/int/ – No shittings during wörktime
„There is no place like home“

Currently at Radio Ernstiwan:


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No. 49789 Systemkontra
872 kB, 2276 × 3200
Ernst The Great, transmitting his (blog) messages across time and space!
>>
No. 49791
My grandma is old and her memory is going. How do I get control of her affairs so that she is not exploited?
>>
No. 49793
>>49791
I'm sure there are some nice princes in Nigeria who can help.
>>
No. 49798
537 kB, 1214 × 603
I can't fucking stand this internet culture and the shit on the YouTube front page. I feel so old and out of loop now. I am thankful i do not know who these "people" are.
>>
No. 49799
>>49798
Srsly who watches this sh*t
>>
No. 49800 Kontra
>>49798
Just get DFTube or a similar addon and you won't have to see it
>>
No. 49802
>>49799
The up and coming generation of kids. Born into the internet.
>>
No. 49803
15 kB, 319 × 329
>>49798
I don't even know anymore what the fuck I'm seeing. Lord have mercy
>>
No. 49808
>>49803
I feel like leaving the internet all together when i see things like that, it makes me feel as though my time on here is done and times to leave and go do something else with my life. Like a toy or a hobby you grow out of.
>>
No. 49810
275 kB, 463 × 660
I’m in a nice chalet, a friend invited me. There is other people, alcohol, pot and all but I’m bored as fuck cause no serious discussion.

I can’t understand the world of mainstream parties. It’s just a fucking pun contest with alcohol involved. Everybody’s talking about the same shit as long as it’s not something important. It’s the peak of nihilism to me.

The only times I had serious discussion is when a girl was interested in me. But I misinterpret them listening to me as intellectual interest and am sad once I understand they just like the way I talk.
>>
No. 49811
>>49810
People in Europe are interested to hear an assburger ramble? Id love for that to be the case here but any topics that deviate against the norm here are quickly met with a cold shoulder and ostracization, even more so at a party.
>>
No. 49812
>>49810
>The only times I had serious discussion is when a girl was interested in me. But I misinterpret them listening to me as intellectual interest and am sad once I understand they just like the way I talk.
Known settis. Women will at times endure my serious monologues about topics that interest me just because they like me. Possibly a form of heavenly punishment for having pretended to enjoy the mindless ramblings of attractive women in order to get laid.
Maybe one day I'll find a girl with similar interests.
>>
No. 49813
>>49811
> People in Europe are interested to hear an assburger ramble?

Not at all, but if a girl is interested in you, do not underestimate her capacity to endure your rambling.
>>
No. 49815
I technically have a job interview in 2 hours that I did not prepare for at all. Should I skip it?
>>
No. 49816
144 kB, 803 × 688
>>49815
Will skipping it increase your chances of getting the job?
If not, why skip it, then?
>>
No. 49819
>>49816
I already have a job (though it's super stressful). I suppose my worry is that I waste two hours in the interview and embarrass myself in the process
>>
No. 49820
34 kB, 405 × 405
>>49808
>Like a toy or a hobby you grow out of.

IBs are like that for me. But the internet is not youtube trends or imageboards alone. Truly, the centralization of the internet makes contact with the mainstream spectacle hard to circumvent, but I treat it with disinterest or as phenomenon for analysis that does not end with the notion of cultural decay.

>>49812
>>49810
>once I understand they just like the way I talk.

Yeah, I think my "intellect" is an attractor, since there exist quite some women who want a cultured man, and somebody who can make them laugh by doing not only simple puns bit refined shit, I mean thanks to my studies I know girls that fancy books/reading and like to read things that are not just the bestsellings novels atm.
Serious discussions is a sign for interest and that is attractive but you know my ex got fed up with my ramblings about theory and capital :DDD or the history of the last 150 years. But initially it is an attractor that you know so much and think the way you think.

>It’s the peak of nihilism to me.

Ach, quite true. Maybe that is why the girl is attracted, you stand out of the nihilism by being serious about things, no irony or super sarcasm all the time which is ubiquitious in contemporary nihilism. You speak to a little inner sense of her, that something is not right the way it is, the way she lives, the way society and the world is like. But yes, if the girl can't hold up the level of seriousness, she will get fed up and wants an easier conversation. I don't want serious discussions all the time but I'm quite serious in comparison to most people I have the impression, my political fire is not dead yet or burried under the heavy psychic weight of neoliberal consumer societies.
>>
No. 49821 Kontra
>>49820
I may correct myself, I've been in the trenches for years, bearing a psychic warfare, the operations of consumer society brought upon all of us :DDD The goals we have are usually empty shells, some telelogical infusion might help or bring the next Hitler, the risk is high and the supposed repetition history is even more devastating, the guttered human? Well let's see, I hope we are nonetheless inside a new, never before seen and sensed paradigm change, historical change and the definition of the human is once again open for debate thanks to technological advance.
>>
No. 49828 Kontra
2,0 MB, 640 × 640, 0:33
>>49819
So I went through with it. It started off fairly poorly (man I hate video interviews) but objectively it turned around and went ok on the whole. They said they'd pass me onto the business manager and go from there but he's on vacation. We'll see.
>>
No. 49830 Kontra
>>49828
Happy for you Ernst. That kind of shit is tiring. Especially if you really need a job.
>>
No. 49832
>>49830
In a completely different way it's almost worse interviewing when you don't need it. It's like voluntarily putting yourself out there to get judged when it isn't entirely necessary. I remember looking into the webcam before it and thinking "Jeez you sound bad, maybe just skip this." about 30 seconds before the start.
>>
No. 49838
>>49798
I don't get it either.
t.zoomer
Though it's probably just the algorithm propping up inoffensive things to be watched by people who rely exclusively on the algorithm. The algorithm bases recommendations on what people watch, but what people watch is only based on the recommendations.
>>
No. 49845
256 kB, 1216 × 910
Eatings ans massive doner at work.
Please rate.
>>
No. 49846
390 kB, 2319 × 1779
>>49845
I haven't had Döner Dürum in years, fuck now I want one. Will get one the next days I think. Or maybe today, a pregiven christmas present.
>>
No. 49853
478 kB, 450 × 253, 0:05
>>49845
Would try/10
t.Never tried
>>
No. 49854
315 kB, 774 × 1032
Sipping straight caramel bourbon at one in the morning.
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No. 49856
>>49845
I approve.
>>
No. 49858 Kontra
22 kB, 210 × 296
I drank too much coffee and I'm quite nervous, checking literature, I barely read nor am I able to process all the content that is new to me in the fields I try to dive into deeper now relevant for my master. There opens up new fascinating shit in history and the present as well as the future. I won't ever be able to comprehend, which leaves me frustrated and paralysed, yet I really want to know and will read another article, I read an introduction to a compendium, later I will probably continue watching a lecture of media studies that is close to meda/technology (implicating STEM knowledge).
There also is a book on my desk about the "disapearence of matter" and the rise of "streams/flows and rays" around 1900 (in science and beyond).

Also I want to read this
https://castelle.org/pages/deep-learning-as-an-epistemic-ensemble.html
>>
No. 49867
175 kB, 492 × 360
Had a cute girl encounter today. I even gave her my number (sort of).
I went to the apothecary to buy some of these nice cloth masks, because I was tired of buying single use masks every day. It's more economical to get some cloth masks and wash them after use than to buy a new mask every time. Also more convenient.

Anyway, as I walk out, I see this desperate looking girl asking people if they have any cash to give her in exchange for a web wallet transfer. Nobody has any cash, including me, because virtual wallets using mobile have become so popular here that cash is basically obsolete. I buy bread at the local store in my commieblock basement with mobile phone transactions.

She looks to me and asks me if I have 2000 tenge in cash. I notice that her left eye is red. She explains that she needs to get back home outside the city, and her phone is about to run out of charge. "Why not withdraw some from the ATM? There's one a few blocks up", I say. She says that she's left her card at home. "Oh well, I can't help you, then. I don't carry cash", I say.

A few moments later, a tinge of guilt springs up in my chest, and I address her again. "Look, I could walk with you to the ATM, and you send 2000 tenge to my account while your phone still has charge. I withdraw, and give it to you. How about that?" "Oh, that would be wonderful". Her voice is filled with gratitude, and she whips out her phone and asks me for my number so she can send the money (virtual wallet transactions in the local web wallet service are done with phone numbers here).
At that moment, my autism flares up. "This is not according to protocol," I think to myself.
  • Wait, why won't we get to the ATM first, and then you send the money? Aren't you afraid that I'm going to run off the moment you do the transfer?
  • Oh, I am sure you won't run off - she laughs- , so what's your number?

At this point, I am confused. I've read enough articles about game theory to know that assumptions about the intentions of the other party do not matter. Assuming perfectly rational actors, it is the optimal self-benefit of the outcome of the interaction that determines the value of an action. But I did not want to cause any more awkward tension, so I tell her my number, and she sends me the money.

"It's only a few blocks up" I repeat, as we start walking. My city, Almaty, has a local system of specifying directions. Since the city is at the foot of a mountain, "up" means towards the mountain, and "down" means away from it. Incidentally, "up" is where the fancy places are, and "down" is where the poor people live. I live in the downward part of the city, and commute upward to my workplace. People don't generally parse it when I use cardinal directions to refer to locations, as it's just not really used here. So I've learned to use local nomenclature. Being a neet who used to leave the house only a couple times a year, and only familiar with the city layout through maps, cardinal directions is what I think about normally. But this is one of the cases when one has to adapt.

These are the thoughts running through my head during our walk, when I realize that it's been a minute or two of silence. Feeling that one ought to have a chat while walking, but having no idea what to talk about, I ask, "So, what's up with your eye?".
"Oh, that's the thing, I went to the doctor to check it out and they said it's viral conjunctivitis. So I went to the apothecary to buy balm and eye drops they recommended. It's SOOO expensive!".
"Oh, yes, the Central Apothecary sure likes to hike up the prices." I concurred. "I went to check out some bathing scrubbers while I was here, and they were 3000 tenge each. Ridiculous!"
"Wow." She said, and a few more minutes of silence ensued.

During that time, I couldn't help but notice that my newly bought cloth mask was expanding and contracting like a frog's vocal sack with every breath cycle. "It must have pretty poor air transfer rate. I probably look ridiculous", I thought to myself.
Unable to bear the silence, I, again, chimed in with "Cold today, isn't it? Was much warmer a few days ago. That's Almaty weather for you." An "Mhm" is all I got.

Finally, we made it to the ATM. I went up to it, withdrew the money, then gave it to her. She thanked me, and we went in opposite directions. Me, back in the direction of the apothecary, because before this encounter, I was on my way to the local doner place to eat, and I was getting mighty hungry by now. I made no eye contact as we bid our farewells, as I almost never make eye contact. And that's was my social encounter for the year.

Ah, about the number. The virtual wallet thing we use in this country only uses numbers as "tokens" for making transactions, it doesn't actually save them. It does save the first name of the recipient or sender in history, as well as show their photo, if they chose to upload one. Anyway, later that day I went to buy some bread and milk at my commieblock basement store, and in my transaction history page, I saw that the red eyed girl had a profile photo, in which she was in a white dress, next to some dude in a suit.
Such cases.
t. totally not lonely at all
>>
No. 49871
577 kB, 3200 × 1800
>>49867
>At this point, I am confused. I've read enough articles about game theory to know that

:DDDD

Is game theory model based? If so the model construct reality perhaps and is not to be confused with reality. I dunno, haven't read any game theory really just gets mentioned a lot within behavorial/system science nexus.
>>
No. 49873
>>49871
That's the thing about game theory, it assumes Perfectly Rational Actors(tm) interacting for Maximum Self Benefit(tm), so in a zero sum game (I lose 2000, she gains 2000, or I gain 2000, she loses 2000), it would make perfect sense for me to bolt the moment she sends the money, or for her to convince me to give her the cash before she sends the money, and then bolt.

I like riffing on game theory in situations like this.
>>
No. 49876
>>49867
The arrangement of society around stupid bydlo things is unfortunate in that it's basically a shortcut to game theory victories by routing around shit you'd have to consciously map out and instead doing so instinctively. Say she transfers you money, first of all can it be tracked? If it can, you're dead. If it can't, you're still dead in the water if any cop catches you. Whether the favor is returned that instant and you get burned is irrelevant so long as the pattern holds, and the pattern must hold because it is part of the native and instinct evolutionary advantage to working in groups. If everyone is out for themselves and just preys upon each other society collapses and that will actively harm literally all participants.

So you see the irony is, the kinds of ancap retards who will prattle on about muh social darwinism and being logical are in fact being illogical and retarded. The rational behavior is to be the glue in a society, and that you will in turn pay it forward. Even if you do not, and the individual never knows if your charity was abused, another person will pay it forward and ultimately strengthen society so much so that strangers may work together and help each other. The more toxic and shitty your society is the less likely it is to happen which in turn fuels a race to the bottom. Russia at times has been a very good example of how shit a society becomes where no one can trust a stranger in it, atomizing into smaller known groups. You cannot form a stable nationstate that way, and without that strngethened massive superstructure all the other societal constructs are going to be capable of preying upon yours, and even if they didn't engage in predatory behavior fucking no one wants to deal with you so it makes it harder to become influential and successful and easier to stay poor.

Formimg cooperatives is literally the most rational thing there is, but people are not rational, nor have time to game theory everything and see the far reaching consequences, so it's easier to just hijack your emotions or instincts and hack your shit into doing the longterm survivable thing as a whole.
>>
No. 49881
I have no friends and nobody to gift to. Can I buy ernst something for Christmas?
>>
No. 49883
195 kB, 697 × 187
>>49881
Yes, give me your fucking attention and reply back to me
>>
No. 49884
>>49873
I think game theory is like computer science in that it's an interesting field of math that has the unfortunate fate of being treated like engineering.
>>
No. 49885
36 kB, 800 × 450
There is no you there is only me.
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No. 49899
>>49883
Merry Christmas
>>
No. 49900
Venting before bed. Don't be that cunt who makes things more dangerous for everyone by driving like a goddamn 90 year old. Nearly had a prang on the way home today because some stupid fuck decided to come to a complete stop on a major road at a green light to turn off the road instead of doing the normal thing of slowing down, and using the momentum of the car to roll around the corner.

Seriously, if you can only turn your car from a standstill, then turn in your license and get off the fucking road, shit.
>>
No. 49901
>>49900
God I wish I was Australian. Did you have shrimp in the barbie for Christmas?
>>
No. 49905
Cars were lined up at a walk-in clinic this morning. At least a dozen wrapped around the building, and this was a full hour before the place opened. Gotta be related to the Covid vaccine. Either they have it there, or people think they do.
>>
No. 49908
63 kB, 364 × 512
Took a genetic test. These are the results.
Getting into a serious relationship, things are looking up.
>>
No. 49909
>>49900
>Nearly had a prang on the way home today because some stupid fuck decided to come to a complete stop on a major road at a green light
Keep the prescribed distance between yourself and other vehicles, keep your eyes on the road and such things won't be a problem. Not saying it's your fault, it's just that there are a fucking of idiots photo there, and chances are that you are one of them.
>>
No. 49910 Kontra
>>49908
>Giving your dna to a company

How can one be so retarded?
>>
No. 49912
229 kB, 1124 × 1403
>>49909
This somehow, dunno about anglo driving schools but here you get told that being in traffics means calculating mistakes of others into normal traffic behavior. Ofc people can driver better or not, provoke more mistakes than others but this is to be calculated not without reason.

---

Merry Christmas / Frohe Weihnachten btw guys.

My family circle is small anyway since my brother and his family celebrate for themselves, will see them tomorrow and look forward to it, I wonder if my nice will like the present but I guess so. My newphew is too young to even comprehend what is happening so he gets nothing, he already gets enough from his grandparents and parents tbh.
>>
No. 49913
113 kB, 699 × 492
>>49905
Alternate theory: people are rushing to get Covid tests prior to Christmas travel.

>>49908
>things are looking up.
Cool. We're all gonna make it.

Were there any surprises in the gentic results? My sister did DNA testing and altered our entire family mythos. Not only was there some German hiding in our history, but it turns out our roots in the new world were 100 years deeper than we thought-going back to at least the 1700's.
>>
No. 49914
>>49913
>>49908
I think DNA tests are more interesting to americans than anyone else. As soon as ther is not a clear and precise family tree, the surprises can be wild. But for euros, or worse, in some places like Japan it's most of the time exatly what you expect. All of my grand-parents were born in Switzerland and I think my great grand-parents too.
>>
No. 49923
>>49910
I've thought the same but the problem really boils down to
>>49913
it just takes one person in your family to fuck you. I don't know for sure if my siblings did or not. They've reconstructed crime scenes and nailed convictions on cold cases with someone taking a DNA test. That's on top of all that crap like biometric databases. I want to leave this country. I'd move somewhere else but it takes time and money I don't have and most of the places I'd be at least as fucked if not moreso.

I've also actually considered how much family history may be bunk, and at the last reunion realized they actually look more like they're part French which made me question how much of our "German" hurritage is actually from some formerly German territory that's filled with French people along the border regions. It legit wouldn't surprise me if we had random other euro ethnicities I didn't know about including iirc some cousin or something found traces of Middle Eastern DNA so I wouldn't be surprised if we had a Jewish ancestor somewhere way back either.

Such is life on the blanda upp especially when you can trace one branch back to pre-revolutionary USA. I'm pretty sure we're distantly related to a few presidents and Euro monarchs through at least that one.
>>
No. 49931
25 kB, 600 × 450
>>49913
>Were there any surprises in the gentic results?
My expected results were pretty similar to this, but I thought whatever north european ancestry I'd have would be from the low countries, but for some reason I am 10% Scandinavian. I also thought I had Jewish ancestry.
My friend who took the test with me had his ancestry coming out at a like 8% Ashkenazim, even though if anything he's a sephardic jew. There aren't identifiable unique sephardi markers in this test so coming out as an eastern jew must mean he's extremely Jewish for post-inquisition Iberian standards.
>>
No. 49938
>>49901
No you dont and no.

>>49909
>>49912
I overstated how close it was. It wasn't nearly a crash really, just enough that them going from 70 to zero in a way that I've never seen before made me have to swerve a wee bit because I did the logical thing and applied light brake to not hit them as they rolled around the corner and then they never did.

