/int/ – No shittings during wörktime
„There is no place like home“

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No. 26967 Systemkontra
1,9 MB, 4032 × 3024
Old thread is kontra. Share your daily grind: Autumn haiku edition

——————

Goldenrod in bloom
Gathering winter stockpiles
Squirrels scurry forth
>>
No. 26970
>>26959
Not only that, but it also is supposed to be about serious business or at least should be lyrical. But fuck haiku, here's a senryuu:

It is Friday night:
Gonna drink beer and eat chips,
No one can stop me!
>>
No. 26973
I've decided to archive the today threads that are still on the site. Also re-read some of my posts, and man, do I get depressed when it's winter. I almost give the impression of an eboy of sorts. Maybe more pretentious.
Honestly, I might print them out and save them in a folder, since whenever I write on EC, I neglect my proper diary.

No post today either, even though I was expecting it. I bet the packages will arrive on Monday. I should order the remaining few books I wanted (Dream of the Red Chamber, mainly) because I have no idea if the UK's leaving will fuck me over in any way regarding customs, but I'm 99.5% sure that it'll probably fuck me over pretty hard.

>>26970
Traditionally it's supposed to end with mentioning something natural, like a lake, a river, a plant, or the weather.
Those actually have serious meanings and are used to make an incredibly compact piece of verse that's filled with emotions. Though I can't serve with any examples, because the Basho volume that lists them isn't in my possession, sadly.
Whenever I write haiku, I try to imitate Basho's structure to make it coherent emotionally, rather than grammatically. We really managed to bastardize the haiku in the west for some reason. Most people only see the structure, and how it's "incomprehensible". Quite a sad ordeal.

I'm going to write a haiku too. (Or maybe two)

*The sun is resting
The room is all quite now
Cold is the night sky*
-J.

*The sun is rising
Sending oriental calls
Mogami river*
-J.
>>
No. 26975
1,1 MB, 600 × 433, 0:01
>>26973
I wrote one about the weather. While I tried to evoke emotion, I'll admit my primary concern was the poem structure:

Hurricane is near
And soon will darken our coast.
Buy water and wait.
>>
No. 26979
I'm starting to think that it's not that the Japanese can't handle Alcohol, it's just that Sake is weird and makes you more drunk than it should. A cup of this hits a lot harder than a cup of vodka for some reason.

Anyway, I'm watching anime now, and my bad habit of translating the subtitles in real time has came out again. It's fun. Whenever I start doing that, I feel the urge to open the subtitle software and have a go at it.
But I really should finish that subtitle of The Night is Short, Walk on Girl already. I've been neglecting it close to a year now.
I gotta stay positive about my achievements.
Just think about it, I'm not even twenty, yet I've already translated a novel, 3 short stories, 10 episodes of anime, an anime short with a lot of text, one movie, a third of a Hungarian epic poem and I won one translation contest in school. That's a lot in ~3 years.
I'm just petting myself on the back, but man, it feels fucking good.

Okay, new projects:
1.I'm going to finish my translation of The Night is short, Walk on Girl into Hungarian. Seems appropriate, since the novel will arrive soon in the mail
2.I'm going to translate Zsigmond Móricz's realist short story, Tragédia (Tragedy) into English, and write an accompanying essay to it. Be on the lookout for it in the Literature Thread. It's not online, so it's a WORLD PREMIERE

Found some interesting Chinese books while searching for a Haiku collection, ironically.
It makes me feel euphoric that money is not an issue.
Told my mother You owe me X forints, to which she replied But you owe me money too, and I said That's how the world-economy works.
Lovely, innit. I think I'm actually drunk now.
>>
No. 26980
63 kB, 240 × 400
27 kB, 474 × 266
I've had what feels almost like a cold starting but been treating it with hot sauce instead to help clear up my sinuses since overreliance on oxymetazoline nasal spray seemed bad. Pic related is what Ive been using lots of. Also eating lots of aspirin for my back at work. Somehow this combo I think doesnt work or maybe it was all that in conjunction with everything else about feeling sick, sore throat, tired, generally rolling willpower saves to not get bitchy and apparently hard boiled eggs or even scrambled eggs are a poor place to put hot sauce because it completely masks it on one end, which is the only end I was concerned about for clearing sinuses. Then I didn't feel much and pooped and figured all was well.

But in the end it was not well.
>>
No. 26982 Kontra
525 kB, 1280 × 720
>>26980
Actually the ones I just made are almost satisfactory but I'm going to regret it later. I used a hell of a lot more Insanity sauce and mixed it well. I felt like this while making it https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JGAOqpBNxC8
They are a reddish orange color and I can now feel my stomach beginning to be unhappy, but the pain was delicious.
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No. 26983
194 kB, 960 × 640
89 kB, 190 × 304
114 kB, 550 × 685
>>26980
>>26982

I also made myself a really spicy meal right now. Goulash meat from pork with spicy ajvar, some garlic and lots of chilly-flakes. It did me good.
>>
No. 26986
>>26983
>Ajvar
>Goulash meat
It's like the Monarchy never died
>>
No. 26993
I want to drink alone again. I want to smoke again. I want to lay down on the floor drunk on my back, and listen to one song over and over again.
>>
No. 26995
>>26993
feels are known, I can't smoke anymore but I do miss how comfy they were at times, with a cup of tea. Drinking alone however - no problem!
>>
No. 26997
1,3 MB, 635 × 349, 0:03
At one point I realized three facts. I have one physical friend, said friend is a huge stoner, and the second fact is probably who the first fact is as it is. I feel that being told that "you're fine the way you are" or "I accept you, man" or "I don't judge" mean a lot less from someone who's blazed nearly 24/7 and smells like it too.
I should expand my circle.
>>
No. 26998
>>26997
The older you get the harder it is to make friends, internet or otherwise. Instead you should learn to be comfortable in your skin and not worry about external validation.
>>
No. 27001
Went to some op shops with my sister today. Got a couple of shirts, but they didn't end up mixing with what I already wear as well as I thought they would. Such cases. At least they kind of work for maintaining my aesthetic when something more formal is required.

On that front, I've also lost track of one of my t-shirts. I did have 5 plain white ones and now I only have 4. There isn't really anywhere other than my house that it could be so I dunno what's going on there. I'm sure it will turn up, but having 5 black shirts and only 4 white ones kind of triggers my autism.
>>
No. 27002
>>27001
Me as well. Too many people even tho the sun is burning down on Germany. And nothing that fits right or looks good. I just need some t-shirts to pull the dad look and some new trousers but I cannot spent that much. The secondhand stores here have barely anything to offer that is fitting the look, wft man? Just as you do, I have my white t-shirts but I want more than two colors. I already got t-shirts from my dad but I guess he threw most 90s stuff away long ago. For trousers I have to reside to the internet as well since I'm rather skinny.

I rather drunk yesterday evening just having a few beers. Not drinking much and not snorting speed while drinking makes me rather prone to be drunk fast as fuck. No problem unless it comes to social drinking with strangers.
>>
No. 27003
135 kB, 797 × 748
I thought I'd gotten away with a casual fling but I guess not. It wouldn't be such a problem but she came upfront that she didn't want to have children when, well, I feel too old for casual dating. She did lie on her profile though so its her fault but I still hate having to let people down.

The fact that she is about to go on holiday for her 30th is especially annoying as I'm in a bit of a catch-22. I've told her to enjoy it with as much hint as I can that she should see other people but I can't now dump her in person so I've got to do this slow ghost and try to remember what day her birthday falls on.

>>26981
Noice. By the looks of things you got an effective promotion and, with the new people coming in, have the hours to start line managing. Might be the jumping off point for asking for a raise with more responsibility or them risking you being poached.

I'm a similar boat myself after glancing my work emails, the team has suffered staff losses of late with a couple posts opening up 2 grades above me - I might slot myself into the interim before making it permanent. The only catch is I will then be managing colleagues on my current grade which seems like a dick move - I would be absolutely furious if the same happened with me.

>>26973
At least on this end HMRC have publicly stated that customs will be relaxed in a no deal scenario. I imagine the same is planned for the continent until we stop being in equivalence.
>>
No. 27004
447 kB, 250 × 220, 0:02
I ate lots and lots of Dave's Scorpion and Insanity sauce yesterday, first in eggs, then later, on avacado and cheese sandwiches and without eggs. It was indeed delicious and cleared my sinuses a bit and made me feel good though it did not even burn that much as I ate it.

And in the end it was not well.
>>
No. 27005
>>27002
My issue is that all my check shirts are a bit small now, and the stock of them at the stores I went to was lacking. Either too small (brick shithouse here), shit patterns and/or colours or were flannies which coming into summer are suicide to wear. I found a decent stripe pattern shirt that seemed drab enough to work and it was less than $10, and I thought that maybe it could work. Got home and it's a bit formal for my liking. Got another shirt that's breddy cool though, even if it is also not quite up to my everyday look. Will probably be my go-to for when I have to go to an actual restaurant or something which happens more than I'd like it to.

>>27003
>By the looks of things you got an effective promotion and, with the new people coming in, have the hours to start line managing.
Fuck that noise. They try promoting me and I walk. I don't want the responsibility, and I get paid better as a part-time casual on a loaded wage.

>The only catch is I will then be managing colleagues on my current grade which seems like a dick move - I would be absolutely furious if the same happened with me.
They do the same for you? If yeah, then don't. If they would, fuck em. You don't owe solidarity to anybody who ain't going to reciprocate.

>Gril issues
Tbh, your whole thing has made me curious about the nature of dating. However, I'm also a very golden-rule oriented geezer who finds it distasteful to enter the game with the express purpose of studying a phenomenon rather than really trying to participate in the act. You should be straight up with shit, you know. Which coincidentally is my advice to you. It's going to happen sooner or later. Might as well save everybody the hassle and just cut the rope while it's handy.
>>
No. 27007
>>26993
I actually don't even really want to drink anymore, but I couldn't have a problem taking oxycodone and going dancing with someone. I haven't even bothered dating in years and I'm still trying and not trying to quit smoking. I stopped taking chantix for awhile because it made me nauseous and with my job I cant feel like puking early in the morning because I don't eat at 7:00am and by the time I get home I'm too tired which leaves me with having it closer to bed time, where it will both be least effective for its purpose as well as giving me crazy dreams that wake me up at night and thus fuck with my sleep schedule and make me tired for work.

But the drinking? Nah, I actually can't say that I miss it too much but feels are sometimes known though in my case it's more like a horror. Each time I see a beer and my gaze sometimes doesn't move on it reminds me how sick I was and feels a bit more like being a recovered heroin addict. I can't honestly say alcohol contributed positively to my life except laying on the floor listening to a song on repeat while being utterly delusional and useless about something.

It's only now that I don't drink where I can truly see what I can accomplish in life, and alcohol wouldn't allow me to do that.

>>26998
This is also true and sadly something I hadn't realized.

The hard part is, well actually also because of the stupid part, that I tend to obliterate my social networks once about every four to five years which is probably a habit fucking school got me into, where I find out who is there for me and who is just sort of floating there at the end, in which case I keep those people I can trust and rely on for the next cycle, but the stupid part is I think bernd ending up being more and more of a surrogate especially while I was varying levels of sick.

Which pretty much means that EC is a continuation of that for the next cycle. The few remaining ex-bernds I keep in touch with somehow is it out of hundreds of bernds.

I do this shit every fucking time and I have to stop it, although to be fair if I could do anything I would much rather torch my cards, all my forms of identification, and live off the grid like how everybody used to do as natural human beings. I can't stand it. I fucking HATE nametags. I hate giving my SS number to work. I just want to float from one community to the next, maybe change my name and my face every once in awhile and start over.

But of course as it stands now I am a perfect target of cult indoctrination which I am very well aware of.

It is pretty funny though. I usually end up having close social circles of dozens of people at a time so this feels like kind of an odd transition point, and also one where I need to be wary of that whole cult indoctrination thing for the next cycle.

She was right. She was totally right about me. My life exists in cycles and maybe it shouldn't.
>>
No. 27010
>>26959
OK, I'll try the other way.
The end of summer.
Young student girls in town.
Meat withers my soul.
>>
No. 27011
>>27010
It was actually pretty good.
I liked it.
>>
No. 27014
Today was pretty good. I wrote up an account of my "expenses". Feels assbörgör, man.

Also looked through the articles in the Communist Party's paper. Interesting how it's basically a one-man act, the Party I mean. It fills a gap in the market for the grumpiest of boomers I suppose.

One more day of summer, and I have no idea what to do with myself. I tried playing some video games, but I can't seem to be able to get into the mood.

I watched two episodes of the US version of Kitchen Nightmares, and it's astounding how ADHD the American version is. The UK version is really calm, they are almost whispering in it. In this, everyone is shouting, the music and the cuts are dramatic, it's like a fucking action movies. It's like it was made for people with the attention span of a goldfish.
The English accent of Ramsay is still the high point of the show. There is just something about English accents that elevates them. (Not all of them. Cockney and Geordie are just funny, though still intriguing.)
I'm so sad that my accent will forever be this generic continental one at best, and Zizek tier at worst
>>
No. 27018
>>27010
wayward kids return
wealth wasted on skipped classes
all i feel is bass
>>
No. 27019
I was looking through grants and competitions for aspiring translators, and it all turned into a bad daydream again. It was about how despite I managed to complete my desired university course, I failed to break into the scene, and I worked for the drawer[1] well until I'm in my mid 30s, when I finally presented my translation of one of the Four Great Novels, which was promptly declined by the publisher.
Absolutely horrible, to be honest, makes me want to fucking die.

I don't know why I keep having episodes like these.

[1] Don't know if it's an idiom in English, but it means that you complete an artistic work, and then you leave it in the drawer of your desk, unpublished, either because of the political climate, or because you can't get it published. Basically completely futile work without artistic merit. A good example would be Shostakovich's 4th Symphony, which he shelved for more than 20 years. A lot of Eastern-block artist acted like this.
>>
No. 27020
>>27019
fears of failure

Not uncommon in our times. Reading Mark Fisher is a good start into analysis. But there is more. The structural nature of the system(s) we live in is a big factor I'd say. Systemically produced uncertainty, is inherent in modernity but appears in various modifications. Lots and lots of analytic overlaps will come to the foreground when you grapple with such topics. There is not just one reason, rain is made of thousands of drops.
>>
No. 27021
>>27020
So you are saying I'm in an inherent cultural struggle with my modernity?
Am I in the process of getting in, getting out, or amidst developing a synthesis?
>>
No. 27022
>>27014
>Also looked through the articles in the Communist Party's paper. Interesting how it's basically a one-man act, the Party I mean. It fills a gap in the market for the grumpiest of boomers I suppose.
Once, in Lima, I attended a sort of open class/speech/sermon/something by a professor and most of the audience was mostly middle aged men and a handful of us 20-somethings drifting in and out. The latter group was more actively engaged with the man and arguing with him. I saw a few more times and it's usually the same small group with everchanging hanger-ons.
It's kind of funny/sad. I know of people in the current gen who nominally align themselves along those lines but they're all so hollow. Even things that interest them can't hold their attention.
>>
No. 27027
176 kB, 634 × 910
So apparently the gamergate lady accused some game dev of rape and the guy subsequently offed himself.

Tbh I feel very blessed that, much like reddit or british politics, gamergate was something I never cared about enough to figure out what it was.
>>
No. 27028 Kontra
>>27027
https://venturebeat.com/2019/08/31/beat-sabers-jaroslav-beck-wants-to-invest-in-other-studios/
Much of this is completely retarded. Some of it sincerely sounds like they were not simply "asking for it" but actively in relationships with the guys, and then got butthurt after the relationships ended. In other cases it could actually be the usual blow jobs for careerists and social climbers and then feeling let down by it. In any case few of these sound like actual horrible things like they describe and is part of why I can't fucking stand idpol or feminism in a work place because radfeminism has no place in the workforce, and these idiots calling it "rape" when a guy puts his arms around her, is this a satire?

Anyway this doesn't belong here my lad but rather in the news section.
>>
No. 27029
I just want to say fuck gommunists.
>>
No. 27030
>>26979
Some Asians have the enzymes to process alcohol, some don't.
If you don't have the enzymes or more accurately less enzymes than required, when the ethanol is processed into a poison you lack the enzymes to process the poison.
Hence Asian red flush.
I think North Asians, Koreans and Japanese have more enzymes than other Asians but still less than Whites.
This does not mean those how get sick from Alcohol don't drink and I think the majority have sufficient enzymes to drink normally.
>>
No. 27031
>>26993
get drunk in the dark, have Led Zeppelin on autoplay.
>>
No. 27032
>>27005
The only way to feel comfortable in clothes is to wear them all the time.
I would never wear checked? shirts or those with patterns, solids and stripes are acceptable including hemming bond and other shit as well.
I would also never wear a short sleeved shirt.
For more formal wear a white shirt with a tie.
>>
No. 27033
>>27003
If you take on extra responsibilities make sure you get these and the new Role in writing, ideally you should get a new contract and yes a pay increase.
If you ever jump job, however unlikely they have no duty to state you are Head/Manager/Senior even if you were in this role for ten years.
Which may mean you lose the new job.
>>
No. 27034
>>27007
>I actually don't even really want to drink anymore, but I couldn't have a problem taking oxycodone and going dancing with someone
pretty gay
I would deal with your anxiety first.

Opiates are pretty based.
>>
No. 27035
>>27027
>>27028
>Much of this is completely retarded. Some of it sincerely sounds like they were not simply "asking for it" but actively in relationships with the guys, and then got butthurt after the relationships ended.
Oh wow, a toxic whore who is famous for being a toxic whore is acting like a toxic whore.
I’m surprised anybody dares to speak to this bitch, let alone bed her if they have a dick between their legs. I don’t know what the fuck they were expecting from someone who is willing to go however far she needs to go for publicity, not to mention that they are also the most rabid type of identity-politics activists.
>>
No. 27036
>>27021
Lets just say you as a subject or individual (just like me and all others) are shaped in their subjectivity constantly. Fear of failure is perhaps a modern phenomenon as in the middle ages or whatever, you did not have that much possibilities as peasant that you actually fulfull. Tho I cannot exactly tell you how. One classic answer would be a neoliberal society that builds on self-responsible, active subjects while at the same time destabilizing work security. As humanities student you are fed time-contracts after graduation or have to be a freelancer, which can work out well but can also be stressful and such. You never know really...and that is the origin of a problem.
It's even typical at university to just get new contracts every semester. Not as Professor tho. Yet, I'm talking about the German situation.
I'm reading on the history of security for my BA, the topic of security in modernity is catapulted by a new conception of the future which is open and thus uncertain. On the other hand its contingency can be seen as bless as well.
>>
No. 27039
Yesterday I was feeling really motivated, and spent a day drawing.
I was feeling pretty accomplished, but then I lookat at the results and they were complete garbage. More so than usual.

Feels bad man.
>>
No. 27040
2,7 MB, 4608 × 2592
I am in some weird IT school presentesion

I just wanted to have free counseling dammit
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No. 27042
I feel terrible. Physically ill, mainly in my stomach. Only had soup for lunch, because I had no taste for the second course. Hopefully it's just a passing inconvenience that resulted from the sake I drank two days ago. I way overdid it. Had around 4-5 cups. Never drank that much in my life.
The warmth of the weather isn't much help either.

Tomorrow is the first day of the new school-year. Only three homeroom classes. They'll hand out the schedule, tell us if any of our teachers left, and then we go home and prepare for tomorrow's classes.
I heard that the English and the Japanese have homeroom every day. We only have it once a week, or under special circumstances, and even then, there is not much to talk about, or, at least I never found any reason not to just go home other than solidarity with my classmates.
I'm feeling quite melancholic. Last HS summer. It's weird. As a kid I always thought I'd never have to deal with growing up. I just didn't see it happening. Maybe I'd die or something. Then when I was actually close to dying, it just didn't happen, and everything went on. Towards life we march ever forward.

Everything is set basically, the only thing I need to do is shave, but I'd say that's optional, so I don't think I will. Ceremonial days like these are good, since I'm fond of wearing white shirts and black pants. That's why I was in favour of reintroduction of school uniforms a few years ago, but nothing came of that, sadly. Fucking government can't be authoritarian right.

Found some cheap Chinese short story and poetry collections online. The press that published them, made no effort to promote them, despite having actually competent translators and professionals work on them, so even after a decade, they still have stock left, which they try to peddle for an eighth of the price, or lower. Quite sad if you ask me. All that work, resources, and it ended up only being a burden even a decade later.

The smaller dog is still scared of the bigger one, so it decided to take refuge in my room. It's so adorable. She is sleeping under my desk like there is a thunderstorm about to happen.

>>27036
Honestly, my second plan in case of "failure" is becoming a dual English-Literature teacher. There is a shortage of teachers, and it's not like I wouldn't have some off-time where I could work on projects and other interests. (There is a boomer joke about this "Three reasons to become a teacher: June, July August")
But the thought of spending my entire life from 1st grade 'till pension (>implying I'll get a pension once boomers die) is a bit depressive from a narrative standpoint. Seems like I'd spend my life in a world of illusion.
Though I'm not inherently against teaching high-schoolers.
The biggest issue is that I can't just press the save button and go back before taking this leap of faith that'll decided the rest of my life.
>>
No. 27043
>>27040
>IT school
Those are mostly scam.
t. IT school expert
>>
No. 27044
>>27032
I often wear checked shirts, with short sleeves. Checkmate atheists.

