/int/ – No shittings during wörktime
„There is no place like home“

Currently at Radio Ernstiwan:


It is about Horror Punk, starting from The Misfits, then the two samples This is Horror Punk 1&2 which tried to give a good overview of what emerged after the reunion of The Misfits end of the 90ties (without Glen Danzig of course) and after this some random pieces of the genre. To be honest, some psychobilly and othere familiar genres are within this playlist. by Horror Punk & Psychobilly

M3U - XSPF


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No. 34264
116 kB, 1024 × 817
Blog it!
>>
No. 34265
>>34236
>Well, actually the volume I got was Creative evolution, precisely because of its literary relevance.

But it's not a novel? Might be important for art tho and philosophy, since it deals with the new and how it actually comes into existence afaik.
>>
No. 34267
509 kB, 750 × 818
And flights of angels sing thee to thy rest
>>
No. 34269
Today was pretty good I guess.
Currently sipping on some Chinese green tea. It actually made my head feel more clear.

>>34263
You see herbal "tea" is not "tea", and neither is fruit infusions.
They are tea-like, but neither contains much caffeine or any at all in a lot of cases. (The case when it does contain any caffeine only comes about when the fruit infusion contains actual black tea, which is usually low quality "dust" without any of the refined taste fuller, fermented leaves have.)
The same goes for the African rooibos, which is often nicknamed and sold as "red tea", but actually has nothing to do with tea, and has no caffeine content.

If you want to have a "strong tea", then go for fermented ones from china like Pu'er, or really anything from Yunnan.
And forget about bags.

>>34265
>But it's not a novel?
No. It's a philosophy book with clearly labelled sections and such.
I think he got the Nobel for his thoughts and theories that "revolutionised" storytelling not for anything he himself wrote.
>>
No. 34271
>>34269
Nah herbal tea is 100% tea. It even says so on the box dude. Unless you think you’re more trustworthy than the Sleepytime® bear I’d just drop the issue.
>>
No. 34272
>>34271
Herbal tea has herbs in it, not tea leaves, it's called "tea" for convenience, not because it has anything to do with actual tea.
>>
No. 34273
111 kB, 488 × 488
>>34272
Sorry but you’re incorrect. The word “tea” is printed plainly on the box.
>>
No. 34275
>>34273
Are you trying to give me an aneurysm?
>>
No. 34276
59 kB, 777 × 364
I've been logging my hourly energy levels soon for half a week now. Chart related shows the averages over the last 4 days.

Link to set up your own, if Ernst is interested:

https://collegeinfogeek.com/track-body-energy-focus-levels/

Video of same article:

https://youtu.be/sl1RApVpIpU
>>
No. 34277
222 kB, 634 × 632
>>34271
>Unless you think you’re more trustworthy than the Sleepytime® bear
Can't dispute that.

If you are after a strong drink, you may want to brew this: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chifir
I think it's perfect for a cooking in the microwave.
>>
No. 34280
34 kB, 522 × 522
>>34276
In the comments below the video there was a discussion about making an app, and one viewer actually did. I haven't tested it, but it's cool that she followed though on the idea:
https://blog.rebeccaansems.com/post/147215289708/productivity-tracker-when-do-you-work-best

>>34277
>Chifir is typically prepared with 5–8 tablespoons (50–100 ml) of loose tea (or tea bags) per person
>It may be left to brew overnight
Wow, that's a strong drink.

I had this Cafe Najjar once, which is coffee blended with cardamom. It was like a cup of coffee and a cup of chai tea rolled into one. That sounds odd, but it was surprisingly good.
>>
No. 34281
>>34280
the seeds of the cornel cherry (slightly roasted, then grinded) add a nice hint of vanilla.
beware, the grinding part is a bitch, you'll have to use a mortar beforehand.
>>
No. 34282
>>34280
Too bad it's only for iOs apparently.
>>
No. 34283
>>34277
That's ebin.
Our prisoners have something similar called Dobitea. I heard they use a whole box of teabagts for it and apparently it makes them have sick experiences that make them feel like they are outside, hence the name, which is a portmanteau the slang Dobbantás for "escape" and tea.
>>
No. 34290
>>34282
If you can have a stable Internet connection, you can have your own productivity tracker anywhere you want for any platform you want (if mail notifications are possible within that system) for a cost of a machine you can keep 24/7 and a couple of beers for a UNIX administrator you know, who can set you up the following:
  • a script which reads a file with the timetable of productivity notifications
  • a script which sends you a mail message when it's time
  • mail client for the use by the script above
  • a script which runs the aforementioned
  • a timer to run the superscript
>>
No. 34291
I'm trying not to be childishly butthurt at my own family. I am not even on speaking terms with these people anymore and have them both blocked. It's not fair to my siblings though but at this point I'm probably going to end up just working and feeling bitter on Thanksgiving by myself which is probably bothering me only because a year ago I was the one who made dinner.

It's also increasingly bothering the shit out of me with rent and I couldve had more hours but I got a call while I was dead asleep asking about work and I think I mumbled something about if someone else can do it. To be fair I had stayed up until 3-4am and had trouble staying and falling asleep so took half a sleeping pill and was dead to the world when I got the call, which meant I would've needed to get up and start getting ready an hour after that call somehow. I slept in til 1:00pm anyway so I guess it's whatever. I probably would've performed like shit. But then I did the same thing again. Was up until six in the morning today and getting up at noon I'm still sleep deprived and just hoping to get sleep early for work tomorrow. I value my free time highly so whatever.

I'm getting super stressed out about this. I need money but I also don't want to hear a single goddamn thing from my deadbeat father talking about it. This is a man who couldn't keep my Sago palm alive yet hasn't had a job in years, and is still too busy. As a kid, too busy. Guess what you fuck now I'm too busy and unlike you have legitimate shit to do. Meanwhile dreading having to hear from my mom again. Fuck I want nothing to do with these terrible people anymore. I know I should probably try and be more mature though and call but maybe I'll do that tomorrow because I don't feel like having him or either of them rob me of my precious free time which it takes me about two hours to stop being angry after talking to them. This whole month fucked me so hard because I had 3-4 solid weeks with reduced hours while training somebody so everyone got their hours cut which has cost me ungodly amounts of money I now desperately need way more than I did the last several months. It is at the point where I don't even know I'll have Christmas money or not so I'm probably just going to end up volunteering for Christmas. At least I'll get time and a half then which should cushion these massive shocks.
>>
No. 34294
I went hiking steep mountain sides for the last few days. Ran out of weed and porridge, had to walk back to town tired and hungry due to a possum keeping me up all night along with my hunger pangs.
As I got to town, an upside cheesecake was present on the groubd, so I scooped up the cleaner sides and gobbled it up
Feels great being a tramp and I found a cool stone shack to make fires in when I stock up here in town.
>>
No. 34299
>>34290
Interesting. Also thought it would be somewhat easy to make, as a small project. But for now I am content with Google docs.
>>
No. 34310 Kontra
24 kB, 550 × 412
Shit I'm starting to feel really sick. I don't think I ate a lot other than ice cream and started trying Kratom again. It's expensive plus nice and helps the general high baseline level anxiety and standoffish stuff...I think

Also Reminder to self go and actually save everything to text file. I don't even think I'm particularly good at it and the market is saturated moreover however I spend so much damn time watching reviews, gaming, and basically writing my own non-proofread rambling reviews that I might as well collate it all into one space. I put as much time and sorta effort into this hobby it may as well be a second job so why not actually bother putting it out there as actual game reviews and not just my rambling nonsense? It isn't like I don't also have the apparent secret ingredient to media and writing: controversy and even better because I'm not doing it to be trolling but because these are my sincere beliefs and what I think is factually right that probably a lot of other people think too Deus Ex is massively overrated and never was that good of a good game. It's not like I'd be doing much more than I'm already doing and I might as well at least leave it up for people to actually look at rather than a dozen people on ernst whose eyes are glazing over.

Fuck, that was too much coffee. How much caffeine is in that tea anyway
>>
No. 34313
>>34310
I too have a personal vendetta against commas and I love rambly run-on sentences so I can't wait to read your review blog.
>>
No. 34319
>>34171
>>34166
Thanks for your uplifting words. It was very stupid indeed to just get hammered instead of coming to terms with my self. But then again I didn't know what to come to terms with, I didn't understand a thing anymore.
My overall situation is good but my mood pulls down very easily, I've always been quite over-sensitive.
We'll see each other again saturday and go ice skating which I have never done before.
She didn't answer me anymore today though, I feel like from now on it's going downhill again. It's just frustrating that I seem to fail miserably whenever I get close to a woman, it feels like a curse at times. And there's the overwhelming bitterness that what's so easy and not even worth talking about for other men is a massive struggle for me.
Still I shouldn't forget that everytime I fail I move a little bit further. However all of this ends, I have at least felt now what it's like to carress someone else. It's always been a great fear of mine to die without knowing what physical intimacy felt like beyond the one I felt as a child.

Nonetheless I had an alright day, did some stuff I lacked the time lately. Generally will spend my time like that now, I have two weeks off work in front of me. So what's in front of me is a lot of reading, writing and some unpaid work for projects I'm involved in.
My sleeping rhythm is fucked because of the nightshifts but I don't care anymore. Next week I'll visit my family for a couple of days anyways so I think it will get a bit better. Looking forward to spend some time with all of them, promised my cousin to come visit him as well.
Also a good friend of mine's doing a short internship so he's back at the hometown as well for while.

