/int/ – No shittings during wörktime
„There is no place like home“

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No. 35943 Systemkontra
157 kB, 1066 × 1600
Making steps day in and day out
No. 35944

Sounds like channels are like TV shows, they just stop at one moment, getting replaced by other channels, attention is displaced elsewhere. Kinda weird to think there are people making content and then it vanishes.

>I was a successful Youtuber once


This video was quoted by a content provider many years ago, I forgot his name, but I wonder if he is still around.
No. 35945
Apparently, I've been eating chicken meat for so long that my stomach can't handle red meat any more. Even though red meat is like staple kazakh food and chicken is seen as inferior meat for poor people.
I ate some really fatty beef and stew, and I'm having sulphur burps and diarrhea.
No. 35946
It's not even that they just suddenly disappeared. Most of them left behind at least a goodbye video or a series of goodbye videos recounting the best moments of their youtuber career.
Usually it's related to them growing up and focusing on family and work, which I can respect.
(There aren't many "professional" youtubers in this country. The market is simply too small. Maybe 5-6 people live off youtube revenue and sponsorships.)

One of them had their channel hacked, and he stopped after that. (Though he was generous enough to reupload almost every video he ever made, albeit in an unorganised manner and with shorter titles, so it's generally impossible to find anything on his archive channel, and the only reason I understand half the videos is because I was there and know the in-jokes.)
No. 35948
I haven't eaten meat in many years at this point so I have no clue what would happen. I do know that the smell of most meats, raw or cooked, is absolutely stomach churning disgusting to me at this point. It's really weird but it just smells disgusting. Bacon, raw chicken, cooked burger, cooked sausage, all these smell completely revolting to me now. Oddly enough though I found some plant based sausage and roasted chicken which taste and feel pretty much like I remember it but without smell disgusting.
No. 35949
You can smell the barn when frying minced beef, at least my impression and I guess many people would agree. As somebody who does not eat meat anymore, it is understandable especially with ethical reasons

I thought you also meant US-based, or at least English speaking channels as well. I wonder how many channels exist where the audience disappeared slowly, which seems not the case with yours. The channel I refer to with the video was a "comedy" channel, I think he commented on other videos, the guy looked a bit like J.D. from Scrubs. I did a research now and it's probably Ray William Johnson. He quit Youtube a year ago as it looks like but he has a live show now as far as I can see.
No. 35950
My family basically exists because of the meat industry. I am fairly accustomed to it and the smells dont really bother me. That smell of bleach mixed with stale blood actually reminds me of my mum in a good way if anything :-DDD
No. 35951
Is Christmas notable in world economy where everything is constantly flowing? I mean most parts of the West + other Christian country have Christmas holidays. I recall reading an article where non-christians said it is.
No. 35952
I wasn't exactly a master of English back then.
The only English language channel I watched was the Angry Video Game Nerd, but that one is still going strong, I just don't watch it any more.
Truth be told, he's a big reason why I speak English so "well" today.
It was during one of his videos that it all clicked and after that, I never needed any subtitles for anything. Don't know which video, but in retrospect it was a cataclysmic event.

Hungarian channels usually run out of steam because of family matters or work. Usually both. The audience is still there, and is very sad whenever an old channel announces they'll stop making videos. (Not content, VIDEOS)
They beg in the comments "even if you put out only one video a year, I'd still watch you!", to no avail.

Basically this whole retro-review/random obscure game review genre died out during this decade almost completely.
It started in the 2000s when a guy decided to start a series reviewing bad PC games, and his influence spawned a bunch of channels doing reviews on a range of gaming subject, though his series (Dubbed The Bad PC Games Series, yes we're that small that you can reserve a generic name like that for yourself) remained the most popular until he announced the end of it's end in the early 2010s. (2012 if I remember correctly.)

We used to quite his videos at school. It was a phenomenon, but a good natured one. Nobody made any money, it was innocent.
A fucking bona fide classic. It was in its own league.
I still re-watch episodes from time to time, and while some of the episodes suffer from monotone narration and sometimes awkward timing with jokes, the mid to late ones still hold up pretty well.

But later gameplay-commentary and walktroughs took over thanks to Pewdiepie's influence probably.
Personally I haven't really followed this "new generation" of Hungarian youtubers, since by the time they came around I spoke English well enough that I wasn't relying on Hungarian channels for reviews and shit. (Anything for that matter. From 2014 to 2016 I basically did everything besides IRL communication in English. Stopped doing that when I started forgetting expressions and words in Hungarian somehow. The wake-up call was when I couldn't remember how you say Forklift and I bumbled like a retard saying "you know, that warehouse machine with the metal bars.")

Looking at what my sister watches, they're pretty cringe copies of what western youtubers do, with a 3-4 week delay.
(I'm not saying what I used to watch was high culture, it wasn't but it at least had to be edited instead of just being shat onto the internet.)

And of course apparently the Hungarian Minecraft scene never died apparently. (Probably because the American-pedophile controversy didn't have any implications for the Hungarian youtuber community)
Those fucking guys had a +1 hour long IRL screening of a Minecraft machinima they made on multiple occasions.
They had their own action figures and merch too.

I thought Kazakhstan was a lamb-eating country. At least that's what my father told me about the local cuisine. "Lamb, lamb as far as the eye can see, son"
"You drive down the steppe? Tribesmen share their lamb with you!"
No. 35953
I blame the higher fat content. Low-flying geese are still following me from the fatty pork I had on Saturday :-DDD

I've always found vegetarian sausages that imitate meet to taste more like sausage than sausage. Like they've found some higher level of sausage-ness.

Depends on what you mean, certainly enough money flows around and China is busy a few months beforehand making shit people don't need. The idea of flowing is a weird one though, London is quiet today like a Sunday and most people aren't working until the new year.
No. 35954
My heart has been absolutely pounding all day and I don't know why. I'm positive I took my blood pressure meds.
No. 35961
>The idea of flowing is a weird one though, London is quiet today like a Sunday and most people aren't working until the new year.

That's what I mean, many people are not working, so what is the influence on world economy? China is producing a lot of stuff and retailers in the West have peak business, but the days after is what I'm interested in. Do traders etc. in finance e.g work over Christmas?

It is probably the same for Germany, many things get copied from US channels and what not. But I'm glad at times. Lately I had German reviews for small ultrabooks that are not bought but quite "in-depth"
No. 35963
1,8 MB, 1200 × 1644
I think I just experiences a ten hour long feverdream. I’m so sad that I don’t remember anything besides how it was long and suffering.
Must’ve been epic. Yes, it definitely had epic qualities in it too.

My nose isn’t running any more, but my ears are ringing, and it feels like as if someone stuffed a giant cotton ball up my nose right until it reached my brain.

Merry Christmas guys! Gonna post my favourite Christmas comic for the occassion.
No. 35968
>The first decade look backs are being released it seems.
I don't associate this with the passage of a decade because I never felt like 2010 was the start of a decade. I think that's simply because of the fact that the numbers go ten-eleven-twelve instead of twenty-twentyone-twentytwo.... Moreover, I've undergone so much mental development in that period that I don't feel as if I've lived the full decade in full consciousness as an adult, which is what you need to do a proper retrospective. Doing one in 2010 would have felt just as ridiculous to me.

It feels like our current decade really started in ~2013, which is also when all this recent SJW and alt-right nonsense started exploding. However, it does feel like the 2000-2020 period was a cohesive whole, the long entry to the new century. 9/11 ended the naive bliss of the 1990s end-of-history reich, and the 2008 financial crisis, the rise of ISIS, and Trump's election kept putting nails into the coffin. History has been coming back in full force since 2000. God help us all.
No. 35982
You are right, decades are the worst to measure, it's just an easy frame. Historians love weird periodization: 2013-2025 would be one, depending on the object of interest. Even better than. I would say the 2000s definitely loom into the 2010s, smartphones as constitutive for a ubiquitous techno-communication environment. We have the internet and wireless dreams before that but it's the start. And rightly, the /pol/itics and left liberals was coming to fuller bloom only later in this decade, the web 2.0 can 4chan be counted as a weird outcast inside that "phenomenon"? in the 2000s as a formative years? But it might be too early to say we already left behind formative years tbh.

> I've undergone so much mental development in that period that I don't feel as if I've lived the full decade in full consciousness as an adult, which is what you need to do a proper retrospective.

I think that doesn't stop. Although the difference between 18 and 28 might be huge, perhaps it's not so different from 38 and 48, even as an adult you will change quite a bit within ten years. Also it sometimes feels like nothing ever happens.

I still was in school, when the decade began, but these are usually the years, despite huge inner developments, that you take notice of the world as a messy place, you perhaps read the news more often, get interested in things, asking more questions. I mean I can remember having an teenage awareness for dialectics with 17. Yet ofc my opinions weren't every "deep". You think as a child or teen and take notice of your surroundings, of wars in TV etc. let's say as young adult old ib farts will debate this term you get more aware, meta observation and another level of observation in general.
No. 35985
I had another terrible fever dream. This time I was in a small basement office where a woman was grading my writing and telling me why she won't publish them. Turns out, in my dream I accidentally printed it on the back of a literature-test, and that killed it.
I was about to go on a lengthy rant to explain myself, but then some old woman entered the office from outside and then started talking to the publisher, and it was all over from there.

Yesterday we opened a bottle of raspberry wine. Couldn't feel the taste of it because my nose was constantly running.
Honestly, Christmas doesn't feel that special any more for some reason.

My maternal grandmother is arriving today to join the celebration, but otherwise my mother explicitly stated that she doesn't plan on visiting any of our relatives without explicit invitation, which I can totally understand.
No. 35986
382 kB, 666 × 864
>I accidentally printed it on the back of a literature-test
Our sleeping minds can really come up with some weird stuff :D. Everything else is normal, but then one detail is out of place and the whole situation becomes surreal.

I love the quiet streets on a Holiday. I was out along our main boulevard and it was so peaceful that I was tempted to walk in the empty lanes. One or two cars would pass in any given minute, which is a far cry from the eight lane bumper-to-bumper traffic that I normally see. Sunday mornings are usually nice, too, but even then there is a steady stream of weekend commuters, church goers, and shoppers. But not today. Only Thanksgiving and Easter can match this feeling of beautful solitude. Now that I think of it, I didn't pass another pedestrian either. Not even anyone out walking their dogs.

Merry Christmas, Ernst.
No. 35987
There wasnt really left liberals at all these last few decades. A lot of even older liberals looked on in horror not knowing what to make of these people and their constant identity politics crap was more in the sense of very pro-Capitalist types. These are the sorts of people who make Adventure Capitalist phoneshit games while bitching about tranny nonsense. Likewise the right seems to have largely abandoned anything but the thinnest pretense of Christianity, morality, purity etc. in that time.

But speaking of phoneshit I would say that the 2010s were more distinct in that you had a massive shift from every single idiot in the West and even elsewhere having these shitty phones and being online all the time. This is what killed 4cancer along with everything, leading to a massive demographic shift of literal boomers replacing everyone else on there. The general attitudes of places like /pol/ are identical to what the sort of Obama=Osama bumper sticker while listening to Rush Limbaugh in the morning boomer held, complete with ending the decade in the arch boomer being POTUS.

I would actually say that while 2001 marked the official end of the 90s period that there was still a sort of difference between the two decades because 2000s still had a youth culture even though it was super shitty. Like, every single culture mutating into something terrible shitty. But it was the 2010s that held the first period of there basically not even being a youth culture for the first time. The closest thing I can think of is pol and that's basically just a ton of boomers mixing in with and hijacking the chan culture and perverting it into boomer central, and chan culture itself was one of the last lights of a youth culture anywhere in the 2010s. I feel like this is the first time we haven't had a distinct youth culture since the 19th century.
No. 35998
Is the depressive nihilism, xanax trap etc. not a new youth culture? Think of the memes that float around facebook and twitter, you cannot just wash it off, its their expression. Consumption of the bad in a system that forces people to consume. Destroy yourself in a system that destroys you anyway. Being a good drone is not the aim here, just like in every other youth culture.
I'm still not sure what does it mean, what is the consequence that we, nonetheless, do not have the classic pattern of emerging youth cultures like in the postwar decades? Idealism gone? Perhaps a damage was done, but there do exist many teens and young adults with idealism. We first might split it in two strings: depressive-nihilism and eco-identity lefts/imagebaord born internet poltards. The the depressive nihilism might be featured as a condition even for the idealists and politized once.
What is the shift that lead to a different constitution of youth than perhaps a few decades back where it seemed like there were distinct youth cultures emerging every other decade?
No. 35999
4chan didn't die because of boomers, it died because of the next generation of edgy teenagers arriving, and because the first generation were starting to grow up without maturing.

I started posting on KC in about 2010-2011, and it was more or less a direct continuation of the old imageboard ethos - with a general liberal bent, but contemptuous of any kind of pious liberal puritanism. There were a few nazis, but they were <10% of the board's population, and told to fuck off back to stormfront if they got too vocal. That was more than on 4chan, to the extent I was aware of it, because retards saw the Wehrmacht cat mascot on KC and thought they had found a home for the white race.

Then a few years later it all started going downhill. I forget where I saw it, but someone looked at the search traffic history for a lot of terms related to critical race theory, and there's an exponential increase in all of that shit that starts specifically in 2013. I don't know why it exploded then, but that is also about the same time that I noticed nazis on KC and 4chan getting bolder and more common. My own theory for the alt-right explosion is as follows:

  1. A significant % of the imageboard population are a) losers, b) failures with women, c) white, d) instinctively opposed to mainstream pious liberalism, e) so isolated from mainstream society that conventional social pressures and taboos have no effect on them. Of course, almost all are men.
  2. As these guys get older, they get more and more bitter over their social failures, especially with women. This gradually turns into outright misogyny and a very deep contempt for mainstream liberalism, which exalts women while letting people shit on loser virgin white men as the last acceptable punching bag.
  3. At some point, actual nazis start appearing on /new/ and /pol/. In normal society, these voices are immediately shut down, but you can't be banned on 4chan for anything but CP, and the main demographic of 4chan is isolated from mainstream social networks and conditioning. You could also not think of a demographic more primed to accept bydlo reactionary politics - they hate women, are already used to calling people niggers and faggots on a daily base, instinctively hate liberal society, are extremely insecure, and entering the stage of their life where men start looking for a cause to fight for.
And here come guys telling them that by right of being white and male, they have a birthright to rule over women and the entire world. They are the chosen ones, the masters of creation, and their disenfranchisement is a stain upon the natural order of the universe - just as they always suspected.
4. This ideology gradually becomes the orthodoxy on /pol/, because people who don't eat shit quickly abandon it as a worthless nazi shithole. But the newborn race warriors are filled with a newfound sense of confidence, and so they start taking their shit to other boards and other websites entirely, and don't shut up when we tell them to fuck off back to stormfront. Non-shit-eaters begin leaving boards and sub-boards as the percentage of nazis grows.
5. The 2016 election causes /pol/ to explode, and a whole new generation of edgy teenage retards flock to 4chan, typically through /pol/, a link to which now appears next to the main site if you just google "4chan". They immediately adopt the /pol/tard ethos, even if for most it runs no deeper as an ideology than the vague anarcho-libertarianism of 2003 4chan did among its users. But a sizable minority become dedicated nazis, and the rest at least remain open to it, because it's been normalized in their main home on the internet.
No. 36000
We have youth culture today. It's /pol/shit on one side, and SJW shit on the other. It just doesn't look that way because the two older generations have been conditioned to worship youth culture instead of oppose it, so you have a bunch of literal boomers and genXers parroting whatever tumblr and Oberlin's gender studies department shit out. Instead of getting cranky towards the kids these days, a large part of them get cranky at the people who oppose the kids these days.
No. 36002
I think I'm having another manic episode. It's about Ancient Greek again. Found a book titled "Selections from Homer's Iliad in Greek and Hungarian - For High School Use". Seems like a handy little book, even if it's FUCKING 90 YEARS OLD.
And as it turns out, the textbook I found in the school library isn't really that bad. The the way it teaches grammar seems absolutely ass, but it actually has a lot of text WITH wordlists. (Which seems really useful, since I don't have a dictionary. The only modern one I found is out of print and pretty expensive used. Around 45 euros. The cheaper one is a reprint of a late 19th century one, which I saw at the school library, and it's a slog to use.)

I've read a bit of Mihály Babits's autobiography. He described his time as a teacher in a small town in Transylvania between 1909-1912.
>Since I had abundant time at hand, I decided to kill it by learning Greek
It feels really motivating. You just have to find the perfect opportunity to get anything done. He was 25 at the time. It feels like the stars have aligned, so I have the same goal. By 2025, I'll know two more languages.

Yesterday I had this linguistic bruh moment looking at the lid of this thumbnail sided container of tiger balm.
It stated "外用", and I was wondering, why does it say "Death use". After a few minutes I realized that it wasn't "死用" (siyong) and literally meant "(for)outside application" instead.

The Manas book is more ebin than I initially thought. I'm gonna make a post about in the literature thread. It seems like it was a prestige project for the establishment, based on the list of donors and supporters.

I don't know. Maybe I'll finally watch Mind Game tonight. The animation in the first few minutes looked like it was my jam. That, or I'll read. Probably neither because I'm an underachieving bitch who can't get anything done.

What the fuck am I on about here?
There is no youth culture because with the internet we've finally reached the point where they can monetize everything almost instantly, not to mention that our channels of communication are also monitored and centralised.
Even if we were to develop a new "youth culture", it'd be robbed of any genuine thought or feeling within months thanks to the internet.
We know that the system is stupid and cringe, but it's not like we have a choice, we're outnumbered, out-financed and outgunned. It's not like in 1917, 1956 or 1968. The demographic tree is collapsing, and we'll be the ones who'll have to bear this collapse, and even if we're conscious of it and we were to do something about it, what then? The boomers don't give a shit, they'll be dead in 10-15 years tops, the generation of our parents either don't want to believe it or believe it and ignore it, and the elite is happy with the system as it is.
So, what is there to do? Nothing. Most just do the bare minimum to exist in the system as is now, because we've learnt that change is impossible to achieve, and any form of "serious rebellion" will only lead to repercussions of the individual, in essence, martyrdom becomes impossible.
We know it could be better, we just don't know how, and the system itself is presented as "self evident" and "the only way".
Take for example a discussion I had about paperwork at once. I told someone that they are essentially accomplishing nothing by sending a letter out, and it's just an alibi to make themselves feel guilt-free, to be able to say "I did everything", and the answer: "But that's the standard procedure", and they know no other procedure. There is nothing outside the box for most people.

There is also the fact that because the internet has penetrated everything, it's no easier to just simply get yourself a pre-built identity. Just go out and buy one. Will you be an "epic gamer" or a "le booknerd"? If le epic gamer then what kind? And so on.
Everything is instantly assimilated, and thinking up new things feels kind of pointless because you know that some fuck in a suit will wrestle it out of your hand and take full advantage of it.
And I suppose this is why people escaped to things like inceldom and /pol/tardry. You can't turn the killing of people into a profitable venture in a consumer society.

There is nothing outside the box
Trying to get outside the box leads to you getting punished
Inside the box you're discouraged to get artsy and feely and only encouraged to "produce", but you're not really producing anything. That's done by actual workers in Asia.

Get a viable degree
Quit dreaming
Grow up

Look at this fucking shit. I've been reading about China for years, and then Pewdiepie makes one video talking about China and suddenly everyone is a fucking expert everywhere.
Every subject is drowned out by the flood of mass/last men, who are "just happy to be there" and don't really want to interact with any subject in a meaningful way, and is just there only for as long as he is, because it serves his vanity.
Every topic is ruined by Milquetoast retards who'll call you a "tryhard" for actually taking anything in life seriously.
>Bruh you have autism or what bruh
The second the masses touch anything, it becomes a bloated meaningless mess where the true meaning becomes hard to find and incredibly small in comparison.

The new perspective that The personal is political adds a whole new layer of cancer to our everyday existence. No, I don't care if a book is based and redpilled just like how I don't care if it was written by a disabled transnigger's perspective. I'll read it if it's fucking good.
If you're going to tinker with the Western Canon, then replace everything with works as worthy as the ones they're replacing.
Nobody cares about mundane drivel that centres around a characters racial/gender identity. Tell me about the human condition.
People don't read Dostoevsky or Pushkin because of their race, but because they wrote good books and poems.

Marx, Nietzsche, Lenin and Fisher made a diagnosis, but all of them either failed to find a cure, or they failed to apply it.

>But Ernst do you want to live in an ivory tower then?
No. 36005
If there is a new and truly legitimate youth culture then it's only even just barely started. I'm not even sure what "xanax trap" is supposed to be except Billy Eilish making one song about Xanax. That's literally not culture. You might as well say someone making one song about cocaine is an example of a new culture. Like I said before their actual youth culture is completely nonexistent and the last one I can even think of existing was that hideously cringey emo bullshit and chan culture, which like I said had been completely obliterated by basically Fox news retards. When what you have on 4kanker is identical to Fox that's not a youth culture. The closest approximation may be something happening in some shitty corner of the internet like discords and twitches but for one thing do we even really see any new music coming out? I mean this in all seriousness because I've seen barely anything new and it just feels like music in general has been pretty much dead since the late 00s/early 10s. The closest approximation to Eilish is I think all the witch house and horrorcore sort of scene that was on soundcloud but I've yet to see that turning into anything remotely like a new culture.

It could also just be that it's because of the exact same reason that the internet has been totally destroyed: NSA phones and NSAbook. With everybody wired and the same cringey boomers shitposting on shitbook, Twitter I mean literally Trump is the epitome of these kinds of angry retarded and easily confused boomers shitposting on the internet and him making himself synonymous with twitter is an oddly poignant commentary on what truly happened and even instagram along with doing it from their pocket computers has pretty much erased any distinctions we had generationally in a sense.

What I actually honestly suspect at this point is that the next wave of glorious young rebels is going to be people tuning off and dropping out of this eShit altogether and forming things IRL instead.

Actually what I would honestly say and predict is that in a certain sense Greta Thurnberg is going to end up being the true oldfag of this new wave. I'm not even joking or trying to be ironic. That is legitimately what I suspect is going to happen is that a whole swath of the next generation who are kids now are going to just be totally turned off by the utterly toxic and moronic culture of their boomer populated servers and just start hanging out in nature and doing things that are a rejection of the digital and modern world, and if they do I salute them for it because frankly I'm tired of it as well as are many others but I'm too old and cranky now. I mean, if you're a kid these days then there's no escaping The Man online, nor escaping anyone who annoys you, nor truly having that freedom from the State or the Corporation in any regard, nor especially from your own parents and grandparents, so the next most obvious thing is just avoiding the internet entirely. I'm thinking that they're probably going to end up doing a lot of things like Burning Man and whatever the next iteration of the underground club scene and raves happens to be.

This of course is assuming that the long arm of not just the distant State itself and the Corporations who own it but also the ever increasingly despotic and totalitarian school system itself doesn't manage to have a firmer stranglehold on children, which it totally seems to. I mean hell just this month there was some scandal where the school installed hidden cameras in kid's hotel rooms while they were on a field trip. That kind of absolutely dystopian, Orwellian kind of bullshit isn't going away and I suspect it's going to start making more and more kids almost Ted Kaczynski level of sympathetic to anti-industrial and anti-digital sort of sentiments, considering that the last generation pretty much had old people griping about how the internet is a dangerous hate machine that should be regulated. Well now it's totally owned and regulated and probably more and more of the time there's going to be massive pressure both officially and through non-direct coercion forcing you online and telling kids to be online which thankfully they should be rebelling against and probably trying to form their own distinct subculture apart from that.

It is the nature of things that what once was outside on the edges eventually makes it's way to the center, and every generation that new center becomes the thing it hates while a new generation rightfully finds it loathsome and takes to the fringes again. The one thing though is keep in mind I have an unfortunately very American perspective and so I cannot extrapolate too much regarding Europe/Eurasia, or particularly not East Asia which sadly is going to come to dominate things for awhile.
No. 36006
>string refused
JlOJl schto?
No. 36007 Kontra
How can you possibly spend 1 Trillion over your budget?
A billion I can understand. Heck, even two billion, but apparently it's a Hundred Trillion Dollars. A million times million dollars, 10^12. So where's the fucking money?
It sure as hell ain't in the fuckin' infrastructure or the fuckin' welfare system, so WHERE IS IT?
And that's just one year's budget. How can you spend that much every year without having anything to show for it? The new jet fighter can't even get off the fucking ground!