As for job shit, I think you guys overestimate my qualifications. I'm a cook, not a chef, and it's more a diner type thing than a real restaurant at that. I do know how to cook pub food because I've worked under experienced chefs in pubs before, but I'm really just a guy who knows how to operate kitchen equipment to a 'good enough' level in exchange for barely above minimum wage. I ain't even line crew or anything. Shit, I wear a t-shirt and a trucker cap in the kitchen :-DDD

I also have no intention of going full time with these guys. They exploit the shit out of the salaried guys and ladies, so they can shove it up their arse if they think they're going to rope me into that runaround with a shiny new job title.

>>27039
What did you draw? I bet it's not that bad, just not up to your exacting standards.
t. being bad at drawing expert

Will resbond tomorrow though. Getting late and need to be up early tomorrow for work.
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No. 27047
105 kB, 1000 × 1125
>>27044
Wanted to make a drawing of erna for the next draw thread OP, and use a more lineart oriented style.

As expected, my lineart is shit, so it ended up looking like bad fanart from 2008 newgrounds :-DDD

I'll probably redo it in a more painterly style.
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No. 27048
>>27047
The only real problem I see is that Erna has freakishly mannish shoulders and body. Her neck also looks gigantic.
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No. 27049
>>27047
I like it.
>>
No. 27051
1,1 MB, 1000 × 1125
Average day on the EC
>>27047
I like the style of the image btw
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No. 27052
>>27043
It's free
>>
No. 27053
When I was 15 my friend’s dad told me the fundamental axiom of economics is that women be shoppin.
>>
No. 27054
>>27042
>my second plan

Yeah, being a teacher is always an option these days, I don't know why but even in Germany SOME teachers are missing, mostly for natural science subjects or maths tho, afaik at least.
But perhaps other options pop up on the way. Working for a book publisher e.g.
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No. 27055
>>27054
It's quite simple: It's underpaid.
Why teach dipshit kids physics, chemistry or basic programming when Thyssen-Krupp or another large industrial corporation will pay you 2x-3x times as much. Not to mention it looks better on your CV than Oberemschkirchen Fachhochschule.
Here, there are missing teachers in nearly every segment. A lot just leave to work abroad, some decide pursue a career on the market for a more competitive pay (mainly IT specialists or people who know languages other than English, though even with just English, you can find a pretty cosy office job.) or they simply just retire, really, the last one is the biggest problem, and it only magnifies the losses the education system suffers from emigration. The people who leave are the ones who are supposed to fill in the gaps.
Ageing is the most serious issue our society faces. In 5-10 years, there will be not enough doctors and teachers to keep the old folks alive and to bring up the new ones. (Not to mention there won't be enough workers to keep the pension system together, so that's gonna collapse too. Thankfully they nationalised the private pension accounts, so the government got a chance beforehand to spend it on whatever retarded shit it wants to spend it on.)
Though here I think it's only on the lower levels where the pay is bad. There are I think 14 different grades a teacher can have (depends on the number of years served and qualifications), and each one raises the pay.

The thing is, that anyone can become the teacher. I think that has one of the lowest required score thresholds to be admitted to a course. Not counting degree mills where they train Microsoft Word and Excel professionals, obviously.
>>
No. 27059
>>27022
It's not that there is a hardcore group of 20 something people that lead the party, it's literally one sorta charismatic guy who has been running it since the fall of communism after Hungarian Socialist Worker's Party dissolved. The majority joined the new Hungarian Socialist Party, while a minority split off and created the Worker's Party, and he's been running it ever since as a family business of sorts. The paper is basically just his articles and opinion pieces. He is also always the major candidate of the party, whatever position is up for the taking. Chief Mayor of Budapest, Prime Minister, an MEP position, you name it, he will be the frontrunner of the party. It would be sad if it wasn't for the fact how absurd it feels and how he was able to "keep the fire going" for 30 years simply through donations from the remaining supporters. (Usually they get 20k votes on elections, which isn't enough to get to the 5% threshold needed to win a seat in the National Assembly.)

I sometimes browse through the newspaper because it fascinates me to no end how this self contained little world, this bubble has managed to exist without getting any attention from the people of the country. Most people don't even know we have a Marxist-Leninist party.
It's like an episode out of some absurdist novella. It could be titled The unelected chairman.
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No. 27063
59 kB, 456 × 567
>>27053
He was absolutely right, guy was a thinkin' pro
>>
No. 27068
My wife decided to smash my phone.
I will withhold 300e from house keeping money and buy another, is annoying.
>>
No. 27069
>>27044
>I ain't even line crew or anything. Shit, I wear a t-shirt and a trucker cap in the kitchen :-DDD
Imagine the grease.
:^D
Don't talk yourself down, you can run a kitchen then you are a chef.

>I often wear checked shirts, with short sleeves. Checkmate atheists.
Made me laugh.
Without checking, I think it should be checkered shirts.
>>
No. 27070
>>27054
That's because most teachers have a soft degree and are wahmen.
Just go abroad teach Chinglish and pay no taxes.
>>
No. 27075
>>27047
>Wanted to make a drawing of erna for the next draw thread OP
We just killed the old Drawing Thread, and I'll wait for you to make the next one. Nice pic btw.

>>27051
Saved.
>>
No. 27076
>>27044
What's the difference between a cook and a chef? If you've basically done all the work a chef does why can't you just start calling yourself a chef?
>>
No. 27079
>>27076
There is only one chef in a kitchen at least that is my understanding.
90% are not eating fancy cuisine.
But it is a pleb mentality that I am not eat/making fancy food.
Food is food.
Lots of people want a pie or bacon sandwich, very few want a 5 courses of finger food, presented the same fucking way, sauce in a circle on a plate or in a separate bowl.
Not that good food needs a condiment(this upsets the inner Inglander)

You can see the same pleb mentality with coffe, which was a luxury item 100 years ago, oh I need a certain beans, they need to be grounded here, they need to be brewed this way.
Then they just add a load of milk, sugar and cinnamon and charge the minimum wage for a cup of sugar, but the consumer feels superior to the average Joe with a thermos and a flask.
>>
No. 27081
My favourite comedian, guess who, said, I tell Dick jokes.
classic
I am sure this would upset million of people now, but laughing at yourself is very important for mental stability, perhaps I burn cheap food should be the mentality of chefs
>>
No. 27082
39 kB, 678 × 720
I’m so anxious I can’t sleep.
>tfw listening to the Tatami Galaxy OST and it’s giving me a heartache
I really shouldn’t torment myself with melancholy-inducing half-sad tunes, but it’s nice to consciously feel an emotion. Do you guys know this feeling?
>>
No. 27083
9 kB, 228 × 251
>>27047
>>27051
Very nice work, saved!
>>
No. 27084
11 kB, 250 × 231
I have work tomorrow. It's going to be a busy week as well which I need to hit the ground running after a week off.

Looking through my emails and our summer interns are even gone now. One of them left a nice message thanking me for taking him under my wing and getting him drunk, that's nice.

>>27005
>Tbh, your whole thing has made me curious about the nature of dating. However, I'm also a very golden-rule oriented geezer who finds it distasteful to enter the game with the express purpose of studying a phenomenon rather than really trying to participate in the act. You should be straight up with shit, you know. Which coincidentally is my advice to you. It's going to happen sooner or later. Might as well save everybody the hassle and just cut the rope while it's handy.

As right as it sounds, I think doing it over text after a one night stand before her 30th is too brutal. There's a time for pulling a plaster. The holiday is with her much more social sister and so she'll either meet a guy on holiday or she'll text me while lonely on her birthday rather than feel like total shit. 2 weeks from now with little contact will end this on 'fizzled out' terms and I can do it over a simple meetup where I also talk about our future. Fuck it all though, if she did come out with being open to the idea of a family in a few years I'd stick.

Give the whole dating thing a go though, lad. It has its moments even with all the complicated hassle and money involved.

>>27033
No worries, it's civil service so I will get an 'interim man' title.

>>27082
>listening to the Tatami Galaxy OST

Just came on my youtube. Get lots of sleep so that senpai will notice you.
>>
No. 27088
>>27047
Hey man, at least she looks human. Better than the shit I could have pulled off. And hey, you got it done in spite of it all which is something you said you wanted to do.

>>27069
>>27076
I'm not a chef because a chef has a trade rather than a job. A chef has to do an apprenticeship and gets a qualification that certifies them as a chef, which also includes aspects of kitchen management alongside cookery. A cook just as a food safety cert that takes an hour or so to do on the internet and some basic know-how :-D

I've considered doing an apprenticeship but I'm at the age where it's hard to get someone to take you on when they could instead have an inexperienced 16-18 year old to push around. Plus 90% of being a chef these days is being overworked until you get to being head chef and are mostly just a commanding officer who has staff to do most of the dirty work, and even then it's still hard because if you've got a kitchen with that setup, then you've got high expectations on food quality, service quality, presentation etc. and you're the last line of defence against not meeting those expectations (from the kitchen end at least).

>>27079
In my experience, it's rather that not /all/ good food requires a condiment. It's hard to go wrong with a well-made sauce that compliments the dish. Most people would agree there too I think.
t. Drown it in brown sauce expert
>>
No. 27099
>>27082
>but it’s nice to consciously feel an emotion. Do you guys know this feeling?

After reading all that stuff on affect, emotion, feeling and sensation this gave me autisms, but I hold myself back on trying to clarify the terms :DD

But I don't know what you mean by consciously feeling something, don't we always feel consciously? Perhaps it's usually a diffusion of feelings, overlaping. Or is it allowing bodily sensation that makes you feel and that is otherwise blocked off?
>>
No. 27100
Top boss was in today which meant we all had to rush around doing lots of busywork. Ended up slashing my finger because of it. Feels bad man. It's not a big cut, but a serrated knife goes deep fast. I left a wee trail of drops along the floor to the first aid kit and back :-DDD
t. pro bleeder

>>27084
>As right as it sounds, I think doing it over text after a one night stand before her 30th is too brutal.
I dunno. Is it less brutal than just dispelling illusions and moving on with it? Pushing it back just seems like mucking about and wasting everybody's time.

>Give the whole dating thing a go though, lad. It has its moments even with all the complicated hassle and money involved.
Thing is that I'm not interested in participating, just doing close observation to try and get a better understanding of it as a thing. Problem is that doing so requires participation that I have no desire to enact. Also, my appearance and manner are not going to mesh with what are presumably conventional people in those circles. 90% of the time, people think I'm a bonehead and act accordingly which outright pisses me off. I've encountered maybe two people so far who I haven't had to explain the difference to.
>>
No. 27101
I've been trying to figure out why I've been thinking about sex and relationships lately and realized it's because my memories have all been coming back and I started to get random flashbacks awhile. This occurs to me the serious role that memory actually plays in everything from motivation to personality and identity. I hadn't thought about or even felt many things until lately where I'll just be working and somehow get random flashbacks. It's odd. Would recommend not drinking for prolonged periods 10/10

Also, oh fuck I just realized it's labor day which means all the buses are going to be completely fucked up and stores are gonna be closed which completely fucks up my plans for getting different errands done. Shit. Shit. At least one major stop I had in mind is probably not gonna be open. A second major one is also probably not gonna be open and hard to get to and the other one is definitely not gonna be open because for some fucking reason he's closed on Mondays.

This puts a serious harm on my planned schedule for the day which I had off anyway. I quit the shitty ass restaurant biz years ago and still I somehow end up stuck with working on weekends and Mondays off.
>>
No. 27103
>>27048
>>27049
>>27051
>>27075
>>27083
>>27088
Thanks, but I ended up going back to my comfort zone for the draw thread OP pic, which is painting :-DDDDDDD. It's a bit hurried, since I didn't want to inconvenience people by making them wait for a new thread while I polish a turd.

It's interesting how despite having a general skill in visual art, it doesn't translate from one medium to another.

Looking to fix my poor drawing skills, I've found a couple good resources on fundamentals of drawing, which I've included in the OP (along with some old favorites).

Next time, I hope we'll have a collaborative experience in forming the OP post, and make it into sort of an semi-structured thing.
>>
No. 27104
>>27103
Your colourwork is awesome. You know you're dealing with a real egghead in that subject when they manage to make a fireplace look better by putting blue right in the middle of it. To a pleb like me it makes no sense, but seeing it in practice, it just werks.
>>
No. 27105
281 kB, 500 × 641
>>27104
All credit goes to Van Gogh on that one, but yes, color can be a very paradoxical subject.
I think the reason is because color has two properties to it - color as an idea, and color as an experience. We associate blue with certain ideas, like cold, water, etc., but those are cultural conceptions. As an experience of looking at it, color has no literal "meaning" to it, it only has a "flavor". Breaking this cultural idea about color is the first step to studying it as an experience.

Our art teacher would stand behind us while we're painting a scene next to a fireplace or something, and get really riled up, saying stuff like "just smack a big blob of blue in there, stop being a pussy, it'll be much more interesting".
>>
No. 27106
Don’t have any actual animosity towards gays, women, minorities, etc., but I gotta say it is kinda disconcerting when the dominant ideology in media and academia says I’m responsible for byzantine structures of oppression even though my life objectively sucks and I hardly leave my house.
>>
No. 27107
Just got completely gassed from a short bicycle ride on a wooded dirt trail, sat down on a log and had ants crawl on my ass.

Lol I’m so unbelievably out of shape. I used to ride my bike for like 6+ miles every day when I was ~14 yo.
>>
No. 27110
5,0 MB, 2:08
2,6 MB, 2:07
Well, the first day is officially over. It was really hot today, the bus was akin to a sauna on the way back home. I wanted to eat a burger, but the line was too long, so I opted to go home instead.
Found a bilingual edition of Kafka's Die Verwandlung, which is great, because we'll be reading Kafka this year, and I want to show off by reading him in German.
Also found a copy of the Aeneis. Strangely enough it was owned by one of the offices of the Union of Railway Workers. Why would they own such a thing?

The school was quite literally a mess. They didn't hand out our schedule, or at least not completely. We just hired a new teacher 5 minutes ago, so we are redoing it. Again. For the 4th time.
They quite literally printed out a new schedule, and it was outdated by the time it reached the classrooms. Tomorrow is basically Yeah, here, 5 classes that might happen.
There is also no word on who is going to lead the preparatory course for the Literature oberstufe. (Though this is less of an issue, since these classes start later, since people can pick a new one for two weeks at the start of the year.)

I picked up some plastic wraps for my textbooks and a notebook for Maths class.

I fell asleep after lunch. I just jumped into bed from my chair, pulled the sheets over me, and slept. Couldn't really sleep last night. Though I had a nice supper which helped my nerves. Some salami, two bread-rolls, and some sugary, warm milk. Reminded me very much of the time I was in hospital.

Still reading Old Masters. The Bernhardian Rant is really up there with the greatest literary styles. I wonder what his dramas are like. Is it that a man walks on stage, and then proceeds to have a 40 minute monologue about why Austria is a mediocre shithole? It's just funny to play with the idea. I also thought about copying parts from rants, removing the references to Austria specifically, and then posting them on imageboards as bait.
He's a great writer, and I'm so glad I got introduced to his works.

>>27099
>But I don't know what you mean by consciously feeling something, don't we always feel consciously?
Usually you focus on the event that caused the emotion, and the emotion really becomes only a part of the experience. But when I listen to bittersweet music, I can almost fully experience this bittersweet feeling that makes me feel like I have butterflies in my stomach. I can completely give my whole being over to this feeling of nostalgia and wishing for a kind of aesthetic existence that's impossible to achieve. And while it makes me a tad bit sad, it also makes me feel genuine.
I usually achieve this feeling though lo-fi hiphop mixes, however zoomer/cringe that might sound.
Honestly, it's not even that depression and being sad is cool, but rather that our happiness has become so commodified, that the only feeling we can experience genuinely is sadness. It allows me to feel that the romantics probably felt. I want to be in a time and space that isn't real, I want to fly, but also while being mellow. It's exactly the opposite of what I feel while listening to Wagner and Shostakovich. Wagner makes me want to die on a battlefield for a higher ideal.
I'm going to post two pieces that evoke this feeling from me. The first is the one I listened to yesterday.
This is why I waste so much fucking time listening to music in general. When a piece makes me feel anything, I replay it endlessly, no matter the length. Shostakovich probably took more of my life away than a lot of video games.
Hope this makes more sense.

>>27084
>Get lots of sleep so that senpai will notice you.
Senpai didn't notice me. We only shared a smile while walking besides one another in the hallway.
>>
No. 27112
641 kB, 745 × 580
>>27107
Getting old sucks. It would be nice to stay 14 forever.
>>
No. 27113
69 kB, 700 × 500
Happy Labour Day ernsts!

I hope you're all enjoying your day free from tireless work as I am.
>>
No. 27115
2,9 MB, 291 × 300, 0:06
>>27113
Labour Day is May 1st in most countries.
>>
No. 27118
>>
No. 27120
>>27110
>Hope this makes more sense.

Ok, I understand now and my autism makes me suggest what I have read:

Emotions are culturally conditioned forms of expression, pride comes out of a specific relation that becomes an automatic mode. Envy is a good example as well. There are temporal and work as communication bits.
A feeling or feeling in contrast is a connection felt, your bodies sensation in connection to the world in a certain directedness.
Also the feeling you describe is melancholia, I'm enjoying it myself a lot. Deleuzes philosophy of process that draws from Spinoza is excellent for that, motions comes over stasis. Motion is primordial, the process is infinite, we emerge from it as subjects.

Did you read Mark Fisher? Ghosts of my life. Writings on depression or a similar title at least deals with the todays prominent melancholia even with young people. they miss something they never experienced. I wrote a whole paper about it once. But with lofi house as example.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E7ir1RWggws
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k4QdfaE9Q7M
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6alrXgdTwPI

these are a few examples. notice the old aesthetics. most people who listen to this weren't even born back then. the muffled cassette sound they never experienced, I guess it's the same for lofi hiphop with this, also lofi hiphop as certain aesthetics, the videos choose certain pictures is what I mean. The whole lofi wave, just like vapowave pretty much is based on this nostaliga I read a book on its subversive potential but I did not really bought the argument, the question is why? Why do so many young people get affected by this kind of lofi nostaliga melancholia music?

But then again music and melancholia are not absolutely time specific to our time ofc. So the music as you describe it makes you feel a connection to something that is beyond understanding perhaps. It's not able to be represented in words in its abundance. perhaps it's even singular in a way. Tho you can listen to the piece of music again and again, every moment is still singular and open to a new facet.
>>
No. 27123
>>27120
>Why do so many young people get affected by this kind of lofi nostaliga melancholia music?
Let me tell you about one fact about my generation. We are lonely. Insanely lonely. I'm lonely too. Every single cultural thing we do (Tik-Tok duets where people don't actually do anything together actually, ASMR/Personal attention videos, Lo-Fi music with romantic quips inserted) is just a way of coping with loneliness. The internet made everything personal and apersonal at times. Social media isn't socialising.
We all know, we should have rode our bikes down the street with our friends, imagining how we are flying jets or something. But we didn't do that. We had videogames instead, and it's not like your parents would have been happy about you wandering around, without an accompanying adult.
A sheltered generation with no way to connect and no way to spend our emotional strength.
Add on top of this that nobody cares about us culturally or politically. Boomers call us soft, our elders treat us like toddlers, millennials tell us we live in the worst times, because muh 80s 90s, politicians see us as a worthless apolitical voter base, so they don't tackle our issues the least, and companies pander to the older generations with more disposable income or only care about indoctrinating us with identity-politics.
We have everything materially, technologically, but on the human side, we are neglected, because everyone expected that the tech will take care of us.
So we are sad, that now it's too late to rectify these issues, and these permanent scars, even if they don't seem serious.
This is what happens when a generation who grew up on mass media decides to let mass media raise their kids from the get go. The generation itself knows something is wrong, and that irony is only a short term solution, but we already made sincerity a taboo though endless cycles of the media parodying itself.
We might seem whiny, but it's really just a cry for help. We want to have a community, camaraderie, love, but we can't because it was systematically exterminated from us by social and mass media. Older people don't understand this, because they don't know the environment we grew up in.
Everything is rigid, with tons of rules, yet they expect you to act carefree and happy. But no, you can't play that game, because you might get hurt, but go outside, but don't do anything without an adult why don't you have friends?
And now excuse me, I have a shower to cry in.
(Though I think a lot of this overlaps with what I wrote about anime, here >>26824 . But we shall talk about this once more tomorrow, once I'm more fresh. This was probably nothing more than an incoherent rant.)
>>
No. 27124
>>27123
The loneliness is true tho, for me and many older people as well. But it's not just the tech and mediation coming before presence in social relations these days a lot. You don't wanna hear it but many old people and boomers are alone as well. Diminished social welfare and less job security keeps people in uncertainty and makes them fight against each other in order keep the level they reached. Nobody wants to go down the elevator, so better show no weakness.
Then again there are many exceptions from it. Talk to your peers, the right ones and you will find enough that they will actually talk about it. But it stung my heart when you said we are all loneley. I'm as well and when I go to the streets I sometimes wonder how many of my peers +/- a few ages are actually not having anyone to cuddle or whatever. The numbers are not small.
>>
No. 27125
934 kB, 984 × 550
Okay, it was only a bronze medal.