>>34310
Sure, Kratom eases anxiety but things can get worse again once you're off the drug so you shouldn't depend on it.

t. Just ordered another 50g and hoping for them to arrive soon
>>
No. 34323
I rescued a 7 week old kitten the other day outside and he’s doing great. I took him to the vet to get him registered and dewormed and he wasn’t chipped. I think he’s really happy he got rescued because he loves cuddling with me and shoving his little face all up in my shit.
>>
No. 34324
>>34319
>>34310
Easing anxiety is like trying to put a band aid on a hole that never heals. It’s pointless. The best thing you can do for yourselves is to accept how you feel. Doing an addictive drug for the tranquilizing effect that stimulates opioid receptors to “feel okay” doesn’t seem like a great idea. Marijuana is just underrated due to pld stigmas and it seems weak compared to other drugs but that’s why it’s good.
>>
No. 34325 Kontra
>>34324
>pld
old
>>
No. 34326
>>34324
>abusing weed instead of cbd
M8 cmon
>>
No. 34328
>>34324
I've used it a lot in the past so I know it's at least somewhat safe for a month or two of fairly heavy sustained use but first it's expensive and more importantly I don't know how long it would take before having issues when I stop. Due to work I can't afford to get that way but I couldn't afford to simply stop and be a wreck at work. All I know is I can do it for a solid month and be perfectly normal. Beyond that I don't fully know. I did go through like three kilos of it before which is why I'm not quite as worried as maybe I should be. Plus I'm getting old. Not sure if youthful vigor is a big factor or not.
>>
No. 34330
>>34328
It’s good to keep trying for some kind of remedy or “higher power” if you that can help you, but I fear instrinsically for a healthy person and a healthy mind a and a healthy spirit the best really actually might be sober reality
t. chronic bong smoker/dabber
>>
No. 34331
>>34326
You cannot abuse cbd lol, try something that actually makes you feel something real and you might get hooked
>>
No. 34332
>>34328
We all react differently to psychedelics especially. I haven’t stopped smoking for more than 11 days since I started when I was 17 and i’m finally getting my life together with the help of it.
>>
No. 34338
Oh dog. We have a kiwi now. Oceania Power Hour is slowly but surely becoming a thing on EC :-DDD
>>
No. 34353
229 kB, 736 × 711
>>34323
This kitten sounds like a keeper. Are you fostering now, or will you be able to adopt him(?) permanently?

I saw some deer this morning, which isn't that unusual, but for some reason these didn't run away. One was closer than the others, right on the edge of a wooded area, and startled the heck out of me when I looked up and saw it ~10 feet away(full grown, but no antlers). She looked right at me, but never budged as I passed. Truly a surreal experience. The other 2 were smaller and never stopped nibbling at leaves, so maybe they were her fawns. If that's the case, then I may have been in danger without realizing it.
>>
No. 34359
1,7 MB, 2560 × 1801
I hope my friend is doing well. He is not answering any of my contact attempts. It would be ok if he didn't want to be my friend anymore. Actually, no, it would be terrible, but getting ghosted feels worse than getting rejected.

Maybe I'm overthinking things and he just found some other dude to hang out with, however he is not the type to start things or get out of his comfort zone much, just as me. Maybe I'm just boring or toxic or to remote to be considered a close friend, since we see rarely nowadays.

I just hope he is fine.
>>
No. 34361
Today was fine I guess.
My debit card finally arrived. Fucking space age technology.

I had a coffee today, and it didn't make me feel anything.
Then after lunch my head started hurting badly, alongside with a bit of pain in my chest, which went away after a bit of sleep.
>>
No. 34362
I also had this incredibly meme tier moment in the photocopy room, where I looked at a random sheet lying on the desk out of curiosity, and it was an exercise in rhetoric, asking the student to
>Argue against Thanos's population control methods in an essay ;)
Had a good chuckle. For a second it felt like America.
People actually do this, and it's funny in a sense.
>>
No. 34365
21 kB, 600 × 600
>>34359
Hang in there, Ernst.

>>34362
>Argue against Thanos's population control methods in an essay ;)
At least they aren't asking students to to argue in favor of Thanos :^○.
>>
No. 34366
Eating an apple.
>>
No. 34367
I attended an official dress-coded event this evening and people from some conservatory made the musical entertainment in between, I had to smile and was right at EC and Hungary ball for a moment when they actually played Shostakovich, the first one of this:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qGkbI8beN9I

The acoustic was excellent btw, I did not know that such thing is possible well given it was at the conservatory it should, sounded very omnipresent and clear.
>>
No. 34370
>>34367
Sounds like you had a bloody fine day.
It's a dream of sorts for me to hear his music played by an actual orchestra.
Though looking at it, they are going to hold a Shostakovich-Schnittke concert in 2020 in Budapest, and the tickets are reasonably priced at roughly 15 euros. I should book a seat.
Thinking of it, I've never been to an actual concert in my life.

I've been thinking a lot about music lately, and I've come to the conclusion that a musical note is just a value of length and height.
Basically I connected what I learned about the rhythm of Greek poetry. There are syllables which are one mora long, and ones that are two moras long, and basically the same is true for sounds.

>>34365
I'm an edgy boi, and a hopeless cynic, so I'd find arguing against it actually harder.
Honestly, it just feels mediocre to argue for the commonly accepted ethical standing.
>>
No. 34394
Woke up late, went swimming and made some squash soup for the first time but it didn't turn out too well. Edible and somewhat tasty but not exactly what you imagine squash soup to taste like. :DD
Then I fell asleep again, woke up, answered some work-related mail (there is an interesting new career path opening up for me at the moment, much better paid than at the local newspaper) and now I'm all awake again and listening to music.
Guess I'm gonna do some reading until I fall asleep again.

Today after I wake up I'll visit the pharmacy to get my capsules for the Kratom and pray that the drug itself also arrives on time, I've even booked the premium shipping so fuckers better to their job or I will shit up their service hotlines with annoying and spiteful requests.

>>34367
Reminds me of when I was attended a gala somewhen last week. Sleep-deprived and careless as I was I was thinking it's just gonna be some typical donation campaign bullshit but turned out it was a fucking high class event with all kinds of influential personalities of the city ranging from politicians, entepreneurs and media personalities (like even the oldest woman from an old german publisher family was at the gala) to the vice mayor. I usually dress quite formal anyways but people were there in their best suits and evening dresses, women even wearing featherboas and some guy wore a 19th century tier necktie.
I tell you it was decadent as fuck, they booked a symphony orchestra (talking of acoustics - it gave me goosebumps) for their little meetup, the cities boys' choir and a high-class three-course-menu with italian wines and a live jazz-band. I felt highly uncomfortable while sitting at the table with those people, feeling that this is out of the social sphere I usually move in and others would sense my poverty even though I might talk sophisticatedly. I don't even hold the cutlery the way I'm supposed to, a weird mixture of prole in attitude and educated man in mind and speech. Though if I wore a high-class suite and learned some table manners, I could probably pass easily as a bourgeois.
Luckily the old couple next to me (some high brasses in real estates) was very open and friendly and we talked a bit about my home state and it turned out that the guy regularily spends his holidays there. Mostly talked with the elder woman though about her own ballet school and E.T.A. Hoffmann and fucked off after quietly the second course.
>>
No. 34401
81 kB, 497 × 700
Reading about Nazi test pilot Hanna Reitsch, confusing feels

>And what have we now in Germany? A country of bankers and car-makers. Even our great army has gone soft. Soldiers wear beards and question orders. I am not ashamed to say I believed in National Socialism. I still wear the Iron Cross with diamonds Hitler gave me. But today in all of Germany you can't find a single person who voted Adolf Hitler into power ... Many Germans feel guilty about the war. But they don't explain the real guilt we share – that we lost.
>>
No. 34407
1,0 MB, 729 × 545
>>34401
What is there to be confused about? She states her position very plainly: she is a gnatsee.
>>
No. 34408
>>34401
The Nazis deserved to lose and she's an idiot on top of it. Who didn't deserve it was all the young boys idiots like her would see drafted and meaninglessly slaughtered in some godforsaken frozen hell on the Eastern front. I bet she'd feel a lot differently if she actually fought in that war rather than pontificating on the sidelines.
>>
No. 34411
>>34408
Dis. The more interesting person to read about is Albert Göring, who used his family name and its influence to fight Nazism as much as he could during the war, getting a bunch of 'undesirables' off the hook and out of the country.

The Vierergruppe are also pretty interesting tbh. They remind me a bit of proto-punks. Kids on the lower half of the economic ladder influenced by what's coming in over the airwaves going out and acting up against the authorities with vandalism and so on. Some of them got themselves shot because Nazi Germany wasn't against shooting 18 year old kids for petty crime, but still. An interesting subject tbh.
>>
No. 34412
Had a cuppa tea, eggs and some toast.
Life ain't that bad and put me in a good mood.
3 weeks until I visit UK.
>>
No. 34418
>>34411
Also very interesting are the Edelweißpiraten: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Edelweiss_Pirates
>>
No. 34419
>>34418
Man, they sound like pretty cool guys, hard to argue with your cool factor when you strut around with your mates under the name 'Roving Dudes' though.
>>
No. 34436
>>34370
>Sounds like you had a bloody fine day.

Music wise yes, but I had to be social and I did not want to, so I had to force myself a bit. It was ok in the end.
But it was not an orchestra but a trio, tow violins and one piano.

>>34394
> I felt highly uncomfortable while sitting at the table with those people, feeling that this is out of the social sphere I usually move in and others would sense my poverty even though I might talk sophisticatedly. I don't even hold the cutlery the way I'm supposed to, a weird mixture of prole in attitude and educated man in mind and speech. Though if I wore a high-class suite and learned some table manners, I could probably pass easily as a bourgeois.

