flowers in front of a business. Right now is a good time for landscaping crews and all they really need are bodies so as long as you don't have like a physical disability you can do that. They should train you and basically a job like that you're not even doing anything you have to think much about.

Alternatively I guess if you're truly desperate enough you can try and join the military and get blown up in Iran, but they're more picky than a landscaping crew is going to be.

In your spare time you should probably be doing something other than shitposting, like watching videos online. Watch a guy build a birdhouse or a dog house or a shed, or how to paint a fence or do stone masonry. Plenty of things require some know how but not really certification that pay well. Being a painter is one of them.
No. 24987
Then it’s over already if what you have described to me is the case

t. assburger

Might as well just try to get disability
No. 24988
What is morally right does weigh on my mind. The ideal outcome would be for this money to be returned to the man who lost it-and hearing how money was returned to you really higlights this. Given that the money was found on a busy public road, locating the owner is incredibly unlikely, but that does not relieve me of my moral obligation to make an attempt. Of course I say this knowing full well I'm not going to make that attempt, because the slim odds for success-which shouldn't matter-actually do matter when it comes to my making a decision. It seems like a lot of effort for no tangible results. All of this leaves me slighty richer, but feeling slighty guilty for it. Knowing the right, but not doing it.

>It looks like something that could follow tunnel boring machinery, and then just travel around metro lines.
That could be the set-up for a great sci-fi story. It can work as either a utopia, where familes adore their tunnel homes, or a dystopia where only the oligarchs get to see the sky.
No. 25002
Okay, last day here, we should be home by 4-5 o’ clock or so I’m told.
This was a fucking waste of my time. One night would have been enough here, there is really not much to facilitate interest for the duration multiple days.

Yesterday I managed to read a few chapters from Hiawatha, and I also read The dialogue of pessimism.

My back is still red a little, but it doesn’t hurt as much any more.
No. 25003
There was a virtual stock exchange/investment/finance online game, that had threads on old KC, anyone could give me the name? There exist many virtual finance pages, but I feel none of them matches the one. Or what are the best vurtual investment pages, most realistic etc?
No. 25009
>finally get home
>a few hours pass
>family decides to install a giant speaker in the living room and starts blasting shitty music
>Father knocks on the room
>"I'm just here to check what your mother's music sounds like from your room. Heh, it's not so bad, stop complaining."
I think I'm very close to popping a blood vessel lads.
Oh, no, it stopped. Stacking books now.
No. 25025
According to my calculations, I need to do around 13 pages a day to complete this thing in 8 days. Should be doable, I just need a lot of tea.
Once the main body of text is done, I'm going to add the "illustrations", and then I'm going to add a Foreword, a short essay titled "Foreword of the Hungarian translator" and an "Acknowledgements" section. (I'll need some help with the illustrations since I'll need to find a complete set of the tables from this really old game, which I'm told, is in existence, and is online, I'm just too much of an embarrassed fag to search for them properly.)
Then I'm going to print 3-4 copies and send them out to the people who said they'd read it.
I'm so going to do it. Then I can freely focus on my school studies.
Good news is, that I finally got at least one drop from the final boss of Terraria, so now I have no reason to turn on the big computer, so I can sit on the ground in front of the laptop and work on the translation without worries.

Gonna make one last book order, since there are still some expensive books I want to get. Then I'll just buy a bottle of Sake after work somewhere in the city. I ran out of vodka anyway.
Don't know what I'm gonna do with the rest of the money I earn. Absolutely no plans. Maybe get an actual teacher to learn Mandarin with. Dunno.
Fuck, I'll have to prepare for work again. Gonna put some disgustingly sweet and inoffensive city pop on my phone.

I really should have reworked a chapter today, but I got mad again, and I already drank alcohol, and basically spent the time watching videogames and making sacrifices on the altar of sexuality.
Though I might still be able to read a chapter or two from Hiawatha. It's not like I'm that drunk or anything.

Things go 70% my way, which makes the other 30% all the more painful.
No. 25038
To any Ernst who is bored and wants to experience Ancient Greece this is your call for adventure:


Sign up now and join me, Bernd, and others as we excavate the ancient past
No. 25041
>Applications should be sent the latest by July 05.
Bit late for that now. I might be reading it wrong however, as the latest that you can arrive is as late as August 19th.
Looks interesting though.
No. 25058
814 kB, 1191 × 1628
>"All participants...should bring their own supply of sunscreen/block"
Good advice. The Summer sun is dangerous; our Hungarian friend can testify to that.
No. 25060
67 kB, 612 × 642
How the fuck do you pronounce Hoplite? Is it Hop-LITE like in films or Hop-lit-ehh like in Rome 2 total war
No. 25061
The latter, but even the seasoned academics didn't pronounce it that way unless they were quoting something in Greek, so it doesn't really matter. There was also weirdness with the usage by Total War. I can't remember exactly since I didn't actually study Ancient Greek as a language but I think it was that they didn't pluralise or some shit.
t. ancient history degree haver
No. 25065
Well, the Greek term is "'oplites" (Ὁπλιτης), so it's the latter if you want to be closer to the original.
No. 25067
Funny thing is, I had sunscreen on, and I actually covered my back with a towel, and the only places where I managed to get a burn were where I got sunscreen on, and covered with the towel. My legs are still white as snow for example, and so is my face. My hands got a mild tan, and my back got burned, but only the top part in a strip connecting the burned shoulders. The sun is weird.
I'd say being in a proper shadow is better than sunscreen. Find yourself a tree. Or an umbrella.
No. 25071
Lots of jobs don't exist, or are posted on multiple websites.
If you are looking for a part time or seasonal job you will have a bad time.
Go in person to recruitment agencies, they will get you a job, rather than just applying online.
No. 25072
I have less than 20 chapters left. If I do the planned 4 chapters a day, I could be done in 5 days, which'd leave four days for editing in the go boards at the end of each chapter, and writing the two forewords. Chapters 40-41 will probably get less attention, since I already quasi-edited those right after finishing them. I even wrote a question mark right next to those two.
That was basically my equivalent of the crafting of the mythical sword Notung and slaying Fafnir the giant-turned-dragon. I was able to pour all my knowledge into the last chapters, because I gained so much experience over the past 3 years translating anime subs, short stories, and just reading more stuff in English. People say reading English is hard, and I jokingly reply Well, it's quite easy, you have fewer cases to work with, and the number of suffixes is pretty low too.
Fuck, I'm in a delusion of grandeur again.

I don't know what happened, but my German seems to be getting sort of better. I can actually browse 4kanker /int/'s German general without much hassle, and I seem to be having fun while doing so. Decoding insults like Dorfaffen is pretty funny.
Gonna read the Death of Ivan Ilich in German once I'm done with this translation thing.

I drank an energy drink, and it was a bad idea. Caffeine is generally a bad idea if you don't pair it with foodstuff. It leads to nausea and shaky hands. Gonna make a tea after lunch. Mum is making scones again, so everything should be all right.
No. 25081
2/4 chapters done.
I managed to find a .sgf of the game I was looking for, so that's off the list too. I'll just have to manually make an image to befit the state of the game at the end of every chapter, which will probably be a pain in the ass, but it's like what? 30 something images?
I have this stupid Soviet mentality of setting grandiose plans and goals, unachievable in the timespan I want to complete them. I just want to be done with this thing as early as soon as possible. Originally I planned on completing this back in 2016-17, but I vastly overestimated the quality and speed of my work as a 16 year old. With my current abilities, it's pose no challenge to complete this in 3 months like I intended to, but I just simply don't have the time for 3 month long passion projects in one go.
Work resumes on the 5th, and I don't want to leave anything serious to be done by then.

I might be blogging too much, but setting my goals into stone calms me down.

Rediscovered an old HS textbook online which deals with Japanese literature. No idea why they published such material in the 90s. It has a bibliography of postwar Japanese literature that was published in Hungarian,which is immensely useful and soothes my autism nicely. Sadly it doesn't say what language they used during the translation.

I'm running out of ultra-strong black tea. It's so black, people often mistake it for coffee.
No. 25085
I can't believe I actually did it. And I made indirect progress regarding the editing and the essays too.

I'm going to get clean now, drink some milk, and then go to bed. Tomorrow will be a wonderful day. (I need to get a new mouse, because the current one's scroll wheel is falling apart. It turned into an oily and spongy plastic mess.)

I want to throw up from all the caffeine. I blame the energy drink.
No. 25099
My brother is trying to get me to show up to the office every day in the morning.
The problem is, my productivity plummets when I have to sit in some dingy office room where I can't even whack off or take a nap. Worse even, it's all during the day, when I'm least productive.

I can get much more stuff done by staying up all night riding the sleep deprivation high. Oh well, somebody needs to cover HIS ass when he stays up all night and sleeps til afternoon.
No. 25100
I actually left the house and bought the mouse I wanted. The weather is humid and warm, the streets are still wet. From every lawn I step in front of, a dog barks at me. Usually they aren't really scary or intimidating, but looking at an angry pitbull behind a 40 year old fence, rotting away from rust, you start to question your own safety.

Got another package today. Bastards bailed on me and said they can't deliver the actually valuable or interesting stuff, so they left me with the "Filler" I ordered to get the free delivery. Not that those books are bad, it's just that they weren't supposed to be the main course.
Almost done with Hiawatha. Tonight is the night.

I feel terrible. I have a feeling of hunger, which is killing me, but I also want to throw up.
I keep hearing Schnittke's music in my head.

Current progress is 0/4 of the chapters I've planned. I'm rummaging through my Kawabata volumes to find some biographical data to fill out the essay with. I have this gigantic Encyclopedia on authors, and it only has half a page dedicated to him. It's so unbelievably shit, that it has a question mark next to his date of death for crying out loud.
I'm confident that today will be a productive day
No. 25101
Are you working in the same company as your brother?
No. 25103
I'm working for my brother.
Who is running a business paid for his investor.
At least she's paying me this time.

I do almost all work on the computer, and explicitly told them that I won't be doing any interfacing with customers or other front-end stuff, so I'd rather sit home and do my spreadsheets and work on the website than sit here holding in farts.
No. 25104
212 kB, 1280 × 1884
>Who is running a business paid for his investor.
>At least she's paying me this time.

Sounds interesting. What kind of sector is your brother's company in?
No. 25105
Selling PCs and supplying/servicing internet cafes.

The former paid for by the investor, the latter is his freelance gig and what puts food on his plate. Because the PC retail business is yet to return anything. Mostly because he hired some retard to write the website, so we have nowhere to sell stuff from.

I told him to double down on his servicing gig and possibly diversify into supplying / servicing office buildings, but he wants to be a retailer for some reason.
I basically do all of the operational stuff, like slecting a product lineup, all of the marketing material, design work, etc. He handles the finance and interfacing with clients / suppliers.
No. 25106
64 kB, 467 × 700
32 kB, 372 × 561
>I told him to double down on his servicing gig and possibly diversify into supplying / servicing office buildings,

I think that would be a smart move.
Offering all-in IT-solution for smaller companies, lawyer's offices, doctors' practises etc.. There the margins are higher and the competition not so harsh for smaller companies. At least in Germany it would be like that.
Also you can make a lot of money by maintaining the IT and trouble-shooting at smaller companies, lawyer's offices, doctors' practises.
No. 25110
Bought a pair of relatively expensive underwear, just to try it out.
They feel really sturdy and comfortable. A lot better than my previous underwear.

Started from the bottom now we here.
No. 25126
Today at work, the almost the entire team I am working with freaked out. Like seriously, going ape shit. Girls started to scream, guys started to yell and the discussion which started as constructive criticism quickly turned into a buttload of insults with a handfull of people storming off the office. It was a total shit show and I could barely hold myself together not to burst out laughing.
I have seen that before tbh. During my military service (of which I served half my time with an officer rank with up to 60 people under my command) I closely observed human behavior under stress. And whether it's physical of mental stress, once you put people under pressure, eventually they snap and what once was a team of pals becomes a lion cage with cat fights full force. Needless to say that the amount of stress you would need to apply on the average civilian is a lot lower than that of a soldier to achieve such results.
Anyway made me think how easy it is to expose the true natuee of a person by simply putting him under little pressure and thus find out who you can rely on and who would break down and turn against everybody.

Today was a good, because entertaining day.
No. 25129
2,0 MB, 2440 × 3378
Consumerism is catching up with me. I hate myself for it.
1/4 done. One jug of tea consumed. Gonna make another one.
4 hours to do 3 chapters. Doable, I just need to focus more.

