/int/ – No shittings during wörktime
„There is no place like home“

Currently at Radio Ernstiwan:

Hail Odin! by Christenklatscher666


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No. 47353 Systemkontra
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No. 47358
>God I wish I lived in Santa Monica
You could make it happen someday. Unshakeable faith that the elusive "good life" is just around the corner is an American tradition, right?
That video brings back memories; I had the pleasure of spending a day in that exact area once and my only souvenier is a pencil I 'liberated' from their library. I was going to donate a dollar to 'pay for it', but honestly can't recall if I actually did so. I do vividly remember reaching Santa Monica, though. The moment where Interstate 10 ends and turns into the Pacific Coast Highway. At that point there's a short tunnel which immerses you in darkness, before opening up to reveal an endless sky and the Pacific Ocean. Beautiful.
Someone made a video which concludes at that spot:

13-46 Los Angeles #12 of 14: I-10 West, Santa Monica Freeway
No. 47359
I want to visit this two towers one day.
No. 47360 Kontra
I plan on reading https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Mathematical_Experience, maybe this book will open up mathematics to me a bit.

I got turned down for another room, they overslept the date and then the next day sent me a video of the flat, today one of them announced that they already made a decision. Fucking hate this room search, capitalism has to die, so that I can live in now vacant apartments for speculations sake.
No. 47366
This m2 SSD cost almost the same price as same spec SATA SSD. I bought it for 5999 roubels in local store (~78 usd).
SATAIII variant is 5750 roubels in the same store - 3,23 usd difference.

Yea, I guess Serial ATA format and it's connectors soon be a memory of the past, in same grave with a paralell ATA, big flat wires and controller cards.

Inserting a tiny card in a small slot like RAM is much more modern way of doing it, I imagine all hard drives of the near future will be in a multiple motherboard slots. It is feels much better than have in your computer wrapped two million five hundred thousand tons of spinning metal, all alone in the night
No. 47368
Working and studying in tandem is kind of hard actually. I'm very tired.
Got the exam results. 87/100 points. It's a B.
I'm not satisfied. I only needed 4 more points for an A. It wasn't that I fucked up one exercise completely, but rather that I lost half-points throughout the test because my hanzis were either a bit ugly or I messed up a tone.
(Apparently you also get half point subtracted for writing in a tone when it's not necessary, which is frankly bullshit imho, but I guess they're right and I won't fuck this up next time.)
But then again, I think most people did terribly, because the lecturer actually tried to reassure us that this isn't the end, you can still correct this!.
God, I hope so.

Picked up the Shostakovich bio I ordered. It's very small and very short.
Read through like a quarter of it, and it's more of a soviet propaganda publication than a proper biography.
It talks about how great the man is (because he was still alive when this was puiblished!), how he's compassionate and talented.
Basically, it's the official story, uncomfortably tip-toeing around the denunciations and such.

Tomorrow's work again. More money. Then I come home and try studying for after tomorrow.
At least next week I'll have time to rest properly, because work will be over for this season.

I have to confess that I've only seen the anime in whole. The I have a pdf of the novel's fan translation, but I only read the first few chapters, because it's a quite low priority target. (Or I'm just a lazy cunt :D)
Though I wouldn't have written a sequel to Tatami Galaxy. The ending was worded in such a way that it implied that there's no point in continuing the story. (I think the MC said that nobody cares about what happens after the happy end)
But hey, if it ever comes out in English (or I actually bite the bullet and learn Japanese for my master's) or gets an anime adaptation like the original or the other novel of the author, I'm gonna read it/watch it.

I don't know much about sinofuturism because I'm more drawn to the past than the future, but the accounts I heard of contemporary China's developments in technology makes me feel jealous.
Fast trains, completely digital payment systems, digital integration and so on.
Made me realise how I'm living in the periphery.
No. 47369
>Made me realise how I'm living in the periphery.

Yeah, that's the interesting thing. In a multipolar world, it could be a model for future developments, at least some things going on there could be of importance for the rest of us so to speak. That's why sinofuturism is a nice field to engage in a little bit.
No. 47370
> I imagine all hard drives of the near future will be in a multiple motherboard slots
Yeah then enjoy your murican sized EXXXTRA Large BigAss BoardTM with Super Duper Double Full size case to go with your LXXXBATX board because they're gonna have a hell of a time cramming all that much in there. I've got something like 5 hard drives and SSDs just plugged into my SATA ports right now. Well I mean maybe not the case per se if you wipe the need for drive cages but those things get fucking hot which means you're gonna need to think about that and on top of that for me to have just six m.2 drives plugged in I'm gonna need extra space all over the fucking board.

Honestly it's the kind of thing where I'd want to have 3 drives tops and on top of that--and here's the actual reason you're not gonna see anything like it in the next decade--each of those is hogging way more bandwidth out of your PCIe lanes. Which while you can say something about using USB more it's messy and fucking annoying and plus it will needlessly eliminate things like my optical drives which they can pry from my cold dead hands. This is an added problem because of the way the PCI lanes are running directly from the chip itself and then another however many like 16 or 12 or 20 lanes you'd be getting added from the chipset. I've got a Ryzen 3000 series chip so it's by default got 4 lanes dedicated to a gen4 NVMe drive support and another 16 lanes dedicated to the GPU (top two slots generally) with the final four running to the chipset which is where I'm splitting all my extra SATA plugs, some random shit added into my x1 and x8 slots which I would put on my second x1 slot but I'm stuck with cards being made too fat and x1 not spaced out enough so it's all ultimately saying there's limited board real estate at this point and I've got a nice board too. You're pretty much going to be stuck with something like EATX boards minimum to do that and while needing a lot more PCIe lane support from new chips.

But honestly though I wouldn't want that regardless because while zippy the lifespan of an SSD is finite, not just in terms of overall read/writes but just in terms of the data storage. I can probably still access data on a hard drive that I haven't touched in over a decade; I cannot do that within something ridiculous like 2-3 years with an SSD before the data storage degrades without having it constantly hooked in and error checking. It's the primary reason why I generally disdain SSD type storage for data.

I will say though that damn are they zippy. I can see why anyone trying it the first day would instantly fall in love with not having to wait two fucking days to back up all their data instead doing it in like 15 minutes or something. I also can't believe the excruciating load time bullshit I put up with for years and years. It makes me think my god how many precious hours of my brief life did I waste sitting there looking at loading screens honestly a tiny fraction of time spent at work and I'm considerably more butthurt on an hour by hour basis about that
No. 47372
From what I understand modern SSDs will not lose data when run out of power. Same as amount of their re-wrights now become numbers so high it's irrelevant.
HDD quality is often russian roulette gamble. It was back in times of old MFM drives all of which now probably are dead, used or not, same as it happen with modern WD drives.
No. 47373
Also m2 drives is really tiny. Remove sata connectors and you'll have room for 2 more.
No. 47374
273 kB, 1000 × 800
Oh wait you mean the really small SATA m.2 not the whatever it's called 22800 or whatever form factor. I was thinking about NVMe drives. I mean on some level when it comes to SATA SSDs you might as well just because there's more air inside those plastic cases than a bag of Doritos but still I don't want to waste PCIe lanes and I am not compromising on my blessed optical drives, whose lack thereof is severest heresy. I just cloned my Fallout 1 disc from 1999 or whenever I got it just in case it somehow degrades enough physically in the next 10 years to be unusable. Well, in the case of Fallout it doesn't matter because I did the whole Humongous 600+mb installation (remember when that was half your HDD? :--DDD ) but I do still need it to play my cloned Broodwars disc. So that right there is at least one SATA port I'm never going to want to part with. On top of that I have a lot of old drives laying about, most of which I got into my case and had every intention of reusing which shouldn't degrade like if I had SSD. Hardware is made nowadays like software which is the basic expectation you'll not be using it in five years so I feel like they don't even bother working on long term storage potential hence part of why I picked up a few M-discs (which are expensive af btw) and for which I'll also still need an optical drive and no, I do not feel like trying to find some sort of stupendously janky ass solution to it rather than putting it directly into my case and that includes having to either spend over a hundred dollars that I do not need to for putting drives in many enclosures or switching between a couple of them on top of the needless mess of having half a dozen drives lying around my desk, and yes this includes my distrust of NVMe longevity until proven otherwise which is the sole reason I'd use up something so fast as a gen4 PCIe lane on an m.2 drive. I mean as it stands I already have a couple ancient drives I don't use anymore because they're IDE which means I have to hook up an adapter cable and an AC adapter I need to plug in the wall. I'd rather cram as much old stuff into my case as possible. I know that's not everyone but that's definitely me and why I can't live without SATA on my PC.
No. 47378
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Well, if you want an additional storage and an optical disc/diskette drive it's all come as external usb solutions. And with usb 3.0 they are pretty fast to acces.
Size of m2 ssd you may see in first post of this conversation, I did photo of this thing on my hand. But CDs rot, damage and die from age also. They might live long but not infinity amount of time.
No. 47380
They tried? Oh no, they did scammed me :DDD

>Trash talk the company loudly and start petitions to get people to switch service.
Wew, if only this operator was the only one with scammy practies.
Anyway so, it's not that hard for me to file a complaint into Federal Customer Service.
No. 47381
Just scalded my hand with coffee from an overflowing moka pot, very annoying.
Now that I'm established in my new room I feel kinda bored, I guess I need to start some new project, or maybe rather finish some of that translating stuff I started...

Maybe interesting for you, there's a recently published journal with a bunch of articles on sinofuturism: https://sfrareview.org/50-2/ (under Special Issue)
I only read the one article titled Sinofuturism as Inverse Orientalism: China’s Future and the Denial of Coevalness, didn't find it that interesting though tbh.

>Working and studying in tandem is kind of hard actually. I'm very tired.
Make sure to take some rest, you sound like a prime candidate to get burned out tbh :D

Btw not sure if you already know him, but wanna recommend you this blog by this Canadian guy who ended up living int Tokyo and becoming a Chinese translator: http://www.dylanleviking.com/
Lately he seems to be mostly writing about old Chinese movies, but mb you'll find something else that's of interest on his page (I recommend his "About me" as a starter, it's pretty wild)
No. 47382
304 kB, 1600 × 1035
>recently published journal with a bunch of articles on sinofuturism
>Amy Ireland

I know her from Urbanomic podcasts, she has a nice voice.
There is also a book from Anna Greenspan about China and the remaking of modernity.
Too bad Paypal denies me 2FA sms again, I would have bought Blockchain Chickenfarm by now for 14€! Can anbody tell me if Authy is a good and trustable programm for 2FA so I don't have to rely on SMS anymore, second time now that PP is making problems with that.

>new room

I hope to say that soon as well. Have another talk soon, but my energy is rather low, getting turned down often enough makes you expect nothing else. Better not be prisoner of the past, eh?
No. 47385
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I read this one https://sfrareview.org/2020/09/04/50-2-a15zhang/ as it is short (15-20min) and grapples with the western sinofuturist writings (Land, Greenspan etc) from where I know the term. It contextualizes them (speculations, also some kind of western fantasy in light of declining and impotent west in a sense?) and puts another branch of sinofuturity forward, that of the urban-rural zone. Which somehow resembles meaninglessness, a kind if cruel nihilism, in contrast to modernity, there is no aim or move towards something. Time dies or becomes irrelevant, as exempliedfied by the lockdown experience, which is not as easily gotten by as imagined in the west, where the numbers of infected is what counts, at least my impression. And a time that is irrelevant, not linear is not the time of classical western modernity.

Thank you for the link btw. I won't read the others as they mostly deal with scifi, which I'm also quite interested in but have no time for atm.

The article reference this (contemporary) art project
No. 47386 Kontra
Maybe the author of this text exemplifies in a sense, that Land etc are doing reverse orientalism, but China remains the "other" as I see it. Even for me, who is interested in that country.
No. 47387
I fucked up my new watches wrist band trying to modify it to my wrist size myself. Now the pin keeps falling out. Oh well, guess I have to go to the jewellery or a watchmaker now to get it fixed.

Since China is somewhat the topic right now: this is not really about sinofuturism, but Palladium mag (they are liberal, but have creative views) had an interesting article on it.

No. 47388
been keeping track of my mood and motivation through a spreadsheet and chart.
s far it looks like a -5 -5 -5 -5 flatline, with some bumps every week.

I think I need another column, for mind fog. Sometimes I just find it difficult to think, and I don't know why.
No. 47389 Kontra
>Sometimes I just find it difficult to think, and I don't know why.

Overstimulated brain maybe? I think more clearly when I remove all factors that are known to increase agitation and restlessness in one's head. Mainly getting caught up in a whirlwind of chasing various internet ephemera (imageboards, youtube clickbait, consumerism, porn too but I quit that shit), but also stuff that overstimulates your senses, like eating and watching a TV show at the same time.
No. 47390
I have a very poor short term memory, so if I have to think about too many things at once, I get confused and start spinning in circles, losing grasp of one thing when something else comes to my attention.

I think I need to organize my day in such a manner that I'm only doing one thing in a single day, and remove all other distractions.
No. 47394
if my little brother is in 6th grade, and can't solve basic arithmetic equations, or even understand math notation, does that put him under the mental disability threshold?
No. 47398
Do you guys ever feel like when you're out and about that you wish you could inflict violence upon someone randomly without impunity?
Like kicking in the teeth of some schmuk listening to hardstyle with a fucking bluetooth speaker or the dickhead that doesn't know that the left side of the excalator is only for people who are in a hurry and want to walk manually on top of taking the escalator and not for standing around.
Don't know if these feelings are healthy or not. (Or if they're natural or not.)

I'm in pain. Physical pain.
There is this weird duality. There is mental/soul pain where you can say, I want to die, because that's the socially/culturally accepted response. But when the body gives you the chance and starts aching, you immediately start looking for any thread to hold onto.
People want to die metaphysically, but not physically.
I thought that's weird.

Anyway, I feel like shit, so I'm embarking on an epic quest to get cured through the Hungarian healthcare system during the time of covid.
I'm getting a bloodwork done tomorrow.
The thing is, I' don't have six months to go on a little holiday in one of the country's hospitals and recover, so I think it's time to step in in advance and prevent a bigger problem.

I think it will be very fun to attend classes with a vial's worth of blood missing.
Then going to work.
Gonna pick up a selection of Sinology essays. It's a book I've been meaning to buy for years.
Strange how work changes your perception of money. It's 1500HUF, roughly 4 euros, and now that I work semi-regularly, it's nothing.
Kinda wish I could stomach a burger. I'd actually pay for one.

Most kids have "strengths" and "weaknesses", often-times influenced by their environment.
It could be possible that he's stupid, but it's also possible that he had a no-good son of a bitch maths teacher.
Just try finding out if he's doing well in any of his other subjects.

My sister is good with maths and the visual arts, but can't for her life learn history, literature or a language.
I'm the complete opposite.
People are people.

I'm gonna burn all right :D
Recently I looked it up and even my fucking last name means "restless". Un-fucking-believable.
Really, I'm trying.
Thankfully my "job" is seasonal, so I'll do it this week and maybe next Monday and then nothing until summer.
Weird how I've been doing this job as a student for roughly 4 years now.

Sinofuturism for me actually shows how little I think of the future of the East. I guess that means that even with all the respect and care, my perception is still orientalist, so romantic and probably stuck in the past.

Thanks for the blog. I'll take a look at it during the weekend probably.
(I'll also try getting a copy of blockchain chicken farm, but I don't know how the post fucking works so I'm a bit anxious because I can't order packages to my mother's workplace any more.)
No. 47401 Kontra
>Do you guys ever feel like when you're out and about that you wish you could inflict violence upon someone randomly without impunity?
Yes, deeply. Although I find this is often magnified when I'm stressed or feeling volatile.
No. 47403
14 kB, 612 × 612
>when you're out and about that you wish you could inflict violence upon someone randomly

Sounds like J.G. Ballards dignaosis about the consumer society was right :DDDD violence of that kind was one if his themes
I'm bugged by some of my fellow city dwellers but rarely had violent fanatsies about them, that is reserved for other people.

>I guess that means that even with all the respect and care, my perception is still orientalist, so romantic and probably stuck in the past.

Probably :DDD
You know there is nothing wrong in being interested in the past but overt melancholia for what is more or less long gone is an unhealthy distraction, rather work on creating something/ a new epoch that can be romanticized in the future :DD

I hope you don't buy the exemplar I want to buy of Blockchain Chicken Farm but Paypal still won't provide me with 2FA reeee

In other news the girl who wanted me in her flat tried to convince her male roommates that a third male can be just as good as a second female. But I would have to rush for a personal meeting, considering it was not really possible long long train ride and missing out on a friends 30th birthday party I declined, a bit sad but hoping I might get the room I had a meeting for yesterday. She said she really likes me (quite a strong statement given we only had video and whatsapp chats), I was a bit surprised, I mean she messages me at times but often rarely tries to push the conversation when it is in jeopardy to fade and even though I say things she could pick up on.
No. 47406
>romantic and probably stuck in the past.
To be fair, being romantic and stuck in the past just makes you the same as most Chinese intellectuals throughout history.

>I'm in pain. Physical pain.
Obviously you should still see a doctor, but >90% of the time when a young and otherwise healthy person experiences some genuinely terrifying symptom, it turns out to be nowhere near life-threatening.
No. 47408
>Don't know if these feelings are healthy or not. (Or if they're natural or not.)
Not sure if that's healthy but I have an inkling that they're natural or far more common than we think. I feel the same way pretty much all the time, especially around the obese. I don't let it affect my rationality though, I just try disconnect from others and fantasize.
>People want to die metaphysically, but not physically.
Maybe some people want to detach themselves from the modern sense of life, detach themselves from responsibilities, debts, self-destructive passions and addictions, and people who are almost always meaningless and not worth remembering. Maybe that's why Buddhism goes trendy every now and then.
No. 47413
The 'rona pisses me off more and more every day. I'm getting to a point where I wouldn't give a flying fuck if 2% of world population die and we just move on ffs.
No. 47415
8 hours without cigarettes.
Btw i vape
No. 47416
Congrats. Not super long I know but it's a good start. For me it's always been about the one month mark that I relapsed. I really should try quitting again

It'd probably take out more uncontrolled but whatever. I'm more concerned about reinfection potential. It's also inconvenienced me but frankly I don't really care. I don't drink and I don't go out and party and don't need social contact so it's actually affected me very little. It probably did the world a net good. At least now people could be more ready for an actual disastrous pandemic that kills 30% or something.
No. 47417
Normally I light one up every 20 minutes so for me it's a milestone.
I have no cravings thanks to the higher concentration nicotine fluid, so I'm optimistic about it sticking
No. 47433
The corona virus is unironically the greatest thing that has ever happened in my life.
No. 47434
75 kB, 680 × 645
It's not only about violence in my eyes. It's also about exerting your completely arbitrary and subjective justice upon your fellow city-dwelling vermin. (The rest of objective existence that's compromised of the arbitrary justices and perceptions of the participants, essentially.)
Telling them they get this punch on the nose for being loud and obnoxious. Teaching them a lesson.
It's an important part of these "fantasies".
It might be a yearning for omnipotence.

>I hope you don't buy the exemplar I want to buy
Nah, I'll probably get a copy from Bookdepository.

>Maybe that's why Buddhism goes trendy every now and then.
Exactly. Even if it means pop-buddhism with American characteristics.

But unlike me, those intellectuals were able to dedicate enormous amounts of strength to studying the past, which is commendable.
Sometimes my existence feels like a colossal but half hearted 19th-20th century LARP.

>it turns out to be nowhere near life-threatening.
It happened before, so I'm just being cautious. It'd be a colossal disappointment to everybody if I were to die right now. Or even if I were to just get sick.
We're on the verge of greatness.

If something that spreads like Covid and has a 30% mortality rate actually comes about, then there's no fucking way we're going to prevent it.
If anything, the fundamentalist evangelical retards and conspiracy nuts will be our undoing.
The only think covid showed us is that we're unable to put up a prolonged (if any) united effort as a society and you actually need to harass people to follow crucial advice.
No. 47435
Today went well. Got my blood drawn in the morning. Having a medical expert come to your house is fucking sci-fi tier.
Anyway, my left arm hurts a bit.
A few of the values they looked at are a bit off, but nothing alarming. (Yeah, I got the results the same day. Double-plus sci-fi tier.)

Greek went well. I got two B's. One for my homework and one for my test from Tuesday.
The lecturer's comment was, "You aren't always necessarily precise, but still, good job none the less".

This language is like German on steroids. Everything is fucking gendered and has at least three declinations because of that. And even if you are armed with all the rules, this carefully constructed house of cards collapses two sentences in because of some regional quirk the given author has.
Babits was right. Now, I'd like to honour the God of translation by quoting this paragraph in full:

>Reading Greek is always a laborious task: Your French and German can be "perfekt"; but can you understand "perfectly" the language of the Hellenic writers? There isn't one such language: For almost every author, you have to learn a new one. The wrote in Greek from maybe 800 before Christ (When did Homer live?) until, let's say 1453 after Christ. And they wrote in Greek in Athen and Asia Minor, in Rome and in Egypt; Theokritos was a Sicilian, Lucian might have been a Syrian Jew. What distances in time and space! Two millenniums, three continents and how many countries, how many different societies and cultures from Mycenae to Byzantium! How many dialects, argots, literary manners and stylistic conventions! You could know Homer back to back, and yet Nonnos will still puzzle you; you can read Plato fluently, and you'll get stuck on the first sentences of a Plutarch biography. When you're learning a modern language through books, there's an entire library's worth of works at your service until you're able to swim freely, without a kick-board and a dictionary atop the sea of letters. The number of Greek tragedies that have been left to us barely make up four-five Teubner-volumes[1]. Scarcely enough for the language - for this hard, sophisticated poetic idiom - to be etched into your mind. After you've read it all: the last page might still humiliate your.

[1](famous German edition of greek and latin works)

Work was uneventful. This time they calculated my pay correctly.
Finally figured out how typing in Chinese works on a keyboard. Actually it's kinda intuitive.

Before I went to work I picked up a that collection of essays I talked about yesterday.
I started reading it on the bus and I realised how much these 6-7 weeks have changed my perception on some things.
Reading the non-pinyin transcriptions makes the whole text feel worthless and clunky.

Also forgot to mention that yesterday I finally got a Chinese name.
It's interesting how many names a person can have. I was baptised under a completely different name than what I am officially, because for everyday use, I have a pagan/ancient Hungarian name.
Then there's the fact that I use a nom de plume while writing sometimes to "get into character", and then there's also my online handle.

I'm going to bed, and I don't care if I'm going to sleep until 11, I'm going to get a good night's rest and erase the growing circles under my eyes.
No. 47436
>I'll probably get a copy from Bookdepository

That's the one I want too! :DDD

>It's also about exerting your completely arbitrary and subjective justice upon your fellow city-dwelling vermin.

