/int/ – No shittings during wörktime
„There is no place like home“

Currently at Radio Ernstiwan:


Hail Odin! by Christenklatscher666

M3U - XSPF


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No. 66735 Systemkontra
189 kB, 1080 × 1317
My tip of the day: buy the dip, Ernst.
>>
No. 66736
>>66730

Wow, this is quite universal in its appearance, I'm a bit baffled. It reminds me of older butchers and deli with the black signs and chalk written on it. Discounters like LIDL, Aldi, and such don't have these but more refined groceries stores do. Now I am hungry for this, but they are a bit on the more expensive side to shop tbh. This reminds me of summing up my January grocery expenditures and against my expectation I was below 150€ (~134€ to be precise, but I had about 5 days of absence, nevertheless I didn't shop expensive)
>>
No. 66737
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xmUZ6nCFNoU

Today is the greatest
Day I've ever known
Can't live for tomorrow,
Tomorrow's much too long
I'll burn my eyes out
Before I get out

I wanted more
Than life could ever grant me
Bored by the chore
Of saving face

Today is the greatest
Day I've never known
Can't wait for tomorrow
I might not have that long
I'll tear my heart out
Before I get out

Pink ribbon scars
That never forget
I tried so hard
To cleanse these regrets
My angel wings
Were bruised and restrained
My belly stings

Today is
Today is
Today is
The greatest day

I want to turn you on
I want to turn you on
I want to turn you on
I want to turn you

Today is the greatest
Today is the greatest day
Today is the greatest day
That I have ever really known
>>
No. 66739
151 kB, 1280 × 723
>>66736
In the smaller ones they look like pic related.

No actual meals, just pre-baked stuff and salads.
>>
No. 66742
Reading New York State labor laws. Turns out we have a codified "Day of Rest", in which employers must provide 1 day of unscheduled labor per week. Unexpectedly Biblical. Fun fact, for farm labor this rule doesn't apply to the immediate family of the employer. Exploiting kin is legal, lol. For workers in the hospitality industry we also have a "spread of hours" rule, and employers must pay an additional hour if the beginning and end of a shift span a period greater than 10 hours (including lunch breaks) This is to compensate for/discourage split shifts- working lunch rush and then coming back later to work dinner hours etc.(e.g., Work 11am-2pm, then leave and work 5pm-10pm. 8 hours total, get paid for 9).

We also have a mandatory meal break for shifts greater than 6 hours, and this cannot be waived by the employee except through collective bargaining where the employer gives some form of equal compensation. This is the rule that keeps getting me into trouble. I'd rather work straight through the day but can't. .

So many legal protections, feels almost 1st world. Then I remember how much vacation time the rest of the world receives ;_;

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_minimum_annual_leave_by_country

>all industrialised nations except the United States

dammit, I hate being the last post in a thread, I'm moving to the new one...
>>
No. 66743 Kontra
>>66742
>dammit, I hate being the last post in a thread, I'm moving to the new one...
Ernest, ich...
>>
No. 66744
Why are banks so fucking stupid
>We know you already have an account with us, but please register a second digital account to access your debit account from your phone because we made a second phone app and we will discontinue the old one xoxo
Fuck you. Why is this all so complicated I just want to use the fucking card and see how much money I have on it without remembering twenty fucking passwords and numbers that are longer than the road to Jerusalem.

Anyway, this new app is actually kind of cool. It's really fancy so it tracks my monthly spending and even separates it into categories and oh boy, is it raising eyebrows. Like how the fuck do I even manage to burn through almost 40k HUF some months like holy shit that's a lot of money.
But then I realise most of that is spent on lunches or grocery shopping on the way home to save the family time so I guess it's okay.
The book spending was roughly 10k (20-25EUR) a month, which is in order I think.

Got my notification letter from the election committee that I'm registered and eligible for voting in the next general election and the anti-transgender referendum.

>>66739
I remember one of the local supermarkets had one, but it was slowly phased out in favour of establishing a food court.
But they never sold chicken nuggets.
>>
No. 66745
>>66744
Why don't you use the Euro in Hungary?
>>
No. 66749 Kontra
>>66745
Because we don't meet the economic conditions for it, and we'd immediately become a Greece tier economy if we introduced it.
Plus not having it is good for our German overlords, since they can buy more by spending less due to the exchange rate. Export based economy faec.
>>
No. 66750
>>66742
>Turns out we have a codified "Day of Rest", in which employers must provide 1 day of unscheduled labor per week.
Maybe my English is too bad, but what does "unscheduled labor" mean exactly in this context? If I translate it to German as "ungeplante Arbeit" it makes no sense to me here.
>>
No. 66751 Kontra
Schröder might be an absolute crook, gangster and most likely not a nice person at all, but I have to admire the sheer boldness of his actions, especially throwing away that ironing board horse he had before and getting a qt korean gf.
Also, I just found out that Doris Köpf is only a year older than my mother; I always thought she was also a 40s born.
>>
No. 66755
Pat Benatar's song "Hell is for children" gives me lots of feels. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MxYsi5Y-xOQ
There is a similarly themed song by german folk singer Bettina Wegener called "Kinder" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fcdkwdfz0GA - while it's not about child abuse in general, it's about mistreatment and not raising children properly.
That song doesn't give me as many feels, partly because it's not a rock song, but mainly because I always have to think of the parodies:
One by famous german comedian Otto https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hxBISLkGPj8 and another one by the punk band Daily Terror https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jJX8hnxbNcY.
>>
No. 66757 Kontra
>>66755
>Daily Terror
Oh boy. I only really know this one song, but what an unexpected blast from the past.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=k8yjQayx9E4
>>
No. 66758
>>66757
Man I really miss that easier time, just listening to Knüppelpunk, drinking Oettinger Export and making out with or leering at dirty punker girls.
>>
No. 66760
166 kB, 600 × 889
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d4fXLbUQSeE

Guy singing in German, people laughs and the only word I understand is "Death in June".

I hope they treat Douglas with care and affection.

"So I drink a German wine" doo dee doo
>>
No. 66762
>>66750
>"unscheduled labor"
Forgive me, that was just my fancy way of saying a day off. Don't know why I chose that phrase, too much reading legalese I suppose.

>>66739
Publix, a grocery in the Southeast, had the best chicken- both fried and rotisserie. Sold in the deli/cafe area, but also deviously placed on heated displays near the checkout in an easy to grab bag. Bastards, how am I supposed to walk past a fully prepared chicken for $6?
>>
No. 66765 Kontra
>>66760
It's mocking (wannabe-)alt-right neofolk fans. The guy reads Evola and probably talks about how "the West" is declining, associates with nazis, watches Nazi aesthetics and so on.
It's like a neofolk version of "Sascha, ein aufrechter Deutscher".
The people are laughing because of the "edgy" lyrics ("lololol he said Riefenstahl iggsdeh how DARING"); I can't properly verbalize how much I hate them.
>>
No. 66767
Ernst, what kind of pain do you remember better?
Physical pain or emotional pain?
Because I certainly remember emotional pain better and I was wondering if that's the case for all people, because it would make sense, wouldn't it?

For example, last year in spring I pinched a nerve in my back. The inflammation ran down into my left foot and it was about a 7/10 on the pain scale; I couldn't even sleep anymore because it hurt so much. It took me weeks until I could even move normally again, yet I can barely remember how it was, despite it being the worst physical pain I have ever been in. Cramps in my guts that can lead to physically paralyzing pain, they come and go, but the memory doesn't persist.
Yet I can still exactly remember how I felt the day my ex broke up with me, despite it being over ten years already.
Or how my mother flipped out when I brought home the first 5 (second worst grade in Germany, I was always a good student), with the whole situation ending with me cowering under a table, as well as other occasions.
>>
No. 66769
>>66767
> Physical pain
I just woke up with a strained muscle, whatever that is in the back that moves my right arm. It also hurts when I take a deep breath. Is it the Rona? Please help me, Dr Ernst.

Breathing doesn't hurt when I bend over, do I have The Gay?
>>
No. 66771
>>66767
Emotional pain, I had not much physical pain in my life. Hit balls, sprain, and also nerves come to my mind. Emotional pain on the other hand I had quite often and quite worse. Atm I phasing into an unpleasant episode again, I mean I'm rather functional unlike back then but it still is kinda ugly again, maybe that is how most adults go through life though, constantly simmering depression.
>>
No. 66772
>>66767
The only form of pain I can re-experience is cringe memories.
In fact, the cringe is so visceral that it travels down my limbic system and makes me commit involuntary physical movements and sometimes blurt out things out loud.
>>
No. 66773 Kontra
>>66772
Feel is known.
Usually makes let go of a vocal "Shut up" to myself from the cringe.
>>
No. 66783
48 kB, 474 × 474
I was shopping groceries at a non-discounter and the cucumber was 1,99€, I don't remember them being that expensive, I bought the cheapest available btw.
>>
No. 66792
94 kB, 640 × 440
Hmm, should I fuck over my landlord?
Without going into details, it's a pretty classic prisoner's dilemma situation. If we'd trust each other we could work it out with a high probability of neither of us incurring much of a loss. But I don't really trust him and I'm pretty sure he trusts me even less.
I've been thinking about it all day and I'm pretty sure there's basically no way it could come back to bite me.
>>
No. 66793
>>66792
Has your landlord ever gone out of his way to help you in any way? Would you call him an actual decent person?
If not, fuck him. He's a landlord, after all.
>>
No. 66796
>>66792
That you have been pondering possible justifications for betraying someone from both an ideological and a scientific means you'll choose the most efficient option on this moral quandary. In addition, I suggest thinking about previous times in which he acted improperly towards you.

>>66783
One of Dieter Schwartz' goons wrote this. There is no such thing as a discount supermarket. No cucumber has ever been sold for 1,99€.
>>
No. 66797
>>66792
Is he a bad landlord? Did he fuck you over before is what I mean. Otherwise, also consider fucking him over could backfire worse because he knows some (legal) tricks and loopholes. Bad landlords shouldn't be tolerated. But one has to be careful.

>>66796
>There is no such thing as a discount supermarket. No cucumber has ever been sold for 1,99€.

A Discounter is the term for a grocery store like Lidl, Aldi and such in Germany. And the cucumber was really 1,99€, I remember buying them for 0.7€ (they were on offer) some years ago at a REAL grocery store.
>>
No. 66801
111 kB, 500 × 523
Every single time I take the bi-weekly ampulla of the meds I'm prescribed I reliably get a cold the next day.
Usually it's just my nose running and feeling tired.

I woke up late and noticed we were out of rice, so I went out and bought three kilos. Put two in the kitchen and one in the basement to have it be stockpiled. Also picked up some books I need for this semester's Chinese lit class on the way home.
Made lunch and then somehow I managed to turn an hour long nap into a six hour one.

Got the textbook/notes for this semester's Classical Chinese class. Lots of Han Feizi and Strategems of the Warring States.
Also had to cancel one of the classes again because I can't attend it and it's a seminar, not a lecture. Not that it matters, I'll just do it last year. It was the queer cultural representation thing so I'm not crying over it much.
This means that I have 38 credits for the semester instead of 45, which is good.

>>66767
Personally I think I went trough a lot more physical pain in my life than emotional, so I remember that better.
It also had a lot more influence on me as a person than my emotional traumas that are more like petty grievances nobody even remembers besides me.
>>
No. 66802
>>66792
Do it. Fuck landlords.
>>
No. 66804
Afternoon rain turned to heavy snow while I was at work. Drove home on an unplowed road. The downhill sections felt like I was sledding- just going where the previous car's tire ruts took me and afraid to touch the brakes or turn the wheel. Not fun.

>>66767
Remember emotional pain more, although I can also recall certain incidents of physical pain and still wince. Shortly after surgery to put a plate on my busted collarbone I was sleeping in a chair and "jumped" awake. The motion pulled my shoulder inward, and I can still feel that monent years later. F*ck that hurt. There are only a handfull of these physically memorable incidents in my life, though, whereas my emotional scars outnumber the stars.
>>
No. 66805
Interesting. Tor stopped working, but most of the sites banned by Roskomnadzor open without proxy.
What trickery are they doing there?
>>
No. 66806
>>66805
Change of tactics.
Instead of blocking such websites, they will instead collect the IPs of people who visit them, and put them on bottle.
>>
No. 66807
>>66804
Jesus take the wheel :DD Must be spooky, do you use snow tires or chains?
>>
No. 66808 Kontra
5,6 MB, 4624 × 2600
Another day of revolutionary struggle.
>>
No. 66811
>>66808
Tbh I want this. I'm hungry right now and Lidl or Aldi ain't too far away, so why don't we have these? I will google the availability of these in Germany now.
>>
No. 66812
>>66811
So in 2016 Lidl tested warm to go food in Switzerland, Austria and Bavaria. Don't know, has it failed or did I just managed to pass the section near the Backstation every time? Maybe not every Lidl has it has already pointed out.
>>
No. 66815
I feel a profound feeling of inner unrest and discontent.
I want to eat something, but I am not hungry.
I want to drink something, but I don't want to get drunk.
I want to go outside, but the weather is disgusting.
I want to close my eyes and take a nap, but I can't relax.

I feel like I am waiting for or expecting something without knowing what I am waiting for in the first place and that is driving me mad.
>>
No. 66817
>>66815
U have ADHD.
>>
No. 66818 Kontra
>>66808
I am incredibly jealous. And Hungry.
>>
No. 66820
202 kB, 443 × 600
>>66818
>And Hungry.
Don't you mean Hungarian?
>>
No. 66822
1,1 MB, 960 × 540, 0:09
>>
No. 66824
>>66807
>do you use snow tires or chains?
No, and these tires were installed in Florida so they're probably as terrified of the snow as I am :D
>>
No. 66825
Just googled some of the ADHD medications approved in west, and all of them are class A drugs, meaning in the same tier as heroin.
I'd really love to find out the rationale behind kazakh government banning FDA approved (+ approved in most civilized countries) medication and labeling it as Class A recreational drugs.

I mean, the government doesn't give a flying fuck about anything the populace does or needs or wants, but they sure are quick to ban harmless substances because they're "precursors to amphetamines" or whatever. Even weed, which pretty much like 50% of youth here smokes, yet it is considered a hard drug.
100% of our regular population could be dying from krokodil rot right now, and the elites wouldn't give a flying fuck because the people are a burden to them. The people demand things, and take up space, and hold them to the international standards of being a nation, etc. If this was no man's land where a couple corporations set up resource extraction facilities, they'd be very happy.
But no, they have to pretend we're a real country.

What is the reason? So the elites can control the supply of actual amphetamines? So they can arrest and extort people by funneling drug usage to universally condemned hard drugs? Just for virtue signalling?

It's ironic that it is easier for me to order dirty cocaine that's probably mixed with PCP, fiberglass and bath salts from some telegram group, than to get certain classes of medications that are considered safe.

Meanwhile the private gangs employed by nazarbaev family for intimidation purposes are often seen with bottles of transparent yellow liquid, which is what meth looks like when diluted in water.

I hate this country so much it's unreal.
I'm going to bomb something one day.

Also, funny thing is, there are support groups for transgender people where they covertly trade HRT medicine in countries where it is banned, but no such network for ADHD sufferers. Sad.
>>
No. 66826
>>66825
Aren't there telegram dead drop channels in Kazakhstan? I thought these were a staple of self-medication in post-soviet states.
>>
No. 66827
>>66825
You need an ADHD pride movement with a flag.
>>
No. 66828
>>66827
Wouldn't be surprised if there is one already.
>>
No. 66829
76 kB, 960 × 640
165 kB, 960 × 1280
What mystifies me about post-sovok countries is that formally, they have institutions and structures and laws and shit, that all individually sort of function. They perform some kind of actions, people work there, papers are released, etc. But the output of this whole system, the end result, is NOT a real functioning state.
I wish I had a brain big enough to hold the state processes of this entire country so I could understand it. But what I can see is the end result, which is a parody of a real state, where nothing really works.
Are you sick? Go to local polikinika and a clueless doctor will prescribe you aspirin and tell you to fuck off. If it's something serious or obscure, they'll send you to an endless chain of tests and analyses, that will return inconclusive results until you give up because you ran out of money.
Or you could go to a private clinic to get more of the same, except more expensive.