Got the packages. Strange to see unopened books from the 80s.
I read this collection of Lu Xun's essays when I was 16 maybe. It was a real brain expanding experience. My first encounter with "leftist" writings. Communists aren't nearly as demonic on paper as textbooks made them out to be.
Other two are an anthology of Sumerian and Assyrian poetry, and Lao She's Cat Country
I've basically managed to completely obliterate what I've earned, save for 70 Euros I put away to forget about. It's right next to my "graduation money" I got for finishing the 8th grade of elementary school, the lowest level of education anyone can have if they are really stupid and still have a spine. Spineless and stupid people just drop out at the 6th and continue their lives as bums. Spineless people do the same, only they are proud.
So really, it's not much of an achievement, but it was a "big day". It was after that that I started learning German. Basically I have nothing in common with the me from that time. Wonder what he'd think of me now.
No. 25134
>amount of stress you would need to apply on the average civilian is a lot lower than that of a soldier to achieve such results.

Could you elaborate on the difference and how soldiers are trained to endure stress and deal with it without snapping?

> Consumerism is catching up with me. I hate myself for it.

You are just buying books. At least no gadgets or anything that will be broken after a year or less. You cannot circumvent to consume and even in a non-capitalist society you would have to 'consume' certain things.
No. 25135 Kontra
The last should've refered to Hungary.
No. 25139
Okay, another four chapters done. Only ten left.
Mahler is playing in the background.
Looking over the text, I took good care of it. I added more than 80 footnotes during the initial translation, though I removed some because they seemed redundant a bit. Still around 80.
Three more days and I'll achieve final victory over myself.

I keep dozing off into daydreams of writing the final essay to accompany the translation after I cut out the images I need for the illustrations.
You guys ever get these cosy daydreams where you are holding a speech, or a lecture about something, and people are listening.
I remember, once before falling asleep, I was holding a lecture in English on Hungarian history at an American High school. I was in a half asleep state. And another time, I was giving a passionate speech at a congress of the Communist Party.
Once I spent 20 minutes walking up and down the house, preparing for a German oral exam, but all I managed to accomplish was talking about the A7V to myself in German.

Anyway, I ate all the scones and drank all the tea. The day is over.

Well, in a sense, yes. I still research editions, and don't just buy them on a whim.
It's just that I never expected I have so many wants that I'd spend this much money. Old and forgotten things I wanted to get keep coming to mind. Like how I remembered how I own no proper edition of The Dream of the Red Chamber.
From what I remember, my classmates bought trainers or fags with their pay-cheques.
These things usually keep their value (of between a few hundred forints and fuckall), and last, they don't become outdated.
It's just feels wrong because I have no time to read all of them, since work is consuming me, and instead of getting a long awaited item I saved up for, it becomes an endless stockpiling that'll be worked through "whenever".
No. 25160
>It's just feels wrong because I have no time to read all of them, since work is consuming me, and instead of getting a long awaited item I saved up for, it becomes an endless stockpiling that'll be worked through "whenever".

A common phenomena. I often buy books and don't have the time. Sometimes they don't even interest me. But maybe you will need them one day, or want to read them and this time actually do it.
No. 25172
Had some stressful days as my grandfather's sister died. She was quite old already, but was still somewhat healthy so it was a bit of a shock. My parents were still on vacation so I had to arrange the flight and so on so my grandpa could go pay his respects.

Didn't do much these last weeks, but I sent out a couple of job applications at least. Gonna do another 1-2 today. Not exactly excited to join the workforce but you can't live in your parents' basement forever I guess. Hopefully I'll find the motivation to start some more personal projects as the misery and cash inflow replace my current complacency.

Finally living the high life, congrats :^)

>instead of getting a long awaited item I saved up for, it becomes an endless stockpiling that'll be worked through "whenever".
積ん読 intensifies
There's a funny dynamic that I observed with myself is that I tended to buy more books and read less when I was working, and buying less and actually reading more when I had more free time.
Though lately I haven't read that much anyways despite having free time, such cases.
No. 25174
It is far better for a man to have the dignity of a job in all honesty. Nothing is so demeaning as not having money and not wörking.
No. 25176
Nah. Not all jobs are created equal. I've worked in kitchens where it's more of a trade and I've worked in kitchens where it's a job. The former is rewarding, even when it's just pub food. Actually having working knowledge and applying it is at least interesting and you can actually take a measure of pleasure in a job well done. In a plain old 'job' kitchen, the morale of the line is shattered and it shows. There's nothing dignified about serving up a crap menu, and watching someone actually enjoy the garbage menu is more sickening than rewarding. I've also worked in cleaning, and there is no dignity and no honour there. Heavens forbid a local man between jobs dare take a job in cleaning in his homeland too, the foreign workers (which are the vast majority) hate you because apparently you're not allowed to work a shit job in your own country.

You're going to have to work shithouse jobs in your life, that's just how the job game works, but it's a bit of a stretch to say that the mere act of employment is dignified because it sure as shit isn't.
No. 25178
Well yes you are correct about that, but I still find it true that all but the most genuinely degrading of jobs is less shit than being a beggar, or of having no ability at all to provide for yourself or others.
No. 25179
37 kB, 265 × 400
>Though lately I haven't read that much anyways despite having free time, such cases.

I feel rotten and hollowed after working this morning and then reading until now, with a two breaks that were used to prepare a after work snack and a late lunch at least. My days are pretty much like that for a few weeks now with a disruption of that pattern here and there thankfully. Yet I don't know what else to do, or I don't want to do anything different perhaps. I need to get these books digested while hunting for info and insight, new connections. I feel like playing Heroin Hero if anyone can remember that Southpark episode. I started a transcription of a Luhmann lecture and dived further into affect studies. A compendium on the cultural history of cybernetics is waiting as well. Started a comprehensive monograph on the German Federal Republic from 1945-2000, tho I only care for the part up to 1990, it's ~1000p, so I only skipped thru and read interesting sections. The only sections I will read completely are 1966-1990, so around 400p.
Not going to elaborate on the other books that threaten me while laying in and around my bed, demanding to be read and digested. All in all I feel a sharpening of my analytical senses, I can cope with the texts easier than in the past, a good feel, yet not enough. Like I said, I'm playing Heroin Hero with books.
No. 25181
The weather is horrid. The sun scorches everything it touches, and that's just me going a few blocks to reach the corner store.
I decided against drinking strong tea in the morning, because I was going through Hell by the day was over yesterday.

For some reason, I can't seem to be able to sit down and work on the damn thing if the sun is up.
The sun is starting to set, so I'm going to pull the curtains together, and then start working. 4 chapters is actually quite doable. I want to be humane towards myself, unlike last summer.
Last summer I drank around 1.5 litres of tea a day to translate 100 pages in a month. I got constant colds and an urge to throw up. Waking up at 10, having a breakfast, translating, having lunch at 2, sleeping until 5, then working again until 2 o' clock past midnight.

>積ん読 intensifies
Indeed. Lack of space is the main issue now. When we moved in, I had maybe 50 or so books (though I was already having trouble storing these at the old place.)

The more I think about it, the less of a problem it feels like. Most of the stuff I got I already had on a list anyway, so it's not at all just me buying random shit on a whim.
No. 25183
>Could you elaborate on the difference and how soldiers are trained to endure stress and deal with it without snapping?

It is a process of acclimatization. In the first weeks of your basic training, the recruit should only be trained a minimum amount discipline and skill. Since your boys and also girls nowadays.. what a country are from different social backgrounds, have different physical and intellectual capacities, the priority is really stuff like shaving, getting up early, marching, following orders and very limited armed combat. After, say, 12 weeks you start to have something that at least you can work with and you have an idea who has potential and who doesn't. Depending on which actual branch they would serve, methods of training differ. Some dude working at maintenance or driving a truck doesn't need to be highly resilient or stress resistant.
I can only give you more insights on airborne, since that was my branch. Most airborne jarheads will tell you, they're special force. We're not though and our training is not even comparable to tht of a bordo bereliler (Turkish special force) or KSK. What is true though is, that potential special forces are usually recruited from airborne and yes we do support them in missions abroad by providing services in their peripheral operational area. But honestly, I have traines countless hours of hostage rescue, I have not rescued or even seen a single actual hostage in my life.

To finally answer your question:
You can basically apply two types of stress on a person, physical and psychological. Physical is easy, more excercise, more heavy weight to carry, longer distances to march, extreme weather conditions, less food, less sleep. no matter how much of a dumbfuck knucklehead you got there, with food and sleep you break everyone
Psychological stress is more insividual and reaction differs from person to person. But noise, time pressure and - for decision makers like seargents and officers - more complex scenarios to cope with would be your friends. You would constantly raise all of the mentioned above and finally, you would have personnel you could work with. Someone who is not so much disturbed by terrible weather, people shouting and yelling, little time etc. Around him and could still focus on what's actuallt important - because he has been there, numerous times. And he should not bother because in scenarios of an actual war, he will have to deal with shit that he could never train for.

Also, psychotherapy and self-reflection.
No. 25186 Kontra
Oh yeah
>the difference
I'd say the major difference is that, other than in most jobs, stress resiliency is a key personality trait of a soldier and training for and training on the job is willingly triggering that. Also, a soldier loses some of his civil rights so the methods you can impose on him would naturally be different from what you could do to a civilian, who would sue you and/or quit the job.
No. 25190
>psychotherapy and self-reflection


Other than that: soldiers are trained to be (more) stress resistant by actually getting them into stressful situations repetitively, to get used to it, correct?
No. 25194
Looks like I'll be able to keep up this pace, even without drinking copious amounts of tea. Only one chapter left from today's quota. Two days, and the editing is over. Then comes the cosmetic part of the ordeal. 3 years of work, coming to an end. Why did I do this? Not for money, but rather as a testament of my perseverance, to prove that I can work on something "big" without giving up.
I feel a sense of melancholy, thinking about how it's over. I accomplished something, but even with the scope of the whole project, it is inconsequential. I worked and worked, poured soul and sweat into it, and it's soon to be over. Feels so weird. I was a guest in the world of this book on and off for three years, and now, I'm looking back at the valley from the mountains, with my backpack on.

Cool thing is, I can freely print and bind the copies I need to at my workplace, because I'll certainly be done by the 5ht.
Then comes another two weeks of gruesome data-entry, but at least this time I'll be using excel.

I decided to write a shopping list to consolidate my spending a bit, but there isn't much left. A copy of Dream of the Red Chamber, a cheap microphone to play multiplayer games with, and that bottle of sake. (And naturally there are still a book orders I'm about to pick up or place, but I already separated the funds for that. last week, so the savings are on top of spending more. Truly, I am a financial genius.)
The rest I'll save.

The plan post-translation is to try taking notes from the 9th grade literature texbook, and read primary sources to consolidate my knowledge. I bought a big notebook, which I intend to fill in my spare time and use as a special, personal version of the school materials. Essentially a deluxe, expanded version of the notes I took during the first few grades.
No. 25233
1,8 MB, 2589 × 3206
Decided to reschedule work today, and try doing six chapters instead of four, since that is all that's left.
Time for some tea.
Once I wrote to myself, how translating is akin to trench-warfare in a sense. You jump into it and get bogged down, then a breakthrough comes, and you advance tremendous amounts, only to get bogged down again.
So compare, how once I spent two hours, meditating on a sentence, just to make sure it adheres, and pleases the ear too, and then, I did two chapters in two hours.

My last book from England came today. First time I ever shelled out the money for an "art book" of sorts. Though I had a moment of shame which came with this.
Whenever something comes from abroad, I put in my mother's workplace as an adress, because that way there is no danger of an IQ89 postman cramming it into the mailbox, or simply missing the delivery.
So, I forgot to tell her about that this was on the way, and they opened the package, since it was unusually large, and flat.
Just imagine waking up to a facebook message you got sent, asking if "Is this yours?". I just really hope they didn't peek into the book itself, because, well, let's say it, it's girls in skin-tight clothes for a good few pages. Just to top it all off, they thought it was my sister's package.
Anyway, it's an incredibly nice book, though some of the pages are just bigger and better printed versions of the illustrations that accompany the manga volumes.
I should really re-read the manga or re-watch the anime. I remember writing up pages worth of interpretations on imageboards while watching it for the first time. I just don't know if it holds up.

Now my life is truly boring.
No. 25237
I drove to the art supply store today. I purchased clay and corrugated cardboard for sculpture and crafts respectively.
Cardboard is cool because you can make blueprints and use math creatively, then relax as you cut and put things together. Very rewarding and cheap to get into, albeit a little time-consuming.
I have illustrations on my to do list. I also need to finish building a website and make some progress with java programming.
No. 25238
>tiddies get bigger with each re-realease
No. 25241
>soldiers are trained to be (more) stress resistant by actually getting them into stressful situations repetitively, to get used to it, correct?
Usually, yes. My humble opinion though is that this is not enough and can also turn them into ticking time bombs, close to mental breakdown. That is where
>psychotherapy and self reflection
Comes into account.

