/int/ – No shittings during wörktime
„There is no place like home“

File (max. 4)
Return to
(optional)
  • Allowed file extensions (max. size 25 MB or specified)
    Images:  BMP, GIF, JPG, PNG, PSD   Videos:  FLV, MP4, WEBM  
    Archives:  7Z, RAR, ZIP   Audio:  FLAC, MP3, OGG, OPUS  
    Documents:  DJVU (50 MB), EPUB, MOBI, PDF (50 MB)  
  • Please read the Rules before posting.
  • Make sure you are familiar with the Guide to Anonymous Posting.

No. 5000 Systemkontra
74 kB, 800 × 577
Blog time. Tell us about your highly important daily sufferings.
>>
No. 5002
Honestly it is incredibly hard to keep track of anything. I still feel vaguely brain damaged.
>>
No. 5003
>>4996
Yeah, I've felt like shit for the last week, which I've been dealing with by drinking even more :-DDD
But today I experienced my first dealbreaker symptom: poor sleep quality.

Anxiety and schizo induced insomnia / lack of REM sleep once ruined my life and sanity, I don't want to ilflict that on myself again.

No more alcohol for me. The happy drunk feels were being superceded by getting drunk just to stop feeling like shit at this point, too. So fuck that.

Also, hangover seems to feel a lot like depression. I only noticed because alcohol seems to negate the effects of procac, and before taking prozac I was depressed and felt like shit 90% of the time anyway, so hangover wasn't even noticeable.
>>
No. 5004
Linking to yesterday’s important blogpost because I posted it in a systemkontra thread >>4983
>>
No. 5005
>>5002
Actually scratch that. I've felt sticky and clammy and odd all week. It feels almost like the beginning of an infection or like, withdrawal or a day after drinking or something.
>>
No. 5008
Woke up drank beer.
Cried a bit about my father and brother dieing, imagined giving the eulogy, this how I know i am drunk.
>>
No. 5010
39 kB, 625 × 415
I can't find proper job. Been kicked out of uni for 2 times, went through few wagie tier ones, but when I had a chance to get something for more money, yet more responsibility, I freaked out and resigned. Good thing is that I've managed to stop drinking, because I have to be really carefull with money untill I find another one.
>>
No. 5012
I have literally lost my glasses, about 50%drunk
>>
No. 5014
>>5012
Well imagine my surprise when my wife said I am an idiot.
Good news I found my glasses, bad news I lost my wallet :)
>>
No. 5016
I had a 7 hour nap. Now it's 10PM and I'm hungry because I haven't eaten today but I also have no food. I think I'm going to have to go to the supermarket and find something edible.

Dog bless late night supermarket.
>>
No. 5017
>>5014
I found my wallet, convincing my wife I am not a drunk retard may be the more difficult task.
>>
No. 5019
For reasons, I must get a present for a boy turning six years old who is exceptionally idiotic. A mixture of pussy, anger issues and gender-mainstreamed who likes to shout and fight.

Any nice ideas?
I thought of getting a metal CD since he apparently likes Billy Talent and I would like to be an influence in a passable direction. Toy-wise, he nearly has everything.
>>
No. 5020
>>5019
>likes to shout and fight
Give him a punching bag.
>>
No. 5023
25 kB, 700 × 586
I read Solaris and have to fold my bread dough from time to time.

I should work this week or I will have barely any money for the next month

Tonight I will make pizza and bread and hopefully finished Solaris and read something else. It's the first time I dive into Sci-Fi, and it is not bad but the scientific descriptions are a bit exhausting, at least for now.
I will have to start with my papers I need to finish until end of September because I also will have to prepare for an intensive workshop in early October at the same time.
It means all the books I want to read next to university related stuff will not be finished by then.
It's always too much and I hate to select, kinda teenager tire.
>>
No. 5029
>>5019
Lego, or a colouring book who gives a fuck.
>>
No. 5030
>>5019
You can't buy a six-year old a music CD. It's entirely age inappropriate and his parents will want to murder you by the end of the week.

Go get him a football or if it's close family then a drawing set. No need to put massive amounts of thought in as he's only recently been switched on as a human being and therefore lacks fixed personality and accurate long-term memory.
>>
No. 5032
>>5030
You Sir, have the Autism.
>>5019
Get him a CD. Nothing too edgy. Maybe he wants Spotify for a year and a list of nice bands?
>>
No. 5033
63 kB, 503 × 503
So, my dad, an alcoholic of 25 years, who put us $5000 in debt, used to wreck the house in drunken psychosis, gambled away all of his savings and property, and been mooching off of mom for the last 10 years, has quit drinking last month.
He only did it because mom threatened to put rat poison in his vodka. Apparently, he got so scared that he quit immediately, cold turkey. Like it was nothing. Didn't go schizo from withdrawal or anything, didn't even look that uncomfortable. Now he just lays in bed watching tv all day.

Now, I have a question. If he could've quit so easily all this time, then what the fuck was he doing ruining our lives this whole time? Fucker.
>>
No. 5034
>>5033
Your dad is 25 and met your mome being 15 years old?
>>
No. 5035
>>5034
He was alcoholic but actually worked and earned (some) money before 2008. That's when he quit job and slowly sold off all his shit for drinks and dumb failed business ideas.

My life went to shit just as I hit puberty.
>>
No. 5036
56 kB, 439 × 439
>>5033
>He only did it because mom threatened to put rat poison in his vodka.

that's actually extremely funny

>>5019
Just get him a nice lego set dude
>>
No. 5042
>>5035
Don't follow in his footsteps

Stop drinking entirely
>>
No. 5047
47 kB, 600 × 481
>>5036
My life balances on the fine line between tragedy and comedy.

I have an entire diary of alcoholic schizo family member shenanigans.
>>
No. 5048
53 kB, 657 × 527
>>5042
I don't care tbh.
I was born off his degenerate seed, and will carry it to the grave. The worst thing I could do is to be responsible for spreading the genes of his undermensch family.

I will never procreate and will hopefully kms.
I've thought of killing all of my brothers and relatives too, but that seems immoral. I don't believe that ends justify the means, everyone is his own moral agent.
>>
No. 5051
28 kB, 758 × 769
>>5048
>I don't care tbh.

We care.

You say you wish to spare any offspring of your condition - so what? I'm sure many Kazakh children need a father and if you always try your best maybe you could help others rather than become a burden.
>>
No. 5054
42 kB, 342 × 424
>>5051
I've always dreamed of adopting a promising but disadvantaged kid and raising him to become a great person.

I expressed this to my mom, and she called me a naive faggot and that an adopted kid will never be your own, and that I'll regret not having biological children later on.

I guess she's right in that it seems like a waste to dedicate a big chunk of your life and finances on a kid who isn't even biologically yours.

But do we REALLY have to be slaves to our genes and entropy? Can't we do kindness by decision of our minds, instead of by the sheer expedience of gene and energy preservation? Isn't that the point of art and virtue? Expending labour and resources on things that aren't "useful", but are, nonetheless, Good?
>>
No. 5055
60 kB, 600 × 584
>>5054
The kids argument is so retarded. I've heard it a lot myself. At the end of the day, you die and even that doesn't matter. All the kids in the world won't make you not worm food. There is no particularly justifiable reason to look out for anybody other than number one. People who say otherwise are deluding themselves by thinking things that make them feel nice, which is by its nature, a self-serving act.
>>
No. 5056
>>5054
Well firstly, it assumes that you're genetically distinct from the rest of the population which simply isn't true. Secondly, there is more to being a father than DNA – if you raise someone from childhood they really will take from you on a software level.

Your mother finds the idea horrifying because she wants to be a grandmother but I imagine her opinion will change if she gets to know a child. As for your own life there will be the achievement in seeing someone you raised make you proud which doesn’t seem like a waste at all. Even the simple fact of being useful will give you some peace of mind.

t. has half-brothers my father raised that seem to operate every bit as family

So there. Stop drinking before you become old-man neet.
>>
No. 5064
I seem to have prostatitis. Either that or prostate cancer. I don't want to go to the dogtor though since a while ago a Russian on here did so and was treated with a hot metal rod stuck up his arse, which sounds worse than the condition itself.
>>
No. 5065
>>5064
Well tbh, a hot rod up the bunghole may be a short term problem, but a prostate the size of a cricket ball in your bunghole seems more like a lasting painful problem. Rock and a hard place. There really ought to be a better way to check these things too. I loathe being touched but seems like every male illness diagnosis requires the doc to grope your junk or stick his finger or a stick up your arse. I can only assume that they're a bunch of perverts and that's the reason that they've not got a modern method of checking those things.
>>
No. 5068
Cooked some plum-pear jelly and some peaches for later usage in cakes etc., despite the over 35° we have at the moment. True sufferings.
>>
No. 5072
20 kB, 500 × 298
As we all know, language is a subjective way of projecting an identifiable layer upon an unidentifiable true reality. When we see a tree, we do not see the tree itself in its true form but rather the tree in the abstract as it is transmitted by the common use of language. It's the common nature of language that gives it power and thus the subjective nature of reality as it is sculpted for human minds by language is given shape by consensus. If everybody started calling trees grass and vice versa then trees would indeed be grass. This is a theory provable by the fact that the world is not monolinguistic and has different words for the same thing.

This has helped me discover more about my alienation from the world. When they speak of a person they do not mean the individual in their true nature. The 'soul' for lack of a better term is entirely inaccessible and unobservable to them. The only thing that can be interacted with is the degenerated perception of the individual. Going larger, this means that the word 'person' refers to the consensus, the most common understanding of what a person is. In this universe, that is the neurotypical because they are the majority of the human population and are the source of their own greatest interactions with other human life. What this means is that person, or the equivalent in your language of choice does not apply to the neurodiverse, effectively rendering us as un-people.

It might not be overt, but building upon my earlier ramblings of separate perception to others, I can now see the mechanics behind why that separation exists. Because humans can only see things as they were microseconds in the past by the nature of bodily function, reality is shaped entirely by perception. Understanding the common points of the perceived world is done through consensus among a group. If you process the information differently though, as the neurodiverse do, then our personal consensus on the nature of perceived reality clashes with the consensus of the masses and so we are actually communicating by dialect where words have very minor differences in definition due to individual information processing. That is why I struggle to understand neurotypical behaviour when I see it explained, we are literally, not figuratively speaking different languages and thus existing in different but overlaid realities.
>>
No. 5073
241 kB, 808 × 1010
>>5072
Good schizopost.

To expand on it, even the idea of the "self" or of a "person" is simply a social consensus. It can be a consensus of one, but it still is. Internally, to the mind, there is no "self". Only a stream of experiences and phenomena. The "memefication", the imbuing of a human with character, happens through the consensus of what society imagines that character to be. The mind might agree with said consensus, in which case it derives its idea of self through the opinion of others - his own reflection in the socio-memetic world. If one rejects the consensus, one finds that one doesn't have a "self" at all. There is only the part of the mind that experiences reality; and the rest of reality - including parts of the mind that think, feel, reason, and the rest of the body. This core part of the mind is incapable of forming an idea of itself, because that is in the realm of thought. The mind's eye can only observe. Any self-ideaization is done by the external world, and is a separate entity from the I-observer.

Think of being an active participant of society as being in a socio-cultural "field" that affects and shapes your identity. Your story, identity, worth, etc are the product of society's view on you. The gossip, the chats, the social interactions, all of them contribute to the story-myth about you, like a character in a book. But in a local social environment. Normies not so much know each other, as they know stories about each other.
For them, social-reality, reality as a story of their social environment, is omnipresent, like God. To illustrate my point, a socialite normie might not do something that is discouraged by his society's rules, even in the privacy of his own room. He identifies himself as part of his society's "narrative", and therefore when he goes home, social reality follows him there, and he obeys by its rules.
You might have noticed that this strongly correlates with how abrahamic religions work. Religious people don't sin at home because they think G-d is always watching. No surprises there, abrahamic religions are communalism, being part of the community, G-d is a metaphor for the "spirit" or "meme" of the community, and eternal life is transcending death by becoming completely one with the community, therefore living on as a "meme" as long as the community exists.

Where was I.
Ah yes, if a normie would stop being part of that system, he would either become a recluse or a Machiavellian. Meaning, he either detaches completely, or pretends to be upholding the same morals and values as his community, while secretly pursuing his own ambitions.
Also, it's why I think abrahamic religions are so successful.

They are a dogmatization of what human society is already like. On top of the theology, they have this social conditioning element, they dictate how you should behave, like a natural community would moderate the behaviour of its members.
Other religions have rules on how to behave, but they come from aesthetic, moral, or philosophical reasoning.
The rules for non-theologists, in abrahamic religions, come from hard dogma. "You don't behave this way because G-d says so". And that's exactly how n*rotypical society operates: behave this way because "society" (God) says so.
>>
No. 5074
>>5073
Thanks.
t. hanks

However, I think you've missed just one vital bit in the first part about how the concept of self is derived from contrast to the socio-memetic stream of consciousness. That is where the contrast comes from. It's a very simple premise but also fundamental to the entire conclusion. The self cannot comprehend itself because it is inherently separate from the material world despite having host meat. Its entire concept of existence is as we've said, based on perceiving the physical through abstraction. However this leaves a big void right in the middle of the entire model because for all the abilities that the 'soul' has in perceiving and processing second hand information of the physical world, it has no ability to perceive its own existence, and in many ways even perceiving its own meat can be difficult compared to perceiving other objects. So the idea of the self is derived from comparison with social consensus but the root of that comparison is the dichotomy between the ability to gather and process abstract information on the physical world, but the impossibility to do the same with oneself. Therefore oneself must have some differentiating property from the rest of the universe, and the idea of self is born, and then goes on to be further compounded by social memetics. This is also why people are able to insert themselves into fictional constructs like video game avatars in an MMO or something and see that as their identity in that sphere. The self is nothing but the void of information from the impossibility of autoperception, so a virtual body is in effect functionally identical to a physical for social identity.

