/int/ – No shittings during wörktime
„There is no place like home“

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No. 40928 Systemkontra
1,9 MB, 1600 × 1200
Keep rollin'
>>
No. 40929
>>40926
I used to be afraid of categorization, but as you said, it doesn't really change anything outwardly. It's not like I'm going around with diagnosis papers, telling everyone I have brain problems, so no one suspects anything beyond "he's sad and weird."
I don't think anyone's even asked, besides some former friends who used to joke I was autismal.
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No. 40931
> Keep rollin'

Great, now I've got that Limp Bizkit song stuck in my head.

keep rollin' rollin' rollin' rollin'
keep rollin' rollin' rollin' rollin'
>>
No. 40933
Please do not read the following post. If you do choose to do so, yell not I didn't warn you when your face morphs and solidifies into a forever wince.

I cannot create a concrete identity for myself, I lack the ability to do so. Whether that is out of sheer stubbornness or genetic shortcomings, I cannot do anything of note, in any sense of the word. I am worthless to an extreme fault. I simply exist. Absolutely nothing. I find history in a perpetual state of flux, always an intermediary from one stage to another but sometimes, when I catch my breath, it seems to exponentially accelerate without my say-so. Let me put forth the clichéd question many have not only pondered but put forth their findings on the topic for which I am simply too indolent to investigate. Who am I? Am I the citizen of this foreign country, foreign race and foreign culture? This perpetual disassociation I've begrudgingly dubbed 'life', ironically is going to stay the only constant, only familiarity I can latch onto when assaulted. Even now, in twenty five minutes or so, I shall just like every single day before, loudly arise from my bed as to indirectly wake my father from his alleged slumber, enter the bathroom, mock - wudhu and then proceed to mock - pray. At times I would enjoy nothing more to be caught in the act, anything to disrupt this dilapidated and long since out of service roller-coaster I've been placed upon. I am dissatisfied with every single facet of being, whether it is the circumstances of my birth or not, it sickens me.
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No. 40936
>>40933
The only constancy is change in this world until you've ossified internally into being just another stubborn dying boomer with one foot in the grave because you can't change any longer.

I've read that having a "schizophrenic" which I really took issue with their inept use of the word, identity, was the result of hyper modernity and hyper Capitalism leading to fragmentation due in large part to the demands of a society completely askew from anything remotely normal. But at the same time, if you had simply lived in a tribe or village would it have ever even occurred to you to formulate the concept of an identity itself?

Here's the thing if you try to use any kind of identity politics or putting on a uniform it's only disguing who you are, which can be fine unless you've tricked yourself into believing the masquerade. All clothing is just different costumes for the many roles we play, but putting one as is just as degrading and dehumanizing as wearing no clothes at all and being tattooed with a number in some 1970s uni experiment.

True identity is not static; it is an ongoing process. To the man who's done much in life this is not a question, because he has achieved and experienced much, and lost much, and thus he has become those things. The problem is in achieving nothing, you remain nothing. Most words are descriptors of roles. "Boyfriend." "Son." "Carpenter." Words for your roles in relation to others. Words in relations to your action and interfacing with this world. Being a seaman, or someone going out bird watching, they are the things you do that come to define yourself, which I forget who said it but likewise in a computer simulation it is a series of interesting decisions. To say that you are American is to say a lie because there's really no such thing except a hazy amalgamation of traits and stereotypes. What does it mean to be Finnish? It is the collective stories you tell and wisdom and history you share, but more to the point it is your specific way of relating to the world or, rather more importantly, in that case the one instance in which it's more about how the world is relating to you and so broad as to be meaningless.

It is what you do and who you are and how you interact with the Other that is relevant for the construction of an identity and this is principally the reason why children and adolescents have issues with it, because theyve not yet had the time to make that series of interesting decisions by which to define themselves. And likewise while one action may not totally define you, at the same time if you stab your bandmate to death you are always going to be a murderer as that part of your identity, in which case learning to live with that fact and either embrace it or overcome it is perhaps the more interesting part of the process of a person's construction for their identity--namely, how they relate to themselves. It is that last part for which a good number of people struggle, most specifically schizos, because of them suffering either a chronic and severe disconnect from others or most importantly an internal disconnect from themselves. On the off chance you have never experienced something like this a weed high can be the most wonderfully instructive psychotomimetic agent and pot remains to this day one of the most wildly unpleasant experiences I've ever experienced in this life, of which there are many. Note that you shouldn't try this regardless because apparently that segment of the population already a bit on the edge can be tipped deep into mental illness from it. You'll know immediately if you're one of those people.

Honestly it's not a terribly relevant thing to begin with and dwelling on identity is the absolute height of faggotry imho. I've always looked down upon ideological variants of it for this reason from far right to far left and everything in between. The only thing of relevance is what you do in this life, and for those who do little or nothing the question of identity is of course paramount which they deflect into the abyss of identitarianism in an ill advised attempt to ignore and suppress the brooding existential crisis and swelling of anxiousness towards their conspicuous lack of fulfillment both inwardly and outwardly, with identitarianism and groupthink being the easiest and laziest salve because it tells you you have to do absolutely nothing when the opposite is the case.

The actual honest truth however is that no one is ever going to make the right decision every time. It's about the series of interesting decisions and how you deal with setbacks. It is often better to do something, anything, than to do nothing at all, which judging from your post is probably the crisis you're hitting which unluckily for you and hundreds of millions of other people is an inward revelation they're being simultaneously forced to achieve by having both distractions and constant noise and wasted motion like rats in hamster wheels.

So let me submit this to you, what do you even actually have to lose by doing something different with yourself? And is the cost of that transition greater than the monumental sacrifice you're already paying by not changing anything right now?
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No. 40942
>>40918
How much did you pay?

>>40929
Yeah. Especially at my job I will keep my mouth shut, "Weird but extremely capable at the weird niche we work in" is fine for me.

>>40933
You are yourself. Time, culture and upbringing may have shaped you, but ultimately it doesn't mean anything definite. The important thing is that you observe the moments you get into, and to decide what you do. Decide to do "Good" things, so that you do not regret them later. What that means should be pretty obvious to you, however other people will have problems telling you since they don't know what you know. (But you can talk about them.)

However you should be conscious about your environment. If it objectively damanges or hinders you, one of your "Good" decisions would be the preparation to exist somewhere else. But you can also do "Good" where you are now. So don't worry too much. The future is more important than the past, the past is only for personal retrospective and honing your explanations.
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No. 40943
>>40933
I wonder why we are so cynical as to view expressions of genuine distress as cringy. It's like there's this expectation that if someone's going to express sadness, it either has to be profound, or well written like dialogue from a novel. Maybe the detachment of hearing it from a person you don't know makes it feel that way.
I hate the idea of going to the therapist because I imagine the first thing s/he would think after I leave is "lmao what a little bitch". But I guess I can't be hypocritical, as I often feel embarrassed reading other peoples' confessions as well.

Also, going to a therapist sounds weird to me, you're going through this mechanical process of paying someone to pretend they care about you, to simulate a relationship that is supposed to be intimate between two close people. I guess it's like prostitution in that regard. Feels dehumanizing, man.
>>
No. 40944
>>40931
Eggcellent evil laughter

>>40933
I agree with the american, a floating personality that does not identify (or let's say: terminates) seems more legit. Personally it gives a sense of freedom to what you are. Ofc many people don't want that freedom as it is stressful or exhausting also compare it to being "a flexible person/worker". I came to arrange myself wuith the idea of not really having an identity, because it's not like you are absolutely free floating, chunks remain for a longer time, while tiny pieces flow constantly etc.
Why do you want to have an identity, or a core, or a true self? To have certainty? To be harmonized or satisfied? Or because people tell you finding the true self is something very important in out times? The magazines are full of it and self help books for this topic are more then plenty.
even though the relationship between flux and indentity is more complicated layed out in reality I guess - I can't decide that it is just either ...or ... - self help books maybe advocate both and are imo good ideology-o-meters that call/adress the subjects to get "in (their supposed)shape"

>>40942
>How much did you pay?

They are 149€/unit

Might get a second one, since many acid techno stuff is done with two or even three units. One for the bassline, one as top layer making the sqelchy mind pentrating sound.
The orginal Tb-303 was built as bass guitar (player) replacement for studioworkers in 1982. But the unit doe snot really stand up as replacement. It went out of production in 1984 already I think and prices went into basement level. Some people making house music in chicago found a unit in a pawn shop and since it is diffcult to program just played around with it, turning the snobs creating something that is not bass but fairly alienating sound, alien even in the sci-fi sense. And that was the moment when 'Acid' was borned :DD. Today the orginal Tb-303 on ebay sometimes had up to 2000-5000€ in prices, it's an iconic sound of electronic music these days. Behringer made the best out of many clones so far and for the cheapest price in history, only topped by the secondhand prices of a real 303 in the late 80s.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kS7jhMr8Hl0

That is how you can work with it, but the pattern he is programming does not sound well, you can get better stuff from this little box. A box that cannot do much but what it can do it does very good.

in better action:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yxfIt2LT_Es

I took the acid smiley version as this sound always puts a smile on my face. It's not a lie when I say I could listen to that machine in isolaton with a delay or reverb for some hours alone.

>Also, going to a therapist sounds weird to me, you're going through this mechanical process of paying someone to pretend they care about you, to simulate a relationship that is supposed to be intimate between two close people. I guess it's like prostitution in that regard. Feels dehumanizing, man.

Today I have the same aversion towards therapy but at one point in life it helped me to talk and get a perspective different from talking on imageboards or with friends. So these people do not care about you like some other people do but they are trying to help you nonetheless. How they do it is another question though.
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No. 40951
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I was playing around with my old Asus eee701SD netbook and decided to use it to connect to our radio server. It was a brief, and silent, stream, because the audio settings weren't configured, or maybe I was missing an audio library or something. I was running Puppy Linux(Slako 5.6), and a version of BUTT which someone had compiled into a simple .pet package.
Anyway, the experiment ended when I accidently deleted my main SFS file from the flash drive(I thought it was a duplicate which I had on a different drive). I was still running a live version of the OS in RAM, but since I was worried I couldn't properly save my work for the next reboot, I figured I would stop. I'll try again later, just to see if I can get it up and running. This is just for fun, ofc, as I already use a desktop for streaming, and honestly don't know how the netbook would handle a full stream anyway. The CPU graph on the taskbar was already spiking pretty high from just the little that I did.
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No. 40958
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1,7 MB, 2909 × 2312
Today was a good day.
My copy of the first Three Kingdoms volume arrived. This is probably the prettiest book I've ever seen in my life.
Even the bloody edges of the page are covered in gold. It's amazing.

Also looked at the new Nibelungenlied translation I got my hands on. It's sadly not as good as the translation from 1868. My main gripe is that the translator seems to use enjambments too often, and it breaks the flow of the verse too much. I guess it's a bit more literal than the old version, but what it gains in equivalence at word level it pays dearly for it with its flow. Which is sad. At least it has like 2k footnotes, so that should make it a somewhat worthwhile read.

And apparently the Shostakovich concert hasn't been cancelled, just postponed to Saint Nicholas's day. Which is pretty neat, considering I was already lamenting that fact that I'll have to wait until the 2030s for another concert like this.
Everything's coming up.

I feel a bit tired. Definitely gonna get myself checked once the epidemic is over.
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No. 40961
>>40936
>>40942
>>40943
>>40944
I feel ashamed to say that there isn't much I can say except express my gratitude. Thank you for taking the time to respond. I mean it.
>>
No. 40966
Things turned out okay in the end. My injury was clean and not too deep, despite bleeding a lot. No fractures too, and only 4 stitches. Feels lucky man.
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No. 40967
>>40966
Good to hear. How big was the knife?
I used to underestimate the pain a moderately hefty object can inflict falling just a meter or so, until I dropped a bench grinder wheel on my toe :-DDD.
And them good kitchen knives tend to be decently weighty, as far as I know.
>>
No. 40969
>>40966
Boy, I hope you're not losing your new job over this if you can't work now. I wish you a quick recovery.
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No. 40977
After a few weeks of isolation the thing that passes as my beard looks absolutely dreadful. What would you guys recommend for trimming it? I really don't want to shave, it's such a hassle.
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No. 40978
>>40977
I belive there is spessial nozzles for electric razors, never tryed them myself tho.
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No. 40982
>>40966
Glad it wasn't as bad as feared.

>>40977
Whenever I grow my beard out, I just use hair cutting scissors to keep it under control. They do a good job shaping the mustache, as well as evening out the length along the jawline.
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No. 40984
Today I helped cleaning the cellar. Found a crowbar which I used to take apart some wooden boxes.
Also cut down a sickly bush and some branches.
Doing push-ups and sit-ups, plus the garden work seems to have gotten rid of my ailments. My mind no longer feels foggy, nor my chest heavy.

Tomorrow I'm writing my last HS biology test ever. And I'm going to cheat the shit out of it.

Wrote another movie review about a film I haven't seen today.
Also got an essay handed back stating that "It's a pleasant read, but wouldn't be much help if you were to take the oral exam."
On one hand, I'm happy, because it was a pleasant read, but I still have no idea what the fuck they expected of me.

>>40977
Same. I never had my beard grow out this long, and while it's fun to brush into it while making pseudo-intellectual remarks about the pandemic, it's also getting out of hand.
Loving how I can almost twirl my moustache tho.
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No. 40985
>>40967
6 inch kitchen knife, give or take. Could have been worse.

>>40969
Still unemployed but I do hope I don't get a job offer that I can't get due to walking issues right now.

>>40982
Didn't figure it was bad. Ive broken enough bones to know it weren't broken. I was more going because of the bleeding.
>>
No. 40987
Turns out I have anxiety
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No. 40989
106 kB, 900 × 600
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Few things are as beautiful as a walk during a lightning storm. Most lightning never leaves the clouds, so I wasn't too worried about a strike. I even saw some spider lightning illuminate the clouds directly overhead. I got home 5 minutes before the rain started, so that was nice, too.

>>40987
Sorry to hear that. Did this just start, or is it something you've been dealing with?
>>
No. 40990
Shieet, was changing the dressing on my stitches before bed and the dogdor didn't put enough wadding/gauze or whatever it is on top of them so I had to be muy careful to not pop one while peeling the tape off and it kind of hurt to boot. Feels bad man. At least I got it done properly this time. Dog bless FM 8-50.
>>
No. 40995
40 kB, 400 × 294
I'm pondering how one can historically situate Kraftwerk and Detroit Techno. Postindustrial society, automation, decay, futures, music machines and above all the human-machine relationship. There seems to be a link, in what way do these agents tell of historic change? What exactly is the change one can see in these phenomena?
It just comes to my mind I really need to look up interviews from those agents (Kraftwerk and Detroit people), they might be a good historic source for what this all means.

The TD-3 I bought is great, even though I now have to admit it does not step up completely to the original. I opened the case after I saw a video that demonstrated how mechanically changing the filter cutoff with a screw driver makes it sound darker and thus more a like a real 303. The PCB has something mystical with my level of knowledge about them.
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No. 41005
Shiiiiit godsamnit well that sucks. I ordered some CBD which just arrived yesterday or maybe two days ago and after having not been exposed to it for like two months now that shit hit me strong. On top of kratom it completely knocked my ass out and I only just regained consciousness. My entire day is now gone. This would not be so bad but I have to work full time tomorrow. Oh well. At least maybe I'll be fully rested enough then
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No. 41012
I have a terrible headache.
Sitting in front of a screen for this long cannot be healthy. For hours, I am in front of a screen, for both work and pleasure. Because of the shitpost thread earlier, I curiously checked out kohlchan (haven't visited since last year) and wasted a good part of my freetime today. There was very little of actual substance. The only threads out of the catalog that I found interesting were the train thread and the music thread. Why are imageboards so strangely addicting? It's not worth digging through stale memes, stupid conversations that repeat themselves, and pointless provocations to find a tiny gem among the piles and piles of shit.
I need to go for a hike.
>>
No. 41013
I realize I haven't posted here for way too long. Work and uni seems to eat me up, but it feels good.
I really feel like I'm living like a man is supposed to live.
Last night I took a night out and organized a zoom-party for my fellow students. It was fun and great as we all really saw each other for the first time while we have meetings every day of the week.
As I don't drink regularily anymore (decided to only drink at special occasions) I got fucked up pretty early though and had to sleep, so I'm awake early. I also think that I work way too much lately, but it feels good.
Also I wanna rewrite my novel soon but time is very scarce.

Listening to Vashti Bunyan's "Just another Diamond Day". Big recommendation.
Later I'll probably go to the pharmacy, get a few capsules and take some Kratom. It's my favorite way of relaxing.
Have a nice day, Ernst.
>>
No. 41014
>>40989
I have never seen something like that, beautiful!
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No. 41025
I had a dream about writing a poem about the melancholy of leaving school behind and I felt like that it was a pretty good one. Only did I later realise that I only dreamt it and I only wrote it down in my dream.
What a shame that I'll never be able to recreate it.

Yesterday I had a lit class over discord. It was pretty pleasant. Felt nice to talk with my group mates.
Spent roughly 4 hours talking about random shit and posting funny images in the chat.

I'm feeling a lot better now. Probably because of the physical work I did. Everything is back to normal. I have both normal libido and appetite for foodstuffs.

Mum is going crazy. She started making strawberry jam.
Generally, she's passing the time by baking and cooking. Also gardening. But mainly baking.
It's weird but also feels right at the same time. Going down to the cellar for a packet of sugar because she asked just feels sort of right.
So normal, that it makes me wander what kind of lunacy we lived in before the 'rona.

The wind was blowing really hard today, so I couldn't read or write outside. Apparently it's creating dust storms on the plains south and east of here. One of the reasons why I find global warming to be an urgent issue is because how much of an effect it'd have on our self-perception and traditions as a nation. It'd create so much disharmony. We view our homeland as a grand, fertile plain that's shielded by the sleepy Carpathians. By the time I die, it'll probably turn into a dust bowl if nothing changes. All those poems, paintings, songs and books about life on the plain and the beauty of nature will mean nothing to the coming generations.
That's just horrible. Like if the Rhine dried up or if Venice sank.
>>
No. 41059
sometimes I write long posts in the today thread, and then delete them because although there was a reason to write them, there isn't really a reason for them to be read
>>
No. 41060
>>41059
Same happens for me in video games thread often. I playing in a lot of stuff, but most of it be not interesting for people anyway. So trying to post shorter and on stuff that may be interesting at least to degree.
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No. 41061
4,2 MB, 4160 × 3120
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1,9 MB, 4160 × 3120
I really must try to be more active because of late I feel that I'm merely existing from day to day. You' know how you those little projects can give your life an air of progress towards something outside of work. My current malaise is driven by the lockdown but there's much I could be doing like online courses.

Anyway, I promised an IWO of London but it was struggle to leave the house at a time when the lighting was right. Now it's a week (two?) later and I finally did it. Let me know if clearing the metadata fucked up and I'll try again. All taken within my mandated 1 hour outside time.

>Pic 1
Big Ben as it currently looks.

>Pic 2
Houses of Parliament taking from the 28 Days Later Bridge. I did not think the position of the Sun out.

>Pic 3
Westminster Abbey (it does look small. Tiny even. Not sure why)

>Pic 4
The Queens house. Normally there's tourists all outside.

>>40989
How did you manage to capture it? Trying to capture lightning is infuriating.

>>41059
I do this myself. Especially now that I can't leave the house so there's rarely anything to note but my grumblings.
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No. 41063
3,6 MB, 4160 × 3120
2,9 MB, 4160 × 3120
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>>41061
>1
The backdoor of Number 10. There was a cameraman based outside waiting to snap some official.

>2
Parliament Square. This is a popular open area outside of Parliament for protests.

>3
View over the Thames

>4
You may be surprised to know that there's a statue of Lincoln in Parliament Square. Wait until I show you an actual hidden gem in the next post!
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No. 41064
104 kB, 720 × 960
I have something weird going on with my hard drive but I can't figure out what the fuck is doing it and it's starting to really piss me off because I'm literally running this hard drive as close to capacity as possible nonstop.