I stand by my point though tbh. Don't decelerate to zero at a green light, traffic or not. It's more fuel efficient to turn the corner properly anyway :-DDD
>>
No. 49942
2,9 MB, 4032 × 3024
Having the worst Christmas ever lol

I was in pretty high spirits since I got everyone some really thoughtful gifts for once. Then I arrived at my parents house but apparently they had a fight with my brother (who didn't even come out of his room the whole time). Tried to talk to my mom but she said sth along the lines of "why did I give birth to you"... Didn't even know what to say, kinda left me shocked for the rest of the evening. It's a funny contrast since I was reading the chapter in St. Augustine's Confessions where he praises his mother for being such a saintly person just yesterday.

Now I'm at the flat I'm moving out of to get my stuff after not being here a couple of weeks. Seems like the heating stopped working or sth and there's a bunch of wet spots with some mold on the wall now, probably gonna be a pain in the ass to fix

Well, that's about it, hope you guys are having a better Christmas than me :D
>>
No. 49945
15 kB, 300 × 400
>>49942
>they had a fight with my brother (who didn't even come out of his room the whole time). Tried to talk to my mom but she said sth along the lines of "why did I give birth to you"... Didn't even know what to say
These are the moments I am very glad that I don't have any family of note, and those who are left give as much fucks about events like christmas like I do.
>Well, that's about it, hope you guys are having a better Christmas than me :D
Three days off, could be worse. Not sure if it will be a little boring, I hope for some action on EC. Traditionally these days are rather calm, because everyone is busy with their families and GF, but this time it might be different, we'll see. There are also some programming projects I was thinking about, but I'd rather think some more about them before starting them, otherwise I might waste my efforts.
>>
No. 49953
>>
No. 49964
4,8 MB, 1920 × 1080, 0:18
Christmas went well enough I guess.
I got a new wallet and teapot. The rest is just chocolate.
Getting practical gifts is really good. At least I prefer it to knick-knacks I HAVE to keep "because it's muh gift", which isn't healthy.
My old wallet came apart at the seams, and I broke my teapot last week.

We also went over to Grandma's place. She got me a small Chinese phrasebook and a copy of the New Testament.
The phrasebook wouldn't be bad if it actually included the tones over the pinyin.

We played three games of uno and concluded that it's a shit game.
The tree was also short this year.

Merry Christmas everyone!

>>49905
>Gotta be related to the Covid vaccine. Either they have it there, or people think they do.
>>
No. 49969
I just got back from midnight mass. It really is a wonderful experience.
>>
No. 49974
258 kB, 800 × 800
Merry Christmas, everyone.
>>
No. 50004
>>49969
While it might be legal, I'd say it's highly unethical to gather lots of old people in a place.
>>
No. 50013
>>50012
Are you RAC?
>>
No. 50077
69 kB, 1280 × 996
Even in times of great joy, I am hounded by the fear that all will fall apart. It's as if some evil force is just waiting for me to grow accustomed to this blissful state just so it can cause me harm by ripping it from me. I guess I'm not comfortable without self loathing.

Need go back into daily exercise, the holidays have made me indolent.
>>
No. 50080
>>50077
It's not paranoia, it's justifiable fear of pain of loss, and yes it is quite common.
t. My whole family settis
>>
No. 50082
>>50013
No? What was that post? I missed it.
>>
No. 50084
171 kB, 600 × 584
I have never met an American in person
>>
No. 50085
>>50084
Wait do we have a new Australian? Our only strayan said how he couldn't stand murigan dourists. Something about them allegedly either bitching nonstop or going full USA#1 tier with no in between iirc.
>>
No. 50086
>>50085
Yes ive been here for roughly a month. Known about ernst for much longer but i got sick of Kohl and having to be on a vpn just to lurk that shithole for obvious reasons.
>>
No. 50088
85 kB, 391 × 500
3,5 MB, 4032 × 3024
I got a image book that show 1000 pictures of family around the world. Recently, I tried something. I hide the origin of the family and try to guess where they are from having only the continent to help me. I couldn’t really guess for African countries but with the other ones it became a funny game.

After a while, I developed strategies to guess where the people were from. For exemple, the Estonians look like retarded Finnish. You can ask for any cunt and I’ll give you my strategy.
>>
No. 50101
>>50088
How to discern Germans from Swiss?
>>
No. 50106
>>50101
Germans mostly look like northern Frenchs but don’t take care of their bodies and faces as much so they look less good.

I more often confound Scots with Swiss. Because, like them, they are mostly rural and have big family. They also both have checked shirts.
>>
No. 50111
>>50077
Where is that image taken from?

It's hard to come by the worries that dictate life, dunno I worry often about the future but the present calls for immediate action and I lose sight. Or so does it feel, I think unconsciously I decide for certain probable futures in many cases.
>>
No. 50116
>>50088
>You can ask for any cunt and I’ll give you my strategy.
How to distiguish Italians? You're using photographs, so I know it can't be their hands moving when they talk :D.
>>
No. 50118
207 kB, 1280 × 960
>>50111
Sorry, I don't know where it's from. I think our sort need to be careful with this mindset lest it all becomes a self fulfilling prophecy.
>>
No. 50121
1,8 MB, 2345 × 2689
>>50116
They dress really good. But in a old fashioned way. In the late nineties in Europe, no one had this old school elegant style but them.
>>
No. 50123
>>50121
What about Russian
>>
No. 50125
>>50123
Indiferentiable from Ukrainians lol. They mostly wear, western-inspired clothes and the men have the slave face.
If they have an ultra-soviet look, then it's probably Yugoslavs ar slav bricks.
>>
No. 50135
950 kB, 735 × 1102
41 kB, 970 × 303
>>50106
>>50111
Why did Germans become obsessed with the spray tan?
https://youtu.be/lD06adeasRs?t=377
>>
No. 50137
>>50013
>>50082
What are you accusing me of? I'm sincerely interested because I was brought up.
>>
No. 50142
>>50135
The second is a funny meme, but the word obession is not fitting here anyway, that is made up by you. I know spray tan exists, but I rarely see any one has ever used it, if it is used today at all. There was a time when tanning shops existed all over Germany though, but since at least 10 years it decreased dramatically. I think I heard a radio show on that process in German state radio broadcast Deuschlandfunk and immediately I thought of tanning shops in my town vanishing over the years, never entered one ofc. Why did that happen? Well I only remember when I wasn't that old (I was born after the fall of the Soviet Union), it already went around that tanning increases the potential of skin cancer. They still exist ofc, I know of one shop that has been there for years
>>
No. 50144
78 kB, 770 × 600
I'm getting anxiety over how much responsibility my new boss is willing to put on my shoulders.
He's got big plans (relative to our corner of the world), and apparently I'm at the center of these plans. He wants to court some middle eastern tech companies to expand to Central Asia and CIS in general, and I'll be the "technical director" overseeing this whole process from an IT perspective. Quite a level of trust for someone who's been working for him for less than a month. Then again, he knows me and my brother since we were wee lads pestering him (father's coworker) to fix our PCs so we could play counter strike 1.1, so maybe there's some sentimentality involved.
He wants to send me to educational courses overseas costing about $4000 so I can oversee the IT side of his growing business.
Oh well. I won't worry about that for now. All I have to worry about is the work I have right now on my plate. The rest is beyond my control, so not worth considering.

I'm just afraid that all of this is some kind of cruel cosmic joke, like the last 3 times I got a job. Promising endeavors that ended in shame and humiliation. But at this point, I don't care. I'll take whatever I can get.

At least I will have some money to spare for art supplies by the end of this. Working is just an excuse to earn enough money to do art.
>>
No. 50145 Kontra
>>50144
I also realize the irony of the fact that while I complain about nepotism, the best job I've had so far, I got because I knew the guy through my father, who worked in the same company as him.
Nepotism, man. This fucking country runs on it.

Then again, I see no other way to look for people who are "good at figuring shit out", but have no formal certification than "people you know".
Maybe master-apprenticeship was the best system of employment ever devised after all.
>>
No. 50160
>>50137
Somenody had made a shit post and just wanted to make sure it wasn't you because I never thought you were act like such a tile painter but it occurred to me I didn't actually have proofs the same guy who keeps posting that cringe stuff "the coof is all a hoax" wasn't. This was also because we've got like four Americans here so he would be I think the fifth unless he keeps bouncing between k*hl to shitpost about how masks and vaccination is bad. Again, I never expected it was you, but decided to get proof of it. I think that might be Nebraska actually. His posting style is wildly different from yours and you'll notice when you see it.

>>50144
The trick is to not focus on shame and humiliation and just keep pressing forward, although at once I'd question that but also question what is lost in translation making it sound like more than it is to me. Blowing up the importance of something is the key fatal mistake most people make in day to day life.
>>
No. 50167
I don't get a word of what he says but he is building his own mini turbine engine so I don't care.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dYFYZ-g7fzA
>>
No. 50179
I watched anime. Shouldn't have done so.
Now I'm feeling very depressed. I sleep until 10 and then spend my time laying in bed until 13, then have some lunch and don't eat anything until 20.
Strangely enough after I started feeling this, the very next day I woke up and shaved and washed my hair. Probably just to see if it'd make me feel any better. It didn't make me feel any better.
Do people actually shave every day. God, that's bothersome.

I've been reading the philosophy course materials.
Gotta make a confession. It's boring as fuck and I'm reading the notes instead of the primary source because I'm not going to read 150 pages of Aristotle's autism.
I think whatever love I had for philosophy has just been murdered by a stray course I wasn't even meant to attend.

Read half of Bernhard's Heldenplatz. Exactly what I needed.

Today's the exam. I don't thin it'll go well.

>>50145
>This fucking country runs on it.
Don't worry, everything between the Oder and the Gobi Desert runs on nepotism.
>>
No. 50180
112 kB, 1024 × 576
>>50167
I didn't understand most of the steps, and have no idea how he was testing the engine, but I couldn't stop watching.
>>
No. 50182
69 kB, 745 × 557
>>50179
>I watched anime. Shouldn't have done so. Now I'm feeling very depressed.
In PKD's Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep, there's a consumer machine that people use to induce particular emotions. One of the characters regularly uses it to induce depression.

Most anime is like the depression setting on the machine. But, it can actually be a good thing to experience doses of depression now and then. There's a certain beauty to melancholy, and if it doesn't consume you, the downs and ups can be fruitful sources of inspiration and insight.

>Don't worry, everything between the Oder and the Gobi Desert runs on nepotism.
The competitive job market in the USA is like this too. Everyone I know who has a good job got it through connections, and this includes people with degrees from top-tier universities ("top-tier" essentially means universities with the best networking opportunities).
>>
No. 50201
>>50179
Truth is, most philosophy (the older the worse) is boring and dry and hard to read, it eventually gets better with time and specific interest. Reading secondary literature ofc helps immensely in getting what the fuck these people are talking about and where they are going in the first place with their never ending walls of text. I hardly read any (classic) philosophy books completely as primary source. But I've read quite a few text cuts from many different philosophers thanks to uni and they usually provide you with a certain insight and actual important aspects of a philosophic system or splits of a fragments.
All I can offer to you as somebody who wants to value texts.
>>
No. 50202
>>50145
Sadly it's somewhat the same here. You need to to know a guy to easily get many jobs otherwise it's an uphill slog.
>>
No. 50209
969 kB, 640 × 360, 0:23
>>50182
>>50202
Confirmed. Got my first sit-down paper pushing job at a place my mother worked. That was a small company, but my sister helped my brother get hired by a soulless megacorp. It's the same everywhere. Most jobs aren't life or death, so HR just needs to know the guy they hire isn't going to be a headache. When someone on the inside vouches for you, you're in.
>>
No. 50210
169 kB, 1440 × 907
>>50202
>>50209
Guess it's the same everywhere. Back then I was really worried that I would have a hard time finding a job, because I didn't have an uncle at a big company like seemingly everybody else. But then a fellow student started working at an IT company and told me that they are still hiring, so I went there and got the job. Next job I got was when a few guys took off from said company to form a spinoff, and I'm still employed there. So basically I never really applied anywhere, at least not without the scales already tipped in my favor. Kinda unfair, but that's how the world works.

That's why I think social credit systems might not be such a bad thing after all. Maybe they can help bring more fairness to our lives, since we are not longer evaluated by our ties in society, buy by an (at least in theory) objective and transparent measuring. Though I am aware that any implementation will leave room for subjective shenanigans, and if not will just be bypassed by the powerful when convenient.
>>
No. 50211
84 kB, 640 × 428
>>50210
>social credit system

Pushing aside the bigger question what data is deemed valuable or useful for messurement and how that is gotten hand on - the first at least seems pretty much normative and culturally conditioned and thus not objective or neutral in anyway - I want ask, how you more concretely imagine the process with a credit system at work? How does an overall score make you take a vacancy, what role does the score play in job qualification exactly?
>>
No. 50214
80 kB, 551 × 762
>>50211
>How does an overall score make you take a vacancy, what role does the score play in job qualification exactly?
I think in the first implementation it will be limited to positions offered by the state. You are right to imply (at least that is the way I read your post) that any form of social scoring doesn't necessarily imply business qualification for any job, but you could at least rule out people who repeatedly offend against the norms, without those violations being stored in a criminal record - which along with credit score is a social already in place, built on a very shady foundation by the way, like when many people in your street fail to pay their debts, it will also affect your score, because statistics and stuff. So I think this shows that there is a need for some objective way of measuring certain values about peoples lives, otherwise it will mostly be assumptions based on factors you can't even influence.

I could also think of the social score only playing a part in any formalized application process. For example for an application you get a score calculated by your degree, your years of expertise, your impression at the interview and your overall social score, and the company would have to take the applicant with the highest score. Of course I know that we are basically just replacing one unjust system with another, I just want to point out that there might also be good uses for such systems, since at least in Germany I got the impression that this idea is rejected without being properly evaluated, because muh data, muh evil algorithms and evil, evil China. Also I think that not implementing such a system only means sticking with subjectivity and randomness. Maybe this is better, this is a difficult question, but I at least want to make an argument for it, if only to see if there are maybe better arguments against it.
>>
No. 50217
>>50210
>>50214
> social credit systems might not be such a bad thing after all
But it is a bad thing. It is implemented all around the world and has been for thousands of years and making a centralized system just puts a few old men in charge of what is socially acceptable. Most posters here would get a minus score and people with connections would still be able to bypass it and it would make it easier for them to punish you to move up the ladder.

I too once thought that studying would make it easier to get a job but the truth is that connections and being at the right place at the right time is what gets you a job.
>>
No. 50219
1,9 MB, 2132 × 2400
>>50214
Yeah, I'm not opting for calling technology and mathematics/qunatification the devil and also not is China per se a bad place and will forever be. But the limits of formal operations getting applied and the entanglement of STEM and culture/social that need to be considered. One of the pressing issues I think in a culture where technology is dominant factor in social organization as well as cultural experience on different levels.
The problem with the score being calculated asks for the weight of every sub score that adds up in the total score is the next question where the human factor comes in. Humans decide here in the end. Automation in that regard depends on the programmers and their algorithms and models.
The latter probably is a different issue but I'm looking out for getting my hands on these subjects thanks to a four volume introduction to STEM Science in the realm of media studies for a "solid" foundation[/spoiler]
>Medienwissen soweit aufzurüsten, dass ein Gespräch mit den Fachvertretern ebenso möglich ist wie eine entsprechende Interaktion mit den technischen Medien selbst – vom Löten bis zum Programmieren.

It tackles logic, information theory, programming, cybernetics, mathematics, physics and chemistry in the three now available volumes.

To come back once more to nepotism or networking (is it the same btw? serious question Im to lazy to answer quickly but I want to ask nonetheless): How bad does it actually play out? I imagine people think that non-competence is a problem but I think that rarely is the case, nobody will advice sb. who is not competent enough - or at least has the potential - to handle the job.
>>
No. 50230
Exam was a fucking meme. Got 19/25 questions right.
Then I drank and went to bed, only to wake up and read a notification that this 76% result entitles me to an A.
Essentially, the subject I studied the least for throughout the semester has the best grade.

Had another incredibly long conversation with my friend on discord.
These conversations always teach me a lot about myself, because after posting memes for a few hours we accidentally always stumble into the realm of ethics and the political.
Basically ethically and morally he's a better person than me. I wish I could have sensible and normal beliefs instead of constantly trying to make the nonsensical feel rational for myself through subjectivism.
I wish I were less of an extremist, because it makes me very unbalanced.

>>50201
Well, yes.
I have a republished textbook on the subject from the late 30s and it was much more fun to read than the actual dialogues and treatises that were assigned.
Basically, I have no better understanding of Platonism than I had in HS after reading the book's relevant chapters. (But then again, it's a 101 course, so it's not supposed to be particularly deep.)

But if you say that it's normal, then I'm not going to tell myself I'm guilty for not liking the primary sources of ancient philosophy.

>>50182
I want to get off the depression-making machine's wild ride.
The hardest part is that if I want to turn the machine off, I have to find something that I call life affirming, and that's almost as hard to come by as the depression inducing stuff.
>>
No. 50232
I dunno why, but I'm getting flares of anxiety and paranoia.
It feels like I'm about to get fired, if not this month, then next month. Or that I'm horribly failing in my work, but nobody is telling me.