It was largely implicit in what you said, but I think it's an important enough factor in the idea that it deserves being brought up in its own right.
>>
No. 5075
384 kB, 540 × 526
Dear diary, today I had to deal with a bunch of moba obsessed coworkers who just fucking can't shut up about their pentakills and do video game noises externally. Annoying cunts literally push their phones into my face and show off their very, very important games and talk how they totally owned them losers last evening. I dislike mobas. I also have no time to mess around and that shit's distracting, not to mention extremely annoying. I also feel like my life is a repetitive and tedious clusterfuck with no cosmic meaning in the grand scheme of things, but that's normal.
>>
No. 5076
11 kB, 300 × 210
>>5074
I did miss that important conclusion, thank you for pointing it out.

In return, I'd like to comment on the idea of abstract vs physical reality as experienced by the soul, as it is something I've been thinking about.

It seems that the spirit is more naturally attuned to perceive the abstract, ideal world, than it is to experience the physical world. We all know what a circle is, and what its properties are, despite the fact that there are no circles in reality, only circle-like objects. Comprehending a circle is relatively simple, but comprehending a circle-like real object is immensely difficult, as it is not a circle at all, but a blob of particles vaguely shaped like a circle. In order to accurately describe its form, we would have to count each individual particle.

We naturally comprehend the ideal, but we also have the ability to derive the ideal from the physical. How else does one recognize a photograph of a face as a face, despite one being ink on paper, and another being a blob of organic matter? How do we understand that those two physical objects have a "sameness" to them? It's because we understand the idea of a face first, then observe that the two objects are representations of said idea.

A famous example:
An animal might confuse an illusory object (such as a painting of a pipe or its own reflection) for the physical object that it is representing.
A basic human will be able to tell that one is distinct from another, in that one is the object, and another is the illusion of it.
An empiricist will argue that, since the information hitting the retina in both cases is identical, the objects are, for all intents and purposes, are identical in those conditions, and this can't be argued against until more data is gathered (such as changing perspective and observing that the painting is flat).

A true WOKE gnosticist, however, will understand that both the "real" physical pipe, and its image as a painting, are nothing but figures, placeholders that represent the divine IDEA of a pipe that precedes all pipes. The eternal, abstract definition of what a pipe is, is the method by which we recognize pipe-like objects, be they pipes, or images of pipes. From that perspective, there is no fundamental difference between an actual pipe and an image of a pipe: they're both representation of the pipe's spirit.
>>
No. 5078
Also keep seeing a fat man boi in a linkin park hoodie on da bus and I want to punch him in his fat baby face. Maybe I just want to vent my frustration with my shitty life this way.
>>
No. 5079
>>5078
Was it... crawling in your skin?
>>
No. 5094
851 kB, 673 × 559
>>5076
I think that you are partially onto it. I don't think that taking the theory of forms to its logical extreme is totally correct though. I think that were the line should be drawn is around where it intersects with absurdism.

The universe does have a true state that is separate from the ideal state of the Forms. While our perceived universe is indeed a shadow of the true material world AND the Forms, projected into a leser format recognisable by the flawed human mind, the material universe as a thing is different. To us, a pipe is not a pipe because a pipe is an abstract concept imposed upon the material universe in order to comprehend it. Beyond human perception, the pipe simply is. It is simultaneously nothing and anything because the material universe's true meaning and shape are beyond the processing human wetware, so we end up with the absurd. Even a perfect sphere is not truly a sphere because a sphere only exists in human consciousness, whereas if a third plane existed wherein dwelt the Forms of all things, then the perfect sphere would still be a shadow of the human idea. If we conclude that the material universe is subordinate to the Forms, then we also subordinate the physical to human perception which contradicts our assertion that the consciousness cannot actually understand the physical.
>>
No. 5105
282 kB, 1039 × 801
not sufferings
1) Rediscovered EC. I thought it was kill months back. Glad to see it still lives after the kc killing.
2) I kind of got my life in order a little bit since taking a prolonged break from EC / videogames, etc. Full-time job, (had to defer uni/language studies though), new home, and have been more social irl. Sonbasketism on the decrease.
3) I watched a nice movie a few days ago - 'phenomena'. Very cosy. Chimps with scissors. Top quality B movie.

sufferings
1) Women. I'm not sure what normal people communication is, and it messes with me. How often is it even normal to text people? I started properly dating someone for the first time in ~6 years, and they're bad at texting, so I get a disinterested vibe, but then in person - the ABSOLUTE reverse. I don't know. Their English is kind of not the best, but I can't put everything on that. I want something serious, but if they're giving this disinterested vibe, I don't want to become too invested. There is that feel of being the only one to ask questions ever. Such cases.

>>5075
I have felt this feel before. Not good feel.

>>5064
Go get the rod. Even if unpleasant, you don't want to end up with a bigger problem by letting it go.
>>
No. 5108
>Sharon Ekleberry suggests that marijuana "may be the single most egosyntonic drug for individuals with SPD because it allows a detached state of fantasy and distance from others, provides a richer internal experience than these individuals can normally create, and reduces an internal sense of emptiness and failure to participate in life. Also, alcohol, readily available and safe to obtain, is another obvious drug of choice for these individuals. Some will use both marijuana and alcohol and see little point in giving up either. They are likely to use in isolation for the effect on internal processes."[18]

How to feel like you're high on weed 24/7? I want to return to that state of being suspended alone in the void, no reality, only the I.
>>
No. 5124
>>
No. 5128
>>5105
Women are shit at texting and that goes double at the start of the relationship. Given her irl behaviour it sounds more like she's still playing hard to get mixed with anxiety over saying something weird.

I'm sure in another month she will start annoying the shit out of you so enjoy the peace. Or, if you want to be evil, casually mention some girl at work and watch her facade crumble.
>>
No. 5131
I don't like where this is going. There wasn't a day in the last month or so where I didn't drink.
I am too pussy to deal with long periods of manic depression sober. I have no idea how I endured it for years before starting drinking.

I remember saying the same thing when I started smoking. "I have no idea how I endured anxiety this whole time without nicotine".

If this continues, I don't see myself ever accomplishing anything or attaining peace. These fucking cycles are ruining me.

I hope I get run over by a bus one day.
>>
No. 5132
>>5131
Hell, I'll restate what I said around that time too. Hit up EC, and if I'm here, I'll gladly engage in a yarn to take your mind off of shit. Sometimes you just need either a good moan or a shit yarn to take the edge off of it. It's a decent part of why I developed into an imageboard addict tbh.
>>
No. 5133
>>5132
Yes, I have noticed that the thing that helps me the most in those times is a long talk. Somehow, talking shuts down the part of my brain that feels bad.

Too bad I have no friends and my family is as antisocial as I am. Whenever I talk to my mom about my feels, she just ends up unwittingly insulting me.

Good thing there's EC, though :-DDDD.
>>
No. 5134
65 kB, 720 × 480
>>5133
One thing I semi-envy NTs for is their ability to call up old mate and go do something fun if you're feeling down. They don't have to wallow in their own mental filth as it starts to clog up their mind.
>>
No. 5135
>>5134
I've found that I can not actually make IRL friends. Or maybe I haven't looked enough.

But every person I get involved with eventually expires his "interestingness". There's no more new things he has to say to me, so I get bored and stop caring.

Happened even to my schizo american pen-pal of 5 years.

I wonder if it's even possible to find someone you can hang out with regardless of the ability to have serious discussions with them.
>>
No. 5148
12 kB, 222 × 211
>>5079
Let's leave edgy lyrics to that edgy fuckboi. Or rather a wannabe edgy man child. The dude looks like a grossly obese big baby but tries to dress as some kind of an all black edgelord. Thank dog I missed the bus today and didn't have to deal with bus people.
>>
No. 5150
>>5148
There's something inside you that pulls beneath the surface
>>
No. 5154
>>5135
I feel like that's fair. No point continuing something that's outlived any enjoyment it might have brought and has just become unpleasant and/or a chore. I feel pretty similar though I also don't really try and make friends in the first place. Most people just aren't that interesting. Maybe if we find a way to satisfy our needs with the mere act of interaction like NTs do we could do it but I don't have the faintest about how to do that tbh. Probably starts with getting more topics to talk about that aren't autismal but that's a pretty steep price for marginal gains in being able to communicate with even more IQ89s than I already have to.
>>
No. 5155
61 kB, 640 × 426
>>5150
This lack of self control I fear is never ending
>>
No. 5161
>>5155
You've felt this way before? So insecure?
>>
No. 5174
I went for a big run today.
Today was a good day, taking back control from my retarded lazy Iberian heda.
>>
No. 5179
12 kB, 713 × 127
not gonna deny that place kohl is full of shit. it is filled with pedos and annoying repetitive posts but doing a joke triggers them. i should stayed in Ernstchan...
>>
No. 5182
46 kB, 657 × 532
I have an extremely important interview in less than a week that may lead to a career as a constitutional advisor within the Cabinet Office. This begins by performing a presentation on the topic of maintaining political integrity in the UK followed by a whole battery of civil service competency questions.

If this wasn't enough I found out today that I can't prepare hand-outs for the presentation. I've traditionally made it a point to always do hand-outs as, well, I’m an ex-legal academic who detests power-point wankery. It shouldn't bother me really given public speaking comes naturally but I already feel hopelessly out of my depth and competition will be fierce. This job really would turn my life around from being able to afford a decent place of my own to having a challenging and rewarding career. I must be saying this every month now but I'm afraid.

My plan is to spend the days remaining getting everything absolutely down before the interview. I may run by some competency question answers with you soon to check them over because I really need this win.
>>
No. 5190
>>5182
Look at it this way, if you don't get the job, you won't have to watch in high definition as they ignore you and trample over the constitution in the eternal march of tyranny. Silver linings.
>>
No. 5193
161 kB, 217 × 324, 0:01
every time i do something good it backfires. hours ago my siblings were begging for breakfast so i made them.

Then without knowing i broke a glass and pieces pierced through my toes i did bleed for about 10 minutes now it stopped.
>>
No. 5195
94 kB, 1171 × 936
>>5193
Pretty relateable tbh. Life seems to take endless pleasure in making things morbidly unpleasant for even just trying to do anything, let alone going out of your way to be good which tends to be the more difficult option.
>>
No. 5197
>>5193
Wisdom is this: don't make a big deal out of it. Problem most people seem to have is keeping their priorities straight. Majority of EC tiers make a huge deal out of the littlest things. Then there's certain other people like myself who somehow manage to just blithely ignore catastrophic life ruining disaster and horrors after another. So you broke a glass and you bled. Who cares? You fed your family.
>>
No. 5205
59 kB, 655 × 527
Spent a whole night deconstructing the Russian language in my head. Now words make no sense to me. I really should stop doing but the act of deriving words of meaning is just so much fun. I guess you could compare what I am feeling right now to a hangover but I haven't actually tried alcohol so I wouldn't know.
>>
No. 5206
>>5205
That's enlightenment. You should read our discussions in this and the last thread regarding similar topics of human constructions meaning little.
t. enlightenment expert
>>
No. 5208
1,2 MB, 1280 × 965
>>5128
Hopefully what you're saying is the case - I might mention a girl at work, and gauge the reply, could be interesting. Wait and see I guess. I'm used to exchanging messages with videogame pals who write without worry, and usually seem more engaged - so if it's just that women are shit at texting comparatively, that's good to know. I'm honestly clueless.
>>
No. 5219
>>5217
Wtf man
Just use different "знакомства" publics at VK
There are dozens of grills that would write to you after you post there
t. did this
>>
No. 5220
211 kB, 600 × 450
Why do bad things keep happening to me?
I could get laid with one of the 4 girls but I rejected all of them because they were young, quite stupid and not beautiful enough to outweigh it. Finally I found the fifth girl in the city (and I personally went through a thousand pages in the Russian social network to find her) that was single, beautiful AND smart, I was sure that I could get her, but today I learned that she is leaving for the university in another Ukrainian city. It seems that it's time to continue to hide for years in the apartment, all my attempts to break away from this style of life failed. The most terrible thing is that I understand that I could move to her city if I wasn't pisspoor.

On my way to happiness there was also one 20 year old 5/10 girl with glasses that was interested in anime, she wore traditional clothes, perfectly knew the Russian imageboard slang and I'm sure that many imageboard dwellers would pick her if they could. Well, I wasn't enthusiastic about the idea of fucking 5/10 girl, and I have much more interests than just anime.
>>
No. 5221
>>5219
I did this, but I only used the publics for social outcasts/anime lovers/etc and other publics where it's possible to find interesting girls. I used all the groups, now I can find girls only on the street.
>>
No. 5222
411 kB, 720 × 398
>>5220
I don't understand and never really will understand the endless chase of women. It all seems so draining. All I ever see is complaining about x or y that stems from said pursuit and it just seems expensive in time and resources for marginal gains. Besides that 99% of people in general aren't interesting enough to warrant the risk of them not being interesting. Please explain the motivations if you can. I require this knowledge to further my study of normal brain functionings.
>>
No. 5224
>>5222
I became depressed and I spent years living in my apartment and not going outside, I needed someone who I would love and with whom I could discuss my hobbies in real life. I began to envy gays because men are much more interesting than women.
>>
No. 5226
19 kB, 326 × 326
>>5224
>I needed someone who I would love and with whom I could discuss my hobbies in real life.
I see, but why? I honestly find that I'm less likely to have a decent discussion on anything I'm interested in in real life because what I like are pretty niche topics in general and the prospects only get worse if I limit myself geographically like that. As for gf, do you really think that, or is it that gf is what society expects of you and what they have hyped up so you just unquestioningly pursue it? I grew up with lots of women in my family, I had only four other males in my entire extended family. They're not really all that different from the rest of the population at the end of the day. If you find yourself thinking that being around people is a pain, like you may have considering your shutin ways, then I can assure you that it's not all that different because the other person has different junk.
>>
No. 5227
>>5220
>Finally I found the fifth girl in the city (and I personally went through a thousand pages in the Russian social network to find her) that was single, beautiful AND smart, I was sure that I could get her, but today I learned that she is leaving for the university in another Ukrainian city. It seems that it's time to continue to hide for years in the apartment, all my attempts to break away from this style of life failed. The most terrible thing is that I understand that I could move to her city if I wasn't pisspoor.

