/int/ – No shittings during wörktime
„There is no place like home“

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No. 43615 Systemkontra
1,3 MB, 1055 × 1485
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No. 43618
Despite being alone - at least in the romantic sense - for a few years now, lately I've been feeling very lonely for the first time in my life. I actually had a dream about a girl I dated years ago and haven't seen in a very long time. I thought I have become completely accustomed to the single life but seems like it's finally getting to me. And of course it had to happen during the pandemic when I can't even try to remedy the situation.

But maybe the pandemic is the reason, I haven't seen my friends since February, guess it's contributing as well.
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No. 43622
3,4 MB, 1920 × 1080
Isn't it weird no matter how well acquainted you are with you native language, if you get a letter from a ministry, it always feels foreign?
Every single one of these feel like as if Kafka personally wrote them.
Even just looking at the top of the page with the nation's coat of arms on top feels like I'm actually interpreting something that was sent to me, a mere mortal from another plane of existence where they worry not about the outlandish notions of efficiency and logical procedure.
Maybe it's just simply that Office for Education, Chief Department of Higher Education Admittance sounds more intimidating than it needs to, honestly.

The weather is excellent. Sparse clouds, ocean-blue sky, a gentle wind brushing the pine tree as I sip on some warm Earl Gray.
Made good progress reading the Odyssey today. More than halfway through now. It's one of the better epics I've read. Certainly different than all the medieval French and German works I've came across. (Though I'm experiencing it in a less than ideal translation.)
Also read a Chinese short story by the title of Pagoda Depot that I marked as a potential candidate for translation, but it was pretty meh, so I'm not going to bother with it.
Dunno what I'm gonna read after the Odyssey, but I'm eyeing my copy of the Argonautica as a future possibility.
The big advantage of having a large personal library is the fact that you can browse it to satisfy almost any of your intellectual urges because you curated it based on those urges.

I have a new task for the rest of summer. Mum wants to learn English, and asked me to teach her. So I'm going to do that.
Dunno if I'm up to the task of teaching someone a language just like that.
The plan is that I'll use a textbook as a skeleton for the lessons.

Set up the slow as shit laptop I have again to use the internet more effectively. Browsing on mobile sucks dick, and especially large dick if you're using an Apple phone. (Though I generally mean using bureaucratic interfaces.)
Iphones fucking suck. Never wanted one in the first place, but got it as a hand-me-down.
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No. 43638
196 kB, 1920 × 1080
Tomorrow I'm wearing a full black suit for a funeral which will involve going through the London underground (where temperatures can exceed the Sahara). If I no longer post it's because I've become a puddle.

>>43618
Warm weather in general gives me those dreams. There's probably some function for it.

>And of course it had to happen during the pandemic when I can't even try to remedy the situation.

Plenty of lonely women at the moment if you're willing to give dating apps a go.
Someone give me a funny joke as an opener with a grill who asked for one. All I can think of are jokes that will get me banned.
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No. 43639
>>43638
>funny joke
The differential dx says to a function, "I'm gonna differentiate you!"
The function says, "Pfft, doesn't scare me."
"Then I'm gonna integrate you!"
"Doesn't scare me either."
"Who the hell do you think you are?"
"eˣ"
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No. 43646 Kontra
>>43640
>goal for today: make a shitpost on ec

Now we can all die in peace.

I'm not getting enough sleep. Read chapter, took notes for the chapter I read yesterday. I want to get through with the other important book for the paper until the end of the months, looks like I will make it. Then I plan to start writing it out in August. One months for writing it and then another two weeks for correction and details. It's a tight schedule but can work out.
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No. 43649
Turns out I can go to work earlier than expected. So next week I'm going to work.
Then after that, we're going on holiday to Greece, because my mother insists. I just hope we don't catch the coronaplague, but both Hungary and Greece had low infection levels, so I'm hopeful.
I'm trying to assemble a list of Greek works I want to cop while I'm there. Most likely I'll just get the two Homeric epics and something by Sophocles other than the Theban plays. (Likely Philoktetes.)
Maybe I should do more research.

Based on the grammatical rules I keep reading, Greek is more of a lifelong journey/self-flagellation than a summer romance, and I should definitely seek out a professional when I actually start going to university.

Read almost five chapters from the Odyssey today. Almost completely done with it.
Life's going well enough.
Gonna go into the city centre to have a chat with a friend on Saturday. Also gonna buy a packet of masks/a higher tier mask and some tea on the way home.

>>43638
Don't forget to wear your mask while on the tube m8 :D
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No. 43650
>>43638
>if you're willing to give dating apps a go
I might but it will take some doing to set up a profile, I don't even have any pictures of myself, at least I don't think I do.
>Someone give me a funny joke as an opener with a grill who asked for one
What comes between fear and sex? fünf
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No. 43651
Ernst must feel as if I had abandoned him, I can't even remember anymore when I posted here the last time.
Actually studying consumes your time like a junkie, it's insane.
I think I told you about the girl I got to know? I'm having the most beautiful time with her but at the same time it's a bit troublesome.
However I think it's nothing honesty, as well as selfcare and selfcontrol couldn't solve.
Also as soon as the semester ends, I'll read Gustav Freytag's classical work on dramatic structure ("Die Technik des Dramas") before getting my hands back on rewriting my novel during the rest of the holidays and working.
Also I'm reading a lot of aphorism collections lately, they help more than anything. Can only recommend to dig yourself through them.
Hope you're doing well, guys.
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No. 43664
>>43639
>>43650
I huehue'd but used:
>I can be a right tit but if you'll be my left we'd make a lovely pair

I hope women appreciate all the humiliating hoops men have to jump through.

>I don't even have any pictures of myself, at least I don't think I do.

This is probably the one time nobody can fault you for selfies. Just play with the background to be le quirky and that.
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No. 43665
>>43649
>Don't forget to wear your mask while on the tube m8 :D

My mother has offered to bring the clippers out to do my hair. I will not only be wearing a mask but upon arrival will be coofing to keep her away :DDD

When in Greece take a shot for every time you see something perverted in a common tourist shop. Two if you see those playing cards with men fucking goats which seems to have been all the rage the last time I went.
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No. 43668
252 kB, 640 × 430
>>43638
>Warm weather in general gives me those dreams. There's probably some function for it.
I noticed this too, in warm weather you seem to have more strange dreams than normal about things you won't normally dream of. I dreamed last night of corralling a cow into a field and it kept disobeying me and I was like ''look cow, get into the field and eat the grass and stop barging past me, I'll get a gate to keep you in here tomorrow''.

>Someone give me a funny joke as an opener with a grill who asked for one. All I can think of are jokes that will get me banned.
I used to have an opener that worked every time when I was single, it was perfect for smoking areas, pubs, nightclubs or whatever because it was so innocent and inoffensive. They key to delivering it was you had to act all shocked n' shit when you said the words. The slavs here will laugh at it because it is so 'wect'

>walk up to girl or group of girls in nightclub or pub smoking area
>hey did you see the drama outside? they said they wanted witnesses
>what drama??
>some gay dude got his head kicked in did you see it?
>no we didn't see it
>yeah some poor gay dude he was wearing these awesome flares and was kissing his bf and 2 dudes kicked his teeth in and his bf too
>oh wow so horrible what bigotry etc. etc.
>yeah it's terrible I jumped in there and shoved one of the dudes off
>oh you're so brave Ernst how is poor faggot?
>ambulance came along and took him and his bf away but they want witnesses to phone them at (far away police station)
Now you've opened and you can just talk shit about how brave and tolerant you are.

I know it sounds retarded, but I've opened conversation with girls / group of girls probably 100 times with this dumb shit and it always works.
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No. 43672
1,1 MB, 2018 × 1514
1,1 MB, 1892 × 1419
I saw an eastern hercules beetle on the sidewalk yesterday. It wasn't moving much, but I figured she knew her business and left her alone. That turned out to be a mistake. When I passed by her again, about an hour later, she had a crack on her shell and was being swarmed by ants. I knew that broken shell meant she was going to die, but I hate seeing ants eat something that's still alive. So I picked up the beetle and brought her home with me. While she wouldn't survive, she did move around a bit on my hand as I carried her. She was also still strong enough to push a bottle cap full of water which I set down for her. (Providing water is the lowest rung on the hosting ladder, so even if the effort was in vain, I had to at least do that).
They're beautiful insects, but I'm afraid my lousy pic didn't do justice to that iridescent shell.
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No. 43688
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Today I fixed my fucking car myself

It had troubles starting up randomly, and yesterday bit wasn't starting anymore at all.

I figured it must have been the diesel pump. Nearly bust my ass disassembling what turned out to be the diesel filter, but no pump in there, lel

Then took out the motor air supply unit in order to follow the hoses up to the motor and found what had to be the pump itself

Last time the mechanic told me he didn't quite know what the error was, but apparently the connector suffered

Tried a few times to remove and replug it, also bumped the whole thing with a wrench

Then the start up sound was worse - turned out there was air in the diesel cycle because I had messed with the filter

Tediously pumped it out with the nicely included hand pump

And then it worked, it just worked

Felt like that one Das Boot guy
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No. 43693
71 kB, 624 × 480
I had to get on the underground today. It's actually not bad at all, the lack of people combined with a temperature dissipating design makes it cooler than above ground. Noticed though that, despite facemasks being compulsory, nobody was wearing a one. I guess there's no way you can enforce this rule given all the exemptions for breathing problems and people just taking them off when nobody is watching.

Instead I got shit for not reserving a seat once I got on the national rail network. "I'll let you off this time" said the overenthusiastic ticket guard like she has an ounce of authority to stop me.

>>43668
>I dreamed last night of corralling a cow into a field and it kept disobeying me and I was like ''look cow, get into the field and eat the grass and stop barging past me, I'll get a gate to keep you in here tomorrow''.

The classic Irish problem. You get a large breasted wife but she pesters you to finish household jobs and won't fatten up.

>he was wearing these awesome flares

Is this detail an essential part of what makes the story believable?

t.psychology-pro

>>43672
Why does a broken shell signal the end of a beetle?
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No. 43694
Spent another average day outside, reading and drinking tea.
Looked up if there are any private teachers who teach Greek. There are people who actually give private lessons. Apparently it also doesn't cost an arm and a leg. (Or a kidney)
And you can actually get a certificate in Ancient Greek, surprisingly enough. There is one place holding an exam, once a year.
Apparently it's just a short grammar questionnaire, two translation tasks, one part where you read out aloud a text and an oral exam where they ask you about the culture and history of ancient Greece based on primary sources.
That's be a fun certificate to get and put on my resume I think.

I still have 5 years until the end of my personal 1st 5-year-plan, so I'm not in a rush.
Let's just hope that I don't come to love even more countries in the mean time.

>>43672
Hercules beetles were all the rage if we found one on the kindergarten's playground.
We'd just squat next to it and watch it move.

Nobody dared touching it, unlike the ants and the milkweed bugs. Those we mercilessly pitted against one another.

>>43665
I'm not sure if I can physically handle a drinking game, but I plan on trying out Metaxa and any other Greek alcohol I come across during the holiday.
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No. 43695
>>43688
Nice job! I wish I knew how to work with mechanical problems.
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No. 43696
>>43688
It's great when thing is mechanical - you can guess it what problem is. When thing electrical it's much more pain in the ass. And now we approaching soon possible "age of electrocars" with future cars be shit like tesla where it's motor is smoll electrical packaged by robots crap and battareys that obviously unfixable and you need replace them all every 2-3 years but better just buy new car, like modern smartphones that don't even have detachable battarey.
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No. 43701
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>>43688
>I fixed my fucking car myself
Pretty cool, ernst.

>>43693
>Why does a broken shell signal the end of a beetle?
Well, there was a large crack, but also some white foamy stuff leaking out. So it definitely didn't look good. Tbh, I don't know how that crack could have happened. If a person had stepped on it, the beetle likely would have been flattened entirely. Maybe a dog, or a small child? Or maybe someone started to step on it before realizing it was there, and then caught themselves and didn't put all their weight down? Who knows. As it was, I didn't expect her to live long, but I suppose I didn't know for sure. The only thing I was certain about, was that those ants weren't going to be the ones to do her in.

>>43694
>Hercules beetles were all the rage if we found one on the kindergarten's playground
As a small child, I recall really loving pill bugs. I would come across them while digging in the yard, and they just curled up into a tiny ball. That was facinating.
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No. 43703
>>43696
>And now we approaching soon possible "age of electrocars"
Maybe in the first world. Where your car has to be a real deal, I am sure that it would have an internal combustion engine.
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No. 43704
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I am now 82 kilos, now firmly in a healthy BMI and being pretty happy at how healthy and strong and the difference in how people treat you is impressive. I also dress far better now and unprecedented success in my life allowed me to even get myself a nice new car, I'm sure people think I'm a succesful stable and mature human being if they don't know me (or my ernstchan oeuvre). Today, I went to the gas station next to my workplace to buy cigarettes and given that I practically know all employees since I go there almost daily, I made friendly small talk to the grille who was working behind the counter. It was an adorable experience as she seemed nervous and very giggly. I am content in my solitude but it always feels nice when these things happen, I feel immature for how happy it makes me but I guess I'm allowed to be pleased at my present condition and having achieved it.
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No. 43706
>>43694
>Let's just hope that I don't come to love even more countries in the mean time.
You will, this tendency only grows as you get older and learn about more places.
But eventually you come to recognize the passions that stay constant through the years, the ones that keep returning no matter how many diversions you take. Then you know what to focus on.
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No. 43707
>>43694
>I'm not sure if I can physically handle a drinking game
Don't be a pussy.
t. has competed in many a drinking game and turned out fine
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No. 43709
>>43693
>and won't fatten up.
she won't stop fattening up
>Is this detail an essential part of what makes the story believable?
I liked to add details like that to make the story more real
>he had awesome flares
>he had a nose-ring the bydlo pulled on
>his bf was anemic was wouldn't stop bleeding
>the guy attacking him had bleach-blonde hair
>he was wearing cowboy boots that got pulled off in the fight and got thrown down a stairwell
The more small details you add to a lie, the better the lie

t. also psychology pro
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No. 43762
>>43668
You know it's really weird that you guys say this and maybe I must've actually read this shortly before bed or whatever because this was the first time in what feels like ages or at least the last year or two that I woke up screaming--twice. Hopefully my wall is thick enough and my new neighbor did not notice but I've also been having a lot of anxiety and this weird sense of like dread or impending doom lately and I don't know why. I've also been having mad deja vu all week. It's been feeling like the Week of Nightmares around here lately pretty much yeah. But mostly just a building sense of complete foreboding finally punctuated by me screaming lastnight. I'm not even sure why.
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No. 43774
>>43762
Oh hey speaking of which so I ended up wasting another two hours of my life on this wiki and had just discovered that apparently the actual date of the Week of Nightmares officially starts tomorrow
https://whitewolf.fandom.com/wiki/Week_of_Nightmares
man I had to go back 7 times for that
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No. 43777
Hey what happened to Kazakhstan? Is he alright?
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No. 43778
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No. 43789
45 kB, 470 × 587
Yesterday I ventured into the city using public transport. Masks are mandatory on buses and the tube.
The heat is inhuman, mainly because Budapest has too much concrete and paving.

My exam results finally showed up on the application system and I got an official point-calculation. Surprisingly I got the same results I got when I used the site's point calculator. 462 out of 500 points.
I like the odds.

Today I finished reading the Odyssey.
The weather was very warm. I think it enhanced the experience considerably.
It's a very good poem. I like it, and I think I'll re-read it using another translation in the future.
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No. 43815
Lately I’ve been checking out tiktok. There’s some cool hobbyist content on there (modular synth etc.) but it’s mostly just girls dancing in tight shirts without bras on for some reason
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No. 43819
>>43815
I've looked at tiktok as part of a scientific analysis (won't link the paper for obvious reasons) and feel the need to warn you: All evidence points to Tiktok being a scheme to collect as many data for voice- and facial-recognition data bases from people outside of china as possible. The chinese government can force its own citizens to give of fingerprints, voice and facial biometrics but not easily from people outside china. The first angle was to enforce scans of everyone and their mobile devices who pass through chinese airports. The next phase seems to be to offer free apps with the primary purpose to gather data from your microphone and camera. And Tiktok is the winner of the competition.

If you use it, expect your biometrics to be stored in the chinese governments data bases for the rest of your life or longer.

t. IT-sec researcher
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No. 43820
>>43819
So if I use a chinkphone like Xiaomi, can I expect them to harvest my microphone and other samples as well?
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No. 43821
>>43819
What is even the point of this?
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No. 43825
>>43821
So it could be easier to harvest a database for face/people recognition?
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No. 43826
>>43821
Data is good. More data is better.
A lot of free data is magnificent. You can use it to train neural networks and analyse trends so that you may CREATE trends in the future.

God Bless Surveillance Capitalism for delivering me [product] based on data.
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No. 43827
>>43819
But it is only when I actually post on TikTok, no?
I've downloaded the app a while ago after watching compilations on youtube, the perfect thing to watch meaningless stuff. I'm a bit concerned getting 17yo in sexy clothing showing that they have ass and tits.
Also interesting hypothesis, what points to this, I mean could you name a few of that evidence?

>>43820
If you ride with Xiaomi, you ride with Ji Xingping :DDDD

>>43826
Right, I mean tikTok has no ads, it's free and has no fucking ads! Somehow money has to be made to store the thousands or millions of uploads coming in everyday, or some other use has to be made.
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No. 43828
>>43819
Interesting, but why should I care if tencent or Chinese intelligence or whatever has my data rather than google/the NSA?
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No. 43829
>>43827
TikTok has ads but not that many
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No. 43830
155 kB, 1372 × 768
>>43829
Haven't come across them so far or I ignored them unconsciously.

I'm trying to build a digital Zettelkasten. The programm is quite nerdy. Reminds me of the unix enthusiasts I could witness from the cs department many years ago. There are nice features for streamlined tyoing though. I'm still tempted to wrap my head around it. Once you have connected enough notes within the programm, you can just search for keywords or look for connected notes and references to other texts/notes/publications in order to type away for whatever you write about, your notes to a topic are connected, so material/inspiration should come in easier and thus typing a text that is not just a paper.
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No. 43831 Kontra
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0sVtMAh4ItE

Does TikTok train their AI with these things and save results?
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No. 43836
89 kB, 750 × 485
>>43651
Cheers, much luck with the novel!

>>43830
>I'm trying to build a digital Zettelkasten. The programm is quite nerdy.
What tool are you using?

I've used Roam Research before, but now switched to Obsidian, which is basically the same with just a collection of Markdown files that you can link to each other, except that it's usable offline.
Also been working on a script to convert my old Google Keep notes into the format, was quite fun (and frustrating, too, of course) to program a bit, haven't done it in a while.
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No. 43837
>>43828
Could you imagine a situation where the relations between the US and China worsen to the point of a war? Consider that war would not have to take place in the physical world in the future, citizens might be attacked directly based on collected data without any soldier ever crossing a border.

The data collected by the NSA has been used to blackmail "americas enemies" in the past. Specifically they have blackmailed muslims by threat of releasing their porn history to members of their community.
That's the extent known based on the snowden leaks.

Could you imagine the intelligence services of either country to blackmail citizens of their "enemy" to commit acts of terrorism in their country?

This is the extreme scenario, not what will happen tomorrow but possibly somewhere down the line. Maybe you don't think this could or would happen, I'm not sure either. But just in case it's best not to give either of them any data.
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No. 43838
>>43836
It's called Zettlr. I downloaded Zettekasten by Daniel Lüdecke but then I found Zettlr and the GUI does not seem so overloaded. You do most stuff like linking notes within the note via codification or whatever you call that. So just like the initiator in his videos I will make an entry called power and then just link all books with definitions of power or so that I come across while reading an noting down in that entry. So by time I will have an entry with concepts and their definitions by various athors. Just one example. Tbh I'm not far in and not sure how a Zettelkasten will really work out. I just hope that in 2-3 years I will have built a network that when i want to write something ot have an idea for an article I can skim a database for notes to develop my argument along, i.e. I'm writing about online bots, or need to clarify on them in a passage. Rn I plan to read a few chapters of a book called Computational Propaganda, taking notes, maybe in 2 years I need a definition or general staement on what they are, how they work etc. and that is when I don't need to research, but search Zettlr for the keyword bot(s). Maybe the results will contain further linking to other literature etc. And that is how the texts comes together quickily and maybe even surprising as you get notes you haven't been thinking about and such.

I've never written with a programm like Markdown. I have to get to know that as well. The citation is not really clear to me in these programms etc. It will take some time to find myself comfortable with the linux side of writing on a computer :DDD
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No. 43840
>>43836
Obsidian looks really cool, too bad it's not open source. There are probably foss alternatives but I doubt they have a comparable interface.
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No. 43841
>>43840
Zettlr is. But there is no fancy network map, if I see that right. Design-wise it is modern though. Perhaps it's much like Roam, I think the inititator said it is different in a sense.
Anyway, as long I get my Zettelkasten in order to organize my knowledge properly for writing, I'm good. But I need to find out if I'm doing it "right", besides having an excerpt storeage, I want the ideas that I can take from these books and fuse them with others and topics and question/problems that pop up in my mind repetitively.
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No. 43845
>>43837
Maybe it's because my country is generally idiotic and not forward thinking at all, but I still fail to see the point or the utility in this. You're casting a rather wide net for people who you may not even be able to reach for decades if even by the end of this century, even on the most optimistic pathway for Chinese superpower, and all in the hopes of you being able to catch maybe the one or two retards who come to work in some kind of a sensitive position where either faking their identity or blackmailing someone would be useful. It just seems like either something so forward thinking it's taken to the point of parody, or an example of bureaucracy run amok, or just something profoundly wasteful.

Like if I was to target a country's citizenry I'm not going to bother with people who aren't in the military or on the way to some elite school or something, basically people who are at the threshold right before crossing over to sensitive status.

I think it's much more likely that if they were to gather all kinds of information it's really for other intelligence purposes like faking identities, either to create a plausible cover for Chinese HUMINT operatives with stolen data and falsified credentials, or for creating armies of troll bots.

Although it should be stated that in the latter category this had already happened. Those stupid chinese bots are fucking everywhere trying to stir up shit online now. Really on some level America kinda deserved it for pushing garbage like shitbook, iShit, Shitter and other means of blanket surveillance that actually does directly affect me and using it to psyop my own country and the rest of the planet. Frankly little would make me happier than pulling the plug on FB and that trash site twit. If the Chinese are trying to fake biometrics along with everything else by gathering data I'd imagine it had more to do with automating their psychological operations through bot troll armies.
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No. 43848
I almost translated a whole short story called "The Blue Lantern" by Victor Pelevin into German today. Pretty fun, but too bad I probably won't be able to convert this into a job.

>>43838
>Zettlr
Nice, looks good too. I find it somewhat puzzling that there are so many alternatives which all seem very similar.

>I've never written with a programm like Markdown.
It's super basic, it's not even much more complicated than the markup here. You can check a cheat sheet, e.g. here: https://github.com/adam-p/markdown-here/wiki/Markdown-Cheatsheet
The script I'm writing to convert the notes is in python though, not sure if I expressed that clearly

>>43840
There's also Joplin which is open source, I haven't tried it but from a glimpse it looks good too. But one should probably just start using one and stick to it unless it ends up lacking some crucial feature.
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No. 43851
>>43845
So far there exists no artificial neural network (in public science) that can recognize human faces with useful accuracy. Sure enough it's easy to spot any face, but not recognize a specific one; eg. I can find all faces in a still image of a camera, but I can't reliably tell you if the same faces appear on any other image.

(side note: It's possible this technology exists but isn't publicly known)

Now the main theory amon NN researches today is that all that's needed is A) more data and B) more processing power (or more efficient neural networks).

And everybody and their dog have been collecting more and more data for years.

Application for perfect facial recognition ranges from targeted marketing to total surveillance of the whole world.

But something most people don't think of here is that there is an immediate value just to the collection of data even without an application such as mentioned above... the dollar hasn't been the main currency in the global market for years, it's data. Almost all profit from google is collecting and selling personal data from people using any google service. Data collection is now also the main income for microsoft, hence Windows 10 being free of charge pretty much for everyone for years. A very large part of Amazons income is not from selling goods but from collecting data about people buying goods.

The most plain reason for the chinese to collect data of people outside of china is not so much classical military power but market power. We may already be at a point where the chinese economy rivals that of the US solely because of their data collection. Tiktok is just one of thousands of alleyways to that goal. The great firewall of china is another of these non-obvious examples: It seems to be a means for walling people in china off of outside information but that's just one application. Another is to be a giant dragnet, larger than cloudflare, that spans a huge chunk of the internet and collects data on every connection passing through. (Another application is being one of he largest DDoS botnets out there, see the attack on github a few years back)

I agree with other ernsts here that china is collecting facial data for military purposes, but I don't think that's the main reason. Data is simply the most future-proof currency in our world.
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No. 43852
4,2 MB, 3200 × 2609
>>43848
>Nice, looks good too. I find it somewhat puzzling that there are so many alternatives which all seem very similar.

Yeah. But Obsidian and Zettlr can be used both, depending what function you need in a moment since both built on plain text files. So I will work with both I guess since the graphical representation as network (mille plateux anyone?) can be useful as well.
A Zettelkasten seems very useful, I'm all hyped I will be punching texts more easily, yet I'm afraid I fuck it up in the construction, the links etc. But then again I read you can't fuck it up. I'm eager to see what will happen once I gathered enough notes. Depending on how long Luhmann feed his, people say abour 30years, and is roughly has 90.000 notes, that makes 3.000 notes a year.
Thanks for the sheet btw. I'm stull confused how you get the typical word pages etc then. I mean you have to export pfds with a certain formation in uni.

>>43851
Thanks!
I wonder really, information was hyped even in the 1980s, many economic theories began to work with information as something that makes the difference (afaik information can be seen as a thing that makes a difference) on the market. So it's not really a currency but something else I guess? What is the role of information (data?) in certain contexts.