Maybe those fears are warranted, because at my last job, I was horribly failing, and nobody told me until the end of the month when I was booted with half pay. The rest was deducted for "wasting materials". Lol.
>>
No. 50237
45 kB, 640 × 464
>>50230
>But if you say that it's normal

I'm not a trained philosopher, I studied history, literature and a bit of sociology in my BA. Philosophy plays a certain part in all of them, albeit to varying degrees. I read about Philosophy in my freetime, often enough it has been secondary sources, while I cut small extracts to read in university. I'm not trained in philosophy and this makes a difference in text comprehension, old texts are harder to read because they have a tone and style that can be unfamiliar and very dry because of certain rules or rhetorics or whatever it is. The better you get in philosophy, the more you understand how a text is structured or what typically is dealt with in philosophy you will find it easier to get through a text, especially if the things dealt with interest you. I remember the last time I wanted to start with Hegels Differenz-Schrift [Difference between Fichte and Schelling], a small book, his first publication and maybe easier to read than Phenomenology of Spirit, which I bought. I put the book away after 30 pages. The Phenomenology is 600p or so. I will read it within the next 5-10 years I guess. It's a book that you can read twice or four times in your life. Just like any other big book you will have to go into it more than once, not completely I think, but more than once at least, if you really want to get a certain hold of it.
I had to read passages of Heidegger not long ago, I hate his style but I was still able to acknowledge the important points, I was not really able to put them in context of his oevre or the history of philosophy by myself, the latter being a fundamental help in understanding, but I sensed what he was going at. The text discussion then help greatly to get a small old on Heidegger at least. 4 years ago I wouldn't have understood shit when reading him I guess.
>>
No. 50238 Kontra
144 kB, 803 × 688
>>50230
Mate, nobody gives a fuck about your grades in the real world. You'll be just as successful finding a job if you have all C's vs if you have straight As. In the US they don't even do due diligence to find out if you even have a college degree. Hr is a complete fucking meme joke, women were a mistake
>>
No. 50240
>>50238
>impblingy nepotism and corporate incompetence is a new female invention
The main issue with them is gossip and cattiness towards each other. This often works poorly when there isn't a male presence.
>>
No. 50241
Boy do I feel like a silly retard hoarding all of this shit on my desktop computer for 10 fucking years.
Now that I've got a job, I probably spend about half an hour a day on average in front of my desktop.

>>50238
Maybe in the US academia is so thoroughly cucked into being training camps for the job market (so that the companies themselves don't have to pay for it), that the idea of going into academia for its original purpose of seeking education does not even enter your mind. Perhaps in Hungary it is not yet the case, and that's hungaryball's motivation with his academic career. I don't really know, though, I've never been to Hungary.
>>
No. 50242 Kontra
>>50241
If you're worried about academics for academics sake then you wouldn't be overly worried about grades (you'd be getting an A) and you wouldn't score 19/25 on a freshman test.
>>
No. 50243
>>50242
How does ability correlate with motive?
I mean, if anyone who wanted an A, got an A, academia would be kind of pointless.
>>
No. 50244 Kontra
>>50243
The personality of someone who is going to succeed in academia long term is one that will see a person get an A. And if you're a retard and your motivation is to succeed in academia then I have bad news for you.
>>
No. 50245 Kontra
>>50240
Supposed it is like that and not a general office attitude, what has their internal "trouble" to do with the hiring practice? If Betty thinks that Greta has bad hair, you don't get hired or what?
>>
No. 50246
>>50244
Sure, if you say so.
Nobody said anything about succeeding, though. Sometimes, things are worth a try even if you don't succeed.

Anyway, I feel like this conversation is just an exercise in goalpost moving because your initial statement made no sense and I pointed that out. I still don't see what argument you're trying to make.
Other than repeatedly calling hungaryball retarded, lol. But you could've just said so right away, instead of pretending you have a point.
>>
No. 50247 Kontra
>>50246
Shut the fuck up you chink faggot.

(User was banned for this post)

>>
No. 50248 Kontra
30 kB, 450 × 450
62 kB, 720 × 960
>>50247
hahahaha
What a whackass, go back to kohl where you came from, your sense of self-control is a joke.
>>
No. 50249
1,6 MB, 2592 × 1936
1,5 MB, 1936 × 2592
Someone neatly arranged a bunch of toys along the gutter. I can't imagine what motivated this, but maybe it had something to do with Christmas. The sight struck me as creepy, like the opening scene to a horror movie. Or worse: the ending to one.

>>50219
>nepotism or networking (is it the same btw?
Beyond the technical definitions, I'd say nepotism is helping someone for personal reasons(they're kin), while networking is helping someone for professional reasons(their skillset is seen as a useful asset). Friends fall somewhere between the two. Of course in practice the concepts are nearly identical: Hiring decisions are tilted in favor of personal connections.
>>
No. 50250
178 kB, 720 × 563
793 kB, 3943 × 1886
>>50248
Hate to brag, but I'm good at sealioning people into incoherent rage.
A skill I picked up through the decades of shitposting on imageboards.
It's a good tactic for weeding out fuckwits, I feel. Why let them hang around straddling the line, when you can push them over the edge towards ban-worthy behavior instead?

_
Shit, I gotta say, I'm super impressed with this whole AI upscaling thing. It even correctly identified that the image is a painting and filled in the "noise" appropriately. Sure it didn't add any more information than there was in the original, but shit. It's way more presentable at high resolutions than the blurry bicubic upscale mess.
If all goes well, I'll show what this effort was for tomorrow.
>>
No. 50254
>>50249
Clearly we had a Russian stranded here due to the lockdowns.
>>
No. 50257
Oh god, I had to stop halfway through I couldn't
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1h4ARLF7-4U
It was physically painful to watch. I wonder if ernsts could suffer it.
>>
No. 50264
>>50257
What makes Americans like this?
>>
No. 50267
>>50257
It’s blocked in my country for copyright reasons
>>
No. 50268
>>50267
Its just edited scenes from 90 day fiance. The uploader must dislike the Swiss.
>>
No. 50269 Kontra
>>50268
nope, copyright blocked here as well
>>
No. 50270 Kontra
>>50268
>>50269
Works for me, uploader hates the Germanic world as a whole.
>>
No. 50271 Kontra
It's so gay that this hoax kung flu is going to keep me inside because of restrictions. I just want to be out partying and slaying some puss. Fuck this year.
>>
No. 50273
93 kB, 380 × 314
I never pay attention to my Windows® notifications, and just noticed VLC has added a Santa hat for the holidays. Nice.
>>
No. 50274
13,2 MB, 360 × 360, 3:09
>>50271
Watching keines suffer was yet another thing that made it a great year
>>
No. 50277
1,4 MB, 299 × 299, 0:05
UTC+10 Chad reporting in. 2021 Gang dunking on 2020 virgins.
>>
No. 50278
38 kB, 363 × 502
>>50277
Happy new year Ernst. t. time traveler from the past. By the way: This answer to a new years day post counts as participation in a party, so I now can peacefully do nothing* for the rest of the evening.

*might include eating, videogaming and masturbating
>>
No. 50279 Kontra
>>50278
>life in 2020

Dem primitives out to catch the virus?

Happy New York Emergency, Australia!

t. another time traveller
>>
No. 50280
>>50278
I'm actually going to miss this year actually. I got an absolutely metric fuckton of more money than I could have possibly anticipated getting this time last year, I actually wildly improved my living circumstances to live completely alone and by myself so much so I was literally dancing around the apartment in my underwear lastnight to celebrate having the day off and no one and nothing to fuck with me and doing anything I want dirty laundry on floor sink full of dishes stay up til 5:00am, I got to do a shitton of my own life affirming little projects, and just honestly this was an overall great year for me, the best year I've had in ages in fact. I can't actually even remember the last time I had such a great absolutely fantastic year, probably not since at least 2012. The political circumstance is going to change for people like me and I actually have hope in the future for once with the complete assurances that no matter what (in theory) even if I lost my job completely I'd still be raking in plenty of dosh. I've not yet lost anyone to Covid and because I'm not likely to find out within the next 12 hours it means I've not lost anybody that I know about (yet). I've known of only two people that got infected and the one is fine and the other just lost smell and has a bad cold, both 32 and younger so it's fine so far and because my family is either retired or working from home I'm not so concerned about them and everybody is financially secure afaik.

I even had the nicest Christmas we've had in several years. There was no drama, no crying, no butthurt, no finding out someone had cancer and not make it (they did, brain cancer survival), and all in all it was just a great pleasant holiday where I didn't need to do anything and could afford Christmas presents for everybody.

I'm sorry about the 330,000+ dead burgers though, unlike certain retards who keep insisting likely half a million dead Americans before spring "is not a big deal" and "just a bad flu" but whatever. It's strange being in the middle of a national disaster but all in all having a pretty good time of it thus far while distant keenly awareness of the situation lingers that for 300,000 American families this was one of the darkest years in their whole lives and while hearing nonstop ambulance sirens right now.

I know that they are dying here.
But I try to stay safe as best I can and hope my family continues doing so.
>>
No. 50281
>>50280
How do you make money even if you lose your job
>>
No. 50282
>>50281
Because of pandemic neetbux aka enhanced unemployment you doofus. When I got laid off somewhat at separate points in the year it actually allowed me to collect UI which was +$600/week in taxable income on top of my normal state UI, which was clearly more than I was making normally. It actually reached certain points where the sole reason I didn't quit my job was because quitting automatically disqualifies you from collecting unemployment insurance, hence part of why I resented CCP Bitch Mitch and his collective of establishment conservatives so much for their blatantly false claim that "the enhanced unemployment benefits are why our unemployment numbers are still so high." Motherfucker those benefits are why I didn't leave the workforce temporarily of my own free will. Had I quit and refused to rejoin the workforce due to plague and hating work I would've lost literally thousands of dollars this year not counting regular pay. As such, and because the timing of $1200 gibes was with last year's tax returns, I got some taxes back and ended up flush with injections of cash. It surely kept my landlord happy and kept everyone I bought shit from happy.

Did you not get laid off during lockdowns and claim UI or something?
>>
No. 50283
1016 kB, 500 × 700, 0:00
>>50282
I manage a team within our operations department and make $1000 per week after taxes. I did not lose my job thankfully.
>>
No. 50286 Kontra
>>50283
Well good for you for those of us not in the middle-to-upper-class bracket this shit's been an actual boon to us. Meanwhile that pedophile looking CCP shill Zion dick sucker McConnell had the audacity to fucking call Trump's $2000 checks "Socialism for the rich." I fucking hope he catches covid. Literally all my coworkers except my boss, most of my immediate family, most of my extended family, vast majority of clients and many of my friends would benefit. Poor people would benefit like you wouldn't even believe, and that rich cocksucker has got the fucking audacity to call help for poor white people for once "Socialism for the rich" while he routinely gives our country's tax dollars to corporate CEOs, Israel, corporations and all the usual suspects. Yes I'm clearly mad about that. Not even as mad about the checks (I didn't expect it to pass frankly) but the statements that piece of shit has made all year. Fuck you know what I should use spoilers for once and hit the whole post with it because it's veering into burger shitposting
>>
No. 50290
66 kB, 450 × 600
>>50280
This year has been one of my best years also in terms of money and general thought process.
>>
No. 50293
96 kB, 1280 × 720
>>50290
Best buckle up for 2021 though
>>
No. 50295
This is going to be a great year. 2020 was incredible in its own way.
>>
No. 50299
203 kB, 1530 × 799
Happy New Year, Ernst.
>>
No. 50306
Silvester was all right. Played cards with the family, drank some whiskey and coke (Jim Beam is fucking vile), and then I played Worms with friends online.

May this year be good to us all.
>>
No. 50311
432 kB, 2048 × 2048
RIP early 2000s
>>
No. 50314
80 kB, 726 × 494
150 kB, 726 × 594
>>50311
Thank God. Growing up in that culture produced a memory that will take a lifetime to repress. So much awful media and especially all that soul-destroying music. Why were the late '90s and 2000s such a terrible period for music? Boy bands, Nu-Metal*, Latin Pop, Teen Pop, Pop Rap, Crunk, Dirty South, Southern Hip Hop generally, Post-Grunge, Dancepop, Shitty Contemporary R&B, Shitty Pop "Country", Pop "Punk", Third Wave Ska, Ska Punk and finally Emo.

Having lived through that terrible era throughout my teens, I suspect the suits from that era decided to shift their marketing away from late teens (17+) or college-aged adults towards almost exclusively tween/teen girls and all their gay friends. As horrible as MTV was, it at least had the courtesy to air music videos for genuinely interesting alternative acts. Apart from Soundgarden, Alice in Chains, Silverchair and Smashing Pumpkins, you had quirkier acts like Björk and even The Gathering getting air time. Once "Genie in a Bottle" and "Hit Me Baby One More Time" became a thing, the rest was history, and radio reflected that. It was at this point that Rock started to die.

That said, the internet culture was great and you had tons of upcoming acts sharing their music online. A shame internet speeds couldn't accommodate lossless audio, but one of my favorites from that era was an underground Hip Hop album a friend introduced me to in high school: Artlife by The Starving Artists. I would fucking KILL to have that album again because I can't find it anywhere, and I lost my copy when my high school PC's hard drive crashed.
>>
No. 50317
>>50314
The mid 00s had some great buttrock classics. Perhaps i look back too fondly with tinted glasses because it felt like my decade in terms of adolescence and teenage years.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GIzDsGyxsQM
>>
No. 50319
>>50317
HA! I posted about Butt Rock here.
>>43877

As much as I slag Nu-Metal and Butt Rock to a lesser extent, I still have a small fondness for some bands.

Seeing that you're from down under, are you at all familiar with The Superjesus? They might be my favorite Butt Rock band.
>>43727
>>
No. 50322
>>50319
Ive heard of Superjesus by name, never listened to any of their stuff, I need to post in that music thread more.
>>
No. 50326
>>50311
Those cow lick hairs and the horrible beard line :DDDD keychains have been in fashion for not so long. Won't be the only thing that will return with a twist.

>>50314
I was a teen as well in those years, I only remember MTV shows like Room Raiders, MTV Made, Pimp My Ride, I bet you will, NeXt and all that shit, also German MTV showed anime like Ghost in the Shell in the night or Southpark. Tbh I don't remember much, when I started smoking weed in 2007 or so I quickly withdrew from mainstream cultural phenomena. I started listening to techno e.g. which had decent tracks like in every year since the 1990s, just need to look out, most music after 2007 being billboard whatever was shit to my ears, the most noticable thing to acknowledge is the whiny, beaten dog tone in many newer music. Do you guys agree?

---

Also I discovered sleepcore, how cool is that, I'm not alone watching old commercial/image/promotional and educational films of the US post ww2 consumer society while getting as leep to them. Now this https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BC6oYWbBMGA is about theme parks. Watching Disney World I thought who the fuck would like to go there? A gated resort "where happiness is the language" seeing the hosts I immediately imagined a scene from some 70s horror/budget movie, where the actor/actress is finished with the shift, smokes a cigarette and talks badly about the shitty job and the people they have to entertain.
I googled the wikipedia and apparently it is the most visited theme park ever, wtf? Did they tear down all the robot shows at least and are they politically more correct these days? The depiction seems so oddly out of place for current year US. Also it's funny to see what theme parks mean for a culture itself and what kind of cultural forms and practices unfold there.
>>
No. 50329
>>50326
Here is the Disneyland of today, pussy ass cracker.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IRzK3WpXO1g
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No. 50356
>>50329
Everything Walt dreamt of.
Now this one is the latest I guess, one day after Christmas https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BC6oYWbBMGA
I wonder if any theme parks in Germany are open, this seems quite full for corona still going on.
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No. 50357 Kontra
>>50356
I forogot: the robots singing still exist
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No. 50360
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>>50329
I think imbeciles fighting in Disneyland existed since its opening. There's just a lot more camera today. Maybe not black imbeciles cause most of them were too poor at the time and couldn't afford a ticket.

Funny thing is that this video got viral so Disney had to sue the people fighting in the vid 6 months in jail.
https://www.mercurynews.com/2020/02/29/disneyland-video-brawler-pleads-gets-6-months-in-jail/

>>50326
>The depiction seems so oddly out of place for current year US

Don't complain, you have way worse in Germany. There's a colonial part in Europapark with a colonial restaurant and also a boat trip with animatronics. But they're all painted in black with red lips and do retarded stuff with white colonists observing them. It made me laugh and I did it twice.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YkBpnWG5mOk&ab_channel=DisneyOpa
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No. 50410
Hearing sporatic fireworks in the neighborhood now. People must have some leftover from New Year's Eve.
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No. 50412
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Four days of light snowfall ahead, just when I can no longer spend all day at home.
Looking at the temperatures, it will probably melt on impact. Haven't seen any snow on the ground this winter. Many years ago, a Belarus wrote that northern German climate must be the best climate, never too cold, never too hot.
Thank you for reading my blog.

>>50410
Or it could be a gun shooting.
>>
No. 50414
>>50326
>Pimp My Ride
That show was the biggest on MTV at the time along with The Real World which had long been a flagship program on that network. Let's also not forget Jackass. MTV also had a spinoff network called MTV2 that tried branching out with an original animated series called Where My Dogs At? which was mildly funny but now horribly dated as the subject matter ceased being relevant. They also brought back Celebrity Deathmatch which ran a couple seasons 2006 until 2007. Twas obvious MTV had clearly jumped the shark. I also recall other shows like Final Fu that was hosted by Ernie Reyes, Jr. that lasted only one season. Most of their competitive shows were dull or retarded.

For MTV's original programming, the peak for me was Beavis & Butthead and Daria. Everything else ranged from forgettable to downright terrible.

Completely different note: one of my pals quipped that Rammstein is Industrial for people who like Jackass.
>>
No. 50417
>>50314
Having heard them as an adult that industry is vile and the people behind Britney Spears should all be lined up and shot. Or that Barbie World song. They had not just tweens but young children, and remember the clothint line Juicy, Pink, Frosted etc? I remember these gen x retard parents putting literal children in clothes that said that on the asses of their pants.

>>50314
I always associate post-9/11 where shit became whiny. Osama was a dirty wizard whose true target was casting a spell that destroyed our culture, worser than usual. Only good thing then was the internet. Late 90s was okayish. I do not empathize with the pic at all though it just reminds me what bydlo trash everyone was and I say this as someone who listened to that music and briefly had wallet chains.

