I have to announce that beyond the first two posts in the Technology General thread, none of the bricks have been me. Sure, I loved basking in the brief period of feeling truly anonymous on this website for once, but I have to say this to avoid any misunderstanding.
Unlike the arch brick, I am not actually that committed. Due to being a design work scrub, I can't ditch W10 so easily (not until I write a .plt exporter for inkscape for one), and I hold the "pragmatic" philosophy that any DE that can launch a terminal and a browser is basically good enough to go, and the rest is largely irrelevant. (KDE still sucks tho)>>48823
I suspect the reason for my introspection is that, when your emotions and moods change arbitrarily due to mental illness, it's hard to value them, or consider them as signifiers for anything deeper than what they feel that they are: arbitrary stimuli and experiences that come on go for no particular reason. When I'm depressed, you can't convince me that any experience, piece of art, or "content" embodies "happiness", "joy", "warmth" or whatever, because I can't feel it. And when I'm maniacal, even the most insignificant, stupidest shit can bring me mirth beyond what I've felt in my entire life. Such situations really undermine the "authority" or authenticity of emotional experiences as having any relation to "truth" at all.
It's one of the reasons my approach to life is hyperrational to the point of being absurd. Yeah, I've felt "love", "hope", "happiness", "awe", etc. before. While literally staring at a wall, because my brain was malfunctioning at the moment. So it's really difficult to me to assign any significance or meaning to those experiences. So I rely on the only thing that's been consistently "unbiased" throughout all this time: reason. tips fedora
. Sounds cringe, but that's my experience. You tell me about how emotional experiences mean fucking anything after taking a dose of anti-psychotics and your ability to feel being chemically circumvented.
Sure it sounds very nihilistic, but I've found ways to attain "meaning" through a nihilistic worldview. There are ways to rationalize sentimental views purely through rational means. And that's what I do. Because even though I
personally don't feel shit, I know that other people do, and I will try my hardest to make them feel good and happy and validated, because the world doesn't fucking revolve around me. Being denied the full depth of emotional experience just makes me value it more in other people.
Most of the tine, I rationally force my self to act in a way I have reasoned is virtuous, rather than acting upon my unconscious sense of empathy, which doesn't exist. Sad? Yes. But also virtuous. So fuck you, only God can judge me. And God is dead.
Beyond every other requirement that wage jobs advertise on their ads, I am convinced that the main, unspoken metric for being employed is erosion of dignity. Every single place I've applied to, despite having wildly different technical requirements and qualifications; without fail, had one thing in common: the need to humiliate oneself before the employer, and oneself.. It seems like it's not even a conscious requirement on part of the employer to set such a metric, but rather so much of an ingrained thing, that it manifests itself without explicit intention.
Honestly I'd rather suck dicks at a gloryhole for life, because at least it allows me to retain one form of dignity: honesty. As in, I wouldn't have to smile while taking dick up my ass. Unfortunately, the sex industry is too stagnant to have a place for my fat hairy ass. So I'm going to have to keep looking. Such cases.
this post was brought to you by BEERKHAN 10% lager, winner of International Beer Challenge 2019 (run from some guy's apartment in Jubilee House, 56-58 Church Walk, Burgess Hill, West Susse).