I remember reading a story once about how a federal agency simply "lost" a suitcase with 1 million dollars in it. How can you fucking lose a million dollars?
No. 36008
>racial/gender identity. Tell me about the human condition.

The one does not exclude the other, just saying. The problem is the obsession as hype. The personal is political turns the political into an everyday thing. Kinda radical at first it outwears itself as banal. When the personal is political, everything can become political. The possibility to heat up over everything.

An interesting rant, I guess I would have made some objections but I'm quite tired tight now. The missing imagination, the impossibility to vision a better tomorrow, or something to work for or whatever you wanna call it, is wide spread but not absolute.
You have the old visions, the reenactment or at least preservation or intensification on the pol spectrum of (strict) hierarchy concerning class, race and gender.
The left got very good at critique but they mostly don't know shit about envisioning a different future that includes a new economy, a new model for an economy. Many want a global society, that overcomes the hierarchical structure we have.
But they hardly deal with an economic model that accompanies this change. What this looks like is liberal leftism: people that go d'accord with capitalism while rebel about an order that capitalism is able to work with quite well. Ofc you can capitalize on that movement. And Black Capitalism or imagine Europeans as black people who went out to dominate the world would still be capitalism. So working on just one of the two pillars of hierarchy and economic system will not work well.
No. 36009
I meant to write "author" instead of "character".
>The missing imagination, the impossibility to vision a better tomorrow, or something to work for or whatever you wanna call it, is wide spread but not absolute.
Yes, and I like to think that I'm a living testament to that, even if my life goals are a weird hybrid between capitalist productivity and personal fulfilment.

>Kinda radical at first it outwears itself as banal
The problem is that you don't know when it's banal and when someone will take it incredibly seriously. It leads to uncomfortable and dictatorial self-policing in tastes and interests.

Basically we just reiterated what Fisher wrote in Capitalist Realism :D
No. 36010
What is a culture to you then?

Symbols, Signs, certain habits (practices), as a starter. You can post memes that aim to incorporate the absolute commercialization of existence, the meaningless consumer existent you have to lead, meta level shit btw if you also include the medium in that while communicating in that medium in facebook post a meme how facebooks kills you and makes a teenager life even more horrible. A youth that seems disillusioned with the world, no more groundings. Some will call your return to nature a romantic and dangerous vision. Other than that it is already capitalized on nature as authentic experience big time. People posting videos of their cave life on Youtube. How can a teen who sees the contradiction in that not laugh out loud and despise the world in which this seems the status quo? numb yourself - pop xanax A Youth culture that does not buy into anything that is presented to them except the absolute pointlessness of it all, the falseness of trueness. Being aware of your shitty situation but not having a clue how to do anything against it. So the state of the world just continues as it is. The radical critique that was done by certain philosophers in the last century has made its mark and fueled nihilism I think, even tho that was not the intention behind that I guess. But what does it mean to be left with nothing else but a iteration of critique? Perhaps we still are branded by Christianity as Georg Simmel stated. We still long for salvation and a point of reference to judge "correctly".
No. 36011
>capitalist productivity

Deleuze and Guattari would perhaps say that productivity is not inherently capitalist but metaphysical. But more important and perhaps inclusive in that statement. You can be productive without being capitalistic. A straw to draw on?

>iteration of Fisher

Somehow yes, but it's not a bad diagnosis but I want to open it or question it a bit. But I've read it long ago, so perhaps re-reading it I would find aspects I overlooked during a first reading and that would make my arguments obsolete, or... perhaps even more pressing.
No. 36012 Kontra
> productivity is not inherently capitalist but metaphysical

more precise: ontological
No. 36014
>You can be productive without being capitalistic.
The problem is that I made the statement while subconsciously using the capitalist framework where productivity means it generates value.
Personally I use a system where I differentiate between what's "societally productive" (the standard capitalist frame of working-studying), what's personally productive (what I Want to do) and leisure (neither of the two.)
The problem with this system is that consumption is missing from it. The thing is, that I don't consider consumption to be useful or to be a form of leisure.
It's just a way to get tools and things I need, and besides books, I hardly ever pay for anything.
No. 36016
I don't think that's entirely what happened. I think that the post-Chanology implosion of 4kanker particularly with the Oprah trolling, youtube porn raids, and finally getting moot in TIME Magazine is what nailed that coffin shut. Fox was already latching onto 4chan for some bizarre reason all the way back in 2007, thus leading to constant raids and mockery of dumbfuck Republican boomers. This included that time Teabaggers started adopting the "we are legion" thing on shitbook and got raided for it. I distinctly remember one of these obnoxious boomers saying "we respect and admire your tactics. We have learned more from you than you know." In retrospect, that was a profoundly ominous and prescient statement.

So what happened was all the oldfags fled vierkanal for ironically enough Reddit to the point it was so smeared in 4cancers shit the entire site was in an uproar about these new refugees, and I say ironically because the much reviled redditors are ironically enough the true heirs to 4chan in a way that poltards never were and never will be. That is partly because poltards hold the central anathema of chans: taking themselves too seriously. They are the lolcows who are perpetually offended at everything and can't even fathom how ridiculous they look.

The poltards themselves are, of the few young ones, probably a bunch of kids who were like 12 back in 2010 when its mainstream exposure became total, and thus too stupid to understand the humor because kids are literal and only know how to take things at face value. They are not, I should add, all men, as those idiot little girl Slenderman stabbers showed, which also at the time showed what I thought which was somehow all the posters seemed like they were genuinely 1w years old--because they now were. These are the people who would be 18 year olds during Trump's election.

Added into that is the fact that now all of Hollywood and Republicans are acutely aware of 4chan because of the nonstop trolling and raids against Republican and celebrity targets. I think that this was the time when all the shitheels who were subscribed to things like Bill O'Reilly started seeing what this damnfangled thing was, and not only started moving there en masse, but also had lots and lots of shills and political operators. I think the greatest irony in that regard is pol is right about shills--because the very people accusing everyone not towing the line of being a shill was in fact a literal paid Republican shill. I remember that boomer Steve Banon directly talking about how he realized after running a gold farming scam in WoW how he could politically weaponize all the "lonely bitter white men on the internet" as you say, which is exactly what he did
So basically all the retarded neocon boomers from Fox, Limbaugh, Breitbart, Drudge and so on realized they could coopt and completely hijack "anon" including Qanon which was another WH operated handle of allegedly the Trump sons and/or Kushner. speaking of Kushner I also to this day find it a great irony and one of the truest testaments to how legitimately stupid poltards are that they got manipulated by hard right Zionist neocons including Breitbart which was founded by Israel and headed by Solov, a Russian Jew, to do the bidding of the most Zionist president possibly in history but whatever

So yes, there was a few pre-2014 who were just stupid kids unable to do anything but take /b/ at face value, but starting in the early 2010s there was a well coordinated campaign to astroturf 4chan to hell and back by a bunch of boomer Republicans, who to this day make up probably a majority of their userbase.
No. 36017
7,6 MB, 40 pages
I feel it's time to repost this Politigram PDF which documents some fringe ideological meme accounts on Instagram led by teenagers as an exhibit for this discussion. I'm a bit too tired but I hope my responses still make some sense.

>What is the shift that lead to a different constitution of youth than perhaps a few decades back where it seemed like there were distinct youth cultures emerging every other decade?
I think there's on the one hand a certain homogenized mass culture through globalization & algorithmical online content, at the same time you can also quite easily find on the internet people from all over the world who share some specific obscure interest.

https://meaningness.com/modes-chart - gives a pretty good overview IMO, you can click through the headings to Subcultures etc. to read in more detail.

That sounds like a solid historical summary. I'd chime in and add that from 2016 on the "alt-right" started converging around certain personalities on Twitter trying to gain more momentum in the real world. This lasted until the Charlottesville incident after which the "alt-right" as a political movement seems to mostly have fallen apart.

I see you're channelling your reading of Fisher, haha. Though I mostly agree, I'm just feeling a bit more optimistic about the future, without being able to identify my reasoning for that atm.

I think you're somewhat right in regards to Thunbergian environmentalism being one of the bigger youth cultural movements, however it really seems quite old-school.
However I doubt the "return to nature" ideology that had gained quite a bit of popularity in different variations such as eco-fascism, "pinetree" twitter etc. is actionable since the conception people have of self-sustained living is heaviliy idealized. In practice it's incredibly hard to "disconnect" from the system - Kaczynski resorted to terrorism for a reason.
>I'm not even sure what "xanax trap" is supposed to be except Billy Eilish making one song about Xanax. That's literally not culture.
You can't discount the sheer influence of Billie Eilish on zoomers, but there's quite a few young artists who are some of the most listened to on Spotify whose music focuses on drug use & anxiety, e.g. XXXtentation, Lil Peep, Juice WRLD. Incidentally they recently all died/were murdered at age ~21, which of course resulted in a perverse increased interest in their music.
Then there's many other musical taste clusters: Fantanocore, K-Pop, lo-fi beats are the most obvious to me right now. But other than that many niche genres, some of which end up being short lived while others keep chucking on and there's lots of music being released on Bandcamp, Soundcloud etc. all the time. But I agree there's no coherent common culture or subcultute in the way you seem to be thinking about it, I'd refer again to the analysis I linked to above.
No. 36018
Capitalist productivity is a falsehood anyway. It's more productive to pay Chinese slave laborer (literally slave laborers https://www.thesun.co.uk/news/10603733/girl-tesco-christmas-cards-note-from-slave-in-china/) overseers pennies to produce the most shoddily made goods possible to be sold at exorbitant inflated prices so even a hammer breaks in a couple months and you have to buy a new one constantly as opposed to being able to use the one your grandfather had to build a chicken coop.

I've thought about this a lot lately and came to realize Consumer Caputalism is quite possibly the most idiotic and destructive ideology ever devised, more destructive and idiotic than Communism even. We're mining the earth out into a broken shell and dumping it into landfills. It's insanity.

And speaking of which I should add, that no the economy isnt growinglike a cancer the way propaganda keeps saying that is and why the Department of Labor is full of shit. See here's the scam, is that you can actually massively reduce the hours of most of your full time employees, and have every company in the area do the same, so that now the vast majority of employees got fucked out of all kinds of benefits and get paid absolutely shit wages. Then the company can just hire a bunch more people to work part time. They can actually reduce the total number of man hours while fucking employees while the official numbers are going to show tons of new jobs being created and massive growth. That's right--you can cut all your employees down to part time and hire more part time people to cover not even all the man hours while suffering a contraction yet claim you just created a massive amount of new jobs. Just so you know, that is how the Dept of Labor works when they keep saying how many new jobs were created. I know lots of people who had their hours cut, and my middle class parents also took a pay cut this year but their taxes are going up.
No. 36024
Look, I don't have definitive proof because nobody does, but I guarantee you that 90% of poltards are millennials and zoomers. If you wade into that cesspool or look at the people posting polshit on other sites, they havd the interests of young people and talk like young people.

The actual boomers are in facebook, and I know this because that's what all my boomer relatives do. 4chan is some weirdo shit to them. There is an actual, genuine large group of young people who buy into polshit. It's the current counterculture for alienated low iq young men.
No. 36025
Yeah but that's not culture at all which I think, funnily enough, is actually accidentally making a point for you towards nihilism given that as I said the corporate environment itself is an ultimately creativeog sterile one and basically Capitalism itself is one of the most potent forms of destructive nihilism ever devised. The fact you would actually consider a song about drugs to be "culture" is kind of telling. Consider that just about every musician has written at least song about drugs since I don't know the 1950s or something, which also is a really sad commentary on what happens under prolonged exposure to turbo Capitalismyou are right--there are no more songs about love. I remember how disturbing it was to hear that horrid peaches song "fuck the pain away" or 50 Cent "I'm into sex I ain't into making love" and of course poltards are dumb enough to try and blame the Jews, rather than the truth which is this is the necessary outgrowth and degeneration of culture under turbo Capitalism because everything becomes a market act of consumption and all things become seen through the Capitalist lens of business transactions and propery. I would however say that you need something more.

Like you can't just say "this song is about love" as having any kind of meaning at all about a cultural artifact. We've had love songs for millenia across virtually all cultures. That really says nothing at all about the culture because it's just the most elementary particle of a topic. It has no central meaning, no perspective on the topic. "I want to get high and drunk" is not a deeper cultural undercurrent.

This is what I mean about the cultureless, which again I think happens to be a side effect of globalism aka worldwide Capitalism. Nothing creative seems able to grow in it. It also must be so broadly appealing, so dumbed down, so pitched to the lowest common denominator, and so inoffensive, as to be essentially vacant, valueless, inconsequential, and ultimately a worthless non-thing. I think that if you were to put something to committee and say "we need to sell records to absolutely everybody" the first one would be probably a love song, and the second a drug song, namely a prescription drug song. I think it is also a testament to all this that your example is using a recognizable brand name, as if alprazolam had any corporate meaning itself.

I see the point you're trying to make but what I'm saying is there's centrally nothing there, and merely the outlines of a great void that we're noticing as opposed to anything cultural being in it.

It isn't a counter culture. It's establishment culture and culture of the status quo.
No. 36032
54 kB, 479 × 479
9am is right time to start to drill concrete wall

Fuck neighbors
No. 36033
It's weird on the Russia. It's normal to start early here because of the heat, but I'd have thought you'd want to start towards the warmer middle of the day there, especially in winter.
No. 36034
Nah, point 8:00 is when they start here because it sais in the "HAUSORDNUNG" that it's okay from 8:00 to 21:00 with the exception of 12:00-15:00 where you have to be quiet.
This may differ from home to home but I'm living in an 8-stoty building where each flat is owned by someone else and thus a common ground had to be achieved.

Personally, I never do work like that when I assume neighbours might be ill or sleeping, but not all neighbours are as considerate as me.
No. 36035 Kontra
No. 36039
> that it's okay from 8:00 to 21:00
Yea this. Here is something from 8:30 to 22:00 or somewhere around that.
But they stopped doing it now, thank god. I'm tired from any time when anyone want attach another shelf or change window early in morning
No. 36045
1,3 MB, 193 pages
259 kB, 540 × 361
Other German here: You still need to specify what culture is to you. I don't want a negative definition aka
>this is not culture because

It's not just drugs, it's drugs, anxiety and pointlessness, no love = cold world. Cold world of destructive world capitalism. As I said these teens resolve around certain believes, they practice the creation of memes, they sing about their condition, the bandcamps/soundclouds are full of outsider music that don't get millions of clicks. Vaporwave was never bought by a major afaik. The whole lofi style is indeed often very sad sounding. What we have is a kind of goth youth that does not need to wear make up like in the 80s and wears all black. I wonder if we could say we have a youth culture born anew out of the technological condition. I advise Lovinks Plattform Nihilism. He makes an interesting point about memes and chans

>Ironically, it is precisely this set of conditions that make memes such a good container for these affects. Memes proliferate (and find hospitable ground in social media) through their ability to create feelings of relatability and connection between users on the network. (p.121)

And it's true and that is what culture is about as well, belonging and mutual relation. Just think of the bachelor frog or the social akward penguin. I had to laugh back then because I could relate, chans were a kind of home.
But ofc that is also true for jew memes and every social darwinian stuff packed as meme; people will also relate to that depending on their attitudes.

And what the "xanax" youth is creating as memes today pic related btw
>The problem is that even when memes are not right leaning politically in their narrative, the story they spread is of the inevitability of capitalist realism.

Memes in their mass narrate, and narration of yourself and others in relation is crucial for a culture to emerge.
No. 36054
I just found this today and this is kind of what I mean
Of course it shows your point as well with the irony that she's selling the deer hides in etsy
No. 36057
We're at that point in the Holiday season when all semblance of structure breaks down, and everybody eats what they want without remorse. A clean-up operation to get rid of all the sweets, treats and savoury baked goods. (If there were any in the first place.)
Complete culinary chaos.

I ordered that Ancient Greek reader and the Homer book yesterday night. I might as well spend that Christmas money my uncle gave me. (And even then, what? I paid like 7 Euros. It's basically not money.)
The only thing I'm missing is a dictionary.
Sometimes I wonder what effect it'd have on the world if they found my library in a post-apocalyptic society. I guess it wouldn't be of much practical use. They'd be able to reconstruct some languages I guess.
And I just realised I also own an old, bilingual edition of a Plato dialogue, and that has a wordlist too :D

But I'm glad that despite the size of my collection, getting new books never turned into a mindless quest of bibliophilia. At least I don't remember ever buying another copy of a book just because it was prettier. (Well, besides owning the two volume 1909 edition of the Nibelungenlied)

Yesterday was the first time in my life I drank two different types of alcohol in one day. A glass of raspberry wine in the afternoon, and then at night I downed a cup of vodka before watching some anime.
Didn't watch Mind Game because after the first few minutes I knew I wasn't going to be able to stomach something like that on a lazy Christmas eve.

The good news is that I no longer suffer from fever dreams relating to my future. This was probably the worst cold I caught this year. I blew my nose so much that now a thin layer of skin if peeling off.

You bet I'm going to get as much mileage out of reading that volume as I can :D
The thing with Fisher is that it doesn't feel like he said anything new, but he said it in such a concise manner that that way of communicating it makes his volume incredibly worthwhile.
Capitalist Realism is a nice accompanying text to Zarathustra, Revolt of the Masses and Imperialism, the highest stage of Capitalism, and I'd say these are the three text that had a profound influence on me in the past 3 years.
I don't know where I'd be right now if I hadn't read Nietzsche at 17.

Anyway, the discussion we had yesterday made me think about myself quite a bit, and I still have no idea what category I'd fit into when it comes to my views and Weltanschauung.
I'd wager it's just some incredibly retarded apolitical, self-contradictory individualist-reactionary thing, which basically boils down to hating every direction on the political compass except the authoritarian extremes. Honestly, I find aesthetics and myth (ethos) more important than politics.
I'm struggling with formulating an apt-description. The kind you'd put in your twitter bio.
No. 36060
711 kB, 1366 × 768
Merry Boxing day to all of you Ints who don't really what it means. (tbh nor do we). Punctuation across parenethses is a question which can ignite a good fight in any eng lit pub.
No. 36062
I'll never understand what the fuck is going on in Pop Team Epic comics and pictures.
No. 36063
Dear Hungary, Your disniclination to enjoy that absurdity doesn't disprove it's comical power. In very fact that is the reason that is so funny. Flags notwithstanding, I respect your opinion. Will you try to respect mine, when I say it is V funny to an englishman. it is the closest equivlent to english comedy in manga.
No. 36067
I don't have anything against Poptepic, it's funny, I just don't know why.
No. 36097
3,1 MB, 1024 × 768, 0:21
I made this webm for you Ernst, because those feels are known. I sleep with earplugs in for years now, and use a noise machine sometimes.
No. 36110
I intended to do this last night, but I got distracted and then fell asleep. Merry Christmas Ernst. You guys are alright.

>The only thing I'm missing is a dictionary.
Can't help with Greek <> Hungarian, but there's a ton of Ancient Greek <> English dictionaries available online, both searchable versions and scans of old printed paper dictionaries.

>I'm struggling with formulating an apt-description. The kind you'd put in your twitter bio.
Best not to even try. Any political thought that can be satisfactorily summarized in the length of a twitter bio is not nuanced enough.

Twitter is in every way a cancer upon society.
No. 36121
Today I found at the tobacco shop a bunch of nugs of what looked to be weed. It strongly reminded me of those fake weed adverts in High Times for some kind of weird hops hybrid stuff. But anyway the gentleman informed me that this was all CBD hemp and let me smell it and man it smelled skunky like weed, and basically looked like weed with anywhere from 12-15.7% CBD. I wasn't expecting much but I smoked some and it's really weirdly kind of like weed, but minus the same paranoid psychedelic head high or anything like that, like there's just this ball of white light just below my ribcage made up of absolute sheer panic and anxiety and fear that keeps wanting to come ripping out and yet it doesn't for some reason. Then I realized that's pretty much what I'm like every single day and I don't even notice I'm acting on it.
In short I think I can say this stuff is surprisingly effective. It's not at all what those crap gummies or vape cartridges or whatever is like. Would rate most CBD crap 2/10, would rate smoking hemp European style rolled into a cigarette with tobacco 8/10 for anxiety.
No. 36128
The depressive/manic cycles never went away, they just became tamer.
I simply went from completely dysfunctional to mildly functional. At least now I can do some chores around the house and work sometimes. It's still pathetic that I need half a week of wind-up to do a day's worth of work.
Sometimes I think about megadosing shrooms for a few months straight until I destroy my psyche, transforming into something else. A sort of spiritual suicide if you will. If I could afford the luxury, that is. Clearly my current state has no redeeming qualities.
I also miss the psychotic sense of despair and divine persecution. At least it was SOME kind of meaning, instead of dull nothing.

Probably tomorrow I will feel well again, and see this post as cringy, dumb gibberish. A week later I will feel this very same way again. And so it goes. What's the point?
No. 36129
I always wonder what it is that people who have psychic problems turn to psychedelic drugs. I never took LSD and shrooms only once or twice. But 2C stuff and it indeed taught me something in a sense. But I always think it's quite risky to fight a mental state by experimenting with psychoactive/psychedelic drugs as cure. A spiritual suicide could very well spit you out elsewhere than initially desired.
No. 36130
I guess I could describe it as the opposite of body dysphoria, in that it feels like there's something wrong with your mind. It's one of the reasons mentally ill people tend to quit medication, in my suspicion. Even if medication makes you "better" by objective or societal standards, more productive stable, or whatever, there's always this feeling of something being wrong in the background. Like you're occupying somebody else's mind, and the medicated state isn't really "you".

Depending on the level of desperation, people wish to numb themselves through depressants, or escape their minds with psychedelics.
No. 36137
Reading ‘The Day Lasts More than a Hundred Years’ by Aitmatov right now. I’m reminded mostly of the Kazakh Ernst’s blogposting by the events of the novel.
No. 36139
>In many of the "Alexander Romances"—legends and folkloric embellishments of the life and exploits of Alexander the Great—a land beset by "unclean" nations to the north is encountered by Alexander during his conquests. Recognizing their need, Alexander has his army construct the "Gates of Alexander" across the mountain pass which served as the border between the peaceful southern tribes and their warlike neighbors to the north; these nigh-impenetrable gates, often said to be constructed of the mythical substance "adamantium", effectively severed the north's capacity to reach the south, therefore preserving the southerners' safety and way of life. Note: in many cases, these barbarous and unclean northern tribes are identified as none other than Gog and Magog—mentioned in the various Abrahamic religions, where they are invariably portrayed as bad or evil or at the least "unclean", and who in extra-Biblical tradition become the Big Bad who are said to one day rise up and make war on the rest of the world, bringing about Armageddon.
Is Germany and Russia Gog and Magog?
No. 36140
I am never going to be rich enough to have a fish tank in space

Actually it would be interesting to see just what kind of role a large fish and hydroponics/aquaculture system could play on a generation ship. I find it odd how for some reason a lot of scifi likes to put entire freaking forests and trees on ships. You wouldnt even have to get the water shipped up there from earth either since I'm pretty sure we could just capture enough icy solar objects and then use it as part of a gas sink and transport system.
No. 36141
Some shithouse music festival is on in town. Whole place is slag city. Fucken gross man.
No. 36144
Somehow that reminds me isn't half your country on fire right now? Aren't Australians at least the least bit concerned about being fucked by climate change considering you already inhabit a deathworld that's going to take the worst of it? Or are they all out doing as slags do, oblivious and uncaring?
No. 36145
>half your country on fire
No. There are significant parts of it that have fires, but the country is about the same size as the US minus Alaska and islands, were half of it burning then it'd be an apocalypse rather than a disaster. The fires themselves aren't strange, it's more to do with climate change affecting how dry the bush is (probably something to do with ENSO shit that goes above my head) and the dry bush just being a powder keg for the natural fire season.

Tbh, the problem with environmentalists here is that they don't have any practical solutions. Those extinction 'rebellion'* faggots are just glass tower wankers who think that kicking the working man in the balls is somehow attacking the government who creates the issues, while condescendingly saying that we're not the target. Then the greens have issues of ideological purity, where they've shot down good interim solutions in the past (carbon tax) because they weren't perfect solutions that made everyone ride off into the fucken sunset. On the other side you've got fundies taking over and booting the centre-right moderates to the curb, so there's not going to be any bipartisan agreements with radical centrist action happening in the future that might negate the need for an ideologically pure solution for the Greens. Labor (centre left) are sickeningly out of touch with the labour movement, which is itself corrupt as hell (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Royal_Commission_into_Trade_Union_Governance_and_Corruption).