I'll always empathize more with people come to think of it around Ireland's age to slightly older. I typically liked pursuing women slightly older, hanging out with slightly older guys, and holding people born in late 80s and early 90s with total disdain. We probably overall peaked culturally in the mid 90s. Also our commercial music always was really fucking bad and the Beatles are massively overrated. True craptastic bands are forgotten acts from 60s to 80s, especially bubblegum pop. Of course I also hate black metal/doom etc as a whole so don't feel qualified to say what was and wasn't shit.
>>
No. 50418
>>50414
I remember watching Daria with my brother, I rewatched it a couple of years ago, quite a good show I guess. Totaly forgot Celebrity Death Match. But truly, in retrospect nearly all shows were shit and I wouldn't want to rewatch for longer than 5min.
>>
No. 50419
>>50326
Interestingly that's right around when I did as well, prior to realizing American culture is shit as a whole to such an extent I know nothing about it these days and I can tell the other Americans can just smell something wrong with me, almost as if I hate sports, capeshit, American mainstream music etc. Oh god and the tshirt culture holy shit the prints people wear are bydlo. Anyway it was around 2003 I finally had home internet and could download shit off kazaa so that was right when I discovered acts like VNV Nation, Covenant, Wumpscut, Velvet Acid Christ, Front 242, Hocico etc through liking Manson and NIN and dumped American music entirely which had reached peak dogshit in the 2000s. Fuck. You remember emo and screamo? Good god that was awful. It's like it took everything that was already bad about mall goths who themselves were shittification over goths from early NIN, Type O Negative, Depech Mode or whatever, and then found a way to distill it to the purest form of awful, although I suppose ironically all I likely did was switch to eurobydlo dance and club music. I've tried playing it for people here and it really was the point I realized why the fuck am I associating with any of these people even while drunk because I hate literally all their music, including whatever half baked bluegrassy or whatever it is hipster acts. I was well pleased with one hookup I had close to a decade ago with a woman two years older whose taste in music was actually not shit, and introduced me to thinks like the Chromatics. It is so difficult for me to find anyone who's cultured and likes and knows about the good stuff at this point I don't bother with them entirely hence switching to places like KC in the first place, before I realized what total degradation to shithole that would become and I chiefly blame Canadians and Americans for it.

Sad thing is I'm at the age now where that kind of woman is probably a 40 year old divorcee. Such cases. And 20 year olds are way the fuck too young for me so I have no clue anymore where to find anyone to have discussions and chill with, made harder by not drinking though I suppose all that did was number me just enough that I could tolerate people around me. I truly got more hateful after I quit drinking tbqh. Once I sobered up I looked at everyone and was like, fuck is the point? We have no interests. I knew one older guy in HS who shared my at the time obscure interests in games like Fallout, though he too suffered by being nice and putting up with the bydloness.

I just keep hoping the 20s are good like I've said for years now. The 2000s and 2010s sucked liked the 70s and 80s. The world deserves another interesting 90s or 60s tier decade.
>>
No. 50431
>>50417
>>50419
Like I said, it'll take a lifetime to repress that entire decade because the mainstream culture was absolutely dogshit in the 2000s. Funny you mention "Barbie World" by Aqua because that song is quaint compared to the trash that would become popular a few years later and especially what's popular now. I was watching the New Year's celebration in Time Square just because I wanted to catch up with what I've been missing only to find it's even worse than before. This...particular person...was a featured performer:
https://youtu.be/7PBYGu4Az8s

Of course, I remember Emo. Those gay fringe haircuts and everyone trying to look like Gerard Way from My Chemical Romance. Allegedly, Emo as it originated in '90s is quite different than the lame Pop Punk acts who came to define its image in the 2000s. Haven't listened because Post-Hardcore generally isn't my thing apart from a few odd favorites like Hüsker Dü. In any case, Emo subculture was another sign Rock'n'Roll was dead, and it's no surprise that many of those guys grew up to be insufferable hipsters.

I'm a little surprised you don't like Doom Metal. Obviously, Black Metal wouldn't be for you, but Doom Metal should've been right up your alley with bands like Trouble being full of Christian themes. Are you sure you're not thinking of another genre or do you not like slow, dark, crushing Metal inspired by Black Sabbath? Do you dislike Black Sabbath?
https://youtu.be/XcuF73buWD0
https://www.metal-archives.com/albums/Trouble/Trouble/2461
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No. 50434
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I am pretty starved of serious discussions right now.
I know my posts are just walls of incoherent schizo bullshit written while drunk, but I just want want people to address the actual points of my arguments sometimes, you know. Rather than half-heartedly signalling approval or disapproval with two line posts. I know they're trying to humor me, but come on. Can you at least pretend to take it seriously?

Maybe my problem is that I'm a hardcore idealist (even if I don't necessarily want to be one), and I mostly talk about topics that are so abstract and detached from reality that most non-schizoids can't relate to it. It's just that, I am so poor, third world, and disengaged from the global "discourse" that I don't have anything to talk about other than what I think about while laying in my bed bored out of my mind. And for someone who has barely experienced the "real world" due to poverty, that happens to be abstract stuff with no real world relevance.

I feel trapped in my own mind. Because I've had so few "authentic" experiences, and am so immersed in my daily life of arbitrary bullshit brought about by financial inability to experiency basically anything other than sitting in my room, browsing the internet, and going to the store sometimes, that my whole reality feels artificial. Hence the infatuation with the abstract and idealistic.
But I had an interesting experience the other day. I had an "authentic", "immersive" experience that felt like "reality" (if this doesn't make sense, just keep in mind that 90% of the time I'm depersonalized/derealized from experience starvation from my poverty stricken life). On the 31th of December, just before the biggest holiday of the year (New Years on post sovok), I had a long walk through the city, on foot, just entering any establishment I felt like, visiting food places, buying stuff, exploring and being curious. I you know what? This "authentic experience" was paywalled through the fact that I had to have the money to do all of these things. Even though I had tons of fun just walking on foot through the city, this is ultimately a depressing experience for me. Because it made me realize that the thing I thought was fundamental to human experience, "meaning", is actually just a function of how much capital you can amass. Yay.

Anyway, I forgot what my point was, so here's some pictures I took while doing this shit. I walked around, ate some good food (as opposed to the fast food garbage I normally eat to keep up with my work day), visited some interesting places, trespassed into a couple of closed office buildings, etc. great fun. I just wish I'll have some free time in the future to do it again. Trespassing is great. I need to learn how to pick locks and shit, so I can do it some more. There's something cozy about being in a space that's normally occupied by people, but isn't any more. Liminal spaces, they call them. I could go into a whole rabbit hole about this topic, but I'm drunk and I don't want to.
Where was I? Oh, right, I'm shitfaced. bye.
here's a video:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=03yL_JCeQBI
it kinda captures my fascination with empty spaces. it makes me wish there was a "genre" of architecture that focuses on interiors rather than exteriors. There's something deeply intimate and effective about "being in a place". I wish there were places I could visit without trespassing that gave me that experience of "being inside a place". To experience the space of an interior. Something like a hedgemaze, but larger. made of concrete and stone and wood and plastic. I don't know.
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No. 50435 Kontra
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>>50434
also here's some pictures to illustrate my point.
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No. 50439
>>50434
I am in a similar situation as you albeit with different means to the same end. I am an incredibly stupid person that somehow managed to make it to occupying a respectable job that pays well. However, I am unable to find any joy for I know that it's just a matter of time before I'm found out, and from there, I won't be able to have a respectable job where I can live comfortably. So, I experience many of the same things you describe but I do currently have somr means.. only they're temporary and because I acknowledge this, I live a life at home, saving money in order to hopefully have enough to live comfortably some day in the future. I realize how stupid it sounds writing this but it's the case.
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No. 50440
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>>50434
>Hence the infatuation with the abstract and idealistic.

Well, I sit in my room or over texts/infront of screens most of the time in most days as well, and I'm a first worlder that can spent at least some money I spent it on more expensive clothing bc I'm that person and food, I rarely eat at snack/bars, restaurants, nor do I spent money for activities much, maybe the museum. But I'm not an idealist but more a materialist.
Heck whatever that means, concrete and abstract and all these dichtomies are just for analytical sake, as if the concrete and abstract are not intertwined in a way, I'm very much concerend with this atm and one answer I got was that abstraction is for overview, it's not the concrete but it helps dealing with concretion, and abstraction spills into the concrete, is part of it, paradoxically.
Like you I take strolls around the city, explore areas nobody is likely to go (abandoned property, backalleys etc). Ofc you are getting paywalled from shit, but tbh there is plenty of other stuff. What your starve might be "authentic" social relations, or generally affects as in a-semiotic experience.
Maybe I would like to travel, I could travel to a far away place, but that would mean spending what is for my studies. But travelling would be such an a-semiotic experience, ofc meaning would gather quickly as well, but the experience of going somewhere you have never been to would do its magic on a subconscious level as well.
To conclude quick: your attraction to the abstract is not because you are poor, might be a factor, but could just be a mere rationalization.
Also I gave you a multi-liner that hopefully is not simple agreement or disagreement.
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No. 50441 Kontra
>>50440
Also for the idealism I give you a pinch of the early Marx: Stop eating and see how that goes, dear Mr. Idealist man.
>>
No. 50442 Kontra
>>50440
>Studies
Ernst, please go travel. Live life while you're still young and you don't have to worry about work.
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No. 50443 Kontra
108 kB, 532 × 720
>>50441
Ha!
You can't catch me out with that trick, I demarcate a clear distinction between the "human animal" and the "rational mind" (neither of which are "me", btw), and I realize that about less than 10% of my waking hours are spent in "rational mind" mode, as it is the youngest and the least authoritative part of the mind. I am fully aware of the fact that if you torture, starve, beat, drug me, etc, "I" (or rather my body) will basically do anything. But I do not retroactively "consent" to or feel responsible for the actions of the animal mind I happen to share a body with. Those are processes beyond "my" control, so why should I answer for them? It's like holding me responsible for the fact that my nose runs when I eat spicy food, or that my nails grow even if I don't want them to, or that I get an erection when looking at titties.

You can't blame "people" (if we can agree what a "people" even is) for the actions of the body. It is as silly as blaming a person for having cancer. Sure, it's their bodily "self" doing it, but the body is not a single entity with a unified agenda, it's a collection of somewhat disjointed processes that each have their own programmed goals.

I answer for only myself (whatever the "self" is (unclear)).
Only God can judge me, and God is dead.
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No. 50444 Kontra
>>50442
The first worlder that I am, I've seen several european countries italy, switzerland, austria, slovakia, croatia, spain, france, netherlands, uk (london) as child and teen. But yeah, I'm thinking travelling to some other places would be nice, other continents. But I really cannot spent my money that is for my passion as well. I don't want financial struggels in 2 years because I spent it on a 2-3 months trip to SEA, I've seen people go there, but they did not came back changed big time. Don't wanna say it has to be noticeable or visible. Might do an exchange semester. Ofc you will grow in certain aspects or educate yourself in certain ways, but you will miss out on other things like exploring your mind in a certain way.
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No. 50445 Kontra
>>50444
I thought studying was free on the europe?
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No. 50446 Kontra
>>50443
But idealism would mean to affirm an image of the world as existing in the mind, or coined by the mind. Marx turns it around, the mind is only in dependance to the material world. There is no (rational or "animal", isn't that passions and non-mind? It's the opposite of mind, dichotomies of the greek epistemic cage, to be more provocative) mind without material conditioning. How mind and body relate is the tricky part. To me it sounds like you just simply divide them as two autonomous entities, a classic rationalist greek move, same for Decartes I think. You want to be challenged you should read the critics of your beloved rationalist strand of philosophy that chooses the logos as rational speech over everything else, not seeing the blind spots it produces via this choice.

You seem to me trapped in what postmodernists and others called the greek logos, or some cartesian mind-body bullshit that might not hold any longer. In anyway a few blocks down the road the mirror hall of epistemology is waiting for you, "what" is exchanged with "how" an endless story but there are attempts to pierce together ontology and epistemology.
In any case, the real, reality, is a bloody mess and a freaking rabbit whole.
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No. 50447 Kontra
>>50445
Dunno but in Germany you pay a Semesterbeitrag/Semestergebühren which usually includes a train ticket of sort to use public transport, and some admissions fees are indcluded to this. It's somewhere around 300€/semester (there a two each year) depending on the (public) unversity. But you have to consider rent, groceries, insurance fees etc. Since I have some money left, I don't get money from the state to pay for these things with up to ~800€/month
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No. 50449
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>>50431
LOLWAS

At what point anywhere in my post where I offhandedly mentioned liking Nine Inch Nails, Marilyn Manson, and Velvet Acid Christ did you get the impression I'd not listen to music purely from it being unchristian? In case it wasn't obvious that I'd lump death metal, doom metal, and black metal in the same category, I simply hate the noise. There was like one brief period of time towards the end of middle school and beginning of HS that I actually listened to things like Megadeath and Cannibal Corpse. Key word, brief. It didn't take more than a couple years before I pretty much stopped listening entirely. It all sounds like the same shit to me and truth be told they might as well just be incoherently growling because the lyrics almost always suck, but to be fair VAC also has just about the cringiest lyrics of virtually any band and you can actually hear them. It's a damn shame because VAC has among the best soundscapes.
>Black Sabbath
It depends. I used to like them. I probably grew out of a lot of shit by the end of college though. Like I used to listen to Korn and even Limp Bizkit then but moved onto greener pastures ages ago.

It might be weirdly genetic actually. My grandfather who I never knew got in the habit of drinking himself into a stupor while listening to opera until he started crying about the war. On some level my tastes and habits became very similar minus the crying or having flashbacks to your friends getting wasted by nadzis in France. I tend to like operatic stuff or Gregorian chant type of sounds, and well I guess it might sound cringey but a lot of 40K soundtracks tend to hit the spot finely. I also periodically listen to certain specific pop and rap for club goer bydlo. Among some of my greatest bydlo hits is Toxic by Britney Spears especially remixes she did a fantastic rendition of Sweet Dreams and Circus, maxbydlo like Usher's song every 90s kid remembers https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GxBSyx85Kp8 , certain Lady Gaga songs, Dark Horse and ET https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0KSOMA3QBU0 and so on, which honestly based on that should give you a pretty good idea of what I like tonally. Also My Darling and that Ganja song by Eminem among a few others. I'm not a fan of any of these musicians but I like certain soundwave patterns which you can pretty well overlay on industrial, EBM whatever.

I'd say the most eclectic stuff I listen to is probably Lustmord.
Eh this one isn't nearly as good as Metavoid but it's suitable
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zZYIb3cB3zc
I tended to adore this immediately when I found it way back in college
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7rspvp3h6Ug it also should be noted that this guy did the soundtrack to Planescape Torment. Damn that's some good stuff.

That girl I mentioned well I'll just say that to find a truly good infatuation where you can drink the bathwater from the nape of her neck like ambrosia and wine requires that certain level of soul and opening your eyes to new things, unlike the bydlo women listening to whatever is mainstream
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rSycSBYHitc
Or Candy by the Chromatics
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SbuEDkPOq9I
Or Lady by them, speaking of which Ladytron is also good
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tbx8qRg6tPE

Now what you will likely notice is that whereas these are all from wildly different genres and sources it still fits the exact same patterns, which I'm not sure how to explain it because I'm not a musicfag but if you listen closely alongside some epic things it pretty much follows the same curve.

Everyone I Love is Dead by Type O, maybe not so much but
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ws5UUPUg7V0

Compare to something wildly different
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a5q5B-pcxtQ

To
https://youtu.be/4X8cASMXjNY?t=128 and it's often specific parts of tracks I fixate on and rewind over and over when I'm specifically listening to music. Completely, wildly different genres of music, all encompass the same short spectrum of sound to me. Also since you brought it up for some reason the actual level of darkside energy to feed off is low as fuck with most black metal that to me frequently amounts to Cannibal Corpse self parody tier, which somehow torching a church only emphasizes to me how not in touch they are and just adolescent tier posers.

>that song
Surprisingly tame tbqh. It's basically like most degenerative rap since a certain group of people controlled the industry and gutted anything good until all that was left was boasting with a drum track. Rihanna's song S and M was better too, sounds like this woman was hoping to latch onto that Rihanna music video.

When I talk degenerative I mean Hit Me Baby One More Time. Like what the absolute fuck? And even back then it was clear to me she was barely older than me and it was fucked up hearing then too. It's something caustic to very self, to redefine how these girls are supposed to view themselves, the opposite of which was when Spears shaved her head and later made songs like Prerogative, which was soulfully the opposite of Hit Me Baby. Regardless I'm concinved some Monarch/BlueBird/MK tier pedo shit happened to her and her sister with her dad's knowledge and it definitely involved Dan Schneider at least in passing. Man I hope that fat fuck catches the rona.
>>
No. 50454
>>50449
Re: your mentions. I never cared for any of those acts you mentioned apart from Type O Negative whom I'm deeply fond of as is Peter's previous band Carnivore. I especially dislike Marilyn Manson, but the others I'm entirely indifferent towards. As to your taste in music, I'll listen to those songs later to better grasp the overall themes that stir you. First, we must clear up a few things.

Never once have I accused you of not listening to music just because an artist is unchristian or irreligious nor have I thought you a puritan. Perhaps fanatical, but not puritanical. The most I've ever said is that your perceptual bias has clouded your judgement and caused you to offhandedly lump things together that may not be connected. In your case, lumping Doom Metal in with Death and Black Metal is incredibly shortsighted because that genre is absolutely nothing like the other two. In fact, Doom Metal in its purest form is just Sabbathian Heavy Metal with greater influences from '70s Metal and the heavier side of Psychedelic Rock or, to keep it simple, what would happen to Metal if Judas Priest never formed. It's just plain ol' Heavy Metal no more offensive than Manowar or Iron Maiden. It's certainly not Extreme Metal inherently, although some subgenres of Doom are.

Since this is a subject I happen to be intensely passionate about, I suppose I can break you in as to what separates Doom from other genres of Metal. First, a little history and air clearing. Until the mid-2000s, Doom Metal was perhaps the least noticed of Heavy Metal's subgenres in spite of two previous decades worth of mindblowing albums. An unfortunate consequence of this collective intrigue in forgotten Metal records released ages ago came this overzealous labeling of heavier Psychedelic bands as Doom Metal. This includes the ever so prevalent fallacy of “70s Doom” propagated by insolent music journalists and clever record distros who saw the perfect opportunity to move product. Simply put: no active, touring and/or recording Doom bands existed in the '70s. Despite Black Sabbath's influence on Metal and especially Doom Metal, the band never was a full-fledged Doom band. One could even argue they weren't a Metal band until Master of Reality. '70s Pentagram tinkered with Hard Rock, Psychedelic Rock and Heavy Metal, and Bedemon's demos never reached a wider audience until they were bootlegged in the '80s.

