The more I think about this the more I wonder that it might be correct or have something to it, except that I would add shame is likewise necessary thing to correct behavior because I can tell you that I've been utterly shameless for vast swaths of my life. In fact shame is so close to a foreign thing to me I really have to think about it and what could have possibly damaged my pride enough that I felt genuine shame. Thinking on it, it's probably either something so outrageous it damages self image and standing to others, or more importantly is such wanton immoral behavior that it well damages my self image I could possibly conceive to do such a thing. But I don't think that that actually excuses any of my other misbehavior and more to the point, is the opposite of being connected to humility because I clear felt no such thing in all that time. Largely I'm thinking of drunken misbehavior. In fact I would go so far as to say that I was arrogant, and that if anything humility is the opposite of arrogance, neither of which is necessarily even connected to pride or shame because bother are emotions and are not thoughts. Whereas I'm not a largely emotive person neither of these things typically has much of a bearing on me, but thoughts do. I don't think emotion has much to do with good morals either, although it can be instructive of it, but likewise so is any form of pain or suffering potentially even if emotions make it augmented and the lack thereof simply makes you more prone to moral retardation.
I likewise dispute the fact that pride is so negative. It is a good thing to take well measured pride in something, such as your work or your children. Do note--pride. These things are not necessarily even connected to or certainly not the same as the biblical concept of pridefulness, which is much closer to the English term of arrogance. It does feel bad man. Out of all my numerous sins, I'm probably most prone to the absolute worst which is sheer arrogance, not to mention my adoration of wrath. Khorne can go fuck himself though
Actually I think that just about the only sin I'm not so prone to is envy, and that's just because even feeling too much of that would conflict with my own arrogance and contemptuousness.
Good on you for going to church though. I really wish I could find a place to go back to but one of the terrible things I've realized over the years is that as Bill Hicks said, "I think the devil put you here to test my faith dude." I know it's also a pride thing but dealing with other Christians is really damaging feeling to my faith somehow, which I intellectually know only signifies my own weakness thereof, for if you could lose some faith by dealing with others you never had that true love for God to begin with. It's just that American protestants and particularly Evangelicals are so wildly foreign to everything I thought I knew about Christianity it becomes hard to bare. I feel like I am dealing with a foreign barbarian people who know the right words but speak it in a totally foreign language. My pastor actually asked that thought experiment one day of what he thought a person might think coming to Church who'd had solely the Bible to instruct himself on and I'm sitting there thinking like "well me.and I think that a lot of what you're saying or focusing on is added or doesn't even make sense Scripturally and is missing the entire point.
Whenever the pandemic is finally over in this country I really want to find a few different places to take services in including a Catholic sermon, a Russian or other Slavic Orthodox, and a Copt. Probably also go to Temple for good measure. I suspect I'll enjoy the company of Copts.
As for the Russians it's really odd seeing their priest guys because it's strangely natively instinctive to me it's just that I always thought that what I was doing was the occult regardless of how much I often used similar looking things to signify what basically amounted to Christian concepts. I still use my Alpha and omega sigil everywhere and some other stuff.
I mean even the layout of his runes looks pretty much to an exactitude of how I would format it. This confuses me because to the best of my knowledge I don't have any Russian DNA.only Polishyes yes all jokes aside.
So they at least look like
they should or could be my people, but I am also painfully well aware of the propensity for corruption within the Tsarist and revived Federation church and the degree to which they could likewise be foreign to me.
I mean really I think that if I experienced all of them I'd just end up at the end of the day sitting down to write a bunch of autistic letters to each of them, praising them for keeping the faith, "but even so" and then outlining at length something I find to be some worthy criticism from within each of the major world churches for moral failings and deviating from The Faith, which sadly would include one particularly harshly worded letter directed towards the Roman Catholic Church for one of the profoundest and most outwardly Satanic moral failings of a religious organization that I have ever witnessed, which has by extension caused more extreme damage to Christendom as a whole than any of the fedoras in history. I can think of nothing so rotten and evil as not only raping a child, but having done so in a church, in a frock, as a priest, while preaching the Word; I would not forgive many of them for having disputed the Holy Ghost in such manner.