Contact the police about crime, they will show up, shuffle their feet, leave, and then call you asking to retract your plea because they won't do anything anyway, and all you're doing is inconveniencing them with paperwork.
Courts are a joke. The son of some mid-level official can run over 6 people on his BMW, killing 2, and walk free within a week. Real story. (actually multiple stories)

ALL big businesses are owned by a single clique of oligarchs. And middle businesses are owned by those who lick their ass. If you start a company, and it gets successful, someone on behalf of nazarbayev's family will walk into your office, and tell you to vacate the premises within the week, or else. I am not joking this is what happens.

Education is a joke.
My mom is a school teacher, and for the last decade there's been "programs" to "modernize" education, as in adopt the american system with credits and "creative thinking" and "engaging lessons", etc. In reality, this forces teachers to do tons of paperwork in addition to running classes, which leaves them with unpaid overtime. Books are written by complete retards, to the point where teachers look back on soviet education system with nostalgia. And NONE of it actually works, because it was all an excuse to launder state budget all along.
People in Wect call universities adult daycares, but they haven't seen post sovok yet. We have over 9000 specializations and titles for diplomas, yet none of them matter because all unis are Provincial Highschool 2: Electric Boogaloo. People come out of unis with impressive titles on their diplomas, and then go to bazaars to sell sunflower seeds.

All public infrastructure has been privatized by Important People(tm), and most of it is geared towards adding more tax over official tax. Some years ago they implemented digital bus cards. Now instead of bus drivers and conductors getting cash money for their services, some fucker who owns the digital card system gets all the money, while the buses still come very 40 minutes, and are 15 years old without maintenance. ANY public service you can think of is privatized by someone.
The most comical situation is with parking. Some oligarch fuckhead came up with an epic big brain idea: what if we put cameras and parking terminals on every patch of land that people used to park their cars on, and force people to pay parking fees on public land? And if they don't, we record their plate numbers and fine them.

The only two cities that are somewhat developed is Almaty and Astana. Astana the capital has been renamed to Nur-Sultan by our First President to his first name, but I refuse to call it that. But even then, both those cities are shitholes, and consist of like 10% of the country. The other 90% are Somalia tier, but you never hear about them because they're so small and isolated. It is so bad that people from the two big cities can engage in sex tourism in the other cities as if they were americans going to thailand.

I could go on and on and on and on and on, but you get the point.
Do NOT believe any propaganda about how Kazakhstan is very developed and great country and quickly developing stable state surrounded by shitholes. Kazakhstan is biggest shithole of them all.
In fact, the way Borat portrays Kazakhstan is flattering once you dig beneath the surface.

I hate this fucking country so much it's unreal
>>66826
If you want pseudo-cocaine that will give you schizophrenia, or dry, overpriced weed, or fake LSD, or other meme drugs, sure.
I want medication.
I don't even care if they ban actual recreational drugs, what baffles me is that they choose to stay in sovok times and ban any new type of medication that comes out from west, while not advancing the field of medicine at all (scientific research on post sovok: ha!), but pretending to be progressive and advanced.
>>
No. 66830
160 kB, 1451 × 1307
The absolute state of kazakh higher education.

Sometimes I tell myself that I shouldn't feel bad about the situation I find myself in, because it was inevitable, pre-ordained, determined.
But somehow it doesn't make it better.

Most of my memories are faded and difficult to access (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Memory_and_trauma), but one I remember vividly is hugging my older brother, while we were crying our eyes out, while our father was beating the life out of our mom. It got so bad that she got a concussion, and an ambulance and police had to be called.
The ambulance gave her an ice pack to put on her head, and left.
The police was two bydlo men who just stood around, then made my mother sign something, that she wouldn't have had the ability to understand during her state. Probably was a paper to retract all charges, if my later experiences are any sign.

Later, when I was in my late teenage years, I started brutally beating my father out of rage any time he stepped out of line.
Funnily enough, that's when he started acting like a victim, phoning his relatives for help, and then calling the police.
And you know what the police did? They treated me as the offender. I remember being brought into some office, and being confronted by two officers, who told me that I'm an ungrateful piece of shit, and that it's not my place to raise a hand against my father, from whose sperm I grew out of (their literal words). They told me to confess and write a "forgiveness letter", so they could close the case. I told them to fuck off.
They later convinced my father to close the case.
The sad part is, their outwardly patriarchal narrative was also a pretense. They just didn't want to deal with the paperwork, so they used any argument they could find to shut me up.

I still live with my father and mother, in the same flat. You know why?
Because my father owns the flat, despite being perpetually drunk for the last 15 years. And we can't do anything about it, because there's no legal mechanism by which we can do anything. And we don't have enough money to rent or buy a new flat. If mom divorces, we lose everything, and our degenerate father inherits everything, and will most likely drink or gamble away, or will be tricked out of a flat that my mother has been single handedly paying mortrage on for the last decade.

He is at the stage where he pisses and shits himself every day, and we clean up after him, and there's nothing we can do about it. We just clean up after him.

If he doesn't die from alcoholism within the 5 years, I swear I will walk into a government building, cover myself in gasoline, and set myself on fire.
What else is there that I can do? I am trapped in this absurd, ridiculous clown show of a """society""".
>>
No. 66832
>>66830
Funny, neither the university I studied at nor the university I did my PhD at appears on that list (at least for 2021).
>>
No. 66833
>>66830
>pseudo-cocaine that will give you schizophrenia
So, ADHD medication?
Also you could poison your father, should be easy given how you describe his day to day circumstances. It would be immoral and evil but I don't know, there's a certain poetic and oriental twang to it.
>>
No. 66834 Kontra
>>66832
Mine is :D
Though strangely enough it's not the best in the country on this ranking, even though in national rankings it's usually deemed the strongest uni in the country.
>>
No. 66835 Kontra
>>66833
>So, ADHD medication
No, he probably means synthetic shit that comes out of Far Eastern drug labs that flood the world.
It's what low class retards here do because it's cheap and strong and most importantly, legal, since the exact compound is always different, so legislation is always behind.
>>
No. 66836 Kontra
>>66835
>and most importantly, legal
Different, then. It's amphetamines.
>>
No. 66837
45 kB, 1453 × 1027
135 kB, 600 × 780
125 kB, 526 × 700
Another vivid memory I still hold on to.
I remember back in pre-school, our handler asked the whole class to draw what we'd like to become when we grew up.
1st pic is an approximation of what I drew.. Back then, I didn't really know the difference between chemistry, physics, mathematics, etc., I just wanted to be a guy who does smart things and makes smart discoveries about things.
I absorbed those ideas from all the childhood educational books I used to read, bought for me by my grandmother. (who, incidentally, really liked and empathized with my father for some reason). I'd read childrens' encyclopedias and educational books from cover to cover.
Little did I know that there's no such thing as academia in Kazakhstan, and that I'd be better served selling chinese import fake adidas pants than chasing intellectual pursuits.

Fortunately, I realized the futility of an academic career in my teenage years.
Unfortunately, I got it in my head that a career in arts would be good or better.
My journey through art academy and the eventual failure of that path is a story for another time.

>>66833
If I were to meet you IRL, I'd do one of those two things:
  1. I'd cut of your mouth, and then sew it to my asshole, so that every time I take a shit, it would pass through your mouth.
  2. I'd cut off my own dick, then stuff it in your mouth, and sew the skin around my severed dick to your lips, so that you would have your mouth forever stuffed with my penis.
Such cases.
>>
No. 66838
Damn brick, what's up with you today?
But keep going, I am enjoying this.
>>
No. 66839
135 kB, 1256 × 1280
>>66837
That sort of mutilation is also deeply oriental. Maybe we don't even have to meet, you could just mail me your severed penis and I'll take care of the rest. After all, you're stuck in Kazakhstan - forever.
>>
No. 66840
>>66837
Makes me think of MOOC and how this is a tool to bring academia to the "less fortunate" while also atm being a (potential) strategy to lower costs of academia and make lecturers' job market even more unsafe.

Well well, I've been reading the historic source about how private industries shaped (and still shape) science especially after 1945 but it started before. I have already tried to indoctrinate my nephew and niche to become interested in science and I will keep on doing so, I'm like your grandmother.
>>
No. 66842
219 kB, 1605 × 1027
Many westerners have stories to tell about being bullied by other students in mid to high school.
In my case, I was bullied by fully adult administrative staff, teachers, principal, etc.

Sure, my fellow students didn't treat me with much respect, because shit family, mental illness, poor hygiene, etc. etc., all the normal stuff people get bullied for. But at least they didn't bother me so much, and even treated me with pity, which I resented greatly, because I had a big ego.

But school staff, that's a different story.
You see, my family moved to a newly built district when I was 13, and the local school was also newly built. Because it was new and shiny, it was assigned as a super speshul high achiever gymnasium. So despite being a public school, it was expected that it would perform as if it were a private school. This would not be a problem because the district was officially sponsored and distributed to government workers such as teachers, administrators, clerks, etc. Unfortunately, my family got the flats through corruption and collusion by my rich uncle (who, after that, was no longer rich due to alcoholism).
So, among all those children of intellectuals and "good citizens", me and my family (my brother and cousins) were the only degenerates. Which made us a target.
No, not targets for other students (mostly), but the school staff.
You see, the school principal and higher school staff were promised huge bonuses and increased salaries by the district, if they could get a certain average score on national graduation tests. Oh, did you know that every year, high school graduates have to take a centralized bullshit test that determines if they go on to have higher education or not? If they fail, their life is basically over, and they have to resign to selling fake adidas pants for life. Many 18 year olds kill themselves if they fail the test, true story.
Pic realted is world suicide rates sorted worldwide circa 2012, which is the year I graduated.
Btw, do not trust kazakhstan statistics, most of them are bullshit reported more positive than reality.

Anyway.
I was hounded, bullied and relentlessly pursued by school staff, who hoped that I would become desperate enough to switch to another school, so I wouldn't bring down their rating.
The funny and tragic thing about this, is that there was no way I could even willingly transfer to another school, because my family was too dysfunctional to do anything, including transferring me. So I was tortured for basically no reason.
They'd do things like call me through intercom to princilal's office during classes, then make me hold my school and gym bags in my arms, outstreched, for hours. After some years, when I passed puberty, I mustered up the courage to start telling them to fuck off. Then they started calling school security on me, to harass me.
All the while, the older kids in school sensed that I was a weak target because I had no support, and would try to extort money from me. Truthfully, they extorted money from any under class kids, but I was the only one too poor to pay them, so I was targeted. They'd try to intimidate me, like pulling me over to school toilets, or to alleys after classes, and confront me about "not following street laws", etc. Sometimes they pulled a knife on me.
Having nothing to lose, I'd just hurl profanities on them, and tell them to fuck off. They were too chicken shit to do anything about it.
Unfortunately, everyone in school was under their heel, so they spread rumors about how after every confrontation, I would cry and beg for mercy. There was nothing I could do to dispute those claims, because it was me vs the rest of the school.

The worst part is, everybody except me loved the school staff, the teachers, etc. Because they were "good kids" from good families, and I was the only one who didn't fit in. So, I had to pretend that I also loved our teachers and school staff, because I didn't want to lose the last group of people who gave me any humane treatment: my classmates.

And the saddest part is, after all that, after all the hounding and bullying and intimidation, I didn't even do that bad in the national tests. I was basically square in the middle. Many other kids did worse than me. And I'd have done better if I weren't constantly pulled from classes to get chewed out by school administration. For some reason, they targeted me specifically. Maybe because they sensed that I had no support network to do anything about it.
>>
No. 66843
All of this was happening after 2008 recessions.
My father got fired from his job because basically he's a retard with an inflated ego, and during the years, he got more and more sloppy, and stopped doing his job.

My mother had to support us with her teacher salary, while father would get drunk and start fights for no reason.
He broke my computer multiple times, the only window I had to the outside world.
I had to repair it with money that my uncles gave me on birthdays. A few times, when I was younger, my father would just take my birthday gift money and spend it on gas for his car, or gambling on slot machines.
When I was in later teenage years, the celebrations and gifts stopped happening. I haven't celebrated my birthday for about 10 years by now.

Where was I? Ah yes. Father was unemployed for a few years now, but still violent and belligerent, because I wasn't old enough to beat some sense into him back then.
He had the great idea of opening a grocery store. He sold his car and spent all our savings to open this store, and even take out several loans, putting us in debt. Father never had a good sense for finances. He had this mental fallacy, where he'd loan some goods, then sell them for 10% profit, but assume, in his mind, that the money he got back + 10%, was all his money. He'd spend it all, then get confused why he was in debt.
This was basically the mechanism by which his newly acquired grocery store business went to shit. Along with that, he'd open tabs to any alcoholic drunkard retard who came by, giving them vodka and beer that they'd never repay. He'd also just grab stuff from the store and eat it, without writing it down as an expense. In fact, there was no bookkeeping at all.
And at the end of the month, when it would be clear that we didn't have enough cash to re-stock the store, he'd blame us for stealing from him.
We were so far in the red, that we stopped paying utility bills. In fact, we had electricity, hot water, canalization, etc., cut off for months on end. I literally lived in a flat with no electricity for months. I was 16 at the time.
We are still deeply in debt to utility services to this day. The only reason we live comfortably is because we've arranged a deal with other flats to take hot water and heating from them, bypassing the utility companies.

Around this time, I went off the deep end, and my mental illness started taking hold. I'd be having constant panic attacks, as well as cycles of hypomania and deep depression. Later I would start beating my father out of anger. I do not regret it. He started fearing me, and stopped trashing the house or beating my mom. It felt good, too.
Somehow, I managed to enter university with a grant and stipend in this state, but it would not last. I'd drop out after a couple years, and end up in a mental asylum.
But that's a story for another time.
>>
No. 66844
I don't know which period of my life was sadder.
Before we moved and I had to go to a new school, or after.

I already told you many things that happened after I moved, but things that happened before are no less absurd.

The school I went to was on the other side of the city from where I lived, because my wealthy (at the time) uncle procured flats and houses for some of our family members in that part of town. Except us.
But they thought it would be really cool for all of the kids from the same generation, us and our cousins, to go to the same school, to bond together and so on. I'd have to commute through the whole city every day because of this stupid idea. By the way, me and my cousins are totally estranged from each other these days, and I have no idea where they are.
So that worked out great.

I remember I'd sit outside the school, on the bench, until late evening, waiting for my father to pick me up. This was deep in winter, by the way. He'd eventually show up when the sun was down, and drive me home. Then he'd start a scene, break some plates, pans and cups, and beat my mother.
I never got to do my homework because of this, and I'd be yelled at by school staff.

One day, I found out why he was always so late. He once showed surprisingly early, and picked me up. In the car, in the passenger seat, was some lady. He drove her around restaurants, parks, casions, etc., while I had to sit in the back seat until late night. She was her lover. That whore.