With Ballard it is more about random violence, theurge for violent action, I think justice and order are less emphasized there, that might make the difference.
No. 47438
>Sometimes my existence feels like a colossal but half hearted 19th-20th century LARP.
Every modern wastes a good deal of their potential because of all the distractions. Reading the Babits quote from your other post, one gets the feeling that the old men of letters would, as a casual pastime, learn whole languages from scratch with nothing but a dictionary, source material, and (maybe) a grammar book. But what else would they do with their time? There just wasn't anything intellectually stimulating they could do that wasn't productive.

However, though our trial is greater, our ceiling is higher. We have an infinite source of easy distractions, but we can also read almost anything from anywhere in the world, most of it at anytime, for free. And we can experience art forms that the ancients couldn't even imagine. What I try to do is minimize the worthless parts of modernity (Youtube videos, endless time-waster games like what Paradox makes) and binge on the worthwhile parts (good movies, shows, and narrative closed-end games) when I must give in to the desire to consume. So even if I'm not spending enough time reading history books or learning languages, at least I can experience those parts of modernity that the old greats would appreciate if they were here now.
No. 47441
5 minutes after contemplating whether I should take a day off from jogging after experiencing some soreness in my shins, I walked outside and sprained my ankle on flat ground like a retard. I guess this settles it then.
It's nothing serious, I can still walk fine, but now there's even more soreness and I probably shouldn't stress my anatomy too much.

I guess I'll move on to stretches.
No. 47443
Do you go jogging on the asphalt? From what I've heard, if you're overweight, jogging on hard surfaces can fuck up your joints pretty fast. It's better to do that on a specialized running track or just forget about jogging and do some other exercises that aren't that harmful instead, like swimming.
No. 47445
I was running a bit the last weeks, sometimes every night (I did it before bed) and I twisted my ankle on cobblestones, rested a good 4-5 days before it went normal again.

Heard that high intensity workouts might be good, this one does not annoy with talking

I did not all of them, only the once that are not crazily loud in a flat, you get warm very fast, I combine them with calisthenic muscle building excercise, 5-10min twice a day, morning and evening. Dunno how easily you can do them, I'm quite a bean-pole already, but I need exercise since I have back pains and lay in bed most days, university or non heavy manual labor or even office work does nothing to keep you moving in a healthy way. Does the job quite good tbh.
No. 47449
I do run on asphalt.
High impact exercise is pretty bad, yeah, but my joints have been fine. It's my shins that seem to get fucked up if I over-exert myself.
But I do till prefer jogging over other forms of exercise because having a tangible physical metric to strive towards (distance, time) keeps me motivated. Whereas with stuff like squats, it's not that exciting to stare at a wall while counting to 25.

Interestingly, it seems that my back is getting the most benefit from jogging. Legs are already used to carrying around my fat body, so they can take a beating. But my back gets a pretty good workout holding my torso stable while rocking back and forth. I've been walking and standing straighter since going back to jogging regularly.
No. 47450
>I wouldn't give a flying fuck if 2% of world population die and we just move on ffs.
This sentiment but applied to everything in general is how I feel about wectern liberal "compassion". Can't they leave the wretched, sick, debased, etc. to their own devices instead of worshiping them and expressing their quasi-catholic guilt over their existence through weirdo self-flagellation?
Especially considering that the vast majority of such "expressions" are nothing but hot air, and do nothing to help anyone?

It's not that I'm judging, more like I feel alienated completely. I have no one to share the same "reality" with, everything I interact with is at an insurmountable distance of being "outside" my own private world that does not seem to agree with anything else. There's two options for why this is the case, either I am deeply wrong about everything, or the world is insane and stupid and I'm the only one normal. Naturally, having a huge, bloated ego, I staunchly maintain that the latter is the case, but it's been wearing down on me recently.

I can appreciate the beauty of reality, but only when I'm thinking about it. When I have to directly interact with things I've previously admired in my thoughts, I feel mildly disgusted. I guess that puts a seal on me having a "schizoid personality disorder", if that label even means anything

anyway, I actually feel pretty good recently, so I'm writing these things retroactively, trying to remember how I felt at the time. results might not be accurate. Just cleaning up my EC shitpost backlog.
No. 47451 Kontra
We should never take into account intentions when judging one's actions. I once intended to fart, but it came out wet. Intending to fart, I have shitted myself instead.

Intentions are meaningless.
No. 47456
Had a stressful morning after the native Chrome browser on my tablet repeatedly crashed. My annoyance turned to panic after a drawing app also began to crash. I raced to back-up all personal files, half-expecting the device to die on me(~3 years old, so it should have plenty of life left). I reinstalled Chrome, rolling back to the initial factory version. I also rolled back the native email app, because that kept crashing too-even though I never once used it. I just saw a notification on the screen that it had stopped- I didn't even know it had started :D. Those were my only changes, and everything seems fine now.
No idea what caused the problem, an errant update or something. Either way, I lost about 1000 bookmarks, because I stubbornly refuse to sign in to Google. Feels weird not to have them, but I screencapped what I could between crashes.

The road to Hell is paved with good intentions :D
No. 47457
That's what you get for not using Firefox
No. 47459
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That I lack a large social network to interact with has been a permanent fixture of my life. I had come to accept, be content and accept the few meaningful interpersonal relationships I have.
With time, these relationships have withered and become increasingly distant. I find myself in a position of near complete isolation, this is only exacerbated by feelings of being disconnected from the world around me. Work provides me with no opportunities to engage with other people in any meaningful sense as I lack any co-worker, my social interactions at work being reduced to transactional exchanges with clients and suppliers. It seems my last true dependable friend is moving away from my region, which only adds to the emergency of this situation.
Despite many futile attempts to disregard the necessity of interpersonal relationships, I find myself needing to take action and do something about this, as this has taken a great toll on my mental well being. However, I can't seem to be able to do anything about this - social outlets are either closed or limited due the present global circumstances.

It's entirely possible that under normal conditions, I would be able to deal with this a lot better even if I remained my usual shut-in self. However, not finding any form of way out of this is causing me great despair. The nation is finding itself in the beginning of a second wave of cases and I'm sure it's a matter of time until curfews are put in place. This is all causing me a great deal of distress as I'm not sure I'll be able to maintain my current living situation without a worsening of my mental state - and it's already at a low point that I hadn't reached in years.
No. 47466 Kontra
Looks like I've got a room. I'm pleased yet I shit myself at the same time, for this means a new chapter in my life, new people and a form of social control I'm not really used to. Despite this, I'm glad I got a room there, the price is reasonable, the thrid flatmate has been picked as well, wonder who it will be, the other two seem to be relaxed and rather cultured/interested, but we had quite some laughs while talking for the first time, I enjoyed that in the end. I just hope it will work out in a good way and we fit together to a certain degree. My fears are that it will be the opposite. Anyway, right now I'm still a bit hesistant. They told me I can move in, but not now sadly and I haven't given my signature for a rental contract ofc.

One of my fears I think, also the fear of many other people. Is there nothing you could engage in where you could meet people that you would be interested in? volunteering where only old people might become new friends might not be what you are looking for, for instance. I have no concerete advice of what can be done, but there might be opportunities you don't think of now that could solve the threat. I also had to find out that I'm dependend on a certain form of social interaction, otherwise my mental stability goes to hui over the course of a just a few weeks. I always wonder if the friends I have no won't wither at some point, because I'm moving, because they do other things etc. etc. over the last years, it changed noticeably, but we still met regulary one could say.
So I wish you the best and luck that you can find a way, the outlook is gloomy, I see, but you can meet somebody out of the blue and it might work, it happened to me twice in the last 3 years, not much but something.

kontra because I don't feel like bumping and generating attention.
No. 47478
I listen to some 90s Trance again, digging through old playlists. Melancholic yet very uplifting. The MDMA fueled sound, Ecstasy.
Most people would find the music trashy or naive in a sense. It seems totally out of place for todays world. And I wonder does this music encapsulate the love and thus trust of an MDMA trip while pointing to the time back then itself. Like people could still imagine a good world, opportunities and unity, after the Cold War ofc.
Also quite interesting that Trance and MDMA made their way during the 90s after the Cold War was over.

Beware the cheese rompler piano:
No. 47479
No. 47481
Sleep like shit, wake up and my rego is due. AU$750 for 12 months. What a rort.
No. 47484
What do you want to say? That I should switch to psytrance, because it's not that trashy? Joges on you, I went to my first goa party more than 10 years ago and was into it, yet I listened to 90s trance as well. In the end I did not fit in with the goa folks and drug consumption became a mind twister, yet I still like the music and sometimes think back about how I danced for hours.

Isn't Anneli from Sweden? Actually have been there that night:
No. 47486
Man I was supposed to go grocery shopping today because I'm almost out of food but I just plain didn't feel like it. I'm trying to nurse that one day off where I don't have to get up early tomorrow either. Whatever slivers of job morale I had left have been obliterated by basically getting up at night hours before dawn to work for a company I don't respect anymore and it's killing me the rest of the week. I no longer have enough resources to feel totally comfortable either given the mountain of expenses I still have to deal with. The one good thing--I hope--is that I hope to hang on long enough to see my hours cut because business is dead and maybe then I can pick up a couple weeks of unemployment once they inevitably slash my hours again. Who knows what will happen. Different places around the country are gettig virus wrecked apparently and the clock ticks down the inevitable chaos in the aftermath of our elections with more plausible shutdowns looming. Meanwhile I'm feeling too damn lazy today and frankly tired all the time lately to march to Walmart with a dufflebag to pick up a couple hundred dollars worth of food which I'll have to force myself to do tomorrow. My stockpile for when I thought the next wave would start is evaporated and now the wave is starting to hit everywhere so I'll need to grab that soon to be cozy into November. I just fucking hate doing food runs. I'm also too tired for it lately. Not sure why.

So instead I've done nothing real productive today and just tried staying inside playing Alien Isolation trying to keep my router turned off because it's a real addiction, especially if you own anything like a laptop, tablet, phone etc. These days I come home too tired to even videogame so just having the day off for that feels like a blessing and that gaming is now a project, whereas I just want to lie in bed and watch videos and shitpost after work or don't have time before work to do anything on later shifts. I fucking hate it and get why everyone in this country is a lazy ignorant slug that just watches TV all the time.

I also need to quit or cut back on smoking. Some Ukrainian fitness guy around my age just died from the rona after denying it existed. You can find the trending news story. I waste so much time smoking cigarettes and then I go back and shitpost and the day is gone. I do vaguely remember the amazement with how much more free time I had when I quit before. Maybe I should stay on top of taking chantix again. Waste of time, bad idea in a respiratory pandemic. Oh well. I should unplug my router again. I'm paying the equivalent of a triple A console game a month to waste my life arguing with idiots and consuming trivialty. At least there's a lot of great space videos, interviews with interesting people, science stuff, but it's a horrible waste of time. Fuck. I have ice cream, beans, brownie mix, and rice. Everything else is gone. I'll have to suffer Walmart tomorrow.

You know, I really wouldn't mind that extra $1200 pandemic neetbux check right about now. I'll get to almost 2021 without an income stream right now but that's about it, and not even. I've just about run out of time to do any project before the weather turns cold and my hours already are dropping it's just the ones I have are quite shit and spaced out too much to collect unemployment. Really not feelin it with this job anymore either which has dropped below livable at this point. It's going to be a brutal winter and I just need to get some food stockpiled and extra cash to face it right now. I hope to turn off my router and play my backlog the next couple months. Probably no holiday plans either but I really resent being asked what I think my holiday plans are right now when I'm also expected to give at least a month notice before doing anything and I'm not even given a full weeks notice what my hours will be on a week to week basis. I need to bail on this job but this is a really poor time to plan a new career strategy.
No. 47492
I was at a 7/11 after dark. Aside from me in the shop were the shopkeeper and a large disheveled man who appeared prematurely aged. The dirty-looking man was trying to make a purchase with a debit card and giving some cock and bull story about how he didn't know the PIN because the card belonged to his friend who was in the hospital who had lent it to him. "Friend" turned into "brother" as he repeated the story instead of giving up after his first failed attempt. Wondering if he intended to rob the store I reached into the pocket of my heavy coat and placed my hand on my revolver. From within my pocket I aimed it straight at the man's back and rested my finger on the trigger. I prepared myself to gun him down, watching for signs of aggression. Just then a man in baggy clothing entered the store and said a friendly greeting to the man trying to use the stolen card. One of his hands was hidden so I had to assume he had a gun of his own. Here was the accomplice! Everything was falling into place in my mind. I planned my counter-attack: two rapid shots into his friend then the rest into the hoodlum with the baggy clothing.

Of course none of this ended up happening. The man's friend paid for him and the two left. But it was fun to pretend and this scenario wouldn't have been the same if it hadn't been Winter and I wasn't wearing a heavy coat with room for my to aim a gun from the pocket.
No. 47494
I understand crushing alienation and the desire to validate your existence through violent justice, but Taxi Driver isn't the kind of story that you're supposed to emulate.
No. 47496
>Then it turns out the guy was actually just nervous as shit, and his friend was happening by and helped him pay.

Dude, I forget my own damn pin all the fucking time, it happens, hell it happened this week to me. Glad to know that there's an ocean between me and insect 'macho men' like you, whose first thought is to shoot a motherfucker in the back to fulfill some perverted hero fantasy. There's a whole lot of ground in between that would resolve the issue without people needing to get killed, you know?

Go get in a fistfight if you want some blood. It'll do you a lot more good than escalating from zero to lethal force that quickly in your head.
No. 47497
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this is the path I take when walking and jogging in the evening. normally it's dark as shit and creepy due to all the harsh, cold fluorescent light, but I decided to have a walk at noon today and it's quite pretty, I think even the old industrial buildings in the background give it a bit of charm.
No. 47499
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>I was at a 7/11 in Ginza after dark. Aside from me in the shop were the shopkeeper and a large disheveled man who appeared prematurely aged. The dirty-looking man was trying to make a purchase with a debit card - and began to cry. S-semimasen, hazukachi-desu~, he said, and ran away from the store, as fast as if he had robbed it. A silly American tourist tried to shoot him, but then he became aware of that he couldn't bring a gun into the country X---D
Back in '45 I would have ended this!1 Don't they have Burgers in this Chink store?
No. 47504 Kontra
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>dirty looking
>baggy clothing
>supposed contradictory statements

You know since everything turned out very different, you should consider having made quite a poor judgement guided by predjudices, which brings me to the question if carrying a firearm with you is a good decision afterall.
No. 47505
My shooting him was always contingent on him attempting to rob the store. My prejudices made me prepare for that event but they did not lead me to shoot because he did not do it. I do not see any reason to do things differently in the future.
No. 47507
No, they put you in a position where you were ready to shoot someone, and in fact in a position to easily do so accidentally because your finger was resting on the goddamn trigger when you had no immediate intention to shoot. Someone bumps into you next time and you ND into some guy just buying a pack of darts, then what? Gonna say he had a gun too?

There is a lot of room in that scenario between nothing happening and you executing someone by shooting them in the back with no given option of standing down. There is a lot of reason to change the way you do things.
No. 47508
I'm afraid his cunt is africa tier by now.
No. 47510
Tbh, if he wants to carry a piece? Go ahead, it's perfectly possible to be armed without being John Wayne. I'd be all for an armed society if people could refrain from being buttholes about it even.

But it does piss me off when people don't treat lethal force with the respect it deserves. Every time we handled guns in high school, whether that was through school or at someone's house, it was the same two rules.

  1. This gun is always loaded, even when it's not. It never points at anything you don't intend to shoot.
  2. Finger off the trigger unless you intend to squeeze it.
They're pretty simple, and ignoring all the 'not giving someone an opportunity to stand down and just going for lethal' cowboy shit, implementing them would honestly have made that whole scenario a lot less concerning.
No. 47511
First day of early voting here. There were a ton of political signs around the library parking lot-which is an early voting location. It looked like Democracy threw-up in the parking lot :D.

People wear winter coats down here, even though it never gets cold enough to justify them. Maybe they carry and just want the extra room. It is Florida, so I assume everyone has a gun.

Beautiful. Did you prefer walking and jogging during the daytime, or is it better when the streets are dark and creepy? I prefer the dark myself.
No. 47512
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Almost got in a brawl with a drunkard on the way to work, but thankfully I was able to control myself.
It was a very intense shouting match.
He called me a dirty Jew and asked me for money after threatening to beat me up.
I told him to fuck off to hell and suck on a horse dick, because he isn't getting a red cent out of me.

Then along came an officer in uniform and threw the fucker off.
I could've easily beaten up the bastard, but it's not worth it to go to jail/pay a fine and get kicked out of university because of some low-life trash's shouting.

I'm incredibly tired.
Balancing work and studying wouldn't be all that hard if balancing my health wouldn't make it a three-way act.
Is 30 another euros really worth not sleeping and lagging behind? (I mean, the 6th or 8th payment of 30 euros.)
I'm thinking about cancelling work for Wednesday and sleeping in.

On the way home I think I even hallucinated a shortcut to the next street that wasn't there.
It's amazing how some people seem to have a near limitless pool of life force.
>tfw wasn't born a Stakhanovite
No. 47513
>tapping a guy with a concealed gun through your coat into his back
Dude I'm pretty sure that's illegal even in Texas. It has to be Utah bernd or someone. No one else is seems angry all the time and lives in a state with those kind of carry laws.
No. 47514 Kontra
I hope you made this story up.
No. 47515
Oh, you have the fall the same time as I get the start of the winter. Cute!
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Absolutely ebin :DD
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No. 47524 Kontra
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No. 47525
Fucking ebin.
No. 47527
It takes me 5 minutes to construct an idea in my mind, and ten times as long to wrangle it into sentences that roughly approximate what I actually meant. I'm beginning to think it's not really worth it. I'm content with just having these thoughts.

I most often walk and jog at night, but only because it is convenient for me to do so. I also like the privacy. But I admit, daytime makes for better photos.

I would advice you to watch this video then read Crime and Punishment, and then also Don Quixote.
No. 47529
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>It takes me 5 minutes to construct an idea in my mind, and ten times as long to wrangle it into sentences that roughly approximate what I actually meant. I'm beginning to think it's not really worth it. I'm content with just having these thoughts.

I guess thats normal, there might be a training effect, not odd to assume so at least.
It might be that the idea is intuition which is not "clear rational expression" (meaning it's not really thoughout), which takes time. Some people have an idea that develops into an edifice of ideas over years. Had a lecture last week where the guy said he develops the idea(s) he is presenting for a good 5 years now. There is a reason why not everybody can or wants to write a book, and one reason boils down to it being a lot of work. Reaching a certain level of coherence is damn difficult.


I bought Blockchain Chicken Farm, there was another exemplar available at bookdepository, in case Hungary wants to buy it as well.
Hoping to finish a book on Reason quickly, so I can start with the Mathematical Experience, just hope it's readable.
No. 47530
My problem is that language as a tool is not very good at expressing certain thoughts. Language is only a subset of thought, and there;s things beyond it.

And I wouldn't say they're not thorough. I can imagine a visual picture in my mind that would take me lots of words to describe, yet here it is, in my mind, in more detail than language can express.

Same with "ideas". Relationships, systems, associations, spatial arrangements, that are pretty clear, but would require wrangling with language to accurately describe. It's still amazing that language is capable of bridging this gap at all, but it's still unwieldy.

Actually, I'd even say language is not "thought" at all. It is a way to index thoughts. Like cell coordinates on a multi-dimensional spreadsheet. The contents of those "cells" are the thoughts. You start with a blank page, which encompasses the search space of all thoughts. Zero information. With each word you add, you slice off dimension, and narrow down the set of thoughts that those "coordinates" address. And you get closer and closer to that singular cell, the thought you actually have in mind. But the search space is colossal. Sometimes, it takes a book to pin down a single, solitary idea and present it.
No. 47532
It's probably RAC. Sounds like him.
>prejudice against them
What poor people? You're retarded my dude.

I also can respect this Aussie but not that meme tier American who had to come from some shitty HOA or gated community in the suburbs. This guy gets it. I grew up in the country. We ALL follow those rules. We all knew this since basically childhood. Meanwhile we've got to put up with people acting like assholes usually tourists from around wherever this guy is from who've never learned how to use a gun before doing stupid shit like that and barrel sweeping people. My dad actually once almost shot a guy because the stupid motherfucker came onto our property hunting because "he had permission" and then gesturing angrily about how "it's all just woods" barrel swept him and my dad cocked it and pointed it straight at that man and said "you ever point a fucking gun at me I will shoot you."
Wait a minute fuck. I alwayd thought the males in my family were laid back but come to think of it he also instructed a gentleman caller to a female relative on the finer points of being genteel and ended it with "...and if you ever do anything wrong to her I'll stick a shotgun up your ass and right when you start to like it I'll pull the trigger."

Thankfully I've managed to avoid being in that position too much and try to avoid carrying for that exact reason. Even just with me noif some guy made a remark to an ex as we were passing him, said something in reply, guy turned around and right when he was about to start something suddenly looked pretty shook and waddled off after he saw my hand disappear into my pocketthankfully he left despite easily being big enough to kick my ass because he stepped forward I was about to sever his carotid with the switchblade I was holding in my pocket. Fucker saved me a possible lengthy jailterm.

Such is life on the murica.
No. 47534
We're not so different after all. Holding a knife preparing to stab someone in the neck if he steps into your personal space is psychotic, I'm sure many would say.
No. 47535
Day 5 of cutting smokes. Feeling the pressure a little bit.
The cravings are getting stronger. Maybe over halfway as strong as the first day.
That's funny. I'd expect the cravings to get weaker over time, not stronger, and I'm more nicotinated than I've ever been in my life, but I still just want to take a nice, long drag off a cigarette.
No. 47537
It should settle down eventually, but in the short term they will be stronger because your body/brain is going 'fuggen smoke already cunt, it's been 5 days, shit' and so is amping up the cravings to get you back into routine.
t. armchair addictionologist
No. 47538
No see here's what you don't understand and the key difference to us in those moments, which is I did not want to do it. I've known quite a lot of guys like you. A good number work out while calling their pushups "training." They get a gun or some other weapon and are just itching for the chance to do it. They do it because they're all Marios in their little world saving Princess Peach no matter how disastrous their actions and the situations, like you did in gunning down an innocent man. They want some guys to try to rob them because for them it is an ego thing.

When you know you're capable of killing you generally don't want to do it because you have the presence of mind to consider the consequences of your actions and the degree to which you're plausibly wrong and acting on erroneous data and wish to avoid it entirely. It is the difference between some guy who's got something he feels the need to prove, and a guy who knows it and is for lack of a better word, afraid of it about him. I maybe subconsciously empathize with guys like soldiers and ex-mobsters for that reason, because I get what they're saying that someone might want to fuck with them but they know what they have to lose. You should listen to guys like John Alite and Michael Franzese talking.