I can hardly blame them if they decide to ignore it. There's no future here, regardless of climate change.

*take leave and sneer at the working class who don't have it or the money to take it if they had
No. 36147
1,1 MB, 900 × 681
Planning a trip for next year. Decided to make something of a proper holiday out of my Brickistan trip since it's super expensive to go direct. I'm looking at flying to Russia and doing a big fuckoff train trip from Saint Pidorsburg->Moscow->Volgograd->Atyrau->Almaty, probably flying back via Moscow. I can do all of that for less than just the flights to Almaty from Australia.

Brickistan is fren country, no visa for less than 30 days travel. Feels good man. The main issue is that Russian visas are confusing, and I don't entirely understand how the whole invite thing works. Maybe a knowledgeable individual could help here. Do you get the documents you require to apply just from booking your accomodation? That seems to be the implication, but I don't want to fork over the money and then get a big fat nyet on the visa because apparently I have to go via tour or some shit. Help helpers pls help navigate this wannabe hermit state.
No. 36149
>the government who creates the issues
I'm pretty sure it's the corporations who create all those issues. The government just does nothing to stop them and gets bought out by them and promotes their interests. I will never forgive BP nor the disgusting sycophantic politician ass kissers who apologized to BP for being too "mean" to them after they fucked our entire coastline https://www.dailykos.com/stories/2010/6/17/876979/
No. 36150
They're the same parasitic entity. There's no virtuous government being forced to shit on us by the corporations. They're doing it willingly and with a big fat smile in their shifty eyes, make no mistake about it.
No. 36154
Another day I am anxious about some project I bought to prevent it from dying. It has been a long time since I did anything, and due to lack of time, it is, probably, dead.
Dunno really what to do.
No. 36155
Visiting your hometown after so many years of absence is a rather gloomy experience. Maybe it's just all my old memories bleeding into every building but, fuck me, this place is a soul-draining shithole whose extent I appreciate more as I get older.

>Wreckhead is trying to bum a ciggie off me
>Realise it's someone I used to go drinking with
>Done nothing with his life since I knew him

The midlands - not even once.

Let me know if you're planning to visit the Caucasus as I'm trying to convince the Mrs to go Georgia-Armenia. Avoid Turkmenistan. My brother visited and ended up being tortured after the president took a disliking to him.
No. 36156
Did the drinking mate recognize you as former acquaintance?

I would gladly visit those gloomy towns. I'm also looking for films that depict depressing provincial life in the time after WW2. Stories of drugs, no jobs and no investments but austerity instead. I like the aesthetics of it, for me it feels like a small cosmos I know little about, tho my town is still provincial in comparison to the real big cities of Germany.
In the last years the countryside has become a political issue: northern France, rust belt, east Germany etc. it's where the new right is getting votes.
No. 36159
Kinda, he asked if he knew me from somewhere but I feigned being a tourist because I'm not buying him drinks all night.

>In the last years the countryside has become a political issue: northern France, rust belt, east Germany etc. it's where the new right is getting votes.

I guess the same thing happens here with the North-East and Midlands. I wouldn't call it a countryside though, more post-industrial towns with the community trapped by a lack of expectations.

Obvious film recommendation is Kes and really anything by Ken Loach.
No. 36162
141 kB, 859 × 1024
Due to abuse and running out, I quit my ADD Adderall prescription cold turkey half a month ago, and switched to atomoxetine (Strattera) for a month at the advice of my physician.
While it is marginally better than being unmedicated, I have never felt more dead in my life, and I am fairly certain my quality of life would decline if left in this state.

Do any Ernst have experience with extended release methylphenidate or amphetamines? Perhaps Vyvanse?

Basically, I'm looking for a way to ideally take one pill a day, go to work, and not be tempted to overdose, and Vyvanse seems particularly up that alley.
No. 36165
>Do any Ernst have experience with

>for a way to ideally take one pill a day, go to work, and not be tempted to overdose
Big fat nope

I'm sorry to tell ya mate but basically there's no way for you to "responsibly use" dopaminergic stimulants anymore, if you even could to begin with. You're just not ever going to be able to control yourself with the same kind of willpower it takes for resisting a redose, which quite frankly of you even had that willpower at the start you probably wouldn't even see the need for taking hard stimulant drugs to begin with. I'd say just about nobody can resist taking more stimulants after abusing them. It's kind of like being a heroin addict, except that you can eventually stop because most opiates reach a level of satiety that by default you never reach on a stimulant. Keep in mind you're literally activating with surgical precision the "go - repeat" reward pathway over and over again telling to engage in that repetitive behavior.

Based on your description I am actually curious if it was ever of such great utility to begin with, and I say it that way because fuckijng nobody "needs" those drugs. If anything the worst thing about it is the way it gradually saps your own inner strength to the point of where you start tricking yourself into believing you need the drug just for the motivation and discipline to make your morning cup of coffee, and this itself as an illusion fueled by the drug. That particular class of drugs causes massive willpower and concentration atrophy over time which you're just going to have to relearn manually eventually anyway, because talking yourself into thinking you need drugs every day for the rest of your life is no way to live and is sadly the crux of why Capitalism does not work for a healthcare "industry" that would rather you be a perpetually sick consumer than cured but that's neither here nor there

I say this because I'm also noting that for one thing I used to have profound powers of concentration and focus, which someone tried explaining to me is actually part of what ADD is blah blah but I've never had an official diagnosis and am glad for it. I abused the shit out of it in college and quite frankly in addition to having no self control and eventually psychosis I noticed not only how profoundly my crutch was weakening me and causing atrophy, but perhaps more importantly how self defeating it was because I probably accomplished less on it eventually. There were times I'd spend 8 hours reading wikipedia's ans it's like, I needed the iron willful discipline to not get distracted immediately after taking it, so why the hell not rely on that to begin with?

I am saying this because I should also note that the people who "need" it react completely differently. If you like it that much you're probably not one of those people. I "liked" it in a certain repetitive sense but I hated being on it because it made me an emotionless zombie. It also did a few other weird things at times like calmed me down enough so this one time I was so stressed during finals week that the second I took amphetamines it put me right to sleep. I'm pretty sure taking a large dose of speed and falling asleep because you're calm is an abnormal reaction.

What it sounds to me like you're describing is more just the average mundane feeling of readjusting to reality without chemicals. I cant say for how long this phase lasts as it depends on lots of things particularly dose and frequency and length of use but basically your going to have pretty much a solid month of feeling like everything is boring, and most likely a week of depression immediately after stopping. This is normal. You have to ride that part out and return to finding everything interesting again naturally because you dont have a drug capable of making popping zits interesting for three solid hours.

I am admittedly biased though I have experimented with kratom. It half does the job, sorta. It seems to make me super OCD inclined in a way speed never did. I mean I didn't care about anything and there was no internal pressure so I was an absolute Nurgle tier slob on it but anything like Vicodin or Kratom makes me start turning to more of a neat freak. I would not recommend any drug though particularly not a possibly addictive one.
No. 36166
That Baudrillard moment, when you write the word dispersion in your paper without knowing what it means, looking it up and finding out that in German it is especially associated with physics as the conversion of white light into the color range of visible light. So in the end it was semantically correct (Zerlegung) for the sentence I used it for, even tho I had to look it up to be sure

>Ken Loach

Neat, might watch one of his films, Kes is not the story I'm looking for though.
No. 36167
>the disgusting sycophantic politician ass kissers who apologized to BP
Your link didn't work for some reason, but I found the story:

And it looks like Rep.Joe Barton's career ended on an unrelated low point:
>The decision[to retire]came after a tumultuous week for the congressman, after a nude photo of Barton surfaced on social media.


The photo leak doesn't seem as damnable as the BP comment, tbh.
No. 36169
We bought a new phone for grandma today. Originally I just tagged along to get myself a copy of the literature journal I intend to submit my writings to.
I wanted to fucking smash the head of the fucking chinovnik that led us through the process of getting a simple dumbphone.
Extravagant prices, 2 year subscriptions, and this aura of "I'm an obese 40 year old woman and I wasn't fucked in years". Can't stand it.
Halfway through I told my mother to pack her things and we bought a nokia for 10 euros at the supermarket like I originally told her to do.

The little desk (I guess I could call it a kotatsu, since it's a furniture-idea I de-facto stole from Japanese media) in the middle of the room looks especially pseudy now. Random books, post-it notes, a journal and most importantly, the crown jewel of posturing, a cup of finished espresso.
There is only two chapters left of the last book I wanted to finish this year. And with that, it's 2/4 of the books I planned on reading during the break finished.

The journal itself is rather long, about a hundred pages. It's published every month. The subjects and the age of the authors is diverse, from 1930 to 1993; from poetry to (short) essays.
So I guess the odds are good, the stars have aligned.
Though I'll have to wait two weeks, because the post isn't open until the first of January, and even then, I don't have my writings printed yet. Not to mention I don't have an envelope either.

Yesterday we visited relatives. They mostly talked about prole stuff. The subject that stuck out to me the most was the one regarding the lottery. What'd I do with the lottery money. Not even the jackpot.
Whenever I dream of money I don't have, I tend to dream about books I'd read in the time I don't have.
I guess I'm doing well.
No. 36171
Every time I see this I'm reminded of all the morale effect buildings in a 4x game or something. It's just about one of the most ingenious ways to control the proles ever devised. Just loot a bunch of poor people who can't even afford it to begin with even more and then give a fraction of the looted money to one individual person and you can instantly quell any rebellions and brooding resentments about everyone's deteriorating material and other conditions. It's amazing. Frankly I almost wish that the lottery could be outlawed just because it is the single biggest reason why Americans tolerate the place becoming more and more of a dystopia with shittier wages, shittier working conditions, deteriorating quality of life, constant nonstop police brutality, unraveling society and social safety nets, and they go out of their way to defend oligarchs because each and every last one of them dreams he or she is just one lottery ticket away from being another oligarch. It's sad really, and a little bit frustrating and infuriating about this country. I'm kind of surprised it got exported to Europe. I wouldnt think they'd need that form of social control because they actually have a welfare state where people can count on a decent quality of life.
No. 36177
I wasn't going to Turkmenistan. Doubt I'll make it to the Caucasus also, it'd end up being a looping detour. Closest I'll probably get is Astrakhan, that the Vologograd-Atyrau leg of the train passes through.
No. 36178
Why did you stop visiting your hometown?
I moved away in 2015 but I'm still there regularily, be it to see my family or meet friends. it's a small village, so I felt trapped here and moved out as soon as I could but it's beautiful and calm, surrounded by mountains and forest. Only by moving out I started to properly love it amd everytime I come back and take a ealk through the streets I feel that I am at home.
No. 36179
What are you planning to do on the Almaty?
I'm afraid you might suffer the Paris effect. Expecting to see ebin steppe culture, but only getting depressed commieblock dwelling people in quasi russia: cold, also dark. And disappointing tourist places.

I guess the mountain resorts, museums and some ethnic music concerts could be interesting.
No. 36183
Mostly its an end point. Going to do some museums, stickybeak at Ulken Almaty, and attempt to go see Yasawi's mausoleum, maybe Altyn-Emel and/or Charyn too. I think I will see plenty of steppe on the train :-D
No. 36184 Kontra
Also the green bazaar of course.
No. 36189
Had an awkward birthday dinner for my mother last night. Highlight was sitting down for food and listening to my uncle describe animal slaughter to a couple of vegetarians followed by recounting his visit to Auschwitz and sharing a colourised picture of a girl from one of the camps.

I have put his EC membership card in the post.

>Whenever I dream of money I don't have, I tend to dream about books I'd read in the time I don't have.

Is that before or after two chicks at the same time?

To steal the question; I don't think I could be one of those people who doesn't do anything. Just empty consumption would depress me, I would probably still do the job I have now or become an ivory tower academic spending my life debating the meaning of 'maybe'. Until I'm asked to do some actual hard work at which point I'd have a sense of humour failure

Everyone I knew here has either moved away or we drifted apart - parents moved at about the same time as me so there's nowhere I can stay over.
No. 36191
232 kB, 357 × 600
Man, that reminds me of the looks I get from some of the front of house people at work when the topic of dirty jobs comes up. They always make me stop before I get to the good bits (like the meat offcuts sticking to the side of the scrap bin dripping down your shirt when you're scrubbing it out at the end of the week :-DDD)
No. 36193
When we moved places, we almost forgot a small bottle of Tiroler Kräuterlikör at the old place. I saved it. Over the past few days it has been tormenting me. I hid it somewhere, and I don't know where.
It's probably behind the books, I just don't know which fucking shelf, and everything is piled on top of one another, so I can't just rummage through everything to find it.
It's not even the fact that I want to drink it, it's just the thought that I don't know that's irking me.

Yesterday I finished reading the book I started. The original plan after this was to start reading The Night is Short, Walk on Girl, but by the looks if it, I'll have to concentrate more on Hungarian literature, which in a sense, is a shame, because whenever I do that, I feel disconnected from the Great Conversation.
On the other hand, I'm about to tackle one of my biggest deficiencies: I'm going to read our national epic. A baroque piece of 6269 lines.

My mother was throwing out things, and found a French book among the junk she was clearing out. No idea why we have a French picture book, but I guess this household is now officially "cultured", because it was published by Gallimard.
It was quite amusing to try and decode the lines with what little French and Latin I've picked up over the years.
The title from what I gather is The Moon, the Frog/Toad and the Darkness.

For me, it all depends on the amount. If it's the jackpot, I'd probably spend the rest of my life in an ivory tower.
If it's jut 10-15k Euros, then I'd probably buy some proper tech for myself, and then the rest would go towards going to university. (I'd study Chinese, and I'd get a second degree in Classics after that.) But this is not unachievable without winning the lottery, and the whole discussion is moot, because I don't play the lottery. Or scratch tickets. Or any other type of gambling.
No. 36200
56 kB, 630 × 400
I have just come up with a new economic theory after having observed people for long enough and I am missing just one last critical piece to my data set: on average, how chill and laid back are Czech men and the Czech people in general? How happy are they? How easygoing is the typical Czech male? I'm pretty sure if I've got this one last piece of the puzzle to my data set it will confirm my DDPP theory.
No. 36201
135 kB, 640 × 643
An interesting article, even if I'm not sure how valid the claims are:

The Sapir-Whorf hypothesis is mostly bunk, but the interplay that does exist between the particularities of individual languages and the real world is interesting. Looking at this list, I'd guess that the most important features for high information density are:
  1. Large number of possible syllables (increases theoretical max information density)
  2. Analytical grammar (so you don't waste space on useless suffixes)
That explains English and French at least. The speed at which natives are used to talking probably also plays a role, even if information-sparse languages have a natural trend towards being spoken faster.

On a related note, I think one of the most under-appreciated divergences in history is the adoption of fully alphabetic writing with discrete letters by the Phoenicians, and then by the entirety of Europe following their example. Movable type printing is much, much more cost effective if you have only ~200 separate print types to keep in stock, as opposed to several thousand for Chinese characters. It also makes the jump to movable type much more natural, as it takes more work to get satisfactory results in an obligatorily cursive or diacritic-heavy script. Of course, the Venetians figured out Arabic printing in the 1500s, and the Islamic world refused to adopt it more for cultural and religious reasons, but those reasons are more likely to get entrenched in a culture where flowing cursive calligraphy has become a highly respected art form.

There are some holes in the hypothesis, but I think you can trace a causal relation between the invention and adoption of Phoenician-style alphabets to the adoption of mass cheap printing and casual literacy, on an order of magnitude greater than what was enabled by Chinese printing. And I think you can trace a causal relationship between this easy printing and mass literacy with the revolution in European thought in the 16th-18th centuries, which lead to the modern world as we know it.

Which is quite impressive, considering that in theory, any true writing system of Eurasia can communicate information at least as efficiently as an alphabet with discrete letters. But the fact that the Greeks and later Europeans adopted it instead of, say, cuneiform or hieroglyphs had very real and drastic effects on the course of human history.
No. 36203
Honestly the way Hebrew works in condensing information makes my dick hard. It's exhilarating to know a language exists that uses the exact same graphemes to represent numbers as well as letters, and that each letter can have it's own individual meaning. You can in essence put layer after layer of information into just a few Hebrew sentences and without vowels at all (for the most part). English otoh is a remarkably tedious language. It's also just a really weird one because it incorporates lots of other languages and linguistic characteristics and vocabulary, which makes it remarkably inconsistent also. It surprises me how many people can be fluent in it considering how utterly alien to things like consistent rules it is, being basically the anti-metric system of languages.

Mandarin seems interesting because of how it can express different words and concepts with only mild variations on enunciation, but of course the problem with Eastern languages becomes the inability to just create a simplified keyboard with all the letters on it. I don't know enough about how Japanese or Mandarin or Korean works to say much else though.
No. 36205
Going to be late to work because the bus driver decided he didnt want to do his damn job and do the route, so I have to wait for the next one which will make me late. Its particularly bad because Im opening the kitchen, so its an actual issie and not just an inconvenience.

Fuck Brisbane public transport is useless.
No. 36207
29 kB, 450 × 253
151 kB, 750 × 1334
>Go to bed early
>Body thinks it’s just an afternoon nap
>Sleep three hours
>Been awake for the past ~5 hours lying in bed
If this is what insomnia feels like, then I have no idea how people don’t kill themselves by day three.

Don’t know about PC, but mobile Chinese keyboards are surprisingly easy to use.
You just type in the syllable, and then pick the desired 汉字 from the top row where English has the autocorrect options.
Pic related.
No. 36209
You could come up with a situation like that for any other language. Pretty sure there's a system to do it with Greek too. A lot of cultures used letters to represent numbers.

>English otoh is a remarkably tedious language. It's also just a really weird one because it incorporates lots of other languages and linguistic characteristics and vocabulary, which makes it remarkably inconsistent also. It surprises me how many people can be fluent in it considering how utterly alien to things like consistent rules it is, being basically the anti-metric system of languages.
Chinese have to learn an arbitrary character for literally every unit of meaning in the language. Yeah the building blocks of characters have hints to pronunciation and meaning, but it's even worse than English. Lots of languages have shitty writing systems like this, though English and Chinese are toward the top.

>Mandarin seems interesting because of how it can express different words and concepts with only mild variations on enunciation, but of course the problem with Eastern languages becomes the inability to just create a simplified keyboard with all the letters on it. I don't know enough about how Japanese or Mandarin or Korean works to say much else though.
Mandarin tone works just like minor vowel differences do in English, and the language can actually be understood without using the tones. Context is most important for decoding homophones, or even near homophones.
Korean uses an alphabet more regular than English, they just group the letters up into syllabic blocks. Japs use a small regular syllabic alphabet along with a smaller subset of moonrunes than Chinese uses. As Hungary says, it's very easy to input these languages into computers these days, and in fact computers make it much easier to use a shitty inefficient writing system like Chinese characters.
No. 36211
Day 3 is where it starts being fun as the psychosis sets in as you move into day 4.

t. done 100 hours no sleep
No. 36214
>be a billions and billions dollar industry even bigger than big oil
>still have long queues and wait times
>still not have the best care or availability
American healthcare doesn't work. It is almost irredeemably broken.
No. 36215
I don't know what you are up to.
For me American healthcare system is working fine.
For Blackrock-Ernst even better.
No. 36216
>for me it's working fine
Are you some pallet pusher getting welfare from the military?
No. 36218
The Christmas spirit is really waning. The scones are gone, and I'm eating the last three cubes of zserbó.
The only festive food remaining is some poppy-rolls, but I think we've had so many poppy-rolls in the past few weeks that nobody is going to eat it.

I'm going to go to bed early tonight, but not as early as yesterday. That was fucked up. I could only go back to sleep by 3 o' clock, despite trying everything.
I drank sugary milk, read aloud from the Iliad, ate a bit, nothing helped.

Basically woke up feeling like a zombie halfway into the day. Despite all of this, I almost fell asleep in the afternoon, and only a second coffee helped.

Something tells me I'd rather not try that out.

>Criticising American Healthcare
You're not a gommunist now, are you?
No. 36219
I am an insurance company, you dumb Murrican fuck.

Judging from your intellectual deficits, the muhaharican education system is at least as bad as the dumb US-fucks' health system.
No. 36221
So I just started smoking some CBD hemp and the stuff is not only surprisingly identical to the taste and smell and overall sensation of smoking real weed (not to mention looking just about identical) but I'm actually pretty high right now. But like a, calm and relaxed if even mildly introspective, kind of a high. It's slightly hard to explain but it pretty much feels just like weed does minus the appetite suppression (or munchies), paranoia, extreme head and body load, or pretty much the entire spooky feeling of weed kind of a high. It actually almost makes me feel like it was in high school, the good times at least not the ultra scary psycho or brain damaged trailer park kinds of high that permanently turned me off to weed. Yeah I could possibly even get used to this. I'm feeling no anxiety and my fucked up hand I've almost forgotten is kind of fucked up.

They should seriously sell this instead of pills. It just feels so much warmer and fuzzier and clean. I'm not sure I'd want to go to work though.

I just feel like it's a cool rainy summer day indoors. That's the feeling. It's not quite the full on listeng to music and watching 90s music videos and living vicariously through all these pictures I'm told what American life is like on the TV in these fun suburbs and you know, the red cup American life I have never experienced this life only seen it on TV. I always thought that was how everybody else in America lived so it's funny because I guess I experienced a European level of false TV image based propaganda about my own country I've never even seen. but boy is it almost inching it's way there.

I bought three different kinds so I'm going to try them all out eventually and see how different they feel if anything. I strongly suspect at this point that those are basically just THC free only and that all the other like 21 different cannabinoids roam freely because of whatever strange laws regulating cannabis I don't live in a legal stateI don't smoke weed. I don't even like smoking weed. It's just that whether weed and other things like fireworks, kratom etc is legal or not is a very good marker of whether you live in a shithole state or a good one. I live in a shithole.

I r8 8.5/10

Why is American healthcare being managed by Germans? Wait I thought there was some rule regulating that do you mean that foreign companies can legally be in charge of our healthcare? Does this mean Liu Wei can legally buy up my insurance plan and shaft me in some sneaky chinese way?
No. 36223 Kontra
22 kB, 575 × 401
Read Knigge, Proxyhead.
No. 36230
I made some money yesterday.
Now we're preparing for new year's celebrations.

I wonder if it's a coincidence that the very day I get out of my depressive slump, I suddenly have mundane stuff to do. I need to learn to be mildly productive even while feeling like shit. Playing catch-up on life is no way to live.

Also, I really hated going to the store. Crowds of people, not enough shopping carts to go around, huge lines. My instincts tell me that if I ever find myself in a crowd, I'm doing something wrong.
No. 36231
Honestly, I can recommend having a good bitching session about things that piss you off or affect your productivity. I find that getting my frustrations off my chest helps clear my head a bit and lets me work through feeling bad a bit easier.

I can feel you on the shops though. It's why I tend to just grab a few things after work as I need them, spending less time in the shop and around the incessant crowds.
No. 36232
I go shopping in the first 30 minutes after the store opens, often I am one of the first 3 people inside. It's empty, the people are more friendly and everything is still quiet (no radio plays in the early hours for some reason).

And speaking of getting up early: I won't be able to join the session next saturday either as I am on a short vacation and have little control over the day to day planning.
But the week after that I'll finally be there again (and have had time to check out this discord thing).
No. 36234
Oh, I did.
I went to the store with my mum and ranted for a solid hour all the way there and back, how pointless celebrations are, that we're about to spend money a lot of food just to put it on a table, eat a bit of it, then stuff it all back in the fridge, how uncomfortable it is to be in a crowded store, fighting over shopping carts, elbowing each other and making awkward conversations with every third person because the entire neighborhood is in there and of course you have to say hi to each and every one of them, etc. etc.

I think she finds my rants amusing because she knows I'm secretly getting cathartic satisfaction out of bitching and running my mouth.
No. 36236
That works for me anyway since I'm working saturday this week. I'd finish in time to get home, but I like to run games while fresh if possible.

Good. I've long been a strong voice for the humble bitching session as a great method of preventative therapy :-D

Anyway, I'm going to sleep now.
No. 36241
>I need to learn to be mildly productive even while feeling like shit.