After that, I started going back home on the bus, myself. I was 7 years old at the time. I'd walk alone through the city, trying to prolong my walk, so I'd have to spend as little time home as possible, then take the bus home. I still never got my homework done.
There were actually a few funny stories that happened during those times.
One of those was that I was aimlessly walking around the city, when some dirty hobo, when seeing me, got up quickly, and started following me, and talking to me.
We had some idle conversation, and at the end, he said that I looked exactly like his son, who died in a car crash a few years ago. He followed me all the way to the bus station, and then took out the last change he had in his pocket, ran up to the nearby lemonade stand, and bought me a glass of lemonade.
As I was getting on the bus, I looked back, and he was gone.
I still think about it to this day.
>>
No. 66847 Kontra
There are other things, much worse things, that happened only shortly after I gained the ability to form memories, and a few years onwards, that I do not dare to disclose even on an anonymous imageboard.
But that's all for today.
I'm done.
>>
No. 66848
I just ate a whole can of spam with HELA Curry Gewürz ketchup.
Now I feel a bit sick in my stomach, but I drank the last drop of vodka yesterday.
Why must I suffer so much?
>>
No. 66849
>>66848
Remember that on top, we don't have a Lidl hot to go section with burgers and nuggets.
>>
No. 66852
>>66849
True. It's truly post-sovok tier.
>>
No. 66858
27 kB, 400 × 300
>>66765
Thank you for your answer. Do not hate, it is a total waste. If you disagree with that people (don't know why exactly), fantastic, but don't hate, it is awful for the soul and body.

Rudolf Giuliani smoking a fucking cigar.jpg
>>
No. 66860
25 kB, 500 × 429
>>66858
You right, just impotently hating fashoid swine is a waste. Direct action gets the goods.
https://sub.media/video/german-antifa-destroy-neonazis-apartment/
>>
No. 66866 Kontra
>>66858
>don't know why exactly
It's not about disagreeing with them, it's them laughing out of embarrassment, so to say. I don't know the proper english analogue to aus Verlegenheit lachen - basically they are laughing because someone said a bad word and they cope with it by laughing.
It's the kind of people who enjoy Cards against Humanity and think they can't get edgier.
For example I saw Three Billboards... in the cinema. The hall was pretty full. And they weren't laughing at the actually funny scenes or anything, no, they were laughing aus Verlegenheit when someone said "nigger" or during another occurrence of crude racism, and frankly, it ruined the experience a bit. And it's never just a chuckle or anything, it's always a loud "hear me laugh" laughter.
>>
No. 66867
Yesterday, my arm hurt from straining a muscle.
That's gone now.
Today, my arm hurts from the Rona booster shot.
Not sure if that's an improvement.
>>
No. 66868
>>66867
Is the pain any different?
Describe your pain, please.
>>
No. 66870
Today I "worked" from 7:30 until 14:30. I put "worked" in quotation marks, because the majority of the time I just lurked various image boards and watched YouTube, only little actual work was done. I didn't have much of my tasks left, so I couldn't do much more anyway. And on top of that, a colleague "stole" some of the work I wanted to do. This put me in rage. Now I will spend the whole afternoon and evening lurking and posting on various image board while listening to music (mainly 90s hip-hop).
>>
No. 66872
Gone to a party in the big city yesterday. 30+ years of leftist administration made this town completely shitty. They have this policy of keeping drug trafficing tracable so they allow all dealers to go stay sell their stuff in the center of town. Turns out this policy only makes trafficing grow bigger and more powerful contrarly to what the autorities seem to want to believe. All the dealers are African and there's one every 10-20 meters on a 2km radius around the city center.
Not to mention that case when some local filmmaker taped a dealer in broad daylight selling in front of a public school and everybody medias went out on him because he didn't respect the dealer's right to privacy.
The city has gradually become a gigantic party hub. A lot of teenagers are having hard drugs issues and this never ending party culture has become part of its soul.
>>
No. 66873
>>66872
Stop being such a reactionary square shitlord.
What city is it btw? Just so I know where NOT to go.
>>
No. 66874
Mom's been watching some expat bloggers living in wect, and it suddenly dawned on her how miserably we live. Now she wants to leave kazakhstan.

Fucking western propaganda subverting our patriotic values again, all websites outside *.kz domain should be blocked.
>>
No. 66875
>>66872
This is why villagers shouldn't leave their valley and city folks shouldn't go to the country side, God just didn't intend it to work for either one.
>>
No. 66876
9,2 MB, 5184 × 3456
134 kB, 900 × 490
381 kB, 1280 × 853
>>66873
It's Lausanne. It's beautiful, feels big and people are also nice to Swiss standards. If you decide to tour Switzerland one day you should definetly visit it. One thing the leftist administration does good is to use well public funds on cultural happenings.
I went to live in the center of town for a few months and I can't say I didn't enjoy being close to everything, there's always something happening. I'm just bad a enjoying parties.
Due to the topography, the town is on multiple levels and that's nice, many bridges go over streets.
>>66875
Lausanne used to be called the Great Village by its inhabitants...
I think this nickname was either ironic or retarded from the start though. It comes from the canton's identity being mostly based on half-ironicaly thinking it has a unique identity.
>>
No. 66879
>>66876
Looks very cool and civilized. Neat place, Switzerland might really be one of the nicest places on earth.
>>
No. 66880
>>66874
Would you like to live in Europe?

>>66876
The second pic is especially cool, I only saw Lausanne from its periphery sitting on the backseat of a car when I was younger and we drove to Italy. But generally, towns that have different topographies are cool, I remember looking down the valley that is Wuppertal at night for instance. But there are many more examples.
>>
No. 66881
>>66880
Tübingen is cool in that regard.
In the morning, when fog still lies over lower parts, you look down from the sunny hill on the valley shrouded in white clouds.
Lots of towns in the rhine and moselle valleys.
>>
No. 66882 Kontra
>>66880
Second pic is maybe the best looking spot in Lausanne though. It's actually more well known by locals for being the suicide bridge :DDD
>>
No. 66883
>>66881
Yeah, but they are also rather small towns, no? I imagine you being the German that did a Phd in chemistry/life sciences because I think is seen as a good place for this, maybe I'm mistaken and it was just about Tübingen being this nice student city and that is why people go there, like Heidelberg and such, or they really have good universities.
>>
No. 66884
>>66882
> It's actually more well known by locals for being the suicide bridge :DDD

Ernst never misses :DDD
>>
No. 66885
>>66883
>Yeah, but they are also rather small towns, no?
Yeah, probably, but why would it matter?
Well, it's Germany. The largest city we have (without counting the metropolis region whatever stuff) is Berlin with just over 3 Million people and the second largest is Hamburg with just under two million and then it's only Munich and Cologne being actual million-people-cities and beyond that you're pretty quickly in the half million range. But if we are speaking about Lausanne, that's already smaller than even Heidelberg.
But talking about it right now makes me realize how much I miss Tübingen. I had a really good time there.
>>
No. 66886
>>66885
The main difference between Heidelberg and Lausanne is that Lausanne is the center of its own urban area an Heidelberg is somewhat peripheric from what I saw.
>>
No. 66887
>>66886
That's partly true, but Heidelberg is the direct neighbor of Ludwigshafen/Mannheim and it won't be long until they have grown together.
Of course it's easier to be the center of its own urban area in such a small country as Switzerland :^)
And come to think of it, the mountainous terrain kinda predestines most places to have a layered topography.
I would probably enjoy living there if I didn't get a profound claustrophobic and threatening feel from living inbetween mountains.
>>
No. 66888
2,6 MB, 1575 × 1047
Wow, I should really reach out to people and ask if they want to do something. I have another depression bump right now (again) because I realized I haven't talked to anyone IRL whose company I enjoyed in the past for more than a month (my family and relatives I saw during a birthday party don't count). You can talk to people and still be very lonely, enjoying mutual company is something different.
>>
No. 66894
>>66842
Intredasting, I studied in state yet fancy school too and had the exactly opposite experience.
They optimized different metrics which was about high-achievers but not about average results. So there were few genius mentats who got their education outside of school anyway and rest of people, ballast to fill the class about whom no one cared about. Therefore education was very poor, probably worse than in usual school.
However environment was cool. Boring normies (normies in a sense "normal", not in a sense "average") or motivated and learned but somewhat deranged autistic nerds. In contrary to usual provincial school where it was ghetto tier -- aggressive bydlos with interests of getting drunk, smoking "Spice" and participating in gangs. And rest of people conforming to them.
>>
No. 66896
5,5 MB, 2650 × 2562
>>66885
Do you still know the unfinished building in the Tübinger town center? It has been torn down a while back, but once I sneaked up there with some friends because there was a skate spot on top. That was fun. We also used to drive to Tübingen as teenagers because it had program cinemas. It is a very sleepy town however.
>>
No. 66904
My mom bought everyone some kind of mouth spray against covid, dunno if this is some new antivaxx scam.
>>
No. 66909
>>66896
Nah, don't know it, but I also wasn't ever into skating. I lived there around 2015.
But I do infact remember going to watch some film about a bedouin boy whose father died or something, with a few of my foreigner colleagues (it was OMU, desert language with english subtitles lol).
Sadly I was too occupied with work to actually do a lot of stuff, though I went Stocherkahnfahren, incl. falling into the Neckar because I was drunk :-DDDD
And I actually liked it being "sleepy". It had exactly the right amount of student life and events without going overboard and attracting scum.
Also, all the girls had great figures and a good posture, even if they were ugly. And since I lived in a weekend commuter tenement right between Ammer and Neckar, I could always look out the window and see hot girls running around.
And the Kalender Döner right at the Eberhardsbrücke always made their own döner bread and their döner were always great.
>>
No. 66913
>>66909
I don't know if it's still the same owners but Kalender was pretty good indeed. It seems they took over the horrible döner next to Eppelehaus which had the only advantage of being open all night? Kichererbse is good as well for falafel.
>>
No. 66916
321 kB, 916 × 939
Today is my 22nd birthday.

My father returned from his business trip. He cut it short so that he could be here for my birthday.
Nothing really specific happened. We had a normal lunch, I got some gifts and then we all laid down to rest in the afternoon.

Got some cool ceylon tea, an among us poppit keychain, some miniature (4-5cl) booze and that's about it.
Though my mother mentioned later that "The Monetary Council will have a meeting later", so I will probably get some money too eventually.

Tomorrow we will go to the sauna, and on Monday, classes start, albeit only digitally.

I will also pick up the necessary books for Chinese lit class too, since the store was too brainlet to assemble my package. But I'm still missing two. One is a sci-fi anthology I'm not sure I will get, and the other is Cao Yu's Peking Man/北京人 that I can't find a copy of for some strange reason.
>>
No. 66917
>>66916
Happy birthday, Ernst.
Post the amongus keychain, please.
>>
No. 66918 Kontra
542 kB, 1604 × 2052
>>66917
It pops!
>>
No. 66919
>>66916
>on Monday, classes start

Wait, didn't you just finish a semester? Don't you have longer breaks? The 2 months break at the end of the fall/winter semester just started here. Though I will have to tackle some tasks I don't have classes until April.

Anyway, Happy Birthday, Ernst!
>>
No. 66920 Kontra
>>66919
No. Only the summer period has a longer break. Otherwise I had like a week + two-three between my last exam and the first class.
I could have gotten a longer break if I did my exams closer to one another, but spacing them out so that I do like one a week is the most optional I've found. Enough to read and learn everything.
>>
No. 66921
>>66866
I understand, it's kinda pathetic.

Imaginary pic: negativeTolerance.jpg
>>
No. 66924
>>66880
I want to live someplace that resembles a functioning country, but otherwise no preference.

So, you've got a basement or a shed or what?
>>
No. 66925
In school, Sophia de Mello Breyner's The Sea Girl was mandatory reading. It's a bland story of a guy who finds a mermaid, they become friends and eventually he moves to the sea to be with her.
Breyner uses lengthy descriptions for all of the characters, describing every aspect of their look. For one assignment, we all had to draw the sea girl. Given the detailed descriptions, that seemed to work as filler for lack of an actual narrative, all of our drawings, adjusted of artistic ability, were the same.
The teacher explained to us how this shows us what a great book The Sea Girl is, since we all had same mental image of the character.

I think this sort of suffering is just as bad, if not worse, than previous examples in the thread.
>>
No. 66926
>>66924
I don't but was wondering if you would consider becoming a migrant, your English skills are superior to most people's English for example. Afaik you don't hold a degree and thus couldn't do any non-shitty labor here in Germany. You could learn some trade though together with German and that would grant you a wectern life after all, despite the occasional racism you will have to face ofc.
>>
No. 66929
>>66926
I never considered a degree because to me, a degree from a kazakh uni is worth its value in toilet paper.
I'd be very mad to learn that western countries actually hold a stake in kazakh uni degrees because holy shit you have no idea how worthless they are.

Kazakh unis are basically high school 2: electric boogaloo.

Although, I guess I could finish my degree / get another one if I really wanted one.
See, the sad part about all of this is that Kazakhstan, despite being a fake country, still has an air of legitimacy, so other countries think documents or contracts or certificates from kazakhstan mean anything.

Then again, I wonder if international certigficates like CISCO and MIT/Harward micromaster / degrees are worth anything, because I could easily get one of those.
>>
No. 66932
>>66929
Probably there are options to get diploma from shitty uni for formal reasons with almost no efforts (like just paying modest bribes each semester).
>>
No. 66933
>>66931
To be honest I'd rather fake a diploma than go through the motions of getting one even through bribes, because even then it'll take me a few years.

I wonder how exactly they verify them, because tbh I'm REALLY good at photoshop and printmaking techniques, I've been faking documents and certificates as a side gig since I was 13.
>>
No. 66934
>>66929
I don't actually know if Germany accepts any educational certificates from other non-countries. I mean some people that came here in the last 7 years and more were students and continued to study here. You could study BA/MA taught in English (plenty of them in Europe I think). I guess you would have to do tests and prove your knowledge and such, I think that's the case with medical doctors (?).

About the online certificates I don't know, maybe they look good on a CV but they are not several year long studies.
>>
No. 66935
>>66933
So many degrees of fakeness hehehe. Ranging from "photoshop certificate" to "honestly studying in shitty uni but knowing nothing as a result". With intermediate bus stops of "attending university but paying bribes for exams" and "buying diploma which is legitimate according to all documents and databases" and probably even more subtle shades.

Don't know which of it will work however, I've seen contradicting information about their immigration offices.
>>
No. 66936
>>66934
a) come here through a scholarship, nobody gives a fuck
b) come here with a PhD, nobody gives a fuck (though those guest PhDs are usually only visiting for a few months and it's usually some nepotism behind it because one chair knows the other chair, so you'd be confined to university stuff, industry is always horny for certificates though)
c) be arab/black, nobody dares to say anything for fear of being called racist and will pull you through.

If brick had a way to pay for stuff and make it look like a scholarship, I think it could work out.
Or he fakes a PhD and applies in the industry, but then ofc he has to talk about his project and such, but if his hustle is good enough he could pull it off.
It could even be easier since he's a foreigner because they probably won't have as much experience with forged documents from Kazakhstan than with stuff from Germany.
>>
No. 66937
I started reading articles about immigration requirements for various countries, but then I got bored and got drunk again to the point where I couldn't process what I was reading

sorry everyone

but what I gathered was that there are two broad categories of eligibility:
1) be a functional human being who has accomplished stuff that can be verified
OR
2) have money

unfortunately, I do not fit into either category
RIP.
Guess mom will have to die in this dirty apartment having spent most of her life with an incontinent alcoholic and 2 mentally ill sons
hahahahahaha
>>
No. 66938
>>66937
Maybe the situation gets so shitty you guys can apply as refugees here. The evil pootin lapdog is threatening your existence.
>>
No. 66939
285 kB, 1484 × 834
>>66925
>this sort of suffering is just as bad, if not worse, than previous examples in the thread.
I have a bandage on the tip of my index finger and another on my thumb. This makes pinch-to-zoom on a touchscreen nearly impossible. Truly none suffer as greatly as I.