I cleared out some shit and got it back up to 30gb free space. It is now right back down to 18.1gb free again. When it dips below 20gb is when I actually start to have performance issues. I cannot for the life of me figure out where the fuck this leak is. Pathfinder and Pathologic aren't bloating it, I don't think firefox is caching 12gb of data, I cannot figure out what the fuck is downloading or creating 12gb of pure bullshit.

How the fuck do I figure out what all the last file creations or data transfers onto my system were? Because the only other thing I can plausibly think of is some kind of a massive memory leak due to me running virtual memory but even then it shouldn't be causing this added surge beyond whatever my paging file limit was. It's almost like I'm having 10-12gb worth of shit getting downloaded onto here or written to disk from a phantom source. This is I might add AFTER I had to kill 10gb worth of my games just to free up enough space the last time this shit happened.
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No. 41065
1,9 MB, 4160 × 3120
3,2 MB, 4160 × 3120
4,0 MB, 4160 × 3120
4,9 MB, 4160 × 3120
>>41063
>1
Britain's only 'Nazi' memorial is a hidden away grave to the German ambassador's dog Giro - in 1934 he was digging in the garden and chewed through some electric cable. The German diplomat himself would die in 1936 and be given full honours in Britain as he worked hard at building Anglo-German relations and was very popular with the establishment. Apparently, nobody in Germany even came out to his funeral meaning that both the dog and the diplomat were more loved by London than their home.

Anyway, every February flowers are laid at the grave of Giro. By all accounts he was a good boi who should not be called a Nazi.

>2,3,4
Some more famous figure from Parliament Square.
>>
No. 41066
>>41064
Is it filling up or is it shrinking?
If it's shrinking, then your hard drive is getting bad sectors and is about to croak.

If it's filling up, then it's probably some rogue process dumping shit on your hard drive. For global file search I recommend Voidtools Everything search, it indexes your whole system and instantly searches for files. (provided you're on windows, of course)
>>
No. 41069
>>41066
huh...well that was certainly unexpected...
I just killed a 1.3gb game and then I killed a 13gb game and now all of a sudden I have gone up to 62.5gb free. I only noticed because you asked this and I wanted to double check
>capacity 923gb
I'm pretty sure that's how it was when I first got it (I don't remember why every single drive is always lower than what's advertised I forget the explanation but pretty sure 923 is what 1tb drives or this one come to)

It just keeps filling for some reason. Let me see ~15gb+~18gb=33
So I basically just had an entire 30gb of phantom shit get freed. It could be it keeps filling because I tend to put my computer into hibernate mode or sleep but then it wouldn't make any sense for it to keep all that excess junk even after I just restarted it. I have Steam and firefox running right now too. So. Idk. OH shit son I just realized that means I can install Beautiful Desolation now.

Disco Elysium is also on sale, and Alien Isolation costs $2.00 on Steam. It will be the first game I've purchased there in ages (I got BD from GOG). So, fyi Alien Isolation is 95% off on Steam if any of you guys wanted to grab that.
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No. 41070
>>41065
I'd imagine that if you're so beloved in your host country that you're doing a good job as a diplomat. That strikes me as one of the highest marks of success in such a job.

>>41063
>>41061
Yeah the lighting of a couple of these is kind of bad, namely the bridge one. Still pretty neat though. I take it this is not what they are supposed to look like? The only one I can very easily visually tell is the Thames being mostly empty of boats.
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No. 41071
>>41059
Sometimes I start writing a long post, but somewhere between the initial stimulus and my typing, the sentences fail to congeal into a coherant thought. I don't delete these, but keep them in a collection of random ramblings :D

>>41061
>How did you manage to capture it?
Sadly, I didn't. I didn't have a camera at the time, and then when I got home and could go out with one, it had begun to rain. So I just grabbed some nice pics from google which showed spider lightning. Next time I'll get home faster.

>>41061
>>41063
>>41065
You made good use of that hour in the outside world. A city with no people, never thought I'd see that. Well worth the wait, thanks for posting.
>>
No. 41072
>>41069
Another reason could be that you have some pending downloads in a download manager of some kind, and it's reserving free space for yet to be downloaded files.
>>
No. 41076
>>41070
>>41071
Sadly it's gotten a bit busier over the past few days around Parliament. People seem to have gotten over the initial shock and I'd hazard this situation isn't sustainable for much longer as boundaries get pushed. I'll see if I can get some pictures of the more residential areas without giving too much of a clue of where I live.

On another note, the addicts are starting to get extremely pushy as their sources of income have dried up. I live in a posho area and gone are the harmless local homeless people who leave you alone (I have no idea where they've gone). Now it's all strange new junkies who don't keep their distance hassling you for change in an aggressive fashion and smoking crack openly. I suppose any homeless person who doesn't have a crippling addiction is keeping their heads down and not risking infection while the rest are forced to try their luck in new areas. Today there was a lass in tight leather trousers and top, with a thong showing like it's 2004, asking for money. The rational part of my brain was obviously saying 'fuck that' but there was also a voice in the back of my head going "yeah, but what if we did." I'm not comfortable with this level of reality outside my door.
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No. 41089
>>41069
If you're on windows and your drive is more than 90% full you will lose space to fragmentation. Or at least that was the case back when I used Windows, which might not be accurate at all anymore with their overhaul of NTFS since Windows 8...

Also, windows' recycle bin moves in mysterious ways. It has a fixed capacity for each drive; if that's say 15gb and you have a 14.9g file in there, than moving a 200mb file to your bin will free 14.9g on your drive.

Re: HDD Sizes: Almost all programs, including OSes, will measure in Kibibytes and Mibibytes while the packaging on storage devices will measure in Kilobytes and Megabytes. It's really just an annoyance that we seem unable to get rid of.
>>
No. 41123
Is it typically German that everybody pays attention to the mask duty now in charge? I went around with a mask a few days before that and still at least alf of the people did not wear one and now everybody just does as the gubernmint told them too in oublic transport and at the groceries. Some even keep it on where there is "no need"
>>
No. 41136
>>41123
It isn't just you. It's because of the fact most people are completely fucking stupid. As recently as like three weeks ago you'd still have these useless dumb fuckasses making coughing sounds at you if you wore one. Now virtually every single person does including every dumbass Karen in her car. Like what the fuck? I see people driving around in their car alone wearing them. Why?

But on the plus side, I have also realized I now can wander around anonymously and in peace. Frankly every aspect of this lockdown I have personally benefitted from or enjoyed just about. Don't take that the wrong way. I am well aware of the economic and health toll this has been taking on everyone. I'd mention emotionally but frankly I don't really give two shits that a bunch of neurotypicals now must "suffer" being a NEET for a couple weeks.
>>
No. 41139
There's exactly one week left until the exams.
Preliminary calculation shows my possible points in being the lower 400s out of 500. I need roughly 330-340 for the Sinology course.
That is if I don't cock up the Advanced History exam. Which by the looks, I won't.

Just handed in the last literature assignment of the year. I hope it turns out fine. One was about writing a "motivational letter", which is HR bullshit imho.
"Why do you want to work at our company? Sell yourself." I'm here for the fucking money. I have no emotional investment in your bourgeois-capitalist money-making scheme aside from exchanging my work for currency. I see myself in five years performing work for larger amounts of currency.
Fuck off.

Honestly, I can't wait for this to be over. This AND the pandemic.
>>
No. 41150
>>41136
>including every dumbass Karen in her car
Why use this meme? I see variations of these types of memes (simp, karen, incel, etc.) everywhere on the internet, and I've feel like I've lost the memo. The same lingo is being used on twitter, reddit, 4chan, kohlchan, etc. Now even Ernst is complying.
What compels Ernst to use this lingo that he hasn't used before? It's like internet culture is homogenizing.
What's even more disconcerting is that this kind of stuff bleeds into real life too much for my taste.
People are unable to describe something without reference to some archetypal meme. Socializing feels very artificial, and any nuance is obliterated by "Oh he's an incel" or "What a simp" or something to that effect. Keep in mind that these are adults in their 20s and 30s, not teenagers. This slang feels far too recent to have had an impact in how people actually speak.
No-one else seems to have the same worry. I tell my friends to not use qausi-memespeak when I talk to them, and they seem mildly irritated at my request.
>>
No. 41153
>>41150
Honestly the reason why I in particular caught on to using it so quickly and easily is just because it's actually non-specific (like incel, normie, simp these are all clearly alien slang terms or at least normie and incel are more 4kanker shit foreign and all are clearly specific) on top of it working so well because I have personally known Karens and it aptly describes that one bourgouies middle class suburban type of housewife soccer mom who's screeching out there about how she can't get her nails done while 50,000 Americans are dead and thousands more lay dead and dying every week.

Karen just happens to have been a very popular name for that age group in America. It's kind of like how Bernd and Jonne were nicknames in a sense, or more akin to that than whatever retarded twitter garbage.
>>
No. 41156
>>41150
The funny thing about words like simp and incel is that they're just new words denoting the same concept.
Simp is the same as white knight, and calling someone an incel is the equivalent of calling someone a virgin loser in an IRC chatroom in 2006.
Karen was the stereotypical name for a bitchy soccer-mom for years, it's just that now it became a stand-alone noun.

I think it's the fact how nothing is underground online any more. The memescapes of 4chan, reddit and twitter are basically completely merged now. Twitter has the most users out of the three, and it also has the biggest retards, so obviously they have a lot of catching up to do when it comes to terminology. Which leads to coining new terms that spread easily through the reposting of epic twitter caps.
>>
No. 41157
Success! Streaming radio from an old netbook running Puppy linux!
>>
No. 41159
>>41156
I've come across that Karen meme via Youtube. I guess I can only agree that meme culture bleed into mainstream, it has become a cultural technique that has spread all over the western world and beyond I don't know if Asia and Africa or Latin America have similar concepts of memes as the west, perhaps variations of it with younger people. It's a form of communication with people who have spent a portion of their life communicating digitally. Karen is even more compressed then soccer mum. Incel more than virgin loser.
>>
No. 41160
I'm quite sad because people like me keep losing space on the internet thanks to normalfags, shitposters and the cancer from my own country. I don't have friends, I don't use social media and now I'm searching a place where I can talk about interesting things without worry about idiots that only know talk about women and other normalfag shit.
>>
No. 41161
Late spring warm heavy rain with thunder and lightning. FEELS FUCKING GOOD MAN. Times like these I wish I lived somewhere closer to nature.

>>41136
>As recently as like three weeks ago you'd still have these useless dumb fuckasses making coughing sounds at you if you wore one
That's so funny and bizarre to me.
Usually, nations are divided into two categories, one where people don't give a crap what other people do, and treat others on the streets as inanimate objects, keep distance, never talk, etc., (kazakhstan to an extent, finlan, nordic countries), and countries where people will chat to you on the bus stop, in the bus, in public places, in lines, and so on.

USA sounds like the worst of both worlds, where there's a general aura of paranoia and mistrust of your fellow man, but at the same time, nobody will hesitate to get up to your face about your perceived social misbehavior. It feels like there's this extreme collective awareness, but not in a "brotherhood, unity" sort of way, but as a way to sniff out and peer pressure marginals.
I guess you always gotta be on the lookout for communists, liberals and homosexuals, lest they corrupt this great nation :-DDD.
>>
No. 41163
>>41160
EC is pretty autistic, yet women as topic occur sometimes. What you define as normalfag shit...can be many things.
So feel free to participate if this board has the right manners to you.

>>41161
The effect of weather is astonishing, same here, though I would stay in the city.

>It feels like there's this extreme collective awareness, but not in a "brotherhood, unity" sort of way

This sounds like Germany, but nobody is on the lookout for freedom endangering individuals but the ones deviant from Ordnung :D
Germans either talk to strangers because they are stuck with the same problem or to rebuke somebody in most cases.
>>
No. 41165
344 kB, 720 × 1280
I fell in love with this girl
>>
No. 41166
>>41165
She is cute.
>>
No. 41167
11 kB, 343 × 543
>>41161
>late spring
I still waiting EARLY spring
At least snow blizzard to stop
>>
No. 41172
>>41161
I hate this country
>>
No. 41181
4,6 MB, 4032 × 1960
Went ouside a few days ago to walk and listen to some music. Took a few pictures. Spending most of my free times reading about Russia. After which I finally reply to the history threda Russian

>>41160
Welcome, lusophonia rises.
>>
No. 41184
I wasted most of today reading the history textbook, attending discord class and shitposting on discord after class.

Got the infos relating to the exams by mail. Officially it's called "Matura Draft-letter", which sounds excitingly militaristic imho.

Against all odds I managed to turn some of my grades around by the end of the year. This includes improving my Biology mark from a 4 to a 5, and improving my Maths mark from a 3 to a 4.
Almost fucked up my Hungarian grammar grade, but I managed to keep it afloat and I'll be awarded a 5 in that too. So this means that I'll get almost all of the 100 points that can be awarded for end of the year grades when I apply to university.
All the pieces are coming together.

Finally decided to shave. Kept a bit of the beard on my chin. If I don't like it after waking up, then I'm going to shave it clean.
Gotta say, it makes my face look considerably more sleek.

>>41159
Compression is also a big part of it probably.
But I'd say that this specialisation in terminology also makes things more diverse. Before you'd just call someone a virgin loser or a nerd, but now you know exactly what type of virgin loser someone is based on whether they're called simps or incels.
>>
No. 41190
Hey Ernst, I watched this video and was taken aback when they used language I didn't understand. Which word are they talking about here at the 35:30 time mark?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7qHryC1ZEqY

p.s. Tried to post it int he TV series thread but the captcha wouldn't let me.
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No. 41191
100 kB, 1035 × 415
68 kB, 603 × 421
26 kB, 490 × 315
>>41190
>Which word are they talking about here at the 35:30 time mark?
First they're talking about Purim- a Jewish celebration- and then the host mentions that the word sounds like Punam-which is a face, or a beautiful face.
>>
No. 41193
>>41191
>sending food parcels and giving charity; dressing up in costume; eating a festive meal, including hamantaschen ("Haman's ear")
>hamantaschen

That's pretty funny. Much obliged.
>>
No. 41194
>>41191
Purim is super funny to me. It's basically a festival celebrating Jews still being butthurt about some shit that supposedly happened thousands of years ago, and then much like in later centuries, it was basically someone marrying a Jewish woman that saved them. This is likewise the reason there were so many Jews in Poland at the start of the second world war, because while they were being thrown out of everywhere else that Polish kind had married some Jewish woman and told them they were safe to come to Poland. I mention this because I am low key very butthurt about their total betrayal of us in calling them Polish death camps and siding with the Germans basically. Which just goes to show you, never do something out of kindness but solely out of ruthless political calculations
>>
No. 41200
>>41181

Thank you. I hope have interesting things to share everyone here.
>>
No. 41207
1,4 MB, 244 × 244, 0:04
>>41200
I know how you feel. These days I feel like wikis and EC are the last refuges left for us.

I need to find a way to either build a commune under the sea or colonize something outside earth at this point. We must go to the one last place that hasn't been corrupted by normalfags
>>
No. 41225
>>41160
>idiots that only know talk about women

Why don't you like bunda bunda?
Are you gay?
>>
No. 41227 Kontra
>>41225
Not everything has to be about women

t. hetero
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No. 41229
163 kB, 385 × 488
>>41227
>Taking everthing seriously on the web

Real Ernst. I see. :3
I was bantering the Brasil Ernst.
>>
No. 41230 Kontra
I can hand in my application for the masters, just need the documents for it. I still have to write two papers, a small one and lastly my thesis. Everything else is checked. If I tackle that I'm fucking finally done with my undergrade and can be a graduate student by fall which will be different concerning matters dealt with. I can't believe it is actually habbening.
>>
No. 41232
>>41229
the problem of ernst is that it has a literal blogpost general, so "taking everything seriously on the internet" is a given, here. not that it's necessarily a bad thing, you can do banter everywhere else, and banter on the internet tends to have that domino effect set afoot by the few people who take it seriously and the "ironic" shitposters who fan the flames.
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No. 41235
14 kB, 410 × 102
>>41232
I will do friendly banter here, too. And no one will stop me.
>>
No. 41236
108 kB, 940 × 529
>>41235
I will even reeducate Newernsts, who have problems to get into banter and fun.
>>
No. 41237 Kontra
>>41232
The banter on EC is a different kind of banter then the usual IB banter. It's rather light-hearted and usually indicated. Whereas on kohl banter or whatever is downright personal for entertainments sake and more toxic in the sense that we are all coming from the pit where treating people like shit is acknowledged as being a normal thing that is not question but natural and my good right as imageboard dweller, I get shat upon so I can shit on people too, that is life, shitting on each otherbanter is to forget and let go sometimes, but Ernst seems like the real autist here and not just a frustrated male who mistakes his social dilemmas with autism, Ernst is missing elements that are part of everyday communication in social relations, he reminds me of friend circles where nobody pranks the other, whereas Bernd for instance is somebody who easily does it, Ernst is usually not interested in being mean or gleeful, he just gets loud and arrogant in heated arguments
>>
No. 41240
Oh dog, the clapping has started again. I don't know if other countries have started doing this but every Thursday at 8pm (after the government coronavirus update) everyone in Britain goes out into the street and claps for the NHS. Even my immediate neighbours are doing it now so they must think I'm a right wrong'un.

>>41165
Why though?
>>
No. 41243
>>41240
>and claps for the NHS

Are they still underfunded?
the anglosphere is strong in this one, what is with that clap gene? It's kinda eerie and also hilarious at the same time, science fictionesque
In Germany there are "Thank You" campaignes running by Bild tabloid and others. I don't follow the news that much so I wonder if the payment will change for these people involved after it's all over, there has been years of lamento that the work is bearing upon these people in care jobs while being payed not much.
>>
No. 41244
>>41237
>The banter on EC is a different kind of banter then the usual IB banter
I don't know, the banter on /int/ is pretty much nonexistent.
/b/ has much more banter kein krebs for the most part
I didn't use ernstchan much before KC dood, but it did not seem as serious as /int/ is right now.
>>
No. 41245
>>41240
Because shes perfect. Beautiful, cute. Those eyes...Her personality is nice too but i dont have much to say to her
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No. 41246
154 kB, 463 × 660
>>41237
>he reminds me of friend circles where nobody pranks the other
Is this abnormal? My friends and I do not exchange pranks at all. When I became friends with a prankster, he played pranks on me.
At the beginning, I didn't have a very significant reaction to the pranks―I was more confused than anything else.
I didn't perceive it as a "fun thing", just a nonsensical thing i.e. I did not see a purpose in the act of prank exchanging itself.
I played some pranks of my own to humour him. I now understand why people might derive enjoyment from it, but I still don't care for pranks.
It just seems to be another layer of senselessness put on top of social interaction. Why can't people just discuss what they wish and be done with it?
I don't look out for opportunities to prank people, and neither do I worry about possible scenarios where they might prank me. It's just stupidity.

This reminds of when I visited a friend some time ago. His girlfriend and sisters were in the house as well. While we sat and talked, they barged into the room and began screaming incessantly. It turns out they were yelling about some extremely trivial thing (I don't remember what). They would move all over the place, insult each other, and talk in funny voices (like dramatic theatre). I feel the same about this as I feel about pranks; what is the point? It is just a waste of effort.
>>
No. 41248
>>41246
>what is the point? It is just a waste of effort.

That is the "autism", we don't get the point, it's a thing you cannot render intelligible as Ernst. I guess it fulfills a function or something. But I don't see the point either. I have slight banter with friends or I make jokes about myself, but when I see those videos of people pranking others or doing "funny" shit I'm out usually. Ofc I can laugh at some stuff but for myself I would feel as if that is a tiresome friendship. I'm a calm person who only gets hyped up about imagination and ideas, aesthethics etc. It's not like I don't talk shit or nonesense, I just don't have a problem cutting that off at this place, plainly speaking.