Why worry? There was nothing you could have done. You need to focus on events in which you had a possible course of action. Fugging VK stalker.
>>
No. 5228
>>5226
I do what makes me feel good. If the society brainwashed me and made me look for girls, then I'm okay with this as long as communication with the girl gives me pleasure. I think that it's possible to develop the same interests in your partner, you could make him/her love what you do. Majority of the people are bland but I believe that you can change some of them. I found males with an excellent temper and interests, even in dating groups there was bigger proportion of interesting males among other males than interesting girls-bland girls, so I support the view that men are superior to women.
>>
No. 5229
60 kB, 404 × 402
32 degrees.
It begins.
>>
No. 5234
9 kB, 640 × 479
Most messages are too earnest to reply them quickly.
Guess EC is the place of turboNEETdom, I haven't found enough time to write anything last week.
>>
No. 5235
943 kB, 732 × 1227
Dear diary, I don't really know how to describe this day. It's weird but someone actually thinks that I'm fit to become a boss man in several years and goes out of his way to life coach me into being less of an obscure German imageboard poster. I don't know what to think of this. For most of my life I was on my own two feet and I'm not used to being helped. It's also weird when people go out of their way to help me get ahead in life. Usually people want to get ahead themselves and step on others to get their way. Today may have sort of restored my hope in humanity.
>>
No. 5236
>>5235
People only act to help themselves, maybe he sees similarity between you and himself, which therefore his helping spread his genetic material, however unrelated you are.
Maybe you are about to coerced into a cult or sold something, either way this person is getting something out of this interaction, even if it is socalisation or being placed as a higher authority in the interaction.

Is any of that bad?
Not really that's just how humans work, it may be beneficial to yourself, but do not think they are doing this out of anything but self-interest.
>>
No. 5238
>>5236
Preach brother. It's like you picked words right out of my brain. Should I be investing in more tinfoil?
>>
No. 5240
24 kB, 250 × 450
>>5236
You know, the most fucked up thing is that common human decency and doing right by others is a fucking oddity. Most expect ulterior motives, others giving zero fucks or worse outright rivalry and/or hostility. Sad. Sometimes I wish to just leave the city and find out if small towns where everyone knows each other are more nice but there's nothing to do in the countryside but drink cheap beer and do manual labor.
>>
No. 5242
>>5240
It's the same thing. Why are people nice? Because they think that it's what they should do and doing otherwise is a feel bad for them. Alternatively doing good things might feel good. It's not malicious, just that people like to forget that we're hairless apes with the same lizard brain as everything else on this rock.
>>
No. 5243
>>5224
pidor
>>5220
So you didn't do anything but assume 4 women would sleep with you.
1000e a month could procure a Ukrainian grill, although she would eventually leave you for someone better, is Ukraine university that special, you couldn't get her to live with you instead, I doubt it.
>>5182
Would it effect you if you joined the Masons before hand.
>>5135
You have to share an interest, such as going to the gym, boxing, climbing, archery ect.
There are 5 types of relationships as an adult, one is a co-operative one where there is a mutual benefit, where you help each other or compete against each other see above.

The second is a weaker person with personality defects clings to you to hang out as they see you as a stronger person.

Also see 420 blaze it, weed hookups and other drug related social circles where you hang out to procure and take drugs together.

Work buddies is were you can bond during work, but association only goes as far as during work time, this can progress to a different type of relationship.
(This tends to be my favourite and there is very little commitment)

There is another relationship which is sexual and they tend to have genitals of the opposite sex.

>>5064 if there is blood for more than 1 day go to the doctors asap, in fact you are a pussy for not going to the doctors.

>>5056
>>5055
Pro-longed adolescence does not help anyone, 80% of our problems would disappear if we raised families around 25 years of age.
By this I mean most problems are largely superficial and would not be noticed if there was something significant occurring in your life.

>>5054
Limited but sensible advice, babuska's have the best advice.
>>
No. 5244
>>5242
There is serious consequences for not being sociable to others, from being ostracised in the community, to some one throwing acid in your face as you are stabbed and beaten.
There is a certain pleasant and humble quality to being nice I enjoy, it also means if I stop being nice to certain people it makes they feel bad and confused, quite the psychological tool to have at one's disposal.
>>
No. 5245
>>5242
I don't do nice things to feel good or because I should. Some people deserve decent treatment and some don't. It's this simple for me. I also fully comprehend my hairless ape and/or soulless lizard status and see no need to play mind games to run from it. r8 my ubermensch level
>>
No. 5246
>>5238
Ignorance is a bliss, best policy is avoidance.
If in doubt blame the Juden-Schabe
>>
No. 5247
>>5243
>Pro-longed adolescence does not help anyone, 80% of our problems would disappear if we raised families around 25 years of age
Shitting out kids doesn't an adult make. It's not even really an achievement tbh. If anything its value is so low as to be negligible. Consider that of the 7 billion or whatever it is people on Earth, every one came from the same circumstances. It's like saying that you can jump up and down is an amazing feat of acrobatics. You might do it better than others but others can still do it so the act loses a lot of its lustre.

Also, forcing existence on someone to distract yourself from your problems is not something I'd classify as a well-reasoned act. Breeding should be considered murder tbh because it inflicts circumstances on a person guaranteed to result in their death.

>>5244
Ain't happened yet. Maybe if you go around antagonising people you'll get pushbacks, but taking the path of least resistance tends to just get your toes trod on here and there by clueless NTggers.

>>5245
>r8 my ubermensch level
Trapped in the meme field that is social memetics/5.
>>
No. 5249
310 kB, 1536 × 1957
>>5236
I find this to be just an empty platitude, the idea that all actions are simply self-serving. The most verbose example of this particular idea is to be found in Kropotkin's Anarchist Morality.

I take it as a particular empty platitude for if one ascribes all actions to be self-serving, the meaning of this assesment is then simply empty, it loses its value for its universality. If one is to fully take this idea forward then it loses any possible negative connotation, as all actions would fall under it. It then becomes an empty statement, devoid of moral judgement.

It is a very simple argument to defend if the premise is that all human actions are self-serving by default, and whilst you can reliably defend this idea, it really adds no deeper understading to human relations.

Additionally, it is often put forth as an attempt to tarnish any sort of action that any person commited in a seemingly selfless way. Here the premise that all human actions are self-serving comes in, and thus the action is then tarnished with a more sinister self-serving tone.

Even taking the premise that all actions are self-serving due to human nature, it still remains important to judge each action according, as they are not all created equal. In this paradigm, even a person deciding to help others to their, say material, disadvantage is painted as self-serving as is the person sabotaging others for personal gain.

One should never paint the actions of the fellow man in a far too broad of a brush, for how one perceives the microcosm around him has deep repercussions in one's view of the world. If any given attribute is universal, it becomes useless as a moral judgement.
>>
No. 5250
27 kB, 474 × 557
Failed to get any meaningful work done today.
I only have 8 more chapters to go, then I can start editing the thing. Printed out and read bits of the first 13 chapters, it'll be a longer process. It has a handful a typos, and even an unfinished sentence as I've seen. I fucked up the transcription at a fair few places at first glance.
Yee. Gonna be a lot of work, but at least I'm getting somewhere.
Otherwise I'm going to sleep early.
The last three days I've been functioning on litres of tea and a half algopyrin. Honestly felt like I was somehow overtaken by some inhuman power, but alas I need sleep too.
50 more pages. Not even 50, just 45.
Almost finished reading that Lenin book I've started ages ago.
>>
No. 5252
277 kB, 2400 × 1683
>>5250
There is a famous German Popliterat. The back cover of his first published book has a simple print on it that goes like this:

Don't cry - work.

In other news I feel I have a huge workload to deal with too.
I have to write two shorter papers, I wanted to read some books during writing these papers. I have to work in between to have something to eat and I have to work thru a 450 pages reader for some small academic international event/workshop. All of this until the end of September.
I feel like I won't read any books from the staple I have here. I thought finally some time to read but yeah I need good writings in uni so I get good grades. I still did not manage too be faster while being good at the same time. Thus I have to spent most of my time on writing the papers I suspect. Perhaps I can push thru the first one in ~3 weeks or less because it's just 8-10 pages on some small bit of Aristotle' Politics, that needs some simple thesis and it won't finish with a grade but just as passed, hell why do I have to stress myself everyday?

t. semester break is never holidays
>>
No. 5253
186 kB, 1221 × 1143
Today was another good day, having a streak of them. I'll start logging my cigarette and coffee consumption tomorrow. I need to be able to compare changes over time. Ideally I'd start writing an actual journal of productivity other than in this thread.

Now my struggle into Satan's language continues: Studying such cases.
>>
No. 5265
6,9 MB, 640 × 360, 1:16
I am constantly hungry. But it isn't even always like an actual food hunger, just a bottomless thirst or craving for something. It is almost an abstract hunger.
>>
No. 5266
625 kB, 23 pages
>>5236
>>5238
You're failing to consider that maybe he is being nice because creating a culture of people helping one-another is in his best interest (maybe he was even helped). Maybe he realises that Ernst would make a good assistant manager or even a manager in another section who he can cooperate with for higher goals.

Misanthropy is really so utterly tedious when you get down to it. It doesn't even match the data we have on how people feel the need to justify their actions to themselves and the lengths they go to - see attached for example.

>>5240
>Sometimes I wish to just leave the city and find out if small towns where everyone knows each other are more nice

They're not. The problem with small towns is precisely that everyone knows each other and it's where the potato headed inbreeds congregate to live in misery.

What you want is a small affluent city like Chester only without so many students and posh twats when the horse races are on.
>>
No. 5267
226 kB, 6257 × 2706
>>5265
This sounds exactly like the experience I have when I've been under too much stress for too long. The restless craving for something without knowing what precisely it is you want and the compulsive need to get up and perform a task.

You need to either do something about what is bothering you or otherwise take the time out to perform a simple meditative task to lose yourself. I like to draw up worlds using MS Paint and eventually start enacting a global history (with unique cultures and flags) for an hour or so as a break but you can knit or other more adult meditative tasks.
>>
No. 5280
192 kB, 711 × 633
>>5266
>creating a culture of people helping one-another is in his best interest
>who he can cooperate with for higher goals.
Both of these are acting in self-interest, you said it yourself in the first one and in the second one, he gets the benefit of someone he can work better with. It's the same criticism I have of the moralistic approach that the Portuguese guy posted. Acting in self-interest is not the same as being antagonistic. Whether the act is done to feel good or to screw someone over also isn't irrelevant because it then feeds into a system that may or may not be in your own continued self-interest.

Serving oneself is neither good nor bad, and neither is it purely material or immaterial. That paper shows that by going to great lengths to justify their actions, they are trying to act in their personal interest by seeing themselves as good people. It feels good to not think of yourself as a shitstain after all.
>>
No. 5282
113 kB, 882 × 731
So my parents keep pestering me and telling me to go to university even though I made it clear when I graduated from high school that I have no interest in such affairs and have spent a few years working at a grocery store and translating some things online. Well now it seems like my parents' patience with my lifestyle is coming to an end and they are telling me that unless I go get a degree they will evict me. They are willing to pay for me to go to Kazan and study the Middle East and the languages of it.

I gotta say, that is a tempting offer. However, going to a new place means being forced to socialize and that is something I absolutely cannot do. Every time I came to a new place people there kept annoying me with their attempts to start a consversation and I never knew how to talk to neuroptipicals therefore the "wierd unsociable guy" label has been with me for my whole life.

What do?
>>
No. 5283
>>5282
Tbh, you don't need to socialise. I even did the group projects at university by myself. I never learned anybody's name in the 4 years I spent there. Raise your power level in that regard and you'll be fine.
t. asocial behaviour expert
>>
No. 5286
>>5282
Study them intensely like a project and learn to blend in, even if you just have to force yourself learning the barest minimum to skirt by.
>>
No. 5288
>>5282
>They are willing to pay for me to go to Kazan and study the Middle East and the languages of it.

Do it, seriously do it. You'll get over your social anxiety if you muster enough strength to jump head first into social encounters.
>>
No. 5289
>>5288
Or he might develop an even worse condition bordering with an outright hatred to humans.
>>
No. 5293
34 kB, 476 × 678
>>5289
Do or die moments.
Seriously, if he acts by his own accord and not out of being forced into these situations, he will make it.
>>
No. 5294
>>5293
Tbh, real life social interaction is more do and die than do or die.
>>
No. 5295
>>5282
Go for it.
I'd kill for the opportunity. My mother said there is no way she can finance my university studies, so my only chance is getting a government funded scholarship.
Do it.
>>
No. 5319
>>5282
>They are willing to pay for me to go to Kazan and study the Middle East and the languages of it.

Sounds great. Do it, faggot.
>>
No. 5363
>>5243
>Would it effect you if you joined the Masons before hand.

I should hope not. The Scots have their own lodge system.

>>5282
>I suffer with option to go to university for free

To echo what others have been saying you should definitely go with it. Even if you're a complete antisocial shit-in you will have the time of your life. And you will probably come out of your shell and even grow enormous self-confidence by being smart and engaging with the course.

Goddamn, I cannot emphasise this enough. I would leap through the computer screen and takeover your body if I could to enjoy the undergrad years again.
>>
No. 5371
690 kB, 1800 × 2775
Anyone suffer from tension headaches here?

I awoke in the middle of the night a few days ago to the novel sensation of something splitting apart inside of my head. It felt as if a heavy weight were dividing itself just beneath my scalp, and I was sent to my knees in fright of what I thought to be a blood vessel bursting inside of my brain. There was only a little pain, but the crawling/pulling feeling was singularly unpleasant. The incident only lasted for about five or six minutes before subsiding, and afterward I returned to sleep normally.