You want to function like you normal human bean then. My productivity can be diminished by feeling shit, but I'm often feeling shit so over the years I learned how to render myself productive even while feeling shit. It's a numbing necessity. University deadlines play a part in it. Discipline somehow. But in the end the pain and weirdness by going in a depressive numb mode. I don't need substances, the mere repetition of shitty feels made me numb and so they don't affect my productivity that much. I'm productive but not a WD40'd member of society.
No. 36243
Do their exist any notes or writings of people who had been snipers?
No. 36244
While I am convinced that we already are living in the dark ages of technology, a veritable blackhole of knowledge we can't see into from the past of even 2100 AD, I had no idea that this is also actually plausibly try of basic pre-digital techs

I had always simply assumed that the problem relates more to digital storage compounded by numerous other issues thus rendering all physical copies of the data destroyed and older data now unreadable, effectively reducing reacquisition of knowledge to near zero, I hadn't anticipated it actually already affecting our basic 1960s tier blueprints
No. 36247
I have no idea how people manage it. Especially for intellectual work. The times I've tried it, the quality of the work was so low that it was not even worth bothering, it's like reality would be better off without the results of such "work".

But maybe if I find some more brainless aspects of my work, and focus on those during slumps, it could work. Like partition and atomize the workload in such a way that there is always something mundane to do.
No. 36253
60 kB, 480 × 711
I'm in 2020 r8 and subscribe
No. 36256
55 kB, 233 × 290
Rated. Still another 8 hours to go here.
No. 36267
Happy New Year!
No. 36268
Happy New Year, yurop! The year 2019 is kept alive in the furthest outpost of the West for another 8 hours.
No. 36285
Hyvää uutta vuotta!
No. 36289
Happy New Year!

I'll have to dump some relationshit stuff here, please don't mind me. I'm already feeling exceptionally pathetic änyways.
So this year I ended up wörking and going to the New Year's party at wörk afterwärds. I was lööking förward to it since I knew the cowörker görl I had a crush on wöuld be there töö. Indeed she was there, and she's a few yeärs younger than me and she behaved quite immature what alreädy türned me öff a bit since öf cöürse I had älreädy imägined some weird fäntäsies äböüt her. Änd I was also feeling a bit jeälöüs töö. Änywäys I ended up däncing with änöther girl äll the time, möstly just to spite her. In the end, öf cöurse, I had quite a lönely & löng way höme with löts of time to think aböut my päthetic lyfe.

>if you run after two hares, you will catch neither

Or sömething like thät shöuld be the lessön here mäybe.

No. 36290
67 kB, 551 × 720
Holy hell I feel like shit today. By brain hurts and I'm lethargic as fug. Kind of nostalgic in a way. I guess it's time to drink a bunch of booze and listen to music louder than what is decent :-DDD
No. 36291 Kontra
Tö clärify, I went öutside with thät öther girl änd äsked her if we're gönna öbligatörily mäke öut (admittedly I did like her & think she was cute, but just didn't really feel anything for her - I'm still cringing at the way I said that to her) änd she brushed it öff änd we went sepäräte wäys änd I didn't see änybödy fröm the pärty ever again.

Btw, I also talked to some gay guy with really bad secco breath for way too long (about 2 mins). Öther than that I möstly had fun I guess. But still, despite lowering my expectations, I ended up feeling dejected & empty at the end. I almost managed to cry a bit on my way home but, alas, my tear glands seem to be dried up.
No. 36305 Kontra
17,4 MB, 352 × 640, 2:01
On my way to NYE nights out I was quite sure that nothing will happen that night won't anyway because my motivation despite desire is tending near zero. Maybe because everybody is consuming over the top I think it's a bad day to try anything. To drunk to fuck or whatever you wanna call it. ofc some people got laid I guess

My head hurts as well, it's more of a nagging headache than a concrete block hitting the brain, though.
Before leaving the house I was unsure if that night will be cool, but once arriving it was all swept away quite fast and I enjoyed the night without any negative experience.

Oh yeah: Happy New Year, Ernsts!
No. 36306 Kontra
I'm also contemplating going to the kebab store, I was dying of appetite in the subway this morning, after I realized I haven't eaten anything for 8h straight and some dude came in munching a Döner. So now for 16h I haven't eaten anything but some tiny leftover jalapeno-cheese chips, fuck. First thing I need is some Ibuprofen so I can leave the house without getting pissed off.
No. 36307
>Trying to cop-off with colleagues
>Even going out with work on NYE

I mean this in the nice spirit of a New Year: You're being retarded and coming across as one of those sweaty guys at office parties who ruins the vibe.
No. 36308
215 kB, 341 × 260
Figured my broblem out. I was almost happy, which inevitably turns into feelsbadman for whatever reason. Rum and punk rock have cured it though and I'm back to my usual grouchy self. Being contantly pissed off on a certain level seems to keep me in line breddy well tbh. Dunno why but who am I to argue with results?
t. enlightened by fermented sugar and loud noize
No. 36309
I'm kind of hungover. Not much, just a bit. Though I didn't drink that much. Just the welcome drink, two mojitos and the glass of champagne.

We went to a restaurant, but since all the people we invited cancelled it, it was pretty boring. Basically a family dinner, and you know how much fun that is.
So we came home at around 11 o' clock and played Monopoly. We never finish that game, so the winning condition is having the most capital by the time we decide to put away the board. (So before putting it away, we all liquidate the properties at full price.)
I was enough of a ruthless capitalist bastard that I won by a considerable margin.

I've decided that it's time to sign up for an exam. I'm going to get a certification in German. I mean, think about it, I'd have two B2 degrees with that, a considerable advantage in a monolingual country.
Hopefully 2 months is enough to prepare properly. Though judging by my performance in class, I haven't forgotten much.
No. 36310
1,7 MB, 3264 × 2448
After ruminating about it for a while I just laughed like a madman at the idea that judging by her response she might've genuinely misheard me. Maybe not, but whatever, it doesn't matter. On the plus side, I really did enjoy the crazy dancing & laughing since we were so bad at it. Maybe I should've asked to walk her home since most people had already left but I still had time to kill until my train came anyways and see where that would've went. Just feels retarded to learn lessons like this about 10 years too late.
My dopamine level or sth like that seems to be recovering so I now I feel able to just laugh it all off tho I'm probably also still a bit drunk.

>On my way to NYE nights out I was quite sure that nothing will happen that night
Yeah, usually I feel sames but this year was different since there were so many people that I didn't or only barely knew.
>To drunk to fuck or whatever you wanna call it.
I had like 3 Mate bottles mixed with Vodka so I was lucid as fuck tbh :D
>that vid
Half expected him to get a heart attack at some point tbh

You're right of course about me being retarded, other than that you're projecting. I too shudder at the thought of ever going to an "office party" on NYE, this was quite a different matter.
It was all consensual fun, and if I was sweaty that was because of the dancing!
No. 36314
It's honestly surprising I didnt have work. I do today though. Not that it mattered because I just spent the day screwing around with games and not drinking anyway.
No. 36316
>Half expected him to get a heart attack at some point tbh

He's just rusty while performing The Holy Trinity of smoking drinking and snowing :DDD
I should shut my mouth tho, could have gone wrong yesterday night, I'm happy and lucky it did not and I had a nice evening which I did not expect at all. Expecting the worst gives pleasant surprises sometimes

Why did you ask her in the first place? Could have tried to get closer with your head or sthm. I would have probably said nothing and do nothing if I was feeling akward enough. But I don't know, better making that experience than nothing at all, I hope you will find somebody.

I got myself kebab and unhealthy soda drinks from non-EU countries, will close the day with some reading. Tomorrow I really have to go back to the ordered life of university deadlines.
No. 36319
>Why did you ask her in the first place? Could have tried to get closer with your head or sthm. I would have probably said nothing and do nothing if I was feeling akward enough.
Good question, tbh I wasn't so sure about it either. I thought it'd fit since I felt we both had a bit of an ironic detachment to the situation going on & at that point I felt like I'd just come out with it & didn't care if she declined. Cause though we danced together quite a bit & teased each other etc., I didn't really feel much sexual tension between us.
It's almost like we were just acting out a simulacrum of a courting ritual but then we shed our roles when we left the dance floor. Actually I can't help but be in awe at the irony cause I just realized the dance floor was in fact a theater stage.

Yeah, I figure it was better than not doing anything probably, but again it feels humiliating to go through these experiences in your mid-20s.

Enjoy your kebab & thanks for listening to my bullshit :D
No. 36320 Kontra
>but again it feels humiliating to go through these experiences in your mid-20s.

Yeah, but it's not so uncommon, even for mid 20s.
No. 36327
Well, today was a quite productive day, I'd say. I helped installing new cabinets into one of the rooms in the house. Fits quite snugly.
Amazing how my bookshelf will actually be the last thing on the list that gets completed. The fucking anteroom is higher on the priority list.

I translated half of the essay I promo'd in the literature thread. The text is hard as nails, but this time I'll re-read it multiple times before "publishing" it instead of shitting it onto the web as soon as I'm finished with it.
Probably my most ambitious Hungarian-to-English translation to date.

Tomorrow I'm going to leave the house and go into the city to pick up a package I ordered before the holidays. It's an anthology of Greek poetry.

I had a dream that I got a good critique on one of my short stories. I guess the situation is excellent.
No. 36329
53 kB, 924 × 748
I think the lyrics of this folk song are nice. No idea if the translation is good or not.
No. 36331
43 kB, 480 × 480
70 kB, 639 × 427
I'm having these, griddled in butter, with a fried free range egg, some Sweet Baby Ray smokey and sweet chipotle bbq sauce on one half and avacado mayo with some Dave's Insanity scorpion pepper sauce stired into it on the other half of a Kaiser roll and with melted swiss cheese.

I have also discovered it's pretty hard to find non-animal tested deodorant which now also doesnt have aluminum apparently (probably an Alex Jones thing which isn't wrong but the problem is fluoride being ingested to begin with). and yes I go out of my way to not participate in The Evil when I can even if it costs more. And yes, I also like animals, probably better than people so I've been avoiding anything cruel as far as I can lately.

It's absolutely delicious but I don't think I used enough bbq sauce and even with only a couple drops the scorpion is too overpowering. I do like scorpion peppers way better though. One thing I bemoan is everything either being cayenne or chili or something basic bitch like that, or habanero for heat, which frankly is a pretty shitty tasting hot pepper, but oh man are scorpion peppers good.
No. 36340
33 kB, 300 × 290
I spent today helping my brother move. We used those 'Forearm Forklift'straps to lift a few pieces of furniture, and now my forearms are covered in scrapes and nascent bruises. In retrospect, that was foreseeable :3. They did make lifting heavy items easier, but the problem is that they kept slipping down my arms as I walked. I couldn't figure out how to stop that from happening. Well, the work is done now, and apart from that everything went smoothly. (Except for the bookshelf I damaged, but I always damage something and he knew that when he asked me for help :3 I still feel bad about it, though).
No. 36346
I honestly can't even imagine paying for a brand new bookshelf. I see people constantly throwing shit out all the time so much that I don't even know where it all comes from but it sure does help me gypsy my way through life more often than not. I've gotten numerous tables, couches, chairs, shelves you name it that way and even a giant plasma screen tv once. I didnt even use it it just tied the room together. Finally gave that thing to someone else, probably also for free. Can't imagine how many big bulky personal entertainment systems got sent straight to a landfill for no other reason than people couldn't be bothered to move it so they just threw it out and bought a new flatscreen.
No. 36349
Try the following separation: Everything that requires more than tiny bits of learning is for your good mental states but everything lacking aspects of unknown or new challenges is reserved for your depressive phases.

Eg. learning how to finnish a multi-page comic strip takes mental effort best left to times of mental stability because it requires effortful investigation and decisions to be made. But doing the coloring (which you are pretty good at) or sketching out figure shapes (which you already have some practice in) can also be done when you are numb.

I'm extrapolating from my programming experience here, maybe the examples aren't spot on but you get what I mean.
No. 36350
38 kB, 1888 × 466
/int ist immer noch fol langweilig und so .
No. 36354
The city was nearly empty. I could even put up my legs on the tube. What a world!
I decided to read a Babits-novella during my commute. It's a story of a teacher-priest taking in a gifted student who was orphaned. It'll probably be the first book I read this year. It's pretty good.

I picked up my package. It's a handy little volume of Greek poetry.
The foreword is great.
>New and in every regard more important (and more faithful and prettier) volumes, of Homer, Hesiod, Sophocles and Lucian show that as a result of our cultural revolution the audience who is able and wanting to enjoy ancient Greek poetry has grown exponentially.
It's always funny for some reason to see these little essays that go over the mandatory "basics" to make the book sound socialist. (And then they don't give a shit about it after they've pasted these few lines of nonsense into an otherwise okay introduction. It amuses me to no end.)

On the way home I checked what the street vendors had for sale. I couldn't hold back and spent 3 euros on a two volume book.
I purposely sought out any book I could find by Babits, and I hit the jackpot.
During the last 3 years of his life, he suffered from throat cancer, and lost his voice as a result. So he communicated through his "talking notepads". Now, wouldn't you guess, that these notes survived the war, and were sent to the archives, and later they were actually published. About 1100 pages worth of notes survive. It's even annotated on the sides.
Thinking about it, it's kind of like a diary, only more personal. Every word an author "said" in the last three years of his life is in it.

So, anyway, after burning half of the lunch money on this book, I had lunch and went home.

Yesterday I decided to take a look at my hanzis again. It has to be reorganised. A deck of 200 cards is too unwieldy. It should consist of a series of 15-20 deck cards to make learning more efficient.
Though I don't know if I should bother. Hopefully I'll be starting my Chinese studies next year at a university, so maybe I shouldn't fuck up my pronunciation and learning methods permanently.
But I digressed from reality again.

It has more to do with time than with money. My father has to design the thing and then actually get the materials to assemble it, and there's tons of stuff like this around the house that needs fixing and replacement, like the balcony is being rebuilt, so it's understandable that my bookshelf is a luxury item in comparison to fixing the balcony and the anteroom up.
It's just that it was unexpected that he suddenly got up and fixed it on a whim with a few used cabinets.
No. 36361
I hate boomers so fucking goddamn much
No. 36368
194 kB, 297 × 335
I don't want to mock anyone and, if I post this in Twitter, any cretin is capable of telling "copyright infringement" and all that trash

So, this is a pic for an overtly optimistic response regarding the Spanish political situation. It represents me. Well, it's much better than being full with rage!
No. 36371
Yeah, that makes sense.
I've been thinking about how to separate my workflow into smaller, more manageable problems. I've gotten into a bad habit of just doing everything all at once while high on hypomania. The problem is that the high is never long enough to truly finish something, and that I never learned to break down problems into very small chunks that I can do without relying on my brain to flood itself with dopamine.

Just sitting down and solving small problems, one at a time. It takes a lot longer to do it that way, but in the long run it's still more productive than waiting for an elusive bi-polar high.

Also, funny thing. I just squeezed out a whole bunch of tonsil stones out of my throat, and immediately felt better and lucid. Makes me think whether my chronically infected tonsils are putting my immune system into constant "sick" mode, contributing to my depression.
No. 36376
>Also, funny thing. I just squeezed out a whole bunch of tonsil stones out of my throat, and immediately felt better and lucid. Makes me think whether my chronically infected tonsils are putting my immune system into constant "sick" mode, contributing to my depression.

That is actually a thing, yes. As long as the immune system is sucking up energy from your system the production of endorphines may be reduced. Hence the strong correlation between illness/pain and bad a mood.
No. 36378
I still wake up with a mini-anxiety attack every morning for some reason. If it's because of the e-mails I sent out before the holidays, then I'm probably sick. Waiting for replies shouldn't cause this much anxiety.

I spent the day trying to organise the room a bit. There are too piles of books. The main issue is that there is so many of them that I can't even create thematic stacks any more, just stacks.
Sometimes I even forget that I left notes under the piles. Yesterday I found 50 euros between two books when I moved one of the piles because I needed to change a lightbulb.

Haven't read much today. I've been just flipping through that two volume edition of Babits's Talking Notepads to see if I find anything interesting. Mostly it's just a sick man's woes, asking for ice and mineral water to ease the pain. In the second volume he's also asking for morphine.
The interesting parts come about when there is someone over doing business with him regarding publishing. There was also this wholesome part where he helped her daughter's Latin homework.

Tomorrow's gonna be better I think. I'll start studying for the upcoming tests in maths and biology.
I completely neglected those in favour of self-indulging in literary works that are largely unimportant. Should have been reading The Siege of Sziget instead of what I actually read during the break.
No. 36382
>Yesterday I decided to take a look at my hanzis again. It has to be reorganised. A deck of 200 cards is too unwieldy. It should consist of a series of 15-20 deck cards to make learning more efficient.
Flashcards is one area where going the traditional route is really gimping yourself. If 200 cards is unwieldy, imagine how it'll be when you're into the thousands.

It's an order of magnitude greater return on time and effort to use digital flashcards, and there's lots of good Chinese/hanzi decks for Anki, including some with native-speaker audio so that you can practice pronunciation at the same time. I use Anki for 10 minutes a day and can clear through 150+ cards in that time, which includes review cards spaced out at optimal intervals for long-term memorization. The way review cards add up, that's what you'll see after a few months if you have ~10-15 new cards introduced per day. By the time you start college you could easily have >1000 Chinese words in your vocabulary, by the end of the year, >2000, for <30 minutes time investment per day.

The only deck I'd recommend from experience is this one, which is great for pronunciation/listening practice, as well as grammar and vocab. But just search 'mandarin' or 'chinese' on the Anki website for dozens of decks, most dedicated specifically to hanzi or the HSK vocabulary list.

I'm glad tonsil removal is routine over here, that sounds fucking horrifying.
No. 36384
25 kB, 330 × 444
I have discovered just 15 seconds ago my newest favorite Irish saying
>I'm frothing at the gash
No. 36387
I can't believe I had to look that up (*゚ー゚)ゞ
No. 36388
42 kB, 400 × 360
That feel when cutting open your finger with a razorblade and digging out the ingrown nail.

Even beyond the pain relief, bitches don't even know the satisfying feeling of fixing your own meat puppet without resorting to third party help.
No. 36389
Yesterday night I couldn't sleep again. I kept thinking of a fictional story. So I got up and wrote half a page. By the looks of it, it's going to be a Kafka-parody if I ever finish it. (Don't know why I can't get rid of Kafka.
I woke up tired again and went to pick up my packages. Had a lángos for breakfast.

Also, I started editing together my EC blogposts into a document yesterday. It sure as hell better documented sometimes than my diary. I edited down 1 thread, and it was 15 pages of text. Amazing.
There is this dream haunting me, that I want to be part of the textbooks after I die.

Still no replies to my e-mails, and it's still killing me, especially how one of the people I sent a message to actually wrote two group-emails which I were a part of.
I don't know why waiting for a simple reply causing me so much anxiety. It should be the other way around: Sending a letter in the first place should be a problem.

I've left behind physical flashcards a long time ago. I was talking about my digital deck.
The problem is that for some reason I can't get anki to throw me the cards I don't know often enough for some reason. Maybe I'm just a brainlet. Setting it to 50 cards/session helped a bit though, so I might just need to tweak those settings.

Thanks for the deck btw, gonna check out tonight if I can.
No. 36393
254 kB, 799 × 915
I'm halfway thru a dense and compressed introduction to the social science, too dense tbh yet I get a better sense for the formation of the social science which I only briefly touched in university I fiddled I could always say I studied Sociology since I have the nearly 30 credits I need to say that. Completed the introduction to Platos Dialogues and will shortly begin to read the first.

The only thing I'm really missing is a female companion, pressure gets a bit heavier again. I cannot decide if I need to get my dick wet hell, I do, or if I'm actually yearning for a partner that finds my oozing mind acceptable or even attractive.
In either case I cannot force myself to talk to complete foreign women and where the ice is broken so far, there is either not really a chance which is luckily not a problem, I'm not unlucky in love or I'm not at all interested in fucking or even a relationship.
No. 36397
550 kB
Click on the gear to the right of the deck name, go to options, and it will let you change the number of new cards per day as well as review intervals for the current deck profile.

The only other Chinese deck I use is one that includes all 5000 words up to HSK 6, tagged by HSK level. The public deck has 3 versions of each card, for pinyin > English, English > Chinese, and for guessing tones - pretty much perfect except for having no audio - but IT DOESN'T ORGANIZE THE CARDS AT ALL, so an HSK1 word can be followed by the 4998th least common word in Chinese.

Thankfully, I found out a way to sort it by HSK level at least, so all HSK 1 words appear before HSK 2 and so on, but no finer than that. I also removed all cards that were not pinyin > English + characters, because I only care about the spoken language. My edited deck is in the .7z, but if you want the other types of cards, you'll have to find the public deck ('Hanping Chinese HSK') and sort it yourself.

>Sending a letter in the first place should be a problem.
>spend 30 minutes worrying over the proper etiquette and form when emailing your professor
>spend another 30 minutes unhappy with your result before hitting 'send' because you still can't think of any way to make it better
>professor responds back 10 minutes later with 'sure, thanks t; professor'
I hate everything about academia.

one time, I was sending an email to a grad student who was helping teach one of my classes, and I was so sleep-deprived and delirious that halfway through, the email degenerated into an incomprehensible fever dream about my latest Mount & Blade campaign
No. 36399
>I hate everything about academia.

I've gotten to known some of these, but I don't spent an hour for an email. I know you exaggerate I hope so at least, but don't you have a formula? I've probably written 50-100 mails to those people and I'm an undergraduate. Heck, I even wrote an email to a US-professor once and she replied quickly and even attached a draft for a journal article because I was asking for a conference paper of hers I wasn't able to download. Writing the mail took me 10min.

Dear Peter Perry Professor I never write their academic titles

[Formal tone that can be less strict than a paper, I mean how hard is it to loosely nail your style somewhere between newspaper and bureaucracy, keeping it short and/or ask for a conversation]

Ernst Barry Barlow

this takes 5min, just make sure your orthography and grammar is correct. I'm really wondering how you can wind up yourself about it so that hate emerges.
No. 36400
I overslept my afternoon siesta again.

Idk, whenever I write an e-mail it goes like this
(It's going to be a loan-translation)

Respected, Mr./Mrs. Teacher

Attached to this letter I send my finished draft of XY topic
Then the letter divulges into an attached opinion written in an eloquent Victorian style because I can only get myself to communicate in a formal manner

Your student, Ernstovich Ernst

>>professor responds back 10 minutes later with 'sure, thanks t; professor'
Lol I get a similar response days later. Usually it has smilies in it.
It kind of feels like the barriers of formality are breaking down.
No. 36402
7,1 MB, 640 × 360, 1:41
I've become increasingly paranoid of being under attack to being all but utterly certain of it. I can't as of yet prove anything about it nor fully tracing it out to its attack vectors but somehow find myself believing I'm going to figure that part out soon too.
No. 36406
No. 36407
10 kB, 235 × 174
One girl at work just looks at me with utter contempt. I have yet to figure out if it's just how she is, which she indeed seemed like it yesterday with another coworker, or something else. I have also gotten a sense of it from another coworker, as well as increasingly the clientele for some reason.

I cannot tell if some of this is either in my imagination, or if it's an effect of the post-holidays and bad weather, or if this is just me growing out my beard again for the winter. I cannot explain it but I've also just felt like I'm being watched. Clearly I am not writing it off that it could just be my demeanor is more shit after the holidays (I have been in a worse mood after all) or has something to do with my appearance which it isnt like my beard is unkempt. I feel like I am being looked at now with a mixture of fear, suspicion, and contempt and it's bothering me. I don't know why. Am I imagining things?

Are people just like this at this time of year? Or, as I intuitively suspect, is there some mystery niggas talkin shit about me? Because I am seldom wrong about these things unfortunately but I don't want to overreact.

It just feels like someone is trying to start a retarded rumor that I'm like a sex offender or drug dealer or thief or something. I'm not even always aware of this but for example one ex I totally forgot she was an ex God what an absolute horrendous fucking bitch that creature was started some rumor in HS that I was stalking her and waiting outside her house at night and ridiculous shit like that. I don't know why she did it except for being a cunt in the American use of the term. I only found out like a decade later because some friend I was hanging out with mentioned it. I didn't even notice at the time. This is one of those times where I notice it.

The one thing I'm still not as good at is prying for information slyly. Digging at leads between bluntly and unnoticeable covertly isnt something I'm good at. How do you approach third parties when digging for information about rumours being spread about you?
No. 36421 Kontra
If it is not the first time you feel watched in your life or smear campaigned or whatever other paranoid incident you can insert here, you probably are just paranoid.
The shit thing with paranoia is that you never can say for sure what is true and what is false. You cannot make it scientific.
No. 36426
Last day of the winter break. If it wasn't for the assignments I didn't do, I'd say I'm happy that it's over, because I've begun rotting yet again.