>>41244
Maybe that is not really banter anymore. As I said light-hearted I meant that there is an occassional :DDD at people which is meant friendly. The banter on kohl is e.g. is way more gleeful.
>>
No. 41249
388 kB, 426 × 240, 0:03
Today was officially the last day of high school. If it wasn't for the 'rona, I'd have had a party thrown in honour of me, but it didn't happen. My godparents called me up to with me well and good luck.
If it wasn't for the plague, I would've had a chance to spend a week or two with them down on the countryside. They live in a beautiful town.

Four more days until the exams start.
Did a mock History exam and got 91% on it without much preparation.
In practice this'd mean 91+50 points for uni.
A massive victory if I'm able to achieve it on the spot.

There's so much I want to do once the exams are over. The three most important days of my life.

The stress is starting to get to me now. Strangely enough, my mind feels clearer than ever despite all of this, it's just that I feel the pressure.
Yesterday I had trouble falling asleep. I was stuck in this half awake state and kept hearing strange tunes and seeing strange events and landscapes. A large highland under the stars covered in dark lights with meditative music.

>>41240
Nothing of the sort happened yet here. Though we have like 2.7k infected with ~60 being on respirators so the situation is nowhere near as bad as in the UK.
Most of the fatalities here were seriously ill old folks so far.
The thing is spreading like a wildfire in care-homes around Budapest.
Gubmint decided to empty 36k hospital beds in preparation for opening up the country.
>>
No. 41251
44 kB, 625 × 428
>>41244
>I didn't use ernstchan much before KC dood, but it did not seem as serious as /int/ is right now.

It wasn't. The old ernstchan wasn't as serious as /int/ is right now. Some new Ernst came here, posing as old Ernsts, and are trying to transform their idea of a overly serious/stubborn imageboard into reality, while at the same time, denouncing legit old Ernsts of being a newfaqs oder kohlburgers.
Such is life on imageboards. :d
>>
No. 41252
83 kB, 1024 × 576
>>41246
Well, if you observe animals it is clearly some form of play and social grooming. If you observe people well enough or any animal for the matter it becomes clearly evident how much "play" shapes a growing organism and trains them for the trials to come. Thus, pranking is clearly some form of social interaction designed as a facsimile of open hostility so friends can train each other better for dealing with antagonistic individuals and tribes. When you observe kittens and dogs play fighting it is clearly the same or similar thing, and even rabbits as babies hop around in theater of what will become their adult lives of having to outwit a predator while fleeing. I think this factor is all the more evident when you observe that it is the very young who are most into pranking, and is typically post adolescent males who must be ever reading to compete. Playing games like the great American fagball is also a form of it.

I think that when people like Alex Jones start ranting about not giving a damn about the Cowboys part of what he's really getting at is that playing games is for children learning how to do things like captain a ship and become leaders of men and fight and outwit the enemy, and that likewise any pranks or games as a fully developed adult male is an arrested development when their safe space of simulated hostilities in a gaming environment or pranks among friends never translates into real life action for which is meant to be training towards doing the real thing.
>>
No. 41263 Kontra
>>41251
Welcome to Nu-EC, gramps.

Did old EC even had /int/? It only came into existence after the first flood, didn't it? I cannot even remember, I can only remember /b/ having a red haired women thread. EC now isn't really old EC at least internationally, what does this have to do with forcing something that is supposed to deviate from a original? It's the same lame debate about KC and Kohl, there are different boards and boards change, as we have all experienced.
>>
No. 41269
26 kB, 480 × 270
Nothing much happened today. Tried to study some programming but wasn't able to learn much.
It's hard for me to study at home and to make things worse, this subject doesn't really interest me that much (more like i'm having a hard time getting used to this field) i'm mostly in this so that i don't spend the rest of my life in front of a cash register or in a call center... not exactly out of vocation.

I wasn't doing so bad, i managed to pass all the courses in the first semester but now with the lockdown things just went downhill.

These few months gave me time to think about what's been going on with my life these past years... i cringe at most of it, made me realise that i trully am an impersonable person and lack basic comprehension skills so that i get carried away with whatever propaganda is "in" or edgy at the moment... either that or it all stems from a deep craving for fitting in a group and finding comradery, be accepted etc, probably a combination of both.
At least i believe i'm finnally growing out of it (somewhat) and the fact that i'm doing something else that isn't just f5ing imageboards all day grants me a bit more of self-confidence since most of these feeling of dependency on others stems from my own lack of trust in myself.
I know this is teenage-tier wich makes this whole situation even cringier but it is what it is.

I have to focus on this degree. I'm really tired of not being financially independent, not that i spend much but i need money to pursue more fulfilling and rewarding hobbies such as fishing, wild camping and doing road trips across Portugal and Spain in a motorbike.

Tought i would just write 2 or 3 lines on this post... guess things got out of hand
>>
No. 41270
>>41263
It was what, the 2016 outage? I think it was the time that murder happened that ec/int/ was made, but only really bece its own thing after that had passed and a few of us stayed behind and went native. You are both correct that EC was way more chill back then. /int/ was still autistic but it wasn't no fun allowed like it sometimes feels nowadays.
>>
No. 41280
>>41270
It's probably just an overreaction to the fact we have lost our digital homes--sometimes more than once or even many times--and so are extra cautious and hostile towards the kind of undesirable element who ruin such things. They're like a coronavirus and we have a tendency to cytokine storm against any trace of shitposting 4kanker tier or pedo bullshit.
>>
No. 41285
9 kB, 218 × 232
>>41229
She's the head off my sister-in-law that stony bitch

>>41240
What the fug, we just light a candle in the window for them every now and then. My buddy was telling me his aunt is a nurse and she's on leave for 2 weeks holidays followed by another week of courses. Can't be that bad (at least here, I hear England is far worse than us right now)

>>41270
>EC was way more chill back then
I found it very much the opposite of chill, it felt like any misstep was punished fairly fast if you said the wrong thing or disagreed with the wrong Ernst

>>41280
>digital home
I've been on the internet since the days of dial up, on imageboards since 2004 and on old KC for the entirety of its life but I gave up on 'digital home' probably a decade ago, every place wanes and waxes and dies eventually, there's no point putting down roots anywhere on the internet
>>
No. 41287
>>41285
A lot of your first impression back then was when you came were spamming smut on a board where it wasn't wanted, your reception was fairly chilly. It happened multiple times after old threads had been deleted too, so it wasn't like you were unaware of it after the first time, and it didn't win you favours.
>>
No. 41288
>>41287
>spamming smut
you wot m8?
>>
No. 41289
>>41288
Well in the early days, there was an Irishman who kept trying to push a 'thicc women' thread, making dozens of posts of nothing but women either naked or in their underwear. It wasn't particularly welcome and got deleted, but they kept coming back. If you got caught up by some other faggot under your flag, I apologise.
>>
No. 41290
>>41289
I never posted smut on EC, but on KC there was at least 3 of us from Ireland who played up to that persona for the laff because we were stereotyped anyway. It was like a community persona of harmless shitposting.

I once left KC for about 18/24 months around 2014 and the day I came back to KC there was another Irelandball with a thicc thread with 300 replies. We all played the part because it was funny
>>
No. 41291
>>41290
I miss those threads. Had many a good wank thanks to 'em.
>>
No. 41292
>>41290
Fair enough. I suppose it's not dissimilar to the community persona of shitposting australians on other corners of the internet. It does make a lot more sense now looking at the rather drastic changes in the way Irishballs typically behaved when they showed up on old EC (spamming, being arsepained) and the civilised conduct that we've had from the flag here.
>>
No. 41314
>>41290
One of the things I do kinda miss on KC even when it became a shithole was I could just blend in to the fat. I like being anonymous and not sticking out much. This is close to impossible to do on a smaller board but at least there's more than one Ami ernst who has enough similarities to me interests that I think we all sorta blend in to eachother.
>>
No. 41324 Kontra
Responding to the thread that got deleted:
>>41321
Also, I was listening to this instead of the Stokes when I was a teenager:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i0-FA_svTKg
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6rp0W0YG3I0
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IzV5uv-6rJY

I wasn't very happy as a teenager. Neither am I particularly happy now.
>>
No. 41325
2,0 MB, 4032 × 3024
2,1 MB, 4032 × 3024
oeh

I haven't blogged for a while on a *chan. Posted even, but seeing that this the 1st of May, the working man's holiday, and I've just opened a bottle of some fine beer (pic related, not the Georgian one)...

I don't think that I like myself. Especially today. Sometimes I feel like I do, but it usually boils down to "I want to kill myself" and "I'm pathetic, taking things so seriously".

oeh

Past three days have been particulary hard because I've been stressing about an incident that I had with one of my master thesis tutors. To put it simply, he's an unbearable cunt, a geront, who I never wished or asked for to be my "mentor". He came in a package, I can imagine the analogue being one of those "Brezhnev's packages" in the 70s, when with a good book, that you actually were interested in, like, I don't know, Marcus Aurelius' Meditations, came packed with parts 4-6 of collected works of Lenin or whoever or whatever.

But like I said, the guy is a cunt. First off, he doesn't live in Tallinn and neither does he speak Estonian, he used to commute from Helsinki (he's actually a Scot I believe), so whenever he used to show up, he didn't have the slightest of clue of what's been going on in the past weeks (he came every second week). Every time we met, the time was wasted on updating him on recent developments. And that wasn't that easy, because the position he took, the position that he always seems to be holding, is one of a docent. I guess "dotseerima", an adjective, doesn't hold the same meaning in English as it does in Estonian, but whatever. Like I said, he's a cunt. Fucking führer, it's like he doesn't have any respect towards the people he happens to teach. He never even allows the students to present their ideas in an uninterrupted manner. He's formal. I can imagine him having the world perfectly in place. How things work, how are they supposed to work and look. Which can be perfectly fine. I'm just not sure how good of a position it is for a tutor. Now, be good kids and do what I tell you to do, then you will do well and will surely get a job after you leave school. He actually said this. Not the good kids part. Jesus Christ, the amount of eye rolling I've done hearing from him.

Of course I can understand him. Of course all in all it would've been easier to shut my mouth and just take it. He just want's to teach us, to feel important, and for us to have a job in the future, but it just happens that I'm emotionally a little unstable. This plus I can't stand people who don't have any authority in my eyes bossing me around.

opens the second beer

The final straw, my rudest and most arrogant moment was last Wednesday, when I arrived to the usual Google Meets meeting all positive about the work I had been doing, not 100% of what had been discussed, but good 80%, and he just let it go on me. I can imagine the previous student having him already riled up a little but me having a confrontational history with him certainly didn't do any good. Maybe it triggered him even more. No one is free of emotional knee-jerk reactions. First I got a little sarcastic about his comments, then turned to Estonian commenting to the other tutor, an actual professor who I respect, how the guy is just upbraiding me (learned a new word today!). He tried calm me down but it was to late, he kept on going and I closed the window. I rage-quitted.

oeh

Tell me, the way I see it, how I just described, how bad does it sound? Of course this peace of short fiction couldn't possibly sum up all the minute and not so minute moments that I'm leaving out, but in general. I guess that I've been as disrespectful as one can be. Estonian culture is generally quite equalitarian, not hierarchical like German or Russian where Herr Dr. Dip. Ing. Putin runs the show.

sips
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No. 41327
3,4 MB, 1500 × 1633
>>41325
I always heard that the tutor-student relationship is crucial and you give a perfect example why that is. I don't even know how such things can play out. A loaded relationship is not an advantage clearly. Maybe he will get into thinking after this but he sounds like someone who will not get irritated in his views. Just cool down for the day or two and then get back to what your were doing and just wait for the actual next meeting to happen. Don't ponder all day about the incident and let it eat you up. You could also talk to the other guy who was present, if you are that cool. Maybe he has some wise words.

---

I continued reading a compendium on West German history of knowledge ca. 1980 hoping to get some ideas for my own work. Later some Marx. And I made an Italian cake which turned out quite well. Will do some Pizza teglia on sunday, already set up a poolish to ferment nicely in the fridge. Currently on an Italian food hype.
Will now resume back to reading, it's quite compelling but these shut-in days also remind me of lacking intimacy again. Pile of work distracts not everything.
>>
No. 41330
man, I can deal with the mental effects of a depressive episode, but the physical symptoms are a real drag
not digesting food properly, not pooping for days, man fuck that shit, I didn't sign up for that shit
>>
No. 41332
>>41325
I actually wasted most of today searching for hand sanitizer, and my neighbor was giving away his fish for reasons plus I got my packages so yeah whole afternoon gone. Oh well. But your post really reminds me why not to drink. They didnt even have had liquor at high proof. Literally everything is fucking gone. So I bought 3 shots of 100 proof nips and dumped it with my last remaining isopropyl. This post reminds me why that was probably a bad idea. I don't think the iso is drowning out the smell and it brings back memories.

Bottom line is you shouldn't drink. This week I should be celebrating my 2 year anniversary of not drinking and having everything smell like iso and liquor may not have been the best of plans. Try not to drink my man. Not drinking is one of the best choices I ever made in my life. I wish I quit interneting too.
>>
No. 41342
Thinking back to where I was a year ago, the leap I did is quite unbelievable.
From being a dishwasher, I've got as far as to live off my writing - not as I would like to from my novel, which I wanna rewrite btw - and I don't earn more than before but still, I did it.
And aside I actually started studying and for fhe first time in my life feel like I'll get a bachelor.
Life objectively seems to get much better for me. Honestly it was a steady way up since last year's july.
Still inside me there is this creeping sadness and pain. Luckily most of the time I lack the time to think about it but whenever I neither have work or my studies on my mind it gets back.
It goes as far as that I still often wish just not to exist at all, even though I got my drinking under control. It's rather as if I lost something among the way to where I'm now.
Or maybe I need to wake up and just be happy like in some movies, but I cannot see the way I need to go. And when it comes to emotions I just feel like a cripple.
Maybe I'm just extremely melancholic, I don't know. I shouldn't be crying about my life anyways, in a time where masses of people lose their jobs.

My mental state will surely get better when I'll be able to actually s e e my fellow students. It might very well be the deprivation of actual, non-virtual human interaction which is troubling me. I met a friend who just came back from her hometown some days ago and just her mere physical presence and friendliness was so overwhelming to me that I forgot what I was going to say to her.

Also I feel bad for the masses of people who're off far worse than I am. Those who are afraid, those who suffer from near endless loneliness.
I would have never thought that my life would ever be like this.
>>
No. 41343
>>41325
It's normal to have shouting matches with your supervisor and, if anything, probably a good sign. People don't talk about this feature of the relationship because you end up sounding like it's all your fault but I definitely had it with mine (he was a useless prick).

Also, welcome to dealing with Scottish men. Bloody hell they are a stubborn and difficult people. Just a permanent chip on their shoulder. I'm an English cunt though so I would say that.
>>
No. 41344 Kontra
Dad accidentally invited his boomer friends over for dinner, which made my mother quite angry, because he promised them a dish that is quite time consuming to make.
To make up for his foolish mistake to my mother, he did some work around the house, which included finally drafting a blueprint for my bookshelf after waiting over a year for the damn thing.

Got back my last tests. Everything turned out well, except the essay where I was asked to compare two poems. It wasn't an issue of me being unable to write an essay like that, it's was the fact that I can't write shit about Attila József's poetry to save my life. Now this wouldn't be a problem if not for the fact that he's considered the alpha and the omega of 20th century Hungarian poetry, and if you don't get on your knees to fellate him, then you're fucking stupid.
Last he was part of the comparative essay segment. He was also part of the comparative essay segment in 2018. Two years in a row it was the same poets.
Thankfully I can choose to analyse a short story instead, which turned out pretty well when I tried it.

Everything else (Applied rhetoric; Motivational letter; Short story analysis) went swimmingly.
Based on my grades, I've been awarded an end of the year commendation in literature. It means fuck all and it only shows up on my grade card's "remarks" section, which is meaningless because they only look at the raw numbers,and an A+ here is no different from a simple A here.
No idea if I'll get one in History too, but I only had A's throughout the year, so there's a pretty good chance.

I promise you that I'll stop talking about my shitty exams once they're over with.
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No. 41348
210 kB, 860 × 680
>>41342
>Thinking back to where I was a year ago, the leap I did is quite unbelievable.

I'm happy you're doing well, Ernst. Maybe in 10 years we'll all be grown-up and blogging about a mid-life crisis.

I've noted before that Ernsts do tend to have lives more together. I think it's something that makes this place a whole lot less negative than other imageboards.

>Still inside me there is this creeping sadness and pain

Is it like a yearning for something without knowing what it is. You're otherwise perfectly satiated but there comes this craving for a higher level of experience? If so, I think I know what you mean and google tells me the term is "sehnsucht". Hobbies and women tend to help, probably because it gives a sense of meaning and progression where otherwise satisfying you're own needs is quite easy And those things will you stop being perfectly satiated amirite :DDD

I must admit I do feel a bit lonely these days under lockdown. Video-calls are no replacement for real human contact and the concern expressed by those who do have partners and pets just makes it worse. A satirical magazine printed attached and it drove how awful this kind of life must be when you get old.

>>41344
>I promise you that I'll stop talking about my shitty exams once they're over with.

I look forward to resuming my needling over your not-girlfriend.
>>
No. 41352
>>41350
how's your mathematics? ever tried doing projecteuler problems? find something you want to automate and try to accomplish it, you can do a lot of things with just prog101 and algorithms+data structures knowledge. focus and do it, faget
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No. 41353
100 kB, 502 × 393
>>41352
I haven't had maths since 9th grade nor i ever cared about sciences and its assorted areas... i was able to pass maths in the first semester albeit it was quite easy.

I don't have time to do personal programming projects because i already have too much work accumulated for school. I would need at least 2 months of continous practicing in order to be on the level to complete the school projects (and then i would need another 2 months to actually do them).
Semester is over around first week of June so yeah, it's hopeless there's no need to beat around the bush... There's nothing i can do besides spending the next year re-viewing (more like learning) the basics so i can be ready once i repeat next year. Of course this is a great setback because i'm not exactly 18 or 20 years old but it is what it is.

Also, with the pandemia i channeled my focus on a life project i've been meddling with (wich of course has absolutely nothing to do with programming or engineering)...
I'm not fooling anyone here, i know very well that sciene/engineering etc isn't my field of choice/interest however it's the best tool i have at hand to obtain a certain freedom later in life.

I worked in call centers/factories/restaurants before and i know for sure that i'm simply not capable of enduring those jobs for the rest of my life. I would sooner become a beggar or drifter of sorts.
I'm naturally clumsy and awkward so i ticked out learning a trade, going back to college and retrying history would be pointless, it's too late for that. I don't have the connections to get a public service "job" so my last options were to either enroll in a programming course or take the truck driver's license... Was tempted into trucking but then i reminded myself that i would have to prepare for a life of sheer solitude and all the plans of ever finding a girl, slowing down would go to waste... so, i decided to go for the other option.

Last resort, trucking it will have to be
>>
No. 41355 Kontra
>>41327
Thanks. I guess I will just ride it out. Still thinking about writing some sort of a letter to them. I'm just feel that apologizing and saying that it wont happen again would be a little disingenuous. I still can't stand him and the relationship is even more loaded now. eh.

>>41332
Yeah, maybe. I'm not sure how different that post would've looked like, if it hadn't been for the beers. With better spelling maybe.

>>41343
Thanks, I just feel that I crossed the line last time. There's no need for me to get so emotional. This is maybe the biggest woe that I have. That I can't handle such confrontational situations adequately. uh.
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No. 41359
67 kB, 1024 × 759
>>41353
You can take this for what it is, an opportunity to get to a math level that will enable you to achieve your goals. It's not like there's anything else you can do.