But still.
Netherlands, martial arts country number 1!
Tushishvili is a fucking asshole without the appropriate respect for the opponents, the judo and the martial arts community.
>>
No. 27140
395 kB, 988 × 700
>>27103
>Next time, I hope we'll have a collaborative experience in forming the OP post, and make it into sort of an semi-structured thing.
That sounds like fun. Maybe something like a Wimmelbilderbuch where everyone can contribute a small character.

>>27113
>Happy Labour Day ernsts!
I went for a walk this morning and all the streets were empty. It was nice.
>>
No. 27143
>>27123
This post reminds me of Kierkegaard’s essay “The Present Age”
>>
No. 27144
Kind of odd how if you write poetry people like you get a pass for being a pederast e.g. Allen Ginsberg, Walt Whitman
>>
No. 27147
149 kB, 500 × 395
>>27144
>Kind of odd how if you write poetry people like you get a pass for being a pederast

Same old trick has already been working back in my days.
>>
No. 27154
1,6 MB, 1920 × 2560
Post work beersies with the clan. Germans pls rate and gib suggestions.
t. inside a hunnic beerhall
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No. 27155
73 kB, 640 × 640
>>27154
What suggestions?
>>
No. 27156
>>27155
For deece beer. Preferably not too obscure, but this place goes deeper than just bog brand import beer.
>>
No. 27157
>>27154
>Hunnic

Are you kidding me?
>>
No. 27158
>>27157
Yes.
t. several rounds in
>>
No. 27159
>>27158
I thought we were past this and everyone got over british WW1 propaganda.
The huns slaughtered more celtic and germanic people than all roman emperors combined, who in their right mind would call Germans "Huns"?
>>
No. 27160
>>27159
t. no fun allowed-germanball
>>
No. 27161
>>27159
The propaganda mene was the joge.
>>
No. 27166 Kontra
26 kB, 713 × 611
Also, today after wörk, I got pretty obviously checked out by a relatively attractive punk gril. Feels Chad man, even if I'm not particularly interested.
>>
No. 27170
I got home early, since I managed to get through the gates by appealing for my status as a private-students from last year.

Schedule is still not fixed, and I have no idea what it'll look like tomorrow.

For the first time in maybe three years, I visited art class. I was terrified by the possibility, that I'll have to catch up with my classmates, who all learnt perspective, colouring, and working with different methods of creating images, while I was too busy sipping tea and working on my translation. Thankfully, this year we are only going to have art history, and only have to turn in two pieces. One should be a paraphrase of another image, and the other is up to us.
Currently my best idea is a Dadaist reinterpretation of Odysseus and the Sirens. It would be a critique of consumerism, with the sirens being logos and brand names. Truly a big brained idea and isn't cliche at all.

I helped solve a dispute between teachers regarding the making of the schedule. I felt quite important for a split second.
And finally I know who will help me prepare for the literature matura. I never had classes with that teacher, but he seems like more modern type, who keeps with the times, but isn't unnecessarily liberal in approach. (Liberal, as in, it won't be easy going participation trophy tier stuff, but I'll get told I'm wrong. I like that.)

Had an absolutely horrid class. An absolute waste of time. It's called Life-style if we were to translate it literally. Ooh, we are going to do introspection and get to "know" one another. Great. I can already feel this will be the most inoffensive bullshit ever.
Tomorrow I'll get to experience a similar joy, Media, though that might be fun if it's not "How Marvel is the modern Epic Cycle", because then I'll just gonna try bargaining and getting out of it by writing essays again. I don't care that I become less by not taking part in it.

Haven't met with the music teacher, but once I do, I'll tell her all about Schnittke's genius.

My eyes hurt for some reason. I'm gonna go and pick up a package now. It's a book I already read once, but I liked it very much. Soseki's The Gate. A superb work of literature. It's short, bittersweet, and the only example of Japanese literature where I actually found any traces of materialism. (As in, the characters' struggle is related to money, and not to suffering emotionally, or a tragedy occurring, or at least, not only on the emotional plain. It's a nice change of pace, and makes you go Ye, the Japs can do that too.)

Once I'm home again, I'll try cleaning up a little. My room is a mess. I need a box, so I can get rid of my old textbooks.

>>27124
Honestly, if I'm nearing the conclusions of Fisher, without reading Fisher, just like how I did with Nietzsche and Ortega, then I don't think life is really worth living at all.
They all made a diagnosis, but they haven't found a cure.
It feels like this generation died, despite no major plagues or wars. It died before it lived. Boomers at least got to live before selling their souls.
>>
No. 27172
90 kB, 1024 × 1024
464 kB, 1161 × 2025
>>27156
My favorite beer that's kinda easy to get (at least here).
>>
No. 27174
I'm having one of those autism spikes where I attempt (in vain) to clean up my hard drive.

I don't know why I'm doing it, I have like 3TB of space, but the idea of there being something on my HDD that I can't keep track of just annoys me.

I need to get rid of this OCD fixation on details, it seems it's detrimental.
Whenever people see me working or ask something to be done, they are always dumbfounded by how much time I spend fixing tiny details that trigger my OCD, they sometimes practically beg me to stop and just finish it because nobody but me even notices that shit.
>>
No. 27182
>>27170
Shut up gypsy. No one cares about your pickpocketing class.
>>
No. 27183 Kontra
>>27170
>art class

Gypsy tier degree
>>
No. 27186
>>27183
Hungary is a good boy who makes quality posts. You are a useless interloper harassing a teenager.
>>
No. 27187
>>27174
That's not autism. Or if it is I also have it.
>>
No. 27188
>>27174
>I attempt (in vain) to clean up my hard drive.
I gave up on that a long time ago. You either do it from the beginning or you don't do it all. My "work" laptop is nicely organized but my personal computer is horrible (boomer tier shortcuts filling the entire desktop). Unfortunately, I'm already starting to download imageboard images from the laptop, so I have to clean it up right away or it will turn into a complete mess.
>>
No. 27189 Kontra
>>27187
But thankfully Unix is a great help-helper for such autism.
Tools like 'du', 'find', 'tree', 'ls' combined with 'sort', 'grep', 'cut' and 'less' make it rather simple to keep the drives clean.
>>
No. 27190
>>27189
And coincidentally I use linux for my work laptop.
>>
No. 27191
>>27190
I guess you could mount the drives of your windows machine somehow from your laptop then and clean up efficiently. Either through samba/nfs or, if that is to sketchy for you (it is for me) unplug the PCs drive and put it in a docking station temporarily.

Or... just don't clean up the Windows system as it's probably equivalent to rolling a rock up a mountain.
>>
No. 27194
>>27187
I dunno, I used to have a side gig where I'd fix dates, put stamps, etc. on expired documents so they could be color printed for tax fraud.
I would meticulously re-create chromatic aberration from cheap scanners, blur the fonts, re-draw and then post process the stamps to look like smudgy ink soaked into the grain of the paper (as opposed to rasterized printer ink), put printing artifacts on the documents to make them look authentic, etc.

One day one of my clients saw me working and said "is this why it takes you so long to do these? Just slap on the text and stamp, nobody even looks at these".

Maybe I'm just an idiot.
>>
No. 27195
>>27194
Alright, you've won :D

I see that you go the extra mile and I can respect that.
>>
No. 27200
1,4 MB, 512 × 256, 0:04
17 kB, 680 × 400
>>27195
The problem is that I often get so caught up in details that I forget to finish the whole thing :-DDDD.

Right now I'm trying to consciously unlearn this habit by drawing more often, and "finishing" drawings by a certain deadline even if I see problems in the result. Perfect is the enemy of good and all that. Video game equivalent would be restarting a level the first time you make a mistake, rather than playing through all of it several times to get better.

Also, it doesn't help that I have a deep interest in image reproduction artifacts. Paper grain, brush stroke texture, dithering, printing techniques, lossy compression, analog signal encoding and reproduction, etc. It's the place where art and technology connect most intimately, the fine line between art as an idea and art as a physical object. It's like seeing the place where the Holy Spirit connects to the worldly body.

I sometimes research and create such effects for fun.
>>
No. 27201
22 kB, 315 × 270
When I get home from class it will be too late to go cycling on the dirt trail in the woods at the county park.

Such cases.
>>
No. 27203
979 kB, 1737 × 2108
Just came back from the store. Bought some office supplies. The main thing I was after was a large, carton folder. The idea is, that I could pack every "extracurricular" item (Assigned book, extra textbooks, notes, special paper for the notes) in a single folder, so that it doesn't mingle with my regular textbooks.
Over the last year I turned my school equipment into a series of paper folders, and it worked quite well. With every subject goes a really cheap, disposable folder I replace every couple of months, and that's it.

And I still don't have the foreign books I ordered, and it's making me crazy. I ask Anything came by post today?, and the reply is always Nothing.
Fuck the postal system.
Though I got to pick up this beauty. I'm only posting an image of it, because I think the dust jacket is really pretty. It's a full on painting, depicting the main characters (O-yone and Sosuke) eating. Of course it continues on the back, showing both of them, but it's a bit torn on the other side. It's a 60 years old book, so no wonder it's a bit used. Though judging by the original price and the number of copies made, it was a luxury item back then.)
The library copy doesn't have the dust jacket, so I never knew it was this pretty. (Though the cover itself is also good, with a minimalist setting sun under a Tori-gate drawn with calligraphy ink.)

Hopefully I can get a good nights sleep tonight. The past few days felt really rough, but not because of school.
>>
No. 27217
>>27201
If you die you die.

But seriously don't do it I took a shortcut through an unfamiliar wood once, never again.
>>
No. 27230
173 kB, 2688 × 2688
>>27228
>know as purdah
pudah
the practice in certain Muslim and Hindu societies of screening women from men or strangers, especially by means of a curtain.
>>
No. 27231
>>27228
>Guess what is very likely to happen in the immediate the future.
This is getting almost Italy tier now.
Why the election? Can the opposition and the rogue tories pull off a vote of no confidence?
>>
No. 27239
The job interview over at the newspaper to get the traineeship felt pretty good but I didn't get an answer yet, so my hopes are slowly sinking. Then again there were the elections so they had a lot to do.

I have another talk tomorrow at a small one here in my city but the pay (as usual in freelancing journalism) is almost even less than what I earn in my dish-washing job.
So I am kind of hopeless in the moment really.

Will clean my room today and read a couple of pages from the novel I'm currently reading, later I will get drugged and lie in my bed feeling heavenly comfort.
>>
No. 27241
Got next week's hours. Back to normal. Can't really complain that much. It still pays my bills and leaves room for some luxuries. It just doesn't leave me as a relative moneybags like my current week would if it were a regular thing. Looks like the manager who's been pneumonic is back and I've lost all the hours that I picked up from their being away.

Such cases. I also listened to serious discussions about sea creatures from my little sister who is studying to be an ecologist. Breddy cool tbh. Sea creatures are ebun.
>>
No. 27242
>>27239
Might be normal at the beginning to just do this stuff on the side as you need routine before you punch out texts in no time and thus earn more?
>>
No. 27243
>>27241
When I consider marine biology I immediately think of Ernst Haeckel drawings
>>
No. 27250
Nothing makes me questing life more than seeing someone wear anime apparel IRL. Last year, I was walking about during in the hallways during one of my empty classes, and when I looked out the window on accident, I saw someone wear an ahegao T-shirt for PE class. That was a shock.
It was tamer this time. An art-hoe wearing an anime Shirt (not a T-shirt, a proper button-up shirt) over her regular clothes. Kind of like how you wear a poncho. It's always so surreal to see something like this.

Anyway, my mood is a lot better. I felt like a functioning human being today.
Media class was pretty okay. We almost talked about simulacra for a second, but only got to the point that all pictures are just depictions.

One of my packages arrived. It's the one with the Asian books published by an obscure press. It's a pretty mixed bag. Some are just little pamphlets the size of my hand (though for one euro, I don't know what I expected), while others are well built hardcovers, even if the dimensions are a bit strange.
The other fucking package still didn't fucking arrive, and if it doesn't arrive by Friday, then I'll have to write to customer service, and there are few things I despise more.

I'm almost done with reading Old Masters. This is the kind of prose I'd describe as exhausting. You read 10-15 pages, and then you put it down for a few minutes to comprehend the rant. My history teacher compared him to Krasznahorkai, but Krasznahorkai at least uses paragraphs, not to mention that despite the long sentences, Krasznahorkai is never misanthropic, unlike Bernhard, because if I can say one emotion that describes Bernhard best, then I'd say it's contempt, not hate, but contempt. His characters have a dislike for a lot of things, even if ever so minor, like the birds chirping at a specific time of the day, or just simply the sun, but this always takes the form of an inner rant against the world that's conspiring to take out the protagonist.
He drops some truth bombs, but most of the time I try not taking his opinions seriously, because I don't want to live in a reality where Thomas Bernhard is right. That's probably one of the worst possible worlds.

I have 60 pages of poetry to go through, so I'll turn off the computer for today. Gonna make some strong tea.
>>
No. 27251
I want to get back into 3D modeling, but this time, try importing stuff into some kind of engine to interact with it.

The last time I did so, it was in the source engine, but that was a big pain in the ass.

Trying to find some straightforward graphics / game engine.
I've also always wanted to try graphics programming, but not sure if I should start "from scratch" with opengl, or use a more abstracted graphics framework. It's all very confusing. Maybe having some kind of ready made engine that I could look into the sources of could be a way to ease into it.
>>
No. 27257
>>27251
It's probably turbojank, but I presume that importing shit into gamebryo is fairly easy judging by the size of the modding scenes, and it also covers the interaction aspect well too because of the very user-friendly console.
>>
No. 27258
>>27250
>He drops some truth bombs, but most of the time I try not taking his opinions seriously, because I don't want to live in a reality where Thomas Bernhard is right. That's probably one of the worst possible worlds.

When I read Holzfällen which is quite a rant as well, it became apparent that the character contradicts himself. There is nothing to be sure, endless repetitions, minor differences, the charatcer is gliding on opinions, the flow never really settles.
next semester I have a class where we will read a Bernhard novel and I will probably try to use Deleuze and Guattari as interpretational instrument. Their book on Kafka might be suited for that. Kafka and Bernhard might have structural similiarities e.g. seriality.
>>
No. 27259 Kontra
>>27258
I meant that I have to write a paper and will use D&G to examine a Bernhard novel, like postulating a certain aesthetic. Don't know yet.
>>
No. 27261
>>27251
Godot[1], seriously.
I'm developing my own engine and have done so for the past year (plus 5 years of concepts and old iterations) and by now have a pretty good idea of the field. Godot is extremely elegant, you basically learn a small set of concepts and can infer the rest of the engine from that.[2]
Even though the rendering is not nearly as sophisticated as Unity and UE4, the workflow is so much simpler that I would recommend it as first choice.
Shader programming is possible in Godot and it's relatively painless to start with the quasi-principled-shader that's the default and after a few weeks replace some of the materials with your own shader.

If there are some deal-breaker problems, I'd go for Unity, which is more complicated to learn and has problems on all operating systems except Windows, but it has a relatively short path "from Import to Simulation". Haven't looked into shader programming in Unity yet so I don't know anything about their interface.

Of course, once my engine is complete, you should use that(tm) In approx. 30 years then :D

We've talked about this topic at least twice before, btw. This time around my time is very limited though since my thesis has to be finnished in less than two weeks.

[1] https://godotengine.org/
[2] https://docs.godotengine.org/en/3.1/getting_started/step_by_step/godot_design_philosophy.html
>>
No. 27263
>>27261
Indeed, after some research, godot seems to be the sanest option.
Both unity and unreal are colossal behemoths with close to decades of fossilized codebase, so if the goal is education rather than production, they seem to be a poor choice.
Other, more venerable engines are simply either outdated, or have poor documentation / community, which also creates a barrier.

While godot is fresh and has a very focused design philosophy.

Of course, as tempting as it is to start from the ground up (since I am motivated by curiosity more than anything), a depth first approach hasn't really worked out for me so far. I think it is helpful to first understand the function of something, in order to have a context for its structure.

The only problem I have with Godot is that its in-engine editor is pretty rudimentary in terms of creating level geometry. But I suppose it makes more sense to use tools dedicated to editing geometry, and then importing them to the engine, rather than adapting the engine to do something it's really not supposed to do. I miss the days of messing around in hammer editor or WC3 world editor. Something about the data structure of the world geometry being the lynchpin of the entire engine felt cohesive and cozy.

Thanks for your time and advice, and good luck on the thesis.
>>
No. 27264
I ate undercooked beans just now. Oh fugged. I'm going to get food poisoning aren't I?
>>
No. 27266
810 kB, 1280 × 720
I managed to read half of the poems. Only found one truly touching. Almost cried while reading and re-reading it. It wasn’t on the recommended poems list, naturally.
Also read some Chinese short stories and poems after that. A lovely day overall, I’d say.

Gonna go to bed now. I have no classes in the first two periods, so I’ll get some quality sleep, hopefully.
I already packed my extra-curricular knick-knacks. I decided to call this folder mobile battle-station just to make it seem more colourful than it really is.
I also got rid of my unnecessary old textbooks. (For subjects I no longer study, or intend to no matura in)

>>27258
>which is quite a rant as well
Every Bernhard novel is a rant. Kalkwerk is a rant too. Alte Meister as well. He released Frost, his first novel, and he wrote like this until his death.

I haven’t looked at his work through Kafka’s lenses, but it seems like a valuable approach.
They’re probably my favourite German language writers. (Though I think Bernhard would overwhelm me in German, while Kafka’s writing is more plain to put it simply. Not like that takes out of the experience in any way, it’s just that I can actually read Kafka in German if I have a dictionary to occassionally look up some words)
>>
No. 27268
Today was fucking shit as usual but turned out pretty well. I got just about every errand done that I'd been hoping to get done including unexpectedly finding some Djarum blacks though I spent colossal amounts of money today. See the thing is it wouldnt have actually been so bad had I simply not had to say anything at all to my parents. They are both the most toxic fucking people and it makes me despise their whole generation even more. It is beyond the point at which it's even forgivable for them being twats. At this point they're just being assholes. I look forward to the day when I dont have to say another word to either of them ever again. It also spooks me how much of their very many terrible qualities I may have adopted or inherited and need to not allow it to remain a part of myself. Theyve both got the emotional intelligence of toddlers and I had so little fucking sleep that at this point I just don't even have the patience anymore to not raise my voice while either is on some screaming tirade.

The only worse thing is the acknowledgment that at least in america I fucking hate everybody younger than like 27 too. This isn't just me getting older either. I fucking hated just about everybody younger than me in high school and mostly identified with the kids at least a grade ahead of me and still do.

I think that the idea of "millenials" is fucking retarded and that there's a distinct age group that started sometime around when hair bands were popular in high school and ended around when emo became a high school thing. All the kids who had emos instead of goths? Yeah that's that faggot millenial iPad generation. Younger is when we had things like Pacman and beepers and VHS. We weren't quite old enough for the 70s or going to see Star Wars in theaters but not young enough to forget the sound of 56k modems booting up for the first time in our homes as teenagers and preteens.

/indiscriminate hatred rant of angry hatred for being woken from my 3 hours of sleep on a day off which is why both you fuckers have your numbers blocked on my phone
>>
No. 27275
>>27264
Update:
I felt pretty nauseous (especially on the subway), but I didn't have any serious food poisoning.
I assume this is because I used black beans instead of kidney beans, which have a much lower phytohaemagglutinin (lectin) content.
Lesson learned: Do NOT slow cook beans.
I'll post my diet and routine at some point; while I'm not underweight I could certainly use some extra mass (rather muscle than fat).
>>
No. 27276
Today I saw a cicada killer attacking a cicada so I put them both in a jar and froze them for my insect collection. Rate
>>
No. 27277 Kontra
Cleaned my room, went to the city to get some stuff, read a couple pages (better than nothing in my current state for sure), got high, watched political discussions and had a nice late night dinner.
Today I'll do some running after the job interview. I need some sleep.

Even though I have enough things in my life that make it worth living, even though I feel passionate about them, even though I can live alone, at night the thought that haunts me the most is loneliness and the wish to be with someone else.
At daylight then I don't know where to start. People say you should meet your partner in a natural way, but there is no such for me.
No girls my age at work (only men and old women, barely anyone who speaks proper german). None in the circle of friends I have here, either way older or in a relationship and everyone in my hometown I know for too long.
I'd need to jump over my shadow and talk to a girl in public or something but I never did so soberly.
The pure imagination puts me into fear and when I feel the urge to do it (in bus or tube etc.) I shut down completely and freeze.
And no, online dating doesn't work for me. I have no clue why really, but it just doesn't.
I only want to fulfill natural desires why does this feel harder than anything else.
No bump because of pointless whining and no action, but I need to let it out once in a while before shit blows up.
>>
No. 27278
>>27276
Lovecraftian/10
You are the eldritch horror from beyond all they could hope to know or understand casually ending their pointless struggle for superfluous reasons they cannot even dream of comprehending in its sheer banality https://youtu.be/OTjyO_FncE4?t=95
>>
No. 27284 Kontra
>>27277
sage in solidarity, we have a different working situation and all, yet
>Even though I have enough things in my life that make it worth living, even though I feel passionate about them, even though I can live alone, at night the thought that haunts me the most is loneliness and the wish to be with someone else.