Sometimes frowned upon by my more edgy comrades, I believe to be truly stress resilient, one should be capable of taking a step back and analyze his or her feelings. Being emotional is human, being conscious about your emotions helps you to rationalize them and therefore prevents you from becoming the victim of them.
After a mission abroad for instance, seeing a therapist is mandatory. And whenever I had the time for that, I would also invest an Eveline once in a while to talk to my boys about how they feel, what's eating them and how is thing's going on at home etc.
No. 25250
I can't do 4 today. My mind doesn't feel fresh enough. That leaves the last 3 for tomorrow. 20 pages to look through.
Don't know why I feel exhausted.

Gonna pick up a package tomorrow. Probably grab a lángos while I'm near the place. Then I'll read Hiawatha when I get home. I've been neglecting reading again.
No. 25252
Finished the internship and they gave me a certificate with lots and lots of praise, feels pretty good even though it is not much.
Will call at the beginning of the following week to ask for a steady job as a freelancer.
And if they won't take me it shouldn't be too hard to find another sidejob in that direction now.
Fug, after all the time in the dish-washing kitchens with the africans who don't even understand me it's like living in a different world, highly surreal.
People treat you with respect when you fill that role, it's better than any self-esteem raising drug.
Still there is a massive smell of decline in traditional journalism, basically everyone knows they're on a sinking ship.
I'm not overly worried though, there are still going to be enough opportunities (at least in my lifespan).

In 9 hours I will help some couple whose offer I found online carry some furniture for some money (I think they are moving, even though it would be sad if they wouldn't have a friend to help then).

Also still have a lot to read and write, which I will do after cleaning a bit.
No. 25253
44 kB, 531 × 410
I wish I had a dog. I really, really wish I could have a dog right now. Is it loneliness? Is that it? I think the part of my brain capable of experiencing loneliness is now back online. And I wish I still had one of my/our dogs. But they're all gone now, and I don't have one anymore and haven't in some time.
No. 25262
Man I fucking hope my boss doesn't try calling me in to work early tomorrow. I mean I guess I can still say no but it just looks bad and I need the hours, but still...
I'd rather just know I have free time with nothing uncertain or tasks to be done looming over me so I can dick off and play video games before my full weekend schedule
No. 25277
Picked up the package. They misheard my name again and couldn't find it at first.
Basically I decided to fall for the meme and get a copy of The Governance of China. I'm 99% sure the entire publication is bankrolled by the CCP, because it was published with the help of the Foreign Language Press, and it's unusually well made for a book costing 12 Euros. I mean, it has smooth paper, 45 colour pictures of Xi, a silk bookmark, and it's a fucking hardcover book with a dark-green silk wrap. (I've never seen a silk-like material used as a material for a book cover. Unbelievable.)
The other stuff I picked up was a collection of essays on norse mythology, and Thomas Bernhard's book "Autobiographical Writings".
So much to read, so little time.

Had a Lángos in the Tesco parking lot. It was a very soulful experience. Sometimes a wind brushes by, and you are eating fried dough with fake cheese and fake sour cream on top, as the shadow only covers your legs. The cook running the stand leaves for a cigarette break after serving you, so you are just standing there, your feet in the sun, but head in the shade, munching away.

It was an hour before noon, and the sun was close to its zenith, so the weather was really hot. Saw a few workmen preparing to glue up new ads on a billboard after coming off from the bridge above the highway.

Read two chapters from Hiawatha. I'll formulate a post on it in the literature thread once I'm done with the remaining 3 songs. Currently eating a ramen.

I'd like to celebrate finishing the remaining chapters somehow, but I don't have any alcohol for it, and asking for one or two cups of pálinka would be embarrassing.

Glad to see you made progress towards achieving your goals.
No. 25278
34 kB, 208 × 264
>they're all gone now, and I don't have one anymore and haven't in some time.
Even if some time has passed, I am still sorry to hear that.
No. 25286
58 kB, 620 × 465
Today's August 1st and I planned on reading a (even short, my god) chapter on a key term that is set at the beginning of a compendium that tries to grapple with affect studies in a systematic way that really is absolutely promising and came just right published only a few months ago for my paper. But I cannot fucking get me into writing it down in my own words, even so I grasp it somehow. Perhaps it's so abstract and my mind is not trained in getting pure abstractions into own words, sad. Moreover, all, and I mean all, even the German publications, which literally are key tbh, are in English and I have to translate that abstract stuff into my mother tongue additionally. At least I'm getting involved with an interesting concept that is at the theoretical (and qualitative methods) front of social science/humanities/cultural studies. Fucking shit tho, I will make a diagram or sort of drawing as attempt to get it in my head more easily.

A plus is that my English seems to be enhanced from all the reading lately.
No. 25293
It has been done. All 41 chapters reworked.
I want to cry. 3 years of work, over. Don't know if it's tears of joy or sadness.
Something ended, something hurts
No. 25294
>A plus is that my English seems to be enhanced from all the reading lately.
Reading more and interacting in English is the best way to enhance it, so no wonder you are seeing your skills improve.
No. 25308
So I just tried a bit of gambling today and I actually won some, but just a little bit. Although now that I think about it, I actually had a pretty fantastic payout in terms of percentage, not by actual figures.

So I decided to finally go to a casino since it was on the way to do an errand anyway, and first of all those tables are fucking EXPENSIVE dude. Just about every single table including baccharat, roullete, and blackjack all had $10 minimum buy ins, and the poker games all had huge buy ins with the lowest table going for $60 and the standard seeming to be $75, which is a huge chunk of my money to spend on such stupid shit. I actually found a few slot machines that had one dollar minimums though, and one of them I think I dropped like $1-2 on it and walked away with a $3.10 payout. Of course, I went there expecting to spend, and just try to get a feel for the place so I cashed out a twenty and blew it all on slot machines.

My experience: I once played a slot machine in Vegas on layover and got a good $5.25 out of it with just three bucks, and then I left.

The big rule on gambling is that you should never expect to win and always carry only the cash you can expect and afford to lose; never carry your debit or credit card on you, which I tucked away safely in my checked bag. Never gamble more than what you can throw on a bonfire and not be depressed about or affected by, always walk away when you're ahead, and when you gamble you should always pocket those winnings and set them aside as not to gamble with. In my case I went in there with $40 specifically to gamble and probably lose with, in addition to another $15 I had for some reason as a backup overspend most of which I couldn't touch in case I needed an energy drink or slice of pizza or something. So I walked in with $55 and left with $63 and change.

I tried the blackjack table and used my only ten for a buy in, and in that case I actually first got a push and then got a win with ace and 9 clubs, at which point I immediately walked away from the table, so I won $10 on that basically. The funny thing is, I actually suck at blackjack. I just got really lucky that time.

I also know that the rules of the casino is they just want you to stay there. Their employees are trained for this, and the casino is used to giving out drinks. I deny these things. Don't let them keep you there. Get out as soon as you get ahead, don't look back, don't think about how much more you can win, just take the money and run even if it's just a little bit.

I also blew a bunch of money and scratch offs which I swear this cancerous state has somehow secretly altered the numbered of winning cards. Back when I was like 20 I remember buying those stupid things in this state and actually winning frequently enough, but after the colossal failure of the SEC and everyone else that was fall 2008 I have never again seen that kind of luck or rather good odds. Now it's pretty much just bunk. Your odds of winning a scratch off since the great recession hit I swear to God are lower. So I spent a good like $17 on scratch offs today and out of all that I only got one winning ticket for $5. I also stupidly bought tickets a week ago including the pricier ones, and I got a $20 winner off a $10 ticket. The other major rule for lotto tickets: do not bother with the $1 tickets. Those things are all taxes on poor people to soak up their loose change. You're never going to win those. The $2 are also generally pretty much crap, but the $3-5 ones can be okay, and while it's way more risky you've at least got a shot at something in the $10-20 range but the problem is you're probably gonna lose and throwing away $20 on a stupid scratch off is dumb as all fucking hell, let alone blowing more on it. I swear ernst, these things are all just an added layer of taxes on poor people, and just like with beer they're paying their hard earned money to the state to become docile, content, and non-rebellious against their general condition.

I watch these people and it's really sad. They all seem to like the win for life tickets the most. Anything that says cash for life, or win for life, or however "you're not going to have to worry about finances for the rest of your life" in three words is expressed seems to be what they buy the most. Go and get like a hot dog or chicken burger or whatever at some gas stop and watch them. Then on the rare occasion they like win $50 off a $10 ticket and then they just blow it all on another five $10 tickets, which is just kind of sad and retarded. The amount of money they spend each day is incredible and now I want to know what the fuck the state is doing with our goddamned money, especially when you consider cigarette taxes.

The other rule of gambling which is my last thing for this longwinded post is to always tax yourself when playing games of chance. I think that anywhere from a really low 10-50% rate is acceptable.

Each and every time you gamble, or better yet throw away any money on the kinds of stupid shit the State taxes you for, you should tax yourself on it, like with beer, liquor, lottery tickets, cigarettes whatever. And so each time you get a pack of smokes and some beer and scratch offs and say spend like $25-30 you should find a rate to tax yourself on, and then set that money aside. Say you just blew idk $9 on brand name cigarettes tax yourself 20% and round up so you set aside $2. If you're gambling and you just blew $20 on scratch offs, tax yourself at 25% and set aside $5. Then you get yourself some beer, good beer, and tax yourself 33.3%(repeating of course) and set aside another $4. So you see, you basically just taxed yourself enough to set aside $11, because if you can afford to buy that dumb shit for being poor working class bydlo, it means you should be able to afford those added on taxes.

And then what you do is at the end of the month you should count it all. Make sure to set it aside and forget about it and never touch it until at the absolute soonest you get it back from yourself at the end of the month and count it. So say it's $51. I just got another $51 to play with at the end of this month okay yay woopee. but then what you should do is think about all those dumb things you bought and think about how much that stupid shit cost you, and look at your measly pile of money and imagine how much more money you could've got saved by not buying that kind of dumb shit.
So far, I just got $51 at the end of July. Wow.

And then the other thing that you should always, always do is save up your lottery tickets like you'd save a bunch of receipts, and just keep them in a stack. Organize by week or month if you want, depending on stupid shit that you buy. And then you should look at that pile of burned money and be disgusted with yourself and disgusted with the society when you look at it and add it all up.

Lotto is a losing game. You can tell a gambling addict just by how they look sometimes. Lotto is stupid shit you simply cannot get ahead or win on. Casinos OTOH while you can actually get quite far ahead and what's best is that you have some control over it like in blackjack, poker, and to some extent even roulette, but the problem is those places are expensive as all fucking hell which means you've gotta be willing to part with a LOT of your cash when you go in there, and I'm talking triple digits if you really want to gamble--but at the same time, don't fall for any of the druggie like gambler fallacies and rationalizations or allow emotions to override your logic, and never drink in a casino.

So. That's how my day was, and that's the major general rules for gambling in this country.

How was your day, ernst?
No. 25314
113 kB, 500 × 488
My doggo died only a few weeks ago, he was the reason I met my missus in the first place. RIP little buddy. He drove me mad at times but he was also a part of our family and his death was severe for us
No. 25315
My sincere condolences to you and your missus. I remember being numb for days when my dog died. Yeah, my dog gave me tons of grief, but the companionship and endless joy he provided made it all worthwhile.

t. Black Lab owner
No. 25316
Shaved off my on a whim. Kind of strange but not unpleasant. My lower face is considerably more refreshed by the newfound cool air but it's also less warm and cosy. Not entirely sure if it offsets it.
No. 25317 Kontra
beard, shaved off my beard
t. corrector
No. 25318
Hey Ireland I know this is unspeakably rude and uncouth to say or ask, but...does she have big tiddies?
No. 25319
Labs are total bros, they must be the kindest of dogs. Ever since our fella died the neighbour's dog is coming over and staying with us sometimes because she either senses we need a doggo around sometimes or we're just giving her more attention
No. 25321
I didn't know if you were the same person or not.
No. 25322
I am but on old KC I couldn't post anything at all without being heckled over it, the minute bernds saw the Ireland ball they would start ranting about tits. It's probably my own fault though.
No. 25323
Lol I'm going to play FNV more to learn how to play this like roulette.