Ach, I already see, information theories and information technology can be linked to the concept of gouvernementality. Systemic thinking and regimes of the present (Menschenführung in German). I can't wait for my Zettelkasten to point me to a net to make a text out of that :DDDD
>>
No. 43856
>>43848
Translate Boris Ryzhys Poems, they're becoming really famous outside of russia again for being used as lyrics by the belarussian dark wave/post punk group Molchat Doma.
I'd translate them if I was able to, sure they will find a readership. The few translated ones I read (there aren't even a lot of english ones) seemed to be really grim and expressive but also catching. Take a look and decide for yourself.
>>
No. 43857
208 kB, 907 × 495
Went to work. It was kinda depressing. The offices are empty because the economy is in the shitter and the majority of the company was laid off.
Nothing interesting happened during the day. I worked, had lunch and then went home.
Gonna repeat this for the rest of the week.
On the way home I picked up a book I ordered, Márai's Peace in Ithaka.
>>
No. 43858
>>43852
>Thanks for the sheet btw. I'm stull confused how you get the typical word pages etc then. I mean you have to export pfds with a certain formation in uni.
You're welcome. You can use pandoc to convert .md to .docs or .pdf and so on. It's a command line tool, but it's quite easy to use. You can read more here: https://pandoc.org/MANUAL.html
It seems quite extensive, so far I've only used it for simple conversions myself.

>>43856
Never heard of him, but sounds interesting enough, I can give it a try.
I've actually been dragged to a Molchat Doma concert last year, but I'm not a huge fan of the sound, and ofc I couldn't even make out any of the lyrics live :D
>>
No. 43860
>>43848
>>43852
So now you need an editor for markdown. Oh the irony of it all...

If you want something that is somewhat easy and much more flexible try TiddlyWiki. It doesn't index but it is a wiki so you create links and tags. Because I will make a prediction that you will stop bothering in a month or two or change to another software and then deep down the rabbit hole you will try to grasp RDF and OWL and whatever in search of your perfect information database. I can tell you it isn't worth it.
>>
No. 43861
>>43860
>I can tell you it isn't worth it.

Gimme a reason

I want a Zettelkasten to organize my knowledge and need to find a way to work with the notes in the writing process. How is Tiddlywiki better? Why is nothing of that worth it?
>>
No. 43863
>>43861
Ok. It all depends on what you are trying to organize. If it is everything it isn't worth it.
The amount of energy it takes to categorize something isn't something you can ignore. To little metadata and it isn't that useful, to much you might as well not bother. What category is it supposed to be in and so on.

If you have a project then you can have an information database related to that project and you can customize it to suite that project. Since some projects, I will just call them projects, are for example a university course. Then you take notes, and you get handouts, and exercises, and mail correspondence. So how do you handle that? Or if it is a software project it involves source code and documentation. Also some information is just relevant during a short time, like lecture notes. Once you are done you probably won't look at them again and having them online might irrelevant at best or harmful at worst since part of your brain has to handle sorting them out when you see them. Pruning of information is also important.
Also taking notes during a lecture should be done by hand because you learn better.

What I'm really trying to say is probably don't use a tool and try to fit everything into that tool. I'm not saying TiddlyWiki is better but it is more flexible, you can make it fit what you need at the moment, within reason of course. I won't use it for everything and right now I'm basically using it to dump small pieces of information so that I can fool my brain into stop thinking about them. If I need it it is there, If I don't it was probably useless anyway. As a side note I have found sorting in chronological order works surprisingly well, If I don't remember exactly I can always search by before that but after that, but that is probably just me.

And also Markdown is ugly I like reStructuredText much better when using a plain text editor.
>>
No. 43864
>>43863
>to categorize something

A Zettelkasten is about avoiding categories to fit in thoughts, or let's say you will have problems fitting it in categories over such a long time. It's links and train of thoughts that can be made by various links in their relation.

>If you have a project then you can have an information database related to that project and you can customize it to suite that project.

I've down that with nearly all my papers I've written so far. A project, some literature lists and notes to said literature.
The problem is, that this knowledge is kept in seperate project files. A Zettelkasten works in such a way that it contains all notes you made or fed into it at least and surprises you, or at least gives you connections between notes and you can make sense out of it. By looking where it leads you. Because that is what I'm looking for. I want notes about computational propaganda link up by 4-5 steps with theoretical thoughts I've read and noted e.g. But that is not a project to begin with. You could browse the ZK to get inspired, the ZK is what forms a new project and is not made to organize that project alone. It's a non hierarchical storage of what I've deemed important to note down over the years hopefully and that that thiswill show me how I can combine my knowledge I've gathered.
If you store notes in a chronological order in a notebook, like I do now, you tend to forget about all the notes you took. Ofc you can take a look. But do you remember what you all read? I clearly don't since I read 1-3 books a month and a handful of articles of academic scope. The ZK will show me connections between various notes that can seperate by years of origin when I keep along. That is the interesting bit.
It's not like I have no techniques to take notes and remember stuff. Clearly reformulating thoughts and arguments by writing them down is one of the best methods. But besides knowledge about operation that becomes a seconf nature with time, specialized knowledge gets buried deep. It won't pop up until it's mentioned in another context, when I hear about something etc. The ZK will show me a link to something I didn't thought about but that might fit, I will remember what the linked note was about, the book or article it was taken from and all that.
What information from a book, a note I took is irrelevenat or not cannot be said so easily as you seem to think it is. Maybe I read Freud and he elaborating a concept. I take notes, I will add a thought to it and 6 months later or 7 years later I stumbled upon it and can use if for something, I have a short note on what it is. Like, I come from Baudrillard via link to Freud, maybe I would have never thought about this connection that can be made between these two thinkers but a middle note that acted as mediator or topical common thread shows me that it is possible and perhaps I get anew thought about this that I can link into the "chain"

There must be something behind Luhmann and him writing 70 books and 400 articles with the Zettelkasten. Ofc this might be because of his research interests.
The linking is so interesting to me because I often think about how what can I do with theoretical thought x or y, well with the Zettelkasten I could see where I can go and maybe have an idea that can develop into a structure that is an article e.g.
>>
No. 43868
>>43864
Isn't it just a Wiki? You have to add information yourself right? There isn't some magic involved that I'm missing? And when things gets formalized it looses what made it interesting in the first place. Se for example agile development.
>>
No. 43869
I really can't or shouldn't be bitching about anything right now. I'm trying not to act like a Karen.Oh god I am turning into a Karen I spent the whole day window shopping.
Thanks entirely because I managed to stay on unemployment I have actually not only managed to pay all my rent and bills but I am actually managing to now keep my rent paid a whole month ahead of time and plus for once in my life money really isn't an actual problem for me. It's hard to get out of that poor person mentality though. I mean shit I can go right out and just buy a video camera right at this very moment, in cash, like it was just nothing. I can even buy a professional telescope or microscope and that is even without being able to collect that month's worth of back unemployment I was supposed to have gotten. If I can finally get them to give me that and the back pay on unemployment it would literally be like hitting a 50 cent straight on a Win4. But even without that I can actually get anything I would've wanted.

It's terrible to say but I have actually come out on top in a much better situation than before thanks to this pandemic. If this is what living in gibes in yurop is like it's fucking incredible. Incredible I tell you!

And I do mean anything just not a big purchase like a new car. It's hard to even look at all these fish and still have the mentality oh I can't possibly be spending that kind of money but then I cognitively rationally understand that I can pay the $50 or whatever ridiculous next day air fee on a hundred dollar fancy fish order and it will be totally fine.

This only makes me more paranoid about things like house fires and cops or medical bills though because it's a chance encounter where I now actually have something to lose for once. It's a strange feeling. I'd imagine this is what all those people who bought into the bougie system and thus defend it feel like on a daily basis.

I have now come to the actual internalized realization of what it means to be an American which is, sadly, thus: grab everything you fucking can. It took me three decades to come to this revelation and everyone in this country is out to screw you out of it from the sides. Even ridiculous shit like if you are caught with an open container of beer in public, or go a few Mph over the speed limit, or sell an undercover cop a pack of cigarettes if you have a job like that yes we have secret police informants btw trying to do stings constantly not just tempting junkies criminals and terrorists but actual decent law abiding citizens and any of that can easily screw you out of hundreds even thousands of dollars.

It's a minefield here and I'm grabbing everything I fucking can. One misstep and you'll have a cop ordering you at taser or gunpoint into a $700 ambulance ride and you're savings are toast but for once I feel like I have a real chance at making it knock on wood. I fear even just saying this out loud where anyone can here it is tempting fate to fuck me but at least today, right now, this moment, I am Ok.
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No. 43872 Kontra
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>>43869
I was smoking a couple cigarettes outside while I posted that and after hitting submit and putting my cigarette and going inside
the power was out.

Okay God point taken. For one who doesn't just take the supernatural as a given and ordinary aspect of life I suppose this would be odd to them but yeah god point given, point taken. I literally put the phone in my pocket and went inside to see all the lights out. After some exploration it seems my neighborhood itself hasn't got power atm. Speaking of which all week I've been having all kinds of eerie spoopy feelings and I believe this is a strange time and place to be in. It feels like something is actively afoot.

But anyway point taken yeah to keep my mouth shut, enjoy what I've got, and know with what ease it can all be taken away and I am utterly at the mercy of a cold distant universe. One biggest protip in life is that you should never, ever say that you are actually happy or to socially direct attention to having loved or enjoyed anything at all. I lost my bird feeders that way. Never let a living soul accept that you are happy or love or care about anything. Always remain distant, keep quiet and not prideful, admit nothing with a stony face under humility and terror of God.
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No. 43875
134 kB, 1116 × 1022
I recieved a letter from a medical facility; they were the victim of a ransomware attack, and my "personal info" may have been accessed. Umm. Ok. Seriously, I don't expect anything to come from this-these mass data breaches are so common that every American must have had their Social Security number and date of birth accessed at least once. So those are in a pile somewhere, along with 300 million other numbers, and it's a dice roll to see which one will be used to open a fraudulent line of credit. I like those odds :D. As for the medical details in the file-who cares about that? Well, data mining corporations, probably. All information has value to someone, somewhere.
Oh, they said I can get free credit monitoring now. Probably not going to do that, tbh. I know I should, but I really hate signing up for things. Plus, I expect it will be one of those "free for six months, then we begin charging you" things.
Anyway, why isn't identity theft considered the banks problem? Because it really should be.

Mitchell & Webb Sound - Identity Theft
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CS9ptA3Ya9E

>>43869
>window shopping
Funny how that term will survive longer than the large brick and mortar stores which inspired it.
>>
No. 43878
>>43868
It might be just a wiki but with personal notes, yes. I'm not sure if I got the Zettelkasten right. It has been often said that Luhmann created a structure similar to the internet. It's a net afterall.

>And when things gets formalized it looses what made it interesting in the first place

?

It's a tool to help me organize my personal gained knowledge and connect this knowledge in a way that is not linear, it's not there to entertain me, I expect practical results and a personal knowledge storeage; filling it is work ofc. But using it can be fun when you can travel along the links to find structures and arguments for writing. You don't get this by skipping through notes rather randomly as it would be the case with linear taken notes that you just skim through. Randomly so as I would have to go through hundreds of notes or even thousands with the years going by. Having them specifically connected makes it easier to bridge knowledge even after years, getting surprising cascades even, at least I hope so, this means I have to put some effort in it and make it right.

Besides, it does not look easier then Zettlr, by now even on the contrary, design is also worse.
>>
No. 43886
I found this and when looking for video lectures on Spengler and now I can't not share it:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EKgSwKSuzR4

The worst thing is that it's actually kind of good and makes sense.
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No. 43889
3,8 MB, 600 × 450, 0:09
79 kB, 894 × 894
Ah good it is raining again. This is great. This is just great. We had a fantastic huge rainstorm yesterday too. This is just great. I love the summer rains so much and the thunderstorms. God I wish it was thundering violently out right now. If I could ever split off this plane and create my own realm of existence I would have the weather perpetually like this, and fog, and the silent falling of pristine snow, and cool summer nights, and the occasional tornado or two. Ah the wind is picking up.
Great. You're all great people. This is great.

To the bErnst who was asking re: CBD, I would highly suggest to you both industrial hemp farms at IHF as well as mrhempflower. Go for mrhempflower if you want high quality smoke. It's actually pricey like as if you were doing real drugs but their flower is the best although the gummies are indeed super strong and only great for days off doing nothing or where you're having pain and a real panic attack. If you are poorer or want to focus more on either bulk for making brownies or cookies or candies or whatever it is potheads normally doI actually just baked a pan of brownies using 7 grams of trim which is hella cheap at like $15/half ounce and is good to nibble on for days off work so far or simply looking for something which you don't have to smoke or screw around with go for industrialhempfarms.

They're a fantastic company with wonderful people service and great ethical people which I would highly recommend regardless, and they are cheap with a great selection. For something very basic like 10mg CBD gummies they're only $20 for 50 which is fantastic price range probably partly because they're a wholesaler. I personally don't think that their flower is all that great compared to some other companies but that being stated it is bottom barrel cheap where you'll only spend like six bucks for a gram sample and can easily buy things in bulk which are a fraction of the price you'd find elsewhere as well as havingadmittedly sketchy looking vials or jars of pure extract for CND/CBD/CBG which I have found is incredibly strong if you roll a small amount of it into the end of a cigarette. I suppose you could also put it into a damiana or wild dagga or whatever herbal cigarette if you don't smoke although you can also simply eat the stuff whole like putting a small amount in your mouth and swallowing it or putting in your morning coffee or something. I'd just warn that if you go that route be careful how much because while it feels really strong when you smoke it it wears off after like 45 minutes followed by a couple hours being comfortable in your own skin but while eaten it is far less potent feeling it does take approximately 45 minutes to really hit you and lasts for many hours so don't overdo it.

I think I said this before but the one problem with it I think is making me retarded. I just don't feel like I have as great memory or motivation and concentration. It has some benefits over medications but it's not perfect. Still those gummies alone from IHF are great if you take like three of them you'll spend the afternoon feeling pretty calm without couchlock or feeling kind of drugged or lobotomized the way taking two 25mg gummies from MHF or smoking a lot of the stuff or whatever can do.
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No. 43891
>>43889
>Gliese 581
Well at least it's stable red dwarf but still
>>
No. 43893
>>43878
The world wide web is based on linking. If you look at w3 documents there are a lot of documents describing relationships between information, and then came html5 and said fuck it all style is all that matters. But anyway, if you formalize something there are rules to be followed and you will risk being more concerned about the process then what it was meant to solve or worse, it will become a cult. You can't expect results by just following some rules or some guy who used a system that worked for him.
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No. 43894
13 kB, 500 × 351
I'm probably gonna get done with the work they asked me to do sooner. Less pay, but hey, at least I get to sleep.
Really. My sleep schedule is awful. I have to escort my sister home from her workplace and it's killing me.
Almost fell asleep on the way home. Suffices to say that I haven't made much progress with the book I picked.

I slept for four hours after coming home. Otherwise I'd have collapsed from fatigue. The trams are like walk-in ovens.
But one of the great things about public transport is that you see people. You sort of realize again that women actually exist and go around, they look nice, they fill out their outfits with their bodies. They also smell nice and look pretty. Good stuff.
Makes you feel like you're a part of reality.

Mum's English textbook arrived. I was kinda shot on what kind of book to get. Language learning is really finicky and there are hundreds of books written by snake-oil salesmen along the lines of "learn language in nanosecond while jerking off :DDDDDD Published Fug U Press 2020"
So I picked up an Oxford beginner's grammar textbook.
I just need a skeleton for the lesson-plan because I have no fucking idea how to teach English grammar in a sensible order. (It's not that I don't know how grammar functions in English, it's just that I have no fucking idea what these grammatical concepts are called. The same goes for Hungarian.
It's an exciting task, and I wonder how far I'll get with it.

Kinda wanted to pick up my package today, but they haven't assembled all the books I ordered yet. Strangely enough the only missing book is the cheapest.
Speaking of books. You ever play pretend in your head to make events feel more significant than they really are. Like I decided that I'm going to create a shelf dedicated to classics, but in my mind it was more like chartering the foundation for the library's collection of classics.
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No. 43900
6 kB, 200 × 200
Now, a while after my Assburger diagnosis, I slowly have sorted and reassessed my position towards social relationships.

I had consciously tried visiting some events of my "social circle" and found out it's all pain. Earlier I would have successfully convinced myself that it's "fun" and I just have to try hard enough. But the truth is, I would be just a clown for all of them, and although my objective conversational skill is already much higher than most of theirs, because I actually put effort into it and practise and observe the people I meet, they will still, forever, view me as "ThAt SoMeHoW wEiRd OnE" feeling the permission to treat me like a leper.

So, fuck them,fuck all of them. They can dwell in their face bullshit spheres as long as they like. Truly, everyone makes their bed and lays in it, and then they complain that their beds suck, but it's not their bed per se, but rather the complete fuckup of priorities they consider when determining what shall be a bed in the first place.

There are people - a really miniscule amount - who were also fringe objects of that social circle, who I told about my diagnosis, and who ACTUALLY CARED. Like "Oh now I understand why large meetings are difficult for you - we can deal with the things we have to do together separately without big meetups, ok?"

That's really amazing.

But the other ones - today I received the invitation for some celebration of a "celebrity's" death and it all will be the same clown parade as always, and I'm so comfortable saying "Fuck this stupid shit" as opposed to earlier "I should want to go there, after all it's a social event of the people I choose to socialize with."

The fact that I can now isolate my stressors and look at them from a factual perspective allows me to actually use my conversational skills in circumstances that are objectively positive for my life. The rest I just toss aside, just like they like to toss me aside because I am "difficult" for not conforming to their charade rules.
>>
No. 43902
>>43893
This is the first time I've heard of HTML5 developing away from hyperlinking and towards style. I'm interested in the differences if you can provide sources, especially if there are any that analyse the capabilities under the lens of graph theory or topology.

And for context: For years I've been developing a gut feeling that HTML can and should be replaced by something that concentrates less on the mark-up capabilities and more on the simplest possible subset of operators to express spatial layouts of hyper-linked blocks with a limited set of features for interactivity. But I have yet to sit down and work out details, mostly because I can't find the time and almost everything about webdev today appals me.
>>
No. 43903
>>43893
>>43893
>you will risk being more concerned about the process then what it was meant to solve or worse, it will become a cult.

Yeah, I know what you mean. Many of these people read heaps of books about knowledge organization and put notes they took on it in their Zettelkasten.
Luhmanns System might not work for everyone, it is less rigid and makes more connections than chronological ordered notes or folder trees. And I'm looking for exactly these connection that are not close to each other but can span a few nodes that are scattered in space and time so to speak. I'm still thinking about going for a Phd as long as my master will be fine and if I then still think it is a good thing to write about something in book length that I'm interested in I have to be better organized.
I need to organize my knowledge differently, excerpts are fine but I think more atomicity is better, you don't want to skim excerpts when you can have it piecemealed, so just a note on a concept in X instead of the info about the concept in an excerpt. Excerpts should still me made though. Somehow you need to have the gathered notes/ the knowledge over the years accessable easily as academic, because you can't have it all in your mind that clearly, you use storage media of various forms to help you out. The Zettelkasten seems good to me as it is flexible in design, but as you said, it becomes a topic in its own, and it will take its own time. But so would other forms of knowledge organization, it is after all work. But I like to gain knowledge and I would like to have my knowledge better organized in order to easier come up with bits for texts. Rn my knowledge has barely any organization. I only do it very small scaled for uni papers, or private chronological ordered and wildly scattered, but that uni stuff is restricted and often enough not my main interest I privately deepen my knowledge in.
>>
No. 43904
welp, we were planning to go to a beach next week, but they're announcing a new round of lockdowns, so I guess we're staying home.
Bought tickets and swimming trunks and everything. What a shame.

at least I won't miss a pnp session lol
>>
No. 43905
>>43904
Shiet. What's the local beach on the Almaty? Somewhere along Balqash? Or do you skip the border over to Yssyk-Kol?

Tbh, I personally dislike the beach. I used to enjoy it, hell my old man was a Sydney surfer in the 50s and taught me to surf too. Nowadays the crowds get on my nerves and the sand gets all over the joint and pisses me off too.
>>
No. 43906 Kontra
Also spilled boiling hot soup on my hand it's fucken killing me. Feels really bad mang.
>>
No. 43910
>>43905
We were gonna go to Alakol.
I don't like beaches or swimming either, but I thought it'd be nice to be away somewhere for a while, sort of reboot the brain, you know.
Oh well.

Might go somewhere after the lockdown, I'd even prefer if we went to a resort in the mountains or something.
>>
No. 43923
>>43902
It isn't links that are going away or rather pushed back. It is semantic meaning. Take the <b> tag. What does it mean? Nothing. But if you instead use the <strong> tag you announce that you put a strong emphasis on whatever you surround it with. It might be that semantic meaning to text is slowly creeping back in but right now I can't see it. If someone else can tell me it would be nice.

I you taken an example. A long time ago in an forgotten age there was HTML base on SGML, but nevermind that. It evolved because the web got popular and then the browser wars brought us wonderful things like <marquee> and other tags without semantic meaning. Finally someone got feed up and HTML 4.01 came about and then XHTML1.0 that was based on XML but looked like HTML expect you had to close tags and other things. XHTML 1.0 had various representations like the transitional that was a bit nicer to people unable to grasp XHTML, you still had to close tags but could use <b> for example (iirc this was a long time ago). It also had a strict mode were shit tags like <font> was banned. Why is <font> a shitty tag? Lack of semantic meaning. If you wanted fancy looking text you should use CSS was the message.
Ofcourse web-developers are morons until proven otherwise and many times the prove that they are morons so there was much confusion about everything. There was a next step XHTML 2.0 that further put emphasis (using <em> not <i>) on semantic and structure but nobody cared because <b> <i> and <marquee> <font> is so nice if you can't get your head around even basic CSS. Also browser support was different. From the swamp that is the web then came HTML5. Although it has a XML serialization it isn't how it is used. Basically it acknowledge that web-developers are morons and more or less says anything goes, the browser will just make an educated guess. I'm probably being a bit harsh but it is more or less that. It does however nowadays includes small things that exists in the XHTML 2.0 draft, like <header> and <footer>, so it isn't all bad. You can still write it as XML and things like EPUB requires it to be in XML (take that morons).

HTML5 also has the nice feature of being a very messy moving target so that writing an new browser is more or less an impossible task. Right now I can only name Netsurf that isn't based on webkit, whatever it is called now, or Firefox's engine. (Yes, Lynx and E-links still exists.)
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No. 43924
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>>43910
Neat. I been to lakes like that before, where the water is all turquoise like. Didn't really swim because they were up in the mountains and I was there in winter :-DDD

The differences in Eastern and Wectern beaches are funny though. Comparison of quick search for Alakol (is that the same etymology as Alatau just replacing mountain with lake?) beach to my local as a kid. There is a weirdly cosy depressingness about the post-soviet beach.
>>
No. 43925 Kontra
>>43923
Oh forgot. Checkout XLink https://www.w3.org/TR/xlink/ if you want links.

I can see why some of these things didn't take of in the broader mass but still.

Fun thing. You can use XSLT to transform a XML document in your browser. Just put an <?xml-stylesheet type="text/xsl" href="style.xsl"?> under the xml definition and serve it as application/xml.

Cavet emptor, it can have been removed from the browser and I might be wrong about the mime-type.
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No. 43951
Ok, good news. It seems that alakol in particular will stay open, provided one of the family members gets tested for covid.
We still had to cancel the train tickets tho, so probably going to go one week later.

>>43924
Yeah, tbh, I have only seen those stereotypical massive sandy beaches in movies, and some artificially made coasts in kapchagai. But supposedly alakol is good because the water is "healing" or whatever. Probably the salt content. Not sure if I buy such a thing as "healthy water", seems like water should be the same regardless of mineral content, especially if you're not drinking it.

Yeah, same etymology as Alatau, ala means "motley" I suppose. It's interesting that I almost never see the word "motley" used in English, while it's pretty common in kazakh.
>>
No. 43952
>>43951
It's not really used in English because while it can mean the same thing as in Kazakh there, it is more often used to denote something as ramshackle with lots of mismatched parts.

Nice that you get to go though. Still, don't think that swimming in the water is gonna do much for you, I doubt that you'd absorb enough minerals through your skin for it to actually matter.
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No. 43953
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>>43951
Also, I don't really see many rocky beaches. Seen them before but not all that often and not in Australia.

Mostly sandy beaches, both on the extreme end of classically noice (pic 1, Nambucca Estaury) and the fucken grim (pic 2, Oreti Beach, New Zealand).
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No. 43955
529 kB, 458 × 286, 0:00
I'm currently listening to King Crimson bootlegs on YouTube. Don't tell Robert, of course.
But, I have nothing to do. What should I do, Ernst? Practice the flute? The geetar? Maybe draw something? Maybe I'll go for a walk
>>
No. 43968
419 kB, 1280 × 1281
I just got recommended another fast and big eater video on my Youtube startpage. Ofc it was US based, a lady this time. The other guy I saw was someone who could have been named Doug and traveled the US to eat big portions and make local records. People commented how he looks more unhealthy with newer episodes coming in.
You know it's quite absurd to see people standing around a person eating a 72oz steak or a 50oz Hamburger with fries and salad + a supersized coke for 30-60min and cheering afterwards. Oh well, people watch Asian girls eating noodles. The human race, everyone!
>>
No. 43969
>>43955
>Don't tell Robert, of course.
I think he loosened up about that, but I may be mistaken.
Have my favorite version of "21st Century Schizoid Man". It's a collaboration featuring vocals by Maynard Keenan and Robert Fripp on guitar.