Three PTs is too many, we need to take shifts to make people think there is only one of us
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No. 41360
533 kB, 983 × 720
Feeling like a pile of shit. I am trying to eat less since I basically don't go out of the house but I failed yesterday.
Basically I am feeling myself like a mountain of lard.
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No. 41361
>>41360
>I am trying to eat less since I basically don't go out of the house but I failed yesterday.
What did you feast upon, Ernst?
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No. 41371
>>41360
Same, I've been doing really well with the weight loss before the lockdown and now I can feel my belly swelling with each passing day. I bet I'm eating even more now because when you're sitting at home all the time and there's not much to do.
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No. 41376
>>41361
I didn't. Just took a bit more.
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No. 41379
I wait snow to melt, so I can running, not because of any quarantine really.
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No. 41386
119 kB, 610 × 1083
I've been learning Italian in my spare time for over a year now but it still feels like I have no idea what I'm doing. I suppose there's no clear road for this kind of thing but part of me expects to have some moment where it all clicks and I can say "sì, sono parlo italiano" rather than lacking the confidence to read a newspaper.

Bilinguals, did you have a moment where a language clicked and you felt that you had it down? What worked for you in learning a language?

The hardest part of learning Italian is that everyone assumes you're a weeb who did because of Jojo.

>>41353
Have you talked to your tutor about this and sought some mentoring? It sounds like you just need a bit more help at the moment which is fine. You did well in the first part of the year so you're clearly capable of doing this.

The problem I see is that you can run from programming but you can't run from yourself. If you get into trucking you're still going to hit a learning curve eventually.

>>41371
>I bet I'm eating even more now because when you're sitting at home all the time and there's not much to do.

I know this problem all too well. I've had to stop buying biscuits and crisps because having easy food withing reach is too much for me.
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No. 41395
>>41386
>Bilinguals, did you have a moment where a language clicked and you felt that you had it down? What worked for you in learning a language?

I can't remember the moment I was able to talk rather "fluent" in English. What helped me? Besides having it in school funnily also my one of my a-level advanced courses, but I was badly rather graded. It was everywhere, in comuter games. Online communication and reading, lots if English reading and ofc TV shows Family Guy was one show I watched only in English once I knew howmuch better it was than the German dub and some films.
Italians told me language is also kinda difficult because differnet regions have different metaphorical terminilogy for many things, phrases that don't make any sense if translated literal or something like that.
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No. 41396
>>41395
Sorry I should have corrected all the typos and grammar because of delayed syntactic decisions. I'm stuffed with food rn and can't be arsed to do anything involving movements, including fingers :DDD
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No. 41397
>>41386
For me it happened gradually, there wasn't a single moment. But there was a period of exponential growth of skill, where I started getting better through "passively" using the language, rather than actively learning. It's like a snowball, where after a while the system becomes self perpetuating. It's an immersion thing I guess.

Not sure if it'd work for languages that aren't so wide spread that you can use them every day, both for communication and consumption. Unless you move to an area where the language is spoken, of course.
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No. 41398
Last two days before the exam. Studying history. Mainly about topics that had anniversaries recently. They have a tendency to ask about those.

I'm also trying to word a letter of thanks to my history teacher. I had a good relationship with most of my teachers during HS, but he was the only one that I think I formed a mentor-apprentice bond with. So I feel obliged to make this symbolic gesture.
Made me realise how I never actually wrote a "personal" letter in my life. I've written a fair few formal letters throughout my life, but those only had to conform to the form and style of the bureaucracy.
This one has to be personal and solemn. Impeccably written to the last pen-stroke.
It's hard. But ultimately rewarding.

My aunt dropped by and handed me my grandaunt's graduation gift. A nice sum of money.
Once the exams are over, I'm going to use it to buy a new hard drive for the busted PC to fix it up.
Now is as good a time as ever to try out a dualboot setup.

Don't know what happened, but despite the rainy weather, I don't have a headache and I'm able to drink two mugs of coffee.
Absolutely fucking decadent. I put three cubes of sugar, milk and cream in it. It just makes my stomach feel good. Takes away the pain for some reason.

>>41348
>I look forward to resuming my needling over your not-girlfriend.
And I look forward to asking her out once the pandemic is over.

>I've noted before that Ernsts do tend to have lives more together
I don't know about the rest of the Ernsts, but for me it feels like my life is probably constantly two steps away from disaster.

>>41386
>Bilinguals, did you have a moment where a language clicked and you felt that you had it down? What worked for you in learning a language?
I think I talked about this once, but English really clicked for me when I ran out of subtitled Angry Video Game Nerd episodes. Didn't even notice that the subtitles weren't on. It was after that that I begun getting bored stiff during English classes.
Man, those were the day. Fuck, that was almost 7-8 years ago.

Didn't have a moment like that with German.

>The hardest part of learning Italian is that everyone assumes you're a weeb who did because of Jojo.
Really? Are there really people who decide to learn Italian because of Jojo? At that point, why not learn Japanese?
People are fucking mad.

You'll eventually get tired of crisps and biscuits. It turns really disgusting after a while. Same goes for fizzy drinks like coke. Man, that stuff's disgusting as hell.
I can't stomach a single packet of crisp.
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No. 41401
>>41398
>Same goes for fizzy drinks like coke.

Man, I did not have a classic soft drink in months, for half an hour or so I crave a fucking coke. Those parkling dark sugery liquid flooding my throat and activating my taste buds and neurotransmitters. A glass of sparkling coke or vanilla coke.
I drink only water and sometimes coffee for months now. Jebus, sent me a coke!
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No. 41414
Can an American school me on bigger news papers or regional news papers of the bay area. I looked into the archiv of the SF Chronicle, the only news paper I could think of from the top of my head, sadly every article costs money to look into and rn I just want to skim read. Maybe my BA could go into the direction of environmental history and history of technology with the production of semi conductors in Silicon Valley and the water pollution that followed.
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No. 41415
>>41414
>Can an American school me on bigger news papers or regional news papers of the bay area.

The San Francisco Chronicle is their main newspaper, but they also have The Examiner. If you're interested in Silicon Valley, then you may want to try San Jose newspapers, and Sacramento(state capital) has a large newspaper as well.

https://www.sfchronicle.com/
https://www.sfexaminer.com/
https://www.mercurynews.com/ (San Jose)
https://www.sacbee.com/ (Sacramento)
https://www.latimes.com/ (further south, but still a good source)
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No. 41416
>>41414
Uhhh my guess is as good as yours dude. Not from the Bay Area. Other than that paper idk but if you're doing this for Uni stuff can't they just provide it through some kind of JSTOR like service? Christ. I just realized how terrible Capitalism is that we could have unprecedented access to scholarly and scientific knowledge never before seen in the history of the earth and we get that shit instead.
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No. 41417
>>41415
>further south
LA is 4 hours away from SanFran my dude. Given OP's specificity I somewhat doubt that is what he meant.

Actually I really don't think people not just from here but even people in our own country seem to realize the vast distances between places if they're not actually from that state or region. Like just driving across MA it's a 3-4 hour drive to get to Boston or Martha's Vineyard. You can drive six solid hours in a straight line and not even leave Texas. It's just that big. I know that SanFran looks like it's kinda close to LA but it really isn't and the two places have little to do with each other. Berkeley and Oakland are two other places you could look
https://www.eastbaytimes.com/
https://www.berkeleyside.com/

I don't know how far back you're looking for archives Germany
https://www.newspapers.com/paper/oakland-tribune/2/
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No. 41422
I have an air conditioner now. Oh god I have an air conditioner,my own actual air conditioner and I solely am the one in control of the AC. I now actually pay my own bills in my own space and I can blast my own AC whenever the fuck I want however much I want. This is so great.
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No. 41433
First of all, thanks, Americans. I just thought maybe it's easier for you to dig up the smaller papers. Well, I will have to check if they have free archives.

>>41416
The thing is that theses newspapers are private and given that online advertisement does nit give money let you pay. Three artickles to look at for 8 bucks in one week. I mean common, this is too much for skim reading in order to check if you can make something out of it. It would mean paying 50 bucks to have an overview, which is no safe bet that this will work out as thesis topic.
JSTOR and stuff can be cracked thanks to good people. My uni provides JSTOR access but Sci-Hub helped me often enough to read an artice that was not covered by unis expenses. Yeah it is a shame that scientific knowledge is behhind massive paywalls. JSTOR let's you read many articles when registered I think, dunno if they count and limit the numbers tho.

>>41417
>newspapers.com

That does look good, scattered artilces from different papers which is ok, but sticking to few newspapers would be better, also just a trial, at least something! Maybe my uni pays for such a service. Some databanks that cost money my uni subscribed to do exist.

The time would be roughly 70s-90s, The focus is in early 80s were it went big and became a scandal I think.
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No. 41434
>>41433
JSTOR got an alright middle ground set up in the last few years. They enabled free users to have a monthly bookshelf where you can have so many free articles per month or something along those lines, and from memory, you can rotate which ones you have access to. I can't remember all the specifics, but it got a lot better than back when they only had (academically) ancient papers being free.

Academic publishing is still a rort, but you're better off pointing the finger at the procurement side instead of the distribution side if you want to get pissy about the capitalisation of that stuff.
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No. 41435
>>41434
>procurement side

What do you mean by that?
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No. 41437
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I'm reading an article on how (so the thesis goes) the practical turn in academia/humanities came into being via the felt omnipresence of computers around 1980. The practical turn includes statements that knowledge is more then just theories and logic. The microelectronic revolution perceived as a threat of cold rationality to the human bean and its thinking was countered by a knowledge of knowledge that is more than the rationality.

Ah, the postwar history as prehistory of the present is so magnificent, my head wants to explode and my book list is growing making me feel like getting cooked under the pressure to read it all in order to understand the world, an important part of the world. It's sublime gothic of relations and sense making yet accompanied by an uneasy existential pressure of never getting to THE point.
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No. 41438
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Is there anything as equally funny and sad as a middle school best friend calling you a decade later, and immediately after reminiscing over the good times, trying to sell you Amway? I almost laughed out loud when he started talking about how he discovered this amazing business scheme, and tried to sell me some discount trash.
He was a top student, too. What I've noticed with my school mates is that those who were from decent, functional families, went on to have normal lives, and those who were poor became losers. Grades didn't determine shit.
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No. 41440
>>41435
The way Journals who hock off subscriptions and individual downloads for serious dough while they don't even pay the ones writing them. It's pretty fucked up.

>>41438
I just hate how all that people seem to care about is making jobs for yuppies. I dunno what it's like in Kazakhstan, but here they just shower trendy sectors like STEM in funding while each year destroying more and more of our industries. If you're upwardly mobile, it's a great time to be alive. If you're from a working background, welcome to the fucking wasteland.
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No. 41441
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I'm not quite entirely sure where to put this and don't necessarily feel like starting a new thread just devoted to the topic but how much of human behavior of ours do you think is imprinting upon animals vs just them actually capable of being like this in the wild?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s-V9sIPDnBc

I just spent a good chunk of my day watching animal videos and it's actually pretty impressive just what sort of seemingly non-opportunistic or materially mutually beneficial relationships diverse species of animals are capable. They do seem to get along with domesticated animals like dogs and sometimes cats for obvious reasons but it does actually seem like some of them develop those bonds between species where you shouldn't even think them capable of things like higher order social bonds. It just goes to show what I've always believed to be the case which is that evolutionary pathways are in fact logically ordered towards altruism and mutualism rather than a dog-eat-dog world and that Darwinism does not actually function in the manner Social Darwinists seem to think it does.

Nevertheless my question is how much of this is even actually natural? Like a guy with a goose friend for supposedly 26 years (they can live that long?) makes sense because at least the thing is imprinting but what about an owl? I thought these guys were lone predators speaking of which I had a very depressing moment the other day when I found a dead ow--oh. Fug. It just occurred to me that finding an owl in daylight is a well known bad omen as a messenger that somebody has died. But what kind of an omen is finding a dead one? Surely nothing good. But it was really depressing to me regardless. Or finding a bear and a cat befriending each other. Why? Or lions, tigers, and bears mostly getting along.

This does just go to show some examples of the play I was talking about but if you watch those normie tier YT videos on animals all day since waking up it really does bring up the question of what kind of actual benefit does this behavior even play to them? What kind of opportunity or material benefit does it provide? Can it be enough? Is a thing like altruism or genuine compassion and empathy even a real thing that actually exists and how deep does such a thing go in the animal kingdom?

I suppose that to actually test this one would have to stop feeding them. It is a good point of conjecture that self sacrifice is just not in their natures but then again what happens when the food runs out among Man? Because as we all know there have been plenty of instances of even humans eating their own children during mass starvation so the question really ultimately becomes how much of this is a convenience or an afforded luxury premised upon the availability of resources.

Regardless I am interested in hearing your solutions to the problem. It does seem that even in the wild certain species just don't seem to mind each other and basically only go out of the way to be hostile when young are directly threatened or they need stored energy to continue functioning and that stored energy is in a living nearby being. I'm talking alligators and capybara just sort of chilling by the side of a pond while birds are hopping all over them.

Is any of this behavior a reflection of part of our own nature? Do wild animals at the increasingly encroaching edges of our territory simply observe us and carry that behavior deeper innawoods with them? Do chimpanzees learning to wage war against each other after observing Africans waging civil war reflect a deeper part of our own souls and a totally ignored aspect of the human impact on the natural environment culturally, or is this merely our own projection and anthropomorphizing a totally natural phenomenon and merely an extension of our own natural behavior which is the other side of parasitism as seen in aphids? Do you think that studying the naturalist cultural impact of humans on other species would be as respectable a field as any including global warming and deforestation as a natural biologist or other scholarly field?
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No. 41442
>>41440
>The way Journals who hock off subscriptions and individual downloads for serious dough while they don't even pay the ones writing them. It's pretty fucked up.

I thought journals are often organized via academia itself / "free time". But ofc somebody as to do the layout and stuff. I don't even have a problem with academics not being payed for their published articles if they can make good money at uni, which might not be the case often enough, even more of a let down with time contracts. An academics job is not publishing articles and stuff in the first place, it's part of his/her job but not the single goal in itself. An academic is doing research and has to communicate his/her results.
But yeah, the price one has to pay for an article is astonishing given what seems behind all that.
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No. 41445
>>41441
>how much of human behavior of ours do you think is imprinting upon animals vs just them actually capable of being like this in the wild?
Good question, but difficult to answer. Since this type of bonding behavior occurs whenever humans provide a safe framework(food, safety from predators) for animals, then we are in effect civilizing them in the same way we civilize our own children. So, if animals can-to some extent- be civilised by our artificial conditions, it seems reasonable that they could achieve this on their own if the environment would allow it. The potential is there, even if it is not often realized. Where food and water are plentiful, and danger is low, then there is peace.
Or at least more peace. Knowing chimpazees go to war is still disturbing. Maybe that behavior comes with ambition, and they have brains complex enough to experience that. A cat, once fed, stops thinking about food. There is no worry about the abstract concept of "later", so they're happy.
Which brings me to:

>It just goes to show what I've always believed to be the case which is that evolutionary pathways are in fact logically ordered towards altruism and mutualism rather than a dog-eat-dog world and that Darwinism does not actually function in the manner Social Darwinists seem to think it does.

The dog-eat-dog world is largely created by humans wanting what they don't have, even when what they have is objectively enough to survive. We can still measure "ours" against "theirs", and then either try to get more, or defend what we have. There is also the role of mating, where men are expected to have a certain amount of x in in order to entice womem. Reminds me of a Dave Chappalle comedy bit where he said men would live in cardboard boxes if that was what attracted women:

Dave Chappelle - If a man could f**k a woman in a cardboard box
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s5hu7o2Q62k

So we're basically bowerbirds, and compete with each other-not because we want to, but because we need enough resouces so that we can build a more attractive nest. I wish I knew a solution to that problem.

>Do you think that studying the naturalist cultural impact of humans on other species would be as respectable a field as any including global warming and deforestation as a natural biologist or other scholarly field?
Of course, it would be similar studying our impact on the environment. We study how we harm an animal's natural territory, so why not learn how we affect their behavior in other ways?
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No. 41449
>>41442
You can get decent pay but most of the time you're getting scraps. My sister has multiple publications and makes less money than I did as a cook, on a wage that was barely above minimum wage.

They don't even get a token amount of money so they can go crack a lid or something. It ain't right.
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No. 41450
>>41449
But your sister gets more social appreciation.
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No. 41453
>>41450
Can't eat people 'appreciating' you.
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No. 41454
43 kB, 500 × 343
>>41453
women in developed countries never starve. You know what I am talking about, 'Romanian" chingano. :3
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No. 41455
13 kB, 236 × 359
>>41454
Just don't say shit like that in person. I've stomped out people for less insulting statements towards my sisters :-DDD
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No. 41456
131 kB, 2400 × 1350
>>41455
as a Romanian-Australian mix is known to be very careful with, I would never dare. :3
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No. 41457
>>41456
I am legit a big hothead when it comes to my kin though tbh. My sisters are the ones who aren't fuckups.
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No. 41463
396 kB, 429 × 520
First day of the exam week is over.
Today was literature. Tomorrow will be maths, after tomorrow advanced history.

I don't want to lie, but it was piss easy. Even had time to make a second copy of my analysis where I gave a fuck about the form of my writing.
Hopefully I didn't cock it up.

Everybody had masks and hand sanitiser. There were only four of us in a room while taking the test.

Realised in the car on the way home that after the exams, I'm going to have myself an almost 4 months long break. Which is amazing.
Perfect for a project. Might just start learning Greek while I'm at it.
(I don't want to re-start Chinese because I don't want to fuck up permanently just before university if I learn something wrong on my own.)

The government announced that we're past the peak of the epidemic, and "a new phase of defence" is beginning. Which means that everything outside Budapest and Pest County will open, while the restrictions will still apply to the capital and the surrounding area.
You're also forbidden from leaving the capital and the county, while citizens from the countryside are free to travel between places.
>>
No. 41479
50 kB, 443 × 750
My BA topics are like grabbing a hand of water, they faint before they could become something solid.
The problem is I need to dig deeper into one topic in order to make a substantial thesis, on the other end I never dig deeper as I fear coming to a point where I run out of ideas and just copy something.
I thought the pressure was a bit less, bit I only did nothing and the thoughts just went away for a few days. Depressing.
>>
No. 41487
234 kB, 840 × 708
2/3 exams done.
Maths wasn't as hard as I expected it to be. There were only ~3 of the 18 task I couldn't solve, but that's just because I still haven't got a clue regarding functions.
I just hope that I get at least 60% right but I have a feeling that it'll be more than 60%.

One more exam and it's over.
The pressure is not really that bad if you don't count my hands feeling cold and a having constant urge to vomit every morning, a thing which I haven't felt since elementary school.
>>
No. 41491
1,9 MB, 3200 × 4193
>>41487
I remember my stomach feeling bad as well back then. But relax, you seem very well prepared and yeah I made the same experience that it is easier then what you get by teachers. I guess they do that on purpose.

Had some Tramezzini just now, will continue reading in hopes of finding something. One thing I managed today and the only thing I managed besides buying groceries was getting up a bit earlier.
I browsed Cristie's acutions and found some high quality art pics. The prices are funny to watch, there are some nice pictures one can have for a bargain price of just less than 10.000$, wish I had a cool canvas painting at home for a few thousand bucks, the rest was unpayable. I mean over 100.000 sometimes nearly up to 800.000 of all I've seen so far.
>>
No. 41492
21 kB, 200 × 283
Does anybody else get unreasonably angry when computers use casual language at you?
Like I'm trying to do something, and some program shits the bed, and instead of giving me information on how to fix a problem IT caused, it speaks at me like "oopsy woopsy I done a stinky winky :)". Like, shut the fuck up. How presumptuous of them to think I'm their friend to address me that way. The audacity of a piece of software trying to emotionally manipulate me. It's disgusting.