You have my sympathy I'm sorry Ernst I didnt even know. When we lost our dogs it was pretty crippling and health ruining too, mentally and physically. Our last dog who pretty much became sorta my dog who I would always hang out with got cervical cancer and was in so much pain and dying we had to put her down. It was the first time she barked and acted aggressive to anybody when we gave her the shot. The worst part is I could see that her last moments were confusion and terror, and pain as I held her dying and felt her pulse stop. We also lost three Australian shepherds and a beagle. I have lost so many pets it's crazy. It makes me feel like an elder god or a jaded old vampire, still surviving as I watch everything around me either and die over the generations.

My last pet was a guinea pig. I stayed up all new years eve night, alone, listening to her last painful wheezings. It was almost like when was purring and in her last moments just wanted to be near me for comfort I think. I tried to find a therapist to help me deal with it but they couldn't even get me anyone until late February long after I dealt with it, alone, with no help from anyone in my own way and that therapist turned out to be completely fucking useless. I know also understand why sociopaths dont get fixed but get worse by therapists--because they are all such fucking useless twats that sit there like a godless consumerist version of Catholic confession that costs a hell of a lot more too. I couldn't understand what her or some other guy even was supposed to do, except maybe sit there and indirectly teach me how to manipulate people. Waste of my fucking time.

There's a family of woodchucks not far from where I live and every time I see them I get an impulse to just try and capture one. We have a family of what look like woodchucks but with a rat like tail that lives in a stream for some reason and I get the impulse to capture them too.

Or maybe I could go to a pet store. Maybe I could get a pet pird or Guinea pig or even a ratto to keep me company. I just want to get a dog again.

I feel sorry for my dad. He's the one who had to bury most of them and I know it's literally been killing him having to do that. Maybe I should buy my dad another dog too. Err, adopt one from someplace. I couldn't even mourn the one dog who actually was my dog because I was away at college and had to focus in finals. My gf at the time grabbed me looked me in the eye and said you don't have time for this. And I didn't. And eventually I graduated and right now he's under a pile of rocks covering several feet of dirt beneath the lawn.

I'm sorry Ireland
No. 25324
For 15min now I hear war planes going over my city every other minute.
I just had to chuckle over the imagination that something happened in the middle east with Iran and now American war planes taking off. But it will probably just be some kind of training flights.
No. 25326
Today I saw a pigeon
No. 25327
Me too but it was lying on the ground dead and something had eaten out its insides.
No. 25328
40 kB, 500 × 539
It's raining. I'd like to give some literary meaning to this event, but it doesn't feel appropriate.

I'm going to start the post-post-production today. Writing the essay(s) to accompany the text.
I'm conflicted about the illustrations. If I can't take proper pictures using a go software, then the best option is to just scan the original art and add that instead. (Though I seem to have solved this issue, hooray, pic related is exactly what I needed.)
With the illustrations it'll probably be around 100 pages. Don't know what printing that will cost me, but it doesn't seem much. If I remember the price is 5 Forint a page, and I'll be printing roughly 400, which doesn't sound too horrible.

I assembled the necessary books for literature study. Basically the plan it to look through the basics you learn in 9th grade to get a solid foundation. Basically I'll be reading the Greeks, and Shakespeare.

Still have two more days until work starts.
No. 25330
>3 years of work
Congratulations, your level of determination and focus is admirable. The only thing I stuck with that long was college.

>Get out as soon as you get ahead
Good advice. While passing through Las Vegas I went to a casino and found a roulette table with a $5 buy in. In an hour I ran my initial $20 up to $60, then back down to the original $20. That's when I left. At the start I was willing to lose that $20, but after having been up, I decided it would be even worse to leave with less than I started with. So I got out even, but it felt like a loss.
Quitting while ahead was hard for me because of the temptation to maximize my winnings. To counter that, I think a mental trailing stop-loss, like the kind used when selling stocks, would be a good idea. If you're up $20, set that stop-loss at up $10. If you keep playing and get up $30, then the stop-playing moment moves to when you are up $20, etc. The key is to have a quantifiable way to determine when the ride up has stopped, and the ride down has started.

I'm sorry, Ernst. I know it's not the same, but it's good to hear you have the neighbor's dog stepping in and making dog noises, and dog messes.

The day will come when we all make it, and we all have dogs again.
No. 25332
I fell asleep after lunch.
Currently writing the foreword. Tomorrow is when I'll splice in the images. Gonna use MS word for that, since Libre Office seems a bit clunky for this.

Maybe I'll drink a coffee to spice things up. Don't know if I can stomach tea right now.
No. 25334
Just because this video warms the cockles of my heart every time I watching, I thought I'd share this with you:
No. 25336
2,3 MB, 370 × 200, 0:09
Today I made the mistake of being cheerful and optimistic. I've been trying really fucking hard to do a good job at work and now I'm written up along with at least one other employee because we're still recording losses.

Question: is it somehow possible for criminals to intercept a credit card payment before it is made to the company itself? What I'm talking about is something like a skimmer, except that instead of just intercepting credit card numbers and info to sell to criminalsand Russians online that it actually manages to intercept the payment and route it from the company's point of sale to some other bank account? Like if say I made a payment online or at a cash register, for the computer to say the sale went through and was approved, except instead of transferring those charges to the store the charge goes through and gets rerouted to a criminal's bank account?

Because I work in a high volume company and even somehow nicking a dollar off each charge even would start adding up to a lot of money. So despite me being cheerful and thinking I'm doing a really great job I got really super fucking depressed today as I think I'm nailing it and on point and find out I'm now in trouble because we keep losing money.

On top of that I am convinced a coworker doesn't like me and is trying to sabotage me. I think she's spreading rumors behind my back possibly and I know she's the one who threw out part of my paperwork, which I'm glad she did because it should've been really obvious it wasn't garbage. And other reasons. I think I can read people really well sometimes and I could tell my supervisor was angry at me for some reason but I didn't know why today, and sure enough I found out I was right about that. Meanwhile I think she's trying to screw me over to the point where I almost wonder if she's stealing and hoping I'm the fall guy.

And on top of that--and this is why I link to that post--I saw what looked like some kind of dead bird of prey in the weeds. When I checked it out today after work I found out that it was the woodchuck. For fuck's sake I even started cutting apples in half lastnight and today to go and feed to them. I am super fucking PISSED about this because I went and checked its now maggot and apparently leach infested corpse and while it doesn't look too in bad shape it was in the water and its fur started sliding off when I lifted it up. I could find no obvious wounds so clearly it wasn't taken down by a predator, although I did find feathers everywhere way further down from there which clearly that did die from a predator.

I cannot tell if my--yes, MY--happy little woodchuck family that made me happy every day got murdered by some psychopath or was poisoned by some fucking asshole "pest control" around here. Regardless I will find out and raise holy hell about it if I can catch whoever did this, be it outright 1st degree woodchuck murder, or third degree "we're just doing pest control" premeditated gophercide. It was in no place I can think of it bothering anybody however, and I couldn't see where the baby woodchucks are (or at least I think that's the mother).

So once again today I made the mistake of rather being pessimistic and moody while occasionally getting a pleasant surprise I made the horrible mistake of being optimistic and being serially disappointed and crushed once again. The job at least it could somehow be part of my own negligence with...something, at least, that I'm somehow not aware of doing wrong, but I still suspect internal sabotage. the worst part is I have yet to collect any blackmail information as leverage like I usually do which leaves me more open to attack at this point
No. 25337
Man, now that I'm actually at the point where I have to write the afterword, I have no idea how I should approach it.
The Translator's foreword was simple enough, I just explained my methods, excused myself a bit, and closed it with a hopeful passage how *I think it succeeded in creating an enjoyable Hungarian rendition * and wishing the reader a lot of joy reading it.
Then I added in the Acknowledgements and a Selected biography of Kawabata's works in Hungarian.

I'm also hungry, and there is no food at home. I'd gladly eat a slice of bread with some liver paté, but there is no bread. Or liver paste for that matter. French toast sounds pretty appetizing too. Or even just some white rice flavoured with vegeta.
So I'm going to just drink a mug of milk with half a teaspoon of sugar to soothe my hunger and maybe go shopping tomorrow.
Though this milk tastes weird. It's liked it picked up the aroma of something in the fridge. Something green, a vegetable's leaves probably.

Sleeping after lunch was a pretty bad idea, honestly. I can't sleep.

I already have my next target for translation. It'll be another Hungarian short story from our greatest realist author, Zsigmond Móricz. Stay tuned for updates in the literature thread, and please turn notifications on to stay updated :^)
No. 25338
>It was the first time she barked and acted aggressive to anybody when we gave her the shot. The worst part is I could see that her last moments were confusion and terror, and pain as I held her dying and felt her pulse stop
Was she not used to vets? by the time we had to put our guy down he was well used to being in the vet, he was super calm and composed right to the end, probably wondering why we were both crying our eyes out

Man I don't miss working for a living, the stupid drama, the pettiness, the supervisors with a chip on their shoulders, the woman drama, the backstabbing, the gay conspiracies
No. 25340
1,9 MB, 2976 × 3968
made some 1am dindins of chicken Kievs, steamed carrots and new potatoes in butter and parsley to fill my belly before I get blathered on 6 cans of beer
No. 25341
I think she was kind of used to the vets but maybe because it was a big needle, and plus the entire lower half of her body she couldn't move anymore and became incontinent so she was also in terrible pain the whole lower half of her body, but I don't know. And she tried to bite me too. She had never once done that in her life.

It was almost like she recognized what was happening and that we were betraying her.

On top of that the stupid fucking updates on my phone which I apparently can't turn off just like Windows10 completely wiped ALL of my data including all of my pictures and downloaded files. So fucking android erased my last pictures of her. That's what I get for trusting technology obviously designed for no other reason than to be the most total surveillance network that ever existed. And it took my last pictures of my dog. I have yet to figure out how to kill Google completely on that thing and just root my own phone.

But yeah. So that was that. I think that was the worst part of it all too, the way she reacted, like she knew, but at the same time was in utter terror and confusion rather than going quietly.
No. 25353
Woke up with a terrible neck-ache today. Then it turned into back pain somehow.
Helped with shopping.

I'm gonna start cutting the images for the book now. I'll write once the sun has set. Fuck writing during daytime.

Not gonna lie, pretty jelly of that meal. Especially the chicken Kievs.
No. 25365
Well, the illustrations were pretty easy. I thought I'd need to add one for nearly every chapter, but it wasn't nearly as bad.
Made some tea to keep me company while working, but it was fucking rancid for some reason. Tasted like dishwater for some reason. Don't know if the leaves went bad or something, but it was pretty rancid and upsetting.
Havin' a coffee now.

Still no idea how to tackle writing.
No. 25367
I spend too much time on youtube watching dumb shit to numb my brain.

I thought about cutting down on youtube and other social media surrogate living distractions (including imageboards), but I suspect those aren't the problem, but the symptom. If I didn't waste time on that, I'd be doing some other dumb shit, like playing tetris.
Actually, it's gotten so bad that I don't even have the attention span to watch youtube any more, I usually open tetris on another window and "watch" while playing tetris.
Fugging stimulation addiction, I need to take control of my brain.

I don't know why my mind tends towards mindless distractions, even when drawing lately, I don't draw anything specific, just mindless "exercises". I now have an entire folder dedicated to meticulously rendered shiny balls of various textures and colors.
No. 25370
>I spend too much time on youtube watching dumb shit to numb my brain

What kinds? I sometimes watch dashcams or fail videos together with stuff like 10 incredible working machines, fastest worker, incredible worker skills etc. And I'm not the only one who watches these as time killers and fillers.
Technological seduction. I wonder how exactly it works.
No. 25371
I posted on here before but I cannot poop very well and now I have piss retention. My doctor diagnosed me with generalized anxiety and IBS. Could it just be nerves affecting it?
No. 25372
>fastest worker, incredible worker skills etc.

Never seen such videos before. Maybe the YouTube algorithm only recommends them to Germans?
No. 25373
>chicken Kievs
These are the best.

I've had decent results with the "Cold Turkey Website Blocker" to block yt, twitter, chans for when I'm planning to work on sth specific for a few hours. And also "Distraction Free for YouTube" add-on which lets you remove all the suggested & related videos etc. so you only watch stuff you really want to.
>If I didn't waste time on that, I'd be doing some other dumb shit, like playing tetris.
The harder you make it for yourself to procrastinate, the more likely you are to get something done. If Tetris will be your only option, you might get sick of it pretty fast.

>Could it just be nerves affecting it?
Could be of course, but your doctor and you are the most qualified people to judge that.
Have you tried breathing exercises, meditation, working out or sth. along those lines?