21st Century Schizoid Man - Robert Fripp & Maynard
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0_-RaTJHM80

>Practice the flute? The geetar? Maybe draw something? Maybe I'll go for a walk
All great options. I say try drawing something, but I'm a bit biased there as that's what I enjoy.
>>
No. 43971
2 kB, 599 × 604
>>43969
For me, my favorite version of 21st Century Schizoid Man would have to be from Earthbound. Really personifies what King Crimson means to me.
>I think he loosened up about that, but I may be mistaken.
I'm certain he doesn't mind covers of his songs being uploaded as long as they're not making money off him. It's just the more important releases he watches for.
>All great options. I say try drawing something, but I'm a bit biased there as that's what I enjoy.
Maybe I'll go:
<Draw something for Ernst
<Play the flute
<Play the guitar
<Go for a walk
<Take a nap
I have nothing to do today like most days now, so it seems like a nice idea.
>>
No. 43973
>>43971
>Reverse arrows don't work
I swore that they did. Maybe it's a Kohl-only thing.
>>
No. 43977
20 kB, 340 × 255
+36 C
>>
No. 43979
>>43977
What place in Russia? I only know that Siberia gets surprisingly hot.
>>
No. 43980
>>43977
Ha ha. Looks like my plance is last stand before climate chage. Where are you?
>>
No. 43982
>>
No. 43984
7 kB, 545 × 99
>>43982
AAAAAAHHHHHHH
>>
No. 43985
5 kB, 619 × 106
>>43984
At least you don't live in the deserts of Arizona. It's notorious there for being brutally hot even in the middle of winter. Have no idea why the Native Americans would want to hang over there lol
>>
No. 43991
689 kB, 480 × 360, 0:16
>>
No. 43993
>>43991
Phoenix really should not exist. It's probably the prime example to humanity's poor design choices
>>
No. 44006
48 kB, 783 × 608
>>43993
I googled it's weather and ha ha
>>
No. 44007
155 kB, 1920 × 1080
Work is finally over. It was kinda soul crushing. Doing the bidding of a German megacorporation is hard work, especially considering how it's basically an endless slog of pushing papers and checking data.
But it pays well enough, and the office has air conditioning.

The weather is really good. So much so that I started wearing flip flops like I usually do when summer rolls around. Nothing better than walking down the street, your feet free, your shoulder-bag full of books and teas.
You truly feel like a Daoist Immortal who is above the shoe-wearing masses.

Too bad I had neither tea nor books in my bag. Would've enhanced the experience of returning home with all that loot. Money, texts, teas. Like a modern Ulysses.
But I couldn't pick up the books I ordered. (Mostly just books about ancient Greece and Homer. Also ordered a Handke-volume and a copy of Gottfried Keller's Der grüne Heinrich because I've heard good things about it. Initially it seemed like a weird, obscure novel that'd cost a fortune to hunt down, but my prejudice was wrong again, and I found a two-volume hardcover set for three euros.)

Honestly, the Odyssey really opened up my eyes when it comes to topics and allegories. Copying it and juxtaposing it feels so weirdly natural.
I've been thinking about writing a semi-autobiographical narrative poem / epyllion.
Seems logical now that I have a relatively solid grasp of how Hungarian Alexandrine metre works.
Reading a single epic taught me more about our national metre than the entirety of HS. Weird.

Two more days until I depart for Greece. Looking forward to writing my journal and seeing interesting ruins.
Decided to call the booklet "Sketches of Hellas".

I have no plans for tomorrow besides reading Kawabata's Old Capital in one sitting. It's the only book of his I own that I haven't read. (Besides my German copy of his Palm of the hand stories.)
>>
No. 44020
>>43993
Seconded, but it goes so far beyond that
https://www.bing.com/search?form=MOZLBR&pc=MOZI&q=arizona+lawn
I think that you can search around. I have opened the gates for you it is your choice whether to enter.
Yes.
>Arizona
>lawns
>>
No. 44025
>>44006
>>44020
I remember there was a video on how Phoenix's architecture is literally the worst possible for an environment like that. I forgot where it was
>>
No. 44026
It's the Fourth of July celebration over at nu-KC, so I'm spending the evening drunk over there and stateballing it up. Forgive me.

Yesterday, I made a trek to Gloucester to have a fun day out with my mother at the Hammond Castle Museum. The weather was just the right combination of sunny and cool which inspired us to travel somewhere outside our usual and customary. Twas a long drive, but I had to scratch the itch and go some place I've never been in my life. Sadly, the museum itself was closed, but you could explore outside the castle and enjoy the scenery. Lovely place, really.

Later, we went over to a local farm and loaded up on salami, wine and cider which I'm indulging in now before eating out as a Portuguese restaurant.
>>
No. 44028
RE: Weather. It's only 21 outside but my room is shite and it's 29 in here. It's meant to be winter for fug's sake.

>>43985
Desert heat is very different to coastal heat. It's even worse the closer you get to the tropics. I can handle mid 30s in desert heat. It's not pleasant but it's perfectly livable. Mid 30s on the Queensland is AIDS because the humidity makes it feel way hotter.
>>
No. 44029
2,6 MB, 1806 × 850
1,9 MB, 1842 × 858
This is supposed to be green. This is not winter.
>>
No. 44031
>>44028
Are you using a VPN or is your ISP playing tricks on the geoip-db?
>>
No. 44033
>>44031
ISP fuckery most of the time. I think it's to do with the new national fibre network since it only really started when it got laid down at my place. Any time that I'm posting from Post-Sovietlands it's VPN though.
>>
No. 44044
Today I filled out a digital form to request the exam fees back from the government. The future truly is now.

Started reading Kawabata's Old Capital like I planned, but it was so awful I put it off by the middle of the second chapter.
Most probably the translator fucking botched it big time. That, or Kawabata wrote trash. I'm inclined to believe the former.

Mum and dad returned from the business trip to Romania.
They actually managed to get me what I asked for as a souvenir.
You see, a few years back we went to my godparents and they gave us pálinka brewed out of cranberry. I'm not over-exaggerating when I say that this is what the Olympian Gods drink.
The problem is that they got it from "a relative who knows a guy", so it's not like I can just buy a bottle if I wanted to.
But they actually managed to bring home a whole litre of it! (And half a litre of "standard" pálinka made from plums and a curious little flask of blueberry-liquor)

I'm departing for Greece tomorrow morning. Kinda anxious.
Don't know how it'll go. Hopefully I'll just see some cool ruins, buy a book or two, bathe in the sea for a few days and then come home without much hassle.
>>
No. 44050
>>44020
The suburban obsession with lawns knows no limit. That leads to a huge problem with nutrient runoff down here. People use a lot of fertilizer to keep their lawns neon green year-round, and it ends up draining into the waterways. This feeds the algae and creates huge blooms which kill fish. A lot of counties ban the sale of fertilizer during the Summer months(when there is the most rain, and runoff)to try and control it.

>>44044
>I'm departing for Greece tomorrow morning
Have a good trip. And don't forget sunscreen.
>>
No. 44051
173 kB, 1200 × 902
I'm reading an article on the short history of online communication, political propaganda and its automation in Russia.
I always thought the russian culture of proof was a KC speciality but turns out it emerged on the russian blogosphere in the 2000s when Medvedev was leading ot sure if the author said something along the lines of russiasn being notably distrusful
>>
No. 44054
1,4 MB, 1062 × 666
1,6 MB, 830 × 1109
So that was actually pretty damn cool of him. I needed to get some quarters and I actually knew a guy who was able to hook me up with a full roll I think. They weren't doing rolls for some reason but still he hooked me up with it and so a guy I knew helped me get past the quarter rationing. That's right just look at this shit. That's real quarters. I sadly however did not find one single bat quarter, which I increasingly suspect has offended our political leadership and wonder how much those responsible for both the design and managing the apparatus responsible for the bat quarters have already been sacked or gulaged.

Perhaps I shall try a few stores in the area to try and see if I can get bat quarters before they are all recalled and erased, if that has indeed happened since I find it rather odd I got all these and not one bat quarter. They were all over a week or two ago. Oh well it's fine I still got ahead of the line to get laundry coins so I can't complain. I just wish I hadn't used up all my bat quarters right before the coin rationing.
>>
No. 44057 Kontra
Wtf we just lost power again. It was like this here last year. Again does anybody have any clue why the power keeps going out? There isn't any storms around so that's not it. Why do we keep losing power?
>>
No. 44062
>>44057
>Why do we keep losing power?
Maybe it's related to the heat. If everyone turns on their air conditioner at the same time it could strain the grid.
Are these long outages, or just brief interuptions? I lose power regularly(~once a week), but it's usually back in a few seconds.
>>
No. 44068
Arrived safely and soundly to ´Ελλας.
The weather isn’t Hellish.

Saw a Platon volume at the airport but decided to take my time.
We weren’t selected for a random covid test.
The airports felt kinda dead.
>>
No. 44069
>>44068
>Saw a Platon volume at the airport

That sounds like a tourist ripoff. Like those people in Rome with their pizza and pasta flyers around the Colosseum and Forum Romanum trying to "give you a typical experience". Better look for second hand book stores.
Enjoy the stay. I first thought we might have a new poster :DD
>>
No. 44070
>>44069
>That sounds like a tourist ripoff.
Exactly, that’s why I skipped it.

Really, I’m only on the hunt for a few titles like Anabasis, the Odyssey and Philoktetes.
(And also a copy of Kazantzakis’s Odyssey in English or German. Fug, that book is very rare and expensive for some reason.
The German edition is like 80 euros new and that’s like three days’ wages)

Otherwise I’m just here for the ride, seeing the ruins and eating gyros. (And drinking Metaxa and that other hard liqour I forgot the name of.)

My flag is only Greek because I’m on wifi instead of mobile data.
>>
No. 44078
I feel like I'm a bit stuck in a rut lately. I've been incredibly busy with work to the point that it's all I do aside from Saturday and Tuesday (night) which I rigorously defend for my sanity. I've more money than I really know what to do with as a result but what's the point?

The catch is I can't seem to do anything I want to do; cooking classes are off, language learning is all online, can't justify seeing old mates and fencing is dicey. I'm just saving money because coronavirus has limited so many options to actually do stuff.

>Why not learn online

It's not really the point. I want to get out the house and lack the bandwidth to properly sit down at the computer and self-study for the next month.

>What about lasses?

I'm a bit bored being with a bird that I don't enjoy spending time with or see much of a future with. Tremendous fun at the start, of course, but then it's just a chore that ends up with me having to break it off.

>>44044
Watch out for bearded old men in robes offering lectures about caves.

>>44054
My understanding is that bat quarters became quite the collectors item a few months back so you will struggle to find any still in circulation. I can't imagine the people of Samoa mind the extra revenue that has generated.
>>
No. 44085
wew, good thing we didn't have a session today.
I caught a cold and now feel like absolute crap.

with the lockdown going on, and with staying home normally anyway, everyone in the house still managed to catch the common cold.
>>
No. 44087
>93 Euros for a statue of Pallas Athene
Tourism was a mistake.

Saw the Acropolis from afar. Also tried the local national drink, the ouzo. It’s pretty damn tasty. I’m going to bring a bottle home if I can.
Whenever I drink and there are people around me, I end up deliverint a politically charged monologue. Ouzo’s effect was no different.

Tomorrow we’re visiting the Acropolis.
There doesn’t seem to be as muc haggling by undermen going around here. I expected the place to be Rome 2.0
People also actually seem to speak better English here. Maybe it’s just the fact that the locals are the ones working in tourism and not imported third worlders.
>>
No. 44088
>>44085
Get well soon mate.
>>
No. 44089
Today i decided to start to lurk here, on Ernstchan.
>>
No. 44094 Kontra
>>44089
What made you take that decision?

Also I'm feeling bummed out, not really going anywhere without anyone, so my guts tell me. My stomach feels like carrying around rocks.
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No. 44095
>>
No. 44101
26 kB, 480 × 360
233 kB, 662 × 1024
Yeah you know what I have decided that I think I should actually just go ahead and pay my rent this week anyway. Oh I just realized my paycheck might be a lot more shit than the last one. Oh well whatever. It's not like I've got any other huge expenses coming up anyway and perhaps it'll just force down my savings enough that I can keep tricking myself into thinking I have less money available overall than I do thus killing my impulse for acquisitions.

>>44085
How do you know it's just a cold?

>>44089
Welcome. You I think might be our third Ukrainian then.

>>44078
I have acquired one quarter. Sadly I used to have many. My overriding concern is for the fact that eventually a bunch of foreigners are gonna get keyed in on this, and that as this thing drags on America is going to become more solidly associated with the plague alongside India and Brazil in similar manner as Italy was for a very brief time associated with it but ours is probably going to be far more enduring. Regardless I can see a bunch of foreigners attempting to get these things and that the powers that be meaning Trump not wanting to talk and being butthurt by the topic itself and so trying not to produce so many of these things, thus while you claiming it being a collector's item made me incredulous at first I can actually see how enhanced demand could meet constricted supply later on--and that means profit. Or, at the very minimum, my buying of fifty to a hundred dollars worth of bat quarters if I can ever figure out how will at worst be me having fifty to a hundred dollars worth of quarters.
Unless something bad worse happens to America economically.

I still am keen on getting a bunch of other bits of currency although what I really need to do is invest in the CBD market. They're doing some studies right now on anti-inflammatory and ACE2 inhibition of CBD which, if anything were confirmed, could cause select stocks to go skyrocketing. If not, it just means that the current market is fragile and risk loaded for making those kinds of investments and/or growing them more slowly however it's an expanding market and good investment opportunity if you place your chips on the right bet.

I haven't figured out what to bet on yet however, other than my overarching bet that the economy's going to go way down the shitter again before winter which I'm hoping isn't going to be the bull trap--which it very likely could be before this winter in which case I'd hopefully unload before then.
>>
No. 44115
>>44094
I've been lurking kohlchan since krautchan died but KC now degraded so much. So much shitpost, so much attention whores, begging and other things. I'm hungry for serious discussions.

Get well soon.
>>44101
Thanks.
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No. 44118
52 kB, 700 × 933
>>44115
Welcome then. Feel free to participate. It's a bit slow here but you can use the pace to make space for other things maybe.

Otherwise the News Thread is usally the shit bin of this board or let's say it's the general with most openly political debates; still baits, moronic countryballing and other low efforts for engaging in the discussion are not really tolerated.

---

I took a few days off from wörk. Just got up, it's a bit better than yesterday. Will read a text on Georges Bataille and his work now as I want to read some of that in the future. Pathologizing won't help but his eyes look kinda creepy right away.
>>
No. 44122
>>44118
I wanted to ask - is it OK to create non-general threads about some topics, I'm interested in? Because here it's organized kinda different(i think it's due to slowness posting) but sometimes I just want to discuss some concrete topic without turning it into general.
>>
No. 44124
>>44122
If the topic somewhat fits any of the generals, it's better to post it there, although there's no iron rule to do that. The reason that general thredas are more popular here is because that there are very few posters, so random thredas usually only get several posts and die, while generals stay for longer time, and some posters may get back to the discussion of the topic even after quite some time. Also, you can discuss random shit in Today threda.
>>
No. 44126
>>44122
as the poster above me said
>so random thredas usually only get several posts and die

is what I experienced here. We sometimes have those threads that live for a bit longer though. Maybe the catalog will show something.
>>
No. 44127
>>44126
Tbh, you can sustain a thread on anything if you put in the work. It's just that you need to accept that people will be reading and may not actually have anything to add.

t. creator of a wall of text thread on old EC that got few non-me posts
>>
No. 44129
>>44127
>It's just that you need to accept that people will be reading and may not actually have anything to add.

Absolutely true for EC, we are just a bunch of people here and as I e.g. know barely anything about russian history I don't contribute to that topic discussed here at times. Nor do I keep a deep interested in it either. The thread about Marx also got many posts afaik.
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No. 44144
3,1 MB, 4032 × 3024
4,1 MB, 4032 × 3024
Went to the Acropolis today. This is everything I ever wanted from Rome but didn’t get.
It’s beautifull in its incompleteness, and I’m going to write poetry about it.

Also, unlike Rome, Athens isn’t ran by Capitalist Vampires intent on emptying your pockets at an exponential rate.
You can actually access any museum and archeological site for free with a European Student ID, which I have.

The food is good, the weather is good, 5dl bottles of water are 50c by law, and all the retards are thousands of miles away because of the rona.

It’s a once in a lifetime opportunity to see this place almost empty.
This is my Italienreise

The only thing I overpaid for was this two-volume Xenophone but who cares. I think I actually startles the clerk a bit. It was a small store half of it books, half office supplies. Just imagine a guy in a mask storming in and asking you with a Zizek-accent “Hey, do you have Homer?”
Crazy.

Also I got sunburnt in two days on my lower arms :DD
>>
No. 44153
New life plan. I need a job that lets me be drunk or high 24/7. I am functionally no different drunk than I am sober, as retarded and useless, except that I suffer less.

Since killing my father then killing myself to ensure the financial well being off my family is not an option (too traumatic, apparently), the next best option is to get a shitty job that's enough to pay rent in some shithole mold infested basement, live the rest of my life there, then kill myself when nobody remembers or cares about me any more.

You see, if you approach life from the perspective of wanting to accomplish something specific rather than mindlessly drifting along or doing the best with the bad hand you were given, it becomes clear that it's a game of luck. Be born in the right place, in the right time, in the right socioeconomic class, or become noise, a statistic. I could deal with setbacks in all of those, but being mentally ill as well is the ultimate existential curb stomp. Can't fight against your own mind, bro.
Well, my ego is to large to settle for either kind of acceptance, so suicide seems to be a more noble choice. Veni, vidi, perii, or whatever.

You know what's funny, my sessions with the therapist were genuinely helpful in resolving several of my mental hangups, and improved my mental well being significantly. Except that I could never get to the crux of the issue, due to fear of getting locked up and being denied the only freedom I have in this world. That whenever I am not in a delusional maniacal euphoric state, the best outcome I see for myself is dangling outside my window under the balcony.
I'd choose the perfect time, too, a lazy afternoon on a school day, when all the kids are out playing. It'd probably be an hour before they get my body off of there, letting the children get an eyeful of my purple body with shit and piss dripping down my leg. Let them get a taste of the real world. My final gift to the future generations lol.

Everything I deem worthwhile or important in life is inaccessible to me. Not smart enough, not diligent enough, not sane enough. Cruel to be born into this, but also ebin, in a way. I appreciate it, the sense of humor reality apparently has. Something I like to say, copyright myself: "the only difference between tragedy and slapstick comedy is how many times the guy gets hurt". Proud of that one.

Rambling. Tomorrow I'll be sober and pretend I never meant any of this. "Dude I'm fine haha". But the truth is I have never felt more honest and true to myself than I am right now.
Cringe. I already imagine reading this sober. Neither perspective is true, but neither is false. Being is transient. What you "are" is the exact state you are in, in the moment, and that changes every 30 minutes or so. I can practically feel it in really time. What the fuck am I taking about.

Wow, I feel like shit. Got another can. I don't give a fuck.
What time is it
>>
No. 44154
Today before going hiking with a friend I was reading my book in the bus. A few gypsies at the backseats (at least that's how I would identify thrm, even though at least one of them used the term "vallah") wouldn't stop listening music and throwing up ape-like sound during my read, being so obscene and disgusting during the process, that a group of girls sitting next to them went aways and sat down next to me. As they wouldn't stop acting like apes, I stood up and shouted at them through the whole bus that they're supposed to shut the fuck up, much to the pleasure of the girls next to me (not so much to the pleasure of the bus driver who would later walk up to me and ask me to just directly tell him or a colleague next time, because people could panic otherwise).
Sadly it didn't help much, the only thing helping with these trash people would surely be a bullet up their cockroach-heads or a rope round their ugly necks.
>>
No. 44168
>>44153
>lazy afternoon on a school day, when all the kids are out playing.
Lmao you sound like me towards my late teenage years. Well look bud I'm just going to give to you straight as bluntly as possible: you HAVE to get the fuck away from your family. Cut your whole family out of your life if you have to because they are killing you.

I have suffered some similarish things and while quite frankly a large part of my current success is predicated entirely on government gibes due to a complete national disaster to such a degree even Mitch McConnell of all people is considering a second gibe of probably like $1200 or whatever now that it's his state that's getting fucked hard in the ass by the virus but nonetheless ever since I moved and largely cut contact with my family I've begun to feel healthier in every conceivable way because what I didn't realize is they are just toxic fucking people who won't or can't change. It's even gotten to the point now where I can somewhat talk to them.

What you have got to fucking do is leave and yes that includes the shitty rundown moldy basement because at least you'll have your own place. The only conceivable downside is if you just keep going downhill into your own head in isolation in which case I'd strongly advise you to keep some sort of a lifeline. Even have the Skype wait do people still have that? Wtf is zoom? Aside from Tengris looming disapproval I mean of some Ernst who you can talk to, just somebody to serve as a kind of touchstone to reality but at this point quite frankly what does it even matter? You're going downhill anyway and they're clearly making you much sicker.

Like I said getting back on my own was the best decision that I've ever made. You can't lay a house without some kind of foundation and yes that means you start on a temple by clearing away the weeds. Nobody wants to do it but that doesnt mean it doesnt have to get done. Nobody wants to put up with the banal shit that entails but you have to take a step forward.

Personally I've seen no benefit to either therapy or AA and I think that both ended up making a certain aspect of me worse or sicker, but then again I was also around a very toxic sociopathic person part of the time which strongly colored my vision at the time. You might find it helpful too in addition to therapy.

And lay off the sauce. Out of all the worst decisions I ever made in my life drinking is definitely at least the top three. I havent so much as sipped a beer in over two years and am thankful for it.

You just need to make sure you dont spiral into your own madness fueled by drinking in seclusion though don't use that as some excuse not to leave but again, if you stay there it is going to kill you. Leave. Get a new apartment.
>>
No. 44179
>>44153
I've recently read an article in a scientific journal about psychology about treatment of trauma in foreign cultures. A neurologist and psychiatrist was working for Doctors without Borders in regions of war and collapsed states. After two decades of experience his summary was that mental states considered "ill" in the field of psychology cannot be treated equally in different cultural contexts because they aren't necessarily causing problems for the individual.

Specifically about PTSD, schizophrenia and depression he had to unlearn a lot. While schizophrenia and similar personality disorders (don't know the vocabulary now, read the article in German) are closely linked with bipolarity and depression in western psychology, these links rarely occur in rural societies in Africa and SE-Asia. There, hearing voices is not considered a mental illness; rather it varies between "being normal" and "being special in a positive way". Subsequently the individuals often did not suffer from the condition, possibly because it was not identified as something to be ashamed of and thus not resulting in a conflict within the conscious self.

Reducing stress caused by external sources was the only consistent method of treatment he could find. By reducing stress (of daily survival, fear, etc) even slightly the patients would automatically start to fit their experience into a narrative that was coherent enough to eliminate the feeling of "being conflicted" and thus suffer less from mood swings and apathy.

tl;dr: Our mental problems are caused/enabled by the idea that there is such a thing as a healthy mind that we should strive for.
>>
No. 44189
Today we went to the National Archeological Museum. It’s magnificent, really.
The collection feels much more lively than the one I saw at the Vatican.

Though there is only so many amphoras you can see in one day before you get tired.
I took so many photod that it’d put a Chinaman to shame. Then my battery died.
I’ve almost filled up half of my notepad.

Also tried out what they call Greek Coffee, which is another thing they share with the Turks afaik, but don’t tell them that.
It was like drinking a tripple espresso brewed with redbull.
It’s very, very strong.
Mum said this is how my great-grandmother used to drink her coffee.

My lets feel really tired from all the walking and standing. The skin on the bottom of my feet is starting to look like the shield of a tortoise.

The museum on the inside is very nice. The putside is very meh tough. It feels like a knock-off version of neoclassical architecture. But it has screwed up ratios and feels way too flat.
>>
No. 44190
I walked across a square today to the supermarket and there were two hobos, one old man sitting down and another laying down under a blanket.

The old man pulled his blanket up, like a mother would do to her son to tuck him up at night.
The other guy woke up, probably assumed he was trying to steal his blanket, got up and kicked the old man in the rib. It wasn't a particular strong kick, the old man explained himself and the blanket guy went somewhere else to sleep.

I felt bad for both of them.

Imagine living in a world of complete hostility that even the most basic acts of human kindness are alien to you and trigger your defense mechanisms.

Imagine being old and having no one else so you direct your affection to strangers.

I should've bought some food for them.
>>
No. 44191
>>44168
I can't stop thinking about moving out of my family. Being in my parents house killing me because they are always bitching about something like "you aren't helping us here and there" also i can't even try to start some relationships because i don't have a place where i can bring my potential girlfriend.

But on the other hand it's so scary to move out, it requires more spendings(and i started saving money for a buying real estate).
>>
No. 44192
Ashamed to admit, but I felt great today. Maybe I needed a hard reset on my brain.
I should have been hung over, but today was the first time in weeks I didn't wake up with a headache. I slept only for a few hours, but felt well rested when I woke up, again first time in weeks. My cold almost went away, too. If every day was like this, I'd stop bitching and live my life. Or maybe I just transitioned to the next mood cycle, I don't even know any more.
Maybe I need something that emulates the effects of alcohol without the alcohol part. A vasodilator and painkiller for headaches and a sleeping aid. I don't actually enjoy the mental effects of alcohol. The only reason I got shitfaced in the first place was because all nearby drug stores for some reason ran out of ibuprofen, paracetamol, aspirin, etc. all at once. Maybe something to do with corona.

>>44168
The only real problems are my father and me. If we both cleaned up our acts, we'd be a happy family. But that's wishful thinking. Me, my problem is that I have a defective brain that only functions properly 4 days out of a month. I really want to get a job, any kind of job, but not sure what kind of employer would tolerate me slipping into fog brained retard mode every other day, and sleep deprived the rest of time due to shitty sleep quality and insomnia.
But I need to either suck it up or find some way of dealing with these issues so I can stop being a burden. If I become self sufficient, mom could easily file for a divorce and buy a small house with half the apartment money, get rid of the debt, and focus on raising my younger brother. Then we'd be in our happy place.

>>44179
That is indeed interesting, but I do not feel like my stress comes from social pressure. Maybe it's internalized, I dunno. Mostly what causes me dissatisfaction is the inability to achieve things that I personally find important, which aren't strongly tied with normal social expectations. Sure, giving up these aspirations would probably reduce stress, but what do I have then? I want to find a way to achieve my goals, not deal with my inability to do so.
>>
No. 44200
>>44191
I don't know how much of a bright idea buying estate in Ukraine is, our population is in decline due to comibnation of low fertility rates, high death rates and high emigration, and the trends will only accelerate in the future when we enter the EU. No one wants to settle in Ukraine and everyone wants to escape from it
>>
No. 44201
>>44200
Emigration wouldn't make it better because you will always be an immigrant. Prices and taxes are higher, its almost impossible to own real estate abroad. Also, due to illegal immigration and race crisis, west isn't that good anymore. There are some very nice countries like Iceland, Switzerland, Singapore etc but its impossible to emigrate there.
>>
No. 44203
>>44200
I'd totally want a house in Ukraine, you guys have marvellous landscape and huge areas with barely any humans running around. Places to be alone, just you and the nature.
>>
No. 44205
339 kB, 600 × 705
Would you guys be interested in a programming / software dev thread? Somewhere we can help each other out with programming exercises and projects, discuss things, help each other out with solving problems, etc.
There's already a few professional hackermen here, but I'm more betting on fellow hobbyists. I mostly encounter problems where I need to know some trivial stuff like best practices or a proper way to do something that happens to be either not officially documented or some sort of common wisdom that is hard to google for. Or banal "how do I approach this problem" questions. SO tends to be hit or miss with a lot of bad "common knowledge" advice, and I really don't want to go to shitholes like 4kanker g to ask for a trivial question and get swamped with meme language wars shitposts.
Besides, sharing stuff you're working on can be a nice motivational factor, too (because it worked so well with the draw thread, lol).