Doom Metal proper started in the '80s, a decade that bequeathed Tyrant (who later became Saint Vitus), Trouble, Death Row/Pentagram, Candlemass, Cirith Ungol, Witchfinder General and Pagan Altar. These bands can be safely considered the origin of Doom Metal. The few obscure “Doom” bands (besides those affiliated with Candlemass and Iron Man) people name drop from the '70s lack so many of the qualities seen in the bigger bands.

So what is Doom Metal, you ask? This is perhaps the best explanation for the genre I've heard:
>Imagine Black Sabbath's career were moving chronologically backwards. Let's start in the '70s here so we don't have to go through their entire back catalog. Imagine Vol. 4 was Black Sabbath's first album. Then Master of Reality is their second, Paranoid their third, and then the self-titled album is their fourth. Now imagine that the band Earth never existed, and instead of following up their now fourth album with whatever blues type of music Earth played you take the backwards development of the Black Sabbath style and spin it further into the unknown. Muddier, more inchoate, more protozoic and somewhat creepier with each passing album. Then, when you followed that backwards movement all the way to the eighth album (being some time in 1962 or so), you've arrived at Saint Vitus. All their influences reverse engineered to a form that would have existed in the early 1960s if Heavy Metal and Doom Metal had not evolved from Rock music but came into being at zero metalness (but nothing else either) in 1950 and slowly but steadily grew more and more in Metal content (without Rock music or Blues or any other form of music ever having any influence).

Doom Metal is what happens when Metal loses all its Rock'n'Roll influences and instead takes on an aesthete of impending doom and despair. The music is characterized by slow, crushing riffs that follow themes of death, despair, depression, biblical prophecies, paganism, emotional turmoil, literature, philosophy and much more.

Re: Trouble which I recc'd you earlier, they're great because they never stand still and the music is always on the move. The riffs come from all directions and yet still are coherent and memorable.

Quintessential Doom Metal albums:
Saint Vitus - Saint Vitus
Death Row - All Your Sins
Pentagram - Relentless
Trouble - Psalm 9
Candlemass - Epicus Doomicus Metallicus
Bedemon - Child of Darkness
Witchfinder General - Death Penalty
Pagan Altar - Pagan Altar / Volume 1 / Judgement of the Dead

Essential Doom songs:
- "Cornucopia" by Black Sabbath: https://youtu.be/JO-3deOP-aE
- "Prayer for the (M)asses" by Saint Vitus, a subtle dig at metalheads who celebrate Satanism as a cheap powertrip. It certainly ties into what you were saying earlier that some metalheads are into extreme music because they have arrested development: https://youtu.be/uXb2kQ-7R_E
- "All Your Sins" by Pentagram (formerly Deathrow): https://youtu.be/Hxt9mixifZM
- "Psalm 9" by Trouble: https://youtu.be/Vfk5GYzHrPs
- "Demon's Gate" by Candlemass: https://youtu.be/prs94rwlFms
- "Pagan Altar" by Pagan Altar: https://youtu.be/YTHS9qcwR_8
- "Touch the Sky" by Bedemon: https://youtu.be/4_N1NKmDeUY
- "Friends of Hell" by Witchfinder General (NSFW warning: nude women on album cover): https://youtu.be/GC5Ww5OXFvk
- "Judgement Day" by Mercy: https://youtu.be/X_WqiZJogmA
- "Chains of Death" by Death SS (please not, the SS here stands for Steve Sylvester, the band's founder): https://youtu.be/4cevOj8exec
- "Arachnid" by Sorcery: https://youtu.be/optvrloeW0c
- "17 Day" by Paul Chain: https://youtu.be/optvrloeW0c
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No. 50455
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yayyyy my government plague gibes finally came through. I'm gonna get myself this thing which I've been wanting to for awhile and funny enough now actually need it because just about everything is full on all my game drives. Like I cannot even shiver me timbers a copy of Stellaris speaking of which if you t0rrent a game will it show up in GOG Galaxy and cross reference your account to fuck you? I'd kind of like to try the complete Stellaris with all DLC to see if the full game is as crappy as what I downloaded and promptly deleted after a few hours. There just isn't any space left and my HDDs run some newer games like shit.

Also yes I am aware how faggy it is but it's like a nice rug that will really tie the room together. That's literally the one final piece to my build unless I wanted to go full zoomer and make the final component a couple RGB strips. This check will make me able to afford my one last SSD and know I can survive for the winter with rent and bills.
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No. 50456 Kontra
>>50454
> - "Prayer for the (M)asses" by Saint Vitus, a subtle dig at metalheads who celebrate Satanism as a cheap powertrip. It certainly ties into what you were saying earlier that some metalheads are into extreme music because they have arrested development: https://youtu.be/uXb2kQ-7R_E

And, just to really bring this point home, here's an excerpt from the first two verses from that very song:
Everybody wants to know
Where you get off
Thinking that you're bad because
You praise the dogs
Satan's evil you had
Better stay away
Or else with your stupid soul
You will have to pay

You wear your crosses upside-down
It shows that you're a fool
You don't realize
What he's got in store for you

Polite kontra, but you should get the idea. So please, don't lump Doom Metal in with either Black Metal or Death Metal indiscriminately.
>>
No. 50460
374 kB, 1181 × 1522
Lately i have had the autistic obsession of looking back over my life and calculating times, dates and events of certain things. Some personal, mostly trivial.
>>
No. 50473 Kontra
>>50454
>>50456
You have autism. Get help.
>>
No. 50474
Since I don't want to open a new topic just for this:

Can you recommend me some good sources to improve my french vocabulary? I learned french in school and the grammar is still there, but I forgot almost all words.
And kind of show or something I can watch where they speak nice, clear french? Kind of like the german dub of TNG where they speak proper and clear german.
Or music with not too advanced lyrics (like Gainsbourg etc.)?
I also started reading Camus, was that a good idea? Language-wise, I mean.
>>
No. 50476
55 kB, 1280 × 720
>>50473
Do you seriously not know where you are? Are you the tile painting burger who keeps screeching about muh coronahoax? RAC is a welcomed presence here. Begone neurotypical.
>>
No. 50477
Most high literature probably has decent German translations, which would lessen my motivation to read the original unless my French were really good. But how about reading stuff that doesn't exist in a similar form in German?

If you can stand normal journalistic output, Courrier international offers a selection of "the best" (longish) articles taken and translated from newspapers around the world. (Or try Le monde diplomatique or one of their special formats, although the vanilla variant does have a German edition.)

Fluide Glacial is a monthly selection of "umour & bandessinées".

You should be able to get all of these at a magazine shop at any major German train station.
>>
No. 50478 Kontra
Sorry, >>50477 is a reply to >>50474
>>
No. 50479 Kontra
>>50477
Ah yes, I didn't think about newspapers and such. Good idea, thanks.
>>
No. 50488
Goddamnit doing supply runs without a car is a pain in the ass. There's a tight physical limit to how much shit I can haul back in one go
>>
No. 50498 Kontra
apparently there's only a short window of time when my drunken schizoposts make any kind of sense. maybe not a good idea to try to write when I'm so drunk that I forget the previous sentence while writing the current one.
sorry you had to see this everyone, I'll try again later.
>>
No. 50501
257 kB, 990 × 1280
>>50474
Camus is a very good choice and has really not to much vocabulary.
“les gammas” is a franco-german tv show from the early 80s that is made teach Germans to speak French. It’s hilarious and extremely strange, the casting is pretty good and some actors are in the comédie française. It’s about alien who crash their ship and have to learn French. They have long hairs and only communicate through singing in early episodes. In the beginning it’s really easy but it gets more and more complicated. I watched it for the plot.l and good joges.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=SIiDZ1IVLV4

t.undercover French speaker
>>
No. 50507
>>50501
>Main Name ist Michel P'tit
>Isch bin Fransose
No idea why, but I am still laughing about this.

>PARLEZ-VOUS FRANCAIS?!?!?!?!
>>
No. 50516
Turned 26, feeling fucking ancient. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0PR0VKi8pDM

Came back from Berlin yesterday where I spent NYE (feeling absolutely autistic around people any time I wasn't inebriated, which wasn't all that long luckily), and ever since I'm in a constant state of anxiety because I feel I should've achieved much more by now and whatever progress I'm making just isn't enough. Then again, I see few contemporary people whose achievements I particularly envy.
I feel kinda sick so I'm quarantining for now, I should probably get a rona test after all. Plus I need to stop drinking, not exactly looking forward to it since I've been at it at least all throughout the holidays. I managed to stay sober yesterday but there's no way I'm not drinking on my birthday, especially spending it alone.
For now I'll just have some sushi and watch Sopranos, hope y'all have a great new year!
>>
No. 50517
686 kB, 1920 × 1080
>>50507
I'm glad you watched an episode!
But looking back at it, it will probably not make you learn many new things about french. But still, it's a strange and funny oddity. The casting is made of theater comedians cause there didn't really use to be TV only related professions at the time.
>>
No. 50518
>>50517
Eh, it's funny and if it helps me get the language a bit more in my ear, it's good.
>>
No. 50519
13,9 MB, 2467 × 3000
Ok, it all makes sense now.
I was a bit pleasantly surprised when it seemed like my boss was willing to listen to suggestions and requests.
But as it turns out, everything is still right in the world, as listening is the only thing he does. Then he ponders for a minute, and goes back to doing what he wanted to do in the first place.

Told him multiple times that I just want a server machine in the office, anything. An old desktop on a three legged stool will do, as long as I have a static IP to connect to from my laptop. Instead of getting cut off from my work the moment someone takes the designated "server laptop" to a zoom conference.
He can take his sweet ass time picking out a fancy modular rack with triple raid backups and a pentabit network switch AFTER I have a stable environment to work in. The desktop on a stool would cost 5% of a real server, but it would do what I need it to do, and most importantly, I'd have it NOW, rather than in the unforeseeable future when the stars align.
But oh well, he's the boss.

I'd bring my desktop to the office and just plop it down there, but I'm afraid of people accidentally seeing my sock puppet fetish porn collection.
>>
No. 50524
>>50434
>Because it made me realize that the thing I thought was fundamental to human experience, "meaning", is actually just a function of how much capital you can amass. Yay.
Only because of the fallen state of modern man. If you lived 1000 years ago, nobody would care if you took your horse out for a ride through the steppe...

Provided you had spent the day looking after the herds, repairing the family's broken tent, chasing off horse thieves, etc. If you hadn't, the whole tribe would shit on your for having fun while shirking your duties, and eventually they would start punishing you for it.

So, I guess all I'm saying is that man is an inherently social animal. If you live in a society*, you are subject to its rules, and have to do something for the collective if you want the collective to do something for you. Under the perverted social order known as capitalism, this means making yourself valuable enough to capital that they give you sufficient Value Units to do as you please. But life as a luckier steppe nomad or peasant was probably much more satisfying - work was varied and conducted under the open sun, free time was most of your time, and people lived embedded in a tight and mutually supportive social web. Fulfilling your social obligations would have felt like a natural part of life, rather than a burden**.

*It's almost a theoretical impossibility for there to be a truly asocial human. Even a survivalist who goes galt in the Yukon, hunting and gathering with only tools he makes himself, is still subject to the whims of the Canadian government, who will try to catch and imprison him if he starts hunting wild animals that people 2000 miles away in Ottawa consider to be endangered and worthy of protection. And even 1000 years ago, our lone survivalist would have to worry about the surrounding bands of Athabaskans, who wouldn't want to tolerate a wild man hunting on their lands.

The closest anyone has gotten were religious and philosophical hermits, who had an aura of untouchability about them. A respected philosopher-hermit could risk defying the emperor of China. But, this unique protection from the whims of society wasn't complete, and was itself a product of social circumstances.

**Unless:
Steppe nomads raid the peasant village, and you're the peasant.
Your nomad tribe is subjugated by a bigger and meaner tribe.
You live in a time of Malthusian crisis, nobody has enough land, and as a result everyone is poor and angry.
You live in a shit culture like southern Spain or Italy, and the other peasants (including your family) are clannish short-sighted greedy assholes more interested in pursuing vendettas or gambling away all their money than looking after the farm and family.
Compared to these circumstances, capitalism may be preferable. My great-grandfather was a peasant from one of those shit areas, and came to the USA because he was sick of it. Ended up working out great for him.
>>
No. 50525
>>50519
Could you just set up a RaspberryPi as temporary server?
>>
No. 50526
>>50525
Not for a couple reasons.
First is that there are actually some performance requirements for the server. It has to be a quad core with 8-16 GB ram and a decent 500GB SSD. You can get some used gaming PC from half a decade ago and it'll do. An SBC might not work.
Second is that it has to run Windows, because the software I'm training to be a configurator-integrator monkey for is built on dotnet shit.

And finally, it's not really a problem of being able to afford or get a server machine, it's a problem of my boss thinking two birds in a bush are better than one in the hand. So he keeps stalling looking for "professional" hardware while I have shit to do.

Normally I'd say whatever, his problem, but it's actually my problem. Because whether I get to keep this job depends on whether I can quickly learn the ins and outs of this bank infrastructure management software thing so we can sell it to clueless boomers.

Fortunately, we had a heating malfunction at our office building so I'll be working from home this week, so I can't just host the thing on my PC, but it's still annoying how slowly these things are moving.
My personal philosophy is to get some shit working half-assedly as soon as possible, and then start polishing the turd. Because if doing it properly means not doing anything right now, you're gonna have to do 100% of the work later, rather than doing 50% right now, and finishing the rest when the proper conditions are met.
>>
No. 50529
157 kB, 1280 × 720
I just reread my diary and it’s absolutely pathetic. It’s just a collection of my worst moments written down (and pretty badly written also...). Most of the early entries turn involuntary around the story of my first love and what a failure. When I read this with a step back I see I was lying to myself most of the time. And after the entries about my love affairs theirs’s half a year of depressive rambling and theorizing about feelings. But this book also showcases my failures on other domains like my studies. I stated that I want to do physics and I didn’t and so on. I start to wonder if writing about my personal life for myself is a good idea at all (, I don’t know if it’s either a good idea to write it on an imageboard).

The problem was and is, when I have certain feelings, I tend to theorize about them and its near to always nonsensical ramblings. An interesting thing to note is that since the beginning of the confinement, I kinda lost those feelings and so I theorize less about them. It first pleased me, but I slowly realized I was dying inside from not seeing anyone for so long. Not happy nor sad and unable to get any kind of discomfort. Mindlessly consuming media and play video games all day. I’m not an expert in the matter, but I think my condition could be compared as a scholar exemple of what the last man of Nietzsche look like. Pic rel is a painting of a view that I can see if I walk ten minutes.
>>
No. 50531
>>50529
To me it sounds like a simple depression.
But you should keep at the diary thing. Maybe try to consciously focus not so much on the feelings, but on other things.
>>
No. 50532 Kontra
>>50529
I threw away all early written down stuff from my early adulthood (19-21). I also threw away writings and incoherent stream of consciousness shit while on drugs when it really fucked my psyche. Nothing of interest, really not a Fear and Loathing type or any other noteworthy stuff, there is no value in this writings just a constant smh about my younger self. A person I don't really understand anymore, so young and dumb, yet his interests reach into the present, some insights from then matured, fortunately. But the early stuff is 99,9% personal and cringe going in circles in and out all over and definitely nothing literary or any spark of insightful reflection. Some notes from my mid-twenties though are nice and I can even laugh about it, but not because it's cringe but I like a comparison I drew for my situations I was in e.g. or other things, they are not so weird and swollen but rather apathic and soberly depressive. I mixed it with notes about philosophy and theory, which can be interesting, not very deep but at least I can trace thoughts I already had once, maybe I can compare my understanding from then with the one of the present moment, maybe I'm even able to give an answer to a question I wrote down.
>>
No. 50533 Kontra
>>50532
Wanna add, constant writing can make you better if you try to be better at it.
>>
No. 50534 Kontra
>>50531
>Maybe try to consciously focus not so much on the feelings, but on other things.
That was the objective at the beginning but it quickly degenerated. It was supposed to be cold analysis. Turns out you can’t coldly analyze your own emotions haha.

But yea, I’ll keep on writing. And for the depression, if you’re talking about the confinement part of my post. You have to believe me, this was not depression, far from it. I may have misdescribed it.
>>
No. 50536
>>50534
>You have to believe me, this was not depression, far from it. I may have misdescribed it.
Well, how you described it - dying on the inside - fits quite well with depression. Remember, it's not "feeling sad", but "feeling nothing".
>>
No. 50537
1,7 MB, 3064 × 2029
I really like neighborhoods with trees. If i could own a home it would be in such a place with trees.
>>
No. 50539
210 kB, 1000 × 667
>>50537
I am probably wrong but this style of neighborhood seems to be an American/Canadian thing. Id imagine some European exceptions maybe as well as here in Aus but i havent been around the place enough to truly know.
>>
No. 50542
https://www.boardofinnovation.com/blog/12-ways-people-trick-algorithms-for-personal-gain/

That was kinda interesting, do you guys know of any other "hacks" that people/companies etc. use to trick algorithms or game algorithms?
>>
No. 50544
169 kB, 736 × 1106
A week ago I saw an ant on the floor and decided to share a small piece of fudge with him. He climbed on top of it, I watched him eat for a while, and then he wandered off. Two days ago that same area was "mysteriously" drawing a steady stream of new ants. I must have captured 20 and run them outside. The next day 2. Today none. So, problem solved, but no more sharing food with random ants. Probably.

>>50516
Happy Birthday, ernst.

>>50534
>But yea, I’ll keep on writing
Glad to hear it. You can't know in the present which diary entries will have value and which won't. By continuing to write you give your future self a chance to make that determination.
t.journal enthusiast

>>50537
>>50539
Suburbia! Home, sweet home.
>>
No. 50546
>>50537
Suburbia depresses me. It's everything that's bad about communal living but lacking the honesty of its role that an apartment building has.
>>
No. 50555
For the first time ever I managed to completely fucking ruin my sleep schedule to the point where I go to bed at four a.m. or even later and then I wake up at one p.m.
Last "night" I heard people going to work under my window.