>Maybe the YouTube algorithm only recommends them to Germans?
Never seen them myself either.The algorithm knows...
No. 25374
313 kB, 983 × 1600
The time has come. As of today, I am a full-fledged master of the arcane arts. A pity that I have neither a cloak of gold nor eyes of fire. I can still probably go to other people's homes, tell them tales and drink their wine, I think.
No. 25375
Good joge. I don't know how these came into my algorithm governed suggestions.I vaguely remember comments under these videos that point out that these videos were suddenly in their suggestions But it's a specific type of video that can be filled with 'incredible' things like egg beating machines, waste crunching machines, agricultural machines that you have never seen as urbanite etc, human skills and even things just satisfying to watch, which means dirt getting removed, things that fit tightly etc.
It really is entertainment light since you don't even have to follow any commentation or explanation. Just like dashcams or fails, where things just haven and provoke a reaction in you.
No. 25376
I watch pseudo educational videos like "how to make your own action figures with 3D printing and silicone mold casting", or "how to print circuit boards at home", or "overview of the Nyquist–Shannon sampling theorem" or "white hat: introduction to software reverse engineering", etc.
Pseudo practical knowledge that I will never use because no man can have a dozen hobbies at once. It's a form of envy / FOMO specific to creative skills.

So many people out there doing cool arcane shit, while I can't muster up the willpower to finish a drawing or do some coding beyond simple scripts.
Wouldn't it be cool to have the skills to single handedly create a Thing from scratch? Every single detail designed and built by yourself, compliant to your specific vision. A physical manifestation of an idea without compromises. Doing so would be an act of God-like, Divine creation.
No. 25383
173 kB, 757 × 1055
It's all coming together lads and I feel so happy. My hands are shaking right now. Fuck me, I actually did it.
Maybe one more page, then I look through the footnotes to see if I fucked up anything there, then it's done.

I have no idea how you get so much mileage out of youtube. I only get videos I've already watched in my recommended, or incredibly irritating normie shit. It's impossible to find any content on that site.
No. 25384
61 kB, 813 × 635
>So many people out there doing cool arcane shit, while I can't muster up the willpower to finish a drawing or do some coding beyond simple scripts.

I know, right? Exactly what I feel like, when I read books or see art and realize I'm just a shabby consumer and absolutely meaningless with my own bag of ideas that never get realize, because I don't put enough work in realizing them, pushing thru and follow a path.
And now that you say it, FOMO is exactly why I read bits and piece here and there, but I should really concentrate and a few pieces and only occasionally read something very unrelated like a novel! On the other hand, I have topics I follow thru and others that I abandoned but that seem useful at times nonetheless. I hope it just comes together one day, years of sedimentation that eventually form into something like a book or whatever.

Congrats, I hope it will become 'easier' and the next project can be finished someday in the near future. I guess accomplishing a translation at this age is something very special. Don't become like me and steppe brick :DDD
No. 25392
No I’ve never really done meditation or breathing exercises I’m too anxious for these things and screw it up
No. 25394
4 kB, 110 × 172
2,8 MB, 960 × 540, 0:07
It's done.
In the end, it turned out to be a lot more elaborate than I would have expected.
Quite full fledged.
>Translator's foreword
>A short biography of the author
>A short introduction to the game of go
>Selected bibliography of the author in Hungarian
>An Afterword/essay
>15 Illustrations in better quality than the English edition (Thanks MultiGO 4)
>95 footnotes

>3 years
>103 pages
>34885 words

I'm not going to work any more tonight. This calls for a celebratory drink! Prost, Ernst!
Honestly, I'm kinda scared to hear what the people who said they'd read it will say once it's given out to them. Though most of them are teachers I've known for a long time and worked closely with during school.
No. 25401
No. 25402
Now, I wanted to drink some alcohol, but I think I'm gonna pass up on it. Something hurts on the inside, and I don't want to start a fire.

Tomorrow I'll help painting the wooden structure my father and I have built today. Then I'll try getting out of the mandatory family programme of visiting a cold as fuck cinema on a rooftop. Fuck that. I think it's my kidney that caught a cold, and that's why it hurts. Or could be the milk I had yesterday. Or the tea I had today.

I'm going to get so much fucking reading done tomorrow. Gonna start by reading a speech from Xi, then I'm off to taking notes from my new textbook, and then I'll finish it off by reading some of A Rebours.
A dream come true. And now that I'm over with this, I can also freely use my 8 empty hours a week at school to study for the matura and also read the required books.
No. 25406
Do you think you'll ever post it here, or would that be too personally compromising?

Also good choice on the drinks tbh. There's nothing sadder than becoming an alcoholic who's addicted to imageboards also. Since I quit drinking I have noticed an amazing increase in my overall energy and mental powers and pretty much just feel like I'm healing on the inside and the outside. I can't even believe how much easier life truly is without any booze. Of course in retrospect I was also drinking partially because sometimes I liked the challenge, like life on normal mode was just too easy so I decided a playthrough on Drunktard difficulty level.

Would not recommend tbqh
No. 25407
He could remove personal details, but on the other hand it isn't in English, so there would not be a very good point in doing so.
No. 25417 Kontra
I think I'm addicted to vidya and EC even how slow it is. Checking one last time before bed.
No. 25421
Just woke up and drank coffee, gonna play some games
No. 25431
I was rudely awakened at around 10. They woke me up to start painting.
Asked how long the "programme" would be, and it'd last until 11. Wonderful, since with the time to get back home, I'd be able to sleep a comfortable 5.5-6 hours. Just what I needed before work starting on Monday. When I said it, my mother just shrugged it off and said that I didn't sleep for 8 hours today either. (Great logic, especially how they were the ones waking me up.)
Why can't people just fuck off and leave me alone? I don't give a shit about a shitty movie you say is good. I hate movies, especially American movies.
They still won't let me off the hook. Tomorrow is gonna be terrible.
I don't hate the fact that it's a family programme. I hate how it's always announced at the last minute, and how it's without my consent. ("btw we already bought the tickets")
They really should stop allocating my free time without my approval.

On the flip side, I read one speech from The Governance of China, and took some notes from Gustav Neckel's Altgermanische Weltanschauung, so we are getting back on track, even if it's very little and reality keeps hindering me.
Fuck reality too.

Also, my back doesn't hurt any more, and neither my insides do.
No. 25462
713 kB, 634 × 523
As far as my applications go: 2 rejections, 5 responses outstanding, wrote another 1 today.
Other than that I've been reading The Divine Comedy and watching some lectures on it as a morning ritual.
Stopped vaping, though I do feel a very slight urge to smoke cigs now from time to time.
Kind of learned to do an ollie and a pop-shuvit on a skateboard, but I need more pratice to land them consistently.

That's impressive! I wasn't aware you were working on such a big project.

The Wizardcult Grows... Congratulations.
No. 25467
1,7 MB
Cinema yesterday was okay. The film was actually in English with Hungarian subtitles. Man, the subs were fucking shit. No style and no grace.
It was especially irritating how it was a serious drama (we watched The Departed), and the audience kept laughing whenever somebody swore. Swearing doesn't make things funny.
Since it was a rooftop cinema, it was pretty cold by the film ended, and we had to wait two more hours until sunset. I don't think it was really worth it.

Today I went in to work, and they told me I'm not supposed to start until next week. So I went home and slept for two hours more after having a second breakfast.
For some reason I was clenching my fist while I was asleep, and I almost cut a wound into my palms with my nails. Probably stress. Or a bad dream.

Anyway, I woke up and started reading. Finished that short essay titled Alrgermanische Weltanschauung. Roughly 20 pages, but it was really interesting to see how the author interpreted Germanic cosmology and mythology as a process of eternal struggle.
After that, I read another speech from The Governance of China. Had a hearty lunch after that. Good God, how I missed making my own lunch.
I started reading A rebours too. So far it's really good.
Stopped reading because I started feeling some sort of pain in my intestines. Hopefully nothing serious and I just got a bit too much cold air yesterday.
It's this sense of pain that isn't tormenting at all, I just feel that it's there. I really hope it goes away by itself in a couple of days, because I don't really want to see a doctor ever again.
Took a painkiller for it, but I don't think it did anything noticeable.

Well, it's in Hungarian, so you probably wouldn't get much out of it :D
But if you are interested in the book itself, I have an English epub.

>I wasn't aware you were working on such a big project.
Well, that's what I meant whenever during school-time I wrote "I managed to rework x number of chapters".
I liked the book a lot, and while I was discussing Kawabata's writings with my history teacher he jokingly said that maybe I should translate it, since he doesn't speak English.
Honestly, I just wanted to see if I was at all capable of both pulling through translating a larger work while also making sure that the quality isn't abysmal. (No point in becoming a translator if I can't do it out of passion.)
No. 25474
>I don't hate the fact that it's a family programme. I hate how it's always announced at the last minute, and how it's without my consent.
Did you asked your parents that they should announce their program a bit earlier in a way you are comfortable with? If you don't tell them it annoys you that much if they mention to you in last minute, then they won't change their behavior.
No. 25475
1,8 MB, 400 × 308, 0:01
8ch.net is down, cloudfare

So all the hard work I put into 8ch.net/kc/ to serve as an alternative to Kohl was a waste

No. 25476
Of course I tried talking about it. It always leads to the same 3-4 responses about how "I don't have anything better to do anyway" or "You'll turn sour in that room"
No. 25478
Read a comment on a German news page, that argued Cloudflare service could be provided by a different company.

I just watched asian street food videos https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9NDFlu3jtQY because it showed up in my related/suggestions. There was a comment under one video asking why so many people watch it at night when hungry and I wondered if the algorithm could be responsible for it.
No. 25483 Kontra
fuck off gypsy
No. 25488 Kontra
This is a good board and you should feel bad for polluting it.
No. 25499
Another life lesson learned.

There are times when you know exactly what to do in order to get the job done, and there are times when you have no idea. The default behavior is to work when you know the solution, and think about a problem you can't solve. The right way to go about it is exactly the opposite of that.

When the solution is unknown, it is important to stop thinking and start working. Start with the smallest, most trivial task. It is by exploring the problem blindly that you discover what exactly must be done in order to finish the work. Thinking about things you don't know about is useless.

And it is precisely when you know how to complete a work that you can afford to think about it. In thinking about a problem you know how to solve, you might come up with a way to solve it better.
No. 25516
45 kB, 500 × 666
Today mom took away little brother to get him snibbedy snabbed.

It made me really angry, but I'm not showing it. I told them not to do it many times, giving both theological and ethical reasons, but I guess "muh tradition" trumps everything in the end.

What especially pisses me off is how everyone is so nonchalant about it. Or maybe I'm the weirdo here, getting worked up over foreskin.

I really hate this shithole country and its shithole inhabitants and their shithole turd world mentality.
No. 25517
At least you're not as bad as Americans. They don't have any reasons do to it whatsoever, not even "tradition" or "religion", but they do it anyway. Why are people so prone to self-mutilation, I wonder?
No. 25518
4,4 MB, 2842 × 1816
>but I guess "muh tradition" trumps everything in the end
Cutting dicks in the name of Arabic god isn't Turk tradition.
Praise Tengri.
No. 25519
This feels like another one of those times where you and your folks are on different sides of the Alash divide rather than a petty disagreement about foreskins. You sit pretty firmly in the Alash camp, desiring reform to Kazakh society and casting out ideas that are outdated, and reforming the Kazakh people into a modern version of themselves, retaining the distilled essence of their heritage without the medieval baggage.

Your folks however seem to fit into the more regular train of thought that the tradition itself is what's important, and that its pedigree of surviving this long has determined its validity. Removing it from play is a strike against the validity of the overarching social identity that they identify with.

Tbh, old school Turkic Allah is basically Tengri renamed to avoid the jihad. Bits of it linger, but not many. For example, if I remember correctly two pilgrimages to the Mausoleum of Khoja Ahmad Yasawi are equivalent to one Hajj which is a leftover from ancestor worship considering that the site also has the burial sites of old Kazakh nobility nearby.
No. 25522
44 kB, 200 × 113
Jim Watkins CEO of 8ch gives statement about why they were shut down!


I can't upload it as webm because there is a 25mb size limit
No. 25527
Oh wait, do you want to say you were the host of the 8ch /kc/?
No. 25530
17 kB, 474 × 266
17 kB, 474 × 355
Censorship is getting big. '_'

What also really chills me, that those antidemocratic elements around facebook and the US-deepstate forming the spearhead in the fight for censorship. First but solely:

Alex Stamos

Such an egoistic hypocrite.

>His planned departure from the company, following disagreement with other executives about how to address the Russian government's use of its platform to spread disinformation during the 2016 U.S. presidential election, was reported in March 2018.[2]

Cunt and attention whore.
No. 25533
Today has been good so far. The pain seems to be getting weaker and weaker.

