I'm feeling melancholic.
There's a lot to do. I don't have an appetite but I feel hungry. But eating makes me feel nauseous.
It rained so I didn't have to water the plants today.
But I do have to say I'm feeling a lot better than last exam season. This is more of a spiritual assault on my health, rather than a physical manifestation of stress.
I feel like a child. But in the worst sense. I feel clueless and vulnerable.
Honestly it's like as if I had my priorities skewed because in a sense I'm underdeveloped.
And because of that people "carry me" so I can manage.
(Though the other option, that no one gives a shit is equally frightening.)
Like today my sister brought me home some yoghurt. I was just sitting in the garden, copying down a Chinese text by hand from a book to blow some stress and she got me yoghurt.
I should've gotten my own damn yoghurt. My mother carries me in the palm of her hand and what do I give in return? Nothing.
Lecturer/Librarian read my translation of the Lu Xun essay and wants to talk about it in person. Not because it's great, but she doesn't want to write her criticism down to save time. Being in person with me can be quite time consuming because I can talk endlessly.
Told her I'll go in on Monday for the consultation.
Grandma is out of the covid-ward. Mom's gonna go visit her on Friday.
We're arranging for her to go to a care-home afterwards. Lot of bad blood coming up from my mother sometimes when the topic comes up.
Now she's afraid she gets out too early and won't have place in the home, and she explicitly said she doesn't want to take care of her. So there's that.
I said maybe we could bribe the docs to let her stay, but turns out we can't since they quadrupled their wages. >>74428
If you don't get a receipt then yes, they're dodging the taxes. >>74432
Yeah it's very weird. People exist
and they're out there. Doing stuff.
I have similar realisations about China and Japan on the regular.