No no you don't understand. The memory itself doesn't bother me. Like, at all. Not in the slightest.
The problem is that when I start to talk about them I can tell they hear it somehow and the longer I go on at night the more I can feel them pushing against the membranes of reality, if that makes any sense. This is solely why I was do loathe to discuss Djinn with Kuwait late at night because I could tell they were, I'm not even quite sure how to explain because "hear" is also not the right word but basically it just felt like the more and more I started talking about certain topics the more I began to shine as a beacon in the darkness to them. I've never quite fully comprehended why but I suspect some people just do or are like that to begin with.
Secondly while this all may sound like crazy horseshit to you it all actually makes perfect sense if you natively understand some things about how the spiritual realm operates.
Like for example the Ouija board. Of course it is a piece of bullshit plastic mass produced by some Chinese factory that a Western corporation called Parker Brothers then massively skims off the top. The whole point of it is in the action itself
and not the Ouija board. This is why things like the Midnight Game can work and why you can literally just do this with only a single lit candle or a mirror or anything at all really, and it works because they can't do anything unless you invite them in and give them the permission to do so. I just realized you're Lebanese. Well, idk if you're aware of this but Wecterns would at least understand the concept based on the vampire myth of "invite me in." Which means that it's basically the cornerstone also behind why things like chaos magicks would theoretically even be capable of working in that context, because ultimately all your bullshit like plastic board game planchettes and candles merely serve as foci, a sort of way for channeling your will and concentrating and focusing your thoughts. What's important is the belief and the action itself.
And so there is also the problem I might add in how it's much easier to open a doorway than to close it again, and how come to think of it I think that they actually find some way of marking you or being able to see and interact with you in a better way. Words are escaping me but I keep coming up with drug addiction metaphors. It's hard to explain but I think they either find it more easy to make trouble for you later on, or you're more easily tempted to fall under their sway, or they always somehow have some kind of an anchor point in you, or something.
But at the same time in my own private life I tend to solely gravitate towards spiritual sensitives. These are exclusively the people that I date and largely the only kinds of people that I actually even bother with in my personal life. So, there's also a reason for that.
I should add that I had an imaginary friend as a child whose real identity I never fully distinguished, but who somehow came back from the void or ether and contacted me I believe. Not sure why it left, if it truly did, but I've had strange experiences all my life until in more recent years being more freaked out by them and turning the doors closed shut as fully I could. I think they have also reacted with a great deal of hostility the more openly Christian and sympathetic I am across the scope of my life. Not sure how to distinguish all them or if it's just one being under different guises. I'd also like to add that I'm pretty sure most people are highly spiritually attuned when they're first born and many become that way right as they're about to go, at either end of the wheel of their lives, and that basically being attuned and "hearing" it, The Vision and the Voice, is in essence similar to how as a youngin you can hear much higher tonal ranges than adults and how with age you become deaf with such amazing predictability that you can actually accurately estimate a person's exact age based solely on the tonal range they are capable of hearing. So it's quite like that, except I think some of us are born with better overall hearing than others, and I have mercifully gone rather deaf over the past 6-8 years however I am still highly
aware of the fact my mere discussion and turning my thoughts upon them can even still shine out across the darkness like a beacon and draw them nearer.
I wish to avoid this.
Actually you know what I will mention this because why tf not but interestingly enough I think that the Satanic presences have been attempting to enter my life through my dreams and sleep over the last several years having largely failed to do so against my conscious waking mind. More than once I have had this happen and woken up to the distinct Satanic presence in my room. Also for reasons I'm not entirely clear on they're more active at night, and around 3:00am I'm sometimes woken up to the terror, or worse, stayed up that late at which point I typically refuse to shut my lights out and go back to sleep until around 4 or 5:00 in the morning at earliest. I am well aware that my sleep disorder is merely a mask I wear to help hide this fact from mundanes.