I can relate. My parents are not really academics but made good money, they profited from the good years of postwar Germany.
Anyway, I despise capitalism and this decadent stuff I'm still swimming in middle classy consumption patterns ofc, feeling out of place with people who seem not to care a bit about all that. Yet I'm pursuing education, reading literature and philosophy etc.
I' also not good at table manners, lately I watched a video on how to hold fork and knife the right way, since my parents never forced me the right way, or they just gave up before making a scene in a restaurant when I was a kid/teen. Style wise I'm hip I guess, but I had a more formal outfit yesterday but still "ugly/bumby sneakers" on my feet, crossing formal with hipness, which is ok I guess, I don't went for working in a bank, but I wear trousers and no jeans at nearly any given day etc. anyway.
>>
No. 34437
55 kB, 242 × 422
Fucking SHIT

Got next week's roster. Turns out that I'm training the new guy. Fucking hell, what a load of garbage. Kid's kind of useless and only got the job because he's friends with the venue manager. Our kitchen manager didn't want to hire him. Can't be that bad, right? Wrong. He was making one meal at a time the other day, when he had everything there for like 5, with 10 chits on the rail. It pisses me off because I end up having to work basically twice as hard for the same pay as this guy, when normally with newbies we throw them on moderately busy nights where we have more staff so that any shortfall by the new guy is spread around more evenly instead of falling entirely on the only other person there. It also fucks with my own work because those days are my prep days where I have to sort out kitchen stock for the first part of the week.

The last guy I had in for that slot knew what he was doing, and if I had shit to do, I could let him handle service while I did it. Can't do that anymore. He also knew how this shit worked and just chilled when there wasn't anything to do, polishing benches or some easy crap like that. New guy stands around conspicuously still, bringing the whole atmosphere down to being awkward as hell.

>But Ernst, you were new once too
Yeah, and I got stuck in a corner where I couldn't do any damage until I learned how to not suck at my job. Plus I'm still getting paid minimum wage despite being given more responsibility. No, complaining to the boss isn't going to help, low end hospitality is about as insecure as work gets.
>>
No. 34438
How many Australians are there on EC?
>>
No. 34439
64 kB, 680 × 366
>>34438
1 who is on his day off and staying inside due to it being summer.
>>
No. 34440
19 kB, 100 × 100, 0:00
>>34439
>summer
Oh, yes, that's why Australia is on fire.
>>
No. 34442
77 kB, 700 × 367
>>34439
Are you the same guy who knows an unusual amount about the American Civil War?
>>
No. 34444
>>34440
Well technically it's only spring but still. Close enough. We have had some bad days for air quality in the last month or so from all the smoke. We had one day where the air quality was Beijing-tier.

>>34442
Yes, why? I'll answer tomorrow. It's nearly midnight.
>>
No. 34460
I met with a childhood friend today over coffee. It all went fine, we had fun. Why the fuck did I have to be nervous from the moment I woke up this morning?
>>
No. 34464
I had a splitting headache the whole day.
After school I went and bought new trousers,a new scarf to replace the one I lost and a new belt with my mother.
We had a cake and some coffee afterwards.
I drank an espresso. It seems to have magically cured the headache not even the painkiller tablet I took could get a hold of.

I also booked tickets for the Shostakovich concert they are going to hold next May.
They'll play the first and fifteenth symphonies. Not my favourites, but I'm fond of both.

Now, I have to analyse a poem and send my analysis before 8 o' clock.
Oh, and I also finished reading that novel I started a few days ago.
I'm gonna write a few lines about it in the literature thread tomorrow. Sadly I can't seem to be able to find a e-book of the English edition.

>>34394
>>34436
I feel you guys.
One time at the theatre a server called me sir, and I was such a petite bourgeois that I suspected that they were being sarcastic.

One some days I feel like I was deprived of a life I should have. You know, a family background if intellectuals and learned people.
I see others throw away such privileged backgrounds without a second thought.
My grandmother offered to teach me Latin, and I was like, "who cares?" omg
I'd kill for something like that.
>never taken to concerts or theatre
>never taken to fancy dinners
>never classically educated
>no family library
I can see people from a hundred years ago being smug. I can feel them being smug about it, and it makes me want to cry a bit every day.
>>
No. 34466
99 kB, 1080 × 1080
Bought a Korean Chupa Chups grape soda and I got what I expected and I was looking for: a full can of artificial flavor.

>>34464
I sometimes would like have gotten a better education, but as teen I was not interested in that, dunno if more bourgeois parents would have changed that or forced me more. But then again many more rich families don't have kids with a thorough classical education. They probably learn to play an instruments, visit the better public schools and are looked after for good grades. I brought packages to people who live in the well off part of this town with old villas etc. and I often wondered if they really are better educated. They have a different habit tho I guess. And I'm not too envy about that, I ofc would like to have more money and less finance problems like most people.

My parents still dragged me to museums and even payed some instrument lessons but I was a teen with interested in computers games and later drugs. The later also steered me away from the civilized disciplined, known in social manners bourgeois life.

Education is not bound to habit.
>>
No. 34467 Kontra
>>34466
Not a certain bourgeois habit I meant
>>
No. 34468
Depressive phase is over and I just got a note saying my tablet stylus has arrived and is waiting for me at the post office (30m bus ride away). Things are looking up.
The only thing is that my sleep schedule is fucked beyond belief, so I gotta manage to be awake during the day to get the dang thing.

Funny, a few years ago we had automatic PO boxes at the local mall, and they'd send you an SMS message with the password instead of delivering physical mail. I'm guessing they had a budget slash or something. Shame, it'd been a literal 5 minute walk instead of an hour long ride there and back.
>>
No. 34470
I need to built a fused multiply add.
There is no sane reason why I have to do this, since it would be cheaper to buy intellectual property. Let it suffice to say that, in paying me to built it, my company gets more out of it then us buying IP, since the German government is an asshole. I hate bit-fiddling and I lurked on kohlchan most of the day instead of working, channeling my hatred for the task at hand into vile posts. Now, I'm getting drunk on cheap Austrian wine.

If any Austrian is lurking, congrats on making that shit so cheap. It gets me drunk in a very cost-effective manner. It's also one of the worst wines I ever drunk. Characterless, without an after-taste. Makes me wonder if Austrians managed to grow wine on styrofoam.

If I still lived in a city, I'd get something to eat someplace. But I live in a town of 40k inhabitants, and at this of the day, it's impossible to order a pizza here, not joking.

I miss my ex girlfriend, and I wish could lick her armpits now.

Please congratulate me on this offensively intimate blog post, as I am insecure to the max, hate myself and want to die.
>>
No. 34472 Kontra
>>34470
>Makes me wonder if Austrians managed to grow wine on styrofoam.

Kek.
Also my condolence on not being able to order a pizza after 8pm

And I guess yeah kohl is a valve for many and also a feedback system heading into resonance. Shit piles upon shit and anger and frustration upon anger and frustration.
>>
No. 34474
2,0 MB, 1920 × 1080
Aaand I failed to write a single word :D
Fucking Hell. Why can't people just fucking leave me alone. I already wrote at least 10-15 pages worth of recaps and analyses this month.
"Woe is me"
I achieved nothing and it's already past ten o' clock. No sleep, no work done, nothing.
Come to think of it, I was also supposed to study the human bone structure a bit.
Today was fucked up.

I forgot to mention that today I saw the most repulsive woman on the bus. She was fat, one of the fattest people I ever saw, and she had the face of a goblin.
And this fat women had earbuds in, and listened to videos on her phone. It was a knock-off iphone earbud. And she laughed.
God, people are disgusting.
>>
No. 34476
Why would an old voicemail start playing out of nowhere on vlc? I can think of no plausible reason for this except some asshole is accessing my data but the fact that it would randomly play one and only one is just weird to me.
>>
No. 34478
13 kB, 260 × 337
I dipped into pic related and it seems to be a pragmatic approach that will help me handle my organization around writing and getting shit done concerning my upcoming BA thesis. About an 1-3h a day is calculated, tho pace is individual in the end. You go thu it in piecemeal and actually need to fill out tasks and write down stuff. Just reading is not enough, learning by doing is the desired aim here.
>>
No. 34479 Kontra
>>34478
1-3h/day in a 5 days week btw.
>>
No. 34480
>>34444
>Yes, why? I'll answer tomorrow. It's nearly midnight.

I don't have a specific question regarding the Civil War to ask you. I'm just kind of surprised that you work in a kitchen since I got the impression you were an academic from reading your posts.
>>
No. 34481
>>34480
Oh right. Yeah nah. Never been in the camp to say that the working man can't be educated. I find it a bit insulting even, like the working class only deserves to be glorified beasts of burden rather than having access to higher education if they want it. It might not have been my smartest decision to go to university because good grades aren't worth shit when they're as accessible as they are, but I did get a tertiary education regardless. Hopefully I get out of kitchen work next year, I've been trying to get an overhead linesman apprenticeship.
>>
No. 34482 Kontra
Chatted with a cute coworker girl today. Considering this was like the 2nd time I saw her and the first time we really talked I'm feeling oddly enamored with her. Awkward silences notwithstanding she seemed to be "into me", as they say. Though I might be imagining/overestimating things.
On the one hand I'm enjoying that I get to feel something for once, on the other there's this voice creeping into my head that's telling me that I'm a degenerate fuck-up and I don't deserve to sully a wholesome girl like that. And then there's heaps more where that came from.
Feels like I'm in high school again, fuck.
>>
No. 34483
4,8 MB, 2457 × 4143
8,3 MB, 4122 × 2437
The fact that this exchange happened never fails to cheer me up.