>>66937
Protest your government with unflattering portraits of its leaders, then claim political asylum.
>>
No. 66940
>>66938
Depends. How brown are Kazakhs? And of course, it can only be men. We don't take female refugees, that would be nazi.
>>
No. 66941 Kontra
>>66940
Ugh sure, Mr. Gods' eye view of German migration.
>>
No. 66942 Kontra
I don't know what's more obnoxious - obvious K*hl transplants or people unironically writing like american teenage girls, but in any case, I am so sorry you had to see this.
Don't come to Germany if you can't deal with silly people like that.
>>
No. 66944
61 kB, 350 × 525
53 kB, 680 × 538
astralbrain alert: this book delights me as it seems to draw lines from empiricism and romanticism/idealism to (American) pragmatism to cybernetics and then posthumanism (present) all while being an inquiry into modernity or the situation of modernity (death of god and the continuation of the hidden god in a way if I parse correctly), it's a book that goes to that elemental philosophical questions or a problem that goes right to my mind. And even while it is hard to read it seems as it can be insightful or just increase the complexity/confusion of a history (of thought) that is not 50, not 100 but longer than 200 years old. A history of breaks I guess, but I'm eager to long deeper into the past than just after 1945.
>>
No. 66946 Kontra
>>66944
Brutal.
>>
No. 66976
69 kB, 364 × 486
577 kB, 3200 × 1800
169 kB, 1080 × 1025
>>66946
>Systems theory describes modernity through the continued unfolding of a self-referential distinction—between self and other, “inside” and “outside”—for which neither side is ultimately foundational. Dialectical forms of critique, by contrast, are traditionally grounded in an identity or absolute that unites or “synthesizes” the distinction—which is to say that the dialectic hides its own observational contingency, the very distinction or difference (the nonidentity) that it is founded on.

It goes on
>For instance, Hegel famously conceived the role of philosophy to be the thinking of totality in the manner of an ever-widening circle: “Each of the parts of philosophy is a philosophical whole, a circle rounded and complete in itself. In each of these parts, however, the philosophical Idea is found in a particular specificality or medium. The single circle, because it is a real totality, bursts through the limits imposed by its special medium, and gives rise to a wider circle. The whole of philosophy in this way resembles a circle of circles.”56 Similarly, for American thought the problem of modernity coalesces around an image of a circle on a blank page, but with a critical difference from Hegel’s totality. For Edwards, Emerson, and Peirce this image of a circle takes on a fractal recursion, something to be imagined as a drawing of circles within circles or a looping inward that continuously enfolds the distinction between inside and outside. Hegel would doubtlessly call this process an endless “bad infinity,” but if that value judgment is discarded, it may be better understood as a continual and repeated recognition of the distinction or difference between part and whole, between the “good infinity” of the absolute totality and the “bad infinity” of recursive re-entry.

I'm sweating IQs right now. I will have to read the introduction again because I'm having a hard time to parse it, but it seems very interesting philosophically has he is trying to tackle a very important phenomenon/thinking in philosophy
>>
No. 66978
55 kB, 720 × 480
>>66942
Pedo and American teenage girl... I've seen such combination somewhere
>>
No. 66979
184 kB, 900 × 1200
BTW this is what I got when I googled "lolita" on Russian.
>>
No. 66981 Kontra
1,8 MB, 2560 × 1600
>>
No. 66982 Kontra
>>66976
I like this line

>How does the world observe itself? How does the observation of nature take place in nature? How can the world be in my head and yet my head be in the world? As the British mathematician George Spencer-Brown puts it, “It seems hard to find an acceptable answer to the question of how or why the world conceives a desire, and discovers an ability, to see itself, and appears to suffer the process.”
>>
No. 66983
4,3 MB, 4:39
16 kB, 309 × 349
>>66982
Knorkator have also already concerned themselves with this profound philosophical question.
>>
No. 66986
>>66983
Also ist Kopf in den Arsch eine Metapher für den Zusammenfall von Subjekt und Objekt? Anderseits, die Wiederholung von Kopf und der kleine Bruch im Arsch deutet darauf in, dass wer so denkt seinen Gehirn zerstört, die Zirkularität/Paradoxität lässt einen verrückt werden.

While it is indeed about the same problems, it also shows me again why I stopped listening to this sort of rap more or less completely, it's just not like a book and thoroughly thought through. Just today I was thinking I have become that scholarly person who takes things very serious in the field of interest and while I have a non-serious side as well, I've to come to realize more and more that this scholarly interests entails getting "lonely"
>>
No. 66987
3,8 MB, 4:09
>>66986
> it also shows me again why I stopped listening to this sort of rap more or less completely, it's just not like a book and thoroughly thought through
Ernst, are you seriously saying you don't like a novelty funny men band because they're a funny novelty men band?
I am suspecting you're not lonely because of your scholarly interests...
Also, Knorkator is not rap, what is wrong with you, I mean really?
Here, have something to cleanse the palate.
>>
No. 66988
>>66987
But due to my interests and seriousness in that regard I cannot find it funny maybe it is due to depression, I lay here in bed semi-collapsing, I cannot laugh atm

I was just expecting it to be rap, heard the name before and I was just googling the text :DDD, goes faster than listening it. My brain made it rap from what it had at hand, a dimmly association of that name with rap and a lines
>>
No. 66989
You ever be like reading a novel and it's pretty interesting, but then you dwell momentarily upon the fact that it is interesting, then remember how BORING real life is, and it breaks your suspension of disbelief because a story being interesting or exciting is in itself unrealistic?

I just can't read anything other than non-fiction at this point.

Although I gotta admit, there's a few books I've seen where the entire thing is just a guy going about his boring life but thinking and remarking about stuff around him. I can tolerate those, but why would I read something like that when I'm already living that?

A catch 22
>>
No. 66990
>>66987

You know what made me laugh the last two days before falling asleep? This mf
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nX6GIrCJY7s

Maybe I should read him again, he makes me holding back laughter while reading, you know that laughter when you think maybe I'm going crazy but you are not sure really (you arent are you?)

I don't find the passage when he says he is like everybody else, negative but also positive, but the positive never lasts. Simple as that atm I'm negative again, then I laugh and its ok. One day get the fuck out and until the last attosecond I won't believe and comprehend what "just" happened, like all the time beforehand.
>>
No. 66991 Kontra
>>66989
Fiction is great when it resembles non-fiction in a good albeit still fictitious way, non-fiction while artistic (fiction), philosophy fiction but make it also banal, maybe oscillating at a frequency on the verge of making your mind melt in delight.
>>
No. 66992 Kontra
Maybe I'm alone because I fantasize about dissolving, corroding and it makes people around me uncomfy because they try to hold their shit together. I'm not the best company for anybody that wants to live a proper happy life, at least what can be called happy under the conditions that are at hand for the mass of people in western Europe and its economic-political and social organization.
>>
No. 66993 Kontra
>>66992
But I would ofc be lying if I don't dream of having a normal life. I gf I could go on holiday with because that is what I crave, ffs some woman out there must feel in a similar way, but even that does not guarantee being comfortable with the other having such thoughts and behaving in a certain way. It's really a tragedy that I have to live a life. And coming back to fiction: it depends on how you think and express this life, you could be one entertaining person if you just put the shit right, how you deal with it all makes difference and after all differences build it all up
>>
No. 66994
226 kB, 720 × 479
I actually got interviewed today after sending out that one application and then putting the job search on hold. Pretty funny interview tbh, there were five people in the web meeting but it was mostly the one guy talking to me while others were looking on in various degrees of disinterest.
Aside from a couple usual ones he kept asking lots of unrelated questions but I kinda enjoyed having that conversation. Somehow I got to talk about my dislike of the materialistic view of the mind and my penchant for Russian literature despite that having zilch to do with the job.
Though it turns out that the task actually also involves writing technical documentation which sounds like a hassle. From the description it sounded more like pushing around stuff inside a content management system which I could just do mindlessly while listening to a podcast or w/e while preparing text actually sounds like work, so I'm leaning towards declining even if they'd offer me a job.

But that makes me wonder: Ernst, what was your favorite (part-time) job?

>>66989
>then remember how BORING real life is, and it breaks your suspension of disbelief because a story being interesting or exciting is in itself unrealistic
shape rotator tier problem tbh
I recommend reading some poetry

t. proud wordcel
>>
No. 66995
>>66989
No. My life is very boring compared to others yet I find it unexpectedly interesting. But that leads to losing suspension of disbelief IRL though. :D

> there's a few books I've seen where the entire thing is just a guy going about his boring life but thinking and remarking about stuff around him
I can name three: "Nausea" by Sartr, most of Houellebecq's books, "The Infinite Deadlock". What else?
>>
No. 66996
>>66995
>What else?

Thomas Bernhard ofc.
>>
No. 66997 Kontra
34 kB, 1505 × 212
I just know remember that one lecturer that was also fond of system theory and would bring in the theory referring to the situation of the conversation taking place right now and it felt awkward that he did that because nobody does really. I suspected him to be a sort of lonely person and probably an alcoholic Maybe my social safe haven is destined to be other system theory obsessed people.
>>
No. 66998
>>66996
Ulysses is about guy "thinking and remarking stuff around him". Don't know if his life is boring, I haven't read the novel.
>>
No. 66999
>>66994
I claim that there's no such thing as wordlets or shape rotators, there's just intelligence, which makes you good at both.

The wordlet vs shape rotator phenomenon is actually two camps of midwits who, due to lack of general talent, had to hard specialize in a single field to compensate. As most people do.
>>
No. 67000
102 kB, 640 × 850
> I claim that there's no such thing as wordlets or shape rotators, there's just intelligence, which makes you good at both.
> The wordlet vs shape rotator phenomenon is actually two camps of midwits who, due to lack of general talent, had to hard specialize in a single field to compensate. As most people do.
>>
No. 67001
Today I learned about "wordlets" and "shape rotators" and wonder what other kind of cope people can POSSIBLY come up with.
>>
No. 67002 Kontra
I can't think in shapes or speech. Except when I'm really drunk.
>>
No. 67004
>>67002
How do you even think then?
>>
No. 67005
Sometimes I read the manifestos of actual schizophrenics and envy their prose.
I'm fascinated with this twilight zone of thought, where statements make sense but don't make sense simultaneously.

>>67001
Don't blame me, I'm not the one who brought it up.
In fact, I didn't know about the existence of such terms before reading that post, but I do my due diligence by googling unfamiliar terms when replying to a post, so now I know.
>>
No. 67006
>>67004
I guess a bit of both, but it's not really graspable threads and shapes. It's less spectacular than how I initially phrased it.
>>
No. 67007
Are there any good anti-depressants on the market? I don't want to be listed in any official register but maybe it would make things easier. With good I mean with little side effects for the body and mind.

>>67005
>Sometimes I read the manifestos of actual schizophrenics and envy their prose.
I'm fascinated with this twilight zone of thought, where statements make sense but don't make sense simultaneously.

Depends on the person, but it is indeed fascinating, madness generally. Thoughts departing from what is considered normal thinking.

>>67006
I don't think in written words all in all, more a glimmer of concrete, it's like a sea (noise) in which you can make out things eventually, word fragments emerging and dissolving quickly, repeating sometimes.
>>
No. 67008
Me openly talk to myself in a regular voice in public. Usually hold a conversation by just letting the 'off' part of my brain spew whatever and then I respond to it. Apparently my subconscious is full of self loathing. Rate.
>>
No. 67012
I want to listen to music and smoke cigarettes, but music is dead and cigarettes are a cliché.
>>
No. 67014
123 kB, 625 × 933
490 kB, 807 × 1024
>>67008
Not all voices in your head are your own. If there's a self hating narrative repeating in your head there's a good chance it's from something else

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ie7CUN3UVjc
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No. 67015
1,3 MB, 2000 × 2665
>>
No. 67016 Kontra
>>67012
I did that, the music was from the past and the cigarette set the mood perfectly. Just like the cigarette my past burned away like nothing, years turned into the span of a cigarette. And here I am, the current state of an endless series of actualizations not able to sleep while the sun will soon rise because I cannot comprehend and grab all that has and is and will happen, born clueless dying clueless but I can't resist the urge to try, like a fly that is bumping against the window on and on. And I cannot squeeze it into a picture that allows an overview. I know all this and I still can't take a rest, one has to test the limits in order to break new ground. I try to outrun "reality" like the fool that I am, will it pay? Or do I just pay with a total collapse, a catastrophe, a drama, a tragedy, one of millions, like so many did, do and will do? The quest for transparency will die for when I will have work to do once I wake up. A wish to reorganize the mind to escape its current mode of operation that itself judges as insufficient.

I should have erased all of this.
>>
No. 67020
>>66995
What else?
The Pidgeon, by Patrick Süskind. Nothing happens in this guy's life, and one small change is enough to drive him crazy. Fun fact: Süskind's most famous work, Perfume, inspired the lyrics for Nirvana's Scentless Apprentice. Good book, better song :D

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RmyE3ZTtUEo
>>
No. 67021
>>67001
While solving math problems, some people tend to think in "algebraic" terms, and some in "geometrical" (but ofc everyone can into both up to some degree). This seems to be more about biology, not about amount of efforts or personal preferences.
>>
No. 67022
122 kB, 640 × 868
>>67015
Is this what the voices in your head say?
>>
No. 67024
>>67005
>In fact, I didn't know about the existence of such terms before reading that post, but I do my due diligence by googling unfamiliar terms when replying to a post, so now I know.
I am beyond the point of googling random buzzwords, especially if I encounter them on the chans and specifically if they're suffixed with "-let" or "-cel" or any such. In rare cases, ignorance can be bliss.

>>67007
>With good I mean with little side effects for the body and mind.
Sports, unless you also don't want good side effects.
>>
No. 67025
>>67024
>Sports, unless you also don't want good side effects.

I want the effects and minimal side effects. Sports can help to make a balance, but in the end it's not enough, I've already tested it. I should do more right now, but when I did more it did not magically cure my depressive episodes.

Whatevs, I hate that I only had 2-3h of sleep now and I wonder if I should sleep a bit during the day.
>>
No. 67026
>>67025
Well yeah, sports isn't going to alleviate it completely, but it certainly helps - provided you are diligent and actually pull through. Going running once a week in irregular intervals is better than nothing, but not much.
You might also not have found something that works for you. It took me a very long time to find a kind of physical exercise I enjoy. I know it wasn't depression, but lifting actually carried me through a pretty shitty episode of my life.
>>
No. 67028
>>67026
I did it in regular intervals and more than once a week. It is doing me good and I want to get back in, but yeah, it certainly did not push it away, when I had gf it crawled back after a prolonged amount of time eventually as well, a partner certainly helps just as sport helps, but it does not kill it off to a satisfying degree.
>>
No. 67068
306 kB, 600 × 400
I've been in full schizo mode the last few days, reading so much legal advice and law texts I feel like I'm ascending to some higher realm of reality. It's like the rule of law basically sets up the "matrix" for much of every-day life. Really fascinating stuff, can't remember when I last learned so much about a new topic that changed my worldview to such an extent.
>>
No. 67076
16,4 MB, 480 × 360, 3:07
I scanned books like a maniac, I was sure the scanner sound would haunt me on my way home; did some sports today after having a shitty chat with a woman I last had sex with, looks like no casual sex once in a while anymore. Quite a bummer. But even though I did sleep little I did finish things that had to be done instead of getting swamped, Hallelujah. I will even be able to have another tutoring job next semester, at least to prospects for it to happen look good, crossing fingers. It's nice when I was worrying will I be able to earn some money next semester and turns out it will very probable be possible and I don't even have to resort to an outside-of-institution minimum wage job, even better that inshallah my BA earns me a whopping ~2€ extra/h then

>>67068
Law is for sure an interesting area, its role in organizing things is special.
>>
No. 67078
>at work, think about what you are going to do when work is over
>work is over, think about what you have to do at work
What are jobs I can leave at the doorstep and not think of after work? Additional info: No shifts, no overtime, at least 50k (gross, p.a.)
>>
No. 67079
92 kB, 1124 × 844
I'm done with the first two days of the semester.
It's zoom-classes again, and to quote Beavis, "This sucks. This sucks more than anything that has ever sucked before."
It feels like I'm not even there, and I get constantly distracted by random shit on my computer during the lectures. But at least supposedly we will be back on campus by March.