I have two short stories to read and write about, and honestly, I don't want to do it. There is this constant nagging inside my head that "I don't want to do this, fuck this, let's read something fun instead. Where did you put that Babits volume?"
I have a splitting headache, it feels like King Arthur is trying to pull the Excalibur that has been lodged in the right side of my brain. At least periodically. So it's not the alcohol I drank yesterday.

Tomorrow is going to be horrible. I can feel it.
No. 36429
>I don't want to do this, fuck this, let's read something fun instead.

Will only increase during university, and I say this while being over the limit of regular study time (3 years) quite a bit.

Today I read about a 1/5 of Das Kalkwerk and will continue reading later with the platonist Kriton dialogue. I also got myself Rudolf Carnaps Intellectual Autobiography from the library in order to dip my toe into these analytic philosophy waters within the next weeks when I have time to read it. It's Quite short, luckily.
No. 36433
34 kB, 500 × 500
I should've posted this during new year celebration
No. 36435
How do you like Kalkwerk? Imho it's one of the best books I've ever read.

>Will only increase during university
I know, it's just that it's hard to snap back to reality from a two weeks stay in Arcadia.
For two weeks, I read what I wanted, wrote what I wanted and how I wanted, without a care for the world.
Anyway, it turns out I don't have to churn it out by tomorrow, so all is fine. I'm going to write just one, since I already started it.
No. 36439

Yeah, I like it pretty much as well. Obessive Konrad, ein durch und durch scheuer Menschentypus. The mania is more prominent, constitutive for the whole novel. Not the case in his later novels, at least not like the three novels about art (Holzfällen, Alte Meister and another, only read the first two).

I first stumbled upon it while listeing to this on the radio

It's brilliantly crafted.
Eine Winterschikane!

>two weeks Acardia

Indeed, but I watched mindless Youtube videos and had family and friends meetings. Since I had to finish a paper and read a novel for a seminar, I only finished a book about mania and obliteration - Omnicide: Mania, Fatality, and the Future-in-Delirium’, lullabies, nerds, mysticism, assassins, sorcery and hyperstition, practical magic, and more…. https://soundcloud.com/urbanomic/maniac-lullabies

I wanted to finish 5 books or so, pointless and exaggerated believes about the Christmas holidays, and afaik it's a common trait to overestimate the time you have in the winter holidays.
No. 36440
This is good news actually. I have a theory that roughly every thirty years we get a different kind of a decade which is timing the 2020s to be a revolution from that absolute dogshit that was the 2000s and 2010s. I keep forgetting that I am now in the 2020s and it's awesome. The 20s shall be a great decade.
No. 36444
>Will only increase during university
Now maybe American universities* are just different in this regard, but the only people at my uni who had less free time than in high school were the hardcore STEM majors.

A full schedule was only about 4 hours or less of class time per day. There were more long papers to write, but that didn't come anywhere close to eating up the extra free time you get due to the more liberal class schedule.

*And this wasn't Alabama State University of Pigskin Studies, this was at one of the best unis in the nation, and one without Ivy League grade inflation BS.

I think this is two parts:
  1. General normie disdain for anyone who they perceive as substantively different. If you're even a little weird, and don't make up for it by going on about how you loved the latest Marvel movie, you'll quickly get a mark on your back.
  2. Simple paranoia. What is more likely - a massive conspiracy against you, or your innate tendency towards paranoia causing you to perceive normal human shittiness as targeted at you as an individual, rather than as just another person who doesn't fit in?
No. 36494
>Now maybe American universities* are just different in this regard, but the only people at my uni who had less free time than in high school were the hardcore STEM majors.
I guess it is all relative, but going for a libarts degree university felt like a greater consumption of time to me than a school day or a 10 hour work shift, because college expects students to complete a greater deal of the overall work on their own time.

This would be a much smaller consumption of time if I was disciplined or self-motivated by my assignments, but because I was neither, I found the whole 4 years to be a concentrated ball of stress. I usually made good grades, but I would also spend 6+ hours in the stacks daily, my cell phone and other distractions stored away, slowly and painfully completing my assignments.
And this was mostly for subjects which I find intuitively interesting. It would have been interesting to see how I would have fared in STEM.

Of course, I'm the kind of person whose productive day is getting household chores done and getting a good night's sleep, so I assume my tolerance for work is on the far lower end of the bell curve.
No. 36496
Now, it wasn't all that bad. I managed to get my short stories and translations printed before classes. So now if the PC goes kaboom, I'll still have a copy of everything. It feels so vain and good at the same time to organise my "complete works" into a folder physically. There is this feeling of "Yeah I made this" and "I'm pretending that I'm a literati", it just hits a soft spot I guess.
This weekend I'm going to finish my Kafka-spoof.

Between classes I read the collaborative 4chan novel L'anomie, and a study by Babits titled On the Hungarian Character.

I only have on essay to write for tomorrow. One should be Presentable, the other is just for being used in class as a series of bullet points. Still, I think I'll stay up and write both. Who knows which one will turn out to be presentable.
History is so much easier, with literature, it always feels so hit or miss whatever I do for some reason. My classmates are at least sure that what they've written is shit.
Not to mention that I've also lost my routine during the break.
No. 36497
In my experience people get thru without reading much texts for the classes. I know people who said they finished a paper in two days, the grade was not good, but they passed. If you want to deliver good work you have to read quite a bit and think thru what you are writing. If you want to really have a grip on what you deal with you will have to read even more and ofc understand it and excel at writing aka articulate your thoughts thoroughly.
No. 36498
I am moving to the US for work.
Now I will blend in as an American poster. I have been very busy with that (among other things), and so have not had time to read let alone post on ernstchan.
There is at least one Canadian poster besides me - the phillipino.
No. 36500
I have an even more abysmal work ethic, so maybe I just had an easier major, or it differs by school. I had at most two big research papers per class, and even though I put them off to comical extents (turning a couple in over a year after the due date...), when I actually got down to work it took about a day or two of very unconcentrated effort, per paper. And most of my classes didn't have big papers. Day-to-day homework was usually a joke. But, I avoided English and lit classes entirely, as I a) didn't have to take them and b) had a very skeptical view of modern Western humanities departments to begin with. Perhaps that's why our experiences were so different.

I think I made the right choice. While my professors for Hindu and Buddhist and Chinese studies were extremely analytical, to the point, and overall serious scholars and educators, when I took an equivalent class on ancient Roman culture, the first thing we did on the first day was to gather in a circle and talk about what the Romans would think about us. It was exactly as cringey as it sounds. History and culture classes on non-Western cultures were fine, but as soon as you got close to Western culture, postmodern bullshit took over.

I can't recall the last time I've seen a Canadian post here.
No. 36501
368 kB, 234 × 219, 0:01
Fucking landlord cocksuckers. Every single day I feel myself becoming more and more unironically sympathetic to Socialists. This is some fucking dystopian feudalism type bullshit. And then all these fucking boomers
>how come you complain so much? When I was your age I was able to buy a house with income on a union job I get right after high school and I bought my own car too. What is wrong with you millenials that you can't do that? Heck, I tell ya what I even was able to afford raising a family with all that. Didn't need no fancy degrees.
I want to strangle these people to death like Epstein.

P.S. I don't consider myself a millenial either you fucking cocksuckers. I consider myself just barely post-generation X. because I do agree that millenials and whatever the fuck this next perversion of nature is also suck but none of them suck as much as you you fucking society wrecking planet destroyer boomeryes I'm clearly frustratedps Dept of Labor statistics are absolute lies all of us are working two to three jobsFaggot
No. 36503
2,1 MB, 476 × 360, 0:04
>Now I will blend in as an American poster
I look forward to confusing you with other Ameriballs :D. When are you coming down?
No. 36504
>It was exactly as cringey as it sounds. History and culture classes on non-Western cultures were fine, but as soon as you got close to Western culture, postmodern bullshit took over.
That entire story is missing postmodernist influence though. That 'cringe' exercise is if anything a poorly implemented version of an actually important lesson to reinforce, that whatever period you're looking at (in this case rome) is not the modern world with togas. It's easier to fall into a pattern of forgetting than people like to admit. Everyone thinks that they're too smart to do it, but even better documented periods took decades to unfuck the hindsight-driven narrative on, and the fight continues (WWII has had several big ones dating back as 1946 or so).
No. 36508
Merry Christmas
No. 36509
Merry russian christmas, my friend.

Do you also have the tradition with presents under the christmas tree over there?
No. 36511
57 kB, 480 × 369
It's not russian, it's just by julian calendar, which used by many (but not all) ortodox churches still
>Do you also have the tradition with presents under the christmas tree over there?
Ye, it's on New Year and tree called "New Year Spruce". Christmas is religion celebration only, at least this is like that after revolution. Kolyadki (which is similar to western haloween in idea when kids go around homes ask for candy) was also part of Christmas before revolution.
No. 36512
Merry Christmas Easterners
I still have my tree up so I'll celebrate with you since I basically skipped Christmas this year. I didn't even put lights or decorations anywhere until the 26th
No. 36518 Kontra
341 kB, 1967 × 1564
Don't be lazy m8 just get a job rolflmao
Btw. living wage is literally communism
No. 36521
Went to a Russian Orthodox church in Philly with my dad this morning. He was raised in that tradition owing to his mother, but this was my first time seeing an Orthodox Church service. My impressions:

-incense smelled weird
-lots of children and Russian immigrants
-lots of babushkas
-the women were dressed better than the men (the latter wore blue jeans half the time)
-saw a few Asians of some kind which I assume were Yakuts or whatever
No. 36522 Kontra
Also it sucks to stand in one place for two hours
No. 36561
They want me to have literally triple the fucking rent on income not to mention all the bills. It absolutely forces you to get a roommate. So in other words I'm submitting a full background check, credit report, multiple references from other landlords, and all kinds of other bullshit for a no pets and no smoking all kind of bs just to rent a commiebloc. It feels like fucking feudalism.
No. 36564
974 kB, 1000 × 1000
>wearing bluejeans to church
Well at least they go to church
No. 36578
110 kB, 1280 × 720
Why do people do this? Do they just not realize that the minute a mod bans you your posts get deleted and all our threads get restored? Everything here is backed up. When you push anything off the already breathtaking catalogue it doesn't actually 404 because they have copies on their servers backed up to something ridiculous like 100 pages. When you get banned and your threads get wiped it also restores everything to the right order. This means you can try crapflooding us with old threads and whenever mods come your diarrhea posts getting wiped means it'll go right back to page 20. The same thing happens when you bump a thread and delete your own posts. The final funny thing is because we don't just sit here and literally waste our lives shitposting all day which means probably two thirds of the board won't even realize you existed when they check it at some point hours later.

Also in today's news I just tried this with a fried egg and my God it was delicious. It actually tasted surprisingly like the real thing, only minus that weird urine and sweat smell and taste of real bacon. I think I mentioned this before but apparently pig flesh is supposed to have a slightly sweet vanilla smell and taste, which only 75% of the population supposedly have. I guess I am in that allele genetic group where while bacon tasted goodish the smell was absolutely unbearable. I probably mentioned this before but I have also discovered that cilantro isn't supposed to taste like soap either.

It's still tolerable in dishes like a pineapple spicy salsa but I think I'm just not tasting the salsa the way it was intended. I kind of wonder what other smells and tastes I am perceiving differently. I was about to say perceiving wrong but I realized how retarded that concept is, as if there was a right way to have your illusory perception interpret something.
No. 36585
1) What's your problem with blue jeans? Is this some snob shit?

2) Going to church makes them neither better or worse. A god fearing cunt is still a cunt, and a heathen legend is still a bloody legend.
No. 36589
Not him but when I was a kid there was an expectation you’d wear nice clothes to church. Jeans are considered casual wear.
No. 36595
>That 'cringe' exercise is if anything a poorly implemented version of an actually important lesson to reinforce, that whatever period you're looking at (in this case rome) is not the modern world with togas.
Yes, they could have made it a worthwhile exercise, but they didn't, and the professor clearly had no intellectual capacity or desire to make it such. It was a big kumbaya roundtable discussion where each dumbass student who didn't know anything about ancient Rome gave their own dumbass opinion to all the other dumbasses with dumbass opinions, without any meaningful critique or additions from the professor - who was, of course, the one person who actually knew anything about the subject, because we all enrolled in the class because we didn't know about the subject, and wanted to learn.

And at the end of the roundtable, the professor didn't cap it all off with something like "well actually, the Romans would probably view us as a bunch of effeminate weirdo poofters, who happened to have cool technology. Now let's learn about their worldview on their own terms". I can't remember anything specific she said, because it was completely forgettable, but the best I can recall is that it was all wishy-washy nonsense continuing in the spirit of having a dialog with the students, rather than trying to educate them.

Undergrads are too stupid to have a dialog with. Even most grad students are, but god help you if you focus your undergrad class on talking to the students*. When a class is essentially an info dump, it should just be an info dump, by the one person - the professor - who knows the info. I learned 100x more in my Hindu mythology class that was just a single extremely knowledgeable man spouting off for two hours a week, than I did in any class where we had to gather in discussion groups.

*I'm sure this works for English classes at small liberal arts colleges where there are <10 students per professor, but not at a large university
No. 36597
Okay, but you still haven't addressed how it's 'postmodern'. I'm assuming that it's just a buzzword meaning "not 'scientific". If you're the same American from before, read this book and then read it again. It's an excellent introduction to understanding why things are done the way they're done in the field these days. https://www.amazon.com/Houses-History-Critical-Reader-Twentieth-Century/dp/0814731279

Tbh, I can also see what they're thinking when it comes to not interjecting and correcting students at this point. They're trying to get you to think about something without the guidance of an authority telling you whether you're right or wrong because you won't have that when you are doing serious research. We had similar things happen in courses for historiography, where we were not told that our initial ideas were wrong or misinformed but instead told to give our opinion with the idea that forming an opinion and then further learning lets you reflect on what you thought and how it's changed and have a robust development of historical interpretation and criticising your own ideas. It's as much an exercise in the basics of the historical method as it is about the specific class material if I had to guess.

The exercise isn't the best I've ever seen and you could do a lot worse, but it sounds like you and the other students weren't really trying too hard to engage with it neither, expecting to just be fed the 'correct' answer in a lecture instead.
No. 36600
>If you're the same American from before, read this book and then read it again.
That's not a worthwhile use of my time or money. I'd rather read an actual history book.

>but it sounds like you and the other students weren't really trying too hard to engage with it neither, expecting to just be fed the 'correct' answer in a lecture instead.
The other students, at least the ones who felt like engaging, were stupid. I mentally checked out as soon as I realized what the professor was doing, as did anyone else there with half a brain. An introductory course on an ancient culture is not the time and place to be faffing about with uneducated opinions. On the first day of my class on Hindu mythology, everyone got a very good summary of ancient Indian archaeology and the foundations of the modern Indology, leading into an introduction to the Vedas.

In the first couple weeks of that Roman culture class (I dropped out of it at that point), all we did was A. faff about, and B. talk about a few poems by Lucretius. The information density was orders of magnitude lower. I could barely stay awake in class.
No. 36601
If learning the basics of the underlying theories that make up the foundation of the field of history isn't a worthwhile pursuit, then neither is tertiary level history study in general, and you're being as ignorant as you despise your classmates for being. You are confusing subject matters with the processes that turns the data into history. How are you meant to meaningfully engage with any source whatsoever, even 'actual history books' without a working knowledge of the theoretical underpinnings that make up the arguments? You can read E.P. Thompson and get a very good book of trivia, or an excellent work of history, the latter coming from understanding what assumptions and modes of thought are informing his analyses, in this case he looks at things using socialist theories of history regarding class and economics, and if you know the basics of that historical theory, then you can start to see how he is interpreting information beyond the superficial, and engage with the argument and not simply the content.

As for your other subjects, now that you have these details. What have you learned? Trivia and the picture put forth by the one delivering it. If you aren't being made to look for your own answers or to engage with sources beyond rote learning, then you are only getting half of an education in history, and the less important one at that if you ever want to do professional work in the field. Getting undergrads to think and rethink ideas early is a very good idea, and an introductory course is exactly where that should be. Lectures are for guiding reading, and are not intended to be your sole source of learning. When I was doing my degree, it was expected that you'd be doing about 10 hours of extracurricular reading in addition to every hour of lecture time, and the lectures were made to cover broader concepts and patterns so that you could focus down and learn about them using your own brain. Most of the subjects has mid-semester assignments that were about subjects covered by maybe 10-15 minutes of lecture time at most, or tangential questions that required you to move outside of the course material. This also made exams meaningful as assessments instead of just being about who has the best memory, but who was genuinely delving into the subject.
No. 36602
If there are 12 competing "theories of history", then I'll just come up with my own. When there's that much professional disagreement, I don't trust the professionals, certainly not more than I trust myself.
No. 36603
>2) Going to church makes them neither better or worse. A god fearing cunt is still a cunt, and a heathen legend is still a bloody legend.
Most Australian thing I’ve read this year

I think postmodernism in this case means that traditional authority and hierarchy is liquidated. It’s no longer a student-professor relationship, but a talk between almost-equals, which is useful in some cases, and disastrous in others.
No. 36604
Based on what? What (upper case T) Thought underpins this hypothetical (upper case T) Theory of yours? Can you just make up a truly original Theoretical basis for your chosen research? Tell us of its benefits and weaknesses, what kinds of data does it value and discard?

In history there is a big difference between Theory and theory. The latter is what scientists use, an informed guess as to the outcomes of research. Theory as a proper noun refers to modes of thinking about and interpreting data. In a non-scientific field with inherently flawed data, a method of interpreting is required because you can't really measure it meaningfully in a quantitative sense. Yes you can say X many people died in this place on this day to whatever cause but it means nothing until you contextualise it, which is qualitative. I like to think of it this way: you have data (trivia) and you have information (which informs drawn conclusions that further the argument being made). Theory is how you turn data into information. The rough process is determining relevance, usefulness and trustworthiness, three 'soft' factors that require some informed method to avoid being arbitrary and to cut down the number of resources from the unusably immense to something workable for furthering your argument. It's not 'oh I think this happened' at all.

One might call them 'schools' of history, or as the book I linked uses as a title, 'houses' of history I suppose if one was to find the use of the word Theory unnecessarily confusing, but discarding the historical method as not worthwhile to an education in history is grasping.

This kind of discussion in history is not really dissolving the relationship though. I've had multiple classes that were structured along similar lines in the past and the professor was always in charge, but wasn't up the front telling us what was true and what wasn't, instead leading the group as a whole into situations where they'll have to think critically for themselves (an important skill because nobody is going to hold your hand when doing research). The issue here is that the lecturer didn't communicate the intent well, but I've seen similar enough methods to know that it's not really a circlejerk where no student is wrong.
No. 36605
I went to Catholic school for 13 years and I'm a cook. I've seen the best and the worst of both worlds. I've never thought that a good person gets bumped up because they go sit in a fancy church for a couple of hours a week, so the whole 'at least they go to church' thing rubs me the wrong way. I mean truth is that more often than not, the ones who were all religious like were usually a bunch of judgmental slobs when I was still around church shit. 'I ain't fucken singing' got you a detention from some teachers :-DDD
No. 36654
Today was another fine day. My first class was cancelled, so I got to sleep more despite staying up late. I finished reading Babits's study on The Hungarian Character, had a mug of milk, and then went to bed.

Got one of my tests handed back to me. Lost two points. So it's not that bad. Expected worse.

History class was pretty good. The teacher had with him a copy of the Zhuangzi. Apparently the task of the previous class was to analyse some of the text and make assumptions about the nature of eastern philosophy.
He let me read from it during class instead of taking notes from the textbook.
Seems like it'd be a good cop, because it was translated from the Chinese, and not from the English or the German.

The family is planning a holiday for summer. We choose Athens. Told them that I want some of the time (and budget) of the holiday allocated to picking up some Greek books in the original. Just to soothe my autism a bit.
Honestly, I'm happy with the choice. It'll be sunny and I'll get to see some of the marvels of the ancient world.

>The issue here is that the lecturer didn't communicate the intent well, but I've seen similar enough methods to know that it's not really a circlejerk where no student is wrong.
Could also be the fact that you received an education in a Commonwealth country while he was in the US.
Though yes, once you get a good group of people together and both sides are willing and honest, these grouptalks are the best way to learn. But you need the students to be committed for that to work. His group clearly lacked commitment from both sides.
No. 36657
It's important to note that this class wasn't billed as an intro to historical or anthropological or literary theory, it was billed as an introductory class on Roman culture.

The method really wasn't suited to the class. In similar classes about ancient Chinese culture, we started out by getting the necessary primer on Chinese history necessary to put the cultural output of a given time and place into context, and then we studied a text as part of that historical cultural context. In Hindu mythology, we just got info dumps with copious contextualizing background info from a walking encyclopedia on the subject, along with selections from primary Hindu texts to read for ourselves.

In Cumbaia Latina, billed in essentially the same way as either of those two other classes, we were given absolutely no background on Roman society and culture. Zero. It was 99% dialog and literary analysis, with perhaps a tiny bit of info on the life of the author we were analyzing. Maybe the students picked up some valuable analytical tools - I doubt it - but regardless, that was not the class to be teaching those tools. It would be as if an introductory physics course started out with a discussion of how we feel about Einstein vs. Bohr on quantum mechanics.

As Hungary said earlier, there are times and places for roundtable discussions, and places where they're utterly disastrous. This was one of the latter.
No. 36659
I don't know how US degrees are structured but usally the ancients are the class where you are introduced to the degree, it really is the first seminar you have at university, at least that is the case here in my university. So it's absolute beginner level and I don't think it's wrong to start with brainstorming or whatever it was. You could start with a synthesizing text ofc. We did that. Afaik Livy is a roman historian and like with Thukydides you look at how he did history. Because they are the first examples of humans doing history. Giving a sense of what history is about and since the ancient history is also the beginning class for undergraduates, it only makes sense to make students aware of what history is and how it can be done, like Australia said, history is not just about trivia but historiography, meaning methods and theories that underpin your work.

Regarding the dissolution of student-teacher hierarchy, I really doubt that that one is dissolved in our 'postmodern' times. Trying to propel a discussion among students instead of talking 90min or what the amount it is desired. Because, as Australia said, you need people to learn to argue and reflect their ways of thinking, that does not happen if the teacher is talking all the time. Needless to say that even an expert can be wrong and has usually a can of blind spots at least.

You said you don't trust experts, fine. But if you have no mental tools to challenge these, or don't know how these experts operate their business, how do you want to attack them in a mindful manner? Requesting data won't do it. That is not how history is written, literally, and there are tons of reasons given why it is like that. Any academic/scientific field that is not able to reflect its methods and theories is not science. It's a laughing stock to these on the contrary. HOW to engage with the object of research is the crucial question, because it determines the outcome of research and there a miles between these outcomes, so given the vast difference as empirical fact, you have to grapple why it is like that, no? History is not just simply history, and therefore you have academia. You you already know how everything has to be or how everything is, then there is no point in going to university at all.
No. 36660 Kontra
>wasn't billed as an intro to historical or anthropological or literary theory, it was billed as an introductory class on Roman culture.

Just noticing.
You cannot really separate that. The history of Roman culture is accessed by (different) theories and methods. Had a seminar on body and policy / political representation (in the early modern period). Almost all texts by scholars we went thru were also discussed in their theoretical and methodological approach.
No. 36661
Well, I really didn't want to examine the Romans as the root of our culture, I wanted to examine them in their own right, same as had been done for every other culture I studied in college.

And that's actually necessary to properly understand the roots of modern Western civilization, because the ancients were as alien as they are familiar, and our civilization is as much built on later elements as it is on them. Without understanding them in their own right, moderns are prone to a classicizing psychosis.

>I don't know how US degrees are structured
It differs by university. Each degree program at my school had its own requirements, along with general breadth requirements that all students had to fulfill (i.e. 2 lit courses, a foreign language, 4 cross-cultural electives). All of your own choice, though.

>Because, as Australia said, you need people to learn to argue and reflect their ways of thinking, that does not happen if the teacher is talking all the time.
This should come at higher levels. You need a factual basis in order to start forming your own opinions, before you can start to deconstruct them. Many classes had both lecture and discussion group sections, although the discussion groups were mostly useless. 90% of people even at the elite college level are too stupid to really think for themselves, and part of me thinks that making them think that they can think for themselves is more dangerous than old-fashioned brainwashing.

