I will change the city soon I guess and will have a similar problem. Will look for reading circles or so, there I will hopefully meet some like minded people I can get along with. I mean you can't be friends with everybody. I've met quite an amount of people during my lifetime, thanks to partying and drugs, some more often which make them more familiar, but I hesitate not without reason to call these people friends. I have a handful of them some of which I see very rarely but who I can get along with when we met
. The rest are acquaintances or even less than that, some of them former friends. I'm far from being social, I think. But certain people incite my sympathy as I do in them it seems. I have Galgenhumor, maybe that is my charm, people sometimes don't get it as such though. There is nothing wrong with social masks, everybody uses them. But which one to use and when to let it slip is consideration not calculation, which means it is not only a rational thing to be a human bean. I have friends but I often feel alone, I barricade myself away from social interaction. A handful of friends and a wife/gf/friends with benefits would do it for me. It's a basis for moving in the social sphere, having many friends does not work, you know people, but keep distances, that can break down, can be built up etc etc. It's a dynamic mess and hard to come by with a few jugdements.
Anyways, good luck. Try not to be too negative about other people, they smell it and will close themselves. That is the spiral of the imagebaord dweller. On the other hand, it's not a receipe to be succesful in being social, again: it's a mess and hard pin down what is actually the problem.
I wonder if the people you hang aroun with are judgemental. I have seen so many weird stuff and had weird talks, the abyss of humans and their psych is known to me, I will not accept everything that is poured out, but I don't block that stuff of, it can be interesting as well. But I also think there exist people who block all that stuff when it is possible, I mean everybody blocks things at whatever moment, but there is a tendency, people who laugh about everybody who is different
>Look at her, what is she wearing
>what an ugly face, fat bitch
These people become jokes once they are confronted with abnomalties that are within all of us in their variations. It's not that I don't think to myself "that or this person is ugly", but I know that it is messured on personal preferance which in turn is shaped by societal beaty standarts, I know where my preferances come from and that it is problematic to a certain extent. In the end, I don't need to talk about that with anybody, it's stupid to openly say soemthing like that.
Everybody has personal limits, when it comes to abnomalties, I wouldn't want to listen to a pedo or befriend him because I think it is just wrong. My tolerance is not endless. Less my sympathy, but I'm not quick to judge.
I know a guy from work, who will become a lawyer, we are somehow politically different, but again, a talk with him is refreshing in a sense. Are we friends? I don't know. But I met him just to have a meal and then go back to the library and that is fine. I don't talk to him about my deepest fears but we can discuss problems or things going on, including human behaviors.
I could go on talk endlessly about it because I find it hard to pin down social relationships in that regard. I'm also fucked when it comes to this, since my drug psychosis has its root in social relationships and contemplating about them.