Read some more of A rebours. I want to finish half if it today. The footnotes are really interesting. Scary to think how back when this was written, people knew enough about classical antiquity and were in general cultured enough that they understood it without references.
In the footnotes I came across the mentioning of a Roman epic poem telling the story of the civil war, written by one Marcus Annaeus Lucanus.
Looks like I hit bullseye again in terms of obscurity. Turns out it was translated into Hungarian and published 4 times, but the last time it was ever printed seems to be 1885. Though looking at the inventories of different sellers, there seems to have been made a Replica Edition in 2013 of the translation published in the unforgettable year of 1867.
Am I going to drop 10 euros on an epic poem with archaic spelling? Probably. Will I regret it? No idea.

Few days ago I wrote a letter to one of the literature teachers in response to the list she sent the whole class about what should we read. Finally got a response and it was utterly useless. Her list said
>Selections from the Iliad and the Odyssey,
and I wanted to know which parts. "lol whatever we won't be talking about the story but the ways epic poetry is structured and written in general"
Fuck off m8. I ask you a fucking question, you answer, capisce?
Guess I'm gonna have to ask the other teacher then.

Can't seem to be able to concentrate on anything today. Maybe after the sun sets.
No. 25535
Going over Physics again - had not done it since highschool 6 years ago - through Halliday to see if I can get back to Uni and finally finish my studies.

That feel when it has been over half a decade I've been in school. I wish I had stood back in that school as I'd done it for the first 6 months, talking to no one and studying the whole day in the closed study room they had then. All my hs friendships are gone and I have wasted too much time on drugs and booze. Well, I guess I can't complain, it is my fault in the end anyways.

The good thing is I'm worked up to try Uni again. Plus it is a really nice way to test your math background doing Physics, some exercises get me itching my head but that's fine.
No. 25537
771 kB, 2668 × 3200
If you are not aspiring to be a professor or highly acclaimed researcher, I'd say it's not too late, assuming you are in your mid twenties. At least you made some other social experience in the time before.

This post is made to keep me from reading a text on affect theory. All these conceptual terms and abstractions give me a swirl, yet I'm hoping to get it grasped by the end of next week. Which means I just need to synthesize a working conceptualization, which means I trace some affect conceptualizations from the 1990s up to now and then choose the latest informed by sociology that builds on a concept of affect from cultural studies/philosophy but links it more systematically to things like emotions and feelings. I experienced it as the best and most systematic approach to affect myself which probably stems from being the most current and being from Germany the aim of this approach is to make it especially fruitful to empirical studies, so for people who are not used to cultural studies, sociologists in the narrower sense, which will probably decline a work by Massumi, as it clashes with what they are used to. It also lacks the more esoteric sounding ontology stuff that Brian Massumis work is cluttered with. I'm all for process philosophy but it's not easy to understand and hence I should leave it out.
No. 25538
Assuming you are below 30 it is still a very good age to pursue a PhD even. Especially in physics this is a great title for any position. Doesnt go for e.g. biology afaik

I know a lot of young high impact researchers (for their age and level) who are not cocky about it.

I am a physics noob in my late 20s
No. 25554
Hey how do you buy an Israeli a pizza? Like, from another country. Or ordering pizza to houses of foreigners
No. 25556
Been sleeping today but also been awake
No. 25559
No. 25560
I would suggest to buy it on the Israel.

I did the same today.
No. 25561 Kontra
17,4 MB, 352 × 640, 2:01

Being awake AND sleeping in 24h? Whats wrong with you?
No. 25587
That feel when I bought some new braces to replace my ones that were starting to warp, and I got sent 35mm ones instead of 25mm. Feels bad man.
No. 25596
266 kB, 1008 × 545
Got here today. Kohl is pretty dope but you have cozier discussions here. Hope the infinity chan's problem wouldn't bother you two.
No. 25604
16 kB, 350 × 277
It won't. Even if it does, it took less than a week for the EC computer-pros to build a replacement site using the same software and get a good portion of the old userbase across. I doubt that it'd be any harder for them to do it again :-D

Tess a best. Fite me.
No. 25605
929 kB, 1240 × 1754
I meant the influx of 8chan's posters coming here. Also why fight? Tess a best.
No. 25606
58 kB, 850 × 418
So did I. It's basically what happened the first time.

It seems you are a man of taste. Fisticuffs are not needed indeed. That feel when high school wasn't being Air Boss under her command on the weekends. Worst timeline.
No. 25607
Today has been good to me. Read like 60 pages from A Rebours, and I'm in not much pain any more. The only time I felt anything was when I had my daily jug of tea.
I even managed to pick up studying hanzis again recently. I forgot a lot, but I'm also surprised how much I remember.

I'm gonna relax for a bit now, and then get back to "work".
No. 25608
I'm in my early twenties but I feel like time is passing too fast and I've wasted too much. That's why I'm trying to put the max. amount of effort I can now to warrant a calm or soothing future, if that is ever going to exist.

I've been working on some side projects too but nothing too remarkable. Just a few gigs to make some buck on the side.

I tried putting what you meant by affect in my head and writing a paragraph to answer you but I'm not much of an aesthete and I'm not sure what to put of it.
No. 25609
258 kB, 600 × 800
Well, at least I was assisting a female detective with paperwork during uni practice last summer. She got so much work before vacation she was thinking aloud and being constantly confused what to do next.
No. 25610
>I'm in my early twenties but I feel like time is passing too fast and I've wasted too much.

I'm in my late twenties and feel the same. So, worry not, my friend.


Don't bother, it's just me talking to myself. Aesthetic is somehow related to affect but I cannot give a satisfying clarification, since I don't know know really how it is connected. A piece of art can affect you just like an internet comment. (Both these )affects get processed into emotion culturally shaped modes of expression...feeling as diffuse something that perhaps also needs clarification in difference to affect somehow, that's the line of argument I will follow in order to give a distinction of both terms. Actually the spoiler I just added already hints the distinction.
No. 25617
I really wish I had some savoury pastry.
No. 25620
122 kB, 600 × 899
31 kB, 480 × 360
I just had a donut. I can still taste the frosted sugar on my lips. I bought 6 of them at Walmart at a late night discount for $1.79
No. 25622
115 kB, 640 × 360
No. 25626
A tenure track evolutionary biologist at the University of Alabama just made a series of tweets and a blog post endorsing ethnic nationalism. Not sure where that should go since it’s not really news but I found it mildly interesting.
No. 25627
The news thread obviously and do you have a source for it
No. 25636
Sounds indaresting. What are you studying?

t. leads a wholly uninteresting existence
No. 25642
I actually managed to complete all code I needed to write for my thesis... I've got more than 1 month left to fully concentrate on writing the rest of the thesis without having to go back and forth between code and text.

I'm still a bit worried that writing the text in the remaining month will be close call (especially since I will miss one week due to being on a camping trip), but at the same time it's a huge relief to know I managed to complete the coding work. Even three days ago I was not certain I could actually do what I'd set out to do. Rationally I knew it was possible, but as it often is with code, you are a fool if you think you can know anything in advance.
No. 25646
95 kB, 1280 × 800
Just finished law degree this year. Although my uni is not in the capital students still participated in moot court competitions. And damn, working with sources of international law in english is far more difficult than with local legislation. Speaking of summer practice it's a total lottery. One can spend a month sewing paper for case folders in a court or running like a dog along with police or detectives, assisting with interrogations and crime scene reviews.

As I was studying on state's money I am obliged to work for 2 years in a organization appointed by university according to my qualification. The bad thing is that my employment is assigned to a smaller city of the region. So now there is a problem of finding either housing or a car.

>t. leads a wholly uninteresting existence
Hey, at least it's warm when we have winters. Just don't get too friendly with snakes and spiders, I guess. I wonder how costly amazon delivery is for you.
No. 25647
66 kB, 500 × 391
Tbh that's actually a pretty interesting way of debt repayment. Ours is just extra tax when you start earning above a certain threshold. I'm probably going to attempt to skip country on mine though :-DDD

t. history degree haver

>Just don't get too friendly with snakes and spiders, I guess.
I don't mind snakes. They're pretty chill. Worst I've ever seen was a 2m python that curled up around my gran's landline phone during the night. They're not really dangerous though. A bite hurts and you need to clean it properly but they're constrictors. Most of the venomous ones aren't in built up areas. Where I grew up though we had an induction at school for identifying and avoiding venomous snakes though because regional Australia :-DDD

>I wonder how costly amazon delivery is for you.
Depends but usually isn't too bad. They set up actual depots in the last few years so you often end up with maybe a $5-10 shipping cost for expedited, and from Amazon itself there's the $50 threshold for free standard shipping. Amazon logistics stronk. I can get a massive book shipped and tracked for free, while ordering trading cards when I used to play Magic could range in the $20 region for a similar service (admittedly it was FedEx which is a million times better than Australia Post, but still).
No. 25648
>pretty interesting way of debt repayment
There's also an option to pay it all off in cash if you don't want to work two years in some agrotown Huikovichi, but the sums you gotta pay are utterly ridiculous, several times higher than the sum you'd pay if you just studied for your own money from the start. A friend of mine wanted to do that, and the total cost turned out to be around $10000 (yep, ten thousands Murrican dollars. In a country where a $500 monthly wage is considered decent), so he just said "fuck it", dropped out and went to work in Russia.

t. other Belarusian
No. 25649
Off topic, but that's a pretty noice image.
No. 25650
1,1 MB, 4032 × 3024
>They're not really dangerous though.
They may be but I remember how I got startled by a frog while having a walk in evening. Felt pretty embarrassing before a female acquaintance for such a reaction. Huh, and you would casually walk past a python with "dads just a snegg, m8" comment.
Now there is also an option of serving 2 years in military: the first one under conscription and the other one under contract. Dog only knows where they would get money for the possible influx of contractors. On the other hand no one prohibits you to find an employer on your own. Yet it's not a trivial task for humanitarian degrees havers.
Pretty thanks. Sadly I haven't found a larger variant.
No. 25653
>option of serving 2 years in military
Eh, I dunno about it. On one hand, you don't have to worry about rent and, if you're lucky, you'll be serving somewhere close to a big city. On the other hand, you still live in fucking barracks and serve in the stupid army. And I kinda doubt that your pay by contract will be much higher than your wage in some rural shithole, if at all.

>it's not a trivial task for humanitarian degrees havers
It's not really that easy for engineers either. I studied programming (well, actually systems engineering, but it was mostly programming anyway), and the only guys who managed to pull this off were the ones who constantly worked their asses off and who were already employed in the third or fourth year of uni. Guys with good grades who didn't bother to find a job early ended up in state-owned enterprises of varying degrees of shittiness.

How is the situation with employment in the law nowadays, by the way? Several years ago the labour market for lawyers (and some other occupations like accountants and economists) was really oversaturated, AFAIK, and you could only land a decent job if you had good connections.
No. 25654
>How is the situation with employment in the law nowadays, by the way?
Same as before but with worse circumstances. The degree program is shrunk to 4 years with few first graduations overlapping with 5 years programs. Also budget positions for study are cut as well. Commercial area is relevant only if you study in Minsk which is the only place with relevant amount of law firms and other companies. Regional centers along with lesser amount of offers want you to be a man and a ship at the same time. So you are also responsible for management of personnel and labor safety. Government area is "optimized", leaving less working places and most of them are agrotown Huikovichi tier. So "good connections" are even more important now.
No. 25655
Man, this sucks. I kinda feel like an asshole for having a degree which allows pretty much easymodo employment and not going for it (if only I weren't such a lazy shit...), while other people struggle to find a job at all, and if they do, it's some sort of stupid-ass circus with loads of responsibilities and a disappointing wage. Well, good luck to you anyway.
No. 25656
Trying a dating-app again was a mistake. This time I tried Bumble, as someone from here recommended to me and the concept sounded interesting.
So I put in 6 photos of me showing me hiking on a mountain, in a suit at a wedding, in a traditional uniform, in bed, at the beach and in the forest.
My profile text is:
Looking for someone to have forest walks with and swimming in a lake.
Good talks and eating out well.
Going into theaters, concerts, to the cinema, museum or to the countryside.