First week is always a bit more lenient, because some lecturers only hold classes from the second week onwards.
Because of the workshop I'll be having incredibly late classes again, but this time hopefully I won't be too tired due to health reasons, though I've already started taking naps between classes.

Also had some workshop meetings. We voted for a new secretary to the workshop's student body and also discussed the plans for this semester.
Basically the topic for the workshop lectures will be Japanese art, and we will also have classes on "scientific writing", so after requiring us to produce and abstract last semester, we will be actually taught how to write one. (And how to assemble a bibliography and prepare for a conference and so on.)(I wonder why this isn't part of the normal uni course in-depth like this, but I guess we did have a class on this that was basically giving us the parameters for the thesis we will write.)

Applied for student benefits. My mother asked me why I haven't applied during my first year, and I said "because I thought we were middle-class." and she said "no we're fucking not", so she helped me fill out the application.
I wonder if they will accept my application, because I already spent this money three times over in my head. (Which is a stupid thing to do.)

Also the people at the bookstore have been "assembling" my package for 4 days now according to it's online status, when it usually just takes half, and it's really irking me, because I usually pick up multiple orders at once, but this time I couldn't do that.
Though I used the opportunity to take a look at a collection of Chinese short stories.
Didn't even know it, but they published a three volume anthology of writings from Guangdong, with one covering short stories, one poems and one essays. It's very weird to look at a book and see names of people in them under the "translated by" section whom I've met since entering university.
>>
No. 67089
68 kB, 1080 × 1050
It's a shame there are so few nations represented here, posting stuff like pic related just isn't worthwhile here.
>>
No. 67091 Kontra
>>67089
This is what makes this board unique. If you want cheap bait posting to kill off some time just go to 4chan /int/ or whatever site has a lot of traffic.
>>
No. 67092 Kontra
>>67091
I knew you would reply.
Just how deep is that stick buried in your ass? Does it already come out of your mouth again? Yes?
Or are you playing the long con by assuming the role of an astral level autistic, completely humorless, unable to understand irony, constantly complaining (and not contributing anything beyond) stereotypical German?
I am more and more convinced you must be trolling, because nobody can seriously be like that.
If you are trolling congrats, 7/10, made reply and slightly mad.
>>
No. 67094 Kontra
>>67092
You must face the truth. You have shit humor and this is not a place for shit humor, in fact it is not a place for humor at all but for serious discussions only, as the name indicates.
>>
No. 67097
321 kB, 742 × 573
what does riding the clutch on your manual transmission automobile, and waking up in bed with a man in drag have in common?

in both cases you end up killing the tranny

hahahahahahahah
>>
No. 67098 Kontra
>>67097
sorry meant to post in the joke thread
>>
No. 67099
>>67094
Ohhh now I understand. You are trying to use reverse psychology to make me tell more jokes.
You'd just have to ask, friend :3
Here, have some:

How can you identify a french soldier? Sunburn under the arms!
I was in Budapest some time ago. SO MANY FAT PEOPLE! But what can you except, they're all constantly hungary.
What do russians do if they can't nurse their kids with vodka? They beat them, so they shut up, suka blyad!
What do you get when you cross an octopus with a negro? No idea, but it certainly can pick cotton really well!
How can you identify a turkish stallion? By the red bandana!
>>
No. 67100 Kontra
26 kB, 349 × 642
>>67089
>>67091
>>67092
>>67094
>>67099

Reminds me of this old image, and I agree with the one other German, fuck off you are not funny I`m really sorry, you might entertain your equally retarded real life friends with it though.
>>
No. 67102 Kontra
>>67100
Provided you are not autismo german samefagging:
You too should let some joy in your life :3

How about this: You tell a joke you find funny, so we can all finally hear a funny joke you entertain your highbrow equally intellectual real life friends with? You should have read enough Wilde to be able to come up with an intellectually stimulating humorous remark.

I am looking forward to it :3
>>
No. 67103
I'm old enough now that my cousins whom I held as infants at one point, are messaging me to help with their homework, with anime profile pictures and japanese emoticons after every response

I hate the antichrist
>>
No. 67104 Kontra
>>67102
Why should I waste my time sameposting to somebody trying to defend his behavior in such an embarrassing way?
Why do you assume I don't enjoy things in life and laugh? Obviously, I don't have your shit sense of humor that makes me react to such remarks that are a common form of humor on 4chan and other derivatives of lowlife online.
I don't know what it is that makes you come here every then and now kohlposting.
>>
No. 67105 Kontra
>>67102
But I will tell you what amuses me: That somebody like you cannot just accept that he has shitty humor.
>>
No. 67107 Kontra
>>67104
>everything I don't like is kohlposting
You seem really mad, why are you so mad? You should laugh from time to time :3
I am still waiting for your joke, btw.
>>
No. 67108
Huh, I guess it's true that beings fill the shape of their environment.

We used to have sharts having incessant arguments with each other that nobody else gave a shit about.
After the schizoamerican left, there was an empty niche for intra-national shitflinging that nobody else gives a fuck about, and now the void is being filled by germans.

It's like poetry, it rhymes.
>>
No. 67109
>>67107
I don't cater much to humor in the form of jokes as in the joke thread, it seems like you cannot comprehend past that form of humor, sad.
Why don't you go to yuchan and post your funny picture, it will be epic entertainment.

The fact that you think I am mad is also the reason why we have a different sense of humor. I already told you yourself and your postings make me laugh. Make a little man again, please, I know you cannot resist.
>>
No. 67111
My floor is vibrating. Some kind of construction, or in that case, destruction work is being done a couple meters below me and to the side. Not a pleasant feeling.
>>
No. 67113
>>67109
I think your fedora sits a bit too tight, you should tip it more often.
But good performance, with all that intellectual superiority thing going on while arguing with an alleged village idiot.

>>67108
Damn you're right, though I wonder what weird dark place autismo german has crawled out.
I wonder if he's the same one who is arguing with the portuguese in the other thread.
>>
No. 67115 Kontra
>>67113
So we got an autistic nerd and an unfunny class clown now, great. Btw can I borrow your English homework, I forgot to do it and want to copy it during math lesson.
>>
No. 67116
75 kB, 700 × 615
Different Ernst here: If anyone was wondering why I couldn't believe it when someone said /int/ was the more polite board in comparison to /b/: Check the last 20 or so posts. Not saying that /int/ is worse, because it isn't. But it surely isn't more polite.

Also: Any objections to my statement must be submitted im meme format, otherwise they are automatically invalid!
>>
No. 67117 Kontra
>>67116
Well, due to the new dynamic it has certainly become less polite here lately. Also I don't think EC /b/ is less polite, but there's a different mindset at work there.
>>
No. 67118
>>67116
So I'm in a meme? I never said /b/ is more "polite". We have these outbursts between Germans often in the past. But the Americans are more or less gone and indeed the tone has changed over time. But that is also not that new, how many times did people stop by to bring their typical imageboard content (aka low effort posting, remember?). And it happens again and again. Baiting/shitposting. EC was actively against certain kind of shitposting that led to the demise of KC (that is not the same as the technical end of KC as a board).
What did we have here now? An unfunny mf who has a problem that his humor is not liked by other board dwellers and somebody who uses the situation to make a EC performance out of it, just buying the highbrow accusations.
>>
No. 67120
>>67108
It's rather matter of our perception. They always were like that, but no one noticed it because compared to burgers such discussions don't look like quarrels.
>>
No. 67125
The sun is shining. Not just in the actual "of course the sun is shining, else we'd all be dead" kind of way, but it's actually bright and through the window I can feel the warmth (it was pretty warm today anyway, when I went jogging the air was unusually warm compared to the last weeks/months).
I don't really care about the temperature, but I hate rain and the german standard grey sky and I can feel (in a statistically significant way) how my mood is improving.
Wonder how long this will last and we'll be back to 3°C/rain.
>>
No. 67127
Had an embarrassing interaction at the supermarket today.
Because it is widely supported, I pay with a mobile app and a QR code, rarely use a debit card any more.
So, I picked up my stuff and stood in the checkout line. When it came my turn, the mobile app and QR code stopped working.
It would just say "QR code not recognized". Which is weird because it always worked before, at any angle and any lighting condition.
I tried several times, and the cashier suggested I use a debit card instead. I said I didn't bring one because I never do. Then she suggested I borrow money from another person in the line, and then pay them in cash, but I don't use cash either.
There was a line forming behind me. I started sweating.
I tried the QR code several more times, and the people in the line were getting visibly annoyed.
I bet they got the impression that I didn't have any money left on my account and that my payment system was rejecting the purchase. Which is embarrassing. (I must make a note here that if this was happening in the presence of our resident schizo american, he'd probably have shot me in the back 6 times with his revolver, suspecting me of robbery)

I had to cancel my purchase and stand there in the corner trying to figure out what the fuck was happening.
It turned out that I simply ran out of mobile data, and that my telecom company gives free traffic to common services like web payment things and whatsapp and such. So if I ran out of data, I would not immediately notice it if I were using those particular services. Except that the payment app I was using, and its QR code validation service have different IPs, so even though the payment app itself was working, the QR code thing wasn't.
But the error it was giving me was not "couldn't establish internet connection", it was "QR code not recognized". Which is the wrong error message to show in this situation. If it just informed me that I ran out of data, I'd have immediately figured it out and there'd be no problem.
So I stood there for another minute while I paid for more data, and then checked out successfully.

tl;dr bad software design made me drop my spaghetti and caused me psychological damage. If this was america, I'd sue for damages.
>>
No. 67128
My days as an online game griefer have come back to haunt me through karma.

Every once in a while, I'll hear a piercing shriek and extended wailing from my little brother's room, which sends shivers down my spine and makes me cringe to the point where I fear I'll shatter my teeth grinding them so hard.
He's being griefed in an online game again.

At his age I was already a hardened veteran of the imageboards, who's seen many a gore dump and copro porn dumps, while he's a fucking normie who cries about being called gay on the internet.

I ought to beat his ass, but he's a vicious fucker and would probably break my laptop while I was asleep in revenge.
>>
No. 67129
>>67128
Maybe you should grief your brother's minecraft server. It's probably better for him that he's being griefed in relative safety.
>>
No. 67130
>>67129
Unfortunately I can't do that without the risk of being griefed IRL by our mother, which means being beaten with a frying pan, and denied food for a week, as well as endless psychological torture.
>>
No. 67131
>>67128
I don't know is it just me but...have you ever watched people playing games in front of a screen and constantly reacting and commenting on it? It makes me cringe. They are only paying half attention to what they say as they concentrate on the game which makes it worse and probably is the problem why it is so hard for me to watch these people, not that I did this often, but I noticed this first long ago on a LAN-party with friends, I probably did it myself, horrible shivers are given.
>>
No. 67132
>>67128
What game is he playing? Depending on the anti-cheat at work, you could secretly install some old, public cheats on his PC and wait for the game ban.
>>
No. 67136
366 kB, 2500 × 1667
624 kB, 2937 × 1427
All this talk about system theory reminded me of something tangentially related.
https://creation.com/spider-decoys
There is a species of spider that builds "sculptures" of larger spiders out of garbage, in order to fend off potential predators.
The thing is, the spider itself does not know what a spider looks like. The predators might know what a spider looks like, but they don't have a concept of what a spider is.
The entire ecosystem itself seems to generate this image of a spider, but the ecosystem doesn't have a brain, so it doesn't know what a "spider" is either.
But still, in the end, we have a system that generates images of spiders, despite no individual part knowing what a "spider" looks like.
It's fascinating to me.

>>67131
I used to work as a cashier at a gaming cafe at some point.
There'd be grown men playing Dota 2 and CS:GO who'd loudly swear at their screens every time they died or lost. We'd have to tell them to pipe down every time, because funnily enough, a big part of our revenue were little children skipping school, who'd get uncomfortable at those adult men yelling at the top of their lungs.
To this day I do not understand the psychology of some bydlo who yells profanities at his screen every time they lose.

At another point in my life, I worked as an interior designer / 3D renderer, and a lot of our clients were gaming / internet cafes, and they'd actually segregate swearers from casual visitors, the way restaurants segregate smokers from non-smokers.

>>67132
You don't understand. I want to reduce whining, not increase it.
He plays Roblox btw. It's a million times worse than Minecraft, actually.
Imagine a game with predatory microtransactions, then multiply by a million. Then imagine a game modding community, except that all content is stored on the "cloud" (somebody else's computer), so the company profits off of unpaid child labor. That's Roblox.
I wanted to make him play some PC gaming classics instead, but he just doesn't care, all he cares about is roblox.

This whole situation gave me the startling and scary realization that for younger audiences who grew up with Web 2.0, microtransactions and exploitative nickel-and-diming is the norm, they just can't imagine games where you just paid once and got all content.
Makes me sad.
>>
No. 67139
21 kB, 217 × 157
>>66688
>Now that's some real moonrunes, my browser doesn't even render the seal script(?) properly
It's tangut and phags-pa. Tangut is giga moonrune. I can't think of any operating system that has tangut font preinstalled.
Seal script isn't even in unicode. Unicode committee would add thousands of emojis than real scripts like khitan and jurchen.

>>66832
University rankings are heavily biased towards anglosphere ones by considerings factors like international diversity. And I wouldn't be surprised that they take bribes just looking at how they rank universities in asia. Germans are shafted because their higher education system is rather egalitarian. They could easily top the charts if max planck institute were turned into a university.
>that list
I noticed it's missing the best university for math in deutschland too. What a joke lol.

>>67131
>have you ever watched people playing games in front of a screen and constantly reacting and commenting on it
Some people do it. It could be quite annoying especially if they went full bydlo and started to swear at other players. I think I never talk to myself so I can't really empathize with them.
>>
No. 67140
>>67136
>You don't understand. I want to reduce whining, not increase it.

No game = No whining

But he probably just makes a new account. In that case keep torturing him without him knowing it's you.
At some point he will be dead inside and not bother you anymore.
>>
No. 67142
>>67136
> To this day I do not understand the psychology of some bydlo who yells profanities at his screen every time they lose.
What do you do when you are angry and nobody else is there to direct your anger at?
>>
No. 67143
>>67142
I punch my armrest
>>
No. 67144
>>67142
Whenever I am angry, I direct my anger inwards, and burn a piece of my soul seething and festering in my own frustration.

Works great. I feel almost nothing in any situation these days.
>>
No. 67145
345 kB, 635 × 691
Changed my windshield wiper blades, because the old ones sucked, left too many streaks. The new blades leave streaks too, because I bought the cheap ones. Dammit. Now I have to either be angry at my choice, or cope by believing the expensive brand probably wouldn't be any better. Eh, I'm going with the latter option.