I don't mean to say I'm any kind of tough guy or leagues near them, don't get me wrong; I'm not and that's part of what made the sensation of fear in the man so odd because I didn't see myself that way. But everybody is capable of killing given the right circumstance. Nor does this make me any less hateful, wrathful, vengeful, or occasionally in that mood like Hungary or whoever just wanted to smash some cunts face. We all get that way time to time.

I guess what I'm trying to say and impart to you is like the great 20th century poet said about gangsta ass niggas and flexing nuts, is that once you walk from a situation like that you get a different mentality. And that mentality is "would it be better to let the guy hit me than sin that badly against Jesus and fail a goal of mine to leave life without blood on my hands and go to prison for something bydlo and stupid." It remains to this day a great fear of mine and part of why I deliberately remained single and tried to keep distance from people, because I know also someone can Dexter like set me up. It's the mindset of knowing that, I would not hit someone to prove myself or feel macho, or hit his face, but a silent white calm rage where there is a threat to be neautralized and you realize you smacked a guy's head so hard bouncing it off the ground he's doing that death twitch cause you caved his cerebellum.

I see videos of guys who got murder charges for bar fights and just that fistfight somehow killed a guy with the wrong punch, and it scares me. Like some other things it looks easy but takes real controlled skill to use enough force without causing real injury. Not to mention it isn't like fighting can't turn deadly for you too.

Watch John Alite. You figure out it's sometimes better to let people talk shit and walk away and bridle your own impulses and instincts with self control. Nor clearly does this mean my self control is the best. It's not. But killing a guy isn't cool and to be glorified and as was pointed out itt you shoot a guy in the back depending where you are especially a concealed piece can make your life effectively over and it'll be over nothing, just something stupid like a homeless guy or whatever he was yelling at a clerk and walking away.

My mind does stray to this thought occasionally of whenever I get into a relationship again if ever, a lot of the woman here are shit and products of the society or simpy not my pointless tastes that one of my first thoughts is going to be am I gonna have to kill a guy over this.

You realize some of what's stupid and not. I'm thankful I didn't knife him or another couple people or situations I was blessed enough to avoid. Realize what you'd rather do and who you'd rather not put up with.

Sorry for the rambling post but I suspect you understand my point about that thin disconnect, if you really were holding at that moment. Your last desire when you really have every intent to use it is to have to use it, and that somebody is going to make you.

Fuck I am lucky.
I guess God kept him around for a reason too. I think I'll eat my fried egg sandwich and watch him. Too dark, tired, rainy out for anything else. Anyway take care.
No. 47540
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>Sleep 3 hours because I stay up late to copy hanzis
>Go to Greek class
>Prepare in the 40 minutes before the class for the test
>Test is cancelled because printer machine broke
>Instead the lecturer asks us to conjugate
>Get humiliated 8 in the morning because I didn't look at the conjugation at all

I made a flask of Zhen Mei tea to keep me awake, but I suspect it did nothing besides maybe making me yawn a bit less.

Chinese class went fine. Remembered all the words during the test, though I probably fucked up the sentence we had to translate into Chinese. Probably will net me my first F. It's not that I fucked up the grammar but I screwed up two hanzis, 都 and 师.

After classes I visited the uni's bookstore. Had a nice chat with the guy running it.
They didn't have the book I wanted to get on the spot, but they promised to get it by Thursday. (I couldn't place my order online so I actually went there in person to ask about it. Turns out the webshop is broken and they have no funds to fix it.)
Made an impulse purchase and bought a New Testament Greek-Hungarian dictionary for 15 euros.

Cancelled work for tomorrow. I want to sleep.
Actually, I slept 7 hours no trouble after coming home. Didn't make me feel any better, but it's a good start.

Next week starts the autumn break. But Friday is already off because the 23rd is a national holiday.
No. 47541
Started copying a bunch of poems I like by hand, maybe it'll help me learn to actually recite them, my memory with song lyrics is notoriously bad, can't even remember lyrics of songs I heard dozens of times.
Matched some egirl on t*nder, actually tempted to write her but I've no idea what & at this point it just seems like too much of a hassle. Should probably uninstall it again and focus on other stuff.

>Looks like I've got a room.
Congrats, finally!
>I just hope it will work out in a good way and we fit together to a certain degree. My fears are that it will be the opposite.
It's perfectly normal to be nervous I think, I'm sure it'll work out fine, even if there might be some amount of conflict at times.
Atm I'm a bit pissed at my roommate as well for having his lady friend over all the time :D

Maybe you could try joining some sort of small club/meetup, there's bound to be some stuff that isn't cancelled. I haven't tried it myself, but mb worth looking into, sites like meetup.com or sth like that...
No. 47542
I find it interesting how your class focuses so much on writing hanzi. Of course most Chinese/Japanese do this in school too, but by the time they're adults they often forget how to write even basic characters, due to how easy and ubiquitous digital input is. It's definitely satisfying to write out arcane glyphs, but handwriting hanzi is only slightly less practical than brush calligraphy.

I've always thought classes were the worst way to learn a language, and with some of the digital resources out there (including pirated PDFs) I think they're more or less obsolete. Well, for modern languages at least - I don't think there's very good resources for Ancient Greek or Classical Chinese.
No. 47547
>Congrats, finally!


>It's perfectly normal to be nervous I think, I'm sure it'll work out fine, even if there might be some amount of conflict at times.
>Atm I'm a bit pissed at my roommate as well for having his lady friend over all the time :D

Think so either, conflict will surely arise sooner or later I guess. Do you hear them? Sounds like it, kinda the worst, when you need it yourself and can listen to others living the life :DDDD
I was contemplating dating apps again, on the weekend a friend tried it while the other said it's shit and he only ever met once and turned out to be nothing. I'd need a good photo.
No. 47548
Apparently it's a first-semester thing and they have a point to it.
It's so that you on one hand drill the most common characters into your mind, and to make you realise that hanzis aren't arbitrary, but rather work like lego-blocks and the radicals and components are in them for a reason.
Really, the handwriting thing is just homework. During class the Hungarian lecturer teaches us grammar and quirks of the language, and the Chinese lecturer teaches us how to pronounce syllables, words and sentences correctly.

>I've always thought classes were the worst way to learn a language
Depends heavily on what type of person you are. I think classes are good, because they give you feedback and you can always ask the lecturer the questions your textbook might not always answer.(Not to mention how it sort of "coerces" you into studying.)

>I don't think there's very good resources for Ancient Greek or Classical Chinese.
Well, this is to be expected because these two have no "real world application" (as in, you can't use them to make money = so it doesn't real!!!!)
Though interestingly enough there's a Classical Chinese reader-textbook in Hungarian (written by one of the lecturers of the Chinese faculty and published by a small press 17 years ago. Sadly I can't find any copies be it physical or digital.)
(Even then, Classical Chinese isn't the focus of the BA, the goal is to just give us a taste to see whether or not the Sinology MA is for us or not.)
No. 47561
Man I'd really make a terrible businessman. I think that a real keenness for business requires a certain lack of honesty and forthrightness, which is probably part of why I look down upon businessmen and mercantilism so much in general. It really does require a sense of Imho borderline scamming people and I fucking hate to no end that the grubbiest people like that are the ones largely in charge of society right now. I can't imagine that this is a longterm sustainable model for anything at all.
No. 47564
It's endlessly amusing how the people who are obsessed with INSERT_ETHNIC_GROUP_HERE always display the same characteristics that supposedly define the group they hate.

There's a great old comic of a neckbeard wistfully dreaming of his glorious viking ancestors raping and murdering. The next panel is him thinking about black people doing the same thing, and calling them fucking niggers.

if anyone has the image I'm talking about on their computer, please share. It's impossible to find with google
No. 47570
6ths day of trying to be "organized", and my first stumble.
I'd been in an obsessive and procrastinating mood for the last few days, and it culminated yesterday. Went into an internet rabbit hole, didn't notice that it was already 2 am, took my sleeping pills, pills didn't work because I was in an elevated, manic mood, took some more, and then passed out and slept the whole next day and night. Epic.

Unfortunately, my habit building calendar now has a hole in it.
No. 47578
I’m in the process of changing my legal name, any suggestions?
No. 47579
Böner McFÆGson the IVth
No. 47581
Max Power
No. 47587
79 kB, 800 × 600
Ari Pieti Uolevi Vatanen.
No. 47588
40 kB, 368 × 368
I got a revolutionary idea to save healthcare on the eastern Europe.
Every year post-rona we're going to actually make up some epidemic disease and then we tell the elderly to stay at home. The result is that the babushkas will stay at home and won't go to the doctor as a hobby.
I was actually able to go to a hospital, get two examinations done, get the results and then a prescription for my ailment in less than 5 hours instead of multiple days, simply because the old farts aren't out and about.
Ultimately, I was satisfied with the performance of our healthcare system today.

I picked up a few books, mainly related to China and Japan.
>Artificial Naturalness - Studies on ecology in Asia
>Chinese Dream - Chinese reality
>Umemura Yuko - Japanese and Hungarians on each other
The last one I picked up out of pure curiosity. I hope to extract a few funny anecdotes and stories out of it.
The second one I got because it seems to have a bit of everything. Writings on contemporary art, geopolitical ambitions, economics and military.

Tomorrow autumn break starts. Holy shit, there's so much to read.
No. 47589 Kontra
Finn Perkele
Spurdo Sparde
Au Tism
Dick Black
No. 47590
I was thinking ”Jonne Suomalainen”, very much like John Doe.
No. 47591
Nah, you should go with Dick Black
No. 47592 Kontra
Jonne Spärde :D
No. 47602
43 kB, 800 × 450
Leg almost healed.
Joggenings will commence soon.
No. 47604
This morning Fukuyama's End of History fell off the bookshelf and woke me up despite earplugs (I only realized what the sound was later). Guess I'll have to read it now.

>Do you hear them? Sounds like it, kinda the worst, when you need it yourself and can listen to others living the life :DDDD
Yeah tho luckily not their amorous congresses, I'm wearing headphones most of the time prophylactically.
She's just here what feels like all the time, they occupy the kitchen and talk all day, today she used my hairbrush and left all her hairs in it, etc.
Tho tbh I feel like I'm more motivated to be more productive myself when I see others just lazing around all day, so there's a silver lining. Almost 2/3 through that Pelevin story I wanted to translate.

>contemplating dating apps again
It feels like a huge waste of time overall, mostly I'm just looking at all the types of girls (there aren't too many actually) and get a tiny bit of vain validation when I match with a pretty face, I never actually write them. Maybe it's just me doing it wrong, haha.
No. 47622
>Fukuyama's End of History fell off the bookshelf and woke me up despite earplugs

Ideologues never rest to seduce a willing mind :DDD

>I'm wearing headphones most of the time prophylactically.
>She's just here what feels like all the time, they occupy the kitchen and talk all day, today she used my hairbrush and left all her hairs in it, etc.

A bit meh? Dunno while searching for rooms I sometimes came across a couple looking for a third occupant, but quickly went back to the ads. Sex is not an intentional offense, I just don't want to be reminded of being solo, when I have sex I wouldn't think about it not having sex or others not having sex, maybe sometimes, but what gives. Other than that, the bigger nono is couple trouble. Being the observer and passive participant of a quarreling couple is usually very uncomfortable for me. Sure, it's nothing exceptional but I don't want to be notified about it all the time, my own quarrels would be enough to kill the vibe.

>Dating apps

I always repel at the thought, maybe because I always have to analyze what is happening by using it and what role/function and goal it serves for different people in society. Made for mating packed as market it also serves as dopamin shot, side effect or also intended. Scientification (psychology for example) and datafication makes computational subjects. Ok I'm trying to be theory fiction here but it sounds interesting, doesn't it? Perhaps it's an old hat already and argued for and I just don't realize I've read this thesis/conlcusion before.
No. 47673
So where do these small holes or pockmarks in people's foreheads come from?
I have asked this of friends before and they said chickenpox, yet I have likewise gotten the pox of the chicken and have no such remarks. Is it truly some sort of pockmark from having first contracted safe pox? I've noticed this about a variety of people for many years yet never understood why there's these tiny holes right where a person's third eye should be. It's nearly always in the center of the forehead. This guy's is just a more pronounced crater thsn the small hole I normally would see. Is it some kind of childhood vaccination thing I don't know about? But why would the first pustule form right there?
No. 47677
36 kB, 520 × 372
You mean the place where the brow ridge and forehead meet, creating a very pronounced depression in the skull?
I wonder why some people could possibly have a dimple there.
No. 47679
108 kB, 640 × 511
>Leg almost healed
Glad to hear it. While you're getting back in the game, I'll have to take your spot on the bench. Sprained my toe yesterday; I thought it was no big deal, but this morning a stabbing pain proved otherwise. Walking might be okay, but running is out for a couple of days.
No. 47682
38 kB, 400 × 533
No I mean like this and it's not a dimple although usually set about a cm lower than pic related and there's usually only one.

Actually the sole plausible explanation that I can come up with at this point is that this is because of some kind of shared personality trait where zit poppers in high school obsessively fixated on that one zit at the center of their forehead, which utilizing my hardware level Theory of Mind I can extrapolate to mean because they saw it on the center of their faces and so put even more effort into popping pimples at the most conspicuous spot there than worrying about things like the side of their foreheda or cheeks or something. I'm much more satisfied with this being the plausible explanation for it but am still not entirely convinced and they always look like some kind of a thin rod was used for trepanating directly into the centers of their foreheads. It's just like one of those numerous other details about the reality with which I silently interface that I'd generally kept to myself, hidden and at the back of my mind, like noticing something about a mob boss you dare not verbalize to anybody. Except that I've always been privately convinced that The Boss is either God Himself or some assortment of beings operationally either above governments or at the supra-material level or somesuch.
No. 47694
I've been feeling a lot better over the past few days. It's nowhere near perfect, but I guess you can't expect a miracle after three days. (Oh wow this sentence sounds kinda ironic and wacky.)
I still have a month's worth of medicine.
Really, modern medical science is amazing.

Actually having fun reading again. It's like as if I've been starving.

Yesterday was a very fine day. I assembled a PDF of online materials and also scanned a 270 page book for class because I'm probably the only person who owns the fucking thing and why not become the guy who's "helpful".

I also had a 10 hour voicechat on discord with a friend.
It's interesting to hear how different life is in the UK.
No. 47699
My mobile service provider just awarded me with 1gb of free traffic for "being a hero of self-isolation".
Apparently I'm in top 3% most reclusive users of their service. Epic.
No. 47700
585 kB, 3840 × 2160
>Actually having fun reading again. It's like as if I've been starving.

Yeah, I sometimes a few days were I barely read anything and then boom I'm hooked again.

>/int/ - heroes of self isolation

Though ofc it is not true for me, I've been crossing the country by train, seeing one of my future flatmates, also writing with another, she went back to her homwtown during for a few days. Went to see another friend yesterday, turns out I apparently met a police officer who defended the Reichstag during that big corona demo in Berlin a year or so ago.
I will now exercise, make some food and the read for university.
No. 47701
1,5 MB, 217 × 217, 0:06
>Apparently I'm in top 3% most reclusive users of their service. Epic.
Finally we Ernsts get some recognition!

>/int/ - heroes of self isolation
Seconded! Alternatively:
>/int/ - the top 3%
No. 47703
24 kB, 150 × 150
>I'm in top 3% most reclusive users of their service.
No. 47705 Kontra
You are a self isolating hero and despite this you actually went through the 'rona :D
No. 47706
27 kB, 300 × 100
Thank you for your service Kazakh Ernst :DD
No. 47708
7 kB, 198 × 198
Marvelous banner, my fellow hero!

I'm a bit nervous/hyped, feels like I did some speed, not quite close to the real deal but it hits home in a way. The pitched up fountain of ideas and possibilities floating. But I only want to listen to a brief history of AI, about Black Panther Party community organisation and would gladly read a book about indoor vertical farming, that covers a lot of fields in 450pages, basically it fosters my dream of being an engineer and a humanities educated person, stupid self delirium!
No. 47710
We must daily struggle aiding our lessers, like a Bodhisattva:-D
No. 47721
106 kB, 794 × 1057
Having worn a mask both with a beard, and without, I've discovered that it is much more comfortable with a nice facial hair barrier between the cloth and my skin. Now I just have to grow that beard back...

No. 47730 Kontra
9 kB, 493 × 402
Great job!
No. 47734
I know he is rightfully more afraid of me than I am worried about him but that rat faced marsupial cunt had better not start making a habit of creeping up on me while I'm smoking at night. I don't know how much a rabies shot costs but I know it's not cheap most likely nor would it be fun taking public transit to a hospital right now for any reason. I also know I'd probably get shit for trying to call off a day of work to go deal with it. Rabies really is like a North American sydney funnelweb. I mean yeah there's a vaccine but you pretty much have to get a shot that day. If you wait a week it's 100% death.

In other news it's really setting in now that I don't have any assurances all my family will be here til Christmas. At least my immediate I'm less worried about because they take it seriously but the possibility of losing immunity is increasingly in the back of my head.
No. 47735 Kontra
I think my stress levels might be higher lately than I realize
No. 47736
152 kB, 852 × 480
My friend wants to move to Hawaii, and I can't see any problem with that.

  1. No more expensive than California.
  2. No rednecks, and fewer dumb white liberals. In fact, the majority of the population is Asian, which means good healthy food, and some innate cultural bias towards pragmatism over blind ideological crusades.
  3. Any civil war in America is unlikely to touch it, for reasons outlined above.
  4. Decent weather.
  5. Shorter and cheaper flights to Asia proper.
  6. As an American territory, I am not limited by international travel restrictions.
  1. Isolated. Shipping and internet will be slower and more expensive. The shipping problems are doubled for an American territory, because we have retarded laws that mean international shipping cannot transport goods between domestic American ports.
  2. Only decent weather. The American Pacific coast is perfect - fog, overcast, and a chilly 10-20C year-round. Hawaii is gorgeous in its own way, but the chill is a part of my soul, and I'll miss it.
  3. If the USA does collapse, I think there's a non-zero chance that China would try to annex it.
  4. If I can't find a job, it will deplete my meager savings as quickly as living on my own in California.
So far, I think the pros vastly outweigh the cons. It's like moving to a part of Asia that's also part of the US. I strongly suggest that other Americans look into it, if you think they can make it work financially. From what I've seen, it's like most of this country in that a shitty dead-end job will at least get you enough to live off of, but you of course have to do the research yourself.
No. 47745
I made some hot sauce without cooking since there was no ventilation possible. The SEA store had a weird mix of small red ones, maybe Haberneros, but also these with other shapes and colors from Uganda, labeled as Cayennepepper. I put three of these into the sauce, a few drops are indeed quite burning, but I really have to step the game up on spices, fruits or whatever can give a good taste beyond hotness and chili flavor. I reckon the chilis I bought won't be the most tasty bursting with fruity flavor as they are quite cheap (9-10€/kg).
No. 47748
1,2 MB, 2070 × 2749
843 kB, 1352 × 2704
1,6 MB, 2760 × 3597
Since I'm very, very, very good with money, I dropped 35 euros on this baby I think I talked about before. It's even prettier than I expected it to be.
The title is The History of Chinese Civilization and it comes in a box-set, hard-cover, acid-free paper and the build quality is just, oh man.

I've been reading it, randomly opening a volume or two and it's very in-depth. (Not only is it 1300 pages long, but it also has a really small typeset to maximise the amount of text.)
It's a translation of a Chinese work published in 2008 and it deals with Chinese culture from the neolithic era until the fall of the Qing dynasty.

When I saw the build quality I had a suspicion that the publishing of this thing wasn't just a random idea, and it wasn't. It was published to commemorate the 70th anniversary of the establishment of diplomatic relations between Hungary and China.
Not like there's anything wrong with that, I just like to know the reason. (It's another neat little piece of data.)

Today was on okay day, I read and also started creating a flashcard-system based on my Chinese notes. This time I'm using Anki from the get-go and instead of creating one giga-deck I'm going to create smaller decks I can practice in one sitting.
(I'm doing this now, because I think that it's probably sheer luck I got away with not having flash-cards. And no, my HS-flash cards aren't good enough. They're trash, and it's easier to create a new system than to fix one that's bloated and a mess. It served its purpose.)

I'm gonna practice the earlier hanzis tonight and make notes from another essay. It's not particularly hard, it's just a lot of busywork.

Don't know if it's the medicine, but it feels like I've awoken from some sort of slumber.
I think my well-being is measurably higher now.

Correct me if I'm mistaken, but isn't Hawaii a proper US state like the areas on the mainland?
(Just because you kept referring to it as a US territory, and I always associated that term with places that are in a legal-limbo like Guam and Puerto Rico where they are under US protection but receive none of the benefit of being citizens.)
No. 47752
>No rednecks

Not true by a longshot. If you mean white trash, they are especially common on the Big Island, and they can be just as aggressive as mainlanders. Hawaii has also been subject to a meth epidemic, and God only knows how much worse it's going to affect the locals.

As to the rest of your post, Hawaii is much more expensive generally. Gas there is always through the roof, and rent isn't much cheaper. That said, Hawaii also has a very generous dole, so you can live pretty comfortably, if not necessarily in

If you can find a way to live there year round, more power to you because it's a truly great place. You will find no other place on earth quite like it.

t. been there 30 times
No. 47753 Kontra
*not necessarily in great comfort.
No. 47754
290 kB, 800 × 1311
>The title is The History of Chinese Civilization and it comes in a box-set, hard-cover, acid-free paper and the build quality is just, oh man.
>I've been reading it, randomly opening a volume or two and it's very in-depth. (Not only is it 1300 pages long, but it also has a really small typeset to maximise the amount of text.)
On the subject of ridiculously long masterworks on Chinese history, you've got to read this at some point. Every time I see it mentioned by a China expert or historian, it's described as the single best history of China that they've ever read.

I haven't gotten very far because I hate the experience of reading 1000+ page paperback bricks, but what I've seen so far is great. It's the perfect mix of linear historical narrative, illustrative character vignettes and anecdotes, and rumination on wider trends in Chinese society and history.

I found a PDF of it on libgen, which you can find easily enough if you'd rather have it digital and free (there is sadly no official ebook, otherwise I would suggest that as an alternative).

>Not true by a longshot. If you mean white trash, they are especially common on the Big Island
Of course, nowhere in this country is completely free of white trash, but it sounds like a similar situation to California. They only reach critical mass way out in the sticks, and why the fuck would you want to live out there anyway?

Again, on pricing - similar to California. Food and gas and everything in general will be more expensive, but I don't think you realize how shitty the housing situation is here in CA. I looked on Craiglist for apartments in Hawaii, and there are a ton of studio apartments on Oahu for $1200 or less. For someone living in coastal California, that's a steal. I had to pay $1000 for a tiny room (just a room) in a decaying 1950s house when I was living in the Bay Area, and this was after a month of searching for something better while I was forced to live out of an AirBnB hostel.