I am not sure if it's best to make a dedicated thread or use an existing one (I think we had a general software thread somewhere ten pages down). It doesn't have to be strictly about sharing code, we could use it to discuss programming and technology related things too.

What do you guys think?
>>
No. 44207
>>44203
I'd recommend you Western Ukraine, Carpathian regions
>>
No. 44209
>>44205
I'd be interested in programming thread, do it.
>>
No. 44212
>>44200
>>44201
If you can get some skills, you can always consider SE Asia or Latin America. They're still reasonably cheap, at least by first world standards, but they have generally-to-excellently functioning states, good safety except for a few LatAm countries, and decent long-term economic prospects if you're smart enough to learn the local language and develop a valuable skill.

Georgia might be another option. Cheap, friendly, safe, and close by for you.
>>
No. 44213
>>44209
Cool.
If there's more interest, I'll get to work on making a proper OP template with resources and links and other interesting stuff.
>>
No. 44216
For no reason whatsoever, today I found in me a strong desire to learn to play guitar. I have never owned one, and the only instrument I'd ever played was the piano, which I haven't touched in nearly 20 years. I wouldn't even know where to start. I hope it will pass on its own, I don't know if I can justify the expense and facing logistical difficulties of organising lessons for myself.
>>
No. 44217
>>44205
Not really interested. Work is work and Stackexchange exists to let people slack off more. If you are stuck don't ask for advice just use your preferred search engine. If you can't find an answer you don't ask the right questions, try to understand your problem and try again. Most every question a beginner gets stuck on has been answered time and time again and most people who work just don't give a shit since they have to handle stupid on their workplace and if the problem isn't interested they just work on their own project or just don't code on when not working. There are exceptions of course.

As for exercise. Just don't. There is little meaning to it. It is boring and not constructive. What you need to do is figure out a problem you want to solve. Then you need to decide how you want to solve it. "I want it to run on a Raspberry PI." "I want to use many small pieces and have them communicate using RPC." "I want to use language X but not that shitty library that everyone suggests." Once you set the rules you work with them until you realize why it isn't a good idea to do it that way, and then you are a step closer to enlightenment.

Also today, just use Go. It is well documented and there are a lot of smart people who can and have explained things. It isn't so painful to program in it either.
>>
No. 44219
>>44216
> I don't know if I can justify the expense and facing logistical difficulties of organising lessons for myself.

You can save a lot of money buying used gear and there are plenty of online courses that teach you from the ground up in a clear, structured manner. Justinguitar.com is a particularly good one.
>>
No. 44235
433 kB, 545 × 430
I've spent the day trying to stop from panicking and it's only just now occurred to me that I think that my nonstop online aggression might be a maladaptive reflection of this. I'm beginning to suspect I don't just do it for being spastic but because I'm processing on an unconscious level a massive load of anxiety which is just making me always on edge and ready to lash out. Taken to the extreme, I'm beginning to wonder if it at all has anything similar to do with the same mechanism allegedly driving a certain twitter shitposter according to a new book from one of his family members that just came out although I'm not sure that ego or insecurity is the root of it so much but just may be.

I think I need a better way to vent. It's late at night and I still don't feel any better. Maybe I should take some CBD. I feel like at any minute I'm about to become under attack, or having my finances attacked, being legally attacked, or just the weird vague sense that is why I always lock my door. I feel like not giving in totally to that profoundly negative aspect of myself is leaving me wide open to assault because I never firmly established with those around me being a crazy asshole who is totally willing to go after you personally for fucking with me, and the closer I get to being genuinely contented the more it feels like there are problems or avenues of attack surrounding me. I do know that happiness itself makes me a genuinely unhappy person on some level but idk if it's fear of happiness. Idk what it is. Maybe the suspicion things are too good, I'm too safe, too comfortable, too letting my guard down to be truly contented with anything for once.

Even just saying my apologies if I've attacked any of you or been a dick immediately sets me on edge like I'm showing weakness. More and more I start to consider what the life of the typical Russian male truly is like and what is that hell, because I at least expect favelados to be genuinely nice to each other or show comradery. I don't trust anyone and havent experience any body being genuinely nice to me without me being able to be justifiably suspicious of their motives or my standing with them at least somehow.

I don't think I can even say I was ultimately wrong which is the worst part. Or I think that maybe it's just the problem of the total unwillingness to get burned by other people, whereas perhaps normal people expect to be hurt or attacked and don't take it the same way. I cannot even see a future for myself that is truly happy in any scenario nor sure I would even want it, and I seldom even bother to post anything personal because it solely serves no purpose other than opening yet another avenue of attack of at best make me a self absorbed self concerned piece of shit rather than a listener. I am not at this present moment under imminent threat of hospitalization or prison or being fined or attacked or losing my money or my property being destroyed or job or home loss * that I as yet know of* and that terrifies me.
>>
No. 44239
>>44205
I would participate.

t. unix neckbeard and C-programmer
>>
No. 44244
>>44219
Thank you, that website seems like a really good place to learn it. I guess I'll be thinking about this stuff for a few days before it either passes over, or I just dive in.
>>
No. 44264
64 kB, 1023 × 365
This might be a bit out of scope for the today thread, but it might as well go here. Does Ernst have any experience with electronics?

I'm thinking of purchasing some sort of electronics starter kit and start making projects, I feel an urge to do this even though I don't fully understand why. It seems like it would be a fun hobby. I already have a fairly expensive soldering station due to unrelated reasons, and I guess that with a ~100€ investment I could buy enough random supplies to make interesting things. Does anyone here have any experience with this?
>>
No. 44268
>>44264
A bit, but you better train yourself on old dead motherboads and video cards etc. There number of different rules and practice to work with different components. It's great idea that you want to start something like this it's really fun. Double fun to build something like assemble kit simple computer or repair something old and dead.
>>
No. 44286
>>44268
>>44264
Well, I have a bit of experience in electronics, but I'm sadly nowhere near a point where I can repair something dead. Can you help me Russia?

I have a speaker box and an electric piano that just do nothing at all when supplied with the power they need. That should mean one component is kill, but which?
>>
No. 44287
>>44264
There is a larger hacker/maker culture in Portugal than most people think, mostly around Lisbon. If you can get in contact with them I highly recommend doing that for a rocket start into the topic.

https://www.fablabs.io/labs?q%5Bcountry_code_eq%5D=pt

For first projects I can recommend building a mechanical keyboard, because it is a lot of fun and you end up with something that you can use every day and that reminds you of the possibilities to just do something.
Alternatively try to build a small LED cube.

Both projects involve some soldering, reading up on components, researching how other people are doing it as well as a bit of light programming to get started but with the possibility to extend functionality to get cooler results.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jX1GaPgSheI
>>
No. 44295
>>44286
Welp, there can be a lot of reasons why it happening. Bad connection or most commonly dead capacitor from easy ones. Find specifications on your object and poke arond with multimetr. Dead capacitors easy to spot sometimes when they go.. blobby like dead phone battarey cell. Be careful, I don't know about your specific objects you want to repair, there might be components that even when turned off you need to discharge first.
>>
No. 44297
What I learned from going abroad is that learning English beyond A1 level for travel is completely fucking pointless because nobody fucking speaks it beyond the basics they need for their job.
>>
No. 44302
>>44287
Being a legit hacker must really be a guaranteed income for everything but a big enough solar flare or EMP burst. If I ever truly became rich the first three things I'd want on retainer just in case is a highly professional lawyer, a hacker, and a hitman in that order. Maybe not the hitman so much but it's always a thought for just in case you pissed the wrong people off enough. Probably more like PMC members instead.
>>
No. 44309
84 kB, 800 × 600
>>44287
I didn't know we had this, but I plan on flying solo on this one. If I wanted to deal with people, I'd just get a normal hobby :DD
>>
No. 44310
>>44268
I used to work as a computer tech in a hospital back when computer parts were expensive.

We received a defective computer, it wouldn't turn on. I checked the voltage on the power unit and it was ok. The motherboard was fried.

I thought that was it and we needed a replacement. My senior said Nope, today I'll teach you how to revive motherboards.

Then he taught me about capacitors and how to replace the stuffed ones with a new one using a soldering iron
>>
No. 44313
My drawing tablet I ordered a while ago finally arrived. Gonna pick it up tomorrow.
I'm excited, but mildly regretful too. I cheaped out and bought a model that's 20% less expensive, but doesn't have an analog wheel (it's just a sideways scrollwheel bro), which I don't need, and is made by the second most popular chinese graphics tablet manufacturer. On the rest of the money, I bought a stand so I can put the tablet at a slight angle instead of flat on the desk. Might be placebo, but I really dislike the feel of drawing on a horizontal surface.

That's all fine, fine but I found out later than the model I ordered doesn't have very good GNU/Linux driver support. It can probably be configured by fucking with xinput, as I've seen posts detailing that, but I was hoping to avoid the hassle, since a lot of chinese tablets actually have good GNU/Linux support. Not this one, unfortunately. Oh well. I'll figure something out. I'm dual booting right now, so I'll have an opportunity to use it either way.

I was half-hoping the package would get lost and I'd get a refund so I could buy the other model, but what's done is done. Wish I was wealthy enough to afford one of them fuckhuge wacom intuous things, but 10 times price markup to get a used model that's functionally only slightly better and has better build quality is outrageous to me. I guess that's what you gotta pay for premium quality. And proprietary, patented technology.
>>
No. 44321
>>44302
What about self-defense / gun training?
>>
No. 44323
>>44321
What do you mean? Honestly part of the problem is needing a few extra bodies or pairs of eyes, but also has to do with local laws and regulations plus the last part is more a Bezos tier movers and shakers type of thing to have just in case. Like I sleep with a knife under my pillow but I don't actually expect to ever have to use it.

As for guns it's basically just memery. Don't listen to the other Americans. A lot of them probably havent even shot a gun outside a range if they even shot one at all, and are more likely than not a bunch of suburban kids or sometimes rednecks too dumb to notice that they already took our rights away and created a police state right in front of us. Watch any Chinese tier response to protests or just random videos of cops acting like complete psychopaths and you'll start to get the picture. I'll try to remember to post you that really great video from I think it was the Lincoln Project not sure.

But anyways like I've said before a gun is just a tool. It does not make you more manly. It does not stop some punk 24 year old kid in a cop outfit from hassling you and it certainly does not stop the no knock raid by some secret police group busting in your door and murdering your dogs.

What a firearm is is a tool. That's all it is. If you've ever actually grown up around guns you'd understand, and not totally get the fetishization of them. They're powerful and fun and, most importantly, they're useful in very strictly select situations, but really if you're going to go that full route of the Constitution what we should have is PETN labs and MANPADs. But for personal protection yeah a shitty little sidearm is usually a useful enough deterrent to having to use force in the first place provided you're just a civilian against other civies. The point of that is not having to fight to begin with, but that doesn't work if you are a politician or have a net worth in the billions and have to worry about that Mafia family or cultists or group of oligarchs you just royally pissed off or whatever, none of which is pragmatically speaking something I'll likely have to deal with in that way.
>>
No. 44325 Kontra
>>44323
By other Americans I should specify meaning more broadly Americans you can hear squawking on the internet and generally the types of kids and boomers you're likely encountering on 4/8/cabbagechan if you go there. Not all of them but the kind of kids who play a lot of CSGO and think they know guns and if they even have one probably got some kind of cheap meme shit like KelTec or bought into the AR15 marketing bs.

There's just nothing like pulling back on a bolt action honestly. If you're ever going to shoot guns for leisure and you have a choice I'd strongly suggest insist on the bolt action rifle. But just remember self defense is primarily psychological. The point is never pulling a weapon to begin with and a gun is really nothing but a psychological advantage if you're only using it for self defense against thieves or hooligans or whateber.
>>
No. 44332 Kontra
>>44313
Bad news. Apparently, the post office only works until 14:00 on work days due to quarantine, and I woke up late today due to insomnia, so I'll have to wait until monday until I can pick it up.
>>
No. 44341
Shit, i might've gotten corona'd when I was sick, I lost all sense of taste and smell lol.

I noticed that I was hot boxing my cigarettes because I literally couldn't taste the smoke. Can't taste any food at all, sweets don't taste sweet. Took a whiff of the smelliest shampoo I have, nothing. Ebin.
>>
No. 44344
>>44341
This is 100% corona, monitor your body temperature, if it ever gets to 38, call the doctor's office, try not to go outside and if you do, wear a mask.
>>
No. 44345
>>44341
Make sure to get a lot of sun and take a big Vitamin D supplement. Vit D deficiency is the main predictor for otherwise healthy young people getting serious symptoms. The earlier you load up on it, the better.

Even if you don't die, you could get nasty long-term side effects depending on how severe it is. Best to protect against that in any way possible.
>>
No. 44346
Penultimate day of the holiday. Bought a book, bought a souvenir-relief and also went to see the Lykeion of Aristotle and the Temple of Olympian Zeus.
Also went back to the National Archeological Museum to check out the Mask of Agamemnon, since I missed it last time.

The last piece of loot I need is a bottle of the local alcoholic drink, the Ouzo.
I couldn’t drink much of it here because I was literally shitting blood the day after I had a shot, so I’ll wait until my intestines regrnerate a bit.

I’m gonna write up a longer travelogue once I get home.
>>
No. 44347
>>44344
Yeah, I'll be on the lookout for any further problems.
I already barely go outside and wear a mask in public places just because I don't like being confronted about it, but now I have a reason to be extra vigilant.

I don't have much faith in healthcare here, afaik the protocol for mild symptoms is house arrest, and if you get pneumonia, they'll take you away for extensive care of dubious quality. There's even rumors that they simply let old folks pass away due to lack of resources. Hopefully it won't get that far.

It seemed like the govt were on top of things late spring and early summer, but it turned into an absolute shitshow mid summer. Those antiseptic spray things broke down and nobody fixes them, the temperature measuring people stopped bothering and just browse their phones, wearing masks is enforced only symbolically. There's now more rumors that they're suppressing statistics and that real infection rates are alarming. Proud of my people tbh, same old kazakh fatalistic attitude of "if it didn't happen yet, wasn't meant to be, if it happened, was destined to". I have to admit I share the same sentiment, I'm not even worried. Just bummed out about not being able to tell when to take a shower now, since i can't smell my own stink.

>>44345
Thankfully, we have some vitamin D supplements in our fridge, so I won't have to treck to the apothecary and put any more people at risk. My concern is that our whole family is probably infected because we've all been getting flu-like symptoms for a week now. Mom says she's probably the one who carried it in from the grocery store, since she was the first one to get sick. Then my little brother, then me. We're just all mildly sick now, with some runny noses, and me having the worst symptoms of total sensory loss of taste and smell. Either we all have impressively good immune systems, or it really is just the flu. Hoping for the latter.

Thanks for the concern guys.
>>
No. 44349
I want to fuck up a huge bag of paprika flavored potato sips, but I know I wouldn't be able to taste it anyway.
Worst feel ever.
>>
No. 44351
>>44347
Hope you stay well. Are you coughing?

>>43615
So I think that you guys were right. I really might as well just start saving to build myself an entire machine from scratch at this point, which is just as well because I have a now 8 year old computer caked in dust for years which I've been astounded it hasn't actually died yet or had any kind of major hardware failures so far. And that is why you should always get a Dell. I've had HP crap routinely fail after 1-2 years and this machine has lasted me since Obama's first term. It has lasted me since KC was actually good that is how old it is.

So I finally got my RAM today which as it turns out doesn't fucking work. I tried so hard to make sure that it was exactly the same in every respect as what I have except being 8gb instead of 4, same Samsung I thought it was same everything, but it turns out that what I got was PC3L which my original one is PC3. It says PC3L-12800R and 1250 under that and my original is PC3-12800U with 1233 underneath.

In addition to that I've discovered that I do not in fact have a second PCIe slot, which I actually couldve sworn that I had but since I don't getting a second graphics card seems like such a totally irrelevant extravagance and it's pretty much just gotten to the point where I think I should just get a new mainboard and start from scratch, which at that point is like why in the fucking hell should I even consider bothering with such incredibly old parts. You were right all along. I'd have to keep trying to cobble together so much bullshit just to ultimately try and trick out an ancient and probably ready to die obsolete machine. It just doesn't even make any sense at this point especially because I'd already realized that simply starting down this road just getting a new monitor has pretty much instantly exposed a whole cascade to where I'd just need to keep upgrading new parts to deal with the new parts that I upgraded, with for example trying to use CrossFire on dual GPUs even if I had that I'd just immediately hit major bottlenecking from my CPU which for all I know has already gotten bottlenecking from an objectively old 4gb GPU so buying a new GPU would itself probably be a waste.

I'm not quite sure what I should do other than try and sit on whatever kind of money I have and consider whether I have more important things to do like get a 4th pair of pants or new shoes or shelves or something, because if I'm actually going to end up building a PC I might as well actually put the effort in to trick it out at least rather than buying the absolutely cheapest used garbage I possibly can find, and the result of which because it's become clear I can no longer cannibalize any parts at all except maybe my GPU is going to be me spending upwards of a thousand dollars on that. Even just getting a cheap and shitty CPU and buying a less than $150 GPU I already figured out I'm going to be spending close to a grand easily. My power supply is 460 watts or something like that and I'm well aware that out of all my parts it's probably going to be trying to keep using the power supply that is most dangerous.

So I'm stuck here with useless RAM that I'm now going to have to return and beginning to wonder if it's even worth the effort to replace with compatible RAM because while I think I found it I'm still not 100% certain I'm looking at the specs for my motherboard or its capacity for dealing with that much RAM. It all just seems like such an extravagant waste of money when I already have a so far working PC and I can think of the amount of frustration it will be from me also probably having to get a new SSD and HDD and trying to install windows 8.1 on it and trying to get everything to work. Maybe I'll still try returning the RAM and trying to find something that works but that really should be it for now. That really should be the maximum amount of effort, of time and resources that I put into this thing. I'll just turn some of the settings down and/or try running things at 1080p. With the way things are going in this country I might as well hold onto my money while also being torn with by the urge to get everything I possibly can before shit gets worse and I may lose the opportunity to do so later with the mentality of if I don't have it now I may not have it then.
>>
No. 44352
>>44349
Keep an eye on your breathing but also be aware of blood clots. My sibling found out later a doctor got worried about them because young people were getting blood clots causing gangrene, loss of feeling, and most importantly strokes and embolisms. You should be ready to go see a doctor immediately if you notice any symptoms of having a stroke or losing functionality somewhere and not just if you have difficulty breathing.

I tested negative but to this day I don't really know if I had something and the test was inaccurate, but I never developed fever, cough, or loss of taste and smell, just chills, fatigue, difficulty breathing, and headache with my body feeling like it was running a marathon while walking around.
>>
No. 44374
My cat died. I thought I had come to terms with death but it is clearly not the case. I miss her so much.

Lepää rauhassa.
>>
No. 44375
>>44374
My condolences to you.
>>
No. 44376
>>44374
F

Poor little cat. I'm sure he had a great and cozy life.
>>
No. 44377
137 kB, 500 × 375
>>44374
Sad! But you must be strong, because life goes on.
>>
No. 44379
>>44264
I keep rediscovering this guys channel. It is good.

https://www.youtube.com/c/EevblogDave/playlists
>>
No. 44381
about female dealings spoiler

So within the last weeks it became kinda obvious that my coworker has a crush on me. Now yesterday while we worked together, she started talking about it somehow. Asking me if we would have "something" if she wasn't in a relationship and I answered/questioned her "yes, perhaps... what do you mean? It was a bit akward but we both were able to brush that off because she couldn't really answer my question, she just said she i-i don't know, should not think out aloud, it was stupid. Yesterday night on my way home I receive a message from her with an excuse for making me uncomfortable. I said it's ok, might be legitimate ponderings (:DDD dunno what I really wanted to say with that, perhaps that thinking about having it with somebody else is legitimate I guess). Today she sends a message saying phew more or less but dunno what else, anyway I answered her and said she herself maybe was not really knowing what she wanted to say. I then receive another message in which she confesses her attraction to me but how that is irrelevant since she is in a relationship that is "good", but she still wants to know if I'm attracted as well. I told her ofc in a way (I don't lover her madly, but I like her and she is sexually attractive as well), but since she has a bf, I don't make a step further. So now we both know there is mutual attraction. I wonder how next week will be when we will work together, I guess a bit akward. You can hear the pressure coming of her chest, releasing tension, when she admits her attraction (Was that an Erna move?). Should have told her, we shouldn't continue the discussion once I receive the phew message, when I saw the longer message I was pretty sure what to expect and I had to finish the chapter of a book first before listening to the message that will make it akward :D I'm somehow feeling funny for having a woman confessing to me, but at the same time I think it was a bit stupid. We now know what is going on (and we both knew it already I guess, though I'm more subtable) and I'm not sure if that will lower the tension or even make it more pressuring. Why this way, god? I told her before usually people don't talk about it, that is what makes it weird, but she ignores this and just goes on to get it off. It does not change a thing, maybe made it worse. I mean I was aware before her confession that she is attracted and there was tension building up. But we could have kept it that way and if she ever lost her bf we could have started something, which in my case would ideally be an affair atm and I'm not sure if that is what she would want, so... Ach, I had to get that off as well. I think we can work together but now that cloud is swirling above us, that is not how you really release sexual and maybe also love tension. I won't work at the place for long, in any case this completely destroyed it, I hope not so
>>
No. 44383 Kontra
>>44381
also the fact that she writes me in the night and has to talk about it I think shows that these feelings aint so minor as she renders them, it might not be just curious thinking, or is it?
>>
No. 44391
>>44381
>>44383
It's never a good idea to get involved with a woman who's in relationship.
In this particular case, maybe I'd say something different if she were willing to break up with her boyfriend to pursue her happiness with you, but right now it seems like she wants to eat her cake and have it too.
>>
No. 44392
>>44381
Is she autistic?
Wtf is her end game?
What kind of relationship is it she throws into the dumpster like that?
Is she 20 or what and hasn't realized that being attracted to people is a shit way to evaluate your current relationship?!

Anyway, you reacted really well, kudos
>>
No. 44396
I've, seen, things, you people wouldn't believe. I had one person tell me today in response to the mask policy "they're firing up the ovens next." Another person, more hippyish, started lecturing me about how this is a free country not Nazi Germany. I had another person wearing literally a shirt that said something like "American Liberty" start yelling fuck this and fuck that when he was informed he'd have to wear a mask.

See the amazing thing about all this is that a good number of these same people literally defend the cops and defend all kinds of Orwellian bullshit that happens in this country, so when you start ranting at me about "muh freedumbs!" I can't fucking take you people seriously. It is now going to be my delightful job to start kicking people out of the business and refusing service just like if they came in there barefoot and shirtless.

It finally hit me today just the full force of how much I've got to fucking get out of here. I have to find an exit strategy and a way to escape from America within the next 6-9 months tops. Maybe there's some kind of a way for me to skirt the rest of the world's blockades against Americans by hopping between transit countries before setting shore on Europe.

I'm sorry for being depressing guys but you people wouldn't even believe what it looks like here right now. People are still trying to get along with as best a sense of normalcy as possible just like some imbecilic 1989 A.D. Sovok while it's become increasingly clear the writing is on the wall and rather than that wall coming down it is going up and Mexico is building it and Mexico is paying for it to fence us all in here. My Jewey survival instincts are increasingly kicking in pretty hard. I have got to get out of this greasy sugar bread ghetto. I have got to get off this train before it is too late. I have got to find a way to bounce through a few different countries with some savings and see if there is any way at all I can try and skirt the burger quarantines EU ANZAC and increasingly everybody else is dropping down on us so I can try and hide out in yurop somewhere while SHTF here. It is already like Syria. I cannot even see a single American faction that's worth bothering to fight for any longer and every day I more and more am strongly reminded of all my ancestors who had no loyalty for their birth countries and said fuck this and fuck them and I don't even have any opportunities here wo fuck this country I'm going across the pond. They all did that. There's no shame in it despite the moral defect and trashy character and nutcase genes it probably signifies. Oh and freedoms too but let's be honest, this country was never even about freedoms but rather making money primarily and all that stuff about muh freedom secondary to the acquisition and protection of private property, including peoplethe saddest thing that died in me was when I no longer just mentally accepted but emotionally and spiritually accepted what the slave trade and Indian genocide really has to say about the nature and reality of this country.

I'm going to be dealing with this shit all week, and all month, and all summer long. No, you're not making some grand defiance against tyranny by not wearing a mask, you're just being a selfish fucking asshole. It is like I said in that post about gaming and Capitalism/Socialism. It's basically gotten to the point where "freedom" only means being as big of a petty tyrant and self centered prick as you possibly can and otherwise being the absolute antithesis of "I am a real American/fight for the rights of every man." I can no longer believe in this country or its people--not just its debased, corrupt, and sickly institutions and system--and one of the biggest things that I have noticed these past few years which the stress test of a pandemic and recession has showed is that fucking no one is in it for anyone but themselves here anymore. I don't mean anything so fuckjng stupid as race or multiculturalism or whatever people bitch about btw, that much needs to be stated that even the most ardent "white nat" clearly does not give two fucks about any body but himself either including his supposed comrades. It's all a sick joke. I often imagine it is what it feels like to be Russian in the last days, to hear all this stuff about comrades and proletarian struggle and everyone just looks around at each other and realizes nobody has believed in it in years, if they ever even believed it at all.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YdXlMBpjaLk
I normally fucking hate that guy but he nailed something essential about the Nurgle cultists and what happens when one chaos candidate is allowed to start subverting everyone to heresy. His main problem is not addressing the sheer thoroughness of the rot in the other party.