>Zaporozhian Cossacks to the Turkish Sultan!

>O sultan, Turkish devil and damned devil's kith and kin, secretary to Lucifer himself. What the devil kind of knight are thou, that canst not slay a hedgehog with your naked arse? The devil shits, and your army eats. Thou shalt not, thou son of a whore, make subjects of Christian sons; we have no fear of your army, by land and by sea we will battle with thee, fuck thy mother.

>Thou Babylonian scullion, Macedonian wheelwright, brewer of Jerusalem, goat-fucker of Alexandria, swineherd of Greater and Lesser Egypt, pig of Armenia, Podolian thief, catamite of Tartary, hangman of Kamyanets, and fool of all the world and underworld, an idiot before God, grandson of the Serpent, and the crick in our dick. Pig's snout, mare's arse, slaughterhouse cur, unchristened brow, screw thine own mother!

>So the Zaporozhians declare, you lowlife. You won't even be herding pigs for the Christians. Now we'll conclude, for we don't know the date and don't own a calendar; the moon's in the sky, the year with the Lord, the day's the same over here as it is over there; for this kiss our arse!

>- Koshovyi otaman Ivan Sirko, with the whole Zaporozhian Host.

Context: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reply_of_the_Zaporozhian_Cossacks
>>
No. 34491 Kontra
got my pen
i'd draw something, but I'm so sleep deprived that I have lost all fine motor function
car sickness while sleep deprived really fucks me up.
>>
No. 34521
81 kB, 563 × 442
Why westernies are such hypocrites? No, I'am not talking about politics or any crap like that. I'm interested in interesting phenomenon, when basicly every western community, social networks, forums, groups, absoluetly everything besides more open talking places like imageboards have mentality of "EVERYONE IS A WINNER" in a nutshell. Of cource, in imageboards we often see polar opposite effect where absolute shitposting and insulting is something as rule, but why golden middle is so rare? On one place you will be banned for wors "I think it's kind of crap" as "horrible toxic person". On others - it's just rollecoaster of shitposting without any meaning. It is somehow connected to some culture aspects?
>>
No. 34522
104 kB, 1280 × 643
Yesterday before bed I used that Chinese handbook to get a divination.
It predicted extraordinary luck, but nothing happened.

I have my work cut out for me this weekend. I'm going to do visual arts, and it's going to be tiresome.
My task is to "paraphrase" an image. Pic related is my pick.

I got home early today. Despite this I didn't do much. Watched a few episodes of Yes, Prime Minister, and then I started listening to Schnittke's 1st Symphony.

Now that the weather is good, I'm feeling well again. So it's a weather thing.
One of the cute groupmate girls asked me about Sartre's Nausea today. Apparently she needed a copy for class but the library had none. I offered to look online for a pdf, and if that's no help, then she can read my copy.

TIL that people unironically watch dubbed netflix series and avidly follow whatever shlock the Americans shit on our plates. They even pay for it.
Not only netflix, but also HBO stuff. There are large posters advertising the new Watchmen series. Yes, nothing better to advertise your subscription to a post-communist society than with a negro painted Prussian blue playing a part in a comicbook movie. Lovely.
I despise when people recommend "shows" to one another. There is something disgusting about watching modern American TV. Not that ye olden TV shows were any better, but this feels especially repulsive to me.
"Home-grown" TV is also disgusting and only knows two methods. One is a bourgeoisie drama where the joke is sex or the social-suicide inducing middle aged whore who "can't get their life straight".
The other option is making jokes at the expense of the lumpenproletariat. "Look how uncultured they are, they don't know what's in the village next door and solve everything through violence or coercion. Hahahaha."
The ignorance of the lumpen is not funny at all. It's repulsive, but first and foremost scary. Without sufficient guidance, they start acting on their own. Without alcohol and TV it leads to violence against anyone who they might perceive as the enemy, from the guy that knows three words in French to their neighbour of 20 years who has one chicken/can of gas/plank more than them.

I guess it truly comes down to me being pathologically scared and hatefully of everyone. The "lifestyle" I aspire to and find tolerable is laughable, and to top it all off, I don't even know myself what I want. But I know that I don't want the Earth turned into a giant Californian Truman Show.
Is not sleeping enough getting to me? Probably.
>>
No. 34527
> Odüsszeusz

jesus fucking christ
>>
No. 34528 Kontra
2,3 MB, 2303 × 3474
2,5 MB, 3714 × 2429
>>34527
It's a great language, innit?
Quite easy on the tongue too. See for yourself!
>>
No. 34529
>>34528
It looks like what would happen if a drunk Belgian was trying to translate Turkish to Finnish.
>>
No. 34533
131 kB, 1280 × 720
My dumbass father gave the dog turkey scraps on thanksgiving and now he has had diarrhea three times today. I swear to god if this dog has fucking pancreatitis...
>>
No. 34534
>>34533
I seriously don't understand. What's the problem? Why would it give him diarrhea? If you mean it's just the skins and fat trimmings then yeah it's because of far which skin also is high in. Fat gives you the shits and it should pass. Otherwise I've not a clue what your problem is. We always fed the dogs all kinds of scrap meat including lots of raw steak trimmings when I worked at a restaurant. Man would they snarl at each other over those. We had to get them to jump up for it and not feed them in a bowl because someone was going to pet hospital if we let them fight over it.
>>
No. 34547
102 kB, 869 × 647
>>34521
why Russians so fucking miserable and want to wallow in shit all the time and insist everyone around them wallow in shit too? I think Russians have such a long history of wallowing in shit they don't understand anything else, and when they see people who don't wallow in shit, the Russian can only say ''what is wrong with these people? why don't they wallow in shit like me?''
>>
No. 34548
>>34533
>my dad gave my dog meat

wow. your dog's gonna die.
>>
No. 34551
190 kB, 512 × 512
found a central asian asmr girl
>>
No. 34553
>>34547
Then why don't the Irish insist on similar things? Didn't James Joyce literally use the term "pig shit country" on why he wasn't going back XD

I really don't get why there's a sense for antagonism though seriously. Aside from the fact he didn't say anything retarded or bitter, it's a reasonable observation about what's American extremes it's just he can't tell the difference between Westerners and Americans, who are peculiarly psychotic and retarded. Really though I think Slavs and Irish are the most natural pairing. Well maybe Irish are more known for being overly dramatic as much as depressive and subdued by it just seems to me from afar like two more alike peoples. I cannot think of anything more natural in the world than every Polish man finding an Irish lass and increasing the Il Papa's longterm mana reserves while driving back the forces of tyranny. sadly the forces of tyranny includes imperialistic Russians but whatever. Russia has a good idea about killing Tsars but a terrible idea about not turning into yet another despotic government
>>
No. 34554
>>34547
>wallow in shit too
It's rude to call ernstchan "shit".
>>
No. 34555
>>34521
I think that's just normalfag circles in general.
Normal people don't socialize as a kind of intellectual stimulation or an exercise in "correctness", but rather as a recreational activity. It's sort of an implied assumption everyone is there to feel good about themselves. And when someone tries to change the atmosphere from a recreational one to a "rigorous" one, it is seen as a breach of tact and a buzzkill. Like talking about politics during family dinner or something. It's what they refer to as "being difficult"

Now the question is, why would you go to a recreational social space expecting serious discussions.
>>
No. 34556
37 kB, 640 × 480
>>34553
>XD
return to your home, anon
>>
No. 34558
32 kB, 288 × 200, 0:00
>>34556
I'm just busting your balls Taigh
>>
No. 34561
>>34555
>Now the question is, why would you go to a recreational social space expecting serious discussions.
Most of this places pretend to be places for serious disscution and it's hard to distinguish where people here just for such social "relax" and where people who using their heda.
>>
No. 34564
Going late to bed again but things are seeming to get a bit better again lately. Today I'm going to see my date again and we'll do some ice-skating.
Thinking that I have told myself a hundred times during this week that it's probably over and we're through with each other, my overall view now is poitive and I feel relaxed about seeing her today. And curious what it'll be like after the latest incidents.
Can't get much worse anyways.
Also I got myself talked into visiting a concert for the newspaper in around 10 hours as they're heavily lacking workers lately. So I should definitely go to sleep now.
>>
No. 34574
>>34522
A lot of modern American TV is actually good. It's about the situation as anime: 90% is rotten trash, 9% is watchable, 1% is pure kino, and the mass of people consuming it have no ability to distinguish one category from the other. Same as with all mature cultural forms, really. However, the new attention being given to the medium has attracted a few genuine auteurs, and there is valid art being made.

>I guess it truly comes down to me being pathologically scared and hatefully of everyone. The "lifestyle" I aspire to and find tolerable is laughable, and to top it all off, I don't even know myself what I want.
Every one of us has to learn at some point to abandon our natural arrogance. Christians are right - pride is the most self-destructive sin. Even if you actually are better than everybody else, deriving any part of your self-worth from that difference will only destroy you.

If you need practical philosophy, I recommend Marcus Aurelius:
When you wake up in the morning, tell yourself: The people I deal with today will be meddling, ungrateful, arrogant, dishonest, jealous, and surly. They are like this because they can’t tell good from evil. But I have seen the beauty of good, and the ugliness of evil, and have recognized that the wrongdoer has a nature related to my own—not of the same blood or birth, but the same mind, and possessing a share of the divine. And so none of them can hurt me. No one can implicate me in ugliness. Nor an I feel angry at my relative, or hate him. We were born to work together like feet, hands, and eyes, like the two rows of teeth, upper and lower. To obstruct each other is unnatural. To feel anger at someone, to turn your back on him: these are obstructions.
>>
No. 34577
>>34574
Nah mate. Pride will set you free because you'll stop giving a shit about people's garbage. People usually mix up legit pride with vanity. While synonyms, there's the kind of pride that comes from where you've been, and it builds dignity. Fuck conforming. Do you, and if any haters try and bring you down, break their damn legs.