So, I don't see how it can be any worse.

>If you can find a way to live there year round
I can only hope.
No. 47756
Applied for 5 more apprenticeships today. Took an hour and half to find 5 jobs that didn't outright say "don't bother if you're over 21".

Reason is that the gubbinmint only gives a rats arse if you're a rich boomer, or a clueless kid that their system can exploit. If you're just someone what got fucked by circumstances beyond your control, they don't want you to even exist. They put bounties on hiring mature workers (50s+) and bounties on school leavers. No stimulus for the working class in the middle though. Just the construction trades boys club who are doing fine anyway, making well above national average salaries.
No. 47762
He's just throwing the terms around to include it as in "all the territories of the United States" like including the mainland states, PR, Guam, Alaska, etc. It is yes legally a state in its own right complete with senators and congressmen and all that although I strongly get the sense that they're pretty disocciated from whatever it is we're doing.

Quits frankly I wish to God that I'd lived or been born in the PNW or an actually great state like Colorado or Oregon or Washington or, failing that, had been born in New Hampshire or even California. I don't care what people say about. The Midwestern hicks now currently pozzed to hell and back and loaded on corn subsidies can bitch about it all they want along with the Mormons whining about the threat of Californication but I fucking loved California and I adored Santa Monica and I wish that I lived there. It's still a dystopian hellscape just like most of the rest of this country and it's not liberal at fucking all outside the bay area and Socal but they're going to bitch regardless. Actually the only two areas in the country I don't like due to that end of US kulturkampf is Western Mass and SanFran/Bay Area. Those two are literally the hubs of all SocJus idpol trannyism faggotry in the entire country but like I said, the whole country is a wasteland and the other end of that cringey kulturkampf scale is just as bad if not worse. New Hampshire, Oregon, Washington, and Colorado are probably the only good states in the union although I can't say anything about outside the mainland. Alaska and Hawaii are probably pretty great too.

But still I miss California. I wish I lived in California. I don't even like heat or sunlight but somehow I could deal with their really big skies and extra hot sunlight. It's like visiting a different world, a different country, and everywhere else is degenerated and falling apart dystopia but there's still that Cali charm which I don't think you can truly appreciate in its maximal extent without being an American.

See the thing is the West Coast is the endstage of America, it is that exact glimmering point of light where the sun finally set on the frontier. It took us longer to get settled in the interior but Cali always remained that one last place to go when you finally had it and burnt out on the rest, when you wanted to get to the very edge of the frontier. California is where you want to go when your last options include space travel and under the Pacific or Atlantic seabed ocean colonies. It is where every weirdo, fuckup, explorer, ancap, degenerate, profiteer, and outlaw went. It is when not even Utah is far enough away from Euros and the East Coast to have a bizarre faggy little cult which is also why so many cults, sects, "new religious movements" and other associated woowoo made their headquarters in California, for better or worse. It is why it is our capital for Dreams, for the life and death of the American dream, for every bum and tramp to finally go to make it big or die broke and alone in the gutters like Edgar Allen Poe. It is where we based all our movie studios and recording industry and most of our videogame studios and a lot of our tech for a reason. It is truly the death rattle of the American dream and I want it to whisper to me one last time.
No. 47764
>A bit meh? Dunno while searching for rooms I sometimes came across a couple looking for a third occupant, but quickly went back to the ads.
Yeah, living with a couple sounds like a terrible idea.

I'm pretty pissed about the situation here as well right now, she's been over here again since yesterday. I just can't concentrate when there's constant talking or smooching noises, it's been better since I closed the door to the kitchen but that's not really a solution.
All things considered, mb I should actually just move into a studio apartment by myself, wasn't sure I could afford it before but I'm getting a decent amount of Bafög now.

>Ok I'm trying to be theory fiction here but it sounds interesting, doesn't it? Perhaps it's an old hat already and argued for and I just don't realize I've read this thesis/conlcusion before.
I felt like there should be lots of stuff on that topic, though I can't find that much googling around, can only think of some related Black Mirror episode off the top of my head.
It's probably scattered around anonymous blogs and possibly some academic papers, mb there's some opportunity for a whacky theory book after all...

On this note, I'm actually having a nice chat on t*nder for once :D
No. 47769
This is where I step in and say "well actually, as someone who lives here..."

>I don't even like heat or sunlight but somehow I could deal with their really big skies and extra hot sunlight
The only places that are actually hot in CA are inland shitholes, and even the Mojave is tolerable because the heat is pure and dry (never, ever, ever move to the Central Valley, t; Central Valley pro). SoCal gets a bad heat wave every now and then, but the whole coast from San Diego to Oregon is more or less temperate the whole year round.

>It is where every weirdo, fuckup, explorer, ancap, degenerate, profiteer, and outlaw went.
Thankfully, we have Florida for that these days. Our migrants now are mostly techies and homeless people (other states will actually send them here on buses, just like that South Park episode).

>It is truly the death rattle of the American dream and I want it to whisper to me one last time.
If you come here, find a small cozy town up in the green north. Or better yet, just move to Oregon or Washington - it's where every sane person in CA wants to flee to. The rest of the truly nice parts of this state are reserved for rich people, and even those parts have a 50% chance of being shared with homeless people in shanty towns.

The part I live in is genuinely nice and cozy, but there are no jobs outside of the military, and it's just as expensive as SF or LA. If I didn't live with my parents I would have had to move back to the Central Valley (you know, the place with 110 degree, 50% humidity summers) by now.
No. 47770
i need to start keeping a tally of times I would have died if I'd been living in medieval times. I think I'm on my tenth life or so. food poisoning is a bitch

I suspect my father brought some disease from the streets. he's become a hobo in recent years. he literally picks trash off the garbage dump and brings it home, showers once a month, and I've never seen him wash his hands or anything, and that's only when he's physically capable of doing those things, and not passed out drunk shitting himself.

honestly it's extremely disgusting but we have no legal way of getting rid of him. or mom could file for divorce, we could split up the house and disperse, financially ruining ourselves in the process. yay.

god, I just want to kill myself, because the situation is so humiliating and absurd. it's mostly the insult of having to suffer due to such laughable and pathetic circumstances. I don't know if there are ways to suffer that are more "noble" than others, but as bad as shitting my guts out for 3 days has been, it's the blow to my dignity that has caused me the emotional distress, anger and despair.
No. 47771
64 kB, 657 × 527
I punched myself in the face. Stress was relieved. Feels good man.
No. 47780
Today I went to pick up my new student ID card.
It's the same as the one I had in high school, except I look older in the photo and it says the name of the university on the back instead of the high school's.
Really, I felt a bit of pride as I got it. It's a piece of plastic that proves I go to the best uni in the country. (Yes, I'm prone to petite bourgeois elitism like that. But I also know that this isn't something that's owed to me, rather, it's another chance to prove myself.)

It actually didn't take that long. The line was like 20 metres, but I was in the building in five minutes and out by ten.
I look horrible on the photo.

I also went and picked up a book. It's a bilingual volume containing a dialogical Chinese poem about tea and wine. Very cool. Can't wait to know enough classical Chinese to read it.

Budapest felt simultaneously the prettiest, most sacred and the ugliest and most horrid place during this autumn day.
On one hand I saw a lot of monuments and memorial plaques. But everything was full of beggars too. They salute you before raising their cups.
Gonna get a bit political for a second and say I actually preferred the previous city administration's approach to the homeless. It was a facade, a lie, essentially banning and persecuting them simply for existing, but yes, the cities were cleaner because the police actually bothered to kick them out. Now the liberals are in charge and they aren't enforcing the law. At least enforcing the ban on living on the streets solved the aesthetic issue, even if it didn't solve the structural cause of homelessness.

After I got home I laid in bed, sleeping on an off for two hours, having multiple nightmares. It felt incredibly real.

Then I woke up, brewed a tea and made some notes and then vacuumed the carpet.
I'll have to re-arrange my bookshelf again, because I can't fucking fit the China-book on any of the Chinese shelves. (They're too tall)
Otherwise the room feels romantic again. Books open everywhere, papers lying about, notes in stacks, the smell of tea and an empty cup on the kotatsu. This is life.

Thank you, I saved it. We also have it at the library, so I'm going to check it out in person if I can.
No. 47786
So the unexpected consequence of losing a lot of fat is the fact that I can't rely on my previous experience with alcohol. Last night we had an office party at work and I got really drunk - for the first time in many years - simply because I was drinking as much as I could easily do before, not accounting for a change in my body mass.

I'm pretty sure I didn't embarrass myself too much, but it might still be somewhat awkward for me on Monday. At least the head of the division got wasted even more than me.
No. 47789 Kontra
>At least the head of the division got wasted even more than me.

Or so you think :DDD I hope he did as to lighten your own drunk action

> I'm prone to petite bourgeois elitism

Which mirrors in your preference for a facade in the homelessness problem. I can't speak myself free from upward mobility desires (writing a dissertation would be just that), but the idyllic facade that hides problems and refrains from acually dealing with them in a "truly statesman" way is to be repeled. An outward "I saved my ass in this system" mentality that goes together with disdain for everybody that did not adhere to this elitism (not had teh chance to do so) is hyprocritical in a sense, as it hides away the implications why oneself is in that position within a society. As I said, I have desires, but I don't defend my own bullshit, I might enjoy but critical thinking does not make way for a light conscience or a feeling of rightfulness, definitely not the latter. My days don't revolve around the poor, but that I thought enough to think it is digusiting to want to see them eliminated by others, giving away responsibility is another trait of the petite bourgeois habitus. Humans exist in association, relationality is a big deal then in how society or community is comes into being.
No. 47798 Kontra
You seem like a gigantic, pretentious faggot
No. 47807
So are the rest of us. Welcome to Ernstchan.
No. 47813
Ive been homeless before and some of what he said or how he said it irked me moreso the idea that the real problem was authorities not removing them from his sight but I like Hungary and also so are all of us, welcome to EC. You should also learn to use spoiler tags :--DDD
No. 47821
Maybe I should just not pay my internet bill this month. It took me less than an hour to go from relatively happy to endlessly hateful.
No. 47823 Kontra
Yeah, I also thought I want to say something about that, yet I don't despise Hungary, so your post was more rude, I tried to show the problem and implications.
Anyway, noticed only that it is Halloween tonight when I say two girls with defaced masks on my way to a friend, wonder where the parties are, the streets where empty like on weekdays at 3am while walking back a few minites ago.
No. 47830
119 kB, 1252 × 1252
I use discord for voice comms when I'm playing games with my bros the odd time, other than 1 or 2 discords of close friends I've known nearly a decade each, I'll mute all other discord servers I join until I casually want to have a look

I joined 2 discord servers recently for a few small youtubers whose videos I liked, these guys had like 50k subscribers each and were making comfy game videos occasionally, mostly for older games and the like.

Both their discords are completely overrun with either anime trannies, other variants of transvestite or furries. There's absolutely not room for any dissent there (not that I've tried, I know better). They just talk endlessly about their hormone treatments, how everyone who disagrees with them is secretly gay and how orange man bad

Are these people the new counter-culture? like goths or emos back in the day? like mettlers or grungers in the 90s? Every discord server I've gone near in the last few years has been filled with carbon copies of these people - woke trannies trying co-opt and convert everyone into their cults. What the fuck
No. 47833
This is just what American cultural imperialism looks like, in the age of instant communication any old idiocy can become mainstream.

What I'm curious about, though, is how do people use Discord as a social network? Me and a couple of my friends have been using it for playing games on weekends for years now, ever since Skype went shit. I even joined a server dedicated to a certain board game and its online equivalent, but this can't what they're talking about when they say "social networking", right?
No. 47836
Discord allow creating big groups with a lot of subchats, sort this subchats, add and use technical bots in them. You can save messages and ping people, you can stream, screenshare, have as much voice chat rooms as you want. I'm in like 20+ groups for many things I'm interested in - groups of some yt channels, fan projects for things like big game mods, emulators, engine developments, official groups of some companies like 3d realms etc. that moved from forums to use discord as more handy way of communication.
Most importantly you can browse and search for groups inside discord itself. So well, yea. Now everybody and their mom have it and it's kind of replacement for forums, skype, IIRC, twitter etc. Dunno about social network but I don't used them much anyway.
No. 47838
>new counter culture?

There really is nothing like a counter culture 1960s like these days.
The internet is a place for groups to gather, a sort of online tribalism. You get that on twitter with certain bubbles for example, at least I think bubbles can be understood as groups, groups that works with certain dynamics, dissent is possible but not openly question foundations I guess, groups will always have dissents and dynamics that change them over the course of months and years, they can dissolve or come into being as well. Other than that the internet heavily fosters niche eclecticism, nearly every niche interest can be satisfied online to a certain extent.
No. 47841 Kontra
I really hope it's just a fad and people will start awakening and consider this whole craze like the bad fever dream it is. It's fucking bleak. Same thing for the Fediverse, I thought it would be more, well, different than chan culture or Twitter, but it's an endless stream of weeb shits, gender stuffs and identity politics with a few "normal" people in between
No. 47844
There is nothing at all in this country worth saving. I cannot think of even one single thing. It's all trash from coast to coast. I wouldn't even say ideology exists here either. You have people like that, you have MIGAtards, you have every strand of people here who seem to believe in literally nothing, not even the Christians. Not one of them has actual values or principles that they follow. This is exactly what I imagine Sodom and Gommoraha looked like about ten years before God erased them from existence.
>but what about the right
Like I said, nothing. You compare the trannies to an actual leftist. They are all consumer drones happy with neoliberalism they just want someone else to pay for their expensive unnecessary surgery. There are likewise no actual Christians or Conservatives left in this country from what I can tell. There's only varying shades for selfishness, self destruction, willful ignorance and stupidity.
No. 47849
re: weebs

tbh back in mid 2000s to mid 2010s internet, I always raised an eyebrow when the internet fringe was acting all elitist and high brow about anime, treating it as some "alternative" form of entertainment incomprehensible by "normies". Whereas I've always seen it as the final form of mass produced consumerist cheap entertainment. Never got into it, despite being on imageboards for a decade.

And I feel validated in that stance a decade later. Nowadays, every second neurotypical watches anime. and not the kind of "high brow" stuff that weebs in the 2000s would call "gateway anime", but the same kind of exploitation fetish stuff that the fringe weebs on imageboards watch.

Because it's always been lowest common denominator mindless escapist entertainment with no value. It just took a while for society at large to stoop down to its level. Yes, I don't believe that formerly fringe interests and hobbies like anime and capeshit were "lifted up" and accepted by the masses for their underappreciated worth. I think on the contrary, mass culture degenerated to the level of unabashedly consuming weird escapist fringe media. And the fringe slid even lower still. Two decades ago, what it took to be on the fringe was being a socially awkward consumer of capeshit and weird cartoons. Nowadays, to be on the fringe you need to be a delusional schizo who writes manifestos about killing women and black people, and sometimes actually does it.

People nowadays complain about the artistic hollowing out of the entire video game industry. If you look back, you'll notice that anime was already at that stage decades ago. All the characteristics of an artistically void "entertainment industry" are there:
Reliance on large teams where no single individual could ever contribute any artistic vision to the end product.
An extremely streamlined production process with no room for backtracking, ensuring either extremely safe endeavors, or guaranteeing failure if something more ambitious is attempted.
The entire medium sifting down to a small number of genres with the widest appeal. Isekai, sol, and dbz-clones for anime; story driven action-adventures, open world crafting collectathons, and "competitive" multiplayer esports for video games.
Most importantly. The product itself being essentially a full-feature advertisement for a secondary revenue source that's actually more lucrative than the product itself. Merch for anime, lootboxes for video games.

It's also funny to me that the average neurotypical gets incredibly offended if you suggest that an entire medium can be shit, even if it's true. Something about neurotypicals makes them extremely averse to the idea of things having qualities unto themselves. They prefer to live in a world where nothing is categorically different from anything else, nothing has innate value or worth, and all is a matter of opinion and preference. To me, art is not possible in such a world.

This might sound weird, but I believe there's a limited amount of "meaning" in this world. And the more media there is, the less meaning there is to go around for each work. We should stop letting every random asshole create media, I believe the creation of bad art results in a net loss of divinity in this world, making existence more base and petty, and the demiurge more powerful
t. gnosticist
No. 47855 Kontra
I firmly believe that there exists such a thing as anti-art.
And I don't mean bad art, or mediocrity, or boring trivial things that fail at being art.
I mean something that does the opposite of what art does. Something that, when being exposed to, makes you a worse person. Impoverishes the soul. Cheapens the human condition. Makes you less wise. Diminishes your understanding of the world. Slowly turns you into a hylic. Destroys meaning, makes creation less divine. The most evil thing in the universe, because on some level, it destroys reality by merely existing.

And I think anime is it.
No. 47858
>This might sound weird, but I believe there's a limited amount of "meaning" in this world. And the more media there is, the less meaning there is to go around for each work. We should stop letting every random asshole create media, I believe the creation of bad art results in a net loss of divinity in this world, making existence more base and petty, and the demiurge more powerful

I don't know if the most insightful piece I read all week being the ramblings of a kazakh are an indictment of myself or of the media landscape around me, but I wholly agree with ypu.
No. 47860

Have your read the chapter on the culture industry? >>47855 might suggest you give it a read to get an answer for a concept that is better than anime.
And I think you mistake media for art, it's not the same.

Back to the culture industry and Adorno in more detail:

Art for him is some kind of riddle, something that poses non-identity, a sort of exception, a turmoil, it really makes you think. Whereas the culture industry is about formula, consent and entertainment, about norming individuals, presenting favorable behavior, sucess stories people dream about but that are at the same time signed as "not possible, now your place, consumer/worker". Art does not entertain, even less in the lightweight way certain products do.
Though Adorno underestimated pop culture as making art away from highbrow exclusivity that can carry meaning. Interestingly that you see art as encompassing something universal, an inherent value, not sure if that means dismissing historicity.
I personally like some of Jeff Koons work, people get so furious about him "That is art?????!!!!" but they don't look for any meaning, that could be inherent in the object, its materiality, symbolism and ofc context, I think art is not in a vacuum relational determination of a piece of art is not the same as "opinions and personal preferences", that is cultural industry talk about what people like and how they want that but I'm a "historian" and thus neglecting historicity of an object seems ignoring a good argument.
No. 47869
51 kB, 400 × 567
re: media vs art. I don't really think of media and art as belonging to the same category of things, really. To me, there is no way do distinguish a piece of media that is art, to one that is not art, because I view art as a phenomenon that emerges from certain configurations of "things" within the medium, but is not contained "in" the medium, and really has no causal relation to it at all. It's just that certain arrangements of "things" (matter? symbols?) coincide with a certain artistic phenomenon. This spontaneous emergence of art out of a mere arrangement of "soulless" things is what fascinates me so much. There is this unknowable process in the universe that seemingly "summons" an "entity" out of nothing, merely by having things arranged in a certain way. Change the arrangement, and the "expression" of the arrangement changes; either the phenomenon disappears, or something else appears.
I've been reading a bit about the mind-body problem, not enough really say anything, but I have a suspicion, that this process of configurations of "things" leading to a spontaneous emergence of "meaning", is the same process by which a bunch of matter can be arranged in a particular way to express an experience of a "soul", for lack of a better word. If certain physical processes, say in the brain, cause (or in fact ARE) certain experiences, then what is experiencing that experience? Maybe certain configurations of physical objects have the emergent property of BEING that experience.

re: historicity. I am a bit of a death of the artist fanatic. I'd even say that my particular stance on this issue can be re-labeled as "death of the universe". As in, if there's an empty, timeless space, containing only two things, the "art" and an observer, then that is enough for the art to be experienced. (I have to say though, that I disagree with a certain interpretation of the death of the artist that holds that the opinion of the artist doesn't matter at all. The artist is totally disconnected from the art, and the art stands on its own, but chances are, the artist is the biggest expert on the work of art that he worked on. So even if the artist doesn't speak FOR the art, he has good authority to speak ABOUT the art). My reasoning is that I maintain a firm separation between the phenomenon of art and the work of art as a cultural "object", with all the context and history and everything. And although the cultural/narrative context surrounding the art-object (including history) is significant when approaching a work of art as a cultural object, I think the pure "art-experience" part of it is distinct and can be appreciated "in a vacuum".

My experience of art is that of a thoughtless process or phenomenon that arises in my mind when viewing it. In a sense, my mind being a "vessel" in which the art-phenomenon has been captured, like lightning in a bottle, to be observed. Some superset of qualia perhaps. The thinking, evaluation, contextualization, etc., comes after, and formulates the cultural art-object as an entity (data) in the memory. I am mainly interested in the former. This process where the "spirit" of the art is expressed, "reproduced" through the medium of my brain's circuitry, embodied as a neural process. Being witness to the "birth" of art out of nothing, here in my internal awareness.

I don't know why I value this aspect of experiencing art over the arguably "fuller" experience of contemplating the art as an "object" (information?), but I just do. I've always had an irrational distaste for narratives, of which history is one. To me, experiencing art as information, rather than as a phenomenon, feels like experiencing it through a condom. It's like reading "about" the art (reading from the pages of my own memory / library of ideas, but still), rather than "seeing" it.

re: reading. Ashamed to admit, but I almost don't read. I prefer thinking, even if unfruitfully. Maybe for the same reasons outlined above. There's something unsatisfying about having a thought "transferred" into your mind in the form of information/data, rather than watching it be birthed right here.

sorry for the pretentious incomprehensible gibberish, I am trying to get my point across as best I can, but I am Limited By My Own Language(c)
No. 47870 Kontra
Oh, forgot to add something.
This experience of something being expressed inside my awareness is the reason I intensely dislike being subjected to "bad media". It's not really because it "makes me a worse person" being burdened with the information of the media, but because it forces me to be a vessel to something ugly. Like being a flower vase that had liquid diarrhea poured into it. The vase is unchanged, and later maybe washed, but there's something of an unpleasant quality to the event itself.

It's not just about witnessing ugliness, it's about ugliness being "expressed" or "birthed" inside of you, for a short while. Or something about the "state" of your neurons being arranged into something unpleasant. It seems like it could be the same phenomenon as physical pain. A "state" of arrangements in your brain that create an unpleasant qualia. It feels tangible.

and that's why I hate fuckers who play music on loudspeakers in public
No. 47872 Kontra
fuck language by the way
how absurd is it is that every day I try to influence another mind into arranging itself into a state that reflects a "thought" or "idea" I‘m holding in my own mind, and I do it by transferring a series of symbols through an unreliable medium, in hopes that
by some miraculous coincidence, the receiver‘s brain rearranges itself into that state, so he "gets" what I‘m saying
it‘s like trying to pee into a plastic cup through a keyhole

fucking two generals problem mayne.
No. 47876 Kontra
actually, scratch the vessel analogy.
when you are exposed to bad media, the media is expressed as a phenomenon through the state of your mind, thus your mind rearranges itself into a shape that corresponds to the "virtue" of the media. if the media in question is filth, then you, or some part of you, literally transforms into an expression of filth. some part of you literally BECOMES filth, like being infected by carpenter's The Thing.
shiiiet dawg.
No. 47877
Don't understand the art/media thing.