I had a similar reaction when recaptcha was first introduced, and it wouldn't let me post a message because it didn't recognize a photo as having a traffic light in it. It was telling me I'm wrong to think that there's clearly a traffic light on that photo, even though I'm a human and it is a dumb fucking computer program that is using my data to learn what a traffic light looks like in the first place. It's like, YOU'RE going to tell me what is a traffic light and what is not, and forbid me from posting a message because you think your dumb robot brain knows better than me, a human? A computer robot program is going to judge ME on what is real and what is not?

We should, like, take all of them autistic STEM technocrats at google, facebook, amazin, etc., and put them against the wall for trying to turn reality into a digital nightmare ruled by an AI computer robot. Trans-humanism is a code-word for anti-humanism. Destroy the enemies of humanity. Punch a STEM nerd today.

I swear in 10 years we will be living in 4x4 boxes with VR headsets strapped to our faces, tubes sticking into every orifice, a simulated virtual torture dimension streamed directly to our brains, and King Zuck the Master of Reality will flagellate our Divine Souls calculating the Anti-Life Equation on our brains, so he can dethrone God and become the new Demiurge.
>>
No. 41493
186 kB, 1034 × 799
>>41492
>I swear in 10 years we will be living in 4x4 boxes with VR headsets strapped to our faces, tubes sticking into every orifice, a simulated virtual torture dimension streamed directly to our brains, and King Zuck the Master of Reality will flagellate our Divine Souls calculating the Anti-Life Equation on our brains, so he can dethrone God and become the new Demiurge.
This, but unironically.

>>41491
It's par for the course I guess. It isn't really the feeling of nausea that bothers me, but the occasional gag-attacks when I almost vomit but then don't.
I can't look at food until I've finished writing the exam of the day.

There is also the extra stress of going to a larger gathering and contacting the plague.
>>
No. 41514
215 kB, 314 × 318
And it has been done.
Now all I have to worry about is the results, which I'll get on the 29th.
Otherwise I feel nothing. Absolutely nothing besides a small bit of anxiety, which is probably because I want to hear the results.

Time for a beer.
And maybe some anime.
>>
No. 41516
1,2 MB, 1193 × 790
>>41514
Then relax a few days before you resume to a private workload :^) I'm pretty sure you did fine enough to get into uni.

In other news I got my preliminary score for master application and apprently the minor gets less weighted in the final score so since I did well in history throughout, my score is even better then calculated.
Just a fucking thesis, one months and I really have to start wokring with something more concrete in my mind.
>>
No. 41520
I'm now getting bitched at to take my bird feeder down. I do not live in a free country and I hate everybody. I wonder if they'll actually evict me over this when I tell them no or ignore it especially considering there's bird houses everywhere.
>>
No. 41522
962 kB, 1000 × 1000
The press are now rife with speculation that isolation measures will start being dropped from next week. I decided to dip my toe in a dating app this afternoon and have been batting well above my average. It'll all end in tears I'm sure.

>>41395
>Italians told me language is also kinda difficult because differnet regions have different metaphorical terminilogy for many things, phrases that don't make any sense if translated literal or something like that.

I don't even know if it's right to call these things dialects. Each area evolved a linguistic tradition in their own way from vulgar Latin and therefore predate Italian which is itself an evolution of a Florentine dialect of Tuscan.

Thanks to mass media and state sanction (with a dose of unconstitutional discrimination) it somehow works, I guess. Funny thing: Che tends to be used as 'what' in the North, Cosa is used in the South for what - both are a shorthand for 'che cosa' (in the butt).

>>41398
>Really? Are there really people who decide to learn Italian because of Jojo? At that point, why not learn Japanese?

I imagine because the show sold an aesthetic and learning Japanese is harder.

>>41516
>Just a fucking thesis, one months and I really have to start wokring with something more concrete in my mind.

Man, you really need to start writing right now. I remember starting writing my undergrad dissertation on this timeframe and it nearly killed me.

>>41514
Keep Your Hands Off Eizouken is okay. Mostly because Sayaka might be a reasonably original character.
>>
No. 41524
82 kB, 749 × 499
>>41522
>I remember starting writing my undergrad dissertation on this timeframe and it nearly killed me

If I get started in the beginning of June I would have 4 months of writing time until the masters starts, if I get accepted that is. Given that I'd have to move in September then and all that I would only have three and a half months for getting it done. I mean getting it done so far that re-reading and error correction is the only thing missing. If I get accepted in July, I could also say fuck my thesis and just get a worse grade :DDD
I've written 60.000 characters in two months, but that topic was a) on a current issue b) really interested me and c) was rather big issue were more or less elaborated a theory and it's history and then gave example for what you can put it to use. It's easier than narrating historical change tbh. because you are tied to sources which you have to find at first. The present is theoretically at my finger tips.
I should really go into tech anthropolgies territory, that way I have methodological base which is grounded in theories that are typical business in historiography, in short: I have an approach to where I already know some literature and I read that literature already.

I have a magazin and two german newspapers that I could skim for computer related topics, chose one an then go at it with the tech anthropolgist lense and bingo. It will not be what I want my reference is a guy whose articles I read and which really were gems to read. But in all honor this guy got his phd seven years ago and thus has about 9-12 years more training in academia than me. But it could be done I guess. The old proverbs of starting small and all that ofc.
>>
No. 41535
122 kB, 550 × 550
I keep seeing these bright lights in the sky, they move steadily from west to east across the night sky. No flashing lights, just like a slow steady light moving across the sky, what are they? Satellites?
>>
No. 41537
>>41535
Probably. Mene answer would be ayys though.
>>
No. 41539
202 kB, 406 × 517
reading a manga about 19th century central asia
>>
No. 41540
39 kB, 257 × 169
>>41539
It's written by someone with an autistic obsession with historical clothing (they also wrote a visually accurate depiction of Victorian London), but who hasn't actually read much about the region's history or people. The timeline is wrong, the geography makes very little sense and the cultural depictions are bizarre mishmashes of autistic attention to detail in clothing and colour, but a lot of handwaving with regards to how people would actually behave (their reaction to guns shows a lack of reading since the Kazakhs had already won a war against the most heavily modernised militaries of the Central Asian peoples, the Dzungars about 100 years before the thing is set).

Tbh, the metaplot of Russian expansion is the worst offender because the way the entire setting reacts makes literally zero sense and I mean that in full seriousness. A few years ago, the author included a note to try and make themselves sound smart (essentially giving a ballpark date range in the 1850s) that makes the entire thing fall on its head because it ignores the fact that the Russians actually occupy territory virtually up to the Alatau, and have already had the last Khan of the Kazakhs killed. The whole creeping dread of the Russians as this distant foe on the horizon is dumb when Russia is sitting in spitting distance after a war of conquest brought them there. They are a very obvious and direct threat to their way of life, and this is not really represented.

t. autistic about Central Asian history, and buttblasted when people take entertainment media presented with a vaguely authentic appearance as truth
>>
No. 41541
Also, why am I pommy again? Fuggen NBN man.
t. aussie
>>
No. 41545
>>41540
I can forgive some historical inaccuracies, as long as it's in the service of the Ebin Factor(tm) and the work properly evokes the spirit and ethos of the culture/region/period.

The thing with these "historical" manga is that at the core it's just standard manga characters dressed up in a costume. Japanese characters and japanese cliches and stories dressed up in an "exotic" setting. It's a fucking romcom set in 19th century central asia, "romcom" is possibly the least relevant thing to 19th century central asia you can think of. I doesn't "feel" like central asia in a way that strict historical accuracy isn't that relevant to. It feels like modern japanese high schoolers larping as central asians.

I mean, japanese media isn't unique in this, wectern media also does the routine of "one of the 5 standard story arcs in popular fiction BUT SET IN X" all the time, but still, it bothers me much more when manga/anime does this, maybe because they don't even try to cover it up in any way, it's blatant.
>>
No. 41547
117 kB, 865 × 514
>>41545
Yeah, for sure. I will sacrifice authenticity for verisimilitude any day, but it's like you say, the thing is so divorced from the reality that the fact it's a reskin shows through hard. I mean, I can suspend disbelief but I have my limits. The inaccuracies also bother me a lot in particular because the author straight up has their notes talking about how accurate their shit is and then it being lapped up by an internet that knows no better. Instead of exposing people to (imo) one of the most interesting historical records on the planet, you get this thing that can't even get the basics right spreading false ideas into the (relatively speaking considering how much Central Asia is even considered a real place on the wect) mainstream comprehension. Would have been pretty kino if they'd just written Tolegen and Kyz-Zhibek and relied on the fact that the amount of people who would recognise that they were being a hack would be miniscule.

Man. I really got to run that legendary Kazakh Khanate game someday. Just got to make a bestiary for myself and I should be golden. It won't be a perfect historical rendition but tbh, the more I work on it conceptually, the better it fits with a historical in the way Homer is technically historical despite being complete bullshit.
>>
No. 41550
109 kB, 1012 × 570
>>41535
Probably something military and spy related. As you well know we've had this huge surge of armed forces mobilization to yurop and I guess you're the first country in our path to bouncing out of there and towards Germany, Ukraine, Poland, and the beltalowda although idk if we even are sending arms to places like Latvia but we're probably giving them aid.

There has also been a large uptick in Russian activity for some reason. Come to think of it Trump in addition to everything else is also senile now so I probably should be getting increasingly concerned he's about to start a war to avoid losing power. They already tried some pathetic attempt at staging a coup in Venezuela.
>>
No. 41552
1,9 MB, 240 × 180, 0:09
2,1 MB, 4032 × 2789
I woke up with a hangover.

I've decided to spend the day purging/packing away notes and textbooks now that HS is over.
Makes me feel pretty sentimental. I expected it to be a lot more joyous. Like that poem from the Carmina Burana that starts off with "Move aside ye books and doctrines!"
But I feel no joy. It's this strange sense of melancholy. It's good, but feels off.
I'd say this track represents my feeling relatively well: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NG1Wg6bdXaE

The thing is, I'm at that phase of boxing up and moving things when there's a bigger disarray than when I've started to put away things. Never thought I took so many notes over the years. Just found a history notebook from 6th grade for example. Man, my handwriting was so pretty back then. Which is funny, because even back then, they told me my handwriting was ugly as sin. (Which was slightly more of an issue than leaving off every second umlaut.)
Even had time to add "funny quips", puns and maps to the text during class.
Look, I even wrote down how they say "Middle Kingdom" when we learned about Ancient China. Even drew the hanzis.
I must've been the most adorable sperg in class.

Thousands of losers are taking a 4th and a 5th exam to graduate, and here I am, lamenting that it's over.
I'm so glad I did those two exams in advance in grade 10 instead of waiting. Saved me a lot of stress.

I've digitalised all the haikus I've written in the past ~3 years. Some of them I wrote in English for some reason. They felt pretty good to read for some reason. Probably because every piece was written because I had a genuine feeling at that exact moment.
Also found a small poem I wrote two years ago, and that was also surprisingly good. It wasn't developed to its full potential, but the rhymes were sound. Kinda felt like I was reading something from the 19th century strangely enough. A weird mix of national romanticism with 21st century urbanism.

Ordered a hard-drive for the broken-down PC. Gonna arrive in a few days.
I'm gonna try making a dual-boot system. Though I haven't decided on a linux-distro yet, but I'll probably go with my trusty Xubuntu. That served me well over the years.

>>41545
The issue is that the Japanese haven't got a clue about anything outside their magical fairytale island, and just like burgeroids, they don't give a shit about anything outside Japan.
You can say a lot of mean shit about Europeans, and rightfully so, but you can't hold against us that we aren't at least semi-curious about cultures coming from outside Europe. From the birth of Hellas through the orientalism of the 18th and 19th centuries right up until today's weebism, we have been observing the east out of sheer curiosity and thrill seeking.

I guess what I wanted to say is that the Japanese just can't pull off anything remotely non-japanese, because they never encountered anything that wasn't Japanese besides maybe some of the Chinese classics.
>>
No. 41553
>>41552
Your handwriting in that picture looks more like English than mine does tbh. Not bad.
>>
No. 41557
>>41539
Bride's Tale is amazing, also the other works from the mangaka.

It has been a stressful week to say the least: Our landlord in a drunken rage kicked my family out and now we are looking for a new apartment. With the pandemic it's even more stressful trying to minimize infection while moving house, my parents being elderly and sick in the worst risk groups. But what can you do, I can't stand being bullied by our landlord, I just hope we find a home for my parents ASAP. I myself am fucking off back to Helsinki, I'll find a shared flat there, I always do.
>>
No. 41563
>>41540
I can understand why, as a Central Asia knower, you would be put off by the author affecting a greater regard for historical accuracy than what is actually found in the work. However I am just reading it as a romcom with cool art. The setting is just as you said, a fun reskin.
>>
No. 41566
>>41557
>Our landlord in a drunken rage kicked my family out and now we are looking for a new apartment

How is that even possible, I mean that quick etc? Also how bad is the situation in Finlan? Here in Germany the numbers lowered quite abit over the last two weeks. Does not mean it's over but since I have to work and buy groceries everyday/every other day it seems fairly ok. I would even go so far and say that moving is less risky then going to the groceries. Only looking for a flat might be problematic if landlords still think it's a good idea to make an assembly out of it.

>>>41552
It's this strange sense of melancholy. It's good, but feels off.

Same here. Tho I still have to write my thesis :DDD I'm able to apply for new universities and thus leaving this city for once. Can't believe it will likely happen. Can't believe it will be over (here). My grades I have for application are pretty much splendid which makes an acceptance at my uni of chose quite likely and so change is coming at me, you can see it at the horizon already.
>>
No. 41569
>>41566
Kicked us out as in called us and told "Get the fuck out of there" and hang up. We have 3 months to find a new apartment, but I don't plan to stay any longer than necessary.
>How's the situation in Finland?
We're expecting the peak of the curve in May or early June. My parents are in quarantine for being old so the biggest infection risk is all the people we need to actually move furniture and such.
>>
No. 41573
>>41569
I dunno how it works in Finland, but my landlord tried some shit on us a few years back. Nothing worse than this shit.

Anayway, right now (here anyway) it's illegal to evict anyone during the epidemic, also a phonecall or verbal doesn't mean shit, he'll have to give you written notice and give a reason for it which you can dispute in a court (probably)
>>
No. 41574
82 kB, 749 × 499
>>41492
I just had to think of your post again.

Because rn I'm reading an article on the ideologies and thoughts of 60s countercultural movements and 80s technocapitalism taking of in silicon valley. The author puts up the thesis that guys like Stewart Brand have never been leftists in a marxian sense despite being key figures of the counter culture. Did you know the freaking Whole Earth Cataloge advertised Atlas Shrugged? MF kek.
Scientism meets libertarian capitalism. We can see the growth and outcome of that thoughts even today. It spilled into imagebaords many years ago.
Brebares for "turd third actually culture" Mr. Brick :DDDD

the article as pdf can be get for free even tho it was published in an printed anthology in 2012:
http://leeworden.net/pubs/reinventing-civilization.pdf
>>
No. 41576
This is making me realize how normies think and how glad I am to not be dealing with the bullshit of others during this beyond like my landlord. I don't think I could deal with living with my family for months
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7HS4O0mxl3A
>>41569
Here we get a week before getting arrested and then having to pay the costs for taking all our shit to the landfill. It is literally every shitty thing I was told about Communism and families being forced to pay for the bullets used to execute their relatives. More and more I start to disbelieve these tales and think it's just projection of the way things really are here. I'd kill or form a fucking labour union to have anywhere close those kinds of protections.
>>
No. 41577
>>41540
Hang on did the manga ever explicitly characterize anyone as belonging to a particular ethnic real-world Central Asian ethnic group
>>
No. 41580
70 kB, 1600 × 900
>>41577
They draw a map at some point, refer to a place (which doesn't match their map lmao, they say it's near the Caspian, they say it's in Khiva, and draw mountains which along with other dialogue implies that the Russians are coming from Iran, but they also draw a map) and the clothing and architecture along with a couple of other details fits in around the southern side of the Alatau more. It's meant to be Qoqand I suppose since that's where it makes most sense (if you ignore the nonsense), but it's uncanny valley.

>>41563
Tbh, my issue with it too is that I often see it touted as accurate by people including the author. That's especially dangerous to historical knowledge because there isn't much of an output of reputable Turkic history in Western literature, (and even Russian study owing a lot to Dostoevsky's butt buddy Walihan) so there are no widely-known basics beyond 'horse archers'. It's a lot less of an issue with things like Rome where the basics are more pervasive and thus pop media isn't affecting their perception to the same extent.

I also really hate the general meme of ALL LAMELLAR ALL THE TIME in popular wectern depictions of Turkic people.
>>
No. 41582
>>41580
Kinda off-topic but I just scanned the wiki article on the Dzungar-Kazakh wars and there were weirdly few citations in the sections about the stages of the conflict
>>
No. 41583
>>41582
Indeed. Stuff exists but it's not a well documented event.

This is a pretty ebin starting point if you want to actually study any Central Asian history though tbh. It's a lot easier than trawling books for scraps of information, and then reading badly translated articles in horrific Kazglish for your foundation.

http://gen.lib.rus.ec/book/index.php?md5=9C099E60688CE412CD18A5AB887BD4D7

And if you want to understand why the Kazakh Khanate in particular was super interesting,
http://gen.lib.rus.ec/book/index.php?md5=11F8F62B860E06923C74B82BEB28BF40
>>
No. 41584
>>41583
Thanks I've downloaded the first PDF
>>
No. 41586
>>41584
It shouldn't be too dense. I found it to be fairly easy to read, and their footnotes are nice and detailed instead of assuming a passing familiarity with people and concepts. That said, it's dry if you don't have a real interest beyond curiosity, but that's academic history for you.
>>
No. 41593
484 kB, 851 × 538
>>
No. 41618
Yesterday night I squandered my time drinking wine and talking with a friend over discord.
Basically I left the cleaning for today. I feel incredibly tired, and the giant circles under my eye only serve to reinforce that feeling.
It feels like I could fall asleep any second.

Found my old dream diary from 2016-2017. It also has "profound" thoughts 16 year old me wrote down. Kinda torn on whether or not I should bin it out of sheer embarrassment. But I'll probably keep it. Why not.
Also found a prose translation of Blake's Jerusalem, which I intended to translate at one point but didn't go through with.

Managed to fill up a complete rubbish bag with my notes. I'm getting rid of all the biology, chemistry, maths and history notes I took during HS. But I'm keeping my history and literature notes.
The textbooks I boxed up and shelved them down in the basement just in case my sister needs any of them for whatever reason. My mother insisted.