Just don't go the wrong way and be an insufferable cunt is all, else you're liable to get your legs broken. Show respect and get the same in return, but be ready to back yourself if respect isn't forthcoming. That's how you be someone worth something.
>>
No. 34578
>>34577
Nah man. What I'm saying is, you have to build your confidence and self-esteem without reference to other people, otherwise it can't lead to independence. Pride, in the traditional sense as a sin, involves looking at other people and saying "I'm better than them". Healthy self-esteem is looking at yourself and saying "I'm alright with this". You're not your own man if you feel like you have to say "I'm better than them", because you're still defining yourself in reference to other people. Whether or not you're better than them shouldn't even enter your thoughts.

If you find yourself constantly saying to yourself "I'm better than them", you're really fucking yourself over. It alienates you from the rest of mankind, and leads you to think of your life as a constant struggle of yourself vs. the world. But the world is infinitely larger and stronger than you, and if you define your life as a fight against it, you'll lose.
>>
No. 34579
>>34578
Fuck that noise. I'm not 'okay' with who I am. I'm fucking proud. It wasn't an easy road to get to where I am now and I am not going to be ashamed of that. I'm not just going to exist in some inoffensive way, I'm going to do me, even if me is loud and offensive to the main crowd. I've been inoffensive and it nearly destroyed me.

I don't go boasting about how great I am to people. I don't look down at them. I don't turn down to preserve their sensibilities neither. It's not defining myself based on others, it's saying "this is me, fucking deal with it". Being merely okay with yourself like traditional self-esteem advice dictates is just shoving a fencepole up your arse. Neither here nor there.

And tbh, it's bigger than winning or losing against the world. It's the struggle itself, that's important. I don't win against them with plain old self-esteem neither so I might as well go down swinging. Just taking it quietly is weak as piss.
>>
No. 34602
22 kB, 600 × 480
Reading the Dialetic of Enlightenment, quite interesting. Myth and Enlightenment are both totalitarian as they are iterative, operate with a given they found themselves and try to explain everything with one thing. I dunno about the myth but enlightenment is formalization of everything. Not sure if I understand it all correctly.
The history of the civilizational thought meshes into that, a trace I've never spent much attention to, but it's really interesting.

I need to read more about the role of social sciences in 20th century, including the founding of society as concept and self description. Also: how they find problems, how are problems within society set up as such?

Wish I had the time to dive into the work of Felix Guattari, I turned down the thought of buying some of his books, I don't have time for them anyway.
>>
No. 34606
I went 55€ over my budget for November. Must be pocket money to some Ernsts, but for me it's a lot. All Christmas gifts are bought though and I worked like a animal this month so the paycheck should be better than last. All in all, should be able put more into savings in December, despite lending my mother 500€ for her Christmas budget.
>>
No. 34610
>>34579
And that's alright if your problem is chronic lack of self-esteem, rather than chronic alienating pride. Which seems to be the core problem of our Hungarian hermano, who I was initially trying to address.

So I don't think we really disagree on fundamental principles.
>>
No. 34611 Kontra
>>34610
Although I should say that the process of affirmative struggle is still not ideal compared to Stoicism, if you can manage it. Confident humility is a lifelong goal to work towards, as much as it is a means to an end.
>>
No. 34624
Today was kind of awful.
Grandma fell ill, and since no one could go over to her, I had to be there until the doctor arrived. Nothing happened in the end, but I don't feel like enough of an adult for something like this.

Otherwise I cleaned my room and started writing my book report. And I slept a lot.
Now, I'm going to turn off the PC and read about Dostoevsky and Bergson.
>>
No. 34630
>>34624
>but I don't feel like enough of an adult for something like this.

That's exactly how you become one, by getting into situations like that.
>>
No. 34632
I live in the northeast and just bought a Sarracenia purpurea plant. I've put it in front of a South facing window. The soil/peat is moist. Should I put bugs in the pitchers? There are two mature looking pitchers on the plant and one that appears to be a new growth.
>>
No. 34639
>>34606
What is your budget as a percentage and what are you saving for.
>>
No. 34643
>>34639
I put aside 30% of my monthly income, currently saving for a 6k€ rainy day emergency fund. I want to go into my 30s with some financial stability, even if it's a tiny sum like 6000€.
>>
No. 34646
>>34632
Ooo excellent choose in pitcher plant. I see you are a man of refinement and taste. You have also managed to get one of the few plants I've never had or taken care of so idk. If you don't have bugs in the house you could probably drop a fly in one of them but I wouldnt overdo it.
>>
No. 34662
>>34646
Apparently they do alright indoors unlike some other species of pitcher plants, but I'm not sure if they need to be fed during the winter in such conditions.
>>
No. 34663
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ts3NqVHotFU
I'd trust this guy for plant advice.

Unrelated but today I finally got around to losing the cherry koolaid. Grape was okay I guess, black cherry a little bit less than grape, but I came to realize I've just been using way too much water and not enough sugar. My god does koolaid take lots of sugar. It's like at least a solid cup per gallon of the stuff and it isnt even that sweet which makes me question just how much damn sugar is even in all our sugary soft drinks and stuff. OH that's right I just realized I bought a bunch of Milkyway Midnights too. Now that stuff tastes like pure 100% sugar.

Why do this? Because it is cheap. Very incredibly cheap. It takes me one to two 24 cent packets of the stuff to make a gallon of drink that heavily masks the weird bitter taste of the tap water enough to be drinkable.
...shit yes I just realized I am buying koolaid to make my filtered tap water taste potable and that probably sounds not very first world but whatever
>>
No. 34679
784 kB, 1100 × 613
It's alive!
>>
No. 34700
>>34679
Cool website, thanks.
>>
No. 34701
229 kB, 1858 × 786
Found a really neat website with loads of info on carnivorous plants run by a UC botanist.

http://www.sarracenia.com/faq.html
>>
No. 34705
>>34663
>My god does koolaid take lots of sugar

When I had some from the US, I did 1.2-1.5L per package and put around ten heaped tablespoons of sugar into it.

---

I developed a headache over the course of the day. Translated some Latin sentence and read further into the Dialectic and why the Odyssey is an epic that basically contains all elements of the spirit of the bourgeois enlightenment.
>>
No. 34707
I woke up with a cold. Read two paragraphs, and then spent the rest of the day lying in bed. Funny thing is, I don't even have a fever, it's just that my nose is running, and I kind of want to throw up but not really.
>>
No. 34708 Kontra
>Funny thing is, I don't even have a fever

Me neither, it started all on Thursday I think, but still I went working and to university the last days. My nose started running and I had to cough here and there but nothing else. The headache must have had its origin somewhere else thank dog for light pain killers
>>
No. 34712
>>34662
I'm gonna store it in the garage for the winter I think. Also because that's boring I'm going to buy a tropical pitcher plant to look at during the winter.
>>
No. 34725
>>34663
Why don't you buy a water filter? Depending on the type of chemical contamination, it doesn't always remove all of the bad taste. But I've been in several areas with undrinkable tap water, and filtering always at least makes the water edible.

You could also try brewing tea with it, just by leaving a shitload of tea bags in the water overnight. Probably healthier than kool-aid.
>>
No. 34733
>>34725
That's just the thing I already have a brita filter attached to the faucet. And you know the thing about that filter? I fucking bought the stupid thing only because the other water filter I had in it i thought had a manufacturing defect because the water tasted bitter and weird to me. Whatever its problem is it seems to be mostly bypassing the filter.

>tea
I already tried that and I'm definitely not a fan of it. I don't like the way the alkaloids in caffeine makes me feel as opposed to coffee and it's a complete pain in the ass to keep making it and it doesnt even taste good plus it didn't fully mask the bitter weird taste but koolaid does. Alternatively I could be suddenly having organ failure and it's my taste that's defective but I'm pretty sure it's the water.
>>
No. 34745
>>34733
I'm sorry to hear of your problems. I wasn't aware that the US had areas where the tap water wasn't edible... I associate this with east asian countries.

And I have to object >>34725 regarding tea: With tea it's more important than with most other drinks to have clear water as a starting point. I even filter out the calcium of our water before using it to brew tea.
For green tea, that is. For Mate or herbal "tea" the water doesn't make much of a difference, but a Sencha at 15 Euros per 100g will taste different depending on the water.
>>
No. 34747
>>34733
Faucet filters don't work as well as pitcher filters. Get a Brita pitcher and if that doesn't work, launch a holy jihad against your local government.

>>34745
Much more common than outright undrinkable tap water is tap water that tastes like shit. Palo Alto and the surrounding area, where Stanford University and all of the biggest tech companies are, has tap water that's safe to drink, but tastes like a chemical spill. It's been that way for at least 10 years, probably longer. I think they get away with it because all the rich fucks only drink artisan bottled water and fucking La Croix.

And yet 20 miles away in Berkeley, the tap water is better quality than most bottled water, because they pipe it in straight from Yosemite. But apparently there isn't enough of the good stuff to go around.
>>
No. 34751
4,2 MB, 3968 × 2976
3,8 MB, 3968 × 2976
It's cold and frosty, so the winter begins in earnest, defrosting my aged Megane Mk1 took ages this morning
>>
No. 34753
It's snowing.
I woke up at around 6 o' clock because I had a terrible, painful feeling of nausea after a weird dream about trams near a beach resort.
It felt like I was going to die. Then I fell asleep again and it went away. Now I just want to throw up.
I guess I'm just going to make some plain rice for lunch.