I wanted to point out that a medium can be a thing (hardware) or a transmitting entity, which might be something like language, which is not art. This usually leads to ubiquitous media: everything is mediated. Art then is mediated via X. Or in your terms perhaps that the confiuguration of things that lets art emerge is mediated.
Media might be confused with culture industry, as TV productions etc.

A common problem in art is to ask what is art or maybe also how is art.
If I understand you right, art is experience of something, perhaps affect would be the best term for what you describe. When I see art, for example the art I sometimes post together with my daily excrements in this thread, I know nothing of the background, the context, in most cases, I just like it, it affects me, touches me, MOVES me, and pleases me and that's it, Kant called it "disinterested pleasure" afaik. The affect comes from Spinoza and it basically it is a movement of matter (res extensa with Descartes, matter shit) in a sense and a movements of ideas so to say, the res cogitans of Decartes (mind shit), everything is one substance with infinite modalities (humans, rocks, ideas, cars, nail, etc) which affect each other, "move" each other. At least that is what I think it is, vaguely calling it up.
Anyway the learned art to you seems diluated, mediated, devoid of true experience, a form of authenticity perhaps?

>containing only two things, the "art" and an observer, then that is enough for the art to be experienced.

But how do you know it is art and why do you think you will experience it as art then? You will experience something, sure, but will it be "art"? Or doesn't it take some cultural condition/frame to do so?

>Ashamed to admit, but I almost don't read. I prefer thinking, even if unfruitfully. Maybe for the same reasons outlined above. There's something unsatisfying about having a thought "transferred" into your mind in the form of information/data, rather than watching it be birthed right here.

I think you read and listen quite a bit, maybe not books. Anyway, the idea of a solitary thinker is an illusion in my view, relationality trumps here. If you don't engage with the other (new/foreign stuff, what others wrote, said etc) you will quickly walk along the same streets in your mind, solitary reasoning and perhaps thinking becomes poor if done alone on end. Why do I say so? >>47568

Also in what way are your presumably own thoughts historically conditioned, the thoughts you mediated to me? You can think for yourself, but who says that makes them unconditional or devoid of relations to the past and other people, cultural codes you were born into and cultural codes you learned about?
I mean I was aware of concepts like contradiction and thus opppsition, yinyan blurp, as teen, it seemed so strange to me that there are contradictions, everything had it's opposite, what a discovery! ... all that before "I read about it". So ofc you don't need to read stuff to get an idea of certain things other people wrote about, but usually they make the cut and can give orientation, there is no need to stop somewhere though. Maybe it's because I don't believe in authentcity or the figure of the solitary genius, which prominently developed in the romantic period and shorty before, ergo a cultural and historical image and not just a "fact", the "image" points to "mediaton" of a thought here (emerging prominently in euroland around 17xx) that maybe you find appealing, without being aware of the condition. We are woven into cultural/historic conditions or patterns and not free floating, at least certain ties don't dissolve that easily, this might also be the case for art. The configuration of matter that gives way to art as phenomenon moves you, just like a scenery can move you, but how do you determine art, or is a sundown art as well?

t. more unstructured discharge
No. 47882
I've always largely hated anime too and you're right. I think there's something foul about it and always detected an aura like heroin has where there's something sinister and malevolent about it, something soul destroying, but I could never figure out why. It wouldn't even surprise me if some large company in Japan was literally run by Satanists and some Illuminati plot to degrade and destroy people. The weird pedo-esque part also disturbed me. I saw one great anime which was Ghost in the Shell and I'm pretty sure everything else was total garbage, with maybe Bible Black at least having some kind of shock value which was in currency in the 2000s. Even funnier that the very people screeching loudest about muh degeneracy muh pizzagate are themselves consumers of this trash and the type to unironically use anime avatars and follow every post with an anime reaction image. Perhaps it's all just projection. I wonder if these people actually watch cuck porn and get off to it, like Jerry Falwell Jrs really warped relationship with this random guy he liked watching fuck his wife for some reason.

>being some mass shooter fantasist is edgy and on the fringes
It very sadly is not, at least in my country. If you truly want to be on the fringes here and goddamn proud of it you have to become a genuine unapologetic Marxist or Socialist of some sort, particularly one who rejects trannyism as a mental illness. Bonus points if your special particular brand of Socialism can either incorporate or reject something totally sacred to a large segment of the society, like an aversion to idpol, voting rights, pro-gun rights for everyone, Horatio tier eco-fascist, pro-Catholic, anti-feminist whatever. Being a tiki torch bearing retard is incredibly mainstream and on some fundamental level always had been in my country. Being a reactionary was never fringe here, but if you unashamedly point out Capitalism is garbage oh man you'll piss people off. I actually once in shop class made some remark about chasing the dollar is bad. I forget exactly how I phrased it but it was a generalized Christian tier remark about greed and valuing money over everything is immoral. I have no clue what innocent thing I said but I just have this picture memory fragment to this very day of how his entire face was beat red, his face was red like the devil, and him saying how "money is what makes the world go round." It was one of the numerous instances when I was young, innocent, and naive, and confronting this utterly godless society and the alien people in it. I do not know thee. I have Known none of these people, for they are almost all strangers to the truth and righteousness.
I live in a genuinely evil society.

>We should stop letting every random asshole create media, I believe the creation of bad art results in a net loss of divinity in this world, making existence more base and petty, and the demiurge more powerful
>t. gnosticist
No. 47895
This is a great essay that only barely touches on this issue, but the part that does states my point better than I could on my own.
Commenting upon why modern cultures produce few great poets:
>To consistently create brilliant poets, you need a society awash in mediocre, even tawdry poetry. Brilliant minds will find their way towards poem writing when poem writing and poem reading is the thing that people do.
You can see how this phenomenon extends to other artistic forms.

Now, there are certainly some cultural configurations that reduce the social impact of bad "art", and encourage true art to a greater degree. But you're always going to have some kind of 10/90 or 1/99 ratio between true art and shit. Where true art exists, there will be a mountain of shit. And where you see a mountain of shit masquerading as art, chances are there are at least a few works of genius hiding out of sight.

99% of anime is absolute shit, even/especially anime that's considered higher brow. But there's a lot more true art in Japanese visual narrative media than Ghost in the Shell. Anime/manga/video games attract a bunch of retards who think they're creative, but they also attract a fair portion of the genuinely creative souls in Japan.
No. 47896
>but they also attract a fair portion of the genuinely creative souls in Japan.
And I should note that the concept of the artist-creator is still relatively strong in Japan. Manga are easily produced by one person, or by a small team of illustrators who closely follow the original creator's vision. As a lot of anime are adapted rather faithfully from manga, effectively you have a huge team of people slaving away to summon one man or woman's creative vision into reality. There have also been a fair number of artist-directors responsible for making original anime, which leads to a similar result.

Now as we all know, most of those creative visions are shit. But you still get a lot of gems. I'm sure Kazakh will dismiss me as a filthy weeb identical to the ones he talked to on 4chan ages ago, but I was in fact been a staunch anti-weeb and animephobe until very recently. I only changed my position after seeing enough examples to update my priors.
No. 47908
37 kB, 646 × 335
It's getting cold in Florida, send hot cocoa :D.
No. 47909
4 kB, 144 × 71
Sorry, can't do, need it for myself :D
No. 47923
I bought a candy bar called "nuts". Only like 10% of it was nuts. Rest was nougat.
Even Snickers contains more nuts than Nuts, and it's not even called "Nuts".

Fuck you Nestle.
No. 47925 Kontra
It's that yellow bar, no? I wanted to say it tastes good, but I'm not sure anymore, haven't had it in years.
No. 47926
maybe it's ye olde dual quality food thing, where they send the third worlders crappier stuff cuz surely we don't know better.
No. 47927
34 kB, 425 × 425
Nah, Nuts does not have many nuts indeed, just a few big ones afaik, the rest was something else, nougat and I wonder if they have caramel like Mars does.
No. 47928
Well, maybe it's a good candy bar otherwise, but I bought it because it's called "nuts", so that's false advertising.
No. 47931
Dunno, maybe it's "nuts" in the meaning of "crazy". Fruit & Nut is deceptive too: it contains nuts, but no fruit. You gotta be completely nutty to call raisins fruit. They're dried berries.
No. 47932 Kontra
fugging nestle, not pudding nuts in nuts, they seem to be nuts:DDD

berries aren't fruit?
No. 47938
Every day at work I think of things I keep meaning to post to EC and yet never do by the time I get home. Oh well. It was at least much less civil today however towards the end I could tell people were going from the weirdly courteous impression I got earlier to a much more tense vibe by the time it started getting dark out. I also likewise saw literally four fucking ambulances throughout my shift which I think does not bode well. I'll typically see 1-2 tops. The last time I began noticing that was during the height of the pandemic, which I suppose is no longer our height. Someone put a cardboard sticker on the trashcan outside of work either very early yesterday or the day before which said "It'll go away in April" inside the cardboard cutout of Trump. What I found most intriguing about this is the fact that I'm in a very white area with definitely a very high Republican and boomer slant, which I think about halfway into the pandemic is when I stopped seeing Trump hats so much, and had largely not seen since until leading right up until the election when multiple people seemed to be donning them one last time. The reason why I say I found it so intriguing is because that thing had somehow been there for two whole days without anybody ripping it off and throwing it into the trash can it's attached to, which I think means something much bigger considering anything like that probably wouldn't have even survived an hour pre-pandemicjust as an aside because I've already gone ahead and mentioned this, while I don't like talking about myself in case anyone wonders, yes, this sadly obscures part of my thinking which in turn colors and distorts my posting; so if you ever come to wonder why I might seem angry or say the massively butthurt shit that I sometimes do, it is because I have never had a black person be demeaning, insulting, condescending, mean spirited, entitled or otherwise acting as much of a massive raging cunt as possible, but it is fairly a routine thing dealing with white boomers, particularly the boomer women. I will say though that this one guy who's never actually been disrespectful, impatient, or cuntish to me in any way used to wear a "I'll never vote for another Hillary or Bush" shirt and I kind of feel bad for the guy now. I've not seen him wear a Trump hat since the summer.

It's really just hard not to get frustrated after awhile, but over the past week in particular it's especially dawned on me how much the real problem actually is just a radical faction in our midst in both parties (poltards being one of them) bothering otherwise able to be decent people who could disagree, and just get goaded on by a bunch of elites. Same story as usual, like the medieval era, and every monarch should hang.

I guess that's the one thing from today though, and the fact everywhere seemed PACKED which I don't get why. I suppose it could be partly from the weather being nice again today, but I also have this suspicion it's for the same reason as why I just saw a really abnormal amount of ambulances racing by. I think that the real gravity of the situation might be dawning on lots of Americans and that between the pandemic and an election that might become disputed, it's best to stock up now and get ready for a winter that is very dark, also cold.
No. 47941
I kind of like Nuts
No. 47942
My dad told me they used to have one macademia nut each for Christmas because they used to be that expensive
No. 47945
>I have never had a black person be demeaning, insulting, condescending, mean spirited, entitled or otherwise acting as much of a massive raging cunt as possible, but it is fairly a routine thing dealing with white boomers
I think a lot of that has to do with the law of averages, you probably interact with way more of your own people.

Personally, I've never had a black, brown or Asian be a cunt to me either but that's probably because I don't deal with them very often, the meanest nastiest people I've ever dealt with have been other Irish, and Polish are even bigger scumbags from my dealings with them.
>the real gravity of the situation might be dawning on lots of Americans and that between the pandemic and an election that might become disputed, it's best to stock up now and get ready for a winter that is very dark, also cold.
2020 has been the worst year in many peoples lives, I'm pretty sure the drama isn't over though and it's going to be an awkward Christmas with not a whole lot of cheer
No. 47946
it seems like for me, sleeping drunk, sleeping on pills, and sleeping sober all cause different types of rest, but I never get sleep that fully satisfies me. Well, once a month I do.

I wish I knew the joy of consistently good sleep.
No. 47947 Kontra
shit, just remembered a nightmare I had.
it was a very simple dream.
In it, I bought a pack of cigarettes, opened it, put one between my lips, and lit it up.

jolted out of sleep with a startle lmao

No. 47949
These kind of dreams are common for people who are quitting smoking. Pretty much everyone I know who tried to give up smoking had them, myself included.
No. 47950
I've gone off about this before and RAC more or less confirmed which is I've dealt with boomer emigres from South Asia, very few, far fewer than black people, and somehow they manage to be consistently more unpleasant to interact with at work. It's way too late to respond fully but just putting it out there the worst two people to deal with are South Indian boomers and white boomers particularly the Germanic women.
No. 47953
39 kB, 450 × 338
Sorry, I am mildly autismal so I sometimes use personal definitions of words without realizing other people don't share them. Also I for some reason think that "medium" and "media" are different words lol.

Anyway, my personal definition of "medium" is basically "everything". As in, all physical matter that can be used for the purposes of art, which is, again, everything. When making art, you manipulate physical matter in a certain way, and as a result, "art" is born. The art is not contained in the physical matter itself, but is "evoked" because the matter is in a certain configuration. What's the difference between a wood carving and an optical disc? None in my mind, because both are created by carving matter off of a physical object, thus "summoning" art or information. Any other definition would introduce undue and arbitrary separation between the arts. For example, is there really a concrete difference between carving a rigid body into a shape of a bunch of sine waves, and carving a rigid body into a shape of a human, other than pure opinion? Don't think so. Both involve manipulating physical matter into an arrangement that evokes and experience in the mind of an observer. Or if I contort my body into a certain shape, and it evokes something in the observer of said shape. Now I am the medium through which the art is expressed. How is that different from a statue? I don't know.
The distinction between digital and analog is also, to me, arbitrary. What's the difference between an arrangement of wood particles in a wood caving vs an arrangement of magnetized particles in HDD data? The only one is that the latter requires additional matter (in the form of a computer and software) to be "interpreted", but we could easily reformulate that as the HDD + the rest of hardware, and software all being one bigger arrangement.
The reason I'm saying this is because I believe that certain configurations of matter just happen to correspond to certain pre-existing platonic objects, and that's how we recognize art/meaning from matter that is not art or has no meaning.

>But how do you know it is art and why do you think you will experience it as art then? You will experience something, sure, but will it be "art"? Or doesn't it take some cultural condition/frame to do so?
I wouldn't necessarily have to know that it is art, or be aware of it at all. It would still have been "expressed" though. Or rather, I don't think it's necessary for something to have been experienced for it to have been this or that. I've read somewhere that Nietzsche once corrected Descartes's statement of "I think therefore I exist", and reformulated it as "It thinks". Because the existence of a thought is no proof that 1) it is you who thought it, 2) that something other than the thought exists. In a similar fashion, I don't think that knowing of a phenomenon is necessary for the phenomenon to take place. Art does not necessarily have to be experienced in order to be evoked. Art experiences itself, in a way.

> If you don't engage with the other (new/foreign stuff, what others wrote, said etc) you will quickly walk along the same streets in your mind
I am a bit of a solipsist here. Or the opposite of a solipsist, a monist. The two seem identical except for semantics (it just depends on which way you choose to frame the "totality", because the extent of your mind is the extent of your reality, so both are practically equivalent). I do not know of the existence of other. I only know that things appear in my mind, at which point they are no longer the other, and are in fact part of my mind. Do they really come from the Other, or do they simply spontaneously appear? Is the origin of new experiences something that exists beyond myself, or is it just myself generating new experiences unbeknownst to myself? I do not know and can not possible know, therefore I do not speculate about it. Besides, I do firmly believe that new information can be generated by computing/recombining old information, otherwise what would be the point of thinking at all, instead of waiting for new information to come from without? In fact, it is my belief that given the "axioms of reality", and sufficient computation time, the rest of reality can be inferred. Otherwise, causality itself would be violated. If there is a "gap" in which some information can not be inferred from previous information, then that is effectively a gap in causality. If you NEED external input to get new information, where did THAT information come from? Spontaneously poofed into existence, or was it also inferred from the "first cause" (axioms of reality)? And if that external knowledge was inferred, then nothing stops you from inferring it yourself. (which also sort of implies that reality is completely static, and all perceived change is illusory, which I also believe, but that's a whole nother rabbithole)

>The configuration of matter that gives way to art as phenomenon moves you, just like a scenery can move you, but how do you determine art, or is a sundown art as well?
I do not actually make a distinction between "real" reality and art. That's the main reason I think art is so important. It's literally a way by which humans can create more of reality. If I walk down the street in autumn and see a bunch of leaves and twigs on the ground that happen to have arranged themselves in a pattern that gives me an "experience", then how is that different from the same experience evoked by a person arranging those items into a pattern deliberately? The "intent" or "origin" of a configuration is irrelevant here, only that the arrangement corresponds to something.
No. 47954
I kind of disagree.
I am reminded of an Alan Moore quote, I don't remember it exactly, but it's something to the extent of "the reason the comic book industry is bad is because the same people who read comic books as children now write comic books - they failed to grow up". As in, there is a difference between someone who learns an art because he cares about the art itself, vs someone who goes into it for immature reasons, like "I fukken love naruto, I want to be an animator in a japanese studio when I grow up". There's different likelyhoods of those types of people making good art. As evidenced by all the normie "animators" on youtube who make derivative, meaningless, "memey" content. Youtube is actually a great case study into the phenomenon of a middling, mediocre "creator". Practically the whole website is made out of people who couldn't make it in the "real world".

MAYBE having lots of mediocre artists is a requirement for talented artists to become interested in the arts, but the flipside is that popular culture is also a cause for many people to go into said culture for shallow reasons.

First of all I'd like to say that I never mentioned manga in any of my posts. I do think that the manga industry actually has a lot of merit, and a lot of great works. Mostly because the voice of the author can come out clearly when there's very few people involved in the production process. I do not equate the manga industry to the anime industry. Sure, they share a visual style, but the reasons why anime is terrible have little to do with the visual style, but rather the economics of the industry and the culture surrounding it.

And I hard disagree on the idea that a large production team where 90% of he people are mindless laborers does anything resembling "conveying the artist's vision one to one". I believe the opposite is the case. The more number of people are involved in a production, the least likely is the "vision" to come through, because the "vision" gets diluted among every person involved. As in, you can't expect your average in-between animator in a 100 man studio to put as much heart and soul into every single one of his (time and budget constrained) drawings as the original author. You also can't expect said animator to even know what the vision actually is, due to basic communication barriers.

It'd be like a visionary painter describing to a bunch of deviant art artists for hire how a painting he has in his mind is supposed to look like, having them paint it in chunks, assemble it, and the result matching the imagination of the master. It just doesn't happen.

The problem with anime is simply how the industry works. Just like how the problem with AAA video games is how the industry works.
No. 47956
forgot to mention.
One interesting thing about a digital medium vs traditional art is that the physical "shape" of the piece, in the latter case, is immediately parsed into an artistic experience, while the former needs further "processing" in order to be experienced on a human-level.

This, although merely incidental, allows us to make an observation. That the "information" contained in a medium, and the "experience" it evokes, are separate from each other. A painting, and a scan of a painting burned into a CD, both contain the same information, and are both just physical matter with in some configuration, but the former evokes the experience upon observation, while the latter doesn't.
This proves that the a piece of medium and the experience it evokes are causally disconnected.
No. 47959 Kontra
I have a bruised rip from doing martial arts and now I'm sad and can't move properly.
Thanks for reading.
No. 47960
Sometimes people say "yeah 90% of anime is garbage, but there's good stuff out there, like in any other art form / medium", and I think there's some miscommunication going on here. Or a very large gap in standards and taste.

Because being a "good" film, record, painting, book, etc., it means the work in question will genuinely affect you as a human being, and will probably end up in a museum in the future.
When an anime is "good", it means it reaches the level of barely passable entertainment you wouldn't feel too guilty about catching on TV on a weekday evening. The "bad" anime is not merely mediocre, it's actively unwatchable. I think "great" anime reaches about the level of harry potter of game of thrones when it comes to artistic merit. Or one of the good Disney movies. It's "great" in the sense that it's competent, not in the sense that it's generally Good.

I could imagine being regretful at my deathbed for not reading enough great literature. For some reason I can't imagine being regretful over not getting to watch "great" anime like code geass or gurren lagann.

also, I've never seen an anime adaptation of a manga that wasn't a significantly inferior experience than the original.
No. 47961
350 kB, 1000 × 1000
Well I feel in general a bit scornfully towards the whole concept of popular mass culture. Not that I hate it or can not enjoy but about great or good things in this layer of creations I often felt that they become victims being for masses, while they had opportunity to be much better if was choosen to be for more specific audience.

And japanese mass culture I feel even more. There are kind of great not even things, but concepts, ideas, little bits that most times get crushed by their very limited pop-culture worldview. They have advantages and interesting things that nice things to have and to compare directly with the western culture and what it lacks, but I think problem that they too isolated and have very twisted view on the rest of the world, even in their local region.
No. 47962
Sad to hear! What particular kind of arts you are learing?
No. 47963
Just like how most mainstream video games are the exact same game with some aesthetic changes and a slight twist to the mechanics, most anime is also the exact same story but with a twist.

It feels like both those industries have stumbled upon the formula for the "perfect" entertainment product in their respective mediums, and are now just milking the cow forever.

It also seems that the audience is perfectly ok with it. When discussing upcoming releases, there's not even an expectation of something different, nobody says "I wonder what kind of new experience / story they will come out with next". Instead, the conversation goes like "I wonder what kind of twist they'll put on the old formula, and if it'll be better or worse at doing the same thing the previous titles did". They neither expect or want anything different.
No. 47964
616 kB, 630 × 741
Well, I don't think there should be everything "different" from each other as some sort of core rule. It is really depends on many specific things we are talking about.
But from perspective of art and interesting ideas I may say, that general audience often directed antoganistic towards originality or complexity in media. It caused because they don't understand it and still, have much smaller worldview, so for them things you might consider as poor, dumb, repeative, unimaginative and too simplistic is actually good, fresh and entertaining.