It's exactly what it feels like in the moment for me as well. Also I can't jump over my shadow to ask one of the countless women in university (public) to get a coffee with me or whatever.
>>
No. 27285
>>27278
Yeah I guess the bugs must have been pretty confused. I have to put together 20 orders and 60 families of insects / arachnids (this may include 5 miscellaneous non-insect, non-arachnid arthropods) by the end of the semester, so I’m just catching anything I see. “There are basically no laws protecting any of the genera you will encounter so kill first and ask questions later :-DDDDD” t. brofessor
>>
No. 27293
>>27278
That trailer was ebin but I think they really got the music wrong in it. The music is too loud and ill-fitting to what's going on
>>
No. 27307
I'm finally starting to settle into the routine. Seems like Friday will be the big hurdle this year. I'll have three extra literature classes after my regular ones, and I'll have to stay there until half past four. Though if there isn't many of us around, there might be this campy/anime club feel to it. Just like last year.

Today was rather fine. I left early, because they are rehearsing for the prom, and I'm not part of that. They said I'd have to stay, but I responded You didn't pick the Khachaturian waltz, so there is really no point to stay for the music, is there?.
The gatekeeper just simply lets me out because I "passed that speech check" yesterday. Now I just say, I want to leave, and she opens the door.

The library is a disaster. The stupid lazy cunt hasn't even requisitioned the laptop that holds the catalogue from the inventory. So if I want to look up something (And I want to look up something, multiple things, actually), then tough shit, because she didn't have time to do it yet. It has been 4 fucking days you retard, don't tell me you couldn't get it.
She's the finest example of a moaning, lazy, milquetoast midwit that thinks she's above everyone, simply because she saw modern things once and has a diploma from a college.
Sometimes I truly wish I was brutishly tall, just so that I could intimidate people to shut the fuck up.

Yesterday I wrote a bunch of haikus to greet the fall. I also looked through some of my older writings, and as far as I can tell, my poetic output is probably 90% haikus.
I guess I just really like the form. I liked it ever since I got hold of that Basho volume.
Seriously, if you can get a good volume of Basho's poems, go for it. (Preferably in your own language, not English.)

Currently waiting for my mother to bring home the package that finally arrived. It's great, because this means I don't have to write a complaining email.
Once that's dealt with, I'll have something caffeinated, and do some schoolwork. Notes on the biography of a poet, and some maths. I don't know if it's the fact that I've practised it a lot, or it just clicked somehow, but maths feels understandable now. It took a lot of effort, but I somehow closed the gap.

Already have a plan for the weekend. I'll read one of Thomas Bernhard's dramas. My history teacher will lend me a volume of them for the weekend. I'll just carefully need to pick one of the four to spend some time with. Exciting stuff, honestly.
>>
No. 27322
18 kB, 400 × 387
I ended up stuck with an old woman from industry telling me that her, and the majority of the country, want to throw Molotov cocktails at me and my department today. She didn't even turn up for the presentation I gave and laughed in my face when I told her what I do. Just one of those all-round mean woman who identify as difficult like it's some badge of honour.

It's not just that she was rude but she did it in-front of people I have to work across from on a regular basis and there was nothing I could do without risking my career. I already struggle at these events and she showed no interest in hearing about all the work we've done, just thought she'd come along and be a cunt.
>>
No. 27329
>>27322
women basically have a free pass in the workplace to cause drama and act like children. my missus works in a place that is about 80% women and the stories she tells me about them screeching at each other in meetings and being absolute cunts of customers on the phone just sicken my shit. If a man done 25% of the dumb shit the women do in that place he'll be dragged before the board and promptly fired.
>>
No. 27330
>>27322
>an old woman from industry

Are you some kind of scientist
>>
No. 27350
I wake up at 6:30 and am out the door commuting to school by 7:00. In this window I shower, brush my teeth, get dressed, take my drugs, eat breakfast, make coffee, and gather my things for class. Is this normal?
>>
No. 27354
I have a job interview this sunday for a content manager position in a sports equipment store.

The boss seems pretty reasonable and the pay is ok. Hope it'll work out.
>>
No. 27359
1,4 MB, 2127 × 3060
I'm tired as fuck, but the week is finally over. Now I know when each of my extra classes will be held. The bad news is, that I'll be staying until half past four on Fridays.
The teacher seems like an alright man. He gets to the point whenever he speaks.
Asked the class what they wanted to study in the future and so on.
He recommended I minor in teaching Hungarian for foreigners while I'm attending university. Seems like a really good idea actually.
It's interesting to formally meet someone who you are in the same building with, but you never talk officially.
>Ernst, I heard people say that you are a genius, is that true?
>Of course not, who's spreading these preposterous lies :^) ?
Look at me guys, I'm a local celebrity
Anyway, I now have a 400 pages long book to read on mythology.
>You read this all, and you'll have no trouble with the oberstufe if they ask about ancient literature
I'm hyped. Though I think this is the point where I'll have to give up reading for pleasure, and throw out the computer, because I'll be reading what I'm assigned. All fine works that lay the foundation of a well rounded knowledge of literature, so it's not like I'll be forced to read trash. (Besides maybe English enlightenment prose.)

I feel really tired, so I'll probably make some strong tea. Speaking of tea, today I was in one of the offices when a can of Chinese tea caught my eyes. I was immediately removed from the premises after mentioning the fact.
Anyway, I'll try reading a Bernhard drama tonight, and then I'd like to spend the weekend focusing on Plato and schoolwork.
I already have two tests to study for.

Pic related finally arrived, and based on the first few pages, the prose isn't utter garbage. It has that purposely pseud vibe that makes it feel right. I'm definitely going to find time go read it.

>>27350
You should gather your things for class the night before 2bh.
>>
No. 27371
>>27354
>... in a sports equipment store
>Hope it'll work out.

Did you mean:
>Hope it'll workout.

I'm sorry, I'll see myself out.
>>
No. 27372
>>27350
>Is this normal?

No, it sounds awful. Move closer so you can get more sleep and don't have to rush around in the morning.

t.wakes up at 0740 and walks to work at 0930
>>
No. 27373
>>27372
Actually I live very close to my uni but I have to leave early in order to get a parking spot
>>
No. 27374
Okay, this weekend I'm planning on reading at least 200 pages. It's like lifting but for your brain.
Basically:
-Bernhard's Heldenplatz
-An 80 page long chapter on Platonism because they said Platonism will be important for medieval literature
-The remaining poems from Ady Endre's New Poems volume
-History textbook chapter on Reformation and Counter Reformation
I have a feeling that I'll cock it up somehow and I'll fail to do anything while trying to do them all.

I read the introduction of Hiawatha out aloud in English, and it's fantastic. The rhythm is excellent. It's like I'm chanting some magic spell as the words leave my mouth. I didn't feel that while reading the Hungarian version.

Going to bed early seems like the best option right now. My head feels heavy and full.
>>
No. 27384
37 kB, 250 × 333
why the FUCK do people go to live music gigs or venues or concerts and spend the whole time holding their phone up recording the gig. Why can't people just enjoy the performance? Why can't they just enjoy being in the there-and-now?

I work security for local gigs whenever they need some extra manpower and I've seen this ever since smartphones were introduced, like 15% of the crowd is just standing there recording the whole thing with their phones, as if the shitty recording is going to do the set justice on their fucking facebook
>>
No. 27385
26 kB, 360 × 360
>>27384
The worst thing is now all these faggot teenagers and dumb hipster trash go there holding up their phones like lighters.

There's a reason why I believe everyone under thirty needs to be bricked in the face.
>>
No. 27387
>>27384
>>27385
I think they're an evolution of the people you used to see at gigs standing at the back. The people who went to gigs not to have fun but to be seen somewhere and then spent the whole time trying to socialise.

They should be banned though, the worst part is how they interrupt everyone else's viewing experience.
>>
No. 27390
>>27387
Yeah this happened at a John Maus concert I was at a while ago with my high school friend’s group of college buddies. Otherwise normal people felt it was appropriate to whip out their phones and start recording during the performance, totally ruining it for themselves and others.
>>
No. 27391
It's raining and I feel like shit. I had some french toast for breakfast, but it was the worst kind of french toast, made out of cheap, stale breadrolls instead of stale bread. Basically an eggy, soggy mess. A proper french toast is like a banana, yellow on the outside, white on the inside. It should be thick and somewhat compact instead of airy. Now, this one was the latter, obviously.
Always make french toast out of stale bread. Don't make french toast if you are an American, because they don't sell bread in America. The only place they make proper bread in this God forsaken world is Germany and Austria. Honourable mentions are the baguette from France and the focaccia from Italy.

After that I sat down to read. I started with Plato, got through his biography, how he worked, and then the basics of the idea.
I read a Chinese short story after that, while sipping some tea.
At this point I felt really hungry and sick. Since my family is not here, I phoned them to ask if they were bringing home any food, but they'd only get back in 3-4 hours, so I decided to try cooking something. Basically I was forced to, because there was no milk home. That usually soothes my hunger, but there is no milk and no bread either. Luckily I found a fresh packet of rice and some frozen meat, so I was able to throw together a good lunch.
All in all, I feel like shit, and I don't know what I do about it, even after eating. At least I feel strength in my limbs again.

I still have hopes of reading Heldenplatz tonight. Maybe after a coffee and some biscuits.

For a moment, I think I understood Hamsun's Hunger. Being hungry after skipping supper and barely having a breakfast, having visions of getting published, I think I get it now.
>>
No. 27395
The satisfaction I get from drawing lasts about 30 seconds. Either because my happiness receptors have atrophied, or because it takes me 30 seconds to see all of the mistakes and flaws.

I need to get over this shit somehow.
>>
No. 27396
>>27239
maybe you set your sights too low, what does a junior reporter get, do you have evidence of published articles.
I would assume less than min wage +2e
or ask for 80e for 300 words or something.
Best to publish submit articles to multiple outlets at first for free, I bought there is any work below 50e, do first 50-100 for free then now you are semi-established charge 50-150e
>>
No. 27397
>>27396
I swear my keyboard or connection is fucked up.
Or my IQ
>>
No. 27398
>>27322
is she over 30 with no kids.
Must suck to be her.
>>
No. 27399
I had or maybe didnt have a hyper episode where I was dehydrated worked all day and decided to drink beer, but really thought I was going to meet my wife but she diverted all her calls before a meeting.
That adds up to getting pissed, by myself in strange lands on an empty stomach.
I decided to write down my mumbled thoughts which made my feel much better, it is what it is.
As follows.
Today is a day, a day of many days.Tomorrow is another day, another day, one of many days.
Future we do not know, and only fools pretend to predict.
I feel the start of the inebriation, no doubt, doubly affected by my subconscious fasting. Abandoned, but only those willing to be are abandoned can be abandoned.
Is this a self inflicted disease. Or is it the morally righteous, those who deem themselves above the plebeians.
The? only affected. I feel both parts, one I am an uber plebeian with no regard for my own feelings, the better part of twenty years subject to hangovers and sexual deviancy.
Focused on woman’s undergarments. The?? other half. The supposed intellectual superior to others.
Ha such a laugh.
I deserve nothing but contempt.
A failure, a nothing, a pretend someone, living someone else's life.

R8 comment subscribe
>>
No. 27400
263 kB, 986 × 678
One of the pros of living in an "illiberal democracy" is that I can just turn on the TV, switch to the 5th state channel that deals with culture, and I can step into this parallel universe with people dancing, going to theatres and bookfests. They are good at radiating optimism. It's like I just took an instant happy-pill after looking at those cultural events on the screen. Russians and other Eastern Europeans might know this feel.
Apparently the new theatre season started, so I think it's time to look for a piece and buy a ticket. Hamlet seems topical.
Whenever I go to theatre, I'm reminded of the parts of Kubizek's The Young Hitler I knew, where he describes how Hitler would starve himself, just so that he could afford a standing ticket to the opera.

My mother brought home two cheeseburgers for me. She went to an Asian market with my sister. (Asian market, as in cheap shit for gweilo, mainly selling stuff without taxes.) She bought me a bottle of citrus flavoured vodka instead of a bar of chocolate.
Flavoured vodka seems dishonest to put it simply. "I want something strong, but I'm too much of a pussy to bear with the nail polish taste of this cheap vodka, because I'm also a poor as fuck cheapskate college student who is partaking in this decadent contest of who can get black out drunk the fastest, because apparently that's what colleges are for since the times of Villon", or I'm a woman.
Though apparently it was common for the intelligentsia to drink under communism here. So much so, that there is a quote about this from one of our poets, János Lackfi:
>Two paths lay ahead of the Hungarian intelligentsia:
>One is alcoholism
>The other path is impassable
If I remember correctly, maybe a third of the country is suffering from an alcohol problem. Or is it a fifth? I don't remember. But I digress. Everything I write or say is one big digression if you haven't noticed yet.

People are "arguing" what music to use for the prom waltz. Naturally they intend to choose some modern kitsch, but they also have to agree with the other three classes in their choice.
After 3 days of posting music, they finally posted Shostakovich's second waltz, and I said, that while I'm not voting because it's none of my business since I won't be dancing, I'd go with that one. It's evergreen and it's a classic, while not being a cliché like the Blue Danube.
I got one heart emote react from the quasi-class president. (Quasi, because the class doesn't elect anyone to be a delegate to the Student Council on the grounds of "who gives a toss". So power is like in ancient Athens. Whoever can convince the most people can get things done the fastest, since there is no elected position.)

I'm trying to watch anime, but yet again, I'm not feeling the "magic". Though reading is actually fun again. But so is music, so it's a fight with myself between listening to music and reading. Only if I had a normal phone instead of a handmedown apple botnet, then I could actually listen to music on it at my pleasure.

Something tells me I'm not in the mood to read that Thomas Bernhard drama, which is quite sad, since I'll have to give the book back on Monday. (Though I found one copy online, so I might as well just stop forcing myself to read it in one sitting, and just get that.)
Bernhard is the type of author you don't want to overdose on, no matter how well he writes.
Basically, I just cut my own required reading for the weekend in half, just now.
>>
No. 27401
49 kB, 250 × 500
I just remembered this thing exist on the way back from the kitchen, and I no longer feel anything negative in my life.
[/spoiler]Jesus Christ Canada, what the fuck?
>>
No. 27404
I do not believe that art is an "illusion" of reality. Art has to be, on some level, a representation of reality. Just how a mathematical truth, written down, is not an "illusion of truth", but an instance of truth. Illusions are only as good as the observer is undiscerning. Truth, on the other hand, is true in itself, unaffected by whether or how or by whom it is observed.

I think wanting to create art that merely convinces the viewer of something, rather than being that something, is a low bar to set.

I am having a derealization episode again.
>>
No. 27406
Anyone got any top tips on getting the smell of chopped onion from a lunchbox? Yes, I'm an middle aged woman trapped in a man's body, but it's costing me a fortune in lunch money.

I've tried baking soda but it's only cut the scent by 50%. If I don't get this sorted soon I'll probably end up buying a novelty lunchbox and be judged for it.

>>27398
Worse. She was bitching about something to do with her daughter's school, I feel sympathy for the teachers.

N-Not that there is anything wrong with childless women in their early 30s. That's my core dating demographic these days and I prefer it to dealing with women in their 20s who never shut-up about themselves.

>>27399
It honestly doesn't sound like your home-life is great at the moment, man. Drink water and take care of yourself.

>>27401
How is it? I've been seeing it everywhere lately and recently learnt it is a component in an awful sounding cocktail with vodka and Worcester sauce.
>>
No. 27407
>>27406
>How is it?
No bloody idea, they don't sell it here. But it sounds bad. I just remembered it because it's so fucking absurd. Tomato juice is already a niche thing, but someone in New York went Yeah, we should corner the clam-broth flavored Tomehto juice market! in the 50s, and it's still a thing somehow.
Sounds God awful to be honest, but it's just might be my aversion to seafood as someone who saw the sea maybe 3-4 times in their life.
>>
No. 27408
I stopped skateboarding a few weeks ago since the friend with whom I used to go to the skatepark with moved away again. And, lo and behold, my back started hurting again like hell since all I do is sit around in front of the computer all day. Also getting some mild wrist pain again after some prolonged gaming sessions.
In other news, I applied for a part-time job at a theatre, also I have a trial work day lined up for a trainee position at a video/online marketing company. Though I might just go and do the Master's and work part-time since that does sound more enticing than a 40h work week after all.

>>27391
>For a moment, I think I understood Hamsun's Hunger. Being hungry after skipping supper and barely having a breakfast, having visions of getting published, I think I get it now.
Your grave mistake was that you ate at all while reading it, it's just not the proper experience.

>>27406
>awful sounding cocktail with vodka and Worcester sauce.
Regular Bloody Mary is the tits IMO, if only it wouldn't rip my guts apart (ymmv). Here it's more commonly drunk as shots called "Mexikaner", maybe for that very reason.

>>27407
>clam-broth flavored
Ooooh, so that's the secret ingredient. I used to be suspicious of seafood as well, but now I really like it once in a while.
>>
No. 27411
>>27407
Old clam juice mixed with already not very good V8/tomato juice? It is every bit as disgusting tasting and repulsive smelling as you can imagine. Iirc it isn't even refrigerated until after opening it.

We cop a lot of shit for our food and rightfully so, but I don't think you guys quite understand the full scale of the abomination we are talking about up north. Stop mocking their leaf. If I were Canadian I too would be damn proud of our maple sap based food because everything else is anywhere from industrialized and inedible junk to eldritch abominations.
>>
No. 27418
>>27406
You tried soaking in bleach over night.
I'd try a 1/4 mixture
>>
No. 27420
71 kB, 800 × 600
I've been in hospital since Friday, after the doctor said I might have disc prolapse. I was terrified for second. So far it seems less harsh but there is something wrong with my left foot and the leg, some nerves or the nerve root is damaged or something similar. Tomorrow I will get tested with technology in order get diagnosed correctly. Hope it works and I can walk normal again soon. Fucking shit, if this is connected to my extreme slouching over months and years I will promise to actually do something against this. I'm not even 30.

The hospital is interesting due to its organisation, pepings here and there, strange interior and machines, also a bit uncanny with it's long halls that are stacked with many different things and electronic devices. But the nurses are friendly and some even cute. Food is rather terrible tho but you can eat it. I bought chocolate before I went to the dogtor, in the morning I quickly noticed something is wrong but went to work first. Thank dog I did not just wait.
What would americans do in this situation? Nothing because the bill would be to high?
>>
No. 27426
>>27420
I am on medicaid though I'm probably going to be kicked off soon, so (good rule if you have no hair you get Medicare, if you don't get paid get medicaid). Despite all the memes we actually do have a partially socialized healthcare system for the poorest and most vulnerable of society like elderly and the super poor. The problem is the cut off line for medicaid is so incredibly low and healthcare costs so high that depending on what you're doing in life and health problems it may make more sense to just never earn any more money because you're never going to become well off but that slight pay bump can be just enough to send you over the limit and lose medicaid. This is obviously a big problem because not only is healthcare and insurance itself fucking expensive but most working class jobs don't even offer workplace insurance packages. Most of my jobs did not even offer it. Many trade jobs like roofing, construction, landscaping, painting and so on so don't get insurance policies which is particularly shit because those are jobs where you're highly likely to get injured.

Spinal injuries most of us would go to hospital but we'd never take an ambulance. We try to rely on ambulances as little as possible because remember that whole "majority of americans don't have $500 to afford a surprise expense" thing? Yeah guess what an ambulance costs at least $600 usually $700 and medicaid and most private insurance doesn't cover it. That's why there's that video of the old man with a heart condition who fell getting tazed in the chest by a cop for refusing to get in an ambulance because he can't afford it.

It is cheaper for us to get a friend/relative, hire a cab, or pay someone off to take us to the hospital instead for anything except GSWs and cardiac events.
>>
No. 27427
Been having pretty bad depressive episode last few days.
This time, physical symptoms are pretty bad. Body aches all over, lethargy, sleepiness but at the same poor sleep quality. Feel hungry but no appetite.
Just waiting for this to end so I can go back to drawing.
>>
No. 27428
>>27426
Ok, but it still sounds pretty shitty in comparison. Europe really is a welfare wonderland even it crumbles day by day. A "false" ambulance called because somebody got unconsious my ex gf at her wrokplace without any real trouble just circulation problems costs 10-100€ here, don't know anymore, but I know my ex had to pay and she also refused the ambulance because it happened often enough that she just fades away and comes back and thats it. experienced it once when we lived together and she was in the kitchen I and I just hear a bump and go into the kitchen and there she is on the floor. Not cool.

I went to the hospital as well, I can walk but not the common way. It has to be something at least, as I was told on Friday that they cannot just let me go after making the initial treatment/examination. But no technology seems to be on at weekends, only for immediate cases, so I guess I'm somwhere in the middle of "it's nothing" and immediate danger.
>>
No. 27435
>>27420
My missus had this same issue, a bulging disc was interfering with her spine. It was sorted out in the intermediate-term by giving steroid injections into the spine area fix up the disc. Sometimes the injection would fix it for 6 months at a time but it was less and less the more it was used.

>>27426
>That's why there's that video of the old man with a heart condition who fell getting tazed in the chest by a cop for refusing to get in an ambulance because he can't afford it.
that's so American I feel like saluting a flag and thanking someone for their service, G-d bless.
>>
No. 27437
Woke up, read some. Once chapter about Plato's views on soul. It's like I'm having a constant revelation about life while reading about Platonism. It feels like I did a proper studying session. I even underlined the important words and passages so it's easier to look back on the text.
Then I read some east German and Russian boomerjokes on Wikipedia before having lunch.
The only thing left to do is to check the Bernhard drama, and to prepare for history class.