You guys remember that story I told you once about how I asked out a girl on a school trip and she said "no"?
Well, last week there was only 5 of us in class, and we talked about old classmates who switched schools, how girls rate guys so on, and she came up as a topic of discussion, only for someone to cheekily say
>Well, she kept a list of girls
And I was like "u wot m8?"
>Somebody tell Ernst
>Tell what?
>Ernst, she was into girls
So The truth is, the game was rigged from the start

Things like these make me ease up quite a bit. Like when I heard my half-English cousin got a worst exam result than me, or when I found out that the kid who went to my school and wrote a novel at 13 only got published because his father paid for it. It's quite liberating to know that I did my best and I'm not actually inferior.
>>
No. 34777
Would anybody be interested in semi-regular synchtube nights, if mods don't disapprove of the idea? Watching documentaries together while having serious discussions was one of the coziest things about KC in its glory days.
>>
No. 34778
>>34777
I thought about that as well and I think Radioernst could host an instance of synchtube.
>>
No. 34781
>>34777
Would be nice. Could we vote on the docus every week? Will it be on weekends?
>>
No. 34830
I had an idea for a dystopian scifi this morning where the interstellar government is itself a large corporate conglomerate like merger of government with megacorps using something like technological property rights, but as I was thinking how to implement and explain it I only realized more and more that is basically what we have. Like the discovery of nuclear power and electricity for example would be controlled by the corpgov and no one could even use electricity without paying for using it because you'd be doing the equivalent of violating IP rights to create or use electricity but I just realized that's only a more direct correlation to what we already have. Like I can collect rain water and not get taxed on it, but to have running water I have a water bill. To use electric I have to pay the electric company. To use my radio or phone, I have to pay for both the device and the service too. I can't even use this idea in a science fiction novel because it's literally what we have and I'd only be making a slight twist on current reality which for all I know is where we're headed anyway that you can't build a magnet spinning in copper coils without being fined for violating some corporate IP right of creating electricity without their permission.
>>
No. 34832
>>34777
You can count me in if I have the time. Things is I have very few free nights left, so if at all we'd have to plan at least a week in advance.
>>
No. 34836
For the past week I've been sleeping non-stop, day and night. It's not not to have insomnia, but this is getting excessive. not sure how to feel about this.

>>34777
>>34778
I thought about something similar, but with hosting an actual streaming service (similar to the radio), so Ernsts can stream whatever they have on their hard drives rather than what's on youtube. So there would be possibilities of watching movies together and stuff.

Then again, not sure if any hosting provider would be okay with that, and if it'd cost too much.
>>
No. 34841
My last hope is that I caught some shitty virus. God, I really don't want to go to hospital over having sores on my stomach. That's a long an painful procedure. Fuck that.
I almost forgot that such levels of suffering are achievable, and it's not nearly as bad as it was ~two years ago.
That's when you're so weak that you're barely human any more, and despite the pain you don't even have the willpower to just end it.

Now, the good news is that I accidentally found my lost scarf after losing all hope. Someone left it hanging on a door. (It was obscured by the large handle that you use to push the door open.)
So that's good.
Also got another book. The complete short stories of Bruno Schulz.
Looks good.
Also got two other volumes. One is a strange book titled The Pillars of Siriat, and I have no idea what it's about, but seems to be something bordering on being esoteric, and the other is an expendable edition of Swift's Gulliver's Travels. It just dawned on me how little of a shit I give about English literature besides the Beowulf-Chaucer-Shakespeare trinity, and even then I only give half a shit about Beowulf because I'm a borderline Teutophile.
Though I still want to see for myself the English romantics and Milton's Paradife Loft.
But I digress.

So I'm listening endlessly to the Rienzi Overture and the 4th movement of Beethoven's Eroica to make myself feel better, though the latter makes me feel like I'm trying to fly but before take-off, I fall over and hurt myself.
But it's worth it fore those almost flying moments.
>>
No. 34857
I dreamt of a hospital. It had one room, one doctor and one nurse.
Strangely enough, it was comfy. The colours were warm, almost painted on, everything was clean.
They told me there was going to be a minor surgery.
Then I woke up feeling all right. It's like as if I visited some other plane in my dreams.
>>
No. 34859
196 kB, 590 × 393
Our overnight temperatures are dropping into the 40's(~7C), and the sun is now setiing at 5:30PM. That counts as wintery around here, so I decided I might as well stream some Christmas music.
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No. 34899
I'm trying to find a new job and new apartment and it's incredibly aggravating. See the worst thing is I could deal with having a lower paying job but one of the big things that's not talked about with poor people is how they end up having to work two or three different jobs because none of these corps are willing to give you full hours which means two or three companies don't have to pay or offer any health insurance or full time benefits. The result is somebody working 60 hours a week with no overtime pay who has to end up on Medicaid. These companies are totally shifting the American taxpayer. I think that if a guy like Bernie Sanders was serious he wouldnt tax the average American he'd tax the shit out of these corporations that pull this kind of shit because massive companies like Walmart and Amazon are indirectly being subsidized by the government and the American taxpayer in addition to being directly benefited by them.

I'm amazed how nobody talks about this. Offer people shitty hours and shitty pay with the incredible hassle of having to drive all over the place to work multiple part time jobs and meanwhile if they can only get two part time jobs they have to end up doing things like getting food stamps and Medicaid. So basically what this means is poor working people are just barely scraping by with empty buildings everywhere and landlords gouging them with rent so they end up having to have the government make them able to afford food and healthcare rather than just having one full time job that pays well enough to live by and having medicaid.

You have no idea how many people are on food stamps, and these aren't unemployed people. These are all hard working people.

So anyway that's this December. Finding a second job because I was lied to and apparently I am not going to get steady hours, and my hours are not going back to the normal closer to full time hours after training someone else like I'd been told in November. Had I been in a worse position I'd have been evicted by now. I have no idea how other people have to manage crap like that in this country.
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No. 34900 Kontra
>>34899
Oh yeah and the other thing that pissed me off was when I was younger and worked in kitchens they'd schedule me for like 60 hours in a row across two whole weeks working 9 days straight but structure my hours in such a way that not only was I not getting overtime but I also wasnt even working full time. Can you even imagine that? Imagine having to work for shit wages in shit conditions for nine fucking days straight and not only are you not getting overtime but you're also not even eligible for getting access to healthcare because they only offer it to full time employees which you are not because legally you only worked two thirty hour weeks so you have to go onto Medicaid. Jesus Christ I'm glad I don't do that anymore.
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No. 34904
>>34899
So you mean, you have to get up, drive to your workplace, fucking WORK, and then you also have to apply for welfare because your wage is so shit?
Must be the most humiliating thing in existence to work but also get welfare just go get along.
"Is my work not even worth enough for me to be let live on?"

Honestly, seems like a giant scam. Basically the corporations get a portion of their wages paid by the state. And the state gets that money from the taxes the middle class pays.
It's a bloody rip-off.
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No. 34905
>>34904
Welcome to capitalism in a low-social capital country.

>>34899
Honestly at that point, if I didn't have the option of NEETing at my parent's house, I would try to find some Buddhist monastic program to join. Anything to get the hell out of American working life. That 60 hour work week fuckery is the kind of shit that justifies workplace shootings.
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No. 34909
39 kB, 460 × 500
Feeling suffocated by life and deadlines. Meh, I'd even happily work a meaningless task instead of dealing with academia I'm not really interested in. Translating a bit of Latin again.
Also my paper does not make much advance due to small time spaces that only emerge after subtracting the daily routine that needs its time and a bit a free time I still want. Still, progress is there at least. The problem is that in the evening on a weekday is the usual time of the weekday I can do something for my paper, way to late, perfect for procrastinating. Because I could even hand it in next year in April or whatever but it will interfere with my last works that will be tackled then. So I need to finish it until the end of the year to have time for other writings and research.

I need to think about Christmas presents, one advantage of being gf-less is that you don't have to think about one more present. Well, perhaps it's easier, depending on the gf.
I will probably just gift books and food like I did in past years.
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No. 34917
>>34905
It doesnt though because there's as many insulating layers of middlemen and protective bullshit as there are in narco trafficking or the housing market (at least with the really big realtors who have literally like four different layers of shell companies and asset management and property managers between you the apartment renter and whoever the hell actually owns all the apartment complexes nationwideusually slumlords like Trump and Orthodox Jews living in NYC or northern NJ, who oddly always seem to be the exact same people with massive carpetbagging property management companies in Florida for some reason so there's no point to being mad at whoever youre talking to, which is the entire point of how everything is structured including dumbass identarians too busy fighting each other than bothering with the big dick fucking everyone. Like even if your boss and your boss's boss are not proles they're still unlikely to remotely have any actual say in what's going on.

Depending on the company it's true your boss could be fucking you because somehow he gets a stipend on net gains from the store if it's including staff pay in which case yeah that's a paddling, but generally speaking it isn't even usually your boss who's got that much say in how employee pay hours are scheduled and if he puts too many people on then it's his boss who's going to be up his ass. And his boss? He's got a bunch of layers of bosses to answer to too no doubt. Like if you're just working for some kind of department store like idk Lowe's, then it's going to be the manager of your department or depending on the company the story's general manager who's your boss, and he has to answer to the district manager, who in turn has to answer to the regional manager. If anything you could say a much deeper layer of shit is coming in from people who are in charge of entire states and regions but often they too kind of have their hands tied to a semi-limited degree by their boss(es) all the way up the chain at corporate.