Did an exam today. It was Eastern Art History.
It was alright, got 98%.
Actually read the assigned books and watched all the lectures on time.
It's a fascinating subject but ultimately it only brought home that I basically know nothing of this wast tradition.
(The lecturer wasn't really enthusiastic about the parts that were about secular Chinese art. Probably because her field of research is Buddhist art and Korean art in general, so this 101 subject is a fucking pain in the ass for her to teach.)
>>
No. 50556
>>50555
>For the first time ever I managed to completely fucking ruin my sleep schedule to the point where I go to bed at four a.m. or even later and then I wake up at one p.m.

Same for me, also first time I heard people go to work. I’m in an exam period and I struggle to work and study properly. I’ll try to wake up at 8 o’clock tomorrow and see if having normal sleeping schedule helps me focus.

Also congrats for the good grades!
>>
No. 50558
76 kB, 490 × 600
>>50555
>For the first time ever I managed to completely fucking ruin my sleep schedule to the point where I go to bed at four a.m. or even later and then I wake up at one p.m.
Hey, at least it could be worse.

It just outlines my own fallen state in life that I consider going to bed at 4am decent. I had a two week period not too far back where my body told me to go to bed anywhere between 10:00-14:00.

That is absolute hell. You wake up as the night starts, and fall asleep before the day even begins. The days didn't feel like days, and the nights felt like a cruel temporal prison. The covid lockdown has worked out surprisingly well for me, but seriously, fuck isolation.
>>
No. 50559
My sleep schedule is fucked, too. Almost a year no vacation, tried catching up on sleep in december when I actually had free days, and now I'm on a 4am-1pm schedule. Thinking about pulling an all-nighter to unfuck it. Has worked before.
>>
No. 50565 Kontra
45 kB, 560 × 840
>>50555
>it only brought home that I basically know nothing of this wast tradition.

The phenomenon everybody with interests in research fields will encounter, there is not enough time for all of it. Lecturers will probably tell you about it, if they haven't already, but it's ok to not be knowable in all fields extensively. Every academic with a title has still many gaps to fill. Usually students are intimitaed by the vast knowledge of these people but these people don't know many things about other fields.

Also another Ernst in the queue trying to unfuck his sleep schedule that for the last 10 days was about getting up at 1-2pm mostly. Uni started again so I had to get up earlier but I managed to go to bed late like 3/4am the "same" day.
>>
No. 50572
40 kB, 400 × 591
I do not like memes that are non-derivative from niche imageboards.
>>
No. 50599
I need to get my fucking keys copied. I managed to go a whole year but still ended up locking myself out which was indeed shit and absolutely panic inducing for multiple reasons and left me distracted and ill prepared throughout work since I couldn't get back in to get the rest of my shit and didn't have time to deal with it. Fuck. I could've had to pay however much like fifty dollars or so had it gotten resolved differently not to mention it is winter and my only alternative would be to break in. Fucking Walmart was out of key blanks. I even tried to copy it the other day too but they had no key blanks which just keeps making America feel like such a dysfunctional third world shithole because work also cannot source some equipment and it is company-wide which makes me question what the problem even is because afaik China still makes most shit and they're back up and running like normally.

But maybe they didn't get back up and running and they're still hiding the infection tallies? I know all kinds of shit from guitars to computer hardware is sold out everywhere and all in all I just keep getting this horribly sinking feeling like this truly must be part of what it felt like being Russian back in those days, except most of our paychecks also go to rent.

The lotteries are up to some pretty big numbers now which just made me come to the epiphany of how useless winning $500 million would be right now because you'd have money but what the fuck could you even do with it? Afaik many other countries still ban American travelers and even the ones that stopped doing that require 2 week quarantines, you can't go anywhere and it's hard to get shit. I guess the only reason actually to win the lottery right now would be to flat out quit working entirely and buy up lots of massively depreciated assets like stocks before things hopefully rebound, which would be the smart money move if you knew what to invest in. I guess if I had well over a million in capital I'd pretty much try buying up airline and Carnival cruise stock and trying to make out which companies look like they could rebound while hoping the domestic situation doesn't get much worse otherwise the only option would be to flee the country and hope your literal mountain of useless gold bars would insulate you enough from further knock on effects from global collapse in trade, because the pandemic isn't even close to getting fixed here yet, in fact it's getting worse, and if shit keeps going south without the situation being resolved by spring and summer 2021 there's going to be serious shit going down across the country. That massively huge debt bubble and the fact the stock market is inflated by the fed buying up junk stock does not make me feel any better either. I feel like there's a horrible global crash incoming and I'm frankly not insulated in the slightest.
>>
No. 50600
36 kB, 640 × 438
>>49798
Honestly mate if you're getting shit like that you have to ask yourself why. I just about literally never see anything remotely like that. Although to be fair it can take just one wrong click to get blasted with bullshit. My feed was hosed for weeks with retarded incel crap because I clicked on the wrong thing once. Other big one: don't ever click top ten clickbait videos. I've actually gotten angry how awful those are and it'll have millions of views and likes. It's been stated before but the problem with the structure of our society is everything appeals to lowest common denominator bydlo, from the trash we eat, to the garbage videos that get made, to the shittiness of our politics and subsequent policy, to the products themselves that get made, not to mention the wholesale destruction of art. It's easy to admire as beauty even Soviet realism and brutalist architecture compared to the pure trash we have here and it's partly due to the sneering attitude towards experts and professionals and that is entirely due to the fact of profitability mixed with economic and thus political control.

It's like with low effort posting. It shouldn't be a completely brutal regime of no fun allowed but when you don't have at least some kind of standards the end result is every single post becomes like youtube comments, twitter, and 4chan.
It all becomes low effort.
And then the few people who even half arse themselves to have a thought rather than another brainless shitpost identical to the rest is "you actually wasted the effort to type all that lmao who the fuck you think will read all this" because you wrote literally three complete sentences.

I do not know the solution but it is clearly not this system, although again to be fair, on some level it is like your friends, and the people you surround yourself with saying more about how shitty you are than others being shitty or even that you have shitty taste in people. I've likewise wrestled with this before realizing it's literally my fault I'm not reading scientific articles, watching documentaries, whatever. The problem I guess is making that avenue easier to get to than the trash.
>>
No. 50604
2,6 MB, 285 × 225, 0:02
>>50600
I took the Germans advice and have a YouTube channel/video blocker. None of this stuff appears for me on the front page anymore. And if it does i quickly remove it.
>>
No. 50606
18 kB, 300 × 250
>>50559 reporting in. Trying to unfuck my sleep schedule tonight by pulling an all-nighter and going to bed early in the evening.
Two hours ago I thought I could actually go to sleep because I was yawning all the time, went to bed at 12, but in bed I couldn't stop my brain.
Now I made a cup of pic related (two bags), this should get me through the night at least.
>>
No. 50631
I need to stay hydrated. Waking up late with a headache and dry throat isn't fun.
>>
No. 50660
>>50631
Having bad sleep because you've been unconsciously holding in pee all night isn't fun either.
Can't win in this bitch of an existence.
>>
No. 50675
11 kB, 1280 × 960
Feels like I'm getting back on track, dunno why I was even so depressed.
I finally managed to get rid of my vidya (and for the most part also porn) addiction, so with the the regained free time and better mental state I hope I can seriously double down on reading this year (that's been going pretty well the last month or so), and hopefully also writing. I need to try out this "digital typewriter" thing I bought some time ago though, I still don't think I can concentrate all that well when I'm at the computer where all these distractions are just a click away.
I just hope I can keep living in this house for a while, I really realized what a luxury it is when I was visiting a friend in Berlin in his cramped shared flat. Though I'm also seriously considering finally moving there (Berlin, not his flat) some time later this year.
>>
No. 50680 Kontra
84 kB, 640 × 428
When my new studies confront me with a whole range of exciting topics. But the shallow understanding, the lose links that form in my cognitive apparatus feel analog to a cheap drug induced thrill. There is no substance to my thoughts, just an acknowledgement of possible connection and explanation for phenomena, put I cannot put finger on shit and it frustrates me immensly.
>>
No. 50688 Kontra
>>50675
Yeap, that (and the couple other posts I made in quick succession in other threads) is what the onset of a manic phase looks like, folks.
Afterwards (among a bunch of other random ideas that almost immediately turned to actions with wildly varying rates of completion) I wanted to read a translated book with text in two languages that was supposed to be in parallel but the epub was botched so I ended up downloading a bunch of software and manually fixing it, instead of calling it quits and just reading something else like a normal human being. (Ofc I read something else after I spent all the time tinkering with the epub)
My brain is still in high gear but I have no more willpower to direct it towards something productive, I want to get off this wild ride cause I know it's the same shit as with drugs - there's always a comedown. Probably shouldn't think too much about it, enough with the psychologisms.
>>
No. 50700
84 kB, 680 × 471
Had the gym to myself this morning. I was looking away from the door for a moment, and then turned back to briefly see a woman standing there. As I was thinking "how did she get in here without making a sound", the mental projection vanished. Ok, so my mind was playing tricks, but what made this truly weird were the details. It wasn't a vague impression. She was short, old, Indian, wearing a long-sleeve yellow sweater.
If this were a movie, we're at the scene where I check the news and see her obituary :O
>>
No. 50701
>>50700
Maybe she's a covid ghost who wanted to go to the gym last time because they were shutdown when she left
>>
No. 50705
I'm getting to the age where I'm seeing people I personally knew die without warning. First, my father died of a heart attack. Then my "cousin" OD'ed on heroin. Not long after, my grandfather died. And now, one of my first cousin by blood died in an accident. I flew down to family in Texas for the burial and memorial service. It was the first time I prayed at a mosque in years.

This event was both indescribably tragic and deeply traumatic for my aunt who lost her son. Upon arriving at her house, I later found out not only was I one of only three extended family members to travel down, my other aunt (her sister) who lived only two hours away refused to come or even send any familial emissaries. For my aunt, her sister's absence imbued her with a great sense of betrayal. Understandably, my other two cousins (his older sister and younger brother) could not keep their composure and broke down in tears periodically.

My cousin was a decent but deeply tortured soul. He struggled with both being bipolar and pervasive identity issues his entire life. He was gay and at one point considered going trans, and as anyone with even a cursory knowledge of Islamic culture could surmise, the pressure placed on him from these issues compounded his already frail mental state. Eventually, he was just content with being a celibate gay Muslim.

In spite of his manic episodes and having to be continually treated for his mental health, he was still a decent man. He worked as an RN and ER nurse active during COVID as a first responder. Outside of work, he was a gifted Urdu singer and artist who lent his talents whenever the occasion called for it. My aunt's home proudly featured his handiwork on the walls. Despite us being diametrically opposed in taste in politics, he was never once mean-spirited and consistently kept an open heart and mind.

To those of you who still have family alive and are on speaking terms, never pass up any moment to communicate with them.
>>
No. 50708
>>50705
Sorry to hear man. Hopefully your family can use this to come together in spirit anyway rather than let resentment boil into a familial schism.
>>
No. 50713
>>50705
My condolences. I hope you were able to bring some small comfort to your family, and that they were able to help you as well. Thank you for sharing a part of your cousin's life with us.
>>
No. 50718
187 kB, 1920 × 1080
>Wake up at one past noon
>Make 1 litre of Chinese tea
>Drink it
>Study for an exam
>Have panic attack
>Suffer until everyone else goes to bed
>Drink 6 shots of Alpenkräuter Wurzel Bitter
>Find an empty postal brief as you take the bottle out from behind the books
>Find a postal brief with a 10k HUF banknote as you put the bottle back
>Get into an altercation with someone online because libertarians are fucking perspectiveless soulless cretins who are the liberal equivalent of Tankies
>Cry because you start remembering the past
>>
No. 50722
>>50718
Man this is very different from the enthusiased schooler who told us about getting their hands on a great version Der Niebelungenring. What happened to you? Do you have a chance to see someone about your panic attacks?
>>
No. 50723
>>50660
Speeking of sleep.
A few days ago I went to a neurologist and got a prescription for new sleeping pills. I did my own research and settled on them called Z-drugs (sort of like benzos, but won't fuck you up as much), for their short half-lives and milder side effects. But they're still considered addictive, so the apothecary wouldn't give them to me without a prescription.

I don't want to be that guy and try to tell doctors about "muh own research", and just asked her for something stronger than Melatonin, but definitely not beoznos. Fortunately, she wrote me exactly what I wanted.

Well, it's the second day of taking them, and I gotta tell you, it feels like the last two days were the first times I actually fucking slept in my entire life.
Actual, real sleep, rather than paranoid delirious half-aware hallucinations I used to call "sleep", that left me with a headache and a non-functioning brain for the rest of the day.

Also found a new shrink very close to where I live. Her appointments are not expensive, and she seems to take genuine interest in my problems. I will take my mom to see her (she wants to inquire about my history), and also get prescribed new drugs, since she said what I'm taking right now is not ideal.

Life is getting good lads. And it'll only get better.
Future's so bright I gotta put on some sunscreen.
>>
No. 50726 Kontra
>>50718
>feel bad/shit
>drink
>drink in secrecy

You know, don't pick up a bad habit, to put it mildly. I'm pretty sure your problems don't come from uni and its pressure and the pressure you put on yourself alone in that regard... dunno about other things, but knowing myself I think you might do that with other things as well, so I have no easy words for you. In my early twenties I had peaked in mental wreckage, so if you look into the past and then into the future and it crushes you, I can just tell you that within a few years things can look very different from what they do now.
>>
No. 50750
977 kB, 2592 × 3872
Drinking tea, reading about Thomas Aquinas, a sober start into the week.

>>50680
Feel is known, though luckily at least I don't have the academic pressure to discover some "new" connection
Maybe try to spend more time just contemplating what you've taken in (i.e. during walks)?

>>50718
Is this just an exam thing? Otherwise I think you should cool it a bit, just look you, you're orangetexting!

>>50723
>I gotta tell you, it feels like the last two days were the first times I actually fucking slept in my entire life.
Yep, that's precisely how I felt when I tried benzos for the first time, too bad about the withdrawal though. Hope these keep working for you.
I've been managing without any perscription drugs, but maybe it's something I should consider after all.
>>
No. 50751
1,6 MB, 2292 × 2874
>>50722
Don't worry, I still get excited about stuff, it's just that since I'm effectively stuck at home because uni is closed, and even if it was open I'd have no classes because of the exams, time has been flowing in a weird manner. It's incredibly slow and feels inconsequential, because there's no structure to a day. It's also ticking fast because every week I have an exam.

But thinking about it there has been stuff I've gotten excited about recently. Like how I found an edition of the Lun Yu in Hungarian that's bilingual and uses a translation I haven't read or heard of before.
Or there was this little book I've been out to get for a good two years now about translating Chinese poetry.

Or yesterday night I found two Chinese novels that I never heard of and don't own after reading the lesson plans for a class I'll have in 1-2 semesters.
So there's definitely some excitement, but because I'm not out and about, looking through the offerings of street vendors or antiquaries, there's a lot less books that go through my hands. (Not to mention it's more expensive.)

I miss the tube and the trams. Budapest in general I miss. There was a reason to get up every morning when things were open.

The anxiety/panic attacks are probably the results of being hopped up on caffeine, and it will probably go away once I stop drinking a litre of tea every single day.
(Once I can allow myself to crash for a few days without tea.)

>>50726
I'm not going to make a habit out of drinking because it yields no results.
I didn't feel happier or more relaxed while the shots lasted.
Alcohol pointless and I come to realise this every few months I try it.

The only boon is that it seems that my gut somehow fixed itself and I'm not in pain or anything after drinking, so that's good.
And the 10k banknote is also a big plus.
>>
No. 50752
122 kB, 600 × 459
Is it just me or has the entire Western world gone pet mad? People are actually doing puppy/kitten portrait photo shoots for their pets as if they were a child. I get it there cute, and i am someone who has grown up with pets all my life until now that im out on my own and i won't be getting any in the foreseeable future unless i owned land and the animal has a utilitarian task to do like perimeter guarding.
>>
No. 50753
>>50752
No, people have pretty much always done that in my experience. It's a little odd but pretty harmless as far as odd tendencies go.
>>
No. 50754
>>50752
While on some level, yes, and it's a surrogate child in fact to an extent pet ownership didn't become a real thing of the masses until Victorian era allegedly with an upsurge of wealth in lower classes to ape the aristocracy, with idle rich people basically flaunting their wealth by having useless animals, the more useless and the more expensive the better, but anyone who ever grew up on a farm would have a pet chicken or favorite rooster or care about a particular goat way more than the others regardlessI grew up on a farm so yeah, trust me, even without pets I guarantee you humans have been trying to befriend, tame, and turn into some form of pet-like association for millenia hence the reason we even have domestic dogs and pets to begin with and one can make whatever derogatory comment about modernity, I think it's also important to note the role of the internet and shitposting phones.

Important rule I often forget: never ask a question or make some remark about something in society before first asking either what role the proliferation of shitposting devices among the masses played in causing it, or in what role it played in causing the popular perception of it. Like people at least in my country have had weird animals since forever, attested to by all the strange presidential pets we've had going back to the colonial era. Consider that it's become such a meme now that no pirate costume is complete without a pet parrot, though in actuality I think they tended more towards pet monkeys.

As to the question why we would do that it's just basic human nature. We're a highly intellectually advanced pro-social species to a scale you really don't generally see outside of insects and humans basically are willing to apply it to anything around them, and more often than not end up anthropomorphizing some really weird shit and applying human logic to it. I mean hell I've known people who honest to god named their cars and talked about them almost like it was a pet animal or something. It's perfectly natural for us to project our qualities onto others insofar as we also tend to neurally resolve pictures of random noise into human faces. It's hardwired into us at the basic biological level.

>but what about that weird shit like pet costumes and buying ice cream to feed your dog
Yeah that's just wealth.

In terms of why you typically don't see strange petlike associations in nature but it's routinely recorded how different species "get along" or "become friends" one of the biggest common denominators is simply food. I mean, yeah, a cat can suppress its instincts and hang out with your pet gerbil, but that's more to do with the fact you feed the thing every day and probably punish certain behaviors on top of that. So if the learned choice is recieve pain fucking with this thing or just go to the human to get food, which is evolutionarily and individually most advantageous?