As far as I can tell my looks aren't bad, lots of people calling me handsome or even beautiful so I don't worry about that.
So what the fug is the matter now, why don't I get a single match?
I had like two and they didn't text anything.
Am I just too retarded to sell myself properly?
No. 25657
It’s not you, dating apps are just shit for men.
No. 25658 Kontra
They're filled with bots to push you into buying a paid acc to further your endeavors after you're run out of free profiles.
Every girl is approached much more on average making it useless for them to enlarge their pool of a potential flesh to put vagina in penis.
If it hits right in your balls, you have to go through walking up to potential inserters of penises while paying less attention to subsequent rejections. In the end, you'll get the award.
Sage for boring socio issues.
No. 25661
32 kB, 275 × 372
>russian ernst's face when reading about neurotypicals' bioproblems
No. 25662
I could imagine that such woman don't frequent Bumble, I always thought the more classy women use Tinder and the rest is bydlo central.
Thought about using Tinder, but then again it seems so weird to meet someone out of the blue more or less. Thinking about small talk right now gives me a freak out already. Reality is different than imagination often enough tho but I just can make a jump. I have to stop reading books first and get acclimated again, in order to reach out to a 'normal' foreigner, wish they just weren't normal to begin with, but you first have to find out. Zu mühsam gerade.
No. 25663
Probably such women don't frequent dating apps at all, there's a barely a difference to those on Tinder.
But real life opportunities for me are barely there. I know that relationships and love are supposed to happen organically and naturally but if there just is no-one around to synchronize with, I'm left sort of hopeless. Guess I need to go out more often or something, for example a friend of mine whose long-time gf broke up with him is basically jumping from party to party now but I have no interest in this and no interest in the people I could meet there.
I will take up new studies (online-editor) next summer but until then I don't see much potential.
Anyways I didn't get the job at the newspaper, a colleague of mine told me on my last day that while they'd definitely have a need for workers they'd have no budget.
Tried at a smaller one now, if that won't work I'll just try to get another internship to collect more experience points until my studies begin. I need 6 weeks of internship anyways to attend them.
Also there's still the plan of trying copy-writing as a side-job. I found an agency that dedicatedly hires students, having done the internship now I at least have some little kind of qualification and experience I can show, so who knows.

Writing barely works these days, whenever I try and sit down I end up with incoherent and sinister diary-like ramblings. I miss those days when the muse kissed me and I was able to write a lot.
I think part of the reason is that I feel heavily desillusioned, I feel like nobody's going to read contemporary literature anymore anyways (I myself haven't read a single one of the germans other than Herrndorf), like the whole thing is dead.
During the great times of literature you had maecenas, great literary magazines, well-respected writers with publically asked opinions and the most important thing - people actually reading!
These days art is nothing more than an asset, young artists mostly just end up either in their small academic circle-jerks or trying to make money by other means.
Gone are the days that the countries leading politicians and personas would care about art, democracy and capitalism dumbed everything down so even rich people these days have the minds of peasants.
So I end up in utter cynicism and no inspiration to write anything other than journalistic or political articles. And even with these I feel like fighting for a lost cause.
Maybe it would be less painful to give up any aspirations to do work I enjoy and just focus on finding something well-paid I don't absolutely hate.
Luckily online-editors are needed a lot outsides of newspapers as well, any big company needs some. Maybe that's where I'm gonna go, right into the free market and using the few spare time I'll have to pursue my idealistic interests.
No. 25664
>copy-writing as a side-job

Whats that?

>contemporary German literature

Yeah, there are many from the Hildesheim factory, but thats boring shit. I wish I knew great literature from Germany. Even classics like Böll or so seem utterly boring. Goetz is ok, but all that is history, where is the minor literature of today? I have to write my own theory fiction about the techno-asthetic condition of mankind, since I don't write much it will either be shitty, never written or take another 20 years :DDD


Why not call fitting magazines/news papers and ask to write an article, an idea that fits. This is nothing steady but it gets you published.
I cannot believe the guys at the workshop were trolling. Ofc you won't get a 'job', you will just be payed to write one article and perhaps more if you are good enough to them. This means that you need some text samples and an idea that will spark interest, since I can imagine calling a paper/magazine and asking if you can get task works worse than providing an idea/text that can be just bought an published to entertain the reader and give him/her an information+

Any newspaper/magazine is ok, if the topic is not suited for the regional/local reader. I sometimes look at the culture/media ressort of the regional paper and guess what, last time there was an interview with a former lecturer of mine, the topics he wrote about (history) are of relevance in the present, thus interesting to the reader and fills the pages. Sounds simple and apparently works.
No. 25665
I forgot to mention: the writer of the big daily article of the culture/media ressort is always somebody different, which means they buy articles from free lancers the way I just proposed I'm sure.
No. 25666
>Whats that?
Basically writing ad and marketing texts, marketing blog-post etc.

>Yeah, there are many from the Hildesheim factory, but thats boring shit. I wish I knew great literature from Germany. 
Looking at the downfall of german literature I see one big turning point: WWII. The devastation and mayhem witnessed might have been just too much for the culture to flourish again. Specifically in germany the feeling of being the loser of the war adds up to it, the national spirit is broken and castrated.
Looking closer at the history of german literature, it was tightly connected to the national spirit. Great literature implies a great feeling for your national language, a deep connection towards your language.
Where neither a deep connection to the nation nor a deep connection to the language is given, where language is just seen as an interchangeable set of communicative symbols, no great literature can arise.
Another thing is that after the rise of fascism the leftover german writers and artists looked down upon any notion of greatness and beauty.
Prose had to be democratized, accessable for everyone.
The german language bears the possibility of and the tendency to beautiful, long sentences, this was thrown away as well.
The writers of the Gruppe 47 loved the Hemingway-kind of prose, that's short and easy to digest. In the end, they just submitted to their new overlords and their culture. What came out was mediocrity. Next step of the decay was writers and artists deciding to set up guilds and labor unions instead of having saloons and magazines.
The increase of mass literacy just served bad literature with low aesthetic qualities.
And nowadays your simply at a point where "reading" and "writing" is seen barely as a hobby like "cooking" or "traveling".
If we look at the development of Europe in the 20th century, it's a mere history of losses and decay.
We're living in a cultural wasteland now, where everything spiritual and every art was given up in favor of mindless hedonism and individualism.
The pain I feel when writing these lines is physical, I can barely stand it anymore.

On a more recent note: the small number of those who carry artistic qualities inside them just buzz off to other fields that are opening up. There's a massive market for tv-shows, videogames etc. so that's where the "creatives" (I cannot say how much I detest this word) go.

In answer of the third part of your post: you're probably right, but it's hard to do it just like that. It's hard to find the right client and working just like that without a direction and without knowing which nerves to hit and which kind of reader to tackle with your writing, it's just like floating around in a vacuum. Like when I wrote the report I barely even got answers and the one I got, was just saying that it wouldn't fit their style. So yeah, a weeks worth work just blows off in the wind.
Furthermore newspapers give you a safety, give you straight oders what to do and for which kind of reader to write. Also it's just a lot of fun to drive around the city and go to events or talk to people.
No. 25667

shows how 'culture' is commodified. I don't think writers see the German language as mere functional. You have to keep in mind that romanticism and aestheticism are from a different time. I guess nobody writes poems like Baudelaire in France today like it's in his/her blood. The problem is that it got professionalized and often times represents the life of a better off middle class only. At least the Hildesheimer literature is an incest milieu in that regard is my impression. The drama of existence or life it unfolds is not breaking any artistic boundaries. Can lierature be more than a mirror, at least a distorting mirror it has to be.
I say it again, why is a new Kafka unimaginable today? It cannot be that the only thing we have is strict realism that deals with trending topics and problems in society in an rather obvious manner.
Perhaps we both dream of heavy exploding aestheticized avant garde literature. If I write about the techno-aesthetic condition of mankind I'd have to find words that are far off the public discourses but open up a world beyond, previously unseen but yet there once you realize how it fits, like a deep and complex background noise you are zooming in encountering patterns that cannot be seen with the physical human eye. Giving rise to a new angle, a new experience. I'm pretty much sure to postulate an imagination here that will be informed by theory and writings about our condition but that lack the aesthetic which is implict in it, at least for me. Like these theories are the key to a new world that needs to be made felt. Penetrating, an abstract intensification, yet absolutely vivid, vital, thanks to the right words that represent this imaginative zoom into the things.
No. 25674
A day wasted. Woke up really late, and went to the chemist's after lunch.
Also bought a notepad at the office supplies store. They didn't have the type of paper I was looking for.
I hate going to the chemist's. Evokes bad memories of the time when I had to buy medicine on my own.

The entire city smelt bad for some reason. It's like a pipe broke somewhere. The Mayor's Office couldn't find the reason, but it seems to have subsided by now.

Wasted the second half of the day on another family programme I couldn't get out of, since "I'm not working anyway". At least I got a tiny bit of vodka at the restaurant we decided to eat at.

Been feeling good otherwise. Hopefully I can finish 20 something pages of A Rebours tonight.
Also got my prints. 4 copies of the translation. Nothing fancy, just a bunch of A/4 pages, with metal rings binding them together. I have to hand out three to the people who said they are interested. Gonna make one delivery tomorrow.

Feeling lovely, despite the alcohol. Listening to some weird vaporware album and thinking about stuff. Like how I'm going to rearrange my bookshelves once the new shelf is installed. I want to move the Chinese, Japanese, Philosophy, Handbook and Epics sections to the new shelf. These need more breathing room. Though it's foolish to plan ahead, since I have no idea about the shape or volume of the new shelf yet.
Vaporwave as a style is really hit or miss. Sometimes it evokes longing for times and places that never existed the way I long for them, and other times it's grating garbage.
No. 25675
Going to sleep in bed.
No. 25686
I have no idea what the fuck I'm doing.
No. 25687 Kontra
Same but >>25675 now.
No. 25688
I'm keeping up with the studies but yesterday I lagged a bit behind, still managed to do 25 or so exercises. Tomorrow I managed to study a bit more - perhaps 75% more or so even though I got a bit distracted by Reddit.

I also took the sleeping meds earlier

Interesting, now it occurred to me that I was thinking of the word in terms of affection. Not sure why, still.

Really cool, what is your project about and in what language are you coding it?
No. 25689
Forgot to mention that I've also been reading a biography on Paul Dirac. It is pretty interesting even though I am quite vague about the development of the equations presented on the book - which will make for a great opportunity to read it again later.
No. 25692
Shaved my heda. Didn't do an unguarded clip, just a number 1. I think I even managed to get it all pretty much even. Breeze on face. Breeze on scalp. Feels good man.
No. 25693
I shaved my "beard", and I sort of regret it now. Fucking razor fell apart and I had to put it back together. Thought about leaving a moustache but at worst it looks creepy, and at best I'd look like someone from a DDR fashion magazine, neither of which is a desirable look.

Haven't eaten anything today, just drank some yoghurt.
Picked up a book titled The Fundamentals of Marxism-Leninism while walking around and about. Had a great laugh while flipping through the first few pages
>Someone underlined things
>Added notes
>Suddenly an entire section is crossed out
>It's about how the Chinese communist were right about something
top lel tier, or maybe I just have autism. (Quarrels like these seem funny from the distance of a good 50-60 years.)

I feel really weak right now. It'll probably get better after lunch.
No. 25695
379 kB, 1280 × 720
Hey so do you guys remember how I said I had bought half a dozen donuts? Well I lied. I bought more than that. These are the other donuts I got, a 4 pack of these for $1.49
No. 25696
388 kB, 1280 × 720
But what should I do with it? It is caked full of crumbled up oreos in the donut hole, and sprinkled liberally all over the top of my delicious donut. So what to do with it
No. 25697 Kontra
you can pull a moustache if you look hipster otherwise, have seen it a few times.
No. 25700
1,9 MB, 3968 × 2976
a bunch of local cows got hit by lightning and everyone in the town is talking about it. Such is life in rural Ireland
No. 25701
15 kB, 300 × 277
Oh what good spirits showering, shaving and a bit of Wagner's Rienzi can awaken inside me on a friday evening as solitary as rainy.
No. 25702
It's good to know you beat the barbershop racket. I've never done a number 1 clip, only the 2.

>Suddenly an entire section is crossed out
>It's about how the Chinese communist were right about something
Very funny. I wonder if the guy who did that owned the book, or if he simply became enraged while browsing the book carts.

>what to do with it
A donut topped with oreos....
Pour yourself a nice glass of milk, because there is only one way this story ends.
No. 25705
393 kB, 1280 × 720
Oh no, there is something so much more. You see this? THEY PUT OREO COOKIE RIGHT IN THE MINT ICE CREAM
No. 25706
424 kB, 1280 × 720
Hear me world! Gaze upon my creation and weep!
No. 25708
Had some really noice Chinese black tea. Fermented Pu-er. The thing kicks you like a horse. The first brew is almost as black as an espresso.

I wrote a bunch of emails today. My wording is still overly Victorian I think. It's especially irritating when you get a response using emojis.

Came to my knowledge that there is an official English translation of the source material The night is short, walk on girl, an anime-movie I hold in high-regard for it's art and story. I'm gonna drop some money on that, fuck it. I mean, it's not Tatami Galaxy, but very close to it. Same author and almost the same theme. I just want to see it for myself.
And it's also a proper novel, so I'm hoping that the prose quality isn't as shit as it is with light novels.
By god, all the libraries in Hell are filled with LNs.