Whether your boss is an asshole in general is a different matter. It's also a different matter if you're just working for like a tucked in the corner restaurant who's sole owner you see on a face to face basis who can and will be fucking you for your pay too. Even in higher bydlo jobs like landscaping and especially construction the person paying you may be a dick but it still goes up the chain from subcontractor to general contractor although in a job like that the boss has more leeway and so is more personally responsible for fucking you over.

But even still, going into a store or post office or wherever to go on a shooting spree is so fucking stupid like most terrorism. Like why would you go in and bomb some random concert? It's like beating a bunch of stray cats because you're mad at a hurricane. Or trying to punish your neighbor by going out to a nature reserve and sticking firecrackers in frogs. All it does is make you look like a crazy fucking asshole. The person or persons you intended to punish look more justified for everything they do. Like seriously just why? I mean, if you're going to go on a shooting rampage and terminate your entire life regardless whether you survive or not why in God's name would you waste such an opportunity? Nothing's stopping you anymore. For a brief window of time you're free to do anything. That includes bombing the foreign government offices or corporate HQ, mass shootings inside parliament or whatever coffee shop or high class restaurant lots of politicians go to to make their sleazy deals which is a low security target, hell walking into the board of directors like it's Dogma
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iHzU5ZH_qNY
The closest thing I think we ever had to it was that guy who flew a plane into the IRS a few decades ago and frankly for all I or many other people are concerned that man is a goddamn hero
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2010_Austin_suicide_attack

Besides no attack like that is even changing things which is that the problem is structural and policy based, although I suppose taking out someone who makes policy makes more sense. Still, it's not the sort of attitude that gets anything done. People snap here all the time and it changes absolutely nothing except getting lots of innocent people hurt who don't deserve it. Besides, violence should be reserved only for chomos and oligarchs.
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No. 34925
I had a really nice walk through fog at -3°C while getting groceries. I love that my favourite supermarket opens up at 7:30 so I can have a stroll through the mostly quiet streets (I'm living on the outskirts of a city, where the forest begins, not much traffic here).
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No. 34929
>>34925
Sounds tranquil. How early do you wake up btw?

I have been on my new meds for 1,5 weeks today. Now I've managed to take them at morning, like prescribed, but I get this horrible sinking feeling and anxiety in my chest at midday.
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No. 34938
It's dark. It's cold outside.
And everything is dirty because of the partially melted snow.
Like on those depressive images you see from Russia.

I'm contemplating making some tea now. Also thinking about Christmas. No idea what I should ask for pre-emptively. Probably a bottle of sake, a packet of tea, and a book. That should cover it. Basically everything that's ruining me.

I can't concentrate on anything. Read two parts from Gilgamesh yesterday, and since then, the only thing that gave me any sort of excitement was reading random articles from a book titled Dictionary of Literary Terminology.
Everything feels completely directionless again.
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No. 35115
210 kB, 1280 × 960
>>34938
>Everything feels completely directionless again.

Not an uncommon condition.
I'm also a bit restless since I want to read stuff I cannot read, because I need to to things for university. Heaps of books that need to be read in order get a grip on what I'm wanting, not sure what that is, but patterns occur at least.

t. rather unrealistic goals and stumbling thru life an academic pursuit seems necessary for my goals but just going to university does not do it

---

I translated all Latin sentences I need for my credits to be booked. Turns out, I did a whole passage more than needed.

Will workthru an article and a summery of a book for my paper and then after hours...It's already 6pm
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No. 35175
>>34929
Usually I get about around 5:00-5:30 but today I got up late. When I go to the supermarket around 7:15 I get up just in time to have a snack and put on clothes. Other days I use the quiet time in the morning to work on personal projects without a chance to be disturbed by anyone. But I like to have at least 3 hours of uninterrupted time for that, ideally more. So when I have to go get groceries early I'll just sleep longer.
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No. 35192
Second suicide in a week happened at my uni today
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No. 35197
244 kB, 520 × 375
>>34938
Hot nigorizake is a pretty great winter beverage. The sweetness makes it feel like an eastern equivalent of mulled wine. It's also rare enough compared to normal sake to be worthy of a Christmas gift.

>Everything feels completely directionless again.
Time spent mulling over life and figuring out what to do isn't necessarily unproductive. Eventually your experiences will crystallize into purpose, and a matured weltanschauung that will inform your future actions and work.

I don't think any pure intellectual has enough accumulated life experience until their mid 20s. Life is slower than it is for other people, or how it was for intellectuals in the past, when city life itself was chaotic and adventurous. The upside is that we live longer, and exist in a much broader intellectual world (via the internet, English translations, and a much higher global cultural output).
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No. 35202
Yesterday I talked with a guy on Russian Facebook who catfished guys using fake female profile. The guy said that he works for 3k hryvnias a day (100$), is it worth saying that even without his comment that his father got him a job in his own company it was more than clear that the person achieved this through connections? This kind of inequality pisses me off, the worst part is that literally every Russian/Ukrainian/Belarusian shares the view that you connections matter a lot and yet we are very individualistic and doing nothing to stop the corruption in our countries and improve the equality of opportunity. Whenever somebody gets the political power there, he uses this power to enrich himself and his friends instead of breaking up the vicious cycle.
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No. 35206
>>35202
I thought vk is blocked in UA
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No. 35207
It's not really today but yesterday I realized the irony of me probably at some point having to scrounge and scrape and save enough money to get on a boat and leave my old country like me ancestors did but this time I'll be taking the same route back to Europe as they did away from it. I have no faith in this country at all at this point and quite frankly I cannot even imagine any real reason to stay unless you're already at least upper middle class and can get out of here in an hour's notice to your Spanish villa anyway. Unfortunately if you are less than that it takes an awful lot of scrimping and saving what little cash you have left over to build the dream ticket out of here instead of being tolerably comfortable and well fed.

Out of all the things I'd miss I think I'd miss our pistachio ice cream the most.
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No. 35210
>>35206
It's blocked, drugs and child porn is banned as well but you aren't going to tell me it's impossible to get them, are you? Even normies know how to use VPN now.
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No. 35219
>>35207
I wouldn't put much faith in Europe. The terminal decline here is going on there, just at a slower pace.

Options I would consider:
Latin America (Ecuador or Chile mainly). Depending on country, there's stability to the point of constricting stasis. Which sucks if you're native and poor, but means that if you arrive with good money by local standards, you can expect things to more or less go the same way for the rest of your life.

India. Politically stable if you aren't a Muslim, good healthcare if you have Western levels of money, plenty of enclaves of safety. In coming years, internet, AC, and permanent power without outages will be more and more common across the country. Mostly I suggest it as an example of an up-and-coming, democratic society, which is likely to remain relatively free provided, again, that you aren't a Muslim.
As for specific places, there are some old British hill towns up in the highlands where the climate is an eternal spring, and there won't be constant crowds. If you want peace, quiet, and stability, probably a good place to check out. You also don't need to learn a new language, because you can always find someone who speaks English.

Sri Lanka is good too. Despite recent terrorist attacks, it's generally safe, stable, pluralistic and tolerant. Even if shit hits the fan again with the Tamils, most of the country will remain safe, especially if you aren't from one of the rival ethnic groups. It's a popular expat destination for a reason.

Any country in SE Asia. If you get out of Bangkok, Thailand is stable, relatively free, and not full of peak degeneracy. Malaysia has better economic prospects, but I'd be worried that it will start copying China in the future. The Philippines can also be pretty good for an expat, and if you are the Christian Ernst, it's Christian. Baguio is a sizable city in the mountains, with a temperate highland climate, and a long history as a livable expat center.
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No. 35224
>>35219
These things you're talking about obviously don't count unless you're already at least middle class, not a working person who can't even afford or it's a problem trying to afford leaving the country to begin with.

As an aside, one of the worst things I've noticed is how blithely people born into the upper echelons of society ignore or are totally oblivious to the problems of the class below them. I can't even imagine how oblivious to the problems of the middle class an oligarch would be in this country.
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No. 35225
>>35207
You could work on a ship to pay your passage, like what people would have done previously.
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No. 35227
>>35224
For Chile yes, but for India, not necessarily. The cost of living there is ridiculously low, as is the cost of medical care. Like, a few hundred dollars a month to get by, depending on city. If you can save a few thousand a year, a few years may be enough to get settled.

There's also still a few countries where you can teach English with just a high school diploma.
https://www.internationalteflacademy.com/blog/bid/74176/no-degree-no-problem-the-6-best-countries-to-teach-english-without-a-college-degree

You can get a TEFL certification for 1500 to a few thousand dollars (depending on the quality... for places like Cambodia, an even cheaper online-only one might work), and then you have a free pass into a lot of foreign countries and a guaranteed job. I know that's a lot if you can only save a few hundred a month, but if you just want to get the fuck out of here ASAP, that's your best bet, because you don't need savings to support yourself on for years to come.

Hell, a photoshopped fabricated certificate would probably get you into some countries if you're really desperate.
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No. 35228
>>35225
This isn't possible anymore. Trust me, I've looked it up.
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No. 35229
I should stop consuming sugar.
I was tempted again today and ate some cookies with milk.
Now I'm so sleepy I can barely keep my eyes open. Sugar crash is real.
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No. 35230
196 kB, 900 × 900
20 kB, 644 × 219
>I suffer on the temperate climate zone
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No. 35233
Had a small cup of Russian vodka yesterday. Damn, we don't know how to make vodka here. It was really good. Warmed the throat, had a slight alcoholic aftertaste, but otherwise nothing. Just like how it should taste.
Though "sadly" this takes off the sake from the bargaining table for Christmas. Not like it matters.