Also, I thought of our erstwhile text-wall ernst when I saw pic related story. Weird how this autistic friend simulator can generate such convincing avatars that their presence persists even after I close the tab.
>>
No. 67147
43 kB, 517 × 500
>>67145
You should've yelled at the wipers.

t. advice based on recent postings in this thread
>>
No. 67152
>>67139
>factors like international diversity
I heard, shit-tier Russian universities try hard to attract Africans to maximize this factor. These students barely speak Russian but administration makes them pass all exams.
In Kavkaz universities it's Turkmens. They are despised and considered stupid by everyone including other churkas.
>>
No. 67153
I just went for a short walk in the nearby forest because I had a dire urge of getting some fresh air.
Tonight was a clear sky, I could see a lot of stars, most prominent the Orion constellation.
It's crazy how much street lights obscure the stars.
It must have been a marvellous sight on a clear night before universal street lamps. Shame Germany is so light polluted.

I also thought about how I would enjoy having a job where I can be outside.
Then I remembered how foresters and professional hunters usually work for public institutions and probably have to write a new form for every fart they take.

If I were rich, I'd have a treehouse, with an open air living room where I could sit at night. And it would be in my own forest, far away from any streets.
>>
No. 67154 Kontra
>>67153
Having submitted that post I also remembered a piece we had to write in German class, in 7th grade or so. How we would see our future, I think was the topic.
I wrote about living in a treehouse on a waterfall, being an XTREME bmx rider or something, iirc.
Is it very silly to still dream about that treehouse?
>>
No. 67165
>>67153
Völkische Wanderung :D

>>67142
Personally if it infuriates me due to some reason I just turn it off.
"It's only game, why you haff to be mad?"
>>
No. 67168
>>67165
> Personally if it infuriates me due to some reason I just turn it off.
But will you stop playing entirely, a game you either bought or invested money by other means, or just because of the time you put into it? If not, the aggravating element will still be there next time.
>>
No. 67169
>>67168
Why not?
If I bought something physical, and it has a defect, and I have no way of returning or replacing it, I just throw it away or stop using it, and make a mental note to be more discerning in my purchases.
It's just the most straightforward thing you can do. Like, everybody does this for every other thing, like if somebody buys a movie and they don't like it, they don't watch it again. They don't agonize over having spent money on it. If somebody buys a book, reads it, and doesn't like it, they stop reading it.

I feel like this feeling of entitlement or that you are owed some level of (subjective) quality on top of the product itself, exists only in video game players, and restaurant goers.

With video games in particular, there is also this content-oriented mentality, where it's like all the "content" MUST be experienced to get your money's worth. The idea that a game is nothing but a vehicle for delivering art assets.
Not only in players, but in developers. They are deathly afraid of players "missing out on content", to the point that they compromise on gameplay to make all content accessible.
>>
No. 67170 Kontra
>>67168
I mean not entirely. I just call it a day and don't play with it until tomorrow or until I have time again.
I might be slightly prone to having tantrums, but I know it's not worth it to destroy shit let alone be mad at a computer program.
>>
No. 67171
>>67169
Books and movies are both cheaper than games, usually, and not interactive or multiplayer.
>>
No. 67172
If they are so angry about losing, doesn't it mean that they like the game? Bad game wouldn't cause so much passion.
Or maybe it's not about the game for them, but about dominating other people and being cool at least in virtual world. And Dota 2 is just arbitrarily way to determine who is loser and who is winner.
>>
No. 67173
>>67172
> Bad game wouldn't cause
You wish. It's all about investment, and not even necessarily money. People WILL spend money to skip a grind that's been put into a game on purpose (to sell the "grind-away") if they put a considerable amount of time into it beforehand (sunk cost fallacy, anyone?) for example.
>>
No. 67174
>>67168
>If not, the aggravating element will still be there next time.
Maybe it won't be aggravating the next time.
How often have you come back to a game just to breeze through a part that bothered you before?
>>
No. 67175
>>67174
Never. What happens is I remember why I rage-uninstalled the game two years before. Good thing there was an option to turn down the difficulty even more.
>>
No. 67176 Kontra
>>67175
Seems like you need to acquire proficiency.
>>
No. 67178
11 kB, 480 × 360
>>67176
Ah yes, I have to git gud. Guess what, I tried.
>>
No. 67179
98 kB, 1280 × 719
I think some people are just physiologically prone to anger. I can't even remember the last time I rage over something (low testosterone? lol).

>>67152
Turd worlders worship these university rankings. In china, even top universities would try maximazing international students and faculties to rank higher. And of course administration is rather liberal on international students.
Top universities in east asia are highly selective in home country admission but loose in international students. So chinese/japanese/korean top universities are filled with mediocre students from the other two. Pic related, korean student in one of the best chinese language department cannot answer some basic questions.
>>
No. 67181 Kontra
>>67178
>Guess what, I tried.
Seems like you didn't try hard enough.
Although the problem probably lies more with your own aspirations.
There is no shame in playing on easier difficulties if you're having fun.
Also, not everyone needs to be able to play every game. I suck ass at jump'n'runs, so I won't go and play one and constantly rage because I suck at it, or worse, demand that the devs make it easier. I simply don't play it. I also don't play RTS because I suck at micromanagement.
And I played TW3 on either the easy or normal difficulty because I didn't think that the higher difficulties add anything worthwhile.
Lastly, your approach could be wrong, simple as. Imagine trying to play Gran Turismo like you would play Need for Speed, something like that.
This probably belongs more to the videogame thread, but that's just my 0.02 Euros.
>>
No. 67182
>>67181
> There is no shame in playing on easier difficulties if you're having fun.
The problem is that sometimes the easiest available is still too hard. I hate having a broken brain.
>>
No. 67184
>>67182
Jesses, what game are we even talking about?
Also, consider the other points.
>>
No. 67185
>>67182
Makes me think of that one nickname I met on a server I played several years on. MP shooter. While I was getting better and eventually leading lists he was still more or less camping, maybe it was just a kid all those years though. But even then one might suspect he would think a bit about how the game works. I think shooters and other games need thinking skills, like you have to know why you can anticipate something happening in that game to be prepared, to know where to throw a grenade etc.
>>
No. 67203
Book arrived. Paid 1,50€, it seems that Hungarian and Portuguese customs are part of the same fellowship.
>>
No. 67205
How much alcohol do I have to drink until it goes away?
At this point, having an alcohol problem seems like a better problem to have than the problem I'm using alcohol to cope with.
>>
No. 67206
On the weekend I watched a documentary about the Danube. It was very interesting, but when they reached the Balkans I was, again, out of my element.
It was about the town of Vukolak, among others, and about the war.
Now the thing is, I know how Croatians fought Serbians and Yugoslaws, but I still don't quite understand why exactly, what exactly was going on and how later the Kosovo war ties into that (apart from Milosevic being serbian, of course).
Does anyone have a good source I could learn more about it? I don't need an actual book with all the backgrounds, I just want to untangle it a bit.
>>
No. 67207
>>67205
At least in my case, it doesn't go away, no matter how much I drink - unless I am drinking myself unconscious, but staying permanently unconscious is not desirable.
>>
No. 67209
>>67207
> staying permanently unconscious is not desirable.
Says you
>>
No. 67210
>>67209
Glass full of vodka
I drink because I suffer
It eases nothing
>>
No. 67212
>>67206
I just know that one crucial element in explaining the war and Balkan dynamics in the 20th century is the industrial mass murdering of 700’000 Orthodox Serbs by Croatian Ustashes. I heard from some relatively reliable source that their genocide’s logistics may have inspired some aspects of the holocaust.
Tito hid the magnitude of the genocide because it would have killed any Yugoslav project in the egg. It was the "original sin" of the state and one the reasons of the ferocity of the war. I can’t help you for the east part of the war though.

Better informed people are welcome to correct me.
>>
No. 67216
59 kB, 624 × 434
>sent out two letters weeks ago to former teachers I sometimes write letters to
>no reply
They're either dead or too polite to tell me to fuck off.

I have no classes on Friday, so tonight I'm going to screw around with classical Chinese late into the night.
I might even get a few sentences translated after fucking around with the dictionary.
The battle plan is to get every unknown character defined and then assemble them into an anki-deck.
Cracked like two sentences from the Han Feizi. Tomorrow I'll crack some more.
Wonder if the lecturer would find it a bit overzealous if I sent this to him, but then again, he agreed to be my supervisor.

Also ordered a book from the Reich. They say that it will take between 20-50 days to arrive. Which is probably a lie, because there is no way that Austria and Germany takes 3-5 days and once the package crosses the border at Hegyeshalom it suddenly takes ~30. (Not even with some Aryan anti-balkanlar magic, but if that were the case I'd ask for the help of some local shaman.)

I will buy fried cheese tomorrow. Good lunch, good books. Glorious this semester will be.
>>
No. 67219
>>67210
How much exactly (in ml) is the volume of liquid your glass can hold?
Googling the average volume of a standard glass, I got the number of 200 to 250 ml.
Vodka is approximately 40% ethanol by volume.
So, a glass of vodka, if we assume 250ml, would be 100ml of ethanol.
Now, water and ethanol have different mass per volume, so we need to account for that.
1 liter of ethanol is 0.783 kilograms. So, 100ml of ethanol is 78.3g of ethanol.

I drink 4 cans of 450ml piss lager when I want to get drunk.
My brand of choice is 7.2% ethanol by volume.
4 cans is 1800ml, or 1.8l.
So in total, 129.6ml of ethanol.
Multiply by 0.783 and we get 101.4768 grams of ethanol.

Now, one gram of ethanol contains 7 kcal (or food calories, or Calories with uppercase C).
So, your glass of vodka would contain 548.1 kcal.
My 4 piss lager cans would contain 710 kcal
So, your glass of vodka contains only 77.197183098591549295774647887324% of the calories in my 4 cans of piss lager. Which means that I consume at minimum 22.802816901408450704225352112676% more calories of alcohol than you when I drink. The difference is quite significant.
I find the amount of alcohol I consume drinking 4 cans of piss lager to be quite satisfactory for alleviating sufferings (most of the time, there are exceptions) to be quite satisfactory.

So my conclusion is that you're not drinking enough and should step up your game.
>>
No. 67220
The term "free speech" is a misnomer.
What you want is not the ability to say anything you want, it's the ability to be heard.

Otherwise, you could claim that any tyrannical autocratic state has free speech because you can go to an empty field and shout your grievances into the void.
>>
No. 67221
>>67220
Well, speaking already implies that someone is listening. If you speak when nobody can hear you, then it's usually called "speaking to oneself" to differentiate it from proper speaking (that is, to somebody), so your example of shouting in an empty field would not be "free speech", but "free speech to yourself", and yes, even the most totalitarian states have this kind of freedom, although it's a really pointless one.
>>
No. 67222
>>67219
Brick doing the math
Way too many decimals
Drink that piss lager
>>
No. 67224
>>67221
So what about speaking when you have no idea if, or how many, people are listening?
Like hosting your radio station but never announcing to anyone that it exists and at which frequency it's sending. People would find you by accident, but there is no way to know how many listeners there are.

Would you consider this speech?
>>
No. 67226
>>67224
Doesn't matter. If you've got any audience — a random passerby who just happened to hear your ramblings, a nosy neighbor who delights in learning every single juicy detail of your personal life, a secret police agent who listens to your every phone conversation patiently waiting for a slip-up that will allow to condemn you as a betrayer of Motherland — whether you know about that audience or not, as long as you are heard, then you are speaking, because your words leave a mark on the world. When nobody hears you, you might as well not say anything aloud and just think those things, because they change nothing.
>>
No. 67228
>>67226
You are speaking words
Yet nobody can hear you
More bodiless thoughts
>>
No. 67231 Kontra
>>67226
>When nobody hears you, you might as well not say anything aloud and just think those things, because they change nothing.

Don't think so, it makes a difference when you speak out thoughts loudly instead of "thinking", it the same with thinking and writing on paper, there is a rather big gap between writing thoughts and thinking them and it makes a difference, albeit different, speaking thinks out aloud makes difference to just thinking, both are expressions/verbalizations of thinking which I deem mostly a confusing process not transparent to humans by just thinking. It would be another question to ask how "more" transparent it gets by speaking/writing.
>>
No. 67233
235 kB, 1920 × 1019
329 kB, 706 × 800
79 kB, 640 × 480
92 kB, 800 × 538
Some of the recent shoops I made.
>>
No. 67234
>>67220
You could also claim that any tyranny has freedom to be heard. All you need to do is to speak to people who won't snitch on you, it's that simple.
Or that you have freedom to steal anything as long as you don't get caught.
But why play devil's advocate and make such claims?
>>
No. 67235
In other words, you implicitly define "freedom to do something" as "theoretical possibility to do something and don't face punishment for it, at least under certain conditions".
That's not what people usually imply by freedom.
>>
No. 67236
473 kB, 1949 × 1301
I had Poutine for the first time in my life, very tasty! Its's fries with gravy and cheese.

>>67235
Isnt a common distinction when talking about freedom made between "freedom from" and "freedom to"?
>>
No. 67238
>>67236
No, it's neither of two. Take freedom to posses arms for example:
  1. "to" definition: state provided AR-15.
  2. "from" definition: legal ability to own AR-15. (kinda burgers' 2-nd amendment)
  3. Brick's definition: ability to hide AR-15 in stash as long as no one reports it to cops.
>>
No. 67239
>>67236
Were you in Kanada? My last uni's mensa sometimes had "poutine", but it was really just fries with the Bratensoße they used for the Schnitzel the day before and some analogue cheese.
>>
No. 67241
>>67239
No, but Frittenwerk. Though it is surely not the Bratensosse from a Mensa-Schnitzel, it is Bratensosse in the end and cheese. I doubt that the Canadian version is more refined than what you described.
>>
No. 67242 Kontra
Tomorrow I'm DMing D&D with people who never played tabletop before. It's been a really long time since I've iniciated new players and I'm really anxious. The party is also predominantly women, that's also a first time. One thing I miss from doing extended campaigns is character creation and the absence of habits in the player's strategies.
The scenario is a simple door-monster-treasure, they're the ones I have the most fun making play. It's the module B3, the palace of the silver princess; a kingdom is in danger and a princess is trapped in her own castle that has become prey to evil forces.
We'll play the game in a local bunker that's rentable for free.
>>
No. 67243
20 kB, 409 × 509
>>67242
>B3
Underrated module. Excellent taste. Tbh, it's hard to go wrong with it. My tip to really elevate it is to go almost a bit Grimm fairy tales with it. Really ramp up that the idyllic shit is warped. It's not necessarily corrupt but it's 'off'. Example being the rose garden, imo one of the best rooms in the dungeon. I always read it as a normal rose garden and then put it on the players to feel on edge as to why a high maintenance garden like that has survived. Idyllic, but wrong, and becomes really warped when the blood-drinking roses part becomes known. Hell yeah.
>>
No. 67244
>>67242
Reminds me that I still need to have the final bossfight my group reached right when corona hit, but now we'd have to do it all online.
>>
No. 67347
>>66937
I've got an idea. What if you enter into a (fictitious) marriage with one of firsties?
>>
No. 67349
577 kB, 825 × 623
No more masks at work for vaccinated employees. This change came after both the State and County dropped their mandates. For the majority of my coworkers, this marks the first time I've seen their full face(some of us had previously dropped them to chat, ofc). There were moments where the experience felt almost surreal.
>>
No. 67350
>>67349
Reminds me that for a brief moment masks were not mandatory to wear when you were fully vaccinated in German clubs (no entry when not vaxxed was the politics) and I had a techno party (my first in several years) that was without any masks after 1.5 years of a pandemia. I cannot actually believe that in summer it was possible to do so. Was great and felt natural even though ofc one was a bit surprised to see all those faces.
>>
No. 67351 Kontra
>>67349
When I started my new job in November, it was "are you vaccinated? was your last test negative? yes? well, do what you want".
Nobody wore a mask, though mostly everyone is in home office anyway, but apart from publically accessible shops and such people seem to have stopped really giving a fuck some time ago, mainly because nobody really knows what the rules are anymore anyway. Kontra for coronapost.
>>
No. 67352
6 kB, 220 × 230
The game was really good from the beginning to end. They stayed for seven hours and I forgot how physically tiring talking can become when you are the DM. I think overall I did pretty good nd everyone seemed enthusiastic to come back for at least one or two times to finish the adventure. I may just have a new crew.