The country is geriatric. Trump is in his late 70s. The leaders of the House and Senate are both like 80 and 79 or something. Almost all the other big politicians are all old people in their 70s and 80s. It's a gerontocracy and the geriatrics running the show are fucking incompetent.

A pandemic is many things, and a golden opportunity for the survivors is one of them, but it is equally a chance for the destruction of your society. This is part of why both Rome and Byzantium got fucked along with many others, but in truth all a pandemic does is brutally and pitilessly rip open the old wounds to show the thoroughness of the rotting infection that was already there. A healthy and strong society can easily come together and pull through in one piece; in fact the 1917 flu was worse than this so far. But if it is already heading straight into a brick wall? Then that pandemic is all you need as the little push to finally go over the edge.
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No. 44397
It's interesting how the act of consuming food can be in a way pleasurable even if you can't taste anything at all. Somehow I still sense fattiness and saltiness, + the texture of the food, and the feeling of being sated. It's greatly diminished though, and I really hope my taste comes back soon so I can enjoy some tea again.

>>44351
Thanks. Not coughing, just runny nose.

>>44352
So far I only have fatigue, runny nose, and loss of taste and smell. Hopefully it'll fade away without incident.
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No. 44398
>>44397
This would be my worst nightmare. I love food and taste so much.
>>
No. 44399
>>44397
Do you guys actually have any testing capacity there? The taste and smell thing is so specific that it makes me wonder if you haven't gotten it. It's a tough thing to say but to be rather direct, I'm pretty sure that now's a good time to at least try and make your peace with certain people. I know you resent him and you have every right to, but I know full well how much it would've weighed on me regarding my own strained relationship with my parents if I just left things off like that. At least try and get some kind of sense of closure with them or at least make peace within yourself about how things are. Maybe you've not actually gotten it, but then again maybe you have and it will turn out to be nothing for everybody, but just how much do you think an aged chronic alcoholic and whatever else can stand the Wuhan virus? I'm not trying to be a downer. I'm just really blunt and pragmatic about things, if not sometimes borderline fatalistic but I still recognize one's own agency and the things you have to prepare for. I ended up walking away from one of my parents in early February not even saying I love you too back to them because of how much I fucking hated this person at that point but I still ended up having to text it back later on. They're incredibly, deeply, horribly flawed people and I can recognize that. I don't need to accept it into my own life anymore Allah willing, but I'm also trying not to be so incredibly petty that my last interaction with them before they go into the ICU then a coma then the crematoria is my still being bitchy and resentful regardless of how justified it may seem or be at the time.
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No. 44406
>>44391
I think right now she is a bit confused. I mean when I was in a relationship I got to know one and we both liked each other I guess, but never have I been so far to tell her that. I was satisfied with what I had back then.
That is what surprises me, in the message it was really like "ok wtf am I doing here, ok I don't know how to say it, ok what the heck I will just tell you what I want to tell you [...]" So somehow quite emotional. Why not keep it to yourself when you have a bf? Am I that destabilizing? Having thoughts is one thing, it's ok to have such thoughts, but tell them in order to find out how I think about it, how curious do you have to be and why? Funfact: she said she would have never been able to say it to my face but technology makes it possible to let that barrier evaporate.


>>44392
I don't think she will easily throw it away, less so as we have talked about sex and relationships before and I made pretty clear that a relationship is not what I'm looking for specifically, atm I'm open for anything.
So right now it looks like her head and heart notibly turned upside down, what to make and think of it, dunno, that is why I write here. I just hope she is aware that getting with me does not equal safely ending in another relationship, pretty sure she knows that, she is not dumb. Dunno if I wrote it above but I told her it is more her problem than mine. And she said yes and sorry to drag me into it. Not sure if she was seeking "help" or whatever. I mean the situation cleared up in a way but was left cloudy in another
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No. 44412
>>44406
It sort of looks like she is really unhappy with her relationship. It could be pretty important to ask her about that sincerely.
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No. 44416 Kontra
>>44412
I really don't think so, I listened again. So far and as I understand her: She was thinking about getting involved with somebody else (a thought that is not so uncommon but it remains a thought most times), sie hat "halt drüber nachgedacht" (which I think is not really a good reason to say it out loud, this cannot be the first time in 4 years of relationship), she tells me she feels enarmored to me, she is curious if that is the case for me as well, she says it's stupid for wanting to know that, because for me it's a compliment and for her a confirmation but all that is irrelevant anyway because she is in a relationship. She then says that I'm clever enough (this is how I understand it she, hem and haws here) to know that what she said on friday implies all "that" (namely that she thinks I'm beautiful and that she feels drawn to me) anway, so she can just tell me it regardless. The rest is about how she tops her weirdness with this message and that she should shame herself for actually sending such a message but she wantend to be honest (which is funny, because I never asked her to be honest about anything, she uses a wrong category here I think. I sensed the whole thing but I did not want to hear it, it sometimes felt like my gf is looking at me, that lovers smile you know, oh dog)
I'm really not sure if she is doing an understatement or telling how it is. She once was angry about her bf and told me she could find somebody else, being fed up. But things are easy said when angry in a relationship.
Can't see how it will be normal when we see again, that topic is like a fucking elephant between us now I guess, before it was an invisible elephant at least you could smell. Told her we should not talk about it further, she was already typing again but stoppped and said ok. But I guess we could still talk about it, but for what?
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No. 44419
6 kB, 211 × 239
>>44416
Yeah IDK. This is shitty. I hem and haw as well at her stupidity :--D

I think the only rational way to deal with that situation is to assume a stance of coworker/mentor paired with "gone-through-some-shit-together" friendship, but with an everlasting varnish of "You are such an idiot, you fucked up, haha" from you to her.

This is the only remotely acceptable crazy thought I could come up with - it involves not taking the whole thing to serious (i.e. not at all), but still acknowlidging her as a person, as well as her courage to come to you for support, as well as the fact that you reject the attraction entirely (because of her relationship).

This should be stable and morally coherent.

Until of course she gets crushed because she actually has deeper issues with her bf but then that's her fault alone and she shall make dealings's with it herself since she didn't tell you.
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No. 44420 Kontra
>>44419
> as well as the fact that you reject the attraction entirely

I haven't done that and I did not reject her. I'm starved in that regard and if she loses her mind over me so be it. But I won't try to actively seduce her. I laugh in her presence enough already to keep a bit of distance when she thinks aloud. She told me of her "kinks" and dog it sounds good. Well, I know I will have to grin, when I will see her. Just hope we can have the talks we had before even though we now know there is mutual attraction. She wants both perhaps, knows that this is nearly impossible and struggles even though her relationship is good. I don't really think this is so minor. Because if it would, she a) wouldn't act like she acted in the last two weeks, getting close, glances etc and b) there would be no fucking need to talk about it, I mean there must have been so much tension and pressure that she wanted to release it. If you just thought about something and be curious, you might keep that to yourself nonetheless.
I don't want to lead her on and ruin a relationship that is working, on the other hand I like her that much that I would sleep and cuddle with her. Albeit I would want to keep it not as tight as a relationship, because I think I don't like her that much. But given that I write lengthy posts on this, I can see that there is some involvement about her on my side as well.
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No. 44421
2,2 MB, 4032 × 3024
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I've returned from the heroic land of Hellas.
Probably one of the best holidays I ever had.

Saw tons of monuments and art and I filled an entire booklet with notes and impressions to boot while also taking so many photos that put Asian tourists to shame.

The weather was really good in Athens. Got a slight tan, but nothing more, because I covered myself with a towel on the beach.
I'm really prone to getting sunburns.

I loved the Acropolis. It's monumental, it's relatively well preserved, and the scorching sun only adds to the experience. Makes it feel almost transcendental. You're here, but also there in time as you look at this gigantic temple that survived 2000 years.

There's a lot of stuff.
The best were the Acropolis and the Acropolis Museum, the Temple of Hephaistos and the Ancient Agora of Athens, and the Byzantine and Christian Museum and of course the National Archaeological Museum.

Really, if time is limited, I'd have just visited the Acropolis+museum, the Ancient Agora and the Archaeological Museum.
The Acropolis is in the spotlight because of how central it is, but the Agora is very quiet and is more like a park with a few ruins and a museum inside. (The Agora's museum is very small and isn't worthwhile after seeing the National Archaeologic Museum)

There were really few tourists everywhere because of Covid, so I got to take my sweet time everywhere while I took notes and photographed. (The lack of visitors because of the virus was probably one of the big reasons why I enjoyed this trip so much.)
Wearing a mask was compulsory on public transport and in enclosed museums.
Most people observed it.

The Greeks themselves are very friendly. It's as if the ancient value of xenia survived to this day. You buy two pieces of ekmek and they give you a third. They give you free watermelon after having lunch. (Funnily enough, in Hungarian watermelon is called "Görögdinnye", which means "Greek Melon".Ö
They smile, and leave the shop unattended while they show you the bus stop.
Really, compared to Italy, nobody tries to rip you off at all. Not to mention that the number of Indians and Negroes selling bracelets and roses seems to be quite low, though I wonder how these fucking third worlders all come up with these concepts of ripping you off like this. It's as if there was a higher authority that directs them or something.

Contrary to people working in tourism in Italy, they speak English. Not "good" English, but they understand it and can communicate the necessary information.
Though when I went to a bookstore, I achieved more by saying Odüsse-eeyah instead of Odyssey, but that's just me being an assburger weirdo who cares about the titles of literary works in foreign languages.
Also looked at what the street vendors had on offer in terms of books, but I haven't found anything good/relevant to my interests in their selections.

Another nice gesture is that if you're under 25 and have an ID card from an EU country, you go to all state-museums free of charge and there are no limit as to how long you stay or how many times you can visit a given museum with an ID.
Like for example I went to the Archaeological Museum twice, because I missed the Mask of Agamemnon the first time.

The beaches near Athens aren't very good, but they aren't terrible either. It's just that I wouldn't have wasted time going to the beach personally. There are many places with beaches. There's only one place with THE Acropolis.
But the see is actually kinda purplish in the distance if you look at it, so it's almost like in muh Greek epics. Haven't had the chance to see if dawn is rose-fingered.

One complaint of mine is that Athens is to put it simply at times is very dirty. There's trash everywhere and you can see hobos injecting heroin or inhaling meth, which probably explains why Budapest hobos look better despite having to suffer through winters. Those bastards only drink cheap, flavoured ethanol.

It's a cool country with cool heritage and cool people.

The loot I returned home with it as follows:
>The Anabasis in two volumes in Ancient Greek
>The Complete Works of Sophocles in Ancient Greek
>An A/4(?) sized replica of the Mourning Athena Relief
>A bottle of Ouzo and Metaxa
Having a decorative item of Pallas Athena was one of my long-time wishes. She's my favourite God from the Greek myths.
This relief I saw in person at the Acropolis Museum, so having a replica of it makes it feel all the more personal.
Plus it was only 8 Merkelshekels, which is remarkably cheap for a tourist knick-knack of this size. Now I just have to find a place to hang it.
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No. 44422
>>44421
It's interesting that greeks are friendly yet riddled with EU austerity dictatorship, which might explain the openly drug consuming bums. I'm not surprised it's dirty though. Rome is dirty as well and I like that! You only really get that in southern cities is my impression. I think high temperatures enhance this experience.
The Covid situation really is a plus for tourist hotspots, though pictures from Venice looked less promising.
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No. 44427
50 kB, 400 × 332
I drank from a public water fountain today, so if I get sick everyone will know the cause :D. That may not have been smart, but I was overheating after a run and really needed to cool down. I was kind of surprised to find that fountain actually worked. I recall seeing it covered over with yellow caution tape earlier in the pandemic.

>>44397
I'm happy to see that you haven't been hit too hard. Being sick always sucks, but there are varying degrees of sucking. Get well soon.

>>44421
I always imagined Greece to be a friendly place, it's nice to have some anecdotal evidence to support this. Great loot.

>>44422
As an American, I've been raised to expect dirty cities. In fact, if I ever saw a city that wasn't coated with grime, I would think I had wandered into Canada :D.
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No. 44474
>>44421
This is so cool, thanks for writing it, you made me want to go to Athens.

Which of the greek classics have you read before going on the trip, btw? You seem to have had some background knowledge, especially so if you have a favourite goddess.
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No. 44478
>>44474
>Which of the greek classics have you read before going on the trip, btw?
Just before the trip I've read the Odyssey and selections from our equivalent of Edith Hamilton's Mythology.
But I've also read Antigone, Oedipus Rex and Philoktetes by Sophocles and some tales by Aisopos and excerpts from Herodotos' Histories relatively recently I think, in preparation for the exams.

I liked Athena ever since we learned about the Greek pantheon of gods in 5th grade.
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No. 44486
I think I have just rectified one of my last internal contradictions with Christianity mere moments ago. If you have a gun and it is to defend your family, it is okay; if you are a woman and you live alone, it is plausibly okay, because you are weak and vulnerable (though this can be disputed as just cause); if you are a man and you live alone, it is definitely not okay, and a signifier for your love of this world and enmity with God, and lack of trust and faith with God, and unwillingness in all ways, and that you will not lose your life to find it, and save your life only to lose it.
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No. 44524
It feels good to be home. (Though the weather could be warmer.)
Breakfast at the hotel was gulag-tier, so I'm enjoying being able to use a toaster again. Mum also made pancakes.

The holiday was eye-opening in many senses. One was that I'm largely incompatible on the long-run with my family personality-wise.
I'm a bit of a stubborn, neurotic prick I suppose. The problem is that my father is a stubborn prick too, which wouldn't be a problem if our views weren't always on the opposite side when it comes to world affairs, politics, current events, the arts, conspiracies, foreign cultures, people and technology.
He's also slowly becoming a facebook-boomer, and I'm worried about him. (He has a legit phone addiction.)
We've had quite a few nasty arguments during the trip. My mother said I shouldn't worry about it, we should just get over the hurdle and keep talking more.
The thing is, he spent most of his time away from the house because of work, so we never really talked much or did anything together. When he was home, he was this unapproachable figure to me who secretly dislikes my interests and my entire being for some reason, but that was just an illusion, or at least my mother told me when I asked her.

Picked up my package. I ordered these books two weeks ago, I just couldn't pick them up because I was away on holiday in Greece.
Most of it is literature on Greece and Homer.
>Gábor Devecseri - Guide to Homer
Seems to be a really worthwhile volume, since the guy translated every single line Homer ever "wrote" into Hungarian. If anybody is entitled to write a guide, it's him.
>Everyday life in Ancient Greece: A collection of primary sources
Found this book while looking at the list of required reading to take the Ancient Greek exam for a certificate.
It's amazing how many interesting books you can find using bibliographies and reference-lists.
>Zsigmond Ritoók - Homer in Hungary
I read a recension of this in a Christian literary journal and seemed interesting, especially how it documents the history of Homer in the education system and also lists all the translations of Homer, an assburger thing I'm quite interested in.
>Thomas Szlezák - Homer, or the Birth of Western Poetry (Homer, oder die Geburt der abendländischen Dichtung)
Apparently it's just a straight up good book on the topic. Got it at the recommendation of my ex-history teacher.
>Georges Bernanos - The Diary of a Country Priest
I was surprised to find a Hungarian edition of this. Apparently it was published twice. Once in the 1930s, and once in 2009, by the Saint Stephen Society (The publishing house of the Hungarian Catholic Church) strangely enough. I loved the movie, and I expect nothing less from the book.
>Peter Handke - The Angst of the Goalkeeper before Penalty
Handke seemed like an interesting character based on that one essay I read on him. Was every post-WW2 Austrian writer a colossal weirdo who shunned everyone and acted out?
>Gottfried Keller - Green Henry
Saw it constantly referenced in other texts.

I'm trying to reshuffle the shelves again to create a section dedicated to classics, but I'm conflicted about removing Homer from the epics section. It's like tearing out the soul of a whole shelf.
But I'm sure I'll figure out something.
Also haven't found a place yet for the Athena-relief. Never thought putting a nail in a wall would be such a big decision.

Mum bought ground beef, so I'm making burgers tomorrow. Glory to burgers.
Also, it's apparently ~10 days until they publish this year's uni-point requirements. (Though official acceptance results will be sent out by August 5.)
I'm excited.

>>44422
>>44427
I wasn't too surprised about the trash because I was warned that it's like that. What caught me off guard was when a waitress said that "I like Budapest very much. Very clean city!", and I just don't associate "cleanliness" with Budapest, that I associate with Vienna.
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No. 44558
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God this place is such a complete shitshow. It's pretty fucking hilarious actually they've now got those announcer voices in all the stores going "no shirt, no shoes, no mask, no service." I mean, I can kinda sympathize with all the people going full fucking retard at this point because at least they and I share our similar pants on head retarded sounding to foreigners burger sentiments to screech about Big Brother and the NWO (I mean we do live in as dystopian a society as USA afterall) but out of all the hills to die on they chose the stupidest fucking one possible. I think it's just that they're all radically unthinking and ignorant emotional beings who have no idea wtf to do and so now they're all blindly reacting to the dystopian atmosphere around here.

I personally am still treating people with kids gloves and even though I'm able to be a patient man I've also gotten fed up and now we have state law backing us up throughout multiple different states. Most states? Some places are going through health codes, some places are fining the individual violator and/or business and God knows if there is one thing to change Americans' behavior it is telling them it will cost them money. I know some people are just spacey and forgetful especially if it's the morning but as our DM said "they had three months to get used to it." The time of treating anybody with kids gloves is pretty much over. Cover your face, or you're not getting sold shit, you're not getting any services. If things keep up it's not going to be long before all the dissenters from the realm of stupidity just get booted out of the store and more likely than not the overwhelming majority of the public who's tired of the crap will be the ones forcibly removing Nurglites from premises.

Meanwhile my UI claim somehow just got kicked out of the system. I am a bit confused because I thought we had business come back but apparently everybody's hours are way down as are company profits. I'm not sure why tbh. We had related businesses mostly come back but I guess a lot of people are hemmhoraging money left and right and already there's been talk of lots of businesses shutting down for good.

The aftershocks of this even if we got shit under control by October are going to be enormous--and I do say October because there's not a fat chance in fucking hell that anything's going to be fixed here long before then, with more likely than not it getting way worse. This really is the second great depression that we're heading straight into and idk how long it's gonna be before the next bubble pops somewhere, including that whole ponzi scheme of the housing market, the big lenders and banking cartels, or all that useless debt that Trump and Mnuchin et al have been desperately throwing at the stock market in a gasping bid just to keep it from imploding in on itself for the next several months. I have no doubt that whoever is president in 2021 is going to inherit a mess so many times worse than everything that we just went through and at this point I'd even rate odds are pretty good that we're about to take a hell of a lot of the Western world down with us, sadly.

Pretty much the only thing that's actually keeping it from being such complete and total shit here is because of that huge bailout package which impact real Americans for once not just bloodsucking corporations and their sociopathic CEOs, which while a ton of that was ultimately nothing but a more indirect huge bailout for all the landlords and other property owners because we all spent that money on rent, at the same time there's been enough left over that it's generated the hugest stimulus to economic activity since FDR and has made me a real believer in that kind of policy, even with the couple trillion that's going to disappear the same way a trillion disappeared from the Pentagon's budget the last time we had a retard doing stupid shit leaving the country in ruins. I am convinced that this package saved the economy (at least temporarily) and likely saved America at least temporarily in a way nothing else could have. Had they not passed that CARE Act I have no doubt whatsoever there would be chaos, there would be gunfire, there would be mass riots and violence in the streets, there would be millions ending up in open rebellion. 30 million unemployed people getting kicked out of their homes is a fantastic way to end your country overnight and invite every tinpot foreign power to meddle in your affairs while it does.

But meanwhile I have no clue what's going on with my UI (unemployment insurance, burger gibes) or why my claim disappeared and even whether it's going to be fixed at all. This would not be so unfortunate were it not for the fact that with how little hours I and apparently most everyone else is getting there meaning I'm eventually going to start running out money and that could happen after the eviction moratorium has expired.

I suppose worst case scenario I either live in the backwoods with a relative, get ready to pick a side in some happenings herefat chance they all suck or maybe abandon all my worldly possessions and travel the country maximally exploiting the socio-economic situation to my advantage is starting some new religious movement as a wandering preacher. Or, you know, they could fix the unemployment office and get a handle on the plague like everyone not-India/Russia/America/Brazil has already done and maybe cut us one last $1200 checkthe big irony here being that if they cut that check and I got my unemployment fixed the reason why this is amazing is because I'd officially be joining the ranks of millions of poor Americans becoming first time investors; yes I would dump a little money in the stock market first time in my life even knowing what grimdark outlook we may have because I might as well hedge my bets against everything turning out surprisingly pleasant too

On the plus side, I didn't actually get shit from anybody today about the mask thing, nor had I the privilege of getting lectured by multiple people about how they're going to push us all into ovens and this is not Nazi Germany because they got asked to put on a mask.
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No. 44561 Kontra
>>44558
~That was an incomplete thought I got sidetracked. Meaning I thought roughly around now I'd probably be getting off unemployment but our hours and profits are still way down and they use some kind of a metric to decide the total billable hours for staff, which means that if I did get totally booted out of the UI system and am getting stuck with just my job income then I may not be in a good position coming very soon because I still only have under 20 hours for next week. While normally I don't mind it it's making me nervous.

Hopefully this is just them fixing something and I'm not getting totally lost in the cracks and it's not been enough time yet for whatever they were doing to fix my claim is not yet done, but still. I have no idea at this point whether I'm even going to be cracking 30 hours by the fall when business slows down a lot more, which on top of that I scoff at this whole "the economy is doing great! jobs are great!" nonsense because we already had folding businesses everywhere before this shit hit the fan and I'm not in a totally depressed area. If I have to struggle against everybody from not just those places but also the new businesses folding within the next several months it's going to get messy around here.

Also meanwhile I keep noticing problems with things I've ordered online from multiple places. I have to return something else from Walmart and the third party company never contacted me, and yet another non-mart affiliated company seems to have shipped me a second copy of the same order which come to think of it they couldn't have doublecharged me because I wrote a personal checkI only try to do checks when I am at all able because electronics are for the Satanic agents of the NSA and FBI to track us all and enslave us to a cashless societyI'm sadly only half joking about thatwhich is another reason why I have a problem with the forces of Nurgle lecturing me don't fucking bitch about Nazi Germany because of having to wear a mask and turn right around and use Apple fucking pay and process all your transactions electronically then get in your BlueLivesMatter bumperstickered pickup truck

Honestly all in all it reminds me starkly of what I told my coworker last fall about how I thought this is what it must have felt like to be Russian in the 1980s and that was well before the crisis. Everything is just screeching to a halt and whatever still works here is creaking like a madman. It feels like our numerous layers of systems are all continuing to start breaking down across the board and one of the only still semi-functional entities is the Post Office, which of course the swamp wants to fuck up, privatize, defund, and ruin like every other nice thing we have.
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No. 44572
2,2 MB, 2517 × 3603
Yesterday I started teaching my mother English which made me realise that I probably know a lot more about how the language works grammatically than I initially thought.
It's also worth nothing that probably every "teach yourself [language] from the ground up!" book is a colossal scam and explanations are more than useful if you don't want to fuck up.

Today I went to pick up my German-certificate.

On the way I encountered a street-cart selling books. The first one since the start of the pandemic.
I found no worthwhile books. It's as if the 'rona ruined this too.

Made burgers for lunch after coming home.
>>
No. 44578
>>44524
>My mother said I shouldn't worry about it, we should just get over the hurdle and keep talking more.
She is probably telling your father something similar, so just know that if you make the effort to talk, he'll likely do the same.

>>44561
>Hopefully this is just them fixing something and I'm not getting totally lost in the cracks
Make sure you stay on top of the UI claim. This is for the weeks you claimed after-the-fact, like a month or so ago, right? One thing I learned growing up, as I watched my mother jump through government hoops, is that the first answer from any social services agency is no- but that doesn't mean you're not entitled to whatever it is. It just means they hope you'll quietly go away. But when you've done your homework, and know what you're owed, never go away quietly.
>>
No. 44579
>>44524
>I'm a bit of a stubborn, neurotic prick I suppose. The problem is that my father is a stubborn prick too, which wouldn't be a problem if our views weren't always on the opposite side when it comes to world affairs, politics, current events, the arts, conspiracies, foreign cultures, people and technology.
>We've had quite a few nasty arguments during the trip. My mother said I shouldn't worry about it, we should just get over the hurdle and keep talking more.
>The thing is, he spent most of his time away from the house because of work, so we never really talked much or did anything together. When he was home, he was this unapproachable figure to me who secretly dislikes my interests and my entire being for some reason, but that was just an illusion, or at least my mother told me when I asked her.
This eerily mirrors my own relationship with my father, and his declining trajectory over the last ~10 years.
Distance really is the best solution. Intractable differences and conflicting personalities start a hellish negative feedback loop if you're stuck in the same house together, but the loop gets cut as soon as you move out, and reduce interaction to the periodical and voluntary.

>He's also slowly becoming a facebook-boomer, and I'm worried about him. (He has a legit phone addiction.)
Unfortunately, this seems to be an inevitable transformation for the socially isolated boomer. Once they discover the comfort of the great echo chamber, they're trapped. Slowly, it will drain away all nuanced thought and peace of mind, and your loved one will be replaced with a hollow shell of their former self.
Now, my dad is also a literal cripple, so he has no choice but to sit in front of a computer all day. But there might be some hope for yours, if you can get him into some sort of hobby that gets him out of the house and into the real world.

On a related note, here is an excellent short story about the nigh-literal hellish nature of the internet:
https://emergencemagazine.org/story/the-basilisk/

We really do need to ban it.
>>
No. 44584
>>44397
How are you holding up, man?
>>
No. 44590
>>44584
Taste and smell are coming back, although not as sharp as before. Other than that, feeling okay.
Read an article somewhere that said loss of taste and smell are correlated with high recovery rate from covid, so that's nice I suppose. From talking with aunts and uncles, they also had similar symptoms.