I feel really disorganised to be honest. It's like that feeling of panic is back.

Managed to pet a cat on the street on the way home from the local bookstore where I picked up my package. Their selection is quite "meh", though they did have a really tempting three volume edition of Lovecraft's works, but man, fuck reading Lovecraft in translation, and the three volumes would probably cost as much as a good looking English edition.

>I wonder if the guy who did that owned the book
I'm pretty sure it was the original owner. The notes sadly stop after the first chapter. He probably lost interest. Most likely the thing served as an ideological set-piece/decoration in his house/workplace.
Reminds me of the essay of Yu Hua, describing how every house had a copy of The selected works of Mao, not because people were interested, but because they had to show the world that they follow the leader.
No. 25709
I really should have bought something salty at the store while I was out and about.
Man, writing emails is stressful. It's like getting no response might feel better than not getting one at all.

Work starts next week, and I want to preserve my mental stamina and sanity somewhat. Thankfully I'm not going to work for long. It's not gonna two whole weeks. Though last time they called me in, it was just "for two days", so I told them I'm ready to work for "two years" now what it's "two weeks"
No. 25724
Do they have trees in the paddock? I've seen it happen a few times when I used to live in the country where they'd cluster under trees during storms and cop either a stray strike or have the tree come down on them. Natural lightning rods.
No. 25725
Yeah that's basically what happened, 8 cows in a thunder storm took shelter under a tree and got cooked by the lightning
No. 25730
No. 25742
Did some grocery shopping today, then I fell asleep when I got home. Had terrible nightmares about illnesses and pain.

Started studying literature. Read 20 pages from Babits' The History of European Literature, and old Hungarian book which is by many considered a classic. He articulates his views clearly, and he is extremely well versed in classical culture, adding Greek and Latin expressions in the original into the text.
Got through the introduction and then the first part, which talks about the Iliad.
Then I moved onto the rhetoric textbook. Twenty pages from that too.

Then I felt panic and stopped doing studying for some reason. I'll resume once I calm down.
No. 25752
>Then I felt panic

Is it diffuse or related to learning/intellectual stuff? The later then could be a bodily reaction for sensing that you don't know enough and have not the skills some people who write books have. It's a long long and I mean really long way down the road to get good at this shit, meaning doctoral level at least.

t. having that kind of panic sometimes
No. 25754
It's completely unrelated to studying as far as I can tell. It's just random bouts of panic. Like I received an adrenalin shot for no reason, though not as severe as a proper shock of adrenaline, it's still enough to make my hands feel unreliable, and make my heart beat fast.
No. 25757
Hm, my panic is not always related to that but also other things, sometimes being diffuse. Apparently this is nothing uncommon today here in Europe and such.
No. 25759
Well, I guess I'm feeling all right now. Hope it never happens again.
Gonna go to bed now. Today was a pretty rough day.
No. 25762
Went to the church today, it was fine, I had a nice time. Also it's always fun to play with my mother friend's daughters. They are quiet since his family is very religious and they act a bit shy as well. It's fun. The younger one always smile at me when I get there. As an usual, educated kid would do.

It's interesting since earlier in the day I was giving advice to someone on vierkanal on what should they do to block bad content to their daughter as well.

Lagged behind on the studies though because I kept the whole day hyperfocused on SELinux, going to get Arch going and chime that in tomorrow - actually, later in the day since it's past 12PM in here.

I hope Bernd is doing fine.
No. 25763
293 kB, 478 × 481
The grandmother is dying, every day I hear her cough and she turned into a skeleton. I spent months in the apartments without talking to anybody in real life, my stepfather turned out be a much weaker beta faggot than I expected, so the stepfather and my mother are drinking 24/7 now and don't work, I don't draw and the likelihood of suicide as the end of my story has increased markedly. The number of cockroaches in the apartment increased to incredible amount and I believe that if I started taking photos and laying out more detailed stories about my life, it would be material worthy of creating a documentary about mentally ill disadvantaged people in Ukraine. Now I’m not afraid of suicide as much as before, the cessation of pain in this way looks much more attractive, I think about it every day and it brings me relief.

I spend years in an apartment running away from unpleasant events that once happened in my life, since I feel great discomfort in communicating with people, no work with which I need to see someone is suitable for me. I decided to become a freelancer and even achieved some success in drawing, but I felt constant stress and asked my mother several years ago not to get drunk, don't let my father, who is a former prisoner, to speak with me, and try to avoid any scandals in the family so that I could restore my mental health. A lot of bad things happened since that moment, my mother lied and betrayed me several times. I believe that her inability to keep her word had a bad influence on me. She is not a bad person, but incredibly dumb and she has no self-restraint, it wouldn't be difficult to find a 16yo girl smarter than her.

I feel incredible bitterness and cry when I write this message, but I don’t know who I can blame. My grandmother, my father, my mother, me - we all made some mistakes and led the family to destruction. Everyone could help the others to avoid this hell in which we found ourselves, but nobody had the strength to do things the right way. I regret that I was born and I feel sorry for all members of my family, even though I hate them from the bottom of my heart knowing that they could prevent all this suffering long time ago. I have no strength left to draw and I no longer know where I can get a desire to do things. 5 months ago I asked for money for a psychologist, medical supplies and a spare enegy battery for laptop so that I can paint outside of my flat, but no one gave a dime, although my mother promised to help. Almost half a year ago... She quit work and now she just drinks every day with my stepfather who is a drunkard himself. Even my criminal father didn't want to help.

From the very beginning of my isolation, I promised myself that if I end my life with suicide, I will take with me people who caused my downfall. When i decide to die, I'll take my brass knuckles and beat the stepfather for the fact that he let my mother to become this abomination. The whore doesn't care that her mother is dying and needs money for treatment, and that I have had suicidal thoughts for a year now, the situation is only getting worse for everyone.
No. 25765
290 kB, 646 × 401
I am currently watching some wrestling fights of the last week.

Why is NXT so much better than WWE Raw and Smackdown?

I thought that it would be the same company and that Raw and Smackdown be the top level brands of the WWE universe.
No. 25766
In my opinion it's just that the storylines and characters aren't as ebin anymore. That and pro wrestling is no longer the clash of heroes it was when I was 10 or so, and is now just an occasional guilty pleasure.
No. 25772
30 kB, 357 × 313
>Have a sad dream
>Wake up
It wasn't meant to be like this
My mother says it's the heat. Fuck the weather. Being affected by the weather is for women and old people.
This is not right that whenever I go to sleep I get drenched in sweat and suffer. Nonsense.
Woke up at 7, then I had breakfast and went back to sleep, only to wake up at 1 o' clock.

Gonna play some mount and blade now. At least I managed to read something beforehand.
No. 25776

Start caring exclusively for yourself. Leave your whole family behind you.
No. 25778
anyone knows a decent book or resource where I can learn math notation?

it's been bugging me that whenever I read up on some computer algorithm, they present it in math notation, and my eyes glaze over.
I have to look for the same thing, but in pseudocode.

Makes me feel inadequate.
No. 25780
8 kB, 183 × 275
While not specifically about notation, this book serves as an intro to mathematical proofs, and so it necessarily explains notation without getting involved into proofs that would be too difficult for a non-mathematics student.


Also, if you're seriously interested in Computer Science and Algorithms, I would recommend to read some statistics book as those subjects heavily involve statistics.
No. 25784
I don't know how, but listening to Wagner makes me feel good again.
Now I swing back and forth from anxiety to just simply having a headache. So at least it's not static.
Hopefully tonight I'll have pleasant dreams. I don't want to meet any people I know in my dreams, nor do I want to dream about diseases and suffering inflicted upon me.

Downloaded Schnittke's Symphony no. 0 today, because it wasn't on youtube, and it being sort of elusive made it interesting.
No. 25786
Still not sleeping
No. 25788
222 kB, 673 × 433
I wanted to work thru on important article on the concept of affect but I stopped after the description of Spinozas relational ontology, because it's not really clear how both 'affection' and 'affectus' differentiate. The text makes a difference but it is not clear to me. It's frustrating and going further the texts elaborates the important aspects of Spinozas ontology in such a dense way that I'm truly getting dizzy. How to phrase this shit without sounding like beginner yeah I probably just don't get it therefore I'm not able to phrase it, but it's not like I don't sense it

I will read the aritcle on the concept of emotion from the same compendium. If it's easier it can help me grasping affect as a sort of 'negative' to it. Hell.
No. 25789 Kontra
>If it's easier

...Ok, fuck it.
No. 25790
Whenever I see that a philosopher is French I disregard everything they have to say. Is this normal
No. 25791 Kontra
No, you are just a retard anglophone chauvinist.
No. 25792
243 kB, 1090 × 613
It's an affect, trained by browsing imageboards. I'm keeping a little thesis with me that deciding for a theory/philosophy is foremost an asthetical decision.
Is content separable from form/style? as a follow up question here, too.
French philosophy is different from older continental philosophy and it clearly differs from everything that comes off the "logic and language" corner. If you don't know why that is, you should probably do you research on it, before you make a judge. If Deleuze was searching for a non-philosophy, it's quite stupid to refuse his work because it does not fit the typical academic discourse mill that is slow and not exciting.

Lyotard wrote on the case of theory and fiction. To free thought of academic boundaries.

It would also be wise to look into the history of french philosophy and what came before structuralism. Alexander Kojeve was a teacher of many french figures and he is known for a provocative Hegel interpretation. Gaston Bachelard is also important because of his "constructing a problematique"
No. 25793
2,3 MB, 398 pages
Thanks, looks promising.
Found it on libgen.

God bless piracy, helping impoverished third worlders be part of the global zeitgeist.

It becomes very apparent why this country is shit when you consider that the vast majority of people here don't know english and don't know how to get their hands on information, and must rely on local public education instead. In fact, it's an inevitability that this is the case, considering the circumstances.
No. 25794
121 kB, 800 × 1200
> helping impoverished third worlders be part of the global zeitgeist

that is the intend of libgen and sci-hub, which are from the same caretaker afaik. The founder btw was born in Almaty :DDD
No. 25797
55 kB, 593 × 593
Just having a bout of depression since a few days, the worst (and iirc only) I've had since spring. Ended up taking some painkillers today.
Every time I almost forget how it feels until it hits me again and then it's just astonishing how incapacitating it is. Well, it should go away in a couple of days.

In better news I have a job interview lined up on Tuesday. Unfortunately only after accepting their invitation I realised the location is quite far from the city centre, and it's already my least favorite city in the region. So I'll likely just take this as an opportunity to practice interviews, they'd have to really convince me to actually work there. I guess I'll have to review some stuff to prepare a bit tomorrow.
Though I'm already stressed out because I'm 90% sure I won't be able to sleep well on the night before.
No. 25798
362 kB, 2048 × 1171
I appreciate this thoughtful reply to my shitpost. Truthfully however I probably still won’t read Lacan.
No. 25800
First day of toil. Going pretty well so far.
People are talking of a possible heat record of 38 degrees today. Thank God the office is air-conditioned.
No. 25802 Kontra
Lacan is not really philosopher...
No. 25804
Apparently it was almost 38 degrees today, just as people were expecting.
It's like an oven. Even the wind is scorching hot.

Work was fine, except for that general feeling of anxiety I had to bear with for half of the day. Horrible. There were some little bouts of calmness, but they aren't much help.
I really hope it's just the weather and not that I have a heart problem or a mental illness.

Turns out I'll have half the expected work. One week instead of two. Maybe an extra day if we can't finish the job until Friday.

Met with my maths teacher who I go to when I have problems in class, and gave him a copy of my translation. He said he is honoured to have it.

Just got home.
No. 25806
It was raining here today, thank dog.
No. 25807
Rain is even fucking worse, because it's never lasting and turns the air really humid and jungle-like.
No. 25813
Interesting, what are you working on?

Here I learned in school that in the rainforest it rains almost all day but it's really hot as well. I never went there so I can't possibly know.

I shouldn't have lagged behind Saturday on studies, now I've lost interest in the chapter I am in. Perhaps going to study something else for the time being - Biology, perhaps. If I do not actually pass the test it is fine anyways.
No. 25814
Also, I came to mom's office today. Her coworker is a rather beautiful young lady, I wish I had something to show her but I've got nothing.

These kind of encounters bother me sometimes because I realize I should be aspiring to better things - which I am - but I may be satisfied with being mediocre. Ach, Bernd. I don't even know anymore.
No. 25908
Mosquitos attacked me to drink my blood