The characters are : a hikikomori 50yo mage who spends most of his time in a wood shack alone and has exeptionally low charisma, he cried from social pressure when the party tried to make him open a door he didn't want to; a plain dwarf whom my player drew in a way that made him look a bit like a chihuahua; a thief with a pun name who always tried to preserve his life in a ridiculous manner; an alcoholic clerc named jesus worshipping a god who happens to be named after some french rapper.

>>67243
It's the first module I ever did as a player and it was pure fun from the beginning to the end. I remember having played a dwarf but I didn't really know how to roleplay a dwarf back then. The doppelganger disguised as a mage is really well placed and the guard's chief Travis is a really fun boss, not even talking about all the monsters empty rooms with valueless but cool loot. I think it's my favorite basic Mystara module, I'm glad you know so well about it.
>>67244
Since corona hit I only see my main D&D group once a semester. Never managed to move to online even with discord.
>>
No. 67353
>>67350
Felt natural is a good way to put it, and this forced a sudden realization of how un-natural the last 2 years have been. Yeah, I know- shouldn't need a reminder, but I've become so accustomed to putting on the mask that the motion is performed without a second thought- it had become the new normal. Now, over the course of a week, the mask rules drop and there was a moment of disbelief where it seemed like waking from a dream. Dunno, just weird. Not everyone is vaxxed and unmasked, ofc, and at times I found myself thinking "Hm, I thought he'd get it", or "Yep, not surprised".
>>
No. 67354
>>67352
I take they acted their characters really well?
My current group has a bunch of rather standard characters, but it's funny how some people can do a 180 between their actual irl character and their DnD character, like that girl who is a really nice and timid and extremely law-abiding person irl who regularly suggested that the group commits war crime tier actions.
But we also have a guy who just CAN NOT roleplay to save his life. He's basically himself, just with a big battelaxe, which led to some funny moments when he spilled his spaghetti trying to get some intel from a woman in a bar (by sitting next to her and asking her LITERALLY "so you're here often?") or when being confronted by some ruffians about his armor or whatever telling them he didn't wear anything under the armor, with the ruffians then calling him gay, which I think then led to a fight where the group decimated almost a whole tavern, with the aforementioned girl stabbing the bartender like 30 times with a small kitchen knife because that was the only one she had at that time.
>>
No. 67356
125 kB, 900 × 1166
>>67352
Noice. Yeah, it's also got a similar metaprogression to B2 imo, where really after taking sufficient control of the castle, you can start having wilderness adventures to retake the countryside (which fits the traditional progression of dungeon->XP->wilderness) and turn the entire thing into a kind of buildup to realm play later on, with a region that they're already heavily invested in.

From what I'm reading of your playstyle, I really recommend B7 for a future module if you wanted to run another. It translates to higher character investment really well because it's kind of plot-centric, but holy shit dog, that dungeon map is fucken wild in the best way. Will say though, if you're going to run it, print a copy out and take a highlighter to it because it's a complex sumbitch.
>>
No. 67362
3,3 MB, 3000 × 2000
I recently had to separate out a potato from cooking because it was already too green, so I decided to use up the last bunch of soil I had laying around and plant the potato.
At first I though nothing would come out of it, but last week the first sprout appeared.
I probably won't get any big or even a lot potatos from it, but a potato plant even without harvesting the roots is pretty to look at.
I will probably never be a gardener, with putting flower bushes and shit, but seeing something grow that you can actually eat is a great feeling. Shame I am a renter and only have my balcony space ;_;
>>
No. 67366
>>67362
Indeed quite nice, I grew tomatoes last summer (not as easy as the sturdy indoor plants I possess), I have access to a balcony that is southwards.
>>
No. 67367
I was going to nuke my data folder files so I can free my self from the burden of hoarding, but the DATA FOMO demon took hold of me, and I decided to take a peek at all the stuff I accumulated, to see if there's anything "useful" there.

Browsing through all that garbage, I suddenly started getting flashbacks to the times when I was saving that stuff, months, years back.

I did not like the feeling of awareness of time going by. I wanted to permanently delete all of it. Unfortunately, I was too weak, so I put it all in external storage.
In time, I shall forget all about it again.
>>
No. 67368
1020 kB, 2410 × 2644
On Friday I wrote up some schizo tier wall of text about having to get papers and shit but I ultimately deleted it.

Anyway, by the looks I'll be actually getting some money from the state if I get hold of all the papers they asked for in round two.
It'll be grand.

Also translated like the first 5 or so sentences from chapter one of the Han Feizi and sent it to my supervisor.
I'm feeling motivated, because he wrote back and said that "It's almost perfect, and the style of the Hungarian text is quite excellent."
What a fucking compliment this is.

Yesterday my father and sister fucked off to some arcade game championship so we had a "mother-son Saturday", which basically meant that we did the shopping, made a pizza for lunch and drank a shot afterwards.

Today I had my first driving lesson. As in, we got in the car, and my father taught me how to break, use that third pedal thing I'm not going to bother looking up the name of in English and also the gas.
By the looks I won't be able to run away from my mother's wishes to learn how to drive.
Last time this came up I told her that I don't have the time or willpower to learn hundreds of arbitrary symbols and their meanings.
Thankfully we all survived to tell the tale.
>>
No. 67369
281 kB, 800 × 753
>>67366
I never tried tomatoes. I have successfully grown chilis the past years though. But it's no big deal because my dad usually has so many tomatoes he doesn't know what to do with them, so when I go visit in summer, I am set for a tomato-only diet for days. Sadly in 21 he didn't get many because of the shit weather.
I also want to eventually try pic related. I also remember having a guide somewhere that was about growing potatos in a vertical stacked box or something, though I don't quite remember what exactly it was about.
>>
No. 67370
>>67368
>I'm not going to bother looking up the name of in English
Clutch pedal

>Last time this came up I told her that I don't have the time or willpower to learn hundreds of arbitrary symbols and their meanings.
Oh you :3
>>
No. 67371
>>67369
I did just one plant of tomatoes, it yielded maybe 20 tomatoes, doesn't seem much, I dunno, but the taste was nice for sure. The weather wasn't good but we also had enough sunny days. Did paprika as well, but they stayed small and green, want to do tomatoes again and Chilis, guess they are similar to paprika, need to look it up. Zucchini is rather easy as long as you can provide the pollination when insects/bee don't do it. But Zucchini can quickly take up space.
>>
No. 67372
>>67371
Yeah, self-grown tomatos btfo every single bought one.
And yeah, chilis are merely a species in the genus of capsicum (i.e. peppers). Or in other words, paprikas are non-spicy chilis. They're really thirsty and at least on my balcony, aphids are a common houseguest and I can't kill them fast enough, so I hope the potatoes will not attract them as much.
I don't like Zucchinis, so I never tried that.
>>
No. 67373
I have a horrible urge to binge on something, but I don't know what.
Burgers? Döner? Vodka? Beer? Chocolate? Cheese?
>>
No. 67374 Kontra
>>67369
>Sadly in 21 he didn't get many because of the shit weather.
In 21? Good lord, I can feel it now - "Do you remember the 20s?"
>>
No. 67375
>>67373
Just yesterday I was thinking of getting a Döner again, the last one has been over a month ago.
>>
No. 67376
>>67375
The last Döner I ate was in summer and I got a flu (not coof) right after. Haven't eaten one ever since.
>>
No. 67378
Cheesymite scroll and kofe for work breakfast. Feels good man.
>>
No. 67379
There must be some way out of here

t. joker
>>
No. 67380
Thinking of her now
Why can she not just be here
Went to bed alone
>>
No. 67381
>>67379
> t. joker
Which one of us is the thief, then? I can't remember stealing anything, so, not me.
>>
No. 67382
>>67381
You stole my heart :3
>>
No. 67383
>>67382
> heart
Not doing organ trafficking either
>>
No. 67384
>>67379
The exit is gonna be behind a catastrophe I'm afraid.
>>
No. 67386
5,7 MB, 480 × 360, 1:05
The Superb Owl has started. Who are you pulling for, Cincinatti Bengals or Las Angeles Rams? Me: Bengals, because 4 years ago they won a meaningless game against the Baltimore Ravens which ended up putting my Buffalo Bills in the playoffs for the first time in 17 years. Rams are the better team, imo.and are now up 7-0
>>
No. 67387
>>67386
Ravens have got the worst linebackers in NFL history. I can't believe they got as far as they did on the over-and-under. The best team are the Dallas Cowboys, they hit the 200 yard line faster and harder than any other. Mike Kabolski is a great quarterback.
>>
No. 67388
56 kB, 706 × 480
>>67387
And they say Ernst doesn't know jokenings :D. Dallas hasn't been good since Tom Landry lost his fedora.

Bengals looking good, up 20-16. Halftime show was well done, stringing together hip hop's greatest hits from the 90's-2000's.
>>
No. 67389
>>67386
>>67387
>>67388
I'm a lifelong Green Bay Packers fan in a region full of Patriots fans. Then again, I stopped caring about football after Brett Favre retired.

My other favorite team, ironically enough, is the Minnesota Vikings. Maybe just one of these days, they'll win a Super Bowl Championship
>>
No. 67390
>>67374
Well, the 20s were off to a fulminant start, so why not?
Though it wasn't as bad as 2013, where autumn started in September '12 and lasted until mid-August '13. We had no more than 15 °C in July in that year!
>>
No. 67391
>>67388
>Dallas hasn't been good since Tom Landry lost his fedora.
I'm not exactly sure how American football works, Cowboys were the only team I could remember :DD
>>
No. 67392 Kontra
>>67390
I doubt this. But I am also too lazy to look it up.
>>
No. 67393
>>67392
>I doubt this
You're calling me a liar? I actually mentioned those very specific dates because I still have a very vivid recollection of it.
>>
No. 67395
>>67392
>>67393
I recall we had snow in the last week of october in 2012. In 2011 I went swimming in Lake Constance at the same time.
>>
No. 67398
62 kB, 640 × 640
>>67389
>after Brett Favre retired.
Aaron Rogers has worked out okay :3

>a region full of Patriots fans.
My condolances. As a division rival, they were insufferable during the Tom Brady years decades. Last year was fun because they finally sucked after he left. Pic is a billboard that went up in Buffalo afterwards.

>>67391
My reply wasn't serious :3. The Dallas Cowboys have actually won a few Superbowls since the Tom Landry days. They're like the Los Angeles Lakers of basketball- sometimes good, sometimes bad- but always popular and always a soap opera in the media
>>
No. 67399
>>67393
I have a very vivid recollection of this summer as well and we had sun in July, there even exists a photo of an evening in July that could prove this, but I don't own the photograph nor do I know if it still exists anymore. And yes even the going further into July, I remember sunny days where I called somebody from a telephone 'booth'
>>
No. 67400
>>67399
Maybe it was just my region then, or maybe it was a few days where it wasn't cloudy.
I just saw that at least in the southeast it seems to have been pretty hot at times.
Though now I am not sure anymore, maybe it was 2012? Early 2011 to summer 2013 are kind of a blur, maybe I really confused the year. I can say for sure that in one year it was below 20 in July and constantly overcast.
>>
No. 67401
>>67400
I wasn't in the south that year and the summer in July was hot, sun shining, T-Shirt. It was one of the worst experienced years I had in my life and the summer was especially catastrophic so I'm rather sure about what I claim. 2011 or 2012 could be, but even then I visited festivals in summer July/August with just a T-Shirt. Probably a regional thing.
>>
No. 67404
>>67401
Interesting. Do you want to tell more?
My personal worst year was 2010, especially Nov/Dec. I can even remember how high the snow was.
>>
No. 67405 Kontra
>>67404
No, I've talked about it here already, though. Funnily 2010 was the year when I jumped into what would later turn out to make lots of problems. I have some good memories of 2010. Can't believe it is more than 10 years.
>>
No. 67408 Kontra
40 kB, 600 × 738
>Task for next class is to translate a poem by Christian Morgenstern
>Only 12 words but every single on is a pun
I'M GOING INSANE
>>
No. 67409
>>67408
It's not "Der Werwolf", is it?
>>
No. 67410 Kontra
22 kB, 395 × 375
332 kB, 281 × 281, 0:02
>>67409
No, it's this one.
Task one was to make a version with animal names exclusively and I failed to do it because I got lost in the forest of philology.
The arthoes all handed in quirky shit.
The second task was to translate it however we want, so I just made 12 shitty puns on the horoscope while they're discussing the animal versions the others made in class.
This poetry and drama translation class is going to be hard as fuck.
>>
No. 67411
>>67410
Had a sensible chuckle.
And tbh that sounds like more fun than any of the other classes you have ever spoken about.
But I think it's a very good exercise in refining your translational skills, because you now have to be really deliberate in your word choice.
>>
No. 67412 Kontra
274 kB, 457 × 584
>>67411
It's definitely a creative and "liberating" task (well, the second version is), but it plays into my greatest weaknesses imho.
I could deal with the puns in Alice in wonderland last semester, because there was tissue around them I can work with and twist a bit to fit my own logic. But here there's a lot less flexibility for my logic.

I went down this retarded rabbit hole of "fuck, the suffixes don't match up in Hungarian and German" and then I was completely stumped, because I wanted to carry both meaning and form, and portmanteaus or animal sound-puns wouldn't satisfy me.
The others didn't create a "perfect" rendition, but they did make one with tweaked standards.
I was literally the only one who failed to create an animal-themed version of the poem.

Next week we will still be talking about Morgenstern, but the task is to create a water-themed rendition of the Fisches Nachtgesang and two more liberal renditions. (As in, create poems using the rhythm you find on the graph.)
Which is scary, because I never really managed to grasp how morae supposed to work. I know the definitions, but I never could quite form something that conforms to standard when I tried. (And I also don't know the names of Greco-Latin poetic prosody which form the building blocks, because I'm a lazy mediocre prick.)
Basically this class is gonna be me playing catch-up with my lazy high school self who always just winged poetics.

But poetry is just the first part of the semester. Later we will be translating from Oscar Wilde's The Importance of Being Earnest.
Didn't know what the lecturer was talking about at first, because she just said that "We will be translating from Wilde's "bönböri"."
And as it turns out she just said Bunbury with a thick accent, because Bunbury is what the play is called in Hungarian for some reason.
>>
No. 67413
>>67412
Heh, reminds me of school when we were discussing poetry technology. I remember jambus, enjambement, trochäus and the Alexandriner, though of course it's a meter and not a mora.