You probably may often see case that for some circumstantial, inderect reason some peace of media aimed towards more high audience or at least have great elements aimed towards more narrow set of people accidentaly becomes popular in mass culture. And what you may usually see if this example of media gets sequels, prequels, expansion etc.? They or repeat itself to be safe and already familiar, or become de-constructed, simplified, shifting focus on secondary elements to appeal for a general audience by now be inside this borders of popular mass culture level.
No. 47965
55 kB, 685 × 385
82 kB, 1280 × 903
That is true, most media is cliched. But I think it's not equivalently cliched. There's a significant difference in HOW cliched anime is, compared to other entertainment industries, that saying "it's cliched" makes anime look better than how it actually is, since our existing standard for something being cliched is from those other mediums.

What I mean by that, is if we take the most cliched genre of film, the action flick, the average specimen will contain about a dozen blatant cliches throughout the whole thing. Stuff like hero walking away from explosion, certain type of simplistic villain character, etc. That's cliched.

In anime, there's a cliche scene, line of dialog, character, plot point, etc., every 5 minutes. It's not just cliched, the entire thing is basically assembled from preexisting templates. It feels like the creative process of the writer of the average anime is to go on tvtropes, hit "random page" a couple hundred times and then assembling the result into a story. It's actually unnerving to watch.

In addition to the number of cliches being disproportional, there is also a difference in the magnitude of the cliches. If you watched some action movie, and you saw a scene that was directly taken from another movie in the same genre with no modifications, you would be taken aback. It would be shocking that the director be so blatant. You'd even feel offended slightly. In anime, there's identical scenes, characters, plots, etc., shared between almost every title, and nobody bats an eye.
No. 47966
202 kB, 800 × 1485
Yes, japanese have huge downside of being
1.surface copeing of others and each other without actual understanding WHAT they are copy
2.be very conservative about it.

This leed to the modern japan fenomena where it's culture is actually an exact repetition of other repetitions, which actually is the flawed inspirations from other cultures.
I like use as example whole japanese RPG thing since video gene RPGs is something I'm familiar with. Whole birth of this "genre" comes from the misunderstanding of super old western RPGs and their concepts. Japan started to copy them without understanding why they was made like that, what this mechanics represent and how they should evolve. And then they started to simplify them and "improve" how they are understand (and they are understand not much) so in the end, we get linear very simplified pseudo-adventure visual novels with absoluetly pointless remnats of ultra archaic mechanics that completely out of place. It's like a cave man discovered a car and decorated it with bones and punctured tires because it is how he understand improvment of something which he don't understand how it works exept the fact that "somebody other made it so it should work". I think this is the best example of culture of "surface thinking". And this "surface thinking" actually one of the main reasons of existance of popular mass culture as a thing and how regular masses consume this mass culture media: by surface thinking. So all this media should be made surface-thinking friendly. And horror starts when actual artists creators have only surface thinking and trying using it copy and "improve" other project. Japan is great example, but this presented in other cultures also just less. Well, in western mass culture now more and more.
I can add that japan culture is very infantile. It oriented at teenagers and mental machildren heavely.

At last I want to add some additional thing in a spoiler because nobody interested in the topic probably anyway but still. For me good comparison of example above is Betrayal at Krondor. This game is perfect example of what japan devs THINK they are doing. You may play it and it have same general idea: fixed characters, simple rpg system and heavy text narrative. But jrpgs make it SO BROKEN:
Our hero cute 14yo boy with B-I-G sword
"I need to go there"
"It is my destiny!!"
you meet in the room a dog
CoMbaT stArTs
4 characters fixed party with "epic" electronic j-pop music vs anime girl with dog ears

I think if you familiar with both you get ehat I mean.
No. 47968
I'm curious as to how many and what anime you've actually seen. It feels like you've just picked random shows, or followed pleb recommendations - which will of course lead to watching trash.
No. 47970
Interesting that you brought this up, actually. It's another thing I wanted to mention, but forgot.

In any other medium, if you ask someone who's really into it, like a film buff, a music buff, someone who reads a lot, they're more likely to recommend you good stuff compared to the layman.
With anime fans, the opposite is the case. The more of a weeb someone is, the more likely they are to recommend exploitative fetish crap, or something completely mediocre that happens to align with their hyper-specific preferences. Meanwhile, a random pleb's recommendation is more likely to be at least watchable entertainment, like the stuff weebs derisingly call "gateway anime". You know, your cowboy bebops and gitses and ghiblis. Derivative, but at least competent stuff.
An "experienced" weeb, on the other hand, will suggest almost unwatchable voyeristic slice of life weirdo shit about underage girls or something, lol.

Anyway, I'd like to make a final point, and clear up yet another frequent misunderstanding. When people say "anime is garbage", anime fans understand it as "in the set of all things that are anime, most/all of them happen to be garbage", and they argue with this point, splitting hairs, by bringing up examples of "good" anime, or saying that other mediums are no different. But that is not what is meant here.
"Anime is garbage" is intended to be understood in the same way as "reality shows are garbage". As in, the genre/industry is conceptually bad, it's its ethos, aesthetics, premise, intended audience are all garbage. It's not that it's a medium that, for some reason, happens to have a lot of bad stuff in it, it's that most shows being shit is a direct consequence of anime being shit as a concept. Just like how reality shows being bad are not just because all of them happen to be bad, but because the whole idea of a reality show is shit.
And maybe there exists by some miracle a "good" reality show, in so far as a reality show can be "good". But that's not the point. The point is that reality shows are a conceptually shitty type of entertainment and so is anime.
No. 47971
>An "experienced" weeb, on the other hand, will suggest almost unwatchable voyeristic slice of life weirdo shit about underage girls or something, lol.
That is exactly the kind of person I meant by "pleb".

>The point is that reality shows are a conceptually shitty type of entertainment and so is anime.
That's not an apt comparison. Reality shows are a genre, not a medium. Anime just means animated movies/tv shows following a particular visual style, or coming from Japan. In theory it's almost as broad and versatile a category as "film" itself.

Which is why I still feel justified using the "but you just haven't seen the good stuff yet!" argument. Unless you maintain that it is theoretically impossible to tell a good story with good visuals through the medium of animation - and I'm curious as to why that would be the case - then anime can only be contingently shit, not conceptually. The only argument in favor of this position that I can imagine is that large production teams necessarily degrade an artistic project. However, I'm pretty sure I've seen you speak well of some conventional films before, and conventional films almost always involve large production teams.
No. 47972
Huh interesting observation.
No. 47973
Tbh, that second part was just me being facetious, I just wanted to express the idea that there are some genres, formats, mediums and industries that are inherently terrible, rather than incidentally terrible. Just needed to get that off my chest because I've been annoyed for a long time with this fallacy that the relative qualities of things and categories are purely circumstantial, and everything has the same (infinite) quality ceiling. Anime was just collateral.

But I do think there's problems with anime as a medium and and industry that pretty much put a hard cap on the level of its quality. The weekly tv show with ad-breaks format is just terrible for storytelling. It's an ancient format from like 70s USA, and TV shows back then were genuinely terrible, because you can't structure a coherent story when you have get interrupted every 10 minutes, forcing you to constrain the story beats into a very rigid advert schedule, and the overarching plot into 30 minute segments that all have to end on a cliffhanger. If a chapter in a book always had to be a certain length, and you couldn't read the whole book at once, there wouldn't be any good literature either.
This is an interesting talk on how the medium affects the quality of works made in it, but applied to video games, watch it if you have some time.

"Anime" is a difficult word to pin down. It's not really a medium, it's a subset of the larger medium of animation. The word might literally mean "animation from japan", but that's not a useful definition because it's not one understood by most people. I get annoyed when this definition is used, actually, it feels like a cop out, like someone using the phrase "Interactive Entertainment" instead of "video game" to defend walking simulators like gone home. Anime is an industry, a style, a culture and an ethos, not just a medium. And there are problems with it on every facet of its definition. The production process, the visual style, the shovelware business culture, the audience, all have problems. That's why I say there's something inherently shitty about anime, if we define "anime" as this compound object made up of other things.

And now imagine if those problems were dealt with. If the industry re-built itself, abandoned its previous culture, completely changed its target audience, production process, format, and adopted a less cheap visual style, would it still be "anime"? Or would it then just be "Japanese Animation"? Is anime only contingently shit, if in order to not be shit, anime would have to stop being "Anime"? Dunno man.
No. 47974 Kontra
tbh I realize that writing this much about something I dislike makes me sound like a lunatic. but something being bad doesn't necessarily make it not interesting to think about.
that's why I don't hang with neurotypicals, even on the internet. they wouldn't understand.
No. 47975
I know that there's some good anime that exists and that there are still decent human beings who watch it, but I've come to the conclusion that the majority of weebs are either pedophiles or pseudo-pedophiles, most of whom find real women disgusting or scary. There's something positively creepy about these guys watching children cartoons about children and the path they end up going down. I have always been creeped out by anime even more than I am leery of heroin. I can tell that it is sinister and character warping, and filled with essence of the devil. Interestingly I consider it just a notch below cocaine though, because the aura that cocaine has and the taint it will suffuse into people's auras is still just a bit more blatantly evil. Any time that I go anywhere online and there are weebs they'll start doing weird shit like posting anime girls feet or anime girls as low as infants doing weird shit. I can't even tell if they were always pedophiles or if they were led towards being pseudo pedos by too much anime.
No. 47976
Hm, I think you try to use the criteria for good art on entertainment, which isn't exactly justified. Entertainment has one purpose: to entertain, that is, to kill boredom. Anything else, like artistic or aesthetic value, thought-provoking ideas or just very emotional moments is secondary, or even optional. So, from the entertainer's point of view, the entertainment needs to a) attract a sizable audience that is willing to pay for it; b) keep that audience entertained long enough, or better yet, indefinitely long, so the money continue flowing; c) not to be too expensive (or time-consuming, which is pretty much the same thing) to produce. By these criteria anime is one of the best kinds of entertainment, rivaled only by Murrican capeshit flicks and losing only to sports (which is the perfect form of entertainment, in my opinion; of course, I mean watching sports, not doing it): it has a devoted audience of otakus, always willing to buy Blu-rays and merch, and it's fairly easy to create by writing scripts that closely follow trends and cliches and outsourcing actual animation to some Vietnamese who are willing to work for a bowl of rice a day.

It's curious that you brought up Geass and TTGL as examples of "good" anime. I dropped Geass on the 15th episode because I figured that it was crap appealing to edgy schoolkids, just like Death Note or Gantz, and I haven't seen TTGL at all because I'm not much into mecha. Usually when (non-weeb) people talk about artsy-fartsy anime, they mention feature films by "auteurs" like Miyazaki, Kon or Shinkai, with maybe very rare odd series like NGE or Bebop. Likewise, whenever people praise live-action cinema, it's usually stuff like Casablanca or Citizen Kane, and not some TV series. Even in literature novels are universally more valued than novelettes or short stories. Sure, there are famous writers specializing in short form, like Anton Chekhov, Ivan Bunin, Edgar Allan Poe, Ambrose Bierce, Guy de Maupassant etc., but it's usually the authors who are being praised, not their works. So I wonder, are long-form artworks automatically considered more "valuable" than short-form ones?

>Anime just means animated movies/tv shows following a particular visual style, or coming from Japan.
It got me thinking, what kind of anime we can consider distinctive enough to earn that label — "anime"? Battle shonens, magical girl and mecha shows can't be it, since they're pretty much Murrican superhero cartoons with some gimmick. So, we are left with moeshit (I don't think that there are Western cartoons with cuteness being the sole point of their existence), haremshit (yeah, good luck finding something like that in the West) and iyashikei (the best thing to ever come out of anime, IMO; there might some Western examples that I've never heard of, but they aren't prominent enough to constitute their own genre, unlike anime ones). Iyashikei isn't nearly as popular as moeshit and haremshit, so the latter two are the most representative kinds of anime. And considering this, Kazakhdude is at least correct on anime's unoriginality: you'd be hard-pressed to find more cliched pieces of crap than moe and harem anime.
No. 47977
317 kB, 1800 × 1288
This is really irrelevant news but
The interesting thing is Fox apparently is trying to frame it as "lifting the ban a Democratic mayor did" but I note this now because of that cringey disgusting poltard campaign to get people to drown pit puppies. I'll never consider anything human that willfully tries to hurt and torture dogs this is obviously one of the core components of my only virulent racism which is against the HanViets, Koreans, etc have the problem but not in the brutal torture way and not as common I think that they thought about doing that because any racist who's not got a duck shit level IQ figured out people are not like different species but more like dog breeds, and I think their thinking went that if they can convince people to act like subhumans towards dogs they can get them to be subhumans towards people, especially if they could associate "violent child killer pitbulls" with Mexicans and black people.

The irony about this and what frankly spoke volumes about who was posting there is that they really are more of a redneck and hick breed. Come to think of it I don't actually know why we like our pits so much, we just do. I'm not sure if it's more of a love for a big strong truck, a powerful gun, and a great power tool. Huh it just dawned on me how weird it is most of them like weak piss beer. But anyway it's also a dog that you have to have a large open area for which is why us rural people actually can have them and some shitty suburban dog killer cannot. In case you couldn't tell I am still battxept about that, and how it bled into anything like animal forums and videos with these filth infesting everything.

In case anyone was wondered and hasn't had the fortune of dealing with these dogs, they're some of the most incredibly sweet and affectionate of dog breeds it's just that the problem is they're built like a brick shithouse. You can't just coop them up alone in an apartment for 9 hours every day because they're super energetic and need open areas to run off their energy, and have strong jaws. They don't "lock" or whatever the fuck, it's just their jaws are more well developed and in general and its the most swol of breeds, everything is just tight on a dog like that which can be annoying or a problem if a 80 pound woman with her giant 6 wheel pickup truck has a pit she can't control well enough. It really is about good training and so yeah, it's not so much them all being violent as shitheads get them and they can do more damage than almost any other breed in a very short time.

It's even more ironic that the scum trying to get these dogs killed coming from the right are doing it from the same point as "any butterfly knife is evil because criminals in movies use them" "barrel shroud sounds scary and also needs to be banned." California shitholes tend to have laws against all these things on the books. I find it interesting that the all American dog from a century ago has now been singled out, and that the Rottweilers meme of the 90s got replaced with them. It seems every decade someone tries to find some meme breed. I'm not sure what specific bloodlines could be more prone to neuroticism though, and obviously a rescue pit is going to like all rescue dogs be more a roll of the dice.
No. 47979 Kontra
Pretty accurate brief clip
If you watch it with sound and thus commentary off that's pretty much what they're like.
No. 47983
I think anime has a similar effect to various ideologies, propaganda, religions, cults, conspiracy theories, overly sentimental beliefs, etc.. In that these "cultures" hold assumptions about reality that are incompatible with the real world, and prolonged immersion replaces the victim's model of the world (a simplified abstraction layer which is used by humans to navigate the world by-proxy) with an erroneous one. This causes alienation, withdrawal, mutual incomprehension, and most importantly, anger/disappointment when reality does not match their erroneous ideas about how the world works. (Example: girls are supposed to act like anime girls. Real girls don't act like that. Conclusion: 3D is pig disgusting). I don't think anime studios are trying explicitly to be evil, it's just a side effect of overly sentimental, emotionally exploitative and escapist media.
I've written something that expands on this thoughts (but mostly concerning polarizing ideologies), but I'm too tired to elaborate right now.

>Hm, I think you try to use the criteria for good art on entertainment
Well, that's kind of what I'm trying to get at eventually, with this discussion.
I think that entertainment, as a phenomenon, is generally bad. And I mean, as in a Bad thing, as in morally. And the better something is at being entertainment, the worse it is. There's this attitude of "hey man, I'm just enjoying myself, you can't judge me". But tbh, I think I can. I think there's some quantity of virtue to all actions, even consequenceless ones, it's not just about "i'm not forbidden from doing it, so it's ok".

>It's curious that you brought up Geass and TTGL as examples of "good" anime
Well, there are sarcasm quotes there for a reason. When anime apologists try to argue the merits of anime they try to avoid "auteur" stuff, and titles that are recognized worldwide and by western critics, like cowboy bebop and gits, because they know full well that those are exceptions, and that they are not representative of "weeb culture", and they're not the kind of stuff that they actually consume day to day. Instead, they try to sell you on something that's closer to the seasonal TV format that they actually watch, from one of the bigger genres. Usually, it'll be a FOTM title from a few years back that they'll try to assign "classic" status to. It's kind of laughable. "Anime is good bro, just go watch Ergo Proxy and Darker Than Black, they're good I promise". I honestly laugh out loud when I read stuff like that. Maybe a few years from now they'll try to claim gabriel dropout and dragon maid cafe are "classics". Do they try to make noobs watch K-On and oreimo, or is it too early? Or is there no reason because every year's FOTM shit is interchangeable with all previous years' FOTM shit?
No. 47990
I have a very small social circle, but I know two people that have been brutally mauled by unprovoked pitbulls. One of these attacks happened very recently, in a fucking park. The dog just ran straight across the field from its owner to attack my friend, who will have permanent scarring on his face.

Maybe they're fine out in the country where they will never meet anyone but their master, but fuck those things. No city should allow them within limits.
No. 47991 Kontra
Also, despite being only 6% of the dog population, pit bulls are responsible for more than half of dog bite incidents.

that's not a joke
No. 47992
405 kB, 497 × 507
125 kB, 500 × 566
>The more of a weeb someone is, the more likely they are to recommend exploitative fetish crap, or something completely mediocre that happens to align with their hyper-specific preference
because anime is a race to the bottom, my anime hating friend. At the bottom of that pit lies crossdressing and pedophelia
>That is exactly the kind of person I meant by "pleb".
You're right, an experienced weeb is someone who has gone so far down the rabbit hole of degeneracy (and I don't like to use that word, but that's what it is) that they've become peak pleb
>I think anime has a similar effect to various ideologies, propaganda, religions, cults, conspiracy theories, overly sentimental beliefs, etc.. In that these "cultures" hold assumptions about reality that are incompatible with the real world, and prolonged immersion replaces the victim's model of the world
I've long held the notion that anime is a form of brainwashing in escapism that only the most desperate latch on to, that brainwashing has many layers with the most easily accessible layer being mild escapism and the bottom layer being a crossdressing sexual predator. I thought it was pretty funny that Australia just banned hentai and I wish it could be banned everywhere. I'm usually not one to want things I don't like banned, but anime / hentai is entirely bad and only consumed by the most desperate or deranged or degenerate of people. I'd see it being banned on par with banning heroin
No. 47993
>city limits
I'd tentatively agree with you but only because, again, they're rambunctious and energetic and need a lot of space and some attention. It wouldn't surprise me if someone gets one in a city and just works their 9 to 5 leaving it in a shoebox alone all day which can cause neuroticism in any dog but is a really bad idea for a rescue pit that may have been coming from a life of abuse. Imho one of the obvious immediate physical signs of that is if their ears have been clipped.
No. 47995
After three days of non-stop car sickness nausea due to having to take cabs multiple times a day, I woke up today, thinking that maybe I shouldn't be so cynical about the quality of our healthcare, and find myself a neurologist to sort out this life-long problem I have.

The first three clinics I found on google offered needle therapy and bloodletting for neurological conditions, along with "manual therapy" as in chiropractics and massage. Gave me a laugh.

Yeah, I think it's time to accept my fate. It was over for me before it began.
No. 48003
That's medieval tier.
t. not a medical expert but likes to think bloodletting ain't a thing no more
No. 48010
Mostly has to do with islam:

I'm surprised that they don't offer camel urine, since muhammad personally recommended it as medicine.
No. 48012 Kontra
one of the reasons I don't want to go back to the mental health center is that I don't want to tell the shrink that ti's been 3 years since I was last institutionalized, and literally nothing in my life changed.
I don't want to admit that to myself and to her. one more year, and maybe I'll finally fix my life.
I know where this is going. one day I'll admit total defeat, but not by going to the therapist
No. 48014
I felt very tired over the past few days but it's gone now.

My studies are going well I think.
This week I got to partake in the magic. We got a homework where we had to translate a short Chinese text into Hungarian. (Naturally only after we copied the entire text from the textbook into a word file to practice writing Chinese on a computer too.)
After correction I got a single word of feedback: excellent. I'm very happy with it.
(Though it's not necessarily my work, because I actually used a dictionary and looked at some translations in there too to see what sounds natural. Kinda feels like I've cheated a bit, but then again, is a craftsman cheating my using a tool?)
I'm genuinely happy right now.

Actually spent some time at the library a few days ago. Looked at a classical Chinese textbook. It wasn't really a textbook, more like notes for a class where the meat of the content is left out because the lecturer is supposed to explain it. It was kinda disappointing but also really cool. I scanned the bibliography and the small dictionary section it included.

The 'rona thing is getting out of hand, so they're going to hold even the practice classes will be held online, not just the lectures.
(At least the ones of the Far Eastern Institute. Don't know about the Institute of Classical Studies yet, but I have a feeling that it's sooner or later going to happen there too. I mean my Greek class had ~2 cases, and the course running parallel to us had 6/14 come down with the 'rona.)

I wasn't necessarily going for the "let's beat them all to death with a stick" approach, because that's just pointless.
The issue is that you'd need structural reform to tackle homelessness in this country, and I guess in a sense the public works program Orbán made is aimed at preventing people from sinking even lower.
They already made legislation that effectively banned them from the city, it's just the new city-administration doesn't enforce this cosmetic reform. (Because it's just for show, it doesn't tackle the root of the issue, just the consequences.)
And really, if nobody is willing to solve this issue, then even this otherwise horrible piece of wool over our eyes is better by most people's standards than doing nothing about it.
Believe it or not, most people don't like falling over the homeless sleeping at metro stations during their morning commute.
There's enough homeless shelter capacity, but they refuse to sleep there because they're afraid they'll take their packages and carts. (Not to mention they aren't allowed to posses alcohol there, which most of them need if they want to avoid getting into a delirious state. Most of them are on the street because they're heavy drinkers, with is the result of even MORE societal ills we're unable and unwilling to solve. Really, it's a long chain of bad societal developments.)
It's like medicine. They're unwilling to administer a cure, but at this point, even symptomatic treatment is welcome.

I doubt anyone would argue that Oreimo or K-On! are "classics".
Oreimo is a weird in-joke for the subculture that I don't think most people watch at this point and K-On is remembered because it's a polished and "well made" example of the cute girls doing cute things genre. It's so disgustingly idealistic, watching it is like adding insult to injury after suffering through 24 hours of reality.
But nobody claims that it's the best ever.
(So K-On is kind of a classic in a sense, but Oreimo is like Umaru where they use it for memes and shitposting for a few years and kinda forget about it down the line, only occasionally remembering it for its meme value.)