Starting to feel like the quarantine measures have failed and everyone's getting corona'd at this point.
>>
No. 44593
>>44374
My condolences. I've killed a cat in a road accident two weeks ago. Damn, it was so hard for me, I cried like a little bitch. Couldn't hide my tears in the veterinary clinic where I took poor cat right after the accident.
>>
No. 44595
Oh ffs
https://www.upi.com/Top_News/US/2020/07/16/Officials-Massive-unemployment-scam-uncovered-in-Maryland/8281594884630/?ur3=1
I am wondering if this is part of why my claim got fucked up but I'm pretty sure (I think?) I'm not part of some identity theftI really don't like the phrasing "I'm not a victim of" it just bothers me. So more than likely my claim is still going to be fucked up all week from what I can gather although idk if it has anything to do with somebody trying to steal my identity to file a claim, or if they're just going through everybody's claims, or what.

I am also getting increasingly nervous about the spiking cases all around the country and while my district was fine for awhile we're now seeing increases as of this week and the last week or two, which as we all know whatever we're seeing right now is like looking two weeks into the past. I'm trying to not be nervous about work, either being there, or not having enough hours. It feels like a lose/lose situation.
>>
No. 44602
2,6 MB, 2:07
Yesterday night I couldn't sleep, so I took four pills of valerian-root.
The wonderful thing about herbal remedies, is that sometimes they achieve the opposite effect they're supposed to.

So thanks to the valerian, I had the most hellish night of my life, when I woke up every one and a half hour to some sort of nightmare. (Mostly relating to ghosts, but there was also a talking axe made out of black iron.)

Work went well enough despite me almost falling asleep a few times. Two days' wages are more than enough for a Loeb-odyssey.
Honestly, if you tweaked the set-pieces a bit, my life could be almost like a Classical Chinese novel. Just passed the first level of the imperial exams, which is worth jack, and I'm doing bureaucratic busywork.

I'm feeling strangely nostalgic. Don't know what for, I just associate this feeling of uneasiness in my stomach with nostalgia for things that'll not happen again. I don't want to go to bed, despite being tired.
I want to experience those magical nights of working when I did my translation. During those brief hours, I was the best me I could ever be, with that yellow light, golden-brown tea and tipsy-music.
(This piece comes to mind again and again. And the entire Tatami Galaxy soundtrack.)

>>44579
>>44578
Thankfully tensions only flare up when we're together for longer periods of time, otherwise we just exchange the bare minimum of dialogue necessary every day and be done with it. (How was your day? Fine. Yours? Fine.)

He spends most of the day and almost all of the year on the move, going on business trips and such. (To quote Homer, Many were they whose cities he saw, whose minds he learned of)
But when he's home, he's always on his damn phone, playing one of the three variations of candy-crush he has or looking at his feed.

I think his "research" through Facebook is just a result of a strange inferiority complex. He used to be a tradesman before starting his own company. Since he went to trade school, he never got a high school degree (matura) like the one I have. (Back then it was an either-or system. Today you have a chance to get both in 5 years.)
Whenever the topic of education comes up, he awkwardly tries to joke about being fine with not having this piece of paper, but I can sense that it pains him deeply for whatever reason (and his lack pains him more than my achievement of it prides him I think). (He also pulled the booksmarts-streetsmarts argument on me once.)

>>44590
That's good to hear, considering other people write hysterical posts about still having 'rona symptoms after two months.
>>
No. 44604
I'm in the train now.
Cramped but kinda comfy. Traveling at night so won't be able to see the sights unfortunately. Getting lulled into sleep by the shaking while listening to sleep's Jerusalem. Feels good man.
Soon I'll be outside the connectivity zone.
>>
No. 44613
31 kB, 634 × 416
>>44593
That was kind of you to take the cat to the animal hospital. Most people would have left.
>>
No. 44618
>>44604
Welp, insomnia strikes again. Spent almost 10 hours starting out the window into the steppe instead.

Already arrived and took a swim. Decided not to do that gay swimming in a t-shirt thing this time. Flaunting my horrid formless body for all to see. Not like anyone cares.

Man, the average person is pretty ugly. Maybe all those anatomy reference photos warped my model of reality.
>>
No. 44621
>>44618
Noice. Have you experienced the magical healing from the waters yet :-DDD
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No. 44622
705 kB, 1024 × 1600
277 kB, 1035 × 1600
>>44618
>Man, the average person is pretty ugly. Maybe all those anatomy reference photos warped my model of reality.
Yeah, it's like how those Hyper Angle pose books make it seem like people move in exciting and dynamic ways, but then you go outside and everyone is just so...upright, and squared :D.
>>
No. 44626
Yesterday I bought krapfen on the way home so that I wouldn't have to a bakery on the way to work. They were inedible. Supermarket bakeries should be abolished.
Work was uneventful. I got paid and then I went home. Stopped by the store to pick up a pair of masks and some ice cream for my sister.

Walking out of the store, I saw one of these package-boxes where you can pick up packages. Never used one because it's just expensive enough that it's not worth it.
The thing that caught my attention was an ad on one of the doors. It was for The Last of US II (Oxymoronic title btw.), but it wasn't the game that mattered.
A lot of ads today don't include the price tag. Strangely enough this one did.
20 thousand forints for a bideo gaem. That's fuckload of money. Like 60 euros for an 8-10 hour long game.
Didn't knew video games costed this much. (Who the fuck buys this shit?)

Really puts things into perspective. Maybe spending 80 euros on a book isn't "weird" after all.
I don't give a shit, I'm going to buy that German edition of Kazanztakis' Odyssey and I'm gonna read it, even if it means I have to rape a dictionary in the process.

Read the chapter on the history of Hungarian Homer translations. It was disappointing. Only a measly 15 pages of non-info and it didn't even have a listing of every translation with an evaluation of sorts.
(It did have an interesting quote by Babits though, but that quote carried no new information for me.)

I'm going to work for roughly 2-3 more days, which is good. I can save some of the money after buying everything under the sun that I even thought I could want.
>>
No. 44628
197 kB, 362 × 362
I have 2 weeks off from work since today.
The moment i came home i realised i forgot something at work so i can go back tomorrow and sneak in when no ones there to do 30min of work in my holiday.
>>
No. 44635
>>44602
From what I have heard, if you are healthy and young, rona is more likely to feel like a particularly unpleasant flu. If you do get it in your lungs, though, you are fucked. Glad I'm in the former category, even though I complain about my immune system a lot.

>>44621
Regarding last time I was here as a teenager, mom swears it cured my back acne. It does coincide, not sure about causality though. The water is quite salty, maybe that had an effect. Killing off bacteria and all that. Maybe it'll cure my dandruff this time, I heard it's caused by a fungus that feeds on scalp grease :-DDD
The salty water adds quite a lot to buoancy, too. I can't keep myself underwater at all. The protruding fat bits floating upwards is quite an interesting phenomenon as well :-Dd

>>44622
Tbh out of shape people with hanging bits are interesting to draw. Wish I had a sketch book at hand, but couldn't get one in time since we had to hurry. Train schedule got cut due to quarantine and we got some of the last few tickets a day before.
_____

I know this is supposed to be a fun and refreshing vacation for me, but I can't help it, I need to bitch and moan. Last year or so I wrote a schizo ramble about how it's pointless to try and escape elsewhere for me because no matter where I am, I will always be "here". No matter where I am, the answer to "where am I?" Is always "here". Meaning, I can't escape from myself. Well, I am reminded of that again.
The insomnia is killing me.
I had a longer post written out, but you guys don't need to hear any of that. I'm upset over having insomnia, is all.

Imagine a sunrise over a sea. Too lazy to take a pic.
>>
No. 44636
Nothing like a dip into a cold morning sea to clear your mind.

You know, they started putting all these bottles of antiseptic dispensers in every public space due to rona. Those are 80% ethanol right, I could get drunk for free :-D
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No. 44637
>>44626
>Oxymoronic title btw
How? Multiple people can consitute the last of something, say there are 5 people on a bus. They're the last people on the bus. If it's about the fact it's got the Last and II in the name, it still makes sense because the situation remains pretty similar to the first one, so whatever it meant for the first, remains true of the second.

Tbh, $60 for a 10 hour game is a pretty average fare for entertainment, only really frowned at because games tend to have a nuts amount of value for money, and not just an average one. If you go see 10 hours worth of movies here, you'd spend about $80 at a cheap cinema, and up to double that at a nicer one.

>>44636
Isn't it like jelly though? It'd be hard to drink, even if you could get past the taste :-D
>>
No. 44638
>>44637
Here is varies place by place, but mostly a clear liquid. Smells like ethanol, tastes like ethanol, must be ethanol.
Unless it's methanol, then I'm fucked because I already took a sip for a laff :-D
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No. 44639
>>44638
Ebin.
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No. 44641
200 kB, 1280 × 720
>>44636
Yeaaah you probably don't want to do that. although it's a known thing they have to rip out our hand sanitizer disosners for hsopitalizing alcobydlo because yes they'll get drunk off itbut do you really want to lower yourself to that floor of drinking bath lotion and mouthwash?

It's probably provided some very interesting traffic tickets here because they've actually had to repurpose a bunch of our distilleries into manufacture of hand sanitizer (as it is also way more profitable to them) thus causing you, your car, and everything you're around to smell like said distillery. I've personally managed to get by on iso all but once through the whole pandemic so far and I've probably blown through like ten bottles since the whole thing began because I disinfect my arms, face, neck, hands, shoe bottoms, and any and all groceries and tobacco I bring home or anything I plan on touching again within three days. I still remember when a few of those retarded faggots made coughing sounds and laughing when I walked by wearing masks before anyone else was.
>>
No. 44642
>>44626
>20 thousand forints for a bideo gaem. That's fuckload of money. Like 60 euros for an 8-10 hour long game.
The thing is, we're actually really lucky that games only cost that much. I remember when they went from $50 to $60, ~2006, when the Xbox 360/PS3 came out. Pretty sure they went from $40 to $50 around the year 2000, as well.

But since 2006, no normal game has been priced above $60, inflation be damned. Granted, we have got a lot of DLC bullshit since then, and I'm sure that's why prices haven't gone up. But you can still get the base game for as cheap as you could back in the mid '00s.

t; <30yo boomer
>>
No. 44644
>>44642
Oh...fuck your post just made realize that I'm actually probably spending closer to like a hundred dollars a game if I bought it at retail due to the DLC except for sales. In fact it's probably much more like $80 on average for me now had I been buying it when it dropped. Thank God vidya is a rapidly depreciating asset where after the first like six to twelve months they want to unload it as quickly as possible.

But then again with all that being stated
>back in 2006
Yeah but do you remember when you actually got a physical copy that couldn't be fucked with or have its servers pulled or some absolutely shitty bullshit fucking update you have no choice in ruining your experience and that you got to have a neat collector's box and all kinds of goodies back then like not just the highly detailed and illustrated manual but you actually got things like a poster and a foldout strategy guide and tech tree?

Because that's exactly all the stuff that they have been cutting which means that we're probably being charged way more for the value these days and we're getting shafted with shitty DLC of what ought to be basic functions on top of that. I frankly can't even believe the gall these people have to try and charge me another twenty bucks just to get "digital extras" like some mp3 files and a couple jpegs and act like I supposed to be happy about that. And then a company like Bethesda goes and charges people absolutely murderously out the ass to have a shitty nylon bag just to get the basic feel for the past, and then they add microtransactions on top of that.

Really the only reason why I'm not more irritated about all that is because it's so heavily offset by companies like Valve and GOG hosting these at times considerable discounts which all roughly equalizes out in the end. I'd say that in real terms I am probably paying something like $20 a game on average + however much on DLC (probably twice that so the equivalent of Starcraft + Broodwar in total) with inflation robbing me of any physical assets like a cd case, box, manual, and poster. I am still constantly ready to be pissed at my family because I suspect my idiot siblings or someone may have thrown out all my boxes after I moved.
>>
No. 44646
>>44644
Remember that older games, at least PC games, also had expansion packs back then. If there was a game I really liked and cared about, I eagerly awaited the chance to spend another $20 on it, or even more if they released a second expansion pack.

>Yeah but do you remember when you actually got a physical copy that couldn't be fucked with or have its servers pulled or some absolutely shitty bullshit fucking update you have no choice in ruining your experience and that you got to have a neat collector's box and all kinds of goodies back then like not just the highly detailed and illustrated manual but you actually got things like a poster and a foldout strategy guide and tech tree?
Those were cool and all, but I honestly prefer the new system. I've moved around too much, and so have my parents, to keep track of all my old boxes. And even back before digital distribution was a thing, it was a pain in the ass to keep track of all my CDs. As a stupid kid, it was really easy to forget where I put the disk sleeve with the expansion for Galactic Battlegrounds. Some games I just lost for good, which isn't possible with a digital library.

And I don't worry too much about not "owning" my games, because the same system that lets companies sell me download rights for $60 also lets me download any game I want for free. Gaben can vaporize my entire Steam library in an instant, and I can pirate virtually any game ever made. Fair trade. If you want to reassert your sovereignty as a consumer, just put a pirated copy of every game you own onto a sturdy hard-drive.

Overall, the move to digital has been amazing for me as a consumer. Those cheap games we get on sale might have had an equivalent in the literal bargain bin of yesteryear, but you're probably going to stop collecting bargain bin games once you have 200 boxes stacked up in your garage. I can have a much larger library on Steam than I can with physical games, and I can take them anywhere with me. It's the same reason I prefer ebooks over physical books these days.

granted, I really don't need 300 fucking games in my Steam library, and all the impulsive micropurchases from seasonal sales are probably a net negative, considering how few of those games I've actually played. My other points still hold, though
>>
No. 44650
>>44636
It is ethanol. There is always a problem that alcoholics steal it from hospitals to drink and nowadays it is even easier for them. (Not to be confused with teenagers stealing soap to get high on GHB.) It is also flammable, and sticky. So basically you have lots of bottles of napalm light around.
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No. 44655
I woke up today thinking about some of the scenes I've seen in years past here and how I would have to wait for centuries for it to be published by some future chronicler. It's barely even light out and I'm in a gloomier mood about the country than normal. Scenes that just stood out from me, things that really should have signified a lot more about this country and the depth and severity of the rot. Wandering around with my sibling in West Hollywood. Every other store was some kind of drug store, they were sell bongs and Spice in all of them. Every third some sort of bar or restaurant. Gun stores. I wander down the strip past the homeless and crazy people. There's this SUV limousine wheeling slowly by with people dancing and drinking standing out of the sun roof. It's 2010 A.D. I don't recognize any of the rappers, or whoever they are. It reminds me of a more oversized version of what I'd seen in every other Americam city. Islands of extreme wealth surrounded by an ocean of poverty and desperation, and a madness bad seized all.

People like to look for scapegoats for what befell this country. They'll look to the Jews, who to be fair had their own role to play as part of that corrupt Roman senatorial class with more than their fair share of the wealth and the pederasty, and thus get more than their share of the blame, but the truth of the matter is the problem isn't that they are Jews, but that they are Americans.

On every street corner it is the same, and the madness rose to a fever pitch. By 2020 it had become all but apparent we were headed for a great fall, in fact it had been for years and years, but the saner voices grew fewer and fewer. The whole of society was paralyzed in internal conflicts and every madness and false doctrine one can think of, such that no American, anywhere, would ever allow this to be published at the time it is written. Men claimed to be women, and the better part of society went along with it. The most corrupt buffoon I have ever yet seen rising out of the sea to lead them all, whose sole defining characteristic that set him out from the rest of the celebrity rulers was that he was both far dumber or more incompetent and far less concerned with even pretending to hide it, but the truth of the matter, and perhaps the most radical truth they would never be able to accept, is that president Trump was in fact no different at all. Neither in policy, nor in character, nor in many of his words, not in his corruption or his tyrannies, not in his self concern or malice, but that the real reason some hated him is his very existence committed the worst sin imaginable, which is that it told the truth about us as a society for all to baldly see, and it lowered us in the eyes of the world; in a certain sense, this is the first honest politician we had in decades, even if unintentionally. It showcased everything that was vicious, and immoral, deceitful, and decadent, and incompetent, and corrupt, and rigged about this society in such a way Rome could not deny it. None but the most fanatical, "Rome" what a fantastic autocorrect. I'll leave it. A total lack of any genuine principle. These are the late stages of the American empire, increasingly weakened and assaulted from without and within, and they will probably say it was the plague of the 2020s or any numerous things but the truth is what killed the empire is the same as had killed any empire. A more robust society could have weathered it all, and ours did in fact, but not a rotted one.

I think of the madness. The sheer madness. I suppose it would be impossible to fully describe to anyone who's not lived through such a thing. Every manner of false doctrine proliferated here. Sects arose by their multitudes. Avarice was constant, and the lies universal. Brother betrayed brother. The whole of the world had slowly gathered to be destroyed there. They spoke in one universal tongue: money. No matter how dumb or foolish the thing, no matter how insane or deleterious to the national or personal health, if money was involved, it was done. I go back to digging holes and having to fill them again all day for money. A pittance to survive. To the now dead friend of mine telling me his littering in the parking lot was "creating jobs" because someone would have to be paid to clean it. If anyone ever did. Such was the universal mentality. And towards the end, those who already had more money than anyone anywhere else in the world made one last desperate scramble to steal everything they can.

Everyone knew. They all knew it, deep down inside, they often voiced it even, but they always maintained the same mindless mantras of freedom or patriotism or equality or whatever damn fool thing in the face of reality. I think back to the people I questioned about their beliefs, and being stunned how one person could not only maintain but openly speak so many blatantly false contradictions. Doublethink writ large. The madness. The madness of it all. A nation that calls men women as if the mere change of an opinion changed the nature of the thing. There are none anywhere I can say anything true without it being deemed offensive by someone.

It's getting later. I suppose I should get ready for work. I am out of time.
>>
No. 44666
>>44655
>Men claimed to be women, and the better part of society went along with it.

I believe transgender identity (and LGBT politics broadly) might have been the tipping point for most people by which American liberalism lost its credibility. As much as we can interminably debate the case for acceptance of homosexuals and their subsequent rights, that cause can be made logically and ethically within the confines of American law because it postulates sexual behavior is an artifact of whatever individual's idiosyncratic desires happen to be. Only the most hardline religious fundamentalists or right-wingers would reject that at base.

In contrast, transgender identity is a bizarre metaphysical, quasi-religious claim that suggests somehow matter is configured "wrongly," however you define it, or that people are animated by some sort of dualistic spirit that is deposited incorrectly in a physical body. The very fundamentals of biology go out the window, and it's rich that these people who tell you endlessly that everything is a social construct will treat a person's gender identity with stern reverence. If you think you're a woman, then you are a woman, biology be damned. Of course, going trans is a quick pathway for easy clout and political privileges for weak men in a society that works endlessly to pathologize masculinity, so that can't be ignored in why transgenders seem so widespread.
>>
No. 44668 Kontra
>>44666
>quasi-religious claim that suggests somehow matter is configured "wrongly"

In what way is matter configured "rightly"? I understand the alien feeling towards transgender. I've seen them IRL and on the internet, it's odd to see, but it does not really make me feel uncomfortable in the way of "the world is outof joint". Orientation surely is beneficial for staying sane, yet identity seems an unecessary restrain, even harmful depending on the case.
So yeah, affectively I can understand the alien feel, so out of different causes maybe, because rationaly, I don't see any reasons against it. From the physical world (what is) stated by modern physics there is no plausible normative deduction (what should be).
>>
No. 44671
I miss Greece. The sun was always shining there. It'd be nice to have a home looking over the beach from a mountain with an olive tree. I could write some sick poems there.

>>44642
The price essentially stayed the same if you adjust it for inflation. The just didn't want to raise it any higher because they fear it's getting near the magical 100 units of currency.
So they make up for it through pre-order content that pushes the price higher, season passes (I still don't know what a season pass is), "surprise mechanics", cosmetics and DLCs that are like mini-expansion packs and often are on the disc when you buy the game for the full price. Day one DLC is basically like buying a pie, and after you bought it they tell you that actually have to buy two more slices to have the full pie.

But I guess people have preferences. Personally I'd never pay more than 20 bucks for a video game.
Though those sub 10 Euro indie games with insane replay value ruined my perception of prices.

>>44638
This is the exact reason why it's ethanol.

>>44655
The only worrying question is whether or not the US is willing to graciously hand over power to China, or will it be a sore loser and start a war to try preventing the fall of its hegemony.

>>44666
Transgenderism is revolting because they're asking 99.9% of society to accommodate and play along with the mental illness of an incredibly small minority. (This goes for the ultra-rich too btw.)
They should be prescribed anti-psychotics not mutilating, irreversible surgery that'll leave them a former husk of themselves.
It's like giving an alcoholic more alcohol or playing along with the lunatic who thinks they're Napoleon.

It's a literal non-issue drummed by up by woke capital to divert attention from actual problems like economic inequality.
>>
No. 44672 Kontra
>>44671
>willing to graciously hand over power to China

That is a future nobody with a sense of dignity should ever want.
>>
No. 44674
Aw jaisus I hadn't intended for that type of topic derail although surprisingly it went more the way of finding common ground than disputation like I had realized I should've expected after hitting submit. Well I was just kind of in a mood. I thought about that joke about writing the chronicles of the pandemic on TP and realized I could or maybe even should try writing an essay as a firsthand account of what's been happening here and my thoughts on it. I left out quite a few thoughts and proofreading because I had to go to work.

>>44666
It's not even about that though re masculinity but a broader problem of everything inherent to a society that had finally broadly crossed the thresholds as described so succinctly by John Glubb, but what I think he failed to make mention of was the sheer madness. FYI for an example of this Donald Trump is the perfect definition of what a weak man--even outright effeminate one--looks like. The problem is that the country has entirely lost sight of what exactly it means to be a man to begin with, which is to shoulder the burden, take personal responsibility, and quit bitching because being a man means taking care of your wife and children and taking pride in your work. Statesmen on some fundamental level extrapolate this onto the whole nation.

I thought about it on my way to work today and I had realized that if I could actually try and crystallize everything into one vast oversimplification or generality regarding what went wrong with us I'd say that it's ultimately quite simple: the wholesale disregard for truth. It is a society that no longer even believes in the concept of objective facts, and attempts to boil everything down into opinion and alternative opinion, all of which like many other problems is like I said something which afflicts seemingly every segment of society. I just find it all the more laughable because with that one particular expression of our imploding society with that one specific cultural trend, it has become a matter of people ridiculing things like young earth creationism--and rightfully so--but only to turn right around and deny the very most basic fundamental concept behind how evolutionary theory operates. So say what you will about our various sects, at least they manage to have some sort of internal coherence towards science, whereas there's no ideological coherence inherent to that (which they of course just end up perverting into their own wild internal ideological moral incoherence which is arguably even worse).

>>44668
I've known plenty of them and quite a few turned I'd already lost touch with them post-graduation. Look I haven't got a problem with people who have mental problems but when I am personally asked to validate that Nazi moon bases are controlling peoples thoughts I'm obviously going to balk but more importantly it's what's inflicted on kids that I take greatest issue with, but even that is ultimately irrelevant and outside the scope which is that it's a simple basic biological fact. A snake being born with two heads does not suddenly dispute the notion that snakes and cows have one head, or that it's just as fine to be born with two and that is somehow desirable.

The origin of all this is the brutally flawed view that somehow all opinions and ideas should he treated as equal: they are not, and they should not. Climate change denialists and YEC's try pulling the same shit, but at least some horribly ignorant pastor has the basic decency to not imply science backs his view over evolutionary theory (which itself is obviously creating the contention that somehow centuries of accumulated scientific research is on the same level of a few pastors who decided to figure out the worlds age by adding up the age of everybody mentioned in Scripture).

It comes from some twisted ideas about democracy and equality, which like all else here gets perverted over time into la creatura ideologia, and that happens at the same time we have no fundamental equality in the right ways whatsoever, neither legally, nor in "speech" which was deemed money by the courts (itself an absurd notion), nor in any form of economically or the political. This ties into a rampant anti-intellectualism that had always been a sad undercurrent in society but now everything is destroyed enough that the cult of the experts has itself just become yet another errant sect, made all the worse by the fact that Americans literally cannot distinguish between a guy who's actually competent in one area and someone who plays one on TV. The fact some actor called Bill Nye is championed as if he were an actual scientist, or that this is the second celebrity likely suffering alzheimers or some other dementia to be ruler, is further testament to the fact, and it reminds me of when 9/11 happened that profoundly eerie feeling of what it was like being a 12 year old American at the time with everyone constantly saying things like "it's like on TV but real" or "it's just like in the movies."

Even our Judaism and our Christiniaty is the same plastic thing here, full of fraud and avarciousness, and an open disdain for the truthful, the genuine, the sincere, or the downright plain sense.

I do not mean to make any implications of myself as somehow being better or more sincere or "the last sane man in the room" mind you, but I don't think I can even put into words how profound it is a sense of alienation I truly feel. It is as a sense of being cut off from the nations, as well as even my own.

I'm too tired or in the mood for continuing the thought much but I would like to someday soon try to put into words what I'm sure a lot of foreigners may be thinking from a distance, but in a way that I don't think even they can come truly to grips with. I keep thinking about that time I was in West Hollywood, and that one place I think it was a restaurant called Babylon, and it was somehow the most succinctly decadent American expression of my time and place, a thing that looked like it was made of plastic, and utterly lacking the self awareness to consider that even as it's giving us this vinyl print screen over particle board theme park attraction thing for a fallen empire, it is as doing so as literally a soon to be fallen empire.

When I was in NYC some many years ago I made sure to memorize the texture of those granite buildings with my fingertips, because of a way to say I was there once, I felt it. It's like memorizing the contours of an old lovers eyebrows with your lips, knowing full well our own mortality in the moment. I became convinced then that a day would come when that city is in ruins partly submerged beneath the sea, and so many years later I think I began thinking about it again because I had this twilight waking dream as if I'd become unstuck in time and a boyish me in a millenial poring over pages and pictures of his enduring fascination with a place and an empire until he paused and he too became unstuck in time and peering back across the centuries as if to say to himself "holy shit...I think I was there..I'm not even sure it's my imagination anymore I think I really had been there once before." A pity we cannot write while we still sleep.
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No. 44675
>>44671
Honestly if I could be anywhere I kind of find a passing fascination with the Spanish coast, rather than Greece so much. I've seen some pictures of different islands in the med and off the Atlantic and they just look so cozy as if that was the perfect 10/10 natural center for what a human gaia world might look like. I can't believe some damn fool actually thought about filling in the entire Mediterranean sea.