Fun fact: Bunbury is also the german name of the play (actually it's "Ernst sein ist alles oder Bunbury"). It's amazing how much you people adopted from German.
>>
No. 67414
>>67412
>>67413
>Later we will be translating from Oscar Wilde's The Importance of Being Earnest.
It's a great play in my opinion, could turn out as a fun task for you. I've only read the German Reclam translation, not the original, but was surprised how they captured the wit of the piece, since this is often lost in translation. I prefer it to Dorian Grey, which was less sharp to me in writing style, though I appreciated some of the points the story makes.
>>
No. 67415
Can't sleep again, also I feel a bit sick in my stomach. Drinking schnaps didn't help.
Been googling former fellow students and comrades I made along the way. Most got their PhDs and stayed in research, though funny enough the two smartest ones I know seem to now have about the same kind of tier job I have, just with a bit more job experience since I had a bit of a diversion at one point.
I am happy for all of them, although I can, in the back of my head, not shake off a slight feeling of jealousy, but that's all on me, because I could have probably also finished earlier had I made some smarter choices in the past.
I mean, I am not unhappy where and what I am right now, but I know where my deficits are and how they hinder me, yet I am not able to overcome them.
In moments like these I am also inclined visiting a shrink. Maybe there IS something wrong with my brain that could be alleviated by therapy or drugs, but then again, what would that mean? It would mean that had I been treated earlier I could have done so much more than I did - but if there is nothing wrong with my brain and I am merely a slightly eccentrical neurotypical, it means that I am, indeed, precisely as dumb as I feel, with no hope for improvement.
Both alternatives are scary.
>>
No. 67419 Kontra
6 kB, 364 × 295
>They throw back my application for benefits again
>Asking for papers I can't possibly supply
Pizdets, FUBAR, no shekels imminent.
It's over.
>>
No. 67420 Kontra
>>67419
Channel your inner gitano and forge them
>>
No. 67422 Kontra
272 kB, 1000 × 846
>>67420
Nah, I give up.
Next semester I'll try again.

Seriously, fuck these people.
They send it back and I correct all the five documents and they ask for and they then send it back less than 24H before the deadline and ask for another paper I can't get on time.
If they asked for ALL the papers then I could have gotten it. This shit was rigged.

I'd be livid if I weren't tired.
>>
No. 67423
>>67422
Fucking bureaucrats man. And I thought Germany was bad in that regard, but at least I always got my shit on time.
>>
No. 67424
49 kB, 570 × 359
I can't compute all the info I encounter while reading and I have too little info to go make a project of my own, an original thesis to be exact here.

>>67415
Ach, I often feel like shit because people several years younger than me will finish their masters degree when I do. A lecturer told me began her PhD mid-twenties and I shouldn't worry, she said her thesis would have turned out completely different if she would have been older. Maybe what she wanted to say is being older maybe makes for mature and better working in a PhD thesis, at least in the humanities. I was surprised that almost all people in biology and chemistry that finish their masters also do a PhD (though from BA to masters there is a brutal decrease in numbers), they seem pretty leveled tbh. And most don't stay in research I suppose, why care for a career when it is solely a matter of time? Or is it that the job position you hold a company x is not fulfilling, while others do jobs and things that seem to do so?

For the rest that is this
>In moments like these I am also inclined visiting a shrink. Maybe there IS something wrong with my brain that could be alleviated by therapy or drugs, but then again, what would that mean? It would mean that had I been treated earlier I could have done so much more than I did - but if there is nothing wrong with my brain and I am merely a slightly eccentrical neurotypical, it means that I am, indeed, precisely as dumb as I feel, with no hope for improvement.
Both alternatives are scary.

Feels are known. Though I think I'm pretty much neurotypical, something must be different when I excessively strive for knowledge (which has many down sides, I even suspect to learn less that way), but I don't think that supposed geniuses weren't neurotypicals, it's just a narrative trope one gets thrown at, of that is your problem.
>>
No. 67425 Kontra
187 kB, 1920 × 1080
>>67423
My mother is all like "ah, it's not your fault, they fucked up, I can give you a bigger allowance if you'd like as a form compensation" but fuck that.
It's not about "getting an allowance", the fucking point was to decrease the strain on the family's finances, not to increase them.

Oh well, we will succeed next time.
I fucking hate money.
>>
No. 67426
>>67424
> I was surprised that almost all people in biology and chemistry that finish their masters also do a PhD
That's because it's necessary. Without a PhD you will most likely never be more than a lackey. If you want to stay in research even more so. You can't become Professor without being a Dr..
Also, having the Dr. infront of your name almost directly translates to more money, and considering how most people take at least eight years (incl. BSc/MSc) of either no (if through scholarship) or shit pay (for full-time work), it's only natural you want to get something out of it.
A passion for science is one thing, but since we are not living in a replicator technology post-scarcity space socialism, you need money if you want to do more than just rot away in a tiny shack.
>>
No. 67427
My heads spinning between various topics, engineering, the notion of operation, infrastructre, media, 1920s obscure media and engineering practices, art deco, scifi, complexity theory, self organisation, neoliberalism and new modes of government, computers and communications technology and systems thinking, networks, the "technoscientific intelligence" of (mainly western) postwar societies and their role in shifts of working, marxist analysis of society of that time and many more like questions of representation, the manipulation of symbols, materiality, mind information and matter, American modernity, technological sublime, abstract philosophical concepts like difference. This rather tiny bit of history (and present) is a all seven continents and much more and I try to be a fucking cartographer of it, it's really like digging a tiny whole in the dessert every day with the aim of turning the dessert into a bassin.

Also, my arm hurts from the booster vaccine.

>>67426
Yeah, ofc. But do all of these people want to stay in research, I doubt that so many vacancies are available, albeit more than in the humanities I guess. In other disciplines, it's less PhD and still people make some money enough to not live in a tiny shack. In history, it is less than 50%, down to 30%.
>>
No. 67428
848 kB, 1200 × 1022
>>67427
I forgot this one to illustrate the obscure 1920s remark
>>
No. 67432
61 kB, 1280 × 622
106 kB, 622 × 1280
79 kB, 1280 × 622
72 kB, 1280 × 622
Just learned that my cat that I had adopted at my shithole shed was given away to my brother's wife's friend, because I was compelled to move back in with mom, and couldn't take care of it (mom already has a cat at the apartment, so she didn't let me take him with).

This convinced me to never own a pet, or form a family, or have a child ever. Clearly I am incapable of taking care of those that depend on me.
I'm sorry Kotlet, I have failed you. Hope your new owner treats you the way you deserve to be treated.
_
Mom keeps nagging me about me drinking.
It's my own fucking money / tab / debt.
I'm not bothering anyone, just sitting in my corner tinkering with my computer. What's the fucking problem?
Yet she mentally terrorizes me anyway.

I wish I stayed at my shithole shed instead of moving back in at her behest.
I'd rather starve and freeze rather than be emasculated and humiliated in this way.

I want my cat back.
>>
No. 67434
>>67432
>Mom keeps nagging me about me drinking.
It's my own fucking money / tab / debt.
I'm not bothering anyone, just sitting in my corner tinkering with my computer. What's the fucking problem?

Is this a rhetorical question or the ignorant alcoholics' rant that only cares about himself (he doesn't really care)?
You are an alcoholic and thus on the way to imitating your father I guess is the worries that make your mum go nagging.
>>
No. 67436
>>67434
You're fugging german, I probably drink less than you do.

I think everyone should care about themselves.
In fact, if I were to be left alone, and not pressured to get involved with family, it'd be one less burden on her shoulders. Yet she insists on keeping me around, but then also shaming me for being around.
I don't really get it.

If she doesn't like seeing me drunk, she shouldn't have made me move back in god damn it.
I don't understand the logic.

It's like keeping an incontinent dog around, but also beating it for pissing on the carpet. Either get rid of it, or keep it, but why get upset about the fact that it's incontinent?
>>
No. 67437
>>67427
> But do all of these people want to stay in research
No, but as I said, without a PhD you will always play second fiddle. I was talking generally, not just academia.
If someone with a Dr. and someone with a MSc both apply for some kind of head of the lab position, the MSc would need a few year more experience to not get instantly sieved out against the guy with the Dr.. A BSc against a lab technician? Go away, you're worthless. Or in other words: Before you're not a PhD, you don't even have to try and apply for the decent jobs. Some people are lucky of course, but that's a minority, as always.
Just to give you some perspective: Even a postdoc in the life sciences will usually earn less than 50k, and seldomly more.

And obviously not every degree across every field is worth the same, because the demands are different in different fields.
Could be that as a Magister you can work in your field without a problem, but a biologist or chemicist with a Master's degree might was well drive taxi. "Diplom Arbeitslos" is a term many biologists are very familiar with.
An engineer really doesn't need to do his PhD, even a BSc can go and work in the industry in an ok position.
Informatics and law are completely unnecessary if you don't shoot for a teaching position or are an arrogant prick who does it just for clout and "respect".
Dr. med. is just a title. I could do a Dr. med. thesis en passant while doing my regular job, but I still couldn't become a physician because I don't have the approbation, and Dr. just sounds better, especially with older patients.
No idea how it is in the humanities.
>>
No. 67438
519 kB, 2048 × 1582
>>67436
>I don't really get it.

It's called being worried for your loved ones.
She just behaves the way mothers usually do.

t. Other German with alcohol consumption close to 0
>>
No. 67441
>>67438
Well, there's only two things you can do in life.
Do something, and deal with the consequences.
Or do nothing, and deal with the regret.

She chose to marry a mentally ill alcoholic who passed on his defects to her children.
I, looking at the circumstances of my existence, decided to give up.

Everything ended up exactly where it was obviously going to.
No point in dwelling upon it, or worrying about it.

Like, what am I supposed to do? Become a millionaire overnight, paying off all the debts, buying a new apartment and an automobile and finding a wife as beautiful and as resourceful as every mother dreams her son of marrying? That obviously won't happen, so what does it matter what exactly I'm doing while NOT achieving any of that?

Maybe it's better to accept that some people live and die in misery, and also accept that sometimes, those people are you.
>>
No. 67446
>>67436
I only drank a lot in my youth and later with the help of amphetamines, this has been a thing of the past for several years now.

>I don't understand the logic.

Well, the other German said it already. She cares for you your future self, unlike you. She wants to have an eye on you, because left alone you can freely develop into an alcoholic, she thinks she might have a chance to avert you becoming an alcoholic like your father. Damn, she must be really heart broken, your son becoming an alcoholic just like your husband.
You know what I donÄt understand, you hate your father for being an shitty alcoholic yet you get yourself on the track of being such a person in the future, riddle me this, Plato. tbh my harsh tone won't help, my alcoholic IRL friend is equally trapped, many words were spent without any effect, not zero

>>67437
>apply for some kind of head of the lab position

Reminds me of what I read about the Silicon Valley story and the guy that basically ran Xerox PARC, but he was an MA so no actual head position for him and the same shenanigans.

>a biologist or chemicist with a Master's degree might was well drive taxi. "Diplom Arbeitslos" is a term many biologists are very familiar with.

I heard of a guy from highschool that studied biology, is now going to get an Ausbildung, guy is bordering the 30 just like me. I was surprised when I found out there are more unemployed biologists than historians.

>No idea how it is in the humanities.

Teaching/research. Otherwise being head of a (humanities) publisher and other leading positions (museums for instance) will be more likely with a doctorate. For me it's the possibility of research, to combine wage labor with what interests me the most, teaching I see as ok atm. I did tutor people and it's ok. A seminar could be fine or arduous depending on how good and interested the people are and how well I can interact with them. At least that is what I imagine based on the little experience I made as a "lecturer" and the many experiences as student visiting classes.

>Even a postdoc in the life sciences will usually earn less than 50k, and seldomly more.

I always thought this is a promising field of industry and thus good pay. Makes me think of the book from the early 70s that was in the mail today: it is about the proletarianization of the technoscientific class, so people like you who did academia and end up in companies of varying degrees applying science, at least that is what I roughly imagine you do.
>>
No. 67449
305 kB, 601 × 443
>>67441
>That obviously won't happen, so what does it matter what exactly I'm doing while NOT achieving any of that?

You're having a bit of a "If i can't have everything, i don't want to have anything" mentality.

Why not make yourself smaller goals that you can reach? Like, get a job that doesn't make you feel like you want to die and where you earn at least an average wage.
Get your own place, don't make your family misserable and don't die as an alcoholic within the next 10 years.

It's boring but that is just how life is.
>>
No. 67451
>>67449
The way you describe it, dying of alcoholism sounds more enticing.
Hell, what would make for a better story?
Another unremarkable life of a third world loser, or a third eorld loser who dies puking up blood and freezing to death drunk on a park bench? I know whose biography I'd rather read.

It's in your interest too, you'll have way more entertaining posts to read on EC.

>>67446
Human agency is a delusion. To say that humans can choose their fate is like saying that raindrops can choose the patch of land upon which they land.
>>
No. 67453
>>67446
>I was surprised when I found out there are more unemployed biologists than historians.
Well, biology/life sciences used to be a big meme ten years ago (hurr durr genetic engineering) and probably still is (or will even get more people because of hurr durr RNA drugs), so you get A LOT of absolvents, but obviously jobs are not as numerous, so if you're not one of the best you won't have THAT much choice. With historians and other humanities people have made jokes about the philosopher/taxi driver for decades, so people are more aware of that. (Life) Science still seems to be akin to magic to some people, everyone thinks they'll be the next Craig Venter.
It's the same phenomenon with people choosing paramedic for their civic duty because
>YEAH MAN I WILL DELIVER KIDS AND SAVE LIVES AND SEE CRAZY SHIT
when in reality it's mostly driving people to the doctor and back home, treating Kopfplatzwunden im Altersheim, the most infuriating call you can get, and getting a skin rash from all the disinfectant.

>I always thought this is a promising field of industry and thus good pay.
See above, and biology is notoriously bad pay, but we already knew that years ago, but back then the passion was still the driving force.
But as mentioned before, supply/demand. Also, people in research are usually fanatics, so they actually do care more about their studies and "fame", so to say, than money. Professors are another thing, but I have never been one, so I can't say much about that.

Malicious gossip has it that it has to do with switching from Diplom to Bachelor/Master so you get more wageslaves earlier. Nobody could have possibly expected that the average standard would decrease, but now I would start ranting again.
It is how it is, I chose a path and had to walk that to the end.

And just if you got the impression that I am unsatisfied: I am not, I am pretty content. Of course I would have preferred doing something else, but only a few people can actually choose the research subject of their dreams. Good thing I don't have any insular and instead pretty widespread interests.
And as last word: Scientists (nonwithstanding those actually coming from the working class) are also proletarians.
>>
No. 67457
>>67451
>muh fate

It's called rationalization and legitimizing doing the easiest thing in the world: drinking, there is nothing easier than drinking, if I want to describe somebody what is easy it is sucking the bottle like a baby sucking tiddies, both even have the same effect, but one is a poison that ruins you while calming your nerves, whereas the other is calming you through nurture and human warmth/intimacy, a reaction nature "wisely" implanted.
You chose the path of least resistance to your environment in all its individual historic shades (your biography basically). And you chose to rationalize your drinking and you chose to defend your drinking. Why do humans have the capacity to use self-reflexivity, or reflect on their reflexivity to estimate and plan the future through this? Completely useless if everything is running on tracks.
>>
No. 67472
>>67466
You think that most of these are first world standards? As I mentioned I have an alcoholic friend, he has nothing of what you think is mandatory here. He just doesn't live in Kazakhstan. Your mum doesn't drink, does she? How did she do it? I never said you should climb the ivory tower, I said you should stop drinking. Or is Kaszachstan a nation of alcoholics? Third or first world doesn't necessarily decide if you drink or not. Being poor doesn't mean you have to be an alcoholic. I very well understand that alcohol has a certain effect for you. And it being easy was not a joke or meant in a mean way, because it is true, drinking is easy and it is no surprise that the number of alcoholics is the biggest in Germany concerning substance abuse for instance. It is understandable that you want to numb yourself, but it will turn out horrible in the end. Third world or not. Being miserable and putting yourself into even more misery. Maybe it's because I realized my own twoering misery with substances and once I got rid of them I felt better, I never felt good for long after stopping. But it definitely is better than still using substances to "ease" my misery, because the misery will multiply with substance, regardless how "well" they seem to work. The worst is that you are probably quite deep into the addiction already and stopping won't be easy. If you don't want to stop, you won't anyway, and so far you don't sound like anything near wanting to stop, on the contrary, you try to argue with me that it is a reasonable thing to do.