Tomorrow I'm going to vacuum the room and then sit outside, because it'll be ~30 degrees. Perfect for reading. Gonna finish the Nibelungenlied in a few days hopefully. Then I'm planning on reading The Epic of Manas.
I have 4 months. Gotta make it count.
>>
No. 41619
>get to know a girl from my studies, we write long virtual letters, have the same eccentric taste in music and generally get along well
>See message popping up: "I don't sleep well because of my medication..."
Every fugging time. I don't know her well enough yet, but it's kind of troubling for me. Mostly because of bad memories though and the feeling that people on meds will not feel accountable for what they do and are not reliable, mostly formed by the troubles I had with my last love. Well, then again one of my best friends is on antidepressants 24/7 and he's the most responsible and caring person I know, so I guess it's a really stupid prejudice (not to mention that I'm myself am on Kratom half of the week). Nonetheless it came up instantly.
>>
No. 41622
401 kB, 1108 × 831
After over a month of waiting, I finally got Stephen Kotkin's Magnetic Mountain: Stalinism as a Civilization.
My weekend was saved by this delivery, which was before it was due. Which is ironic given the order books I was meant to receive this week were all delayed. My weekend is saved and my excitement is immeasurable.
>>
No. 41623
>>41573
Yes it needs to be written here too, but the moment there will be a suitable apartment were out, by our own free will. Good luck for him finding a new tenant willing to buy his shit. I'm regretting not leaving sooner, maybe the first time he did this, then there was no corona threat and my parents would be safe and cozy by now.
>>
No. 41626 Kontra
>>41619
Made me chuckle a bit, sorry.
Tbh many people have problems these days and they seek treatment in whatever way, benefical or contraintuituve or whatever. I would need a partner that knows about troubles, meaning have it themselves. Who wants gf that is happy go lucky all the time? That is even more suspicious :D Ofc I want somebody who is kinda shut in but not sad all the time but can laugh it off sometimes and find something good in the misery occasionally.
So the troubles have to click. It is up to you to chose if you get treated bad all the time or if the troubles grow on both sides kinda euqally in exchange. The imageboards speak of being used as a bin is not adequate but hits to something. You don't have to endure people and their problems all the time if you can't bear it, save some space for yourself that means. The shit does not go away by doing so, but being a bin without change is not a nice outlook either.
I just assume you are catching feels, I notice. Currently I don't know if my coworker is hinting at me already or if I'm just lonely and horny. I like her, but I'm not madly in love or something. Well, I better relax, there is no need to try anything at this point. Things can unravel further, if that happens I can ponder about this shit again.
>>
No. 41630
>>41626
Yeah I mean to be fair it depends the drugs she's on and who she is as a person, but at the same time like you said it's equally a red flag if not more so for her to have the opposite problem and quite frankly I'd choose a legit nutcase over someone who doesn't think there's anything wrong with her any day. The last thing you're ever gonna want to put up with is some woman who is incapable of contrition or apologizing about anything or admitting when she is wrong. This is even worse if she ends up feeling slighted and then feels the need to get back at you somehow which no doubt will entail being a passive aggressive bitch and cheating on you behind your back rather than saying to your face shes been butthurt the last five months for some trivial reason, or legitimately not see any reason to apologize for fucking someone else because you two did not directly state you were in an exclusively closed relationship after you've been dating for a month.

The only time it's really a problem is when they're such basket cases they suck the life out of you. The main women who you want to avoid that are actual nutcases all have personality disorders and you can't fix that certainly not with drugs. Probably the most loyal and decent gf I ever had was chronically depressed. It did get a bit too draining to deal with her though. I'm also probably pretty poor on affirmation and positive enforcement so after awhile I suspected I was also just making her worse.
>>
No. 41632
>>41622
>Magnetic Mountain: Stalinism as a Civilization.
I've been meaning to cop that at some point.
Keep me posted.
>>
No. 41634
64 kB, 900 × 300
It's the 75th anniversary of VE Day so today was a national holiday. Or rather, they moved the May Day bank holiday to the Friday which messed with everyone's deadlines because this wasn't advertised at all.

In honour of our forefathers I spent all day playing Evil Genius which is now free to own.

>>41626
>Currently I don't know if my coworker is hinting at me already or if I'm just lonely and horny. I like her, but I'm not madly in love or something.
>coworker

Why do this to yourself?
>>
No. 41638 Kontra
>>41634
>Why do this to yourself?

I know, I know. Did I say I'm lonely and horny? There is only one answer to that question.
I won't be working there for too long. But it eventually won't happen anything. She is still in a relationship, but dunno she made some rather slippery remarks, complimented me and stuff, invited me to come over and have a drink, and her smiling is different then in the beginning, but perhaps I'm just more attentive to her smile now that we spent more time. I wasn't interested in her when I first met her and had shifts together. She is attractive but many women are. But gradually over the last months we got closer... as I said, might be just a wrong impression. It could very well be that she is just a bit bored and worn out by her relationship but in the end she will keep eveything in order. It's clearly my drives speaking here and not butterflies as I would take any other female that I can get along with well and that I find sexually attractive.(There is one that electrifies me more, even tho I've seen her maybe 4 times and never talked to her). I'm not specifically looking our for relationship even tho that is nice as well. First of all I want intimacy and sex, and if I don't get that out of a relationship, an affair would be better than nothing. Kinda pathetic how I'm starting to circle more about this thought as I think there might be an opportunity to get what I want "soon", oh well 'rona is making it worse. I don't expect anything but why am I thinking an opportunity might be possible?
>>
No. 41639
I had a bad day and it's not even lunch time. Gonna get maggot tonight to make up for to i think.
>>
No. 41640
>>41638
>She is still in a relationship
Run, and don't look back.
>>
No. 41641
>>
No. 41642
>>41626
By now I think I realized something. I didn't get it that way at first but now, after the fifth letter or smth, I finally read "that was something which had always sparked controvery my boyfriend and me". Dropped nust like that, in a tiny side-sentence, that wouldn't even have come out if I wouldn't have written about the topic of living on the countryside vs living in the city.
It's not fully clear, as she wrote it in past tense but then also combined with "already" ("das war auch schon oft ein großer Streitpunkt zwischen meinem Freund und mir"). Also agreed to go out with me and spend the evening on a traffic island.
This isn't heartbreaking (because it luckily came out now at least), it's rather heartkilling. It's like a little light that pops out from nowhere and then vanishes quickly after.
I'm not even mad or anything, it's just that for one moment in months I thought I would be alone no longer. It just adds up to a very unfortunate series of ever repeating events, that always seem to end up in the same way. It's not a very painful experience per se, it just adds up to the sum and makes me wish to not be any more, as well as regretting even getting close to someone.
I already feel dead really.
>>
No. 41643
>>41642
*controversy between my boyfriend and me.

It is unnecessary to get so worked up about someone that was no-one to me a few days ago. I guess it's a sign of emotional poverty and deprivation (it was almost a year ago still that I let someone participate in my thoughts as deeply and obviously it was a mistake) but also the feeling that I'm part of a cruel joke. A cynical movie plot revolving about a hopeless protagonist, wandering around in a bleak and empty space searching for something. Just to wake up to the very same darkness. I wouldn't be so worked up if it wasn't about that comedic elements.
Tragedy at least has its beauty amd catharsis, while the comedy is just obscene and hopeless.
It was almost a week that I thought it would end. Ridiculous. What am I even there for yet?
>>
No. 41646
34 kB, 667 × 208
I just learned that the CSS Shenandoah, a US Civil War era confederate ship, captured a Union whaling vessel in the Sea of Okhotsk in 1865. Also when it surrendered at Liverpool in November 1865 there were 42 Australians among its crew.
>>
No. 41647
>>41646
The seps know. Shut. It. Down!
>>
No. 41648
>>41640
Why exactly? I don't consider her being my gf. She told me she was not so happy about that relationship for an amount of time not long ago. But you know, I could imagine that it will still keep on. And that is why I don't see us ever getting THAT close. I also found other girls attractive when I had gf ofc and ofc I also got along with some well and we had to laugh and such that I really had to think about these when I lay in bed at night. But in the end I never considered to break up or cheat on my gf as I valued our bound. It's playful behavior perhaps and I like that somehow but yeah I it's not a safe bet and I don't treat it like that and I always have to tell me that it seems :DDD

>>41643
Never expect anything until you find yourself alone with a woman and (atmospheric/belly)"tension" calls for release is my device. I went quite well with it, that is after I had a relationship. When I talk to woman that attract me and we get along well, ofc I have my thoughts, but shrug that off, you don't need to hate yourself because she is not yours and you did not make her that on that day. You either push into likely territory if you really want things going to happen (faster) or just let things evolve and maybe something "accidently" happens. I mean in my case I don't see how it would make sense to push anything, a coworker is not a good idea and she is still bonded, but if I actually have a drink with her at her place and there is something in the air, well, but maybe that never happens anway. I won't hate myself or be depressed if it is not happening, what is more depressing for me is actually not asking that woman who is actually electrifiying me with her gaze and who clearly was provoking me by that, for her number, that is: why can't I just walk up to a stranger and chat it up in order to kick a stone and let it roll, could be a short roll, as short as a simple no or somethin longer. Letting it pass most of the time is what gets me frustrated.

>traffic island

Beautiful. That indeed sounds like a good person tbh. I just consulted Ballards interviews to see how I can place him in an essay about non-places.
>>
No. 41650
I bought a new mochalka (what's even the equivalent word in english, I have no idea), and the handles tore off on first use.
I'm so mad. Fuck people who make products like these.
>>
No. 41651
>>41648
Dude. She started sending you these signals while she was still attached. Do you think she won't do that again if she gets bored of you?

Your dumb animal brain is telling you to FUG. But if you saw any other guy in this situation, what would you think? This is not a reliable woman worth committing yourself to, because she doesn't understand or care about the principle of commitment.
>>
No. 41652
>>41650
That thing's weird man. Closest I can think of is what I'd call a washer which is just a shower rag, maybe 30x30cm, similar fabric to a towel. The fug is up with the handles? Mysterious communist washing implement.
>>
No. 41653 Kontra
>>41651
If something happens I'm sure she'll get bored quick :DD as I mentioned I don't plan to make her my gf. It's just that she seems sending messages to my thirsty mind-body that has nothing against sex. So I'm in if it "escalades" but we'll see if that will happen at all. As I said, maybe it's just playful interaction. I remember one akward scene where she basically said it's sad that she can't kiss me because of smoking and after she apparently noticed what she just said quickly subsequent that this does not mean anything and then talking about how that would be possible nonetheless, that smoking and mouth taste wouldn' matter, depending on the person. Whatever, such things let me hear up.
I will continue as usual and live like it's not gonna happen. Simple.
>>
No. 41654
>>41652
You pull it by the handles, throw it over your shoulders and drag it back and forth to wash your back. The fact that wecterners don't have this is proof of their small heda and not enough outside the box thinking.
>>
No. 41655
>>41654
I just realised that in all likelyhood I've never washed my back properly...

Thinking about getting one of those mochalkas now.
>>
No. 41656
>>41654
Big eyes, small heda :-DDD

Tbh, when you need to do that with a washer, you just grab it and do it. You just manage better without handles instead of using handles.
>>
No. 41660
>>41648
Well, I was drugged yesterday. Bad feels and kratom are never a good mixture, suffered from intense insomnia up until 6am, so I just got up at 2pm which is really fugged, thinking that I usually get up around 9-10am these days.
Well, the whole affair reminds me of not going astray, not walking away from my chosen path and not let myself be carried away by anyone or anything for it's seldom worth it.
So in the end, it's alright.
>>
No. 41665
While in bed, feeling slightly under the weather today, I decided to start watching a lecture in a field entirely foreing to me. I ended up with the chemical science introduction from MIT.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2x3F08_8B80

I had various reactions: First I wanted to abort because of the quality, but I recovered quickly from that only to be struck by that dialect and accent. Anyone talking like that immediately sounds like a cute but entirely naive dullard that should be patted on the head. But continuing to watch, I grew more and more impressed by how well she structures the lecture and how clear the stream of information is entering my brain. And then there is the bouncy attitude that reaches the crescendo when she actually starts to kick around a football.
It's ... working. I'm in lecture 3 now and I've actually learned something despite being dull headed in bed.
>>
No. 41666
>>41665
Ebin.
All my respect for using saturday evening to learn about chemisty. True prussian assburger.
Meanwhile I'm emptying a bottle of raki and listening to the pure aeathetic bliss that is Bernard Herrmanns opera version of "Wuthering Heights".

If anyone wants to talk via any kind of platform, I'm up to it btw.
I like having someone to talk with when I'm drinking and as the liquor is flowing well it won't be awkward.
>>
No. 41667
44 kB, 800 × 535
>>41660
I also woke up at 2pm. Woke up and got working some animations for a website. Then I read a chapter of Magnetic Mountain Christ, what an amazing book, studied some Russian and played 45 mins of vidja. Time to go work out. After that, I'll finish Professor Drank The Globe.
>>
No. 41668
>>41666
Thank you, that bit of admiration does feel nice :3
>>
No. 41670
Read the chapter of Bride’s Story where the girl learns to sew better while preparing linens for her dowry after the old ones got ruined. I wonder how much of these cultural depictions the mangaka just straight up invented. Guess I’ll have to read that textbook the Aussie sent me.
>>
No. 41671
I felt really tired today. Read two adventures from the new edition of the Nibelungenlied, wrote a diary entry, had lunch and then went to bed.
Also managed to finally throw out the trash.

Can't wait for my bookshelf to get finished. The materials are already cut up, it's just that they lack the covering material for the sides of the blockboards, because I had no idea that it's actually a thing when I picked this material for the first set of furniture 3-4 years ago, so now I'm stuck waiting for it. But it'll be glorious once it's finished.
At this point I could start a religion around "waiting for the bookshelf to be made" I think.

Having a beer. Last can in the fridge. Father's friend brought it as a gift. The thing is, nobody drinks beer in the house. Truth be told, I'm the only one in the household who drinks semi-regularly.
I kinda wish I had some cranberry pálinka. The gods of the Olympos lied when they said they drink nectar. They drink cranberry pálinka brewed in Transylvania.

I sent out an e-mail a few days ago thanking my literature teacher for teaching me a lot during the past two years. Also sent her my collected haikus. She told me they were good. Especially the way I use compound words to convey feelings at such limited lengths.
>>
No. 41675
Had an online drinking meeting with some friends. Wasn't bad but obviously much more mediocre than doing it in person. I mean I always drink more but with rounds at least that ensures some synchronicty.
>>
No. 41678
Not today but I took a post-covid flight a few days ago. Clearly I won't be able to do this every 3-4 weeks in the future.

Wearing a mask for that long was kind of uncomfortable. My whole row was empty though so I probably didn't get pestilence. My gf made my disinfect my laptop after coming back in. Apparently there's going to be a 14-day quarantine for overseas arrivals to Britashka soon but it's not like I'm going anywhere anyway.

If you're staying in (and cooking your own food) there's not a lot of difference between Kinsasha and London. We'll all see how this shit goes but if I no longer have to be in a specific site to sell to megacorps I'm going full rural. Might be England though.
>>
No. 41680 Kontra
>>41678
Wait, you've been to Congo?
>>
No. 41681 Kontra
314 kB, 861 × 1200
344 kB, 861 × 1200
>>
No. 41688
>>41670
Again, they know what stuff looks like. They just treat it like a modern Japanese sewing group. Those books won't help you with low-level social history though, they are a study of higher level things. That is where you got to start delving into kazglish at best, and being forced to self-translate at worst and my Kazakh still sucks.
>>
No. 41690
>>41688
What about stuff like dowry, bride price, etc.? Would I have to read a real ethnography for that
>>
No. 41700
>>41690
Nah. Both existed. You don't want to start bad blood by having one side take the other for everything while getting nothing back. Pragmatism is a virtue.

Thing is that it's a lot more nuanced than the terms imply in English because obviously our words are based on our culture. Lineage was often more important than gender when it came to determining the importance of someone in marriage negotiations, which is familiar. However, you'll come across evidence of the wife's line being dominant over the man's because her line was full of badasses and that was more important than 'muh surname' as is common in most other cultures. It wasn't necessarily that their family were khans or whatever, just that their line was strong. It wasn't common, and more often you'd just get a yurt named after notable ancestors, including (and in some sources they say especially) the notable women.

Also, knot embroidery is more typical than stitched embroidery in my reading but I'm not 100% on that.
>>
No. 41701 Kontra
>>41700
Also, the whole bloodline being good and bad probably has roots in the ancestor worship of pre-islamic (and to a lesser extent in just Islamic) Central Asia. It also manifests in memes about who is going to be a dreg based on where they sit with regards to ancestry because it's a zero-sum game where if it gets split, then someone gets a good deal and someone gets a bad deal. Brick was the one who clued me on to that stereotype regarding the branches in trees resulting from polygamy.
>>
No. 41707
>>41680
>>41680
No just wanted to give an example of some place that's definitely not London
>>
No. 41709
187 kB, 1368 × 959
>>41707
Oh and I thought Ernst is taking business trips to countries a westerner rarely goes to. I would have been interestend how Kinshasa as a city is like. How african business partners are, the food etc.
>>
No. 41732
87 kB, 1110 × 937
111 kB, 666 × 888
111 kB, 703 × 937
Guess I'll drop out of this master's course after all, eh?
There's a seminar this semester that I hoped would be interesting, but it's been rather disappointing. I've been forcing myself through the readings so far, but I really just don't care for that stuff. And even less about the other courses. Maybe I would've been able to force myself through if I would've finished my bachelor on time, and did the master right away but now I just feel like I'm wasting my time trying to force myself to study stuff that I don't care about to get a degree that would possibly enable some career that I don't care about either.

Tbh I think I just want a job where I don't have to work in front of a screen since I'm just too good at procrastinating when I'm sitting at a computer. Not sure what some feasible options would be in that regard though.

In other news I picked up gunpla as a hobby, maybe I'm just going a bit soft in the heda.
Maybe it's time to reboot some habits, I'm not getting anything done these days. Now when I think about it, this coincides with me quitting vaping, maybe I should pick it up again after all, I feel like the nicotine did make me somewhat less slothful for what it's worth.

>>41514
Congrats!
>>
No. 41733
Today I made my first foray into the language of the ancient Greeks.
The alphabet is very sensible now that I've actually took my time to understand it. Prosodia makes the pronunciation a lot harder in practice. Thank God it's a dead language so it doesn't matter all that much, but if I want to show off by reciting poetry in it, then I have to learn it.

Also read from the Nibelungenlied today. The new translator really can't hold a candle to the old version. It just doesn't feel right as a poem. I can see where he has to compromise. Translations of epic poems should feel like a completely reassembled version of the original, not like a reassembled and repainted machine. The old one felt like a poem. It was fluid and it felt like reading a fairytale.
The translator is definitely competent and did a lot of research, but he really wasn't up to the task of creating an actually good epic.

I felt a bit tired and weak in my chest for a few hours, but it passed. Tomorrow's supposedly a cold day, so that's probably the reason.

I've been listening to Schnittke's oratorio titled "Nagasaki" over the past few days. It's a really powerful piece. Makes my skin crawl. I just love the main motif Schnittke uses and the musical representation of the nuclear strike on the city.
Apparently the lyrics were written by one Anatoly Sofronov. Schnittke adapted his poem. What a shame I can't seem to find it in any language. What is 40 years of Soviet occupation good for if we don't even have piles of agitprop trash lying around to satisfy my obscure artistic needs?
>>
No. 41737
>>41681
Love that character and her development.
>>
No. 41750
>>41732
Check out Nu Gundam. It's a nice mix of clean early UC aesthetic with dumb, over the top nonsense from late UC/AU. Plus the asymmetric funnels look great.
>>
No. 41753
Listened to some Mister X, a Belorussian street punk band recommended by aussie.
It was mentioned during a discussion relating to post-punk, so I listened to it right after a couple russian post-punk albums. Was quite the contrast to go from dark, melancholic songs in slow baritone to energetic music about drinking vodka and getting into fights. Call it cringe, but what immediately flashed through my mind was "The virgin post-punk, the chad OI!" :-DDDD

Cleansing the palate is nice sometimes.
>>
No. 41755
>>41737
I agree she's a really good character.

In other manga news: I started reading a manga about a loan shark but it was too depressing so I stopped reading.