>>27420
>The hospital is interesting due to its organisation, pepings here and there, strange interior and machines, also a bit uncanny with it's long halls that are stacked with many different things and electronic devices.
The strangest thing about hospitals is how they expect you to act like you are sick. When I was in hospital, I probably spent a third of it laughing.
>Ernst, why are you laughing?
>Give me a reason not to laugh, doctor
They expect you to be sad and miserable. It's also strange how everything is slow in hospitals. You wake up whenever, take the pills they want you to take, and then ask the nurse if anything will happen, and she'll tell you Nothing will happen until the visit by the head of the department, and that's after lunch.
And even when the visit happens, they'll consist of the same ghastly rigmarole as last day. Check thing the pulse, knocking on your back a little, take a deep breath. Though that just might be because I was at a hospital that was for teaching students. I was a curiosity because my English was good enough for foreigners to practice and get immediate feedback.
Then they complain that there isn't enough beds to go around, but when you actually feel good and you want to leave, they won't let you. And even if they want to let you go, it takes them ages to finally write the papers, because they need the stamps and the approval of Dr. Prof. Phd. Emeritius XY-sky, and you can't bother Dr. Prof. Phd. Emeritius XY-sky, because he is busy, please wait until maybe 3 o' clock.
Hospitals are horrible, Kafkaesque places you don't ever want to set foot in. I still get sick whenever I enter a room that smells like Iodine solution and that irritating chemical I never got to know the name of, probably a cleaning solution, or just the smell of illness.

Get well soon btw.
>>
No. 27438
356 kB, 2048 × 1362
47 kB, 945 × 946
I just saw some guy on twitter post the remains of his Orthoptera collection which had been totally destroyed by carpet beetle infestation. Pretty sad. I’m gonna collect some paper wasps today to see if I can find any Strepsiptera pupae on their abdomens. Apparently you can feed the wasp honey and wait for the male parasites to emerge, producing a nice display specimen (Strepsiptera adult in second pic, parasitized paper wasp in first pic with pupa on abdomen).
>>
No. 27442
>>
No. 27446
>>27435
>but it was less and less the more it was used.

Then I hope it can be fixed differently or is something else that is to resolve easily.

>>27437
It's true. I also feel a bit bad because I can actually walk and lay in bed all day besides a few small strolls while meals are served and nurses making their route. Then again it's a security measure I guess, because they did not know what it was on Friday, bad or not and just took me in over the weekend until the tests can be made. And it's slow indeed. It's a bit weird to sleep while these people work around you, but I did no sleep to long, only until breakfast was served.

___

I adviced Geert Lovinks book Sad by Design in the literature thread, he has a chapter on memes and somewhere it deals with shitposting and how shitposting is only an ever ongoing stream that does not rely on content or analysis. It's just a performance not a discussion or something. We all know this perhaps but it's interesting to see academics write about imageboards and internet culture. How it's an integral part of our culture yet treated as if it is still separate from the good old real life. Society of the Social he calls it.
>>
No. 27450
Harvesting time, grape syrup soon
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No. 27453
153 kB, 299 × 302
Tried to catch an crickets for insect collection but they keep detaching their rear legs out of spite.
>>
No. 27454
>>27453
Stop that, thats violent and evil.
>>
No. 27455
>>27454
It's for my entomology course. Also, from an ethical perspective I don't think insect collecting ranks any worse than consuming animal products from industrial agriculture. The amount of suffering involved in sustaining my western lifestyle is already immense so to my thinking it makes little difference whether the crickets die in my freezer now or from the frost in a few weeks.
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No. 27456
1,1 MB, 1693 × 1693
1,4 MB, 1738 × 1738
1,2 MB, 1716 × 1716
>>27427
I hope you're feeling better.

>>27438
>parasitized paper wasp
The parasite is larger that I expected. If you're successful in finding a specimen, please post pics.
I mentioned a while ago about the wasp nest on my window. Unfortunately I wasn't able to observe the entire larvae growth cycle; movements inside the mud nest eventually clouded the glass. Before that occurred I was able to capture these images which show both the larvae and its caterpillar food. When the food was gone, and the baby wasp had reached the stage shown in pic 3, I could see it wiggling. Very cool.

>>27446
It's good you're able to move around while waiting on the doctors. If they said you had a prolapsed/herniated disc, they're probably going to give you an MRI so they can see exactly what the discs look like. My sister has a bad back, so I'm a waiting room expert. Get well soon, ernst.

>>27450
Do you pick them, or get them from a festival/farm? Strawberries are a big local crop, and every year there is a strawberry festival and you can get huge trays of berries for a couple dollars.
>>
No. 27457
162 kB, 1200 × 900
59 kB, 453 × 604
>>27455
One wrong doesn't make a right. I don't eat any animals at all and I don't go stomping around the earth torturing crickets for some macabre display case, which if anything shows what's wrong with Western science and speaks to a deeper cultural narrative about what's wrong with the Western world to begin with. But, on the other hand, I do sometimes feed things like fruit fly larva to my fish. Or beetle larva of those little beetles that eat things like books. Fuckers actually at a pair of my damn shoes for some reason.
okay yeah it's these
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dermestes_lardarius
you little fucks

But generally speaking I try and avoid hurting pretty much everything because I like life. It's kinda funny my interest in technology because I feel a sense of almost a, Druid like idk affinity for forests and life and overall hatred for modern society, or industrial society, or just about anything but nature.

However if you will eat me all bets are off. Ticks, mosquitoes, black flies, deer flies, horse flies, fleas, all these things are off protection. Infectious diseases and parasites too. Also, great white sharks, alligators, possibly rattle snakes. No motherfucker, I am eating you
>>
No. 27458
>>27457
I don’t torture crickets. Their rear legs come off when they are captured. It’s a defense mechanism and a normal part of their physiology.
>>
No. 27479
48 kB, 750 × 435
Today is 09.09 - TR 909 Day!

The iconic rhythm composer. I could stream some tracks that used the 909 as their rhythmic backbone.
Dogtor came in after I my nerves tested with electric this morning. MRT is going to come as well. So I will stay some more days at the hospital. Today was better tho, I could walk rather normal again, tho the problem remains.
>>
No. 27480
393 kB, 704 × 856
>>27479
>I could stream some tracks that used the 909 as their rhythmic backbone
I'm always in for some good computer generated beats!
>MRT is going to come as well. So I will stay some more days at the hospital. Today was better tho, I could walk rather normal again
I feel the pain. Had surgery for a blown up spinal disc which was pressuring the nerves in the back a few years ago, fortunately my back is as good as new since then. But I vividly remember the endless months of conservative treatment, which basically were wasted, until it became so bad that surgery was required. Surgery wasn't bad, though, it was a relief. Get well soon, bro!
>>
No. 27481
Today was pretty good, besides the fact that I had no coat and it was raining. Had some fun classes.
It's lovely when you meet a teacher who is young and never had a class before. They radiate a kind of energy the older ones who have been broken, can't.

I had quite a lot of time to myself before classes started, so I read the philosophy textbook while listening to a symphony. A good tune is like a drug. I'll whistle it until I listen to it to soothe my craving.
My history teacher complimented on my choice of textbook, but not before promptly scaring me, which is one of the guy's gigs.
I'm trying to approach studying more systematically, which means that I mark things with a pencil while reading it. It's a method I've seen in old library books where students went through the pages and systematically circled and underlined important things.
Anyway, I'm starting to get what the idea is, even if it's convoluted.

I'm going to prepare for tomorrow's classes now.
>>
No. 27483
>>27442
Jesus Christ, that cop is such a goof. What was the outcome of the inevitable court case from this nonsense?
>>27446
>Then I hope it can be fixed differently or is something else that is to resolve easily.
In the end she had to get a discectomy on her spine but recovered well
>>
No. 27484
>>27480
>>27483
This scares me a bit, I want it to resolve without any surgery. Hopefully the MRT will give way to a diagnose. It's still a mystery somehow. But thanks for the get well.
I will perhaps stream a bit over play list then since the DJ console is obviously at home. I don't have much music fitting music on my computer tho. And I have to plugin headphones, but that should not affect the capture of the internal sound mix. I could just lay in bed here and listen to music and share it with you for a given time, perhaps not to long.
>>
No. 27487
26 kB, 500 × 565
>>27484
No need to be scared. If I learned anything from this: No one really can predict how these things turn out. I had medical trained staff giving me advice, and other medical staff giving me the opposite advice. I also could not confirm the common meme that physios are great and take their time with their patients, while doctors do not. Physios do their scheduled 20 minute routine, and in my opinion they hold their standard exercises in too much value. Some went so far as telling that their conservative treatment was teh shit and will 100% cure my symptoms, which of course is not true, since everyone responds different to therapy, and I had been doing lots of sports before, so a little exercise wouldn't suddenly change everything. Not saying that it was bad what they did, but it wasn't half as good as they thought it would be.

I liked better what the doctors did, especially post-surgery, since they basically told me that I had to try for myself what I was able to do, and that as long as I don't feel any pain, I'm good to go. Also lots of physios seem to have a dislike against doctors, seemed to me almost like an inferiority complex of some kind. You also don't need to be scared of surgery. While success isn't guaranteed, the surgery itself isn't hard on the body, and I basically felt fully recovered as soon as I woke up. Of course you have to take it easy for some time and you aren't allowed to carry weights for a few weeks, but overall it was an instant improvement over the months before.
>>
No. 27488
>>27487
The physios were cool tho and took their time, dogtor was fast yet focused and at least not unfriendly either. We both might also have different problems so as you said
>No one really can predict how these things turn out
>>
No. 27500
>>27483
>court case
Fucking what? Where do you think you are? This isn't Europe, Ireland boy. Here you will drive the speed limit and mindlessly obey even if you're 91 or you will, get violated
https://www.inquisitr.com/3821150/officer-russ-thornton-tasers-91-year-old-man-with-alzheimers-in-minneapolis-nursing-home-man-dies-two-months-later-graphic-video/
>>
No. 27501
45 kB, 442 × 671
>>27500
Sometimes people just need to be forced to experience their freedom!
>>
No. 27503 Kontra
68 kB, 442 × 671
>>27501
Just a quick shoop. I also was thinking about messing with the text and making it something like "The whole world must know about our quality board - by shitposting raids!", but meh.
>>
No. 27508
195 kB, 640 × 640
1,1 MB, 2612 × 1959
Shit I need to move sooner than later and then I'm not even sure how long I'm going to be there so even without the financial burdens there's logistics problems but damn am I going to get myself at least a puffer fish, maybe two. Possibly either a pea puffer or maybe even a South American Puffer, although the latter would be bigger. I also quite want a pair of Bolivian Rams or maybe some other cichlid since they're pretty adorable and intelligent fish, also peaceful unless they're breeding.

The problem with this is I'm strapped on space and I've already got several female bettas including three juveniles in my main community tank, which means if there ever are problems I'm going to end up being quite limited on what I can do already without picking up a fifth fish tank which would be in addition to my hospital/quarantine rubbermaid tub. Primarily I am thinking about this one 10g which is pretty nice for either puffers or a Ram pair but I've also already got a fourth juvenile betta in there and now I'm talking about three different kinds of fish which maybe shouldn't go together. The betta/Rams alone is asking for trouble, and the Rams combo with puffers is problematic potentially as well as betta/puffer not to mention if I get a pair and they start breeding they're going to pick fights with any of the others. So I'm torn on what to do here.

Of course the other problem that I've got is sticking anybody else around means it's going to be extra pain in the ass when I'm trying to figure out on a new place. I haven't even got that much packing I've gotta get done hell im probably going to switch to an air mattress it's just dismantling the multiple tanks and making sure they're safe in transit and spending all day for days moving and setting everything back up is going to be a bitch and expensive so I feel like my priorities aren't straight, but damn do I want me some small freshwater puffers. They're such cute adorable little fish and very inquisitive, which is also true of the cichlids and bettas. Guppies are pretty fucking dumb and goldfish are even dumber than a box of rocks. At least the more chill cichlids are great though, but man am I thankful I didnt stupidly buy that Jewel cichlid. I'd have no idea what the fuck to do with him other than let him hog his own tank by himself.

I think I'm going to try a puffer in the community tank at least but man could I be asking for trouble there. The problem is the bettas. I'm already chancing the dice on three female bettas not getting in each other's way and I don't want a puffer to start shit. I want another with peaceful cichlid/puffer but am worried there'd be problems and I'd probably have to move that juvenile betta in with the goldfish, which is doable but he's a lumbering retarded jackass so I'd have to make sure there's more surface plant/root to hide in and yes, I am keeping a goldfish in warm water with my reject guppies.

I tried calling some company last week about shipping these fish and a few fancy guppies I really wanted to add into the gene pool but their shipping alone is $30 and like hell am I wasting that kind of money in shipping alone when I could mostly get what I want just with all the massive extra hassle of going out and spending an entire day traveling to do it but such is life on bydlo American bus lines without a car or car payments. Issue is just my job keeps scheduling me weirdly. I couldve done it today but I'm just like, is it worth it to waste all of today there and back? And the answer is no no it is not worth it. I'll just wait until my next paycheck because I've been spending a lot more money already.
>>
No. 27514
>>27500
It's similar here because of the really strong and really corrupt copper union. You try an question them and you get stonewalled at best, and pay court and legal expenses for your wasted time. It isn't as though the Man gives a shit about anyone but their cronies, doesn't matter where you are.
>>
No. 27515
I fucking fell asleep again instead of doing what I was supposed to do.
I haven't been taking any iron pills, and when I'm not taking extra iron, I tend to get sleepy. So of course my mother forgot to bring home any. (I had neither a coat in the rain, or enough money on me to buy any.)
I fucking hate sleeping in the afternoon. That kind of sleep is worthless.

Tomorrow I'll be meeting one of my acquaintances who wrote to me today. They have to get rid of a lot of their personal library, so they wrote to whoever they know that'd possibly need/like anything, and I was one of those people.
I prepared two waterproof bags for the event.

Can't find the textbook I need for art class.
>>
No. 27516
44 kB, 633 × 758
Sometimes I think "wonder what aussie's up to".
Then he posts something and I'm like, "ah, ok".

This is the definition of schizo friendship, I think: when you're content with someone just being around, even if you don't talk or interact much.
>>
No. 27517
I feel so fucking mad right now. I won't have a good night's sleep, and neither have I done what I need to do for tomorrow.
I don't want to waste my free period on learning a poem tomorrow. I'd rather put it toward learning hanzis, which I've been neglecting again.
I got to around ~190, then summer came, and I stopped practising. Though from my experience I still recognise most of them. And now thinking about the Matura takes up most of my time, and well, if I'm going to study Chinese at University, there is really no point in fucking around with it now on my own, with all the pitfalls and inefficiencies that comes with doing something without proper guidance.

Yesterday I couldn't sleep because I had these terrible made up situations come up in my mind, and I recoiled whenever one was concluded, as I was laying in bed.
>>
No. 27519
Didn't update for a while cause I barely had time for anything.
Now slowly things are settling down again, though I have not heard from the newspaper traineeship yet so I'm still quite excited and nervous.
In case I stay here I have acquired a freelancing job at a small local newspaper, where I'll do some trial work tomorrow. The pay is really so bad that it barely covers the expense, but every journalist has to go through this phase and it will feel good to visit events and happenings again, doing interviews etc.
I really miss that.
Other than that there is mostly emptiness. Feelings of being nothing and a no-one switching with delusions grandeur. I need to quit that dish-washing job as soon as possible, the physical work lets too much space to think. I'm alone in my head all the time and cannot atop the stream of thoughts, so it's close to torture at times.
If I stay here the freelancing won't be enough to make a living so I'll contine looking for a side-job in copytexting and just work and do other stuff aside until I can start the new studies next year or apply for other traineeships.
Also I spend the last night writing prose again, which I'm rarely able to in the last time. Mostly I'm just to full with other thoughts and things to do. It feels like the hard thing about writing isn't the writing itself but managing your life and earning enough money through other work that you don't live like a bum.
Luxury isn't good for an artist but poverty is even worse. It eats up your mind.
For me it's not necessarily the lack of money to travel or buy new things, it's just the feeling of inferiority that makes me go insane.
I really just want to make a living.
>>
No. 27520
It is cold here
>>
No. 27521
>>27520
Here is quite warm September, +7С even now, at night
>>
No. 27536
>>27517
Take a chill pill. It sounds like you're way ahead of where you need to be on Mandarin and your poetry skills have a history of impressing the girls. At the very least there is no point stressing over the little things.

Maybe you could go and visit a university lecturer who teaches the language to put things in perspective.

>>27520
Sames. Apparently it is going to be the coldest winter for 30 years which is absolutely fine by me.
>>
No. 27537
>>27520
>>27536
Fall is coming. I'm just glad I'll get to properly sleep.
>>
No. 27541 Kontra
>>27536
>Apparently it is going to be the coldest winter for 30 years which is absolutely fine by me.

There is no reliable method of determining more than a few days of weather into the future.
>>
No. 27544
>>27536
>Maybe you could go and visit a university lecturer who teaches the language to put things in perspective.

Best advice. I guess uni is not so different than in other countries where theoreticially you can visit any class or lecture you want I know some classes here are constrained in number of participants because the classes tend to grow to big for a room
So check out the course catalog of your university and give it a visit. Don't know but isn't fall the universal freshman (semester)?
>>
No. 27559
Been sleeping a lot. Probably body trying to compensate for last week's shit sleep quality and nightmares.

Shit man, you can't take sleep for granted. Gotta be grateful for every time your body manages to sleep without problems.

>>27544
I've often thought about forging the uni identification card (you show it to security upon entrance), and start attending classes as if I've never dropped out.
I still have keys to the auditorium our teacher gave us :-DDDD
>>
No. 27560
55 kB, 358 × 469
>>27559
>(you show it to security upon entrance)

What? I guess every uni has securities these days but checking if you are a student? I know some homeless people sleep in the uni building or chill there at the computers but they don't bother anybody, at least not me.

Tbh this suits more the US than some country south of russia :DDD
>>
No. 27561
>>27560
Unis operate more like schools here.
Largely no coming and going, only uni staff and students on the premises, parents or anyone looking to talk to someone has to authorize at the entrance. It doesn't even sound that unreasonable tbh, with the amount of bydlo here, shit would start getting stolen immediately.

I guess we just lack wectern enlightenment philosophy of "Uni is a place of learning for everyone". Here, uni is a government building just like schools or city hall or whatever. Unless you have official business, get out :-DDDDD. Or maybe they just fall into the category of public places like metro stations and parks.

Also, almost every place here has a strict no hobo policy, mainly because our hobos smell and look like shit because shelters aren't really a thing here. But it's a self-solving problem because hobos usually freeze in the winter :-DDDDD.
>>
No. 27562
>>27560
In my uni they actually installed an electronic security system and issued keycards which doubled as student IDs. I was a last year extramural student (dunno how do I translate "заочник" properly) when they put it in one of the buildings. So the uni decided not to issue these IDs for us extramurals, since we're gonna graduate soon anyway; we were supposed to ask watch-babushkas at the entrance to let us in. Thing is, they didn't notify those babushkas about our situation. So once I had to hand one of my works to a lecturer in that modernized high-security building. I explained everything to the babushka and asked her to let me in, but she just said, "Where is your ID?" I told her that we're not supposed to have it and even showed her my old ID (us extramurals had paper ones), but the old hag was like, "I don't know anything about that, if you don't have an ID, then you're not supposed to go in there." No amount of persuasion could sway that Soviet-made Cerberus, so in the end I lost my temper, swore at her and jumped over the turnstile. Come to think of it, it was the only time in my life when I swore in mat in public at a woman.
>>
No. 27564
>>27561
>>27562
Well, looks like I did not take into account the remains of soviet culture and bureaucracy :DDD
>>
No. 27565
I'm already home. Got a bunch of free books. Some really good stuff. Quite a few treasures too.
I told the teacher who hold the Lifestyle class that life got in the way, and I'm leaving. Her response was Not like I know your name. Lovely.
There was this lovely, low-class scene I had to jot down into my notebook as I was waiting for the bus.
People are sitting at a table in front of the bakery, just by the bus stop. A car pulls up, and a woman gets out. Everyone is in black. One of the women shout from the table:
>Hey, what are you doin' here?
>The burial was today!
Said the woman driving
>Fuck me, my condolences!
It's true, honest, and unfiltered. The real vernacular of our times.

My little expedition into the forest of khruschevkas went uneventfully. I found the block, phoned, and I was let in, into this fortress of modernity.
I met the old librarian I occasionally write to there. Basically she was moving, and couldn't get all of her collection out, and the new place lacked the sufficient space.
I spent probably an hour looking through the shelves. Then the concurrency arrived. Representatives of an antiquary came over to take some of it off here shoulders too, so I was quite right to leave school early. Which is a strange kind of luck, considering I had a black cat walk across before me this morning, a bad omen. Not that I'm superstitious, it's just a factor to consider.
There was a lot of good stuff on the shelves she had no intention of keeping. In a sense, I felt like a grave robber, and I'm sure you all know why. If we were to be rational, I was the best option after the antiquary. What I didn't take, the antiquary took, and what the antiquary didn't take, the lowest tier bookseller will take on Friday.
I'm going to list my catches of the day:
>Dostoevsky - Selected diaries, letters and confessions
>Dostoevsky - The Double
>The first two volumes of In search of lost time
>N. Gogol - The Nose (Bilingual edition) Though it's not like I know any Russian.
>Selected Ancient Chinese Writings on Aesthetics
>Charles Baudelaire - Artificial Paradises
>Kehlmann - Ruhm
I remember some German saying that Kehlmann is that inoffensive kind of writer who is praised, writes well enough, but brings nothing new to the table, and that's exactly the reason my someone would dislike him. It's this meekness, this Milquetoast oeuvre, an idea I can understand. Respectable work, above average, but not truly great.
I just want to see something that's contemporary and foreign. And also European. Something mainstream. It's not that I haven't read anything contemporary, it's just that I read not necessarily mainstream books, mainly from Asia. And I suppose Pelevin isn't mainstream either. Correct me if my perception is wrong.