There's many theories on how the domestic dog came to be but largely the thinking seems to go that wild canids sniffed around our encapments and got food scraps, and that the more adventuresome ones got to eat the best while the most skittish stayed away, untio eventually half tame ones would come right near humans and with low enough aggression and anxiety levels those humans might've fed them. You can kinda see a similar thing with bears today how they lurk around human communities because wherever a human is there's going to be lots of free food.

I'm guessing that likewise between getting killed and getting meals, humans must kill them less on average than taking a benevolent or at least somewhat neutral approach, so while one bear may get shot for being around humans, another two get left alone. I guess the process only accelerated as we built societies and tech that made those resource scarcities less and less problems, until a Western dog lives better than third world kids or humans in the 15th century generally.

You'll likewise see this completely break down when the human communities get stressed. Just in our pandemic which is pretty minor in relative terms, people abandoned a lot of pets because they couldn't afford to deal with them and other pandemic reasons. When the chips are really down, they'll eat their own pets. A bad enough pandemic and economic collapse would see all those Western dogs and cats dumped by the roadside, and the pet gerbil and goldfish start looking mighty tasty. This has happened in a lot of local disasters in this country minus the eating part.

An interesting detail should also be noted about the 17th century London plague outbreak that dogs and cats roamed the city freely, but people mistakenly presumed there might be a connection between the cats and dogs with the bubonic plague and thus held a citywide violent purge of almost all their cats and dogs, which as you can surmise now ironically probably just made their plague outbreak a hell of a lot worse. Right instincts, very wrong target I guess.
>>
No. 50756
1,2 MB, 720 × 1000
Today I will remind them that there is more than one Russian on EC

Also today I will ask for advice. I applied for an internship at a local newspaper and they actually invited me to an interview so if any Ernsts have experience in getting a job in the media I'd be glad to hear what they did/didn't say to the HR. Appreciate any help.
>>
No. 50757
Had a dream I lost my virginity to a prostitute
>>
No. 50759
206 kB, 8 pages
>>50756
Congrats, you're likely already more than halfway there.
Check out file related mb, though it's just general advice about job applications & interviews, not specific to media
It's kind of bullshit but in a funny way, it's not actually as bullshit as most other online resources.

>>50757
A dream for some, the reality for others
>>
No. 50760
>>50757
Seriously? Just do it. Virginity isn't really something to be saved and savoured.

For most people - with very very rare exceptions - the first time will be awkward at best and traumatic at worst. And the older you get the worse your chances are; women have can sense virgins, so it's better to get it out of your system and join the club instead of saving up for some idealized version of a woman that doesn't exist.
>>
No. 50761
>>50760
Yeah I probably will once my living situation changes. Dream was much more pleasant than reality however. She was cute and had large booba.

For the record I’ve had sexual encounters before I just haven’t fucked.
>>
No. 50763
>>50762
The guy from Deerhunter?
>>
No. 50764
>>50759
Needed to read something like this badly since im on the job hunt, thanks ernst.
>>
No. 50768 Kontra
>>50760
Amen. I remeber my first time was nice in the way that putting your hands in the panties of a beautiful girl and make your way to that wet spot and slowly undress her is a great feel we didn't fuck because I couldn't get hard :DDD nervous. She tried her best though, anyway a day or two later we did it, hardly remember that one, I had better sex later, so yeah, saving up is pretty much bullshit, but you should be comfortable to have a sexual experience with intercourse. Sex is special and nothing special at the same time
>>
No. 50769 Kontra
>>50768
Are you by chance currently also posting in a thread on the 4kanker tv board?
>>
No. 50771
124 kB, 1082 × 608
Had a dental appointment today. As part of their Covid precautions the dental hygienist instructed me to wash my hands, and then rinse my mouth with Cool Mint Listerine® for 1 minute. Yes, she actually set a timer next to the sink. Also, my temperature was 96.8°, which is close to the new normal. Apparently our species has been cooling off since the 1800's when 98.6° was established as our healthy baseline.

Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah, I've had some sensitivity in a tooth for nearly a year- ever since I had a cavity filled. This led to some heightened anxiety leading up to my appointment. I always fear the worst and expected the dentist declare that tooth a goner- yank it out, or grind it down and stick on a crown. Nope. Turns out there is nothing wrong, and she simply smoothed out some rough edges on that filling.
>>
No. 50774
There's a flood of scamers on The Pirate Bay spaming the web site with fake torrent links with trojan virus inside of them. They also use bots to artifically inflate the seeders/leechers count. I downloaded some movie there and for the first time in my life it was not the usual .avi or mp4 extension but .exe file. It's not a rare event, I searched lots of other stuff on the Bay and I discovered that all those trojan torrents appeared only during the past week. Be careful when you download things there, especially if the torrent has thousands of seeders (it means they are bots) or if the creator of the torrent link is freshly registered and didn't seed anything before 2021.
>>
No. 50778
>>50759
Interesting, thank you.
>>
No. 50779
>>50774
I usually get my movies through YFY. Ive been seeing executable within the folders of said movies from there lately, but you can choose what to download.
>>
No. 50780 Kontra
>>50769
No, I've never posted there.
>>
No. 50781 Kontra
>>50780
Interesting, because some guy there said almost exact the same thing as you; and I feel it's not that common of a sentiment.
>>
No. 50783 Kontra
>>50781
>>50781
>not a common sentiment

Dunno, but I'm surely not the only one that likes putting finger on and in wet pussy or is aroused by undressing a girl and it's not uncommon either to start that way or do not get hard in such a situation. Even homosexually there would be overlaps in the sentiments I think
>>
No. 50784 Kontra
>>50783
Sure, but the wording was very similar.
So just we understand each other - the actual fucking, mechanical part is not special and the stuff around, foreplay and afterwards is always special, right?
>>
No. 50787
I have a job interview next week. It will be over Skype. I am a bit nervous, but also excited.
>>
No. 50791 Kontra
>>50784
No, it can all be special. I mean that sex is special in that it is a good feel overall, makes you feel good and all, that there is bonding when you love somebody, the pleasure you can have and give etc etc. but on the otherhand fucking happens on a daily basis, routine, I can't remember all times I had sex, some pictures ghost through my mind, places where I had sex and other kinds of small snippets. But in the end sex does not take that long, even with foreplay I'm also not a Romeo able for fucking all night long, it has something casual to it. So it's casual but while having it it can be special. I mean what is all the fuzz about sex? Concerning a thing that is quite ingrained in most human lifes.
>>
No. 50793 Kontra
>>50791
Ah, I see.
>I mean what is all the fuzz about sex? Concerning a thing that is quite ingrained in most human lifes.
Yes, but remember where you are. And remember to what lengths some men go just to get sex.
>>
No. 50794 Kontra
>>50793
>Yes, but remember where you are

I haven't had sex in two years my man. With corona and lockdown going on I looked into lovoo as it was easy to set up a fake account. Mostly meh, nearly none of them were really physically attractive but despite this, they kinda look like they don't want to deep talk. I need to try Okcupid, there really is no other way atm.
Ofc some have never ever, but that is the thing, it's special for some, or even alien but heavily desired, for others it's normal and it does not mean nothing at all. "It's just sex!" for other it rarely happens or at all. Fucking culture and messy reality mang.
>>
No. 50798
January to January 2020-2021 really was one of the best years I've ever had. Hopefully the rest of the country gets unfucked though.

I just installed a 1tb meme ARGB ssd and it looks and works great. Allegedly we're also getting a couple grand passed as one of the first legislative priorities of the new session
https://www.nj.com/coronavirus/2021/01/second-stimulus-check-update-2000-payments-will-be-the-first-order-of-legislative-business-schumer-says.html
I am much more optimistic about this year than I was starting the last one.
>>
No. 50815
134 kB, 1024 × 576
Dug out my AlphaSmart Neo 2™ and went through the text files, not sure if I should feel amused or depressed.
All the writing is dated almost exactly two years ago and in its entirety it's one abandoned attempt at a short story, one movie review full of spelling mistakes and a couple of diary style entries armchair-theorizing about how to write fiction.
At least it's something and it's not as bad as it could be, on the other hand it feels like I've barely made any progress in those two years.
>>
No. 50820
I present to you, The sound of the earth.
By Lotta Geeven

https://vimeo.com/80266870
>>
No. 50823
592 kB, 1080 × 1920
All things considered, things are progressing smoothly.
I'd consider every battle won so far. The saying goes At university, there's no grade that's better than a D. The ones above it just look nicer on your report card.
The biggest hurdle will come next week when I'll have to do two pretty hard exams on the same day. Probably the only flaw of this masterfully drafted plan for the exam period.

But thankfully after these two I don't have any more traditional exams. Only one Ancient Greek exam where I'll have to present my translation of a text which is half a page long. It's not necessarily a hard task, it'll be just tedious.
The plan is that I'll spend a day on creating a small dictionary for the text, and then I'll go through with actually translating it, which sounds sensible I think.

The best thing is that if I succeed, I'll get to do it all over again next semester. Glorious.
Already applied for all the courses that I need to take (and Ancient Greek.)
None of them seem particularly interesting, besides the Chinese language course.
The one that I'm eagerly awaiting is called History of Chinese culture and thought, which is just a more eloquent way of saying Chinese literature according to the pamphlet that you can download for the course. But that's a second year subject.
Actually looked through the recommended and the mandatory reading and I seem to own most of the books on the list, which feels nice. (so the 6 Great Novels and the few novellas and poetry collections they recommend. Except for the two volume set called Ancient Chinese Poetry which I've been on the hunt for a while, because I'm not shilling out 20 euros for a copy at an online antiquary. Up yours, faggot, I'm going to get it for 3 bucks one day.)
It makes me feel like my collection is actually fitting for a purpose.

For the past few days I've been reading before bed. I decided to read The Golovlyov Family by Saltikov-Shchedrin. My friend asked me why am I not reading something by Dostoevsky or Tolstoy, and my response was that Dostoevsky and Tolstoy puts up expectations on my part. If I read Dostoevsky or Tolstoy I want to be there, I want to be awake, the work is expecting me to be on my toes to give it my fullest because it's entire history and place in the world of art is weighing down on me, while with a short, relatively obscure book like this, I have no duties towards the book. If you get me.
Yet, you can't go wrong with a Russian author who lived in the 19th century.
When we were discussing Nikolai Leskov, my history teacher (who probably taught me more about literature than history all things considered) said, "Well, by Russian standards Leskov is mediocre. But a mediocre 19th century author from Russia is the equivalent of a great artist in the West".
And in a sense he is right that while Saltikov-Shchedrin or Leskov are nowhere near as great as Tolstoevsky, their books are still damn good.
It has soul, the prose is nice. You know, it's Russian.

Also been reading Sergei Dovlatov's novel, Ours (Наши) which is exactly the kind of book I like. Rich in anecdotes. I like books that tell short little story-fragments from the USSR or the life in the far east.
A lot of them are funny, and they make history feel more alive.

Yesterday I decided to go outside and went to McDonald's, because why not. I didn't want to cook, mum left money on the counter, it was a match made in heaven.
Came home, had lunch and then I attended an online seminar where the old librarian I knew unveiled her newly finished monograph on the history of my high school's library.
It was a fine presentation, though it was more of a collegial circlejerk with the people at the institution that hosted the online seminar. (She was apparently some demi-god in a few different institutions and groups. Never knew and she never showed it, which is now to think of it, very nice of her. It's pretty petty to command respect just because you hold a bunch of titles. I always respected her as a librarian because she respected me as a student. Or maybe even as a "researcher". She never said that I shouldn't try reading or looking up a thing just because I was a "student".
The librarian that came after her wasn't so nice. So much so that after a few arguments (because I have a colossal ego and a sense of righteousness to boot) she unofficially banned me from the library and said she will file a complaint. Little did she know that Ernstovich Ernst was a household name and I was invincible.)

Today I went out shopping for groceries with mum.
Didn't buy anything extravagant, it just felt nice to be out and about. I actually fucking miss going to class. I really hope at least some of the classes will be held in person during the next semester. (Even if just the practical ones like Greek and Chinese.)
>>
No. 50841
I just stumbled about the youtube account of an old man named Ernst who uploaded a video for his deceased wife and it was rather touching in a way.
>>
No. 50882
Really want to stream something on the radio, but I have an actual schedule now, so I can't stay up til 2 am to play songs to people 6 hours behind me in timezone
Sad
>>
No. 50884
>>50882
Time zones are rough. So are schedules. I just stream while I eat breakfast :D.

Oh, 'Mucky Fingers' is playing! I love this song. always reminded me of 'Like a Rolling Stone' by Bob Dylan. It has that same short, driving guitar which never changes.
>>
No. 50905
Just wanted to mention that I drank alcohol and took sleeping pills yesterday, and when I woke up, I saw shadowy moire patterned insects and cats in the darkness, and everything in my peripheral vision was pulsating and shifting.
Then I went into a hypomanic state, and had to shut it down with risperidone.
It was ebin, can't wait to try psychedelics.

Thanks for reading.
>>
No. 50907
181 kB, 600 × 560
166 kB, 1000 × 1000
Yo, fuck the CNS, none of my homies fuck with dat shit.

Also
>xanax retard
Literally me.
>>
No. 50909 Kontra
149 kB, 400 × 400
>>50907
>please rate
10/10, saved!
>>
No. 50911
>>50909
>>50907
Rated R for Relax

makes me think of having a psychotic episode on a festival and getting some anti psychotic pill, it was fascinating how all the paranoia and bad feels went away for a state of utter psychic relaxation, I went to the dance floor (music) and didn't feel anything to it, but I was able to talk with people again and that quite good

https://youtu.be/uiaSFRWo8ds?t=301
>>
No. 50913
35 kB, 421 × 453
Well, the first exam season is finally over. Now I'll just have for wait for the final result to come in and do that translation assignment. Six days is probably more than enough to do it well.
I actually went through 500 pages of literature on comparative religion in three days.
Yesterday I slept 4 hours, today 5, so I'm tired as shit. It's amazing. I don't think I've been this tired in my entire life. It's almost amazing how even talking becomes bothersome, but I can actually whistle long tunes I've never heard.

Chinese history wasn't that hard. Had to write two essays, one on the Shang Dynasty and one comparing the Autumn and Spring period to the Han era.
Writing a history essay is a joy, because I'm good at writing an essay. Not a groundbreaking one, but the type they expect.
I think there is some sort of weird irony in writing a well formulated, conventional essay on China.
Apparently I wrote two flawless essays.

Nicest thing is that I'll get to do it again every semester.

Again, I found out about two lecture notes, both very nice length and recently published on Classical Chinese prose and poetry (one volume for each subject) but for some reason it's only available in some weird online only format of the Academic Press on their website.
They don't know that I have boundless autistic powers and one day I WILL turn it into a PDF, print it and then read it in mein kampfy chair.
At least the site itself seems unusually well developed.
>>
No. 50915
>>
No. 50917
15 kB, 300 × 203
I heared a car stoppping under my window, doors closing, louder voice, then
>Können sie mal stehen bleiben? / Could stop for moment?

Suddenly
>STEHEN BLEIBEN / FREEZE!

There is a police car under my window.
I bet it was a cyclist (with no light) going on the wrong side of the street. While writing this it has been standing there few minutes already

...lol nope, another car turned up and they inspect an empty car, that is why no police officer is returning... nice gonna read the news tomorrow why somebody ran away from a police control
>>
No. 50920
I really do hate the amount of time I spend online but
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G1-YJD8tWX4
Today I have discovered a pretty ebin British gun autist. I have also discovered today that apparently some woman stole Nancy Pelosi's laptop and was planning on giving it to some Russian friend of hers to give to the SVR but I've little interest in posting in the news thread.

Wait a minute you know what, I could actually afford to just go out and but myself some great documentary series' but for some strange reason the moment it occurred to me to do that my kind flashed to purchasing a bunch of VHS tapes. I do not actually own a VCR. Nor do I own a TV for the matter. Maybe I should consider hunting down some of those old ass combibation TV/VCRs like I had in my room in high school. I'm pretty sure a working VCR is going to be approaching that point to where it's both rare and expensive now. I wonder how long you can physically keep a VHS tape before the footage is physically degraded and destroyed.

Ah well. Perhaps I should look into some DVD series. I'd like to find good sciencey, history, and other documentary type series and videos to watch. This was such a wonderful mood brightening realization today. Yes that is correct. I am an adult now and can buy any fucking documentary series I want for VHS or DVD.
...I have not however figured out the best way to encode and burn blurays yet though.
>>
No. 50921
Sensual hallucinations now.
Woke up, felt something soft brush against my foot, then something heavy, like a person, shifting their weight on the other side of the bed.

Except my cat is locked outside the room, my "bed" is a mattress on the ground, and it's one person size, and next to a wall.
Ebin

Probably some associative memories being brought up just like with the visuals.

Also seen some wild dreams, with characters and plot, unfortunately can't remember them
>>
No. 50929
>>50921
>mattress on the floor
USA tier. I sleep on a floor air mattress.
>>
No. 50931
>>50929
I sleep on a 'bed' that's a shitty wooden frame with cloth stapled over it which I got for nothing, and my mattress also cost me nothing and has holes in it where the broken springs push through and carve my back up if I lay on them too hard. I also got no sheets and a thin (but free) blanket. Feels good bad poverty man.
>>
No. 50933 Kontra
Someone I considered a close friend for the last several years apparently never really saw me in the same way. In his view, he just put up with me because I'm funny. At least I'm funny, I guess.
>>
No. 50934
>>50929
I sleep on a "real" mattress, a pretty high quality one given to me on my birthday by grandma. It's got springs and shit, classic mattress.

But I have a distaste for beds. I disassembled and threw away my first bed. My second bed, I was fed up with moving it every time I vacuum, so I gave it to my dad, who was sleeping on the couch at the time.

I think my dislike for beds was triggered by the fact that my fat ass kept breaking them, because cheap beds are really flimsy on purpose. If I ever buy a bed, I'll make sure it has locking wheels (for easy vacuuming), and has an industrial load bearing rating.