(title: Ushijima the Loan Shark)
>>
No. 41758
257 kB, 2516 × 1608
>>41753
In my defense, I did say that it wasn't post-punk when I recommended it :-DDD

>The virgin post-punk, the chad OI!
Made some OC based on this :-DDD
>>
No. 41759 Kontra
>>41758
Disclaimer: punks are cool and I get along with them. I just don't like the modern breed of idiots who wear the whole getup but then act like massive bootlickers.
>>
No. 41760
>>41758
I've read that the fascist/rascist variety of skinheads signal this by wearing red boot laces. Not sure if this is now or was ever true.
>>
No. 41761
>>41760
Not in our scene. I know that laces meaning shit is a thing in America, but my lore knowledge of the Burger scene isn't strong. From memory, its the NY guys who are really into it, with white laces being for white power, red laces being for redskins and shit like that. Around here you just wear what you think looks cool, and I've seen guys who just wear their footy team's colours on the laces too.
>>
No. 41763
>>41758
compared to regular punkers, post-punk fashion is even more poofteresque :-DDDD.
best way I can describe it is "a repressed young man comes back from distant relative's funeral reception", with all the black button up shirts and peacoats and hair gel :-DDD
>>
No. 41765
>>41763
Tbh, I don't even really dislike the way most of these people dress. It's just fun to make virgin vs chad shitposts :-DDD rate
>>
No. 41770
Just ordered a new drawing tablet. From one of the more decent chinese brands, rather than a knockoff of a knockoff like my current one. Only cost me three months worth of cigarette money, oh well. No more broken pens, no more uneven pressure sensitivity, no more taping paper onto the drawing surface like a savage (rubber nibs). Maybe I'll even be able to do this "linework" stuff kids are raving about, rather than using the pen as a binary on and off switch :-DDD

>>41765
tbh me neither, I just wanted an excuse to say "poofteresque".
I don't really care for personal fashion or identity, as long as my fat rolls don't feel to constricted, it's fine by me. I do have an interest in fashion in an aesthetic sense, but I wouldn't care for maintaining a "look".
>>
No. 41771
>>41770
I just like the clothes I wear. They make me feel good about myself. It's a bit lizard-brained but fuck it, I'm human. Sue me.
>>
No. 41773
27 kB, 313 × 349
Today was an alright day.
I taught my grampa how to send e-mails and I think I'll be talking to him daily while he's in quarantine. He seems depressed, understandably so given the state of absolute isolation he's in. He said he wishes he could just go to his dacha and I told he can go there if he wants to, as there is no ordinance against it. Then he told me it's a pointless endeavor as all the restaurants around there are closed - thus revealing his true intentions behind the trip. I look forward to e-mailing him things since he is interested in EC tier topics. I am find myself having to proof read what I send him, since he used to be a teacher and would surely give me shit if I failed at delivering a perfect e-mail.

Today I also went to a gas station where a cute girl works. She has been oddly nice to me, which led to some reptilian part of my brain telling me she clearly wants to fug :DD
I feel deeply uncomfortable at possibly going forward with unwarranted advances to someone who is just being nice to me, but I decided to make small talk.
I told her that a few months ago, I'd never have expected to be requested that I wear a mask when entering a gas station of all places.
She seemed nervous and told me how we need to work together to stop this virus. I tried rephrasing what I said - attempting to reference that gas stations usually don't want you to be masked, but she seemed further confused - telling me how the gas station she's working for has been great in providing its workers with the necessary equipment to function safely.

I have no idea what to make of this, maybe this is how girls felt when I've bumbled previous attempts at small talk long ago.
>>
No. 41779
Started smoking and dipping again. Lower lip started to hurt so switched to upper lip. Rate
>>
No. 41798
354 kB, 593 × 592
133 kB, 1287 × 828
this is such a perfect troll map
>>
No. 41799
>>41798
I'm okay with it. Poles and Greeks would be pretty butthurt, though. Also, Eesti is 10/10 XDDDDDDDDDD.
>>
No. 41802
Today I'm going to fix up that PC. I just need to create a windows install stick for it.
Never had a HDD that was 1TB large. It's pretty exciting. Gonna test the system with TW:Shogun 2.
Then IDK. Terraria is supposedly getting one last update. That might be fun too.

The weather turned bad, but at least I'm no longer in constant pain because of it.

>>41798
That's mildly irritating.
>>
No. 41823
94 kB, 799 × 800
Drifting through the systemic universe, what does it mean that we still use systemic vocabulary very prominently: system, structure, network(s), information, communication

also there is no topic insight, just a delirious binge on academic texts, fascinating who knowledge travels and spreads, gets used etc. But problem remains: I'm restless and can't find the few nails to hit on and set the string for a small thesis.
I need a supervisor that just tells me: just get a long with an unoriginal thesis, lump together some secondary literature and the sources already used often and just retell something!

feels thick like this https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fm33vztBSZs the text is a bit cringey though and does echo the actual feeling
>>
No. 41824 Kontra
>>41823
it does NOT echo the feeling, jeez full of mistakes
>>
No. 41825
Well, I managed to get the thing running, and it only took me 6 or so hours because the internet was straya tier in the house. Took me half a fucking hour to just download firefox and java.
In the end, I just hooked up the PC to the wifi through ethernet.

I tried playing Warband, and it runs well, even if I'm accelerating the travelling speed, and it also runs Shogun 2.
That game is a marvel. Shuch a shame that it Total War strategy mechanichs. I'm glad they went with the units speaking Japanese instead of Engrish, but I'm irritated that they didn't go all the way. The remaining bits of Japanese accented english stand out like a sore thumb.
I mean, "shamefur dispary"? Really?
The units also feel strangely "fragile", compared to Rome or Medieval II. The just keep running away and suffering heavy casualties.
Total War is one of those games that's really impressive as a 12 year old boy because of the numbers on the battlefield, but playing it after Europa Universalis or Victoria just makes the games feel shallow.
(I never enjoyed battles in TW all that much. After a while, it turns into a slog.)
In the end, the battles in Mount and Blade are more fun because of your personal involvement, and Paradox games have a better strategic feel to them.

The room's a mess because I was desperately looking for either a USB wireless adapter or an ethernet cable. Gotta clean that up tomorrow.
Dunno what else I'm gonna do tomorrow. Probably keep learning Greek and reading the Nibelungenlied if my head doesn't hurt.

Now that I have some capable hardware under me, I might try streaming something on the radio. I'd stream something classical. Probably Schnittke.
>>
No. 41839
92 kB, 382 × 381
Wow.
I just used a link to some social media platform to read an article, and the website was presumptuous enough to rebind my Ctrl F to its own broken search function that takes you to another page instead of behaving like a text search function should.
I can not describe the level of anger I went through as I read the developers' explanation that their fancy web framework or whatever the shit has a "philosophy" that only what you see should be loaded into the DOM, so regular search can't be used.
It's 2020 and in someone's diseased, delusional mind, being able to only render A SCREENFULL OF TEXT is a feature. And that it somehow justifies intrusively focing a context switch in my brain, and changing how a program on MY computer works because of their retarded "philosophies". As if it's my problem what your shitty "webapp" can and can't do. As if your glorified chat box is a big enough deal to enforce your "philsophy" on people who DON'T EVEN USE YOUR SHITTY WEBSITE, and were just linked an article from somewhere else.

These people need to be shot and I'm saying this unironically. This is a basic lack of common courtesy and respect for others' personal space. This is a web equivalent of someone shoving their hand in your pockets and rearranging the items within to enforce their idea of "ergonomics". These people are probably sociopaths and a blight upon the world. Put them against the wall.
>>
No. 41840
>>41825
Try AGEOD grand strategy games. They've got a much more granular system that encourages wartime strategy beyond deathstacking. Kind of like how HoI3 managed to actually feel like a war with a frontline compared to other Paradox games. Plus they made an engine that's way better than Paradox ones, and can do wargaming oriented titles (Civil War II, Revolution Under Siege) and proper Grand Strategy type games (Pride of Nations). Downside is that the engine can run slow under heavy load, but it's not really that different to how jank Clausewitz is (and made by a smaller company), and it doesn't cop half as much shit for technical reasons.

You would really like Revolution Under Siege though I think. You seem like the kind of person who'd appreciate a Russian Civil War strategy game that isn't weird and barely functional without scripting like Interwar mods for Darkest Hour.

>>41839
Man, sometimes I wonder what the fuck corners of the internet you're going into. Maybe it's just a third world thing. Never come across anything like that on Australian internet.
>>
No. 41841
>>41840
It's an "american tech startup" thing.
I was reading ubuntu release notes, actually, because someone said that they've been using javascript for mouse movement in GNOME shell this whole time, which is hilarious.

For some reason a hundred million dollar company decided to host their mailing list on this shitty ass, new age platform named "discourse", that reeks of social media inspired UX. I thought engineers and programmers were above that, guess not.
>>
No. 41842
>>41841
I dunno what that means, but tbh it sounds like by being a computer scrub I'm saving myself a lot of hassle.
>>
No. 41843
>>41839
Don't go there, resistance is futile.

>>41840
>Man, sometimes I wonder what the fuck corners of the internet you're going into.
It's top fashion now to create websites unusable at resolutions lower than 4K and loading faster than 15 seconds.
>>
No. 41844
>>41839
I feel you in every way. The web is broken top to bottom and I consider it one of the worst successful technologies in human history. Everything about the relationship of websites and browsers is bad design and the worst developers in the world are on both sides of the issue preventing a solution. I think I've already linked the talk by jon blow at some point - about what's wrong with the situation from a broad perspective. There are other voices about it and also people drawing consequences for their own websites: https://fabiensanglard.net/bloated/index.html
>>
No. 41846
167 kB, 1190 × 595
>>41844
>>41839
I imgine web like you know.. kind of like pic related
>>
No. 41847
218 kB, 1000 × 505
>>41844
That Wired article is pretty ironic considering what their webpage looks like lol.

And yeah, I really enjoyed that jonathan blow talk, there's also some video clips from his streams where goes on angry rants about various topics, those are pretty entertaining too.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8UGO3EG5DC8
this one's probably my favorite.

He's a pretty interesting guy. I first heard about him way back when he first announced he's working on a new language, but then quickly forgot. It's pretty amazing that he already managed to make a full 3D engine and game in it, working in a small team. And I think it's admirable that he won't release it until it's done, because he believes that releasing something unfinished or bad to the public is actively harmful, as opposed to the "more the merrier" viewpoint a lot of programmers seem to hold.

Regarding that, I've been thinking recently that I spend 90% of my time on the internet consuming pure garbage that some people write and present to the public despite not having anything of worth to say. I read a book's worth of text every week just shitposting on the internet, yet if I had read those words from actual good books instead, I would've been a better person by now. The internet seemed like a vast library of knowledge when I first started using it, and I admit it was beneficial, but the diminishing returns have kicked it and more and more it seems to me like a giant pile of mostly garbage.
I've been toying with this idea of downloading a few terabytes worth of books, scans of artworks, music, then cut all the cords and disconnecting from the internet. Maybe then I'd achieve Authentic Living(tm).
>>
No. 41848
>>41844
I found some relic of old better days: https://www.htmlhelp.com/feature/art2.htm
It's kinda interesting that this site continues to work since 1996. That brings some tranquility to my soul.
>>
No. 41849
>>41847
I've been following him pretty actively when he started giving talks about game design, which was about ~3 years before starting work on his own language.

That snippet regarding the keyboard is brilliant, thank you. Downloaded and archived.

>Regarding that, I've been thinking recently that I spend 90% of my time on the internet consuming pure garbage that some people write and present to the public despite not having anything of worth to say.

Have you read the essay "On Bullshit" by Harry Frankfurt? It seems you could find some of the perspective valuable.

Also, this: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Banner_blindness

I've made it a verbalised goal to spend 50% of my website-time (gut feeling) on Wikipedia and it has subjectively improved my ability to concentrate. After a while it felt like my mental hygene was improving because fewer scatter-thoughts about random bogus were occupying my brain. Like I would read some washington-post article about "TRUMP SAID X" and 5 days later part of the heading of that article would pop up in my head and start a train of thought best described as "regrettable". This is completely gone now and it honestly feels good. I can look at the trees outside the window and just see the leaves now - last year around this time I would do that for 30 seconds and then realize that I've been occupied by thoughts about bullshit for the last 20 seconds with a blank stare - not actually seeing any leaves.

My advice: On average, sites that require java-script are bad for your mental health and you are better off with zero-tolerance noscript settings.
>>
No. 41851
703 kB, 1920 × 1080
>>41840
Revolution Under Siege looks amazing. How was I not aware of this?
>>
No. 41859
31 kB, 293 × 516
Been to a different store that I usually go, and found picrelated there. After an unsuccessful attempt to recall what does it taste like (the last time I drank it was in the 90s, I believe, when they first started to sell it here; after a short period it just vanished from the stores for some reason for almost two decades or so) I decided to buy three cans to refresh my memory. And hot damn, this might be my favorite soda now, along with cranberry Schweppes. Kinda wish that they would sell it in bottles, though, I prefer bottles (especially 1l ones) to cans.
>>
No. 41863
>>41859
I walked pass by it in the soft drink aisle last week and gave it a quick thought as I haven't had it in years, but I also don't drink soft drinks for months now. I guess the last I had was afew sips of "hip" goga gola in March. No liter bottle in years I think, at least I cannot remember the last time.
It's an odd taste but somehow intriguing. I bought blueberry juice instead, a more healthy and tasty alternative in the end.
I would take a can now, though.
>>
No. 41875
>>41851
XTRG has some videos on it if you want to see gameplay. I recommend him specifically because he doesn't cut down gameplay to the interesting bits, so you get the full experience and can see how the game plays in general rather than just how the game plays when it's exciting viewing.
>>
No. 41877
>>41859
I had one sip once and into the sink it went.
>>
No. 41880
>>41859
>though, I prefer bottles (especially 1l ones) to cans.
Aren't they, like, 2,50 BYN per can?
>>
No. 41881
>>41859
I really liked vanilla one. Not vanilla+cherry, just vanilla.
>>
No. 41882
>>41880
Yeah, 2,56 to be precise.
>>
No. 41883
2,0 MB, 380 × 227, 0:02
>>41882
Wow that's only a dollar and four cents. I thought that Belarus was poor af, like actually even poorer than Ukraine and Russia by a mile. What's your secret? Why is the Belaryssian ruble so valuable?

Thank god you guys decided to start talking about Dr. Pepper I think I'm gonna add your money to my shopping list for having a few small amounts of global reserve currencies.

So in other news I have just discovered that tat $600 thing actually is federally and it counts on top of our own state unemployment and is per every week? Seriously? That can't possibly be real. If so god bless you coronachan I'd now be making more money than I ever have before. I'm trying to get like a month worth of backdated claims because the unemployment system has been so fucked up so idk if they would also kick me that.
>why would anyone go back to work
Hell I fucking wouldn't want to but that's solely because the $600/week which I thought was some state thing that solely went to people whose job was directly shut down like restaurant workers or people who got infected or were not worker because of being quarantined. Were it not for that even if I was laid off entirely I would not be making enough on unemployment to so much as pay my rent every month, even without the taxes. Oh and yeah FYI unemployment benefits is actually taxed income so we have to pay something like 15% income tax on it.
>Americans don't pay taxes
If you're poor enough you get it refunded like I did which was a wonderfully timed boon for all this which happened roughly in concert with the $1200 stimulus checks so I've been flooded with money that's finally ran out until I recently discovered this. But otherwise yeah if you're a real American you're paying like 10-15% of your money to the State. If you're not a real American and just some rich person you can lower your effective income taxes to close to zero through all the tax loopholes and chicanery rich people have been doing for decades though, and if you're a company you can pay 0% in income tax.

Really it's only the middle class that actually gets taxed to hell in this country.

But anyway so what's your secret B E L A R U S? That's an amazingly good exchange rate. That's like, starting to approach Australian or Canadian or whoever rates of exchange. Who is stabilizing your currency? Or did you just get done with a period of massive deflation or something? I just cannot wrap my mind around how valuable your currency is with what is your GDP and various economic points of data.
>>
No. 41885
53 kB, 1205 × 564
>>41883
Ernst, a nominal exchange rate similarity to the USD rate does not a strong currency make, not say nothing of how good of an investment they are and even says less about a country's financial well being. Don't go out buying currency based on how close their exchange rate is to the dollar.
>>
No. 41887
>>41883
>Why is the Belaryssian ruble so valuable?
Because we had a redenomination not so long ago which turned 10000 (ten thousands) of Belarusian rubles into 1.

>Who is stabilizing your currency?
Nobody. The economy is in deep shit, and it shows in our currency pretty clearly: last year it was two rubles for one dollar, but the incapability of our government to strike a deal on oil with Russia and then the fall of the oil prices dropped the ruble to 2,75 for $1. It rolled back a bit to 2,40, but it still means that the ruble became 20% cheaper in the span of several months.
>>
No. 41888
>>41885
Well why is their exchange rate so good comparatively speaking? Are they ruled by corrupt oligarchs? It doesnt sound like their PPP would be that bad either if they can buy an "exotic import" and it costs less than twice as much for them as it would be for me to buy it.
>>
No. 41889
>>41887
Oh. I should've refreshed before posting.
>10k now equals 1
Well then.

>currency continues devaluing
but that just means it's a buyer's market going by 4cancerlogic

Well regardless I want to get lots of money and then take a sizable chunk of my money out of the country's market entirely. With American prestige and global influence clearly on the wane even potato rubles are starting to look tempting if only to be shielded from the absolute shitshow that is happening over here.
>>
No. 41891
>>41888
>It doesnt sound like their PPP would be that bad either if they can buy an "exotic import" and it costs less than twice as much for them as it would be for me to buy it.
Ernst, purchasing power does not equate like that. If anything, the price of Dr. Pepper being seemingly so cheap would lead one to infer that their purchasing power is low - thus requiring whoever owns Dr. Pepper to sell it for cheap. Soft drinks have an elastic price. Not that purchasing power would make a country's currency any more or less of a good investment.

>>41889
>With American prestige and global influence clearly on the wane even potato rubles are starting to look tempting if only to be shielded from the absolute shitshow that is happening over here.
Ernst, I can guarantee you Belarusian rubles are far more volatile than the USD. There are more secure currencies if you insist on buying currencies. There are far better things to do with your money than buying up Belarusian Lukabux, even better to just not do anything than investing in a currency that was halved last year. 4chan logic doesn't really apply to monetary policy, it would make sense for a Belarusian to buy dollars because he seeks a more stable currency, free from the whims of his local government. If you so mistrust your currency, buy Euros. In general, buying currency should only be done if you're into numismatists or if you are a person from a country that risks hyper inflation. In general, currencies are (by design) prone to inflation. You'll hardly ever make money from just buying currencies, it should be done as a way to guarantee financial stability. This isn't done by buying funny Belarusian bux.

I'm sorry if it sounds harsh Ernst, but you really have no idea what you're doing.
>>
No. 41892
>>41891
>I'm sorry if it sounds harsh Ernst, but you really have no idea what you're doing.
I never said that I did
>vierkanal
It was a joke referencing how bad the logic was
>stability
Bingo. I'm not trying to make money. I'm trying to have safeguards so that if the US economy really does go completely tits up I have at least something, and preferably something that I can then cash back in to get by here. If the USD gets totally fucked then the euro is probably going to be pretty volatile too. An economic sphere that is more insulated from us (not saying that anywhere in the world would be really) has got better odds.
>>
No. 41893
My grandmother is dying and I can't say goodbye because of coronavirus, not even my father can say goodbye. Getting to the funeral is going to be hard and I don't even know if I should stay away so I don't accidentally kill my parents.

The worst part about when people die is they tend to have a bounce and, for a time, you wonder what all the fuss was about only for things to fall apart again. She's been depressed for years now having outlived all her friends, suffering a distraction burglary etc. so when she initially ended up going into a vegetative state in her sleep it didn't seem so bad. Maybe it was shock but it didn't effect me much. Then she got better and now the doctor has moved to end of life care which is what she was always afraid of.

I'm really not having a good week at all.
>>
No. 41894
>>41893
She's back into a coma now and they've withdrawn fluids, they give it 2-3 days and she won't be conscious at least.
>>
No. 41895
>>41893
>>41894
I can't imagine what you must be going through. You have my sympathy, ernst.
>>
No. 41896
>>41894
Sorry you're going through this. Stay strong, man.
>>
No. 41897
2,7 MB, 3024 × 3608
2,5 MB, 3024 × 3020
2,5 MB, 3024 × 3186
2,6 MB, 3667 × 2853
My father finally assembled the bookshelf he promised me months ago, so I spent the entire day moving books.
I expanded the Epics section to two shelves, established an entire shelf dedicated to just books by and about Babits and I also expanded the Russian section from two to three shelves.
Also finally separated the Japanese and the Chinese sections completely, expanding both.
I'm very happy. Though I'll probably change stuff around for a bit. But it's nice to have every book on a shelf for a start. No more piles and stacks in front of other piles and stacks.
Out of pure narcissism I'm going to post a few pictures. (The Epics-section with the Babits-shelf, the Chinese-section, the Russian-section and the Literature-handbook section.)