The way back home was quite a chore, because I had both my shoulder bag, and the two extra bags I've brought with me full. You can imagine how much fun commuting that way is.
Basically I have no room for any more books. Null, nill. Now comes the tsundoku, just so that I can have one more facet of orientalism in my life.
That, and I also have to categorise all of these before even thinking about putting them anywhere. I'm not sure yet, but one day this digital catalogue I'm writing might come in handy.

Art class was okay. The teacher spent maybe ten minutes defending the practices of the Church before the reformation. It felt quite surreal to hear about this from a Catholic perspective.

I also read quite a lot of Bernhard today. Around page 170, Old Masters starts living up to the subtitle, and becomes a comedy. That rand is so dirty, so ugly, foul-mouthed while staying non-vulgar, and so energetic, I have to laugh while reading. I'm going to copy it when I have the time, and post it on some imageboard as a rant. It's just so good.

>>27544
>>27536
I guess I should. It's not that I'm unsure about this career path. I'm determined. I wouldn't have experimented with it for so long if I wasn't determined to become a translator, I wouldn't have spent half of my empty periods learning Chinese last year. It's not even the sunk-cost fallacy, because I enjoyed every second of it, working towards this city on the hill, my own city.

People warned us that we'll start panicking once the last year comes about, and I guess I'm just suffering from what everyone is suffering from.
Though I think I managed to get a hold of my "emotions" now. I'm just really prone to stressing about minor details and unimportant issues.
Writing EC posts is also really therapeutic. It helps me get my life into perspective somewhat.
>>
No. 27583
131 kB, 629 × 1173
>Mother comes home
>Only brings bad news about my future
I'm seriously considering killing someone, and not sure if it's not going to be myself.
Just as my anxiety subsides, something has to come and fuck everything up. Now it's bullshit like
>You have to pick a science subject for Abitur as an exam subject
>Please do two oberstufe, you have no hope of getting in with just two
I studied German exactly so that I wouldn't have to bother with something mind numbingly stupid like Media or Ethics, or something that makes me piss blood like Chemistry or Biology.
And now it's either bullshit, or some third rate, friend of a friend chinovnik decided to ruin me from the comfort of his Amt.
This isn't even that I'm not good enough to achieve things, this is setting up a race course, only to tell me I have to use a unicycle to get through it.
I guess there is really much to do besides improvising, adapting and overcoming. I mean, what would Nietzsche think if I just decided to give up?
>>
No. 27584
Pooped today twice, was good
>>
No. 27591
Okay. New plan: I'll cry myself to sleep, and I'm not going to turn on the PC on the weekends.
To soothe my nerves, I'm going to read something light instead.

I managed to enter every new entry into the catalogue, except for 8 volumes of essays on different art-styles. I only took them, because they have good, relatively short, but still in-depth introductions to baroque, classicism, surrealism, naturalism, romanticism and so on.
I read the introduction to socialist-realism from one of such volumes, but that's not here. That's a worthless book.

Time for bed, and time to hope everything will turn out fine tomorrow.
>>
No. 27626
I asked around, and turns out it was a false alarm. I don't have to take an exam from a science subject. Thank fucking God. Everything went better than expected.
I slept rather well. The sake helped me to calm down a little.
But if nothing bad happens today (and I doubt anything bad will happen), then I think I'll sleep soundly for the rest of the week.
Even my appetite is better. It's really refreshing to be able to eat a large meal and be comfortable after doing so.

I picked up the book I need for class. It has a short study and retellings of the most important myths. Around 300 pages, but I think I'll manage. The binding is really good, and it's a large format, so I can just simply lay it open on the desk without having to hold it. The best kind of book.
There was a guy in line before me. Looked like the typical self important autist loser who's only joy in life is pointing out how others fucked up.
>Hey, this isn't exactly the book I ordered, it's a later printing!
(Note: We are talknig about the book of some third rate no-name writer, and the book was published under socialism. It's a mass-product, not some rarity.)
>No problem Sir, we'll send it back, free of charge!
>No, I'll be taking it, but I'd like to write a letter of complaint
The needy bastard. It's the text that matters, not the print. That's just commodity fetishism.

So essentially, life has become better and merrier in a span of a single day.
>>
No. 27630
I was drinking liquor with friends last night, so I was a bit hungover this morning and am in a rather bad mood.
Ate out at my trusted Thai restaurant, than had my first appointment for the newspaper where I'm freelancing at.
One might say I am officially a journalist now.
It was a prize-giving at an educational academy for some volunteer work group that helps out in school.
I have to acclimate myself again to this work. All the friendliness, talking and people wanting something from you.
A wholly different world compared to the dish-washing.
Then at the weekend I have an important celebration at my hometown after which I want to cut drinking for a while. Thinking back those two months I spent sober (you will remember my great announcement and confession thread) I was the most productive and the most mentally stable as well, smoked less, lost weight, worked out more and spent less money.
To numb my mind once in a while I still have my Kratom, which has a less destructive effect and that I can control properly.

Other than that life sucks at the moment, I think I'll shave myself now and then wash my clothes.
>>
No. 27643
>>27626
>Everything went better than expected.

A common experience for people who stress themselves easily :^)

>>27630
Are you one of those Kratombernds? I never interacted with them I know they existed (or was it just one?) on old KC. Like a daily Kratomstoß or Kratomfäden.

Anyway, keep up like you have done so far with your various fights.
>>
No. 27665
14 kB, 250 × 241
I have discovered something absolutely ebin while watching some arabic youtube videos by apostates criticizing islam. In the comment sections of those videos, to be precise.

Usually, apologists will use an all familiar tactic of obscuring the truth by presenting various interpretations, clarifications, commentaries, etc., on the obviously erroneous verses written in the Quran. It's old hat by now. That the sun setting in a muddy pool and or that the earth is carried by a giant whale, all subject to excuses or obfuscations in an attempt to "modernize" the image of Islam. Those are conducted by religious officials, whom I suspect to be simple opportunists trying to benefit from the religion. The regular believer largely knows nothing of the Quran and Hadith save for a few quotes and inspiring tales. They simply believe that the Quran is infallible and true without having read it.

Now, there's another camp, who believe the Quran is 100% true, and the earth IS carried by a giant whale, and that the moon was at some point split in two, and so on. And here we witness a fascinating synthesis: Islam and flat earth crockery. Those muslims will argue that the earth is flat, using arguments presented in flat earth videos from youtube. A sort of recent, western meme-phenomenon of flat earth conspiracy synthesizing and affirming a 1400 year old religion from the middle east. Modern internet crockery interacting with ancient religious superstition. Very interesting.

There is also a story of Dhul Qarnayn, who goes to the edge of the world to find a muddy spring where the sun sets, and finds a tribe living there, as well as tribes of Gog and Magog, whom he locks behind the mountains, and whom will ravage the world on judgement day. The story is most likely lifted from the mythological version of Alexander the great.
I read one muslim comment claiming that Dhul Qarnayn was a space traveler who flew to the sun, and that Gog and Magog are two alien inhabited planets that will attack earth on judgement day. Absolutely ebin. And many other instances of islam being merged with newage pseudoscience / mythology.

I can only hope to see versions of Islam mutated by modernity, creating Islamic equivalents of Scientology and Heaven's Gate cult. That would be absolutely hilarious.

Also notable is that YouTube algorithm has noticed my apparent interest in Islam and is actively trying to convert me by recommending me religious propaganda. Imagine that, an algorithm devised by an American corporation to maximize ad revenue on their video platform is having a tangible effect on the religious lives of people all over the world, converting them to Islam. And I have no doubt that the algorithm is more successful and efficient at this task than any human preacher could hope to be. All so it can sell you a Squarespace or NordVPN subscriptions. We truly live in a fucking society, lads.
>>
No. 27670
>>27643
Since I regularily take Kratom since probably around 3 years now I had surely participated in Kratom discussions on KC back then.
I remember the bump when high thread on /d/ where I would post when I was high and some discussions on /b/ where I gave tips on Kratom consumption. Don't remember too much anymore.

Talking of Bump when high thread, I thought about doing something similiar on our /int/ for very long now.
When I take kratom I usually just text friends way more than I do sober.
It's really comfy and I'd like to do sames on EC. Then it's also kinda trashy and useless...

Generally a chat would be nice to hang out with Ernsts when you're lonely.
I don't think it would damage the today thread or something, as probably there wouldn't be too much people at once in the chat usually.
>>
No. 27682
Repaired da roof on da shed, new metal insulation
>>
No. 27686
131 kB, 433 × 424
>>27665
>Now, there's another camp, who believe the Quran is 100% true, and the earth IS carried by a giant whale, and that the moon was at some point split in two, and so on. And here we witness a fascinating synthesis: Islam and flat earth crockery.
I guess Christianity doesn't have a monopoly on Flat Earth after all. I've seen a lot of FE videos on Youtube, and what stood out to me was how tightly woven Flat Earth was to religion(Old and New Testament). People believed the earth was flat, and since the Bible had verses which supported that, they seemed to be even more convinced of the Bible's other truths. It was a really interesting phenomenon, especially when considering how some American Christian fundamentalists view modern science(evolution mostly) with skepticism. Flat Earth was a perfect fit for that mindset. And now I guess Islam has some FE converts too.

>And I have no doubt that the algorithm is more successful and efficient at this task than any human preacher could hope to be.
Clear your cookies before it's too late XdD.
>>
No. 27687
>>27686
What the fuck

But it isn't though. Same goes for Young Earth Creationism. You will notice no one follows this crock of shit except retarded specific sects of American fundies and that's because there really isn't any Scriptural basis for it. Nowhere in the Bible does it say shit about flat earthiness afaik, nor for that matter does it even give the world's age. In fact solely the reason for YEC is because some retarded American protestant preacher went through and added up the ages of people in it. That's seriously how he arrived at that conclusion. It is the absolute height of heresy and this is promulgated by the exact same fucking idiots who unironically claimed to know when the earth would end despite that being in direct contradiction of the Bible itself which literally directly states no one knows this, not even the Son.
>>
No. 27692
>>27643
I'm actually slowly drinking kratom right now but it's fucking expensive and I'm starting to wonder if I've sensitized myself to it and opiates in general over the years. I never got into that heroin epidemic or OxyContin which is all the rave these days but have used particularly kratom so on off over the years it now worries me if I've been slowly burning out my receptors or setting up an addiction. I've felt like I was getting a cold twice this year and while I've used kratom for many weeks at a time without problems it's making me paranoid. Well, at least once I think I actually was fighting off a cold I had sore throat etc.

But it's fucking expensive. My god is it expensive. And I was considering just buying in bulk but a) i dont want to risk my faggot government seizing it from Indonesia and b) I'm spooked of it turning addictive, which is the only reason I haven't ordered it yet despite the fact it's costing me $30 for 5oz right now which is absurd. I think I should either get the whole damn brick sent to me or just not do it at all, although I've only been at this because it's still roughly comparable to some small scale wholesalers (there's 16oz to a pound and 2.2 pounds to a kilo in case you soup drinkers are curious)
>>
No. 27693
99 kB, 1289 × 306
So this is a question that has actually bothered me for awhile: was Stalin right to use threats of violence to stop Ukrainians from eating bees? I was just watching another documentary about bees and every time I watch bee videos it reminds me of this.
>>
No. 27694
>>27687
>What the fuck
Digging into Flat Earth videos was a fun ride; it's like following Alice all the way down the rabbit hole. Here is an example of how the Bible is used to suport their arguments:

>in describing the temptation of Jesus by Satan, Matthew 4:8 says, “Once again, the devil took him to a very high mountain, and showed him all the kingdoms of the world [cosmos] in their glory.” Obviously, this would be possible only if the earth were flat.

http://www.ic.unicamp.br/~stolfi/misc/misc/FlatEarth/FlatEarthAndBible.html

There are more verses in the link, but you get the idea. They mistake poetic language as literal descriptions. I don't know the Koran or how Muslims handle Apologetics, but Catholics have had 2000 years of practice on this stuff. Heck, they literally invented Apologetics, so reconciling verses like this is easy.
The Young Earth thing was odd too, and I remember the stir surrounding the Bill Nye debate about it, and the pictures of dinosaur footprints next to human footprints. Now that I think about it, both of these theories had a TV scientist to feed off of. The Flat Earthers have Neil Degrasse Tyson, who is in countless FE memes. He's even featured in this music video:

B.O.B.-Flatline
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oMMJ2Dgkrm0

tfw I actually have this song in one of my playlists :D. The lyrics are way out there, but I like the beat.

>>27693
You can eat bees? I had never heard of that. I'm allergic, so that would probably kill me.
>>
No. 27695
>>27692
Well, obviously taking Kratom for multiple weeks will make you acclimate to the drug and kill the buzz. I usually consume kratom once a month for three or four days (around 50g), I call those days binges.
This consumption rhythm is perfect, it always feel like I'm having a little holiday. I usually don't even think about it, then suddenly the month ends end I say to myself: "Great, it's time to order some Kratom!"
So yeah, to uphold th magic of mitragyna speciosa you shouldn't take it multiple weeks in a row. Kratom tolerance builds up really fast, usually my third binge day already doesn't give me much euphoria anymore. So just enjoy it once in a while and cut daily consumption.
Also even though I'm a regular consumer since years I absolutely detest its taste and probably couldn't stand drinking the tea.
What I do is getting gelatin capsules from the local pharmacy and stuff the Kratom inside them with a pen mine.
Not only is it a nice ritual but also you don't have to taste it and can carry your Kratom with you in case of going out (actually I have taken my capsules multiple times in the tram, the way people looked at me was ebin. Especially because I don't look like a junkie kind of guy but am usually dressed really fine).
Grapefruit juice is supposed to the boost the effect but I have never tried it yet, I'll do it next time.
>>
No. 27696
38 kB, 413 × 550
I'm 37 years old today, it SUCKS but at least I'm in decent health.
>>
No. 27698
>>27696
Holy fucking shit you're even older than I am by only a few years but still
>>
No. 27699
15 kB, 633 × 758
>>27698
I got 6 cans of beer, a card drawn by my kids, a box of chocolates, a pair of slippers and a book on growing vegetables. r8 my oldness
>>
No. 27700
38 kB, 940 × 627
>>27699
>and a book on growing vegetables
Average 30s dad up til that point. That's going fishing with grandpa tier.
>>
No. 27705
Saw a weird and funny thing today. It always amused me just how smart some stray dogs can be, like, for example, when I was a schoolkid, there was a doggo living near the neighbouring commieblock. I called him Shortlegs, because he had short legs. Every morning Shortlegs went on his canine business, and his route partly coincided with my route to school, so I could observe him for a while. When he reached an intersection, he waited for a green light and only then crossed the road. At first I thought that it was just a coincidence, but he kept crossing that road every morning in accordance to traffic rules. Moreover, it was a pretty big intersection, the one you have to cross in two parts, and Shortlegs knew about that and waited in the middle when he was supposed to, like a well-disciplined pedestrian. And what's even funnier, whenever someone crossed the road on a red light, Shortlegs looked at them like they were stupid, as if saying, "Hmph, another human feeling suicidal."

Anyway, today I was waiting for my bus when I noticed a stray dog sniffing around the bus stop. He walked to some woman and started looking at her expectantly, probably hoping that she would treat him to something tasty, but she shooed him away. He lingered a bit, and then he saw a bus (№19, Podkastseltsy - Slobodskaya st.) approaching the stop. He started to it, and I thought that he was going to seek some food from the passengers or maybe he waited for some babushka he acquainted with, but he actually got on the bus. I expected him to be thrown out, but he promptly made his way deeper into the bus, the doors closed and the bus drove away with the doggo still inside. I guess he really needed to be at Slobodskaya street at eight o'clock straight. What's interesting, he behaved very politely and observed the bus etiquette: he waited for passengers to get out, then he let the ladies go first, and only after he got on himself. Compared to some bydlo I often encounter who just elbow their way into the bus without giving a shit about anything and anyone, that dog was a real gentleman.
>>
No. 27706
>>27705
I had a doggo who was capable of traveling via bus and also returning via bus. He was half-stray and was allowed to roam freely.
>>
No. 27707
>>27705
>>27706
What is it that I think these stories fit the picture of the postsoviet world I have via imageboards.
They are somehow heartwarming in a cold environment?
>>
No. 27711
501 kB, 600 × 450
>>27706
That's cool. Never knew any dogs who rode buses, but there was a doge who used to visit us at our dacha and who absolutely loved riding on a motoblok (kinda like picrelated). His name was Valet, and he was an ugly motherfucker with asymmetrical ears, curly wired fur and an underbite, but he was very smart. Whenever he heard the motoblok's engine starting, he ran to it like a lightning, jumped in the back and panted happily waiting for it to go. He didn't even care about the distance. Once dad and I had to bring some stuff on the motoblok to my grandpa's village, about two kilometers from my dacha, and Valet went with us. Somewhere on the way some dogs started chasing us, barking madly, but Valet just looked at them from the height of the carriage with noble dignity and barely contained superiority, and didn't even let out a single woof. He probably felt like the King of Dogs at that moment.
>>
No. 27734
Had a dream in which I assassinated John McAfee. I always have stranger dreams if I wake up first and then fall back asleep. Or perhaps the dreams aren’t stranger but I remember them more clearly. This effect has probably been studied before I would think.
>>
No. 27738
>>27734
Perhaps you're merely experiencing alternate dimension you and alternate dimension you assassinated him

I always get the strangest feeling I'm experiencing my own separate reality while dreaming and that while I'm awake another copy of me is dreaming my life. The fact that I often randomly have banal shit to do like chores and errands in dreams is pretty much what amplifies this sense, often briefly punctuated by weird and terrible things like say being arrested. In one me and some other guy I think murdered and robbed somebody for some reason, or I guess killed him and was like might as well take his wallet anyway. It often feels like a Rick from across the multiverse doing something stupid and terrifying and makes me feel like someone else is experiencing my life, which so far as I can tell is pretty boring usually. The amount of time we waste on stupid chores is amazing.
>>
No. 27740
>>27738
H.G. Wells wrote a short story about that idea actually: it’s called “A Dream of Armageddon”.
>>
No. 27744
Today was perfectly shallow and uneventful. Nothing of note happened.
The only really noteworthy thing is that I slept really well.
Also saw a musician playing the violin at the metro station. He was playing the Blue Danube Waltz, albeit poorly. It was way too fast, and didn't feel like a waltz at all. Fast classical pieces are good, but speeding up something like this just feels bad.

I finally found a good rip of Shostakovich's complete symphonies. It's a Soviet recording, conducted by Kirill Kondrashin, a conductor who premiered a lot of the composers symphonies.
The problem with Western recordings of Shostakovich is that they play too slow, destroying that brutal, hard hitting quality of his pieces. But then again, they sometimes play things too fast.
For example I listened to a Bernstein recording of Mahler's 6th symphony, and it was abysmal. It lacked any feeling or soul.

Tomorrow I'll go in late, so I have plenty of time for myself tonight.
I'm going to finish reading Old Masters, since I only have ~20 pages remaining.

>>27665
>All so it can sell you a Squarespace or NordVPN subscriptions.
>We truly live in a fucking society, lads.
That's what makes it lovely. If an American corporation can get away with something profitable, they'll do it.

>creating Islamic equivalents of Scientology and Heaven's Gate cult. That would be absolutely hilarious.
Unironically Heavens forbid. Scientology is already bad enough, now imagine an even more fundamentalist version of it. Even on paper, it sounds horrifying.

>>27699
>I got 6 cans of beer, a card drawn by my kids, a box of chocolates, a pair of slippers and a book on growing vegetables
Absolutely *WHOLESOME*
Are you going to start a vegetable garden?
>>
No. 27754
82 kB, 771 × 583
A slightly bookish woman got all flustered today when we were getting in the lift. One of those "no you first" moments. I was having a good day anyway, even found out I'm getting an unexpected bonus, but those little moments really brighten up your day. Shh! Let me enjoy my vain fantasy land.

But anyway, I got a job ad in my inbox offering a few grand more and another step up the career ladder. Pretty short step to the next level after that as well, give it 6 months before I jump again. The problem is I will have to put considerable effort into not being shy in the new post which I still become in a room full of strangers. Does Ernst have any tips on not being a reclusive weirdo?
>>
No. 27759
>>27754
Get angry and use it to amp yourself up with retarded amounts of self respect.
t. undeserved stronk feeling professional
>>
No. 27760
>>27754
I honestly have no idea except that you need to set boundaries. I deal with people constantly, nonstop, and I'm a pretty reclusive, private, closed off person. The main thing is just setting those boundaries to yourself and keeping everyone at arm's length while still knowing chit chatting, and realizing they probably don't actually care how your day is going either. Don't force anything either. But in truth, I do not know. I firewall my personal self and private life far the fuck away from literally everybody else, even including family to a degree I guess.
>>
No. 27761
53 kB, 620 × 726
>>27740
H.G. Wells has a short story omnibus and it's pretty good, there's a ton of short stories in it, I only read maybe half of them but there's some absolutely pioneering ideas in those stories. One of the short stories is called The Land Ironclads where he theorises about tanks before tanks were a thing.