>But if you have no mental tools to challenge these
I am enlightened by my own intellect :^)
Seriously, I don't think you need any formal theory of history to do history, and certainly not just to read books to inform yourself. Sima Qian and Thucydides didn't need to struggle with competing Marxist and Whig interpretations of history, they just used their good judgment and intellect. And TBH I don't think we've made significant strides in the quality of our historical writing since then, except for certain promising quantitative work.
No. 36662
>I wanted to examine them in their own right, same as had been done for every other culture I studied in college.

Usually the ancients as roots of today don't play a major part in classes. They are studied as object in itself. You can work with self descriptions of Romans, I guess reading Livy as a source for that is a start then. But contemporaries don't own descriptive authority. Historical distance and new tools can open up perspectives Roman contemporaries had not in mind but that nonetheless bring up knowledge about their culture. Given that we today quarrel over the constitution of our culture or what culture even is, Romans might have had the same problems. Tho ofc, I guess many people and their opinions are not delivered in sources.

>You need a factual basis in order to start forming your own opinions

Well yes, but you can didactically start different then feeding info, in order to get people to talk first, to get an impression about your audience etc. You could ask the teacher after class why she didactially does it that way and not feeding info in order to have a base for discussion.

> I don't think you need any formal theory of history to do history

Why do you think so? How do you think one should approach history? If theories and reflection on how it should be done are not necessary, what then? Simply good judgement and intellect? What does that mean and why do you think that people who think about theoretical and methodological approaches lack that kind of judgement? Aren't these people who refine their judgements by reflecting on it constantly?

>Sima Qian and Thucydides didn't need to struggle with competing Marxist and Whig interpretations of history,

Yeah, they had none of that at hand, so their practice of history turned out as it was. I don't think they did not reflect on what they are doing but they missed a lot of different ways to gain knowledge about the past. Oftentimes these histories are about big names and their deeds. They extracted a tiny bit out of a gigantic pile of history. If a tiny bit is sufficient for you, ok. But that's not really a scientific attitude.

> And TBH I don't think we've made significant strides in the quality of our historical writing since then

What is qualitatively valuable history to you? Apparently the many ways to gain knowledge about history and the tools for that don't interest you, so how can you say anything about the qualitative built of historical practice (today and thus in comparison to ancient historians and their practice)?
No. 36675
What I should have said is: I don't think theories of history are valuable constructs. All you need is healthy skepticism and a good mind. Codifying the necessary attitude into theories will only limit you.

Perhaps historical theories are useful for some people, but I don't think they'll be useful for me. I trust my mind and my good judgment.
No. 36694
Hm, care for an experiment? I haven't partaken in this discussion so far but I noticed your post. It's something I would have agreed with just a few months prior. Since then I've changed some views regarding the importance of history for the way my point of view on the present is limited.

Imagine you are given a really good opportunity to own a piece of land with a house on it. You won't pay much, something you can easily afford right now, it's almost a steal. The house is still being built and you need to make a few decisions for the final touches.

  • There is a lawn infront but it can be removed if you want.
  • Should the outer walls be painted white or left as concrete to have a brutalist appeal?
  • Cellar or garage, chose only one.
  • On the sides there could be a flower bed or a shack.
  • Hedges to protect views from neighbours?
  • Garden fence or no garden fence?
  • Do you want solar panels on the roof?

Now for the experiment, answer all these questions for yourself before reading on and answering the question in the spoiler:

You will have spent a different time thinking about each question, no doubt. Was the question about the lawn a no-brainer?

Now there are no 100% certainies so this experiment might not work as well for you as for me, in which case try to imagine other people answering these questions.

If the lawn-question was a no brainer it most likely is because you have never wondered why people have lawns today. As long as this does not register as an oddity to you, you probably won't stop to think and consider it a real question that needs answering. In a sense this is a lack of freedom in your thinking determined by the status quo you grew up in. If I told you the history of lawns, starting a few hundred years back within the aristocracy of france and ranging through british elitist culture all the way to neighbourhood bickering in american suburbs during the boomer generation, you might just view a lawn different enough to stop and think and then make your own "real" decision instead of going with the default.

This can be extrapolated to any topic, obviously; and most topics are more important. The lesson for me was that a knowledge of history increases my degree of freedom today. Now, if I were capable of questioning every decision at every moment with the same scrutiny and neutrality, I wouldn't need history... but that is not the case.
No. 36703
You did not address any of my questions and arguments in a reasonable manner if at all. A nebulous approach of good judgement and skepticism can mean anything, it's empty and less concrete then saying use a theory, which is also abstract as well. You are being lazy here and probably not skeptic of your mind and judgement. It's like a belly intuition so far. I mean you could reason against theory, but you should explain why they limit the access to history and what do you imagine a possible access to history? Why skepticism and good judgement is not a valid answer? It's just a feature that can be applied to anything and is not specific of history, it's more or less a feature of reasoning. You could say skepticism and good judgement would be all you need to do STEM or any other humanities. There is certainly more to it, if you want to produce desirable results. Saying you need a base (skepticism and judgement skills) from which actual scientific methods emerge is somehow a no-brainer.

And yes, I'm trying to nail you down here, because you avoid a real answer, that would be d'accord with statements you made before. My impression tho.

>theories will only limit you.

Theories are not necessarily rigid but in the end processual and tools that allow different handling, you can combine them, modify them and abandon them.
What exactly is codified in theories? Good judgement and skepticism? It is, as mentioned above, a necessary feature of scientific and/or average reasoning and therefore surely at work when reasoning about the past.

You have historic data: there were ancient civil wars, so what? Here is where actual research in history begins. Let's take it as an example: You know there have been civil wars in the ancient times, how will you proceed? We all know Romans went to the Colosseum, so what? What you gonna do about that historical fact? Certainly going to the Colosseum could be a part of Roman cultural history btw.
No. 36705
i was walking in forest thinking it was better back in mental asylum
No. 36710
1,7 MB, 2568 × 3625
I got inspired to write some poetry. One poem I thought up is disgusting, the other is pretty. The strangest thing is, I was inspired to write both at the same place, only a few minutes apart.
Reality often feels like a roller-coaster alternating between beautiful heights and disgusting lows.

I was five minutes late for the first period, but it's not like I missed some obscure stuff. They were talking about the German false flag attack on the Gleiwitz radio station.

Second period we had to get by with the help of a substitute teacher. Told her that since she's not going to teach anyway, I'm going down to the buffet to have breakfast. "I'm not supposed to let students go to the buffet, but for you, I'll make an exception."
So I went down to the buffet and hit the jackpot. There were some free books on the table, mostly English stuff.
Got an Oxford paperback edition of Byron's poetry, a French-English Dictionary and a small book titled "Dictionary of Classical Mythology".
All great finds. Spent the rest of the class talking with a teacher and a buffet owner. We were discussing the inflation of housing prices.

I feel really tired and I don't know why.
No. 36762
Thanks for the response.
I've honestly been meaning to respond for over a week at this point. In fact, this reply was written over the course of several hours, having to put it down and up again. Even though it has been a month, I still feel just as scatterbrained as the second week, and each day of my job - which is simply driving to work and being free to myself eight out of ten hours while going through relatively easy technical tickets - has become a task of unwarranted difficulty.

I really thought I'd have much more to say, but I actually can't be damned to even comment on my other experiences over this month. It just sucks, and even when I accomplish the few goals I have I get little satsifaction from it. My quality of life has decreased significantly.
While I do not assume I need amphetamines, or even stimulants in particular, I was prescribed it both for meeting traditional symptoms of ADD and narcolepsy after months of psychiatric testing (from my university). It was effective in managing those symptoms until I began taking it in an unprescribed manner years into it.

Although you are almost certainly right that I have a huge temptation to redose now, at least with something like Vyvanse I could take it before work and leave it all at home. Not a guarantee or anything, since it is still quite possible to take more than one, but with this I could geographically separate myself from it for an entire day.
No. 36767
>Chinese tea
>The Evangelion soundtrack
Yes, all is right with the world.
Only five paragraphs left before I can start reworking the text.
This time I hope I can actually show something interesting to the German Ernsts too, for this essay deals with writing and imitation in an interesting way.

Yesterday I helped my sister with her English presentation. I hate how she always asks for help at the last minute. But I'm not gonna lie, it felt good to help.

Went to the Educatio Expo today. The line was long, it was cold, and everything was disorganised, so I said "fuck it" and went home after talking with one of my quasi-friends and having lunch.
It's not like I needed this anyway, I know what I want to study in the future. I knew since I was fucking 16.

My only woe right now is that I'm hungry and there's nothing in particular I'd like to eat in the fridge. I kinda wish I actually got off the bus early on the way home to buy a bottle of milk. It helps me sleep better if I drink a bit of milk with sugar. Hell of a lot better than drinking alcohol if you ask me.
No. 36769
>You could say skepticism and good judgement would be all you need to do STEM or any other humanities.
Well, yes. When we talk about theories in STEM, it generally means empirically supported foundational concepts of the field. Whenever people rally behind theory-as-procedural-filter I think it's more likely to degrade the quality of thought than improve it.

>You have historic data: there were ancient civil wars, so what? Here is where actual research in history begins. Let's take it as an example: You know there have been civil wars in the ancient times, how will you proceed? We all know Romans went to the Colosseum, so what? What you gonna do about that historical fact? Certainly going to the Colosseum could be a part of Roman cultural history btw.
I fail to see how passing that fact through a socialist or some other filter is going to help me understand anything.

I'm sorry, but the idea that I need to go read some assburger's theories from the early 20th century in order to properly interpret Roman primary source material is just fucking stupid to me. I will not be convinced otherwise, so continuing this conversation is pointless.
No. 36773 Kontra
>so continuing this conversation is pointless.

I would agree as you don't address my points.

>I fail to see how passing that fact through a socialist or some other filter is going to help me understand anything.

Did I wanted to hear how you would interpret historical data through a theoretical lense? Besides nobody will say it's a fruitful endeavor to analyze roman history with marxist theory today if ever No. I wanted to know how you would approach the historical data. But you did not give any explanation how you would do it. Having a good judgement, you should come up with something.
I just want to know what your alternative approach to history looks like. Or do you think all we need to know is that Paelastres just a filler said there was a civil war in Athens and then we don't need to go further?
No. 36788
2,3 MB, 4032 × 3024
Did you know that Nashville has T-I-G-E-R?
No. 36800
1,4 MB, 1920 × 2560
Posting from ans Hun Hut.
No. 36803
It's a lot more quaint than I expected. I thought it'd be seedier or rustic.
Looks like somewhere you would throw an office party.

those table cloths are ebin though :-D
No. 36804
Yeah, it isnt dingy or nothing.

Also bumped into a pommy skin. Had an ebin convo for 5 mins or so feels good man.
T. 5L of beer in
No. 36807
Also there are two parts, one is the drinking hall (picture above) whilethe other is the pub area that has a few tables jammed innthe cornre. I didn't get pictures of that but they're much dingier because the ceilings are lower and the kitschy German stuff is closer together accordingly :-DDDDDD

Also, excerpt from skin conversation
Pom: Keep the faith
Ernst: Die on the cross brother

Tbh, that one encounter made my night. There aren't enough of us around for crossing paths to not be a memorable experience.
No. 36810
I found some old magazines I used to have.
God damn, I actually miss reading magazines. I used to save up my lunch money and buy stuff from a mag shop next to my school back when I was a kid. But there's no such shop in my borderline village commieblock district. I'd have to go all the way to town.

Perhaps the most valuable thing about such magazines, in the context of my re-entrance into serious art study, is the illustrations, photos, and articles about nature, history, and even fashion. Lots of material to add to the visual library.

The problem I have with searching for reverence on the internet is that it's all disjointed and ripped out of context. Such lack of background information not only strips the image of important nuance that you might otherwise be exposed to, but also prevents you from developing any sort of "taste" and culture. I have many paintings, posters, photographs, etc. in my reference folder, yet I know none of the authors or the meaning behind them or the cultural significance.

Once I get some pocket change, I think I'll buy some really fat monthly magazine with nice photos.
No. 36812
The text I was supposed to write about a short story is a day overdue, simply because I forgot about it yesterday.

It's quite relaxing to go shopping for groceries. Found out they sell pre-made lángos dough, which is quite based.

Haven't read much today, just a chapter from The History of European Literature, which is an old book, but a classic in its own right in Hungary. I'm enjoying it very much.
I'm supposed to be reading Die Verwandlung. I have a bilingual copy, so I'm going to read it in German.

I've been trying to get a NES/SNES emulator going on my linux laptop, and now I'm looking for roms and it's surprisingly troublesome to find roms of major games on sites I used to browse when I was 10-12.
Aaaand I can't get it to work. Fuck it.
(Not to mention the rom site started a bitcoin miner lol. I hope they're happy with the one trillionth of a bitcoin they were able to mine during the 5 minutes the script ran on a 10 year old laptop.)

I think I'll read some poetry tonight instead of prose. There is a novel I'd like to read, Broch's Der tod des Vergil. But that'd requite some special preparations, because I was told that it's a novel that should be read in two to three sittings.
I'm thirsty for some carefree, anime-esque escapism that makes me feel loved.

Honestly, at times I'm scared that reading is just a really long lasting "mania" and one day I'm going to wake up and feel ashamed for amassing so many books.

Makes me wish I was in a Viennese restaurant eating a large plate of Pommes and Schnitzel.
Man, I love Vienna so much.
>tfw not born in the 1870s to experience peak Vienna and Budapest during the 1900s and 1910s as a literati
The past is really unhealthy.
No. 36816
I've had a bit of a manic phase, staying up until 5am researching & reading. It seems to have subsided now to some extent, and I hope I can start fixing my schedule again since I'll have to wake up on Monday at 7am for classes.

Also on Thursday I had to help out with catering at wörk, and thank fuck I'm quitting at the end of the month. Usually I can spend most of the time reading but this time they had some huge event with the house full of pseudo-VIPs gobbling down free drinks & food. Everything was so badly organized that after 15 minutes we were out of wine glasses and the dirty food containers started piling up everywhere so most of us had to just run around for hours on end fixing things. And I even got lucky since I was allowed to leave earlier, when the "happy hour" ended, others had to endure the crappy DJ until 3am.

> Broch's Der tod des Vergil
Just looked it up on wiki and that sounds awesome. I'm honestly a bit embarrassed I never even heard about either the book or the author before, considering he seems to have been quite acknowledged.
No. 36817
>catering at wörk

gastro is hell. my ex worked for some event caterer as well. some companies christmas party she had to wear christmas costumes, constantly "charming" men commenting etc.
I never understood why she stayed there so long, sometimes having 12+ hours of work as azubi. The job drained her and it was one factor of our relationships going to pieces.


Spent the day in the uni library until the evening, I'm too tired to do anything besides consuming music or moving pictures
No. 36843
I'm so so glad I have nothing to do with that shitty industry anymore
No. 36857
Why is it 60° (23° for everybody else) in the northeast right now? You can lounge around at night in a tshirt and cargo shorts in NY, MA and VT right now in early January and apparently it's supposed to be like that all week. Meanwhile Australia is burning to the ground. I don't understand how there are people legitimately retarded enough to calm global warming even "controversial" let alone flat out not believe in it.
No. 36860
>I'm thirsty for some carefree, anime-esque escapism that makes me feel loved.
This is gonna sound weird, but the Witcher series is actually really good for that feeling.
No. 36872
I have not noticed this feeling with Witcher series but then again I only got into the early parts of 2 so far. What I can't help but think is that what you were thinking of was exclusively the addition of Geralt's daughter to 3 in combination with getting to bed wenches which I've never understood the appeal of doing. It's not even remotely porn, and it's not even remotely anything I could think of scratching an itch for chronically alone 30 year old neckbeards so really shitty romance subplots have only served to annoy me. YMMV but in general that's what I get the impression you were thinking about Witcher series. So far as I have seen it's nothing but just an incredibly gritty, grimey, brutal kind of absolutely not carefree gameworld.

I haven't played it yet but for that I'd imagine a game like Fable would hit the mark beautifully.

>I'm thirsty for some carefree, anime-esque escapism that makes me feel loved.
Honestly this might sound weird but I'd go with KOTOR for that. This is the one and only time in a game I got something vaguely similar from Bastilla, though that partly requires getting to the end of the game by which point I felt a bizarre amount of loyalty towards that fictional character. Somehow I think it also just works thematically with that whole weird tsundere concept anime has.
No. 36873
Sorry, I meant the books actually. Haven't played the games but I watched my brother play a good bit of Witcher 1... which most certainly does not capture that feeling.

>Honestly this might sound weird but I'd go with KOTOR for that.
This is a feature of older Bioware RPGs in general, I think. I miss that simpler, purer time of Western RPGs.

Fortunately for me, Final Fantasy XIV is the purest incarnation of 'carefree, anime-esque escapism that makes me feel loved' imaginable. I can't recommend it strongly enough to anyone with a lot of time on their hands and an urgent need for escapism. It's an MMO, but the single-player RPG at the core of it has one of the better stories of the last 20 years in video games.
No. 36875
Yeah. While KOTOR is the better game, I think that in terms of pure comfiness and escapism, Jade Empire pushes it out. That said, I associate comfiness more with badly dubbed or just plain subbed Wuxia films than I do Star Wars, so ymmv on that one based on your preferred aesthetic for comfiness.
No. 36877
Currently working on fixing up my little report on that short story I'm two days overdue with now.
I'm too lazy to throw it away and start again, but fixing it up is also a lot of work, even if it's only a page long. But at least it's almost done now.

My go to game for a situation like this is Stardew Valley. It's just that I don't have access to proper computer right now. (This laptop is a glorified typewriter if anything at this point.)
Usually I can't satisfy this "longing", so I just wait for it to be over.
(Though this "read a fantasy book" idea might be good. I have a copy of Lord of the Rings lying around, and I always considered it to be one of my blind spots that I've never read it, and people are often surprised to learn that I've never touched it besides reading the first 100 or so pages.)

The only reason I even caught this disease is probably because I've been listening to those Snow Halation meme songs where they replace the lyrics and the melody with the Flintstones theme.

>I'm honestly a bit embarrassed I never even heard about either the book or the author before
There is nothing to be embarrassed about. The only reason I have the book on my radar because I got a copy of it for Christmas from my history teacher. (Quite similar to how I came across Thomas Bernhard)
No. 36882
Sadly, at some point I figured I would never actually play Jade Empire, so I just read through the strategy guide for it that, for some reason, has been sitting in my room for 10 years, despite frequent moves and despite the fact that my brother was the only one who played it. And now that I know the big twist, I can't get into it, same as I can't get into KOTOR II.

>My go to game for a situation like this is Stardew Valley. It's just that I don't have access to proper computer right now. (This laptop is a glorified typewriter if anything at this point.)
The last time I played KOTOR was on a shitty Thinkpad that was already out of date in the year 2011... unless you're literally on a netbook, you can probably play any game from the PS2/Xbox/Gamecube generation. Might even be able to run a PS2 emulator, or Dolpin for Gamecube/Wii games. That era was 100% the Golden Age of gaming, at least on consoles. Graphics were in a perfect spot of not being so bad that all games were experiments in cubism, while still being simple enough that studios could crank out quality games as fast as they could think them up.

>Though this "read a fantasy book" idea might be good. I have a copy of Lord of the Rings lying around, and I always considered it to be one of my blind spots that I've never read it, and people are often surprised to learn that I've never touched it besides reading the first 100 or so pages.
I had exactly the same experience with LotR, until at one point I found myself lazing around a private apartment in a steamy Midwestern summer, thousands of miles from home on what was essentially an all-expenses paid academic vacation. And instead of taking part in the academics, I turned the AC up to max, created my own ice palace amidst the heat and humidity of an uncivilized clime, and immersed myself in Middle Earth.

I think half the bliss came from being so detached from the world of normal experience, but Lord of the Rings is the perfect book to delve into when you have a moment like that. It's the one true classic of fantasy literature, that managed to achieve timelessness. If there's one author from the 20th century that people will be reading 500 years from now, it'll be Tolkien.
No. 36885
That's a shame. To be fair the plot twist in II really doesnt spoil much since you kind of keep thinking you're probably talking to some Sith anyway. well unless you try playing straight dark side then yeah shes going to keep giving you shit for it. Tbh I only even considered Jade Empire because of KOTOR and I probably wont ever get to playing it. I do keep forgetting to pirate Alpha Protocol though. I have no idea why it isn't on steam but it doesnt matter anyway because fat fucking chance EA is getting my money. As for KOTOR it's literally so old now that it's sold on mobile game stores like Apple store and Google play.
No. 36886
So I've mentioned this before but that one ernst talking about taking stimulant drugs for motivation and enthusiasm about things reminds me to talk about kratom. I've been taking it for a bit of time now and while it feels like I'm a little bit more sore waking up in the morning and sluggish it seems fine to me. I invested in a capsule machine and some gel caps for pressing the powder in and it works great. I would highly recommend this over Adderall. I'm not really one of those "just like, go natural, man" types of people but in this one case I would recommend it over pharmaceutical drugs. Like right now I'm feeling plenty stoked to do just about anything in kind of an almost methylphenidate reminiscent sense. Like you know that feeling when you want to do a new game but can't, because you're just not even motivated or have enough joi de vivre to play a videogame of all things? Well this certainly helps that.

I also keep seeing pits and it just reminds me how saddened to not have a dog I am. I'm really baffled just how a certain group of people can be such genuinely evil shitheads to start an online hate campaign trying to get them killed. I was at a kennel yesterday and ironically it was the one pittie who was most calm and collected. Usually they're really some of the most super sweet dogs you'll ever encounter other than a lab and sweeter than strayan/English shepherds even it's just a lot of those dogs are really tightly wound and energetic especially if theyve only been given a tiny shitty urban or suburban apartment to stay in and they can chew the shit out of anything plus being so strong and playful they can probably be a lot of energy to deal with for someone who isn't a grown man if they're not properly trained but still
Apparently one of neighbors also has one and she was really super shy. Actually I may take that back and say I guess apartment raised pits can be a bit more loopy like some urban metro dogs I've met, more quiet and relaxed. When you have country dogs they just tend to be given a lot more leeway to be wild and run around so I'm guessing suburb and urban raised types may have had a lot more discipline ingrained in them.

But yeah I really want a dog. I think I'm going to try and rescue a pit sometime even though I'd really much rather raise one up from a pup. I'm 99% certain there's no dogfighting shitheads around here so it's probably less risk getting a rescue who can be a bit more neurotic or eccentric of a dog than usual anyway. I just don't understand why people are so skittish around pits but especially dogs in general. I was just floored by the fact that apparently a lot of urban tight pant wearing scum city dwellers are afraid of even toy dogs. It just blew my mind. So maybe that's part of the problem? At any rate pits are some of the sweetest most openly affectionate dogs and I really want to get one but I just have to be sure I won't get shit from any neighbors or landlord and he's got enough space to go be a dog. I also am unsure yet how I could manage ever having a couple dogs while I'm away at work and having to leave them unsupervised, and I'd need to get two since frankly it would be cruel to have one poor dog kept by himself in a little apartment all day.
No. 36887
10 kB, 236 × 314
Welcome to the South.
t.Further South

I think the majority of dog aggression comes down to the owners-a good owner can temper any negative tendencies, and a bad owner can bring the worst out of any breed. I don't bat an eye at a pair of pitbulls I regularly pass while they're being walked off-leash. When I first encountered them I looked at the owner, noticed his composure as they ran towards me, and immediately knew they were good dogs. They sniffed a bit and then scampered off. Another neighbor has a pitbull which literally drags the woman(and occassionally girl) who is walking him. That's a bite just waiting to happen, and when it does everyone will blame the breed and ignore the upbringing.
This ends my anecdotal proof :DD that pitbulls are misunderstood good boys.
No. 36888
Tbh, the game is still fun even if you know the twist. To me the atmosphere is more important and when Jade Empire's atmosphere is on point, then it is unreal.

I dont even care if they'dumb it down' since the first one wasn't complex to begin with, but they really need to move their butts and make that sequel that they've been saying they want to make for years now.
No. 36893
I feel, as if I should just post to let you know I am lurking.
No. 36894
Good to know we arent bleeding regulars. Thanks for checking in mate.

Glad you werent shot and/bioweaponed on the China.
No. 36897
I appreciate it.
Only comments I can add are musing on alcoholism.
These are not brags, just experience.

The spam has been pretty pathetic, did we upset anyone.

Anyway went back to England for one week and was visited by the police because 'a left wing group hacked a website', when they really mirrored a ded website.
I don't know if this makes me a person of interest, asked how they know my details, they said we have our ways and means, this was a ded hotmail I used for spam.
The web site was iron march, a facist website which faggots call neo-nazi.
I think this has fucked up every gov job I may have ever had.
Still at least I didn't get bummed by a lady boy in Manchester.
No. 36898
Nah, it's just the weaponised autism of Yli spilling out as it does.