I found a small, 20ml bottle of Mozart White Chocolate Liquor behind a bunch of books, which I'm going to drink. Dog Bless Austria for supplying the world with stuff like these.
(I drank it while composing this post. It's actually kinda disgusting.)

>>41840
I might give it a try at some point. The problem is that once I get bored of a game, I get sick of video games in general for a while.
But I've noted down your suggestion.

>>41859
I remember drinking Dr Pepper exactly once in my life and it tasted horrible.
My choice of herb based drink remains the Austrian Almdudler.
Too bad it's twice as expensive as any other soft drink in this two-and-a-half world country.

>>41893
>>41894
My condolences. Losing a loved one is always hard, and the troubled times we live in must increase the pain exponentially.
Just remember, that there's nothing wrong with weeping if someone dies.
>>
No. 41898
Ah quite nice weather today. Fresh.
>>
No. 41899
2,6 MB, 3264 × 1836
>>41898
Forgot the pic
>>
No. 41903
>>41894
Condolences. That's shithouse. My gran died last year. You're right that it's good that they're at least asleep, seen normal hospital death and palliative care and the former was a lot more peaceful.
>>
No. 41905
486 kB, 649 × 695
293 kB, 514 × 660
Now reading: Alita Battle Angel and Dungeon Meshi
>>
No. 41906
>>41898
>>41899
We had snow two days ago, although it melted immediately since it was +3°C. Still, a very rare occasion for our latitudes in May.

>>41905
Dungeon Meshi is nice, at least those chapters that I read. I should continue reading it from where I stopped, or maybe re-read it from the beginning. Also, the backgrounds are 10/10.
>>
No. 41907
>>41906
We had snow here last week too. It had been so unusually cold over the past month I've honestly started to wonder if our planetary emissions are so massive that simply shutting everything down can have a palpable effect to the point where things are noticeably colder. I can't even remember the last time it snowed here in May.
>>
No. 41908
>>41889
The USD has actually been gaining in value lately. Remember that in any situation in which the USD collapses, so too does the whole global economy. So if your dollarydoos become worthless, foreign exchange reserves are only going to help you if you actually intend to flee to a particular foreign country.
>>
No. 41919
so many interesting discussions to partake in, yet not enough braincells during low IQ mood cycles. such is life.

>>41574
been meaning to reply to this post the whole time, yet can't muster up the mental clarity to write a decent post.
even a slow board like EC slips past me, what does that say about my ability to engage with life in general? at least I don't beat my self up over it as much as before. not sure if that's "healing", or defeat.
>>
No. 41933
4,2 MB, 3200 × 2609
>>41919
>been meaning to reply to this post the whole time, yet can't muster up the mental clarity to write a decent post.

Well, take your time. I've been reading some hundred pages and more about this topic lately so it's easier. But I came to a point where it gets difficult to tackle all the developments that lead up to the present. I mean in the last months I read quite a deal about postwar history with focus on Germany but also trasnnational and international character. The German postwar history cannot be understood without looking at what happened in the US e.g. But guess what, I completely skipped articles or books that focus on political history e.g. they are sidenotes in cultural history I dig. Just one case were you cannot catch it all.

>even a slow board like EC slips past me, what does that say about my ability to engage with life in general?

So many stuff slips past by anybody. I don't try to get worked up over it. I borrowed books from the library, the list of things to read gets longer even tho diminishes from time to time. Like a mental cleanup, but it gets filled up again anway: knowledge that as been stored (the medium does not matter, be it paper books or digital form) and things that happen rn are too much to process for a human bean so far and likely in the future as well.
>>
No. 42009
186 kB, 831 × 1200
I'm reading a source atm, a more or less new topic I'm dwelling into, let's see. It has potential and perhaps I can get a thesis out of it. The long readings I took the months before could be an advantage for having fitting literature at hand quickly. I'm getting more aware of 1970s/1980s history and its myriads of strings going into each other.

I saw my niece and nephew today for the first time since February, while she was quite happy to see me again, my nephew was crying a lot when he was not in his parents arms, in the evening though he got used to me again I guess, he is not even a year old anyway, so I can't blame him. My brother said it's not that easy anymore with my niece as she gets more autonomous, painted the wall etc. and the anger management, punishment etc aren't exactly easy to find out. All in all how to discipline a small child without being out of proportion? Finding the right mix.
>>
No. 42022
>>41919Oh no kazachfren, don't worry. I felt like that too, for years. For me, the solution was a mixture to stop worry about things that didn't really were important to me, to get the priorities straight about what you want to put energy in, and to just feel happy about flowing the weird little flow that is tailored to your life and perception. If you get that going, it will expand on its own and maybe you can gather back some former interests that you decidedly dropped. Or don't and be happy that you cleaned up your mind. :3 But please, don't worry. For the start, do some objectively good things. Clean your room. Take a walk. Humanity wants you to be chill, happy, and to do what you like to do.

>>42009
How old is your niece?
I find the best way to interact with the little ones is to sit down and play with the toys by yourself, but constantly looking and smiling to them, maybe showing them some cool things that you do.

Man, I wish I had some niblings myself. I'm so sad the family thread turned into a bitter incel shitfest.
>>
No. 42024
>>42022
My niece is 3. I don't really have a problem interacting with her normally. When she was younger I baby sitted her a several times. She probably was giddy in th evening and thus not willing to tidy up her room. We played hide and seek e.g. in the evening I played a bit on her baby piano (white keys only) while she was on a hobbyhorse bursting with energy and her brother just holding himself/standing up at the bed. Next thing I see when looking up is he crawling next to that swinging hobbyhorse laughing because of the overall joyful mood. A few seconds later and he would have probably got hit by that hobbyhorse. You really have to look for that babies who can crawl and who start to take a grip on everything they can.
>>
No. 42038
447 kB, 1845 × 1262
750 kB, 2371 × 3200
Since I cannot get on anbodies nerves rn, it will and has to be dumped here :DDD

Looks like I finally get closer to an actual thesis. I have only a few sources but they are bigger books. WIP title:
>The Dawning of High Tech. Conservative Knowledge and the Reorganization of Society ca.(circa) 1985.

I can't actually believe I'm onto something here. The details are not straight yet. So far I have to take a detailed look on what knowledge it really is. One source (the only one I read most of) uses the dawning of high tech since the late 70s as an argument/legitimation for a political programme (based on certain knowledge/ is knowledge itself) of societal reorganization. You could call it neoliberal but I don't want to use that term as finger pointing. The analysis will instead, thanks to some other scholars, proceed along the axis of deregulation and restauration. The latter is a bit more unclear to me, which is not good. The deregulatory desires of the counter cultural sphere is taken up by a conservative, who favors technology, which is refused by the former, which are at times even looking for a back to nature approach instead, which I could think of as fitting the concept of restauration. We have contradictory strains meeting in the 1980s and getting twisted, at least in Germany. left = progress right = conservation is not easily applicable. The right, conservation, reaction still has a programm for the future which at first seems illogical, likewise the "left" (don't know if the greens can still be seen as typical leftists group) is not always "progressive".
>>
No. 42058 Kontra
God I fucking hate going out but some shit I sorta have to even knowing public transit and public toilets are a death trap. Some guy just got wheeled away into an ambulance in front of my shartmart and the bus is uncomfortably packed. What I feel bad for is you've got all these people just taking the barest of precautions and taking their masks off on the bus like wtf.

This is what I was worried about, that everybody is going to open up and not got told what precautions to take like that censored CDC report and guidelines and then everybody is going to act like nothings wrong. We are definitely going to get hit hard this summer there's no question about that. It already is starting to look like people aren't even bothering with any precautions anymore.
>>
No. 42076
Today I thought about a word and its definitions. It's one of those terms I think about, the thought are on and off, over many years. Neurotic. It seems to be a euphemism for mentally ill. Not quite ill but things are not in order for people who are described by this adjective. It implies there is a negative outcome for this person if the neurosis doesn't get fixed. Neurotic implies odd and unconvential behaviour without upsides. Eccentric implies unconventional behaviour with downsides but also certain more extroverted upsides.
>>
No. 42077
633 kB, 1280 × 720, 0:03
>>42076
Is it really that negative connotated? One could say every pathology is but then again depression is a millenial attitude which is freely spoken about. Surely the aspriring top tier lawyer or finance guy won't admit that shit even today and it is seen as negative.
Eccentric would be an no shame attitude, likey being aware of it but even celebrating it as individual trait I guess.
>>
No. 42081
>>42038
I think I get what you mean. From an Anglo perspective that summarises Thatcher and makes a peculiar battleground of the post-war consensus which threads into ossified institutions.

You might enjoy a documentary on the history of British Telecom:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-zHAj0XoHy8

20 years later and BT is still a load of shite

>>42058
What are you doing lurking around public toilets? :DDDD

>>42076
Seems like how Asperger's is treated to me as a label for just being a bit different. Bit fruity? Aspergers. Bit anxious? Neurotic.
>>
No. 42091
85 kB, 384 × 580
Summer is coming and mosquitos are his scouts. These pesky bloodsuckers have been forraying into my room in an attempt to set a forward operating base, that will then spread to the rest of my village lest I am vigilant.

This annoying spawn of satan will find no peace taking quarters in my room. I hereby issue a fatwa against any and every parasite under this roof Myself exempted
>>
No. 42102
I've been feeling rather well over the past few days. Maybe it's the exercise.
Nothing much is happening. I've lost all interest in Shogun 2, so I'm playing Terraria.
(At the expense of reading books.)

I just helped my sister write a history essay. Wasn't all that hard. But it shows that it wasn't her that wrote it.
Told her I'll help her write these next year, but she has to learn to do this alone by grade 11.

I'm feeling a bit anxious about my upcoming German exam. I'm going to do it online, and I'm scared that the tech might shit itself while I'm writing it. I don't want that happening.

>>42091
Get a vial of eucalyptus oil, mix it with water and evaporate it using a candle. Haven't had an issue with mosquitoes since I started doing this once a week in my room.
>>
No. 42103
>>42102
I may very well be pushed into the dark arts of chandlery.
Also I finished Magnetic Mountain, what a great book. I'll write up a more complete review in the coming days.
>>
No. 42106
I feel like if death were to come to me tomorrow I'd welcome it with open arms. I feel like I'm living in the Half Life 2 world.

Gay sea is so fucking unbearable to the point even reading schizo ramblings on 8gag would be better. Where the fuck do I go to find serious discussions like on kc at a pace that is faster than a post or two per day per thread at best.

At least youtube has vloggers that do travel and urbex which are basically IWOs in video form, however if you want trivia and so on it's all low effort shite, literally awful animations and a script paraphrased from somewhere else.

Where did it all go so wrong. I want to go back to 2008.
>>
No. 42109
>>42106
I haven't been there in like a year. Seems dangerous legally
>>
No. 42110
I need to figure a way out of this. Apparently we get $600 a week in federal unemployment until July. I have got to find a way around the company trying to bullshit me into not being able to collect unemployment while still giving me only a few hours.
>>
No. 42115
>>42077
I think so. In a social setting I wouldn't think twice about calling someone or a group of people eccentric. But neurotic? That's not a five star rating in any situation. Or maybe I'm just not aware of any upsides.

>>42081
Autistic/Asperger seems to be unconventional in terms of repetitive behaviour and higher than average fascination with the same category or sub-category of a topic or interest. I tried to put it together after perusing more articles and websites.

Neurotic: Chronic worrier but thinking and planning ahead and can deal with negative outcomes
Autistic: Ignorant to social cues or subtleties but can specialize and think independently
Eccentric: Deliberate and proud breaker of social expectations but might be able to entertain or (mis)lead people very well
>>
No. 42116
>>42115
>I think so. In a social setting I wouldn't think twice about calling someone or a group of people eccentric. But neurotic? That's not a five star rating in any situation. Or maybe I'm just not aware of any upsides.

Yeah, forget what I said. I had a wrong meaning in mind to what it is commonly used for. So I can agree with you.
Both is uncoventional behavior, what I stull capture with what i said in the post before is the attitude towards yourself. Eccentric people celebrate, neurotics cannot celebrated themselves because they are neurotic (low self-esteem due to worrying). It's a bit vague nonetheless ofc.
>>
No. 42117
50 kB, 443 × 750
1,9 MB, 1985 × 2362
By a coincidence I was stimulated to think about Deleuze und Guattari again, I have read bits and pieces about them over the last year I read the Anti-Oedpius in April/May 2019. Together with my small reading of Marx I it suddenly struck my mind and I was able to lay out a general concept of how their collaboration works and how it is structured. Bellisima! It's Marx fused with Freud theory of society and it's formation / theory of the subject and this fusion based in an immanent ontology (theory of what and how being is[/spoiler] (the endless substance that incorporates everything in brings it into being via internal differentiation / actualization of the virtual (which is also in the substance, "real-but-abstract"[spoiler])
It's a philosophy of cosmic scope that incorporates marxism :DDD. Marx layed out the process of production and it's moments, which generate society which in turn generates the individual. Deleuze and Guattari make a cosmic process that has its disctinct moments as well [spoiler]just like Marx, these moments are just for analytic sake, they don't actually exist split but are one whole, a totality
, it explains the genration of society and the generation of the subject, the individual.
The only think for which I would have to read that book again would be to find out what relationship society and subject have. I guess society is repressive to the subject and its desriing production. Oh we, well I might be actually right!

I also made pizza today, which turned out quite good. I studied some italian experts for pizza in teglia and it was my first try and worked so well I'm optimistic to improve.
>>
No. 42118 Kontra
>>42117
The massive spoiler fail was due to excitement of grasping something like that :^)
>>
No. 42120
63 kB, 800 × 600
>>42091
It's the season for deer flies down here. Those things are less numerous than mosquitoes, but far more persistent; when one of them realizes that my skin is concealing a delicious blood-meal, I've got a new friend following me for the next 100 yards. If they would just land on my leg and take a bit of blood I wouldn't mind so much, but they don't do that. Instead they repeatedly dive at my head, aiming for my ears and getting tangled in my hair. Seriously, deer flies don't land sofly, but fly full speed and crash into you. It's feels like I'm being pelted by pebbles, because the same fly will bounce off and then circle around and fly right back at me. It's incredibly frustrating. These last few mornings I've found myself walking faster, while waving my arms around my head like an idiot, waiting for them to give up.

>>42118
Mundane details, like formatting tags, pale in comparison to big ideas :^D.
>>
No. 42129
>>42120
If you smoke enough the effect is lessened, though not so much with deer flies as other flying vampires like black flies and mosquitoes if you manage to get your blood and skin toxic enough (nicotine is an insecticide).
>>
No. 42130 Kontra
>>42129
I should add, that the effect is really noticeable when you're sitting around with nonsmoker friends and they start to realize there's a different non-poisonous animal with blood so sweet just a bit over, but some of them are still pretty retarded. I hope the stupid ones got even more brain damaged drinking from me.
>>
No. 42136
457 kB, 1170 × 491
>>42129
>>42130
Your post brought this scene(pic) to mind. It's from Nathaniel Hawthorne's short story Rappaccini's Daughter. I had forgotten most of the specific plot details (before looking them up, ofc), but knew this part was in there. It's funny how memory works like that, retaining oddly specific details, which can be triggered at any time with the right stimuli.
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No. 42137
Today I made burgers. Shredding the onions was a colossal pain in the ass, but the result was worth it.
I made the meat patties and my father grilled them. A true family experience.

I felt pretty awful when I woke up today, but the feeling disappeared after taking a painkiller, exercising and having a proper lunch.
Those, and it also rained. No idea what's going on with me.

On Monday everything opened in my county and Budapest, so I ordered a book for two bucks.
It's one of Sándor Márai's memoires. The texts in the 12th grade anthology really resonated with me, so I decided to read one of his books, and I picked one that my history teacher recommended.
I was pleasantly surprised when I've found out that almost all of Márai's work has been translated into major European languages like French, English and German. (They even translated his diaries into Polish.)
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No. 42142
>>42137
Well if you're meaning mental and emotional I'd look out for you taking issue with something seemingly trivial and watch to see that you're not displacing your state into something. I don't know why but I have a feeling that you'd do something like that to deal with stress or angst that you might not consider appropriate internally regarding the actual target.
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No. 42146
Why am I always so terrible at advocating for myself. I somewhat suspect the real problem I have may not even entirely be so much as just sucking completely as a person in this system of American culture and American Capitalism. It at least has force fucked me into not being so painfully shy because you literally cannot survive in this society on those settis, and it's pretty much automatically expected I think that everybody is screwing everybody but there's some sort of like corporate or some kind of hierarchy that's semi invisible to me about who it is and is not appropriate to screw with or exploit. I just feel like I'd get along much better in a society that defaults towards working together for a common good and which actually wants the better system as a whole because let me tell you this place is a goddamn clusterfuck.

I'm pretty sure I warned bernd ernst a long time ago to watch out for the increasing number of house explosions, blown water mains, bridge collapses, and the like. I do not believe that our jingoists are even aware of the fact that their "USA #1 is you think we have problems or anything needs to get fixed you're a traitor who hates freedom and hates yourself"I will never understand the concept of "self hate" for pointing out the retarded shit about your country, a good amount of which can be easily fixed. Well, I will say that at least I do believe the bulk of America has actually got the right instincts even if the totally wrong solutions for the wrong problems, like the real reason why for example Hillary sounded like a fucking tone deaf retard for saying "America is already great!" and why MAGA carried so much weight. I bring this up because apparently we just had yet another dam burst which is now fucking up DOWs headquarters
https://www.nytimes.com/2020/05/20/us/michigan-flooding-dams-midland.html

What does this seeming nonsequitur have to do with my previous point? Because apparently part of the problem is the dam itself is the hippity hoppity of some private owners who not only couldn't even arse themselves to bother paying for repairs but now have the fucking audacity to demand someone else pay for fixing shit for them. This is the kind of mentality I just cannot help rejecting and I think I actually would eventually discover what self hate even feels like if I fully allowed that mentality to poison my own. I mean Jesus Christ what an absolute clusterfuck this whole country has become. And for that matter why the fucking hell even is a dam like that private property to begin with???

Every single day I feel more and more like I am living in the last days of the USSR. I feel like I should really begin writing this all down somewhere in hard copy as the memoirs and private journal entries that will someday be used as primary sources when the collapse of America is written about by some college freshman in Spain or wherever. And yet the collapse of society is a terrible thing, an open secret at once fully known about but never consciously addressed well by the common zeitgeist, nobody ever really allowing for the possibility that "what if all this, the only world I have ever known, finally goes away", and that it comes on first at a slow pace, and then all of a sudden; and when the cascade failures finally strike with that frightful alacrity, all seem to ask "how could this have possibly happened" when the signs were sprayed across the wall for years and years, and where nobody with the power to fix it ever fixed it because they had vested interests in it not being fixed.

I keep drifting back to Constantinople, and a nostalgia for a place bathed in effeminate scarlets and a deeper red later, of smoke and perfume and censers.
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No. 42149
Hey wow, did you know that Russia so big, it even has American car crash videos?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hc4uKOcX1Pk
Is this a thing? Like do you guys really sit around watching American dash cam videos? I don't even know how it came up on my recommended list.
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No. 42153
>>42149
Just some random channel who just releasing videos of different crashes. Not that much views and subscribers, with most popular video of "moto-crashes in russia"
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No. 42155
https://ernstchan.xyz/int/thread/42154 made new thread, hop in
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No. 42337
Pulled an all nighter to start a sideproject. Kept working on some documentation I'm doing for the company I work for. I do not feel the side effects of sleep deprivation at it's fullest. I feel sorta hypomanic as well, like I should go 48h without sleep again. But I might not do that at all.

Peace, Brents.