>>44646
>and I can pirate virtually any game ever made
I would not be so sure of that if I were you, in fact it even goes right to the heart of why I've been asserting for years that we're living directly in the dark ages without even realizing it yet. Just think about how many games you have already lost for good because you cant find a copy anywhere anymore, how many sites are gone, how many links dead. 10-20 years can easily be enough time to lose it for good and yet I still have every single one of my PC game CDs partly because I started accruing them as a teenager, whereas yes my old Macintosh CDs are somewhat scattered and a bit useless to me besides. I absolutely do not trust a damn thing about it nor do I frankly trust the banks either. So far as I'm concerned if it's not in my hand I don't have it. They can print out all the certificates for gold they want I won't have any gold until I actually have the gold. The fact that Valve can simply go under or pull the plug only makes this worse but then again I dwell in the ephemeral regardless.

>>44671
>idk what is season pass
A season pass is basically a DLC battlechest. I still do not know to this day what it's called uh, complete edition? Is that what we call battlechests now? But anyway a season pass is basically just a preorder on all the major expansions coming out, usually at a discount of what the full price would be for buying them after they do. It's mechanically similar to buying a game in early access or as a backer. What I'll usually end up doing though is just what for it to all be released and go on sale because you're also taking that risk of paying into the future on something you might not even like or want.

>>44628
>sneak in when no ones there to do 30min of work in my holiday.
Deustchland uber alles/10 this is one of the most German things I have ever read. For what possible purpose?

>>44672
That's exactly the problem lad. Nobody hands off the reigns willingly but that's exactly what's gonna happen and is happening today because of how thoroughly discredited America just made itself the last 3 years in particular but the last couple of decades in general. We basically had one single post-Soviet decade where the balance on the scales was a net positive and it, like our federal budget, has been in the red ever since then. We're at a level of a weakened and humiliated country that's beginning to remind me of drunk Yeltsin dancing. Nobody respects us anymore and we've pulled up the stakes all over the entire global stage which leaves China directly in position to suck up that vacuum space for itself.

This is part of why my long term hoped trajectory is a strengthened EU even if it's at the cost of making the UK into a self inflicted pariah state. It's just how that great game works and the realpolitik of it all. I'm just hoping EU doesn't shit itself like a sad squabbling neoliberal incoherent federation and no I am not talking about immigrants either although of course if that is of primacy to you it is also why EU needs desperately to wean itself off that form of turbocapitalism.

Frankly my overall estimation of the EU in general at this point is much of what I wish America could still be, and when I gaze out upon it am reminded of how many of my ancestors probably felt about here. I am reminded of it constantly in bigger and littler ways like the EU privacy laws under which I have no protection when I'm visiting sites and wish to have some data privacy for example, or even of the mentality of GOG. I just wish Europe would become more religious in the Heidegger sense and that the planet would stop importing the shitstain that is Evangelicalism instead. The most noble of European religious impulse has included things like the entire field of genetics for example, but then again I'm just personally of the view that there's no difference between mysticism and scientific inquiry, so...
>>
No. 44681
>>44674
>it reminds me of when 9/11 happened that profoundly eerie feeling of what it was like being a 12 year old American at the time

I turned 13 around 9/11, so I can relate to this sentiment completely.
>>
No. 44682
>>44674
>it's a simple basic biological fact. A snake being born with two heads does not suddenly dispute the notion that snakes and cows have one head, or that it's just as fine to be born with two and that is somehow desirable.

It is just that what is, is no profound reason to grapple with that ought to be. What ought to be is a different realm of discussion. Climate is changing, ok but what to do about it is not entailed in the fact of climate changing but belongs to the realm of normativity which is part of the realm of being a sapient. This does not mean that every opnion is equal but it is a matter of reasoning. The problem with deanlists is that they don't acknowledge scientific findings. I think persons desiring becoming a trans will do not imply outright doubt that usually a human bean is born with a penis or a breast and a vagina and that this is with few exceptions the usual thing to observe biologically wise. If we could all agree on climate change, then you still are left with what to do, climate changing as scientific fact does not entail you have to stop it from happening.
>>
No. 44683 Kontra
>>44682
>a breast

:DDD
I will proof read my posts in the future again, promise.
>>
No. 44694
1,7 MB, 3000 × 1637
I went out last night to try and spot comet NEOWISE, but my effort was foiled by light pollution. Well, it was a combination of that, as well as some low hazy clouds. I'll probably need to wait for the comet to rise a few more degrees above the horizon to get a decent viewing window.
While I haven't seen the comet yet, the possibility of doing so has provided an excuse for me to take some decent nightwalks™.
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No. 44696
3,7 MB, 1920 × 1080
Yesterday night I failed to write a poem. There's something really crushing and liberating at the same time about being able to throw away a poem six lines in.
But I managed to write a haiku today.

Really, I spent half the day in bed. The weather is bad.
I woke up at 8:30, had breakfast at 9:30 and then crawled back into bed and just lied there until around one 'o clock. Had lunch at three.
Basically I've accomplished nothing today.

I feel this weird sense of urgency. Tomorrow I'm going to work.
It's probably a bad reflex from school. The main difference between school and work, as I perceive it, is that work doesn't demand you sacrifice your time for it after you've done your 8 hours. School, like a pagan god, demands ever greater sacrifices of time to be satisfied.
Basically, I keep felling as if there was an essay to write, a poem to learn or a textbook to look at for a test tomorrow. But there isn't. And there never ever will be again.

The weird sense of nostalgia and yearning is not going away. I guess listening to lo-fi shit and future funk doesn't help, it just makes it worse.

Physically, I'm feeling a lot better now. Most of my pain was apparently caused by artificial sweeteners.
Really, fuck fat people. They can't control themselves, so they make people put this shit in everything instead of actual sugar.
>>
No. 44697
>>44696
>But there isn't. And there never ever will be again.

You are going to university, what are you talking about? You will want back the times, when you were able to read many stuff next to the work you have to do for the educatiponal institution.

There are books to read, your inner educational drive will make that clear. The problem rn might be that there is no validation of any sort for accomplishing it, just yourself who can pad on your shoulder for finishing another work and "getting deeper and understanding more". This btw. is not meant negatively or mean, it's just a thought about learning in general.
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No. 44698
>>44697
University just won't be the same. The thing is, I already want these times back even before they've ended.
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No. 44699
134 kB, 1000 × 752
I wish that one day I'll have thoughts that are important enough to spread them in a written form to a lot of people. Perhaps a book or given my limited mental abilities - a leaflet.

I spend a lot of time thinking about stupid things and I reach conclusions that I deem satisfactory. Due to being slightly more neurotic than the average person, I spend a good deal of time worrying about things I shouldn't worry about and attempting to form a coherent world view and one that makes me happier and more functional. I think I've been half-successful at this but I don't think I can put this mishmash of incomplete thoughts in a written form due to lacking the talent or even the instruction in how to do so. Even if I could, I'm not sure whatever personal garbage philosophy that seems to work for myself could potential be useful to anyone else - not even the guarantee that someone reading my attempts at writing down my limited ideas wouldn't be impacted negatively from reading such garbage.

Without a better alternative, I'll continue emptying out the contents of my pea brain into this board.
>>
No. 44704
>>44699
Get thoughts down and bring structure into the pile of chunks you already have a bit more clearer. You can be associative but depending on what you want this is might not be the right mode to write, given that you long for coherence (I know thsi feel all too well) you have to really work on that by doing. I just finished an essay to get some credits for a seminar, I noticed how it went out of control at the end since I have most "knowledge" exists only loosely and in fragmented form. I had a goal in mind but half way through I noticed that I'm starting to dig on something more general which I come back to in my thoughts every then and now.

>>44698
What can I say, approaching the 30, my 20s are almost over and I can't believe it. Außer Atem die Jahrhunderte. Fleißigste Geschichte Schichterin.
>>
No. 44705
Going to the sea had been a therapeutic experience for the three of us; me, my mom, and my younger brother. We had some opportunity to bond and interact with each other, rather than stare at glowing rectangles all day in our separate rooms. And it made mom realize just how destructive my retard father's presence is to the family. The whole reason we disperse through the apartment and engage in escapism is because we're trying to avoid him, even if we don't admit it. Mom is finally convinced we need to start the process of getting rid of my father and his whole family line (quite a task in this familial society we live in). I've been telling her that for a while now, but she's considered it a pipe dream. What convinced her finally was a combination of seeing what it's like to live without him and the experience of living in a hut with a yard and a an awning and a bench outside where your can relax in the evening. Rather than living in an apartment that she now calls a "glorified prison cell" lol. I've been saying that for a while now, but I guess she needed empiric evidence. Sure it'll hurt our finances, but finances are a practical matter; family is more important. We've been living in a tiny three bed beach hut for a while now, and getting along fine. We'll manage a smaller living space.

Another thing I realized it's that my internal model of reality had been faulty all along, like I mentioned in a previous post. The actual "lived in" experience of reality feels completely different than what I extrapolated in my head through the lens of internet. Seems obvious and trivial that virtual reality does not hold up to the scrutiny of direct experience, but that's exactly the kind of thing that escapist living makes you blind to.
What that means, practically, is that first I need to cut my internet time significantly. Maybe sell my desktop and get a cheap laptop that's powerful enough to do some basic work on. I don't play video games that much anyway. I'd rather have a walk around the block with my little brother than read or watch some drivel made by a guy six to twelve timezones away from me. No offense. It's just that most of what I consume on the internet has no direct relation to me or my environment, and is thus irrelevant.

Second, and related point is that being idealistic is gay. Even though I drink the neoplatonism Kool aid heavily. Reality is, in fact, a messy place full of arbitrary phenomena without rhyme or reason, a boiling, churning, festering, fuming, bubbling pot of particles. If you treat it as such and live relatively in the moment, you will be happier. Trying too hard to interpret it only leads to neurosis about baseless dreams of what "should have been". Higher order interpretations of reality are merely abstractions, and abstractions are fundamentally further away from the "ground truth". It's right there in the name.
What that entails, specifically, is that, just how you have an irrational body that demands certain things, and that you must pay your dues to (eating, popping, working out), there is a part of your mind that demands certain things to be fulfilled. Things like having a family, kids, social standing, etc. I used to think that such goals run counter to the more lofty desires of my rational mind ("eww, that's for bydlo"), but now I see no reason that those can't run parallel to each other. Just like how being smart is no excuse for not working out. I feel like a total village idiot, arriving at such basic and fundamental ideas, that normal people find self evident, through autistic reasoning, but it is what it is.

I dunno, maybe I'm just taking nonsense, but I can't stop thinking about the Ecclesiastes. All is vanity and all that. Maybe a simple, unassuming life is where it is.
>>
No. 44716
>>44705
Sounds like a wholesome trip. Never doubting the shamans again, thems some magical healing waters alright.
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No. 44717
Visited my granny in the village. Gonna visit a dentist today.
>>
No. 44718
>>44705
My man. For many years now I have rarely bought anything new and instead given things away I no longer need (like clothes I don't wear anymore). Because, like you describe, I have found that my mind was too much occupied with abstract concepts (and "I want to have X or Y" was the most pointless of all).

You live relatively close to some mountains iirc, I would recommend taking a hike every now and then. The things you understood while being away from your normal life will fade over time once you are back at home; getting out of the city regularly can help and mountains especially tend to remind you of how insignificant your daily habits are.
Also, walking uneven terrain for hours each day is what your body is meant to do. Subsequently it "feels right" to do that (after a bit of practice).
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No. 44720
41 kB, 417 × 280
I can't fucking take it anymore. Being trapped in my fucking house rotting on the dole is killing me. Of course the rich get richer because they get to keep their jobs and work from home while the rest of us get fucked and fall even further behind, without even the dignity of being able to say that we at least put our own food on the table. The novelty of not having to work wears thin pretty fucking quick when all you got left is sitting at home stewing in the feeling of being obsolescent. I may bitch about work when I got it, but I also need it for my mental health. I really don't do well when I can't do something as basic as pay for my own food without someone else's help. Easy for all the useless yuppie cunts who can work remotely and continue earning their bread to say that lockdown is great, but at this rate if the virus don't get me by going out and working, then I'll get me by topping myself one night.

Time to empty my bottle of rum and knock myself out for the night.
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No. 44721 Kontra
>>44720
Can't you do some caritative work or something when you really want to not feel just useless?
>>
No. 44722
>>44720
Do something creative. That's the last work that will be obsolete, and if you are doomed to take the dole for the rest of your days, you can rationalize it as an advance from society for all the fame and recognition you will get in later centuries.
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No. 44723
Out of rum. Going to the shops tomorrow. Dreaming of 1912 tonight.

>>44721
It's not about uselessness, volunteering doesn't put food on the table. I'm not earning my bread that way, I'm just using time and then getting the same damn handouts. It's very much a matter of wanting control over my life back in my hands instead of some useless fuck in parliament. Yeah I know I don't got proper control in employment, but at least I get my pay for my work. It's honest, services for cash and gives me a shred of dignity. Not the weird feeling of being given shit. Volunteering empirically has the same effect, labour and income but they're decoupled so I don't feel empowered by it.
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No. 44726 Kontra
>>44723
>Empowerement through wage labor

Them fuckers in parliament got you allright :DDD
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No. 44727
>>44726
Whether I get my ability to make my way from a wage or my share of the means of production don't concern me when it comes to my pride as someone who does exactly that, makes their own damn way. Getting my livelihood handed to me does concern me a great deal because it ain't 'mine', I hate getting gifts for the same reason.Can't explain it any better than that.If you don't get it with that explanation you just don't get it full stop.
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No. 44728 Kontra
>>44727
Oh, I get what you mean, I have nothing against work in order to archive something, but you still want your wage labor back, you are the aussie, aren't you? That is what surprises me. Labor in a very general sense seems necessary condition of the human. It's just that the autonomy you are craving is found in wage labor. You know that and I know that feel as well. I wish I would have university behind me in order to make some real money and not shitty side jobs. But tbh don't forget this shit is faulty as hell.
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No. 44729
133 kB, 960 × 525
>>44727
Work edifies. I suggest you seek ways to put your energies to something that could supplement your income or use this time to learn something. man's gotta work for his salt, simple as
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No. 44730
36 kB, 300 × 383
It's the way my old man raised me. Man was classic labour. Worked odd jobs in his youth, qualified in a trade, worked in a slaughterhouse, became the union delegate (gee, wonder why apart from my late teens turbo-edgelord phase that I'll never forgive myself for, I ended up being an Industrial Unionist). Taught me young that a person of worth uses their own means to live the life they want to live. He weren't really one with words so it wasn't elegant or nothing but that's the idea anyway. Don't take unless its due, but if it's due and withheld, take it. Man of contrast though, ended up being the stay at home parent when we were kids, and always valued education highly.

That's the background I'm coming from here. It's just about owning your means, and not the form that those means take. If we're talking the form of means, then yeah I'm far from married to the wage system, but pragmatism says that the world I got is one where the means that I need to own is my money, and I don't fele that I own it if I ain't wokring for it. Anyway, rum's properly hit and now I'm tired. Still going to drink tomorrow, I don't see this garbage fire of a country unfukcing itself overnight.
>>
No. 44731
>>44720
Living with your parents as an adult and relying on them is utterly soul destroying and degrading; relying on the dole during a time if crisis in a Capitalist country is not. I don't know what kind of work you do but I can actually see the volume of money that's moving through the business as well as passing through my own hands on a daily basis and so am also well aware of my pittance while they keep jacking prices on the clientele. Quite frankly I would not have minded being unemployed entirely rather than just massively underemployed through this whole thing but then again I was also eventually able to get on the CARES dole which was far more generous than I'd expected it to be before I got my first payments.

Trying to build a shitty little birdhouse or some stands for fish tanks for example really exposed me to the true nature of labor under Capitalism. I do pointless shit to some extent for all purposes to society beyond simply making the business more money. It does not give me more dignity than a couple of crumbs. Why is it so much less dignified to get bailed out than having to beg for a few of the scraps of your own labor being allowed back into your pocket after giving it to someone else? During the time I got to do my own projects it's the most fulfilling labor I had done in many years. It was dignified, it was self fulfilling, it gave me a concept of self worth I hadn't had before in that way. On top of it I was essentially being bribed to stay indoors and not start a food riot or worsen the national health crisis while being given the means to remain a vital part of broader economic function.

Did I mind this? No. Could it wear thin after weeks? Yes. But it only wore thin in the sense that a few times I'd gotten bored with what I was doing or ran out of ideas or simply had gotten too lazy to do a new project, all of which was my own fault. If anything it showed the extent to which I need to consciously work on my own self Will, my motivation, and my discipline.
>>
No. 44732
Fug, mattress spring broke and stabbed me in the side. Not deep or nothing but surprising amount of blood :-D
>>
No. 44733
>>44729
Sure. But man putting his own salt on somebody else's table is degrading. Now compared to living with my parents and having no income sure that would be a lot better, but not by a whole ton.

If I were a slave in Dixie, and I was "earning the clothes on my back, the place where I sleep, and the the food on my table" by being massah's servant do you actually expect me to take some kind of pride in what I'm doing or to prefer it from being my own free man reading under a tree and fishing all day?

Trying to convince people they don't have self worth or dignity without working for massah is just showing the extent to which we've been brainwashed and had our cultural norms perverted by massah. Fuck massah. Let him put his own food on his own damn table and pick his own damn cotton. Until you've fished for yourself you're not going to understand that and you're going to confuse working the fields in the hot sun all day while some of the richest sit around sipping their Julips in the shade living off dividends and NEETing around on a golf course and "letting you" keep a few of the shittiest worm riddled onions and melons for yourself after demanding you hand over all the fish and all the crops that day, you're not going to see the difference. What you're really getting is robbed on a daily basis by massah and then getting a couple handouts in the form of something you yourself fished and got handed back to keep.
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No. 44734 Kontra
214 kB, 1280 × 1227
>>44733
Indeed, being a free man is better than being a slave. You associating the work you do with being a literal slave speaks more to your nature than of the benefits and enjoyment of being a productive member of society. As much as I appreciate your smug tyrade about how much of an unenlightened slave I am to massah's whim, I should probably say that I'm an employer and not an employee. The point still stands, work is dignifying and you raving on about self constructed imagery of those who don't work being leeches just serves to further my initial point.
sage because this is going to end up as a rerun of previous conversations on gabidalism
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No. 44737
God I hope they don't defund USPS. The postal service is one of the oldest institutions in the entire country and it's one of the only ones that actually works properly, and they keep floating this idea in a pandemic no less. Using Lord Baelish' logic what's the worst reason I can think of? Probably because UPS and FedEx are trying to privatize it and foist their inferior services upon us all by bribing politicians. FedEx and UPS are fucking inferior and it takes me way longer to receive my packages and at way more hassle and for far greater cost. Both of these corporations are a fucking shit! A SHIT! Don't touch my goddamn postal service!
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No. 44739
17 kB, 474 × 264
150 kB, 960 × 540
>>44734
>I am an employer not an employee
Well then it's quite rich for you to lecture us about how dignified working for someone else's private profits is, and it is telling that you decided to point towards my nature rather than the nature of the work itself.
>enjoyment of being a productive member of society.
I've had to reappraise quite a lot of things this pandemic and the nature of work in this system was one of them. If I were building components for Saturn rockets or a new hydroelectric damn it would be one thing; the nature of the majority of jobs in this country is quite another.
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No. 44740
90 kB, 460 × 327
>Ah, I can do that thing later it won't take 5 minutes
>OH FUCK I GOT COCKY! NOW THE SUFFERING BEGINS

Such is the reoccurring pattern of my life. An endless cycle where every month I cause future me suffering. It's all so easy to get stuff done when I'm running off to do my own projects but when I have to do a task, even when it's pretty fun/interesting, I lose the plot entirely.

>>44739
>If I were building components for Saturn rockets or a new hydroelectric damn it would be one thing

So your problem is that you don't feel that doing [X] is valuable and can't otherwise find joy in the simple act of doing? There's demoralising jobs, sure, but those seem like the ones where there's trade-off in the lads you work with, less hours, many trinkets etc.

Your attempt to exclude him because he employs people is just childish and doesn't take into account that management is a hard and risky job. Ultimately people like being useful and working towards a common goal, it gives us value. I don't know why you can't grasp this.
>>
No. 44741
>>44733
This. Maybe as an Aussie who makes $22 an hour minimum it feels different, but working as a wagie over here feels much more degrading than taking the dole.

As a wagie living in the nearest metropole looking for work, I had to commute by public transit for over an hour each way, in order to find a remotely affordable room. I earned $18 an hour, so probably close to Aussie min wage after conversion rates, but everyone at that job had a college degree or decades of (much better payed) work experience. After taxes and expenses, I could save maybe a couple hundred dollars a month if I was very frugal.

In less than two months, the gubment has given me close to $6000. I get more per week - TAKEHOME - than I did as a wagie, and my expenses are next to zero because I live with my parents. Even my student loan payments are frozen. I can devote my whole day to edifying pursuits such as reading and writing. By the time this pandemic is over, I will have enough saved to get out of this decaying shithole and set myself up in a country with a future.

This world is so shit and rigged that I'll take all the gibsmedats I can. Our gubment prints trillions to bail out billionnaires, while dragging their heels over whether or not to extend unemployment benefits or help out small business. If by some glitch in the matrix the system lets me live like an aristocrat too, I'm happy for it.
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No. 44742 Kontra
>>44740
>Ultimately people like being useful and working towards a common goal, it gives us value.

This might be the case, but then again you can do caritative work as well, if the goal would be to not feel like a useless slob. It's both mixed weirdly in the end. Getting money for this gives you freedom to (do) something, and working as having results that satisfies. Only people who sweat and have it the hard way of "suffering" through work are taken serious and are allowed to say something. I know this reasoning all to well. And I have spotted myself thinking though when people "take a break" at my job, while I think back to my DHL job and wonder how these people would have done that. But work is not identical with wage labor, it's a form of work. And I don't see why people have to suffer though shit instead of doing work that is more useful or pleasant to them.
I have to read Lyotards evil book where he writes something along the lines of workers enjoying their "exploitation". The "Look I use myself up so I have authority in X/ to say X." As I said like with my job as package monkey I think I did a harder job and ca therefore claim something. But it's somehow stupid to be proud of being the dummy for a company, I could do work that is more fulfilling and still takes my energy and gives validation.
I think nobody denies that work can be a fulfilling thing, in the end work produces results which can lead to satisfaction.
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No. 44743
51 kB, 720 × 960
>>44741
One of these days I'm going to read this and be confused that I wrote it or not right up til
>$18/hour
I've never made that muchI moreover resent the fact that our society's entire premise on your value as a human is how many dollars you're made of, which is how we get the most useless obnoxious fucks like the Kardashians being covered as if they were somehow newsworthy and I greatly respect Mika Brezinski for trying to set fire and shred a report her bosses were making her read about Paris Hilton or whoever it was

Honestly it's just been exactly within this last year that I've finally come to grips with, understood, and totally accepted the real way American society works, what our one last and first value or principle is as a country, and it is this: grab everything you fucking can. I've hated it since forever but at the end of the day what does it matter me criticizing the fuck you I got mine mentality of this place? Me not taking what I can is actually foolish. I've never had access to real capital before and partly because it's always gone on rents. Moreover you're not respected in this society in a wide variety of positions and get to take abuse from people, who more often than not are similarly lashing out in whatever small Sovok-bureaucrat petty tyrant tier manner in the small space they're afforded any power over their own lives.

No, this pandemic has taught me something vital about the country, its values and modus operandi. I'll take everything I fucking can get and if I have the chance try to find a white collar gambler's den scheme in the stock market or whatever, because I already had the chance at becoming a millionaire by now between the gold of 2008 and BTC none of which I ever had real opportunity to do anything about because no capital and that my boomer parents similarly never bothered with my advice. I feel a much deeper inward center of completeness and part of that is my full understanding of the magnitude to which shitty jobs like me being a line cook for years eroding my very soul and warping my entire character and personality. It wore away much of me like a meth junkie grinding his teeth away on the altar of sacrifice for somebody else's wallet and my compensation was enough to buy weekly booze rations to numb myself into that acceptance while all my native leadership instincts and intellectual capacities got worn away.

No fuck that. That's the kind of stuff you tell stupid people like breaking in a horse into letting you ride him. That's how you break literal bydlo into being domestic animals so you can steal their children for the slaughter or the milking. That's how you break in a stupid mule so it can carry all your shit for you. You brainwash the cattle into thinking they do good works juuust enough that they don't start bucking when they take thankless shit from people every day.

Fuck that. I want to be a useless human being like pewdiepie's net worth specifically because it will free up my labor to more valuable pursuits like study and trades without having to worry about what will become of me because of rents and bills and debt management because the whole system is run on debts and you're practically obligated to take them to function in this society. It's all nothing more than a more obtuse way of instituting feudalism so that no one can afford to stop tilling the land and making debt payments and making rent payments being trapped in a job the fucking hate or for people they may come to despise.

It's like the wisdom of what Dave Chappelle talked about with the pimp named Iceberg and why he walked away from millions and millions of dollars
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UWJGaKhVrDA

I want to get rich now--not because I don't want to work, but because I don't want anyone to own me. I don't ever want to have to work for others again. The only way I'm willingly going to do that would be if it's real sacrifice, like volunteering, medicine, being a monk or wandering preacher, or being a statesman in the real sense of the term and what it's supposed to mean, which is being a slave to the rest of the country because at least a king has dignity beneath his crown.

I want to work. I want to do work that's life affirming, enriching, that produces that kind of self satisfaction, because no man works to be idle forever, but under the system labor itself has been degraded and it degrades every participant. In a certain sense prostitution is one of the only honest businesses in America, because it says up front what's the real situation.

Thanks to this pandemic I worked for myself for the first time in years and felt a real sense of self respect as a result.
I don't mean to sound hostile to you either Portugal sorry keep in mind more than even race, class is the one big way to get Americans into butthurt shitpost tirades. Don't take anything I said personally.