>>27744
>Are you going to start a vegetable garden?
As soon as we own our own home it'll be the first thing we do, right now we're stuck in a rental with a really hostile and petty landlord. The dude actually tried to blackmail me and I can't find any lawyer who'll take my case. Either way we should be out of here in the next few months.

>>27754
Dale Carnegie's book 'How to win friends and influence people' is a pretty good guide to being social and making people like you.
>>
No. 27762
>>27759
Isn't this a bit intimidating for the other person? I can see myself having fun with some autistic debate and the other person unable to escape.

>>27760
I think I operate on similar terms. If I know someone in the conversation or its informal (on a 1-1 level) then I'm fine. I can even be charming, funny and listen to nonsense I don't care about like a pro.

But then there come times where I have to engage in formal chat with strangers and suddenly...I need someone to hold my hand. It's a minefield trying to avoid offending anyone and still getting a conversation going beyond observations. I don't know how some people can become the centre of a room in polite settings.

I wish I was one of those tortured geniuses who can get away with being an utter bastard to everyone.

>>27761
Carnegie's great but I don't remember him revealing how to be a socialite. He always struck me as quite a soft-spoken fellow.
>>
No. 27763
111 kB, 386 × 366
>>27754
>Does Ernst have any tips on not being a reclusive weirdo?
If you can't avoid small talk and such, and sense that it's going to happen no matter what, then try to be the one who talks first. It's better than waiting and appearing too reluctant, which in my experience adds even more awkwardness, and it also lets you choose the topic. Offense is always easier than defense.
t.reclusive weirdo
>>
No. 27764
>>27762
Internally angry is fine. Depending on how you look, and what circles you roll in, you might get branded a yob but that is just square for "Im a jealous wanker".
>>
No. 27768
I just had a horrible nightmare where I was back in school and behind on my homework. It re-invoked the horrible feeling of inescapable anxiety of unavoidable impending stress. You can only avoid the anxiety by skipping school, but that will entail even more anxiety later, which can not be avoided, not for the next few years at least. Man, fuck those dreams.

>>27744
Well, call me edgy, but I enjoy observing and researching the delusions of people and societies.
Cults, religions, logical fallacies, mental illness, etc. It's a fascinating subject for multiple reasons, having to do with my own ideas and beliefs of interest. For example, how much of the human mind is a "soul", and how much of it is reprogrammable circuitry? How strong is a normal, sane human's ability to gradually transport into a subjective parallel reality through propaganda, isolation, escapism, etc?

I guess as a schizoid, I often feel boxed in in my private, detached reality, so it's interesting to see how this can also happen to "normal" people. Especially since it's pretty much a universal ailment in society these days. Not just because of religions and cults, which are very common these days (did you know there are JW representatives in Kazakhstan?). But also because normies these days consume nothing but propaganda. And I don't mean that in the sense of "hurr durr political agenda", but in the way that cults use it: restrict the source of information about the world to create a subjective reality. The political agenda of mainstream news is less important to me than the fact that one or two narratives will be repeated across multiple media channels, creating an illusion of universal truth, for different audiences. Whatever the agenda may be.

Those who disconnect from the mainstream fall into another trap: creating an alternate reality of their own making by adopting fringe beliefs. Hence flat earth crockery or even something as banal as internet echo chambers.

We're literally living in a post modern world without a "truth" narrative or universal model of reality. And how do people deal with being confronted with multiple competing "truths" daily? Easy, Political Correctness. Everything is true, simultaneously, as long as you don't "rock the boat". You can have your own private lies, as long as you don't challenge mine. I think that is the true purpose of PC culture, not any ideologically driven desire to not offend or anything.
Fascinating times.
>>
No. 27769
18 kB, 353 × 400
What if rather than there being an objective physical reality, and humans having traits, characteristics and systems that govern their behavior in that world, there is actually a set of abstract metaphysical rules and systems, and every human is simulating his own private reality based on those rules?

Each person is his own diverging narrative thread in the history of reality.

Shit man
>>
No. 27770
>>27769
Sounds like solipsism to me, albeit slightly more obscured.
>>
No. 27771
>>27770
I guess the difference from solipsism is that there is no denial of some kind of objective framework, and of the existence of other minds.
It's just the assertion that each mind is interpreting and writing history in parallel, rather than simultaneously on a centralized server. Also, separate minds can merge into a single thread and create a shared narrative, forming cults, religions, civilizations, etc.

It's like github for brains, man. In fact, I think "universal" model of the world only ever existed while communities were insular and self contained, like in pre-modern times, when ethnicity, nation and cultural identity were all equivalent, or when institutionalized religions were an inseparable part of a society's life.
>>
No. 27774
>>27771
Okay, so you allow for several minds to create a collective, shared reality that they hold true. Suppose that all of the existing minds join together in creating a single reality. How would you distinguish that reality from an objective one? Or suppose that the majority of minds have their common reality, while the minority have their personal, separate realities. How can you really tell that the majority's reality isn't objective, and the minority doesn't simply have damaged perception of that reality, like schizophrenia? If the minds don't have access to the "lower" level, to that "objective framework" they operate in accordance with, there is no certain way to tell. It seems that your assumption can neither be proven nor disproven, and that's why I likened it to solipsism.
>>
No. 27778
>>27769
Isn't Kant and his 12 Categories something like this? Transcendental Categories that structure how we perceive reality, meaning we cannot know what the things in themselves are.
>>
No. 27780
>>27769
Also perhaps Deleuze and his concept of the virtual might be interesting, tho Deleuze has nothing left for transcendence but immanence, thus could be called a materialist, but for him there is the virtual which is abstract-but-real

If you have the interest and time you could read the introduction from Brian Massumis Parables of the Virtual which deals with this thought, you can find it on lib.gen.
>>
No. 27781
>>27774
Well, there have been many periods in histories of various cultures where there was an overwhelming consensus on worldview, with some fringe branches here and there. And they have ended or mutated or merged together as a result of various material conditions or clashes with other ideologies.

And although objective laws are available to us, either by empiric knowledge, or rigorous philosophical systems, you will find that humans' and societies' immediate experiences with the world and their lives are overwhelmingly ideological / cultural in nature. It is culture and ideology that give a "flavor" or spirit to our lives or times, knowledge and technology is simply taken for granted and used as daily, mundane utility as soon as it is introduced. A phone or computer is a marvel of technology, yet it has no cultural significance of its own, rather it acts as a tool by which culture is delivered to us, and ultimately shapes our minds.

And although some might pit empiric knowledge against ideology, positing that ideology is simply a result of empiric ignorance, be it personal, or of humanity at large, and that empiric knowledge will one day substitute ideology, as we'll simply know everything and behave accordingly, I posit that ideology is simply a response or interpretation to material conditions (including those that arise from expanding empiric knowledge, such as technology), and will simply evolve alongside. And as old worldviews, ideologies, cultures, religions, etc. fell out of favor due to changing conditions and more accurate models of the world, so have new ones appeared in response to such changes, and will continue to do so.
>>
No. 27782 Kontra
>>27780
It's Parables for the Virtual
>>
No. 27796
I wanted to get a pygmy puffer or two and maybe a pair of Bolivian Rams or some other chill South American cichlids today but I'm already realizing how lazy I am and is it even worth it. This is my one day off and idk if I want to blow the entire day running around getting tropical fish.
>>
No. 27808
>>27781
and that empiric knowledge will one day substitute ideology, as we'll simply know everything and behave accordingly,
Flat earth retards are a direct refutation of that hypothesis. You grossly underestimate the human capacity for stupidity and ignorance even in the face of overwhelming evidence to the contrary, particularly as a result of feelings, hence why we have shit as ideologies to begin with, and the oftentimes keenly logic sociopaths who exploit them for their own gain. The type of person you envision who will benefit from this knowledge and operate accordingly has always been historically an aberration of the main population.
>>
No. 27819
The week is finally over. The extra, preparatory classes went well. It was extremely good. There was another student who was quite knowledgeable and interested, so the whole class felt really dynamic and even a tad bit competitive.
And even if it was competitive, nobody "lost". We shared a handshake after class.
They say that "literature" is a "female" subject, but then you see reality, which is that the girls were nothing more than biological set-pieces in this case.

Overall, I had a fun time. We were assigned some light reading for next week, just a bunch of Greek dramas. I remember them being longer than 40 pages, who knows, maybe it's just that my recollections are wrong.

I'm currently reading a weird, old translation of the Iliad. The translator wanted to make it sound more "folk-like", so instead of going for a distichon, he turned the poem into a rhyming, alexandrine verse, and I must say, it goes well with the Iambic qualities of the Hungarian language. (Well, duh, this is what the romantics considered the "natural state" of Hungarian poetry. 12 syllable lines in alexandrine verse.)
It's so fucking irritating that the full version isn't online.
>>
No. 27821
Man do I like to live dangerously.

Goddamnit do I have the most completely stupidest setup ever. I still haven't got my pygmy puffers although I did see the most adorable red eye pufferfish (he was big and 100% guaranteed to murder the shit out of every other living thing he'd be housed with) which is in it's own right doing this stupidly.

I have white cloud mountain minnows, fancy guppies, a goldfish, multiple female bettas, and now Bolivian and German Rams. I have multiple tanks to work with but the water is hard and I only just realized I'm not even sure I can house them and make this work the way I thought it could, partly because I wasnt planning on the German Blues originally and they need soft and much hotter water than I realized, which theoretically could work in the one tank I'd originally dedicated to this but couldn't get more than the one Bolivian and the Germans need that tank heated, which it presently is not. That tank is also the only one that has a tolerable ph. Actually you know what fuck it I just realized I could make this work by just buying a new heater...although come to think of it that also could fuck up my plans for the WCMMs I also hadn't planned on purchasing but they were cheap and they're hardy.

Let this be a stark and terrible lesson
Never buy any fish on impulses, ever
>>
No. 27824
>>27819
The literature classes at my uni are usually female dominated, but a lot of them are of the shy type, Graue Maus as we say in German. I guess many of them are not so clueless but are afraid to say something 'wrong'. I remember a class where I was the only male and we had to prepare shorter texts from a 90s magazine column with obvious feminist approaches and themes and yet I was the first to lift my hand in order to break the horrible silence in the beginning. There is no genetic necessity that women are thrilled with feminist writings or have to say something about it. But these texts dealt with images of the female body and supposed female behavior and I'm sure all of them that attended the session had to deal with that at one point in their life at least, ofc more often really.

In my experience males are more rare there than in other humanities majors but they often show an affinity. Interestingly they often tend to dominate the classes with their contributions, dunno were this competitiveness comes from but I guess it has to do with male role and shining with intellectual capacity. I'm not even an exception to it. I had several seminars with one lecturer where I contributed a lot in almost every session, and I guess she liked my lofty academia talk, dropping names but also making valid arguments, it was always fun because she also is very good with her didactics if I will ever teach a class, I would ask her how to do it, I have some outstanding details kept in my mind already.
>>
No. 27830
Pretty numb right now, and there was a time in my life where I only drank to be numb.
I guess that is an improvement.

How's the Islamification of Yurop going.

All I wanted when I was young was my own place, then a library with a leather chair.

I'm told this place is 120sq ft so 12sq metres, this honestly doesn't bother me.
No roommates, no lanlord.
I've stayed in better but I've also stayed in much worse.
I used to live in the attic and get black out drunk, sometimes add opiates of top with no CWE, which means lots of yummy paracetamol.
I once tried to drink enough, and believed if I drank enough I could reset my brain, I watched a doc about a young guy who had an accident and woke up with no memories and I wanted that, pathetic since nothing dramatic has happened in my life.

Just checkin' in.
>>
No. 27831
>>27696
You still have those fat Irish tits and a hot breakfast once a week?
Assuming you are the guy with the fat Irish bird.
>>
No. 27832
>>27824
>dunno where this competitiveness comes from
Honestly I think a big problem is a lot of the human population just doesn't even experience anything not artificial anymore, not even the night sky.

You can learn a lot about yourself, the world, and the human race just by spending time in nature, or hell, even just spending it among more non-human kind. Male dominance and competition isn't just a species wide thing and it certainly isn't just some "construct" and I don't even know where the hell the idea comes from that it is, except a few let us say gender challenged individuals mistake their mental fuckup for being somehow indicative of anything in human nature, rather than the exception proving the rule.

I actually can't even think of many species of earth life period where this isn't generally true. Males are dicks across nearly all species. They are active, rambunctious, aggressive, and generally more likely to piss all over you/your leg/your rug that ties the room together. Females are by contrast much more agreeable and passive almost solely with the exception of breeding, during which time the average female becomes a psychotic overprotective murder machine.

A few such examples to the contrary do exist, like for example in certain insects and fish where it's the female you have to watch out for, but overall even in something so far removed from us as fish or crabs it is generally the male going into big dominance displays and heightened aggression and competition, often to secure a mate.

I would say that more so it is the particular kind of display that says a lot about you as a male. The kind of male who naturally shows off say his book smarts, intellect, or academic achievement is often far removed from the type to have a fancy sports car, or wrist watches for some reason, or hang his pants around his ankles like a retard and stamp even more retarded tattoos on his face. All these things are displays which quite frankly the average female doesn't have to do, except show signs of being fertile and in generally good health as most males of most species aren't terribly picky about their mates.

I could go on about women just being excessively afraid of being judged and the problems of female human competition particularly within classroom dynamics but really your question seemed more focused on male competitiveness and dominance and most women are unwilling to challenge males, which I guess also makes sense in that the one super autistic bitter German was partly right in his tirade about women and respect because it is absolutely true, you cannot ever lose the respect of a woman or let her perceive you as weak, yet here also what a woman considers weakness varies widely within the species and says more about that particular female.
>>
No. 27833 Kontra
>>27832
Actually sorry I am also viewing things through the lens of fish keeping right now. I've got them home and am trying to acclimatize them. I've got several female bettas because the species is overall a bunch of violent vicious cunts but you actually can house multiple females together and usually have it work out okayish because well they're females, however you cannot ever allow male bettas aka Siamese Fighting Fish share the same tank because they absolutely will murder the shit out of each other. Well, they'll murder the shit out of females immediately after mating too.

Fish are fascinating. You wouldn't think it but even fish develop their own unique personalities and quirks. One betta might actually be super chill and agreeable to the others, while another might have some type of complex and harass and attack all the other fish, making any new introduction dicey. Likewise male guppies beat the shit out of each other until they form some kind of what appears to be loose social dominance hierarchy, with the most super active and physically fit and whatever I cannot discern as guppy peak performance traits while some poor little guy who might even be a really attractive fish hangs out in the peetoch corner. The little fuckers shred each other's fins too if the whole social system is disrupted too much and they need to establish a new hierarchy. Roosters do the same shit, except their hierarchy is way more rigid and fiercely enforced. As for the females I have not yet figured out how they decide on it but some are clearly the Marilyn Monroe of the fish world and the males constantly terrorize them for breeding rights like a bunch of Indians encountering an online profile of a Western woman. Why some females are kind of left alone while others get harassed nonstop I do not know yet.

Some cichlids meanwhile will pair for life. I feel so bad for this little guy. I didnt buy him before because his tank mate appeared sick but I said fuck it and went back this week and she was mysteriously absent. Many cichlids are vicious evil fucks to all other fish and sometimes each other but Rams are pretty chill usually (except when brooding/about to mate then they set up their territory and viciously attack any body who gets near their home flat breeding rock) but like parrots they bond with another fish and mate for life, so I cannot imagine how stressful and sad this poor little fish must've been feeling now. Maybe if I see another Bolivian Ram I should get it and see if they get along well. They're super inquisitive little creatures too, and rather picky eaters. They're also one of those species groups of fish like puffers that can end up training their owners like dogs do by begging and getting fed. Yes, fish are fascinating creatures.

You can learn a lot about people from fish.
>>
No. 27834
842 kB, 426 × 638
I took one of those health MOTs at work today because they set up the machines at work. Got a nice bill of health aside from being a little fat and a little over the recommended blood pressure (I like doughnuts, biscuits and nice cups of tea).

Maybe I should get to working on long-term plans, think about doing stuff on weekends because I've been slacking but it's Friday. It's still Friday until I go to sleep.

>>27699
Sounds like a nice birthday. Did your kids do a good job on the card?

>>27769
Probably more true than we'd like. Even if there is an objective reality it is much too complicated to understand without transposing our generalisations and 'good enough' rules of thumb which will obviously be constructed anyway.

>In fact, I think "universal" model of the world only ever existed while communities were insular and self contained, like in pre-modern times, when ethnicity, nation and cultural identity were all equivalent, or when institutionalized religions were an inseparable part of a society's life.

I think such a time was slower but you still had the same fundamental problem. History is littered with conflicts with a root in disagreements over how the world works on a petty level. I'm inclined to say a future AI God will solve this problem by erasing individuality but the Paperclip Maximiser thought experiment shows my naivety:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3mk7NVFz_88

/talking-out-my-arse
>>
No. 27836
2,0 MB, 307 × 232, 0:19
The binmen came early this morning and despite the fact they have ONE job, to put the bins on the back of the truck and let the automated arms empty the bin into the compacter, they somehow fucked that up and dumped the entire wheelie bin into the compacter and crushed it. I was to take the bins in and I couldn't find the fucker anywhere, so I was wandering up and down the road in a pair of slippers like a fucking hobo searching the ditches for the bin.

>>27762
>Carnegie's great but I don't remember him revealing how to be a socialite. He always struck me as quite a soft-spoken fellow.
Yeah I mean he's not really teaching you to be a socialite, just how to make people like you and talk to people. Just being able to saddle up to someone and ask them some questions about their life and seeming at tentative and interested in what's happening in their life is usually enough.
>>27834
>Sounds like a nice birthday. Did your kids do a good job on the card?
Yeah, but anything they make for me I think is amazing anyway, that's just part of being a parent. A few months ago my oldest daughter painted this really dark picture with a really dark backstory while learning about Christianity in school, not understanding what she was doing really but I thought it was awesome.
>>
No. 27844
What the hell, like 90% of job ads are cults and pyramid schemes.

I need to make a portfolio and start sending out resumes to actually reputable companies myself.
>>
No. 27845
2,1 MB, 2051 × 2918
174 kB, 772 × 1050
90 kB, 350 × 534
198 kB, 914 × 1400
>>27836
Oh no, she understood it perfectly well because she's a child and thus hasn't had her head filled with nonsense, lies, and outright bullshit by the people around her yet.
>dark picture
>with a really dark backstory
That is literally the real religion. That is literally actual Christianity. I'm not even talking about just the Passion of Christ and his torture and execution at hands of the State and corrupt religious authorities, nor even the utterly fucked up fact it is the Almighty creator of the whole universe giving his Son up in a bloody ritual sacrifice, nor the whole eating His flesh and drinking His blood like a bunch of LARPing vampires, but even just when you actually consider the theological reasons why that had to happen is unspeakably dark and terrible: the very backstory itself is extremely dark.

All that flowery colorful shit is some kind of heretical untruthful tomfoolery. While one may behave like Ned Flanders, Christianty is absolutely anything but Flanderization. So while I don't know what she drew, thematically at least it sounds like she pretty much nailed it.
>>
No. 27848
43 kB, 932 × 661
1,4 MB, 640 × 360, 0:14
>>27845
>So while I don't know what she drew, thematically at least it sounds like she pretty much nailed it.

Well, here it is, according to her the cross at the top of the hill is Jesus, and the cross either side is myself and her mother being crucified with Jesus, and we're all going to heaven together.
>>
No. 27851
>>27848
Nah that isnt unnecessarily dark or inaccurate in fact the colors are really vibrant
https://www.esv.org/Matthew+10:38;Matthew+16:24;Mark+8:34;Luke+9:23;Luke+14:27/
If anything the dark and spooky part is you should ask her why she isn't in the picture
t. Morbid thoughts pro
>>
No. 27859
I caught a light cold. It's not dangerous, but it's really annoying, because it makes me sneeze often, and my nose is constantly running. (An issue, which is magnified by the lack of tissues in the house.)
It's just that it makes everything overly tiresome and hard.

Played some Minecraft. It's not great, not terrible. Functional and everything, but I don't get the hype.
>>
No. 27907
My entire night was one long fever dream about music and haiku translations. I think I underestimated this cold. My head hurts, and getting out of bed makes me dizzy.
I was supposed to make a presentation and write an essay, and I can’t even get out of bed.
>>
No. 27909
Seen frogs
>>
No. 27919
fuck yea, another flu

time to feel like shit
>>
No. 27921
I caught a paper wasp with the pupa of a parasite from the order strepsiptera on its abdomen. Going to look at the eyes under a scope and if it’s a male I will feed the wasp until the adult parasite emerges (adult female Strepsiptera die within the host).
>>
No. 27926
126 kB, 500 × 376
>>27907
>>27919
Sounds like school cold season is already tearing through society. May God have mercy on us all.

>>27921
Why would you look at a wasp's eyes to determine gender?
>>
No. 27930
Tried to kick a fat bug out of the house, turned out it was a pregnant spider that "exploded" and released 100s of little baby spiders all over the floor. I was literally shocked and unable to find a strategy how to remove this crawling menace. I guess the mummy spider was shocked, too.