I was just thinking that it might have been a tension headache, as I suffer from anxiety-related maladies and think that this episode might just be another face of that.
>>
No. 5377
53 kB, 786 × 618
I just woke up and realised that the last six hours of my life were a lucid dream. It was pretty convincing tbh, it was just me laying in bed refreshing EC like usual.
>>
No. 5380
139 kB, 1260 × 840
I have two days to prepare for a job interview within my company

The job pays about $74k gross, and I can do the work, but I am a poor interviewee. Being unsuccessful will devastate my morale and productivity.
>>
No. 5394
that feel when need alcohol to function

Can't wait to get my paycheck so I can replace this poison with some cannabis and LSD.
>>
No. 5395
>>5377
>refreshing EC like usual.
Why so?
Current speed doesn't make refresh EC every minute. Once an hour seems perfect.
>>
No. 5398
>>5377
Has Dream-KC more or less serious discussion?
>>
No. 5403
58 kB, 900 × 520
>>5394
Get your mum to threaten you with rat poison. If it worked for your pop, then it'll probably work for you too.
t. man of logic

>>5395
Because I'm a shutin loser with no life and even less motivation to do anything else without benefits like pay.

>>5398
I dunno. I was on EC, not KC. It was pretty standard EC. So, majority blogging with gems all around it.
>>
No. 5404
>>5403
Are you really a shut-in or a teenage angst shutin.
>>
No. 5406
1,1 MB, 3840 × 2160
today was a gud day.
spoke to therapist, am gettin' half year "free" time, i.e. no nagging from state. still working ~50h a week. ..but without pay… state no like that. they want me work ~12h week with mininum payz or some stupid internship, but full time.

after a long time it seems i found my way. just need some time to achieve financial stability. state would destroy and push me back in serious depression.
>>
No. 5411
I am drunk today, despite my stones in kidneys. Last week was full of humilation for me. My failed project is at restart phase, so people from another departments keep on blaming everything at me. My anger issues are at rise again, i need to calm down.
My mother demands additional money for repairs in her(well i own it too) flat. Probably she secretly asked for more to send our ill dog to vet. My plans to buy a flat are now set aside
Probably i should get a new job, but i am too responsible to blame my failures on others or just run away. Love to quit when everything is done.
Also finally i want to praise belarusian products, this new beer is great. Played "this is the police 2" today great game, highly recommend it. They made x-com like police simulator. The game that i wanted to make since my childhood
>>
No. 5413
98 kB, 612 × 491
Does consciously acting like a good person make you a good person?

I act positively towards people by reasoning and personal beliefs, not because of some inherent feeling of goodness or altruism. It makes me feel like my goodness is not authentic, but rather a cold, calculated decision. Through the same mechanism I could simply reason to act evil, with no internal change or contradiction. By simply arriving at a convincing argument.

I don't know, I feel like I'm so autistic and calculating that I have no "soul". I feel more like a machine for thinking, rather than a "person".

I've read that schizos have a warped sense of morality swinging between selfless altruism and shocking cruelty. Maybe that's that.

In fact, that is true not only for morality, but everything else in my life. I don't truly feel "passionate" about anything. I simply have strong arguments for pursuing such and such goals or ambitions. My ambitions are well reasoned and make a strong case, therefore they must be important and valid. But I don't feel this cathartic "inspiration" to strive for something, or a "calling". It feels especially weird since I care so much about art. It seems like other people who care about art feel this mystic awe when thinking about art, while I simply made a strong philosophical argument to myself for why art is so important.

Makes me feel like a faker or a liar.
>>
No. 5415
>>5413
>Does consciously acting like a good person make you a good person?
Well, your actions define you. Off course if you make good to others you are still a good person.
>I don't know, I feel like I'm so autistic and calculating that I have no "soul". I feel more like a machine for thinking, rather than a "person".
Its called a "consciousness". Thats means only that you are an intelligent being that can act against its feelings, like any other human. Nothing bad about it. Pure feelings are for stupid or pregnant women. Internal fight against our instincts made us intelligent.
> But I don't feel this cathartic "inspiration" to strive for something, or a "calling". It feels especially weird since I care so much about art. It seems like other people who care about art feel this mystic awe when thinking about art, while I simply made a strong philosophical argument to myself for why art is so important.
What kind of art you appreciate?
>>
No. 5417
269 kB, 1280 × 1024
feeling some kind of dead inside, I could just lie in bed, watching something or listening to something.

Thinking about looking for a stream of Melancholia or August 31 to get my approval of misery.
I started reading Rilkes only novel which fits the feels quite well so far, too.
>>
No. 5418
238 kB, 846 × 476
>>5417
Why watching streams when other person playing game that you can play instead?
>>
No. 5420
297 kB, 1280 × 981
>>5418
These are not Let's Plays but movies about some kind of depression.

But I watched a few minutes of a Midtown Madness 2 Walkthrough after I made my post.
So far I only read more Rilke and will probably just stream some lecture while getting asleep to it/them.
>>
No. 5422
>>5404
I work about 10 hours per week and don't leave the flat otherwise unless I need food and I try to do that at around midnight just before the shop closes. I've gone 2 weeks without leaving or seeing sunlight before, just sustaining myself on flour and water with all the curtains drawn.

I'm not a hikki, but I'm not exactly out on the town neither.
>>
No. 5423
>>5420
Nah forget itm there no such thing as depression. It's from laziness. Just do something what you good at and all will back in normal
>>
No. 5425
>>5423
>there no such thing as depression

There are millions of people who would disagree with you that a thing that was researched for years does not exist.
Let me guess, you know better, right?
>>
No. 5427
656 kB, 540 × 304, 0:01
i wish i was a cute kitty cat (female) i could sleep and purr all day :P
>>
No. 5429
i think i friendzoned myself with someone i really like by being far too slow about it

now im desperately trying to gain the courage to confess to her
>>
No. 5430
Lies! My cat has gone out again, probably hanging with that tom cat from across the street I've seen her with.

Bitch has a more active social life than I do.
>>
No. 5436
>>5423
I wish depression was a feeling. Feelings are easy to ignore or otherwise deal with.

I'm not sure how to deal with psychomotor retardation. That is to say, I can't, since it compromises my ability to, well, do things. And think. And generally function.
>>
No. 5438
65 kB, 1024 × 576
>>5280
The next step is to go bigger and ask why people choose these strategies and justifications though. On the surface it’s 50/50 to cooperate or compete so why does cooperation appear dominant and for that matter why would anyone sane have ever performed a selfless act?

My view is that it is endued in global society to adopt a protégé or in the case of burglars to follow Robin Hood narratives. Especially when very little conscious thought is put into matters of life. This is why I looked at judging humanity as a whole because our decisions are ultimately expressions of a wider pattern.

So to skip ahead, you could say that in the soul of humanity the good has won on a person-person level and now we help others by default. There is no Bill and Ted telling humanity to be excellent to one-another or course setting in history but the strategy is so inseparable we even follow it irrationally. Ergo, you can safely assume that most people just want to help without an ulterior motive or weighing options even if they are sometimes loath to admit it.

>>5413
>Does consciously acting like a good person make you a good person?

No but you might just be rationalising your actions. The question you should ask is whether you make sure others see you do good or whether you feel guilty when you fail to be good.

You’re hardly a good judge of yourself so look at your conduct from how it is presented to others.

>I don't truly feel "passionate" about anything. I simply have strong arguments for pursuing such and such goals or ambitions.

That's just what growing up is. You have an inner calmness that stops you acting like a complete idiot with a Jeremy Corbyn poster above your bed.
>>
No. 5440
65 kB, 530 × 600
241 kB, 89 pages
>>5438
>You have an inner calmness that stops you acting like a complete idiot with a Jeremy Corbyn poster above your bed.
Are you implying putting up posters of Farage or May is the work of passionless, smart, inner calm people?

https://www.telegraph.co.uk/politics/2018/08/04/government-plans-redirect-lorries-carrying-perishable-goods/
https://www.reuters.com/article/uk-britain-eu-sanofi-fr/sanofi-has-been-stockpiling-drugs-for-no-deal-brexit-wsj-idUSKBN1KL2WO
>>5280
You guys are overintellectualizing this. On top of that bernds are assholes (I say bernds, due to the conspicuous frogposting ITT). Despite all the very readily apparent horrible things about other people, they have an internal sense (most of the time) of some kind of decency or empathy for the most part, regardless of if they do absolutely atrocious things like that brit said. A good amount of imageboard dwellers are so totally divorced from this that the mere concept of doing something for another for nothing is totally alien to him. If you're looking for some type of logical explanation then yes the motivations of selfish genetics plays a part too where the lone wolfs all die out and the cooperative team players survive. In fact, the people here are actually a very good example of this. We're not usually talking about well adjusted adults who have genuine prospects, and that "that feel when no gf" meme also just shows how we're dealing with a completely alienated subset of people many of whom are genetic dead ends.

Why would anyone want to actively deal with a completely selfish asshole anyway? There's only so far that kind of mutual exploitation can really go before being outlasted by completely selfish motivations. Nobody trusts or wants to deal with someone who has no code of honor, no code of ethics, no sense of altruism and morality who is totally self interested, and those individuals are fundamentally incapable of forming and sustaining societies anyway. Moreover you can't quite sustain a species like that without certain specializations. We are not solitary predators like an arachnid. Most of us at least have higher order thinking and internal processes including emotion.

I'm not really sure how to explain "empathy" to someone.
>he gets the benefit of someone he can work better with.
It's a balance. If you're constantly acting for the interests of others it eventually makes you exploited, and in fact can open up the way for totally self interested predators to shamelessly take advantage of you. I think it can also require the foundation of one's personal stability in order TO be able to act in a selfless manner, because if you're constantly giving everything away without working for or building something you're kind of useless to just about everybody anyway

see also ideas on Boddhisattvas
http://www.viewonbuddhism.org/dharma-quotes-quotations-buddhist/bodhisattva.htm
http://www.buddhanet.net/dhammapada/
http://www.alanpeto.com/buddhism/bodhisattva-path/
>>
No. 5467
>>5423
the satisfaction will be marginal in most cases if even.

Sometimes "it" is there for weeks, sometimes only for days. At least I get a minimum of shit done in comparison to my early twenties.
>>
No. 5468
>>5440
>(I say bernds, due to the conspicuous frogposting ITT)

Ah, I guess you weren't active on EC between the past two summers? A lot of people coming from KC since april interpreted the occurence of Apu as the same kind of frogposting that happened on KC. I never knew the meaning of all that since I hadn't visited any boards besides EC for many years, but during those confrontations I learned that what I had witnessed as a feature of quality blog-posting (mostly by the aussie and kazakh) was a mark of shit posting on other boards. And indeed as soon as br-balls and more russians and murricans arrived in may, I learned to be annoyed by the frog. I forgot the relationship of the memes; something with Apu being a reaction to Pepe or w/e - someone explained it in detail on old EC.
In any case, the usage of the frog here on new EC has so far been similar to that on old EC before april. It's mostly a useful means of communicating intent of a post, of a mood. My advice is not to disregard the frogs here based on experiences at KC.
>>
No. 5486
>>5440
>Are you implying putting up posters of Farage or May is the work of passionless, smart, inner calm people?

No you cancerous twat. I'm suggesting that falling for popular trends and acting on passion is something the young do while as you age you become more measured and prone to dispassionate analysis.

Corbyn mania is/was a perfect example of this as it felt like an echo of New Labour popularity almost exactly 20 years after the 1997 election.

>In fact, the people here are actually a very good example of this. We're not usually talking about well adjusted adults who have genuine prospects, and that "that feel when no gf" meme also just shows how we're dealing with a completely alienated subset of people many of whom are genetic dead ends.

Stop projecting Not-NordFrench. EC isn't a pity party for people in their late teens-early 20s.
>>
No. 5492
44 kB, 657 × 527
Today I tried to say that I didn't want to go on the holiday I'm being made to go on but my concerns just got swept under the rug and dismissed with barely a word. Also instead of finding a new flat, we'll be moving into the house where my sister's boyfriend lives. It's more expensive than now and I'll have to deal with more people. However I can't afford a private flat either so I have to go with it. Tbh, I feel more like some kind of mascot that people keep around because they think asperger is something more along the lines of downs syndrome.

Now I'm unable to get to sleep even though I have to be up early for work because I'm having something of a panic attack for the past few hours. Reminds me a bit of how I used to feel when it was fire season and home was always well within the reach of the local bushfires.

Rate day.
>>
No. 5496
143 kB, 1280 × 960
hey. i'm new here. kc's dead, long live kc!
>>
No. 5503
>>5496
KC is dead and for good. And you will not find CS here, this is EC, and EC how it was before KCancer invasion in marth
>>
No. 5504
Watching 4K photos make me feel like my Internet connection is slower than it is.
The horrible truth is, rather, I have too small RAM. Mind you, one raw photo takes almost 32 megabytes in memory.
>>
No. 5506
Woke up at 3pm, managed to work for the last 7h on web development despite the scorching heat.
I'm going to then study more Russian after a healthy procrastination session.
>>
No. 5512
713 kB, 500 × 345, 0:01
Barely anything of note was achieved today.
I got a cold and I feel really ill in general.
Despite this I managed to complete a chapter.
Had to lay down the tea and I feel every second of not drinking it.
The day after tomorrow I'll start my week long job so I won't be able to work on this. I have to get done as much as possible.
Only 35 pages to go, or 6 chapters.
Not bad if you consider that at the beginning of July I had +150 pages to translate.
I have high hopes of getting published with this.
Sometimes I wonder if I'm overworking myself. Judging by the previous month, this definitely was a strain both mentally and physically. Maybe I'm just that weak.
I've learnt a lot about increasing my productivity in general, hopefully I can put this knowledge to use when I return to school.
Thank you Enrsts for listening to my 2nd world suffering
>>
No. 5522
>>5512
>I got a cold
That's an achievement this time of year. Also sucks ass in this heat.
>>
No. 5523
>>5380
Good luck and remember to sip water.

Try to also keep in mind that all interviews are a game with no reputation accuracy. Don't be yourself when instead you can think about the criteria they are evaluating you on and go with that guy.