Really, if you want to see what the weebs consider "classics" then you should go and check a 3x3 thread on /a/ where they jerk off to their good taste in anime.
Usually a 3x3 chart of good anime will have:
>Tatami Galaxy
>Legend of the Galactic Heroes
>Cowboy Bebop
>Welcome to the NHK
>Haibane Renmei
>Serial Experiments Lain
with minor additions and variations in-between, adding mainstream or obscure stuff to seem unique or knowledgeable whole not looking like you're too high on your own farts. So these would be the classics you're talking about. None of them are really "moe" or "weeb" tier, but they aren't necessarily arty either.
It's just that once they run out of "good" shows they have to scratch the itch by looking at seasonal trash that's basically made to cater to the obsessive consumer who will buy the light novel, the manga, the anime blu-ray, the drama-cd, the lunchbox, the pillowcase for the bodypillow and the figurines. Now this creates an incredibly inbred market where most otaku want the same thing fed to them constantly, which is why you have all these shows that look like carbon copies of each other with stock characters and one small gimmick.
Otakus also love information, which is why every show comes with a lot of data to augment the content. Blood type, height, weight, cup size, year of birth, horoscope and so on. You have so much data you could tailor a suit or apply for credit with some of these characters.
Essentially what you hate is what this type of person loves.

Miyazaki is liked by non-weebs in the west because as an apprentice of Tezuka he's basically Japan's answer to Disney, and as such, easily digestible while still being exotic. Well drawn movies that you can show your kids without the fear of things going wrong. (Really, if I had a kid I wouldn't let them watch "kids" cartoons made for Japanese TV. It's just that we have such a wildly differing culture of what constitutes as kids friendly, it's kind of a wonder stuff like Pokémon and Dragon Ball were allowed and became hits.)
No. 48017
I wonder about the rationale of having a favorite list that contains titles that are completely unlike the stuff you actually watch day to day, or what represents the medium at large. But at the same time, still liking the medium.

It'd be like me investing time and money, and being a fan of console video games, but all my favorite video games consisting of PC indie experimental games. Kinda weird. I'd start questioning myself at that point.
No. 48020
>(Really, if I had a kid I wouldn't let them watch "kids" cartoons made for Japanese TV. It's just that we have such a wildly differing culture of what constitutes as kids friendly, it's kind of a wonder stuff like Pokémon and Dragon Ball were allowed and became hits.)
To the contrary, I think the Japanese idea of children's content is much healthier for young minds than being steeped in pure bubblegum-and-candycanes liberal dreams.

Ideally, I would make everyone (or at least, every boy) watch Fist of the North Star and Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann in their childhood. Kids need examples of positive masculinity, and of idealized adults dealing with life in a less-than-ideal world. A good deal of the mental problems exhibited by zoomers and millennials can be attributed to their mentally coddled upbringing - it's important that we don't allow the young'uns to develop the mistaken and maladaptive notion that the world is fundamentally good, or that it can ever be so. Only that they need to be good.
No. 48023
I fucking hate it when I stay up too late and have an early shift. It completely blows the rest of the day but whatever. I'm just going to keep trying to take advantage of this abnormally warm weather to take care of a couple of woodworking projects, do laundry and some chores between shitposting and keeping up with news, and lie on my fat ass on double air mattresses because the fucking $15 things last about two months before springing a leak and slowly deflating while thinking about whatever last minute shit I've got to deal with before settling in for the winter with my hot cocoa and my vidya. Apartment is completely trashed though. At least I've got 95% of all supplies I'll need til December and hopefully a new stimulus with neetbux bill can get passed sometime in January without too much unrest, violence, and coofing here because I'm starting to get nervous money.
No. 48025
A good part of their problem is narcissism and entitlement, which purely derives from the horrific atomizing effects of what you get when you mix neoliberal Capitalism with American individualism, which I find abhorrent. People will ask me about things like with pop culture and because I faded on researching things like "the Illuminati and the elites" closer to a decade ago I pay so little attention to whatever shit messaging they feed to people through crap like the Avengers and, whatever the fuck the newest rapper is, that I may as well be a foreign spook. In fact I'm a bit surprised no one has said anything to me about that since I'll mentally and sometimes verbally switch to things like petrol, metric, thank God I have the self control not to say cunt and bydlo much in public or at all at work. They'll ask me about shit and say lines from movies and songs and I'll have no clue what they're talking about because I concluded it was all trash a decade ago. The last time I even watched TV was in like 2013 because I had an ex who insisted on falling asleep to the big screen tv on and I'm just watching these endless corpo propaganda commercials and thinking "wtf?"

Ideally one should have values at all and that's part of the problem with our society, because turbo Capitalism utimately forms a sort of soft core nihilism, the kind of great nausea Nietzsche spoke about iirc, rather than the strong nihilism because even that at least could be mistaken for some kind of guiding principle or framework. In other words you're flatly not gonna get that because it requires a concept of maturity and sacrifice, of manliness meaning anything beyond what these retards think as "chad" i.e. being some kind of self centered turbo autist which is the opposite of what a real masculine energy like leadership is and the problem is compounded by the ponerizing effects of genuine pathological people starting to hit critical mass in the upper echelons of our society, namely the sociopaths, who flourish under this horrific mercantilist and transactional mindset. I find it interesting though how both devoid of honor, integrity, or any kind of values that real manhood means (this is literally what it means to be a father afterall, which is putting the interests of others compassionately and at times sternly ahead of your own) and that so many young men must apparently be adrift for it to be a big issue.

Meanwhile it is not just the women but the society that has made whores of us all, and the e-thot is merely more honest about her profession, as on some level I myself am nothing but a poorly paid hooker with godawful hours making some rich cunt who owns the company more money he doesn't need. A society entirely of thieves and whores, that is what Capitalism left us. It genuinely feels like I am inside the reign of the antichrist more often than not. It further saddens me any extreme music I may have preferred in youth only propagated this degeneracy, and I am utterly horrified at what that real bubblegum pop is actually saying. Even as a 13 year old I found it creepy, weird, and disgusting that hit me baby one more time thing with distinct pedo undertones, which likewise made me admire and respect Spears after she flipped out and shaved her head which was ironically the time she became attractive merely on account of being a real human bean for once.

It is a terrible machine that is evil and churns out filth and death and we must indeed grind ourselves into the wheels and the gears, and to sabotage it every opportunity we can. Just saying that reminds me of being told by a higher up not to try to help save people money by getting good deals and it's like, what apparatchik MBA fuck actually cares about screwing the client like that? It doesn't even make fucking you not I an extra dime.

All this just makes me remember moreso that simply having porn at your fingertips was never before seen in history and it is an entirely new and recent thing which utterly proliferated only within the past decade or so. So I can further somewhat understand some sentiments of the younger people who grew up with it, since I never in my teenage years even had access to anything but a hidden VHS tape. It goes hand in glove with why there are no great male role models, because there are likewise no great female ones in terms of that disconnect between "oh see look at this woman politician this CEO she's an engineer" and what society is both lowkey and directly telling us to be and act like. Although I suppose if you're Slavic enough, what difference? But the added problem is, the society never changes; people do not change, only the tech does. It is rooted in the problem of every ideology which seeks to be an ephemeral technical solution to a problem that cannot be addressed by some new "technology" as ideology because you cannot change human nature to an extent, only warp it, but one always must ask what are those differences between the ideologically imposed assumption of human nature versus the real nature, beyond the wordless intuition that "this is not right."
No. 48027
This just means two things. One is that you think people are logical and cohesive beings, which is not true. People are fractured and expend a lot of energy on trying to match their different views and thought through coping.
I do it all the time with my political ideas and cultural views.

Two, you think these people want to be challenged intellectually, which is not the case. They've watched those shows, liked them (because let's face it, those are objectively of higher quality when it comes to storytelling) and then went back into "normal mode" watching 99% of everything, as in "shit".(Oh wow I applied Sturgeon's Law.)
They aren't on a "mission" to complete some intellectual/mental/spiritual picture. Most people aren't.
You think that the next philosophical idea or artistic method will bring you closer to some vague understanding, I think that expanding my net of interconnected books will lend my a better view of some bigger picture. Most people aren't out there to connect the dots, simply.

At best the biggest of otakus are only out there to assimilate raw data and facts, while usually they're out to cope with their own social failure or simple escapism from their lives.
I'm not going to bother inserting the average late arrival "anime" watcher who uses streaming services to watch Attack on Titan or My Hero Academia, because those people wouldn't count as a meaningful group when it comes to movies or reading books. (As in, the drones who got roped into something through marketing and lowered accessibility.)
(Yes, I love being arbitrary late at night.)

Depends on their age, really. Though I don't know if I'd let a kid under 15 watch TTGL because of all the sexual moments. Really, I'm mainly concerned about the ecchi content a lot of anime seems to have (I mean, recently I re-watched the first episode of Evangelion, and I was surprised how many sexualised shots of Misato the first episode had, even though this was a prime time TV show). (As much as I love talking shit about American Protestants. See this, Brick? This is what I meant by fractures in one's personality.)

As much as I want to have kids someday, I have this suspicion that I'd be a terrible parent.
I'd be overly harsh and I think with giving my kid opportunities I didn't have (or at least working hard to give him opportunities I didn't have) I'd also inadvertently try to make him into a person I always wanted to be but couldn't, because of circumstance or personal weakness, instead of letting him or her become their own person.
No. 48028
>Though I don't know if I'd let a kid under 15 watch TTGL because of all the sexual moments
There's nothing really perverse about those moments though. Guys are already getting mesmerized by titties at ~12, and most start thinking about girls even earlier. If anything, it's better for them to watch it before they start seriously chasing girls, because Kamina fucking dies because Shimon can't stop thinking about his bro getting the girl he wanted, and that's a very important negative example for guys to learn.
No. 48029
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Kamina fucking dies
Fuck you for making me remember it
No. 48033
Not trance but fuck this song brought me back.

No. 48044
68 kB, 1280 × 720
DUUUUUUUDEEE I came across it in the Bicep version about 2 years ago, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sNbqN9TbdnE then searched for the original. Bicep made it a bit more crips and pumping but the original organ and piano riffs are just ace!
No. 48077
84 kB, 1200 × 640
I did not bought any sweets while grocery shopping, now I damn myself for doing so. I could make some cookies but that takes some work put into it...Ach, it really is a first world problem, there might be a Kiosk nearby that is still open, I can only think of one. But I'm already under the blanket, eager to watch something or read and munch some sweets while doing so.
No. 48078
Order food delivery.
No. 48080
Any meditation pros here?
I am wondering if it's possible to indefinitely maintain the state in which you are aware of your own thoughts, without falling back into the state of thinking without knowing you're thinking.
If so, how long does it take? It is something I am hoping to achieve one day. Every time I enter a state of being aware of my own thoughts, I can't help but regret living most of my life without knowing that I am thinking. It feels like a lesser form of being.
No. 48084
I am wondering that myself. Some sources suggest this is possible by eventually transforming such that this is your natural state to uphold without much effort. At least that is how I interpret the second half of "Mindfulness in Plain English".
However, I have yet to achieve this state even for more than a few minutes. I have very little first hand experience.
No. 48088
I thought the point of meditation was to silence your inner voice. What kind of meditation have you been doing?
No. 48089
I don't have an inner voice unless I explicitly decide to convert my thoughts into language.

I can manage about 5 minutes of thought-awareness immediately after mediation, but then I lose it.
No. 48091
24 kB, 417 × 466
>Wake up
>Remember 30 day restrictions start after Tuesday midnight
>Realise that this means the Shostakovich-concert is fucking cancelled again
No. 48093
2,5 MB, 4624 × 2084
Aren't inner voice it is you thoughts in heda?
Hmm maybe try to change topics often and think about something precise?

Today is nice weather. It is good that here is not the total lockdown or something so I can walk around and breathe fresh air.
No. 48094
Most teachers of mindfullnes meditation would rather tell you that meditation is something "without having a point". It should be directionless and without intent. If you do it with the purpose of eg. silencing your inner voice, you will likely not succeed. At the very least such a goal is in the way of any form of enlightenment.

Though there isn't just one kind of meditation and especially in the US there has been a movement to "sell" mindfullness to folks like managers as a means of stress reduction. This seems to work well based on two decades of research, but it has very little to do with the tradition or the mastery of the practice.

I'm not an accomplished teacher though and my experience comes only from practicing it since 2016 (with some pauses, the only year where I never interrupted the practice was 2019). So my words are that of an amateur, repeating other peoples insight mixed with my own experience.

While not supposed to be a goal that you set out with, an effect that mindfulness meditation of the Theravada school can have is gaining insight of how your thought process works. That includes being more aware of your inner voice and thus lessening its grip. This is absolutely not the same as silencing it.
No. 48095
15 kB, 265 × 377
>Anime just means animated movies/tv shows following a particular visual style, or coming from Japan. In theory it's almost as broad and versatile a category as "film" itself.
>Which is why I still feel justified using the "but you just haven't seen the good stuff yet!" argument. Unless you maintain that it is theoretically impossible to tell a good story with good visuals through the medium of animation - and I'm curious as to why that would be the case - then anime can only be contingently shit, not conceptually.

Especially since there have been what were intended to be Japanese live-action films that were changed to anime due to production constraints, such as Jin Roh.
No. 48103
34 kB, 405 × 405
I can't order sweets here and I wanted sweets. Today I bought Lebkuchen, Brioche which can also be used to use up my cheddar by doing cheesy grilled brioche and cheap supermarket pralinés :DDDD
No. 48104
I finally started being productive
let this post bear witness
No. 48111
113 kB, 1920 × 1080
I am mostly normal. I am functional and I am capable.

I feel like I should tattoo something of the sort on my forehead but actually doing it would prove me wrong. It's very easy to become a victim of your own thought patterns and soon you'll be living in a prison entirely of your own making.
Believing you are defective and hopeless is the strangest and least useful thought cycle to fall into, yet it is the only I naturally go down.

Is there any form of biological reasoning for this self-induced loathing? Why would anyone naturally do this and why is it common?

Do not slacken now, the masses of EC expect your success.
No. 48112
>Is there any form of biological reasoning for this self-induced loathing? Why would anyone naturally do this and why is it common?

Since we are Ernts and usually share these sentiments, ofc asked myself this question more than once. I think I vaguely remember getting an answer from the internet. I only recall from a book that doubts have an evolutionary function, namely that of staying alive, the idiot has no doubts and dies a darwin award worthy death sometimes, one drastical example of why doubts exists as function.
No. 48117
I honestly have no idea at all but I can imagine that it is a luscious and rich flavor of human experience and suffering. I should suppose as such that is why people do it, because it's otherwise a fully alien condition to me. I largely resilient against any form of shame or deep seated regret, or whatever synonym for feeling bad about yourself, which only adds to the perplexing amusement of multiple times I've had people try using "self hating" as an insult because I did not agree with them and thought that they were faggots. This did provide me enough insight though to understand that many others seemingly do hate themselves and thus embrace some supremacism to compensate for it as a salve, which had likewise clued me in on how many people have this as a vulnerability that can be exploited. I'd imagine it's similar to whipping a hooker with a coat hanger and then drawing a bath and giving her some pills as some pimp if you can also induce that self loathing and then provide an emotional boost after the fact with same equally faggy ideology.
No. 48119
Human beings are social animals, and we aren't meant to succeed on our own. Lacking any external reinforcement to push us in the right direction, most of us degrade.

This is why I wanted to set up a writing/productivity group. Just like human society, individuals are the product of countless competing forces, a ship adrift in the sea at the mercy of the waves. You can't fight the sea, but you can nudge yourself into a current that will take you towards the right place.
No. 48123
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223 kB, 1280 × 800
I would just like to add, and this is mildly drifting from the topic itself but maybe Kazakh Ernst will get it, that I once became so profoundly drunk that I reached the enlightened epiphany that I do not exist. What then is there to loathe? It sounds like bullshit but I recall in that sleep deprived and utterly intoxicated moment piloting my body and watching my legs propel me forward while being fully cognizant of the fact that "I think therefore I am" is a falsehood from the beyond the veil. You may call it what you wish, a Buddhist Zen koan, a step towards true Gnostic enlightenment, but I found myself realizing only after the fact that what I upheld at once to be both true and objectively a self aware drunken absurdity, that it effectively unpacked millenia worth of religion and philosophy to me after the fact. I do not even think it is so much the perception of secular materialistic determinism as in, "you are thinking and behaving as you are because of the inputs into what made you output that way" but rather something much more profound.

And it has been ever since that day that I have quietely been of the conviction that I am not real, and you are not either. But then, actually exposing such a thing would bother the play itself. Why would you screech at an actor on the stage to stop pretending to be somebody else? And so it goes on. And it goes on because it is necessary.
No. 48128
Good post. I might add that you are not alone with your views.
No. 48136
No. 48143
I haven't had a social media account, or forum account, or been a part of any online community since the age of 13 when I discovered imageboards.
I sometimes think this might have been a mistake. The few personal connections I've made on imageboards over the years have bought nothing but benefit to my life. Maybe being exposed to more people would bring even more benefit. Even if it's on the level of furthering one's career by finding potential clients and partners.

It's easy to be cynical and say "bah, normies on social media and forums, it's all shallow non-relationships of no consequence", but I dunno. Maybe there's a way to find people who can genuinely help me, and whom I can help as well. Dunno.

I've long stopped glorifying my recurring sense of detachedness and derealization, and for a while now it's been annoying me. The novelty has thoroughly worn off and I just want for it to fuck off. Maybe being less socially isolated is some kind of solution. Dunno.
No. 48144 Kontra
I say this, but I know better than anyone that I will get bored of any new community I join, or any new person I meet, within the week
such is life as a schizoid.
I'd have to commit to the notion that I'll be maintaining those relationships purely out of a utilitarian reason, rather than for reasons of direct satisfaction.
No. 48153
>being less socially isolated is some kind of solution. Dunno.

It is, so I experienced. Not that I'm thrilled to the absolute but it's nice and good feel, also yoi get used to it once exposed, maybe it is also because I got older and more chill, I can swamp and then see people again, both has it's downsides and advantage.

I'm usually tied to 90s "underground" so more music that got played in the clubs while peopled munched away pills and stuff.
Anway, amde me think of this one, was it a hit elsewhere?: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WtT57S4IQXA
No. 48162
777 kB, 2274 × 1252
Our recent discussion in the news thread inspired me to make a meme.

I kind of feel like like I'd be overwhelmed with having to maintain several relationships. I can barely get stuff done when all of my time is dedicated to myself, now imagine what'd happen if I had to share it with others as well.
No. 48164
I pretty much spent the entirety of my 10 hour workday counting commute just fantasizing about quitting, thinking about quitting, mulling over quitting, and giving strong consideration to quitting in between weighing the options of how much of a mercenary minded complete and total asshole I can be before it would get me fired, and the added considerations of weighing and mulling over those options for getting fired as opposed to quitting. I'm at those point solely holding on just because apparently they're starting to drop the shutdowns and early closing and everything in unrelated businesses again that just like spring I know, hope, and long for the moment when they slash the shit out of my hours. Remmebering how much it fucked me last year and getting all my hours absorbed by a full timer who was bitching about only getting 36 hours that week, and how now that it's a raging pandemic in a position I've slowly grown to hate, with numerous added annoyances, but without being able to get UI last year and now that I can get massively enhanced UI but I'm put on all the time, well I've just about fucking had it internally and probably added a lot to my exhausted raging butthurt all day. On top of that I can't just ask for days off because it disqualifies me from claiming unemployment, so I'm rooting the fuck out of a massive shutdown or business getting trashed and hoping for that happening is pretty much one of the sole reasons I've not bailed on my job already.
No. 48168
It takes a lot of real hard discipline and if you're in a relationship too that kind of big dick energy which I've frankly not got for anybody anymore, or certainly not at least 99.9% of American women who'd not be the right kind of mystically religious and know how to use a straight razor anyway. Nor can I even say that I miss it quite frankly, which is by and large the probable reason beyond not wishing to drink anymore that's kept me eschewing other people entirely, although it's often difficult for me to tell how much is the difference between my latent personality coming out and how much of it is a combination of brain damage from algololism, brief but crush tianeptine addiction, and Lyme disease, because I actually feel like in the latter two was a bit more how I started changing unless booze slowly burned a hole deeper through my brain until it hit something else, something more vital to being human. I've felt little compunction to deal with others or sacrifice that time and energy, even in friendships having successfully and purposefully burned them all off. Ive been largely contented to not have anyone or anything in my life at this point. I guess with the last pets I buried, and some nonstop viciousness and just horribleness of others, I've slowly grown to genuinely fucking hate people and see them as utilitarian means to ends or otherwise useless because they're all going to be dumb and boring on top of disloyal and untrustworthy anyway. I do occasioanlly think I should find some program to leave the country though to find a mate. I've entirely written off this country and all the females in it. Possibly not every black chick though.
No. 48172 Kontra
You need something like whatsapp or telegram, exchange messenges sometimes and meet up sometimes. Dunno, over the last few years I got more used to casual meetings, like a guy from former work I sometimes exchanges messages with, we met up in uni or I was at his place. We talk a bit, have some food, he is not on pair with me on issues all the time, but we still get along, because we both seem to like these talks, he is quite a honest guy and I guess with an open/big heart, yet a conservative in some respects (turk). I sometimes exchanged messages with a girl from uni, we met for a coffee or something two or three times, now we don't write no more, no nothing, dunno if she wanted something, but even if not, I don't have a problem with not seeing her, she was nice, the talks were ok, I enjoyed it in a sense. It's good to actually speak to people, even though they are "normies", I guess people talking like that underestimate normies, though I can understand that a long relationship might not work, but casually meeting people or talking to them and then never see them again or only briefly, making small talk about what is going on in our lives, I got used to that somehow, people come and go, it has always been that looking back at my nearly 30 years of life, all people went at some point (I don't have friends I had in kindergarden or elementary school already for instance) and I met other people more frequent. My friends I have now I know for about 12 years. Around that small core of a less than a handful of people there is constant change, even that core has changed bit. I see less people really often, 3 or 4 people to be precise. But they know people and I met other people I have chats with or whatever,.
What I want to say is that yeah, some people should be put energy into, other people come and go and I'm ok with people coming and going, maybe because of my psychosis I don't rely on anybody anymore really, ofc I built on people in a sense, but I could built on many people I know for a certain time period, people will help you and sometimes you help people, regardless of how long you know them, be it a few months or 3 years. As long has you have a social life that might be ok, that the contacts are changing, even more normal in a world that is so "fluid" and dynamic and demands moving, giving up a place you have lived in etc. So basically just have social life, people come and go, just go with that if you can, that relationships come to nothing because nobody calls the other anymore happened often in my life, so that might be life actully, you meet other people instead and it's ok in the end. Took me a time to realize all that, ofc there is always the fear of being alone eventually. Living in a big city helps, without a family though the chance of dying alone increases I guess.
No. 48176
Yeah i remember that one
No. 48182
39 kB, 509 × 392
I was out running this morning, and became so lost in thought that I actually snapped back to reality and had no idea where I was. A really strange feeling, like waking up in full stride, trying to figure out why I was on a dark street in the rain. Based on the last landmark I recall, I ran ~1/3 mile on complete autopilot and have no memory of doing so.
No. 48183
30 kB, 357 × 313
I had a dream where I went to a bathhouse and got into an argument with someone, only to excuse myself at the end that I'm angry only because I expected more from university and that I feel empty and inadequate because of it.