But hey, you want to talk about booze consumption, go right ahead, it don't got to be particularly deep to go in the Today Thread. It's kind of why it exists in the first place. Tbh, I actually had an eye-opening experience with beer the other day, where I started on kraut beer that wasn't shithouse and then could practically taste the battery acid in my usual local poison by the end of the night. How does beer even come in HK? Do they do proper tallies and shit? Or is it pretty much all tinnies?

>Still at least I didn't get bummed by a lady boy in Manchester.
Always a plus.
No. 36899
>did we upset anyone.
What do you mean we?
>iron march, a facist website which faggots call neo-nazi.
I've heard of that site and it is neonazis.
No. 36902
Nothing better than starting the week with a 90 minute long history test, I tell ya.
We were given questions from one of the previous years' matura exams, and the questions were bullshit.
>But Ernst, could it be that maybe you didn't study enough
It's not that I didn't know the answer, it was that they worded it in an ambiguous manner and it could go either way. So despite studying, it made me feel like I was just guessing instead of confidently writing in an answer.
>The four sources above all refer to the same religion, which was followed by the majority of Hungary's nobility during the period. Which religion is it?
And it's bullshit, because what nobility? The aristocracy, the lesser, the one in the Principality of Transylvania or the one in the Royal Territories?
What the fuck are you talking about?
I mean, obviously, the sources were about Calvinism, but still, fuck you for making the question just that more confusing and hazy.
Compared to this retardation, the essay is a walk in the park. That one caused me no trouble.

Started reading Die Verwandlung. I'm only reading some parts in German, because I only have one day to finish it, and reading it in German would take too long compared to blazing through it in Hungarian.
I'm quite happy to still find Kafka enjoyable, even if I'm reading his work out of necessity.
Halfway done with it. Only had time to read on the bus while I was in the city picking up packages. One for my mother and one for me.
No. 36913
I finished reading Die Verwandlung yesterday night, only to find that I still have two days to read it. (Ironically enough I had quite a bad sleep after finishing it.) Guess it's the perfect time to read something short instead before slogging through Thomas Mann's Mario and the Wizard during the weekend.

We talked about the Avant-garde instead. We were shown plenty of images and also checked out one Apollinaire poem. Honestly, my first reaction was that I HATE THIS.
My second reaction was asking myself: WHY?. What made me feel so disgusted?
The conclusion I arrived at was as follows:
I hate them because they are cliché now, but actually, I enjoy the inheritance they left me. The fragmented vapourwave, the lo-fi songs. Essentially my hatred for the once revolutionary is a wish to be revolutionary.

At the library I read some from a classic Hungarian short story collection titled One Minute Stories. Photocopied one of them and translated it when I got home. I'm happy to tell you that I'm unhappy with the results.
The patient died during what should have been a routine procedure
So basically I'm going to redo it all over again.

Had a nice lunch and then I went to pick up a package. I didn't have a copy of Babits's novels at home so I got myself a two volume edition of his complete novels.
Basically a thing every educated household should have in this country.
(The only thing I'm on the lookout for now is the two volume edition of his complete essays and the single volume edition of his complete short stories and plays.)

Tomorrow I'm taking a maths test. Quite pumped. The subject is easy, and if I get a good grade on this, I'll have a better grade this semester, which is good for uni.
No. 36914
>the Avant-garde

Which one?


Stumbled across an 1996 introduction to the philosophy of mind and an introduction to the philosophy of mathematics, both look quite interesting and I got them, even tho I don't see where to fit them in my time schedule.

I'm listening to R.E.M and get that childhood feels, can't believe 1990 was 30 years ago and 1970 was 50 years ago. In 1995 WW2 was 50 years ago.
No. 36917
The early 20th century one, but we did so in really broad terms.
45 minutes to recap Cubism, Dadaism, Expressionism, Surrealism and Futurism.
No. 36920 Kontra
I can't shake the thought that if I kill my father then kill myself, mom will be able to sell the house and live comfortably with my little brother.
No. 36921
538 kB, 1317 × 2047
They might be cliche think of Bernhard, everything is a joke even the joke but appreciate them for what they are, without hanging a poster of them in your kitchen or whatever. I like Ludwig Kirchner e.g. The expressionists had good feel for vitalism, a luring "ism" tbh. Just one example. And even tho they might have abandoned the ideals of absolute art or court paintings, historical events and other idealized forms of realism, it's not the same as postmodernist stuff. Modernism is pluralism and fragment, even the romantics were fragmentary and people say that postmodernists are romanticists. Infact the modernist avant garde dada not I think, cubism I don't know, surrealism not sure were political and even utopian. German expressionists envisioned WW1 as Weltreinigung, as necessary cleansing for the great time after. Futurists had quite a radical program that definitely wanted to change a lot in society and its ways. Postmodernists don't have these utopian visions, they are careful of these in the retrospect advent of WW2

Don't wanna bitch to much, but differentiate here, as it rustle my jimmies to color the avantgarde monochromatic

sidenote: weren't you hating boomers and elder people? You should really read marinettis futurist manifesto :DDD
No. 36922 Kontra
Isn't there another way to get rid of your father, if that is the goal?
No. 36925 Kontra
The point is not only to get rid of his presence (can probably be arranged temporarily), but also him as a legal entity. He owns the flat.

And that would only solve half of the problem anyway. The only difference between him and me is that he funds his own addiction by digging through trash. I don't have the decency to even do that.
No. 36926
The trauma this would cause to your mother and brother far outweighs the benefit they would receive.

Your father sounds like a complete piece of shit, but even if (you think) you are a leech, you're not a vicious asshole. Family matters more than material benefits and unless they are inhuman robots, killing yourself/going to prison will impact your family more negatively than continuing to receive free food and shelter from them.
No. 36927
7 kB, 184 × 184
The feel when my brother and me were parted about politics for a while but I let him make his own experiences and never tried to talk him out of doing stuff, trusting my guts that one day he'd get on the right track. Now he switched to my side and it's really wholesome, we're going to have common readings and books and I am kind of proud.
No. 36930
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I found myself at a farmer's market today, and there was a petting zoo nearby. I snapped these pictures over the fence.
No. 36931
Are you from Pennsylvania?
No. 36933
Cute. Reminds me of my local farmers' market which also has a petting zoo.
No. 36934
108 kB, 500 × 642
60 kB, 500 × 496
You know I'm standing there at Walmart today trying to stuff my cheap shit groceries with absolutely Orwellian amounts of cameras because every walmart had four pods of three cameras each on every front entrance when I hear much ti my horror what kids are apparently listening to these days
I swear to God it feels like my eyes have been opened these past two months. I feel like I'm living in some kind of awful Soviet parody about what would happen if Capitalism won. What the fuck happened to rap? It's like the most complete degradation of something possible. This fucking guy is just repeating over and over "how much money ya got" and I'm just sitting there thinking you know what I probably just need to get out of this country. Meanwhile I overhear someone with customer service on the phone "Welcome to Bank of America. We support our military. Would you like to hear about how Bank of America supports our military?" like just what the fucking hell?

I'm not sure how to describe it. Are Ryssians putting some kind of subliminal messaging in their games or something? I feel like something just kind of clicked or snapped inside me where I finally saw things how they really are and Jesus it's horrifying.

I mean, just, fucking listen to it man
Like wtf this is actual music now? This is a thing? I remembered that other song
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ewRjZoRtu0Y and I'd hear it at work and I guess I just never thought much of it at the time for some reason.
No. 36935
I'm in Florida.

>my local farmers' market which also has a petting zoo.
I had never thought about it before, but I suppose this is a logical side business. And those goats were definitely cute. The way the darker one approached the fence and stood up reminded me of a playful puppy. He did that a few times.

>Orwellian amounts of cameras
You know the camera I really hate? The one which is pointed directly at you in the self-checkout. I don't mind so much that they're there, but it's the fact that they display your face on the screen while you scan items. They do that so you know you're being watched, momentarily abandoning the panopticon to flaunt their surveillance. The whole thing leaves me uncomfortably self-conscious.
No. 36936
Oh that stupid fuckin thing. Yeah half the time I end up just standing to the side. Swear to God everything's so monitored now I just cant even imagine freedom. What freedom? Can't even be a goddamn bum anymore. Not to glamorize a pretty hard life, but I was watching one documentary on train hopping and it's like within 10 minutes of being at a rail yard getting hassled by cops. I think the idea on top of it that somehow muh free markets is one of the most retarded ideas imaginable, because it's the businesses themselves that are pushing the absolute worst of it more often than not. I heard a horrifying rumor that pretty much all of London is now a cashless society and every millennial twat out there is now just using Apple pay.
No. 36943
Got my hands on the topics for the 2020 literature matura. The oberstufe, not the regular.
It's not so daunting as I thought it would be. I haven't read half the things on the list, and there are names of authors I do not know on the list, but it's manageable.
There are twenty possible topics divided into 7 categories. Three of those seven deals with Hungarian literature.
The fourth is world literature with three topics
>Presenting some of the typical genres represented in the Bible
>Storytelling and levels of interpretation in Mikhail Bulgakov's Master and Margarita
>The French pre-moderns: Baudelaire, Verlaine, Rimbaud - The characteristics of their poetry (Through works picked by the student)
The Theatre & Drama category only has Ibsen and Madách in it.
The Frontiers of Literature has only one topic, which is Fahrenheit 451 and its 1966 adaptation.
Nothing by "the ancients" is in it.

There are a couple of novels and poetry cycles I need to catch on, but now that it's not just a shot in the dark (As, I'm no longer building a tower without a proper blueprint in total darkness with only a candle), the literature oberstufe seems within my grasp yet again.
The only thing separating me from it is +1300 pages of primary text and who knows how much literature on the primary texts.
(Not to mention I can't find a copy of the one contemporary book that's actually a topic. The entire Ministry of Human Resources can suck my dick 2bh. I'm not reading a "complex" 350 page long novel on an e-reader, especially if I have to take notes.)

Now that I took that maths test today, it kind of feels like it's Friday, and I don't want to go in tomorrow. Don't know why, it's just how it feels.
To stay home, to sleep ,to die! and then to work on what my soul desires, which is finally finishing the translation of the Babits essay I started, and to rework that Örkény short story.
To finish reading The History of European Literature and to start reading some secondary sources I piled up.
And maybe drink a bit before bed.

I failed to mention that yesterday I had a Chinese couple sit next to me on the bus, and I listened to the way they talked. It was really mellow and calm. It reinforced in me that basically any language can be ugly if the speakers are inarticulate and loud.

I didn't mean to rustle your Jimmies. I was completely aware that we oversimplified things in class.
Can I do anything else besides begrudgingly accept the Avant-garde? No.
It dissolved into our cultural tissue, and we enjoy the fruits, even if the seed itself is bitter. (And I'm definitely someone who enjoys the fruits of the Avant-garde in the 21st century.)

btw. printed out the Futurist manifesto's complete text. The 12th grade anthology I had only published the bullet points and not the whole text.

There is also the fact that it feels like that the pendulum is currently on the completely opposite end right now, and careful planning and well made structures are what's the counter culture of the arts.
We assimilated the Avant-garde so well, that it no longer feels revolutionary.

Haven't read through the complete manifesto yet, so I'm just saying intuitive bullshit. In my experience, it's far more revolting to go beyond the bare necessities in art and in culture. To dig up the secrets of tradition and to wield what we've re-learnt.
So obviously, I'm not talking about American-style maximalist novels where everything is cold and calculated.
No. 36947
>only bullets points

I would say that is enough :DDD They are usually of most interest.

>careful planning and well made structures

What do you mean by that? A novel that is planned out and calculated for the market is not counterculture in my eyes. Counterculture would be memes. You can normiefy memes I think but Geert Lovink made some arguments that memes as PR don't work. But I'm not sure if that will hold forever.
The problem why it's not revolutionary tho every thread on an imageboard /b/ about modern art will tell you otherwise, people are so offended by it, it's funny is because it's a) old and b) revolution or more precise: the gesture of revolution can be and also has been commodified, revolution as aesthetic product that you can consume.
Is it weird to think of revolutions as 19th century tier? I guess that is just capitalist realism simmering in my heda. Current middle eastern protests make that thought obsolete.

>careful planning and well made structures

I think that avant gardes thought about their works and structured it as well. Accident is involved I guess but things usually need to go thru a process. I don't know about paintings but between imagines of the genius and the reality of art practice might be a big divergence.

>far more revolting to go beyond the bare necessities in art and in culture. To dig up the secrets of tradition and to wield what we've re-learnt.

I don't understand. Especially the last sentence. Care to elaborate?
No. 36951
5,2 MB, 1631 × 1767
Farewell, people, this was the day the old Russia has ended.
I will remember you. Maybe it is one of the last of my posts.
Had a good time. All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain.
I suppose we are going full best korea now.
No. 36954
Nah, we will be exeacly like kazahstan
Russia died with Kornilov
No. 36955
Yeah, pretty much my understanding also. Some of the changes he's making to the constitution are also working towards soft power in 'lower' positions of power (where putin and his frens will be hanging out) and taking some of it away from the top seat (political opponents can't oust him dictator style.

It's absurdly similar to Nazzy B's play actually, except a little bit more broad sweeping, while in Kazakhstan he just knew that the amount of clout he had made his word law virtually no matter what position he held.
No. 36956
>I think that avant gardes thought about their works and structured it as well.
It's hard to talk about the avant-garde in general but there certainly were a lot of artists whose works had a chaotic core. I'm thinking of men like the viennese modernist Peter Altenberg who'd just fuck around in coffee houses and write down what people were talking. Or the french surrealists who got up in the morning and literally just wrote down whatever floated their brain boats.
Not saying that those works would be in anyway artistically inferior, indeed they are often quite superb.
But I guess what the Hungarian means is the loss of artistic formalities.
For instance in the 19th century you had Gustav Freytag's Drama Theory which many plays based themselves on and which on its own based itself on the classical tragedy - strict form and no experiments.
Now I think there are indeed hardly such works in post-modern art and I'd agree on seeing a kind of "literary reaction" as revolutionary in this very moment.
But maybe I'm missing out on something and such works do already exist.
No. 36957
It is kind of more "unstable" change than in kazastan because it was their last and lamest option. You who interesred in former USSR news already knew there was some testing grounds attempt at possible soft annexion of belarus - that was it can rise bydlo morale sam as it was with crimea and also can make ground for new laws like "we are new state now, like RussiRussia and now previous presidenties not count so Putin can be el presidente for more 12 years X--DDDD" but obviously people of belarus was oposed to it and Lucashenko said "fuck u" to Putin and friens. So thier only choise for trasition now is try to replicate kazahstan scenario. They started to execute it right now in hope that to the 2024 ground will be safe.
No. 36958
Yeah. It took me by surprise. The Belarus thing was never going to happen. Luka has been playing that game for years now, and cockblocked Russia every time at the last minute. I didn't expect it to change this time.

What really took me by surprise though was that he went the Kazakhstan route. I was going to assume he would have a protege mouthpiece take the presidency after his term ended, with the changes to the constitution being to undo some of the loopholes he abused so that nobody could surpass him, forever making him 'le great leader'.

I suppose it makes sense that it was their last option. The whole scramble around that last press conference seemed really rushed.
No. 36960
I'm also interested to how they try and leverage the whole 'we need to make systematic change t. putin' being responded to two hours later with 'okay, we resign t. government' thing. In Kazakhstan, they used the Mothers' Marches as a kind of pretext and killed two birds with one stone. I predict that the first wave of changes that the new government makes will be ineffective token laws to do with wage stagnation, pensions and education, that rather just act as a "look, we're doing something" message to the wavering party faithful.
No. 36962
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>Counterculture would be memes. You can normiefy memes I think but Geert Lovink made some arguments that memes as PR don't work. But I'm not sure if that will hold forever.
Memes in the classic sense of captioned images of the 00s era have been throughly normiefied, though there are lots of feedback loops at work, e.g. these memes are then again appropriated in a new way (Exhibit C from "Cropped Boomer Memes" on Twitter)
At this point I don't think you can talk of a single counterculture when referring to memes, as memes became normified (and appropriated by advertisers - maybe you remember "was ist das für 1 life" by Sparkasse) there was a reaction of "surreal memes" and as these waned in popularity this stuff splintered completely into many constantly evolving fringes (giving an example at this point would betray the fluctual nature).
I think that memes definitely work as PR, just not in a straightforward fashion. Just look at Monster energy drink or Baby Yoda as tbh very brazen examples that still work, people share that stuff completely voluntarily. And then there's possibly whole rabbitholes to discover about more subtly astroturfed memes.

>It's hard to talk about the avant-garde in general but there certainly were a lot of artists whose works had a chaotic core.
I was initially inclined to agree, but I guess for many movements such as "Dada" or "the Beats" you could say that in retrospect they only advertised themselves as chaotic or anti-structure. In the end they also became appropriated, into an avant-garde mainstream if you will, probably about as soon as someone put a name on those movements. So in a way, maybe they can be called structured after all.

>Now I think there are indeed hardly such works in post-modern art and I'd agree on seeing a kind of "literary reaction" as revolutionary in this very moment.
>But maybe I'm missing out on something and such works do already exist.
What authors/books do you have in mind as "post-modern"? I'd say most contemporary (whatever tends to be called "post-modern" included) literature still follows a fairly classical story structure, or at most a slight variation thereof. What doesn't is just concept art in book form, not literature (e.g. http://www.orworsepress.net/assets/lobster-genesis-owp.pdf) though you're free to consider this a bit of a cop-out.

I've been thinking about "classical structure" in regards to poetry lately - how it'd be awesome to write a sonnet in iambic pentameter just like Shakespeare! But really why bother, it'd require lots of effort just to be able to emulate something in a gimmicky manner. It might've worked in a certain time, in a certain place, and I can still appreciate it to some extent but ultimately it'd be totally anachronistic to create sth like that. Now you need to write pop music or Rupi Kaur tier stuff as is appropriate for the times (Yes, I'm sorry for being facetious, I know there are good lyricists out there).
I also consider it an enticing idea that you could do something revolutionary through applying classical methods but I feel like any attempts will just turn out as cliché.
No. 36963
Sometimes I check back on mainstream music like "is trap over yet? no? ok" and duck back.
I have a suspicion that in another decade people will look back on this era of hip-hop with the same level of cringe as we do to the bling era of hip-hop of the 2000s, nu-metal, etc.. It's just inherently goofy.
To my knowledge it was literally some internet meme fad that became mainstream for some reason, and lost all of its self-awareness along the way. It all just sounds like a watered down and flanderized version of memphis style and southern hip-hop from 30 years ago anyway.

Probably makes me sound like a crusty old man huffing his own farts about the "good old days", but I never liked mainstream pop culture anyway, even during the MTV days of the 2000s. It's just annoying how objectively goofy things are seen as cool and hip while they're popular, and then a few years later when it tapers off, everyone suddenly "wakes up" to the fact that it's lame, like it wasn't obvious all along. Like, people thought tecktonik was cool at some point lmao. And they never catch on to the pattern either.
So I don't think current trends are in any way more degenerate than stuff from the previous decades, it's just the wheel turning again.

And I think when literal kids start getting into a currently popular fad, it's a mark that it's about to become lame. Happens every time. Like I remember how back in middle school kids started getting into "emo" and nu-metal and shit, right as it was fading out.

Then again, maybe it's me who's the weirdo. I listen to concept albums about sentient weed-golems and a band literally called "Ween".
No. 36965
They already trying to start making "imitating laws" like "400k roubels for first kid! This will solve demographics problem". Obviously it'll solve nothing since problem is ultra complex and requre radical changes or unsolvable at all at this point without miracle.
I think they want to go back to pre-2012/2014 status quo where "people not cared about politics-goverment not preshure people too much exept political freedoms" but same time they kind of want more power same time. With their changes of politics in 2010s they only made russia kind of less stable than it's other authoritorian neibors and only loosed on many fronts, maybe putin tired to play "active" leader and now want just chill out and be "lazy sultan". I bet he kind of envy looking at lukashenko and nazarbaev.

Will look how it goes, espessialy where world politics will go. I already feel that 10s theme with "sjw vs alt-right" and all "self identity/gender" thing is tired and will go out of fashion. I interested what will be next major political topics for bydlo in 1st world countries.
No. 36966
I think there are two major issues that will dominate this decade. Both are involving the rapid obsolescence of the traditional working class. One will be automation vs employment, how will society balance the wants of those who benefit from automation (which includes a lot of middle class who will see lower prices on some things due to lower wage costs to businesses) with those who will suffer (the working class whose jobs are eaten up by machines). We're seeing the start of it here with maccas, where some of the bigger stores only have a couple of cashiers, with most of the ordering being done via console. Fewer maccas jobs means fewer entry level jobs for school kids, means a less competitive population entering the work force, means higher youth unemployment too. Some big complex issues there that people are bound to fight over.

The other one is to do with climate change. It's become a forefront issue on the wect at least, with a lot of countries wanting to transition towards drastically lowered emissions if not net zero emissions by the end of the decade. The big contributor there is industry, and when industry is forced to slow down, or transition in new ways, the ones who get bit are the poor bastards on the line. There is also automation troubles here which have been brewing for decades but I think that the AI revolution we're going through right now will be the straw that broke the camel's back with regards to making entire sectors obsolete. Again, this is a struggle between an ostensibly good outcome at the cost of screwing over a fairly large demographic.
No. 36969
I just had a thought about the Walmart scene you described.
The US entertainment industry is so immersed in lavish lifestyles, excess and glamour, that having chart topping mainstream pop songs juxtaposed with the painful banality of walking around Walmart, tracked by cameras and harassed by elderly employees for receipts must be a truly surreal experience.
It's like being a peasant under an aristocracy, but also having to go through the humiliating experience of pretending to be equal to them, and sharing the same cultural space.

In my opinion, the most important and effective aspect of totalitarian horror is not strictly the oppression, but this conflicted feeling of experiencing a reality that is clearly not what everyone believes it to be. When it really gets into your mind, and you're not sure if you're crazy, or everyone else is. This experience of mutual alienation between you and the environment you are depended on. Living under an organism that is actively trying to reject your reality, your experiences, your thoughts, you as a being, and negate your existence / realness, like an organism rejects a foreign body.

There's lots of parallels to body horror in that, but one layer deeper. Body horror being the experience of feeling alienated from your own flesh. In this case, it's the realization that your existence as a mind is dependent on a collection of biological processes that only coincidentally happen to support your existence, but might at any moment "malfunction" and snuff you out. It's the core of many types of horror, from ones about viruses / diseases, to fantastical ones about mutations, body invasion, etc. I think Carpenter's The Thing exemplifies this type of horror the most.

I think there's a more fundamental and abstract horror-concept shared by both body horror and totalitarian horror, this concept of alienation and detachment from something that one should normally hold as part of his identity or habitat.
No. 36970 Kontra
Thinking more about it, this could be extended to cosmic horror as well, but this time one layer above.
Cosmic horror being the feeling of detachment from reality and the universe itself. The realization that one is simply a by-product of another much larger process, and that things that once seemed familiar and ordinary are in fact utterly incomprehensible and alien, that you are alone and trapped in an uncaring, indifferent reality that carries on according to some nebulous rules that you will never be able to understand.

Like one of those flashes of de-realization you get, when for a moment you're like "holy shit, I am "me", in this flesh body, here having this experience, manipulating a flesh pupped through neural impulses, inputting symbol data into a machine, that will send it through a network of wires to other machines operated by other flesh puppets to decrypt the symbols through patters of light hitting their eyes, and we're all doing this, here on a piece of rock suspended in the vast and infinite void of space"

Perhaps this feeling of alienation is the kernel of all "cerebral" horror.
No. 36990
It’s extremely satisfying to watch Warren’s petty attempts at ratfucking Sanders blow up in her face.
No. 36998
44 kB, 372 × 598
I woke up with a smashing headache for some reason, so I had two espressos and some toast before departing for class. Couldn't read properly on the bus because it was too crowded.
During class my headache returned so I took a painkiller while we discussed pic related.
It's a good poem. The translation had a nice melody in it, and I liked how it gave me a lot of freedom while interpreting it, though in retrospect, the way the translation was printed hindered getting to a proper conclusion quite a bit.