Already figured out which book to as for. They published a new edition of The Epic of Manas a few years ago, and it's something that's interesting, because it's from Central Asia and written by a nomadic group of horse riding people, but I wouldn't necessarily sacrifice any money myself to get a copy of.

I finally was able to break some ice yesterday. I read a short story by Ryunosuke Akutagawa. He is one of those authors I keep finding myself coming back to for some reason.
Whenever I can't concentrate for a few days and I'm desperate and ready for bed, I stay up for some reason and subconsciously pull down a volume of his from the shelf, crack it open, and read a random short story. No idea why.

>>35230
>Brisbane
I wanted to move there when I was 14. Is it arid or humid right now?
If it's humid, then it can't be that bad. Problems start when the air is like in a jungle. Heavy, wet and warm.
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No. 35235
>>35233
>Russian vodka
Yeah, I'm pretty sure there is a vast difference between exported Russian vodka and Russian vodka for local consumption. Back in my uni days I had the pleasure of drinking vodkas with an exquisite fragrance of paint thinner and a subtle aftertaste of old rubber, and in the morning after the degustation I had no stronger desire than to cuddle with a toilet bowl. The best vodka I ever drunk was Finnish (Saaimaa — there oughtta be some umlauts over letters there, but I can't be arsed to put them), but it wasn't much better than decent local vodkas while being two times more expensive — for that price I could buy some okayish whiskey, and whiskey is superior to vodka, IMO. There are two signs of a good vodka: 1) it shouldn't be disgusting when you drink it; 2) it shouldn't give you a hellish hangover. That's it. Self-proclaimed sommeliers who claim to be able to differ the nuances of the taste of vodka are full of shit.
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No. 35236
>>35233
Manas is ebin. Not my favourite of the epic heroes (I'm partial to Alpamys for the rad as hell ending) but breddy cool. Tbh though, I'd rate The Book of Words (Qara Sózderi) as the more interesting work of Turkic literature.

Also, why would you want to move here? Brisbane is a shithole that I came to because moving out at 18 limited my options regarding affordability (I could rent a room from my gran for less than I could rent a room from a real landlord). It's designed poorly, public transport is shit and expensive, private vehicle ownership is expensive, you actually have to travel in to town for a lot of things instead of everything being spread out and the climate is literally cancer-inducing.

Make your own mind up as to whether this seems pleasant.

http://www.bom.gov.au/places/qld/brisbane/observations/brisbane/

At the time of posting, it's 1:30AM, 81% humidity, for a 'feels like' temperature of 27.4 degrees celsius. The hottest point yesterday was around 1PM and got to 38.6 degrees celsius.
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No. 35238
>>35235
>vodkas with an exquisite fragrance of paint thinner and a subtle aftertaste of old rubber
Well, that's what most people think vodka is.
How sad the world is, really, that most people know good things through their most shallow incarnations.

>1) it shouldn't be disgusting when you drink it; 2) it shouldn't give you a hellish hangover
Exactly the conclusion I was trying to reach but was too autistic to put into words.
Is there even a market for "luxury" vodka? To me it always seemed like vodka was a drink for alcoholics or people who just simply despise the taste of other alcoholic drinks.
No self important bearded tosser would go around rating high-end vodkas like they do it with wine. (Right?)

>>35236
>Also, why would you want to move here?
At the time Australia seemed to me like this magical far-away wonderland with a high living standard. Not to mention it's an Anglo nation, and I speak English.
Why Brisbane? I don't really know. I just looked at a map, saw that it's a major city but far away from other major cities and I thought it could be nice.
TL;DR The whole plan had no basis in reality
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No. 35239
3,5 MB, 1280 × 720, 0:32
>>35230
>Smoke Haze
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No. 35240
>>35236
>Manas is ebin. Not my favourite of the epic heroes (I'm partial to Alpamys for the rad as hell ending) but breddy cool. Tbh though, I'd rate The Book of Words (Qara Sózderi) as the more interesting work of Turkic literature.
Noted btw. Valuable information.
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No. 35241
I'm not sure if taking this job was a good idea, if I should have just gotten into unable-to-work-retirement. Good thing is I get to be close to my aging parents (and get paid), bad thing is I'm stressed and fall dead into bed every night.
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No. 35242
>>35238
Actually vodka really and truly is the drink of choice for alcogolics. Why? Because usually it doesn't actually give you a hangover, at least most of the time. You can drink a bottle of it and wake up the next day and go to work half drunk but otherwise feeling pretty fine. I've had many a morning where I woke up and for once felt like it was a beautiful day which I never do because I absolutely hate mornings. Plus it doesnt actually taste that bad usually, not even most of the bottom shelf stuff, whereas all the rest of them do and they do give you massive hangovers with the sole exception of brandy and courvoisier but man am I glad that I don't drink anymore.
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No. 35244
>>35242
It's pretty obvious that you never drank crappy vodka. Also, alcoholics here usually deal with the hangover by "fight fire with fire" method: whenever they feel bad, they just drink some more.

>am I glad that I don't drink anymore
I can say without any irony or sarcasm: good for you. Alcoholism is fucking retarded.
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No. 35258
>>35238
>At the time Australia seemed to me like this magical far-away wonderland with a high living standard. Not to mention it's an Anglo nation, and I speak English.
New Zealand is pretty much this, though my impressions are naturally colored by the dystopian country I was visiting from.

When the rest of the world is burning, the Kiwis will be chilling out wondering why there are so few Chinese and American tourists these days.
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No. 35259
>>35207
>this time I'll be taking the same route back to Europe as they did away from it. I have no faith in this country at all at this point and quite frankly I cannot even imagine any real reason to stay
I'm sorry but this is just too much. I have difficulty seeing this as a anything but a self-hating muh heritaging American whining about living in the first world.
I do know a guy who moved to Ireland because of his heritage (and because of a LDR). He also still has some family there.
There is also this girl. She is an American that moved to Germany because of muh heritage:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fh2r44rzLpc
I think she integrated rather well as I wasn't able to tell that she wasn't a native german until she said she was American.
Maybe a native german would be able to tell though.

I doubt going to Europe will truly fix your problems.
If you don't have real familial ties to the country and do not know the language, it would be idiotic to move.
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No. 35260
>>35258
Dunno if it changed since, but when I lived there, the country had a very sharp line between doing okay and poverty. They had a lot of issues with low wages and high cost of living thanks to having to import so much.
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No. 35261
>>35244
I drank plenty of crappy vodka before too. There is a strong difference between rotgut and normal bottom shelf vodka like Popov or whatever. There also are indeed different grades of vodka and personally I think Grey Goose is pretty shit and not far from bottom shelf. I did however have some vodkas that were like drinking ice water. Like Kru. That was a good vodka.
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No. 35265 Kontra
>>35259
>Maybe a native german would be able to tell though.

Her accent can't be overheard, tho she is defintely fluent and it's not broken German I've seen Americans living in Germany on Youtube once when I was bored and most of them really got into trouble just pronouncing single words from the few seconds I took a listen.
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No. 35266 Kontra
>>35259
It has nothing at all to do with muh hurritage. I'd be a total alien there and the only reason they wouldnt be 100% alien to me is murican cultural imperialism. It doesn't have anything to do with self hate either. I love myself and I love my Constitution and freedom. The problem is a majority of America doesn't and they're as much alien to me at this point as any European would be. The difference is I at least would finally be able to escape from this dystopian shithole.
>would be better
It quantifiably would be in many other countries. I read something interesting about how many people escaping from sick cultures can become normalized again and that it is difficult not to succumb to warped group and cultural norms for most people so basically you remove the individual from the sick society you cure the individual. I can't find it right now but hopefully I'll find the article later.
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No. 35278
>>35242
Most alcoholics like it because it has a good price-to-alcohol ratio, and is odourless.
You can suck a cup dry, and then kiss somebody after, they wouldn't know you had any alcohol.
Most alcoholics here do what the Belarusernst said. They double down on their drinking to postpone the hangover indefinitely, whether it be through drinking that last few sips of beer from the bottom of the cans from yesterday night's drinking, or by simply going to the store and buying a small bottle of "Flavoured Alcoholic Drink* and chugging it down before work.
A lot of shops have those tiny, empty bottles lying about every morning. City slang calls them "Rockets" or "Workman's Grenade".
I guess what I was on about is that I don't recall an alcoholic ever giving a shit about hangover. By the time they reach the point of no return, they aren't going to care anyway. That's why they don't drink anything resembling a proper alcoholic drink any more, just fake-brandies that are nothing but flavoured ethanol.
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No. 35279
13 kB, 297 × 297
I quite enjoy my life but Christmas frightens me. I may have developed a Christmas phobia and I'm not joking, it's a real phobia, I can't stand it. I usually go on vacations from the 23rd of December to the 5th of January but my wife forced me to spend christmas and N Year's Eve with her family last year and it would be an understatement to say I am not comfy with doing this again
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No. 35305
Today was good. Read a few pages about Elizabethan theatre and also took some notes.

I had a coffee and listened to a few John Coltrane albums while reading.
After finishing reading, I started having feverish daydreams about learning ancient Greek again, and it's killing me.
Though I recently realised, that even I were born a hundred years earlier, I still wouldn't know Greek or Latin, because I would have been a peasant living in Southern Hungary speaking either German or Hungarian. (Maybe both.)
I want everything. I want to learn Chinese too. My remaining two life goals. To learn Chinese and ancient Greek.
You know what, I'm going to practice German today. I'll read a Kafka short story and look up every single word I don't know.
Holy shit I'm mad. That coffee made my fucking blood boil. I have no reaction image that'd express the kind of anger I'm feeling.