>>5492
>Today I tried to say that I didn't want to go on the holiday I'm being made to go on but my concerns just got swept under the rug and dismissed with barely a word.

You need to stick up for yourself harder then, surprise them. Brushing aside meek objections is something bullies use on people they believe won't dare to make that final leap and tell them to fuck off.

This is well beyond being about a holiday, find your balls before they take those too.

>Also instead of finding a new flat, we'll be moving into the house where my sister's boyfriend lives.

Yeah, nah. Go online and look for places with a room going spare. There is clearly some problem with your family life and you need to get away from it.
>>
No. 5524
>>5522
It's actually my second cold this summer.
>>
No. 5525
Quite enjoyable day this was. I painted a little bit, I s hope to be an artist, but I clearly has no any tallent, so need multiply my efforts and tryings to achive decent level.

Heat finnaly gone away and looks like will never come back this year. Whole month of +30-35 was enough for me for next 10 years, clearly, so now I enjoing +10-15C and clouday a little bit rainy weather that are regual weather for our place.

However, it kinda sad to see we are kinda invided from kohl again. I don't know is it one poster or someone spamming EC link on kohl, but I hope it will not escalate. We are too small community to resist if there will be full scale invasion of spammers.
>>
No. 5533
today i confess to her

she will say that she sees me as a friend and that's fine. i just need this out of the way so i can move on.
>>
No. 5544
>>5074
>>5073
If someone's interested there's a polish novel that talks about it "Ferdydurke" by Witold Gombrowicz.
We've discussed it in high school, the teacher was a dumb bitch tho and didn't understand it.
>>
No. 5545
174 kB, 1024 × 897
For some reason I've remembered about multimedia encyclopedias.
We've become so accustomed being connected to the Internet, that nobody remebers about it. They've become obsolete.
English Wikipedia approximately has the size of 16 gigabytes. I don't want to think how many space takes political bullshit of nowadays.
Wish I were back to loving reading fiction or such. I feel like my attention span has decreased over years.
>>
No. 5546
>>5544
>W trakcie pobytu w szkole zostaje poddany procesowi tzw. „upupiania”, czyli infantylizacji młodzieży gimnazjalnej.
Sounds fun.
>>
No. 5549
>>5545
>English Wikipedia approximately has the size of 16 gigabytes
Only? I thought it like 50 terrabytes at least lol
2 terrabytes is whole main english london library or soething
>>
No. 5562
58 kB, 450 × 450
>>5523
I'm no good at confrontation. It triggers my flight response 100% of the time tbh.

Also, I'd sooner kys myself than live with random NTggers. Better the devil you know than the devil you don't. At least I know what I'm going into with that situation, even if it is suboptimal.
>>
No. 5566
>>5073
that feel when you re-read something you wrote while lucid and slightly maniacal, and now that you're depressed and sluggish, you don't understand what the fuck you're talking about
>>
No. 5568
I drank chocolate milk for the first time in 20 years, have to say it was pretty good and will be making another purchase.

>>5492
Can you deface your passport, this would be better than destroying it and would mean you are unable to fly, cut a few pages out, the one with your photo, this however could lead to some major family drama.
Could you apply for autismbucks or does your family steal that from you, depending on your age I would consider the military if you just want to get away, although recruitment process takes a long time.
You could also book a flight and fly the day before your family, however I consider this a very poor option, with little finances and no reason to be alone abroad other than avoiding your family.
The only way to deal with anxiety is to confront the problem head on.
You have real sufferings.
>>
No. 5573
>>5568
Chocolate milk is ebin, though I like the iced coffee flavoured milk more even though it's not really iced coffee.

As for bux, I have semi-personal, semi-professional goals that require me to not be on the mentally ill list. For context, I graduated on the back of work in firearms history.

Also I have future travel plans and passports aren't cheap. It's close to $300 for one. Honestly, my sufferings aren't that bad. My problems are pretty first world. It doesn't make them less impactful on myself but in the grander scheme it could be a lot worse tbh.

I actually did try the military when I left high school. A couple of times actually. Didn't get past the shrink either time. Probably not a bad thing tbh. I was just at peak autism at that age, and it wasn't too long after then that I fell off and spiraled into my current mess :-DDD

>>5544
Also missed this. I looked him up. He sounds like an interesting guy. Will be looking into him if I find the time/motivation.

>>5566
I've had that happen a lot. I remember in high school chemistry that one day I was breezing through university level papers and the next I was bottom of the class. Unfortunately, the teacher still thought I was worth putting into the scholarship program and I failed pretty bad :-D
>>
No. 5574
I get paid minimum wage (on paper, still waiting for paycheck) working for my brother's business and I do pretty much all the work, from looking for orders, to accounting, to writing business plans, everything.

Meanwhile we keep missing really good opportunities and deals because brother can't get his papers in order. He gets 15% from the sponsor's profits. It's pretty good money on the kazakhstan, and all he has to do is make phonecalls, pretty much.

He's my brother and all, but I have this insidious voice in the back of my head that says "just talk to the sponsor and get your own firm, you'll be running shit and making all the money". I could probably do it, I'm doing all the intellectual work here and the sponsor knows it.

On another, coasting on regular pay with zero responsibility is exactly what I wanted from a job, and I'd probably fall off the face of the earth when the depressive cycle hits, breaking all deadlines (Which is acceptable in my case, since I do work a week in advance, but not acceptable in the case of manager) so I guess I won't.
>>
No. 5578
>>5574
That's actually pretty similar to why I'm mostly content with mediocrity myself. It's far too much effort to sustain when I'll inevitably screw it up or lose interest somehow.
>>
No. 5580
>>5573
rated
>>
No. 5581
>>5574
That is much improvement to where you were a while ago.
Stick it out six months, but always be looking for other opportunities.
Is you brother making more money than before, then perhaps ask for 7.5%, settle for 5% of the money instead of min wage.
Always look to learn and improve.
Your brother may not be interested in working hard and earning money, maybe just to the bare minimum and get paid, I notice this alot outside of Europe.
>>
No. 5582
71 kB, 500 × 459
>>5581
Also dis. Good shit on finding something that gets you some tin and that you find manageable. I dunno if I came off as negative in my post. It wasn't intentional if I did :-D

The part about keeping an ear to the ground seems wise too. Maybe in time you'll feel confident enough to move on up some. Just don't push too hard and burn yourself out I think is the key point to keep in mind. A little bit of something is better than a whole lot of nothing and tbh, things do get easier, even if not ever easy. I used to go panic mode at work a lot more often than I do now, usually over getting slightly busy or disorganised, but now I mostly only have problems when I'm invested with too much responsibility in the absence of someone whose actual job it is to be invested with said responsibility.
>>
No. 5583
>>5581
>>5582
Yeah, I've been regaining my sanity I guess.
Kinda miss the ebin schizosis and the resulting thoughts and weird behavior, but I guess this is ok too. I guess it's a good thing I've been keeping a journal, so I can later remind myself what being a paranoid schizo felt like :-DDDDD.

I still have troubles going to bed and getting up, my body doesn't seem to have an internal clock at all.

I guess I'll just coast for a while until I figure out the entirety of the business cycle, then think about doing my own thing. It's amazing how much easier life is when you're not a braindead schizo who gets panic attacks when his phone rings :-DDDD.

I recently realized that in general, people like me. I used to be too autistic to understand why the fuck people keep smiling at me and bothering me with small talk. My disdain for people was just a projection of my own self loathing (which is still present, tbh). I still don't think I belong with the normies, but at least now I can treat them like a dog - with understanding of their limited conscious ability.

It's still a long way until I am where I want to be, self-sustainment wise, but at least I don't spend 80% of my conscious life being a vegetable any more.
>>
No. 5584 Kontra
>>5583
Why did I use "I guess" so many times, fugging beer is messing with my prose
>>
No. 5587
59 kB, 658 × 662
Today I had to go to a local hospital to get the last remaining paper necessary in order to receive an operation to rid my heart of some thing that was supposed to go away when I wa a kid but never did. As usual, I spent the day talking to imaginary people in imaginary situations and listening to music.
When I arrived at the hospital it turned out that the doctor had already left and I will have to postpone the operation by another month or so and collect all other papers once again which will cost me a lot of money. A few days before that I thought of scheduling an appointment but my mind immediately switched to a different thought and I forgot.
I wish I wasn't so dumb and distracted with lunacy of all sorts. Maybe then I'd be a functioning human being.
>>
No. 5589
>>5587
Then make an appointment now.
Also good luck with the operation, i hope everything goes fine.
>>
No. 5590
>>5589
Can't
The operation was supposed to happen tomorrow morning and now it obviously will not
>>
No. 5594
77 kB, 1387 × 702
>>5583
>I recently realized that in general, people like me.
Well if your company on EC is anything to go by, you're a pretty decent sort to hang around. More interesting than most people and not just because of the schizo. It sounds like you're in a good headspace though. It's good to see. Stick to your guns there and just keep cruising m8.

>>5587
Feels bad man. Is it a serious problem or just something that should be done. You also have my sympathies on the paperwork costs. It's kind of rubbish how much governments charge you for printouts of your information even after they extract the kind of taxes that they do.
>>
No. 5596
>>5587
I feel you man.
t. used to have sames

I don't know what the state of psychiatry on the russia is like, but going to a mental ward helped me. Once I got rid of anxiety and schizo, I haven't been having as many intrusive thoughts.

If mental illness help helpers are actually good on the russia, you might consider taking some meds. I used to think I don't need help with same settis, and then turned into a vegetable as symptoms escalated.
>>
No. 5608
I got a few days of excessive binge-drinking with old mates behind me. It was great fun for the most part but I feel like run over by a truck now and am very happy to soonly return to my everyday life as a hermit. Then again I will start working soon and while I was happy to get a job at first now I'm a bit nervous and would prefer to just continue living like I did before which I sadly won't be able to do anymore. Some NEETs or people who don't work like failing students (the latter is me) don't use their time well and fall into a downwards spiral. This wasn't the case with me, I lived pretty well the last few months. I read a lot, did sports, ocassionally got drunk, tried out new things and let my mind stray towards new paths etc. I think that I even bettered my self-consciousness a lot, and my physical and emotional needs get quite satisfied by a girl I'm writing with a lot (We didn't met yet but plan to do so).

Right now I'm just waiting for the hangover day to pass, I'm not physically hungover but my mind is still fucked because of the escapades.
>>
No. 5616
confessed

it went as well as it could've

she essentially said that she was into me at the start but then i took too long and now she sees me as a friend

im not too sad, i still think she's perfect but i certainly am not
>>
No. 5622 Kontra
>>5616
Give an ultimatum, at the end of the day men can not be friends with women.
She will only use you as an emotional tampon.
Like bandaids, play you cards on the table and be prepared to walk away nothing good can come from this.
>>
No. 5623
>>5608
I am a baby sheep and I can tell you, that weekends and the time after 5 pm can be enjoyable enough.

It sucks to got to bed before 2am though. But if your job is not utter shit that is, then a very nice life is up ahead.

Be high energy, Ernst. I was high energy and it made my job even more ebin in a month.

t. 0,8 year old sheep
>>
No. 5625
318 kB, 952 × 969
Dear diary, I want a fox girl gf to come back home to after feelin' down from lyfe and work. When I wish for escapism like this is when you know things are bad. srsly fuck lyfe. Boss man thinks I'm cheating him and intentionally stalling when I'm overworked as fuck and don't even have time to make tea. All I do is work and the fucker thinks I'm taking it easy. If he dares cutting my money I'm walking.

#justwagekcmodthings
>>
No. 5627
>>5625
They will never respect you, but they may respect you more when you take a week's sick leave.
>>
No. 5628
>>5627
If things keep going as they are I will do just that. If things go worse I quit and leave the country asap.
>>
No. 5638
1,6 MB, 2453 × 3024
215 kB, 314 × 318
The book I've ordered arrived today.
Haven't worked on my translation, and won't be working on it for a week because I've got hold of a job. Finally I'll have more money to spend.
Managed to get angry at Xenonauts, played Tetris instead.
Tetris is such a nice game. I've almost cried how good it is.
>>
No. 5643
I had a quick look at Benjamins thoughts on the Aura in his essay on the reproduction of art.

I think I can definitely use his thoughts to tackle my own thesis (1) that the past has an aura in our presence. There is a yearning for reproducing the past in politics and culture, an attempt in reproducing a complex and exceptional, singularity of sociality.

Why reproduction? Because the past contains promises of a future, future is non existent today. the fun thing is: our presence is the failed future of the past.
Anyway, since we have no own future today because it's just one giant threat in general perception (thesis 2) people just want to go back to the good old times, when it seemed "we" had a proper concept of the future (thesis 3) and not just future as a downfall and hell coming over the people and planet earth
>>
No. 5648
33 kB, 600 × 605
I don't wanna go to work tomorrow or go out and talk to anyone at all! Pls start the global thermonuclear war already so I can enjoy the nuclear winter and cozily watch the snow fall outside on ded streets while sipping hot chocolate.
>>
No. 5652
Read another American hospital donation rally today.

What the FUCK is the point of even having hospitals at all? Who the fuck can afford the MILLIONS of cost if something remotely serious actually happens? Save your life just to be forever in debt?
>>
No. 5656
>>5622
this is immature

we have a lot of fun together
i can get another woman i just want her
we have a very practical friendship, giving each other rides and dinner and stuff since we live close by
>>
No. 5669
>>5652
It's basically just another form of indentured servitude to the banks. The same thing happens when you sign a lease on an apartment, a car, a new home whatever. The other big one is student debt. AFAIK a bankruptcy filing can clear medical but WON'T clear your student debt. They never actually expect you to afford it they just want to keep milking you forever and certain other unscrupulous interests love the opportunity to get in on financing.

Meanwhile what actually starts happening is some people (like me and others I know) literally just throw the bill out every month. We don't have debtors prisons anymore afaik which means if you have absolutely nothing they can't do fuckall to you. Although, I'd imagine in some instances they garnish your wages.