I found that unfindable book I need for the matura in the library. It's a small book, so despite being 300 pages long, it's actually not that daunting.
Apparently, it was published in German too for some God forsaken reason.
Flipped in open at a random page, and the first sentence I came accross was
>"Oh, what have you done to us, Béla Kun!"
God, I hope it's not nationalist drivel, because I couldn't care less about contemporary or 20th century ultranationalist retardation.
The author is apparently so contemporary that he's been dead for 6 fucking years.

I helped with my sister's German homework. Couldn't help but think how the situation was like as if we were in a late 19th or early 20th century novel. The family, all gathered in the living room, talking and doing things.

What I was on about in that epic brainlet moment was that since a lot of traditional forms in literature is neglected, it's more of an act of rebellion to write and rediscover something old and traditional like a sonnet than to keep on composing free verse.
That's what I meant by planning. Carefully constructing your work to reach a high level of aesthetics. Neo-parnassism basically. But you know what, forget it, because I clearly have no clue what I'm talking about, and I should have kept my mouth shut.
No. 36999
But they had poetologies. They had manifests. It was not "instinctive" made art. It was thought out and then done, experimented. Perhaps it was mixed, but I think it cannot be separated from an idea and how to make art. In that sense it is like classical art: it is thought of and constructed. Even when you say as an artist from that time "I need to express the suppressed desires because I read Freud around 1900" you need to comprehend how to do it. I just don't think they just did things and never thought about it.

I would also agree with >>36962 that most books still follow classic formalities. Realism is very strong today, perhaps the most loved and best sold genre.
If I look at the many provincial theatres, they still stage <20th century century dramas more often than any post dramatic stuff that is afaik only a thing in the big cities. Ofc the classic dramas might be spiced up some times, Werther with a skateboard or whatever.

I think you can write like a 18th century poet today, or you could take from the formalities what you need (postmodern practice tbh). But why?
A carefully constructed piece of art is still made and possible today.

Yeah memes are normified but there still exist special memes on the fringes. Memes are a cultural technique, Lovink took them as micro narratives, in their mass they form a bigger narrative that creates belonging (a single meme can do it already, the more the better so, more variety, more complexity). They need to be authentic somehow. The Hillary or Martin Schulz Memes, did not really take off, because it looked forced. Ofc Sparkasse can do it as well and it might work to a certain extent, since they have become a widespread technique in the presence. Still has potential to be counter cultural. The form of a meme does not restrict the content politically. At least there is elbowroom.
No. 37001
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The squirrels would like to rob my bird feeder but it’s too windy so they have to hunker down like this
No. 37005
You know, I actually liked that poem, despite only understanding about 3/4 of it.

Does no one else feel a unique repulsion to English poetry, that doesn't extend to any other language? I wonder if I only feel this because the selections for reading in school over here are so atrocious; or because the the quality of our poetry is just below that of other languages; or if the language itself just isn't suited to poetry.

I once had a hypothesis that the influx of so many long and awkward Latin words into the the language rendered it unsuitable for traditional Germanic forms, while that influx still didn't transform it enough to be suitable for poetic forms borrowed from Romance languages. But, to go anywhere with that hypothesis I would have to examine the poetry of other, purer Germanic languages that have adopted meters from Romance languages, and I don't have the knowledge of any such languages to perform an analysis.
No. 37013
How did you survive the death of your parent(s)?

Both my parents are old and sick and we need to discuss plans for the future when either of them is no longer here. But I can't properly join the discussion because I begin to cry just by thinking about the topic. I'm so weak I'm already teary-eyed just by writing this post, fuck.
No. 37014
Stiff upper lip. It's probably not healthy but it's pretty much the only way I know of dealing with negative emotion.

t. has watched both parents die of cancer
No. 37015
I fear even think about such things hoenestely. Can only say that I perfectly understand your feels. Feels very sad.
No. 37016
Personally I've never really found English to be repulsive when it comes to poetry. I mean, it can be bad, mostly when they use English for something it's just simply not suited for, but that goes for any language. (See, hexameter for example.)
Chaucer and Shakespeare are both masters of poetry, and from what I can tell, the US had the Fireside poets who were pretty well trained when it came to verse.
Not to mention the English romantics.

If I remember correctly, Aristotle actually said that diversity in the origin of vocabulary actually enhances poetry. (That's actually one of the reasons I think why Hungarian poetry is so great. We can draw on so many sources to compose it simply because we're living in a linguistic buffer zone.)
No. 37017
I'm don't know anything about english poetry. Well, I know Shakespeare and a lot of memes and quotes about hims and some other authors on famous side, however never read myself. I know that you need watch Shakespeare plays, not read them. Can you recomend some theatre plays, maybe on youtube?
No. 37018
In this case I was talking about Shakespeare's poetry and not his plays, though you could make the argument that his plays are poetry too, since they were largely written in blank verse.
No. 37019
>How did you survive the death of your parent(s)?
I wish I had some advice, but I don't. My father died, but it happened while I was in that early teen phase of not caring about anything, so it didn't really hit me emotionally. It also helped that my parents divorced when I was an infant and he didn't live with us, which further dulled my response. In the end, I never had to deal with it in an adult way like you're doing.
No. 37022
I’m reading my first manga, Hunter x Hunter. Currently on the Chimera Ant saga. It’s pretty good tbh, this is the first time I’ve ever gotten invested in a comic. However the art quality is very inconsistent (apparently the author is notorious for being fickle and hard to work with).
No. 37025
>Ofc the classic dramas might be spiced up some times, Werther with a skateboard or whatever.
Had to laugh because it's so true.

>Still has potential to be counter cultural. The form of a meme does not restrict the content politically. At least there is elbowroom.
I'm not sure about that tbh, ofc there is always some elbowroom, but I feel like different meme formats certainly suit different political contents e.g. just looking at how well Smug Pepe Trump vs. Hillary works.
But my bigger irk is again with the term "counter-cultural" as it implies some common agenda of a somewhat unified counter-culture (as it maybe was in the 60s, maybe around Occupy as well) but now there are many diversified microcultures which can form alliances depending on different issues.
I'll make sure to read that new Lovink book some time soon though, maybe it'll clear some things up.

Unfortunately I can't vouch for a good English performance, but there's actually a very good Soviet ecranisation of Hamlet (and King Lear also) based on the translation by Pasternak: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5XWbGN0zmlw
No. 37026
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Imagine a new corporate imposed totalitarianism, as the only retailers to survive in a post-Amazon world spread even faster. These big box stores, forged in a distant state or nation, drop whole into every neighborhood until the last public space is occupied. Within the walls of their respective kingdoms these invaders are free from Constitutional restraints, and citizens-in need of goods-adapt to the new dystopian reality of retail strip-searches. Everyone knows something is wrong but dare not whisper of rebellion, lest they find themselves banned from the aisles of Walmart and, unable to consume, become social outcasts.

They can't get past the Squirrel-Buster, so they must be after the suet again.
No. 37027
>but there's actually a very good Soviet ecranisation of Hamlet (and King Lear also) based on the translation by Pasternak
I know, maybe will see it, just wanted watch real thatrical play maybe, thanks
I suspect you are russian ball under german flag :З
No. 37028
500 kB, 4000 × 2807
> different meme formats certainly suit different political contents

Agreed. I wasn't very precise in my vocabulary I think. Perhaps what I meant is the concept of the meme. The concrete form a meme has can differ. And I think you are right with your example. It also backs up my point a bit as well. You cannot just easily create a meme coming from a PR background and expect it to go thru the roof. It has to be done really well in order to let it look like it come from the depths of the internet.


Tbh if you just want to know what he has to say about memes, you can just jump to the chapter called Memes as Strategy. European Origins and Debates makes 20 pages and you are done with it. If you want to know about why going online makes you sad and left with feeling of being hollow, read the book or introduction/sum upLovink is talking from a left point of view, when it comes to strategy btw

>counter cultural

Careful here, I never said there is a homogenous that feel when the browser built spellchecker does not know that word counter culture. I would say as well, that there are many small cultural enclaves and people don't just stick to one of them but participate in many at the same time with with gradually different intensity.
Nonetheless these minor cultures and their codes/symbols/rituals can be provoking or attractive and ignite cultural change that spills beyond their microfragment of a culture in trickle into the larger collectively/societal shared cultural machine. Basically the fate of most things that were/are counter cultural take this route. It means previously more or less unknown symbols/practices and attitudes are taken up by more people taken up by a "majority", tho that might be a misleading concept in times of cultural dispersion. Then again I think beyond all that dispersion we still have a big amount of cultural understandings which is widespread and from which many culture fragments might built upon, take it as a "base level of (western) culture", or lets say there are hegemonic cultures

Tbh "Culture" is the biggest thing you can get worked up over these days. There are myriads of publications and especially since the cultural turn in academia.

pic unrelated
No. 37029
Today father drunkenly fell on the toilet and shattered the water tank to pieces. Additional expenses, on top of him pawning off our old phone chargers and old phones/tablets for vodka money.
Mom got really angry and threw him outside. He then started banging on the door and somehow broke the whole hinge/lock mechanism. Guess he's sleeping on the staircase tonight.

We'll have to wash our filth down with a bucket of water from now on. Like good old days when we had water cut. I'm not even upset. I have transcended beyond anger or humiliation.
No. 37030
Stay strong friend. I also come from a poor background (for Nordic standards), but am still alive thanks to the Finnish welfare system. Something breaking and no monies to replace it is very familiar from childhood, for us it was the family car.
No. 37031
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Oh man, there's not much to say but if there's one thing I know, albeit excruciatingly clichéd, never give up. You can never choose family but you can
You could say I'm basically in the same situation you're in except vastly turned down, so I guess our situations aren't so alike.
No. 37032
51 kB, 720 × 541
Got off really early today because my extra literature classes were cancelled. I'm both glad and sad. To tell you the truth, while those classes are valuable and fun, they also make my weeks quite oppressive by having a 7 day deadline to read a large book ever week.

They finally opened the Point Calculator for this year's university admission scores.
It's not an official scoring, that comes after the matura exams, but it's still nice to be able to see how the scores will be calculated in action.
So apparently if I were to do both the history and the literature oberstufes, I wouldn't get extra points for both of them, since only the first two oberstufes count, and I already have one in English.
Every student can earn 500 points, and based on my current, optimistic calculations, I'd earn ~480 points. Which is a quite high score. So high that it'd allow me to get into even the most special courses like psychology and psychiatry if I had the right matura degree subjects.
The Sinology course is ~380 points at the most prestigious uni in the country.
Told my mother to get herself ready, because at this rate I might be one of the 11 people next year to study classical-philology, which was met with an ironic blurt of "don't you fucking dare".

Ernsts, I'm happy. There's hope, and my goals weren't unrealistic at all.

I'm halfway through the book I'm currently reading, and it's incredibly touching to read the history of Western literature through the lenses of a polyglot literati who was classically trained and not only read the great works he is writing about, but also translated quite a few of them.
I was told to don't take everything what Babits says at face value, because they're "just opinions", but let's be real, can you treat the words of a newly discovered idol as anything but a newly unearthed gospel?

On the way home I saw a newspaper on a bench. It wasn't really a proper newspaper, rather a small format paper that was introduced to fill the gap in the market when they stopped publishing Metro.
On the front page it said "4% pension increase this year too! More info on pg. 19". So I quickly flipped to page 19 and torn it out out of anger.
Probably the most politically conscious thing I ever did.

Don't know about parents, but when I had to let go of a dear relative, it helped me to think that being so old and sick wasn't good for anybody, especially to the person who was suffering.
If they had a good life over all, and have no regrets, then "passing to the other side" only relieves them of physical pain.
There is no need to make someone suffer through increasingly elaborate medical treatments to save them.
It's only natural.

By all means, cry when the priest conducts the burial service. It's really liberating. To cry at the right time for the right reason.
Don't supress your feelings completely. It looks bad and you're going to regret it later.
No. 37035
I just realized you have a golden opportunity here to become an internet-famous comic artist. Practice your skills by drawing X panels per week about your life in Qazaqstan (sic). Life might seem like a tragidy up close, but as soon as you zoom out to a wide-angle it becomes a comedy.

Draw yourself as carricature of Franz Kafka, sprinkle it with references to Schiller and call it "The Sorrows of Young Kazkha".
No. 37036
I once dropped a coffee mug on a ceramic toilet bowl and broke both the mug and the bowl rate
No. 37039
I'm not in the mood to quantify the yield stresses of your ceramics.
No. 37040
No. 37041
Ingenious scheme. There's always a way to financially gain in any situation if you look hard enough, additionally creating such art can help to reduce the grief once put into perspective. I think Schopenhauer adviced to express one's turmoil into arts and philosophy if I remember correctly.
No. 37045
I finally finished the rough draft of that essay I started translating a few weeks ago.
It's not as good as I wanted it to be, so instead of shitting it onto the web like I usually do, I'm actually going to look through it.
Babits's style is relatively complex compared to the authors' I've translated over the years. Lots of complex sentences, slightly archaic vocabulary and so on.

I feel kinda nauseous.
No. 37058
In hyper mode, so might post later literally feel like I had 10 coffees woke up two hours ago and feel a meth rush. wtf is with my brain chemistry.
Drank a bottle of grappa, spirit made from grapes last night and just bought more beer, honestly feel high as fuck not had and drugs in a year and literally just opened a beer.
Any doctors explain this shit.
No. 37063
Yesterday night I wrote a poem. I decided to actually follow a traditional form instead of just making rhymes based on feeling.
So I wrote a sonnet, and I'm damn proud of myself that I stuck with it and finished it. It's not the best poem in the world, but it's proof that nothing is impossible.
Decided to mix some futurism into it. In the end, it turned it into a small little elegy about how the space-race is over.

Also finally found that bottle of Kräuterlikör I was looking for. It was behind a Thomas Mann book.

I have to look through 8 chapters' worth of biology from the textbook.
My notes are fragmentary, and I lost the notebook I wrote them into to top it all off. It's not much, but the subject never really interested me.
Probably what most people feel when they sit through a literature class where the teacher insists on using Graeco-Roman technicus terminus.
I begrudgingly look at the clock during each class, waiting for it to pass. The only science subject I never struggled with.

Haven't read much at all during the weekend. I should've been reading Mario and the Wizard, but I still have at least a week to get to that, and I'm not in a hurry to force myself to read something that I have no particular interest in reading right now.
No. 37064
Your brain is readjusting. I remember once the highest rush I ever felt was after downing an 8% ABV tallboy after not drinking for some not even that long amount of time and it literally felt better than a hit of heroin, and I do mean literally. Out of all the narcotics I tried this was a better rush than oxy by far. I've also occasional had a cigarette in the morning feeling like an opiate rush. I suspect that this can happen pretty easily either with some seemingly benign drug like cigarettes, coffee, and beer, or it can happen almost spontaneously while you're in the process of quitting everything. Of course regarding beer my chemistry is a bit different.
No. 37065
Finally found a pdf of a book by Jakob Johann von Uexküll in English translation
No. 37071
270 kB, 1600 × 1066
>I suspect you are russian ball under german flag :З
Haha, well you're not entirely wrong. I had to google to make sure it's a proper English word.
Btw if you don't mind a somewhat loose adaptation of Shakespeare, I can recommend one after all, Chimes at Midnight by Orson Welles.
Just watched it myself, I'll post a bit about it in the movie thread in a while.

>chapter called Memes as Strategy. European Origins and Debates
Thanks, I think I'll read the introduction and then decide if it's worth to read it or just skip to that chapter.

>I never said there is a homogenous counter culture
I know, it's just my issue with the terminology "counter culture", maybe I need to rethink it

>that feel when the browser built spellchecker does not know that word
That's because the correct spelling is homogeneous, homogenous is apparently an archaic scientific term, though I didn't really know this either until now :P

>Yesterday night I wrote a poem. I decided to actually follow a traditional form instead of just making rhymes based on feeling.
>So I wrote a sonnet, and I'm damn proud of myself that I stuck with it and finished it. It's not the best poem in the world, but it's proof that nothing is impossible.
Congratulations. Did you write in Hungarian?
I also recently tried to write a poem and started with a few lines, then I decided I'd also better make it a sonnet but by the time I reacquainted myself with what a sonnet actually entails form-wise, all my inspiration dried up. Maybe I should try to complete it, but writing poetry feels kind of silly when it's not coming from the heart.
Though that might be a feeling that needs to be overcome to be able to actually complete something.
No. 37076 Kontra
Can I use the subject line to be a namefriend?
No. 37079
1,8 MB, 1526 × 999
Fuck. Just checked roster and tomorrow I'm working with my manager who is a massive fucking cunt. Complete slave mentality towards work to the point where most of us don't feel that he's backing us up. For example, when the boss tells him to cut hours, he doesn't even try to protect the income of his staff and just obeys instantly. He also is a lead from the rear kind of guy, which is always quality. As are the bouts of (literal) roid rage. The worst bit is that it'll be quiet and there is hardly any work to do, but he'll have you do stupid busywork instead of letting you chill out for a bit, so I somehow got to pad a 30 minute job into 3 hours.

Then on Wednesday I'm working under him again, as well as some new kitchen manager who is apparently not great. I saw her once and I can already feel the judgmental looks coming from across the kitchen. At least its only a short day that day and I can fuck off out of there before too long.
No. 37080
24 kB, 316 × 303
>Packing my things and putting on my coat
>Right next to a door
>Girl I know tells me she's about to take a test while going in
>Tell her to "Break a leg and an arm!" (A Hungarian idiom for wishing someone good luck)
>Look down
>She has a broken leg
Holy shit I want to fucking die.

>Did you write in Hungarian?
Yes, because if I were to write it in English, it'd have to adhere to Shakespeare's rules, and I'm not exactly confident with metre at all, let alone English verse.
No. 37084
I honestly dread the day, nothing can prepare me, for now just trying not to think about it. Thanks for responding Ernst.

Don't feel bad, that's just hilarious.
No. 37088
66 kB, 641 × 677
Winter has finally arrived down here.
No. 37089
Same here, it's finally below 0°C for an entire day. Also thick fog, which resulted in an extremely coyz early morning walk through the woods during dawn.
No. 37103
I think I might be emotionally dependent on my mom. When she's upset, I get depressed, when she's happy, I feel ok. Otherwise, I'm rather indifferent, or rather, I have the privilege of being indifferent, due to not being involved. Maybe it's my subconscious expressing the knowledge that I'm completely dependent on her, as well as not contributing anything on my own.

Basically, I'm still psychologically a child.
No. 37104
CONAN! What is best in life?

To see your enemies driven before you and hear the lamentations of Phil Helmuth
That's what is best in life
No. 37105

Sames here. It's -5° at night and around 0° at day for the next few days. It might even be snowing.
No. 37107
I suffer on the southern hemisphere.
t. summer experiencer
No. 37109
Reinstalled tinder out of boredom, realized that girls really seem to like my new hairstyle better (I look like le sensitive boy now instead of 50s mafioso) and scheduled myself a date with some 18 year old girl for next week. It's almost 5 years of age difference now, so it will be an unusual experience for me either way.
No. 37110
I'm still wondering cowardly if I should do it. I see so many beautiful women in uni and I'm pretty sure some would go on a date with me, eye contact does not lie at one point.there is this extremely slender and petite ersti which I share a class with and we saw each other twice in the library and I was able to at least smile back this time. and my hornyness is killing me, I wouldn't mind getting hit by the love train tho I guess, at least intimacy is desireable just like more or less mechanical fuggingsbut my motivation to go on a date is decreasing when I think of it, I don't want the hassle of examining if it would click enough for either of the options

>5 years difference

perfectly fine t. experiencer, I wouldn't date anything below 18 and I'm older than you it seems.
No. 37111
Yesterday I saw one of the girls in my class read Rupi Kaur's abysmal volume of poetry, Milk and Honey. It was the Hungarian translation.
Asked if I could check it out. Read 5-6 poems in 30 seconds and it's just awful, really.
But I decided to stay polite, smile, and show my amazement that it was translated at all.
No point in berating an intellectually second-class thot for reading shit.

Sent my sonnet to the literature teacher for "inspection". Apparently she fell in love with the piece and told me it could be a piece that's taught in HS.
I was kinda scared that I either screwed up the sonnet form, or I missed the convention where the last terzina has to be a retort to the entirety of the previous three stanzas, but I managed to execute the former without much trouble with a bit of thinking, and the latter unconsciously.
The fun thing about writing poetry is when you hear others' analysis of your writing. The famous Hungarian poet and academic János Arany would ironically reply to the question "You thought so and so while writing this poem?" with "Thought the devil" or "Hell I thought".
You essentially create something even you yourself don't understand. You might be aware how some of the components interact, but you just can't be aware of all the implications you make.
A poem just sort of happens onto the paper. It's there. Climbed out of your pen and it won't leave the paper.
I'm going to send this poem in alongside two of my short stories to a literary journal. Now I just need to write a letter that accompanies my works.
To the Respected Editor Mr. ...
Kinda glad now that I didn't send in anything earlier. Really, in retrospect, I'm not happy at all with one of the pieces I wrote, so I took it out.

Definitely going to focus on that during the weekend. Also going to polish my Babits translation a bit.

I have two more days to prepare for the biology test. It's the most boring shit ever.
Four months and it'll be over at least. Too bad I need the grade of one science subject as a variable for uni-admission points.
Can't wait to go to university. All those interesting subject, the possibilities and the culture.
I'm definitely picking up Greek alongside Chinese during my first semester.

Found a bilingual edition of Hesiod's Works and Days online, and I'm kinda itching to get it.
I mean, it's bilingual, and it's not like I have a copy of this essential book at home. Hmmmm.

Kinda tired again. Too bad I have to look through my history notes for tomorrow's test. And the biology. That God damn biology.
At least I don't have to get up early for class.
No. 37114
>hassle of examining
I'm not a date pro, I only had a handful with the last girl I met through tinder and even thoigh I were enjoying it I were still to stiff and needy I guess. You remember, it was the girl in which presence I broke down and cried after she rejected my further physical intimacy. We still spend hours and hours of cuddling and it was immensely healing. Only after all of this I slowly started to unravel and not fear things too much.
So, just do it and see it as a game instead of finding a potential mate.
A game of less revelance than the books you read, just having some fun and talking at a restaurant or cafe.
This is where magic and beautiful moments can happen. Even though me and my first tinder date didn't come to far together and it sometimes felt a bit forced (really we barely shared an interest and had not much to talk about) I will always hold our short time dear in my memory cause we did so many beautiful things together like visiting castles, eating out at good restaurants, having walks in parks and forests visiting the fair etc. I almost miss her.
No. 37116
Is tinder seriously how people date these days?
No. 37119
I seriously wouldn't know another way to get to know a girl then via the internet.
>Working either nightshifts at the hotel or writing articles at home
>not involved in parties
>Barely ever get to know new girls in public

It's not like the app wouldn't disgust me at the core of my heart. But I've stopped resisting, the urge is too strong. Usually dating in germany either happens through workplace, bigger social circle or university.
So what am I gonna do? Hit up stranger girls on the tube?
No. 37124
Since we're on that topic already, do you sometimes have a short exchange with someone (esp. a girl) and something feels slightly off about it, and you keep pondering about it then suddenly realise what it was? Well, that just happened to me.
The coworker girl I have a crush on passed me by today and asked whether I've seen the play that was performing, I said I didn't. She said something along the lines of "You should totally see it sometime, it's really good" And that's where I fucked up and just mumbled something about "Yeah, maybe..." instead of playfully asking whether she'd like to see it with me. It was such an easy set-up that would've allowed her to either agree to it or cop out without feeling weird, and I was just too slow-witted to grasp the opportunity.
Makes one think about all the opportunities that one doesn't even realize one missed, not sure whether to laugh or cry.

Now you inspired me to revamp my profile. Before I used to get a few matches per week but for quite a while I had almost none despite not changing much about the profile so I stopped using it.

>No point in berating an intellectually second-class thot for reading shit.
You didn't have to go so hard :DDD

Anyways congrats again on your portfolio shaping up, I'm a bit envious tbh
No. 37126
>Before I used to get a few matches per week but for quite a while I had almost none despite not changing much about the profile so I stopped using it.
May it be that you spam-swiped right? Cause Tinder supposedly shadowbans you for doing so.
No. 37131
25 kB, 640 × 489
It's something that I've been curious about for a while. I don't really want to use it in a legit way, but I've wondered what the fuck was up with it. Maybe one day I'll install off a burner or something and give it a whirl for laffs.
No. 37168
Your mom will love you know matter how much you fuck up.
Start living, then when your body can't deal with the abuse, start living clean.
Give everything for a girl and then lose it all.
She'll still be there loving you.