I guess the lesson is that I should sleep more if I want to avoid rifts like these. A few days ago I just randomly started crying at three in the morning before bed.

Lunch today was exceptionally good. Spicy meatballs covered in breadcrumbs.
No. 48184
3,3 MB, 854 × 480, 0:36
>Based on the last landmark I recall, I ran ~1/3 mile on complete autopilot and have no memory of doing so.
I can do that too, on my bike. I don't get lost in the process, but I remember even climbing small hills and not conciously remember it. On one occasion I suddenly thought of the steep gradient, which should have been ahead of me soon, but then I realized I was somewhere past this point and also really out of breath, and then I recalled faint scenes of being there while being lost in thought. Seems like all kind of endurance sports help clear the mind to achieve trance-like states.
No. 48186
503 kB, 1024 × 576
Sleep deprivation will screw with your emotions. The last time-wait it was actually the last two times I legitimately yelled about something, both instances occurred after being up all night.

>Naked Gun - And where the hell was I?
Perfect :DDD
No. 48187
41 kB, 604 × 436
>a dream where I went to a bathhouse and got into an argument with someone, only to excuse myself at the end that I'm angry only because I expected more from university and that I feel empty and inadequate because of it.

Interesting ambience for a dream with that content.
You indeed seemed quite awestruck towards university, I know that it can be overwhelming the first time but the color wears of quickly under work load and routine. But I still like going there, still like reading very much, we don't have a classical education anymore, but it's still the place of higher education, a place for knowledge development and place to meet up, really the last point is crucial I think, always liked to get lost in the sea of people pre corona maybe because I was home alone since my ex left, and nobody cares about you you can observe people (but eyes meet sometimes) and see women, sparking inside excitment. Now with Corona it is nothing, the new university does not have a super nice campus, it's fine though. I don't know, I hate the student bubble as well, yet there are cool people to meet nonetheless, and going into the big unversity building of my hometown, especially on weekends when there when not so much was going on, I got a comfy feel everytime, the carpet in the library only adds to that feel.

Also can Russian Ernst translate the image?
No. 48188 Kontra
>Sleep deprivation will screw with your emotions

When I had my drug psychosis it was not just the drugs but very much the missing sleep that fucked my mind and feels. When I sleep too little these days, I sometimes get in a zone that feels just like back then when a bad comedown was heralding itself.
No. 48189 Kontra
15 kB, 890 × 223
Brick was right, anime sucks. Fuck it.
No. 48191
>translate the image
"Little soap, little noose and little stool are looking for friends".
No. 48193
It snowed last night, but today the snow is already melting and turning the ground to sludge. epic.

Also keep in mind that things that unlock romantic relationships in anime only unlock lawyer bills and possibly jail cells IRL :-DDD
No. 48194
>things that unlock romantic relationships in anime only unlock lawyer bills and possibly jail cells IRL
While running on sidewalks with a toast in your mouth may be dangerous, it's still legal, I believe.
No. 48195
387 kB, 662 × 679
I was more thinking about "accidentally" walking in on a stranger naked, tripping and getting a handful of their boobs. Or "accidentally" tripping and falling on your back to get an eyeful of their snatch.
Or straight up raping them in hopes that they'll change their mind by the end lmao
No. 48196
You also should run with you arms behind and with swords that looks like giant metal brick with bandages
No. 48197
I was pointing out that there are other options besides simply surrendering to the gravitational pull of female panties. Also, if you are a boring guy with no personality, you don't have to do anything at all to unlock romantic routes: just wait a while, and you'll be swimming in girls of every conceivable kind, like a girl with twin-tails who acts cold to you but actually likes you, an emotionless-looking girl who's secretly very kind, a girl with glasses and big titties, tanned lively cheerful girl, your own younger sister, a girl you know from kindergarten, your own older sister, your female teacher who's in her twenties and unmarried, even sky, even Allah! Anime teaches us that not having any distinctive traits turns you into a total chick magnet, and anime cannot lie, right?
No. 48198
>with swords that looks like giant metal brick
Yeah nah, in this case romance isn't exactly a thing to look forward to. I mean, yeah, dark-skinned chicks are kinda cute, but then they get raped and impregnated by a demon dude, lose their mind and all the memories about you to boot. Oh, and being sold by your stepfather to some fat guy who wants to bugger your ass doesn't qualify as an enjoyable romantic experience, in my opinion.
No. 48203
Just a few more weeks, I've just got to hang on for just a few more weeks, just a couple of more weeks I've gotta keep holding on and holding out for the shutdowns rather than quitting, just a few more weeks..
No. 48208
i am completely dissatisfied with every aspect of my being, I am a failure at every virtue or principle I hold worthwhile. I wish I was a normal person who post-rationalizes his existing behavior as virtuous, instead of placing upon myself the expectation of an impossibility: altering my nature.
Even recontextualzing my existence as an impartial observer of a "natural" process doesn't bring me serenity, because then it's just like watching a really bad and pointless movie.

in other news, the snow has melted and the ground is mud
No. 48210 Kontra
17 kB, 480 × 360
Hey, that is why I'm not a Platonist but a Deleuzian :DDDD
Identity is a cage. Identification and Invidualization an ongoing process.
No. 48211
Well, every time I use the word "I", it is implied that I mean the particular collection of Other that, annoyingly, happens to surround and follow the vantage point through which I experience reality. The body. (it would just bee too obnoxious to put it in quotes every time)
And that's the problem. I'm constantly surrounded by something I find unpleasant, and can't escape from. That something also happens to be the prism through which all external input is filtered, casting it into ugly shapes.

Changing environments won't help, because I'm already constantly surrounded by a bad environment I don't know how to fix.
No. 48216 Kontra
one downside of quitting smoking is that I can no longer take a long drag off a cigarette while listening to maggot brain and staring into the darkness outside my window.
being sad feels a bit less profound now, you dig?
No. 48217
Drink pitch black coffee instead. If you want the dirty feeling, then make double strength turkish for the true mud drinking experience.
No. 48218
Get salty sticks, good stuff
No. 48227
5,2 MB, 4624 × 2134
5,1 MB, 4624 × 2134
I'm in the south of the country. There's a castle nearby and the place is decorated like its the 70s, but in a comfy way. Things are good and I am happy.

Self imposed social isolation is some sadistic ploy by the archons to ensure you spend your earthly time suffering.
No. 48241
35 kB, 310 × 396
Around a year ago i got me a ukulele because i thought it would be easy to learn.
After saying "i start with it tomorrow" for all the time i finally started yesterday.
Can't wait to be really good and start a ukulele cover band.

Anyone else playing any instruments really bad? Preferably small and quiet ones? Feel free to join my band.
No. 48244
197 kB, 500 × 555
It seems like every day now I come into work able to rediscover with an almost youthful naivete how passionately a man can hate his job and stare at the door thinking "I don't need to be here. I can walk out that door and never return right now." The fact that everything is packed everywhere with boomers only deepens my verve.
No. 48251
59 kB, 281 × 206
i made another meme right before bed.
No. 48256
I took some time and actually shaved off my beard and moustache because I kept fiddling with it and it made me look like some poser cunt as I was thinking about things.
Though it did have the advantage of making me stop biting my nails.

I keep having weird dreams relating to the pandemic and my studies.

The night seems to have lost it's magic. Working late is no longer something special.
Or maybe it's just the fact that it's no longer summer and I no longer sweat. Really, the sweat added to the feeling of "keeping at it until it's done".

Interestingly enough, after I said it the guy said he understands and we shook hands before I woke up, so there was some sort of redemption to it.
I guess the most disappointing thing is that I haven't had a grand lecture yet where I'm in a big auditorium with hundreds of other students. It's something that I've always wanted to experience.
No. 48257 Kontra
The only reason I'm not quitting my job ri right now is unemployment. I still resent that bullshit the Republican senate said months ago that "our job numbers are only bad because of the unemployment bonus." Not throwing away the potential for that bonus is literally the only reason I'm not quitting my job right now. Oh look there goes another ambulance. It's the sole remaining reason. If I didn't have the possibility of claiming UI I'd already have added myself to the unemployed statistic without getting to claim benefits. I wonder where it's going. Ask not who the ambulance siren blares for, for it blares for thee.
No. 48258
241 kB, 800 × 600
A few hours later and i gave up.
Maybe my hands are just too big to play some of the chords.
I get myself a concert ukulele to replace the sopran ukulele, i've read that the bit of extra size makes playing more comfortable for big boys.

There's an even smaller ukulele, the sopranino, and i've seen grown men play it. I wonder how that works.
No. 48264
>It's something that I've always wanted to experience.
Funny thing is, those are almost always the worst classes. The entry-level and general-ed stuff that every student has to take, taught by professors who are close to shooting themselves over the dull subject matter they have to cover.

Good way to stand out in office hours, though.
No. 48270
>Anyone else playing any instruments really bad?
Yeah, electric guitar. Every day I tell myself that I should practice, but I end up doing some other escapist shit instead. My dream is to someday being able to play the Jungle level theme from Contra at full speed: for now I can only play it either really, really slowly or by slowing down in some parts (there are two segments in which sixteen sixteenth notes are being played in 4/4 at 145 bpm; so basically you have a 0.1 seconds to play each note). But, seeing as I can't make myself go practice, it's not gonna happen in the foreseeable future.
No. 48280
>Anyone else playing any instruments really bad? Preferably small and quiet ones? Feel free to join my band.
I bought a harmonica once. I don't know why to this day. Maybe for this very moment.
No. 48285
Worst is I know, and even then, I sort of crave it because ever since I heard that universities exist I wanted to attend a lecture like this.
It's such and old imaginary impression that even if I know it's false I still want to experience it.
No. 48289
74 kB, 904 × 508
>I'm in a big auditorium with hundreds of other students. It's something that I've always wanted to experience.
>It's such and old imaginary impression that even if I know it's false I still want to experience it.

It's the worst tbh :D. Well let's say it depends on the person and content. But it is unusual to experience hundreds of people who are at least somehwat interested in what is said
Some lecturer told me that guys like Nietzsche etc. had about 6 students. And generally for a long time small seminars have been the norm. So technically your image of a time does not fit the "reality" of it. Contemporary university is still quite nice, enjoy the time. They usually say this in all he beginning lectures, and it's true. Once it's over it is pretty much over.
If your parents (or you if you do pay) can pay the fee for an additional semester or two (I guess that is possible in Hungary), take it slower in the second semester and do not all courses that are expected to be done, instead read deeper on topics and connect to some like minded students. Hurrying through university in 3 years and doing nothing than learning is shit and definitley not a proper university experience, I don't mean you have to party and get super drunk and shit, that is also not "proper" university life. It's actually the exchange with other students and lecturers (for me ofc, but I think it is valid answer for people like us) and not just in a study content-related sense.
No. 48293
>It's such and old imaginary impression that even if I know it's false I still want to experience it.
Large lecture halls were usually my favorite classes, even though they were all General-Ed stuff like >>48264 said, Intro to xx, etc. The thing is, my lecture halls were never filled to capacity, so it was the only time I could spread out from other students. During long days in crowded hallways and rooms, I really needed that breathing space.
Your desire for the experience is more noble than my selfish motives, as I only used them to hide. I was painfully introverted when I started University, but my social skills improved as the semesters rolled on. By senior year I could even say hello to people I accidentally made eye contact with :D
No. 48294
We have no monies sadly :D
And I'm bound by my contract towards the state to do at least 18 credits/semester and getting a degree in 4 and half years.
(I also can't leave the country permanently until I officially worked double the years it took me to get a degree. Otherwise they'll make me repay the tuition they spent on me. But hey, if I finish it in 3 years, I'll still have the two free years I'm eligible for the get a masters.)
Basically the only break I'll get is the 6-12 months I'll probably spend in China if I get selected for a scholarship.
No. 48295
I will say that there's something to the experience. I had been prepped for it for so long, that the first time I actually had one of those amphitheater-style lecture halls I felt a bit of a rush.
No. 48299
Welcome to the Band.
Currently we learn Wonderwall by Oasis, the song will premier on Radio Ernstiwan.
No. 48305 Kontra
I got some stuff done, but I didn't get all the stuff I wanted done, now I feel sad
No. 48306
Went to the city today. Picked up a few books and printed some notes.

The weather is getting close to wintery now. Everything is grey. Really adds to the mood when you also see police officers walking around to enforce the covid-regulations.
Man, the fines originally started out at like 15 euros, but now you're out past 8 or don't have a mask and bam, you get fined 250 euros or more. Up to 2500.

I also wanted to buy some ink for my fountain pen, but the local office supplies store had none. They haven't had ink for my fountain pen since the matura exams. Possibly even before that.
I've been using black ink I bought once on accident, but even that has ran out by now.

Almost caught up with the lectures I've missed. I love comparative religion, it's great.
No. 48315
131 kB, 1280 × 1280
I spend more time thinking about things and juggling possibilities in my mind than doing things. I need to think about how to think less.
No. 48317
So, our ministry of labor has sponsored free courses on Coursera for anyone who registers on their website.
At first I thought it would be just 1 course, but apparently I can register to any number of them I want. And since materials are available even if I fail, I see no reason not to.

No. 48318 Kontra
76 kB, 1283 × 544
Also, had to laugh at
>High-impact business writing

Reminds me of the "High impact sexual violence" mene
No. 48319
High-impact feels like description for some anti-tank artillery shell.
No. 48321
35 kB, 854 × 445
82 kB, 1560 × 800
Free learning = Best learning.

>anti-tank artillery shell.
Maybe you need high-impact business writing to pierce the corporate veil :D.

Sorry for my bad joke.
No. 48323
Ok, now that I have actual brain intensive stuff to do, I notice that there's a sleepiness threshold beyond which it is pointless to be awake. Not sure why I never noticed it before.
Just spent 3 hours trying to read like 3 pages, forgetting the previous sentence when reading the next over and over again LMAO
No. 48324
I'm in lockdown. Boring.
No. 48326
Wait, why are you enrolling for business stuff?
This does not seem like your thing at all.
No. 48328
I was just browsing.
But they do say you should cover your weaknesses, so I was considering some business or law stuff, but in the end I figured I'd be so bored I wouldn't even look at them anyway. It doesn't have a course on small business law I'd actually need anyway.

Not much art-related stuff on coursera, so I took some programming and math related courses in the end. So far they seem a bit... . Well, honestly they look like online tutorials wrapped in a fancy interface. Maybe it'll get better.

One benefit is that the more structured approach tricks my ADHD brain into being engaged. It's weird, but when you have a "milestone" to strive for, and can plan your time based on it, you stay more motivated than having a long, monolithic book ahead of you that you're not even sure how long it'll take.
No. 48329
>One benefit is that the more structured approach tricks my ADHD brain into being engaged. It's weird, but when you have a "milestone" to strive for, and can plan your time based on it, you stay more motivated than having a long, monolithic book ahead of you that you're not even sure how long it'll take.

This is nearly the only reason I attend lectures at Uni, my ADHD brain is not well suited for self-structured learning. There has to be at least some recurring event that prompts me to finnish a chunk of the work.
No. 48338
10 kB, 225 × 225
not able to leave the house? for how long?


>Well, honestly they look like online tutorials wrapped in a fancy interface. Maybe it'll get better.

I wouldn't be surprised if it's just that and your government is spending symbolically or actually thinks that online school will teach magics of the wect (project management is what I'm refering to at least) for prosperous outcomes, activating its citizens to help themeselves. But don't get me wrong, you will learn something I guess, but I speculate that these are not much better than other online courses and tutorials/lectures you can get for free online. Don't be encouraged though, it can be beneficial even though it seems to have ideological content.
No. 48339
Had another weird dream where I was trying to process an infinite amount of data for exams.
I wasn't sure if I was awake or asleep during the entire time, and while I consciously hugged a pillow, I still wasn't aware of reality.
It wasn't a nightmare, the information was ever-changing nonsense, but I still found it interesting. It was slightly uncomfortable because of the half-awake state.

Slowly but surely I'm catching up with the lectures I've missed because of work.
I really love the enthusiasm some of the lecturers put into these introductory classes.
Three weeks and the exam period starts.
No. 48342
Yeah, the courses are surface level and the certificates don't impress anyone, for someone who knows how to get information from the internet, it's not worth much.

BUT. I'll be an optimist here and say that for the majority of "normal" people, this is actually an improvement. There's a certain segment of the population that does not even know you can learn stuff on the internet, or can't navigate the internet for information unless it is presented to them on a "platform". So it might be some help for them.

Also, if it wasn't for the promise of free stuff, I'd never have even tried an online course platform and now I think I like the format. The info is largely redundant, but I think what's actually valuable here is the pacing, and soft deadline enforcement.

But overall yeah, I don't think this initiative of theirs was that impressive. I'd be excited if they sponsored a bunch of those expensive nanodegree programs from udacity or edx, with full time assistance from teachers, task reviews, etc. But I don't think they'd be able to afford it. It's already sorta pricey on the wect, and now you have a situation where third worlders are paying for personalized man-hours from a first worlder, it don't make sense economically. Education on the third world is a lose-lose situation overall. Can't learn from locals because locals not knowing anything is the problem in the first place, skilled first worlders' time is too expensive, people who go to the first world to get education just stay there.
No. 48350
I need to find some kind of a way to get my job terminated but without being officially fired for stupid reasons or outright up and quitting. I fucking hope I got sick. Please let me be sick. I put so much effort into precuations and you know what I fucking pray I got a cold or the flu. That at least would give me valid reason to get tested which would bump me off my completely bullshit schedule. I'm hoping and praying they try to shitcan me but I worked too well for too long and afaik am not hated or That Guy and stayed out of office politics mostly. Maybe I could start drama. Or find a way to vastly lessen enthusiasm for keeping me on payroll so it'll be easier for me to finesse things towards the edge. The best case scenario is someone, preferably a higher up, tries fucking with me about PPE which would allow me to be as utterly rude as possible about saying fuck no about it but I think they're probably smart enough now to realize that would be a PR liability. I could be as much an ass as possible though and wear a gas mask depending on how pissed I become between now and December. Please governor ffs just shut down the damn state.
No. 48353
Bad time to push the boundaries. Economy is too shaky, and too many are out of work. If your job is something where you are willing and able to just quit without thinking too much about career problems (ie a shitjob) then you're in a position where there are so many unemployed looking for something to pay the bills that the bosses will just sack you if you cause them any problems because there's an abundance of people willing to take your place right now.

If your bennies require not being sacked, then play it very safe in this environment.
No. 48354
Should add that all this changes if you have any kind of organised labour, but judging from the way you talk about the job, and knowing the 'merican attitude towards it I doubt you're in a position to leverage the power of unionised workers here :-DDD
No. 48361
155 kB, 900 × 871
I wasted the entire night talking on discord with a friend, and only slept four hours.
Today's class was an utterly humiliating defeat.
I'm going to bed.
No. 48362
4,1 MB, 2220 × 3000
I moved here a few days ago, flatmates are chill, the art girl is unsurprisingly on the best fitting wave length and I'm glad she shares the flat with me as well, I instantly felt like we know each other a bit, not the old friends meme, but milieu and attitude.
Everything went better than expected, the lockdown and corona in general is like a grey veil though. Will try to meet some people I got to know before moving here as well.

My bachelor thesis was good, but not as good as my usual work, need some feedback on where I fuckd up, suspect a weak thesis or too much topics touched on for such a work and thus too patchy.
No. 48373
It isn't a bad time to push boundaries if you're a) literally trying to position yourself to getting laid off, or b) don't work those jobs and just want to fuck with the corporations themselves while trying to wake up their workforces which wouldn't directly affect you atm anyway

By Jove that is an impressively ugly piece of art
No. 48375
You yourself are not going to inconvenience a corporation, deflate some. You arent remotely close to being that important to them. Plus, as i said, they fire you and you are replaced by the next business day, and if you arent then congrats you just got someone's day off pulled.
No. 48379 Kontra
Addendum: if you want to actually fuck with corporations then you dig in and keep your dogs in the fight until such a point that you have the upper hand. Going off half cocked and getting yourself removed pointlessly is a boon to them if anything because you're out of the game then. Your power comes from having effective control over their business due to organisation, not by getting fired.
No. 48403
965 kB, 3120 × 4160
Last weekend my mom brought me some candles. When I asked what for, she said that since I have a candelabra, I have to have candles too. I decided not to challenge such an iron argumentation, but now I'm sitting with a candlelight, and I gotta say: candles are friggin' cozy. Would've been even cozier if there were some proper wintry weather outside, but you can't have everything, I guess.
No. 48406
Candles are cozy. Your mother is a wise woman.
No. 48407
I experienced more than two dozen blackouts in my life, candles are extremely important if you don't want to go insane with no electricity. You can't read, you can't play, you can't watch anything and instead you simply stare into the literal abyss for hours til you grow bored and fall asleep.
No. 48408
185 kB, 480 × 480, 0:02
The general state of affairs on the part of the students is appalling.
It just doesn't feel like people take university seriously.

I don't understand how you can say that "everything they teach us is made up meme bullshit" while being at a humanities department.
I mean, why are you even here if not for the capital H Humanities the average prole on the street considers "made up meme bullshit"?
Why not become a bricklayer instead or something?
Where is the passion? Maybe this is the best way of describing it. There's a serious lack of passion and interest.

Some can't even use a fucking dictionary or a keyboard, or maybe they're just so fucking starved for social interaction that they ask stupid questions to fill in the void.

Nobody takes anything seriously. If everything is so inconsequential, then why not just jump off the operating table right after being born?
Maybe I'm just beginning to lose it.

It just feels like that the 2000-2001 generation is all things considered a failure. People constantly tell us that the class/group coming before us didn't have problems with the things we have problems with.
It's like we're ruining things just by interacting with them.

Anyway, I'm working on hanzis. I'm actually on schedule this time.
Same with Greek. I actually have a grasp on verb conjugation now.
I love both so much.

Got a new pair of winter socks. The old ones wore out after constantly being used last winter and fall.
Might actually sit down and write a diary entry just to blow off some more steam.

The lesson for today is:
Stop caring about the retardation of others because I'm probably just as retarded, I just can't see it because of my over-inflated ego.
No. 48411
>It just doesn't feel like people take university seriously.
If Hungary is anything like the US, most people who go to university go simply because it's expected of them. It's just another bourgeois rite of passage.

>The lesson for today is:
>Stop caring about the retardation of others because I'm probably just as retarded, I just can't see it because of my over-inflated ego.
This is the best attitude to take, but don't loose your chuunibyou seriousness. It's a necessary condition to succeed in anything that matters in life.
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