I prefer to sleep on the floor anyway. I'd sleep on a japanese style futon that I roll up and hide in my closet, if I weren't a soft bitch who can't sleep unless well cushioned.

>>50933
Sounds cringe, but this is why I never consider anyone my friend until they watch me go through psychosis and depression, dump my darkest fears and anxieties on them, have a dispute where we relinquish our friendship and go back again, and after all that are willing to talk to me. Pretty high standards, but until then, you don't really know.
>>
No. 50937 Kontra
EC is so boring these days. We need more schizoposting.

t. unfortunately no longer schizo
>>
No. 50939 Kontra
5 kB, 449 × 46
Today, I have reached peak discussion with a friend.
>>
No. 50940
308 kB, 1200 × 1600
What a surprisingly fresh synthesis of internet and cultre is made here, I recommend everybody of you to read it, as we ourselves have been at least part of the "dark forest" and do so ongoingly by posting on EC in a way. It latches together what makes imageboard explanations in that regard look like baby babble in a way, analytically at least, since there is no serious engagement out of prejudices.

https://www.documentjournal.com/2021/01/the-internet-didnt-kill-counterculture-you-just-wont-find-it-on-instagram/

The article has very nice insights about counter culturality in the age of massive online communication systems, it focues o the youths but for us this should actually be promising that insta-asthetics is not eating up all the spirits, no more "I'm the last person to experience something cool before culture went to the shitter" old fart talk, some take your footsteps and I guess we romanticize our shiity postings of the past:

(1)
>E-deologies are further explored on message boards and social media via memes, TikTok posts, and livestreamed Twitch and YouTube debates, all of which can get pretty gnarly (calls for “eco-fash global genocide” and “secession of white ethnostates,” etc.) And maybe here, we do have an aesthetic counter to the wallflower non-style of Big Tech: a raging messy semiotic meltdown of radicalizing (if absurdist) meme culture where the only ideological no-go zone is the liberal center. Key here is that most of this activity is happening under the guise of avatars, pseudonyms, and collectively run social media accounts where direct lines between IRL subjects and online personas are rarely clear.

(2)
>While climate change is a shared concern for many younger people, their responses might be more accurately understood as competitive-futurist than countercultural. [...] Who among us could easily give up our connectivity and still be economically and socially okay? It’s as if, having grown up on a fully networked Earth, Gen Z has bypassed counterculture, finding it futile in the face of a hegemonic system that more clearly resembles a Hydra than the monolithic forces that legacy counterculture was rebelling against. Intuiting that any activity directly opposing the system will only make the system stronger, the next generation is instead opting for radical hyperstition: constructing alternative futures that abandon our current infrastructure entirely (the emergence of blockchain-based currencies, for instance, or calls to not merely reform but fully abolish the police).

(3)
>We saw this dynamic metastasize in the wake of George Floyd’s murder, when well-intentioned claims of “silence is violence” (recalling the powerful 1987 ACT-UP “Silence = Death” campaign) spiraled into calling out individuals with even a small following who hadn’t come forward with a timely public statement of solidarity or remorse. Yet public posts were subject to popular scrutiny and judged based on sincerity, originality, and tone. [...] There were also a number of sites that though officially clearnet, laid the groundwork for a sub-clearnet space that we might think of as a “dark forest” zone—particularly message board forums like Reddit and 4chan, where users can interact without revealing their IRL identity or have this activity impact their real-name SEO.

(4)
>Taken from the title of Chinese sci-fi writer Liu Cixin’s 2008 book, “the dark forest” region of the web is becoming increasingly important as a space of online communication for users of all ages and political persuasions. In part, this is because it is less sociologically stressful than the clearnet zone, where one is subject to peer, employer, and state exposure. It also now includes Discord servers, paid newsletters (e.g., Substack), encrypted group messaging (via Telegram, etc.), gaming communities, podcasts, and other off-clearnet message board forums and social media. One forages for content or shares in what others in the community have retrieved rather than accepting whatever the platform algorithms happen to match to your data profile.

Also some cool thoughts on the end, a bit cyberpunk in a sense, RL youth/culture tribalism in ruins of a post-retail city what do I win for the post-retail neologism, if I'm even the first to use it
>So what does today’s counter-hegemonic culture look like? It’s not particularly interested in being seen—at least not in person. It gets no thrill out of wearing leather and a mohawk and walking past main-street shops, which are empty now anyway. **But it does demonstrate a hunger for freedom—freedom from the attention economy, from atomization, and the extractive logic of mainstream communication. We can imagine collectively held physical spaces reclaimed from empty retail or abandoned venues hosting esoteric local scenes, a proliferation of digital gangs in dark forests who hold secrets dear, and a new desire for scarcity in cultural objects—deeper and closer connections made between people even while rejecting the platform’s compulsion to “like and share.” In the internet era, true counterculture is difficult to see, and even harder to find—but that doesn’t mean it’s not there.
>>
No. 50941
Big thanks to the German Ernst who shared some job-related advice with me earlier. I did well during the interview and I'm starting next monday.
>>
No. 50942
Been plus temperature in Almaty for a couple days
The snow has almost all melted away.

January, everyone.
>>
No. 50943
1,5 MB, 4160 × 3120
>>50942
Last winter was utter shit in here, with snow maybe lying for two weeks total and almost no frosts. This winter started kinda bad too, with slosh and positive temperatures, but last week it was really nice and cozy, with lotsa snow and frosts reaching -20 sometimes. Too bad that they forecast positive temperatures from tomorrow and for quite some time.
>>
No. 50944
>>50943
I actually enjoy warm winters.
My favorite season is fall, and this feels like a little taste of it in the middle of winter.
It's raining now lol
>>
No. 50945
>>50941
What did/could you employ from it? I have my interview tomorrow and I am wondering how much of it is applicable outside the US, especially the "talk about making videos of WoW" part.
>>
No. 50947
>>50944
Meh, I just hate all the dirt and slosh. Plus, during winter thaws and early spring all kinds of microbes run rampant (I usually catch colds in those periods). And because of how central heating works in here (it's slightly warm during thaws and maximum hot during frosts), it's actually warmer in my apartment when the temperatures fall below zero.
>>
No. 50948
Just now I realized I don't like my upstairs neighbors.
When I moved in, it was only some old guy. Everyday at 11 in the evening he took a bath and that was everything one ever saw or heard of him.
Then last year or so he moved out (or died, dunno) and some young couple moved in. They're not particularly fat, but it sounds like an elephant stampede on the regular now, even after midnight. Then they talk loud enough that I hear them (albeit I can't understand the words), so I have to sleep with earplugs.
Also, they smoke at least three bowls per hour; I just had to close my balcony door to not get second-hand high.
>>
No. 50949
91 kB, 1024 × 564
>>50948
Better call Ordnungsamt then.
>>
No. 50950 Kontra
>>50949
It's not like they're constantly having party or something. They are just annoying.
But my GF once had such neighbors. Smoking weed all day, having party all night, with basses hammering probably even down to the apartment below hers. They were on welfare and exploited the system as much as possible.
>>
No. 50951
>>50950
>They were on welfare and exploited the system as much as possible.
People that live with this mindset cause me great suffering from even remembering they exist. I guess ultimately it isn't too bad, it's just strange the amount of hatred I feel for these low level parasites. I really respect more a corrupt politician that siphons fortunes off to Switzerland than I do these lowly life forms.
>>
No. 50954
>>50945
The most useful part was the whole "if you got invited to an interview you pretty much have the job already and the employer simply wants to see if you're not a total retard/assburger/etc"

This knowledge helped me relax during the interview. In other words, you're already almost there, why worry?
>>
No. 50955
>>50954
I see. Well, I had some interviews in the past where I was told "yeah you were good, but someone else fit our profile BETTER (or was female)". Then again, I really was more assburger back then. I think I might have a beer beforehand to loosen up.
>>
No. 50957
>>50948
Stampede is normal in any Altbau, if that is the case, you were just lucky with your old neighbor, same for voices. I can understand the problem, I don't know what these guys above me are doing but it's like they intentionally let heavy things fall on the floor sometimes, their voices can be irritating, sometimes people are over for movies. I use earplugs then (because I usually read). Whatevs, the whole house is full of students and young people working/apprenticeship. Just now I can hear footsteps and things getting moved. But I'm still glad that the ceiling is 4 meter above my head, the room feeling is bought with noisyness. You could tell them that they should smoke their shit indoors or what is the problem exactly?
>>
No. 50968
72 kB, 488 × 650
I’m about to fail an exam really bad. I don’t know how bad though.
I’m in an exam period and I had not calculated how harder this branche was compared to the others. There’s so much stuff to learn and I have not enough time left. I must choose if I want to review everything lengthy and risking only reviewing it once or review everything rapidly so I can repeat on or two times. The exam is early in the morning and will probably lack sleep. I believe I didn’t failed the other ones. The exam is on Friday.
>>
No. 50978
I just had the interview.
I can honestly not tell how it went. I drank a beer beforehand to relax and be more talkative, but I am not sure whether I was too talkative, or even rambling. At least I didn't falter at any question; I think I appeared confident. As I am writing this, more and more things pop into my mind I could have said, but alas, it's over.
Sadly this was only the FIRST interview and they have set up another one in one or two weeks. Let's see how I can fare.
>>
No. 50980 Kontra
>>50978
Addendum: I am right now starting to totally overthink it, how can I stop that?
>>
No. 50990
>>50980
>how can I stop that?
Focus intensely on something else, staying as busy as you can for the next couple of days. It's the only way I know. Of course, as an overthinker myself, I realize this is easier said than done.
Good luck on round two.
>>
No. 50991
>>50990
Yeah, that's what I've been doing all day, but sadly this doesn't work in bed, so I am up again to have a beer and maybe easy my mind.
>>
No. 50993
515 kB, 901 × 1200
At night I often suffer tfw no gf yet when I wake up I reflect on these thoughts and decide they are stupid. Does anyone else experience this cycle
>>
No. 50994
>>50993
It's called "sleeping a night over it" in German. That said, if that feel is bothering you and it feels like torture maybe it's a sign you should go an look for gf.
>>
No. 50995
Man this really does remind me what a wild ride the whole last year'd become
https://www.sfgate.com/culture/editorspicks/article/drew-magary-coronavirus-helmet-microclimate-air-15867960.php

>I did not fly with this helmet on. I haven’t flown anywhere in nearly a year, because everyone is dying right now and I’m not stupid. I also didn’t drive my car with the helmet on, because it restricts your peripheral vision to a noticeable degree. Instead, I drove barefaced into the middle of my town, donned the helmet, and grabbed some vaping supplies. The tech bro errand of choice.

>No one at the vape shop cared that I was dressed like I was in an old Moby video. I was conducting this experiment the day after the Capitol riot. Nothing was weird to anyone anymore, especially not the sight of some white a—hole walking around with the Google Glass of virus protection on his head.
Man that's right, it's actually going to become really fuggin weird for me to have complete strangers seeing my face every day at some point. I've become so damn used to nobody seeing my bare face in public the few times I go out that not wearing mask or anything and being exposed is just going to feel so damn weird and naked. I'll also have less excuse to look like I'm LARPing S.T.A.L.K.E.R. while staying anonymous without seeming like some kind of retarded jackass.
>>
No. 50999
>>50995
Imo, that helmet doesn't look nearly as dumb as the visors some people wear and also seems to provide actual protection in two directions and from what I can see it also be used outside of just this pandemic, as HEPA filters can filter lots of shit out of the air (funny enough, they only filter particles up to 300 nm and the sars-cov2 virions are something like 150 nm at most).

That guy writes like a huge faggot though. Or is it satire?
>>
No. 51005
460 kB, 666 × 666
Truly understand the meaning of "an experience I wouldn't wish on anybody" now.
On Thursday, I mistook my anti-psychotics with my mood stabilizers because they look identical and have very similar packaging. Mood stabilizers come in very small doses and I take 4 of them. Anti-psychotics are very strong, and I'm supposed to take half a tablet.
I think you know where this went.

I chemically lobotomized myself for almost 3 days. And apparently, anti-psychotics only make you sleep if you are naturally sleepy. Otherwise, they make you feel retarded, but awake. So a lot of that lobotomized time was semi-conscious.
I'm still not completely lucid, but at least I can walk around and take a shower now.

Double check the pills you take, lads.

Not sure where to put this on my "worst experiences of my life" list. It probably beats out that one time I got food poisoning and felt like I was getting stabbed in the gut repeatedly for a whole day. There was a third one, but I don't remember it right now.
>>
No. 51007
>>50999
Those transparent masks are not just creepy but disgusting with all the salvia building up.
>>
No. 51010
A few weeks ago I got into recreational wood-chopping. My parents had a fair amount of unprocessed lumber in the woodshed from a dead tree they had cut down a few years ago so I had plenty of logs to practice splitting into firewood. Yesterday I went out to chop wood and discovered my younger brother had gone out and processed most of the remaining wood and restacked it all nicely. I complimented his work while concealing slight annoyance that my woodchopping had been stolen from me. Reflecting on this episode I feel that I have learned something that will be useful if I one day have children.
>>
No. 51015
>>51010
I'm happy for you, that was a very consoling story, actually.
>>
No. 51016
I got bit by a dog 2 weeks ago and I'm worried I may have contracted rabies. Is there a way to know for sure if I have it without going to le doctor?
>>
No. 51017
>>51016
Not really. If you have it, it's too late anyway.
>>
No. 51018
>>51017
If I have it I'm killing myself and I'll livestream it on Ernst

Is that ok with you bro?
>>
No. 51019 Kontra
>>51018
It would probably be more interesting if you let the disease kill you and stream that. It's definitely more gnarly than just capping yourself or something.
>>
No. 51020
>>51019
Ok I'll do that instead but if it's too much I'll have to kill myself, deal?
>>
No. 51021 Kontra
>>51020
You'll probably won't be able to when you've reached the point where it gets interesting. Also, it's polite to Kontra when shitposting.
>>
No. 51023
Making glosses to a Greek text isn't as hard as I expected.
I wonder why is it that I'm only able to get things done at night. It's probably the fact that I don't hear a car every second and I don't have people rummaging around the house.
>>
No. 51028
>>51016
Holy shit dude I hope for your sake you're trolling and not being retarded. I've got a hardass approach to lots of things but wild animal bites from bat, raccoon, possum etc or a deranged dog I'd take far more seriously than a diagnosis of cancer.

Well let me put it to you this way if for God knows what reason you got bit by a sick dog and didn't do anything about it for that long, you're dead. I've heard of the Milwaukee Protocol but your best case scenario is being a brain damaged half potato and being on disability for life. That's the unlikely outcome. 2 weeks is enough time that it's probably going to be fatal 100% of the time which iirc is also roughly the time frame to developing symptoms. Please tell me you are trolling.
>>
No. 51029
81 kB, 500 × 564
>>51021
>>51028
For the sake of investigation in order to rule out if it is possibly rabies, I have decided to allow more details: so, in further detail, there were 2 dogs who tried to bite me and there was a 3rd one who was clearly an occupant of a nearby house I was walking by. I was originally going to my apartment back from the store, this was on the sidewalk with houses on both the left and right side of me. But yeah these 2 dogs started to gang up on me (the 3rd one came a little after), one of the 2 original dogs I could discern had a collar on.. But they were acting scared toward me, had a sort of to-and-fro nature about them. I of course thought they would fuck off since they acted this way but it seems they really wanted to fuck with me along with this 3rd dog who entered the scene.

People shouldn't have let their fucking dogs out on public infrastructure in the first place, actually, I won't even call them people since I know they're probably of the darker complexion anyway (not trolling I live in New Orleans).

But yeah if the owners were more responsible this wouldn't have happened, it is their fault that I would die of rabies and, indeed, if I do die of it I will sue the City oF New Orleans for allowing such irresponsibility and negligence to happen.
>>
No. 51046 Kontra
>>51029
Oh ffs just go see a doctor
>>
No. 51058
104 kB, 300 × 226
>>51023
>I wonder why is it that I'm only able to get things done at night
Quiet helps. There's also the idea of bonus hours. Hours, either early or late, when you should be sleeping but aren't. There are no outside expectaions or requirements for that time, which has a liberating effect.

>>51016
>Is there a way to know for sure if I have it without going to le doctor?
Any chance you could find the dog that bit you? If he's still alive then he wasn't rabid, or at least not contagious at the time of your bite.

Also, rabies treatment is crazy expensive. The docs know they have you over a barrel. Pic related.
>>
No. 51062 Kontra
date help helper

Went to see a woman I have classes with (she is older, what a twist, just a year I think but was funny, did not expect that), she wrote me messages and we went for a walk, dunno if this was a date, kinda feels like it, at least interest was there from both sides, I guess, to know each other better a bit. We will see each other again. I enjoyed the walk, the flow was kinda marvelous, but I feel like I talked a lot, she seemed to even want it, asking me many questions, more than I did to her her.
>>
No. 51065
>>50631
B12 and Zinc
Saved my life
nod really
>>
No. 51067 Kontra
>>51062
Good for you, keep at it,but don't come off as needy. And don't ask for touching or kissing, just do it.

On a somewhat related note, I just fugged gf really good, she was moaning really loudly (she would never scream), coming and all that, but for some reason it is now MY legs that feel like jelly. Could be because I started doing sports again and thus go harder and longer, but it still feels weird.
>>
No. 51069 Kontra
>>51067
Dude, I'm underfucked as hell. Maybe she as well but still this is slow pace. I already made sure that the distance between us is minimal despite corona. She already sent me messages, good signs in a way.
Also my ex was often quiet, moaning was there ofc, but not all females scream so that other tenants can hear it. Also yeah, sports helps with stamina and better sex overall I guess.
>>
No. 51070 Kontra
>>51069
Godspeed, Ernst. Bums sie, bis ihre Mulle sich weitet!
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No. 51071 Kontra
86 kB, 501 × 284
>>51067
ignore this guy
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No. 51220
>>51071
This is the third time I scrolled by this week and still cannot figure out what part you thought of as cringe but then again the today thread in general turned into a real dumpster fire. Are you guys all locked inside and getting stressed out or something?
...fugg I wish the governor would order me to be mandatory neet for 2 weeks solid.