Really medical is one of those things like college tuition that hits the middle class the hardest because they have too much income and property to qualify for any program and can have their assets fucked with but don't have nearly enough to actually afford it. This is one of the reasons why the middle class in America is evaporating because you either can just squeeze by into a high enough income bracket or more likely you'll just go bankrupt and wind up with the have nots before you can somehow magically accrue enough assets and a high enough income stream with enough connections to where even a bankruptcy filing isn't necessarily such a big deal. People at different levels of society play by completely different rules here. So far as I know, the middle class is also the only ones gullible and naive enough to think they're all playing by the same rules, or that the same things are ever going to be available to them.
>>
No. 5670
>>5669
All true TBH.
Bankruptcy cleared everything but my student loans, but I'm poor and my payments are income based, so I pay nothing. That's the game. Stay broke, or start earning more and then pay more and still be broke.
>>
No. 5675
39 kB, 420 × 420
Paycheck in 3 days boys.

I'm gonna get so drunk. Also buy new headphones. And a monthly supply of protein powder and gym membership.
And a mechanical keyboard. And lots of chicken breasts.
Also new underwear since I have only two pairs that I have to wash every day.

Consumerism, ho
>>
No. 5677
>>5675
Your first paycheck?

Last night I ordered 75 euro worth of school supplies from Japan. The next 10-20 days waiting for the package will be agony.
>>
No. 5682
353 kB, 620 × 347
I just had a nap. Feeling like a million bucks tbh. I wish that we had a culture of nap time like exists on the Spain.
>>
No. 5684
>>5675
what headphones? I got HD 25 by Sennheiser. best phones
>>
No. 5685
>>5675
You're going to break your new headphones while you're drunk the night after you bought them.
>>
No. 5686
>>5684
I wanted to get HD558, but they're too eggspensive.

So I think I'll buy Sony MDR 7605, or their very respectable clone from takstar pro 82.
I'm a sony fan in general. Their products are really sleek looking, and good quality too. I had sony earbuds for 5 years.

Also, maybe get a vape so I can quit smoking or something. But I read a paper saying it doesn't help really.
>>
No. 5690 Kontra
Oh and also I can't sleep but it's way too early/late to take extra doses of sleeping pills or something. I think my internal clock is desychronized. Not long ago I felt incredibly hot, sweaty, and a little bit itchy and even so hot it felt like my skin was burning when I touched my arms. Not a burning sensation just super hot. It almost sounds like thyroid disease but I got tested a year or few years ago and that was normal afaik. Sometimes if I don't sleep I'll be wide awake but my core plunges until my teeth are chattering because my mind is completely wired awake and my body too but another part of my body is acting liek its asleep while I'm moving. What's spooky is when you're awake while you're dreaming. It's like a very scary nightmare trip. Fortunately hasn't happened in awhile but it was like my sleep would kick off sometimes but the REM part got jammed so I just stayed in REM while consciously moving around. The worst is when you have work and can't even hope for an hour so just double down and skip a night. I can't wait for winter because of this shit.
>>
No. 5692
Shit, I just did some math and if I keep drinking like this every day, it's gonna cost 50% of my monthly wage.
Damn, there ain't no justice in the world.

>>5677
I also want to buy some painting / drawing supplies and get back to practicing.
>>
No. 5693
you knjiow whjat , i have a a better idea

on my first paycheck im going to buy a helium tank and fucking kill ymself .
gonna be greaty

alwaysd wanted top do that.l=

aniother option is to go on the roof, and jump down with a rope hanging from my neck
nakedl.

our district has a lot of kids, i bvet that would be a memory fo a lifetime for tyhem
lmao
>>
No. 5696
29 kB, 800 × 600
I smoked a cigarette for the first time in nearly 2 years today.
It was fucking disgusting and i wonder how i could enjoy that for so many years.

I also got a bit dizzy from it.
>>
No. 5697
>>5693
Better get some Headphones.
I have the HD598 Cs, their standard price is too high but Amazon sells them for 99€ or so pretty often and they're worth that much.
>>
No. 5698
>>5697
Oh, and you said you're into Sony.
I also have some MDR 7506, they're pretty good if you're not into very bass heavy music because that's their weak point in my opinion.
>>
No. 5699
>>5693
Rough day I take it? Anything in particular just set you off, or is this more that baseline depression bubbling up to the surface in the wake of drunken lack of inhibition?

Either way, feel known.
>>
No. 5701
263 kB, 1024 × 1021
>>5699
No, I just have beer induced tourettes syndrome.

I hafvea all sorts of ranbdom thoughts poppint into my mind all the time, I don't internalize them most of the time. but man, being druink, you just can't hold it in

is it kctier if my drunk babbling is expressed through EC instead of verbally? IRL when drunk I'm perfectly normal (well, not really, just indistinguishable from my depressive self, although I feel good on the inside).

OI just don't see thje point, man. sure, maybe I'll make some money on this job. maybe the business will even take off and I'll become successful? So what? it's just a pastime. whether you're rich or poor, you'll be miserablew all the same.

my depression isn't the result of being an abused child born into a family of poverty degenerates. my lifetime existential crisis stems from the fact that being an abused child born into a family of degenerates allowed me to tap into the metaphysical nature of being, and realize that I don't like it very much. I was presented with reality, and found it wanting. I want out.l

I just want to close my eyes forever. I don't want to die, I want reality itself to disappear. I have an unshakeable feeling that our reality was stillborn. something about the laws of nature isn't right. this universe is flawed. it should be erased as mercy for all.
>>
No. 5702 Kontra
121 kB, 960 × 540
>>5622
me no understand this
>men can not be friends with women.
got plenty of female friends. only if you find them sexually attractive (or the other way round) it may get complicated.
>>
No. 5703
59 kB, 500 × 499
>>5701
your senses are limited; only diffuse noise compared to what the universe can offer. it's the body, not the universe, that is flawed.
but your body is the only tool at your disposal you can use to interact with the universe.

decision is up to you. it's called freedom. but if you kys, do it the wizard way, plz. and don't do it because of some stupid drug induced impulsiveness.
>>
No. 5704
>>5701
As you say, it's a pastime. The point is that it fills in the time. The benefit is that while it's kind of a lame pastime, working to earn a pocketful of tin, it allows you to fill in other sections of time with things that were otherwise out of reach. There is nothing really wrong with that. Not everything needs to have some grand purpose to it after all. It is best to not linger on the futility of your living but instead to focus on the worthy things it allows you to undertake such as your art, even just your pursuit of things to dull your experience with the unpleasant parts of reality. The man had a hateboner for people like us, and his intention is slightly different but he puts the concept out there in a way that I can never do. Natively in Kazakh.

>Әуелі - пенде адам болып жаратылған соң, дүниеде ешбір нәрсені қызық көрмей жүре алмайды. Сол қызықты нәрсесін іздеген кезі өмірінің ең қызықты уақыты болып ойында қалады. Сонда есті адам, орынды іске қызығып, құмарланып іздейді екен дағы, күнінде айтса құлақ, ойланса көңіл сүйсінгендей болады екен. Оған бұл өткен өмірдің өкініші де жоқ болады екен.
>>
No. 5705
38 kB, 1054 × 526
>>
No. 5706
>>5704
Also, before it gets said, it's not a matter of 'just do this breh, it'll solve all your problems'. All I'm trying to really say is that yes. The real world is flawed and doesn't really have any reason to it. None that humans can comprehend anyway. Seeing as it cannot be fixed then all there is for it is to make it fuck with you less. If making a living lets you achieve things that you find personally satisfying then there is no greater good or greater purpose to life to say that you shouldn't just do those things. This also includes a longer-term perspective. If drinking yourself half to death means that you're going to look back and miss the money and health and time, then it's maybe best to not drink yourself half to death even if it is pleasurable in the moment.

Oblivion comes to us all eventually. It's not so much about 'YOLO, just do all this stupid shit before you die!' It's probably better to use the effort to do things you find at least entertaining to some extent rather than something that's just going to tear yourself down. Especially since people like us do plenty enough tearing down as it is.

I mean really I'm in no real position to offer life advice considering my own incredible incompetence at the same task, but hell it don't cost me nothing to give it a go.
>>
No. 5707
34 kB, 648 × 533
>>
No. 5708
>>5707
Now do Bohemian Rhapsody
>>
No. 5709
48 kB, 529 × 700
>>5705
>>5707
Mambet, please.
>>
No. 5711
249 kB, 800 × 1505
>>5709
https://vocaroo.com/i/s0npkmkwH5TZ

>mom fuck off I'm singing
>>
No. 5713
42 kB, 400 × 360
>>5711
Holy shit. I thought it was funny until I heard what sounded like your mum's concerned voice. Then I just absolutely lost it. Well played, sir.
>>
No. 5714
>>5713
Thanks, I was thinking up the lyrics while going to the store for more beer :-DDDD
>>
No. 5716
>>5714
Well it certainly sounds like you don't need any more. That was a top quality drunken singer-songwriter performance :-DD
>>
No. 5721
>>5714
Also, here's a few you can call yourself cultured while singing :-DDD
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jrLcXR9hYFE
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZAkCzbdZWCQ
>>
No. 5727
15 kB, 552 × 378
53 kB, 657 × 527
100 kB, 600 × 480
175 kB, 302 × 297
>>5716
I got more. I think I posted this before, but in text form.
https://vocaroo.com/i/s1XxtUZTQpdV
>>
No. 5729
>>5726
I don't know enough to talk about the specific issues, but I'd not use any colloquial language like starting a sentence with 'You see,...'. It's best to use Academic English in these sorts of things I think, shows them that you're onto it. That's different to just regular interview arsekissing mind you, but you seem to have your heda screwed on right enough to figure it out. Mostly you just want to make yourself sound extremely detail-oriented and professional, but still leave out the usual interview shit, someone will use it and if you don't then it just makes you look better because they asked for a presentation on a topic not the person. They want someone dealing with constitutional matters which is something that they don't want to bite them in the arse because someone was a bit too laid-back and missed something. It's nearly 3AM and I'm not really in a condition to be trusted with writing something professionally.
>>
No. 5731
152 kB, 1280 × 720
>>5727
Yes you've posted it in text form before. It's even better in audio. You sound Mexican :-DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
>>
No. 5735
357 kB, 1000 × 800
>>5729
Oh yeah I get it. It's a bad habit of mine to switch into normal speech even in writing sometimes.

Thanks for the advice. It's a great help to know it didn't provoke outrage, you deserve to sleep well for doing this good deed.
>>
No. 5745
Ernst, can you name me books/articles etc that explain algorithms and computation without having experience in that field?

I want to know how all of this works but I don't know any CS really, I never properly coded a thing in few years of highschool and I was bad at maths. Perhaps it is still possible to get the basic working of all that by having stuff explained in simpler words
>>
No. 5747
>>5745
>wanting to program
>CS
It's the worst way to start to program.
>>
No. 5756 Kontra
>>5745
i would argue you need to at least be able to program a simple calculator. that's not much work, but gives you a bit first hand experience.

the language doesn't matter much. once you've learned the basics of one object oriented language, others are quite easy to pick up. (for more detailed explanations, it would be important, thou…)

and it depends on what kind of algos you wanna understand. neural networks? java-scripts? html5? some graphic or sound stuff?

imho, learning by doing is still the best way.
>>
No. 5800
Fugg, I feel embarassed right now.

Mom had guests yesterday and there I was singing pink floyd songs off key at the top of my lungs, at my computer.

Being drunk is a lot like being hypomanic: what seems to be great ideas turn out not to be in retrospect.
>>
No. 5802
>>5800
Buy her something nice from your first money
>>
No. 5807
Brother told me off and said not to come to work today since I'm drunk again.

Is this what slipping into degeneracy feels like? It feels good.

Why can't he understand that being drunk is what keeps me productive? I did a week's worth of work in like 3 days thanks to beer. Would he rather I slipped into my depressive cycle and became a vegetable again?

I'm more productive when I'm drunk, so why does he even care? This is bullshit, man.
>>
No. 5808
>>5807
You'll kill your liver if you keep up with it.
>>
No. 5809
>>5800

... Just
>>
No. 5820
>>5807
He cares probably because he's your brother for one, and secondly because it's not a great look to have someone sloshed on the job, even if they are working better for it.
>>
No. 5822
82 kB, 640 × 622
dear diary,
my bed is cozy and i am still tired although i had two "free" days, i.e. only small "talk" appointments over the days. Today i had to reschedule an agreement with one farmer because another one claimed he needed my help "more". Today it is said to be raining; some stuff on farmland needs to be done. Both farmers are somewhat crazy; real mental illness. One of them is a real garbage-messy where i pretty much only have to "clean up", the other one is suffering PTSD.
I feel like I am overworking myself and others grew dependent on me. Today i don't wanna leave bed, but have to. It's the first time in long this feeling has returned to me.
After an appointment with local job center i gotta visit the messy farmer and bring him some food and work the rest of the day for the other one. prolly till 11pm or later.
knee hurts.

so far
>>
No. 5826
I just found a site that sells research chemicals on the kazakhstan.

5g of amphetamine is 132.55. Kinda pricey, tbh.

if he's so bothered about my drinking habits, imagine how he'll react to that lmao
>>
No. 5828
>>5826
You think you're embarrassed now? You'll be singing Pink Floyd on the table in front of all your ma's guests rather than in front of your computer. That's what'll happen.
>>
No. 5833
>>5828
Chewing his gums and cleaning his room.
Lol I can imagine it.
You shouldn't do drugs in your parents home.
>>
No. 5835
>>5807
Work first, drink later.
You get used to being hungover all the time and occasionally still being pissed.
Apart from the shits.
No excuse to be drunk at work, however you can time it so, you are still drunk when you wake up.
Overall drinking whilst working or being intoxicated is a bad idea.
>>
No. 5843
>>5826
You say you are more productive when drunk? This might be a temporary thing that stops when the drunkenness becomes normal. It might also be because the loops that you fall into when depressed depend on a certain threshold of neuro transmitters not being crossed, thus allowing you to break out of these patterns when fucking with your hormone production. Alcohol can do that, which is one of the reasons why being drunk can feel good to people who are depressed when sober. It's not a good idea to seek this state though. Alcohol is even more imprecise about fucking with your neuro transmitters than SSRIs are and those are already a trial-and-error solution with rather bad success rates.