Again, watch this
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UWJGaKhVrDA
that sums up how I ended up feeling between October 2019 and present. The only reason Aussie is unhappy about the dole is because of the instinctive Anglo reaction to taking gifts from another person, which is the sense they'll try to use it to own you later like Iceberg the pimp. To this day I feel like the government is going to try to find a way to go after me and try to get their money back later, and I'm still trying to cook up ways to invest enough of that money into not worrying about rent for several months and more towards the future of growing my money into bigger investments to reinvest towards that goal that someday I might actually get to do things of real value with my time.
>>
No. 44745
>>44743
>I've never made that much
You've also never lived in California. Trust me, in the Bay Area that produces a standard of living no better than what you're accustomed to. And even in our smaller towns, the cost of living is just as insane. A 1-bedroom apartment in my current town of ~20k is $1400 a month, minimum, and that's actually somewhat cheap for the area.

I can't even gripe about them not building more housing, because if they did, it would just open up space for more morons to move here, driving the prices back up. Having all the high-paying jobs and status concentrated in a few parts of the country fucks over people already living in NY and CA as much as it does people in flyover country. Someone from Arkansas may only be able to find work at the local McDonald's, but cost of living means that someone working in San Francisco may be no better off in real terms.

>I want to get rich now--not because I don't want to work, but because I don't want anyone to own me.
I think this is what the Aussie is missing. Unless you work for yourself, you're always somebody else's slave. The best you can hope for as a wagie is to plan your life such that your slavery, in hindsight, is actually just indentured servitude.

The old labor tradition is great, and maybe you can consider yourself your own boss in a meaningful sense if you have a strong and responsive union. But in America you'll have more luck finding a jackalope.
>>
No. 44749
I even explicitly said that the same problem would exist right now if the place was shut down and I couldn't go and work for my share of the means of production, just that the form it takes at the moment is shaped by the reality of the system I'm under. It's not about the money exactly, and it's not about feeling 'useful to society' or any crap. It's about having a direct relationship between my actions and my livelihood on a philosophical level, and not just an economic one. It's not really such a complicated idea as to miss the point this hard tbh.

Also, bedspring was annoying as fug, didn't sleep well and have a thirsty hangover. Time to go get more booze :-D
>>
No. 44755
273 kB, 1417 × 1417
Work is finally over. At least until August.
Now I get to enjoy the looming terror at home as I wait for the university admittance results in the coming two days.

I completely lost track of my spending, and I think I've spent / I'm going to spend more money than I actually earned. (I'm not giving up on buying a Loeb Odyssey.) (And I also have to chuck in ~45 euros into the family budget to get my PC fixed.)
But the money I'll earn in August will go all into savings.

Finally went to the bank and activated my debit card. Who knew you had to activate it to use it?
Used it for the first time ever to pick up a package.
I got myself two little pamphlets from the turn of the 40s-50s by Stalin. Mainly because I have this unhealthy interest in the USSR and the "previous system" for some reason. Really, I shouldn't have to justify myself.

Picked up some masks in case I need to go somewhere. Also asked about medical alcohol, and they said they only sell 0.5dl bottles. No idea why though.
I thought that the thing we bought last time to refill the hand sanitizer bottle was 70% alcohol. Guess not.

Despite work I've almost managed to finish reading that book on Homer.
>>
No. 44756
995 kB, 1303 × 869
My working hours are around midday instead of morning hours, because we are missing personnel. So I don't get up early, but only an hour before lunch time and then head to work, do my hours and then come back in the afternoon. By then I have no energy to proceed much.
Just copy pasted some notes with some minors edition work to the word document for my BA, already 1/6 in words is on paper :DDD, now I want to just sleep, I've been super tired for a a few weeks now.
I got accepted for my uni of choice. Now, this means I will really move away from this city I've lived in for so long. I'm glad but I also fear not finding social contacts. That my coworker and I get along well now gives me hope that the same thing can happen when I moved to that new city.
>>
No. 44758
>>44756
I know this feel. I was going to post something to the other American but I'm just too fuckin tired and really that's ultimately the part of work that I find taking something valuable from me, which is that I typically don't even have enough energy after a shift to do anything except shitpost. That creates a just less than fulltime because fuck paying our employees benefits rut where you're basically too tired to do anything all week and then end up having to do your chores and errands on at least one of your only days off.

Thank fucking God for two things though, that I don't drink and I don't work in kitchens anymore. Seeing that Aussie talking about drink and kitchen work brought back all kind of hazy dimly remembered bad feels about my 20s. KC, drinking, kitchen work. What a damn waste of my youth.

>>44745
Well rather than tell a couple of anecdotes let me suffice to say that unlike a lot of poor people I do understand the cognitive biases inherent to the human inability to count anything worth a damn (an ongoing annoyance of mine with like 98% of science fiction) and as such I fully comprehend how little money it is what looks like a big pile (which I've frequently used against myself in the past for example with hiding extra beers or hiding money or hiding my script around the house just so that I'd instinctively look at many piles as a whole lot less than I actually have which is similarly why I avoid paying for anything with debit card and only use cash I need for the day, because if you have $454 in your bank account it looks like a lot more than $354 you're not focusing on and $100 in your wallet, or 5 beers in the front of the fridge and more beer all over the place so you don't kill most of the whole 12 pack immediately by thinking you have more than you do). Well two brief anecdotes then the other one being my idiot friend who wasn't even less than smart but just desperate and I had to talk him out of thinking about knocking off a bank because aside from all the obvious stupid reasons that go over the head of poor people logic ten grand is fucking nothing.

I'm not even talking about investing a ton of money probably not even a thousand if I had it and trust me I am well aware of the fact that even if I somehow came out so much farther ahead than all reason and made ten grand, hell let's just make it absolute ridiculous absurdity and call it buying in at $1000 worth of shares and making out to a hundred grand in a year which I don't even think happened to bitcoin, that even that fantastical amount of money would never be anywhere close to "set for life" or "not having to be a corporation's bitch again" not even by a long shot.

As a matter of fact I'm also well aware of the fact that even if you somehow actually had a full million that that is not that kind of money. No what I'm talking about is much bigger and clearly a much farther off likely unattainable goal without skill, luck, and connections that only hits a handful of people in this country, if that. What most people don't think about is just where you are and where you'll be a decade down the line which is partly why most people who hit the lottery just end up going broke and even worse off than they were before.

What I'm ultimately talking about from the perspective of investment strategy is hoping I can come out ahead and even that's inapt because you get up and leave a poker game. This would be a more fire and forget strategy just to tie up some of my finances in something that has potential to be an appreciating asset for once, and with enough luck and patience getting to grow it into where I can move more around later. I don't honestly believe I've much potential to make more money anytime soon, and even if I did it'd only amount to enough to cash out for a plane ticket and a flat in another country (which I'd already be able to nab without it had I the money to invest).

I agree with you about patience and discipline. Having neither of those is how fools get parted with their money.
>>
No. 44759
>>44758
I do some things, also it's a side job and not 8h (commute adds mandatorily). I read at least or prepare some food, doing the minimal chores that have to be done every then and now. But I can't sit down and write something important when it's getting close to evening etc. I just put it onto the next day, not feeling like it. This is not good and I did this sometimes before but the streak is now taking two weeks. Even when I had morning shifts it was like that. Having to work middays just usually ends in doing not much, got up to late, waste energy at work and then come back tired even though I got sleep enough, probably too much.
Also drinking so much it buzzes heavily is close to always a waste.
>>
No. 44761
>>44759
Yeah I actually know exactly what you mean and quite frankly one of the other great advantages to me being sober is that I can generally do way more mentally or physically taxing shit ass early in the morning. I still was dragging ass all day today because I've consistently been unable to sleep all summer, which is the biggest reason I drank so much to begin with because if I had to be up and to work by 7:30 in the morning I had to drink a few glasses of vodka just to get myself drunk enough to pass out before midnight and get some sleep, which now routinely not falling asleep before 2 or 3:00am is starting to kill me especially because I've got ants everywhere and right when I was going to sleep last night I fucking felt something run across my neck and it felt bigger than an ant so whoever it was woke me back the fuck up so I had to stay up another 45 minutes getting something to eat and going back to bed, but on the plus side I guess business was so slow I got sent home early

All of which is to say that boy do I share those feels. I fucking HATE having shit to do looming over me. I feel like I can't get anything done so I need to either do it immediately to clear my schedule or fuck off for a few hours and because it's scheduled I have to wait, so if it's like an 11:00am-5:00pm shift it blows my entire morning and then I don't feel like I have enough of the day left to get anything done. While I hate the mornings and I despise having to get up early lately I've found that getting home before 5:00pm and having my entire evening cleared is a far superior lifestyle and I'm beginning to understand why day people do it, because even if you've got a shorter shift having it in the middle of the day ends up just feeling like it already cost you your entire day rather than a longer but earlier start where I feel like I get half my day back. I still don't feel like doing anything of substance the rest of it though.

I've also concluded that CBD and other cannabinoids is of limited utility for sleep just like everything else, and in spite of my expectations I do feel like it's made me much lazier and dumber like if I was an actual pothead. I'm probably just going to end up abandoning it because the only time I'm really getting any pragmatic utility seems to be in the way it sometimes calms me down enough I get more accomplished solely because it erases that pent up inner tension where I end up just spinning my wheels and doing nothing. I think it might be an actual generalized anxiety disorder thing. I'll have all this nervous energy and then do absolutely nothing with it. I just wish I could force myself back to something useful like idk make myself build furniture or organize my apartment and vacuum or something.
>>
No. 44762
You know what I need to buy a cheese grater and some onions and potatoes and carrots and make some latkes. Or any other potato built nourishing substance. However you call it. Like potato salad. Not pierogi fuck that too much wörk.
>>
No. 44763
>>44761
>in the middle of the day ends up just feeling like it already cost you your entire day rather than a longer but earlier start where I feel like I get half my day back.

Exactly.
I don't sleep much, if I have to get up early. Tomorrow will be a morning shift an it's close to 1pm rn. I can sleep 30min in the afternoon to get some energy. Let's see how it will go.
Try to use your energy then. I often have the feeling that starting something feels not right because of some - in the end non existent - day-planning/portioning by mind. Stupid!

I went through shared flats with rooms on a reasonable budget. I knew this city would not be red, liberals and business/STEM normos mixed wildly. The whole university is nothing like the classic reform universities of my state. But it looks like a liberal-green overload that makes me cringe a bit while reading the description. It's not like I never buy organic food or that I despise people being homosexual. But I'm a) not a vegan/vegetarian, though I don't eat meat every day, b) I try to get a distance to my liberal socialisation and reflexes (the latter might piss of liberal people) and c) I don't like this whole "we are active quirky people that do all kinds of stuff together"-type. I'm calm, can make joges and can be social, if it is necessary, I sometimes even want it
I found one really reasonable ad, that sounded like people who I could get along with according to their descriptions, more of the "cool" than the "eco" side. A few others that sounded neutral. Shit. Might write to the first. Might also check other platforms for available rooms.
>>
No. 44768
3,8 MB, 4096 × 2304
Last day at the beach, train comes in the evening.
Swimming under rain and wind, feels good man. Water is still warm. The moment I put on sunscreen, the sun goes away, when it gets washed away, the sun comes back :-DDD

Being in the water straightened my back a bit. Can't really slouch while in water or else you'll be breathing it. Might actually start going to the pool after this. Get that full body workout and learn to swim properly. Right now I just sort of slowly flail my way to where I want to be. Fortunately I don't sink due to all the fat.
>>
No. 44769
>>44768
Swimmng can feel so great, but no pool can give you the dynamic of the sea. Swimming in the pool feels like pretending, but swimming in the sea feels like a conversation with the water where you have to put in effort to get any kind of flow but if the effort pays off your brain just showers you in endorphins like there's no tomorrow.
>>
No. 44773
>>44768
The open sea in greyish colors, perfect.

I used the giftcard for some small book shop friends gifted me to buy Hegels Phenomenology of Spirit and a book on the culture of digitality. Perhaps I will write the introduction to my BA thesis, but I guess it's to late already. I've had to realize my notes are quite messy and scattered and I need to have a plan and then look for the most fitting notes, goal is to have this solved until August so that I can then arrange, write edit and bridge notes and thoughts.
>>
No. 44774
Finally got my PC back. Browsing websites without any stuttering is such a luxury, man.
Played some Postal 2 to test the hardware, and it ran just fine. Though I'm having trouble enjoying the game. It's just too easy because I've played it a hundred times already on increasingly higher difficulties.

Read one more chapter from the Homer-book. It's more interesting now that it's not a boring onslaught of dates and names and instead an actual analysis of works that were influenced by the epics of Homer.
One of the essays is on a Babits-short story, which I read today.

Wanted to order the Loeb-Odyssey from Bookdepository but they ran out of copies for the first volume while I was contemplating buying it.
Though looking at it, ordering it directly from the publisher isn't much more expensive. It's just that I have no fucking idea if goods still circulate between the two continents despite the catastrophic state of the US 'rona pandemic.

"Good circulating between the continents". I think the way the corona-pandemic severed some of the shipping lines actually adds back a bit of exoticism to buying things from abroad.
Nothing is foreign or strange when you can order something at a whim. Of course the best adventure is still going out and buying a copy yourself, but that's terribly expensive.

Tomorrow they'll publish the university admittance results. Or at least the point threshold for each faculty and department. But since the threshold is determined by the score of the lowest-scoring admitted student, it's a de-facto way of knowing whether or not you're in or out.
It's wrecking my nerves. Not even weird Soviet jazz-albums help.
>>
No. 44775
So even if I don't end up getting anything or having it all straightened out before the deadline I should, knock on wood, still once again have access to UI, which while it doesn't ultimately fix shit because my company dropped me back down to something like 10-12 hours a week again and thus it's a long term piss in the bucket, it still feels good man. I ended up spending part of the afternoon window shopping for a GPU again and looking at those numbers I'm reminded of what an ignorant with conviction twat I was as a little kid just telling my dad "buy more RAM." I was such a stupid kid I didn't even understand he couldn't fundamentally fix any performance deficits and I told him that after already spending hundreds of dollars on RAM. We had maxed out on the RAM, probably like 128mb or something back then, and it makes me come to grips with my own arrogant stupidity and ignorance.

I do not know how to overclock and I fundamentally do not understand what all of these numbers mean beyond "big RAM good smaller number RAM bad." Which means that really idk if I should even buy another GPU right now because I can't even be sure I trust that power supply or wont hog the paltry 460w, and I'm not even sure that getting a higher clock speed will help me much.

In spite of all that I'm realizing how comparatively cheap a new graphics card actually is. I can afford to spend less than a couple hundred dollars on it. I'm simply amazed by how much of a fact it's not a big deal to me anymore. All I know is I'm leaning on a radeon 570-590 range 8gb GPU right now and have hell of half a mind to just up and order it with promptly finding out it's either going to be underperforming, bottlenecked, or somehow not compatible with my aging potentially faulty ass equipment. I dunno. I might just do it anyway but I'm not sure if I can even just swap out my PSU later or should just wait to see if I can get more money to start building a new PC but man do I want to purchase a new 8gb GPU today.
>>
No. 44789
I have for some time had a habit of analyzing interesting faces I see and imagining drawing them.
Just now a girl in the train told her bf that I was eyeballing her. I didn't know it was that obvious :-DDD
To be fair she is very pretty, but that is only part of the reason I was staring.
Maybe I should stop, I have a rather intense and probably unpleasant stare when breaking down anatomy in my head.
Or actually carry a sketch book and get good at speed drawing so I can have an excuse :-DDD
>>
No. 44790
>>44789
>Or actually carry a sketch book and get good at speed drawing so I can have an excuse :-DDD

Sounds like a good solution tbh
>>
No. 44791
>>44774
Good luck with the uni admittance!
>>
No. 44792
7 kB, 236 × 236
So I need to get condoms because the ones the girl I'm with has got were too tight and wouldn't let themselves be pulled down. Being quite inexperienced in such matters I barely know how to handle such a thing. I just remember that sames happened when I tried on a condom just like that half a year ago or so.
I'm already dieing of the cringe of buying new ones at the supermarket or the pharmacy. How am I even supposed to know whether they fit before I buy them? Living in the modern world is so disgusting and awkward.
>>
No. 44793 Kontra
>>44792
You buy them online, because they are cheaper usually.

>were too tight and wouldn't let themselves be pulled down

So are you big dicked? Condoms should be tight and not loose afaik, I had different ones but no XL and on some I was able to pull them down the whole shaft on some not completely, maybe 1-3cm missing, but that is ok. So long as most of your dick is sealed and protects from baby matter escaping into the tunnel. And yes so tight that they don't get sucked into the vagina otherwise :DD I mean if it hurts or so you should look for an alternative (also you rolled them down on the right side I hope? meaning the pointy chamber for your sperm not being inwards)
>>
No. 44794 Kontra
>>44792
>>44793
Ok so look
https://www.mein-kondom.de/de/kondome

There is a size category that is about circumfence, which seems to be the problem here first of all. You need to find out your dicks circumfence. But I'm not sure about the sizes tbh, from 54mm-56mm would fit my dick according to their description, and I have one here that is 54mm and I knew I was able to pull that down. Also if your dick is just fat but not quite long as well you should look if there is something that fits this shape I think.
>>
No. 44796
I have roughly 8 more hours. They're publishing the results at 8 o' clock in the evening. (I honestly hoped I'd have it
I'm up against 49 other students who marked it as their first potential course, and 158 others who marked it as one of the 6 possible courses they'd like to take.

I took 4 pills of valerian to ease myself. It's working (though I think it influences my typing and thinking more than I'd like to admit. Strange how I wrote the best maths tests of my life on this thing). So I'm gonna play some Postal, because I can't fucking concentrate on reading about Homer, despite the weather being good.
I also have no appetite. Even the thought of Wienerschnitzel mit Pommes for lunch fills me with disgust.

Honestly, if my digestive track was strong enough, I'd just drink a lot and time travel to the publication of the results, but that's not an option.

Got an E-mail that they gave the 80 euro book I ordered to the delivery man. That's at least certainly a good thing.
>>
No. 44797
Finally home. The exhaustion of the last few days hit me all at once.

Gonna have to regroup and think about what to do next. Probably look for a shitty entry level job with opportunities to rise in rank. This whole time I had delusions of grandeur and sour grapes. Maybe I don't need much more than a job, my hobbies, and family. Maybe it's all just a cope.
We'll see.
>>
No. 44800
48 kB, 800 × 1160
Mother wants me to start paying rent.
Suppose it's time to put everything else on hold and move out. There's no point in paying 2/3 of what I'd pay in a city just to keep living here. I won't have any money left at the end of the month with my current job but at least nobody will nag me.
Other options include squatting here (I'll make sure to put the International Squatters Symbol on the door) or just sending her all my fucking money, she can choke on it.
>>
No. 44801
>>44800
Move. It is better to be relatively destitute than deal with living with your parents as an adult.
>>
No. 44804
>>44800
I would move out of Bavaria if you actually want to squat openly, it's official CSU/Bavarian police policy to ensure that no squat lasts longer than 24 hours. But there's a new squat in Konstanz.
>>
No. 44807
55 kB, 563 × 197
213 kB, 540 × 432
Well, they published the results.
The threshold for studying Chinese at the Lóránd Eötvös University of Sciences this year was 338 out of 500 points.
I confidently went over that threshold with 462 points out of 500.

The text-message the public office sent me confirms it, that I've been accepted to study both modern and classical Chinese at one of the most prestigious universities in the country.

Looking at the points, I could've confidently picked anything that might've interested me at the Department of Humanities.

I've had 3 shots of Metaxa. I've never been this drunk in my entire life I think.
Also had a shot of cranberry pálinka.
We prepared plum pálinka in case of a defeat, but it was unnecessary.

With this, I've completed the second goal of my First Five Year Plan.

God bless this world and on you all.
>>
No. 44809
27 kB, 500 × 361
>>44807
Well done. Prost!
>>
No. 44810
95 kB, 610 × 343
>>44807
I secretly expected nothing else. Went through the same struggle for my masters somehow.
>>
No. 44811
218 kB, 740 × 493
>>44807
Congratulations, Ernst.
>>
No. 44812
>>44807
Ayyy congrats. Why the difference between the plum and cranberry though?
>>
No. 44813
>>44812
Well, pálinka is our national drink. It's a strong spirit that's usually above 40% alcohol.
Most commonly it is made out of plums or apricots, but literally anything can be used that has a sugar content to make ethanol. Usually it's a clear liquid with a fruity aftertaste if well made.
The thing is commonly used as a folk medicine or a celebratory drink, but it's not relegated to ceremonies, the pálinka-culture is alive and well ever since they made brewing below 50 litres per year tax exempt at home.

Cranberry-pálinka is a speciality. It's very rare, but tastes very good.
Usually brewed in Transylvania, it tastes fruity all the way until it's in your stomach.
It's not commercially sold, so to get it, you have to know or encounter someone who made it themselves.
This here bottle I drank from was brought home by my parents at my request, after they asked the salesman at the local market in Transylvania who pointed them towards a clerk in a shop who said that you can get it from the owner of the local motel who was gracious enough to sell a litre to them.
>>
No. 44817
>>44813
Ah so that's why the cranberry version is special and celebratory and the plum more for a sad or ordinary occasions. That all sounds so soulful thanks.
>>
No. 44819
I should not have subjected myself to this...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DaFSH0K4BdQ

I tend to listen to the news while pressing Kratom capsules and man do I find some stupid shit sometimes
>>
No. 44826
311 kB, 430 × 437
>Yesterday night actually happened
Sweet. Actually rechecked everything in case it was some weird fever dream.

This day will be spent on writing a few letters to people I've promised to tell the results, and on reading up on the "to do list" before my application is finalised.
Currently reading the welcome-letter of the department's Dean.
Seems like there's a lot to read up on before I can set foot on campus.

You know what's strange? The shots I had yesterday didn't really take their toll on me the next day.
Alcohol is literally better for your intestines than artificial sweeteners.

Some of my classmates shared their results. Two of them got accepted to the same university, but not the same department. (One will go to the Department of Natural Sciences, one to the Department of Primary- and Preschool education, while I'll be attending classes at the Department of Humanities.)
A surprising amount of them will go on to study economics and computer-science.

>>44817
I'd also to add that there's no unwritten cultural rule about drinking different kinds of pálinka for different occasions.
We just thought, "why waste the good stuff on something sad?".
Also, unlike most pálinkas, which are clear like water, cranberry pálinka is red in colour.
>>
No. 44829
33 kB, 474 × 356
I dug around in my electronic trash box, and found a broken laptop a client once gave me, said to fix it or sell it for parts, as bonus payment.
I diagnosed it and it's got a faulty video chip, as is common with laptops. I could replace the motherboard, add some RAM and maybe replace the drive bay with another hdd slot. for about $60. Which is about half the price of a similar cheap used laptop here. It's a HP ProBook 4320s. Pretty old, but who needs computing power these days, and I like the form factor. But considering the thing burned out once already, not sure how reliable it would be once fixed. I'm distrustful of HP as a brand, and the thing ain't no thinkpad or dell latitude. Also, first generation core i5 chip, which is really showing its age.

But 60 bucks for a perfectly functional laptop, why not eh? I'm gonna have to have a think on it.
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No. 44830
>>44807
>I've been accepted to study both modern and classical Chinese
Sweet
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No. 44832
64 kB, 600 × 769
>>44829
>But considering the thing burned out once already,
>not sure how reliable it would be once fixed. I'm distrustful of
>HP as a brand,
>HP
>HP
Well if I were you I'd be strongly considering what better things I could do with the money than screwing around with an old HP piece of junk. I've had literally 4 laptops of theirs die in a row and one of them was dead within literally 2 hours out of the box which I had to get a replacement. Never use, trust, or rely on HP for fucking anything. It's cheap for a reason and that is because it is garbage. Meanwhile I've actually had my Dell desktop tower (XPS 8500) for 8 solid years thus far.

I am convinced at this point because the vast gulf between my Dell and my numerous HPs that a computer is a lot like a used car or cologne; you get what you pay for and if you buy cheap enough it's worse than not having it at all.
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No. 44833
>>44832
Yeah, I've consistently had terrible experiences with HP stuff. Except for their old business class elitebook series laptops which are pretty durable and sort of the same category of product as thinkpads.

but this one is consumer grade, so it's probably the same kind of unreliable, overheating garbage as all other hp stuff. maybe I'll just throw it in the trash, it ran super fucking hot even back when it worked, now that I remember.

maybe I'll visit some pawn shops, there's sometimes underpriced tech stuff there, the ladies there don't know what they're selling.
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No. 44834
>>44826
Belated Congratulations, ernst.

>>44833
>unreliable, overheating garbage as all other hp stuff
Overheating was the biggest problem with my old HP laptop; I didn't realize that was their trademark :D. I got one of those cooling pads to keep it running. It also had a huge screen burn in the lower left corner, and the clips which kept it closed broke. Well, the clips still worked, but the button to release them didn't. I had to use a screwdriver to open it. Good times :D.
tfw my current desktop is also an HP.
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No. 44836
>>44834
Lol yeah I did the same thing. I trash picked one years ago I probably still have but before then I had to keep it on top of ice blocks in the summer just to keep it from overheating and powering off. My setup was a couple blue dry ice blocks between a couple two by fours that entire summer. Good times.
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No. 44851
FUCK
I ordered a new cheap keyboard online because my current one has bad keys, and I don't want to wait a month for a chinese mechanical one to arrive.
But I ordered a keyboard before realizing that the very same one is sold 30% cheaper in another store. Order can't be cancelled because already paid for :-(
Oh well. The store I ordered from used to be my go-to because of their excellent warranty policy, but lately they've been increasing prices and sending spam to my burner email. Maybe they're high off their own "prestige". I don't think I will be doing business with them from now on.

In other news, I'm looking for a new regular-ass job. Already have some decent ads lined up. Sure, the last time I got a job, it was a complete embarrassing shitshow, I destroyed some materials, pissed off a bunch of clients, and got scammed out of pay, but honestly it was a great experience builder and smoothed out some of my autism bumps. This time, though, I'll make sure the workplace is closer and is reachable with one bus ride. Last time, the commute was killing me.
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No. 44857
>>44834
>>44830
>>44812
>>44809
>>44810
>>44811
I forgot to say:
Thank you all!