Then I grabbed a bottle of rum and poured some of the booze over the baby spiders. It worked like a charm, and killed almost all of them.

I hope that this isn't some sort of bad omen....
>>
No. 27931
>>27926
Not the wasp’s eyes, the parasite’s. Only male Strepsiptera will have developed eyes under the pupal case.
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No. 27932
79 kB, 846 × 571
>>27931
Aw shucks, I was hoping for an answer like: "You only have to look that mufuggah in the eye and ask him: WHAT'S YOUR GENDER, BITCH?! AND DON'T MAKE ME REPEAT MYSELF! And he'll bloat out anything you want to know."
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No. 27933
464 kB, 750 × 976
>>27932
Here’s the pupal case sticking out from the abdomen. You really need a microscope to examine it, but it will be obvious from gross inspection that a parasite is there because the abdomen flares out.
>>
No. 27937
>>27930
I had a walk, but it started to rain so instead I walked up and down a covered footpath, seen ants eating a squashed cockroach.
Felt peaceful.
>>
No. 27939 Kontra
>>27844
Best feeling is being self-employed.
Your biggest issue is not sticking to anything.
Also if your brother is a loser why would you work for him.
>>
No. 27941
One more day recovering, and I'll be fine. I'll probably be able to read tomorrow. (Which is good, considering I still have all those books to read. I'm seriously considering dismantling my PC to keep me concentrated.)
The only thing killing me right now is the coughing.
I wonder if I'll get a fever dream tonight too. In retrospect, it felt almost transcendental.

>>27926
I think it's a given that some illnesses become more common during this period. The students really increase the number of potential hosts on public transport for example.
I remember that during Summer, trams, buses and the tube were almost empty during the day, despite some of them having a shortened schedule.

>>27848
Reminds me how I was slightly obsessed with the cross motif when I was a kid.(Though that was because I went to a Church funded kindergarten and they taught us Christian stories. Sadly I had no concept of what a religion is back then.)
Nothing wrong with it, honestly.
>>
No. 27943
>>27933
So the female parasites live their entire life within a host and therefore don't need eyes, while the males emerge and do need them. Pretty cool, but it must suck for the wasp.

>>27937
Ants get everything in the end. Sometimes I find them surrounding something still alive, and reach in to rescue it. I love ants, but figure there's no harm in making them wait for a meal now and then.

>>27941
>Sadly I had no concept of what a religion is back then.
I went to Christian daycare and Summer camps, and remember hearing Bible stories told in the background as we did whatever throughout the day. That never felt like religion. I guess it doesn't really become "religion" until you start analyzing the stories, and try to figure out what they mean, and how to respond to that meaning. That all comes later. In the beginning it's just exciting stories about Samson, and David-all sanitized for children, of course.
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No. 27944
>>27930
It is. Not only that but you just wasted your rum too. Enjoy your bad winter:D

Obvious note to others: do not kill spiders in your house. The rules of good entreatment of guests applies doubly for house spiders. When you kill a spider in your house you invite illness and bad fortune into your house. Needless to say this is especially an incredibly stupid thing to do right before the onset of winter, which is when these travelers like Jesus' mother need a place to stay the most.
>>
No. 27946
>>27944
Fuck that noise. Spiders are cunts.
>>
No. 27950
>>27944
The mummy spider survived at least, I normally don't do anything to spiders. I'm thankful for every disgusting insect they kill. It really was an accidental happening. Well besides the baby spiders removal, but they hardly count as real spiders yet and I can't have hundreds of them in the kitchen.
>>
No. 27951
I'm still coughing a bit, but otherwise I feel completely fine. Didn't even have a fever dream.
So it's tome to switch to crunch mode and complete two presentations, an essay, and read Oedipus Rex.
My hand feels tad bit unsure, so I'm going to make coffee instead of tea. (No way I'm taking out the Chinese porcelain.)

I'm off to buying some bread now. The loaf at home is absolute fucking shit. It's like sponge, and it'd tear apart if I tried spreading anything on it.

>>27943
We even prayed and stuff, but I never got the idea behind all of it. It was all simply beyond my grasp. Sort of like nations at the time.
Maybe if they said Jesus loves you more often, I'd have been more into the whole idea of Christianity, without this quasi-protestant personal connection to God, it seems a tad bit rigid for me.
>>
No. 27953
That feel when having to break in my new solovairs. It could be worse because those lads from Wollaston really know how to make good bovvers, but no matter how good they are, new leather is never good on your feet.

t. mr squeaky boots
>>
No. 27954
>>27946
>straya
Your godforsaken deathworld isn't a good example of anything
>>
No. 27962
Day a 3 day weekend so go drunk for 4 days.
Drank 6 cans between 2-8am, don't really remember then another when I woke up at 3-4pm.
This was after my brisk night walk, walking up and down a steep footpath because it was raining.
Anyway I am overweight 110kg+, so I did another walk, up and down and very large hill and went up and down some steps for good measure.
Good exercise and good for your mind, I also made a few conscious decisions to choose drinks without calories.
Doesn't make up for not eating properly and drinking for 4 days.
So I have work in ten hours, will try and not drink, may even give BJJ another try, although things may get in the way.
>>
No. 27964
39 kB, 576 × 347
It's mildly annoying when people in trades have an inferiority complex about people with university educations (e.g., disparaging them as credulous dorks righteously saddled with crippling debt), but IMO it's far worse when upper middle class professionals or grad students have this kind of patronizing attitude towards tradesmen, where they fetishize the lifestyle but consider the workers mentally inferior. This actually makes me want to vomit. Do these people think skilled carpenters are unable to read or something? Just because they don't spend their time studying moral philosophy doesn't mean they're dumb for fuck's sake.
>>
No. 27965
>>27964
I actually think that people who do crafts have a better innate philosophical understanding than those who merely read about it. Craftsmanship is basically meditation.

There's an interconnectedness to reality where learning a skill, a craft, or an art teaches you principles, work ethic, metaphysics, etc. that are applicable to reality in the abstract.
>>
No. 27967
>>27964
I think it's a and normal, perceived class conflict. (Both are a negative expression of being conscious of their "class".)
The tradesmen sometimes do look down on the intellectuals for "making up things" and "getting paid for something anyone can do", and the intellectuals do think of the working class as literal children who need guidance politically and morally.
While I'm not an intellectual, I'm personally scared of tradesman and physical workers, because they probably look down on me for being effeminate. I used to have this fear that they'd beat me up for using my smartphone in public. (Basically for "showing off my wealth", though as smartphones became dime a dozen, the feeling gradually evaporated.)

From my experience (Working at a construction site once and talking with a young tradesman on a train once), they aren't stupid. They are just less formal, and more concerned with practical things, and there is nothing wrong with that. They have the capacity to think, but they channel this into other outlets, like their business and their craft.
Not to mention that a lot of them think that getting an education is a social upgrade, so they put a lot of money into teaching their children, even if they themselves aren't the sharpest tools in the shed.
(Of course, not all tradesmen are smart, just as how you can be an utter nonce with no idea what you are doing despite attending university.)

I'd say STEMfags looking down on people who study the humanities is a lot more common than the "prole" raging against the university professor for making shit up. (Probably because they rarely meet.)
Their delusions of grandeur can be paramount ("I'M ADVANCING HUMANITY" while actually designing some random part in new washing machine without anything being particularly new, or writing code for a third rate website. This is the equivalent of a Humanities student publishing in the paper of a friend and calling themselves a poet and a helmsman of a new artistic movement.)
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No. 27968
>>27964
I wonder what this has to do with an image of the 'masses'. I don't look down on people who do manual labor. It's true that they are doing work that is necessary, but then keep in mind that working your ass of in a shit job is nothing that should be romanticized all manual jobs are shit jobs is not what I'm saying btw, but there are enough shitty and harming jobs that are manual. There is this arkward gap, were people make fun of academics as useless and these in return look down on people with less formal education. In the present both are gutted in economic processes anyway, labor division has reached the higher spheres of education long ago. Today you visit university and later work in media or whatever there is, politics (experts and such), it's jobs that require more abstract tackling in some sense. The world is working on and with both ends.
There problem might be that everybody has an opinion on something and whereas I don't talk my mouth off about carpentry, because I know basically nothing about it, people talk about politics or society without a versatile abstract toolbox that make it possible to structure the object they are talking about. So the thoughts some people have on how society works are very constrained, yet they feel clever and rightous with making (witty) remarks that they feel hit the nail on the spot.

Also: nobody wants to be the stupid and generally academics are trained to appear clever but guess what some of them actually learn about things the average guy hasn't heard about and this "lack" creates these inferiority.
I guess it feels like getting paternalized when an academic tells you about culture or feminism when you can "see" that stuff everyday and thus must be an expert in it as well. I can drive the car everyday and yet I'm not a professional rally driver or car expert tho. But nearly everybody that has a license thinks he/she is a good driver, better than the others infact. Same might be the case with feeling clever or knowledgable/intelligent, you name it.
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No. 27971
26 kB, 456 × 332
>>27967
With precarious academics on the rise I wouldn't talk of a class conflict, at least not in the classic sense. Take Bourdieu and his thoughts on distinctions, which adds another dimension to the problematic you put forward. So what academics might have more off is cultural capital. But looking at my class mates you cannot say the distinction is like in the 1930s or so. Uni is different from what it once was.
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No. 27973
>>27971
Might add that I'm as well not from an academic family, but my parents were those boomers who profited from the wealth and educational expansion in the 1960s and 1970s and thus were affected from the cultural change of that years. So my mum was interested in art and my father read novels and such, but they never visited a university, but still made decent money.
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No. 27974 Kontra
>>27973
Might also add that my grandparents were bakers, house maids and after WW2 factory workers. This should make it easy to see the drastic change my family went thru within approx a century when it comes to economic and cultural capital.
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No. 27976
7 kB, 184 × 184
>>27964
Funny considering all the tradesmen I know own their own homes and have success in their lives. My uncle is a master cabinet maker and lives in an absolutely beautiful house. My neighbour is a carpenter and lives in a really nice wooden frame house with a massive garden that he built himself.

Meanwhile, of all my peers who graduated with me in our arts degree, most are working in fucking Aldi or on the dole. Nobody will hire these fuckers because they have no marketable skills except shitposting on facebook or twitter and being smug.

What I wouldn't do to go back in time and trade in my worthless degree for a trade like fitter, electrician or plumber.
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No. 27981
>>27974
Interesting. My great-great grandfathers were, from maternal to paternal,

-a nightwatchman at a factory

-a house-painter/trader in seeds/part-time-farmer

-a factotum at all of his wealthy mother's enterprises, all of which were inherited by other siblings

-a welder

My grand-fathers were
-a master window maker

-an owner of a small textile plant

My father was some office drone negotiating about the price of relais for windshield wipers for hours on end. He read like crazy, but mostly pulp like Stephen King.

Both of my grandfathers read books, even though they were born in the 1920s/1930s. My mother keeps a 1890s edition of Goethe's works that has been passed on for generations. Then, there's a well-read edition of Schiller's works that was once a gift of WMF to it's workers. There's also a hand-written memoir of WW1, from a soldiers perspective, etc.

I think no one in the family will ever be richer than my maternal grandfather was, but he inherited all of his wealth from his own father, because his older brother stayed in Russia, as the old folks used to put it.

It seems we were passed by by any expansion of cultural or material wealth. We are moderately poor and moderately stupid and will stay so forever.
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No. 27985
I overslept today and it caused no end of chaos.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AlNoPu8MgG0

>>27964
I'm not sure that is a serious post in the picture. Who on Earth talks positively about Rawlsian ethics in this day and age?

>>27976
Be careful what you wish for. Most of the lads back in school went into trades and got nowhere because you need decades of hard graft to get a decent amount of work coming in. The exceptions are electricians, which is apparently bloody boring work, or the hell of being a mechanic.
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No. 27986
>>27976
I've known plenty of craftsmen who were overworked, overstressed, and a good many ended up constantly broke or worse because for one thing you, oh. Fuck right USA problems. I was going to say don't have any insurance but realized this might not be a problem in other countries, but here at least if you're self employed obviously you haven't got any company health insurance plans and what's worse you're doing the riskiest to your health jobs there is. I knew one poor guy who, well the other thing is drugs and women frankly but that's a perennial male problem. This one guy literally built two fucking houses and he lost one to one of his ex wives, and then he had to mortgage the other and lost it to the bank to pay for all his numerous back surgeries which he needed as a result of working his many trade jobs. He's now a cripple and broke living off social security payments which doesnt even barely cover the extra mortgage bullshit he took out on his own damn house he built to Bank of America so he can afford the back surgeries. Knew another guy who lived in a shack. Hell, another guy lost his thumb and that was just from landscaping.

So, yeah, I guess it isn't as terrible as when you're living in Europe but quite frankly being something like a painter, roofer, landscaper, construction worker etc here is pretty much living out your life like the movie Looper. You're raking in all this cash right now for incredibly risky shit and cashing out on not giving a solid fuck about what happens to future you. Electrician, I mean all these jobs are incredibly dangerous and not to mention some of them have things like trade unions that are hard to get into like someone else said so just establishing yourself as the roofer is already going to be hard as fuck and probably is gonna take you a great many years of "apprenticeship" or basically just working for piss all minimum wage with no benefits and no healthcare and no vacations for some of the shittiest work imaginable until you've somehow saved up enough money and credit to take out a small business bank loan to buy all your shit and say oh yeah I worked for so and so and such and such, not to mention a bunch of these jobs you've gotta get certified. You cant just go in and start fucking with peoples wires and plumbing and show up and be like "oh hey yeah I watched a bunch of youtube videos so I know what I'm doing."

I think you're also forgetting just how many stupid fucking useless degrees there are, as well as some degrees that became kind of useless, just like in tradecraft some tradesmen became useless. When's the last time you called the TV repair guy? Or took your VCR into the repair guy? There was a whole sector of tradesmen who got wiped out through sheer insolence. Meanwhile journalism for example which used to be a pretty prestigious or at least respectable type of work is now closed out to most people unless you're doing the shittiest ad clicks bullshit or somehow got an in at the local news station. As for other degrees, they're all fucking useless degrees.
although that being stated my sibling majored in first history and then women's studies of all stupid useless fucking things and I'm pretty sure she now makes $100,000 a year
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No. 27988
Today I achieved nothing. Bought some bread at the store, and transcribed two lines from the Greek version of the Iliad to help me learn reading the Greek alphabet.
Buying bread went pretty bad, I felt like I was going to fain the whole time. Real Pensionigga Hours didn't help either. A stupid old sack of shit tried cutting before me in the line.
No idea why I felt so bad while I was out shopping. For a moment I though I might have had a fever, but it instantly went away the moment I got home.

I'm having a bit of a nostalgia trip right now. I'm rewatching one of my translation-practice works I made when I was sixteen. Subtitles for the first episode of Legend of the Galactic Heroes.
Exercising a bit of self-criticism, I'd say that the word order feels unnatural at times, it's sometimes senselessly close to the English version, making it sound unnatural, and there are of course numerous editing mistakes. (Though it sounding awkward might stem from the fact that the original wasn't a Shakespeare either.)
On the positive side, my past self was already experimenting, and made the style of the two sides read differently. Just for the sake of experiment I guess. The "imperials" speak in this "quasi-aristocratic" literary tone, while the "republicans" speak relatively normally.
If I recall correctly I used a method I learned from a Lu Xun essay, in which he said "Stay as close to the original as you can". The problem is, that that's only a good method if your language is "underdeveloped", as in it's not up there with the West in terms of vocabulary and technical terms and concepts, an issue Hungary remedied in the early 19th century. So I guess that was a faulty decision, but it was still great practice. Man, those were the times.
In retrospect, I'm not proud of this. It's a milestone on my journey, nothing more. I think it wasn't even the first rendition of the thing into Hungarian. (Some subgroup was already working on it and was around EP50 by the time I sent in my version to a website to publish it.)
It's good to look back and see how far I've came over the years. There is no satisfaction in it otherwise.

Anyway, I'll stay home one more day. Tomorrow I'll complete everything I have to, hopefully.
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No. 28019
Reinstalled Bumble after my first unsuccessful try, reduced to only two pics of myself (not made by myself) and instead of a pretentious wall of text about nights out at the theatre and forest walks I just wrote "send me a recipe or let's go out" and got two matches after the first day, one gave me her number after some chatting. Sometimes it really seems like less is more.
She is young, pretty and sporty and first and last of all she doesn't seem to be nuts like a certain girl I was getting mental breakdowns over. Guess I'll get to know her and set up a date if I find the time.

Other than that I had an appointment at some charity event in favor of a local youth center and still have to write the article about it. It wasn't too exciting but every experience is a small step forward and I got a tasty self-made sandwich for free.
Also went swimming and wanted to continue reading my complete edition of the plays of Richard Wagner inbetween but the water aerobics lady fucked with my plans. The trance music she usually plays during her sessions always reminds me of the music you get to listen at the cantinas in the first Mass Effect games.
Anyways I'm only at the foreword but it's exiting how much of a cult has built around Wagner, while I liked to listen to his operas for quite a time now I never dug deeper into the material.
Something especially appealing was the author saying that to actually understand what's going on as well as the multiple plots in Parsifal you have to know the play itself by heart. I'll start with his first work, The Fairies, and listen again to the whole opera on my notebook as soon as I find some time.
Sure it would be better to actually witness it at the opera but I'm not sure whether I really want to know what post-modernist regisseurs do to his work. Especially keeping in mind his politics they must be completely schizophrenic about Wagner, maybe even installing some over-the-top antifa commentary or "deconstructing" the pathos but that's a mere speculation. Maybe I'll go anyways though and see Tristan and Isolde if I find tickets for a reasonable price.

Good night, Ernst!
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No. 28020
>>28019
I always kept hearing these rumors that Parsifal was supposedly some heavily encoded occult magnum opus, but as I've personally not read/seen it I cannot say for certain what, if any, such elements are contained therein.
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No. 28022
>>28020
From what I got from the foreword it's centered around the holy grail and four characters living in an evil wizard's castle, each suffering from their own personal spell amd suffering.
For instance there's a woman who has to seduce every man she meets and to break the spell the man has to resist her even though he doesn't want to.
Another guy having to live forever while life is only suffering to him, a third one the other way round likes to live forever and finally Parsifal himself who for some reason killed his mother (?) but keeps forgetting about it.
Now if I got it right if one spell ends all of the others end as well but they all intertwine somehow in pain and suffering.
To fully understand one part of the story you supposedly have to know what happens at every other part of the story, so the plot rather plays out in multiple dimensions than chronologically.

But that's just what I roughly remember right now from a second hand synopsis, can't guarantee for giving it back truthfully.
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No. 28023
156 kB, 349 × 558
6 kB, 334 × 151
Caught some neat stuff at a lake today for my insect collection, including a whirligig beetle.
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No. 28024
45 kB, 638 × 638
Grandma came over today. Basically half of the day was spent on a long story time about what life was like "back in the day". It was okay I guess.
For a moment I got lost in this wonderfully idealistic description of an sporting event organised by the military on a Saturday, where students did exercises paired up with soldiers (Standard stuff: running, grenade throwing and shooting.)
This wonderful little tale of "a 17 year old girl with a rifle wins the race and gets a cake and a box of chocolate".
For a moment I even felt the colours. To be cringe-y, I'd say it was like as if I was watching an anime.

I managed to complete a small presentation. Made a powerpoint for it, and collected some materials, and then sent it over to the other members in the group.
The subject was a series of seminars at a university in the early 20th century, where nearly all of the young intellectual strata of the time assembled. They discussed aesthetics and styles, contemporary artistic developments, and they routinely criticised one another's works in this series of gatherings best described as truly intellectual. It made me feel rather sad. Currently, there is no great cause, no great idea, no great movement that's sweeping through the world. It's the same as with Mishima and Dostoevsky. Dostoevsky was sad, because he missed out on the glory-days of the Napoleonic wars, where the ideals of the French revolution clashed with the Ancien Regimes of Europe. His whole body of work is trying to deal with this emptiness. Mishima was sad because he missed out on fighting in the Second World War. (Though, in the case of the latter, he almost actually fought in the war, they just misdiagnosed his cold as tuberculosis during conscription.)

Talked with the girl over messenger today. She was just asking for homework. (Funny, innit? I'm the one staying at home, yet I'm the one who knows what's happening.)
I told her everything I had to, made some recommendations, and also told her that my notebook is in for inspection, so if she really wanted, she could just ask the teacher holding it for it. I love her enthusiastic smile.

Played some Minecraft. Didn't die during the session, so that must mean I'm getting kind of good at it. The cave sounds randomly playing still give me the creeps.
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No. 28026
>>26967
Worked 16 hours yesterday, I'm trying to learn Verilog with a Vidor 4000. Hoping to get more skills for the labor market, I think if I decorate this with C/C++ (kernel-side) I might become very interesting to certain employers.

My current line of work (Python, JavaScript, SQL, ERP System) was never what I wanted.
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No. 28030
50 kB, 576 × 432
47 kB, 576 × 432
40 kB, 576 × 432
43 kB, 576 × 432
>>28019
>Sure it would be better to actually witness it at the opera but I'm not sure whether I really want to know what post-modernist regisseurs do to his work.
Based Syberberg has you covered, his cinematic adaptation is absolutely nuts. It's positively post-modern but also keeps all the pathos inherent to Wagner.