Amphetamines could be better, but they are also pretty taxing on your system. Have you tried LSD micro dosing?
>>
No. 5844
37 kB, 528 × 480
Five minutes into the exam I had to barf into my mouth two times. The two people next to me were already frightened that I would vomit on them in any second. I had to leave the exam and it will most likely be counted as a failed try which brings me even closer to being thrown out of the university. The exam was easy too from what I've seen.
>>
No. 5847
>>5844
Are you crook or is it anxiety? Sympathies either way.

My exam tip has always been to not study all the way into the door, but give yourself about a day beforehand to relax and let your study just sink in. Take your mind off of the exam itself and relax. I've always found that if I try cramming until the last minute I just end up forgetting it all due to the stress while a good rest the day before an exam leaves me feeling sharp. I dunno if it's relevant for you, but might be worth a shot.
>>
No. 5848
>>5847
I was already finished with learning two days before. It really makes me look like a crook. Like I just wanted to look at the exam to figure out how hard it is and then say lol, no thanks. That's also why it's so hard to cancel an exam once it begun even if you got yourself a medical certificate afterwards. Next time I will just take a plastic bag with me and just vomit inside it if I feel sick again and then just continue as normal.
>>
No. 5850
>>5848
Oh no sorry. I broke into Australian English there without thinking. To be crook is to be sick. My bads.
>>
No. 5851
>>5850
Don't worry. Also interesting to know that this word can have a different meaning. I think it was a mix between anxiety and feeling bad from the hot weather. One alone wouldn't make me feel so sick suddenly.
>>
No. 5852
>>5851
Oh right, yeah. I forgot that Europe was under a heatwave and I guess that you guys don't have the most robust air conditioning units in terms of being able to cool a place down rather than heat it up? Or would I be wrong in that assumption?
>>
No. 5853
>>5852
Yeah, that's true but that was probably also the reason they created an easier exam. What a shame I couldn't finish it.
>>
No. 5854
>>5853
Yeah, that's pretty shit. What are you studying anyway?
>>
No. 5855
211 kB, 1200 × 1200
I'm on vacation in the austriest Austria. My heart finally feels tranquility.
>>
No. 5856
196 kB, 1280 × 720
>>5855
Man, the Alps are weird. Maybe I'm just too used to Glacial Fjords from living in New Zealand but having the mountains not just plunge directly into the water just looks wrong. Don't get me wrong, looks noice but also sits firmly in the uncanny valley. Pun intended :-DDD
>>
No. 5857
36 kB, 540 × 645
Dear diary, today was a good day. I didn't have to do anything complex and spent all day listening to creepy audio stuff about weird unresolved murders, disappearances and music. Usually I have to pay attention to things and can't do that. Also my moba game obsessed coworkers weren't as obnoxious when I couldn't hear them do nerd noises externally. Tomorrow I'll listen to audio books because it will be the same as today.
>>
No. 5861
>>5848
> Next time I will just take a plastic bag with me and just vomit inside it if I feel sick again and then just continue as normal.

If it helps not getting thrown out of uni. Depends if that way is your only way you think you can go.

I feel a bit since I had an oral exam few weeks ago when it was just around 30°. I couldn't eat properly and wasn't overly well prepared in retrospect. On the day of the exam I felt like vomiting all before I was examined. Drinking water and taking a piss every 10min.
At least I made it thru, usually I calm down within the first minutes if I can sense I know answers to the questions. But instead of rattling down my thesis I had to hand in I was ask questions of basal theoretic nature in between and I did not prepared for that because I did not know that could happen.
>>
No. 5879
>>5843
I'd have to look for LSD to find it, some guy is selling an LSD "analogue", but I doubt it's 1P lsd, probably some weird psychedelic that makes you rip your eyeballs out.

Also, tolerance is setting in it seems. I just feel okay even when sober, when drinking, I don't get euphoric any more. Also, I slept incredibly well today.

I'll probably cut off on drinking since shit's getting pricey at that point. I'd probably need like 8 cans of 0.5l lager daily to stay hammered 24/7.

(forgot to turn off proxy :-DDD)
>>
No. 5893
>>5879
Yeah I too doubt you get real LSD in steppe when you don't even get it in europe, but I have withdrawn from drugs more or less completely for the moment which is a year or so

Anyway, I think you shouldn't go the drug route, there are some alternatives. It will wedge people like you. I have seen people who can't go back and it's a sad celebration, a grin in tears, trying to make the best out of it but you know...
btw. some went mental including myself, you have experience with it, so why risk it again?

> I'd probably need like 8 cans of 0.5l lager daily to stay hammered 24/7.

I would consider that alcoholic but the bar can be raised. Don't become your father, man. Every alcoholic will tell you its not worth it in the end. But I guess you like the fatality that comes with it
>>
No. 5894
Tonight's wisdoms of the Ernst

Sometimes the one you expect the least from will do the most

A low pay can feel like million if you gave your best

Good night and see you mates
>>
No. 5896
A week without hot water. Good, I already stink
>>
No. 5903
>>5896
There was a time when we didn't have hot water for 6 months.

I just showered in ice cold water.
>>
No. 5904
>>5893
Sure you can get LSD here. I was talking about micro dosing anyway, you won't get high from it, it's mostly just changing the distribution of neuro transmitters so you are less trapped in the same tought-loops. Apparently it also makes people joyful and friendly, but since I've never tried it myself I can only pass on what I've been told by those who've done it. Micro dosing seems to be the new shit in experimental treatments, it's still illegal in most places though.
>>
No. 5905
>>5893
I've always had self-destructive tendencies, don't know why.

I'd often intentionally ruin relationships, or sabotage my own academic career just to see what happens. I guess my life is so borng, I have to create problems just to make it a bit more exciting.

Also, found a shop that claims to sell genuine LSD from netherlands. It's twice as expensive as the "analogue", but I ain't retarded enough to buy that shit without a test kit. Maybe when my paycheck gets raised.
>>
No. 5906
>>5745
The Art of Computer Programming by Donald Knuth ~~höhöhö~~

Seriously though, I don't know any books good for getting into the algorithms and the way of thinking. I'd rather suggest to make a list of famous algorithms and then work it off by searching for explanations on youtube and wikipedia. That is: Open the wiki page for the algorithm, then search for videos explaining it and go back and forth. In the end, write down what you think is the most concise description of the algorithm on a piece of paper.
Do that for all algorithms on the list and you'll be a large step ahead of most CS students after their first 3 semesters.

After some time I suggest you pick up a very basic language and try to programm those algorithms you understand the best. If you want more specific advice, ask ahead.
>>
No. 5907
71 kB, 960 × 682
>>5905
i've heard the dark web market still offers high quality drugs.

just sayin'.

…and get a guide about how to thin the concentration down. micro-dosing are really low doses. don't buy "pappen", that is papers with a droplet of a water/lsd concentration; buy a little bottle of the concentration. "pappen" are dosed for "trips" not for medical treatment.

and maybe read some papers about this treatment beforehand.
>>
No. 5909
98 kB, 612 × 491
>>5907
What if I just dice the blotters really fine with a razor?
>>
No. 5910
694 kB, 410 × 471, 0:02
>>5909
bad idea.
it's not evenly distributed that way. sometimes you gonna have too high of a doses, sometimes nothing.
you need a water solution to thin it down properly.
>>
No. 5913
126 kB, 1920 × 1541
>>5910
Then soak the blotters in a vial of water?
>>
No. 5916
I'm going to face my fears because I finally understand time is short and I'm going to be Igor in a few years. I'm going to take a photo of myself and create a facebook account and see if any of my former classmates contact me

Probably not since I had no friends and was a social leper but at least they will view my page and grin silently at what a loser I am. I was already ugly then so it'll be no surprise to them
>>
No. 5917
>>5916
Why not get sexy with photoshop before posting a picture?
Could lead to interesting conversations.
>>
No. 5919
>>5917
LOL I was doing this as a stepping stone for personal growth not to indulge myself in some toxic incel-community trolling
>>
No. 5921
>>5919
>personal growth

By making a facebook profile?
>>
No. 5922
Well my phone is fucked, lasted one year, multiple times dropped, but I guess the screen just decided to quit.
>>
No. 5923
>>5913
How would you know it is lsd and not a placebo.

I do not see how LSD will help your situation.
>>
No. 5924
>>5906
I'm coming from humanities but I want a basic understanding on computation in order to understand better what consequences it might have on society. Basically I want to know how it works so I can understand it's possibilities.

I won't have time to code or learn coding, since I read a fuckton of other stuff and I'm still missing time to read it all

>>5904
>Sure you can get LSD here

Yes, but I heard it can also be RCs

>>5916
there are so many better options in personal growth than an empty fb

instead of photoshop fb just like instagram offer filters to put on your photo(s)
>>
No. 5927
81 kB, 658 × 901
Just another day thinking I fucked up big time with my 2 years of neeting straight after graduating university
t. 31 yo
>>
No. 5928 Kontra
>>5927
what were you graduating in?
>>
No. 5929
15 kB, 640 × 560
>>5927
Could be worse. At least you haven't knocked up some child support monster or fucked up your back working for the minimum wage.

You're 31 with problems that can be fixed in a year or two at most. Why worry?
>>
No. 5934
245 kB, 1465 × 1209
Asked my brother if he knew any telegram groups where they sell cocaine.
He told me that if i started sniffenings, he'd definitely fire me. And to cut off on alcohol. He said his friend pretty much ruined his life with blow, and that he'd rather get rid of me than deal with my shit, especially considering I will end up spending all my money on coke and will become even more of a burden on my family.
He told me to attend gym or swimming classes instead :-DDDD.
Fucker :-DDDD.

Me on the left.
>>
No. 5935
>>5927
Remember these heavenly days? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nWB037DBgko

Innocence and new technology (1999 - 2003)
Degenerate imageboards with creative "memes" (2004 - 2006)
Beginning of the end, rise of consolidated internet (2007 - 2008)
"What, it's not 2000 anymore? That was just yesterday" (2009)
Absolute shit "smart phone" culture in all aspects (2010-2016)
Boomer dating boom on kc (2017-18)

*KC was shut down because too many former failures were getting laid and getting jobs
>>
No. 5936
>>5927
Have you gratuated at 29 years?
>>
No. 5939
>>5934
Man, that's not even a low-key weight jab. Straight savage.

Real talk though, steer very clear of the blow. It's a rich man's drug and you aren't rich.

He also has a point though, some kind of hobby would go a long way. I know you have difficulty finding something engaging, but the concept is not without fault. It doesn't have to be physical or even mentally taxing, just something that takes the edge off of the boredom so you feel less need to immediately hit drugs and booze.
>>
No. 5940
>>5916
Why do you care or remember people from hs who weren't your frens?
>>
No. 5941
>>5934
If you want to do drugs go to university.
>>
No. 5943
>>5928
software engineering
>>5929
it can almost always be worse, until you find yourself living under a bridge. I guess that most of all, I'm just saddened, that after so many years of coping with anxiety and believing I had it under control, it can still pull the rug from under my feet. and then I felt the need to cope with that, and 2 years fly away like that. now there's the rest of my life, indeed.
>>5935
it's impressive how Ronaldo looked like even more of an annoying twat when he was younger. have some actual memorable moments, though:
https://youtu.be/WlEUdZgH0gc?t=4m2s
https://youtu.be/5TAHAKyAYcY?t=26m54s (1080p recording of a 2002 world cup match, absolutely ebin)
>>
No. 5944 Kontra
>>5936
yes
>>
No. 5948
>>5943
I watched the 2002 wc on an old tv on vhs tapes set to extended 6/8hr mode (games were at 12am-6am here)

I recorded a few 2006 wc games on a dvd recorder, didn't have money for a tivo or modded xbox with hd. i didn't know anyone who had hd in 2006 yet

Meanwhile Japan had hd soccer broadcasts on local channels in 2001
>>
No. 5949
I feel so empty that I crave getting drunk alone again which I didn't do since quite a time now.
Only thing stopping me from it are two things: I'm on a diet and it's going really fine so I don't want to eat like a pig after getting drunk and the knowledge that it will be only worse tomorrow or even worse that it won't even help today.
But it's really bad today.
>>
No. 5950
568 kB, 200 × 150, 0:01
>>5948
I recorded zidane headbutting materazzi in the final, minutes later put the disc in my pc, downloaded some trial version video editor, cut the clip into 4 mins, uploaded it to youtube, made the front page and got 400,000 views the same day. i was the only one who bothered for that whole week because in that year youtube was taking everything down for copyright. i found it strange that people from all over the world were using my channel as a hub, like liveleak.

the clip was still up until i shut down the account 2 years ago
>>
No. 5953
154 kB, 729 × 638
31 kB, 983 × 1151
>>5939
I totally agree with him, tbh.

Now, why I told him about wanting to try blow in the first place. I mentioned my "self destructive tendencies" before, but I guess that was a bit dishonest. It's more like a desire to create friction in order to provoke people into giving me their honest opinions. I am a very good liar, and the first person I lie to is myself. So I always need a second opinion. I had this loud voice in my head yelling "MORE ALCOHOL, GET SOME BLOW, IT'S GONNA FEEL GOOD", and a quiet voice in the back of my head saying "don't be retarded, you need to save up as much money as you can to help your family. In fact, quit smokes too, it'll save you 10% of your monthly income that you can spend on something useful instead". So I acted intentionally provocative towards my brother so he'd scold me, and give a bit of strength to that rational voice in the back of my head.
It's almost sub-conscious, I have this lingering feeling that I'm wrong, so some latent part of my brain intentionally seeks out to reveal my degeneracy so I can get a clearer perspective. Must be a schizo thing.

Another reason is that it's sort of a shit test. To see whether a person REALLY cares about me. Apparently, my brother does.

