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No. 49546
232 kB, 1280 × 804
I'm 26. During the periods I feel lonely, overwhelmed by difficulties, faced by hard choices etc, I go online and waste hours, days, weeks in a trance/artificial coma. Mindless scrolling, refreshing, muscle-memory typing URLs. This is only stopped by external stimuli, and when there is none, it doesn't stop.

There were years when I (over)used the internet to study interesting things. News, technological breakthroughs, physics, politics, literature, you name it. I actually became very knowledgeable in some topics. But eventually my interest subsided, and nothing useful was yielded from my time online.

I spend literally years of my life on the internet. Thousand upon thousands of hours wasted completely on forums, communities and imageboards, on repeating, stupid, vile discussions. My ability for critical thought is no longer there. My inner monologue, my ability to think consciously and maintain my focus is crippled. My language skills in my first language declined so much that for some periods I was not able to remember the right words for many concepts in my own fucking language.

Right now I should have been talking to a friend. I should have gone out for a drink with someone. Maybe I should have visited a shrink for an expensive chat. Or I should be sleeping in anticipation of going to work tomorrow. But here I am, typing away my thoughts once again, on an anonymous imageboard. Publishing the details of some of my lowest lows for the world to see. Hoping something will change this time. It's just sad how someone at my age was developed such a deep addiction to something so stupid. Had I spend all those thousands of hours speaking to "real" people, like over Facebook or IRL, I would have had at least something to show for. Meaningful discussions. Continuity. Accountability. Maybe a handful of friends, a girlfriend, or maybe just even just the normal human experience of socializing. It would have been better over what I've been doing so far.

I never thought I'd become like this. The first time I've spend a considerable amount of time neglecting the real world in favor of the internet was 10 years ago. It has been a long downhill ride and unless I eventually muster the courage to make big changes in my life and overcome my inhibitions it only gets worse. Imagine yourself at 40, having spend almost all your life online. How fucking sad is this. It's a realistic probability for me. I pray I won't become that person, but I think I'm gonna need some help. If you actually read the whole thing thank you, and I wish you luck on your own efforts to get rid of this disease.
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No. 49547
No use in praying, you need to try to changing your habits. I feel similarly too sometimes but there's just no point in bemoaning the past.
IMO it's also not really a problem with the internet in particular, most people find plenty of other ways to waste their time. And there's nothing bad about wasting time to some extent, but ofc at some point it gets too much.
For mindless browsing specifically you can try addons like WasteNoTime to control it somewhat (though it's easy to cheat so it's not a panacea).
Hope you'll get better!
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No. 49549
>>49546
I hope you succeed in whatever changes you decide to make, ernst.
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No. 49550
>>49547
>or mindless browsing specifically you can try addons
Technological solutions to technological problems are useless. Believe me I've tried. I've blocked websites from my router, and edited my hosts file to stop using the internet wastefully. As soon as I feel a strong urge or need, I stop blocking the websites I wish to use.
In the first industrial revolution, heights and general health of British youth decreased as industry and technological progress spread. It was not for a while when agitation for living standards increased that people finally became able to take advantage of the fruits of the industrial revolution.
I think something similar is occurring with the digital revolution, but in the sense of mental instead of physical health. Technology progresses ceaselessly, and its technicians are not able to comprehend the full consequences. The engineers working in Bell Labs, IBM, etc. could have never predicted the true outcome of their inventions and developments (good and bad).
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No. 49558
Ach Ernst...
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No. 49560 Kontra
>>49550
Yeah, now I'm also starting to see you still complaining online at 40...
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No. 49626
Longish reply here. Some of the things you wrote feel familiar from my past, so I can relate a little even if circumstances are different. I don't know you or psychology, so my ideas may be all wrong:

>such a deep addiction to something so stupid
It's nothing to feel ashamed about. Internet is naturally addictive, especially interactive feedback loops like Facecancer and imageboards, and especially for people who have no superior stimuli in their lives.

Perhaps it's a consolation to you that you may have wasted your prime years, and any topical knowledge you've accrued may never be useful, but you know there are way worse addictions, like substance abuse or gambling. I'm just saying this so you can hopefully feel a little better by comparing your situation to those people who've had it even worse, and appreciate that your addiction is less destructive on body and wallet.

More importantly, wow you're still young! Don't think: "How can someone so young already be such a failure?" I think your young age is an asset and greatly improves your chances of somehow managing to pull yourself out of your situation. Perhaps not soon, perhaps not on your next try, perhaps slowly, just keep trying.

How? I don't know. The only bit of advice I can think of is, when an opportunity arises, arrange for a couple of days (ideally, a holiday trip) during which you think you can get enough alternative stimuli to stay sane, so the cravings can weaken during this time. So, instead of only shutting yourself out of the internet, you should make sure to first find something else to occupy yourself with, just long enough and just interesting enough to allow the brain to get off the internet "drug". The more novel and immersive, the better. What will work best for you probably depends on how much of an introvert or extrovert you are (by character, not by current lifestyle) and what is and isn't novel to you. Since you cannot travel to an exotic location any time soon, and assuming you have no friends, perhaps you'd enjoy trying a handcraft, learning an instrument, dancing, working out, writing anything, or even just reading books or mangoes? In spring, hanging out in nature reserves? In summer, taking a swim? If you feel daring, looking for people with a common interest and talking to them? Preferably, anything without a moving (or updating) screen. Best thing would of course be off-screen interaction with friendly humans you like, but I doubt you have access to that. Animal interaction can make people happy, too, or even just watching them. Visit wild animals, ask if you can play with a dog. So, for some days or weeks, limit whatever habit you want to shake off as far as circumstances permit. If, after some time, you feel that the cravings chemistry in your brain has somewhat subsided, congratulations, hopefully you can now use the web in a moderate, healthier manner when you need to. Your thoughts may still gravitate to it, but your brain should now be more aware of alternative fun things to do or feel that you've done or felt recently. If the cravings don't subside, switch to a different replacement activity or call it a truce and try again at the next opportunity, you're still young. And you live in Germany, so you're entitled to professional assistance covered by your health insurance. Do you know that Swede who got a "state-mandated gf"? I've heard of something like that existing in Germany, for example for autistic children.
Viel Erfolg!
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No. 53001
34 kB, 500 × 375
I'm 20, but realised the same was true for me at 16. This won't change my planning to get out of it, by doing whatever I can from hereon out. I hope you won't fall for that fallacy. I hope it's true for both, all of us, that it just takes a long time for us to get around to things. All you can do is your best. No reason not to let your thoughts determine your life, for the better.
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No. 53007
334 kB, 792 × 1421
>>49546
Ach ernst... you may get something out of pic related or you may not.