Also, I just got harassed by the cashier about whether I REALLY am older than 21. What the fuck. I had to pay the adult bus fee in my 15s because I had a beard by then, now I get this shit. I shouldn't have shaved :-DDDDD
>>
No. 5954
>>5948
>>5950
imagine the money you could've won with adsense on that baby.
>>
No. 5957
>>5953
Makes sense. Not much I can really add to it since I tend to be a bit more on the bottle it up end of the internal conflict resolution scale.

> What the fuck. I had to pay the adult bus fee in my 15s because I had a beard by then, now I get this shit. I shouldn't have shaved :-DDDDD
But if you had a beard, you'd be endlessly harassed for mosque money :-DDD
t. remembers the conversation
>>
No. 5961
I read a part of Arthur Schnitzlers Lieutenant Gustl ... if he would be a virgin, that character would be a proto-2018-bernd/helmut
>>
No. 5966
76 kB, 758 × 1272
I completed some major tasks over the past week or so and as a result...I really don't know what to do with myself now. The moment you get used to pressure is when it is all over and you can take it easy.

>>5934
I'd do same. It's good that your brother cares and understandable that he doesn't want to deal with a cokehead.

>>5949
Just watch some Star Trek TNG or the film Pleasantville.

t. Haven't had a drop of alcohol in 6 months
>>
No. 5982
Apparently, I have depleted the entire stock of the nearby store's 10% lager. I feel kinda proud tbh.
>>
No. 5983
>>5982
You're either going to get locked up in a hospital/psych ward, go to jail, or die very soon at this rate. Trust me on this. Those are the only three outcomes you have within the next year.
t. former alcoholic
>>
No. 5984
33 kB, 493 × 496
>>5913
could work. don't recommend it, thou. how would you be able to dose that way? you wouldn't know how much already evaporated. LSD is very potent.
why not just get a water solution? buy once, have enough for your whole life and family.
coke is really expensive and wouldn't help. would just add more problems and addiction to your pile of shit. (thou, you don't seem to have been serious about it.)

>>5923
medical studies. look 'em up.
LSD micro-dosing and Adderall seem to be the two best options for drug assisted treatment. LSD is the less dangerous and cheaper option of both. (no possibility of addiction, no danger of fucking up your body. …and higher and earlier chances of stopping the drug-assisted treatment with long lasting effect)
we are talking about micro-dosing, not tripping, here.
>>
No. 5985
60 kB, 480 × 252
That feel when internet dead so I have to use phone.

Also, my phone's Kazakh keyboard has a section of mysterious mambet menes. More than likely the equivalent of facebook-tier but still very mysterious.
>>
No. 5986
>>5983
Have you died?
>>
No. 5987
>>5983
I've already been to the psych ward.
It was a pretty nice experience, actually. It's kinda like a vacation hotel, but you're only allowed to go outside 1 hour a day.

I can see that this shit is escalating, though. I gotta quit soon or I'll be spending most of my salary on booze. I can't accept this. I need a mechanical keyboard and sennheiser HD 589.
>>
No. 5989
Damn, looks like the beer goggles phenomenon is real.
I have a female coworker who I'd normally rate no higher than 6/10. Now that I'm fucking hammered, I'm looking at her, and thinking "damn, she's kinda cute". She isn't. But it feels like it, especially with her pink floyd shirt.

Is it normal to be physically attracted to someone because of their pink floy shirt?
>>
No. 5990
Oh dog everything is spinning :-DDDD

I can't work like this, I need to go home :-DDDD

But I spent all my money on beer and have nothing for bus fare :-DDDDD

I am not well :-DDDDDDDD
>>
No. 5993
>>5990
Are you okay?
>>
No. 5994
>>5990
Get help.
>>
No. 5997
>>5990
Take their advice mate. Get some help or at the very least get off the piss, it's not doing you any good and if anything is doing you harm. You've seen first hand what chronic alcoholism is like, do you really want to end up like that? Judging by how you've spoken about that kind of behaviour in the past, I don't think you really do.
>>
No. 5998
20 kB, 341 × 431
Well, I guess this makes it the third time I vomit because of alcohol.

First time was when I drank 8 cans of beer in like an hour with my schizo friend. He insisted I keep drinking even though we were both completely fucked. He collapsed on the stairway to his commieblock, while I stumbled home, down and emptied my stomach.

Second time was when we went for a walk with my cousin, taking chugs off a cognac bottle. I guess I should have realized at the time that alcohol only takes effect in 30 minutes. I downed half a bottle, then he offered me some afghan snus. I put a fistful under my tongue and 10 minutes later I was vomiting, convinced that I was about to die. Never mix snus with alcohol, lads.

This is still a lot less unpleasant than vomiting from greening out on weed, though. Weed greatly amplifies the response of your taste buds, so after you throw up, you have to endure the amplified taste of your own vomit for the next 3 hours.
>>
No. 6005
Today was a good day.
I was hungover, had a bottle of coke and taught 7 1hr classes, was pretty fun.

I want to drink another 6 pints today, but thought if I switch to whiskey or vodka, I can continue to drink and lose weight, there will be less evidence as well, in no rush to buy a new phone.
>>
No. 6006
>>5998
Learn from it then. You've made the mistakes, might as well get some utility out of them, no?

>>6005
Wouldn't it get boring to teach the same thing back to back 7 times? Or were they different subjects?
>>
No. 6007
>>5693
Can you tie a knot.
>>
No. 6008 Kontra
>>5702
A female friend is like a boat which doesn't float.
>>
No. 6009
>>5705
Request more next time you get drunk.
>>
No. 6012
I post in today thread because don't know where else

I have 0,5L of liquid rubber latex but no idea what do do with it.
Would it be possible to put my hands in it and get some nice latex gloves when it's dried?
>>
No. 6013
>>5934
Swimming is actually really good, I do that instead of taking drugs or getting drunk randomly like I did back then. Not only it helps with weight problems, but also it clears your mind and lets you think straight, the water feels fucking great and you can take a few looks at some hot teen girls.
Also you can take a book with you and spend the whole day there, just swimming and reading. Unironically better and more healing than any kind of drug-abuse and I'm saying that as someone who had hated doing sports for most of his life.
>>
No. 6016
>>6006
Well I only teach young kids.
There is vast variety, but it can get boring.
But there are many ways to teach different stuff, ages vary from 2-12, class sizes differ, class mix differs and you can have the freedom to teach or not teach what you want.
For example had an oral English class to teach how to give answers in a sentence, I focused places and describing where you live, so some vocabulary to teach, some attempt at humour and I do drawing to explain concepts and new words, as well as asking questions and correcting grammar and response, not bad on a hangover.
Next was 4 young children ages 2-4 years, no theme just general English, 2 of the students have a tendency to cry, both new students, so I let them play with toys for ten minutes, sing songs and do actions roughly ten minutes, play with them, teach them phonics, then flash cards, read a book or puppets, generally just trying to make them laugh.
I was giving out high fives and doing this thing where instead of a high five we touch fingers and I say Ding, but I go around like a bee first avoiding there finger as a reward for saying the correct word, such a book or goat.
Had Lunch, then I had Phonics classes where help with their pronunciation of English, where I draw on the board, get them to pronounce the vocabulary correctly, I was using a big piece of cardboard as a fan to blow at them to make them laugh, I say hello babby in Cantonese then act shocked when they say in back, and squirt air at them with a toy bicycle pump, it can vary a lot, flash cards, and correcting their grammar, getting them to say small sentences, one girl has a speech impediment so I am extra motivated to help her.
I have some Cambridge classes today which is a bit more serious as it is focused on passing an exam, they all want to score 15/15 or 13/15.
So they need to write and you can help them spell, I still try to make them laugh and be silly, but I kick them out if they misbehave.
I give them electric shocks by poking them, gently, and I mock them for bantz.
I can also confuse them by switching from English to Cantonese.
Apart from the first class, most of the students are around 5 years old.

So yeah today was fun, but the past few weeks have been brutal, 36 hours teaching, and avoiding giving a lesson plan because they have not given me a break to do any, you can write down a lesson plan in 10 minutes, I just do not want to give them the satisfaction, it has also been 33degC for forever and the humidity really makes you tired.

Older students can be fun as well.

Wall of text.
>>
No. 6020
36 kB, 300 × 383
I've been feeling my heda cooling down over the last week or so really. Feeling less foggy and asperger. This time last week I sent out close to 15 applications to various low-end jobs or kitchen jobs that I've been working around long enough to go for. Didn't receive one thing back. Honestly, I'm strongly considering going back and trying to join the military again because I need a job and don't really have marketable skills in the current market. I dunno though, even feeling okay as I do, I'm still not what I was fresh out of high school and I couldn't pull it off then. Maybe I'm basically doomed to bleed money until I finally run out and starve. Such cases.
>>
No. 6021
>>6020
Try to save as much money as you can and learn some 3rd world language. After a couple of years you should sell things inherited from your parents and move to the 3rd world country whose language you have studied, now you can live for $400 a month like a king until your death. You would be an exotic 1st world foreigner and it would be easy to find gf for you.
>>
No. 6022
>>6021
Problem is that I'm currently bleeding money rather than saving and I'm not exactly living an expensive lifestyle. I'd be fine at my current job except that nepotism has screwed me in that even though some of the long-term workers like myself haven't been getting enough hours to pay the rent, we for some reason keep hiring new people who happen to know the managers. Would also be less of a problem if I had marketable skills to find a new job, but I don't.

Also, I'm already studying Kazakh so there's that but I don't know if that's truly third world. Don't really care for chasing girls tbh. No homo, just don't see the point.
>>
No. 6023
>>6022
All those who are poorer than Russia are the third world. Russia is the richest country among the post-Soviet republics, except the Baltic states.
>>
No. 6024
>>6020
Local paper or recruitment agencies.
>>
No. 6025
354 kB, 500 × 332, 0:02
I just had my first work week.
It's neither hard nor bad, just tiresome.
My head is full. But at least so are my pockets.
I have so much money that I can now safely shell out the cash for a tea-set with a gaiwan.
Even more. I'll be able to get that Middle-High German dictionary and a few more books that I want and I'll still have a lot of money left. Maybe I'll even buy a bottle of brandy and a bottle of sake just to try out.
That is if I go working next week too. They said they'll need me next week too.
I was pretty happy because that means more money. I never thought I would have this much as a student.
When I did physical work I got paid less.

On the other hand if I'd have focused on my "work" at home, I'd probably be almost done with the book.
I'll have a week for it at the end of summer. I don't know what school will permit me, how will my classes be shuffled and such.
I only want to worry about proofreading by then. I don't need a computer to re-read it and mark the stylistic errors and things that need to be rewritten.
If I really wanted to and wasn't so lazy I could probably pop a pill for my headache and work on it after work, but I just don't want to, frankly. That much work seems unhealthy, and while I like pushing myself to my limits as to what I can achieve with my mind, it's just too tiring.
I'm going to work on the weekend though.
>>
No. 6026
>>6020
They'll really like all the posts on kc you made about the Aussie military now being for women and foreigners only.
>>
No. 6027
>>6026
Never made such posts tbh so it won't be a problem. The most I've said is that their shrink had an idea about me that he twisted my words into fitting rather than actually listening to my answers.
>>
No. 6030
>>6022
>>6023
Bro tip: come to Astrakhan, it's:
a) as hot as Australia
b) as cold as Australia
c) Kazakhstan is nearby
d) it's Russia
e) Caucasus is nearby, just look what people become when they come there: https://youtube.com/watch?v=PPxOpzOwl0g
>>
No. 6031
>>6030
f) Kazakh language is widespread there
>>
No. 6032
So, today we went home early because there's no more work until monday.
I'm sitting here at home, realizing just how empty my life is outside of work. Work, at least, is a distraction. I am incredibly bored.

And it's not like earning money's gonna change any of that, at beast I'll spend it on stupid baubles that I won't use because I'll be at work the whole time.

The only thing I'm looking forward to is a gym membership.

So, I guess I finally found a job I can manage, and will be getting paid in a couple days. Now what? What's the next step? Somehow I imagined getting a job would solve my problems or something.
>>
No. 6033
>>6032
I would suggest running instead of going to the gym, no time limits, few excuses, you can always do 100 pushups, squats, sit-ups.
One advice I had previously when I was unhappy/depressed after neeting for a few years, I blamed myself but when I had a real job, I could at least blame all my troubles on my job and I think that is what 70% of ppl do, work sucks, but that is life, if was a great relief to join reality and blame something else and not yourself.
Who knows what will come tomorrow, but will you cry if it rains, i doubt it, take life as it is, a bunch of organisms competing for resources.

Alcohol makes you lucid and allows you to think, it also digs a hole, you keep digging a hole you feel warm and safe after a number of years you might not understand the world but you know you will feel warm and safe in your hole.
So any stress, anxiety or boredom brings you back.
However life is full of anxiety, stress and boredom.
>>
No. 6042 Kontra
>>6032
get politically active
>>
No. 6048
SSRI withdrawals ain't nothing to fuck with. I missed one day, and now I feel like shit for two days straight.
>>6033
I think I will do both.
Jogging on off days.

The reason I like going to the gym is because it's fun. Lifting heavy objects and seeing how heavy an object you can lift is like a game. It's engaging on a level that bodyweight exercises are not.

Also, swimming, too, sounds interesting. It sounds very cozy to spend whole day splashing in water, and reading books while you're tired, then going back into the water again. Just some place to relax, instead of sitting at the computer all day.

>>6042
I've always wanted to form an underground kazakh nationalist pagan terrorist group slash doom metal band. We'd play songs praising tengri and burn down mosques, beat up muslims and russians, etc.
>>
No. 6053
85 kB, 472 × 562
>>6048
i have it the other way round. i think it is more engaging if you work with your own body as weight. gives me a better feeling of "body control", the illusion, that i know my body's limits and strength.
climbing, parkour, running and swimming; those are activities where you only move your body, no other weights.

don't want to convince you of my interpretation/motivation. just felt like sharing

systemkontrat